Iron Poet XVI

[Zeb The Troll]

Welcome to Iron Poet, Round Sixteen!!

Rules

1) Only the first 16 respondents expressing a desire to compete will be the contestants. It IS a first come, first served basis.

2) The contest will consist of a number of rounds pitting 2 randomly determined poets against each other until only one contestant remains (winner).

3) Each match-up will be given a theme, picture, article, subject, or other criteria to write on, and the poem submitted must match this as much as possible. Stricter following of prompts may help you win. Prompts that are words may be interpreted in any way (and any form of the word can be used), but keep in mind the judge may not see the connection if it's too ambiguous.

4) The winner as determined by a panel of judges will advance to the next round.

5) In case of a judge or judges not posting judgments in a timely manner, Vaynor will adjudicate and determine the winner.

6) The poems will be limited to 1000 words with a 50 word minimum

7) The entries will be poems. All forms of poetry are acceptable, as long as they meet the required word lengths. If your chosen style is too short, you are free to make two of them, i.e., you may make a limerick with 48 words, then add another limerick, still following the same theme, to reach the required word length.

8) All posted deadlines will given in as much time zones as possible, as labeled.

9) No late entries will be accepted. If you don't post or fail to post by the deadline, you will be disqualified. A 15 minute grace period is allowed. You have one freebie per contest, use it wisely. This allows you to be up to half a day late (12 hours) with your poem (no more).

10) If your entry does not include the article(s) and the picture(s), you will most likely lose because of it, however this will not disqualify your poem, as poems are judged on best use of the prompts.

11) The judgments are final. What the judges decide is how it is.

12) The entries will only include content suitable for the Playground.

13) Anything not clear will be decided by me.

14) The contestants will have 1 week (roughly) from the bracket posting to get their entries posted.

15) Post your poems in spoilers. Judges: do not read poems before the round ends.

16) Feel free to edit the post with your poem in it until the round ends. After that, any additional edits will disqualify you (barring a use of your half-day extension).

17) Judges have 1 week to complete judgments. If not all judges respond by this time, the round will be decided as if the late judges were not a part of it (i.e. if there are 5 judges to begin with and only 3 are on time, the round will be decided with 2 votes as opposed to 3). If there are only an even number of judgments, I will cast the remaining vote.

18) At the end of each contest, everyone still reading the thread will be able to anonymously vote on their favorite poem of the entire contest (encompassing all rounds). The poem with the most votes will win the "Best of Show" award!

THE IRON POET HALL OF FAME
1. Ravyn (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=43424)
2. Rubakhin (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=54933)
3. Elvaris (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=69302)
4. Alarra (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76283)
5. Truemane (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82545)
6. Devigod (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=93376)
7. Alarra (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=106066)
8. Devigod (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=119306)
9. Alarra (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=141907)
10. Elvaris (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=155861)
11. Rutskarn (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=172822)
12. Alarra (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=182448)
13. averagejoe (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193836)
14. Asthix (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=213888)
15. truemane (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=226578)

Contestants:


The Fiery Tower
Weezer
Szilard
SaintRidley
The Grimmace
leakingpen
Worlok
Haruki-kun
Garwain
Mardel
Techwarrior
Silviya
Mainlander
Lord Tyger
Elvaris
Cuthalion


Judges:

Alarra
Halberd
Kalrany
Dimonite





POTENTIAL APPLICANTS FOR THE JUDGE POSITION TAKE NOTE: THESE CONTESTS LAST A LONG TIME AND THIS IS NOT A FLEETING RESPONSIBILITY. IF YOU SIGN UP I EXPECT YOU TO POST JUDGMENTS ON TIME. IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER ABLE TO POST JUDGMENTS, TELL ME. THANK YOU.

[TFT]

I would like to enter in as a poet.

[Weezer]

I would like to try my hand as a contestant again.

[Mainlander]

I'd really like to participate in this but I'm going to be spending two weeks without internet in a monastery soon so it doesn't look like this'll be happening for me. I'm not sure how long rounds last, but if there's any way I could participate with this two week gap, I would love to. Otherwise I'll wait until next time.

[Alarra]

I will sign up as a judge.

[Szilard]

I'm in it to win it! Or, at least, compete for as long as the judges let me. :P

[SaintRidley]

I'll try as a contestant again.

[Zjoot]

In to compete, please. :smallsmile:

[leakingpen]

Time to compete! as in im in as a competitor.

[Worlok]

In as a contestant, once again. Here's hoping that this time, all works out. :smallbiggrin:

[Haruki-kun]

I would like to be in as a contestant, please.

[Zeb The Troll]

I'd really like to participate in this but I'm going to be spending two weeks without internet in a monastery soon so it doesn't look like this'll be happening for me. I'm not sure how long rounds last, but if there's any way I could participate with this two week gap, I would love to. Otherwise I'll wait until next time.It kind of depends on when you'll be gone compared to when this starts, which is fluid until we get enough signed up.

[Errandir]

I'd like to join as a contestant. I have plenty of free time until school starts up again.

*checks*

Holy cow, did the last one of these run for a full six months? :smalleek:

[Zjoot]

Much of it was spent (I think) waiting around because of disappearing judges. Though it probably will last quite a while.

[Zeb The Troll]

Yeah, in a perfect world these would only last 8-10 weeks but it seems we always have an issue with disappearing judges. I'm not sure I've ever seen a round where the judges at the end are the same ones as at the beginning. I mean, some will always be consistent from beginning to end but it seems invariably we'll lose two or three along the way and have to recruit more in order to have a consensus. That's why Vaynor started adding that last line to the OP.

[Weezer]

So, 8 more? And judges?
Bumpity bump...

[Garwain]

Oh, please count me in as a participant. I need the stimulus to keep writing.

[Mardel]

Officially expressing my desire to enter the contest!

[Techwarrior]

I'm down for writing. Count me in as a contestant.

[Silviya]

I'd like to sign up as a contestant again.

[Zeb The Troll]

Still need some folks to judge and a few more contestants.

[Halberd]

I'm down as a judge.

[Mainlander]

Just checking in to say I'm back from my vacation and still down to compete.

[Worlok]

Idea:

Fiery Tower, Weezer, Mainlander, Szilard, Ridley, the Grimmace, Leaks, myself, Haruki, Garwain, Mardel, Tech and Sil make thirteen people, as in nine plus four.

So I'd propose the following approach, were I to have a say: First go-around, three three-way battles and two regular one-on-ones. Assuming two participants move on per threesome, this gives us 8 participants for the second round, then we proceed as normal. I had previously made a post to this effect when suddenly interest jumped the hell up, and deleted it again for that exact reason, but - not to seem pushy or hostile or anything - it's kinda been close to a month already. :smalleek:

Apologies for butting in like that, just thought I'd bump and give some of my thoughts on this. :smallredface:

[Zeb The Troll]

Unfortunately, we would still have an "even number of judges" issue if we started today.

[Worlok]

Plus you as a Vaynor-style tiebreaker, or am I missing something here? Alternatively, I'd even switch to judging if you'd like, leaving us with twelve poets in four three-way-battles and three judges. I'd just rather like to see this take off before half the participant-base gets taken out by "Meanwhile, at (poet)'s place..."-type disabling factors or summer vacations or the like. Which sounds rude, and impatient, and hyperbolic, but as said, close to a month. Apologies. :smallfrown:

[truemane]

So I'd propose the following approach, were I to have a say: First go-around, three three-way battles and two regular one-on-ones.

You're better off with six pairs and one bye round. Then you wind up with seven people (assuming everyone submits - a big maybe). And then three pairs and bye. And then two pairs, one pair.

Easier. And I think the contest works best in pairs.

And even numbered judges aren't a problem. Assuming they all hang around, you have a tie-breaker and you're good to go.

[Lord Tyger]

I would like to enter this competition you are having.

[Worlok]

You're better off with six pairs and one bye round. Then you wind up with seven people (assuming everyone submits - a big maybe). And then three pairs and bye. And then two pairs, one pair.

Easier.
Easier, maybe. But you'd also have someone auto-advancing on the bye round without a chance to compete or receive the amount of comparative criticism that would normally bring about, which seems kind of unfair to me, both to our advancee and to the people that lost that round. No offense. :smallsmile:


And I think the contest works best in pairs.

And even numbered judges aren't a problem. Assuming they all hang around, you have a tie-breaker and you're good to go.
On these two, I actually agree, though a threebie has its interesting points, too, and keeps everyone involved in case of awkward numbers. Normally, I'd be all over standard pairing, make no mistake, but of all the failsafe measures at our disposal, I, personally, consider the three-way the most elegant solution. :smallredface:


I would like to enter this competition you are having.
And here it becomes a moot point. Welcome, new guy. :smallbiggrin:

[Cuthalion]

May I join?

[Halberd]

May I join?

I think so. There should be 16 contestants, and you would be the 15th. However, from what I understand of this, even numbers are preferred to odds due to the head-to-head nature of the competition. So, if somebody signs up to fill the 16th position, we're all set, but if nobody else signs up, we're left with an odd number of contestants, forcing us to come up with some more... creative ideas on how to structure the tournament.

[Zeb The Troll]

We need one more contestant and I'd REALLY like to have at least one more judge. Judging splits happen quite often and I intend for my role in this to be as facilitator. I'd happily work with four, but two is just asking for me to have to break an unhappy number of ties.

[Cuthalion]

I could judge.

[Elvaris]

I'll write.

[SaintRidley]

I think that puts us at 16 contestants with an even number of judges. Not inherently unworkable.

But yeah, I'm antsy to get this started. I move in a little over three weeks and then I'm starting my PhD program two weeks later, so I'm going to be pressed for time very soon.

[Alarra]

That actually puts us at 15 contestants and 3 judges if cuthalion switches to judging.

[Weezer]

I think that puts us at 16 contestants with an even number of judges. Not inherently unworkable.

But yeah, I'm antsy to get this started. I move in a little over three weeks and then I'm starting my PhD program two weeks later, so I'm going to be pressed for time very soon.

I'm, oddly enough, in the same situation as you. I start my PhD at the end of agust and would love to get far into this before then.

[Zjoot]

If Cuthalion is still willing to write, I'd vote we at least get prompts up soon. I think a lot of us are antsy to start this thing ASAP...

[Cuthalion]

I guess.... Though judging sounds more appealing right now. But I'll write then if we need. Though I was expecting this to start earlier. Hmm. I'll not be around the next three weekends, or the week after that. Do you think this would work out if I joined or should I just drop out?

[Zjoot]

Hmm...if we start now, then it shouldn't be too much of a problem depending on how far you make it and what the pace is like...the week's absence is what I foresee as an issue...then again, I'm not sure what the pace of these is normally like or how much missing the weekend will impact you. I'd ask Zar.

[Garwain]

I vote to get the competition started before more interest starts to wane.

[Zeb The Troll]

Okay, here is the first round bracket and prompts. Cuthalion, I've put you back in the competitors group for the sake of having 16 and I'll PM some people about being judges, but at least you guys will be able to get started.

entity -
Silviya
Mainlander

fizzle -
Haruki
Elvaris

invigorate -
Lord Tyger
The Grimmace

apocolypse -
Garwain
Mardel

scintillate -
Weezer
The Fiery Tower

mistrust -
leakingpen
Szilard

arid -
Worlok
Saint Ridley

indignant -
TechWarrior
Cuthalion

The poems will be due by 23:59, Thursday July 26th, Eastern Daylight Time.

[Cuthalion]

Finished mine.
Prompt: indignant.
Quoth the bard, "I am angry,
Indignant, yes indeed,
For 'tis hard to ignore
That the dwarf is such a bore
And he does not have any speed."

Quoth the dwarf of the bard,
"He tries extremely hard
To irk me every single day
And this is what I have to say:
He twangs on his lyre
And I quiver with ire
For he does it all day and all night."

Quoth the fighter to the pair,
"Please go over there,
This discussion is not nice,
And my brain is melting like ice."

[Garwain]

prompt: Apocalypse

Wade through the sludge he said,
there you'll find new land ahead.
And yet,
so hard it falls to believe
that after the swell of grief,
I live.

You are lucky I was told.
Old fields are swept clean and bold.
Behold,
I now live a loney heart,
only silence to impart
a new start.

[Kalrany]

Drat! A day late (and a dollar short). I just stumbled upon this thread and noticed that you all JUST started.

I am looking forward to watching this thread for the next couple of months, since if there is a week writting and a week judging, that puts the end of the contest on Sept 13th. Is that how this usually runs?

Oh, and if people are so inclined to run a 17th contest, I would like to put my name down now. :) This seems like a lot of fun!

Good luck to all the poets!

[Zjoot]

You know we could still use a judge. :smallwink:

[Kalrany]

Do you have any judging guidelines? I would have to warn you that I am a bit rusty -- have not composed a poem in many years (that's why I was drawn to the thread -- am thinking of picking up some of my old hobbies), but I would enjoy participating in whatever capacity.

[Zeb The Troll]

Why certainly! We'd love to have you judge for us.

Do note that, despite our best efforts, these contests have never run from start to finish in two months.

As for qualifications, you need only to be someone who enjoys poetry and has a reasonable skill at telling others what you think of their work in a constructive manner. While it is a competition, most participants are actually more interested in feedback on their work so that they can improve. (Of course, being told that your submission is good enough to advance to the next round is always nice too.) (I'd recommend going back and reading some of the judgements from past threads to get an idea of what the competitors have gotten used to getting. Those are all linked in the OP.)

Shall I slot you in as a judge then?

[Lord Tyger]

Prompt: Invigorate

I breathe once more the mountain airs
That filled my lungs in childhood.
And wander as my spirit dares
Far from the binds of "Now you should,"

I put aside my load of cares
And draik the beauty of the woods
I breathe once more the mountain airs
That filled my lungs in childhood.

And Sleep comes on me unawares
To give me what strength that he could
That once more well I might do good
With hidden strength his touch bares.
I breathe once more the mountain airs.

[leakingpen]

Do you have any judging guidelines? I would have to warn you that I am a bit rusty -- have not composed a poem in many years (that's why I was drawn to the thread -- am thinking of picking up some of my old hobbies), but I would enjoy participating in whatever capacity.


Yes, we have one very strict, very stringent judging requirement. That you like poetry, and desire to judge for the improvement of art and craft of both yourself and the competitors!

We are very much a rip the page out bunch here.

Also, you put me against Szilard in the first round. damn, stepping it up.

[Kalrany]

Why certainly! We'd love to have you judge for us.

Do note that, despite our best efforts, these contests have never run from start to finish in two months.

As for qualifications, you need only to be someone who enjoys poetry and has a reasonable skill at telling others what you think of their work in a constructive manner. While it is a competition, most participants are actually more interested in feedback on their work so that they can improve. (Of course, being told that your submission is good enough to advance to the next round is always nice too.) (I'd recommend going back and reading some of the judgements from past threads to get an idea of what the competitors have gotten used to getting. Those are all linked in the OP.)

Shall I slot you in as a judge then?

I looked over a couple of your older IP threads, and I think that I can give it a go. :smallwink: Please lot me as a judge for this IP16!

[Szilard]

Also, you put me against Szilard in the first round. damn, stepping it up.

Oddly, that's how I felt about being put up against you. :smalltongue:

Anywho, my schedule is somewhat uncertain for the next few days, so I'll just post mine up early.

Prompt: Mistrust
Title: The War of Jenkins' Ear

1713
Fires were not as hot,
Nor furnaces as efficient,
As a modern day's pot.

The flavors exploded,
As the food cooked slow.
Like dinner, like war: cannons loaded.

Over a decade was Europe's Pain,
As nations fought for the succession
Until King Philip was the ruler of Spain.

Treaties set and kings decided,
Britain could now trade with Spain,
So off the ships went with sails guided.

1738
Tensions rose again.
Rumors went flying of pirates,
When in came in ol' Jen.

The Spanish are attacking left and right,
Seizing our ships and stealing our goods.
For that, we must stand and fight!

War started with renewed vigor,
Spain and Britain grown angry,
As fingers tightened on the trigger.

1731
Rebecca was boarded and searched,
Crew questioned and hurt,
When Fandiaño was ready to burst.

¡Sé que eres un pirata*, Jenkin!
With a flash and slash,
The ear was cut off the captain.

The Spaniards left the ship empty handed
As Captain Jenkins saved his ear in brandy,
Ready to show parliament when he landed.

Misunderstandings led to mistrust,
And men soon forgot logic,
As swords readied to thrust.



---
*I know you're a pirate (literally: I know that you are a pirate)

[leakingpen]

:P

prompt: mistrust

Title: 30 Sucks

The words flowed easy
When young I was.

The thoughts were simple
Yet I was profound.

The ribbons and accolades
From my words on a page
Whether spoken in smoky room
Or on a theater’s platform.

But the sun spins ever round the globe
The moon rises and falls and never will slow
As the years creep on and my body and mind fail me
I stutter and spooner, grasp at syllables, rhymes escape and meter loses rhythm.

The words now fight,
Though old I am not yet.

My thoughts are profound,
But simply expressed.

Contests online or a page view count,
From novels crafted tine by tine,
Be they shouted at a crowded web,
Or posted silently on some corner of net.

I am not old, yet my pen hand shakes,
Filling notebooks by the score with scattered drafts,
But is it good, or is it mostly crap, have I suffered Sturgeon’s law,
What great betrayal is it, when after it has served you well, your own mind you mistrust.

[Zjoot]

I was going to wait to the deadline so I could tweak to the last possible moment, but gosh darn it I'm happy with it now.

Promt: invigorate

Title: Zap

ZAP

A candlestick of spider spit,
Grey or gray crayon wax,
(Not crayola, but rose art)
melty and unfailing,
to form wax museum monsters,
to impede;
too big for somersaulting over.
A wrought iron curly cue,
through broken glasses,
in a fog storm.
Crows crash-landing: Boom.
The resulting fire is neither beauty,
nor warmth,
and the smoke slithers slowly,
a nebula snake
creeping up spines
and as ice water.
Saltwater as or in the well;
the ocean, yet not the ocean,
in that the ocean is terrifying,
yet terrific,
large, yet allows yellow sailboats admission,
giving them half price tickets on Fridays
and alternate Wednesdays,
and punching their ticket with a smile
And submarines; No extra charge,
for gazing at starfish
Except now they don't have port-holes,
so the squid-ink not-love letters
go undelivered. (The mailmen are all
eels, or maybe being held hostage by them)
Self-defeating; a popsicle in summer,
abandoned like the dinosaurs.
Am I? I am not, or knotted?
Do I think? I am...perhaps.
Falling. Or flying incorrectly.
The swing rusts
for want of a child and a push.

A hand is what was needed.
A hand is what came,
wrapped in a glimmer,
warping, but not warped,
warming, and gently, softly, warm.
It was solitary, floating.
Was this the sea? The sky?
The skylark? Where we float,
are floating. Is floating.
And my imaginings, fed to me
somehow like punch cards;
crafted carefully,
not like my thunderstorms,
showed me the "arm"
An eye, white-toothed smiling.
An eye that was like allusion;
pupil of endless self reference,
to everything,
all at once.
From the eye,
through the hand,
into me,
came the feeling a light switch gets
Flicked swiftly upwards; a thrill,
and the thrill is a familiar fingerprint,
spiraling somehow.
Fractalate, faberge.

Jotls. It gave me jolts.
Things that rhyme with jolts;
volts, and bolts. Surges.
They held a banquet,
held my skin
under at least eleven
different sieges.
Seizures. It gave me seizures
in the best possible way;
a flashlight behind my eyes,
a fresh coat of colorful paint,
for bicycle frame bones
and lungs replaced with dirigibles
and every neuron was plucked.
I was seized, shaken, blasted, unzippered
Awake. Awake gavels hit my stomach.
Sparks leapt from this thing I call I.
They bubbled forth, froth, dragons
Inside to out, and I was the rotating door
That entices children into the library.
They flipped and pinwheeled, spiraling.
It smelled of roses,
tasted of wine,
felt like shadow,
sounded like the noble cello...
altogether, the sensation
was somewhere between
marble,
classic literature,
an aquarium,
every firework show(er)
and what these facsimiles all mocked
(though unintentionally, beautifully)

Remind me to write that thank-you card.
Remind me to dig up that Popsicle fossil,
buried long ago.

**

[Zeb The Troll]

I was going to wait to the deadline so I could tweak to the last possible moment, but gosh darn it I'm happy with it now.It's worth noting that you're allowed to edit your poem clear up until the deadline without issue. It's only if the poem is edited after the deadline that it becomes a problem.

Judges, just a reminder, this means that you shouldn't be reading poems until the deadline has passed so that changes and edits can be made.

[leakingpen]

It's worth noting that you're allowed to edit your poem clear up until the deadline without issue. It's only if the poem is edited after the deadline that it becomes a problem.

Judges, just a reminder, this means that you shouldn't be reading poems until the deadline has passed so that changes and edits can be made.

otoh, any non judge spectators are WELCOME to read and comment, but either in PM, or spoiler your comments.

[Dimonite]

Drat! A day late (and a dollar short). I just stumbled upon this thread and noticed that you all JUST started.

I am looking forward to watching this thread for the next couple of months, since if there is a week writting and a week judging, that puts the end of the contest on Sept 13th. Is that how this usually runs?

Oh, and if people are so inclined to run a 17th contest, I would like to put my name down now. :) This seems like a lot of fun!

Good luck to all the poets!

...I suppose that makes me five days late and flat broke. :smallfrown: Ah well, I'll settle for being a spectator. And if we can actually sign up for the next one this early, count me in too.

[Zeb The Troll]

...I suppose that makes me five days late and flat broke. :smallfrown: Ah well, I'll settle for being a spectator. And if we can actually sign up for the next one this early, count me in too.Actually, if you're interested, I'd be more than happy to add you to the judges roster as well. We typically like to have five judges at the start. Three is just the bare minimum.

[Dimonite]

I would love to judge!

[Weezer]

Actually, if you're interested, I'd be more than happy to add you to the judges roster as well. We typically like to have five judges at the start. Three is just the bare minimum.

Especially since judge disappearance is an endemic problem, with last round being a perfect example of that.

[Techwarrior]

Prompt: Indignant

Shadows
I run my mouth in circles
That seek to be undefined
While you keep playing games
With the shadows in my mind
The ones that torture
The ones that deceive
The ones that stayed with me
On all my lonely nights
While you went out and played

These shadows are what you need to see
If you hope to be a light
In the darkness of my sanity
I don’t know how to stop you
And I never learned how to say no
Because there’s just something to you
That sneaks around my promises
And makes them vanish before the wind

You don’t know
Because you simply don’t care
You can’t see the shadows
They keep count of how you’ve sinned
And throw the numbers in my face
As you teach me
To love what I truly hate

Just remember this
Oh lover dear
When the shadows start to fear
I see with eyes no longer blind
And I can count the ways you’ve sinned
But not on my fingers
Not on my toes

You don’t know
Because you just don’t care
The shadows tell me
As I sleep a sleep
Filled with angry dreams

But when I step from the shadows wake
Your eyes hold no mysteries
And the lies you tell me
Flash through my mind
Stretching the bounds of the darkness
The darkness that you refused to light
Until I was already blind

So take your lies
I can see with reborn eyes
All your sins done unto me

[Mainlander]

Prompt: Entity
Title: Extra-large
I met a girl at a bar.
She said “I’m a medium
and you have an entity.”

I said “I’m an extra-large
and have no idea what that means.”

She tried to tell me about some
psychic connection with a ghost,
claiming to be my father,
that was preoccupying a good portion
of his post-life time
acting as my spook
and guardian angel.

When I got home I forgot entirely
about the drunken conversation.
I knew she was yanking my chain;
my dad was still alive
off in Europe somewhere
but it would have been nice,
wouldn’t it have been,
if he was dead
and following me around
and giving a ****?

[Razanir]

Oh, and if people are so inclined to run a 17th contest, I would like to put my name down now. :) This seems like a lot of fun!

Can I also be in IP XVII?

[Silviya]

I completely forgot to check in on this thread for a while, and the round had started by the time I remembered it, so I didn't finish my poem until right now. I'm going to use my twelve hour extension.

Prompt: Entity
Title: A Song of Eternity


Ripples form across
the silent expanse
of endless infinity.
Stars glow
ever so bright
for a time
before they fade into history.

As galaxies whirl
as they dance and twirl,
as stars are born,
and as they die,
ripples form across
the silent expanse
of endless infinity.

A song is sung, endlessly,
with a voice less than a whisper.
A song of infinity, louder
than can be heard.
A song that no one ever hears
ringing ever so loud
so silent
in their ears.

Ripples form across
the silent expanse
of endless infinity.
With stars as eyes
and claws, and fangs
and a thousand beating hearts
it is.

It sings a song
of endless wonder and beauty
of eternal pain and cruelty.
And ripples form across
the ever ringing expanse
of endless infinity,
as it sings its song
of eternity.

[Haruki-kun]

Prompt: Fizzle
Title: The Unfinished Masterpiece

The Unfinished Masterpiece

A roaring flame burns through his fingers.
The work shines bright as he lets it flow.
A word, a note, a symphony lingers,
Setting their pace, he’ll watch them go.

He dusts the ashes from past emotion,
this masterpiece will free them all.
He won’t back down with this devotion,
Nor shall he let his new art fall.

Pen scratches paper with graceful strokes,
A melodious Rhapsody takes shape and form.
Looking down on the beauty his mind invokes,
The tired artist retires, and cold comes from warm.

The days go by and not a word,
The days go by and not a note.
The clear-spoken words becoming slurred,
A shadow of what once he wrote.

“I mean to finish,” he once said,
“I just need time to think and rest.
I swear, I swear, this is not dead!
It will, in fact, become the best!”

[leakingpen]

Silviya, deadline is midnight EDT TONIGHT, I believe, so no extension needed.

[Zeb The Troll]

Silviya, deadline is midnight EDT TONIGHT, I believe, so no extension needed.This is correct. Poets still have just shy of 15 hours to submit without using their extension.

[SaintRidley]

Prompt: Arid


Driving in the Desert without AC

The road screams in pain as I drive across its face.
The midday sun only makes things worse—the asphalt
Burns with those wavy lines like on the machine in the bathroom
Where you push a button and get warm air instead of bacon.

It’s hot is what I’m getting at.

All around…. Well, you know how it is in the desert.
The sky is open, not even a cloud to break the monotonous
Blue, nor a tree or even a cactus to island the sea of sand.
There’s just me and the sun and the street and I wish that
The one would go away and the other shut up because
I can’t even think my brain’s shielding itself so.

Just a bit distracted, really.

And it’s disgusting how such emptiness, this paucity
Of idea and feeling, this lack of beauty that won’t even grant
Me the displeasure of ugliness, how absolute solitude
And emptiness, how nothingness can be so distracting.

‘Can’t make something from nothing’ they always say.
‘That’s why you’re wrong’ they always smile that same stupid smile
That self-satisfied smirk that suggests they said something smart.

Well who just created something from nothing
And found that the something is loathsome!
I wish I could wash it all away, clear it out and start over:
My car can be my ark, the S.S. Ford Taurus with a pony on the dashboard,
Two of every thing: two blankets, two gloves, two tires, two shirts—
Except there’s only one iPod, because the apple is unclean
And will only bring sin.

And with all that at least if my mind unfocused
It would have a reason I could respect.
But all I have is the sun and the street and the
Bacon lines in the air and I don’t even know
What I was doing or thinking before because
My noodle’s fried, the oasis of imagination
Has dried up and gone back to the desert as all things must.



Note for after judgment
When my brain decides to do free association it takes me to some slightly weird places. Ford Taurus ark is just a bit odd.

[Silviya]

This is correct. Poets still have just shy of 15 hours to submit without using their extension.

Huh, okay. Somehow I had thought that the deadline was Wednesday, not Thursday.

[Weezer]

Prompt: Scintillate

Discovery



Before me it is sitting, shining,
Its glow reflects off the instruments
As they show me what I’d uncovered.

Culmination and vindication
Enabled by the work of the dead
Whose shoulders I am standing upon.

But has my life’s work been worthwhile
Or is this, however bright, empty
Simply reflected from my desires?

[Elvaris]

Prompt: Fizzle

The shiny new airbrush slid onto the workbench
Displacing the half-filled scrapbook
Into the dessicated bonsai
And pushed the unwired breadboard
Over the jumbled patterns
Through the uninked stamps
And into the skein of yarn
That rested against the neck of the no longer shiny guitar
That had long since lost its place on the workbench.

[Worlok]

Taking my extension. Can't be helped. Dying for a finishing line, and everything's kind of ridiculous schedule-wise.

[TFT]

Got it finished with a couple of hours to spare on the extension. That's a relief.

Prompt: Scintillate

A Moment
I started in college:
Late at night,
I’d find a quiet location,
Book in hand,
And I'd sit down to read,
With the thought in the back of my head
That someday, someone might find me.
I’d see her,
book in hand,
And she’d sit down.
We’d share a look -
Just a momentary glance,
But that would be enough.
And years later,
We’d look back on this meeting
As the moment we knew.

It’s another late night.
I find a location,
Book in hand,
And sit down,
Thought still in the back of my mind.
But today, today someone has found me.
She walks toward me,
Book in hand,
And sits down.
I glance up,
And our eye’s meet
But for a moment.
I glance at her book
To see what she’s reading.
Lord of the Rings.
Yea.
Now I know.

[Worlok]

Okay. I give it. There is nothing I can make out of this goddamn prompt which I'd be remotely happy having associated with my name, and you can laugh at me if you want, but that's it. No chance. No further. I'm through. Apologies for wasting everyone's time, and for wanting this to begin as soon as possible, which I realise makes me look like a sanctimonious jackass who doesn't know what he wants. Have fun, everybody.

[Techwarrior]

It's all good, sometimes you just don't have the inspiration. As a fellow poet, I can completely understand.

[Dimonite]

Well, it being well past even the 12-hour extension deadline, I believe I can begin judgement.
Entity: Silviya vs. Mainlander
Silviya
Beautiful. From the infinite scope of the topic, to the "it is", I loved everything about this poem. I especially enjoyed how you sort of flirted with a rhyme scheme, but didn't let yourself get too caught up in structural details.
Mainlander
I quite enjoyed the joke your poem led off with, and the way you described the young man's estrangement from his father definitely tugs at the heartstrings. Overall, I loved it.
Verdict:
Silviya. While both poems were amazing, I felt that Silviya's poem was more... beautiful.

Fizzle: Haruki vs. Elvaris
Haruki
This struck a particular chord with me (I've done this sort of thing more often than I care to admit), and the structural elements - rhyme, rhythm, etc. were divinely executed. More than anything else, however, you evoked the spark that lies in all creative minds, while bemoaning its continued dormancy. This - this is what poetry should be.
Elvaris
I do like this: each object symbolizes a project abandoned and forgotten; this workbench is a collection of broken dreams. It's fantastic writing to be able to convey so much meaning with so few words. A very good poem.
Verdict:
Haruki. While both poems were (again) fabulous, I felt a strong connection to Haruki's poem. He basically reached inside my brain and plucked the string marked "nostalgia and regret", and it was amazing.

Invigorate: Lord Tygre vs. The Grimmace
Lord Tygre
Short, sweet, and to the point. Moreover, it speaks to the refreshing tranquility of the great outdoors, something I've always acknowledged and adored. Good imagery and good use of the prompt.
The Grimmace
I'm sorry, really, but I just don't get it. I'm sure that there's a great, deep meaning in there somewhere, but it is far beyond my grasp. There are parts I liked, (the surges, the sieges, and the seizures) and parts that sound good when read aloud, (noble cello, pupil of endless self-reference) but nothing that I managed to comprehend.
Verdict:
Lord Tygre. In addition to the lovely imagery and how much I enjoyed the style, I actually understood his poem on some level.

Apocalypse: Garwain vs. Mardel
Garwain
First of all, I hope you don't mind that I'm critiquing your work even though you won by default. That being said, I liked it. While it was a bit simple, and fairly short, the rhyme scheme was clever, and your portrait of a post-apocalyptic survivor was good.
Mardel
N/A
Verdict:
Garwain, by default, though he had a good chance of winning even if Mardel had shown up.

Scintillate: Weezer vs. The Fiery Tower
Weezer
Let me know if I'm way off base, but I'm sort of seeing this as the invention of the lightbulb. Assuming I'm right, that was a stroke of genius. that glowing orb of brilliance is the incarnation of scintillation, and its glow shedding light on the inventor's possibly ignoble motivations works beautifully.
The Fiery Tower
You tell a beautiful story, portraying the fulfillment of what every bookish young man wishes for - a companion to be bookish with. However, the connection to scintillation is vague at best. So, while I love the story you tell here, I don't really get where you're coming from in regards to the prompt.
Verdict:
Weezer. Using Edison was brilliant, (again, if I'm remotely close with that) and Tower's connection to the prompt was just too unclear for my tastes.

Mistrust: leakingpen vs. Szilard
leakingpen
Ooh, syntactical inversions! And meta-ness! I like it.The pain of growing older, the fear of losing one's edge - these are primal anxieties that you have masterfully tapped into and displayed. Don't worry, this is definitely in the "not crap" 10%.
Szilard
...this is good stuff. I do love history (it's my minor, in fact) and I'm grateful to you for showing me this interesting little corner of it. I also enjoyed the three-line stanzas - an intriguing variation on the norm. Overall, it's great.
Verdict:
leakingpen. While I enjoyed both quite a bit, his was a poem I could more easily connect to, and I feel like he touched an emotion that's a primal part of each of us.

Arid: Worlok vs. Saint Ridley
Worlok
Don't feel bad; writer's block happens to everyone sometimes.
Saint Ridley
As I said to Garwain, I hope you don't mind my critiquing even though you win by default. Actually, there's nothing there that I don't like. The symbolism of the ark and the apple and the oasis were masterfully executed, and the idea of nothingness being often worse than ugliness is an interesting idea to explore.
Verdict:
Saint Ridley, by default.

Indignant: TechWarrior vs. Cuthalion
TechWarrior
Bitterness and regret are always powerful emotions, and your use of them here is well-executed. How this person feels, (and the gender ambiguity, allowing the reader to fill in whatever they feel is most appropriate was a masterstroke, by the way) realizing that the one they love is bad news, is beautifully portrayed here. Great work!
Cuthalion
It's fun, and the rhyme scheme is nice, but it just doesn't seem like there's much there. It's fairly simple, and while it is entertaining (and relevant to the interests of everyone here) it doesn't really create an emotional response. I"m sorry if I'm being too negative, but that's my honest opinion.
Verdict:
TechWarrior. Your poem was fantastic, and very emotionally charged.
That concludes my judging for today. If there are any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to let me know!

[Halberd]

I believe it is now time to pass judgement.
Silviya/Mainlander- Prompt: Entity
Silviya:Well, this is rather intriguing. It does a wonderful job of describing an entity that seems to be beyond all description. I really got a sense of its cosmic majesty and the unknowable, contradictory beauty of its song. You also described the eternity of space in a nicely poetic manner. Very well done.
Mainlander: Quite nice. It was humorous, yet somehow poignant. The speaker's encounter with a fraudulent medium was a creative way of exposing his deeper issues with his distant father. I also liked his retort to the medium about being an "extra-large", very witty.
Verdict:Silviya.

Haruki/Elvaris- Prompt: Fizzle
Haruki: Excellent. I can relate to the artist's experience, when a great creative force takes hold, then gradually fizzles out. I also find it interesting how the artist continues to believe his composition will be a masterwork long after the original spark of inspiration has faded. Extra credit for introducing structure into a contest filled predominantly with free verse, even if it is just a simple ABAB rhyme scheme.
Elvaris: This poem may only describe a single scene, but every single long-forgotten item on that workbench conjures an image of another pastime lost, another interest long forgotten. The scene seems to be a sort of biography, a story of a person's failed attempts and lost hobbies throughout their life. A short, yet wonderful, poem.
Verdict: Both were great, but I would say Haruki by an inch.

Lord Tyger/The Grimmace- Prompt: Invigorate
Lord Tyger: Ah, very interesting form you have there. Iambic quadrameter, ABAB and ABBAA rhyme schemes. I commend you for it. The poem's description of an invigorating, peaceful mountain vacation is OK, but it seems you were a bit restricted by your form. Also, I don't believe "draik" is a word. Overall solid, though.
The Grimmace: ...Wow. This is quite an odd poem. It does not follow a coherent narrative, but rather leaps energetically through a cavalcade of chaotic images and feelings. Though it can feel a bit disjointed and bizarre at times (Cows exploding? Mailmen held hostage by eels?) it does have an irresistible electricity running through it that befits its title.
Verdict: The Grimmace.

Garwain/Mardel- Prompt: Apocalypse
Garwain: An OK poem. Rhyme scheme is a bit odd, but it works. Its depiction of the postapocalyptic survivor is what I imagine it would be (can't believe they survived, determined to make a new life out of the wreckage, etc) but some of the lines feel a bit off to me. "so hard it falls to believe" being an example. You're advancing to the next round without competition, so it's hard to tell how it would do against another poem, but there's definitely room for improvement.
Mardel: Sorry, but you kind of need a poem to compete. Disqualified.
Verdict: Garwain by default.

Weezer/The Fiery Tower- Prompt: Scintillate
Weezer:An interesting portrayal of the speaker, who I assume to be some sort of treasure hunter. He's found what he has been searching for, but seems to feel guilt for those who died in the name of his quest and doubts whether it was worthwhile in the first place. I can't help but see this as a metaphor for those who have obtained everything they ever wanted, yet remain unsatisfied. Short, but excellent.
The Fiery Tower: What a touching poem. I usually don't go for poetry that enters the realm of the romantic, but this is quite well-written. The parallel structure of the speaker's fantasy and its fulfillment was superb. And I like that the girl was reading Lord of the Rings, a nice touch. Wonderfully heartwarming.
Verdict: Gah, I want both of you to advance so badly. But I can't do that, so... Weezer by a millimeter.

Leakingpen/Szilard- Prompt: Mistrust
Leakingpen: Odd title, but well done. Doubting yourself is a theme that those on this thread will find especially relatable. The sense I get is that the only thing holding the speaker back is their lack of self-confidence. I also like the touches of Yoda-speak in there ("when young I was"). The prompt was used in a wondefully creative way as well. Mistrust between people may be more visible, but mistrust within oneself is arguably more universal.
Szilard: Hmm... I realize that there's supposed to be some sort of narrative in here, no doubt a wonderful, historical tale that incorporates warfare, mistrust between nations, and some pirate named Jenkins getting his ear cut off. But I'm just having a hard time following it. Putting the entries in chronological order would have helped. Also, the "food" thing in the first two stanzas seems utterly pointless and unnecessary. The rest of the poem is good, though, with a solid ABA rhyme scheme that doesn't seem to get in the way too much and a good title. It just needs to be clearer.
Verdict: Leakingpen.

Worlok/SaintRidley- Prompt: Arid
Worlok: You don't look like a sanctimonious jackass, you just look like a person with writer's block. Disqualified.
SaintRidley: A pity this amazing poem didn't have competition. It has a conversational tone that almost makes it seem more like a monologue than a poem, the eccentric ramblings of a speaker driven a bit out of their mind by the heat. It perfectly describes the desert's somehow distracting, worse-than-ugly emptiness, and the bizarre fantasies that can pass through a heat-addled brain. Also, when it comes to free association, I have seen much, much stranger than your Ford Taurus Ark
Verdict: SaintRidley by default.

Techwarrior/Cuthalion- Prompt: Indignant
Techwarrior: Very interesting. The speaker appears to have a love-hate relationship with the imaginary "shadows", manifestations of his/her insanity. They torture the speaker, but also seem to be informants, telling him/her about his/her lover's unspecified "sins". But are they telling the truth, or are his/her lover's sins merely lies the shadows tell in order to keep them apart? He seems to believe the former, but the truth is left ambiguous, as are many things in this poem. I could spend a lot longer analyzing this, but, suffice to say, I liked it quite a bit.
Cuthalion:If I could think of the poem that is as opposite from Techwarrior's poem as possible, it would be something like this. This is possibly the most light-hearted poem here, and the limerick-ish form is evidence of that. Essentially, there is a dwarf and a bard who insult each other, and a fighter who is irritated by them both. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Although it is quite funny in places, and your rhyming is rather well-executed, it just doesn't have enough depth for me.
Verdict: Techwarrior.

[TFT]

Note to judges after judgement(Dimonite in particular)
It's ironic that in the last 2 judgements in a row, I get criticized for opposite things. Last time I entered, I was told that my use of prompt was the "Most basic, obvious" use of it. So this time I went deep with the prompt. The word scintillate has definitions of to emit sparks, to sparkle, to flash (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Scintillate?s=t)(I'll have to admit I looked this one up, so if I'm missing subtle nuances to the words, well, I can only go by written definitions.) What does it have to do with my prompt? Well, nothing physically, completely intentionally. There is no shining object in my poem, sparks or fires that make the poem an obvious connection to the word. However, I attempted to imitate the idea of the word, to draw as many parallels as possible(Making a moment that felt like sparks or sparkling, and having characteristics of that word)

Use of prompt was also the thing I focused on the most in the process of making this poem in an attempt to make it subtle(I didn't start for 6 days because I was trying to think of an idea that was subtle but also had a close enough connection to the prompt that it could be easily explained), so to have it dismissed out of hand for not really having a connection to the prompt was saddening, to say the least. Understandable, but saddening. Because of the focus I put on this, I'm curious as to what parts of that I could have improved to make the connections more obvious. And so I leave that question to you: what was vague about the connection to the prompt? If needed, I can list the ways I tried to connect it to the prompt to for specifics as to how I had tried to connect the prompt to the word. This is ultimately something I want to learn from, so don't feel like this is trying to be critical. Thanks for any response you give in advance.

[Weezer]

Firstly I'd like to thank the both of you for taking the time to judge my poem.

@Dimonite
Nope, not way off base, though I was being a bit more general and metaphorical. I was thinking mostly of any scientific discovery with the 'glow' being the light of knowledge (or simply the scientists hubris/ignoble motivations, which I'm glad that I seemed to convey well). But it's very similar to your take and multiple interpretations are the key to art. Thanks for your input.


@Halberd

Huh, it's always interesting how people interpret poems so differently. I was aiming to depict a scientist who had made some sort of new discovery. There's definitely that metaphor you mention of someone finding all they wanted (or what they think they want, or deceiving themselves into thinking they've found it, not sure which it is myself) but still being dissatisfied. Yeah I agree it's a bit short, I wanted to add another stanza or so to 'wrap it up' and give some resolution as to if he really found what he wanted or not, but it ended up being better left hanging (or so I think). Not to say your interpretation is 'wrong' because it doesn't match my intentions, on the contrary multiple valid interpretations are incredibly important. I'm glad the poem worked for you, and thanks again for your time.

[Dimonite]

@Fiery Tower: I'm sorry if my judgement came off as idly dismissing your poem due to its lack of connection to the prompt. That was no part of my intention; the judgement between you and Weezer was one of the most difficult of the competition so far. As I said, I did love the story you told, but I liked Weezer's just as well. My focus on the tenuousness of the connection was meant to be more along the lines of outlining the deciding factors than dismissing anything. While I did sort of grasp that there was a connection (and since reading your description and rereading the poem a few times I understand it more thoroughly) it wasn't very conspicuous. As to how it could have improved the obviousness of the connection: I feel as though this is one of those situations where a single word in the right place would have made all the difference - a mention of some kind of light, a gleam in her eye, something like that. Am I making sense?

[Alarra]

Um...wow, you guys are fast on the judgments. Mine won't be in til um...Monday at the earliest, Thursday at the latest. :smallsmile:

[leakingpen]

Um...wow, you guys are fast on the judgments. Mine won't be in til um...Monday at the earliest, Thursday at the latest. :smallsmile:

I know, right? I'm often the first judge out of the gate, and Im not that fast!

Worlok, it happens man. Better to declare defeat than hand in crap. Next time! :Hug:

Diomonite, syntactical inversions! And meta-ness! wow, I feel like im in an episode of star trek. technobabble! Lol. thank you, Im glad you enjoyed it. I felt like playing with words. Im worse than a toddler with a plate of pasta and mashed potatoes in that regard.


Halberd, glad I struck a chord. The wonderfully horrible thing about self doubt is even when we all share it, the doubt makes you positive that you're alone in those feelings.

[SaintRidley]

Sad to see writer's block strike. I was looking forward to your entry, Worlok.

Notes to judges.



Arid: Worlok vs. Saint Ridley
Saint Ridley
As I said to Garwain, I hope you don't mind my critiquing even though you win by default. Actually, there's nothing there that I don't like. The symbolism of the ark and the apple and the oasis were masterfully executed, and the idea of nothingness being often worse than ugliness is an interesting idea to explore.
Verdict:
Saint Ridley, by default.



I rather appreciate critique, so I'm glad you didn't just leave it to Default win. I think the best part of writing this was that I tried to capture all possible angles of the word - I wanted something that suggested dryness, emptiness, and a lack of imagination. So I took a desert, emptied it, and aimed for keeping the narrator unable to focus long enough to imagine. I hope on those fronts I managed to succeed in what I set out to do.




Worlok/SaintRidley- Prompt: Arid
SaintRidley: A pity this amazing poem didn't have competition. It has a conversational tone that almost makes it seem more like a monologue than a poem, the eccentric ramblings of a speaker driven a bit out of their mind by the heat. It perfectly describes the desert's somehow distracting, worse-than-ugly emptiness, and the bizarre fantasies that can pass through a heat-addled brain. Also, when it comes to free association, I have seen much, much stranger than your Ford Taurus Ark
Verdict: SaintRidley by default.


Thanks for the kind words. I've written stranger, but I don't venture into surrealism much, and almost never when writing in English. Comes more naturally to me in Spanish, perhaps because I am not constrained by any sort of inculcated idiom as I have been in my native language.

I think one of the amusing behind the scenes parts of this poem is the way the Ford Taurus Ark happened.

I was actually getting ready to scrap everything but the first stanza. I wasn't sure where I wanted the poem to go, but I knew where it started. Anyway, at some point it connected to me that my poem was in the desert and that if I started over it would be like using a flood to wipe everything clean and restart from scratch. And from there I simply needed to incorporate it and further elements into a proper allusion, which helped bring the poem to a close without scrapping anything that I had already written.

[leakingpen]

Hey all, thought you might be interested, Margaret Attwood (A Handmaid's Tale) is working with Wattpad for a poetry contest.

http://www.wattpad.com/attys

[Alarra]

Judgments

entity – Silviya vs. Mainlander
SilviyaI like the language used here. It’s very lyrical and poetic. I can see this as a song actually and music runs through my head as I read it. I didn’t really feel that the connection to the prompt was as clear as it could have been. Very pretty though and I enjoyed it.
MainlanderThis didn’t strike me as very poetic. It’s an interesting premise and I can see how this could be a really interesting poem. The story could be really fun. This poem, however, doesn’t really work. I really liked the first two stanzas and wish you would have shown the rest of the conversation. It could have made a really neat poem, but then you gloss over the rest of the conversation and give us his thoughts in a way that doesn’t inspire connection or interest really. Some emotion would have been nice as well. So, yeah, not really very impressed, but I see nuggets of something good and interesting here. It needs a lot of reworking though.
VerdictSilviya

fizzle – Haruki vs. Elvaris
Haruki I really liked this. It had a fun rhythm and a good connection to the prompt. It was interesting and I felt a connection to the speaker and the ideas behind it. Your language was good and there were some lines that I really enjoyed. There were a few bits that I felt could have been a bit more polished, where it felt like you used certain words for their rhyme, but they didn’t quite fit the sentiment you wanted to convey. Overall very nice.
Elvaris This is really good. I love how much you can say in so few words. And it’s so universal and easy to connect to. I loved how much you told us about this person without them even being present in the story. Really really good.
Verdict Elvaris

invigorate – Lord Tyger vs. The Grimmace
Lord Tyger I don’t like this. It has a good rhythm and it rhymes, which I do appreciate as it’s something I struggle with. It seems overly simplistic though. There’s nothing new, interesting, surprising here. It’s really straightforward, no emotion, a vague narrator with no real presence or connection. I mean, it’s an adequate poem, but I find it disappointing given the energy that the prompt ought have inspired.
The Grimmace Hmm. I read this something like 6 times. I don’t get it. I’m sorry. No, not really ‘don’t get it’, because The section that starts with “Jolts” was wonderful, fully encompassed the prompt and really illustrated the speakers sensations beautifully. I would actually have really loved this poem if it was just that section. But the stuff before it, while interesting and lyrical just didn’t make sense to me. There were some beautiful lines and some lovely language, but put all together, it just didn’t form a coherent picture and I didn’t get the connection between it and the actual sensations being addressed at the end of the poem. Maybe it’s just me.
Verdict The Grimmace

apocalypse – Garwain vs. Mardel
Garwain I like this. It’s a pretty common theme and a very straightforward connection to the prompt, nothing really surprising going on. However, you convey a great deal of story, thought and emotion in a very small number of lines, which I find impressive. So while you lack creativity, your execution is spot on.
MardelNo poem
VerdictGarwain

scintillate – Weezer vs. The Fiery Tower
Weezer I like your language, some of these lines are really interesting. Good connection to the prompt on several different levels, which I like. You say a lot in very little space, which is always a feat. You did a good job of presenting emotion and a person without putting too much of him into the piece. You leave a lot to the imagination and leave me wanting to know more, which I like. The rhythm was decent, but I wish it would have been one more stanza, it felt unfinished, rhythmically. Content-wise, the end was nice, however.
The Fiery Tower This could be a premise that could be interesting and well done. It’s not a really new idea, but even old clichés can make good poetry if done well. I don’t feel that this was done well. The language isn’t very interesting and it doesn’t seem particularly poetic. It was hard to establish a rhythm. Overall, I found it kind of meh.
VerdictWeezer

mistrust – leakingpen vs. Szilard
leakingpenI like the premise of this and your connection to the prompt is good. It was easy to connect to. There were some very awkward turns of phrase, however, though most was good. The rhythm was easy to establish and overall I liked it relatively well. I especially liked the stanza that started ‘contests online’.
SzilardIt bothered me that the years did not go chronologically. It bothered me that the sections weren’t the same number of stanzas. The rhythm was hard to grasp. The story was interesting but didn’t draw me in and I didn’t feel any connection to the characters or action. There were some nice turns of phrase, but much of it did not feel ‘poetic’. It kind of reminded me of a book report, sadly. But I could see it being an amusing song.
Verdictleakingpen

arid – Worlok vs. Saint Ridley
Worlok No poem
Saint Ridley I really really enjoyed this. You made such a character and brought us so fully into his thoughts and even though it became a bit too ‘prose-like’ at times, it still felt poetic overall. You had some excellent lines and I loved loved loved the car =ark section and laughed out loud at the ipod lines. Well done. I’m sure you would have advanced even if you were opposed because this is really good stuff.
VerdictSaint Ridley

indignant – TechWarrior vs. Cuthalion
TechWarrior The rhythm seemed very erratic in this piece. It was easily found in the first and fourth stanzas, but the rest were kind of muddled. I was expecting something really good from the first stanza, because I really liked that one, but the next two just didn’t flow and were awkward to read and speak. Some nice use of language, but overall nothing really exciting or interesting here. Middle of the road, but I see potential and would like you to push yourself a little further if you make it to the next round.
Cuthalion I didn’t like this. Your words seemed chosen for their rhyme, rather than being the appropriate word for the piece. I see the attempted humor, but it didn’t really work. And I really hated the last two lines and because they were the end of the piece soured my impression to any good that may have been buried above. I wish you’d taken longer to work on this. It feels rushed and unfinished and, well, very amateurish, though I don’t know that’s really the right word for what I’m trying to convey. Sorry. I’m not meaning for this to sound overly mean.
VerdictTechWarrior

[Szilard]

I'm not sure if that was all the judges, but I might as well move on to my responses. Once again, thanks for all your hard work judges. Especially for this first round of judging. I think we all know how that usually turns out. :smalltongue:

Dimonite:

...this is good stuff. I do love history (it's my minor, in fact) and I'm grateful to you for showing me this interesting little corner of it. I also enjoyed the three-line stanzas - an intriguing variation on the norm. Overall, it's great.
I'm glad you enjoyed it! :smallbiggrin: You don't seem to have any real complaints, so I think I'll just leave it at that. Once again, thanks for being a judge, even if you voted for the other guy. :smalltongue:

Halberd:


Hmm... I realize that there's supposed to be some sort of narrative in here, no doubt a wonderful, historical tale that incorporates warfare, mistrust between nations, and some pirate named Jenkins getting his ear cut off. But I'm just having a hard time following it. Putting the entries in chronological order would have helped. Also, the "food" thing in the first two stanzas seems utterly pointless and unnecessary. The rest of the poem is good, though, with a solid ABA rhyme scheme that doesn't seem to get in the way too much and a good title. It just needs to be clearer.
I think I'll respond to your points backwards.

First off, the title I cannot take much credit for. :smalltongue: More can be read about the war here. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_Jenkins'_Ear) I mostly used my memory of the war from when I learned about it a few years ago in AP Euro, and then glanced to the article for the details I needed. As for the rhyme scheme, I simply figured it'd be nice to include to make this a bit more... fun?

Food... Well, mostly I put that in to explain why that first war took ten years. Looking back, it seems I should have either left it out, or used it as an extended metaphor, so you seem to have a good point there.

Now for the big one: Chronological order. The theme of this was supposed to be mistrust, and I wanted to have a poem where I showed an event and then showed why the events turned out that way--the why being something that was petty, or in this case a mistrust, that led to a giant understanding. This is the first war that came to mind, as I didn't want to go into more recent politics for fear of getting the post scrubbed by the mods. Now that I had my "why" and my "outcome," I wanted to have the "why" come afterwards, in order to show the status quo before I explained the seemingly unrelated events that led to this, showing how a misunderstanding could lead to a war. As I was getting into the poem I realized some background could also help the reader, so now I had the background, the why, and the event to explain. As I said earlier, I didn't want to do it in order, as that wouldn't show the theme quite as well as I wanted (or so I thought), and I didn't want to do it completely backwards, as then the background would just seem tacked on after the theme. Originally I wanted to do the poem similar to the movie Memento, with alternating verses going backwards and forwards in time (perhaps differentiating themselves via italics), but I figured that to be overly complicated. That is how I compromised on my final order of the background, the outcome, and the why that led to it. I figured it'd be an interesting way to deliver the theme, and I made sure to include the years so people wouldn't get lost, but evidently it left judges confused.

Now your first point. Yes, it was supposed to be a historical narrative of war, mistrust, and an unfortunate captain named Jenkins, but evidently I am not as good at storyweaving as I thought I was. :smalltongue:

Once again, thanks for the judging and critique.

Alarra:


It bothered me that the years did not go chronologically. It bothered me that the sections weren’t the same number of stanzas. The rhythm was hard to grasp. The story was interesting but didn’t draw me in and I didn’t feel any connection to the characters or action. There were some nice turns of phrase, but much of it did not feel ‘poetic’. It kind of reminded me of a book report, sadly. But I could see it being an amusing song.
I realize now that the number of stanzas per sections could easily be fixed, and would sort of make sense too. When doing the rhythm, I was just trying to do what sounded right, and I suppose that led to almost no consistency in that aspect.

As for not drawing you in and/or being book reportish, that might have stemmed from the fact that I wasn't sure whether to make this serious or humorous, and ended up being an dull mishmash. Poems require more forethought than I thought. :smalltongue: As for it perhaps being an amusing song, that was sort of what I was going for, though I suppose that would be better by chronological order, or better transitions between sections. I guess that transition could also have been the extra stanza in section 2 to make the stanza number consistent.

Anyway, for the chronological order thing, I'll just copy what I wrote to the other judge:

Now for the big one: Chronological order. The theme of this was supposed to be mistrust, and I wanted to have a poem where I showed an event and then showed why the events turned out that way--the why being something that was petty, or in this case a mistrust, that led to a giant understanding. This is the first war that came to mind, as I didn't want to go into more recent politics for fear of getting the post scrubbed by the mods. Now that I had my "why" and my "outcome," I wanted to have the "why" come afterwards, in order to show the status quo before I explained the seemingly unrelated events that led to this, showing how a misunderstanding could lead to a war. As I was getting into the poem I realized some background could also help the reader, so now I had the background, the why, and the event to explain. As I said earlier, I didn't want to do it in order, as that wouldn't show the theme quite as well as I wanted (or so I thought), and I didn't want to do it completely backwards, as then the background would just seem tacked on after the theme. Originally I wanted to do the poem similar to the movie Memento, with alternating verses going backwards and forwards in time (perhaps differentiating themselves via italics), but I figured that to be overly complicated. That is how I compromised on my final order of the background, the outcome, and the why that led to it. I figured it'd be an interesting way to deliver the theme, and I made sure to include the years so people wouldn't get lost, but evidently it left judges confused.

Once again, thanks for judging and critiquing. I'l like to think my poems have been improving over the months (years?). :smalltongue:

Thanks again!

[Zeb The Troll]

There's still one more set of judgments coming. :smallcool:

[Kalrany]

There's still one more set of judgments coming. :smallcool:

That would be me, I bet... Sorry for cutting it so close -- real life won this round. Oh, well... :smallsigh:

Anyway, my thoughts on the poems:

entity -
Silviya : powerful words, great use of imagery, excellent pacing
Mainlander : very interesting story, first two stanzas came across very humorous (which I like), good pacing
Comment – while Mainlander told a good story, I thought that Silviya had a stronger poem overall thanks to the imagery
Winner – Silviya
fizzle -
Haruki : very good imagery, solid storytelling, wonderful use of rhyme, solid flow and pacing, interesting use of rhythm
Elvaris : fantastic storytelling, great imagery, solid pacing, humorous (love that – it can be very difficult to do)
Comment – I could pick a winner, but just barely – both were very good, though it was amusing to me that both told a similar story; as much as I love Elvaris’s humorous portrayal, I felt that the mechanics of Haruki’s conveyed the story better
Winner – Haruki
invigorate -
Lord Tyger : excellent rhythm and rhyme, solid imagery, though I think a typo (do you mean draik=drank? if so the line makes sense)
The Grimmace : very odd, again typo errors (jotls=jolts?) but phenomenal imagery, the racing pace was used well for that sense of sliding thought – very fitting to the story being conveyed
Comment – it was actually kind of close, but the full impact of The Grimmace’s poem moved through the states of going from lost to invigorated in what felt like a cleaner and deeper transition
Winner – The Grimmace
apocalypse -
Garwain : there is something about the 4th line of the 1st stanza that I find off (word choice?), 2nd stanza is very solid, good rhythm
Mardel : NP
Comment – by default; the poem was a very interesting story, oddly positive (if still melancholy) by the end, which is really cool to be able to do with such a dark start
Winner – Garwain
scintillate -
Weezer : creative use of topic, well done storytelling, solid pacing
The Fiery Tower : humorous, very enjoyable storytelling, good pacing with strong flow
Comment – this was very difficult choice for me, since Weezer’s poem was one that I could personally identify with (I am a scientific researcher) but I think that The Fiery Tower’s poem just edged that out with a combination of humor and mechanics, (that is, pacing and word flow)
Winner – The Fiery Tower
mistrust -
leakingpen : interesting story, wonderful imagery, good use of rhythm to convey change
Szilard : fantastic use of rhythm for that sense of escalation, solid storytelling – very visual, interesting twist of prompt topic
Comment – though it was close as both were excellent poems, perhaps my favorites of the batch which made it kind of hard to vote against leakingpen’s poem; both had excellent emotional evocation, but I loved the storytelling elements of Szilard’s which really made the poem for me
Winner – Szilard
arid -
Worlok : OUT
Saint Ridley : superb use of imagery, good use of pacing, strong storytelling, loved the sense of humor
Comment – by default, but I have to say that I loved the poem overall, the story and the image were so solid and the dry humor was wonderful, and I would have placed this poem a tight 3rd in all the entries together
Winner – Saint Ridley
indignant -
TechWarrior : very interesting use of topic, story was very clear, wonderful use of imagery, good flow, the rhyming scheme was odd but pace was solid
Cuthalion : interesting story, humorous (kudos!), pacing scheme works well though I think it was nonspecific, I felt like there was a specific rhyming scheme that I didn’t recognize (maybe)
Comment – this was close, both were good and solid in terms of imagery, mechanics were strong for pacing but I thought Cuthalion’s was a bit cleaner, both used some rhyming but not a strong point and I was not able to determine the clear scheme, overall I felt the humorous story gelled better
Winner – Cuthalion

Thanks for all your wonderful poetry! I am looking forward to the next round -- you guys rock!
:smallcool:

[Zeb The Troll]

Hey! I need to get new prompts up!

Okay, working on that here shortly. Stay tuned.

[Garwain]

Thanks to the judges!

my response:

I admit to have played on safe for my first entry ever. More risks next time.
I got a lot of feedback on the 'falls hard to believe' line. I tried to express the 'losing faith' aspect by linking 'belief' and 'falling' as in how a paladin 'falls'. In retrospect, I should have phrased it differently. Oh well, win by default is still a win.

[Zjoot]

To the judges:
First of all, thank you all for the time and the useful critique. Each judge had a slightly different take, which is absolutely excellent for feedback.

Kalrany, I'm so glad that you picked up on that tonal shift. That's pretty much what I was going for with this piece, but I was beginning to worry that I had completely missed the mark on displaying the tone in the first part, but now I know that it has to have come through at least somewhat.

Alarra, I think part of it is a stylistic thing. I don't necessarily write to be understood; my goal is more to communicate through texture and tone. I do not believe that poetry has to be logical, or even that it always should be. That being said, there is an underlying logic to the poem I wrote, and I obviously needed to communicate it better. I agree that the first part could have used some serious reworking, and the middle part could have used a bit as well.

Dimonite, pretty much the same as what I said to Alarra. My goal in poetry is not really to be logical, but there were some things I could have done to communicate the feelings and tone better.

Halberd, I'm glad you liked it. And it's not cows exploding, but crows, which I think makes a little more sense, but I agree with you about the mailmen and the eels. That whole nautical bit needed to be reworked or replaced.

[Zeb The Troll]

So sorry!

Round 2, fight!

Prompt 1 (http://fotozon.com/fotos/taiwan_142_1342_891742461900324_big.jpg)
TechWarrior
Haruki

Prompt 2 (http://fotozon.com/fotos/yeng_0627_193_2215_461624146745637_big.jpg)
Weezer
The Grimmace

Prompt 3 (http://fotozon.com/fotos/ianmiles_236_2738_850759127483800_big.jpg)
Saint Ridley
leakingpen

Prompt 4 (http://fotozon.com/fotos/cfimages_88_650_843850777325317_big.jpg)
Silviya
Garwain


The poems will be due Saturday, August 18th at 23:59, Eastern Daylight Time.

[leakingpen]

rules clarification requestthe poem is supposed to stand alone. Would either putting a note on it, or making the title, a description of where it was found and an author attribution, be breaking that rule?

[Zeb The Troll]

I'm not entirely clear on what you mean by "where it was found" and "author attribution". Those sound very much like things people would say about poems they didn't write. :smallconfused:

[leakingpen]

I'm not entirely clear on what you mean by "where it was found" and "author attribution". Those sound very much like things people would say about poems they didn't write. :smallconfused:

exactly, treating it like an old poem found in a certain place, to add to / explain part of the story.

[Zeb The Troll]

Ah, I see. There's no rule about putting an explanatory note with your poem. A word of caution, however; very often the judges have a dim view of this. It won't disqualify a poem but, if it comes down to a very close decision, a judge may well go with the one that didn't need the explanation.

[Zjoot]

@leakingpen
Though if you clarify that the note is a part of the poem somehow, or put it in the title, I can't see the judges penalizing you for that. They certainly wouldn't be justified in doing so.

[SaintRidley]

That's an interesting prompt.

Not sure I know quite what to make of it.

[Garwain]

prompt 4 (http://fotozon.com/fotos/cfimages_88_650_843850777325317_big.jpg) entry:

Title: Son, sun and sin.

How I adore the vivid sparkle in his newborn eye,
watching the wonders of the world passing by.
Must be some great fortune that I've won
for he trully is my firstborn son.

Now 2 years have passed and he's quite a boy.
Such a small person that brings so much joy.
And while I question what I've begun,
my love for him has reached the sun.

It hurts to see him with the man
that he calls daddy while I am.
We agreed to shun the lies we're in.
He is my son, my sun and biggest sin.


PS: this is not autobiographical

[leakingpen]

That's an interesting prompt.

Not sure I know quite what to make of it.

meaning you're not sure what's going on in the photo? someone has duct taped a stop watch to the instrument cluster, and theres a button on the left handlebar that hooks up to the stop watch and turns it on and off. They use it to time something, probably how long to pass between two different objects, so it measures, say, how fast on the quarter or half mile.

[SaintRidley]

meaning you're not sure what's going on in the photo? someone has duct taped a stop watch to the instrument cluster, and theres a button on the left handlebar that hooks up to the stop watch and turns it on and off. They use it to time something, probably how long to pass between two different objects, so it measures, say, how fast on the quarter or half mile.

You know, I did not pick up on that at all. Hmm... I had an idea brewing, but now I'm not sure if that'll even work now that I know that.

[Zeb The Troll]

You know, I did not pick up on that at all. Hmm... I had an idea brewing, but now I'm not sure if that'll even work now that I know that.The interpretation of the photo need not be literal. The poem doesn't have to involve every minute detail. It's a prompt, a starting point. The challenge is not to poetically evoke that image, but to have the reader understand how that image connects to your poem.

[SaintRidley]

Yeah, I think my original idea should still work, then. Now I just need to tweak it some more and see how it works.

[leakingpen]

yeah, mine just barely comes from the picture. and a liberal interpretation.

[SaintRidley]

Prompt (http://fotozon.com/fotos/ianmiles_236_2738_850759127483800_big.jpg)

Riddle

I sit still until between legs I am started,
My red resting body ready to go;
I am longer than the last and light for my size,
So gentle my internal gyrations,
My power comes in the sum of my parts.

I am unused and at the height of my youth.
I urge you to take me, and your time--
How long can you handle me, can you
Let the ride last? Rev me up slowly,
And I can do the work.





Where do I take you?So long as you pump me the possibilities are endless,
Just see it in your eye, listen with open ear,
And my purring will be your pleasure:
We will crest the hills, hold slow in the valleys,
And when you’re ready, we will ride off
Into ecstasy, the explosive radiance of a sunset.

Now that you’ve taken me for a spin, tell me my name.

[Haruki-kun]

I really suck at picture prompts....

Prompt: Prompt 1
(http://fotozon.com/fotos/taiwan_142_1342_891742461900324_big.jpg)
Title: Half the World
I’ll put half the world under my leaves,
And let the other half roam free.
I would shade them if I could,
But I’d rather just not turn or see.

Rocking gently in the cool breeze
Half the world I’ll shield from harm.
Sweating harshly in the scorching sun,
Half the world will feel the warmth.

For those who cared, who watered me,
I’ll share a place within the stars.
And those who tore my leaves and branches,
Go find your place away from ours.

Would I make room for you someday?
I may, had I some space to spare,
But if you want my love and care,
You should have loved me when I was bare.

[Zjoot]

Prompt (http://fotozon.com/fotos/yeng_0627_193_2215_461624146745637_big.jpg)

Title: Splashdown (Christmas is a Pretty Holiday)
A shiny black shell; beetle-like.
Silver scar and contours of a stylish motorbike or something
It swarms with a labyrinth of dials and switches
Tattoos cover its exo-skin:

"Twelve times the optimal zoom"
(but still no speeding ticket)
"The power of a mega-canon"
(Yet it shoots mostly roses,
and never leaves a single scratch on their delicate attire)

Like a fish in the abyss, it gazes blindly
Eyestalk creeps through sliding door
and stares unblinkingly
A gaping magnet;
look here, smile, and be mesmerized.
(be memorized)

Hidden is a powerful bioluminescence;
a glaring dissonance,
a piercing moment of bright,
It blinds, it stuns, it confounds,
but it illuminates.

And in this way, it is both captor and cage
collecting specimen after specimen,
each stored in a vast back room, ready
to be called to the one and only display window when needed;
to take the stage.

A minuscule green bug stares curiously out
trying to glimpse the world,

A massive and gnarled tree maintains its dignity

A historic engine stands at the ready

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~

This is the camera I used
to catch the sun just one more time,
as it crashed into the ocean
and lit up the world like a Christmas light.

[Weezer]

Prompt (http://fotozon.com/fotos/yeng_0627_193_2215_461624146745637_big.jpg)

Captured

I’ve trapped you right here,
Standing there forever,
Staring over the waves,
Frozen on this little piece of film.

Never will you age,
Never will this sun set,
Never will you turn your head,
So long as I have this little piece of film,

The years pass, as do I,
The old giving way to the new,
As suns fall into the ocean,
But this moment will not fade
Before this little piece of film.

[Techwarrior]

Prompt 1 (http://fotozon.com/fotos/taiwan_142_1342_891742461900324_big.jpg)

Here: Heartbreak and Hyacinths

Sitting off to one side
My wayward china soul
Too fragile to touch
Too precious to forget
You were buried here
Beneath our maple tree
Like you always wanted

We would dance together
In the eye of the storm
While we learned to forget
Our troubles and our woes
As we sought in secret
That special place
That we could call our own

Now I sit here alone
As I watch over your grave
Reminiscing our times
Both the good and the bad
The arguments we had
The laughter we would share
To keep each other sane

Here I must leave you
With hyacinths and daisies
Our favorite flowers
The secret story
That I never did tell
Though you never believed
The promises I made

You’ll always be here
‘Neath our maple tree
I’ll bring you flowers
And tell a story or two
Before I break and weep
Because you are truly gone
Forever from my world

[SaintRidley]

Grimmace:

If you did what I think you did, and I think you did do what I think you did, I applaud your poem. Really weird and good.

You went for all four prompts, didn't you?

[leakingpen]

i... completely forgot. I suck. So sorry.

[SaintRidley]

Just wanted to say that it looks like the first two poems I wrote from Iron Poet XIII have been accepted for publication.

Way cool.

[Haruki-kun]

Just wanted to say that it looks like the first two poems I wrote from Iron Poet XIII have been accepted for publication.

Way cool.

Congratulations! :smallbiggrin:

[Zjoot]

That's awesome, congrats! :smallsmile:

And in reply to your other comment;
I did that completely inadvertently actually. The images were actually based on some photos on my camera's SD card. Sort of uncanny that the three I happened to choose coincide with the other prompts though. We'll say it was an unconscious decision, because Freud and Surrealism and stuff. Yeah!

[Dimonite]

i... completely forgot. I suck. So sorry.

It happens to the best of us; it's okay. But it is strange that the same two people who won by default last round are winning by default this round. Anyway, I'll get my judgments up sometime soon, but I can't be as quick this time due to moving the fact that I'm moving tomorrow.
edit: Congrats Ridley!

[Weezer]

It happens to the best of us; it's okay. But it is strange that the same two people who won by default last round are winning by default this round. Anyway, I'll get my judgments up sometime soon, but I can't be as quick this time due to moving the fact that I'm moving tomorrow.
edit: Congrats Ridley!

It's clearly a conspiracy, they obviously knocked off their competition so they could advance in this oh so prestegious contest. :smalltongue:

[Kalrany]

Are we allowed to start posting our judgments, or are we waiting on any late entries? I have mine typed up but don't want to post yet JIC...

[Weezer]

No late entries, once the half day extension is passed it should be safe to post the judgements.

[Garwain]

A second win by default... don't know if I should be :smallsmile:, :smallcool: or :smallannoyed:

[leakingpen]

Saintridley, that is awesome! May I ask where?

[Silviya]

Ugh, I'm so sorry, I completely missed this :smallfrown:. A lot of stuff suddenly happened and I was completely exhausted after it and forgot all about the contest until just after it was too late. And I was really excited for this prompt too :smallfrown:.

Sorry, everyone.

[SaintRidley]

Saintridley, that is awesome! May I ask where?

A little independent 'zine out of Cedar Rapids called Weird Cookies. Going to be featured poet in their next issue.

[Kalrany]

Fantastic job everyone! All of the poems were wonderful -- it was not an easy judgment, but here is mine anyway.... :smallbiggrin:

Prompt 1 (http://fotozon.com/fotos/taiwan_142_1342_891742461900324_big.jpg)
TechWarrior : story was very clear, wonderful use of imagery, good flow, pace was solid, nice control of stanzas
Haruki : very good imagery, solid storytelling – I enjoyed the anthropomorphism, no clear rhyming scheme but interesting use still, solid flow and pacing, unique use of rhythm
Comment – this was particularly close, both were good and solid in terms of imagery and mechanics but TechWarrior had a clear edge in stronger imagery, good pacing for both but Haruki seemed more consistent leading to a cleaner word flow; overall I leaned more heavily to the storytelling elements of TechWarrior’s, but it was a very tight call
Winner – TechWarrior

Prompt 2 (http://fotozon.com/fotos/yeng_0627_193_2215_461624146745637_big.jpg)
Weezer : creative twist on the topic, solid pacing, somewhat choppy rhythm mimicking the segmentation of the individual photos on the film strip (very cleaver)
The Grimmace : an even looser interpretation of the prompt but it works for me, wonderful imagery and clear pacing, less a story and more of an inanimate character sketch but extraordinarily well done
Comment – I find it interesting that both of these entries focus on the medium rather than the image but it works… I keep changing my mind on the winner, it was so close… Weezer did a much better poem for the prompt, but The Grimmace had a better poem for what I felt from the words and saw in my mind’s eye, and I think that is the deciding factor for me
Winner – The Grimmace

Prompt 3 (http://fotozon.com/fotos/ianmiles_236_2738_850759127483800_big.jpg)
Saint Ridley : although I said it last round, the synopsis holds true – superb use of imagery, good use of pacing, strong storytelling, and I loved the sense of humor… :smallwink:
leakingpen : NP
Comment – Saint Ridley’s win by default, but I have to say that I loved the poem overall, the story and the image were so solid and the subtle humor was wonderful, and I think that I would call this one my favorite of all 8 this round
Winner – Saint Ridley

Prompt 4 (http://fotozon.com/fotos/cfimages_88_650_843850777325317_big.jpg)
Silviya : NP
Garwain : it is a very good poem, with clear flow and a solid story, though with less of a focus on imagery, but I cannot find the connection to the prompt at all despite reading it several times in multiple sittings – perhaps an additional stanza or even just a few lines to tie it back to the prompt in a clear way
Comment – Garwain’s win by default; the poem was a very interesting story, but I can’t say that I would have necessarily chosen it due to the seeming lack of connection to the prompt
Winner – Garwain

[Zjoot]

I think you should spoil your picks for winners...

[Kalrany]

I think you should spoil your picks for winners...

You are right. I fixed it. Thanks. :smallredface:

[Zeb The Troll]

I apologize for my lack of input recently. Life has conspired to keep me away from the internet for the last several days. Things should be normalizing soon, though.

[Dimonite]

Okay, now that the move-in's over with, I have some time to judge people. First, SaintRidley:


...all I've got to say about that is "every time you shorten magazine into 'zine', I have to fight a tiger to death"

And those are ENDAGERED you know.
NOW SHE HAS TO KILL A TIGER. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.
Anyway, now I'll judge poems :smalltongue:.seriously though, nice job getting in the magazine.

Prompt 1:
Haruki:
Genius. The four line stanzas, half reward and half punishment, werea nice structural outline to the elegant phrasing and beautiful concept. The story here is great, and you tell it well.
TechWarrior:
Beautifully poignant, sir. The wistful speaker's pained remembrance of a loved one resonates deeply with me, and your words stir the soul.
Verdict:
grah, you guys made this hard. I love both of your poems so much... but I have to give this one to Haruki, by just a hair.

Prompt 2:
The Grimmace:
...wow. You really don't write to be understood, do you? I think I eventually got this one though, so I can effectively judge it. I feel like this is sort of a processing of the picture, a mental deconstruction done through stream-of-consciousness and free association. Somehow, I like it. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's a certain aesthetic appeal here that sort of grabs me. Well done.
Weezer:
Much like your last, this is both short and sweet. Seriously, I love how efficiently you manage to evoke powerful emotions and capture the essence of the prompt.
Verdict:
Again, you guys made this difficult. However, since I have to make a decision... Weezer.

Prompt 3:
SaintRidley:
Neatly done. You gave us a clear, living picture of a motorcycle, without ever using the word "motorcycle". How do I put this... you showed us what it was, rather than telling us. Also, I don't know if it was intentional or not, but the play on "Ridley" to "Riddle" was fun as well.
leakingpen:
Man, it sucks that you forgot. Don't feel too bad, though, everyone forgets things sometimes.
Verdict:
SaintRidley, by default.

Prompt 4:
Garwain:
Well, I definitely enjoy the story you tell here, but dear LORD do I ever not understand how you got that poem from that prompt. Other than that, though, it was beautiful.
Silviya:
Sadly, sometimes life just does that. *hugs*
Verdict:
Garwain by default.

[SaintRidley]

...all I've got to say about that is "every time you shorten magazine into 'zine', I have to fight a tiger to death"

And those are ENDAGERED you know.

I'm just using their terminology. It's what they call themselves.

[Zjoot]

'Zine' is just the term for a small magazine that operates outside the mainstream and has a small circulation. It is not the same thing as a magazine though, so those tigers are wrestled in vain, sadly. :smallfrown: :smalltongue:

[Halberd]

Alright, judgement time.

Prompt 1:
Techwarrior:Subject isn't exactly novel, but it was handled in an excellent, wistful manner that keeps it from feeling derivative. Picturing the tree as the grave of a loved one was an interesting way to interpret the poem. I loved the bits about "dancing in the eye of the storm" and a "wayward china soul". Overall, a wonderful, resonant poem.
Haruki: Very interesting. Some of the poem seems to depict the tree as some capricious deity, saving its chosen ones while letting the others burn. The latter bits of the poem seem to almost be an adaptation of those rags-to-riches folktales in which the protagonist, after achieving power and wealth, shares it only with those who helped him when he was poor. Very well done.
Verdict:Difficult decision, but I'm going with Techwarrior.


Prompt 2:
Weezer:A nice poem, describing the timelessness of photography in a poetic manner. However, it feels to me a bit... cliched, like I've read it before. It's well done, but I can't help but feel like it needs something more to set it apart from the crowd.
The Grimmace: Amazing. Through the joint use of metaphors, literalism, and wonderful imagery, you have described a camera and the scenes it contains in a truly original manner. If I provided a list of every bit of your poem I loved, it would make this review twice as long as the others. It made me think, it made me smile, it made me write this hopelessly gushing review. Truly brilliant.
Verdict:The Grimmace.

Prompt 3:
SaintRidley:Even if you had competition, I'm pretty sure this poem would get you to the semifinals anyway. The nicely done imagery and touches of anthroporphism form a great depiction of the soul, if you will, of a motorcycle. It also seems a bit, um... double entendre-ish, which may or may not have been your intention from the beginning. Overall great.
Leakingpen: Being forgetful doesn't mean you suck, it just means you're disqualified.
Verdict: SaintRidley, by default. Again.

Prompt 4:
Garwain:*looks at poem* Ah, very nice, very nice. *looks at prompt* OK, how on earth are these supposed to be related? That said, your poem is quite good, capturing both the potent love for one's firstborn and the pain caused by seeing them grow up with another.
Silviya: I'm sorry you missed this. It was due to factors beyond your control, though, so don't beat yourself up over it, OK? Disqualified.Verdict: Garwain, by default. Again.

[SaintRidley]

Judges

Yeah. The dirty double meaning is fully intentional. I modeled the poem after the "obscene" Old English riddles.

And as for the Ridley/Riddle thing, there's no intent to that. Just happen to like Metroid is all.

[Weezer]

So, are we going to wait for Alarra or move on with just 3 judges?

[Alarra]

Gah, sorry. I'll do this tonight.

Edit: here you go...
Judgments:
Prompt 1: TechWarrior vs. Haruki
TechWarriorYou had some nice use of language, there were some lines that I really liked. Overall though, the rhythm was a bit clunky and sometimes it felt like the stanzas were dragged out longer than I wanted them to be, lines tacked on that didn’t add to the piece but felt necessary to the composition. Your connection to the prompt was good and overall you did a fairly good job. Nothing really exciting though.
Haruki Nice rhythm, good connection to the prompt, and I like the message. A little heavy-handed, but not too bad. Not as lyrical as I would have liked, I see potential that’s unexplored. I’m not sure whether changing the rhyming scheme in the last stanza worked, but it wasn’t terribly jarring. Overall, good job but nothing that makes me say wow.
Verdict I found both these poems rather mediocre. I’m going to go with Haruki because of good rhythm.

Prompt 2: Weezer vs. The Grimmace
WeezerI liked your use of repetition at the end of each stanza, it tied things together nicely and added to the rhythm in a pleasing way. I liked your use of the prompt, but found that overall it was kind of superficial and I would have liked if you’d gone a bit further. Overall a pretty piece but not really exciting.
The Grimmace I actually really enjoyed this. The language was lovely, the description fantastic. I enjoyed the way you chose to use the prompt as well. The first stanza was clunky but I loved the next four. I think I would have liked it better if you’d turned the beach/sun into a one line description similar to the tree and bug and ended the poem with that. I wasn’t fond of the last stanza. It felt like you went from being delightfully vague, lyrical and metaphorical to much too literal. I would have preferred you to never actually name that it was a camera and let the description you built stand alone. Overall though, very nice job.
VerdictI like how you both focused more on the camera than the scene, that was interesting. The Grimmace did a much better job of it however.

Prompt 3: Saint Ridley vs. leakingpen
Saint RidleyInteresting. I don’t really have a lot to say here. It was a good use of the prompt. I liked the end particularly. Some bits felt a little heavy-handed, but overall it was nice. There were some very good lines and I liked the lyrical quality.
LeakingpenNo poem
VerdictSaintRidley by default

Prompt 4: Silviya vs. Garwain
SilviyaNo poem. Sad, I like your stuff and was looking forward to it.
GarwainUm. Huh. I don’t get the connection to the prompt at all here. I don’t like this poem. The language is clunky, though I did really like the first two lines of the last stanza. Overall the rhythm and language felt kind of childish and cheesy, which can work when used humorously, but this didn’t seem like it was. Pretty disappointed, I would very likely not have sent you on if your competition had written something.
VerdictGarwain by default

[SaintRidley]

Thanks, Alarra.

Umm, Zeb, think you can step in on prompt 1? I think we have a tie now there.

[Garwain]

To the judges:
I distilled the judging down to two comments:
- no link to prompt
- too little use of imagery
Luckily for me, my competitors allow me another shot in the next round. But I feel the need to spill my thoughts as well:
Use of Prompt:
When I first saw the image, I quickly found the story I wanted to tell. I saw a kid, dressed up like hmm.... something with hmm... spikes? horns? rays? Ha! Maybe he's depicting the sun? Then I found: kid+sun? no wait: son+sun! Let's add Sin! Et voila, with these 3 words I saw the story to write.
When I look back at the image with the words son and sun in mind, it's obvious to me, but I realise that it's probably absolutely not if you're not holding that key.

Lack of Imagery:
I played with 3 words of 3 digits, and used a simple AABB rhyme, which can feel too simple. I believe it's this simplicity Alarra calls childish and let to an underwhelming experience. (although it seems not to have bothered other judges) And... I agree in some way. The focus was more on the story, while other aspects of what contributes to a good poem were not up to that level. With the critics in mind, I see how it's a one-trick-pony rather than a well-rounded poem.

[Zeb The Troll]

Yep, I'll be breaking the tie this evening and then setting up the next brackets so that the poets can have this weekend to get started.

EDIT:

I apologize for the brevity of my review. For what it's worth, I really enjoyed both poems.

Haruki - I really liked where you were going with this, but I felt the poem was a little disconnected. For instance, I don't really understand what the first stanza is trying to say. The last two stanzas I thought were beautiful and reminded me somewhat of Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree.

Techwarrior - The imagery moved me though the wording sometimes tripped up my reading of your poem. Sometimes it feels like there's a predictable cadence and then that cadence vanishes at the end of a stanza. The fourth stanza, I'm not really sure why it's there. It doesn't seem to contribute anything but it puts questions in my head that are left unaddressed by the remaining stanza. I feel like the final product might have been better if it had just been left out.

Verdict - It was close, I really liked both of them in their own ways, but I have to pick, so I choose Techwarrior. It felt a smidge more finished to me.
Congratulations to the winners of this round! I fully intend to have prompts and brackets up for the next round by tomorrow evening.

In case you haven't been keeping a tally, the winners are Techwarrior, The Grimmace, Garwain, and Saint Ridley.

[SaintRidley]

I just obtained my copies of Weird Cookies. Feels good to have your stuff in print.

[Zjoot]

Just wondering, when can we expect the next bracket?

[Haruki-kun]

Awww..... well, that's too bad. Better luck next time, I guess. :smallsmile:

[Alarra]

Tomorrow morning, Zeb's forgetful. I scolded him for you.

[Zeb The Troll]

This time the random prompt will be a phrase. As always, the phrase does not need to be in the final poem, but the judges should be able to get the connection.

Old landscape
TechWarrior
SaintRidley

Fake seclusion
Garwain
TheGrimmace

The poems will be due by 23:59 Eastern Daylight Time, September 16th.

Good luck, poets!

[Garwain]

Fake Seclusion

Title: Fake Seclusion
It's quiet here. The words of silence
are contained by the abbey walls.

I sit here often on this bench.
Alone, here in the flower garden.

The sun gives warmth but as she sets
it's time to go and join the meal.

I obey the gesture and go to bed,
and then the numbness starts to squeal.

Shame and blame are nested deep.
Untold horrors and regrets,
are fighting me in my sleep.

To protect me against it all,
the leather bonds are tightly bound.
My screaming echoes through the hall.

After pills and morning pray,
I'm released to get dressed.

I'll take a walk and on the way
trying to find my inner rest.

[Zjoot]

Prompt: Fake Seclusion
Title:Four Falsehoods
I.

Lonely Earth

The world is round;
If you walk long enough in any direction,
you will get very cold, or very warm,
or very wet
losing yourself in a world of ocean sounds,
but ultimately, returning to a familiar climate

II.

Lonely Earth (part 2)

The world is not flat.
There is no edge to go free-falling off,
and nowhere can you hear the rush
of the salt-waterfall.
And as sad as it would be to see belugas flying into the void,
it would be worth it to sail the Flying Dutchman to Saturn or the moon.

III.

Steel Sky

The sky is a hole in the sky.
When there are no clouds to patch it up,
you can see straight to God's kneecaps.
It is both intense and baffling;
the hole presses in and it is like you are being shrink wrapped.
You can't tumble through; they plucked you to make fancy quills.

IV.

Unwanted Earplugs

Space comes with silence.
Batteries are included, but the boom box,
well, the boom box fell out of the shuttle
and there's no cell phone service;
You can't call your grandma to talk about the worms or bad weather
in a state you haven't been to in a while. In this way , space is earplugs.


*

[SaintRidley]

Prompt: Old Landscape

Site Unseen
The is that was will never be
Seen by one with youthful eye.
That world is dead and lives in memory.

Where once there stood great mountains high,
We have by human hand the land brought low,
Seen by one with youthful eye.

And down those slopes the river’s flow,
Once free, now rages on the dam—
We have by human hand the land brought low.

Modernity—that great old sham,
That worst of works—befell humanity
(Once free) now rages on the dam.

The organic world’s calamity,
The interloper: so called DEATH,
That worst of works, befell humanity.

He took the world’s last natural breath,
The interloper, so-called DEATH.
The is that was will never be.
That world is dead and lives in memory.



Yes, the title is intentional. It's a pun, not an eggcorn.

[Techwarrior]

Prompt: Old Landscape

In a Word: We Don't Know

I wander a hollowed forest
Burnt apart by a fire born
In the heat of a passion crime
As I try to recall the word
That set this all to burning

Trees who whisper a word once screamed
Trees who speak with a tongue once known
Speak to me so I understand
Speak to me so I remember

Trees why are you dead
Trees why did you burn
Speak the tongue that I once knew
Please tell me all that I have lost

Hollow forest, why don't you cry
Broken forest, why have you died

I stumble in my wanderings
Upon the tool which started it all
The wretched flame ablaze too long
In the mirror of a lake
As hollow as this forest

I look into my own features
Ash-splattered clothes and skin
Fire-crazed eyes too wild to bear
With a dementia none could understand
And I wander farther from the sanity
That I likely never had.

[SaintRidley]

Hooray! Full turnout for a round!

[Kalrany]

Great job everyone! Here are my judgments for round 3...

Old landscape –
TechWarrior : not sure if this is what you were aiming for, but I saw wonderful imagery of a war-torn forest, the pained vision of a lost/broken soldier; I could see the newly ravaged forest before the regrowth had time to immerge; the pain was clear and shock and grief well depicted; well developed cadence and good flow
SaintRidley : wonderful imagery of the wilderness lost to the encroachment of civilization, the angered grief was clear and the frustration well depicted; I could almost see the old man looking into a concrete jungle with distaste as he wishes for the forest of his youth – mental afterimage?; natural use of rhyming scheme, natural flow though rough cadence
Comment – overall both very interesting take on the same idea: both depicted a battered natural forest dead at the hand of mankind; TechWarrior’s depicted a more recent and sudden catastrophic loss, while SaintRiddley’s was older and more deliberate; both captured the emotions of the scene very well and it is a very hard call as they both reached very personal areas for me that I could sympathize with, so really the decision is less a matter of mechanics and more a matter of which one spoke to me on a deeper level…
Winner – TechWarrior

Fake seclusion –
Garwain : interesting use of the prompt – more of an enforced seclusion than fake, as the subject has voluntarily (for the most part?) removed himself from society to deal with crippling nightmares/flashbacks?; whatever the source, the subject cannot cope without aggressive intervention which is plaguing even the unaffected waking moments; the sense of pain and fear is evident, a looming terror when awake and overwhelming when asleep; the sense of melancholy well depicted; strong word flow, but probably could have been better emphasize if the cadence had shifted when moving between the scenes
TheGrimmace : the poem started off very strong and clear, but soon evolved into something that I am not sure I understand in terms of story – was the subject an astronaut wondering into insanity as he sailed alone through space? – but I did enjoy several lines in the second stanza and even the early part of the third, but it flipped by the end into the incoherentness of the fourth; interesting pacing and word flow
Comment – interesting that both the authors chose to look at the negative aspects of phsycological seclusion, though from differing angles; both had solid mechanics; while there was perhaps some minor stylistic effects that Garwain could have used to greater effect, I felt moved more clearly than by TheGrimmace; a close race but ultimately decided on the emotive impact the words conveyed
Winner – Garwain

[Alarra]

Judgments

Old landscape : TechWarrior vs. SaintRidley

TechWarrior I liked this a lot. There was a clear event and voice and emotion. I did not like the second ‘trees’ verse and feel it could have been cut and improved the poem. It felt clunky and took me out of the rhythm I had established. Some of the verses had some really nice imagery though, I especially enjoyed the first and last verses. Good job overall.

SaintRidley I don’t know what I think of this. The repetition of lines is an interesting device, but at times it’s too contrived and can be almost distracting. I feel like there’s a lot of beautiful words that aren’t really saying a lot and I don’t feel really connected to what’s happening and there’s no real emotional connection. It’s very…detached. It connects well to the prompt though and there are some really lovely lines. I’m particularly fond of “the is that was will never be.”
Verdict Techwarrior

Fake seclusion : Garwain vs. TheGrimmace
Garwain I really like this. I’m a sucker for psychological stuff though. This really reminds me a lot of the stuff that I write actually. I like the idea of someone torn in two directions and you fit a lot of story and emotion and interest into a very short space. Very very good.

TheGrimmaceThis was good. Very interesting. I liked a lot of the images you presented and the metaphors. I didn’t like the way it was broken up though, it detracted from the reading and made it difficult to form any kind of rhythm. Really great writing though.
Verdict sigh… I really liked both of these, actually, liked them both better than either of the other prompt’s poems. I have to go with Garwain though.

[Dimonite]

Oh hey! Judgements! (sorry for the lateness of these)

Old Landscape:
TechWarrior:
A post-apocalyptic madman, stumbling through the burnt remnants of a forest... I like it. Your imagery was fantastic, and you hit just the right pitch of nostalgia. Well done.

SaintRidley:
I absolutely love the staggered rhyme scheme here. It's an aesthetically pleasing play with language that you executed quite well. Also, the repeated phrases between stanzas were a nice touch, adding an even greater feeling of connectedness throughout the poem. Again: great work.

Verdict:
Oh, you had to go and make this difficult for me, didn't you? ...I have to go with SaintRidley, by a microfraction.


Fake Seclusion:
Garwain:
Seclusion as a function of insanity - very nice. While I like the description of the madman, the poem overall seems somewhat... scattered. I'm not sure how to explain it, but the structure seems to have been hastily and somewhat sloppily built. Sorry if I'm being mean:smallfrown:.

The Grimmace:
Insanity as a function of seclusion - very nice. I like the structure, I like the themes, I like the titling... Actually, I can't think of anything I don't like about this poem. Very well done.

Verdict:
The Grimmace.

[Halberd]

Don't worry, I'm not gone. I'll start working on my judgements soon.
Edit: Here they are!
Techwarrior vs. SaintRidley- Prompt: Old Landscape
Techwarrior:
This was excellent, really giving the feeling of tortured grief at the senseless destruction of nature. The parallelism of the lines to each other really intensifies this feeling quite nicely. I feel as if the forest is connected to the speaker's sanity- if one burns, the other does too. A few bits seemed slightly awkward, but overall well done.
SaintRidley:
A strange poem. The repetition of lines seems to make the poem flow strangely. Rhymes are well done, though. So far as its actual content, it's quite nice, like a regretful dirge for the destruction of the natural world. The speaker seems to be remembering the "old landscape" when he was younger and lamenting how it will never be the same. Very interesting.
Verdict:
Both were very creative, with some excellent lines, but Techwarrior's poem evoked something stronger and more emotional, as well as flowing better.
Garwain vs. The Grimmace- Prompt: Fake Seclusion
Garwain:
Interesting idea, although the speaker's seclusion within the abbey walls seems real enough. Nice contrast between the calm waking moments and the tortured sleeping ones. On subsequent readings of the poem, I feel a lingering sense of unease even as I read the calmer parts, knowing that this is merely a meditative facade over an insane reality. Excellent.
The Grimmace:
Like both of your previous poems, this one straddles the nebulous line between beautiful imagery and incoherence, although it doesn't feel as well-crafted as the others do. I'm not quite sure what it's trying to say. I would guess the stanzas are describing various forms of seclusion while the title states that they are "four falsehoods". But why they are fake never seems to get explored, thus leaving the poem with a vague, unfinished feel.
Verdict:
This is not how I expected this matchup to go, but I think that Garwain has crafted a chilling yet thoughtful poem that easily claims victory.

[SaintRidley]

Aww. Good show, Techwarrior.

Guess the Terzanelle just wasn't the right play this time.

[Garwain]

I can't believe I made it to the finals! I read the older contests and enjoyed many poems. Never thought I could measure up, in all modesty. (although I had no resistance until last round)

[Techwarrior]

Whoa, the finals... Didn't expect to make it this far. Theres been some seriously competitive stuff getting written. I'm pretty excited for the next prompt.

[Zeb The Troll]

It's been far too long, I know. My deepest apologies.

From this point forward, Vaynor will resume facilitating this contest.

Good luck to the finalists. I eagerly await your submissions. :smallcool:

[Garwain]

I must admit that with the forum downtime, I lost sight of this thread as well for a bit. But since Vanyor is taking over, no worries, right?

Could you post the final prompts?

[Techwarrior]

So.. Any word on the Final brackets?

[Weezer]

So, getting the last prompt anytime soon?

[Zjoot]

Poke......

[Garwain]

I suggest not to wait for the chairman. A volunteer (not a finalist :smallcool:) to get this back on the road?

Or the finalists suggest one for another, wouldn't that be something?

[Dimonite]

I suggest not to wait for the chairman. A volunteer (not a finalist :smallcool:) to get this back on the road?

Or the finalists suggest one for another, wouldn't that be something?

I think the finalists suggesting for one another would actually be pretty cool. Question is, what would we do for the next competition?

[Weezer]

I think the finalists suggesting for one another would actually be pretty cool. Question is, what would we do for the next competition?

I agree that this could be a cool idea, if both are up for it (I assume Garwain already is, seeing he suggested it). Perhaps rather than suggesting one for the other, each picks one prompt, either picture or word, and then they need to write two poems, one for the prompt they picked, one for the one their opponent choice. This would keep them responding to the same prompts, while still maintaining the rather cool idea of competitor generated prompts.

I would be willing to step up and organize at least the next competition, assuming Vaynor doesn't show up of course.

[Techwarrior]

I'm quite open to the finalists suggesting the prompts. I'm just eager to have the next round up. I'll see what I can come up with.

[Weezer]

Okay, if no one objects let's go with the finalists each picking one of the two prompts. How about trying to get those up in the next day or so, be nice to move this along.

[Elvaris]

At the risk of being "that guy", I object.

It's difficult for the judges to compare two poems written for different prompts, and opens up a slew of "this prompt was harder than that prompt" possibilities that really aren't appropriate. Hopefully either Vaynor or Zeb will step back in and finish this off in a timely fashion. If not, I'll volunteer to post a prompt this evening to get this started again. As much as I'm on board with seeing this through to the end, I'd like to make sure it ends in a fair manner as well.

[Weezer]

At the risk of being "that guy", I object.

It's difficult for the judges to compare two poems written for different prompts, and opens up a slew of "this prompt was harder than that prompt" possibilities that really aren't appropriate. Hopefully either Vaynor or Zeb will step back in and finish this off in a timely fashion. If not, I'll volunteer to post a prompt this evening to get this started again. As much as I'm on board with seeing this through to the end, I'd like to make sure it ends in a fair manner as well.

Of course, comparing two different prompts would be very unfair. That's why I suggested that both the finalists contribute one of the two final prompts, then write poems for each. Allows the interesting idea of competitor-generated prompts while still maintaining fairness.

[Alarra]

Of course, comparing two different prompts would be very unfair. That's why I suggested that both the finalists contribute one of the two final prompts, then write poems for each. Allows the interesting idea of competitor-generated prompts while still maintaining fairness.
I like this idea.

[Zjoot]

I second that.

[Halberd]

Emphatically thirded.

[Zeb The Troll]

I like the idea of what you guys are suggesting, however, I feel it's something that should be discussed up front.

I don't know what happened to Vaynor, so here are prompts and guidelines for the finale.

Image (http://gallery.photo.net/photo/6057367-lg.jpg) prompt
Word prompt - barons

Based on a suggestion last round - poets will write two poems each based on the above prompts. Both poems should include both the word and the image prompts. We won't be doing anonymous submissions this time.

Deadline for submission will be Sunday, November 4th, at 23:59 Eastern Daylight Time.

[Techwarrior]

So, we write two poems, both of which are tied to both prompts? Or two poems, one tied to one prompt, and one to the other?

[Zeb The Troll]

So, we write two poems, both of which are tied to both prompts? Or two poems, one tied to one prompt, and one to the other?
Both poems should include both the word and the image prompts.Both poems are tied to both prompts.
I realize that this is more challenging that a normal final round. This is why the deadline is ten days away (covering two weekends) instead of the normal seven days.

[Garwain]

Owkey.. prompts from Zeb after all. Here is what I made from them:

Entry 1:
Towards freedom

Open sea swimmers
battle the currents,
lost but hopeful
that they'll wash ashore.

Simple little critters,
united through the idea
that their ample effort
yields something better.

More agree to differ
and jump the waters,
already disconnected
from the warmth and bore.

"Break down the waves
that are opposing you!
Wreck the powerhouse
that is oppressing you!"

"Use everything the Baron gave
and whip your tails towards the gate!
Only one will end the journey
and impregnate!"

Entry 2:

http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/4851/filler.png
Baron Otto Eduard Leopold von Bismarck-Schönhausen

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~Imagine that a mighty vessel wears your name
~~~~~~constructed in secrecy, against all treaty, with an armored frame, called Bismarck.
~~~Can you be proud knowing it sailed the seas, the sight of its silhouette struck terror in the hearts of the aggressor?
~~~Would you consider the burn and hurt that struck the core of those ashore with the roaring bores and holes it tore?
~~~~~~Imagine that the lost lifes now linger lowly, down in the dark, scarred and marked.
~~~~~~~~~~~Remnants of moments with meaning and fame.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Vaynor]

I'm so sorry, everyone. Without going into details, I've been having issues with internet that severely reduced my ability to get online. I should be fine now and ready to start the thread for the next contest and get things going. I'd also like to thank Zeb for the fantastic job he's been doing keeping this going for me in my absence. :smallsmile:

[Kalrany]

I'm so sorry, everyone. Without going into details, I've been having issues with internet that severely reduced my ability to get online. I should be fine now and ready to start the thread for the next contest and get things going. I'd also like to thank Zeb for the fantastic job he's been doing keeping this going for me in my absence. :smallsmile:

Very cool! Will you be running it right away then?

[Alarra]

It's traditional to wait until this contest finishes and then start the next one.

[Vaynor]

Yeah, once this one is over I'll be starting up the next thread.

[Techwarrior]

Tried to get these up earlier, but I had a play to organize and run this week. I'll use my extension on this round. Having serious trouble with my second poem.

Poem 1

Revolt From Below

The bell tolls along with broken heartbeats
They've lost sight of your once tangible dream
Count the coins that we didn't gamble away
And prepare yourself for our next move
In a chess game you never thought we'd win

Ready yourselves for the moment
When we begin the revolt
Against their bureaucracy
That tells you we're inferior
While hiding their own mistakes

Terror tactics keep you in check
While mercenary politicians
Make cookie cutter deals
And play third-party games
With trust they didn't deserve

They try to feed you their lies
And tie us up in red tape
To prevent us from speaking out
Against the ancient machine
That holds us in captivity

They plan to remove us
With surgeons' knives
And killers in the dark
Ignoring their own rules
To curtail your freedoms

But we speak the word of the streets
Carrying your banners in our minds
Sewer-written letters from home
Or a fable in your lap
To help you pass the time

Emotionless violence
Has its own kind of silence
As blows scroll across your screen
In their 'depiction' of the rebels

Will you join the revolution
Against an aristocracy
Thats held power far too long
Or will you watch your life
Be led on a disaster course
Dictated by those around you


Poem 2
To Light the Darkness

A light upon a distant shore
Pierces the fog around us
We've lost our way in the waters
That once we know so well

'Tis strange to think
Once we roamed these seas
Naught but each other
To hold by our sides

Yet now
I haven't spoken to you
In months
Haven't heard from you
In weeks
Haven't thought of you
In seconds...

These seas might take me
To a place no man
No matter how noble
Goes to willingly

But at least I know
That it might be
The place you went
All those months ago

Forth! Through the darkness
Where the seas are not so rough
Pierce the veil about my eyes
So that I might see again...

[Zeb The Troll]

Judges, you have your work cut out for you. :smallcool:

[Dimonite]

Judges, you have your work cut out for you. :smallcool:

We know; that's why there aren't any judgements up yet. :smalltongue: I'll get mine done when I have some spare hours... maybe later tonight, but likely not until late Sunday.

[Kalrany]

That was HARD. Here are my comments:

baron –
Garwain : very unique, can take it in a couple of ways, but the final line made me blink and reread it in the other context (very tongue-in-cheek), cleaver
Techwarrior : chilling, I could see the revolutionary on the street corner, calling to his fellow citizens to war, lovely storytelling that flowed with cadence – oh, and for the record, “emotionless violence, has its own kind of silence” caused a shiver to run up my spine
Comment – both very good in very different ways, both technically solid, so it falls to personal appeal of artistry and emotive context
Winner – Techwarrior

image prompt –
Garwain: very interesting, I vacillated between seeing it as a lament from the Baron, or as condemnation of him; excellent imagery
Techwarrior : melancholy, truly felt for the protagonist for both his sorrow and acceptance of his fate, well done
Comment – again, very technically solid, though the storytelling was the clear decider
Winner – Garwain

OVERALL –
Garwain : could see connection to both prompts for both poems, though they differed in tone, character, subject, and style – very well done
Techwarrior : both called to powerful emotions, but the first was much clearer while the second could have used a bit more story – WHY was the ship wrecked? What caused the protagonists’ death? (seriously, this was my only real criticism)
Comment – Very very very close to a straight out tie, and in fact it was in terms of technical merit and clarity of image/subject, but the integration of both the prompts to both poems was very cleaver and I felt that one was just a bit more consistent in terms of storytelling ability and those points swayed it for me
Winner – Garwain

Congratulations to all the poets who participated -- there were some really fantastic poems over this competition. The finalists disserve an extra round of applause -- they were phenomenal and were well matched.

[Alarra]

Oh, right....I have to judge this. I'll try to get mine up this weekend.

[Dimonite]

... or maybe Monday. Monday is sort of like Sunday, right? :smalltongue: Anyway, judgements!

Garwain

First Poem:
Well, that took an... interesting turn.
*rereads*
OK, yeah, that's actually really clever. I didn't see that last line coming at all, and the way you surprised me with that was nice. Well done.

Second Poem:
It's a fish! Also, I like how the rhyme scheme sort of... converges on the middle line. It's an interesting take, but "agressor" and "tore" is kind of a weak rhyme. But other than that: well done again.

TechWarrior
First Poem:
... I loved this. I mean, not only do I love the French Revolution, (which is what I'm seeing with this poem) but the aesthetic of rhythm and word choice here... it's beautiful.

Second Poem:
Again, just beautiful. I want to offer constructive criticism, but you've left nothing here for me to criticize. Great job, sir.

FINAL VERDICT:
TechWarrior

[Halberd]

Deadline? What deadline?
Anyways, judging.


Garwain
Poem 1: Very clever and double entendre-ish. Some of your metaphors might be stretching it a little, though, which makes the twist at the end have somewhat less impact. Despite this, it's quite a nice poem that mixes an epic struggle with a tongue-in-cheek sensibility. Poem 2:I've never really liked poetry that forms a shape; it always feels to me like a distracting gimmick. Still, this poem's content is superb. It gives an excellent sense of guilt over the unspeakable horrors inflicted in one's name. I especially liked the internal rhymes in the fourth line. Well done.
Techwarrior
Poem 1: Extroardinary. Does a perfect job of capturing the anger and resentment of a repressed lower class against a tyrannical regime. Some of it almost seemed more like prose put into stanzas than poetry, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Word choice and imagery are both amazingly done. Possibly the best poem you've submitted.
Poem 2: Another wonderful poem. I could feel the sailor's sense of longing for their loved one, and their burning desire to see through the fog and find them. Could have used a bit more detail, but excellent nonetheless.

Verdict: This was agonizingly close. I felt that Techwarrior's first poem was better than Garwain's and that Garwain's second poem was better than Techwarrior's. Still, when looking through the poems, I gradually began to feel that Techwarrior's work had that certain indefinable quality that made me declare him the winner.

[Alarra]

Judgments: Garwain vs. Techwarrior Garwain:
Poem 1: I didn’t really like this. From the second verse, the rhyme and meter didn’t meet where my mouth thought it should and it was painful to try to hammer it into a rhythm. I think I had to read it four times before it flowed close to smoothly. Interesting idea, but it didn’t really materialize. It felt rushed and lacking in content.
Poem 2: This, however, I enjoyed very much. I loved the image that you created with the formatting, felt your language and word choices were spot on. I had no trouble finding the rhythm. The varied line lengths, while clearly in service to the image, did not hinder the flow or rhythm of the piece. I particularly loved the line ‘Would you…’ and the line following it. Nice work.
Techwarrior:
Poem 1: I liked this. I thought that the idea was good, the language use nice. What I didn’t like was that the subject matter felt so strong and powerful, but your poem really didn’t come across that way. Your stanzas were too long, keeping them from really having the impact needed. I would have liked it if they were all narrowed to 4 lines. I did love the lines ‘Emotional violence; Has its own kind of silence’. It may have come from the rhyme, but it had the kind of punch that I was looking for through most of the piece. Your imagery was beautiful though.
Poem 2: I’m not getting the barons prompt in this poem coming through at all. The subject matter seems rather vague and clichéd and I feel like I’ve read this poem before. The rhythm was fine, Some of the language was nice, but overall it felt rather, meh.
Verdict:First, I commend you both for writing two poems to the same prompt. I would have such difficulty with that. Once I come up with one idea for a prompt, I’m kind of fixated on it and having to come up with something completely different seems very hard. This is a difficult decision. I had a clear favorite poem, but that poet’s other poem was my least favorite. Do I give the contest to him based on the poem I liked? Or to the other poet based on the fact that I at least somewhat liked both of their pieces? Overall, I liked Techwarrior’s first poem much better than Garwain’s and Garwain’s second poem much better than Techwarrior’s. After much indecision and flip-flopping, I’m going to go with Garwain because I really really loved your second poem. It was the only poem submitted that contained nothing I disliked. :smallsmile:

[Zeb The Troll]

Seriously guys? :smalltongue:

I'll try to have my verdict up tomorrow.

[Alarra]

Apologies for confusion in the verdict section of my judgement. My choice still stands, but it was Garwain's second poem that I was talking about, not first. :smallredface:

[Techwarrior]

Any word on when we might get Zeb's judgement?

[Zeb The Troll]

Sorry, tomorrow should be better for me.

[Zeb The Troll]

Garwain
Towards FreedomThis poem amused me greatly. I'm a fan of last second humor (there's probably a name for that but it's escaping me). I'm not sure what the purpose of the third stanza is, though. It seems just kind of jammed in there because you felt you needed another one. Also, I don't know if this was conscious or not, but it feels like you couldn't decide if you wanted a rhyme scheme or not. I noticed that you posted these pretty early and never edited them. I'm left to speculate on whether or not some of that time could have been used to put some polish on this entry.
Baron Otto...I really liked the idea of the construction of this piece, for the most part, but bits of the execution niggled at me while I was reading. I think maybe it went a little too far with the fourth line, or perhaps not far enough with the others. In any case, the disparity was notable to me and that's just one example. The subject matter, I'm afraid, didn't really move me either. I see potential here and I wonder if maybe you could have used some of the extra time to tighten it up a bit, too.

Techwarrior
Revolt From BelowI thought this was well constructed and the imagery was engaging to read. My favorite part was the third stanza. I can practically feel the contempt as I read it. On the flip side, I don't see the connection of the fist stanza to the rest of the poem and I felt the final stanza was just a tad over the top.
To Light the DarknessI found this entry to be a little confusing. He hasn't spoken to her in months but he heard from her only weeks ago, implying that he didn't respond the last time she initiated contact, and now he decides to track her down because he misses her? Maybe it's poor word choice or maybe I'm not getting the story right. Why are they apart at all? Maybe that would have cleared up some of the confusion. Yes, I think my beef here is that there isn't enough story to fill in the holes and make me want to connect with the speaker, for good or ill.

VerdictI'm going to go with Techwarrior for more consistent execution and for, in general, making a better emotional connection for me. Well done to both poets, of course. Keep in mind that this is the finale and so my criticisms are more sharp in order to nail down a winner in an otherwise close contest.

There, that's done! Congratulations to Techwarrior for emerging victorious!

I now hand over the reigns once again to Vaynor to take charge for the next iteration.

[leakingpen]

Congrats Tech, and awesome bout EVERYONE! were the judges going to vote on favorite poem of the contest?

[Zeb The Troll]

I invite everyone to vote on a Best In Show via PM or in thread. It can be any submission from any round and anyone can vote, even if they've only just found this thread. I only got one vote last time so I'm going to state that if I haven't gotten a decent number of votes I'm not going to declare a fan favorite this time either.

[Garwain]

When I read Techwarrior's poems, I knew they would be hard to beat. Nonetheless, I'm happy with my own work, although the judges had some very interesting remarks that could make them even better. So thanks to the judges!

For me personally, I think TechWarrior deserves to win this round only because of: "Emotional violence has it's own kind of silence". This line is from a whole other league than everything else written here. The line I wish I wrote myself.

Anyway, although 2 wins by default brought me further into the competition than I hoped, I'm pleased that people like what I write, even as a non-native english speaker. After all, poems are just a string of words, but crafted so that they tingle a reader.

[Vaynor]

While you guys talk about this, I think I'll start the next contest off by posting the thread to begin gaining interest. Thanks to all of the judges!