I think I might be a henchman [Archive] - Giant in the Playground Forums

pffh

2012-06-29, 07:18 PM

grimbold

2012-06-29, 07:36 PM

i seem to recall a thread from a while back with goals for employment on a national level...
the OP didn't post after that and we started to specualte that he was an evil villain who wanted us as henchmen...:smalltongue:

Flickerdart

2012-06-29, 08:25 PM

To be a henchman you have to have other, identically dressed faceless mooks working alongside you, preferably in unison, to save money on animation.

Abies

2012-06-29, 11:36 PM

To be a henchman you have to have other, identically dressed faceless mooks working alongside you, preferably in unison, to save money on animation.

Really? How about "similarly dressed" "faceless" mooks working alongside?

Most companies have at least a loose dress policy. And how would one go about defining any particular individual as "faceless"?

The reality of the matter is, we are all NPCs. Yes even you. Nope, no matter how special others have told you you are, NPC all the way.

Even if you happen to think of yourself in a grand fashion, ask "Is there someone for whom I'm a supporting character?" If your answer is "NO" then either we have found the true God, or someone has an elevated opinion of themselves.

All in all, being the focal point of reality is not a meaningful aspiration. Be happy in your experiences (without harming others) and you will be truly gifted.

Elemental

2012-06-29, 11:53 PM

There's nothing wrong with being an NPC.
An NPC can live a perfectly happy, productive and even heroic life.

Triscuitable

2012-06-30, 12:20 AM

There's nothing wrong with being an NPC.
An NPC can live a perfectly happy, productive and even heroic life.

Like every single time I'm a story teller.

In other words, all NPCs have families, jobs, are also werewolves, and kill the PCs with rocket launchers upon first meeting them. No need for character development when the development is prematurely ceased! They never get to learn the backstory of Johannes McGillicutty XIV!

Elemental

2012-06-30, 12:42 AM

Like every single time I'm a story teller.

In other words, all NPCs have families, jobs, are also werewolves, and kill the PCs with rocket launchers upon first meeting them. No need for character development when the development is prematurely ceased! They never get to learn the backstory of Johannes McGillicutty XIV!

I'm an NPC! Where's my rocket launcher? Why aren't I a werewolf?
And better yet, where's my job?
And if I were an emoticon using individual, this is where I would put on.

Triscuitable

2012-06-30, 01:18 AM

I'm an NPC! Where's my rocket launcher? Why aren't I a werewolf?
And better yet, where's my job?
And if I were an emoticon using individual, this is where I would put on.

You're a werewolf from the Fangsplosion clan. A forsaken from childbirth, your entire existence has been dedicated to raising your pups to live with the rest of the kin, in hopes that one day they will oppose any threat. Your father has taught you that anything that moves that doesn't smell like a wolf is to be considered a threat, and deserves nothing less than a rocket-propelled grenade to the face. This is what his father told him before that, his father before that, and his father before that. You use your strength as a werewolf to forge weaponry for the clan, which consists of rockets and launchers. Together, they form rocket launchers, which shall be fired at anyone who opposes your clan.

Elemental

2012-06-30, 01:40 AM

You're a werewolf from the Fangsplosion clan. A forsaken from childbirth, your entire existence has been dedicated to raising your pups to live with the rest of the kin, in hopes that one day they will oppose any threat. Your father has taught you that anything that moves that doesn't smell like a wolf is to be considered a threat, and deserves nothing less than a rocket-propelled grenade to the face. This is what his father told him before that, his father before that, and his father before that. You use your strength as a werewolf to forge weaponry for the clan, which consists of rockets and launchers. Together, they form rocket launchers, which shall be fired at anyone who opposes your clan.

Sounds more exciting than my current life.

Triscuitable

2012-06-30, 01:53 AM

Sounds more exciting than my current life.

Duh. You're a member of the Fangsplosion clan, who shoots anything that isn't directly related to a wolf with a rocket launcher.

Elemental

2012-06-30, 02:01 AM

Duh. You're a member of the Fangsplosion clan, who shoots anything that isn't directly related to a wolf with a rocket launcher.

I know.
But I'd probably have to pay a tax on the production of rocket launchers...
Also, sitting around doing nothing all day can be very exciting. Just last week, a bird landed on the fence outside my window.

And, in response to the opening post: I'm not even interesting enough to be a henchman! Or even a member of a crowd!

PersonMan

2012-06-30, 02:13 AM

Duh. You're a member of the Fangsplosion clan, who shoots anything that isn't directly related to a wolf with a rocket launcher.

Hunting must be really weird.

Lycan 01

2012-06-30, 02:25 AM

Well, once I go back to school, I'm gonna be trying to get a position as a Grad Assistant. And Literature Grad Assistants are basically glorified henchman. You help grade papers, you help print stuff out, you help teach certain classes, you help the professor with research and stuff, and failure is not an option. :smalleek:

I have a friend who used to be a manager at McDonalds. When he finally quit, I lamented his sudden lack of minions... :smalltongue:

Tvtyrant

2012-06-30, 02:29 AM

All in all, being the focal point of reality is not a meaningful aspiration. Be happy in your experiences (without harming others) and you will be truly gifted.

Actually I think it's the opposite. We are all PCs. None of us are run directly by the same force that created the universe, we are all individuals whose actions are determined by a combination of events outside of our control and our own personal choices.

Dr.Epic

2012-07-01, 04:25 PM

You're a henchmen? Who do you work for? I can promise you better opportunities at my evil organization. Stop working for whatever loser super villain you're currently employed under, and come work for me.

pffh

2012-07-01, 04:26 PM

Dr.Epic

2012-07-01, 04:29 PM

Do you have robots that dissolve stuff with acid?

Of course I do.*

*If by robot you mean broken microwave.

Adlan

2012-07-01, 05:25 PM

So today as I was mixing some acid for the robot that dissolves stuff in acid I started thinking I might actually be a mook or a henchman for a supervillain. A normal workday for me consists of:

Working on the robot that dissolves stuff in acid.
Dissolving stuff.
Working with massive vats of acids, bases and other dangerous chemicals.
Writing down the results of the SCIENCE!

And to top it all off I'm usually wearing a mask that covers most of my face so I'm not just a mook I'm a faceless mook! :smallbiggrin:

So anyone else in the henching business?

I used to feel like a James bond extra, in my White lab coat, hard hat and carrying a clip board... I was just waiting for a judo chop to the neck as I walked past the clouds by the liquid nitrogen holding tank.

I also worked with drugs, highly concentrated acids and bases, carbonation machines, filters and laser guns that gave me information.

Information that could save the company Millions!

GolemsVoice

2012-07-01, 06:56 PM

Have you ever tried jumping into these vats? According to television the likelyhood of becoming a superpowered person are 80%. 20% are reserved for dramatic explosions of teh entire compund.

Dr.Epic

2012-07-01, 07:11 PM

Have you ever tried jumping into these vats? According to television the likelyhood of becoming a superpowered person are 80%. 20% are reserved for dramatic explosions of teh entire compund.

Bah! I've been bitten by I don't know how many spiders and I've yet to get...

a) super powers
b) my own feature film or film series
c) a reboot to said film series

pffh

2012-07-01, 07:24 PM

Dr.Epic

2012-07-01, 10:26 PM

In Soviet Russia, vat of acid fall in you.:smallwink:

Cespenar

2012-07-02, 12:04 AM

In Soviet Russia, vat of acid fall in you.:smallwink:

And as a result, superpowers gain you.

GolemsVoice

2012-07-02, 02:48 AM

There comes Flying! He has the power of John!

The Succubus

2012-07-02, 04:25 AM

I applaud your career decision, pffh. Embrace your henchmanity. o7

GnomeFighter

2012-07-02, 06:05 AM

So today as I was mixing some acid for the robot that dissolves stuff in acid I started thinking I might actually be a mook or a henchman for a supervillain. A normal workday for me consists of:

Working on the robot that dissolves stuff in acid.
Dissolving stuff.
Working with massive vats of acids, bases and other dangerous chemicals.
Writing down the results of the SCIENCE!

And to top it all off I'm usually wearing a mask that covers most of my face so I'm not just a mook I'm a faceless mook! :smallbiggrin:

So anyone else in the henching business?
I'm sorry, but at the moment you rate a scince mook. To be a henchman you need your boss too do one of the following:

1) Start desolving body parts
2) Use said robots to try and take over the world
3) Use the acid to start disolving the worlds gold supply to upset the economy.
4) Other evil act (please see website for full list)

I'm not saying that your boss is not planing to do one of these, but you can't get your union membership and official henching card until you can show you work with someone of true supervillan status.

Sorry, I don't make the rules.

GnomeFighter

2012-07-02, 06:10 AM

Morph Bark

2012-07-02, 06:19 AM

To be a henchman you have to have other, identically dressed faceless mooks working alongside you, preferably in unison, to save money on animation.

In that case, I must be a protagonist. I'm the only one to show up at work all the time without a uniform (though I do keep the jacket close by for outside work) and people seem to never see the difference between one worker coming around or the next.

Form

2012-07-02, 06:40 AM

You should get a nametag. Before the hero comes in and starts killing off henchmen. :smalleek:

Dr.Epic

2012-07-02, 07:24 AM

I hope your henchpersons are fully bonded and licenced!

If by bonded and licensed you mean forced to work under threat of ray guy than yes.

GnomeFighter

2012-07-02, 08:07 AM

If by bonded and licensed you mean forced to work under threat of ray guy than yes.

I think you have fearful lacky confused with loyal henchman. Have you ever considered some proper henchpeople? They could free up your time by take over the ray gun threataning of your less than loyal staff leaving you to concentrate on the big picture evil.

Remember our motto, Henchmen: Freeing you up for more evil!

Xiander

2012-07-02, 08:43 AM

Have you ever tried jumping into these vats? According to television the likelyhood of becoming a superpowered person are 80%. 20% are reserved for dramatic explosions of teh entire compund.

I think these numbers are incorrect. They leave no room for instances where the compound explodes and you get superpowers.

I demand corrections at once. :smallbiggrin:

Dr.Epic

2012-07-02, 08:46 AM

I think you have fearful lacky confused with loyal henchman. Have you ever considered some proper henchpeople? They could free up your time by take over the ray gun threataning of your less than loyal staff leaving you to concentrate on the big picture evil.

Remember our motto, Henchmen: Freeing you up for more evil!

It's like my granddaddy always said: you can't have loyal henchmen and not threaten someone with a ray gun.

Elemental

2012-07-02, 08:54 AM

I think these numbers are incorrect. They leave no room for instances where the compound explodes and you get superpowers.

I demand corrections at once. :smallbiggrin:

Okay then... We'll find a bunch of frightened civilianswilling test subjects and subject them to dangerous experimentssimple questionnaires to find out how best to breed a legion of super soldiersthe proper statistical model.

Xiander

2012-07-02, 10:08 AM

Okay then... We'll find a bunch of frightened civilianswilling test subjects and subject them to dangerous experimentssimple questionnaires to find out how best to breed a legion of super soldiersthe proper statistical model.

Sounds feasable :smallbiggrin:

Madara

2012-07-02, 01:17 PM

You should get a nametag. Before the hero comes in and starts killing off henchmen. :smalleek:

Save your name for important survival events! :smalleek:

I usually observe my friends as a party of adventures (There are NPC adventures you know), I'm happy as long as I'm not a meat shield.

Try to get a robotic limb or something, maybe you can move up to Dragon to the Big Bad! :smallcool:

Are Henchpeople unionized?

Maugan Ra

2012-07-02, 06:53 PM

I am vaguely beginning to suspect I might be playing the part of plot device or character background for my younger sister. There was the whole traditional growing up stage where she was determined to succeed and emerge from the shadow of being my sibling, thus standing on her own merits in true heroic fashion. There was the part where she succeeds at that goal and actually proves herself better than me (at a distressing number of things, really...)

And now she's going into law enforcement, which is about as close as one can get in the modern day to the traditional serve and protect super-heroism thing, whereas I have always been rather less, well, moral. If the tropes are followed, I shall likely turn up as a higher level minion of a crime boss or something at a later date, thus giving our plucky heroine all sorts of hard moral choices when we are inevitably set against each other. I merely hope that it's the sort of story where my redemption and forgiveness doesn't come posthumously with me apologizing in my last breath, because that would suck.

It'd be a pretty decent story, though...

Knaight

2012-07-02, 07:08 PM

Even if you happen to think of yourself in a grand fashion, ask "Is there someone for whom I'm a supporting character?" If your answer is "NO" then either we have found the true God, or someone has an elevated opinion of themselves.
There is also the antisocial hermit explanation.

Anecronwashere

2012-07-03, 03:39 AM

There is also the antisocial hermit explanation.

Only applies until the hero comes looking for the Plot Token/Hook or needs some wise advice

Bouregard

2012-07-03, 08:16 AM

At my last job I spend a good part of the day explaining to customs officials that our goods where neither dangerous nor parts of weapons.

Everything was legal with the necessary paperworks. But words like "microwave emitters" nd "sensor array" cause a great deal of confusion and discomfort at a customs office.

I really felt like a henchman as my first thought at seeing a customs official was: "Oh please not again..."

Bonus points for driving a black SUV or van while wearing a black suit with sun glasses.

GnomeFighter

2012-07-03, 09:02 AM

Are Henchpeople unionized?

No, we tryed that but it caused far to much confusion with our people working for the mafia. We had people trying to intimidate themselves, famlies trying to run protection rackets on each other. A complete mess so we gave up.

Tyndmyr

2012-07-03, 09:11 AM

Gravitron5000

2012-07-03, 12:40 PM

I hope your henchpersons are fully bonded and licenced!

The last thing you want is for your henchmen to get Bonded. That guy has ruined more henchman's days than anybody. Don't get me started on all those gadgets Q loads him up with.

Dr. Epic, do you shop at http://www.villainsource.com/ by any chance? One stop shopping for all your villainous needs.

Randomguy

2012-07-05, 09:25 PM

Yesterday, I was told "I need this gate electrified".
I responded "Sure, no problem".
Then, she added "It'll be damned nice to push a button and have it open without getting out of the car".
I said "Ooooh...yeah, I can do that too."

Yeah, I might be a henchman.

You sound less like a henchman and more like an employee at TropeCo (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/TropeCo/TropeCo): One of the people the Evil Overlord hires to install the escape pod and the big red button and the chute that open up under people after you press the button.

Do you do that stuff too, by any chance?

Tyndmyr

2012-07-06, 07:49 AM

You sound less like a henchman and more like an employee at TropeCo (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/TropeCo/TropeCo): One of the people the Evil Overlord hires to install the escape pod and the big red button and the chute that open up under people after you press the button.

Do you do that stuff too, by any chance?

*carefully sets down industrial grade laser*

Who me? Oh no. I'd never do ANYTHING like that.

LaughingGnoll

2012-07-13, 07:18 AM

I really felt like a henchman as my first thought at seeing a customs official was: "Oh please not again..."

I know that feeling. Travelling with a saxophone in a metal case that looks like it could hold several different kinds of weapons always seems to attract the attention with customs.

Ironically, I've gotten away with "smuggling" water and pocketknives onto an airplane accidentally, and yet they always ask me to open the case to see what's inside...

In other news, I'm not sure if I could qualify as a henchman. If anything, I'd end up as the butler, I have a friend who's constantly doing volunteer work while I stay home and take care of our apartment/tend to my own studies. Of course, I'm the one who has experience with most medieval weapons (I have a spatha and a horseman's pick mounted to the wall above my bed) but I think I could still pull off some kind of offensively-minded Alfred in the right situation.

ShadowPsyker

2012-07-13, 02:14 PM

I know I'm not a henchman, but I can't be a hero cause I'm too big and scary. I don't think I could be an anti-hero cause almost all of them are small (like 5'8" or less, seriously think about it), or at least super sculpted and no taller than maybe 6 feet. I look more like a the undertaker (complete with coat), tend to get into bar fights cause some drunk thinks I'm not so tough, and work part-time as a Bond enforcement agent. Oh no!!!! I'm a cheesy 80's action movie side-kick just waiting to happen.

Avaris

2012-07-13, 03:33 PM

I suspect I may be a henchman of some description: since starting work I've developed an unconscious skill of appearing right behind people when they least expect it. They turn around and I've appeared out of nowhere!