Why Elan really is part halfling

[Ron Miel]

I've long expected that Elan is related somehow to the Draketooth clan. Possibly Girard is his Grandfather, as I originally thought (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=88396), but I also like the idea that he's the time-travelling son of Elan and Haley.

Sereni is obviously attracted (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0196.html)to Girard, and we know they kept in touch after the Scribbles broke up. At minimum he considers her a close friend.

I predict, therefore that Serini is Elan's grandmother.

[PallElendro]

That's some moderate thinking, there.

[NerfTW]

No. God no.

[Eldray]

According to Elan's math that would make him a five-eightling as the comic mentions!

Of course, this is wrong, because he'd be actually a seven-eightling, since a human/halfling hybrid is a three-fourthling, and not literally a half-halfling.

[kalkyrie]

I have a theory that he is a one-sixth-ling. It needs time travel and an infinite loop though.

[EnragedFilia]

I prefer the theory that he's actually Serini's great-grandfather, due to an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine.

[MyNameIsSecret]

And I propose the theory that we give up now before this starts getting ridiculous.

[Bit Fiend]

And I propose the theory that we give up now before this starts getting ridiculous.

And I propose we start getting ridiculous before we give up... :smallamused:

[Howler Dagger]

And I propose we start getting ridiculous before we give up... :smallamused:

I have a theory too, which explains many of the plot holes in the comic and proves that elan really is part-halfling.

So after Belkar dies Mr. Scruffy (who we all know ios half-snarl) teleports back in time to the first world and kidnaps aphrodite and has a child named the snarl who will later give birth to Mr. Scruffy, but first goes to match.com and hacks into it to match Zeus and a Troll, who give birth to Mr. Not-as-scruffy, Mr. Scruffy's evil twin. The genetic impossibility of this cause's Gregor Mendel's head to explode, and a bone impales on serini's head, which causes her to go insane. She then bribes Girard into making an illusion of Elan, who she saw in a vision from Mr. Scruffy. Unfortunantly the illusion becomes real and goes an a rampage, destroying the gate. The explosion causes the Elan illusion to time-travel to when Girard first built the gate and Elan then allies with Baron Pineapple to cause a pine-apple to drop on Girard's head, releasing a thousand duplicates of Elan into the world. The government forces them to have unique names and one named Tarquin leads them to conquer the west continent, and marries serini, a halfling who he uses magic on to turn into a human after having a child with her to prevent Mendels head from exploding again.

Thus, Elan is half-halfling.

This is joke, of course. I don't really believe this.

[Bit Fiend]

*snip*

:smalleek: How many times do you need to read the Necronomicon for enough SAN loss to come up with this? Also, where can I find a decent Necronomicon? :smalltongue:

[The Pilgrim]

Well, after #839 strips I doubt that The Giant wishes to throw his strip to the dump, so blatantly. Specially after recolecting nearly one million bucks.

So... we can discard the OP's theory out. I'm not seeing the Giant willing to eat all those books he's gonna print with the kickstarted money.

[Roland Itiative]

Elan is clearly not a fractionling, he must be an irrationaling. Maybe a Piling.

[The Underlord]

:smalleek: How many times do you need to read the Necronomicon for enough SAN loss to come up with this? Also, where can I find a decent Necronomicon? :smalltongue:

You should see some of his others.

[martianmister]

So, Tarquin is Girard and Serini's love-child? :smalleek::smallyuk:

I'm cool with that. :smallcool:

[The Underlord]

No, no, no, he is one of Elan's copies. Didn't you read what SID posted?

[hoff]

Elan sure is Jolly

[sparkyinbozo]

It's the perfect fan theory! Ridiculous (in the good way) and moderately plausible. I love it!

[The Underlord]

It's the perfect fan theory! Ridiculous (in the good way) and moderately plausible. I love it!

I have a theory too, which explains many of the plot holes in the comic and proves that elan really is part-halfling.

So after Belkar dies Mr. Scruffy (who we all know ios half-snarl) teleports back in time to the first world and kidnaps aphrodite and has a child named the snarl who will later give birth to Mr. Scruffy, but first goes to match.com and hacks into it to match Zeus and a Troll, who give birth to Mr. Not-as-scruffy, Mr. Scruffy's evil twin. The genetic impossibility of this cause's Gregor Mendel's head to explode, and a bone impales on serini's head, which causes her to go insane. She then bribes Girard into making an illusion of Elan, who she saw in a vision from Mr. Scruffy. Unfortunantly the illusion becomes real and goes an a rampage, destroying the gate. The explosion causes the Elan illusion to time-travel to when Girard first built the gate and Elan then allies with Baron Pineapple to cause a pine-apple to drop on Girard's head, releasing a thousand duplicates of Elan into the world. The government forces them to have unique names and one named Tarquin leads them to conquer the west continent, and marries serini, a halfling who he uses magic on to turn into a human after having a child with her to prevent Mendels head from exploding again.

Thus, Elan is half-halfling.


I get the plausible part, but where did you get the ridicuolous part? :smallconfused:..............:smalltongue:
Seroiusly though, time-traval?

[Dr._Demento]

Please, anyone can tell that those theories are bogus.

In reality, Nale and Elan are not Tarquin clones (as originally thought), but Tarquin is an Elan and Nale clone. For those familiar with the the Epic Spell "Time Duplicate", Tarquin was the product of a similar spell, except it had a duration of 30 years, and it actually moved the future duplicate to a point before the spell was cast. Thus, the spell was cast at the birth of Elan and Nale, which would pull them back 31 years in 30 years time, giving Tarquin (future Elan/Nale) time to conceive them.

of course, this leads to several interesting questions, in no particular order:

1. Q: Where does the Time-Looped DNA come from?

A: the threads of the meta-reality (Form which the time loop originated). Note, this explains the 2 defining characteristics of Elan and Nale. Elan's interest in storytelling and cliches comes from literally being born from the power of story, and Nale's love of the excessively complicated comes from the convoluted nature of the time loop (His mother's similar love is actually only tangentially related, Tarquin loved her partially because she fulfilled his repressed love of complicated plans (from his Nale half).

2. Q: How is Tarquin both Elan and Nale?

A: A wizard did it.

3. Q: Seriously, how is he Elan and Nale?

A: Ok, I lied, he is actually only one of the two, the magic used to create this loop requires tons of power, and part of that is acquired by human sacrifice. Elan and Nale always have a climatic duel prior to the spell's completion, and the winner is the one sent back in time. You may find that the eventual victor takes on some of the loser's characteristics, and that is because the soul absorbed by the spell is partially imbued upon the victor (who is also granted any excess experience bonuses). In this time-stream, it appears likely that it was Nale to emerge victorious previously.

4. Q: So, I was reading the SRD entry for Time Duplicate (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/spells/timeDuplicate.htm), and it says that more powerful versions of this spell aren't possible (particularly taking someone from farther in the future). How the hell isn't this cheating (or more accurately, the ravings of a madman)?

A: Ah, that is the beauty of the plan. No such spell exists that could be cast by a mortal, a demigod, or probably even one of the greater members of the pantheon. However, such a spell could be fabricated by a being of sufficiently high deity level (probably at least 21+). Now contacting them is nigh impossible, so instead, it would be necessary to become one in order to create this spell. However, to garner enough experience points to do so would be impossible no? There aren't enough level appropriate encounters in the universe. Not if every 30 years you not only defeat someone who is always exactly your level, and prior to that help defeat someone fairly above your level. Tarquin continually acts as a sacrifice to his sons so they may increase their (and consequently his future) level. Thus with every iteration of this loop, Elan/Nale/Tarquin grow in power (Elan and Nale actually start with a portion of Tarquin's class levels, the reason they are so hideously optimized is to disguise this fact) until eventually they are a set of gods battling each other, until eventually Tarquin finally has the power to research and cast the spell through all the dimensions, thus achieving unlimited power (and an infinite number of epic stories).

If you have any other questions about this theory, feel free to ask.

[The Underlord]

Not sure if serious or not. Applauds for thinking it out so much though. Also not sure if responding to SID's theory or the OP's theory.

[Sweet_Goddess]

Please, anyone can tell that those theories are bogus.

In reality, Nale and Elan are not Tarquin clones (as originally thought), but Tarquin is an Elan and Nale clone. For those familiar with the the Epic Spell "Time Duplicate", Tarquin was the product of a similar spell, except it had a duration of 30 years, and it actually moved the future duplicate to a point before the spell was cast. Thus, the spell was cast at the birth of Elan and Nale, which would pull them back 31 years in 30 years time, giving Tarquin (future Elan/Nale) time to conceive them.

of course, this leads to several interesting questions, in no particular order:

1. Q: Where does the Time-Looped DNA come from?

A: the threads of the meta-reality (Form which the time loop originated). Note, this explains the 2 defining characteristics of Elan and Nale. Elan's interest in storytelling and cliches comes from literally being born from the power of story, and Nale's love of the excessively complicated comes from the convoluted nature of the time loop (His mother's similar love is actually only tangentially related, Tarquin loved her partially because she fulfilled his repressed love of complicated plans (from his Nale half).

2. Q: How is Tarquin both Elan and Nale?

A: A wizard did it.

3. Q: Seriously, how is he Elan and Nale?

A: Ok, I lied, he is actually only one of the two, the magic used to create this loop requires tons of power, and part of that is acquired by human sacrifice. Elan and Nale always have a climatic duel prior to the spell's completion, and the winner is the one sent back in time. You may find that the eventual victor takes on some of the loser's characteristics, and that is because the soul absorbed by the spell is partially imbued upon the victor (who is also granted any excess experience bonuses). In this time-stream, it appears likely that it was Nale to emerge victorious previously.

4. Q: So, I was reading the SRD entry for Time Duplicate (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/spells/timeDuplicate.htm), and it says that more powerful versions of this spell aren't possible (particularly taking someone from farther in the future). How the hell isn't this cheating (or more accurately, the ravings of a madman)?

A: Ah, that is the beauty of the plan. No such spell exists that could be cast by a mortal, a demigod, or probably even one of the greater members of the pantheon. However, such a spell could be fabricated by a being of sufficiently high deity level (probably at least 21+). Now contacting them is nigh impossible, so instead, it would be necessary to become one in order to create this spell. However, to garner enough experience points to do so would be impossible no? There aren't enough level appropriate encounters in the universe. Not if every 30 years you not only defeat someone who is always exactly your level, and prior to that help defeat someone fairly above your level. Tarquin continually acts as a sacrifice to his sons so they may increase their (and consequently his future) level. Thus with every iteration of this loop, Elan/Nale/Tarquin grow in power (Elan and Nale actually start with a portion of Tarquin's class levels, the reason they are so hideously optimized is to disguise this fact) until eventually they are a set of gods battling each other, until eventually Tarquin finally has the power to research and cast the spell through all the dimensions, thus achieving unlimited power (and an infinite number of epic stories).

If you have any other questions about this theory, feel free to ask.

That is just silly, they already have Banjo to cast the spell for them

[blueblade]

I have a theory that he is a one-sixth-ling. It needs time travel and an infinite loop though.

Madness.

To be a one-sixth-ling (i.e. 5/6ths of his ancestry was halfling) is impossible.

He could be a Forty-Three-Two-Hundred-and-Fifty-Sixth-Ling, if you don't mind being out by ~0.16%, and tracking his geneology through 8 generations to identify the 43 pure-blood humans (or parts adding to 43 humans).

[Killer Angel]

Brain. Hurt.

At least, one fifth part of it.


And I propose the theory that we give up now before this starts getting ridiculous.

Too lade, dude. :smallamused:

[Chess435]

Hey guys, I can't seem to find where you've hid the Epileptic Tree farm. Could you point me in the right direction? :smalltongue:

[Dr._Demento]

Hey guys, I can't seem to find where you've hid the Epileptic Tree farm. Could you point me in the right direction? :smalltongue:

Behind the Gate.

[ti'esar]

Behind the Gate.

...Nah, too easy.

Gotta love the sense of humor this forum has about its own wacky theorizing.

[Dr._Demento]

...Nah, too easy.

Gotta love the sense of humor this forum has about its own wacky theorizing.

I'm debating whether or not to go into a long winded explanation on why it is critical that the MitD can't find the Epileptic Trees, and thus why they are hidden behind the Gate.