Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Elemental]

Now I'm curious, too. :P

Some of the bells would be easy (in 4E at least, 3.5 I don't know). Ranna could just be a Sleep spell; Kibeth would have a Slide effect, or possibly one-turn Domination; Dyrim would be Speak With Dead and/or Silence; Saraneth would be a more powerful domination effect. But Mosrael, Belgaer, and Astarael I can't find any precedent for. Maybe Mosrael could let the ringer spend some healing surges for the target? Or Raise Dead with a large healing surge cost rather than material?

Death might work with the idea of Death Saving Throws, although it's not perfect. Someone is in the First Precinct if they're at negative hit points, the Second/Third after they fail their first death saving throw, the Fourth/Fifth after another failure, and the Sixth if they're dead but can still be raised or animated. I'm not even going to try to write rules for going into death, they would take up multiple pages.

Speaking of which...

* I may not nerd-snipe people with literary references!

Actually, Astarael would be the easiest. After all, doesn't it merely throw everyone who hears it far into Death? I.e. killing them?
But the main difficulty is that each bell has numerous functions based on how you ring them and whether or not you ring them in conjunction with other bells and who hears them...

I'm just going to say that any attempt to stat them would not do it justice.

[Deathkeeper]

*Going to a church and praying for your friends to be revived does not involve a diplomacy check against the respective deity.

[Dimers]

*Going to a church and praying for your friends to be revived does not involve a diplomacy check against the respective deity.

** If the phrase "Aww, c'mon!" is ever employed, the deceased will thereafter require the casting of a wish or miracle instead of raise dead.
*** If, upon hearing this result, the living character follows up with the phrase "Well screw you, then!" at least one atonement and one mark of justice will additionally be required.
**** Cash up front for castings.

[Balmas]

***It increases it to 9001

Fixed that for you.

*As a monk, I may not use the fact that unarmed strike can be any part of my body to argue for extra blows.
**Getting 9 attacks per round is never going to happen.
***Tacking Flurry of blows on top of that is just rude.
****Doing it as a standard action is too.
*****Not allowed to play Monk.

[Krazzman]

* I'm not allowed to play a monk that lobs Totemic-Stautes around.
** Asking him to be a Awakened Panda is out
*** No more recent WoW references!
** Going for Elemental Fist is ok
*** restricting yourself to just one element makes the DM's job easier... go ahead.
**** After dying I should not use the exact same character again
***** Saying that he was your Brother has already been done too often
****** No more ranks in Perform (Sing) allowed to sing the Intro Song of the Movie/Series the character is based from
******* No More Cheesy/Bad Movies while planning for new Characters!

[Voyd211]

More Garth Nix.

* As a DM, my group of BBEG's may not be named after days of the week.
** Their weapons are not keys.
** The various planes are not the Secondary Realms.

* Humans are not used as raw materials for any monsters other than flesh golems.
** Flesh golems do not come in varieties that track, fly and command.
** My flesh golem creators are not color-coded for our convenience.
** I am not Shade.

[DigoDragon]

No longer allowed to create Super Heroes based on the following subjects:


JELL-O Pudding
99 Bottles of Beer
Barrels of Monkeys
Robot Ninja Catboys
Any former President of the United States
Any former President of any other country
Mr. Rogers

[Winds]

*May not peruse the thread for setting ideas
**Not even if it's just reminders about books you liked

***Your setting should not be based on a work the rest of the group is unfamiliar with
****This rule is to be applied exponentially to any work no one else wants to watch/read/whatever

[Adoendithas]

More Garth Nix.

* As a DM, my group of BBEG's may not be named after days of the week.
** Their weapons are not keys.
** The various planes are not the Secondary Realms.

* Humans are not used as raw materials for any monsters other than flesh golems.
** Flesh golems do not come in varieties that track, fly and command.
** My flesh golem creators are not color-coded for our convenience.
** I am not Shade.

*Light in various colors cannot imitate any other spell.
**I need Prismatic Ray.

[Wookieetank]

No longer allowed to create Super Heroes based on the following subjects:


JELL-O Pudding
99 Bottles of Beer
Barrels of Monkeys
Robot Ninja Catboys
Any former President of the United States
Any former President of any other country
Mr. Rogers


Continuation:
Chuck Norris

Commander Shepard

Jack Sparrow

Megamind

Grue



...

* Humans are not used as raw materials for any monsters other than flesh golems.
** Flesh golems do not come in varieties that track, fly and command.
** My flesh golem creators are not color-coded for our convenience.
** I am not Shade.

***Am not allowed to use study of flesh golems to create the first human reaper.
****Researching any sort of singularity type organism/event is right out.
*****Watching/playing anything Sci-fi before playing in a fantasy campaign is no longer allowed.

[Elemental]

More Garth Nix.

* As a DM, my group of BBEG's may not be named after days of the week.
** Their weapons are not keys.
** The various planes are not the Secondary Realms.

Though that does give me an interesting idea for a campaign in which seven powerful sorcerers/wizards must be defeated over the course of seven days to release an ancient force of good...

[Adoendithas]

* My 4E characters may not roll up characters and start playing 3.5E within the game.

[Ksheep]

* My 4E characters may not roll up characters and start playing 3.5E within the game.

** My 3.5 characters can't roll up characters and start playing 2E within the game.

[Adoendithas]

** My 3.5 characters can't roll up characters and start playing 2E within the game.

*** My 2E characters can't roll up characters and start playing AD&D within the game.

[Doxkid]

*AD&D characters travelling to the future( and/or out of reality) and meeting the 4E characters that are playing the characters that are playing the characters that are playing them is right out.

[toapat]

*AD&D characters travelling to the future( and/or out of reality) and meeting the 4E characters that are playing the characters that are playing the characters that are playing them is right out.

*****Now that is a campaign idea

[Doxkid]

** If the players go too far in messing with reality, the DM is expected to kill someone/something a middle instance of the Matryoshka effect and watch the consequences trickle down through realities, laughing uproarously all the while.

[Ksheep]

* If my players DO try to start a game-within-a-game, all games will spontaneously morph into Paranoia.

[toapat]

* If my players DO try to start a game-within-a-game, all games will spontaneously morph into Paranoia.

**what if they recurse through the 7 editions of DnD all the way back to the original game?

[Kelb_Panthera]

**what if they recurse through the 7 editions of DnD all the way back to the original game?

*Then paranoia, only with two cities competing for resources and engaged in a secret war with one another. All the "who can I trust, (A: noone)" with twice the lethality.

[Wookieetank]

**what if they recurse through the 7 editions of DnD all the way back to the original game?

***Am not allowed to have my orginal D&D character make a 4e character who happens to be the character indirectly controlling the original D&D character.
****Making an uninterrupted loop through the D&D editions in this manner casues the multiverse to implode and I am reduced to playing Risus as my only PnP RPG medium.

[Riverdance]

*I may never have a skeleton key
**Plastic explosive is not "the cheap way in"
***Nor is a snowplow.

[Ksheep]

*I may never have a skeleton key


** If I do get a skeleton key, all locks will henceforth be replaced by pin tumbler locks.

[TuggyNE]

** If I do get a skeleton key, all locks will henceforth be replaced by pin tumbler locks.

*** The DM is not concerned with anachronism, and I am not to argue against this change on that basis.

[Dimers]

*I may never have a skeleton key

** With the exception of a skeletally reanimated, maul-wielding barbarian who smashes locks into itty bitty bits.

[D_Man_7733]

*If in any game where I have nothing under +25 in a social skill at lvl 9, I will not complain when the rest of the party attacks me without warning while I attempt to talk to them about "accidentally" using prestigitation to soil a party members hair while they sleep.

(The person in question was a girl who was playing a teenage royal half-sea-elf... not a good idea, especially when we hadn't had a good combat for an entire session)

**As the groups reputation builds I may not request "Open Negotiations" after asking the DM that my reputation would built as the "Silver Tongued Master of Persuasion" and expect not to be attacked on sight.

[Socratov]

* My 4E characters may not roll up characters and start playing 3.5E within the game.


** My 3.5 characters can't roll up characters and start playing 2E within the game.


*** My 2E characters can't roll up characters and start playing AD&D within the game.


*AD&D characters travelling to the future( and/or out of reality) and meeting the 4E characters that are playing the characters that are playing the characters that are playing them is right out.


** If the players go too far in messing with reality, the DM is expected to kill someone/something a middle instance of the Matryoshka effect and watch the consequences trickle down through realities, laughing uproarously all the while.

*Whenever an idea is mentioned looking like this, this (http://xkcd.com/244/) is an obligatory reference.

[Voyd211]

* My summoner/monk's eidolon cannot itself be a monk.
** My summoner/monk may not be a vampire.
*** Said vampire may not stop time.
** If my summoner/monk's first and last names both start with "Jo," I am to be removed from the game with extreme prejudice.
** I may no longer multiclass as summoner.

[Sith_Happens]

* My 4E characters may not roll up characters and start playing 3.5E within the game.


** My 3.5 characters can't roll up characters and start playing 2E within the game.


*** My 2E characters can't roll up characters and start playing AD&D within the game.


*AD&D characters travelling to the future( and/or out of reality) and meeting the 4E characters that are playing the characters that are playing the characters that are playing them is right out.


***Am not allowed to have my orginal D&D character make a 4e character who happens to be the character indirectly controlling the original D&D character.
****Making an uninterrupted loop through the D&D editions in this manner casues the multiverse to implode and I am reduced to playing Risus as my only PnP RPG medium.

I find your lack of fourth-wall-breaking distrubing.

* In any campaign set in the real world in the present day, I may not have my character intrude upon the tabletop gaming session in which he is being played.
** I may not then start a conversation with "myself."
*** "I" am not then required to narrate my "character's" responses in this conversation, and so on.
**** Congratulations, you just divded the campaign by zero. Are you happy now?

[Wookieetank]

I find your lack of fourth-wall-breaking distrubing.

* In any campaign set in the real world in the present day, I may not have my character intrude upon the tabletop gaming session in which he is being played.
** I may not then start a conversation with "myself."
*** "I" am not then required to narrative my "character's" responses in this conversation, and so on.
**** Congratulations, you just divded the campaign by zero. Are you happy now?

Well played good sir.

[Adoendithas]

* Any characters in my Greyhawk-based campaign cannot run a campaign in a fantasy world which, coincidentally, is exactly like modern Earth.
** If this happens, my character's character cannot talk to me, the player.
*** This does NOT get around the previous post.

[Arbane]

* While it is all right for the Summoner to mercilessly abuse their summons as trap-springers, meatshields, and general damage sponges, Dretches still do not look like penguins, and do not address everyone as 'dood'.

[Riverdance]

*Any familiars with silly names such as "fifi," "toto," "lulu," "pepe," "bobo," etc.. should be expected to die.
**This goes for characters too.
***I am not to protest when Bobo the Fighter is eliminated in the funniest way the DM could think of.

[vasharanpaladin]

*I am to remember that using my books is a privelege, not a right.
**That means no worshiping elder evils for the bonus feats.
***Dark Chaos Shuffle is out, too.
****Assume LA buyoff is not in effect, even when it is.
*****The privelege has been revoked.
******...Wait, reverse that. Core is the privelege that's been revoked. :smalleek:

[Voyd211]

* My monk does not fight with nose hair, flatulence or any other ridiculous martial art not involving arms, legs and headbutts.

[eulmanis12]

*Duct Tape does not exist in D&D
**I may not invent it

*any plan of mine that I cannot deliver with a straight face is vetoed

*I may not use the spell, Summon instrament to drop grand pianos on my enemies.

[Rockphed]

*Any familiars with silly names such as "fifi," "toto," "lulu," "pepe," "bobo," etc.. should be expected to die.
**This goes for characters too.
***I am not to protest when Bobo the Fighter is eliminated in the funniest way the DM could think of.

**** As a DM, if my attempts to kill Bobo the Fighter fail miserably, I am not trying hard enough.
***** If I "kill" a player's character by taking the sheet out back and burning it, I am not to be surprised when they had a backup sheet.

[Riverdance]

**** As a DM, if my attempts to kill Bobo the Fighter fail miserably, I am not trying hard enough.
***** If I "kill" a player's character by taking the sheet out back and burning it, I am not to be surprised when they had a backup sheet.

******Naming the high level villain "Bubu" after killing said fighter is in bad taste.


*I may not look in the Iron Chef thread for inspiration.

[Shpadoinkle]

My lizardfolk Dragonfire Adept may not be named Godzilla.
* Or Gojira
** He is also banned from ever drinking potions of Enlarge Person
*** Or using scrolls of Enlarge Person via UMD
**** No, no wands either, damn it.
***** Especially not in a halfling city.
****** Nor is he allowed to commission a magic item that causes anyone speaking within 100' of him to have their lips appear two seconds out of synch with their words.

[Black Mage]

Characters in my game are no longer allowed to:
* Take ranks in Craft (Bodies)
** Use Craft (Bodies) to craft a tree made of corpses
*** Use the heads of said bodies as fruit on the corpse tree

A certain player in my group is no longer allowed to:
* Have ideas
** Share these ideas with the rest of the party
*** If he speaks, he is on time out.
**** Have a dagger that in one hit does more damage than the party fighter and barbarian both doing full attacks.
***** Possess, craft, or even know about, Lyres of Building

I am not allowed to:
* Accidentally make a gnomish Hitler
** Even if we happen to be fighting Jewish stereotypes
*** Especially if my primary form of attack is bombs that incinerate and gas everything

[Sith_Happens]

I am not allowed to:
* Accidentally make a gnomish Hitler
** Even if we happen to be fighting Jewish stereotypes
*** Especially if my primary form of attack is bombs that incinerate and gas everything

**** Unless the attack in question is directed against the DM himself, then it's cool.

[Shpadoinkle]

I am no longer allowed to ruin the game by accidentally "figuring out" the "plot twist" (which was actually lifted from an old movie) halfway through the first paragraph of the DM's introductory monologue in the first session.
* Especially if the plot twist happens to be lifted from Zardoz.

I may no longer convince other players to make dwarven wizards who happen to be twins and fistbump before every fight while shouting "Thunder Twin Powers, activate!"
*Even if it IS a Forgotten Realms campaign.
** ESPECIALLY if it's a Forgotten Realms campaign.

[vasharanpaladin]

*I am to remember that using my books is a privelege, not a right.
**That means no worshiping elder evils for the bonus feats.
***Dark Chaos Shuffle is out, too.
****Assume LA buyoff is not in effect, even when it is.
*****The privelege has been revoked.
******...Wait, reverse that. Core is the privelege that's been revoked. :smalleek:

*******The warforged warblade that walks into the lake to kill the fish-monster with Stone Dragon maneuvers is pushing it. :smallcool:

[Black Mage]

* I am no longer allowed to play races with more than two arms
** Especially Xill
*** Especially if I make a Xill Warblade
**** I cannot name my character "The Meatgrinder"
***** Even if I one-round every monster we encounter.
****** I am no longer allowed to use or even mention Tome of Battle

[toapat]

*******The warforged warblade that walks into the lake to kill the fish-monster with Stone Dragon maneuvers is pushing it. :smallcool:

********which is impressive, as you managed to perform that after being banned from using the combat or interaction rules

[Adoendithas]

* Under no circumstances am I allowed to use the pressure at the bottom of the Elemental Plane of Water, the air pressure in Greyhawk, and the diameter of a Decanter of Endless Water to determine how hard it should be able to blast.

** 560 liters per second, by the way, with my assumptions about gravity and area.

[toapat]

* Under no circumstances am I allowed to use the pressure at the bottom of the Elemental Plane of Water, the air pressure in Greyhawk, and the diameter of a Decanter of Endless Water to determine how hard it should be able to blast.

** 560 liters per second, by the way, with my assumptions about gravity and area.

***Not to point out the fact that the Elemental Plane of water is infinte, and has infinite pressure

[Sith_Happens]

* Under no circumstances am I allowed to use the pressure at the bottom of the Elemental Plane of Water, the air pressure in Greyhawk, and the diameter of a Decanter of Endless Water to determine how hard it should be able to blast.

** 560 liters per second, by the way, with my assumptions about gravity and area.

The Elemental Plane of Water is explicitly endless in all directions, and therefore has negligible (not quite zero though due to being slightly non-uniform) net gravity at all points.

[alanek2002]

* we may no longer have only characters with reduced rest times.
** we may not have 1 small character who sleeps on a tenser's floating disc (through a talisman of the disc.) after taking watch for the others.
*** we may no longer find cheap magic items in major cities.

[Doorhandle]

* I am no longer allowed to play races with more than two arms
** Especially Xill
*** Especially if I make a Xill Warblade
**** I cannot name my character "The Meatgrinder"
***** Even if I one-round every monster we encounter.
****** I am no longer allowed to use or even mention Tome of Battle

wouldn't using strikes instead of full-attacks be counterproductive if you're using multi-weapon fighting?

[Kelb_Panthera]

wouldn't using strikes instead of full-attacks be counterproductive if you're using multi-weapon fighting?

One word, man: Tigerclaw.

The boosts for TWF'ers (or mutliweapon in this case) are just plain nasty if you're not used to that kind of blenderization.

[Bucky]

*I may no longer Charm members of the other team during a friendly soccer game.
*I am no longer allowed to protect the goal by shapeshifting into a form larger than it.
**Filling the entire goal box with magically grown, virtually impenetrable vegetation is right out.

(Needless to say, neither team scored after that)

[Ksheep]

*I may no longer Charm members of the other team during a friendly soccer game.
*I am no longer allowed to protect the goal by shapeshifting into a form larger than it.
**Filling the entire goal box with magically grown, virtually impenetrable vegetation is right out.

(Needless to say, neither team scored after that)

*** Casting Web is also disallowed

[Wookieetank]

*I may no longer Charm members of the other team during a friendly soccer game.
*I am no longer allowed to protect the goal by shapeshifting into a form larger than it.
**Filling the entire goal box with magically grown, virtually impenetrable vegetation is right out.

(Needless to say, neither team scored after that)

****Having the game suddenly transform into a game of quidditch is not entirely unexpected at this point.

[Adoendithas]

****Having the game suddenly transform into a game of quidditch is not entirely unexpected at this point.

***** Even so, I may not Persisted Mass Fly everyone.

[Black Mage]

One word, man: Tigerclaw.

The boosts for TWF'ers (or mutliweapon in this case) are just plain nasty if you're not used to that kind of blenderization.

Tiger Claw, plus using feats to get Desert Wind boosts. Also, my redeemed Xill was wielding four +1 holy adamantine battleaxes. I made the DM cry.

[Wookieetank]

***** Even so, I may not Persisted Mass Fly everyone.

*+1: Mass summoning flying brooms is allowed and even encouraged though.

[Bucky]

*Being Nauseated does not entitle me to use vomiting as a breath weapon.
**If I somehow manage to hit an enemy with my vomit, it does not do acid damage.
**I may not use vomiting as a breath weapon even if I am not Nauseated.

[Dimers]

*Being Nauseated does not entitle me to use vomiting as a breath weapon.
**If I somehow manage to hit an enemy with my vomit, it does not do acid damage.
**I may not use vomiting as a breath weapon even if I am not Nauseated.

My tabletop 3.5 game is currently in a ruined temple half-filled with water befouled by mummies, zombie frogs and naga pee. If you slip and fall underwater, there's a chance you swallow some and have to make a save against nausea. So at one point recently, our game log mentioned a character "blowing bubbles and chunks". :smalleek: :smallyuk:

[Techwarrior]

Tiger Claw, plus using feats to get Desert Wind boosts. Also, my redeemed Xill was wielding four +1 holy adamantine battleaxes. I made the DM cry.

Thri-Keen sir. Thri-keen. Nothing beats jumping farther than you can run with Sudden Leap.

May not Sudden Leap to the enemy's archery specialist from the edge of his first range increment (who has Far Shot).
May not then use my Belt of Battle to activate Inferno Blade.
Afterwards, may not then use Time Stands Still, with 4 Keen Scimitars.

[Kelb_Panthera]

Thri-Keen sir. Thri-keen. Nothing beats jumping farther than you can run with Sudden Leap.

May not Sudden Leap to the enemy's archery specialist from the edge of his first range increment (who has Far Shot).
May not then use my Belt of Battle to activate Inferno Blade.
Afterwards, may not then use Time Stands Still, with 4 Keen Scimitars.

*If I make a character that is essentially a sapient blender, I must remember to only use the puree setting on BBEG's.

[Razanir]

* I may not use this thread as character inspiration

Also, can we switch back over to numbers next thread? Yes I realize that's a while away, but I miss knowing (roughly) how many bad ideas we've collectively had

[Ksheep]

I think the answer to "how many" is "far too".

Anyway, have a couple more:
* I may not make a Reverse Gravity trap in the middle of the town square
** Nor may I make a bunch of Darkness and Daylight traps scattered throughout the town
*** OK, no more traps in populated areas
**** No more traps, period

[Forrestfire]

*I will not let my player's Druid have a velociraptor for an animal companion.
**Even if they are a part of my campaign world.
***This character may not consider herself to be a velociraptor, and her companion to be her brother.
****The raptor's name may not be Jarvis.

...

*****This character will have difficulties in social situations when she refuses to leave the raptor outside of shops.

[TuggyNE]

*****This character will have difficulties in social situations when she refuses to leave the raptor outside of shops.

****** "Jarvis, rip 'em to shreds" is not a suitable opener for Diplomacy.
******* Or Bluff.

[Socratov]

********it is however, perfectly suited for intimidate

[Crazyfailure13]

* I'm not to use the Cantrip Light for torturing goblins
** If I do and they come back for revenge, I'm not allowed to effortlessly slaughter all but one of them
*** I cannot recruit the last one alive into my party
**** especially if I convinced the DM to give him class levels
***** Even moreso if the DM let me write up the Goblins new character sheet
******said Goblin cannot then train the stableboy I bought in the art kungfu

[Giarc]

*Being Nauseated does not entitle me to use vomiting as a breath weapon.
**If I somehow manage to hit an enemy with my vomit, it does not do acid damage.
**I may not use vomiting as a breath weapon even if I am not Nauseated.

***I may not pick up vomit and proceed to use it as a projectile weapon.
****Ok, I can, but it won't do that much damage.
*****May not go on a vomit-throwing rampage thought the world.
******May no longer play adventurer mode of Dwarf Fortress ever again.

[Metahuman1]

*If I make a character that is essentially a sapient blender, I must remember to only use the puree setting on BBEG's.

*I may not play a Warforged Totemist 6/Warblade 14, max ranks in martial Lore to make sure you can get the manuvers to qualify for Raging Mongoose + Time Stands Still.

*If I do so, I may not have leadership to give me a bard cohort with Optimized Inspire Courage and Dragonfire Inspiration granting Force or Sonic damage.

*Or an amulet of Mighty Fists enchanted with the speed property.

*As the DM, if I break above rule, I may not bulk when the above character has 96 attacks in a single attack routine, boosted with 10d6 + 10 to damage above his own personal modifiers form his cohort.

*As the player, I may not wait till the very last battle with the BBEG to do this after the rest of the party has taken out his Miss chance and softened up his AC, Just to see the look on the DM's face when he realizes that it's a RAW legit trick and build.

[Razanir]

* My ninja with Vow of Poverty may not be worth more than the average party of four level ones

[toapat]

*Plan A does not involve Chainlightning
**Plan B does not involve DBF
***Plan C does not involve your custom researched DBF
****But it may include Expedious Retreat

[Forrestfire]

*Just because the dragon I woke up is Good-aligned doesn't mean he won't eat me if I act up. He was napping, and people are grouchy in the morning.
**If he asks me for my life story, don't refuse. He'll ask my familiar using speak with animals instead, and then I won't get to embellish it.

[NikitaDarkstar]

*Just because the dragon I woke up is Good-aligned doesn't mean he won't eat me if I act up. He was napping, and people are grouchy in the morning.

** The same goes for the half-dragon fighter.
*** Especially if she uses her greatsword in the same way as most children uses a teddy bear.
**** If you make fun of her for this don't be surprised if she teaches you a few key differences between both teddy-bears and greatswords along with normal people and half-dragons.
***** If it has any amount of scales don't wake it up no matter what color the scales are.
******Dragons are rarely, if ever, "early birds".

[Kelb_Panthera]

* I will not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for I am crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

(I couldn't help it after reading the last couple of posts.)

[TuggyNE]

***** If it has any amount of scales don't wake it up no matter what color the scales are.

******* Tentacles are a similar warning sign, granted by the DM's mercy and benevolence.

[Deathkeeper]

**If he asks me for my life story, don't refuse. He'll ask my familiar using speak with animals instead, and then I won't get to embellish it.
*My familiar may not embellish my life story even more than I normally would.
**I may not ask my GM if my familiar can have the Taunt feat
***If he says yes, I should not attempt to use it on the BBEG
****If I do, I should not get upset when he casts Telekinesis to throw my familiar half a mile away.

[Malak'ai]

* I will not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for I am crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

(I couldn't help it after reading the last couple of posts.)

**Mustard is also acceptable.
***Fried onions are compulsory.

[Socratov]

*when playing a bard with perform(horn) I am allowed to change the name of Inspire courage to Inspire Awesome when using wagner to perform on the horn. This is immune to rule zero.
**coupled with DFI this get's ramped up to Inspire Legend-wait for it-DARY!

[Incom]

*when playing a bard with perform(horn) I am allowed to change the name of Inspire courage to Inspire Awesome when using wagner to perform on the horn. This is immune to rule zero.
**coupled with DFI this get's ramped up to Inspire Legend-wait for it-DARY!

***playing a bard is a perfectly good reason to bring your RL horn to the session

()@' represent

[Razanir]

**Mustard is also acceptable.
***Fried onions are compulsory.

**** However, baking you into a nice quiche is going a bit overboard

[Ksheep]

**** However, baking you into a nice quiche is going a bit overboard

***** Unless, of course, it's a Red Dragon

[Black Mage]

* Dragons are not known explicitly for their baking abilities.
** All merchants are not Billy Mayes.
*** Using Find The Path to circumvent the DMs maze that he spent a week designing is considered rude.
**** When I am challenged to a duel, my first reaction cannot be to call the person a whore and immediately shoot her in the face.
***** Even if she is a whore.
****** Retroactively justifying my actions after it is revealed that she was a powerful monster in human disguise still does not make it okay.
******* My gnome Gunslinger is not a turret.

[enderlord99]

*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not contradict myself.
*I must contradict myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not contradict myself.
*I must contradict myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not contradict myself.
*I must contradict myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not send secret messages.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not contradict myself.
*I must contradict myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not contradict myself.
*I must contradict myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.

[jindra34]

*Unless playing Exalted I may not build a character strong enough to use trees, boulders, giants, castles, mountains and/or other pieces of geography as weapons.

[vasharanpaladin]

*Unless playing Exalted I may not build a character strong enough to use trees, boulders, giants, castles, mountains and/or other pieces of geography as weapons.

**Scratch that, can't do it in Exalted anymore either. :smallfrown:

[Ksheep]

* I may not use dice rolls to determine how I react to everything
** Nor may I use dice rolls to determine my attitude or personality
*** I may NOT come to the session with a chart made up with 100 different reactions for any eventuality
**** This chart may NOT be derived from this thread

[Forrestfire]

*If two players want to play the same race, and both say that they only want one in the party, I may not suggest that they play a schiztophrenic Orc who decides which actions he does by rolling a die every time they disagree.
**If the they and the DM like this idea, I may not further suggest that they have different mental stats and class levels based on which personality is in control at the time.

[Black Mage]

* I may not use dice rolls to determine how I react to everything
** Nor may I use dice rolls to determine my attitude or personality
*** I may NOT come to the session with a chart made up with 100 different reactions for any eventuality
**** This chart may NOT be derived from this thread

Can I get a copy of that chart? :smalltongue:

[Ksheep]

Can I get a copy of that chart? :smalltongue:

DM nixed the idea before I made the chart

[Techwarrior]

*Unless playing Exalted I may not build a character strong enough to use trees, boulders, giants, castles, mountains and/or other pieces of geography as weapons.

In a Silver Age Sentinels game...

When the Strength focused bruiser character picks up a small car to use as a weapon, my Telekinetic cannot throw a semitruck telekinetically from across the map to crush the zombies so he can focus on the BBEG. This causes hurt feelings.

Claiming that I did this to support him does not help.

Especially if I could have just used my invisibility to avoid the zombies.

After the bruiser loses the melee with the BBEG, I may not go beat the BBEG for him using a combination of Regeneration, Invisibility, and Telekinesis, and then heal him up afterwards.

The GM realizing I've made the equivalent of a 3.5 Cleric is not acceptable. I'm still not allowed to play Clerics, even in other systems.

[Black Mage]

DM nixed the idea before I made the chart

Make it anyways :smalltongue: I'm sure it will be popular. Especially if it's based on this thread.

[Zahhak]

* My characters are no longer allowed to reference Celebrity Jeopardy/SNL.
** Especially to antognize town guards.

* While DMing, characters are no longer allowed to sacrifice skill points for more intelligence.
** When this glass cannon is made, I cannot kill him when I get tired of him nuking my mobs
*** If I ignore those points, I cannot kill him with a minor mob

* 6th level clerics kill 2nd level fighters. Remember this.
** Even if I first say "He will kill you"

* I am no longer allowed to play violently misanthropic characters.
** I am not allowed to stare down a PC while singing "I cann't decide" because I hate their character
*** Especially if I do end up killing their PC
**** I am not allowed to betray the party by killing two members.
***** If I do, I am not allowed to follow this up by crashing the moon into the Earth.
****** Warning the group beforehand OOC by saying "I'm going to betray the party" leads to bad things.
******* Especially if you include which members of the party you're planning on killing.

* I am not allowed to "accidentally" kill other PCs either, just because I want their gear
** Also, I am not allowed to attempt to seduce other PCs because I find it funny

* Lawful Good characters do not torture people.

* Knowledge (Math) does not grant me the ability to predict the future.
* Nor does Knowledge (Statistics) or Knowledge (Probability)
** Even if done Differential Equations

* When a player is irritating me, I am not allowed to say "Your character is struct by ball lightning. He is dead. Reroll"

* Under no circumstances may a short sword wielded by a 2nd level character do 40 points of damage.

* If a character is given the chance to do 40,000 damage at one time, they will take it.
**Even if the PCs will be taking most of the damage.
*** Especially if the PCs will be taking most of the damage

* I am not allowed to say "My character jumped from the ceiling, this generated momentum, so I do more damage"

* If a character sacrifices themselves by shoving the BBEG through a portal to hell, "There goes all the loot" is not an acceptable response

* Calling a half-dragon a "flying rat" is going to end in bad things happening to my mobs

* Telling the players "My goal is to kill all of you in the first session" does not make it OK.

* BBEGs are no longer allowed to sing.
**Especially anything by Voltaire
*** Especially "Because I'm evil"

* I am not riding a black unicorn
- Voltaire reference. Good song. Look it up -

* I am no longer allowed to talk about any work of fiction I am writing

* Purple Peppers of Death are not an alchemical item.

* I am not allowed to reference British Surrealist Comedy at any point, under any circumstance, for any reason.

* There is no such thing as "Potion of Fireball"
** I am not allowed to treat it as a hand grenade
*** Or to get the BBEG to drink it, by claiming it's a healing potion

* Doctor Who is not a good character concept
** Neither is Barney Stinson

* Peeing in beer barrels is a terrible waste of possibly good beer.
** Peeing in beer barrels is a terrible thing to do, even if it is bad beer

I know I have more too.

[Black Mage]

* BBEGs are no longer allowed to sing.
**Especially anything by Voltaire
*** Especially "Because I'm evil"

* I am not riding a black unicorn
- Voltaire reference. Good song. Look it up

Loved the Voltaire references.... I think I need to make a bard in the near future.

* I am not allowed to break the point cap on skills.
** Especially if all my skill points are going to Knowledge (religion)
*** Especially if I'm using the sacrificing rules from BoVD
**** I am not allowed to lead the party on adventures.
***** Especially if it's about "a place I read about in my books. It's a sunken city in the ocean called R'lyeh. Full of treasure."
****** I am not allowed to summon Cthulhu and betray the party and the rest of the material plane.
******* Even if the DM allowed it, the rest of my group has said never again.

[Zahhak]

Loved the Voltaire references.... I think I need to make a bard in the near future.

* DMs are no longer allowed to give me a "Ring of Instant Music" that allows me to snap my fingers and play music. I will abuse it by constantly playing Voltaire

True story. Really happened.

[Doxkid]

*"Everything burns" is a form of divine punishment, not a character concept.
**It definitely isn't a backstory

[Black Mage]

* I am not allowed to play characters that are over 9,000 years old.
** I did not invent Magic Missile
*** Especially since I'm a Psion
**** We did have dragons back in my day. They were not just little lizards
***** I am not to call the Great Wyrm Black a "Young whippersnapper" And then proceed to beat him like a red-headed stepchild.
****** I did not have to walk uphill both ways in the snow while barefoot in order to get to dungeons.

[toapat]

****** I did not have to forced march uphill 100 miles both ways in the snow while barefoot in order to get to dungeons.

fixed that for you

[Doorhandle]

* I am not allowed to play characters that are over 9,000 years old.
** I did not invent Magic Missile
*** Especially since I'm a Psion
**** We did have dragons back in my day. They were not just little lizards
***** I am not to call the Great Wyrm Black a "Young whippersnapper" And then proceed to beat him like a red-headed stepchild.
****** I did not have to walk uphill both ways in the snow while barefoot in order to get to dungeons.

*My character cannot be old enough to remember THAC0. Reality doesn't work that way!


*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not contradict myself.
*I must contradict myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not contradict myself.
*I must contradict myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not contradict myself.
*I must contradict myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not send secret messages.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not contradict myself.
*I must contradict myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not repeat myself.
*I may not contradict myself.
*I must contradict myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.
*I must repeat myself.



*You may not contradict yourself repeatedly
*Or repeat yourself contradictorily.

*Not to have a quest where a goblin demands to be smote in the face.
*shooting wolves in the mouth will not grant an instant critical.
*likewise with humanoids and head-shots
* players are not allowed to ask how the BBEG shrugged off a rocket to the face.
* Cannot fill a treasure vault with "tentacles and disappointment."
*Cannot have a pony made out of diamonds.
* the polite term is "halfing", not "midget bandit raiders."
* Cannot have a N.P.C that is the "slab king" and he will not demand that the P.C be extremely awesome.
** INCLUDING not looking at explosions.
* Even if they are truly appalling in quality, their is no brand of wands that detonates themselves once thrown.
* the BBEG is not the hero, and the players are not just godamn bandits, even if looting and killing is all that they do.
*Cannot offer a sword that does incredible damage but screams in an annoying voice whenever it's used.
*No more borderlands. 1 OR two.

[toapat]

*Not to have a quest where a goblin demands to be smote in the face.

**not to found a cult with said goblin in which commoners ritually beat eachother into submission while wearing only pants*
***Not to make soap using humanoid fat obtained through the custom researched spell "Extract extra bodyfat"
****not to then have these cult members pick a fight with, and then loose to, other commoners
*****Not to then have the commoners use alchemist fire on the general goods stores
******Not to then have the commoners move into my condemned mansion after a week long innitation where i yell in their faces
*******not to realize that i am the goblin, and i am holding the hand crossbow
********Not to then invent Nitroglycerine and blow up the kingdom's treasury and market district using the cult

*Pants are not to be pointed out as non existant, they are a magic item slot interchangable with the belt slot.

[Ksheep]

* I may not hire a bunch of commoners to worship and revere a +1 light mace
** I may not be surprised when said +1 light mace becomes a demigod

* I may not believe that doors are evil
** My purpose in life is not to kick down every door in existence
*** I should not be surprised when I get killed rather violently when visiting the Sigil

[Zahhak]

* I am not allowed to play a wereoctopus
** We do not launch people out of the catapult
*** Ever
**** I don't care that you can probably take the falling damage

* I will mow the lawn more often to prevent grenade-throwing zombie infestation

* I will never use the phrase "Necros gone. Wild" while dealing with zombies
** Or ever again

* The phrase "Don't worry about the size of the ship, it'll change" does not inspire confidence

* No part of the following conversation is ever allowed to happen again:
-When faced with identical beings each one claiming the other is a pirate-
"See, it's not an illusion, it's actually transmutation. Because, actually, they're sheep who have been transmuted into humans to satisfy some deranged wizard's fantasy of watching sheep engage in a naval battle" - X
"I think we should take them into separate rooms and interrogate the crap out of them. And by 'interrogate the crap out of them' I mean 'torture them'" - Zahhak
"And by 'torture them' I mean 'make them have sex with sheep'" - X
"Because the one who enjoys it, is clearly a sheep" - Zahhak

* If a PC attempts suicide, it's the DMs fault

* I don't care if you have the needed spells, we are not going to play Portal in Pathfinder.
** Or use those spells to rip out chunks of the enemy ship
*** And we will especially not make those chunks rain down on the enemy ship
**** Or launch the enemy ship back at itself

* I don't care how many years OOC and how many characters had to die researching it, you are not allowed to make a nuclear warhead
- Not my group, but someone in a different group that one of our party played with literally spent 3 years researching DnD spells and how nuclear warheads worked to make as close of an approximation to a nuclear warhead as possible.

* I am not allowed to make modern weapons with Wizard spells.
** No, a rod of magic missile is not a rifle waiting to happen
*** Or a sub-machine gun
**** And taping multiple together does not make a gatling gun
***** And under no circumstances am I allowed to attempt to make a flamethrower

* Low level PCs do not fight the Weeping Angels
** Or anything else from Doctor Who
*** And I am not allowed to design mazes after episodes of Doctor Who
**** Especially: Silence in the Library, Flesh and Stone, or the God Complex
***** I don't care how awesome it is
****** You know what, no Doctor Who the week before doing anything DnD related.

* I am not allowed to crucify mice.

* It doesn't matter that Geography in the real world includes knowledge of culture, history, and animals, Knowledge (Geography) does not grant me automatic ranks in Knowledge (Nobility and Royalty), Knowledge (History), and Knowledge (Nature)

* I am not allowed to have a cat launcher
** If I ask again, my character will be struck with ball lightning.
*** As DM, I am not allowed to give my PCs or NPCs cat launchers
**** This will result in the Dungeon King setting me on fire

* My penis is not a weapon
** It does not grant me bonuses to intimidate
*** Even if it's shaped like a Q
**** Especially if it's shaped like a Q

* I am not allowed to pester the DM endlessly about questions about his worlds geography
** I am not allowed to then send him a 5 page essay detailing why his worlds geography makes no sense

* There is a non-cannon DnD book, whose name I dare not speak, and which I am not allowed to reference in even the most oblique way.

[Doorhandle]

- Not my group, but someone in a different group that one of our party played with literally spent 3 years researching DnD spells and how nuclear warheads worked to make as close of an approximation to a nuclear warhead as possible.

If you sent that challenge to this fourm they would have one up within 3 days. :smallsigh:

[toapat]

If you sent that challenge to this fourm they would have one up within 3 days. :smallsigh:

agreed, and that isnt even counting the fact that the Immortals handbook has a pair Nuclear Detonation spells

[Black Mage]

* My alchemist is not allowed to have a bomb thrower and refer to it as his "N00b tube"
** It does not make a *thunk* sound every time it fires.
*** My bombs do not auto-crit if I shove them into the enemies mouth.
**** I may not take Craft (Science)
***** I may not take Craft (Paradox)
****** I do not "Know all and see all"
******* Especially if I'm playing a blind oracle.
******** For that matter, I am not allowed to play blind oracles and carry a shotgun.
********* I may not refer to my guns as "My boom-stick"
********** I also may not refer to my guns as "My p***s" so that I may shoot enemies in the face with them and call it "The money shot"

[Shpadoinkle]

*My bard cannot have ranks in Perform: Sex.
** My bard may no longer "roll to seduce" every monster we encounter. It doesn't matter what his Charisma, Bluff, or Diplomacy scores are.
*** No, the fact that he is a pansexual xenophile nymphomaniac does NOT make it good roleplaying.
**** I cannot use a recounting of such encounters as my "bardic performance." Attempting to do so will grant penalties to my allies, instead, unless they're trying to harm me in which case they revert to being bonuses and are doubled.
***** Any effort to detail such encounters will result in me taking a handful of d4's of damage. Not my character, me.

[Techwarrior]

As DM, I may not bring my personally modified d4 airsoft gun to sessions.

I may also not do this as a player.

[Squirrel_Dude]

* The halfling is no longer allowed to cast sleep spells on itself.
** The party is no longer allowed to put a sleeping halfling sorcerer into a children's daycare.
*** The party will no longer try and steal children from said daycare instead of picking up the sorcerer.

[Sith_Happens]

* My modern setting character may not have any sort of mental disorder causing him to think he's a character in an RPG.
** Especially not if the game/system he thinks he's in is different from the one he's actually in.

[Balmas]

*If two players want to play the same race, and both say that they only want one in the party, I may not suggest that they play a schiztophrenic Orc who decides which actions he does by rolling a die every time they disagree.
**If the they and the DM like this idea, I may not further suggest that they have different mental stats and class levels based on which personality is in control at the time.

Actually, this sounds like an awesome character to play. Now, if only I can get someone else to agree, we're set.


As DM, I may not bring my personally modified d4 airsoft gun to sessions.

I may also not do this as a player.

**Slingshots are also disallowed.

[TuggyNE]

******* Especially if I'm playing a blind oracle.


* If I am playing an oracle or seer, I may not yell "SEE THE TRUTH" when he uses his most powerful ability.
** Nor may I play an oracle hunter.

[Socratov]

*I cannot have flaw: speechimpediment(Haiku). Neither is it a complusion.
*I may not make a character wihting 3 hours of seeing Phineas and Ferb
**I may not do anyting tabletop RPG related withing 3 hours of seeing Phineas and Ferb
*No, to the BBEG, the wightocalypse is not like playing plague inc., infection or any other kind of game.
**Put down the tablet and smartphone
***laptop too

[DigoDragon]

*I cannot have flaw: speechimpediment(Haiku). Neither is it a complusion.

Would be better if it were:

I cannot have flaw: Speech Impediment (Haiku). Nor A Compulsion. :smallwink:


I will not create flow charts that catagorize the GM's NPCs.
I will not fix those flow charts so that all NPCs end up in the catagory "Mary Sue"
I will not encourage the party to form a line and make choo-choo noises when we think that the GM is railroading us back to the important plot point.

[Socratov]

*My characters name does in fact not contain numbers. I am to be reminded of this every now and then.
**My character may not be introduced as "[character's name] Starring as ..."
*No moving vehicles will be used as a place of introduction.
**Except for carts towards the chopping block
*There is no such thing as a minion, crafted form whatever, turning out to be the reception committee, welcoming you by giving you equipment.
*No you are not helped by some form of deva, archon or other angelic creature helping you form above by sending you visions. You are not that special a snowflake.

[Techwarrior]

As DM, my puzzles may not involve haiku, particularly if the answer is the only three lines that aren't actually a haiku.
My answers to divinations may not involve limericks.
Just because the spell description says I can give a 'cryptic response' doesn't mean I should.
Particularly if the response is a poem.
I am to ask someone else to write my poems answers to divinations and puzzles. Mine are "too hard."

[Razanir]

My answers to divinations may not involve limericks.

Limericks are bad/Although haiku is just fine/Even when cryptic

[Ksheep]

* I may not make a character that speaks solely in iambic pentameter
** He is not allowed to soliloquize more than once a session
*** Said soliloquies must be shorter than one minute in length
**** You know what, no soliloquies at all

[toapat]

*No moving vehicles will be used as a place of introduction.
**Except for carts towards the chopping block

***Expecially carts moving towards chopping blocks
****you will not be saved by a dragon attempting to kill you
*****you do not have Forceful hand as a once/1d4 rounds SLA

[Adoendithas]

* I am not allowed to filibuster a session.

[Wookieetank]

* I am not allowed to filibuster a session.

**Reading the phone book to filibuster a session is right out.
***And will result in any/all objects in the near vicinity being given momentum in my general direction.

[alanek2002]

**Reading the phone book to filibuster a session is right out.
***And will result in any/all objects in the near vicinity being given momentum in my general direction.
**** This does not mean I gain telekinesis.

[Balmas]

**Reading the phone book to filibuster a session is right out.
***And will result in any/all objects in the near vicinity being given momentum in my general direction.
****Me, not my character.

[Black Mage]

* When playing a Gunslinger, all of my attacks cannot be called-shots to the enemies knees.
** I may not name my character "The Kneecapper"
*** I may not play a Tauric creature Spellweaver/riding dog
**** I may not play a Quickling with the Quickling template.
***** My character cannot hijack someones Wish from a genie to wish for a mountain of cocaine.
****** While playing 4th Edition, characters cannot snort Residium and call it magic dust.

[Nyes the Dark]

*I may not play Neo from The Matrix
**Smith is right out
***No Oracle either
****No Matrix characters

*My character's Verbal components for spells may not include any of the following:
-Spoilers from popular fiction
--Ice Cream Koans
---Feigned accents, good or bad
----Poetry or music (only applies when not a Bard)
*----Bardic songs may not include references to the latest pop songs
**----Nor may they include references to any pop songs
***----No Bards

[Rockphed]

* While playing 4th Edition, characters cannot snort Residium and call it magic dust.

This gives me evil ideas for divination rituals. Lots and lots of evil ideas.:smallamused:

[Black Mage]

* I may not base characters off of any movie I have seen.
** Especially if the character is based solely on a single line of dialog.
*** ESPECIALLY if that line of dialog is about shoving a mans head up another mans ass.
**** I may no longer run games using Immortals Handbook. This is for my own sanity.
***** Throw Anything does not give me proficiency in Halfings.
****** Especially if I'm a gnome.

[Geigan]

*A building with a sign on it that says STAY OUT in big red letters should not be the party's first point of interest in a populated area.
**Make that any area.
***Not even if the party needs a place to live.
****Not even if it has a fish tank for our pet eel.
*****Checking the secret hidden basement is especially not recommended.
******Claiming a place by right of conquest does not make you any less of a squatter if you don't own the place.

[Doorhandle]

*A building with a sign on it that says STAY OUT in big red letters should not be the party's first point of interest in a populated area.
**Make that any area.
***Not even if the party needs a place to live.
****Not even if it has a fish tank for our pet eel.
*****Checking the secret hidden basement is especially not recommended.
******Claiming a place by right of conquest does not make you any less of a squatter if you don't own the place.

... You do realise that is adventure code for "Please kick our door in and take all our delectable lootable stuff", right?

[Amidus Drexel]

... You do realise that is adventure code for "Please kick our door in and take all our delectable lootable stuff", right?

*I may not make a sign with "Please kick our door in and take all our delectable lootable stuff"
**Not even if it is meant as a trap.
***Especially if it is not meant as a trap.

[rockdeworld]

* I cannot convince the DM that I have "Heavy Armor Optimization" on the basis "that's what I'm doing!"
Edit: ** Neither do I have "Extraordinary Spell Aim" on the basis "I have Dexterity 20; I'm just that good!"

[Kelb_Panthera]

... You do realise that is adventure code for "Please kick our door in and take all our delectable lootable stuff", right?

You realize that if enough of the doors so captioned are vigorously trapped and lead to very bad things (which may or may not include little-to-no loot) that the pavlov effect will eventually take hold.

It can be tricky to breed just the right ammount of paranoia in players, but if you can manage not to go overboard it's well worth the effort :belkar:

[Black Mage]

You realize that if enough of the doors so captioned are vigorously trapped and lead to very bad things (which may or may not include little-to-no loot) that the pavlov effect will eventually take hold.

It can be tricky to breed just the right ammount of paranoia in players, but if you can manage not to go overboard it's well worth the effort :belkar:

Truth. My players have an unnatural fear of pillars and all things pillar-y.

[Black Mage]

* I should not urinate on a statue of a chaotic evil god that is crackling with red lightning.
** Even if I swear the DM said there was red LIGHTING, not lightning. It's still a bad idea.
*** I deserve everything I get if I manage to blow up the BBEG just before he starts his monologue.

This is for one of my players.
* Not allowed to own a sap.
** Not allowed to take the Sap Mastery feats in Pathfinder.
*** Not allowed to craft a throwing/returning human bane sap from a humans nether regions.
**** Not allowed to run around throwing said sap at people while laughing maniacly.

[A Tad Insane]

* I may not use 'charm' 'dominate' or the likes to control the BBEG's entire fort's garrison
** I should not be surprised when the DM gives him an ability that kills them all
*** I'm not allowed to use this as justification to have a plan to kill the entire party
**** Even if it fits with my Lawful Evil douche of a character

[Adoendithas]

**Reading the phone book to filibuster a session is right out.
***And will result in any/all objects in the near vicinity being given momentum in my general direction.

****Despite its apparent appropriateness, the same goes for the Player's Handbook, Dungeon Master's Guide, Monster Manual, or Rules Compendium.

[Wookieetank]

****Despite its apparent appropriateness, the same goes for the Player's Handbook, Dungeon Master's Guide, Monster Manual, or Rules Compendium.

*****This is not the accepted way to introduce new players to the rules.
******However I can take full credit for everyone's improved understanding of the rules after said reading. :smallamused:

[Dire Moose]

Arctic Elves do not get a +4 bonus on Craft (Toymaking) checks.

[Wookieetank]

Arctic Elves do not get a +4 bonus on Craft (Toymaking) checks.

** There is not an Island of Misfit toys, and defective Warforged are not sent there.
***Convincing the party's Warforge of the above though is bloody hilarious.

[Doxkid]

*Singing a cheery song in/out of character in various characters and party roles is slightly odd.
**Singing them in foreign languages is even odder.
***I will quietly leave when my group finds out I have been chanting oaths of bloodshed and ruin to the tune of "Tomorrow" for the past year, and I will not expect to be invited back.
****There is nothing 'conversational' about the Egyptian I know.
*****Stop picking up girls with "sweet phrases about their eyes".
******If everyone glances at me when a IRL crime is shown on the news, I may not pretend to be indignant.

[eulmanis12]

For those of you who know 40k

*I may not strap a lasgun to my bolter for use as a "laser sight"
**I may not claim that it is still underpowered even for that role

*I may not hit on the Sisters of Battle
**If I do they will probably hit me, through a wall

*I may not deploy my guardsmen in a defensive position complete with fortifications and interlocking fields of fire then complain when the deamons just decide to possess all of them

*I may not lose on turn one without rolling any dice
**this happening may not cause me to seek a new gaming system

*I may not do terminator impressions for the necron

*I may not keep a pet carnifex "cause he's sooo cute!"

*I may not debate the fine points of body armor with the dark eldar

*I may not utter the words "Boom, Headshot" when the vindicare takes down yet another helmetless space marine

*I may not memorize several imperial prayers and repeat them during the game
**I may not recite the Litany of Hate. its just creepy

[Adoendithas]

*Singing a cheery song in/out of character in various characters and party roles is slightly odd.
**Singing them in foreign languages is even odder.
***I will quietly leave when my group finds out I have been chanting oaths of bloodshed and ruin to the tune of "Tomorrow" for the past year, and I will not expect to be invited back.
****There is nothing 'conversational' about the Egyptian I know.
*****Stop picking up girls with "sweet phrases about their eyes".
******If everyone glances at me when a IRL crime is shown on the news, I may not pretend to be indignant.

******* Conversely, if the evil wizard's ritual involves chanting "Mica, Mica, Parva Stella! Miror Quaenam Sis Tam Bella! Splendens Eminus In Illo! Alba Velut Gamma Caelo! (etc.)" the players have the right to throw books. For those who don't speak Latin, this translates roughly to "Twinkle, twinkle little star! How I wonder what you are! Up above the world so high! Like a diamond in the sky!

[Black Mage]

******* Conversely, if the evil wizard's ritual involves chanting "Mica, Mica, Parva Stella! Miror Quaenam Sis Tam Bella! Splendens Eminus In Illo! Alba Velut Gamma Caelo! (etc.)" the players have the right to throw books. For those who don't speak Latin, this translates roughly to "Twinkle, twinkle little star! How I wonder what you are! Up above the world so high! Like a diamond in the sky!

I facepalmed so hard :smallbiggrin::smalltongue:

[Sith_Happens]

*My evil Druid/Lunar Exalt/etc.'s preferred form may not be that of a horse.
** I may not ride across the nation.
** My title is not nor shall it ever be the Thoroughbred of Sin.
*** I may not claim that it is anyways.
** All minions, hirelings, or followers that I come into possession of shall be mute and tone-deaf.

[Deathkeeper]

*Singing a cheery song in/out of character in various characters and party roles is slightly odd.

*I should not adapt Disney songs to be sung in and out of character
**Especially not during the angry half-orc ranger's personal quest
***Even if the context seems very similar to Mulan.
****Especially if I'm not a Bard.

[rockdeworld]

Sadly true (sorry if it's been mentioned already):

*I may not play anything that requires me to use a calculator during character creation.
**Especially if it's a wizard.
***Or a cleric.
****Or rogue.
*****Or barbarian.

[Ksheep]

* I may not have the minions surrender after the PCs kill one of them with a single hit.
** I may not have further minions surrender as soon as they realize that the PCs are holding a half-dozen minions prisoner
*** I may not do this throughout the entire dungeon, until the PCs have over 100 minions held prisoner
**** Especially if the base they are infiltrating is in the middle of the ocean, and the PCs only have a small boat with them
***** I may not point out that leaving them there is a death sentence, as they are defenseless and they set an explosive device to go off in half an hour to destroy the doomsday machine located in said base.

[Sith_Happens]

* I may not have the minions surrender after the PCs kill one of them with a single hit.
** I may not have further minions surrender as soon as they realize that the PCs are holding a half-dozen minions prisoner
*** I may not do this throughout the entire dungeon, until the PCs have over 100 minions held prisoner
**** Especially if the base they are infiltrating is in the middle of the ocean, and the PCs only have a small boat with them
***** I may not point out that leaving them there is a death sentence, as they are defenseless and they set an explosive device to go off in half an hour to destroy the doomsday machine located in said base.

* I may not have this be the breaking point that turns my character into a heartless killer, just to spite the GM.

[Ksheep]

* I may not have this be the breaking point that turns my character into a heartless killer, just to spite the GM.

** Especially if my character had been a paragon of what a good paladin should be up to that session…

[Socratov]

** Especially if my character had been a paragon of what a good paladin should be up to that session…

***It is bowever a valid plotpoint to enter the greygyard prc

[jaybird]

* I may never throw a Psyk-Out grenade into the explosion radius of a Vortex grenade.

[Forrestfire]

* I may never throw a Psyk-Out grenade into the explosion radius of a Vortex grenade.

I really want to know the story behind this one :smallamused:

[Theoboldi]

*I may no longer urge the bard to sing 'What do we do with a drunken sailor?'
**Especially not during the elevator ride into the underworld.
***I may not cause a retcon so that the whole party has sang this song during the elevator ride into the underworld.
****I may not spend half an hour of the session singing sea shanties, no matter what.

[Blightedmarsh]

I really want to know the story behind this one

A vortex grenade kind of rips a hole in the fabric of space and time to a corrupting hell dimension and sucks everything in a given radius in it.

Psykout is an industrial byproduct of the golden throne (a kind of psychik interstellar lighthouse and mile high life support machine for a physical god fueled by human sacrifice). Its effects on Psykers are not pleasant.

Why you wouldn't want to mix the two I don't know but I can well imagine that its not just a waste of good psykout.

[Craft (Cheese)]

*I may no longer urge the bard to sing 'What do we do with a drunken sailor?'
**Especially not during the elevator ride into the underworld.
***I may not cause a retcon so that the whole party has sang this song during the elevator ride into the underworld.
****I may not spend half an hour of the session singing sea shanties, no matter what.

*****No, not even if you're actually on a ship.

[Forrestfire]

A vortex grenade kind of rips a hole in the fabric of space and time to a corrupting hell dimension and sucks everything in a given radius in it.

Psykout is an industrial byproduct of the golden throne (a kind of psychik interstellar lighthouse and mile high life support machine for a physical god fueled by human sacrifice). Its effects on Psykers are not pleasant.

Why you wouldn't want to mix the two I don't know but I can well imagine that its not just a waste of good psykout.

I have this mental image of a bunch of Daemons sitting around when the psych-out grenade pops in front of them. I'd imagine exploding an anti-psyker bomb in the warp would have some spectacular results.

[Zahhak]

* I am not Asmodeous, god of fire and fear
** I may no longer start a sentence with "I, Asmodeous, god of fire and fear, demand..."
*** Especially not "I, Asmodeous, god of fire and fear, demand you bring me a coke"
**** Or, "I, Asmodeous, god of fire and fear, demand you bring me an enchilada"
***** Or, "I, Asmodeous, god of fire and fear, demand you read me a bedtime story"

[vasharanpaladin]

*May never encourage the "meathead party" again.
**Especially if the current DM was one of the players who'd found the potion of inflict light wounds in the treasure hoard.
***Doubly so if the current DM was the player who'd died from it.

[Daemonhawk]

*I may not have my Marshal arrest the barmaids by singing Trina's "Pull Over"
**Even if part of the DM's description includes something about tight-fitting clothing.
***I am no longer allowed to play a Marshal.

[Sith_Happens]

* My daiklave is not a drill.
** I may not use any charm to turn it into a drill.
** Spinning it really really fast and pretending it's a drill is right out.
** There is no such charm as Glorious Solar Drill.
*** I may not develop the charm Glorius Solar Drill.
* No matter how hard I punch someone in the face, it will not end their limit break.
* Warstriders cannot combine.
** Not even if I stunt it.
* My stunts may no longer involve asking people who the hell they think I am.
* I must stop referring to Essence as "Spiral Power," whether in or out of character.
* I may not even think about playing an Alchemical.

[Malak'ai]

*My female characters may no longer clutch a piece of jewellery and shout out some rediculas statement involving a celestrial body while putting on her armour.
**Said female character may no longer call out rediculas statements involving celestrial bodies when making an attack.
***She may no longer pretend to be a normal, innocent teenage girl when everyone knows exactly what she is.
****No, she is not the soldier of Love.
*****Nor Justice.
******Having an awakened cat familiar isn't allowed either.
*******Having her future daughter turn up out of nowhere to fight along side her is right out.
********I am no longer allowed to watch SailorMoon... Ever!

[Sith_Happens]

*My female characters may no longer clutch a piece of jewellery and shout out some rediculas statement involving a celestrial body while putting on her armour.
**Said female character may no longer call out rediculas statements involving celestrial bodies when making an attack.
***She may no longer pretend to be a normal, innocent teenage girl when everyone knows exactly what she is.
****No, she is not the soldier of Love.
*****Nor Justice.
******Having an awakened cat familiar isn't allowed either.
*******Having her future daughter turn up out of nowhere to fight along side her is right out.
********I am no longer allowed to watch SailorMoon... Ever!

* I may not convince the rest of the party to play Sailor Senshi members as well.
** Especially not if it's supposed to be a horror campaign.
*** If the above rule is broken, I should expect the GM to come to the second session having watched the entirety of Madoka Magica.

[Unbeknownst]

*I may not throw an untouchable into a warp portal.
**Even if I don't like him.
***And he's unconsious.

[Ksheep]

* I may not shoot the king with an Arrow of Human Slaying
** Especially if the guards stripped us of all our weapons before we entered the throne room
*** No, I don't care if you had your bow and single arrow in your glove of storing, you can't do it
**** "Because his rambling speech was boring" isn't a good reason for you do do that
***** You know what? Fine, he's dead, and his stuck-up annoying daughter is now head of the state, and she's asking for your head on a platter

[TuggyNE]

* I may not shoot the king with an Arrow of Human Slaying
** Especially if the guards stripped us of all our weapons before we entered the throne room
*** No, I don't care if you had your bow and single arrow in your glove of storing, you can't do it
**** "Because his rambling speech was boring" isn't a good reason for you do do that
***** You know what? Fine, he's dead, and his stuck-up annoying daughter is now head of the state, and she's asking for your head on a platter

****** No, you do not have another Arrow of Human Slaying.
******* You just don't, OK?

[Doorhandle]

****** No, you do not have another Arrow of Human Slaying.
******* You just don't, OK?

May not become immune to a hunter's favored enemy because "humanoids are the real monsters."

[DigoDragon]

No longer allowed to shoot the Captain of the Guard in front of the troops.
Doesn't matter if he is the BBEG in disguise. No one will believe you.
If you go through a dungeon and skip every trap, monster encounter, and secret treasure room you find, you are not allowed to complain that the dungeon lacked anything to do.

[Socratov]

* I may not convince the rest of the party to play Sailor Senshi members as well.
** Especially not if it's supposed to be a horror campaign.
*** If the above rule is broken, I should expect the GM to come to the second session having watched the entirety of Madoka Magica.

That is cruel. Just. Cruel.

*Movies I'm not allowed to borrow lines from:

Crocodile Dundee
Asterix and Obelix (any of them really)
Scary Movie (again, any of them)
Any movie with Vin Diesel
Any movie with Christian Bale
or Mike Myers for that matter
This list is not exhaustive and may be updated at the DM's convenience

[Esprit15]

DnD
* May not make a Craft (Basket) check while making a Swim check.
* Necromancy is not a right. It's barely even a privilege.
* Gorrillas may not have mounts.
* If the best thing I can think to do with Minor Creation is summon vegetables to throw at people, I may no longer have Minor Creation.
** No more Psionics.
* I may not have a CHA penalty.

PTTA
* Even if I am several levels higher than the next highest party member, I may not kill people in the party without good justification both IC and OOC.
** They annoy me is not a good reason.
* No longer allowed to be in charge of looting the bodies.
* Spirits of death are not be the best moral guides. Or even that good of ones.
** Computers are bad at ethics too.
* May not have access to Probability Control
** May not have access to Chosen One
*** No way may I have access to both.
* May not solve any main plot issue with a token given by a legendary before we even are in any danger.
** May not save the token until the very end of the game and then use it to kill the BBEG after everyone but me has forgotten that the token exists.
** May not sell said token on eBay once the campaign is over and then have the PC retire and live a life of luxury because he sold a scale of a god.
** May not make an ear ring out of it.
*** Especially may not make a gauge out of it.
**** Incorporating it into my Hexing focus is okay, but a bit of a waste.
** May not summon gods to kill party members.
*** Especially if the reason is simply "They annoy me."
**** Doubly so if they work for other gods.
***** No matter how awesome it would be to watch Rayquayza duke it out with Latios and Latias, I may not.
****** May not have my cousin, a Touched of Giratina, have his patron god join the brawl so the numbers will be even.
** If a god ever gives me the ability to call on them once for aid, I am to decline this offer.

[Kazyan]

*As a melee character, my damage rolls may not involve six or more individual dice, which aren't all of the same damage type.
**It is particularly annoying to have a whole bunch of attacks so that I need to do this over and over, without even being that effective.
***Just, no more Totemists, alright? "d4gnarök" takes forever.

[Adoendithas]

* I am not Asmodeous, god of fire and fear
** I may no longer start a sentence with "I, Asmodeous, god of fire and fear, demand..."
*** Especially not "I, Asmodeous, god of fire and fear, demand you bring me a coke"
**** Or, "I, Asmodeous, god of fire and fear, demand you bring me an enchilada"
***** Or, "I, Asmodeous, god of fire and fear, demand you read me a bedtime story"

Wow, my PC's actually did this last session to intimidate some demons.

EDIT: The * and ** ones, not the later ones.

[Deathkeeper]

* My daiklave is not a drill.
** I may not use any charm to turn it into a drill.
* My stunts may no longer involve asking people who the hell they think I am.
* I must stop referring to Essence as "Spiral Power," whether in or out of character.


*My familiar my not loudly broadcast telepathic messages containing quotes from Kamina whenever a Fear effect is used on the party.
**We are not immune to fear and/or morality penalties because we believe in him believing in us.

[Unbeknownst]

*I am no aloud to have a maxed out Decieve skill.
**I am especially not aloud to use said Decieve skill to convince rats that I am their queen, and they must obey my every word.
***Nor am I aloud to create an army of rats to besige a city.

[Amidus Drexel]

*I am no aloud to have a maxed out Decieve skill.
**I am especially not aloud to use said Decieve skill to convince rats that I am their queen, and they must obey my every word.
***Nor am I aloud to create an army of rats to besige a city.

****I may, however, do these things without speaking

These are all from the same player:

*May not go to town specifically to get drunk
**May not, while drunk, use major creation in conjunction with stone shape to make crude statues of himself
***May not deny all such activity in the morning when the rest of the party wakes up

*May not insult everyone in the elven capitol, including the doorman to the mage's guild
**May not attack the door to the mage's guild
***May not attempt to flame strike the mage's guild upon being unable to open the door
****Be surprised when he is hit with five maximized lightning bolts when he refuses to leave after being asked to go away
*****May not complain when he dies, as he wanted to speak directly with his god anyway

[Zahhak]

* I may no longer make the DM realize he is a hipster. He will get depressed
* I may no longer use the phrase "Bag of Infinite Possible PCs"

[eulmanis12]

*may not set fire to self to prevent being grappled by enemies

*may not use this thread as a checklist

*May not have a bucket list
**It may not involve acutal buckets
***If I kill another PC with a bucket when he is 4 levels ahead of me, I will be beaten mercelessly with DMGs and Players Handbooks

[PaperMustache]

*The verbal component for Charm Person/ Suggestion / Dominate Person or any other mind-controlling spell is NOT "Would you Kindly?"

[toapat]

*The verbal component for Charm Person/ Suggestion / Dominate Person or any other mind-controlling spell is NOT "Would you Kindly?"

**Would you kindly redact that post.

[Wookieetank]

*The verbal component for Charm Person/ Suggestion / Dominate Person or any other mind-controlling spell is NOT "Would you Kindly?"

** "The power of [deity of choice] compells you" however is acceptable, particularly when playing as a cleric of the mentioned deity

[Ksheep]

** "The power of [deity of choice] compells you" however is acceptable, particularly when playing as a cleric of the mentioned deity

*** not so much when playing a Necromencer

[Gravitron5000]

*The verbal component for Charm Person/ Suggestion / Dominate Person or any other mind-controlling spell is NOT "Would you Kindly?"

** Nor is it "Mother May I"
*** It is also not "Simon Says"

[Adoendithas]

**** It DEFINITELY does not involve waving your hand in front of their face and saying "You WILL..."

[Erik Vale]

***** Never may suggestion include:

These Are Not The Droids You Are Looking For
*Monetary Unit* Will do just Fine

[Wraith]

* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Perform: Dance check.
* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Diplomacy check.
* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Survival check,
* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Haggle check.
** Okay, 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' *might* work in place of an Intimidation check.
*** Using 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Seduction check is right out.
**** If I have to ask 'Why not?', the DM does not have to explain it to me.

* 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' is not the only skill that I will ever need.

* Not allowed to build a character concept entirely around a section of the rules that the DM does not quite understand.
** Especially if I know exactly how they work, and work well. See also: Grappling in WFRP, or Grappling in Savage Worlds, or Grappling in SLA Industries, or Grappling in Dark Heresy, or Grappling in Ironclaw, or Grappling in V:tM, or Grappling in Feng Shui, or.....
** No grappling, ever.

[Doorhandle]

* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Perform: Dance check.
* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Diplomacy check.
* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Survival check,
* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Haggle check.
** Okay, 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' *might* work in place of an Intimidation check.
*** Using 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Seduction check is right out.
**** If I have to ask 'Why not?', the DM does not have to explain it to me.

* 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' is not the only skill that I will ever need.

* Not allowed to build a character concept entirely around a section of the rules that the DM does not quite understand.
** Especially if I know exactly how they work, and work well. See also: Grappling in WFRP, or Grappling in Savage Worlds, or Grappling in SLA Industries, or Grappling in Dark Heresy, or Grappling in Ironclaw, or Grappling in V:tM, or Grappling in Feng Shui, or.....
** No grappling, ever.

*Maybe in Legend, but that's it.

[Man on Fire]

* If a player asks me constantly about the bust size of every female NPC he meets I cannot say "for sure they're bigger than yours" without checking if he doesn't hide massive man-boobs under that shirt.

I cannot find any other explanation why that guy was so happy when I said that.

* My characters are no longer allowed to take hostages, ordering enemies to durrender or trying to provide a distraction.
** I'm no longer allowed to do anythign with the enemies aside from outright attacking them.

3 different games. In one I take leader of evil cult hostage and he orders his people to shoto anyway. In another I kill one enemy and tell the one to drop the weapon if he doesn't want to die too and the guy immiediatelly shoots me. In third I enter the robbed bank and started doing Ryback entrance and got shoot at.

Now, in the first game my character managed to patch himself together but that was a close one. And really - it worked for one ound, it was in the second that I tried that when guy ordered to shoot me, probably GM's punishment for trying to stick to one trick. In third it was Mutants & Masterminds and I was powerhouse so guy with Uzi couldn't do anything to me and I provided the distraction for Speedster to run in and punch other guy, who was holding gun to the hostage's head.

Second guy however died and rest of the group ran away, abbandonnig the mission.

* Cannot let two other players, who made it clearly they don't want to follow my orders because I, as the only civilian in the party, have no authority over them, to go on undercover recon mission while saying I'll gather some information, then purposely forget to tell them rande vouz point and take other two players for a dinner, and refuse to tell them where we are, so they have to run through entire district, while we're switching restaurants.
** When they finally find us and clearly want to beat the living **** out of e, I cannot shoot one of them.
*** When he later wants to beat me even more and is preparing a knife in case I would try to shoot him again, I cannot call the police to arrest him.

I was on recivering end of those, belive me, it wasn't really that much fun. it was funny but it was also pretty humilation. And that player who did that simply told me I should just shoot his character and move on.

[scurv]

I am no longer permitted to play evil in every DM's campaigns that i know

[vasharanpaladin]

*May no longer justify playing evil with "the devs wouldn't know it if it bit them on the nose."
**May not, when pressed on this matter, play a TN character as a selfish, amoral prick instead.
***Naming my alignment "blue" when everyone else is LG is right out.

[Xerinous]

*My cavalier's horse cannot be named Epona.

*Elder Evils are not to be taunted.

*No more knocking the plot-central NPCs out with a sap.
**No more knocking out the plot-central NPCs with some spilled alcohol and some truly awful luck.
***Just stop knocking out the NPCs.

*Saps no longer exist.
**Saps will never exist again.

[Unbeknownst]

*Parley does not mean "Let them Come aboard and then take their stuff."

[Rockphed]

* I am not to run an illegal tavern.
** If the authorities shut it down, I am not to sue them for damages to my alcohol suffered during the process.
* If I am in the midst of a contest with another player, I am not to lobby for an extension if I am ahead.
** Rats are worth 1 XP each. At level 1. At higher levels they aren't worth any, and might be worth negative XP.
*** Rats are not a delicacy to my people.
** If the contest gets extended and I lose, I am not to lobby that I really won because I was ahead when the original deadline passed.
*** If we are refused public office because we refuse to honor the terms of the contest, we are to humbly accept it, not go on a bloody rampage through town.
**** No, bloody rampages do not endear the populace to us.
* Caravans across the wilderness are not races.
** There is not a race of magic turtles with blue shells.
*** Slaughtering turtles in search of the blue shell will not endear you to your fellow travelers if you do not bring the meat back with you.
**** Yes, he cut you off. In an ox cart. Sit back and consider that before you go on a bloody rampage.
***** If the local priest has to drag you off eachother by the ear one more time, there will be consequences.
****** Blue turtles now exist.

[DigoDragon]

*may not set fire to self to prevent being grappled by enemies

Darn, there goes my cleric's shtick. :smalltongue:



You are not allowed to throw a fireball at the enemy that catches three party members in the blast, with the justification "They have evasion".
Especially when one of them is the Samurai who doesn't. And he fails his save. And takes full damage. And drops to -3 HP. Unconscious.
Don't be surprised when the Paladin revives the Samurai and they are both noticably miffed at you.

You may not complain when the DM has enemy spellcaster use counterspell as a viable tactic against your Sorcerer. It's perfectly legal.
In return, as DM I'm not allowed to have counterspelling mages shout "Neener-Neener!" as their verbal component.

As DM, I'm forbidden to create any BBEGs based on My Little Pony's "Cutie Mark Crusaders".
I'm also forbidden to choose the party theme song (Who knew they wouldn't like PeeWee's Playhouse?)

[Morrolan]

* I am not allowed to snigger while calculating the total ammount of HD of undead I can control.
** And I may not have a couchemar nightmare skeleton as my mount.
***In fact, I am not allowed to be necromancer.
**** Nor may I be undead, for that matter.

* I am not allowed to manifest death urge on the final boss
** Especially if he has a large vorpal brilliant energy scythe

[TuggyNE]

* I am not allowed to manifest death urge on the final boss
** Especially if he has a large vorpal brilliant energy scythe

Hmm. Vorpal wouldn't do anything here (unless you're still using 3.0), and I have to say that a final boss that's not immune to mind-affecting compulsions is pretty weak anyway *cough*hold person*cough*.

Still, points for chutzpah? :smallwink:

[Razanir]

*Parley does not mean "Let them Come aboard and then take their stuff."

**It is also not French for "everyone else is flat-footed and bare handed" This (http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1280)

[Zahhak]

* Belkar is not a good character concept.
** Neither is Elan
*** Or Haley Starshine.
**** Or V.
***** Or really anyone from OOTS. I'll get it. The DM will get it. No one else will understand until it's already too late.

* I am not allowed to preface anything with "I'm going to pull a Belkar and..."
** I am not allowed to do anything I could preface with "I'm going to pull a Belkar and..."

[Kelb_Panthera]

* Belkar is not a good character concept.
** Neither is Elan
*** Or Haley Starshine.
**** Or V.
***** Or really anyone from OOTS. I'll get it. The DM will get it. No one else will understand until it's already too late.

* I am not allowed to preface anything with "I'm going to pull a Belkar and..."
** I am not allowed to do anything I could preface with "I'm going to pull a Belkar and..."

I wholey disagree with the idea that Belkar isn't an awesome character in the right game.

Roy could work as a concept in any game, though being a straight fighter may not always be the best idea.

*I, too, am not allowed to play Belkar in a game. :smallfrown:

*Using ranks in Know (architecture) to collapse part of the building on the enemy is frowned upon in the emperor's castle.

[Socratov]

**It is also not French for "everyone else is flat-footed and bare handed" This (http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1280)

*I may not call my weapons and ammunition walking sticks
**Not even when I'm a wizard
***Especially when I'm a wizard

[Doxkid]

*It is typically frowned upon when I erect a castle overnight, fitted with armed guards and monster patrols, within a city controlled by someone else.
**It is especially impolite to do it next to a king's castle, making sure that mine is larger and possesses more ornate structures.
***I am not to wink at the queen, while gesturing my castle.
****I am not to wink at the queen, while gesturing at my 'castle'.
*****Castle is not a euphemism and I should be ashamed that I actually spent time and money just for that pun.
******My halfling may not make an intimidate check in the form of a growl.
*******This is NEVER to be done in front of the queen.
********Halflings don't hump legs while sober.
*********I may not use an amassed fortune of animal behavior knowledge to subvert normal politics.
**********Licking, growling, preening, urinating upon and all other forms of animals exerting power over others has no place in a noble court.
***********Correction: No place in a noble court...while others watch.

*My Halflings are all going to be spayed from now on.
**No. Not neutered. Spayed. When I can be trusted again, I can work my way up to being neutered like a normal man.

[Notreallyhere77]

**** No, bloody rampages do not endear the populace to us.


Somehow, I don't think my players will ever understand this. Even after I've explained it to them, "kill the guys who don't approve of our wanton slaughter" is the immediate response.

They seem to understand it well enough when they DM, though. But as a player, I'm the only one who thinks logically when the townsfolk turn against us for killing their politicians and preists.

[Sith_Happens]

* I may not make a campaign setting that uses the TVTropes Pantheon (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Pantheon/TropePantheons).

[Socratov]

**if I as DM or PC at any time in my documentation refer to TVTropes.org or it's derivatives, I have exactly 7 seconds ro rethink my concept before I may have to dodge pieces of dead tree media...

[Zahhak]

* I may not make a campaign setting that uses the TVTropes Pantheon.

I'm a big fan of TVTropes, so god help the PCs next time I DM, because this will be pulled out.

[toapat]

* I may not make a campaign setting that uses the TVTropes Pantheon (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Pantheon/TropePantheons).

i think following it to the letter is bad

but using it to hash together a solid pantheon with a good overview of the mideval world, then its a good guideline

[Black Mage]

********Halflings don't hump legs while sober.

I've been playing my halflings all wrong then...

[Morithias]

* I am not allowed to introduce a drink that uses honey, a potion of cure light wounds, a small piece of candy.
** I am not allowed to say it will "make you fly like a G6"
*** I am not allowed to build an airship and call it "A g6".

[Socratov]

*I may nto apply a method for crafting an IV drip of potions of CLW for the meatshields no matter how fed up I am walking towards them and trying to heal them
**Fine you can, but you better make stellar heal check to prevent airbubbles from getting into the veins spellign instant death to said meatshields
***I cannot make an itemfamiliar in the form of an IV drip, that woudl be too easy

[Domriso]

*I am not allowed to hollow out the Beholder I just killed solely for the purpose of animating it to use as a dirigible transport for the rest of the party

[Studoku]

** Nor may I hollow out the paladin's mount and sleep inside it.
*** Especially when it's summer and we have a tent.

[Zahhak]

Earlier, someone said something about playing a CN character whose actions are chosen by a D%, with the actions being from a table made based on comments from this thread. His GM ginked it, and I would gink it too, but I'm making a moderately important NPC based on that. And Cave Johnson.

Chariots Chariots.

[Ksheep]

* I may not make Alligator Jerky
** No Panther Jerky either
*** Shark Jerky is right out
**** No, I may not make jerky out of any animals we kill
* I may not make Elf Jerky
** No, no Dwarf Jerky, Halfling Jerky, Gnome Jerky, Orc Jerky, Goblin Jerky, or Kobold Jerky
*** Don't even try to make Troll Jerky
**** OK, you can make Dragon Jerky. Make a Fort save

[Riverdance]

Earlier, someone said something about playing a CN character whose actions are chosen by a D%, with the actions being from a table made based on comments from this thread. His GM ginked it, and I would gink it too, but I'm making a moderately important NPC based on that. And Cave Johnson.

Chariots Chariots.

So basically a walking, talking, Rod of Wonder. Now THAT sounds fun.



* I am not allowed to introduce a drink that uses honey, a potion of cure light wounds, a small piece of candy.
** I am not allowed to say it will "make you fly like a G6"

***I'm not allowed to create a drink using wine, a love potion, and a potion of cure light wounds.

****No matter how funny it is to watch the love struck, drunk bard stumbling around every time I heal him.

[Malak'ai]

So basically a walking, talking, Rod of Wonder. Now THAT sounds fun.




***I'm not allowed to create a drink using wine, a love potion, and a potion of cure light wounds.

****No matter how funny it is to watch the love struck, drunk bard stumbling around every time I heal him.

*****I am definitely not allowed to give this concoction to the busty female Sorceress.
******If I do, I am not allowed to pimp her out to the BBEG.
*******Not even if she does find him cute.

[Zahhak]

So basically a walking, talking, Rod of Wonder. Now THAT sounds fun.

If the Rod of Wonder is an incredibly good fortune teller who is described as looking to be about a 150 year old human in a loin cloth who demands random things as payment ("I want three hairs from the redheaded barmaid from the bar two streets down"), and gives responses in the form of cryptic riddles, and constantly demands a moment of silence out of respect for the countries ruler, The Sentient Cloud, then yes.

All glory to The Sentient Cloud.

At some point (after the campaign is completed) I might post the various bits and bobs about him, including his D% table.

Chariots chariots.

[Morithias]

*****I am definitely not allowed to give this concoction to the busty female Sorceress.
******If I do, I am not allowed to pimp her out to the BBEG.
*******Not even if she does find him cute.

********If the two come back as a tag-team boss, I am buying the party's tavern tab after we win.

[demigodus]

********If the two come back as a tag-team boss, I am buying the party's tavern tab after we win.

*********No, I can't just serve the potions to the party instead of buying beer like a normal person
**********I definitely may not give everyone in the bar a free cup of the potion

[Adoendithas]

Chariots chariots.

* This NPC is DEFINITELY not allowed to invent a Wand of At-Will Gate.

Chariots chariots chariots.

[Zahhak]

Just keep testing, I'll settle this.

[Rockphed]

If the Rod of Wonder is an incredibly good fortune teller who is described as looking to be about a 150 year old human in a loin cloth who demands random things as payment ("I want three hairs from the redheaded barmaid from the bar two streets down"), and gives responses in the form of cryptic riddles, and constantly demands a moment of silence out of respect for the countries ruler, The Sentient Cloud, then yes.

All glory to The Sentient Cloud.

At some point (after the campaign is completed) I might post the various bits and bobs about him, including his D% table.

Okay, I must see this. And then we need a "random price table" and an "obfuscation generator". Or just a doddering-old-koot translator.

[Zahhak]

I don't imagine they'll visit him often enough for me to need a random price generator, and the obfuscation generator is also unneeded since his responses are riddles that I'll have had to make up prior.

[Doxkid]

...since his responses are riddles that I'll have had to make up prior.

*If I include riddles and puzzles in my game, I sure as hell better know the answer/true meaning behind each.
**No using my players in one game to solve riddles my DM gave me in another game.

[Archmage1]

*If I include riddles and puzzles in my game, I sure as hell better know the answer/true meaning behind each.
**No using my players in one game to solve riddles my DM gave me in another game.
***Especially not if the DM in the other game is a player in your game

[Rockphed]

I don't imagine they'll visit him often enough for me to need a random price generator, and the obfuscation generator is also unneeded since his responses are riddles that I'll have had to make up prior.

Oh, I don't expect you to make one. But I think it could be fun to pull out a table in the midst of negotiations, roll d% a few times, and have him proceed to demand a scrambled owl bear egg as payment for services rendered. Then give them some ridiculous riddle about egrets and egresses and redolent redresses.

Actually, I want the doddering old man translator most of all. I should make one.:smallamused:

[Zahhak]

scrambled owl bear egg as payment for services rendered

Thanks, I only had the one thing he would demand as payment. :smallbiggrin:

[Bacon Elemental]

* Imay never use the words "Tentacles", "forced" and "intrusion" ever again.

[Riverdance]

At some point (after the campaign is completed) I might post the various bits and bobs about him, including his D% table.

Chariots chariots.

Oh please yes!

[Socratov]

* Imay never use the words "Tentacles", "forced" and "intrusion" ever again.

**I may not play Warlock or arcane spellcasters to cheat this rule...

[DigoDragon]

Stuff I was recently reminded of as the DM:

If the players accidently slay the dragon god Bahamut in the previous session, I will not think up a substitute while drunk in the middle of the night. Otherwise we'll have another "Tiamat, goddess of cookies" incident.
Tiamat also doesn't have a "Cone of Sprinkles" breath weapon.
Do not base a swarm encounter off Eddie Izzard's "Covered in Bees!" joke.


And a few things my players learned recently:

While hinged doors open only in one direction, do not assume the same goes for the pressure plate underneith them.
Not allowed to assume that the Invisibility spell is the only way the enemy hides from you. There's a skill for that.
Not allowed to whine that the ECL8 fight is too hard for your party of 11th level characters just because the entire party failed to have a weapon capable of bypassing DR 10/Silver.
Also not allowed to whine that the 11th level spellcasters can't bypass SR 18.

[Techwarrior]

As DM I am no longer allowed to answer the question "What does it taste like?" with "A Fort Save."

[Zahhak]

I'm going to do this, but I'm going to pre-empitively place this in here (in addition to my CN fortune teller):

I may no longer base a world setting off of the works of HP Lovecraft, Beetlejuice, Thundercats, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, things I have been called on other forums, Bleach, Soul Eater, things I have called other people on other forums, horror movies, or YuYu Hakusho.

Actually, no, no world setting creation that references anything. Especially not without first warning the party.

[TechnoScrabble]

*The idea of a necropolitan channeling positive energy is ridiculous.

*As is the idea of a sociopathic murderer aasimar who mindrapes people for fun but is lawful good.

*Or a demon paladin.

*Or a psychotic cannibal who is somehow a good guy and magically gains powers when he eats enemies and killed and ate a dragon when he was twelve.

*Listen, just because the DM's best friend is terrible at role playing and somehow manages to be just dumb enough to annoy even you, that does not mean you get to make fun of all his ideas. No matter how ridiculous the concept of a half silver dragon half elf druid/monk with pyromania and a hatred of the outdoors and magically burning fists that somehow accidentally killed the character's hometown is.

[Xerinous]

*No playing a colorblind character in a dragon-hunting campaign.

[toapat]

*No playing a colorblind character in a dragon-hunting campaign.

actually, that wouldnt prove too much of a problem. All Evil dragons have Matte scales, where as good and neutral dragons have shiny ones.

[Rizban]

*I may not play an Artificer.
** I may not use a collection of communication spells and custom item rules to create a cellular phone network.
***I may not create hidden Dominate Monster spells in every communication device on the network.
****I may not forcibly apply construct grafts to other characters, even if dominated.
*****I may not rename the kingdom "Borg Collective."
******I may not play an Artificer.

[DigoDragon]

As DM I am no longer allowed to answer the question "What does it taste like?" with "A Fort Save."

This made me laugh. A lot.


My players aren't the brightest bag of hammers--

Not allowed to take on a 10,000 elf army single handedly.
Not allowed to assume elven armies are only composed of level 1 fighters.
Not allowed to assume elven armies don't carry wizards with see invisibility.
Not allowed to assume elven armies will not have anyone in their ranks employing magical weapons of any kind; and another thing, don't ignore the two pages of world fluff that elven archers are fabled for being able to hit a moving target from 500 feet against the wind, especially when the odds calculated that only 5% of those archers in that army hitting you still amount to fifty archers and the reason they hit you was because that 5% represents the group that rolled a 20 on their attack roll.

...Not allowed to assume the DM won't kill you for being dumb.
:smallbiggrin:

[Riverdance]

*When there's a kender in the party I am not to play a barbarian specializing in throwing.
**My barbarian's name is not "Kenderpult"

[A Tad Insane]

*I can not use a wish to ironically kill a third of the entire world known to my character
**My wishes can not be more than ten sentances long
***It's a good thing that the DM gets to twist THAT wish
****I am no longer allowed to use wishes on my evil characters
*****Even if it's an evil god giving it to me
*****I am no longer allowed wishes on my neutral characters
******I am no longer allowed wishes

*I can not make a chaotic neutral bard ironically inspired by blind guardian's "battlefield"
**If I do, he's not allowed to speak to authority

*I can not have anything inspired by scp, homestuck, doctor who, mary poppins, any and all anime, bionicle or hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy in anything d&d

[Archmage1]

*Persuade the DM to give us 5th level spells... in an E6 game.

[Shpadoinkle]

* If I attempt something that stops the game dead for 2 hours or longer while the DM looks up/makes up the rules for resolving such an action, I may safely assume that such action will be banned for all PCs in the future. Yes, even if the DM eventually gets tired of pulling his hair out and allows it to work this time because it's just faster.

[FantasyTropes]

*I may no longer create mildly insane characters
**Said mildly crazy characters cannot gain magical powers from head trauma unlocking magical genetics
***I may most certainly not begin to worship a rock that hit said characters head as the god known as James
****Under no circumstances am I to derail the plot in order to establish a Church of James.
*****Especially if its successful, and the aforementioned character starts to acquire followers.

*I may not push the barbarian down four flights of stairs. This is generally considered impolite.
**Casting defensive buffs beforehand does not counter act the pushing down the stairs act.
***I am not to complain when my character ends up with broken legs.

[toapat]

*I can not have anything inspired by bionicle in anything d&d

Why not? this seems rather interesting that you managed to get anything banned from that, you could probably re-create everything Barring the Makuta-Mata Nui battle in E6. The makuta species is already replicable as gnomes, and the only schools even so being used were Evocation, Illusion, and Conjuration.

[Techwarrior]

***I am not to complain when my character ends up with broken legs.

Claiming that the only rules for broken legs are Optional rules that the DM never said we were using will get d4's thrown at me, particularly if this is my argument for why I can still run after a tree fell on my legs.

Asking if the tree was made of Evil Cold Iron will cause the DM to 'remember' a species of sacred trees used by adventurers to make wooden weapons capable of bypassing DR/Evil and Cold Iron.

Asking if the tree is a projectile weapon, and therefore protected from by Protection From Arrows, will render the tree a Gargantuan-sized sacred-tree-of-evil weapon wielded by the DM.

Asking if, since this tree is now a melee weapon that I clearly saw coming, I can use an Immediate Action to Abrupt Jaunt will make it a Vorpal weapon. Damage type restrictions be damned.

Pointing out to the DM that I have both Fire Shield and Holocaust Cloak up, and asking if I should roll for damage on both of them, will get the Druid casting Call Lightning on the tree next to my Jade Phoenix Mage to direct the next bolt at me.

Evading that bolt with Abrupt Jaunt, Leaping Flame, ANY Immediate action at my disposal will get me banned from playing a Jade Phoenix Mage.

[Doorhandle]

Claiming that the only rules for broken legs are Optional rules that the DM never said we were using will get d4's thrown at me, particularly if this is my argument for why I can still run after a tree fell on my legs.

Asking if the tree was made of Evil Cold Iron will cause the DM to 'remember' a species of sacred trees used by adventurers to make wooden weapons capable of bypassing DR/Evil and Cold Iron.

Asking if the tree is a projectile weapon, and therefore protected from by Protection From Arrows, will render the tree a Gargantuan-sized sacred-tree-of-evil weapon wielded by the DM.

Asking if, since this tree is now a melee weapon that I clearly saw coming, I can use an Immediate Action to Abrupt Jaunt will make it a Vorpal weapon. Damage type restrictions be damned.

Pointing out to the DM that I have both Fire Shield and Holocaust Cloak up, and asking if I should roll for damage on both of them, will get the Druid casting Call Lightning on the tree next to my Jade Phoenix Mage to direct the next bolt at me.

Evading that bolt with Abrupt Jaunt, Leaping Flame, ANY Immediate action at my disposal will get me banned from playing a Jade Phoenix Mage.

*Not to then unleash Lisardggy, the under-world tree, upon the offending jade phonix.
*"...WHAT?!! You KILLED it?!!
...Why did I even give that thing stats?!! "

[Kazyan]

*May not 'turn off' the Tier system.

[vasharanpaladin]

Why not? this seems rather interesting that you managed to get anything banned from that, you could probably re-create everything Barring the Makuta-Mata Nui battle in E6. The makuta species is already replicable as gnomes, and the only schools even so being used were Evocation, Illusion, and Conjuration.

No. The fact that you used gnomes in the same train of thought as anything to do with ANYTHING is complete and utter blasphemy.

Besides which, the Makuta are clearly Unbodied.

[A Tad Insane]

Why not? this seems rather interesting that you managed to get anything banned from that, you could probably re-create everything Barring the Makuta-Mata Nui battle in E6. The makuta species is already replicable as gnomes, and the only schools even so being used were Evocation, Illusion, and Conjuration.

Because the no one likes battling bohrak swarm. No one. Especailly if they lose their head item slot to do it.

On a related note
*I will not have a homebrew monster that is 'hive minded', 'really really fast' and 'numbering in the thousands'

[Arbane]

Because the no one likes battling bohrak swarm. No one. Especailly if they lose their head item slot to do it.

On a related note
*I will not have a homebrew monster that is 'hive minded', 'really really fast' and 'numbering in the thousands'

** It's got to be "numbering in the MILLIONS".

[Sith_Happens]

* The backstory to the campaign may not in any way involve Haruhi Suzumiya discovering her powers.
** I may not use this as an excuse to completely change the plot, setting, genre, game system, and/or assumed laws of physics each session, even if that's exactly what she would do.

[toapat]

Because the no one likes battling bohrak swarm. No one. Especailly if they lose their head item slot to do it.

I thought zombies were already a staple of DnD.

[Ksheep]

I thought zombies were already a staple of DnD.

For some reason, I think of the Bohrak as more like Clockwork Horrors

* I may never again throw Clockwork Horrors at the party
** As a PC, I may not invent Clockwork Horrors

[Wookieetank]

For some reason, I think of the Bohrak as more like Clockwork Horrors

* I may never again throw Clockwork Horrors at the party
** As a PC, I may not invent Clockwork Horrors

*** As a Warforged I may not BE a Clockwork Horror.

[toapat]

For some reason, I think of the Bohrak as more like Clockwork Horrors

* I may never again throw Clockwork Horrors at the party
** As a PC, I may not invent Clockwork Horrors

actually, Bohrok are horde of Deathless if we are keeping to mechanics. They are evolved Av-Matoran*.

the significant problem with the Bionicle universe is that every Toa/PC has an artifact weapon and an artifact helmet, or at least legacy items

*clockwork horrors are more an attempt to depict Grey goo in DnD, not a group designed to strip the camo from a giant robot