The online dating thread.

[Arutema]

I thought I'd create this thread to ask the playground what your experiences with online dating have been. Which sites do you prefer and what are your success and horror stories?

To start off, my horror story:

I've been on OKCupid 10 months since moving to Houston and have had a whopping 1 date which went nowhere and 3 replies expressing polite disinterest. It's reached the point where messaging feels like a chore and I might as well be throwing my messages to a black hole. So here I am, asking what else is out there.

[Erloas]

Well thats not much of a horror story.

As for me... Using Plenty of Fish (I think) I got one date while I was in Phoenix that didn't go anywhere, and I'm not sure how many ignored.
My cousin has a horror story about online dating, but it wasn't so much the online part as how everything went later, they got married but its all sorts of all over the place, not sure how they meet other then it was online somehow.
My youngest brother meet his current GF (not sure if they are engaged or not) online but it wasn't through a dating site. And my other brother also meet his GF online (and they've been together maybe 2 years) through a dating site but I don't know which one. No idea how much bad/nothing things he had go on before this, I know of at least a few other dates and short term things.

And last year I tried again (no where near Phoenix now) on OKC. I got one date that didn't go anywhere, a few responses that didn't lead to anything and not sure how many ignored. And about a month ago I signed up for Match because OKC just wasn't used much around here. So far I'm 0 for 7 in messages versus replies, and 1/2 on OKC (like 2 messages that didn't go anywhere)
And right now I'm trying to decide how to change things. I know my messaging method earlier left something to be desired, but I also think my profile just doesn't come across well and I'm trying to figure out how to change it. There is the whole question between how honest to be up front and how much to save for later, much of which comes from not being socially active... and its just annoying how online has became overrun by the socially active and type A people that don't really need the help anyway.

[Balain]

The thing with paid services. They want most people to not find a soul mate. They make money from you looking for more dates. Honestly though I have nothing good or bad to say about any of them per se.

I'm sure there is a stand up comedy act out there about one of my dates. I ended up going out with a comedian. The date was awkward, I'm sure comedy gold for her lol.


The girl I am currently dating I met on plenty of fish. I have friends that have found their wives through online dating sites. As well as friends that have nothing but horrid things to say about them.

[Serpentine]

I'm on OKCupid, but I'm not really "looking for love" on there. I find it fun, and like talking to random interesting people and stuff.

More later, perhaps. I've been considering adding an Online Dating section to my "Brutally Honest Guide to Self Image".

[Tyndmyr]

Found a gf on okcupid once. Got married even. Ended in a trainwreck. All other dates from the site ended much more rapidly.

Currently dating someone that I knew beforehand, but when I tried out eharmony, it instantly matched us up. We laughed it off, but later ended up dating, go figure.

*shrug* On the other hand, I know some folks who met their S/Os on world of warcraft. One of them even got married upon meeting for the second time. I view that whole relationship as an ongoing horror story, but they seemed to be ok with it...

It's a crazy world out there. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

[Reluctance]

Past two girlfriends came off of OKC. Both as outgrowths of random people to pass time with. That's really the best way to go about things. I've posted links here (http://www.okcupid.com/forum?sid=12) before for people who need to work on their fundamentals. The regulars really know their stuff.

I'm actually getting together with an internet girl later tonight. This one's from Collarme. You may not want to dig around there on a work computer.

[Maeglin_Dubh]

Getting replies of polite disinterest is a step up for most people.

A lot of us just don't get replies.

[The Succubus]

Found a gf on okcupid once. Got married even. Ended in a trainwreck. All other dates from the site ended much more rapidly.

Currently dating someone that I knew beforehand, but when I tried out eharmony, it instantly matched us up. We laughed it off, but later ended up dating, go figure.

*shrug* On the other hand, I know some folks who met their S/Os on world of warcraft. One of them even got married upon meeting for the second time. I view that whole relationship as an ongoing horror story, but they seemed to be ok with it...

It's a crazy world out there. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I met my ex through World of Warcraft. We were friends for about 5 years playing together, lost touch for a few months and when we re-established contact, we started seeing each other in a LDR. Recently came to an end when work took us in different directions but they were a damn good 2 years.

[Heliomance]

Met my current girlfriend on OKC. We've only been dating for 3 weeks now, but it seems to be going well.

[valadil]

Met my wife on OkCupid. Here's the thing about that service. Most of the guys there are sketchy as hell and are looking for hookups. If you're a dude who isn't sketchy, that makes you more datable than 90% of the other guys there. By virtue of being only semi-sketchy, I had pretty good luck with OkC. OTOH, I know quite a few girls who got fed up with it and quit.

[Silverraptor]

Okay, I saw this thread and I simply just had to post this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUClQJReXSA). Carry on.

[Erloas]

So I may take plenty of flak for this from people who have actually found success in dating sites, but I see none. Not only because I am too lazy to make my profile look desirable (but hey, that's who I am, I wouldn't be being honest if I took trouble to make it look nice :v) and because I never found anyone I'd want to date via a dating site. I feel that the best way to find romance is face to face from the get-go, but that's purely in my experience.
So you put no effort in and got no results out? Funny how that works.

I'm sure most people would prefer to start everything off face-to-face but its a very hard option for some people. For some people its a matter of never being where single members of the preferred sex are, and for some its a matter of time. It also depends a lot on where you live, as some places have a lot more options then others.

As for not finding anyone you found interesting, it sounds like you did one thing, took 10 minutes to look and then left. Would that have been an effective strategy in meeting people face to face either? Are you going to find the "right" person for you after one quick trip to a bar or mall or party or where ever you go to meet other people?

[Lady Moreta]

I've got a couple of friends who met their spouse online. One was my former pastor - using a specifically Christian dating site, met someone, roughly four months after they started dating they got married. I think the key for those two was that they were both very clear in their profiles about what they were looking for and who they were, so when the site matched them, it was clear from the beginning that they were a good match.

The other couple I know is a friend of mine in New Zealand - she I believe went on the site as a bit of a dare. She'd been a bit hung up over a flatmate who seemed to like her but wouldn't commit to anything. Another flatmate dared her to join a dating site because 'what did she have to lose?' so she did. Again, from what I know, she was very clear in her profile about who she was and what she was looking for - and roughly 6-7 months after first meeting the guy, they got married.

I think the key is the more information you can put into your profile and the more specific you can be about yourself (even if you don't want to go into all the little details) the easier it will be for the site to match you with potentials (even if all the site really wants to do is milk you for cash).

I myself met my husband online, but it wasn't a dating site, just a forum for fans of David Eddings, so I can't offer any more specific advice on dating sites, but I can say that in many cases, being able to communicate via text initially can actually make things much easier. My husband and I both found that we were able to be a lot more open and honest with each other because we were initially writing everything. It gives you the chance to think about what you're saying and also that degree of anonymity that can make telling the truth and being open just that much easier. On the other hand, it's not like we had much choice, we'd been going out for almost four months before we actually met in person for the first time.

[Tyndmyr]

Then again, to be frank, I made no effort to make my profile particularly desirable either :v

So I may take plenty of flak for this from people who have actually found success in dating sites, but I see none. Not only because I am too lazy to make my profile look desirable (but hey, that's who I am, I wouldn't be being honest if I took trouble to make it look nice :v) and because I never found anyone I'd want to date via a dating site.

Well, you're not going to find anyone if you put no effort into the profile. That's...kind of how that works. If your profile looks terrible, then you probably don't look attractive to anyone either. Things like good pictures and filled out info boxes are kind of important.

[Moonshadow]

Well, you're not going to find anyone if you put no effort into the profile. That's...kind of how that works. If your profile looks terrible, then you probably don't look attractive to anyone either. Things like good pictures and filled out info boxes are kind of important.

Nah. There are plenty of people who have non terrible profiles and what-not and still have no luck.

And honestly, pictures are more important then filled out info boxes. Lots of people just look at photos and pretty much ignore anything you've filled out in your profile.

So of course, if you're not really good looking, this can be a problem <.<

[Reluctance]

And honestly, pictures are more important then filled out info boxes. Lots of people just look at photos and pretty much ignore anything you've filled out in your profile.

So of course, if you're not really good looking, this can be a problem <.<

Now, now. They also look at your income and height.

[Serpentine]

I can honestly say I've never even looked at height and income (seriously, I even forgot OKCupid has it as information). Moreover, at least for me, interestingness of pictures is almost as important as looks (and my preferences in that regard are very different to those of many others, I'm sure), and even the prettiest of faces isn't going to get a message from me if the profile information doesn't interest me.

[Tyndmyr]

Nah. There are plenty of people who have non terrible profiles and what-not and still have no luck.

And honestly, pictures are more important then filled out info boxes. Lots of people just look at photos and pretty much ignore anything you've filled out in your profile.

So of course, if you're not really good looking, this can be a problem <.<

Oh, you can have bad results even with work...but complaining about bad results with no work put in is kind of a..."well....ya" moment.

And yeah, if you don't have pictures, you can basically assume that most people are going to ignore your entire profile. In addition to the standard beauty filtering, I've used pictures for other kinds of information...are all your pictures wearing various sports gear or jerseys for different teams? That tells me a lot about what's important to you(in this case, I filtered those people out, since I couldn't care less about sports).

The employment section is one I care about for certain reasons. Specifically, I filtered out those that were unemployed unless they were students. I make plenty of cash, it's not really an issue for me what quantity of money my S/O makes...but unemployment is something I believe correlates with other unfortunate qualities, such as lack of ambition. So, it's an easy filter.

[Serpentine]

I've been unemployed for the last 4 months, but I have ambitions :'(

[Tyndmyr]

I've been unemployed for the last 4 months, but I have ambitions :'(

Hence the use of "correlates". Someone unemployed is more likely to have these qualities, but certainly isn't guaranteed to. There's no filtration system for online dating that's gonna be 100% accurate, but there's a LOT of people on there, so you've gotta start filtering with something.

[Carecalmo]

Hence the use of "correlates". Someone unemployed is more likely to have these qualities, but certainly isn't guaranteed to. There's no filtration system for online dating that's gonna be 100% accurate, but there's a LOT of people on there, so you've gotta start filtering with something.

Not in Denmark. My matches are starting to be further and further away. People close to me vary wildly in matching. How important do you guys find the percentages to be? I am asking because I am used to very simple dating sites with Age, gender, looking for, picture and profile text. That was it.

This thread (and general discussion of OKC on this forum) made me make a profile there. I find it very weird with all the robots recommending me people. But I like the game part of setting up a profile: Complete this quest and gain a level!. It is strange and slightly dehumanizing, but it gives purpose and drive and prevents me from endlessly browsing humans presenting their best sides.

My past experience with other dating sites have been overwhelmingly positive, though. The gay community in Denmark uses one or two sites for a whole lot of networking and general community-making. So I've found many of my best friends on sites like those. And lots of lovely loving lovers.
A few horror stories too, but finding a (gay) community (on the internet) that I felt I could belong to was vital for my happiness as a teenager. SO. Yes. Hooray for internets.

[Cobra_Ikari]

Online dating sites, I'm signed up for one, but I think it was to chat with someone I already knew more than for the purposes of dating, because I can't remember ever looking at or communicating with any of my matches. >.<


...my preferred place to find an online date is GitP. :smalltongue:

[Serpentine]

How important do you guys find the percentages to be?Probably more than I ought to, not least because a lot of my answers are years out of date. I do find it weird when someone with a match of, say, less than 30% Match and more than 40% Enemy contacts me. It feels like... like they have no standards, if that makes sense. I feel like they can't possibly think we have anything substantial in common, so why on Earth would they want to have something with me?

This thread (and general discussion of OKC on this forum) made me make a profile there. I find it very weird with all the robots recommending me people. But I like the game part of setting up a profile: Complete this quest and gain a level!. It is strange and slightly dehumanizing, but it gives purpose and drive and prevents me from endlessly browsing humans presenting their best sides.Eh, I mostly ignore that stuff. Occasionally I browse the "Quiver" thing in case there's someone interesting there, but that's about it.

[Solaris]

I can honestly say I've never even looked at height and income (seriously, I even forgot OKCupid has it as information). Moreover, at least for me, interestingness of pictures is almost as important as looks (and my preferences in that regard are very different to those of many others, I'm sure), and even the prettiest of faces isn't going to get a message from me if the profile information doesn't interest me.

This has to be true, and for more than just a handful of people. I'm anywhere from 5'6" to 5'9", depending on which liquor store I'm exiting, so I ain't exactly tall. I'm in the service, so I don't exactly have much in the way of income. I managed to not come off as cantankerous on that site as I do here, but I'm by not all that interesting a person. At the time, I really didn't have much else beyond work (still don't, actually), and it showed. I guess the best you could say is that I'm not a 'player'... and it takes an average of half an hour's conversation with me to figure out that it's mostly because I almost completely lack social graces.
My profile pic was of me in ACUs on crap-combustion detail with a big ol' ****-eatin' grin* (higher-resolution copies will demonstrate soot smudges on my face, and you do not want those smudges identified), rifle on my back, in the middle of a bunch of wooden outhouses standing next to a fire that was only about ten feet high (the cameraman was slow and missed the really big flare-up). I had other pictures there too, of course, but... well, the only time I've been called 'handsome' it was the punch line of the old joke that starts off with "If three people are a threesome..."

It was probably more interesting than the standard-issue profile pics, 'cause I averaged about one to three hits a week for the month I tried the online dating thing. That's filtering out the inevitable cam-whores or the 'interested' that never exchanged messages. I ended up talking with one of the gals for some time, broke it off before I deployed for round two.

I wouldn't exactly call myself a subject matter expert by any stretch of the imagination, but someone being interesting seems to have more pull than someone being good-looking - at least for guys.

*: Bwahahaha pun.

[UserClone]

...my preferred place to find an online date is GitP. :smalltongue:

Which reminds me, Cobe, you and me: Next Tuesday morning, 0230, in the romantic dark alley behind that one pizza place you like. Prepare for sloppy makeouts! :smallamused:

In all seriousness, I've had a relationship for three years now with the same woman. It started on OKC and, due to being long-distance, is primarily Skype-based, but peppered with occasional long visits from one country to the other. She'll be visiting again in August! :smallbiggrin:

[Cobra_Ikari]

Which reminds me, Cobe, you and me: Next Tuesday morning, 0230, in the romantic dark alley behind that one pizza place you like. Prepare for sloppy makeouts! :smallamused:

In all seriousness, I've had a relationship for three years now with the same woman. It started on OKC and, due to being long-distance, is primarily Skype-based, but peppered with occasional long visits from one country to the other. She'll be visiting again in August! :smallbiggrin:

But...but that's half an hour after D3 launches! This is no time for makeouts, man! D=

:smalltongue:

Besides, am sorta kinda maybe not really but I want to seeing someone right now. =)

[Arutema]

I've heard a lot about OKCupid in this thread. But I'm also interested in what other free datign sites are out there. Or does OKCupid have an effective monopoly on the free dating market?

[Erloas]

The other one that I know of is Plenty of Fish.
I don't think it has any matching stuff though. I think it just has whatever you put and lets you work through everything else. Where as OKC has all of the questions to try and rate people based on compatibility.
Of course the compatibility stuff can be good or bad. Some people won't even look at someone else if the numbers aren't great, but the numbers only really work if you *know* what you are *actually* looking for, and to some extent know how the rating system works, as you pick both acceptable answers and the weighting they have.

I have come to the general conclusion that I don't actually know what I want in a partner. As I have so little in common with my female friends that doesn't stop us from being pretty good friends, and I think I actually need someone different from me for anything to actually work.

[Moonshadow]

I wouldn't say effective per se, but they are probably the most well known free one.

Also, on that note, I'd probably be more inclined to trust the free dating sites over the paid ones. The paid ones have no inclination to help you find anyone because if they do, they lose you as a customer.

Honestly, that's not to say the free one do a good job at it either, but they're objectively better than the paid ones.

[Tyndmyr]

Probably more than I ought to, not least because a lot of my answers are years out of date. I do find it weird when someone with a match of, say, less than 30% Match and more than 40% Enemy contacts me. It feels like... like they have no standards, if that makes sense. I feel like they can't possibly think we have anything substantial in common, so why on Earth would they want to have something with me?

Are you kidding? Of COURSE I'd like to meet my archnemesis. We can engage in witty banter forshadowing our epic battles to come as we dine in my evil lair.

[Reluctance]

I've heard a lot about OKCupid in this thread. But I'm also interested in what other free datign sites are out there. Or does OKCupid have an effective monopoly on the free dating market?

It hits a lot of high notes among a young, hip crowd. Compare their settings to those of a plentyoffish.com, datehookup.com, bookofmatches.com, etc. Plentyoffish is actually the biggest free service, but it has a flavor more oriented towards those seeking something serious ASAP. And those who don't like being bothered with multiple essay questions and built-in bells and whistles.

And then you have various targeted services for groups like christians or people with STDs. It's all an issue of finding a place that's populated enough, with people who you find roughly compatible, and where the atmosphere feels fitting.

[Serpentine]

Are you kidding? Of COURSE I'd like to meet my archnemesis. We can engage in witty banter forshadowing our epic battles to come as we dine in my evil lair.Oh no, I'm not talking about arch-nemeses. In fact, looking at my "people who've looked at you" list, I see someone 0% Match, 0% Friend and 96% Enemy. I get that. In fact, I'ma go look at him right now. But then you have, say, 49%/42%/43% (another actual "looker", albeit not messager), in which case I'm all... why bother? :smallconfused:

[Tyndmyr]

Oh no, I'm not talking about arch-nemeses. In fact, looking at my "people who've looked at you" list, I see someone 0% Match, 0% Friend and 96% Enemy. I get that. In fact, I'ma go look at him right now. But then you have, say, 49%/42%/43% (another actual "looker", albeit not messager), in which case I'm all... why bother? :smallconfused:

*shrug* Does seem a bit unusual. Not somewhere I'd normally browse. Bored, perhaps?

[Serpentine]

That explains the looking-at bit, but not so much the occasional message...

[Erloas]

That explains the looking-at bit, but not so much the occasional message...

Eh, I'm not sure some of the numbers are all that worthwhile. Especially with the number of questions and what they can be about. I looked at someone recently with a low number because they had an interesting picture and lives close by but after looking I noticed she had only answered like 10 questions, so even just 2 of them being different by a little bit is going to make the numbers look kind of bad.

If I remember correctly when I posted my profile here a year or so ago you looked at it and commented that most of the major differences in questions had to do with acceptance of drug use. While that could be a major issue if you do drugs, if you don't but you accept its use by others then its actually a non-issue because it isn't going to come up.

The other thing I've found is that I'm not sure if I know what I want in someone else. Other then a few obvious screening questions like smoking and drug use, I'm not really sure I actually what who would be best for me. I happened to look up a friend on the site and we had a pretty good match (I was mostly interested to see what she wrote and how she wrote it) but I also know that the chance of anything working between us is really quite low (non existent with current circumstances but even if she was still single and we weren't 2000 miles apart).
And on the other side of things a fairly new friend I've made I know we would answer many of those questions differently and say we aren't compatible at all, but despite that we get along well and we are pretty good friends. And I think the biggest reason things didn't work out with us in a relationship sense has a lot more to do with her issues from her ex then it does from our differences in personality.

[Douglas]

All this discussion of OkCupid and no one's posted a link to his or her own profile yet? I'm shocked, surprised, ... and yeah, posting mine (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/NerdDragon). Comments? Suggestions? Interest?:smallwink:


Are you kidding? Of COURSE I'd like to meet my archnemesis. We can engage in witty banter forshadowing our epic battles to come as we dine in my evil lair.
The problem with that is that someone with that little in common with you is (relatively) likely not the kind of person who would enjoy such activity.


I wouldn't say effective per se, but they are probably the most well known free one.
In this particular business, there's a certain measure of "most well known" directly causing high effectiveness. A site can't match you with someone who isn't on the site, so the more people a site has the bigger the pool it has to draw from for finding you a match and the more likely it is to actually have a good match for you. Tools for filtering and searching that pool of potential matches are still necessary, of course, but any site that doesn't have that large pool can run into the problem that no tool, no matter how good, can find what isn't there in the first place.

[UserClone]

All this discussion of OkCupid and no one's posted a link to his or her own profile yet? I'm shocked, surprised, ... and yeah, posting mine (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/NerdDragon). Comments?

I have one. I notice that of all your movie likes, many were groups of sequels, but the only one which merited a mention of the original and the sequel both was The Gamers...very telling.

[Douglas]

I have one. I notice that of all your movie likes, many were groups of sequels, but the only one which merited a mention of the original and the sequel both was The Gamers...very telling.
The rest of them all have a convenient label for referring to the whole series. That one, not so much. Batman Begins and The Dark Knight are also both mentioned individually for the same reason.

Also, yeah, D&D is way up there as one of my top interests, so if someone interprets that individual listing as emphasizing that interest then it's not exactly a bad thing.

[Reluctance]

All this discussion of OkCupid and no one's posted a link to his or her own profile yet? I'm shocked, surprised, ... and yeah, posting mine (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/NerdDragon). Comments? Suggestions? Interest?:smallwink:

I realized something. I've posted links to OKC's own profile review board. There's one on the front page of this very thread. Here it is again. (http://www.okcupid.com/forum?sid=12) And yet the people who post in RWA asking for advice never seem to wander over there. {Scrubbed}

Two (and a half) pointers here, though:

Do a search for guys, local to you, with the keyword "nerd". The results should speak for themselves.
{Scrubbed}
The only positive thing I can say here is that at least you're not as bad as the guy who's only selling point was that he was trying to CBT the straight away.

[Moonshadow]

Shocked and surprised that no one has posted their profile link? You must be new here.

Anyways, large userbase says nothing about actual effectiveness, especially when said userbase is not a 50/50 split of male/female. Probably more 75/25.

I also really don't bother with it anymore. I'm 25. I'm not super buff and attractive. I don't have a lot of money. I don't do manly things like naked rock climbing and barbarian style games of manly swordfighting.

Relying on personality gets you on a fast trip to nowhere though there are probably a few people here who are more than happy to think that I don't have a personality, but that's their opinion and I don't really care about it.

About the only recent success I've had on there are people who turned out only wanted an ego boost from someone paying attention to them and then moved onto other people or dudes pretending to be sheilas.

So really, if I can't play by my rules then I'm just not going to play at all. I don't care about winning at this point.

[Reluctance]

Relying on personality gets you on a fast trip to nowhere though there are probably a few people here who are more than happy to think that I don't have a personality, but that's their opinion and I don't really care about it.

You know what's really hot? Bitterness.


Anyways, large userbase says nothing about actual effectiveness, especially when said userbase is not a 50/50 split of male/female. Probably more 75/25.

More like 53/47 (http://www.quantcast.com/okcupid.com). If I limit myself to just 18-34 year olds, it might edge towards 54/46.

Here's the real question, though. You may be having trouble pulling now. You can either hit the gym, cultivate interests, and turn future Moonshadow into a (kitty) magnet, or you can sulk, change nothing, and leave future Moonshadow complaining about how women are all shallow bitches. Which one do you chose?

[Tyndmyr]

The problem with that is that someone with that little in common with you is (relatively) likely not the kind of person who would enjoy such activity.

The great thing about being an evil overlord is...this was never about THEM enjoying this activity. Mwahahahaha.


Shocked and surprised that no one has posted their profile link? You must be new here.

Meh, it was an interesting topic, but I'm happily dating atm, so no real point, and my profile's sadly out of date anyway. Wouldn't be much use.


I also really don't bother with it anymore. I'm 25. I'm not super buff and attractive. I don't have a lot of money. I don't do manly things like naked rock climbing and barbarian style games of manly swordfighting.

Relying on personality gets you on a fast trip to nowhere though there are probably a few people here who are more than happy to think that I don't have a personality, but that's their opinion and I don't really care about it.

Uh, most people don't have tons of money, do naked rock climbing or manly swordfighting. Plenty of people are neither superbuff nor attractive, yet manage to meet people, date, and reproduce anyway. This pretty much normal for human history.

Here's the thing. You claim "personality" as what you rely on, but the only personality I'm seeing is unhappiness. Personality can DEFINITELY be expressed online, and obviously does matter, or online dating wouldn't be working for kind of a lot of people. Have you considered that the way you're portraying your personality on dating sites may not be as positive as you think it is?

[Solaris]

Oh, hey, it ate my post. Take two, I guess. There's just so much material here to work with.
I hope y'all can see the humor in me, the proud bachelor who'll surrender his singlehood shortly after his gun is pried from his cold dead hand, posting stuff like this.


I also really don't bother with it anymore. I'm 25. I'm not super buff and attractive. I don't have a lot of money. I don't do manly things like naked rock climbing and barbarian style games of manly swordfighting.
Funny thing. The average person is actually quite average. Weird how that works out, innit? The average person is also able to attract a mate and even have kids with them, though the number of offspring they have (on average) varies by location. You don't need to be spectacular to be attractive, though I suppose you do to have women throwing themselves at you.
'Sides, I've never got a girl's number by naked rock-climbing. Some pointing and laughing, but not numbers. Not that I've, er, ever been nekkid someplace I shouldn't. I've yet to pick up anybody while sword-fighting, but that's mostly 'cause all the local SCAdians pretty much knew me since birth.


Relying on personality gets you on a fast trip to nowhere though there are probably a few people here who are more than happy to think that I don't have a personality, but that's their opinion and I don't really care about it.
I have a buddy who has all the personality of a blank sheet of paper. He's engaged (to be married once they redeploy, actually). I think your problem isn't that you have no personality, it's that you're bitter. Believe it or not, that's not gonna pull anyone in.


So really, if I can't play by my rules then I'm just not going to play at all. I don't care about winning at this point.
Out of curiosity, how long did you stick with it? Of course there's going to be a buttload of cam-whores on the dating site, and of course there's going to be a lot of fake profiles. But really... I can't help but wonder how many of those girls who were 'just looking for attention' were of a more serious mindset who simply decided they wanted to talk to someone else because of your attitude... or perhaps because you two simply didn't click. Not all, certainly, as most such interactions (shock! horror!) actually don't result in anything, but I'm willing to put money down they tell a different story than you do.

[Moonshadow]

You know what's really hot? Bitterness.



More like 53/47 (http://www.quantcast.com/okcupid.com). If I limit myself to just 18-34 year olds, it might edge towards 54/46.

Here's the real question, though. You may be having trouble pulling now. You can either hit the gym, cultivate interests, and turn future Moonshadow into a (kitty) magnet, or you can sulk, change nothing, and leave future Moonshadow complaining about how women are all shallow bitches. Which one do you chose?

Eh. I've got interests. Off the top of my head, I have a passion for cooking, I enjoy reading, occasionally a bit of writing when I can figure out how to not come across as overly verbose, I play darts and enjoy that and I'm currently trying to get up enough money for my first archery bow. And of course, the video games. Oh, and I collect badges. None of these things seem of particular interest to other people though, but I enjoy them so eh.

I don't want to be a kitty magnet anyways. I never liked the idea of having meaningless strings of one night stands and relationships that never go anywhere. As a kid, my dream was always that classic little girl dream, to grow up, marry someone I love, have kids and have a job I enjoy. That kinda got ruined after my first girlfriend though, when she lied about being pregnant and threatened to blackmail me, and even though it was years ago, it hangs around today.

I just can't bring myself to trust someone like that again because I am fearful that if I did have kids, they would end up being used as a weapon against me and I can't bear the idea of that. So yes, I'm aware I come across as being bitter, but in my own sick, twisted way I can justify it as using it to stop me from getting hurt again. Forgive and forget is just not something I'm very good at.


As for how long my profile has been on there... I think about 5 years now, which is vaguely depressing in itself. It wasn't active in the time I had relationships but I've never been able to bring myself to just delete it. Dunno why.

And I didn't claim I relied on personality at all. I just meant that when it comes down to brass tacks, it would be the only thing I have a chance of using to ever attract anyone, if I wasn't bitter and unhappy of course.

[Reluctance]

Nuh-uh. I don't buy it. That sort of bitter is "why bother with chicks when I have my xbox?", not "chicks have too high standards and never respond". Deconstructing the latter is a short dissertation in its own right. To skip to the end, it's the mark of someone who regularly overshoots and undersells.

You're also completely missing the point of dating. Most dates peter out long before they turn into something serious. Your goal is to go out, have fun, and get to know someone new. They might become friends. They might wind up being an excuse to go out to a comedy club, or sometimes just a crazy story to share with friends. Stop overinvesting. Start going out for S&Gs.

Sitting around brooding over your ex (and by extension, all girls) isn't doing you any favors. I've been in that place. I'll still cheerfully cynic with the best of them. You break out by dealing with a lot of people. Then let the good stick around while jettisoning the bad.

[Castaras]

So after reading all the ranting and talking about OKcupid, I decided to sign up.

And oh my god, are the questions stupid. Seriously. It shouts in your face YOU MUST HAVE AN OPINION ON EVERYTHING. OR ELSE.

[The Succubus]

So after reading all the ranting and talking about OKcupid, I decided to sign up.

And oh my god, are the questions stupid. Seriously. It shouts in your face YOU MUST HAVE AN OPINION ON EVERYTHING. OR ELSE.

Don't you think you ought to get dressed before signing up on OKCupid? :smallconfused: Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a naked drow will receive a lot of replies but it's about quality not quantity, y'know....?

[Moonshadow]

I think that entirely depends on whether you answer the question that states "do you like your matches to be naked and possibly dark-elvish".

But yes, you're right. You need an opinion about everything. Even an opinion about having an opinion. And so on and so forth until eeeeeeeeveryone descends into utter madness and ends up trying to contact people with 100% enemy match rating.

[Castaras]

Don't you think you ought to get dressed before signing up on OKCupid? :smallconfused: Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a naked drow will receive a lot of replies but it's about quality not quantity, y'know....?

:tongue:

Thanks for reminding me though, was planning on changing avvies again.

[wadledo]

Man, I now want to set up a profile on a dating site, just so I can join in on this conversation.

[Serpentine]

Joooooiiiiin ussssss!

Cass: I dunno, you can just skip questions you don't have an opinion on. I find them interesting, though - especially since my account is years and years old, and I can look back on questions answered long ago and see how I've changed (quite dramatically, in several cases).

[Castaras]

Serpy: Aye, I've been doing that. I've done enough of "Irrelevant" and skipping questions that OKCupid complained at me.

And I've been on there for less than a day and already had a few messages... and all but one were ones I replied to - the one I didn't was just a "hi there how are you hun ?" which is an instant "Nooooooope."

[Douglas]

the one I didn't was just a "hi there how are you hun ?" which is an instant "Nooooooope."
Hey, at least that's better than "QUIVER SAYS THAT WE SHOULD BE BFFZ." That's an actual message I received once, exact copy and paste.

[Capt Spanner]

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with OKCupid, etc...

While it can be good - I've had one successful relationship based on it - it can be a very frustrating as a male, since there's a fair chance anything I do say will be lost in the swamp of idiots. It says a lot that women are averaging 7.5 new contacts per month, and men are averaging 60% reply rate.


Oh no, I'm not talking about arch-nemeses. In fact, looking at my "people who've looked at you" list, I see someone 0% Match, 0% Friend and 96% Enemy. I get that. In fact, I'ma go look at him right now. But then you have, say, 49%/42%/43% (another actual "looker", albeit not messager), in which case I'm all... why bother? :smallconfused:

I often navigate through profiles by using the "people similar to..." box. Sometimes there can be quite a large jump in percentages, and it doesn't take long to be hitting all 30%-50% range. The thing is, these people can still be interesting in and of themselves - It's taught me that OKCupid's percentage system is far from perfect.


All this discussion of OkCupid and no one's posted a link to his or her own profile yet? I'm shocked, surprised, ... and yeah, posting mine (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/NerdDragon). Comments? Suggestions? Interest?:smallwink:


The problem with that is that someone with that little in common with you is (relatively) likely not the kind of person who would enjoy such activity.


In this particular business, there's a certain measure of "most well known" directly causing high effectiveness. A site can't match you with someone who isn't on the site, so the more people a site has the bigger the pool it has to draw from for finding you a match and the more likely it is to actually have a good match for you. Tools for filtering and searching that pool of potential matches are still necessary, of course, but any site that doesn't have that large pool can run into the problem that no tool, no matter how good, can find what isn't there in the first place.

Your profile is a little... rambly. I think tidying up the sentence structure and cutting would be helpful. Also, quite a few paragraphs start with "I ..." While the purpose is to sell yourself, it reads a little self absorbed.


Serpy: Aye, I've been doing that. I've done enough of "Irrelevant" and skipping questions that OKCupid complained at me.

And I've been on there for less than a day and already had a few messages... and all but one were ones I replied to - the one I didn't was just a "hi there how are you hun ?" which is an instant "Nooooooope."

Yeah, I randomly logged in for the first time in a while yesterday, and saw the name "Castaras". I thought that can't be the same person, but apparently so.

[Bulldog Psion]

Is this supposed to be only horror stories, or can successes be reported also? :smallbiggrin:

[Arutema]

I did ask for success stories as well, I just appears there are more horror stories than success stories.

[Solaris]

Horror stories are more fun after the fact, whereas successes are more fun during. Plus, y'know, people like hearing about all the crazies. It's entertaining.

[Capt Spanner]

Horror stories are more fun after the fact, whereas successes are more fun during. Plus, y'know, people like hearing about all the crazies. It's entertaining.

I haven't met any crazies.

Maybe I'm the crazy one...

[CurlyKitGirl]

I once toyed with the idea of online dating. Or just dating. But frankly, if I'd signed up I'd be That One Crazy Chick who'd be avoided like the plague.

It's nice though to hear that there are actual success stories in online dating from people are actually know, even if only by name and avvie.

I'll save the dating game for when I'm older.

[Gensh]

All right, I'll bite. I'm not exactly the best person to really speak with about OKC, but I can at least give some input. I really don't put a whole lot of stock in the percentages as far as matching goes, but they do provide a heads-up when you've answered a bunch of questions on opposite ends of the spectrum. Though of course, the questions have this huge issue with tending to be binary on questions that really deserve a wide spectrum, so I tend to give a few sentences of explanation on almost all of them - I just like quizzes.

I suppose my biggest issue is that my ideals, my manner of speaking, and my actual behavior and wants tend to be in rather different directions. I actually get a new message every other week or so, but they tend to be from girls who want a knight in shining armor. Certainly, I could fit the bill - my first relationship had strong White Knight undertones - but I'm really looking for someone to compete with. I've had one successful relationship from OKC, but it ended with me leaving because she very much wanted to be a princess.

Of course, now that I'm home from uni for the summer, my options are a lot slimmer; I really don't mesh with the local culture. Hm. Well, I suppose it's not like this is your typical online hangout, and my username is pretty obvious. I don't suppose any Ladies in the Playground are interested (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Gensh)?
I'm Gensh here, Gensh there, Gensh Gensh everywhere.

[wadledo]

I once toyed with the idea of online dating. Or just dating. But frankly, if I'd signed up I'd be That One Crazy Chick who'd be avoided like the plague.

It's nice though to hear that there are actual success stories in online dating from people are actually know, even if only by name and avvie.

I'll save the dating game for when I'm older.

Awwww, but then we can't creep on your various profiles!

[Castaras]

So, having been on it a few days (and currently a little tipsy), I can give some thoughts:

- Men don't get anywhere near as many messages as girls. Me and my mate both have OKcupid accounts and I seem to have got more messages in a couple of days than he has in a few months. Seems to be more of a trend for guys to message girls rather than the other way round.
- Just over half the messages I've recieved have ranged from "hi" to "hi hun how r u" to just a generic "Hi, your profile picture is amazing, want to chat and get to know each other more?". Probably the most interesting ones were ones that picked up on things I said in my profile page, or making silly jokes (one person did a very cheesy chat-up line that amused me greatly), or making comments regarding me answering the stupid questions ("Chest-bursters? In MY newsfeed?").
- Good friend of mine who I've been a little involved with turned out to have 98%/99% OKcupid compatibility with me. This terrified both of us, before we realised that it was because we're the same person. :smallbiggrin:
- Regarding the messages, I did look at profile pictures and it was pretty much exclusively that the guys that were more attractive to me sent messages that were interesting to read. Those that sent less interesting ones were much less attractive / jock-like (one had a 2% match with me... little desperate, methinks).

So pretty much - send something unique seems to be better. I try to reply to the interesting ones, no idea how many girls are like me though.

Ta da. Now back to giggling after lots of cocktails and martinis. :smallbiggrin:

[Sturmcrow]

I met someone on OKcupid after messaging probably about 20 or so women. Some responded, most did not. I had one woman send me a message first but she seemed incompatible to me (and not attractive).

The woman I am seeing now (at her place, making dinner for her and her friends right now) talked to me a bit on yahoo msgr first but asked me out several times before we met just over a week ago for a date. Another date quickly followed and she seems to be a very mature person and we are really hitting it off.

Amusing is that OKcupid rated us as 90% compatible for relationship so maybe their heuristic is useful.

Also note, she wanted to move it into real world dating quickly because she felt that just talking for a long time online can lead to a false sense of intimacy. After reviewing my past relationships I really agree with this. I talked for long times online with some people first and I felt really close to them but in the long run the intimacy wasn't there because I really did not know them until we spent time in person, but I sure thought we did.

[Gensh]

Also note, she wanted to move it into real world dating quickly because she felt that just talking for a long time online can lead to a false sense of intimacy. After reviewing my past relationships I really agree with this. I talked for long times online with some people first and I felt really close to them but in the long run the intimacy wasn't there because I really did not know them until we spent time in person, but I sure thought we did.

Wise sentiments here. From what I've read, 'tis best to meet in person rather soon. I know my own online persona seems much more gentlemanly than I actually am, and I'd hate for someone to become infatuated and expect to find an exceptionally cultured person when meeting in person. The figures I've read are that you should chat for a week or so; two at most, then meet in person or at the very least in voicechat.

[Moonshadow]

I'll agree with that. Though I can't often get them to go from the chatting online to the actual meeting up part, it tends to be the point where they disappear and I never here from them again.

That said, how do people actually manage to keep the conversation flowing? I feel that a lot of the time, it ends up with me trying to keep it going with them giving one line answers that go nowhere and I inevitably get fed up with having to try and inject life into it and give up. Of course I might be doing the wrong thing here but I don't particularly like it when the other person doesn't seem particularly interested in talking but won't actually say it.

[Gensh]

I'll agree with that. Though I can't often get them to go from the chatting online to the actual meeting up part, it tends to be the point where they disappear and I never here from them again.

That said, how do people actually manage to keep the conversation flowing? I feel that a lot of the time, it ends up with me trying to keep it going with them giving one line answers that go nowhere and I inevitably get fed up with having to try and inject life into it and give up. Of course I might be doing the wrong thing here but I don't particularly like it when the other person doesn't seem particularly interested in talking but won't actually say it.

Part of what you need to do to make the jump to a real-life meeting is to not seem too eager. The ideal of romantic love sounds great in abstract, but if you ever so much as imply it before the third date (conservative estimate), you sound like a creeper. And at this point in my life, if you really think you're in love without spending at least that much time with them, you should probably step back and double-check your reasoning. Not saying this is your problem; you might just have a bad haircut or something.

Now, I feel like it's important to say that if you can't get a conversation going at all, you should probably just let it end. If they're legitimately interested but bad at conversation, then they'll still probably check back. If not, then the two of you were simply not right for each other. It's a matter of give and take, and if you're not at some sort of equilibrium for the first few messages (at least until you run out of things in common on your profiles), then you're trying too hard. If your conversation partner isn't up to snuff within the first three or so messages, just let it drop.

Oh titans, I never thought I'd be the one giving dating advice. :smallconfused:

[Moonshadow]

Well, I don't think I come across as super eager "lets go for walkies right now right now right now" puppy or anything like that. I would generally be all like "so if you're not too busy sometime this week would you like to grab a hot beverage/go people watching/meet at a library/go boar hunting up in the mountains" kinda schtick. At least, I don't think I come across as PLEEEEEEASE DATE OMG IM SO LONELY LOVE MEEEEE, etc.


And I understand what you mean on the equilibrium front. For example, there was this one girl about 5 months ago that I was talking to and we struck up a great repoire and everything and then I asked her out for coffee and she dropped off the face of the earth, profile gone, msn deleted, everything. I wrote that off as unlucky until she came back a couple months later and it started up again. We talked for another week or so, I asked her out for coffee, she disappeared again and I haven't seen her since.

I mean I guess conversation isn't everything and sometimes life just throws a curveball but being able to keep them engaged is something that I'd like to learn to do.

Though, that said, it could be my haircut.

[fergo]

Though, that said, it could be my haircut.

Yeah, multicolour hair might be a bit too... unusual.

Joke :smalltongue:

[Moonshadow]

I wish I could rock long multicolored hair, I really do. It just doesn't quite fit in with my personality.

It would be cool though :smallfrown:

[Erloas]

Some people are very hesitant to meet people from the internet. For a woman especially on a dating site I think it could be even more questionable.
Of the two people I had any real conversations with on OKC one I meet in person, but we realized we went to high school together but only really recognized each others' names. The other one I had talked to for a while and it seemed to be going ok then I mentioned meeting up and that was the last I heard from her.

[Moonshadow]

Right, that's understandable, but it also kinda defeats the whole purpose of it. Though I will admit that I'm kinda paranoid about it. How do I know that they're actually not comfortable with the idea of meeting anyone that they made initial contact with on the Internet, as opposed to that I'm not good looking enough or interesting enough or I don't make enough money or something?

[Erloas]

Well on some sites its going to be hard to tell. But at least on OCK I know one of the earlier questions on the list is "are you willing to meet someone in person from OCK" or something like that, it gives you some idea at least.
I think I've heard that *what* you ask people to do has a lot to do with if they go or not too.

And I'm not sure how it would go over, but for most people you could see about friending on Facebook first, that should give you a better idea of if the person is really who they say they are.
Of course that would be another question I would ask people here, what is their take on FBing someone like that?
I know the last woman I went out with (not online though) friends everyone on FB all the time, often a dozen or so new people a week, pretty much everyone she runs into in real life it seems like. I also know she has friended people pretty quickly after meeting them online (assumable through a dating site but can't say for sure)

[Moonshadow]

I'm one of those crazy people who doesn't use Facebook though.

It would be sad if that was a reason that people decided not to meet up or stop talking to me <_<

[Sturmcrow]

I talked to two other women outside of OKcupid that I met on there. Both fell off the face of the earth eventually and stopped responding.

The first one traded numbers with me almost immediately and before the weekend was talking to me about meeting up. After the weekend I received one more message from her than nothing and for over a week we were talking and texting all the time. I still see her name on yahoo msgr but it always says busy and she hasn't responded to even hellos *shrug*

The other I started emailing back and forth with, every day for over a week I would have an email from her that I would respond to and then suddenly no responses. Tried a couple more times but nothing.

I think perhaps there is a certain point where you have to ask some people to meet or they move on and for others there are probably a infinite number of reasons they lose interest (life gets busy, meet someone else, decide Online dating is not for them etc). I think a lot of women are socialized to let men ask them out not the other way around, guess I am lucky the lady I am seeing now was more forward than I :smallsmile:

[noblewomancom]

Matchmaking is not new. People have been going to dating services for years. With the increased popularity and convenience of all things online, people have been finding love online. There are several popular online dating sites that advertise regularly on tv. Despite popularity rising, people are still questioning how online dating can work.Creating relationships online is not an awful concept within itself. You have access to meeting people through online outlets that you may not have otherwise met. You are able to make connections in Oklahoma when you live in Pennsylvania. With technology you can Skype and video phone the person as well. But for a lot of people, online dating can equate to long distance relationships.The key to online dating is to take the relationship from behind the computer. Any dating relationship requires an amount of intimacy and you can't get that from emails, texts, and video chats. Those things should simply be tools to enhance a relationship, they shouldn't be the only way you interact in the relationship.Meeting someone online can allow you to communicate differently. When you build the relationship based on phone calls, it increases your communication and that can be a great way to get to know one another.There will come a time when you will have to interact in person. When the two of you are not used to being around each other, it may be difficult to make the change from online to face to face.Dating online can be done. It just doesn't replace the old school way of courting face to face.

[Morph Bark]

I've never actually tried dating sites myself before, though it might be interesting to try out. I have however apparently been signed up for one, but I didn't sign up myself. :smallconfused:

I got quite a few emails and messages from that one, but I eventually blocked it when it became too much. For some reason it seemed to me like I had been signed up by Facebook somehow, or at least the start of those messages coincided with me signing up for Facebook.

[CapnRedBeard]

I worked at a dating service as a teenager. EASY job. The place was called Heart to Heart.

Here's the truth of that particular site.

4 billion guys...3 women.

The 3 women? Were average on their best day ever. They got a gazillion "interests" and therefore could afford to be ultra choosy.

I often wondered if the doctor from _________ realized that he was dating a 4 when just his job title should be enough to net a 7 irl. I'm guessing that he did.

[Moonshadow]

The ratings thing is crap though. What might be a 4 to you could be an 8 to me, a 6 to someone else, a 2 to another person and so on and so forth.

As for someone pulling a '7' on the basis of being a doctor, that's probably a 7 in looks but a 10 in the gold digger category. If you are going to rate people, it probably shouldn't just be on looks alone, but a wide variety of factors.

[CapnRedBeard]

The ratings thing is crap though. What might be a 4 to you could be an 8 to me, a 6 to someone else, a 2 to another person and so on and so forth.

As for someone pulling a '7' on the basis of being a doctor, that's probably a 7 in looks but a 10 in the gold digger category. If you are going to rate people, it probably shouldn't just be on looks alone, but a wide variety of factors.

Ughhh. I wrote out a huge response late last night and the server timed out. (Don't you hate that?) I agreed/agree with you that looks are subjective. I happen to value exotic looks highly. I am not a typical man and therefore a typical woman holds less appeal to myself than it would for many others.

These three women were very plain and wore clothing that was quite outdated. They did not look attractive sexually. Yet they had their "pick of the litter" simply due to a overwhelming mathmatical advantage.

Many women value security above all else and if we are being honest...why shouldn't they? Many men value sex appeal above all else and if we are still being honest...why shouldn't they?

Are the cards stacked evenly from birth? No.

My point is that men that do not get enough responses should probably not get too down...even if things have evened out a bit since I worked at a dating service...I guarantee you that men outnumber women at every single dating site out there. It's genetic. Men are encoded to desire many women...women are encoded to be as selective as their attractiveness will allow. We are no different than any other animal in this world when you really get to it.

Why women haven't absolutely flocked to dating sites is that they do not need to. Yet. They will hit an age...

Bah...my post last night was so much better. :(

[Marillion]

Ughhh. I wrote out a huge response late last night and the server timed out. (Don't you hate that?)

Protip: When that happens, depending on what browser you use, you might be able to save your post by hitting the back button. At least, that always works for me. :smallwink:

[Astrella]

Ughhh. I wrote out a huge response late last night and the server timed out. (Don't you hate that?) I agreed/agree with you that looks are subjective. I happen to value exotic looks highly. I am not a typical man and therefore a typical woman holds less appeal to myself than it would for many others.

These three women were very plain and wore clothing that was quite outdated. They did not look attractive sexually. Yet they had their "pick of the litter" simply due to a overwhelming mathmatical advantage.

Many women value security above all else and if we are being honest...why shouldn't they? Many men value sex appeal above all else and if we are still being honest...why shouldn't they?

Are the cards stacked evenly from birth? No.

My point is that men that do not get enough responses should probably not get too down...even if things have evened out a bit since I worked at a dating service...I guarantee you that men outnumber women at every single dating site out there. It's genetic. Men are encoded to desire many women...women are encoded to be as selective as their attractiveness will allow. We are no different than any other animal in this world when you really get to it.

Why women haven't absolutely flocked to dating sites is that they do not need to. Yet. They will hit an age...

Bah...my post last night was so much better. :(

*cough* Societal attitudes *cough*

[Anteros]

Well, I don't think I come across as super eager "lets go for walkies right now right now right now" puppy or anything like that. I would generally be all like "so if you're not too busy sometime this week would you like to grab a hot beverage/go people watching/meet at a library/go boar hunting up in the mountains" kinda schtick. At least, I don't think I come across as PLEEEEEEASE DATE OMG IM SO LONELY LOVE MEEEEE, etc.


And I understand what you mean on the equilibrium front. For example, there was this one girl about 5 months ago that I was talking to and we struck up a great repoire and everything and then I asked her out for coffee and she dropped off the face of the earth, profile gone, msn deleted, everything. I wrote that off as unlucky until she came back a couple months later and it started up again. We talked for another week or so, I asked her out for coffee, she disappeared again and I haven't seen her since.

I mean I guess conversation isn't everything and sometimes life just throws a curveball but being able to keep them engaged is something that I'd like to learn to do.

Though, that said, it could be my haircut.

For me, the best way to ask someone out through social media is to simply talk about the fun stuff that you're doing in your life. If it seems like you're going out and having a fun time, they are going to want to be involved. It makes it a lot easier to invite someone to something if they've already expressed an interest in it. This is obviously also true for face to face scenarios.

I've had pretty good luck with the online dating world. No long term relationships or anything, but I've met a lot of good people, and had a lot of good times. I don't think you can really go into it or any other kind of dating with the mindset that you're looking for something long term. People pick up on that and it drives them away. If you're compatible with someone, it will turn into something long term on its own because you both enjoy being together.

I will say this though. I put absolutely 0% faith in the compatibility ratings. I have had fantastic times with people I am "incompatible" with, and terrible times with people who were supposedly everything I wanted. You never know until you try.

[Objection]

I will say this though. I put absolutely 0% faith in the compatibility ratings. I have had fantastic times with people I am "incompatible" with, and terrible times with people who were supposedly everything I wanted. You never know until you try.

That part reminded me of this (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0223.html).

[Jukebox Hero]

Wow...I've never tried online dating myself, but I expected to hear a lot about eHarmony, not about OKCupid, and Heart to Heart. Is OKC really successful and not have to use ads to get users?

[Douglas]

I don't know for certain if OKC uses ads to attract new users, but I personally have never seen an ad for it. It does use ads on the site itself to generate revenue, but nothing obnoxious or intrusive.

As for success, my brother met his wife through OKC, and I have gotten 3 or 4 dates from it over the similar number of years I've been on it despite being male and putting in minimal effort beyond setting up my profile. I'm sure I could get a lot more if I bothered to send initial messages once or more per week instead of more like once per year. I do have the advantage of being in a highly populated somewhat high tech area, so there are a lot of OKC members near me, but considering the relative lack of effort I put in that still strikes me as impressive for the site.

[Gensh]

Wow...I've never tried online dating myself, but I expected to hear a lot about eHarmony, not about OKCupid, and Heart to Heart. Is OKC really successful and not have to use ads to get users?

Well, as others have said, eHarmony is a pay service. You'll only meet other people who feel the need to pay to meet (presumably) high-quality matches, and even then, it's in the site's best interests to keep you single. Though speaking of which, I was promised a complementary membership for my birthday during my awkward high school years. That smoothtalker got away with not getting me anything that year. :smallamused: