Should I auction myself at a date auction?

[Ancano]

So my major is hosting a date auction to raise some extra money, and they were looking for volunteers to auction themselves off as dates. I thought this would be a good opportunity to both support my major and get this date I've been waiting on for 22 years. I have to admit though, I'm afraid no girls will bid on me and the whole experience will be just humiliating.

Does anyone here have any experience with date auctions? Any advice? Is it common for some people to not get any bids?

[Heliomance]

With your self-esteem problems? No, I can't see this ending well. I wouldn't recommend it.

[Serpentine]

Mm. Gotta weigh up the risk of suffering the blow of a poor result, with the potential reward of a self esteem boost from a good result. In the case of the former, could you handle it? If not, I'd say probably not, unfortunately.

[Mindfreak]

Date auction?
Lucky, I wish I could participate in one. Even though I doubt I'd get any bids, it'd still be fun to try it!

But I agree with above, if you'd be heartbroken if you got no bids then don't participate. The cons would out weigh the benefits.

[Esprit15]

My advice is to just have fun with it. Some people will be impressed that you just had the confidence to go up there at all.

[Serpentine]

Note that this isn't to say we all think you wouldn't get any bids. The trouble is that it's as possible as you getting lots, and you need to be sure you can cope with that.

[Kalmageddon]

Stop trying so hard before you are ready.
It's really frustrating seeing how you ignored every advice we've so far given to you in other threads.

[razark]

Stop trying so hard before you are ready.
It's really frustrating seeing how you ignored every advice we've so far given to you in other threads.
+1 to both of these.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/27/Flemish_Bond.jpg/220px-Flemish_Bond.jpg

[Elemental]

Ultimately, it is up to you whether you choose to participate or not.
I know nothing about you, so I can't say whether or not people will bid on you. You seem like a pleasant person though, and shyness isn't too negative a quality when it comes to getting a date, as shyness often indicates sensitivity.
And from what I've been told, girls like sensitive guys.

As I already said, it's up to you.
And my advice doesn't actually come with experience, so feel free to ignore me.

[super dark33]

{{scrubbed}}

[Nix Nihila]

oh wait you mean the outer meaning...
well i say no.
All i can say that anyone who particapates in these things is demoted in social rank to 'Slave' or prostitute.
its wrong and shouldnt be done anywhere in the world.

I don't really think that's a good comparison. Not any more than any "win a date with (celebrity)" contest would be like slavery or prostitution.

[DeadManSleeping]

Generally these auctions have their proceeds given to a cause, usually charity, but often an organization.

I really don't think voluntarily spending an evening with a stranger in exchange for a donation to an organization is really anything like prostitution. There's no (obligatory) sex, for one.

[Form]

Hmm, I don't mean to discourage you, but from the posts I've seen from you it seems you could use a bit more time to clear your mind and recover. However, if you can do this without expecting too much from it and won't be overly disappointed if it doesn't go anywhere then I don't see a problem. That's what I think you should figure out before you decide.

Keep in mind that the main priority of this auction is likely to raise funds, not to set people up with dates. If you are going to participate then I suggest you remember that and that, if you do, you focus on the fundraising aspect and not the dating aspect.

[Tyndmyr]

Stop trying so hard before you are ready.
It's really frustrating seeing how you ignored every advice we've so far given to you in other threads.

This. You're focused on how to win the Indy 500 before you even have a race car.

[Objection]

If you've waited for 22 years, then you can easily wait another 22 years.

Seriously, what is it with you and wanting a date? There's more to life than romance, and really by focusing exclusively on getting a girlfriend, you're missing out on so much else.

[Weezer]

If you've waited for 22 years, then you can easily wait another 22 years.

Seriously, what is it with you and wanting a date? There's more to life than romance, and really by focusing exclusively on getting a girlfriend, you're missing out on so much else.

And it's not like your first date ever will magically make everything amazing. It's dinner (or some other banal activity) with a girl (or guy), nothing more. This is doubly true for a date auction, where the prime motivation for all the dates is charity, not starting a relationship.

[super dark33]

An advice from superdark33: eat dates, they are very healthy, and if you work out along, itll build some muscels and it might give you a place in the social stairs (or ladder, i prefer stairs). i dont say "get tottaly ripped" but more like 'need a help lifting that heavy thing over there? let me help you.'

the work out will also set you some goals, when you reach those goals you will know that your mind and body are one, and you can start dateing.

[Knaight]

I'm going to break with the rest of the thread. Go for it. If nobody bids on you, so be it. If somebody does, you'll see what dating is actually like, and that will disabuse you of the idea that it is some mystical, life affirming activity of wonder and let you move on with your actual life.

Now, I'll note this: Either way, this is going to suck in the short term. It's the long term benefit that matters though, and there should be one.

[dehro]

I'm going to break with the rest of the thread. Go for it. If nobody bids on you, so be it. If somebody does, you'll see what dating is actually like, and that will disabuse you of the idea that it is some mystical, life affirming activity of wonder and let you move on with your actual life.

Now, I'll note this: Either way, this is going to suck in the short term. It's the long term benefit that matters though, and there should be one.

seconded

also, I'm gonna be harsh.
from what I've read on this forum, you've been making a ton of excuses to try and confirm the opinion you have formed about yourself and believe the rest of the world shares with you. all the better to hide in your comfortable cocoon of self-induced misery, which you use to defend yourself from being hurt by others.
maybe doing this will lead to a fun night out with a girl who's equally desperate for a date to the point of hiding behind "doing it for charity", maybe you'll end up in the clutches of a lonely hag twice your age.. maybe you'll hate each other's guts and spend a miserable time together, maybe you'll actually enjoy your date and make a friend.. or maybe you won't have anyone bidding on you. you can't know unless you try. however it goes..you'll at least have had the stones to get on stage and put yourself out there..which is more than most people you know will be willing or have the guts to do. I'm told there are girls out there who appreciate that kind of bravery.
it seems to me that you're already doing a great job at feeling miserable for yourself, so if the auction will go bad, it will only give you free fuel for something you'd be doing anyway, i.e. the feeling insecure/miserable. is one more reason to feel that way going to lead you into selfharming or other similar idiocy? then don't..if it ain't.. well..then what have you got to lose?

[Crow]

Just auction yourself off.

Many people will bid just to support the charity involved, so approach it that way. Nobody is there to bid on their future husband. It's for fun and charity. Have fun with it. The chances of not getting any bids is nearly none, and if you approach it with a good attitude and in the spirit of fun, you will do fine.

[Traab]

What Crow said, this is a fundraiser auction. You may not end up like Phil from the movie Groundhog Day, but you most likely wont end up like Larry either. The best thing is to go up on stage and have fun with it. That way you can at least play it off as a gag if the worst should occur.

[Ancano]

With your self-esteem problems? No, I can't see this ending well. I wouldn't recommend it.
I've been seeing a therapist for years about my self esteem problems and they aren't getting any better. There's a good chance I'll have them for many more years to come, or even for the rest of my life. If I wait until I've completely solved them, I'll be dead before I go on a single date. I'd rather try and fail than not try at all.



Stop trying so hard before you are ready.
It's really frustrating seeing how you ignored every advice we've so far given to you in other threads.
Your only real advice has pretty much been to give up on dating until I fix my self esteem issues. Like I said earlier, this is an ongoing process, one that will take many years or even my entire lifetime. To put dating completely on hold until I'm done will mean being single for the rest of my life.


+1 to both of these.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/27/Flemish_Bond.jpg/220px-Flemish_Bond.jpg
Clever. Really Clever. Why don't you actually say something constructive instead of spamming the same image over and over again?



If you've waited for 22 years, then you can easily wait another 22 years.

Seriously, what is it with you and wanting a date? There's more to life than romance, and really by focusing exclusively on getting a girlfriend, you're missing out on so much else. Would you really be okay if a government official came in and told you you were never allowed to date for the rest of your life? Romance is a big thing to most people, and being in love with someone wonderful is supposed to be a magical experience. And despite what you might think, I have tons going on in my life other than my lack of dating opportunities. Believe me, I'm not missing out on anything other than dating. Heck, this isn't even my main forum account. This is just the one I created to post about this particular problem and to avoid tarnishing my rep on my original account. Believe me, I do tons other than complain about my lack of dates.


Seriously guys, it's like I'm the one talking to a bunch of brick walls here. All you do is give the same advice over and over again, even though I explain why it doesn't apply to me. Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone? Maybe the responses will make you realize why it's so pathetic to be a 22 year old who is about to graduate college and has never kissed.

[Starwulf]

snip

No, I'll have to agree with everyone else, you're the one that's being the brick wall here. There has been plenty of constructive advice given to you, here, on the relationship thread, on that valentines thread a while back, and it hasn't all centered around telling you to give up on dating, but you just come back with excuse after excuse. You'll have to forgive those of us who have tried when we finally stop trying and just start giving canned responses. It's very frustrating to those of us who have really tried when you pretty much refuse to even listen a tiny little bit of the advice that we have given you.

Heck, even on this thread alone, many people have told you to go for it if you think you can handle it, but if you think it will crush your spirits, don't bother. That's pretty constructive advice right there, but what do you do? You pick out the few responses from people tired of trying, and try to justify yourself, instead of saying "Hey, thanks for the advice thread, I really appreciate it".

On that note, I'll echo certain others: You should go for it. Regardless of whether or not you get a bid or not, It's for charity, and helping others is always an admirable thing. That fact alone tells me at least one person will bid on you, regardless of how dimly you view yourself and your positive qualities.

[Crow]

When you stop making excuses, stop explaining why things do not apply to you, and stop complaining about self-esteem issues, they will go away.

Stop.

When somebody gives you a suggestion or advice, even if it may not neccessarily apply to you (or so you think), try it and see what happens. You don't have poor self-esteem. What you have is a poor attitude. Nobody likes that in their life, and if you expect someone to make you a part of their romantic life, your attitude needs to change. Otherwise when you do get that date, or that relationship, you are doomed to destroy it from within.

As cliche as it sounds, stop making excuses, and make a change.

[Kittenwolf]

Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone?

21 :)

As to the topic in general, I say go for it.
Either two things will happen, someone will bid on you or they don't.
If nobody bids on you then you've lost some more self-esteem and gained nothing.
If someone does bid on you the worst case scenario is you get a "I just did it for charity" response and you get a chance to show someone a good time. They're already locked into coming on the date, so therefore you can pull out all the stops and show them an awesome time, and even if it doesn't work out with that person you get street cred when they talk to their friends.

Is that really that bad a 'worst case scenario'?

I eventually broke out of my crippling shyness and started getting on well with people when I started thinking "What's the worst that could happen? The people involved hate/are disgusted by me, shun me and I'm a social outcast. Oh wait, that's what it's like now"

Risk/Reward mate. The risk is that you stay exactly as you are now, or slip backwards slightly (and have a therapist to help you stop sliding too far). The potential reward is that you get something that you've been wanting for a long, long time.

[Dienekes]

Would you really be okay if a government official came in and told you you were never allowed to date for the rest of your life?

Yeah that sounds fine to me. That just means I don't have to worry about an inevitable divorce.


Romance is a big thing to most people, and being in love with someone wonderful is supposed to be a magical experience.

As far as I've seen, it's not. And I kind of wish that it stops being presented as such.


And despite what you might think, I have tons going on in my life other than my lack of dating opportunities. Believe me, I'm not missing out on anything other than dating. Heck, this isn't even my main forum account. This is just the one I created to post about this particular problem and to avoid tarnishing my rep on my original account. Believe me, I do tons other than complain about my lack of dates.

I don't think this is allowed. This also seems to me to be part of the problem. You're so worried about tarnishing your "rep" to random people online who are in most ways entirely unimportant to your actual life. I can't imagine how you'd be with humiliation with tangible people.


Seriously guys, it's like I'm the one talking to a bunch of brick walls here. All you do is give the same advice over and over again, even though I explain why it doesn't apply to me. Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone? Maybe the responses will make you realize why it's so pathetic to be a 22 year old who is about to graduate college and has never kissed.

Never gone necking, and I'm older than you.

Boss let me lay it out to you simply. You either can try and fail 100 times before you get it right. Or never try and end up alone. Now for me personally, alone sounds nice and peaceful. So many unnecessary emotions avoided, no need to worry about the absolute annoyance that is children, and no reason to pay money on someone who isn't me. But then I never complain to folks about being alone. Since you do that means you want to date for some reason. So you need to start putting yourself out there. You will fail. It will be messy. I'll personally probably find your humiliation hilarious, but you shouldn't care about that because I'm a random weirdo on the internet you will never meet. But all told rejection, humiliation, and perseverance is what it takes to succeed.

So make up your mind. Go try and try and try again before you get something that sticks, or don't. But this wallowing in self-pity is pointless and self-destructive.

Now is this auction an appropriate means for initiating the long humiliation of dating? Possibly. You might not get bought. Sure, some folks like me may find that hilarious, but we're all jackasses so you shouldn't be worried about it. If you think you can take that kind of smack to your ego, go for it, all you have to lose is maybe a few people laughing. If you don't think you can handle that, I'd probably suggest more private a method.

[Kalmageddon]

I swear this is the last time I answer to an Ancano post:

In all of your posts you always talked about a "date" as an object you still couldn't get your hands on. Like it's a car or something.
It's not.
It's supposed to be a plesant moment with a girl/guy for whom you feel something. The way you are presenting your urge to date it would seem (and I feel that's the case) that anyone would do. You just want to date, it doesn't matter who you are dating.
Isn't this objectifying a partner a little? He/she is not there to provide you a service, you know.

Also, once you get your date, what's going to happen? As others have said, you go out, you eat something togheter, maybe you go to a movie, maybe you go for an amusement park or whatever. Then maybe you get to kiss and really really maybe (I wouldn't count on it) you get to have sex.
Then? What happens after you get this date? Do you really think it would change anything?
What would be your reaction? The next day you can finally stop caring about dates and partners and simply forget about her/him? Or now you can obsess yourself with keeping her and when you lose her you can just start this whole self loathing thing over again, but this time it's not dating the miracolous cure to your self esteem issues, it's keeping a partner! Wow, that's progress!

Try really hard to see where I'm going with this... I'll even give you an example, a really simple one: how would you consider someone that tries to win an F1 race while driving a van? I'd consider him pretty stupid, because he clearly lacks the means to race in an F1 competition and yet he keeps on trying, obsessing over winning the race instead of actually learning how you DO have a chance to win one: with the proper car.

You are driving the van here, and you are trying to compete with people that have a nice F1 racing car called "self esteem". And your priority is to keep on racing? Whatever. I'm done here, do what you want but you're choosing the less efficient and mature way of handling things.

[Lea Plath]

A date is not an ultimate goal. It is a step on a long road. And you will probably find yourself having to take steps back a lot of the time.

A date auction is a step towards a diffrent goal, helping a charity. You are unlikely to find you "TRUE and HONEST Sweetheart" there, but you never know.

Don't go with the goal of finding a love life. Go with the goal of meeting new people, making some friends and raising some money for charity. If there is free food, all the better.

Now, I'm going to play armchair psychologist and say, from what I've read, part of the reason you want a date is to help with your self esteem. If someone is willing to date you, you must have some good points. But what happens if they leave you or decide you aren't right for them. Even for someone with a load of self confidence, that is a pretty big blow.

So wait a while, build up your self esteem, have fun, make new friends. Learn to love yourself first. Don't you know confidence is sexy?


Edit: And a lot of the things you talked about, such as being pathetic having never kissed a girl and being 22. Those are preconceptions aided by the media. Don't worry about it.

[Heliomance]

Heck, this isn't even my main forum account. This is just the one I created to post about this particular problem and to avoid tarnishing my rep on my original account.

Uh... this is very definitely against the forum rules. One account per person only.

[dehro]

you want advice and then use what advice you get to construct arguments to fortify your resolution to do nothing, stay miserable and retreat from even the smallest risk of getting hurt.

that's not what advice is for. people usually give advice if they believe they have something relevant to add to the topic brought up. people give advice if they think their experience might help someone else to avoid a mistake or to climb an obstacle. when you ask for it, people usually give advice for your benefit, not to mess with you...and genuinely try to help.
yes, there are also people who give advice because they like the sound of their own words and because they're full of it and like to feel importante and wise, but that doesn't seem the case, here.
by throwing back any bit of advice that's given you like you just don't want it, you're being disrespectful. if you don't want advice because you've already made your decision, or if you refuse to listen and act upon advice that is given to you freely by people who spend some time caring, trying to be of help.. then stop asking for it.

over a number of threads you've raised many negative points and generally been steadfastedly against anything positive anyone may have said to you.
if you're serious about asking for help to make up your mind, or even just for some sort of moral support to your decisions...
I would like you to list 3 good bits of advice you've been given on this forum that you actually believe make sense or could help.
and for each of them, please give us a reason why you haven't acted upon them.. and let it be a reason that doesn't ultimately translate in "I'm a coward".
if you can't list the good advice and bring yourself to acting upon it, or at least tell us what your problem is in acting upon it, then what you're trying to do here is pointless... or you're just not listening, in which case you don't want an advice, you want to vent, so start a blog.


and yes, not using your main account to post on these matters is debatable from an ethic point of view. if the rules admit it, then still, it's childish and disrespectful. all it does is confirm to me that you're more worried about your "schoolyard's rep" with total strangers that have 0% impact on your real life, than you are about actually wanting to get out of your rut. you may be 22 but you're approaching this thing with the attitude of a 12 year old. grow up.
if you don't want out of the ditch, then let me assure you that nobody here can help you get out of it... and ultimately people will lose patience in trying to help you out of it despite yourself.

[Heliomance]

and yes, not using your main account to post on these matters is debatable from an ethic point of view. if the rules admit it, then still, it's childish and disrespectful. all it does is confirm to me that you're more worried about your "schoolyard's rep" with total strangers that have 0% impact on your real life, than you are about actually wanting to get out of your rut.

Actually, I would dispute that. The fact remains that it is against the board rules, but I wouldn't say that we're necessarily "total strangers that have 0% impact on your real life". I know that I've made friends here, and I definitely wouldn't want to destroy my image with them. I know that the Playground has stopped at least one, and probably more, people from committing suicide. Just because we're on the Internet, don't underestimate the effect the Playground can have.

[Mindfreak]

I agree with Heliomancer.
I too have made tons of friends here(even a boyfriend ^_^) and I wouldn't want my reputation with them hurt.

[GolemsVoice]

I second what most people have said already:

If you feel your situation could improve and you'd enjoy a date, by all means, go for it.
But if you feel that the possible rejection you could face, either because noone bids on you or because your date is terrible in a way is too much for you too handle, then stay away from such things.

Now, a few more points.
First: getting a date, even at an auction (which is a strange thing, I've never heard of it here in Germany) is also your responsibility. If you act generally miserable and shut yourself out, expecting others to do all the work for you, it's less likely people will bid on you. After all, they're paying money for somebody who doesn't actually seem to WANT a date, or who is already expecting disappointment before anything has happened.
Second: If you win a date, be sure how to handle it, because you're expected to. Doubly so, I'd wager, because the other person paid for it, and I would expect to get something in return, because if I just wanted to donate, I could do this without getting an evening of misery. Make the other person feel welcome, show her/him a great evening etc. You'll have to work, and not just expect some magical moment to happen without you doing anything.

Don't get me wrong, I think it can be a magical evening for the two of you, and maybe you'll win a new friend, or even start a relationship. But from what you've posted elsewhere, and from knowing a few people like you, I'd say that there is the distinct possibility that it won't. It's up to you to prevent this, do you think you can do it?

[danzibr]

GO FOR IT!

Seriously, you may get hurt, but whatever. We've all been hurt, we recover, grow stronger. Who knows what good things can happen?

Unlike the others I think the pros outweigh the cons.

[Renegade Paladin]

Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone? Maybe the responses will make you realize why it's so pathetic to be a 22 year old who is about to graduate college and has never kissed.
Twenty four and change. I've been with the same woman ever since. I never saw it coming, either. I think I'm better off for not having rushed it.

I used to be where you are minus all the self-pity. What you're going through is not all that abnormal, and beating yourself up over it isn't going to get it over with any faster. Now get out there, do the date auction, and see what happens. Just don't approach it as looking for a serious romantic relationship; they're not what date auctions are about. But although this is the first time I've run across your issues with this (what can I say? I don't hang out in RWTA all that much), it seems to me that just being in the company of a woman even if you both know it isn't going anywhere could do you a world of good.

[warty goblin]

I've been seeing a therapist for years about my self esteem problems and they aren't getting any better. There's a good chance I'll have them for many more years to come, or even for the rest of my life. If I wait until I've completely solved them, I'll be dead before I go on a single date. I'd rather try and fail than not try at all.

Your only real advice has pretty much been to give up on dating until I fix my self esteem issues. Like I said earlier, this is an ongoing process, one that will take many years or even my entire lifetime. To put dating completely on hold until I'm done will mean being single for the rest of my life.

I think what is causing people here some concern isn't that you have self esteem issues, but that you seem to be pursuing a date as an abstract end even of itself. Dating is supposed to be about the person you are going out with, not the generally awkward and strange activity itself. A date is something you go on because you find the other person interesting, fun and attractive in a romantic sort of way.



Would you really be okay if a government official came in and told you you were never allowed to date for the rest of your life? Romance is a big thing to most people, and being in love with someone wonderful is supposed to be a magical experience.
I'd be pissed if that happened, but that's not what we're saying here. What most people seem to be saying is that it's not as big a deal as you are making it out to be, there's nothing wrong with being single, and maybe you should just relax a bit about the whole romance thing a bit?


Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone? Maybe the responses will make you realize why it's so pathetic to be a 22 year old who is about to graduate college and has never kissed.

I was 22 before I was ever kissed, went on a date, had a relationship, or anything like that. And when I did those things, they did not transform my entire existence. Things were a bit better than before, while the relationship was good, but that's about it. It's not like my life altered in some deep, fundamental way because I locked lips with somebody. I've been single for nearly three years now, and at this point can't even really remember being in a relationship all that well. This bothers me for maybe ten minutes out of a week, outside.

Also, I should point out that most of the people I know my age are single, or have been until very recently.

[Madara]

Seriously guys, it's like I'm the one talking to a bunch of brick walls here. All you do is give the same advice over and over again, even though I explain why it doesn't apply to me. Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone? Maybe the responses will make you realize why it's so pathetic to be a 22 year old who is about to graduate college and has never kissed.

I know. At this age, we want to have that. We want romance, we want to start growing up :smallsigh:

My sister is your age and has never kissed. The difference isn't that there is anything wrong with either of you, its that it'll take the right person. Some date to get to know people, others will date those they already know.

If I were in your situation, I wouldn't do it. My reason: the rejection would hurt(if it happened) more than success would be a confidence booster. Take your confidence that is pushing you into this auction, and use it to hang out with some friends, and find an activity to meet girls. You don't have to officially "date" to get to know them, or to have fun. Become friends first, then go for it.

Anyway, speaking as a peer, the first 16 years really don't count to the "haven't kissed" thing. And, it just means that you want a meaningful one, rather than a kiss by a stranger. Be patient. :smallsmile:

Edit: My first kiss was like...7ish. I don't remember it, and we were playing wedding. In fact, I barely remember her name. Since then, I've had nill.

[GolemsVoice]

The question is also: what do you want us to say? You say you're the most socially inept and awkward being to ever walk the earth, so ask yourself, should you go on a date with anyone? Absolutley no.

But when we tell you you're likely not that bad and to just ahve a go at it, you keep countering how you're REALLY unfit for other people, or vice versa. So it seems the answer is clear, no?

That's not saying I wouldn't wish you the best date in the world, but I don't like wasting my time typing answers to somebody who doesn't want to hear anything that's not reinforcing his already existing answer.

[WarKitty]

Seriously guys, it's like I'm the one talking to a bunch of brick walls here. All you do is give the same advice over and over again, even though I explain why it doesn't apply to me. Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone? Maybe the responses will make you realize why it's so pathetic to be a 22 year old who is about to graduate college and has never kissed.

23 here. I have had exactly one relationship, which ended up with the guy physically threatening me multiple times, among other things. Given how things turned out, I a 99.99% sure that my life would be better off if I had never had that relationship. I was 19 at the time. At my age now, I've never willingly kissed someone.

You're not the only one. But people are saying one thing right - you need to adjust your expectations. My impression is that you're expecting a relationship to magically make you feel better. I've seen plenty of people do this before, and it never works. People who feel miserable outside of relationships tend to feel miserable in them too.

You mentioned that you've been seeing a therapist. Have you tried talking about this desire for a relationship with her? Also, have you considered asking for a referral to a psychiatrist? In all seriousness, meds can help you get out of a rough patch and start putting things back together - I ended up on them after nearly flunking out of school due to uncontrolled depression, and they actually helped me feel better long enough to get organized.

I'm not going to tell you what to do either way, but I'll put down the pros and cons as I see them.

Pro: It's a chance to take a risk in a fairly safe environment. It could show that you're not nearly as undesirable as you think you are. As long as you have reasonable expectations, this could be good practice. Just remember it's not likely that you'll end up in a real relationship from this.

Con: There is a chance that you'll end up with no bids. This is even more likely if you act like you're miserable. You do have to sell yourself at these things a bit - not just in the literal sense, but in the sense of being able to look like someone who could have a fun evening

[Thufir]

Would you really be okay if a government official came in and told you you were never allowed to date for the rest of your life?

Probably not, but no-one has done that, so what relevance does it have?


Seriously guys, it's like I'm the one talking to a bunch of brick walls here. All you do is give the same advice over and over again, even though I explain why it doesn't apply to me.

You missed out the part where we disagree with your assessment of it not applying to you.


Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone? Maybe the responses will make you realize why it's so pathetic to be a 22 year old who is about to graduate college and has never kissed.

First kissed someone, or first kissed someone when it actually meant anything relationship-wise? The answers are 21 and 23, respectively.

[Tengu_temp]

Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone? Maybe the responses will make you realize why it's so pathetic to be a 22 year old who is about to graduate college and has never kissed.

I'm 25, 26 in less than two months. Never kissed anyone, and I might never have. I don't have an active interest in romance and I find kisses to be kinda gross.

Stop calling everyone who's in a similar situation to you pathetic. It's rude. If you feel pathetic, do something about it.

[razark]

{{scrubbed}}

[Spiryt]

http://www.fybertech.com/4thread/v_76243116/1287550146285.jpg

[Objection]

I've been seeing a therapist for years about my self esteem problems and they aren't getting any better. There's a good chance I'll have them for many more years to come, or even for the rest of my life. If I wait until I've completely solved them, I'll be dead before I go on a single date. I'd rather try and fail than not try at all.

See that last sentence in that paragraph? That is actually a good mindset to have. I just wish you had displayed that kind of thinking in all the other threads you posted on this subject. Maybe then we would've gotten a more accurate impression of you.


Would you really be okay if a government official came in and told you you were never allowed to date for the rest of your life?

Firstly, when exactly did the government come into this? Secondly, given that I currently have no motivation to date anyone, this would be about as bad as a government official saying I'm not allowed to play rugby for the rest of my life (well, OK, I might be slightly more grateful in that case).


Romance is a big thing to most people, and being in love with someone wonderful is supposed to be a magical experience.

My initial reaction to this can be found in the spoiler tags below.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_C_Lhd-TQSUw/S3O05aIdWVI/AAAAAAAAA6s/vucxwk-VwPs/s320/Laughing.gif

The only way you'd get anything useful out of a romantic relationship is by getting to know your partner on at least the same level as a very good friend. Until then, the most you get out of romance and this "magical experience" of being in love is a quick buzz, and as far as methods of getting a quick buzz go, romance is actually very cost-ineffective. Just because it's a big thing to most people doesn't mean it should be a big thing to you as well - amazingly, most people can be wrong.


And despite what you might think, I have tons going on in my life other than my lack of dating opportunities. Believe me, I'm not missing out on anything other than dating. Heck, this isn't even my main forum account. This is just the one I created to post about this particular problem and to avoid tarnishing my rep on my original account. Believe me, I do tons other than complain about my lack of dates.

Ignoring for one moment that having multiple accounts is against the rules iirc ...

Really? Because from what I've seen of you, all you ever do is complain about your lack of dates. Could you give some examples of stuff you have going on in your life that doesn't involve complaining about your lack of dates?


Seriously guys, it's like I'm the one talking to a bunch of brick walls here. All you do is give the same advice over and over again, even though I explain why it doesn't apply to me.

You know, until you said that last bit I quoted, you assumed that we knew that you had a pretty good life in general. We did not know this, so we inferred from your "woe is me" tone of posting that you did not have a pretty good life in general. Plus, one of the premises that we have generally been working with is that you need to have a pretty good life in general before you should consider dating. So really, we were looking for a particular thing in your explanations, and your explanations never had that thing, so we dismissed them.


Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone? Maybe the responses will make you realize why it's so pathetic to be a 22 year old who is about to graduate college and has never kissed.

I once had a "relationship" in my teen years, though given how rarely the two of us actually contacted each other, let alone kissed, I'm not sure it would count. Outside of that, I've got nothing, and I am 20, and I currently have no motivation to get romantically involved with anyone. I'm not going to explain why as that is not the topic we are discussing, but I would like to ask: what is your motivation for wanting a romantic partner? That is an honest question that I genuinely would like to know the answer to.

You know what, I've changed my mind. Go ahead and auction yourself. If you get a date, then you'll see that dating is really not as magical as you think it is. If you don't, then that's conclusive evidence that you're in no condition to get a date and have to fix whatever problems you have before trying again (and refusal to accept that is beyond irrational).

EDIT: Also, yeah, my answer to the question "how old were you when you first kissed someone?" depends on how you define "kissed". In the aforementioned pathetic excuse for a relationship, the kissing never involved tongues or lasted for more than half a second. If that kind of kiss doesn't count, then I am basically a 20-year-old guy who has never kissed.

[Frozen_Feet]

Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone? Maybe the responses will make you realize why it's so pathetic to be a 22 year old who is about to graduate college and has never kissed.

What kind of a kiss counts? Is lips enough, or does there need to be tongue? 'Cause the answer varies from 6-years-old to 21 based on that. :smalltongue:

Okay, let's see... I had no romantic relationships during my adolescence, and between 19 and 20, didn't know a single girl I could've asked out. When I got out of the army, I had a clear goal: I wanted to get a job, a new car, and an aparment of my own. To me, those things represented (and still represent) a level of maturity and independence required from an adult. I didn't really consider romance at that point, because I thought no respectable girl would want to date an unemployed "manchild" still living with his parents.

It took a year of life kicking my ass before I realized that things just never go the way I want them to. Still with no job, no apartment and a piece-of-**** car, I concluded that if I kept waiting for them, I'd be middle-aged before finding anyone. So I swallowed my pride and went to see girls, despite feeling terribly inadequate for a relationship.

Yes, that's right. To me, starting to look for romance was a compromise of my own ideals. I'd not gotten the cards I wanted, so I decided to show my hand and go "so, this is the best I've got. What does it get me?"

Now, another year later, I still got no apartment of my own, and am stuck with the same wreck of a car. Job, I fortunately got down, though I spend six months in one I came to hate. But because of my decision to open up and go "Yes, I'm a total loser and life hates me, will you date me?", I got to meet a lot of interesting people, found a few new friends, and am now at the brink of entering a relationship with a girl I like.

[Coidzor]

Problem being, that, ethics and board rules aside, getting onto an alternate, one-note account is going to poison the waters because one is going to be seen as a one-note person rather than getting the full picture, leading to feelings of resentment, hostility, and feelings like one is talking and not being heard.

There's a cracked article everyone here should read. For humorous purposes.

5-dating-sites-terrible-people-to-find-terrible-love. Not linking because, well, cracked article.

[Knaight]

I'd be pissed if that happened, but that's not what we're saying here. What most people seem to be saying is that it's not as big a deal as you are making it out to be, there's nothing wrong with being single, and maybe you should just relax a bit about the whole romance thing a bit?
Besides, the issue with that hypothetical situation is more one of intrusion than anything else. Replace "The government (TM) tells you you aren't ever allowed to date" with "The government mandates that you date, and with at least this minimum frequency" and there is no improvement. Either way, there's a useful finger gesture.

[super dark33]

http://www.fybertech.com/4thread/v_76243116/1287550146285.jpg

I like this picture: one side of the route is sunny and peacfull, while the outer is dark and ragefull, where will the thread lead us?


So remember this: Dateing is not magical, neither dates ( but they sure taste good) , in fact i think that dates for any reason outer then complete love to that outer Homo-sapiens is just for postition in the young society.

I used to belive, and i think you belive too, that dates make you a person in relationship. that dates are when you have a girlfriend and you are hanging out with her.
But it isnt. its just a show-off for most cases. its a "look at me! i have a Girlfriend! that means my manliness is unquestionable!"


In a Date, you dont do magic. you go with the girl to a place you would like to sit in, and talk. just talk. talk about youself, about her, about your family, about her family, eat somthing, and if you like her and she likes you, drive her home, give her a kiss, go to your home, and prepere for the next Date.
If you dont like her and she likes you, try as politly as possible to tell her that 'it wont work' and that she is still a nice girl.
If she dont like you and you like her, dont despertly get her to love you. try some but not to much. know when you cant win the battle.
If ypu dont like her and she dont like you, you both can say 'it wont work' but still have a good time.
Remember: there is no magique, just you and her.

[Dr.Epic]

Well, if you do decide to do it, wear really BIG shoes. You know that they say about guys with big shoes:smallwink::

They're clowns, and girls like guys who can make them laugh.

[Tyndmyr]

I've been seeing a therapist for years about my self esteem problems and they aren't getting any better. There's a good chance I'll have them for many more years to come, or even for the rest of my life. If I wait until I've completely solved them, I'll be dead before I go on a single date. I'd rather try and fail than not try at all.

Well, it's certainly true that you need not solve every problem before going on a date. That said, self-esteem really is something that only you can fix. Going on a date is fine, but don't expect it to fix underlying issues...and be aware that those issues can easily sabotage any real relationship.


Your only real advice has pretty much been to give up on dating until I fix my self esteem issues. Like I said earlier, this is an ongoing process, one that will take many years or even my entire lifetime. To put dating completely on hold until I'm done will mean being single for the rest of my life.

This is a remarkably defeatist attitude. I am aware of no guarantee that it takes your entire life to overcome self-esteem issues.


Would you really be okay if a government official came in and told you you were never allowed to date for the rest of your life?

I'd not like that at all, on account of it not being something I want government to control about me. I don't see how this is at all relevant, though.


Romance is a big thing to most people, and being in love with someone wonderful is supposed to be a magical experience.

Ugh. This sounds like Disneyfied romance. Look, dating and being in love are two very different things that happen to occasionally overlap. And being in love, while great, is not merely a "magical experience". It often requires a lot of work, and the typical romantic attraction pictured in popular media is...unrealistic at best.


And despite what you might think, I have tons going on in my life other than my lack of dating opportunities. Believe me, I'm not missing out on anything other than dating. Heck, this isn't even my main forum account. This is just the one I created to post about this particular problem and to avoid tarnishing my rep on my original account. Believe me, I do tons other than complain about my lack of dates.

Look, I post everything from a single account. Why? Because I'm a single person. I'm not perfect, and not everyone need like me, or everything about me. That's life. If there's something I don't want ya'll to know, I just won't post it, but there's nothing in my life that I'm ashamed of, or feel like I need to hide.


Seriously guys, it's like I'm the one talking to a bunch of brick walls here. All you do is give the same advice over and over again, even though I explain why it doesn't apply to me.

It looks a great deal like you're looking for excuses to not change. This is remarkably common, but when you come asking for advice, it's usually implied that you'll take that advice seriously, even if it's something a bit outside your comfort zone.


Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone? Maybe the responses will make you realize why it's so pathetic to be a 22 year old who is about to graduate college and has never kissed.

Don't know. Literally, I can't tell you how old I was at first kiss, because it's not at all important to me. I know I was in college, but beyond that...meh. That said, I was quite socially awkward in college, and never had a romantic relationship really worthy of the name. I'm still in my twenties, but now I have sort of a reputation within my circle of friends for having literally dated everyone attractive they know. People change, often dramatically, but you've got to really want to change and work at it.

[Zen Monkey]

Embrace the fear!

What's the worst that could happen, nothing? That's what you've already got if you don't even try. Try to be positive, or at least cautiously optimistic, and face the scary situation. Granted, this fits a lot of other potentially scary situations, but a lot of times self-confidence is built by living through something tough. Then, later, you can face the next problem and always say 'meh, I've been through worse.' In the long run, these things make you stronger.

That which does not kill us...

[Velaryon]

Seriously guys, it's like I'm the one talking to a bunch of brick walls here. All you do is give the same advice over and over again, even though I explain why it doesn't apply to me. Let me just ask everyone on the forum: how old were you when you first kissed someone? Maybe the responses will make you realize why it's so pathetic to be a 22 year old who is about to graduate college and has never kissed.

I'm 28 and I still haven't. So guess what? You're not the most pathetic, socially-awkward person around. I'm just like you in that respect but I've been that way even longer. So I can tell you from experience that this whole self-pity trip you're apparently on? It's not doing you any favors.

I say sign up for the auction. If nobody bids then you'll feel awful and horribly embarrassed, because not only did no one bid, but everybody saw you not getting bid on. But you'll know you had the guts to do it. And if you get put in this horrible situation, then no single rejection could possibly as embarrassing, which means if you can handle that, you can handle a normal rejection.

If you're really worried that nobody will bid, then get a female friend (or a male friend's girlfriend if need be) to come along and bid on you just to get the bidding started. If they win, you can turn it into just hanging out or something.

Just realize that this date you'll be getting is not a magic bullet. The chances you'll meet the love of your life this way are pretty small, and you're not suddenly going to be bursting with self-esteem because of this one date. But at the same time, once you've been on that date you'll have a better idea of what to expect in the future, and it if goes well you might even get another date with that same person.



I've been seeing a therapist for years about my self esteem problems and they aren't getting any better. There's a good chance I'll have them for many more years to come, or even for the rest of my life. If I wait until I've completely solved them, I'll be dead before I go on a single date. I'd rather try and fail than not try at all.

That right there is the attitude you need to have. Go ahead and get that date if you feel you really need to. It's not going to get any easier with time, I promise you.

[qbit]

So Ancano what did you end up doing? Or are planning to do?

[arguskos]

So Ancano what did you end up doing? Or are planning to do?
Get banned, apparently. Sadly, we may never know his actions. Oh well.

[qbit]

Get banned, apparently. Sadly, we may never know his actions. Oh well.

Gah this is worse then when Kyle XY(insert any other show that got cancelled before getting to close all it's loose ends) got cancelled.

If I read it correctly he got an other account. So if you're reading this, let me know trough PM. or don't you'd only be satisfying my idle curiosity.

[Cookiemobsta]

Could you handle not being bid on? If you think not being bid on would send you into a downward tailspin, maybe you shouldn't. If you think that you would be ok even if you weren't bid on, then go for it! Not being bid on is your worst possible outcome, and it's really not that bad. Plus, it's very unlikely to happen--normally people are aware that it sucks to be not bid on, so SOMEONE will usually bid before a person has to sit down with no bids.

[Weezer]

Get banned, apparently. Sadly, we may never know his actions. Oh well.

Unless he decides to come forth on his non-dating advice account, which would probably result in it getting banned too... Oh well.

[Hiro Protagonest]

Get banned, apparently. Sadly, we may never know his actions. Oh well.

It's because that was an alt account, which he used so he wouldn't "tarnish [his] rep on [his] main account".

Here's hoping he'll come forward.

[Pie Guy]

Or he could make a third account and speak with that! In fact, anyone in the thread could do that right now! Now, if you'll excuse me...

Not doing this for the record.

[Knaight]

Ugh. This sounds like Disneyfied romance. Look, dating and being in love are two very different things that happen to occasionally overlap. And being in love, while great, is not merely a "magical experience". It often requires a lot of work, and the typical romantic attraction pictured in popular media is...unrealistic at best.

Occasionally there is actually some realism. With that said, at the same time horribly emotionally abusive relationships are practically normalized in popular media, and blatant violations of personal autonomy (not to mention privacy) are normalized.

[Renegade Paladin]

Unless he decides to come forth on his non-dating advice account, which would probably result in it getting banned too... Oh well.
Presuming he's not already. Unless he's far more clever than he seems to be, a simple IP check would identify his primary.

[grimbold]

it could be interesting.. fun even! but i don't know enough to know if you are ready...

[Karoht]

So my major is hosting a date auction to raise some extra money, and they were looking for volunteers to auction themselves off as dates. I thought this would be a good opportunity to both support my major and get this date I've been waiting on for 22 years. I have to admit though, I'm afraid no girls will bid on me and the whole experience will be just humiliating.

Does anyone here have any experience with date auctions? Any advice? Is it common for some people to not get any bids?Oh man do I have some stories.
Did I ever tell the tale of how we sold our friend Mark to the Gypsies to rescue Princess Leia from Jabba the Creep? Oh wow, good times.


Okay, so, I've sold myself at these auctions several times. Some things I have learned over the years.

1-There is always someone there making pity bids. There is no shame in being bought by this person. No one laughs, no one makes fun. Some people are interested in quantity over quality, some of the pity bidders do it because they are genuinely nice people who want to see everyone 'win.' If you get bought by one such person, do NOT under any circumstances be rude about it.
On that note, the pity bidders. At one of the conventions I attend, the traditional pity bidders are a group who actively refer to themselves as The Gypsies and dress accordingly. They tend to end up with a harem, they then divy up the spoils amongst themselves. It's worth it to get bought by them just to see them fight over who gets whom.

2-On Stage. Okay, this comes down to marketing yourself. At the same point, don't take it too seriously. There's a guy I know who always sells himself, he always brings a backpack full of boardgames. Others get a bit more elaborate with their 'act' and do things like handstands and cartwheels and dance around. Draw a middle ground that works for you.

3-Skills. Yes, this is about marketing yourself. But it's also about trickery to a degree. For example, I always list my 'special skills and attributes' as, "Open to negociation" and you would be amazed at the reaction that draws. I've told the audience nothing about myself other than that I am a flexible person, and I'm leaving the bidders to their imaginations.
On fellow whom always goes first every year, put on his card that he likes to go first so he can cheer on his "fellow bags of meat" and he actually sells for a pretty decent amount. The point is, it's more important for your "skills" to entertain or draw attention to you than it is for your "skills" to sell you per se.

4-Be Humble and Flattered, Sincerely. No really, make sure this happens. Even if you end up being sold for the minimum bid, be happy about it. Don't over analyze it. You got bought by a person. Someone spent money on you. Go meet the person, be happy, you're going to go and have a date with that person, and all the hard work involved in doing so is mostly taken care of.

5-Have a Plan. Have a couple of places in mind, keep contact info for those locations on you or stored in your cell phone. Got the number for a cool restaraunt on speed dial? That impresses people.
One such fellow gets on stage, and while the auctioneer is talking him up, he's 'arguing' with someone on the phone, demanding the lovely window seat in the corner, to fly in some duck from vermont, lobsters from maine. As the bids get higher, he gets more and more crazy with it. Demanding at first a pianist, scratc that, a violinist, nay, a cello player, etc. He also talks quickly, like an stock broker or auctioneer himself.
When the auctioneer asks him what place he's calling, he responds with "McDonalds over on 5th." He's done this bit 5 years in a row, people STILL laugh and still bid, the auctioneer starts bidding once the phone call starts.
But really, have an idea or a couple of places in mind for where you would go on your date, be flexible on it though. At worst, it gives you something for you and your buyer to discuss. Also, recall that a 'date' doesn't have to be dinner and a movie. Go rockclimbing, go play paintball, etc, etc, etc. Go do something fun and then go get ice cream. Go see a movie and THEN go get dinner? Lots of options, but have a bunch of ideas in mind prior to being bought. The ladies like a man with a plan, just don't be too firm with it.

[Destro_Yersul]

Presuming he's not already. Unless he's far more clever than he seems to be, a simple IP check would identify his primary.

Why would it matter? Generally speaking, main accounts don't get banned under the 'no multiple accounts' rule.

Link (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/announcement.php?f=26&a=1)