Math humor

[pendell]

Since the math thread is dead I thought I'd post this here (https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/s320x320/36585_10151540669505154_736810153_24266495_1597194 971_n.jpg).

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Manga Shoggoth]

The response is, of course, Y.

[Traab]

Dang, I was hoping this was a thread devoted to math jokes. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!

[pendell]

Well, why shouldn't it be? You know why they say alcohol and math don't mix? Because misplaced decimals kill. Don't drink and derive.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Castaras]

e^x was sitting in the corner, rather depressed. A fellow function came over. "Hey man, what's up? Not enjoying the party?" "Well... I tried to integrate, but nothing happened."

e^x was wandering around the forest, when lots of screaming functions came running past him. "Run for your lives, a differential is coming!" e^x laughed and walked on. He stood face to face with the differential. "You don't scare me, I'm e^x!" "Ah, my dear e^x, but I am with respect to y."

[AsteriskAmp]

y' threatens dy with divorce, dy says to y', "we can work out our mutual differentials".

A mathematician, an engineer and a biologist are watching a building.
2 people come in and two hours later 3 come out. The engineer remarks there must have been some unknown constant, which he theorizes is 3/2. The biologist ascertains reproduction must have happened. The mathematician simply states that if one person was to enter the building it would be empty.

Sine says to cosine, if only you had half a pi we could be together.

Cow mass calculation methods:
Engineer: Archimedes
Physicists: Weighing Scale
Mathematician: Triple Integration

2+2=5 for sufficiently big values of 2.

Calculus horror story:
"The demonstration derives trivially from ..."

[JCarter426]

This (http://xkcd.com/435/) is by far my favorite one.

[AsteriskAmp]

ex was wandering around the forest, when lots of screaming functions came running past him. "Run for your lives, a differential is coming!" ex laughed and walked on. He stood face to face with the differential. "You don't scare me, I'm ex!" "Ah, my dear ex, but I am with respect to y."
To which ex replied "make it implicit then".


This (http://xkcd.com/435/) is by far my favorite one.

He forgot philosophers to the right of mathematicians.

[JCarter426]

Philosophy is just applied sociology. :smalltongue:

[AsteriskAmp]

Philosophy is just applied sociology. :smalltongue:

Mathematics is just applied philosophy and so it comes full circle.

[JCarter426]

You just blew my mind.

[AsteriskAmp]

You just blew my mind.
Psychologists: Sociologists simply apply psychological models to large scales.
Biologist: Psychologist merely evaluate a persons behaviour which in turn is based on neuronal patterns which are common to living beings.
Chemist: Biologist merely explain the living word borrowing the frame we made
Physicists: Chemistry is but making particulars out of the general laws we've made. Oh, those laws aren't entirely consistent, it doesn't matter, at this level, that's merely a small fence between empirical and theoretical.
Mathematician: Physics is merely math with constants which they get from failure prone experiments. Oh, the Banach-Tarski Sphere... yes, we haven't gotten over that yet.
Philosopher: Mathematics is philosophy with a set of rules, you can think of it as the Mathematical System, like we've got thousands of those, like Hegel's. Oh, we haven't found how to make Heiddeger make any sense yet, and we haven't made any predictions yet but... look how it explains things.

On a given day on any uni you should be able to listen to all of those on categorical order.

[Ranger Mattos]

Not exactly a math joke, but very true (http://xkcd.com/1050/).

[Science Officer]

Why are Floridians so bad at trigonometry?
Because Florida is the Shun-sine State.

[Killer Angel]

The response is, of course, Y.

Wasn't it 42?

[Lord Seth]

Finally, a chance to link to this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BipvGD-LCjU) video!

(if the laughter bugs you, you can buy it off iTunes to hear it without that)

[pendell]

Finally, a chance to link to this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BipvGD-LCjU) video!

(if the laughter bugs you, you can buy it off iTunes to hear it without that)

*Claps madly*


A student is given a graph with an equation on it. The instruction on the page save "find X". After pondering for a moment, the student circled the "X" in find "X",drew an arrow to it, and neatly penciled in 'here it is'.

Afterwards, the instructions were changed to 'solve for X'.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Lord Raziere]

Mathematics is just applied philosophy and so it comes full circle.

Ah, the great cycle of science.

I wonder if we will apply philosophy better this time around?

So that we can apply math better this time around?

and so on and so forth….

wait.

this raises a question.

which science was the purest again? it its a circle, then there is no way of telling, meaning…..

no science is "purer" than the other. because they are all interconnected…

I just blew my own mind.

[DraPrime]

Psychologists: Sociologists simply apply psychological models to large scales.
Biologist: Psychologist merely evaluate a persons behaviour which in turn is based on neuronal patterns which are common to living beings.
Chemist: Biologist merely explain the living word borrowing the frame we made
Physicists: Chemistry is but making particulars out of the general laws we've made. Oh, those laws aren't entirely consistent, it doesn't matter, at this level, that's merely a small fence between empirical and theoretical.
Mathematician: Physics is merely math with constants which they get from failure prone experiments. Oh, the Banach-Tarski Sphere... yes, we haven't gotten over that yet.
Philosopher: Mathematics is philosophy with a set of rules, you can think of it as the Mathematical System, like we've got thousands of those, like Hegel's. Oh, we haven't found how to make Heiddeger make any sense yet, and we haven't made any predictions yet but... look how it explains things.

On a given day on any uni you should be able to listen to all of those on categorical order.

*high five*

Philosophy indeed!

[irenicObserver]

Dear Math,

I am not a therapist, solve your own problems.I'm not good at math but fond of math jokes.

[Knight13]

3x12 = 36
2x12 = 24
1x12 = 12
0x12 = 18

[AsteriskAmp]

*high five*

Philosophy indeed!
*high five*
I would include a theologian but my uni has none.


3x12 = 36
2x12 = 24
1x12 = 12
0x12 = 18
Hex you! This is preposterous!

[Goosefeather]

3x12 = 36
2x12 = 24
1x12 = 12
0x12 = 18

That last one's way off base.

[pendell]

News flash: A high school teacher affiliated with the notorious Al-Gebra movement was arrested while attempting to board an aircraft with a protractor, a compass, and a ruler. He will be charged with possession of weapons of Math Instruction.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Teddy]

News flash: A high school teacher affiliated with the notorious Al-Gebra movement was arrested while attempting to board an aircraft with a protractor, a compass, and a ruler. He will be charged with possession of weapons of Math Instruction.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

:smallbiggrin:

Also,"Al-Jebr", if more obscure, would be more fitting in my opinion.

[Weezer]

Philosopher: Mathematics is philosophy with a set of rules, you can think of it as the Mathematical System, like we've got thousands of those, like Hegel's. Oh, we haven't found how to make Heiddeger make any sense yet, and we haven't made any predictions yet but... look how it explains things.

On a given day on any uni you should be able to listen to all of those on categorical order.

Heidegger really isn't all that hard to understand, he's no Kant...

[AsteriskAmp]

Heidegger really isn't all that hard to understand, he's no Kant...
When the thinginess of the thing is a serious term in your system something has gone wrong. Kant on the other hand is more volumetric than dense.

[WalkingTarget]

(((12 + 144 + 20) + 3*√4) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 92 + 0

[The Dark Fiddler]

The indefinite integral of 1/house = log(house) + c = houseboat.

[Elemental]

When the thinginess of the thing is a serious term in your system something has gone wrong. Kant on the other hand is more volumetric than dense.

Thinginess? Seriously? People actually use that word in a serious context?
I don't know what to say.

[AsteriskAmp]

Thinginess? Seriously? People actually use that word in a serious context?
I don't know what to say.
It's his core philosophical principle, the thinginess of the thing and the beinginess of the thing that makes them demonstrate themselves as particular in daily experience.

[Elemental]

It's his core philosophical principle, the thinginess of the thing and the beinginess of the thing that makes them demonstrate themselves as particular in daily experience.

Okay... He is aware that that really makes no sense and sounds like something someone says when they can't think of the word they're looking for to properly express their ideas?
In any case, I'd sooner accept that all of reality is an elaborate deception concocted by the government of Tajikistan.

[DeusMortuusEst]

Okay... He is aware that that really makes no sense and sounds like something someone says when they can't think of the word they're looking for to properly express their ideas?
In any case, I'd sooner accept that all of reality is an elaborate deception concocted by the government of Tajikistan.

He's dead. I don't think that he's aware at all.

[AsteriskAmp]

Okay... He is aware that that really makes no sense and sounds like something someone says when they can't think of the word they're looking for to properly express their ideas?
In any case, I'd sooner accept that all of reality is an elaborate deception concocted by the government of Tajikistan.
He actually is the philosopher that says philosophy is useless. But his ideas are sound when you manage to go beyond his use of language. He was also very meta in that regard.

[Elemental]

He actually is the philosopher that says philosophy is useless. But his ideas are sound when you manage to go beyond his use of language. He was also very meta in that regard.

I'll have to take your word for it. I find it really hard to make it through reading anything on philosophy.


Anyway... Back on topic...

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].


And a few more because I couldn't help myself...

If parallel lines meet at infinity - infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together!


Did you know that 87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed?


A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population.


1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear


It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.


There was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it , then slow down again once he'd got over it. One day, he took a passenger, who was understandably unnerved by his driving style, and asked him why he went so fast over junctions. The statistics student replied, "Well, statistically speaking, you are far more likely to have an accident at a junction, so I just make sure that I spend less time there."

[WalkingTarget]

If parallel lines meet at infinity - infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together!


Reminds me:

"Lines that are parallel meet at Infinity!"
Euclid repeatedly, heatedly, urged.

Until he died, and so reached that vicinity:
in it he found that the damned things diverged.
-Piet Hein

[Weezer]

When the thinginess of the thing is a serious term in your system something has gone wrong. Kant on the other hand is more volumetric than dense.

Yeah, Heidegger has some odd terminology (I have an aversion to all hyphens now because of his), but thing-ness is essentially just what others would call essence, or that which makes a specific thing that thing. So not too out there of a concept.
The difficulty with Kant is more than just volume, it's his incredibly dense writing, the very technical terminology he uses that he doesn't adequately define and a downright frustrating argumentation style.


Thinginess? Seriously? People actually use that word in a serious context?
I don't know what to say.

One thing to realize is that Heidegger is translated from German, so a lot the oddities of his (admittedly made up) terminology stems from that.

[pendell]

*Obscenity alert*

Celtic Comedian Billy Connolly explains Algebra (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqZo07Ot-uA&feature=topics) .

Actually, I *have* used algebra frequently. In my last job, I needed it to calculate infrared signatures by doing a sum from min freq to max freq. Now, I need it because that's what computer programs need to run . A computer program with variables is nothing BUT algebra badly expressed in a so-called 'language'.

Respectfully,

Brian P.