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View Full Version : I critically fumbled, fell out of rage and diededed! [critical fumble stories]



Morph Bark
2012-05-13, 01:00 PM
So during the final moments of our last session yesterday, my character died.

We were in an encounter with a Huge troll who was on the opposite side of a sliding door he pushed open, after which I Pounced him with Evarya, my Goliath Monk/Barbarian/Dungeoncrasher Fighter/Ardent (there's more to her than that, but these are the easy and important parts). The next round Evarya was within his reach, along with the pet Shadow Elemental of our Shadowcaster, which the troll already determined he couldn't hit, so he full attacked her instead, hitting thrice with his club and once with his bite, dropping me from full hp (135) to 7, which would have killed any other party member twice over (or once-and-a-half in case of the Shadowcaster and a Tashalatora Psychic Warrior/Monk who was like a son to my character). Later that round I remembered I had forgotten to increase her hp from raging, so it was 27 instead.

She flees the next round of course, getting concealment from the Shadow Elemental, which causes the troll's AoO to miss. She sticks around a little bit, but far enough away from the troll as to not be anywhere near his threatened area. Then it turned out that in the meantime an invisible gnome was sneak attacking other party members! Evarya gets hit once for 22 damage, dropping her to 5, after which the gnome swiftly turns invisible again. Once the troll was felled, the Shadow Elemental pointed out to everyone where the gnome was and Evarya Pounced it in her vengeful rage, concealed by the Shadow Elemental, causing the gnome's sneak attack to miss. Then I rolled a 1.

Now, recently, our DM acquired a Pathfinder critical fumble deck and decided that we were going to use it. It had already seen use once before in that session and once was narrowly avoided (as after rolling a 1 we still had to confirm it by rolling again, and if with that roll we would not have hit the target's AC, we'd confirm the fumble). So I roll to confirm. Another 1.

At this point I look at my DM and say "y'know, we have always done with the rule of triple 20 being an instant kill, so a triple 1 would prettymuch be an instant kill on myself, wouldn't it?" Of course, I didn't believe I would actually roll another 1, but figured I would do it anyway, to keep with the game. Luckily, this time I roll an 8.

Still, for having rolled two 1s in a row and the 8 still missing, I get two critical fumble cards handed to me, with a MELEE, RANGED, NATURAL and MAGIC entry on it for all the kinds of attack I could've fumbled with. Since Evarya attacked with her fists, I need to use the Natural entry on both according to the others (myself I thought I could also use the Melee entry, but fair enough). My first card reads "Bone Bruise: you take 1d2 Con damage".

I roll a 2. Evarya loses 10 hp from her lowered Con and falls to -5 hp and falls unconscious. I look around the table. "Erm, y'know, unconscious people can't rage, can they?"

So she drops out of rage and falls to -25 hp. Slain.


While I somewhat think it was a bit of a lame way to go out, I don't feel too bad about it, as I had already been planning on retiring her as soon as the objective of the mission had been reached, which likely would happen next session or so. I will miss the character dynamic I had with the character's "son" (the aforementioned Elan Tashalatoran), partly also because it let me force the son's player into some nice bits of roleplaying he sometimes seems to have trouble with, which was a lot of fun for the both of us. He kind of killed it with his "Noooooooooo-- ...I loot the corpse. --ooooooo!" though.

Anyone else has something like this happen to their character, either good or bad?

Amphetryon
2012-05-13, 01:10 PM
DISCLAIMER: This story took place when my DM at the time and I were barely in HS, prior to 3.0. I hope we both know better now.

The Character behind my username was using a homebrewed longsword that the DM described as having been dipped in Hadeshorn (from the Shannara mythos) and consequently had "Absolute Vampiric Touch". That meant if my Character hit with the sword, he killed the opponent and and gained all of said opponent's HP, with no upper limit. DM also insisted that Characters needed to practice with their weapons before they could level up. Guess who cut himself with a Sword of Absolute Vampiric Touch? :smalleek: Go ahead, think about it for a bit.

Greyfeld85
2012-05-13, 07:01 PM
Technically, by the description of the effect, he would just gain all the HP that the sword drains, so he shouldn't die >.>

Amphetryon
2012-05-13, 07:03 PM
Technically, by the description of the effect, he would just gain all the HP that the sword drains, so he shouldn't die >.>
Except his HP were drained completely, momentarily, and the DM had some. . . unique ideas about that.

Greyfeld85
2012-05-13, 07:36 PM
Except his HP were drained completely, momentarily, and the DM had some. . . unique ideas about that.

The effects of weapon enchantments happen immediately upon successful attack. Your DM was just being a douche.

Amphetryon
2012-05-13, 09:17 PM
The effects of weapon enchantments happen immediately upon successful attack. Your DM was just being a douche.
So, did you have an amusing story to share regarding crit fumbles, or. . . .?

GreenZ
2012-05-13, 09:47 PM
Had a Half-Orc Wizard in a core-only game that used his 'family's heirloom' Falchion as his bonded object and planned to head into Eldritch Knight at later levels.

During this game the group of us got mugged right after a large battle, the enemies weren't strong but we were all weak and promptly lost, having most of our items taken from us. This included my bonded object, an item for which I did not have the time to replace due to time-related plot stuff. So, after buying a substitute Great Axe, it was off to track the bandits from were we'd been attacked before. Our ranger found tracks and we stormed the small building a bunch of them were using as a base of operations.

Short story is that we ended up mopping up bandits but the city guard was dispatched to stop the violence. Right as my half-orc is about to be arrested, having been trapped on the second story while the other party members fled, the thief who stole my Falchion opened the door in front of me with the Falchion in hand... I burst from the guards' grasp and beat the man dead before being knocked unconscious.

So, the guards confiscate the falchion and arrest me, I throw a flurry of insults at them as they hold the falchion over my head and as they plan for my hanging. Stuff happens and party members use diplomacy as well as some greasy palms in order to break me out with falchion in hand.

But no sooner than this are we sent to a ship to help with some cargo and develop plot stuff. During the fight I roll a natural 1 and my GM randomly decides the fumble... the Falchion flies from my grasp and... drops off into the middle of the ocean. My half-orc follows, leaping off the ship and diving into the ocean after his bonded weapon, never to be seen again.


Such is the tragic tale of the Half-orc wizard and his bonded Falchion. :smallsigh:

Sidmen
2012-05-13, 10:01 PM
Such is the tragic tale of the Half-orc wizard and his bonded Falchion. :smallsigh:

Let this be a lesson to you... Tie a string to your weapon's hilt and your wrist while going over large bodies of water...

Sadly, My group outright refuses to use critical fumbles of any type, so I volunteer my own fumbles when I roll 1's. Though, the most interesting this has gotten is - when soloing a single goblin as a level 3 paladin I threw all 8 of my weapons out the window before just picking the goblin up and throwing him in a closet for later disposal. (I ended up letting him loose, since killing an unarmed and helpless being seemed wrong - even if he was being directed by a BBEG).

Jay R
2012-05-13, 10:12 PM
I was running a game of Flashing Blades (musketeer era France). A young soldier character was in the process of learning Etiquette skill, but hadn't learned it yet. I had warned him that if he tried to use it, he would have massive penalties.

The party went to a hunting party with the cream of French Society in attendance. He saw a beautiful noble lady - the daughter of a duke. He decided he had to meet her. So he bulled his way past several young nobles and told me he introduced himself to her and attempted to use his Etiquette skill.

He rolled a 1.

So - a critical fumble on a skill he doesn't really have, in an extremely delicate situation, while surrounded by many men who really did have the skill. How do I handle this?

I thought for a moment, and send, "She extends her hand to you. You take it, raise it delicately to your lips, gaze soulfully into her eyes, gently kiss her hand, and [email protected]"

Shadowknight12
2012-05-13, 10:31 PM
Once my best friend, sitting right across the table from me, fumbled so hard when eating lemon pie that a sizeable chunk of razor-sharp crust flew through the air like a chakram and nicked his throat.

Oh, you mean character fumbles? No, never happened to me.

WAIT. There was one time where I cast Web on the floor between myself and some enemies. The enemies turned out to be archers. The archers fired at me, so I charged. Through the web. I failed my save against my own spell and got stuck. Then a party member threw a flask of alchemist fire at the archers. He missed. The web caught fire. Then the entirety of the dry, wooden structure we were in. We all died. The archers escaped.

No critical fumble tables that time, though. That was all us.

Yukitsu
2012-05-13, 11:22 PM
Was playing a charisma 22 rogue when this happened with a long critical fumble table the DM liked. The chart was notorious for killing or maiming other players, but me? I cut off my armour, which was at the time, a shirt. And my belt holding up my pants. And my pants. My DM mentioned that despite beating the odds of never dying to crit fumbles unlike everyone else, that I was basically playing a stripper at that point, and boy did those enemies like it.


Once my best friend, sitting right across the table from me, fumbled so hard when eating lemon pie that a sizeable chunk of razor-sharp crust flew through the air like a chakram and nicked his throat.

This reminds me of the time I managed to cut myself on my sweatpants by accident.

Shadowknight12
2012-05-13, 11:30 PM
Was playing a charisma 22 rogue when this happened with a long critical fumble table the DM liked. The chart was notorious for killing or maiming other players, but me? I cut off my armour, which was at the time, a shirt. And my belt holding up my pants. And my pants. My DM mentioned that despite beating the odds of never dying to crit fumbles unlike everyone else, that I was basically playing a stripper at that point, and boy did those enemies like it.

So that's the story behind that time you said you had a DM who was fond of stripping your character. That's awesome.


This reminds me of the time I managed to cut myself on my sweatpants by accident.

How...? Why...? How...?

Averis Vol
2012-05-13, 11:50 PM
way back in my first campaign i was playing a rogue/fighter falchion crit fisher, who, through a chain of events, wound up going toe to toe with the BBEG (who happened to be the possessed corpse of an Ex cohort) so the cleric hits me with all her buff spells, the sorc gives me his pearl of power with tue strike and layed on all the stat buffs i could need. so the time comes for the fight and we roll for initiative. me: 19 BBEG: 19. so i groan and reroll, we both roll 16. this happens TWICE more :smallfurious: and i finally win with a 22. so my turn, i unleash all my one hit buffs and charge, and i'm guaranteed a hit, even with full PA (i'm at like a +39 to hit). so i throw out a "meet death now vile demon!" for flair and roll the die.
i have never seen a die spin longer >_>

so it finally lands....1. the whole table screams like schoolgirls and the DM chuckles and tells me to reroll to confirm....1 :smallfurious: we shout again and he says to roll one last time. i roll and it lands on 2, so i do't insta kill myself. but i did roll two ones which means 1) i dropped my falchion 2) dm rolled on his little chart and i fall flat on my face one square out of reach of my blade. turns out during my charge i tripped on a piece of loose tile and slid twenty feet on my face.

its the BBEG's turn now.

so im laying prone, at the mercy of the 15 ft tall snake demigod abomination that used to be minn the cleric. then she hit me with her big mace and the only thing that remained of Bregga Maleus was his fluffy hat and the few shreds stuck to the bosses gargantuan morningstar. T.T

Yukitsu
2012-05-13, 11:52 PM
So that's the story behind that time you said you had a DM who was fond of stripping your character. That's awesome.

____

How...? Why...? How...?

Whenever I reveal the context of one mystery, I always have to leave another unanswered one in its wake. :smallwink:

Shadowknight12
2012-05-13, 11:55 PM
Whenever I reveal the context of one mystery, I always have to leave another unanswered one in its wake. :smallwink:

My word, that's devious! :smallamused:

Malimar
2012-05-14, 01:00 AM
I roll a 2. Evarya loses 10 hp from her lowered Con and falls to -5 hp and falls unconscious. I look around the table. "Erm, y'know, unconscious people can't rage, can they?"

So she drops out of rage and falls to -25 hp. Slain.

Unless you're playing Pathfinder, unconsciousness does not actually explicitly end rage. In 3.5, it's a common house rule that it does, but this house rule is pretty harsh, for the reason you've discovered.

hymer
2012-05-14, 01:40 AM
One of my players is rather fond of retelling this story: Back in 2nd Ed. days, he plays a dwarf warrior, who charges a mob of zombies head on and goes to work. After a few rounds, he makes a critical fumble, and his twohanded axe goes flying into the throng.
Unpertubed, the dwarf unslings his shield, out comes the hand axe, and he starts digging his way through the undead mass to regain his favourite weapon, which he achieves a few rounds later.

Marlowe
2012-05-14, 05:31 AM
As DM, I had a party of adventurers get shunted by portals through several different worlds. Eventually winding up in a seedy dockyard tavern in this wretched-hive-type city that was essentially Lankhmar crossed with iron age Roanapur.

Starex, Party "face" (Bard/Rogue/Swashbuckler, chr and dex 18) decided the best way to get their knowledge/local bearings was to have a conversation with a the "biggest, meanest guy" in the room. Asked bartender; "who's the biggest, meanest guy in here?"

Me, having a silly moment, has the bartender reply "Oh, that'll be Big Mean Jim", and points out a large, tattooed Ogre.

Starex walks up behind BMJ and opens with "JIM! Good mate! How's it been?"

And rolls a 1 for his Bluff check.

While the player tries to hide under the table, I had BJM turn around, call Starex by name, and ask in a friendly tone where he had been for the past year. At which point I said, very quietly, "we never did work out a backstory for Starex, did we? It's about time."

Morph Bark
2012-05-14, 06:03 AM
While the player tries to hide under the table, I had BJM turn around, call Starex by name, and ask in a friendly tone where he had been for the past year. At which point I said, very quietly, "we never did work out a backstory for Starex, did we? It's about time."

Ohoho, that is just evil. I love it. :smallamused:

Doubly so since I had a character who was named Jim as well, who was big, but not mean. At least, not intentionally so. He was five levels below the party and they still were afraid to run into him.

Jay R
2012-05-14, 09:17 AM
Whenever I reveal the context of one mystery, I always have to leave another unanswered one in its wake. :smallwink:

So answer his question and leave another mystery in its wake, already!

Worguron
2012-05-14, 09:35 AM
This is one of my favorite little stories.

We were playing in a fairly high-power, high-level, magitech setting. We were mercenaries who had been sent to retake a ship from our organization that had been taken by an undead menace. We'd managed to fight our way through various undead menaces to get from the docking bay to the bridge. At the door to the bridge, we stopped and prepared ourselves for what we were sure would be a fierce battle. As our party's divine caster, I buff everyone up and we get ready for what awaits.

Not knowing what to expect, I turn to the DM and say, "I put my ear against the door and listen to see if I can hear what's in there."

He looked at me incredulously, "You do what?"

I shrugged and said, "I put my ear against the door. Why?"

He sighs ruefully, "Uh, roll a Reflex save." (1) "Crap... Well, I should roll an attack roll." (20) "... And to confirm..." (20)

With that, he stands me up, takes me to another room, and shows me a line on his notes. The line stated that the door was trapped with a Vorpal blade trap and anyone who failed a save against it would lose their hand when they tried to open the door. He explained that he felt it was a trap that one of our superiors would have used (it was), and he hadn't been worried about it because my character was a high enough level caster that regenerating a lost hand was trivial. He said he'd been trying to fudge his own plans when I put my head against it, but he didn't really have any choice other than letting my character die at this point. I just laughed and asked if I could roll my resurrection chance (in that setting, you weren't sure to come back from the dead no matter what spell was used, but the more of your body that was intact, the better chance you had). He said I had a 95% chance to come back... I rolled a 99.

We stepped back into the room with the rest of the group and the DM says, "As Malagon puts his head against the door, you see a flash of silver, and his head falls to the floor."

TL:DR - Put head against door. Fumbled Reflex. DM Crit. Lost Head.

SuperPanda
2012-05-14, 10:10 AM
I DM alot more than I play so most of my stories are from the other side of the table.

When I DM I usually run with allowing the players to describe an action for a Critical hit or fumble roughly equivalent to the standard rules:

Critical hit - Bonus damage (If the player wants to describe something which leads itself to a special effect in place of damage they can, they rarely do). On a really cool description I sometimes add the effect on top of it.

Critical miss (fumble) will usually end with: Dropping your weapon, Dropping prone, over extending (draw AoO, you are considered Flat Footed to this attack, and vulderable to sneak attack), attack the wrong target (friendly fire) or loose your next round (default).

I allow players to fluff this these sometimes or just pick from the list.

I've had a player wind up shooting the man standing 15' behind them with a bow and arrow (attack the wrong target). I've had a situation where the dice just loved my game: My step-brother's sword and board fighter would utterly destroy anything he got in close with, but he was almost guaranteed to critically miss anything he shot with his bow; meanwhile an NPC elven archer would kill anything he shot with a bow but kept throwing his melee weapons (Fumbles) at his opponents It got to the point where the Elf NPC was cornered with a sundered bow and the +2 keen icy burst scimitar the party had looted off of a recent boss and the elf wound up throwing that into the middle of a group of brigands. As a DM I was very amused, my players less so. Still because I roll all my dice in their view (during combat at least) there were no hard feelings.

Hbgplayer
2012-05-14, 10:38 AM
I've had a player wind up shooting the man standing 15' behind them with a bow and arrow (attack the wrong target).

How??? :smallconfused:

Anyway:
I was playing a Druid once with a wolf companion. I had been seperated from the party when I went off to an abandoned estate to try to find clues about an abducted noble's child from the nearby city. I went there, and didn't find anything of interest, but noticed that who ever decorated the manor like a particular design of chair, there always seemed to be one in every room. Well on the way back to where we were camped outside the city, I heard a horse trotting behind me, but when I looked, there was only, inexplicitly, that same chair behind me, now about three miles from the manor.
Well after two or three times of walking and turning around, that chair stayed 20 feet behind me. The wolf went over and, despite actually rolling a 19 on his scent check, didn't smell anything, so I walked over with my weapon and hit the chair; well, tried to. Bad Idea. The DM had me roll for an attack, and I rolled a nat 1, and after confirmation, my weapon (I forget what it was, this has been years now) flew from my fingers and sailed 30 feet, and I fell on my face. And the chair killed me. Literally.

Malimar
2012-05-14, 01:40 PM
Oh, I do also have an actual critical fumble story:

This was one of my very first sessions DMing D&D. The BBEG sent, to pursue the party, a gargantuan shark that was, in retrospect, waaaaaay too strong for the party, though I didn't realize that at the time. It didn't hit very accurately, but when it did hit, it did ludicrous (for the level) damage.

The party got into a scrap with it and managed to get it down to about half its health, but it was looking like it would kill at least one of them, probably more, before the fight was over.

So I declare that the shark tries, once again, to attack one of the players! And I roll behind the screen. And I get the "I just rolled extraordinarily poorly" look on my face: it was a natural 1. I roll to confirm the fumble: another natural 1. I roll damage.

After a few moments, I look up, and I say: "The shark just bit itself to death."

nedz
2012-05-14, 06:41 PM
OK, I'm DMing, 1E:

The party is travelling through the wilderness in the far north during spring. At this time of year it is common for young white dragons to come south, from the even farther north, looking for food.

The Dragon, flying high, spots the party and begins circling.

The party notice this and take up defensive positions. There is some debate as to whether they should stay together or move apart.

The Dragon starts making dummy runs, still far far out of range of anything the party had.

Eventually one of the party breaks from the group, presumably to avoid the expected breath weapon. Now this is exactly what the Dragon has been waiting for, it comes in fast, diving down as it tries to grab the isolated individual. There is a lot of tension in the group now since the've been the mice in a game of cat and mouse for ages. The Dragon rolls a 1 on its diving attack, crashes into the ground, killing itself. Hilarious.

SuperPanda
2012-05-14, 08:47 PM
How??? :smallconfused:



Well, The bard was trying to angle a shot over the party at an arch to avoid any penalties for shooting into Melee despite not having any archery feats at the time. He had a very steep angle of aim already and then rolled a fumble.

I decided that since it was a muddy battlefield after a fresh rain, he slipped in the mud when he shifted his weight and an unfavorable wind did the rest.

The Sorcerer who he hit didn't get damaged himself. His brand new "power suit" (non-magical device allowing him 50 uses of Acid Arrow but dealing 1d8 initially (1d4 subsequent rounds) and requiring a range attack instead of a ranged touch). got hit instead as the arrow landed on the top of the tank and drained out 8 charges worth of acid (the crossbow bolts would still be available).

so, technically he shot the man behind him in the back with a bow and arrow. He used this later as a reason why the party should treat him as a capable archer. The sorcerer was not amused.

Sith_Happens
2012-05-15, 01:41 AM
I thought for a moment, and send, "She extends her hand to you. You take it, raise it delicately to your lips, gaze soulfully into her eyes, gently kiss her hand, and [email protected]"

So at first I read this and thought it was the best thing EVAR...


While the player tries to hide under the table, I had BJM turn around, call Starex by name, and ask in a friendly tone where he had been for the past year. At which point I said, very quietly, "we never did work out a backstory for Starex, did we? It's about time."

...but then I read this, and now I'm not so sure.