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View Full Version : One liners, catchphrases, and battlecrys.



newBlazingAngel
2012-06-14, 09:45 PM
Where you post the best badass lines you can think of, and can be regularly repeated.

"How about 19, does 19 work for you?"

"I hit it with my axe."

"You wanted mercy!? I'm chaotic neutral!"

Jarian
2012-06-14, 09:53 PM
"Nope. Paladin."

(Ideally prefaced by someone asking if you've done enough heroics for the day.)

Scots Dragon
2012-06-14, 10:16 PM
'RRRAARRRRRGGHHHHH!!!'
-Ordin Greysteel, the Noble Lord of Steelhold.

Arranis Thelmos
2012-06-14, 10:30 PM
"Aaaahhh, ye marked!"
-Binwin Bronzebottom (Scott Kurtz) Pax 2010

"I'm not gonna metagame!"
-Aeofel Eldromane (Wil Wheaton) Pax 2011

Craft (Cheese)
2012-06-14, 10:49 PM
:vaarsuvius: "Disintegrate."

Frenth Alunril
2012-06-14, 11:01 PM
Last week, player walks into his bar, worried that dopplegangers have infiltrated the town, he's suspicious of everything. It's been weeks since he's been here. He walks up to his hired bar man, and asks the man who I randomly have wiping glasses with a towel, "Have you seen me in here before."

I say, "Is this a test, Sir?"

All the players burst into laughter.

newBlazingAngel
2012-06-14, 11:47 PM
-Aeofel Eldromane (Wil Wheaton)

Everything that comes out of Will Wheaton's mouth is pure gold.

UrsielHauke
2012-06-14, 11:57 PM
Fine. I break another finger. Does he talk?

newBlazingAngel
2012-06-15, 12:06 AM
"Is she hot?"

"I seduce her."

"I want to have sex with her."
"...Give me a roll."

Daftendirekt
2012-06-15, 12:29 AM
Last week, player walks into his bar, worried that dopplegangers have infiltrated the town, he's suspicious of everything. It's been weeks since he's been here. He walks up to his hired bar man, and asks the man who I randomly have wiping glasses with a towel, "Have you seen me in here before."

I say, "Is this a test, Sir?"

All the players burst into laughter.

You, sir, win a cookie.

ZakRenning
2012-06-15, 12:36 AM
"I was just covering up my mistake, I don't want to date the man-lady!"

"It's a good thing you hired me to do this, because I just did something really evil and this helped balance it out."

"I thought an artifact was something really old, I was gonna pick you up and present you to yourself."

DM:"It looks up at you with it's big bambi eyes."
PC: "DIE BAMBI DIE!"

Vknight
2012-06-15, 12:41 AM
"Fire always seems to work for us"

"Why can't we have nice things?"

Cespenar
2012-06-15, 12:42 AM
"I elbow-drop the prone drow."

-Paladin in full plate armor

Yukitsu
2012-06-15, 12:46 AM
"We were not a God." was Cael's catchphrase, as people believed he was. Also, referred to himself in past tense plural.

"They called us "God Reaper" for a reason. Don't think a two bit deity of death and calamity can threaten those who judged the gods themselves." Cael talking to a death god.

"Systems at 600% over maximum safe capacity. Releasing final safety lock. Clear to fire." Eliza Watts' mech AI.

"You did more to me dying than you did fighting. I've your blood all over my shirt now." Alistair Morningwell

"I'll let my maid clean you up. If you prove to be anything greater than scum on my floor, I'll deal with you personally." Leonin Wintervine

"Of course I planned for that." Me

Craft (Cheese)
2012-06-15, 12:48 AM
"Is she hot?"

"I seduce her."

"I want to have sex with her."

It's funny the first time, but gets old when they do it with every female NPC not explicitly described as being fat and ugly. And sometimes, even then!

Pokonic
2012-06-15, 12:53 AM
"I am no mere god." Actualy spoken at one point, and has a story behined it that would spoil the quote.

" Hey drow, guess how many fighters it takes to wipe out one of your clans?
Just one."

"What do you plan to do, bleed on me?" Spoken to a magma elemental.

newBlazingAngel
2012-06-15, 12:54 AM
Those are all lines, taken from completely separate things occasions.

One is from a Call of Cthulu story, another is from, "The gamers: Dorkness Rising," and the last is from a video series call 'Fear of Girls.'

ZakRenning
2012-06-15, 01:03 AM
"Well i replaced the old goblin heart with that of a black stallion. its one suped up golblin with flames painted on the sides."

Sampi
2012-06-15, 01:34 AM
A very strong evil demonic ghost. A wizard of high level. A lenient DM.

Wizard casts four Mordenkainen's Swords while in Time Stop, and his familiar uses Imbued Walls of Force to trap the ghost in with the swords. Add a Delayed Blast Fireball for good measure.

Blackguard, watching from the side: "It may be an undead evil monstrosity from the lower planes, but the question is: Will It Blend?"

It did. We named that particular spell combo "the blender" from that day on. I know it's not optimized but man, it was good fun.

Jukebox Hero
2012-06-15, 01:41 AM
I prepared explosive runes this morning. (Varsuuvius)

NikitaDarkstar
2012-06-15, 01:56 AM
"I don't need luck, I had a good nights sleep." - Faerie sorceress. (Yes I had been playing Mass Effect the night before.)

Philistine
2012-06-15, 02:21 AM
"And stay down!"
- after casting Grease

"Now, dance! Dance, I said!"
- after tagging an opponent with any Charm effect

Vladislav
2012-06-15, 02:23 AM
<after the BBEG gives the inevitable speech bragging how poweful they are>

"But are you even one tenth as pissed off as I am?"

Lord Raziere
2012-06-15, 02:35 AM
"Fight or flight? I don't hear anything like that, all I hear is Charge, Charge Charge…"

"Whats the problem? Does it exist? Ok, I jump over it."

"I can solve it with fire! Whats the problem?"

Craft (Cheese)
2012-06-15, 02:38 AM
<after the BBEG gives the inevitable speech bragging how poweful they are>

"But are you even one tenth as pissed off as I am?"

<Interrupting anyone's speech about how awesome and important they are>

"Yeah, I really don't have time for this. *slaughter*"

horngeek
2012-06-15, 02:44 AM
"I am no mere god." Actualy spoken at one point, and has a story behined it that would spoil the quote.

That sounds like an Exalted quote...

Alleran
2012-06-15, 02:47 AM
Spoken to a Balor who had just succeeded in harnessing the power of an entire layer of the Abyss to become a demon lord:

Balor: You will be exterminated for your interference in my plans, mortals!
Paladin: Bring it, *****.

His demon lord form was very Dalek-ish, too.

Ertwin
2012-06-15, 02:54 AM
"You hurt Mina" ~ The 7 foot half orc fighter/barbarian right before raging and raining pain on whichever poor mook most recently hit the 7 year old warlord.

"Taste the rainbow" (used for prismatic anything)

"I AM INEVITABLE!" ~ A dwarven ranger who turned into one (think Iron Monger)

Dr paradox
2012-06-15, 12:20 PM
"Hit them in the Jewels!"
-Protus Quoyle, Bard, meaning it completely literally.

Kymme
2012-06-15, 12:24 PM
My favorites.
"Lawful Good doesn't mean Lawful Nice"
-The Most Intimidating Paladin You Will Ever Meet
"We can't take you anywhere, can we?"
-the whole group, talking about the barbarian
"No shame in loosing to a superior foe"
-a knight, I think

Jay R
2012-06-15, 01:17 PM
A group of 16 and 17 year old adventurers are the PCs involved in a siege of the castle of an evil priest. To prevent him from casting a spell much higher than we could deal with, the young thief jumped down at him and attacked. The priest said, "You? You're the great heroes they think can destroy me?"

I replied, "Nope. We're those meddling kids you'd have gotten away with it if not for."

Rodimal
2012-06-15, 02:03 PM
Two that get used regularly:

"I rolled a........SHUT UUUUUUUUUP!"

"I'm BLIND..........MAGIC MISSILE!!!!!!!!!!!"

Err, damn I can't believe I forgot my favorite one (it gets groans and threatened dice throwing everytime):

"I knock."

TechnoScrabble
2012-06-15, 03:24 PM
All quoted from actual characters I've played in games.

"Learn to shoot," Silas Grinn, whilst mass-murdering 'perpetrators of gang violence'.

"I am but a tool, my sword is the one bringing justice," Bailey Sheppard, paladin, slaying a necromancer.

"Shoot 'em up, knock 'em down, burn the bits!" Anonymous Veil Agent's advice on how best to handle errant golems in the streets of Paris.

"You're nothing but spare parts," Phillip Michael Banagher, techmage, to a rogue AI.

"I was done with your **** years ago, I just didn't have the balls to act on it. And now, neither do you," young Master Meuwen, shortly after shooting his stepfather in the crotch.

"A good thief leaves no evidence he was there. He just takes the evidence that he wasn't," Malvi Stern, thief.

"Yer master wants t' devour th' world? Tell 'im 'e can start with bitin' me arse!" Boad Hoignar's Son to the fiendish green dragon (wyrm age) Derestrul, right before tossing the dragon's head into the hellgate that was supposed to summon Bathir of the Frozen Flame.

"First blood isn't as important as last blood," Cory Santavana, tossing the local mob boss out of a window.

"I was hoping you'd teach me something in all of this, but all I've learned is that I can hate and love at the same time. I'm sorry." Cory Santavana, tearfully having to kill his mentor.

"Hey, it worked!" Boad Hoignar's Son.

"THREE HOONDRED GOBLINS INNIT 'NUFF FER ME!" Boad Hoignar's Son

"The rapists die first," Cory Santavana, releasing baby dragons into a prison's therapy group session.

"Choke on it," Cory Santavana to a werewolf as it bites his arm off. Said arm had a thumb sized stick of plastic explosives in the sleeve. Cory's other arm had the detonator.

"I'M FREAKIN' BULLET PROOF, BITCH!" Cory and Phil (both in separate games) upon being shot in the forehead and surviving.

"I'll teach you a little something about darkness, you prick," Cory, killing a vampire shortly after being resurrected.

"So, on a scale of one to ten, how dead would you say you are?" Edward "Emote" Motierre, kicking a corpse.

"I knew a guy like you once. Emphasis on 'knew'," Phil threatening his sister's ex.

"See you in hell, dwarf!"
"Been there, doon that!" Boad Hoignar's Son, killing a warlock after raiding one of the lower layers of hell to retrieve the sword that had been stuck in the head of the dragon from earlier.

"I'll see you in the grave!"
"You won't see me at all," Malvi Stern, assassinating an executioner before his friend is executed.

"OI'VE GOT FISTS A' STEEL, A BLADE O' ADAMANTINE, AND A BELLY MADE A' LEAD! BRING IT OON!" Boad Hoignar's Son to the drow who tried to poison him.

"Burn in hell."
"I think I'll burn right here, thank you," Mote, giving his life to hold off a storm of syndicate members and corrupt police officers via half a ton of hidden explosives.

"Lesson one in being a knight: Learn to die with some dignity," Darrel Edgewater, severing a prostrated blackguard's spine.

"Let's write a story with your blood," Cory, slamming an already bleeding wizard into a wall.

"Hey, Janikka? You're awesome," Phillip Michael Banagher's last words.

"Is this how you play gods?"
"No, this is how I kill them!" Garrett Ironstaff, avenging his father's imprisonment.

newBlazingAngel
2012-06-15, 03:39 PM
I'm assuming that those are all from different people. Those are amazing, you must have a fun to role-playing group.

Wyntonian
2012-06-15, 03:45 PM
Stolen from Dan McNinja.

"Oh, you kids can fight? That's cute. Reallll cute. In fact, your cuteness has inspired me. I'm going to paint a cute little picture of a bunny rabbit on the wall over there. With your cute little blood."

TechnoScrabble
2012-06-15, 03:57 PM
I'm assuming that those are all from different people. Those are amazing, you must have a fun to role-playing group.

No, those are all things my characters from different games have said.

Silas Grinn, retired soldier who kills local gangs by night and runs a flower shop by day, and is an NPC in almost every d20 modern or gurps modern game I've run.

Bailey Sheppard, halfling paladin with a moutain ram for a mount. Also, adorable.

The Veil Agent was an NPC in a game I ran.

Phil was originally from a d20 modern urban arcana game I was in, wound up getting executed first when the party was captured. Unfortunately for the executer, he had a bomb set to a dead-man's switch where one of his kidney's should've been. His overall character was depressing just because of how life beat up on him and how he felt it was his fault. I've used him in other games, too, but he was a bit dickish in those games.

Meuwen was a young man who became an assassin after killing his stepfather at the age of eleven.

Malvi Stern, my first rogue character (AD&D second edition). Had the luckiest starting ability score rolls I ever had, 17 intelligence, charisma, and dexterity.

Boad Hoignar's Son, my agility/luck based dwarf who adventured to try and outdo his father's reputation. His father had lost his left arm and most of his face while completely emptying an entire layer of hell with a pair of obsidian swords.

Cory Santavana, from a d20 modern game that tried to simulate what the mafia would be like if magic was real. Was cursed to have to kill everyone he ever loved.

Mote was from a New World of Darkness game where he and his gang tried to help a small group of changelings avoid the fae.

Darrell was one of the Edgewaters, a family of royal bodyguards I often use for characters.

Garrett was the son of the dragon/wizard/god (or was it wizard/dragon/god?) Sigwhite, and wound up having to free his father from the celestial slammer.

newBlazingAngel
2012-06-15, 04:08 PM
Well then, you sound like a pretty amazing roleplayer. Nothing's better than cranking out a memorable quote that people will remember forever.

PersonMan
2012-06-15, 04:21 PM
Although I haven't used it yet: You don't exist. You never even existed.

Without context it doesn't make much sense, but it's said by someone who doesn't see the world as real and considers their ability to manipulate reality as a sign that she is the only thing that actually exists and that the world is an illusion.

So it's basically her pre-nova line.

Siosilvar
2012-06-15, 04:33 PM
"Nope. Paladin."

(Ideally prefaced by someone asking if you've done enough heroics for the day.)

That was a great line. Here's the original story (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=8359242) if anyone's interested.

Jay R
2012-06-15, 05:00 PM
In a recent disagreement between player characters, I said, "Yeah, well, you're a paladin - you have to do what's lawful. I'm free to do what's right."

Eldonauran
2012-06-15, 06:54 PM
In a recent disagreement between player characters, I said, "Yeah, well, you're a paladin - you have to do what's lawful. I'm free to do what's right."

:smallfrown: Its a very sad day when someone says that. Paladins can make chaotic decisions and 'bend' their code when the needs arises. As long as they do not 'grossly' violate their code or commit an evil act in doing so.

I am sadden that the two characters came to that observation.

newBlazingAngel
2012-06-15, 06:57 PM
That observation comes from the fact that some people play Paladins so strictly to the code that they refuse to anything evil, even if it may be for the greater good.

Straybow
2012-06-15, 09:04 PM
"Aaaahhh, ye marked!"
-Binwin Bronzebottom (Scott Kurtz) Pax 2010

"I'm not gonna metagame!"
-Aeofel Eldromane (Wil Wheaton) Pax 2011

Uhhh, is this from "Tabletop" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2374117/) or something ???

Wyntonian
2012-06-15, 09:41 PM
In a recent game, during a diplomatic meeting.

Psion: Can you not accept when you're outmatched? I am your utter superior in intellect!

Unarmed Barbarian: Oh? How about kickboxing?

Marillion
2012-06-16, 01:20 AM
"A commendable effort, but this vintage should never be quite this shade of violet."
-To the would-be assassin who attempted to poison his wine.

"This is how a Castillian man says thank you [!][?]"
-Invariably said by either my character or the person whose nose he just broke.

"Hold still! Your uvula may have detached!"
"I don't believe in such silly superstitions."
-The "Doctor". The latter was said while consulting his astronomy charts.

"It should be burned, and its bones broken before being buried upside down at a crossroads."
"Ideally, this is how we'd deal with ALL our enemies."
-After slaying a monster with curious regenerative properties.

"I spend all my time inside my wagon, sister, because while I am INSIDE it, I do not have to LOOK at it."
-In regards to the extraordinarily garishly painted wagon he was forced to ride in.

"It is only a love bite!"
-In regards to the knife his unwilling wife stabbed him with.

"Go for the legs!"
-Said to the bull I was fighting. It went for them.

Lvl45DM!
2012-06-16, 01:38 AM
Vampire Lord has charmed half the party into fighting the other half. My assassin has spent the whole fight hiding to get into a position behind him for a backstab (1E).
"How do you think you can stop me?!" Says the vampire lord summoning bats to distract one of our mages
My turn i backstab him reducing him to mist and i say
"Its simple...we kill the Batman"

Arranis Thelmos
2012-06-16, 07:45 AM
Uhhh, is this from "Tabletop" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2374117/) or something ???

It's from the Pax live DND games run by Chris Perkins of WoTC. Every year he, Wil Wheaton, Scott Kurtz, Jerry Holkins, and Mike Krahulik play together in a comedic adventure. You can find it on YouTube, check it out it's great!

Griffith!
2012-06-16, 09:08 AM
"Think you can stop me?"
"Don't have to. I just have to slow you down." - Sparknote (my gadget-wielding pc) to the Juggernaut

"I'm not. I'm really not. But you're dead anyway." - Seven of Ten in response to Nine's question - you think you're better than us?

"You're not so big." - Seven to practically anything bigger than him.

"What'd you think this was? Tiddlywinks?" - strangely out-of-character line from Lieutenant Rance Hewlett

"Oh, come on. Think about it. There's you, the big, bad, evil sonuva**** with the big red button, and there's us, the underdog band of rag-tag losers out to stop you. Don't you watch movies? Ever read a comic book? How did you think this was going to end? We'll stop you, you'll go to jail, and we'll get our picture on the front page. In a few months we'll have to do it all again. But next time you might think back and remember to pay attention, so nobody does this!" - Shen, monologuing to distract a terrorist from the guys sneaking up behind him.

There are others, but these were taken verbatim from my game logs.

Jay R
2012-06-16, 09:52 AM
In a recent disagreement between player characters, I said, "Yeah, well, you're a paladin - you have to do what's lawful. I'm free to do what's right."
:smallfrown: Its a very sad day when someone says that. Paladins can make chaotic decisions and 'bend' their code when the needs arises. As long as they do not 'grossly' violate their code or commit an evil act in doing so.

I am sadden that the two characters came to that observation.


That observation comes from the fact that some people play Paladins so strictly to the code that they refuse to anything evil, even if it may be for the greater good.

What I think you two have missed is that this is a thread for one-liners, which is to say, joke lines. The comment brought a laugh to the group and no more.

Did you two take it seriously? Oh, my.

DefKab
2012-06-16, 10:42 AM
I've always been a fan of the ever useful 'Come at me, bro!'...

Man on Fire
2012-06-16, 07:12 PM
I'm recently playing Goblin who is Cavalier in one of forum games. He belives that most important thing is to be a gentleman. His battlecry is

"PAAAAADROOOOOON MYYYY LAAAANCE!"

Also, one I ever hope to use but it's unlikely:

Paladin: GOOD FOR THE GOOD GOD!

Once on 4chan there was a player complaining how DM had his paladin getting chained to bed and raped by female necromancer. Somebody responded with what boils down to:

"You should wait once she's on you. And then remind her Smite Evil works with Unarmed Strike."

TechnoScrabble
2012-06-16, 07:50 PM
"Turns out, keeping my head as a trophy was a bad idea," Mochi, barbarian reincarnated as a troll.

"If I had unlimited power, I wouldn't bother with your stanky ass," Cory Santavana, turning down a hag.

"Wull be back."
"We'll be waiting."
"'Zactly wot I wanted t' 'ear." Long story short, I wound up in a PVP rogue trader/deathwatch game where my freebooter warboss PC from one DM's all ork game wound up fighting my Imperial Guardsman PC from another DM's guardsmen/space marines game. The orks got the speeder STC they wanted, and decided to let the planet's defenders live so they could fight again later.

"I've come for you."
"Then you've come for death." Loki, changeling, conversing with a fae hunter.

"Dat ash," Bramley Smoulderburrs, pyrokineticist.

"Medium rare," Bramley again, staking a vampire with a flaming piece of wooden debris.

"I FIGHT FOR GLORY, IMMORTALITY! I FIGHT THAT I MAY REMAIN FOREVER IN THE MINDS OF THOSE WHO WITNESS THE STRENGTH OF MY STEEL!" Hammin Brie, sandwich connoisseur and slayer of ogres. Say his name out loud and learn why his nickname was 'On Wheat'.

Drowlord
2012-06-16, 08:00 PM
Umm...
I haven't played enough to develop a catchphrase, but a player of mine's fighter (think barbarian-type Int) has (as a response to anything):
"I stab it with my rune sword."

Kymme
2012-06-16, 11:11 PM
"YOU WILL FAIL EVENTUAAAAALYYYYYYYYY!"
-a crazy wizard holding a Finger of Death Gatling gun, to a great wyrm red dragon
"Darkling sons of whores, prepare to meet your maker!"
-Haevok Aeoka, half giant fighter
"Leave him be. Dead men don't need names."
-Sergeant Vex
"GET INTO BY BELLY!"
-Void, the sentient sphere of annihilation
“Grab the halfling, and cheese it!”
-Abscodus the Thief

TechnoScrabble
2012-06-16, 11:34 PM
"You expect me to talk?"
"No, Mr. Santavana, I expect you to die."
"Good luck with that one, pal," Cory Santavana, capture by Marcus Bryans

"You expect me to talk?"
"No, Mr. Bryans, I expect you to fall," Cory Santavana, exacting his revenge. It seems most of Cory's kills involve dropping people out of windows or feeding them to summoned beasties.

"Come back when ye've groon a real beard, ye wee ninny!" Boad Hoignar's Son, chasing off a now tail-less, horn-less, genital-less, left-butt-cheek-less, one-armed demon prince.

"Because I know what you'll do. You'll run. Just like I did. Only now, I run after things, not from them. I'll run after you. We'll chase each other over the ends of the globe, my little trail of death always letting you know that I'm right behind you. Eventually, you'll grow to like it. You'll need it, the exhilaration, the adrenaline. And then, I'll stop. I'll leave you alone. I'll let you kill yourself the way you killed Benny," Master Meuwen to his ex.

"Why yes, I knew your mother. Best lap dance I ever got," Megan Stone to a vampire.

"You brought this on yourself," Sir Stefan the Valiant.

"Oops, looks like I've spilled death all over the place. Again." Tem Silvershadow, warmage.

Grail
2012-06-17, 12:35 AM
Playing in a freeform horror RPG, my character is one of three who survive to meet the BBEG. He goes on and on about something in a final monologue.

Me (bored)= "Have you done pontificating?"
Him = "What?"

Playing in a Cthulhu game where we are all small time gangsters in the depression. I'm a mob doctor, we're trying to get information off 3 guys about a rival gang. I've been interrogating them with my high intimidate skill (we're using GURPS)

Me to DM = I get out my bonesaw and move it to the third man's leg, just above the knee.
Him = "What the hell is that?" panicked.
Me = "This? It's a bonesaw!" cool and calm.
Him = "What the hell is it for?" even more panicked.
Me = "What do you think? It cuts through bone!"
Him = "Ok ok, what do you want to know.......?"

In a SLA Industries game I was running, the characters are in a sex shop, trying to get information from the proprietor and any customers about a serial killer in the reason.

Player (motioning picking something up) = "Does this count as a flexible weapon?"

Doorhandle
2012-06-17, 01:31 AM
Must (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-8Q4PM4PXM)resist the (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWMJ94yZgow) urge to post (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhXIgVoWPNk) these.

...Wait a minui-DAMNIT!

Kymme
2012-06-17, 01:00 PM
Must (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-8Q4PM4PXM)resist the (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWMJ94yZgow) urge to post (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhXIgVoWPNk) these.

I have absolutely no idea where these are from, but they are the funniest taunts I have ever heard. EVER.

Fearan
2012-06-17, 05:09 PM
Some from my experience:
"Fear my big gun and black magic!" - Vtm Alucard expy.
"One. Two. Feint, eye" - GURPS spear fighter
"Exeption from all the rules, power over any power, answer to any question" - Slayers-verse wizard invoking Lord of Nightmares.

Riverdance
2012-06-17, 11:13 PM
"A good thief leaves no evidence he was there. He just takes the evidence that he wasn't," Malvi Stern, thief.

"First blood isn't as important as last blood," Cory Santavana, tossing the local mob boss out of a window.

"Lesson one in being a knight: Learn to die with some dignity," Darrel Edgewater, severing a prostrated blackguard's spine.

"Let's write a story with your blood," Cory, slamming an already bleeding wizard into a wall.


:smallcool: These ones are Gold. Who's the Cory guy? :smallcool:

EDIT: Oh never mind, I just realized you already posted that.


Uhhh, is this from "Tabletop" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2374117/) or something ???

Oh my god! Wil Wheaton and Day9 together! I love you! :smallsmile:

TechnoScrabble
2012-06-18, 11:02 PM
"Fight fire with fury," Cory Santavana, shortly after being inducted into the Order of The Salamander in last night's game. He then proceeded to use the powers the Order gave him to kill everyone in the Order's higher circles.

"I killed them. I killed all of them. I tore into their flesh, I drank their mana, I stole their forms, I burnt their homes. I gave into the nature of what they wanted me to be. And it taught me something. Nature loves a predator," Cory Santavana. To explain, in the game I use Cory in, there are different kinds of mages, who can gain more mana (magical power stored in blood) in different ways. Cory is a Shifter, meaning he can use raw, natural magic to give himself superhuman strength and animalistic abilities, control fire, and shapeshift into supernatural forms of animals, on top of the usual mage stuff, and that he gains mana (and more forms to shift into) by soaking up the blood of powerful people and animals. The Order of The Salamander taught him a form he really wanted (Big, fiery salamander/lion/wolf/bull thing) and elemental summoning, but he detested the hold they had on the city and his boss wanted them dead, so after being taught the form and the spells, he promptly used it against them.


"

newBlazingAngel
2012-06-18, 11:29 PM
Dude, you are a roleplaying beast.

TechnoScrabble
2012-06-18, 11:53 PM
I thank the GM for giving me situations awesome enough for me to say such things.

And another from this evening's game (still ongoing), as Cory fights a guy he thought he'd killed ages ago (I'm suspecting this bugger's a lich or one of the Attuned):

"Remember the first time we met, when I smashed you to pieces and broke your mind and your body? This time I'm just gonna set you on fire. Enjoy"

To be fair, the fire Cory is referencing is sapient, pure elemental fire that burns almost as hot as heat formed oxygen plasma and can't be put our with anything short of removing every piece of you it's burning and magically dousing it before it spreads back to you.

newBlazingAngel
2012-06-19, 12:48 AM
That's amazing. Still though, you produce the quotes. That's the kind of stuff that movies get remembered for.

DigoDragon
2012-06-19, 06:56 AM
A few years back I ran a modern conspiracy game inspired by the game series Half-Life. One of the characters was an ex-pro wrestler named "Bobby". His battle cry when he charged the enemy was amusing:

"Freight Train!"

Doorhandle
2012-06-19, 07:25 AM
I have absolutely no idea where these are from, but they are the funniest taunts I have ever heard. EVER.

League of Legends.

I agree wholeheartedly, and I don't even play the game. :smalltongue:

Gets funnier with some context.

Kymme
2012-06-19, 04:55 PM
League of Legends.

I agree wholeheartedly, and I don't even play the game. :smalltongue:

Gets funnier with some context.

I see.
Got some more.
"JUST FLIPPIN DIE ALREADY!"- Haevok Aeoka, to a very stubborn troll.
to whoever wants to know, Haevok is the dude with the horns in the picture below
"To whom it may concern, I'M COMING FOR YOU."- Daniel the Quick, in a message written in the blood of an assassin, to the crimebosses of Sharn, the City of Towers.
"Don't worry, you guys, I have a plan-AND-a cleric, just in case it's a bad plan." -Daniel the Quick, to his friends, all the time.

Mr Dilthy
2012-06-19, 05:37 PM
One of my favorite one liners that still gets used to this day, some 10 years later.

DM talking to me: "How close to Death are you?"
Me without missing a beat: "Melee range"

This occurred during a use of the Deck of Many Things. My character had pulled the Death card, the one that summoned a Death or Minor Death, I don't remember that part, doesn't really matter. The DM was asking me about my health, but I logically thought she was asking me about combat distance. Ah, good times.

Hemnon
2012-06-22, 02:51 PM
''Blow it out your ass!''
-Duke Nukem

''You're so ugly, only your mommy could love you... a shame i already killed her, wouldn't you say?''
- Liam Brimstone, Chaotic Evil mass murdering psychopath from a d20 game.

Him: ''Holy crap, did he just commit suicide?''
Me: ''Yeah my bad, But i only wanted to intimidate him enough to disarm him''
- DnD 3.5 moment, where my character (who had skill points out the ass, most of all, in intimidate) rolled a 20 on an intimidate check... total result was 56.

Man on Fire
2012-06-22, 08:56 PM
- "You cut off my h-hand!"
- "And now I'm using your h-hand - to punch you in your f-face."

"Yeah, true love can be rough. I think your lady landed over there, and over there, and a little bit over there."

Both by one and only Agent X

newBlazingAngel
2012-07-02, 11:25 PM
For modern RPG's: "You couldn't shoot a fart from your own ass!"

Vknight
2012-07-08, 02:34 AM
"There's one of your friends toes, theres bits of your thigh... hmmm yup that's your friends brain matter. So are your going to tell me what I want to know?"

Shnezz
2012-07-08, 04:15 AM
(Holding a portable hole and a bag of holding) "Don't make me turn this dimension around." -Party Leader, whenever we bickered too much.

Also:

:haley: "Sneak attack!"

Dhavaer
2012-07-08, 06:06 AM
"I at least am not so flawed that I require wings to fly." Warlock with fell flight, to an overly boastful dragon.

Phoenixguard09
2012-07-08, 10:53 AM
I run a homebrew Warhammer Fantasy RPG for a few mates of mine. Between them they have come up with a few good ones over the years.

"Here's my mother-f***in' farm!" - Bulger Hayneedle, a halfling farmer as he loosed his first arrow. Very amusing since Tropic Thunder had only just come out at the time. :P

"It's just a bear." - A very drunk Albion highlander with a claymore when confronted with a cave bear.

We've had heaps of funny ones but I can't remember any more off the top of my head.

Archpaladin Zousha
2012-07-08, 11:00 AM
"Gott mit uns! As we all stand united! All together! GOTT! MIT! UNS!!!"

Perfect for any cleric, paladin or pious fighter.

Man on Fire
2012-07-08, 01:14 PM
Sabaton is good for badass lines, especially in SF or modern game.

"Rats who dare to stand before us! Feel our guns gooo liiiive!"

QuidEst
2012-07-08, 04:37 PM
"I gotta sonnet with your name on it!"
-Camilla Nomer (Bard), before casting

"I joke in jest, and ingest… pigeons."
-Camilla Nomer (Bard), who considers them an excellent source of protein

"I am more than somber songs, sorrow, and solemnity, endless endings, entropy, and enmity."
-Tricia Nomer (Bard)

"We think of words too fine to say / And utter from our tongues of clay / So we our words and silence keep / And give them only when we weep."
-Tricia Nomer (Bard)

"If it breathes, it will burn."
-Flavor text on Seal of Fire (http://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=107531)

"Ah, the old 'Good Paladin, Fallen Paladin routine'."
-I still need to use it

"I could give you reasons why answering my questions would be a good idea. But then you might do it, and I wouldn't have to make you."
-Voror (Alchemist), to be used during an interrogation

"I have a way with people. Twitchy does away with people."
-Scralt, commenting on his partner in crime

"I didn't know those actually worked."
-Scralt, after giving a successful "give up, your fate is inevitable" speech.

"Parlez-vous Français? Wait... je ne parle pas Français."
-Avaula, upon meeting an extraterrestrial

Worlok
2012-07-08, 09:22 PM
Speaking of Sabaton... I recall a game, 'twas many moons ago, in which I still was with my first group, which at the time consisted of the following four people (spoilered to counterspell Wall of Text, but recommended reading). This is a story of some length and detail, yet at its heart it is about battle-cries, so I promise you some enjoyment.

"Pally", our resident Angry Arab, had rampaging anger issues quite likely sufficient to keep a given psychologist's family well-to-do for five generations straight, had he ever sought treatment for them, yet tied it to an immensely chivalrous streak as wide as the Sahara and a sense of humor just about as dry. Unsurprisingly, perhaps, played Punisher-type mujaheddin-style paladins for reasons related to that-which-must-not-be-discussed - and the appeal of the archetype.

"The Amazing Wiccan Wizard", as we might call him for want of an actual nom de guerre, even though he was but a rather peculiar, one might say "liberal" Wiccan, nor all that amazing at it, yet likely to end up a wizard eventually. Commonly played the eponymous caster class, although this time he'd settled for a sorcerer-and-rogue-pastiche that must be pointed out as being quite commendable at ambushing with rays. While probably our biggest friend in both a literal and figurative sense, it must be said that he was one rather colossal wimp, and lacked both direction and drive. He eventually surprised everybody by ace-ing school, losing several dozen pounds he really didn't need, and moving half a republic away from us, where he transformed into - and remains unto this day - the most "successful" ladies' man I e'er did see, but the night I am about to speak of was a long, long time before the change kicked in.

Thirdly, there was our intrepid Dungeon Master, who was internally called the "Sub-Professor" for his nerdly ways. In some way Scandinavian by origin, he had, like the rest of us, been born and raised in Germany, yet still somehow got his accent on when deeply immersed in something or at the height of emotional turmoil - which was more often than one should think, even by the standards of our thirteen-to-fifteen-year-old social outcast sensibilities. Easy to impress, and master of expression, he was and likely still is a showman to make demagogues ashamed, and the type of follower that some of those would murder for, though eventually Miss M. Huana wore his edge away. That day, however, likewise still was far, and when I say he got his accent on, I bid you draw upon this cover here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HclgKhvP3nE) for reference. This guy, he ruled that player characters could be affected by the likes of Bluff, Diplomacy and, naturally, Intimidate, but only if he, personally, roleplayed it convincingly - it almost always worked, and yet he rarely had to roll.

Then, lastly and of course, there was yours truly, at the time regarded as the party mom for reasons it would take me ages to explain, still going by "Shylock Holmes" when in need of a fancy nick and riding the glory of the barbarian class for all it might have been worth.
Now, the basic lay of the social landscape given, I shall proceed to regale you with tales of that game post-haste. What it boiled down to in that particular night was the resolution of our party's long-standing conflict with a clan of hobgoblins. These guys, their fluff vaguely inspired by long-out-of-date adventure novels, respected but one thing in foreigners: Balls-out badassitude. Their traditional greeting towards strangers and unknown goblinoids was to just saddle up and charge the "intruders" while howling and swinging spears, and only those that met the charge calmly and without fear would be welcomed as honored guests (as the hobgoblins stopped once within about twenty feet of them... usually), to be served those that didn't for lunch that day.

Now, in the session that preceded this one, we had already braved the welcoming ritual, my barbarian agreeing to and dominating at a wrestling match against their champions to deliver T-AWW's roguerer from a delicious fate thereafter, and then been informed of troubling news by the Hoblin Khan (who had adopted his title, effectively making him king of the tribe and not just that one particular clan, only very recently and in the absence of the real Khan): The reason they had been giving our village crap was that they, themselves, had been victims of war and invasion, in that a strange cult had apparently beguiled the hoblins of the neighbor tribe. Led by a charismatic, glasses-wearing monster of a 'blin, they had adopted a faith most martial and fatalist, and worshipped an old goblin god of war, Yenil-Mezyapar ("Father of Battles, Lord of the Forge, he is GREAT!"), their core tenets boiling down to the following three ideas:


ONE!

Our Lord Yenil-Mezyapar made all things of Iron. We shall take and craft iron and steel in his name.

TWO!

Our Lord Yenil-Mezyapar made all things in Fire. We shall bring fire and carry destruction with us in his name.

THREE!

Our Lord Yenil-Mezyapar made all things so they will become dust once ended. We shall end those around us and grind them to dust in his name.

Their battlecry thus simply was the name of their grisly godhead, or the catchier


IRON TO DUST!

Sadly, we the players were not quite aware of this. The tribesgoblins referred to their tormenters as the "Iron-Mongers", or "Slaves of the Terrible Yoshmarpar", and having been soundly defeated, de-khaned and ruined by them, they had decided to seek reparation by hobgoblin custom and take our village for theirs. When, eventually, it became clear that we would go after these so-called Iron-Mongers, partially because the notion of that heathen cult being successful did offend our ever-faithful paladin, who had once been a missionary in the hoblin lands, we did not even yet know their battle-cry, or much else about them.

Five hours later, pizza and lulz had been had on the way, first contact made, the "guerilla raid" school of tactics against a superior foe agreed on and covert reconaissance woefully swiftly uncovered, we found ourselves backed against a wall. Previously, our paladin had been captured when covering our retreat. For what amounted to over a week in-game, he had to weather the indoctrination attempts and torture of the hobgoblin cultists, who had a vested interest in why he was there and what their enemies planned to do. Being extremists in the worst way, they would also try to make him renounce his god when he prayed. They would try to force their own deity upon him. He seemed withdrawn by the end of it, didn't speak even when we finally managed to rescue him. Not even when the cult moved out in force to track their prisoner down. Not even when they had cornered us.

While a sizeable number of tribesgoblins had come with us in order to back us up and reclaim their homes, we were still outnumbered twenty to three, and the enemy forces were straight-up Lawful and Evil and Badass: Utilising homebrew class variants of a sort, they could gain terrifying teamwork bonuses on their Intimidate, provided that they used it in formation, and their feat choices assured that those were really hard to single targets out of and quite difficult to break. Now, cowering against a long-abandoned farmer's hut we had been using as a base of operations, our party found itself surrounded.

My barbarian had one rage left after a desperate fighting retreat from a trap the opponents had laid for potential intruders, and was only one and maybe a second good hit away from the negatives.

The roguerer had only three remaining spell-slots, all for second-level spells or weaker, as this kind of system goes, and while undamaged, had been utterly demoralised IC and OOC.

And Pally's pally stood there like a goddamn hero, trying to get the panicking tribesgoblins (who were used to being on the offensive, on horseback, and armed with bows) to not just run themselves through in their defensive, unmounted, only-knives-viable misery by acting as stoic and silently in-control as he could.

He succeeded, somehow.

Then our foes descended.

Now, I must ask you to please imagine this scene: We, outnumbered, outgunned, worn, bloodied, surrounded, completely immersed by that point, feeling the suddenly scorching heat of the afternoon sun even though it was midnight by that point, shaking with fear or calmly awaiting the end, being informed by that glorious Viking bastard that there was "but a second of horrible silence, as the world around you seems to hold its breath, and a terrible figure in blackened iron, mounted upon a great, snarling wolf rides forth, raising a lance with the banner you've long come to hate attached".

He paused. For but a second. One that seemed to stretch into a minute, something like hope sneaking into the group's subconscious, as if somehow they would gaze upon us, beaten as we were and then at least have mercy, even if that just meant to be quick.

Until he spoke.

In the tongue of the hobgoblins, which our characters all understood, the wolf-rider made to adress his men, and for his portrayal, the Professor adopted a deep, sonorous, dripping-with-menace-yet-horribly-smooth kind of voice, speaking with a robotic quality to reflect the effect of the great iron helmet that covered the speaker's face:


"YENIL-MEZYAPAR! You of his chosen kin, how shall we honor Our Father?"

Only to then make another small break for torture, seeing us hold our breath and enjoying it, probably...

AND SUDDENLY RISE, EYES ABLAZE WITH UNHOLY FIRE, HIS ENTIRE BODY THE PICTURE OF VENGEANCE, AND IN A VOICE THAT, IN FACT, COULD HAVE COME FROM A THOUSAND WARRIOR THROATS FOR ITS VOLUME AND ALL THE MIGHT IN IT, IN THAT THUNDEROUS, ACCENT-FLAVORED GERMAN, PROCLAIM AS ONE AND AS FOLLOWS:


"EISEN ZU STAUB!!!"

"EISEN ZU STAUB!!!"

"EISEN ZU STAUB!!!"

T-AWW almost wet himself, I bid my character due farewell, and even if DM had actually charged us, we could not have been much more afraid.

Only our Pally kept calm.

As the DM described the ranks lowering pikes and charging, and our characters essentially just huddled up against each other in the moment's fright, he stood tall and proudly.

To then stand up...

Face the DM, who had been about to launch into his description of horde meeting strikeforce...

And go:


"Iron is breakable...

Yet MY FAITH IS NOT!!!"

Then he counter-charged.

Aura of Courage kicking in, we finally got it together and followed suit. There were a rage and many magic missiles, and when the dust had cleared, revealing a mountain of corpses... the last thing to fall was the hated banner, emblazoned upon it the Lord of the Forge himself.

(Hope you enjoyed it. I certainly did. Bonus points for those that can derive the reasoning behind the name of Yenil-Mezyapar. :smallbiggrin:)

newBlazingAngel
2012-07-08, 09:38 PM
That is by far the most epic thing I have ever heard. Even better than Sameo the Paladin. Amazing story Shylock Holmes.

Doorhandle
2012-07-09, 05:08 AM
Few words could do that justice, and seeing as I have none of them on me, I will just say that was impressive role-playing on all sides.

Erik Vale
2012-07-09, 06:49 AM
DM: There are goblins doing all manner of things, walking around, drinking, one even pushing his friend off the ramparts your now staring at. A few look to be actually standing watch, while othersare doing things unspeakable...
Fighter: There Fornicating. (Different F word)
DM:....Yes.
-(Time Skip)-
DNPC Elf Lord: I often come out to watch the goblins.
Me: Ahh. You come out often to watch the goblins?
Elf: I don't like that tone....

"They are fricking fornicating on the ramparts! There are enough of them our ragtag misfits wont make a dint! It is time to go home."
The party fighter, before taking said castle.

"Ok, so while they (Fighter and majority of guards) clear up the middle, I'm dodging 16 goblins shooting at me with speed draining armour peircing arrows for a full turn for 48 attacks... I'm lucky I brought that ring of shielding and a potion of healing, or I would be so dead."
Clarifying things with my DM when I ended up playing distraction to my small contingent of players and guards going down while attacking a castle.
Teleporter 1- 32 Goblins 0.

"Die B****"
Player who jumped over 110 demons to attack the high demon preistess... She didn't die, but the ritual was stopped, and the wizard made sure to prevent it from continuing. There are now about 30 demons, 1 unconscious priest, and a waterlogged illusionist with wands and thief/dagger thrower.
We still haven't finished that scenario, the players are yet to reconvene.

"Kiddie, I've been doing this since I was 12, I am now 39 and due to immortality I look 24. I am an Aberrant capable of bending the gods concept of distance over, I spear ogres from 100m. What makes you think I care how many of your boys you brought?"
Me to an Orc Scout. I was glad I picked up that language.

"I don't care, Women, Child, Green or Scaled. If there not Human, I kill them in their chains. The Humans I leave in there to release later."
The Parties 'Moral and Reasonable' Fighter.

"You're entrails are spilt all over the ground as the ogre you where sneaking up on throws its barbed spear through you."
One way to kill the parties ranger.

Me: I throw my satchel of rune stones. Damn, That will take me a while to remake...
DM: The same bag filled with explosive runes?
Me: Oh... This will be fun for you to describe.
My runesmith(enchanter) escaping from a dragon. It was fun.

North_Ranger
2012-07-09, 05:09 PM
Not from D&D, unfortunately, but Changeling: The Lost.

"Hey, I remember that a person wakes up faster if you pee on them!" - Sebastian Lindblad, an Airtouched scholar, trying to come up a way to wake up a motley mate.

"Whoa, is this a steam bath or the intro of Conan the Barbarian?" - Jonah Boon, a smart-ass Mirrorskin, when stepping into the boiling hot forge of the Knight of Spring.

"Oooh boy, it's gonna be dueling violins again..." - Jonah, when his sister - a proud violinist - lost an instrumental contest to a college string quartet and demanded a rematch.

"Well that's just great! I'm supposed to be the chef, and I end up as someone's dinner!" - Jonah, after being informed that his bout of anemia was actually caused by a vampire's feeding.

"These are not the meats you want to eat." - Jonah using his magic to tell a pack of Shadow Wolves to go look for something else to eat.

"So let me get this straight... after the bar, you nearly robbed an old lady, banged a hooker, beat up the pimp and robbed the motel. Now what part of 'laying low' did you not get?" - Jonah's reaction when he heared what his brother had been up to the night before.

Worlok
2012-07-11, 12:03 AM
That is by far the most epic thing I have ever heard. Even better than Sameo the Paladin. Amazing story Shylock Holmes.


Few words could do that justice, and seeing as I have none of them on me, I will just say that was impressive role-playing on all sides.
Thanks. As bonus content, although this might cheapen it, when the whole thing was over, the four of us realised that there's an old German song that basically goes "Marble, stone and iron break, yet our love does not. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJtylMu5HYU)" - Guess what we taunted Pally with when someone rolled a bard? :smallbiggrin:

Madeiner
2012-07-11, 01:55 PM
League of Legends.

I agree wholeheartedly, and I don't even play the game. :smalltongue:

Gets funnier with some context.

If you play the game, those taunts gain WAY more context :)

JetThomasBoat
2012-07-12, 07:03 AM
I have a few that were memorable over the years. Like this one campaign, it started with me playing a Fighter/Rogue named Klice Franz who had a shatterspike and the only other PC was my friend Alex, who was a vow of poverty monk. Anyway, we did a lot of solo stuff and then later on, the monk "left to go on a pilgrimage" (him and the DM switched places) and we had some new players join. These were both new to the campaign and fairly new to D&D, so one was playing a wizard that always had a horrible spell selection and the other was playing a bard as his second ever character. This is important because they were both smart and good with people respectively. Now with Klice, I had like a 17 Strength, and a 16 Dex, and 15 or 16 for Con, but he had a 10 for Intelligence and a 9 for Charisma. Just setting the stage for the main point, which was the puzzle we came across in the beginning of the first dungeon. They couldn't figure it out, and I was trying my damnedest to come up with a solution to the possible, so I just said in character without thinking: "Come on, Klice, they're all counting on you. You're so much smarter and better looking than all of them." It sort of became my thing with that character.

Another one was when I was playing Zaonir the Stiffbeard, my first dwarven fighter. It was a summer where we played like three times a week because we were fourteen and all jobless and girlfriendless and it was awesome. But we were new, so we mostly did very plot light dungeon crawls. And we ended up in this flooded portion of a dungeon and we couldn't find a way out. So the barbarian and rogue wander off and get teleported out or something and the monk finds a pair of immovable rods and climbed out this really high up hole in the roof to the previous level.

So I find one of the watery portions and am just stumped, thinking at least I'll starve to death and not die of thirst, but then a dolphin came along and was friendly toward me for some reason that I don't remember. And I had too much gear to swim to safety, and couldn't hold my breath that long, but there was a slight chance if I could get the dolphin to pull me to safety, that I could hold my breath that long. So I somehow get the thing to pull me to another part of the dungeon, barely making my Constitution checks and like the DM played it out in such a way that I was really worried about dying as it would have been my first character death. So when I make it through to dry land and find some of my other teammates, the first thing I think to say is: "By the hair on my chinny-chin-chin, it sure is good to breath again."

Kyrthain
2012-07-12, 07:04 PM
(after being told not to kill and old guy we found in the basement of a tavern we were ransacking) "Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of me murdering this old guy" Kava the reaper, chaotic evil psycho dragonborn fighter

"Why do you want to kill the king!?" Sharn anti corruption force (our party) to literally everyone we met one adventure