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View Full Version : Magic Missile Pun



Hitaro9
2012-04-05, 04:06 PM
Hey. I need a joke/ pun that has to do with magic missile. Preferably short. Thanks in advance.

ScubaGoomba
2012-04-05, 04:10 PM
Here's a bad one

MAGIC NEVER-MISS-ILE

Talvereaux
2012-04-05, 04:25 PM
I'm taking a shot at the darkness here and assuming the context of cheesy one-liners for casting, correct me if I'm wrong.

"Hate to force you aside, but..."

"This is going to spell disaster for you."

"Why don't you lie back a spell?"

"Try damning these torpedoes."

Though the last one's a bit arcane, if you will.

Hitaro9
2012-04-05, 04:27 PM
Yeah, I need it for witty one liners after killing someone with Magic Missile. I plan on playing a magic missile focused mage that thinks he's funnyer than he actually is.

Talvereaux
2012-04-05, 04:30 PM
Good luck. Hit 'em right between the eyes for 1d4+1 points of farce damage.

darkbuu_1
2012-04-05, 04:35 PM
Here's a bad one

MAGIC NEVER-MISS-ILE

I prefer "Magic Hit-ile"

Kurgan
2012-04-05, 04:38 PM
This is more for during casting, but I had a friend who used to chant "Eenie meenie minie moe, magic missile strike my foe!" every time he cast Magic Missile.

Morph Bark
2012-04-05, 05:05 PM
Have the character mumble a lot about how Evil is "the Darkness". Then, in combat, shout "Attack the Darkness!"

Not a pun, but still up the alley you might want to go. :smallamused:

Otherwise, try "Hit-or-miss? I just hit with missiles."

navar100
2012-04-05, 06:24 PM
Play a female wizard. "You need not know my name, fool, but if you need to know who defeated you with such simple magic, you can call me Miss Ayle."

AsDeR
2012-04-05, 08:18 PM
"Sorry I was sneezing, did I miss?"
"I wonder how can my hands hold this much awesome"

Also after killing:
"I will never FORCE-get you" yeeeeeaaaaaah (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YMPAH67f4o)
"I'll missILE you." yeeeeeaaaaaah (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YMPAH67f4o)
"Did I missILE'D anything?" yeeeeeaaaaaah (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YMPAH67f4o)
"Pleased to missile you" yeeeeeaaaaaah (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YMPAH67f4o)

Ravens_cry
2012-04-05, 08:20 PM
"Did you Magic Missile?"
"No, and you can't prove I enchanted her either!"

Socratov
2012-04-06, 03:47 AM
combine: *thrusts hip*

with:

and there is more where that came from :smallwink::smallwink:
yes, my missile is magic, why do you ask? :smallwink::smallwink:
Sometimes, i focus all my magic in my missile :smallwink::smallwink:
you kow what else deals force damage? :smallwink::smallwink:
you know what happens when my magic missile gets maximised :smallwink::smallwink:

Dire_E_Coyote
2012-04-06, 10:14 AM
"May the force damage be with you."

Slipperychicken
2012-04-06, 10:29 AM
"I don't miss". The more dialogue leading up to this, the better.

Siosilvar
2012-04-06, 11:11 AM
I'm taking a shot at the darkness here...

I see what you did there.

TechnoScrabble
2012-04-07, 03:19 PM
I know what you're thinking "Did he cast 3 1st level spells or only 2?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kinda lost track myself. But being I'm a wizard, the most powerful class in the world, and know spells that blow your head right off, you've got to ask yourself one question "Do I have good spell resistance?" Well, do ya, punk?

McMouse
2012-04-07, 05:36 PM
Magic missile: 60% of the time, it hits every time. :smallbiggrin:

CGforever!
2012-04-07, 06:44 PM
"BANG, you're dead!"

the enemy then naturally says, "Nuh uh! You missed me!"

Then gets hit, because hey, magic missile.

CGforever!
2012-04-07, 06:48 PM
Magic missile: 60% of the time, it hits every time. :smallbiggrin:

Against 4th level swiftblades, it actually does hit 60% of the time.

Douglas
2012-04-07, 10:53 PM
Against 4th level swiftblades, it actually does hit 60% of the time.
You mean 7th level. Blurred Alacrity does nothing against Magic Missile, you need Evasive Celerity for that.

navar100
2012-04-08, 11:24 AM
Cast Magic Missile. Next round, cast a more powerful, more potent spell. Before you do say: "I'm not really left handed".

CGforever!
2012-04-08, 12:47 PM
You mean 7th level. Blurred Alacrity does nothing against Magic Missile, you need Evasive Celerity for that.

Right. I wasn't sure. Anyway, Whenever the miss chance is only 40%.

Jarawara
2012-04-09, 01:06 AM
Heh. I approve of this thread.

*~*

Magic Missile. The Other Force Evocation.

(Meant to be read like "Pork, the other white meat"... which may only be a local-only TV commercial, so this line might not work for you.)

Acanous
2012-04-09, 01:42 AM
"The rest of the guys want me to Defeat you, but I preffer to use D4's."
""Bet you wish you had a Shield right now"
"What's more holey than Pelor? You in about 6 seconds."
"This just KEEPS getting FUNNIER EVERY TIME I cast it!"

Hbgplayer
2012-04-09, 01:56 AM
Don't worry, I won't miss you.

nedz
2012-04-09, 03:40 PM
Give up ! Or I'll cast a real spell next time.

Sebastrd
2012-04-10, 03:18 PM
You can't spell missle without "miss"!

Magesmiley
2012-04-10, 03:53 PM
Name the wizard casting the spell 'Ack-Ack' or 'Gatling'.

randomhero00
2012-04-13, 08:04 AM
"Look at me.
Now look at you,
I just magic missiled.
Now I'm riding a horse."

"I'll magic your missile!"

"Have change for a dollar for some MISSILES OF MAGIC!?"

"Milk milk lemonade, round the corner MISSILES are made!"

"There once lived a man in Nantucket... that's it, I killed him with magic missile!"

lotusblossom13
2012-04-14, 09:12 PM
This is based on an old one, but

"I came here to chew gum and shoot magic missiles, and I'm all out of gum" :smallmad:

Lord Tyger
2012-04-15, 07:33 PM
With proper set-up...

"Look up."
"What? Hey, what's that?"
"Mistletoe."
*cast*

hobbitkniver
2012-04-15, 09:15 PM
Here's a bad one

MAGIC NEVER-MISS-ILE

I like this one. I realize it's terrible yet somehow made me laugh even when things I recognize as funny don't.

Ornithologist
2012-04-15, 09:39 PM
you could start by naming your character The Son of John (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magic_Johnson)...

Combine with hip thrusts and lame, uh "richard" jokes as needed.

Also: Now this Son of John has the magic touch!

Im gonna go and wash my self now... those were horrible

Calzone
2012-04-16, 10:56 PM
I would like to apologize in advance for what follows.

----------

*points finger-gun at enemy and mimes pulling the trigger*
"Boom! Headshot!"

----------

*Blow up an enemy with a magic missile*
"More like a magic mist-ile!"

----------

"Duck, duck, duck, ... MAGIC MISSILE!"

----------

"Bow before the terror of my MAGIC MISS-"
*turns around and casts spell in the wrong direction*
"...-ILE!"
*as the spell loops around and hits the intended target*

----------

"When I was a young mage I could only cast a single magic missile. Now I'm powerful enough to cast magic Mrs. -iles; Magic Mr.-iles too, on a good day."

----------

*When playing with a cheating gambler*
"I call a MAGIC MISDEAL!"
*cue magic missile to cheater's face*

----------

*While someone scrying or casting a sending*
"Whoops! Looks like it was a MAGIC MISDIAL!"

----------

"I learned this one from an old voo-doo master -- BLACK MAGIC MISSILE!"

----------

*When shot at by an enchanted projectile*
"Looks like you bought a MAGIC MISSILE of returning!"

----------

"I know you're thinking 'Oh gee, another magic missile...' Well, here's something new -- PHANTASMAL PROJECTILE!"
.. .. ..
"Ok, it WAS another magic missile."

----------

"I wanted to be a cleric, but I could never get the hang of 'Cure Light Wounds'...I always ended up casting MAGIC MISHEAL!"

----------

"Were you expecting a fireball? I'm sorry I missle-d you."

----------

"No I don't have a crossbow, I only stock fire-and-forget weapons in my arsenal."

----------

"Sorry guys, I didn't mean to rocket the boat."

----------

"I hope you won't missile that <ear or other body part>!"

----------

You: "I'm glad you responded to my casting call."
Them: "What casting call?"
You: "Magic Missile!"

----------

"It's time for another wonderful episode of 'Casterpiece Theatre'."

----------

"As lawful types, my friends really want to take you to the king to be tried for your crimes against the kingdom. Unfortunately, we'll be missing a crucial piece of evidence - your body. MAGIC MISTRIAL!"

----------

"M-A-G-I-C M-I-S-S-I-L-E!"
*spell magic missile*

----------


OK, I'll stop now.

underpowered
2014-06-11, 11:27 AM
I would like to apologize in advance for what follows.

----------

*points finger-gun at enemy and mimes pulling the trigger*
"Boom! Headshot!"

----------

*Blow up an enemy with a magic missile*
"More like a magic mist-ile!"

----------

"Duck, duck, duck, ... MAGIC MISSILE!"

----------

"Bow before the terror of my MAGIC MISS-"
*turns around and casts spell in the wrong direction*
"...-ILE!"
*as the spell loops around and hits the intended target*

----------

"When I was a young mage I could only cast a single magic missile. Now I'm powerful enough to cast magic Mrs. -iles; Magic Mr.-iles too, on a good day."

----------

*When playing with a cheating gambler*
"I call a MAGIC MISDEAL!"
*cue magic missile to cheater's face*

----------

*While someone scrying or casting a sending*
"Whoops! Looks like it was a MAGIC MISDIAL!"

----------

"I learned this one from an old voo-doo master -- BLACK MAGIC MISSILE!"

----------

*When shot at by an enchanted projectile*
"Looks like you bought a MAGIC MISSILE of returning!"

----------

"I know you're thinking 'Oh gee, another magic missile...' Well, here's something new -- PHANTASMAL PROJECTILE!"
.. .. ..
"Ok, it WAS another magic missile."

----------

"I wanted to be a cleric, but I could never get the hang of 'Cure Light Wounds'...I always ended up casting MAGIC MISHEAL!"

----------

"Were you expecting a fireball? I'm sorry I missle-d you."

----------

"No I don't have a crossbow, I only stock fire-and-forget weapons in my arsenal."

----------

"Sorry guys, I didn't mean to rocket the boat."

----------

"I hope you won't missile that <ear or other body part>!"

----------

You: "I'm glad you responded to my casting call."
Them: "What casting call?"
You: "Magic Missile!"

----------

"It's time for another wonderful episode of 'Casterpiece Theatre'."

----------

"As lawful types, my friends really want to take you to the king to be tried for your crimes against the kingdom. Unfortunately, we'll be missing a crucial piece of evidence - your body. MAGIC MISTRIAL!"

----------

"M-A-G-I-C M-I-S-S-I-L-E!"
*spell magic missile*

----------


OK, I'll stop now.

This list is going to be so very useful for my next character :smallbiggrin:

Icewraith
2014-06-11, 12:17 PM
"Magic missile is soooo mainstream. I use Bergabad's Unerring Force Projectiles instead."

"I prophesy that in the next six seconds you will be attacked by a mystical innerrant destructive force."
*Magic Missile*
"The prophecy has been fulfilled!"

Edit: ><

nedz
2014-06-11, 01:45 PM
"Did you cast Shield today ? I guess we'll find out now then"

Also, thread necromancy.

Jarawara
2014-06-12, 09:47 AM
Also, thread necromancy.

No, no, no... Magic Missile is an *Evocation*.

So it's thread evocation!


(And you can bet the moderators NEVER miss...)

Aberrant17
2014-06-25, 01:35 PM
"Can you feel the magic?"

"You just got ar-caned!"

"You shoulda got out of dodge. Oh wait..."

"You shall/shan't be miss-iled."

"Crazy? CRAZY!? I'm a manic/maniac missile!"


Also, try looking up words with the mis- prefix. You'll have no shortage of material for your atrocious puns. :)

Mexikorn
2014-06-25, 01:53 PM
I hope you like cheesy puns:

"Friendship is magic, my missiles are to;
look at yourself, theres a hole inside you!"

Doorhandle
2014-06-25, 11:25 PM
Wand of magic missiles: It's a magic missle launcher.

"They're magically delicious! Also painful."

"Hitting you with these is like finding an old man in a brothel; Not hard."

Point the spell directly at your face and watch the missiles arc away from you into them.

"Magic missile: apply directly to orc!"

"There are problems that can't be solved with this spell. Haven't found any yet."

deuxhero
2014-07-01, 02:09 AM
Give an expendable item of "Magic Missile". It actually functions like Magic Weapon, but can be used on only a single piece of ammo (or "missile")

Guizonde
2014-07-02, 04:31 PM
"i love projectiles. something magic about these missiles"

*throws gamer's caltrops/ d4's on the table* "and now for the magical ones!" (slightly meta)

"you know what blows? you, vertically speaking"

"i remember a wise old man who once said: if you think violence isn't the answer to everything, it's that you don't know how to cast magic missile"

"know what's better than magic missile? explosive runes, but since all i've got is 1st level spells..."

The Grue
2014-07-02, 10:54 PM
Someone please gas this thread.