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View Full Version : Your thoughts on IRL Group problem.



Hbgplayer
2012-09-16, 11:42 PM
The D&D group that I'm part of generally meets at 9 pm on Sundays, but on Friday after work one of the group members said that there was a family Barbecue that he needed to go to today (sunday), so we might not be able to get together.
Tonight, I texted him at 7 asking him if there was a game tonight (I'm the newest to the group, only a couple months in, so I don't have everybody's number yet) and he responded saying "I think I'll be good. I'm going to dinner with {someone we work with}. Want to come?" I said no, since I just ate, but that's besides the point.
Then, at 9:05, he texted me back saying come over. I replied that I can't on such short notice, especially since I live nearly 30 minutes away. His reply to that sounded like he was a little offended that I can't drop everything I'm already doing and come down and that I thought the game would be cancelled.
What I want to ask first is that given the language of the text, was my assumption that the game tonight was cancelled unreasonable? Second, what should I do to defuse the situation, because I really like everyone in the group, and I work with two of the guys there? :smallfrown:

Lady Moreta
2012-09-17, 12:55 AM
The D&D group that I'm part of generally meets at 9 pm on Sundays, but on Friday after work one of the group members said that there was a family Barbecue that he needed to go to today (sunday), so we might not be able to get together.
Tonight, I texted him at 7 asking him if there was a game tonight (I'm the newest to the group, only a couple months in, so I don't have everybody's number yet) and he responded saying "I think I'll be good. I'm going to dinner with {someone we work with}. Want to come?" I said no, since I just ate, but that's besides the point.
Then, at 9:05, he texted me back saying come over. I replied that I can't on such short notice, especially since I live nearly 30 minutes away. His reply to that sounded like he was a little offended that I can't drop everything I'm already doing and come down and that I thought the game would be cancelled.
What I want to ask first is that given the language of the text, was my assumption that the game tonight was cancelled unreasonable? Second, what should I do to defuse the situation, because I really like everyone in the group, and I work with two of the guys there? :smallfrown:

I gotta admit, from that "I think I'll be good" response, I would have assumed that meant the game would be on, and he'd found a way to get out of his family BBQ (or that it would be over by then). I can't comment on whether or not he really felt upset or offended in his response to your saying you couldn't come on short notice, because you didn't provide the exact text. Having said that, he probably felt that he'd clearly told you that the game would be on (I don't think your mistake was unreasonable, but it seems pretty obvious to me that he was saying 'yes the game is on'), and therefore might have been a little upset or offended that you suddenly weren't coming - especially since you'd been the one to ask him about the game in the first place.

I guess what I'm saying is that, I would have assumed from his response that he game was on - but having said that, his following it up with an invite to dinner was a little confusing, so I can see where you could have gotten confused.

The best thing to do in these situations is to simply explain to him what happened. Contact the guy and just say you're sorry you missed the game, and explain to him that his response to your question confused you a bit and you misunderstood what he meant and thought that the game wasn't on. So when he suddenly texted you saying you should come over, you were no longer in a position to drop everything and come, since you'd been under the impression that there was no game. Then just ask that in the future, if you could both try and be more clear in your communications, so mistakes like this don't happen again.

These things happen - happened to our gaming group a couple of weeks ago. One of our players couldn't come, so my husband (who is also the DM) messaged the others (who are a married couple) to say that Player A couldn't come, but that he'd come up with an interim game, since he didn't want to run the normal campaign without Player A. They misunderstood the text message and thought that the game had been cancelled, and got a little annoyed that the initial contact had been via email. I believe it was something along the lines of 'use text messaging next time, because we were already on our way over when I checked my email'. To which my husband and I looked at each other, thoroughly confused, because his email had been pretty darn explicit in its 'come over anyway' and he had sent a text message as well. Eventually we got another message with a 'whoops, misread the message, sorry' in it.

My point is that misunderstandings happen and they aren't the end of the world. Just let your friend know that you misunderstood, ask him to be clearer next time - perhaps ask him to explicity state yes or no next time, and warn him that because you live a considerable distance away, it isn't really in your power to just drop everything and come over if misunderstandings like this crop up in the future. (To further emphasis the point, the couple I mentioned above live a good 50minutes from us, so I understand where you're coming from.)

HunterOfJello
2012-09-17, 01:48 AM
What I want to ask first is that given the language of the text, was my assumption that the game tonight was cancelled unreasonable? Second, what should I do to defuse the situation, because I really like everyone in the group, and I work with two of the guys there? :smallfrown:

Call next time things are unclear. This is usually the scheduler's responsibility. When I scheduled games for 6+ people I would call everyone for original scheduling, call every person 2-3 days beforehand for confirmation, and call every person the day beforehand for reminder and confirmation. Now, I only play with 2-3 other people and never need to do all that. Depends on the group, how busy they are, and how important the game is to them.

To defuse the situtation, explain that you thought things were canceled and bring beer/alcohol next time you go. Oh, and cookies. Everyone loves cookies. (Seriously, show up with food. All shall be forgiven.) Ask others about what happened in the game and show regret that you weren't there.

It's worth noting that many people give different degrees of priority to games. To some people, a call 5 minutes in that the game is on after all isn't enough warning and they won't show. To other people, a call 5 minutes in means that they're jumping in their car and on their way.

~

This is a really small problem for a group to have on a one time basis. I was expecting some serious problem in this thread. This is nothing. Bring beer next time and shrug it off.

Jack of Spades
2012-09-17, 02:32 AM
Just apologize for the misunderstanding and explain what happened. Most groups are fine with having a missing player every once in a while. Don't sweat this too much man, it's a game not a job interview :smallbiggrin:

Also, phone calls. Phone calls are a necessity when you're getting a large group together for a scheduled activity. Text messages are imprecise and slow. Call your DM next time there's a hiccup in scheduling. That way, you can easily ask for a clear yes or no.

Oh, and protip: if you're invited to dinner right before game-time, go to dinner. You aren't obligated to eat anything, and you have an easy way of knowing whether the dinner is going to cut into or replace game-time. That, and getting to know the people you game with in a non-game context is usually a good thing.

Oh, and like Hunter said, food and booze are great hard-feeling eliminators :smalltongue: