Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Razanir]

*I may not discover the fourth wall through experimentation
**If this happens, I may not harbor extreme prejudice against NPCs
***Nor any sort of prejudice against NPCs, for that matter

[Sith_Happens]

* Iron Heart Surge is not Spiral Power.

[Socratov]

*I may not equip my warblade with a drill like weapon.
**I may certainly not proclaim that my drill is the drill that will pierce the heavens.
***I may not even wear outrageous orange shades while making statements

*I cannot make my monk's fists law aligned by tattooing "Aequitas" and "Veritas" on them.
**I may not watch Boondock Saints before interacting with any sort of DnD material whatsoever.

[MrLemon]

*I cannot make my monk's fists law aligned by tattooing "Aequitas" and "Veritas" on them.
**I may not watch Boondock Saints before interacting with any sort of DnD material whatsoever.
***Reciting the Prayer is not Inspire Courage

[DigoDragon]

* The backstory to the campaign may not in any way involve Haruhi Suzumiya discovering her powers.

...ouch. :smallbiggrin:


As DM, I'm no longer allowed to:

Create an NPC to hit on my significant other (As the party fighter, she responded to his pickup line by bench-pressing him).
Create a BBEG who has a flair for a dramatic entrance (My players always kill the moment with lame jokes).
Create a treasure map that's embedded in a diamond (PCs nearly sold it off for spare change and then didn't actually look at it for a month).

[Socratov]

***Reciting the Prayer is not Inspire Courage
except that it is. It would fall under Perform Oratory, and has an awesome ring to it... However it still costs a perform action and bardic music for the use and the effects ends 5 rounds after you stop saying the prayer...

[Kazyan]

*I may not make a tedious reference.
**I may not make an extension on this tedious refrence.
***I may not make another extension to this tedious reference.
****I may not post every possible extension to my tedious references to the Things I May No Longer Do thread.
*****I may not jump in to further extend tedious references.

[Socratov]

*I may not make a tedious reference.
**I may not make an extension on this tedious refrence.
***I may not make another extension to this tedious reference.
****I may not post every possible extension to my tedious references to the Things I May No Longer Do thread.
*****I may not jump in to further extend tedious references.

******I may not go meta in the Things I Nay No Longer Do Thread :smallamused:

[Ksheep]

* I may not attach a drill to my Warforged Barbarian
** My Warforged cannot adopt a young girl from the orphanage
*** He does NOT bring the girl around with him everywhere
**** I may not store the girl in a portable hole
***** The girl's name is not "Little Sister"
****** As this Warforged, I am not allowed to avoid any and all fights until someone attacks me or my Little Sister

[Wookieetank]

* I may not attach a drill to my Warforged Barbarian
** My Warforged cannot adopt a young girl from the orphanage
*** He does NOT bring the girl around with him everywhere
**** I may not store the girl in a portable hole
***** The girl's name is not "Little Sister"
****** As this Warforged, I am not allowed to avoid any and all fights until someone attacks me or my Little Sister

In a similar vein:
*My Warforged may not be painted blue and have a wand of magic missile implanted in its arm.
**Going on adventures to defeat other Warforged and gain their special abilities is right out.
***If the above do occur, my Warforged's color does not change when I change special abilities.
****Armor upgrades are not found in capsules, and speed dash is not provided by any boots I may find, enchanted or otherwise.

[Doorhandle]

...ouch. :smallbiggrin:


As DM, I'm no longer allowed to:

Create an NPC to hit on my significant other (As the party fighter, she responded to his pickup line by bench-pressing him).
Create a BBEG who has a flair for a dramatic entrance (My players always kill the moment with lame jokes).
Create a treasure map that's embedded in a diamond (PCs nearly sold it off for spare change and then didn't actually look at it for a month).


*Cannot create a BBEG with a flair for tramatic entrance.
* Dire-walrus is a sometimes food.
*May not create a V-8 chainsaw.

[Black Mage]

* I cannot play a six armed gargoyle
** I cannot play a Spellweaver. Especially with more than six arms.
*** I cannot play as a Xill Warblade
**** I cannot play any race that has more than two arms, nor any class that gives me the potential to have more than two arms.
***** I do not have the right to own a pair of bear arms.
****** Until further notice, none of my characters have arms.

[Dimers]

Clearly, Black Mage, you were being too 'armful, so they 'ad to disarm you.

[Doorhandle]

Clearly, Black Mage, you were being too 'armful, so they 'ad to disarm you.

Not to point fingers or anything, but you've got to hand it to black mage, he's a real handful. :smallcool:

[vasharanpaladin]

Not to point fingers or anything, but you've got to hand it to black mage, he's a real handful. :smallcool:

*Must henceforth refrain from making puns based on other players' loss of arm priveleges. :smallcool:

[Rockphed]

* Dire-walrus is a sometimes food.

There is a story here, just waiting to be told.

[Doorhandle]

There is a story here, just waiting to be told.

Sorry to dissapoint, but I made that one up.

[TuggyNE]

Sorry to dissapoint, but I made that one up.

Most of these are, I think.

But so? The whole game is made up, tell the story anyway! :smallwink:

[Socratov]

I demand a story on how a walrus is a sometimes food!

I may use tropes never or once, never may I attempt to continually use a trope, especially if it's allready done in the current party.

[DigoDragon]

*Cannot create a BBEG with a flair for tramatic entrance.

Heehee, I see what you did there. :smallwink:



As DM, I'm no longer allowed to install multiple large vault doors in the BBEG's lair that are trapped, locked, and trapped again, just for the party rogues to finally open the doors and find nothing but a solid brick wall behind them.
(I think I was drunk when I made that lair)

[North_Ranger]

Things I try to discourage in my players:

* As a druid, I cannot expect every woodland creature to be automatically willing to help me with whatever task I'm doing.
* I cannot alleviate boredom by throwing ray of frost around at random and not expect to hit something that will hit back.
* Setting fire to the ship/wagon/village is usually a bad idea.

[Adoendithas]

If I reply to a player's comment of "Wow, these demons have abysmal Will scores!" with "No, those would be abyssal," the players are allowed to throw books.

[Deathkeeper]

I may not loudly say "nope" as my players roll dice without looking because I know they can't make the skill check DC.

[Winds]

I may not loudly say "nope" as my players roll dice without looking because I know they can't make the skill check DC.

*It is especially unwise to pull this after being the one who told them to roll.

[Zahhak]

I demand a story on how a walrus is a sometimes food!

We were adventuring in a tundra trying to find the lair of a half-frost giant/half white dragon that was holding some high-level gear. We needed a few things from it to fight an army of wyvern riding frost giants a little further south in Rockmore. Anyways, we got lost, but found a collection of dire walrus (what is the plural of walrus? what is the name for a group of walrus?). We managed to kill one and drag it off the side. We field stripped him, took all the good meat and took it on a sled so the cold would keep it good.

It turns out after a few days, even when its too cold for there to be much decomp, walrus meat becomes extremely alcoholic. We didn't find out until all of us failed the fort save to become drunk, except the dwarf cleric, who had the fun job of trying to round up the party as they danced naked in the snow.

Made up completely off the top of my head.

[vasharanpaladin]

(what is the plural of walrus? what is the name for a group of walrus?)

Walruses. Also, pick one of herd, flock, or pod. :smallamused:

[Ksheep]

Walruses. Also, pick one of herd, flock, or pod. :smallamused:

Merriam-Webster says either Walrus or Walruses, and it seems that "herd" is the more common form of a group, with pod being equally acceptable.

[vasharanpaladin]

Merriam-Webster says either Walrus or Walruses, and it seems that "herd" is the more common form of a group, with pod being equally acceptable.

*"Google it" is not an acceptable answer to a rules question. :smalltongue:

[Amidus Drexel]

(what is the plural of walrus? what is the name for a group of walrus?)

Walri. That is all.

[Black Mage]

Clearly, Black Mage, you were being too 'armful, so they 'ad to disarm you.


Not to point fingers or anything, but you've got to hand it to black mage, he's a real handful. :smallcool:

Oh god the puns.

Also, all those arm related ones...they are true. :smalltongue:

[Ksheep]

Well, it's not a Greek root, so it isn't Walropodes… What's the convention for Dutch/Scandinavian plurals?

EDIT: And by Dutch, I meant Danish… ¬_¬
No offense meant, to any Dutch or Danes out there.

[Craft (Cheese)]

Well, it's not a Greek root, so it isn't Walropodes… What's the convention for Dutch/Scandinavian plurals?

EDIT: And by Dutch, I meant Danish… ¬_¬
No offense meant, to any Dutch or Danes out there.

Wikipedia says -er for indefinites and -erne for definites. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danish_grammar#Inflections)

[Zahhak]

Why no love for story :smallfrown:

[Malak'ai]

We were adventuring in a tundra trying to find the lair of a half-frost giant/half white dragon that was holding some high-level gear. We needed a few things from it to fight an army of wyvern riding frost giants a little further south in Rockmore. Anyways, we got lost, but found a collection of dire walrus (what is the plural of walrus? what is the name for a group of walrus?). We managed to kill one and drag it off the side. We field stripped him, took all the good meat and took it on a sled so the cold would keep it good.

It turns out after a few days, even when its too cold for there to be much decomp, walrus meat becomes extremely alcoholic. We didn't find out until all of us failed the fort save to become drunk, except the dwarf cleric, who had the fun job of trying to round up the party as they danced naked in the snow.

Made up completely off the top of my head.

MOAR DETAIL! What else did they get up to while intoxicated on Walrus meat?

[toapat]

Oh god the puns.

Also, all those arm related ones...they are true. :smalltongue:

sounds like you need to play a series of characters who possess 4 legs, run upto your opponents, and Detonate.

[Zahhak]

^Suicide dog bomb?


MOAR DETAIL! What else did they get up to while intoxicated on Walrus meat?

The dwarf cleric had to make certain, er, arraignments with a few gods in order to keep the party from doing certain things. These arraignments prevent me from going into any more detail. Needless to say, the Raven Queen was not happy with what was about to happen.

[Craft (Cheese)]

* As a DM tongue twisters are no longer acceptable dungeon puzzles.
** Especially if the twister is in Saanich. mə́k̓ʷ kʷəčíl Ɂi əw̓ k̓ʷəw̓ə́y̓kʷ tsə spáal

[Zahhak]

Wait, what the ****?

[Craft (Cheese)]

Wait, what the ****?

Saanich (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saanich_dialect) is a dialect in the Northern Straits dialect continuum part of the Coast Salishan family. The given tongue twister is the opening line of a traditional Saanich story, and it translates to "Every morning the Raven would go out fishing."

[Zahhak]

I googled it and got that much. I want to know who in the name of god (the devil?) gave you the idea for that, and how you expected anyone to be able to make heads or tales of it.

[Craft (Cheese)]

Well they didn't need to understand it, they just need to be able to repeat it. 5 times fast. No mistakes.

[Zahhak]

You are the devil.

[toapat]

^Suicide dog bomb?

actually, only elephants dont have arms.

And i was talking about playing minecraft Creepers

[Doorhandle]

The dwarf cleric had to make certain, er, arraignments with a few gods in order to keep the party from doing certain things. These arraignments prevent me from going into any more detail. Needless to say, the Raven Queen was not happy with what was about to happen.

:smallconfused::smalleek::smallredface: OH SWEET CAYDEN CAILEAN WHAT HAVE I WROUGHT?!

[Zahhak]

^ You gave an amateur writer half an excuse to flex his muscle, what did you expect would happen?


And i was talking about playing minecraft Creepers

I thought you were referencing the suicide dog bombs the Soviets tried in WWII.

Also, never played Warcraft. Familiar with it though.

[Adoendithas]

(Minecraft, not Warcraft.)

* As a DM, a Creeper Spawner does NOT make a good enounter.
** Especially if the laws of physics actually apply to the walls and ceiling in our game.

[Esprit15]

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is not a list of jokes to make IG, nor goals for my PC to have.

[Balmas]

As a PC, my DR may never be five times my character level.

[Xerinous]

*No longer allowed to give all of the PCs theme songs.
**Especially if all of them are by Iron Maiden.

[Amidus Drexel]

*No longer allowed to give all of the PCs theme songs.
**Especially if all of them are by Iron Maiden.

There are too many of those that work for me to guess which ones...

[Xerinous]

There are too many of those that work for me to guess which ones...

The ones I came up with for the party I'm in are The Mercenary, Can I Play With Madness and Powerslave, because one is in it for the money, one's been working with the BBEG who is completely insane, and one is a slave to the power of Death. Still working on one for my character, though. I'm thinking Rainmaker, simply because he can call storms.

[Esprit15]

Must inform the party healer that I am allergic to positive energy (Tomb Touched Soul).

[DigoDragon]

No longer allowed to be browing the internet on my electronic device when the DM is trying to run an interesting Min-boss encounter.
No longer allowed to be reading through several chapters of the Magic Item Compendium when the DM is trying to run an interesting Min-boss encounter.
No longer allowed to sleep through said interesting Min-boss encounter.


My players disappointed me last session. :smalltongue:

[eulmanis12]

As a hero my theme song may not be
The Imperial March
The Russian National Anthem
Ride of the Valkyries
Whiskey in the Jar
The Drunken Sailor Song
the 1812 Overature
anything from a childrens show

I have use all of these
None have ended well.


*I may not use any plan that starts with the words "first I nail a spoon to the catapult"
**yes this actualy happened
***no it does not make sense in context
****yes, it did indeed end badly


*I may not consume caffeen
**in or out of game
***it always ends badly
(6 cups of coffee later)
****ITALWAYSENDSWELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Adoendithas]

* The rule about theme songs applies even if I'm a bard.
** Even if I use Wagner or Tchaikovsky.

* I am never allowed to pour paint on the Mind Flayer simply to make a "chromatic Aberration" pun.
** I am not allowed to justify it by saying it blocks telepathic powers.

[Wookieetank]

* The rule about theme songs applies even if I'm a bard.
** Even if I use Wagner or Tchaikovsky.

* I am never allowed to pour paint on the Mind Flayer simply to make a "chromatic Aberration" pun.
** I am not allowed to justify it by saying it blocks telepathic powers.

***Even if it is lead based paint.
****Toxic paint however, can be used as a contact poison effect.

[Deathkeeper]

*I may not assume that any weapon with an Ice/Icy Burst enchantment is considered "cold iron."

[Dimers]

* I am never allowed to pour paint on the Mind Flayer simply to make a "chromatic Aberration" pun.
** I am not allowed to justify it by saying it blocks telepathic powers.

** Half dragon illithids are also not chromatic aberrations, since their creature type changes due to the template.

[Black Mage]

* If I pitch a character concept to the DM, I shouldn't be surprised if he says no when I add the title of "rapebeast" to the description.
** Changing this to "hugbeast" does not fix the situation, especially when it's the same character concept.

(This was in response to my attempt to play a six armed gargoyle with a gore, a bite, a tail attack...with pounce):smallbiggrin:

[Sgt. Cookie]

*My rogue is not to be equipped with a Bollock Dagger (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bollock_dagger), just so I can get away with swearing at the table.

[North_Ranger]

Something I hope the party druid learned after last time...

* I will never cast entangle in a way that will affect not only the enemies but also everyone else in the party.

[Socratov]

Something I hope the party druid learned after last time...

* I will never cast entangle in a way that will affect not only the enemies but also everyone else in the party.

**I may not come into contact with hentai within 5 hours of playing a session of DnD where my character has accces to Edvards, Black Tentacles, Chilling tentacles, entangle or any similar spell or spell like ability

[North_Ranger]

**I may not come into contact with hentai within 5 hours of playing a session of DnD where my character has accces to Edvards, Black Tentacles, Chilling tentacles, entangle or any similar spell or spell like ability

***References to Evil Dead 2, however, can be acceptable depending on group mentality and/or number of women present.

[Craft (Cheese)]

**I may not come into contact with hentai within 5 hours of playing a session of DnD where my character has accces to Edvards, Black Tentacles, Chilling tentacles, entangle or any similar spell or spell like ability

...Shouldn't that be the other way around?

[Alabenson]

If I refer to my character as the "Great and Powerful ----*, it is automatically vetoed.

There is no such thing as the Crystal Empire Dialect, and even if there was, my character would not be allowed to only speak in it.

My wizard is no longer allowed to cast Evard's Black Tentacles on the first round of an encounter and then spend the rest of the fight sitting in a lawn chair.

[Bacon Elemental]

If at any point the players realise the BBEGs are their characters in the other campaign, and I've been playing them off against each other, I will be burned at the steak.



No spelling errors here.

[LordHavelock]

* No longer allowed to use NFL Primetime Highlights Music for battle sequences. (Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXuXBLlfxRo)

It worked great as long as none of my players watched any football. Then I got to college, joined the nerd fraternity where players were significantly more rounded (and also the undisputed champs of the inter-fraternal Fantasy Football League).

[Black Mage]

* No, I may not have a solid diamond horse named Buttstallion.
** It doesn't matter if there's a template (http://www.d20pfsrd.com/bestiary/monster-listings/templates/diamond-cr-2) that will make a horse turn into living diamond.
*** Stop asking!

[Giarc]

**** Buttstallion did not say "Hi."

[demigodus]

My wizard is no longer allowed to cast Evard's Black Tentacles on the first round of an encounter and then spend the rest of the fight sitting in a lawn chair.

*If the party barbarian triggers a trap of Evard's Black Tentacles, I can't sit back with the rest of the party drinking tea, while we wait for the trap duration to run out
**Calculating that there is no way for the barbarian to possibly die from this is no excuse

[Black Mage]

*If the party barbarian triggers a trap of Evard's Black Tentacles, I can't sit back with the rest of the party drinking tea, while we wait for the trap duration to run out
**Calculating that there is no way for the barbarian to possibly die from this is no excuse

*** Its likely, if not expected, that the DM will alter the trap to make it more lethal, just to make the rest of the party look bad.

[Unbeknownst]

*I am not aloud to murder people while drinking tea.
**I can't murder people then have tea either.

[jindra34]

*I am not aloud to murder people while drinking tea.
**I can't murder people then have tea either.

***Nor may I murder people with tea. Or the makings for tea.

[LordHavelock]

*I am not aloud to murder people while drinking tea.
**I can't murder people then have tea either.

I disagree.

http://i.imgur.com/0dHxc.png

[enderlord99]

*I am not aloud to murder people while drinking tea.
**I can't murder people then have tea either.


***Nor may I murder people with tea. Or the makings for tea.

****This includes teaspoons
*****...and teacups (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cx1XhlPIeEM).

[Techwarrior]

My magic-user is not allowed to one-shot a high-level assassin without looking up from his work as a Swift action: whether that be crafting items, studying scrolls/tomes/what have you, drinking tea, or casting a spell with a looong casting time.

Weapon-like spells no longer gain damage from any source other than the spell itself, rules be damned.

Weapon-like spells are no longer allowed to critically hit, unless they're directed at my character.

[Socratov]

...Shouldn't that be the other way around?

both actually, basically any instance of hentai and DnD should be separated by at least 5 hours :smallamused:

ahem...

**When receiving Assassins I should remember that for assassinsthe same rules apply as for BBEG's during their monologue. i have to let them have at least 1 round to attack me. (death attacks excluded)

[demigodus]

both actually, basically any instance of hentai and DnD should be separated by at least 5 hours :smallamused:

ahem...

**When receiving Assassins I should remember that for assassinsthe same rules apply as for BBEG's during their monologue. i have to let them have at least 1 round to attack me. (death attacks excluded)

***This does not work the other way around. If I'm playing an assassin and I get spotted, I'm not still entitled to a full round of attacks.

[Socratov]

***This does not work the other way around. If I'm playing an assassin and I get spotted, I'm not still entitled to a full round of attacks.

****I will not complain against the DM that tis is unfair. I'm a PC and should like it.

[Kazyan]

My magic-user is not allowed to one-shot a high-level assassin without looking up from his work as a Swift action: whether that be crafting items, studying scrolls/tomes/what have you, drinking tea, or casting a spell with a looong casting time.

*A Barbarian is not allowed to one-shot a high-level assassin without looking up from his work as an AoO, whether that be sharpening his sword, learning to read, drinking tea, or foraging for food.

[Techwarrior]

*A Barbarian is not allowed to one-shot a high-level assassin without looking up from his work as an AoO, whether that be sharpening his sword, learning to read, drinking tea, or foraging for food.

The most disturbing part is that your barbarians are allowed to drink tea.

[Ksheep]

The most disturbing part is that your barbarians are allowed to drink tea.

Barbarians have a long and storied history involving tea. They find it helps relax them after a long days slaughter, and is rather lethal as a weapon to boot.

[toapat]

Barbarians have a long and storied history involving tea. They find it helps relax them after a long days slaughter, and is rather lethal as a weapon to boot.

the DC 43 fort save against becoming Badass english doesnt hurt either

[demigodus]

****I will not complain against the DM that tis is unfair. I'm a PC and should like it.

*****I also will not remember that I'm a wizard and can make myself immune to their existence
******If I do, I shall not rub it in their faces
*******I will not be surprised when they hurt me anyways, despite my immunities

[Alabenson]

My Wizard is no longer permitted to summon horrifically powerful monstrosities from beyond space and time for the purpose of running mundane errands.

[Incom]

My Wizard is no longer permitted to summon horrifically powerful monstrosities from beyond space and time for the purpose of running mundane errands.

**Small-scale magical errands are still mundane enough to count.
***Moderate-scale errands might be workable if you cut back on the "horrifically powerful" part.
****Why are you trusting some incomprehensible abomination with your most important tasks?
*****No longer allowed to summon such entities.

[Balmas]

My Wizard is no longer permitted to summon horrifically powerful monstrosities from beyond space and time for the purpose of running mundane errands.

**Nor am I allowed to become a horrifically powerful monstrosity in the name of terrifying people as I run mundane errands.

[Socratov]

My Wizard is no longer permitted to summon horrifically powerful monstrosities from beyond space and time for the purpose of running mundane errands.

**If i want something done I should find myself a couple of PC's :smallbiggrin:

[Arcane_Snowman]

* Assembling the worlds first Mariachi Band is no longer an acceptable motivation for my Abyssal Exalted.

[Arbane]

* Assembling the worlds first Mariachi Band is no longer an acceptable motivation for my Abyssal Exalted.

* Basing an Abyssal Perfect Circle on Dethklok is out of the questions.

[Wookieetank]

**If i want something done I should find myself a couple of PC's :smallbiggrin:

***I can not then procede to take over DMing at the point where PC's decided to take on tasks for me.

[Adoendithas]

***I can not then procede to take over DMing at the point where PC's decided to take on tasks for me.

**** I may not introduce my PC as "Gandalf the Gray, Giver of Random Low-Level Quests."

[demigodus]

My Wizard is no longer permitted to summon horrifically powerful monstrosities from beyond space and time for the purpose of running mundane errands.

**I especially may not do this as a True Namer
***No, not even if I had hit level 20 with him
****Why did you play a True Namer for 20 levels anyways? Do you hate ice cream?

[Rockphed]

**** I may not introduce my PC as "Gandalf the Gray, Giver of Random Low-Level Quests."

***** Nor may I wear rainbow clothing and give quests based on double entendres.
****** Red clothing and quests based on wheelless modes of transport are right out.
******* Also claiming to be the founder of Virginia.
******** Or any body of water.
********* "Gandalf the Fey" might work. If I am actually alergic to iron.

[Wookieetank]

*When in doubt as a bard, the proper response is not more cowbell.
**No, not even then.
***In fact cows no longer exists in this setting.
*Creating a Christopher Walken expy in response to the above will result in objects thrown at me.

[Craft (Cheese)]

**** I may not introduce my PC as "Gandalf the Gray, Giver of Random Low-Level Quests."

***** I may not then proceed to give out horrifically dangerous and impossible tasks, like sending a 1st-level commoner into the Abyss to slay Demogorgon.

[Alabenson]

"Does not trust wheels" is not a real flaw and I am to remember this.

[Astral Avenger]

*I may no longer create mildly insane characters
**Said mildly crazy characters cannot gain magical powers from head trauma unlocking magical genetics
***I may most certainly not begin to worship a rock that hit said characters head as the god known as James
****Under no circumstances am I to derail the plot in order to establish a Church of James.
*****Especially if its successful, and the aforementioned character starts to acquire followers.

*I may not push the barbarian down four flights of stairs. This is generally considered impolite.
**Casting defensive buffs beforehand does not counter act the pushing down the stairs act.
***I am not to complain when my character ends up with broken legs.
****Pushing the barbarian down the stairs is perfectly acceptable if he is a follower of the Church of James.

[Flame9006]

* I May Not Kill An Enemy By Throwing A Ferret At Them
** This Goes Double If Said Ferret Is A Low Level Familiar

[Afool]

* I May Not Kill An Enemy By Throwing A Ferret At Them
** This Goes Double If Said Ferret Is A Low Level Familiar

***Triple If Said Ferret Also Follows The Church Of James.

[Winds]

* I May Not Kill An Enemy By Throwing A Ferret At Them
** This Goes Double If Said Ferret Is A Low Level Familiar

Well...with the attach special, it works pretty well if you place it right.

Best if it's the person on the other side of the familiar link doing it, though.

*I may not change the setting away from the DM's intention.
**Particularly when using better than modern-day technology in a post-apocalyptic game.

[GreenZ]

* I May Not Kill An Enemy By Throwing A Ferret At Them
** This Goes Double If Said Ferret Is A Low Level Familiar

This reminds me of a character I have...


* My Witch's Weasel familiar should not be the face of the party.
** Even if it can speak common.
*** Even if it does have the highest diplomacy of the party.
**** Especially if said weasel sports a tiny weasel fitted noble's outfit.

* My Witch's Weasel familiar should not have a higher AC than the party fighter.
** A tiny sized chain shirt and light armor proficiency on a weasel IS silly no matter how I play it.

* My Witch's Weasel familiar should not have a higher Stealth than the party Rogue.
** Sneaking into the boss's trousers with a Shocking Grasp is terrible no matter how funny it is or how well it works.

:smallbiggrin:

[Chaos018]

*Playing a Kobold is a privilege, not a right.
**Especially if said Kobold is Dragonwrought and senile.
***Senility is not a reason why he should be carrying a coloring book and will result in PCs laughing at PC.
****Especially when it is a Power Rangers coloring book
*****Said PC cannot have the life's goal to become a Power Ranger, especially if he is a necromancer.
******Even if it is doable, gathering and animating the bones of five ancient creature just to form and utilize a ritual to combine them will result in every book in the house to be thrown at me.
*******Finding and having group watch the original Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger Megazord video as I say "SKELEZORD SEQUENCE HAS BEEN INITIATED!!" will result in death and RL san loss.
********Mentioning I have no sanity to lose is frowned upon.
*********I am not allowed to base characters off Zack or any other TV-themed PC as long as I to be known as the Power Ranger.
**********I am not allowed to have nice things anymore.

lol, current PC right now. Expecting horrible and gruesome death followed by many facepalming days ahead.

[Dimers]

*Playing a Kobold is a privilege, not a right.

*Playing a kobold is no longer a privilege that I have. :smallfrown:

[Ksheep]

* After killing a Kobold with a beehive, I should NOT braid said beehive into my beard.

[Phaedrus2129]

*My wizard is no longer allowed to transmute carbon into silver, then share his cup of coffee with the team werewolf.
**However much he had it coming

[Elemental]

*When in doubt as a bard, the proper response is not more cowbell.
**No, not even then.
***In fact cows no longer exists in this setting.
*Creating a Christopher Walken expy in response to the above will result in objects thrown at me.

Of course it's not more cowbell. The correct response is more saxophones and could the trombones tone it down a bit.

[Adoendithas]

Of course it's not more cowbell. The correct response is more saxophones and could the trombones tone it down a bit.

What? Obviously the proper response is more vuvuzela.

[Wookieetank]

What? Obviously the proper response is more vuvuzela.

I think I have to make a new bard character now, and go purchase a certain instrument for myself in real life to "agument" my fellow player's roleplaying experience.... :smallamused:

[Hyena]

* I may not dominate, mind trick or charm the final boss of the campaign. They're called bosses for a reason.
** May not object when the final boss hears the rumors about me mind controling his minions and prepares some counter-measures.

[TheJudicator]

I think I have to make a new bard character now, and go purchase a certain instrument for myself in real life to "agument" my fellow player's roleplaying experience.... :smallamused:

I've actually had the "pleasure" of seeing that happen in my group...as an aside, it is a Gnomish War Horn. ...he was all too eager to share the song of his people...

*My characters may no longer out damage te entire rest of the 9-person party over the course of the encounter...repeatedly.
*I may not do so in a single round.
*Having this character be a straight fighter is out. The casters will feel bad.
*Having this character be a halfling isn't any better.

*I may not forget my available class abilities in play, especially if the situation could have really used them.
*this list includes, but is not limited to the following:Detect Evil, Smite Evil, Rage, Rage Powers, Bardic Performance, Mutagen, Channel Energy, Animal Companion, any tactical Feats, any Auras, Bloodline Arcana, and Lay on Hands...

[toapat]

*I am not to bring a Vevusala to the gaming table
**Even if it is to be ritually burned

*I am not allowed to let this topic reach the second page

[Jbr208]

This might have been done at some point, but it's been a while so pardon my forgetfulness.


*If the adventure runs past 1:30 a.m. I am not allowed to sing "Good Morning" from Singing in the Rain

**When performing services for the would be king, not allowed to create the parody song: "Kingmaker" (based on "Matchmaker" from Fiddler on the Roof)

*** May no longer watch musicals on the eve of an adventure.

Edit: For formatting.

[Hyena]

**** I may not and never had a right to sing "The Wicked Witch is dead" after DMPC dies horribly.
***** Even if I think that said character was mary sue. In fact, especially so.

[Wookieetank]

****** If the game runs until 5am or later, Breakfast at Tiffinay's quoting and re-enacting by the PCs is to be expected.
*******Good Morning Vietnam is a suitable alternative.

[Phaedrus2129]

******** Subsequent quoting of all Robin Williams movies is punishable by death

[Hyena]

********* Singing "Friend like me" when playing as wizard is considered to be a bad form.

[Theoboldi]

**********Doing so as a shaper psion is just wrong.

[Shpadoinkle]

* I am no longer allowed to point out that the plot of the campaign up to this point bears a striking resemblance to the plot of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
** This goes double if this was entirely unintentional on the part of the DM.

[Adanedhel]

I may play a Druid
I may be addicted to mushrooms with a hallucinogenic effect.
I may have a Wizard as cousin.
Weird as it is, I may have a hedgehog as an animal companion.
If I choose to use starting gold to build a sleigh, it will be seen as even weirder, but still acceptable.
If I then declare my animal companions name as Sebastian, there will be a dawning look of understanding at the GM's face.
Then mentioning the term Rhosgobel Rabbits, as sleighpullers gets my character attacked by an epic level Necromancer.

If during a Wraith: the Oblivion campaign I get the idea of naming my character Casper, I deserve everything I get (inspiration for this one in a ghost stories topic on this very forum, it deserved to be here)

[enderlord99]

I may play a Druid
I may be addicted to mushrooms with a hallucinogenic effect.
I may have a Wizard as cousin.

My cousin's name may not be Fumblemore, however.

[Techwarrior]

I am not allowed to turn a Critical Fumble with a Spiked Chain, Kusari-gama, or any other flexible weapon into a daring swinging charge attack.
I am not allowed to grab the chandelier and swing from it, executing a daring swinging charge attack.
I am not allowed to use a whip and the terrain to execute a daring, swinging charge attack.
I am not allowed to use a grappling hook to execute a daring swinging charge attack.
I am not allowed to use the ship's ropes to execute a daring, swinging charge attack.
A critical fumble during a swinging, daring charge attack may not one-shot the BBEG, his lieutenant, or any NPC with a name.
No, I may not shout cheesy one-liners from crappy martial arts films while executing a daring, swinging charge attack.
I may not use Great Cleave while executing my daring, swinging charge, to kill all mooks within reach.
The DM doesn't care if I'm a Swashbuckler specialized in fighting unarmed; daring, swinging charge attacks are no longer permitted to me under any circumstances.

[Ksheep]

The above also holds true for daring, swinging bull rush attempts.

[Balmas]

*Guns do not exist.
**Yes, even if it's settings appropriate.
**Not allowed to invent guns.
**Not allowed to invent gunpowder.
***Not allowed to go on an epic quest with the sole intent of finding this world's equivalent of China so you can find the recipe for gunpowder.
****If at any point in the campaign, gunpowder is discovered, I can expect incoming missiles made from dead trees.
*****Yes, all of the above applies to Napalm as well.

[Chilingsworth]

*Guns do not exist.
**Yes, even if it's settings appropriate.
**Not allowed to invent guns.
**Not allowed to invent gunpowder.
***Not allowed to go on an epic quest with the sole intent of finding this world's equivalent of China so you can find the recipe for gunpowder.
****If at any point in the campaign, gunpowder is discovered, I can expect incoming missiles made from dead trees.
*****Yes, all of the above applies to Napalm as well.

Pointing out that napalm already exists (multi-gallon quantities of alchemist's fire) will get those dead tree missiles changed into flaming dead tree missiles.

[Techwarrior]

Pointing out that I am immune to Fire will make these missiles be powered by divine energy, thus bypassing my AC, Fire immunity, Saves, and any countermeasures I have available.

[Phaedrus2129]

Quoting Apocalypse Now will not earn you any brownie points, and will in fact result in you being dragged shrieking into the void by an eldritch horror. No saving roll.

[Felandria]

*I may not attempt to flirt with any young priest's assistants in an attempt to get a room at a crowded inn
**If I do, he will get possessed by a demon and attempt to have his way with me.
***Even if I wasn't planning on doing anything with him in the first place, but was only hoping to blackmail him.

*I also cannot refuse a proposal of marriage from a powerful vampire living in the underdark.
**If I do, I will have to roll will saves until I fail one.
***Even when leaving the underdark, I have to tell him I need time to think about his offer.

[Erik Vale]

* If anything I do would get anyone at the table to say "dear god why?" and not because it's a stupid action, is automatically vetoed.
** Even in a chaotic evi monsters game.
*** This now extends to "dear god why?"s caused by stupidity.
**** Even if in character, even if due to low int.
***** Same goes for when DMing.
****** Additional phrases include: "Wait.... What!?", "What in the name of-" "Why in the name of-" and "Please tell me your high."
******* I can not respond with yes, even as a joke.

[Firewind]

This is a list of things I have been told I'm not allowed to do in the Pathfinder Campaign that I play, and a couple of others from different campaigns thrown in too.

No longer allowed to nickname the entire party.
No longer allowed to use grease to slide explosives past the range the DM allows them to be thrown.
No longer allowed to roll explosives to get them past the range the DM allows them to be thrown.
No longer allowed to use Mage Hand throw explosives past the range the DM allows for them to be thrown.
No longer allowed to use Fireball to ignite Grease.
Even if you saw it work while playing Dragon Age.
No longer allowed to encourage the DM to drink hard liquor after you managed to get the party throwing your Arcane Trickster up a 40ft vertical sheer wall past the DM.
No longer allowed to roll perception to see if horses have Cutie Marks.
No longer allowed to ask the Paladin is his mount has a Cutie Mark.
The party is called "The Dragonriders" not the "Cutie Mark Crusaders".
No longer allowed to sing "Diggy Diggy Hole" whenever the Dwarf is helping to construct a fire pit for the camp.
No longer allowed to force the Dwarf to do any digging when he's trying to rest or pray for some new spells
Not allowed to use mimicry to attempt to communicate with creatures you can't understand.
No longer allowed to yell "Sneak Attack" every time I make a Sneak Attack
Even if it works in context.
Not allowed to make the Monk my Arcane Familiar.
Even if she is a dumb as Elan.
The only reason NPCs aren't angry that you abuse Sleight of Hand to get away with paying less than you should is because the opposed Perception rolls have been terrible, you WILL eventually mess up a Sleight of Hand roll and you shouldn't brag to the party about it.
Not allowed to hold a die and roll it while yelling "I perception the corpse!" to be the first to loot the nearest corpse at the end of combat.
Not allowed to do the above during combat either.
"Two Uses Per Day" does not mean "First and Last uses of the day".
No longer allowed to volunteer to scout ahead, ninja loot the items ahead and bluff the rest of the party into thinking there was nothing.
No longer allowed to "Sense Motive Everything".
No longer allowed to declare "I perception the room!" when asked what you are specifically searching for.
No longer allowed to play the Final Fantasy "Victory Fanfare" on my phone after we win every encounter.
No longer allowed to play the Final Fantasy "Victory Fanfare" on my phone after we win the final encounter of a dungeon.
The Dwarf is a Cleric of Irori, not your personal pack mule.
Nor is he your personal arrow fixer, prepare that spell yourself next time you want arrows fixed.
Not allowed to yell "I literally died to save your ass!" at the NPCs of the Dwarven Citadel the party saved after they resurrected you for free.
Not allowed to abuse the above fact to get discounts at stores.
Not allowed to abuse your hero staus and offer to declare "I'm Lili Fastpaws and this is my favourite store in the Citadel!" to get store discounts.
The Paladin is not called "Kalad Jenkins".
Not allowed to use a Drill as an Improvised Weapon.
If the thought of any plan makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds then I'm not allowed to suggest it.
You're Chaotic Good, not Chaotic Good(ish).
Not allowed to yell "Arise Chicken! Chicken Arise!" when someone is healed back to positive HP (The Cleric was actually told this but it was too funny not to include).

[Black Mage]

* If anything I do would get anyone at the table to say "dear god why?" and not because it's a stupid action, is automatically vetoed.
** Even in a chaotic evi monsters game.
*** This now extends to "dear god why?"s caused by stupidity.
**** Even if in character, even if due to low int.
***** Same goes for when DMing.
****** Additional phrases include: "Wait.... What!?", "What in the name of-" "Why in the name of-" and "Please tell me your high."
******* I can not respond with yes, even as a joke.

This also applies to me.

[Bucky]

No longer allowed to declare "I perception the room!" when asked what you are specifically searching for.

The correct answer to this is "You found the room. Now what?"

*I may not retroactively have my character castrate himself in his backstory to foil a seduction attempt.
**I may not encourage party members to castrate themselves on the grounds that this GM "uses seduction too much".

[Lord_Gareth]

- Serial-seducing married paladins so that they fall for breaking their vows of love is no longer permissible.

[Zahhak]

And on that note:

When playing in a super hero campaign in HERO system:
* I may not play a teleporting demon from the pit of hell (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azazel_(Marvel_Comics))
** Especially if one of the other characters is a Roman Catholic Bishop
*** No, it doesn't matter that I had my concept first, he made his character first, so he wins
**** I may not ignore this completely and do it anyways
***** Especially if I'm doing it to constantly hit on the Catholic Bishop.
******When initially summoned and the only one around is said Catholic Bishop, I may not say "God, why is it always Catholics" before jumping out of the nearest window and teleporting away
*******I may not also tell him "Catholics have the most-correct idea of how the metaphysical world works, so I'm realistically a Catholic" when he tries to convert me.
********When my teleporting demon from the pit of hell is inevitably killed by my own party, I may not reroll as Deadpool (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadpool).

[Hyena]

* When BBEG offers me his most trusted lieutenant's place, I'm not allowed to agree.
** Yes, even if I believe that BBEG actually has a point.

[Doorhandle]

Pointing out that napalm already exists (multi-gallon quantities of alchemist's fire) will get those dead tree missiles changed into flaming dead tree missiles.

*Cannot make a build based around turning into a colossal bear and throwing flaming trees at my foes.
*Likewise using siege of trees and mass fire shield to throw flaming bears at foes.
*I cannot surf a flaming tree while on fire that was thrown by my animal companion.
*Cannot add insult to injury by using fire seed on top of that.
* Cannot drop Rocs of people, making everyone dies.
* Likewise not to become a roc and then use statue form or iron-hide on myself.
*Even if it works that way by raw, not to get several thousand commoners to work together to lift a castle.
*their is no combination of wild shape, ant haul, and animal growth that will let me tow a castle.

[Erik Vale]

* Side note, while hulking Hurlers can throw the planet, they are not able to pick up and perform controlled 'throws' with the castle.
*Also, no wish. God vetoes miracle.

[PaperMustache]

* When BBEG offers me his most trusted lieutenant's place, I'm not allowed to agree.
** Yes, even if I believe that BBEG actually has a point.

***No matter how rude I feel it would be to turn him down.

[Bacon Elemental]

I am no longer allowed to adulterate potions of cure critical wounds with water.
I am no longer allowed to just fill potion bottles with water
Even if I claim it's 'homeopathic'
I am no longer allowed to adulterate potions of cure light wounds with chilli hoyt sauce.
I am certainly not allowed Wasabi paste in the Keoghotum.


I am no longer allowed healing items.

[Amidus Drexel]

***No matter how rude I feel it would be to turn him down.

****I may not surreptitiously suggest to the BBEG that I should replace his lieutenant.

@Bacon Elemental - Best username, ever. Kudos to you, sir. :smallcool:

[Balmas]

*Not allowed to use simple physics and five thousand commoners to get a projectile traveling at 2480 miles per hour.

[Doxkid]

*Not allowed to use simple physics and five thousand commoners to get a projectile traveling at 2480 miles per hour.

Actually, the Railgun thing doesnt work at all unless your DM is solely going off rule of cool.
Twilight Sparkle is best pony.
If you do use real world physics then the object basically launches itself out of commoner 15's hand, crippling him and injuring the next few people in line. Your top speed is something like a hundred miles per hour.

If you aren't working off real work physics then you can get an object to another place extremely quickly...but it isn't so much a railgun as it is a mundane teleporter. The object will have no momentum at all so the last commoner could just as easily pass it back toward the first guy as he could drop it into his own square. "launching it" at an enemy will do normal improvised weapon damage.

[toapat]

Actually, the Railgun thing doesnt work at all unless your DM is solely going off rule of cool.
Twilight Sparkle is best pony.
If you do use real world physics then the object basically launches itself out of commoner 15's hand, crippling him and injuring the next few people in line. Your top speed is something like a hundred miles per hour.

If you aren't working off real work physics then you can get an object to another place extremely quickly...but it isn't so much a railgun as it is a mundane teleporter. The object will have no momentum at all so the last commoner could just as easily pass it back toward the first guy as he could drop it into his own square. "launching it" at an enemy will do normal improvised weapon damage.

The railgun works on four specific principles:

the understanding that in DnD, friction does not negatively affect things.

Things have Innertia

Commoners Apply a standard force by holding up, then pushing a rod down a hand conveyor belt

the act of pushing the rod is not divided into invidual packets of opposed Acceleration vectors, as the action used in the commoner railgun defies physics already.

Bolded Real world Physics missing from DnD *Buries 2 catgirls*

[Doxkid]

Excellent!

[Balmas]

*May not abuse the grapple system to fit theoretically infinite numbers of people in the same five foot square for easy transportation.
Lies and slander. Princess Luna is best pony.

[Erik Vale]

Isn't there a limit to the number of creatures you can grapple?
Also, cool.

[Hyena]

****I may not surreptitiously suggest to the BBEG that I should replace his lieutenant.
***** Okay, you know what? BBEG can rule alone.

[PaperMustache]

***** Okay, you know what? BBEG can rule alone.

******May not take over the BBEG's plans once he's dead since he didn't want to be friends.

[Hyena]

******May not take over the BBEG's plans once he's dead since he didn't want to be friends.

******* There is no way in Hell taking over the world is "morally ambiguous".
******** Neither is genocide of elves.
********* Genocide of kenders, on the other hand, is.

[vasharanpaladin]

******* There is no way in Hell taking over the world is "morally ambiguous".
******** Neither is genocide of elves.
********* Genocide of kenders, on the other hand, is.

**********No, wait, sorry, kender are "innocent" in the eyes of the gods, so it's not morally ambiguous after all.
***********STOP PLAYING STUPID EVIL.

[Sith_Happens]

* Stinking Cloud and small rooms do not mix.

[Erik Vale]

** Unless the doors closed and I'm not in there.
*** The party barbarian disagrees.
**** I cannot make a 'fart bomb' using stinking cloud.
***** I cannot make a fart bomb.
****** Fine.
******* Yes dragons nostrils are big enough to fit potion bottles in, why?
******** Remember, if it makes anyone say "Why in the name of..." is revoked, so no, you can't explode a bottle of stinking cloud in a dragons nose.
********* Or mouth.
********** Or ass as a fart joke.

[Kymme]

*the sentient wand of mage hand that likes to grope people is NOT a valid torture device

[Techwarrior]

I am no longer allowed to kill my party with Arrows of Cure Light Wounds.

[Balmas]

Isn't there a limit to the number of creatures you can grapple?
Also, cool.

Yes.


Several combatants can be in a single grapple. Up to four combatants can grapple a single opponent in a given round. Creatures that are one or more size categories smaller than you count for half, creatures that are one size category larger than you count double, and creatures two or more size categories larger count quadruple.

When you are grappling with multiple opponents, you choose one opponent to make an opposed check against. The exception is an attempt to escape from the grapple; to successfully escape, your grapple check must beat the check results of each opponent.

Only four combatants can grapple a single opponent. The trick is, each of those four other combatants can be grappled by four other people. When you consider that when grappling, each combatant moves into the same space with the others, you can fit theoretically infinite people into a five foot square.

[Esprit15]

* Captain Ahab is not a valid inspiration for a character.
** I most certainly may not borrow any speech that he makes and tweak it to fit the conditions.
*** If I name a boat the Pequad, the party knows to run far away.

[DigoDragon]

The party is called "The Dragonriders" not the "Cutie Mark Crusaders".
No longer allowed to play the Final Fantasy "Victory Fanfare" on my phone after we win every encounter.
You're Chaotic Good, not Chaotic Good(ish).


I'm guilty of the first two, especially that second one. It's tradition to have the fanfare on standby after non-boss combats when I'm DM. Also, one Monk player swore his alignment was "Lawful Gootral" and not Lawful Good. He still wasn't very well versed in either alignment. :smallbiggrin:


Recently started into a Shadowrun campaign:


The anon contact is refered to as "Mr. Johnson", not "My Johnson".
Unzipping a duffel bag full of guns is not "Showing your Credentials"
No longer allowed to take fashion advice from the band Cake.
No longer allowed to use short skirts in a Counterspelling test.
When passing through the NAN border, I'm no longer to use the SIN identity of "Captain Jean Luc Picard".
No, it doesn't matter the the border guard doesn't speak English.

[Milo v3]

* I cannot be delusional and believe I am king of the world
** I cannot try and convince others that I'm am a king
*** Especially if I'm the size of a shoe.
**** Especially if I have the body of a dandelion.
* I may not attempt to kill all other forms of plant life, simply so that a dandelion can grow.
* I cannot refer to other flowers as my concubines.
** Especially if they are in the hair of a party memeber.
* I cannot shoot fire out of my petals.
** Nor can I shoot fire from any part of a flower.
* I cannot play Awakened Dandelions
** I cannot play awakened peebles
*** If I'm a peeble I cannot complain if a player uses my body as a skipping stone.
* I cannot be an awakened animal, construct or plant.

[Adanedhel]

As storyteller;

If your party is taking orders from the New World Order Man in Grey, while being composed of a Celestial Chorist, a Son of Ether and a Verbena; and only the mentally scarred Akhasic notices that they're actually at war with the Technocracy I'm doing something wrong

Or something very, very right.

[Bucky]

*Strings of Aasimar eyeballs do not make an appropriate Christmas decoration.

[Amidus Drexel]

*Strings of Aasimar eyeballs do not make an appropriate Christmas decoration.

**Ditto for Tiefling horns.

[Balmas]

**Ditto for Tiefling horns.

***Dragon teeth, however, are considered quite tasteful.

[Doorhandle]

***Dragon teeth, however, are considered quite tasteful.

*The petrified genitals of your foes are NEVER an appropriate decoration for ANYTHING.

[Afool]

*The petrified genitals of your foes are NEVER an appropriate decoration for ANYTHING.

**No :smallredface:, not even then!

[Kelb_Panthera]

*The petrified genitals of your foes are NEVER an appropriate decoration for ANYTHING.

Not even in the fertility rites of a tribe of savages who generally believe that making trophies of your enemies' flesh gives you their power?

:smallbiggrin:

[Afool]

Not even in the fertility rites of a tribe of savages who generally believe that making trophies of your enemies' flesh gives you their power?

:smallbiggrin:

I refer you to my above post.

[Felandria]

A preemptive one.

*I may not cast flesh to stone on the rest of the party
*I may not then use shrink item on them and put them on a necklace
*I may not then sneak them into an enemy camp, cast time stop and return them to normal so they can position themselves for an ambush.
*Because there far easier, albeit less cool, ways to do that, Like invisibility.

[Raven777]

* Not allowed to plot anything that would make me a greater threat to the multiverse than the current BBEG

* Not allowed to come up with a ritual where the BBEG serves as a sacrifice

* No, I cannot hijack the BBEG's BBEG position

[Milo v3]

* I cannot recreate an event which resulted in the first apocalyse.
** Especially when the event is the creation of an Elder Evil.

[Doorhandle]

A preemptive one.

*I may not cast flesh to stone on the rest of the party
*I may not then use shrink item on them and put them on a necklace
*I may not then sneak them into an enemy camp, cast time stop and return them to normal so they can position themselves for an ambush.
*Because there far easier, albeit less cool, ways to do that, Like invisibility.

*Cannot use shrink item and a cannon in order to shoot 100 tons of matter from a cannon that holds only 1 ton.

*Not allowed to use animal growth on my war mammoth.
** No matter how awesome it would be to trample over my foes on a mammoth bigger than most castles.
*** May not make overrun attacks of opportunity if I can't physically reach my target.
**** Cannot teach my mammoth teamwork feats!
*****Or style feats, for that matter...

[Techwarrior]

*Not allowed to use Animal Growth on my war mammoth.
** No matter how awesome it would be to trample over my foes castles.


Fixed. :smallcool:

[Amidus Drexel]

*The petrified genitals of your foes are NEVER an appropriate decoration for ANYTHING.

Tell that to the cleric in my last campaign.

[byaku rai]

*I may not start associating particular things and experiences with certain otherwise innocuous words.

**This goes double if those associations are references to any of the following: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Homestuck, any anime (yes, even that one), Spongebob Squarepants, or Monty Python.

**I may not systematically chip away at the play group's usable vocabulary by making words that either make the whole group start laughing hysterically or launch off into extended references.

**Doing this to the point where we are all speaking in Wikipedia's Simple Mode just to avoid that is in poor taste.

**Doing this to that point and then 'crossing the streams' by using multiple associated words in a single sentence is ABSOLUTELY PROHIBITED.

***Doing this last immediately after the BBEG finishes their monologue, so that the DM is too busy laughing to finish the battle, will result in books being pressed into service as impromptu projectiles.

[Doorhandle]

Tell that to the cleric in my last campaign.

Details, please. :smallbiggrin:

Also, refer him/her to this. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/ComicBook/OrcStain) I think he/she might like it.

[Felandria]

*I must not slide down the icy slope into the ice cave before making sure the dwarf is out of the way first.
*Because a flattened dwarf is useless.

[Deathkeeper]

*Playing a Warforged does not give me the right to make a joke character.
**Soulknives may not use the "Mind Weapon" power to produce drills from nowhere.
***Even if PathFinder's Soulknives' Throw Two-Handed, Wing Clip, Powerful Charge, and Exploding Critical would be exactly like Giga Drill Breaker.
****Psionics are not powered by "Spiral Energy"
*****My Warforged may not be a monk accompanying a human he claims is his brother wearing a red cloak.
******No Warforged. Ever.

[Amidus Drexel]

Details, please. :smallbiggrin:

Also, refer him/her to this. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/ComicBook/OrcStain) I think he/she might like it.

Heh, he used to claim the unmentionables of large enemies the party defeated (notably, some frost giants, although I'm sure there were others), and wear them as garments. I believe the frost giant's were made into a headband.

He probably would like that comic, actually.

[Guizonde]

warning: wall of text ( before you ask, all is true, all is banned, i learn by exploits)

The Dark Eye homebrew
*not allowed to play a troll again (even level -4 compared to the rest of the party, especially if i rolled THAT good)
*not allowed to play a paladin again
**not allowed to play troll paladin ever again
***if i find a loophole to this, i get smacked
*not allowed to go from chaotic evil stupid to loyal good stupid in one session ever again, no matter how touching the original reason (4INT, before you ask. my troll really liked his pixie buddy)
*not allowed to wield a support beam one-handed again
*not allowed to use a reinforced door as a tower shield again
*not allowed to play a pacifist again
*not allowed to play a handyman again ( or engineer, mechanic, electrician...)
*not allowed to play an angel again
*screwing over the dm's arguments due to 3 years law school will be ignored and railroaded through (he made me play a judge)
**not allowed to say "choo-choo"
*** must warn dm next time irl-rules-lawyering happens (we hate the 4th wall)
*not allowed to break the 4th wall so hard ever again (quadruple critical hit happened, table fissured. we were spooked, although you can't prove it was my troll paladin's fault)
*not allowed to survive having a tavern, an armory, a bank, a barrack, a portcullis, and a castle falling on me in the same session. ( separately is on a case by case)
** surviving a catapult exploding is ok, so long as i don't scream "fear the lucky bastard!"
***taunting the dm, getting rocks thrown on me, and surviving that will make the dm cry
****no making the dm cry
*not allowed anything from the monster manual
*especially if it's carnivorous


WHFRP:

*not allowed to reroll a chameleon skink (one is enough)
*said chameleon is banned from the following:
-learning estalian gambling with a diestro
-gambling without knowing how to read or count
-brewing stupid-deadly poisons is industrial quantities
-poisoning a rapier hilt and challenging a loudmouthed noble
-crit'ing so hard with a blowgun i rip off a guy's arm
-crit'ing so hard with a blowgun a guy's arm melts, or blows up
-crit'ing so hard with a blowgun, period (5in a row ulric's fury, if you were wondering)
-defying the laws of probability
-defying the laws of physics
-calling his master anything other than "mama", or his diestro buddy "amigo"
-not allowed to ogle the fire mage, no matter how gorgeous she is (she's a mammal. i am not)
-wall running (again)
-ceiling crawling (again)
-being unkillable (despite having a whopping 11 wounds and 1armor point, and no fate points)

*not allowed to play an invisible blowgun wielding murder machine scout again
*banned anything from lustria
*goes for khemri and the sewers too.
*the chaos realms is in extraordinarily poor tastes, even by my standards
*banned blowguns
*banned rapiers
*not allowed to mourn my diestro amigo for more than 8 irl months (his character got a rhino dropped on him)
*if i ever talk with a bad catalan spanish accent and pepper liberaly spanish profanity ever again, my lizard will be spit roasted on the diestro's rapier and fed to the cathayan chef. twice if necessary.
*banned camouflage
*banned a prehensile tail, and other appendages
*banned amphibian lungs too
*no wagering hams exclusively. especially if it's the same ham from the first session onwards


pathfinder:

*if i derail a campaign with just my character sheet, vetoed
*banned halflings
*banned paladins again
*halfling paladins is frowned upon. giving her a mohawk, a pink tabard, a war pony, and a trident is banned. teaching that pony how to count is insulting the DM
*not allowed to insult the DM
*if it makes me giggle, and gives others glaucoma, vetoed
*dwarf berzerkers need more than just chainmail briefs
*elves are not part of a complete breakfast
*if it can cast magic, i can't have it
*it's summon creatures 3, not "boar-shotgun"
*on badgers:
-not minesweepers on legs
-can't throw 'em on traps
-can't throw 'em on ennemies
-can't throw 'em, period
-can't tie 'em to a broom so i get a 4d4 1d6 polearm
*goes double if it's the druid's familiar
*although innovative and efficient, not allowed to make it rain weasels, it makes the druid weep (banned too)

DnD 3.5ish (some 2.0 mixed in)
*no halfling paladins again
*banned paladins again
*no pink tabards
*if it's the return to the temple of elemental evil, can't carry exclusively blessed blunt weapons and holy water. i must warn the DM first
**it's a masterwork blessed mace of pelor. not a whoopass stick. ghouls can't call it an "ugly stick"
*war ponies don't exist, despite what the rulebook says
*munchkining is frowned upon
*if it fits in a bread box, can't play it
*when playing a dwarven priest of pelor, knowledge (protocol) is useful for RP purposes only.
*spitting holy water on a tied up bad guy as a torture technique is innovative. breaking his elbow before healing him is bad enough. doing both 5 times to get the bad guy to give us info will get me an alignement change without some REAL good rp explanations
**asking the dm if the bad guy suffers, and if so how much, is considered bad taste
*" skill (enhanced interrogation)" does not exist. not allowed to do it, even if my priest lost his marbles in ravenloft and wants out of that universe badly
**even if i heal the bad guy in between sessions
*no, metagaming is not a free action
*although chaotic good, my priest will get odd looks by his brethren by crafting holy symbols and putting them under his skin, despite insisting scourging the flesh is an act of devotion
*if it makes me giggle, can't do it
*orks have feelings too, and even though my dwarven priest knows language (orkoid), i can't scream a tirade of obscenities at the ork jailer again.
**especially if it fills up a full a4 page once i've written it.
***doing so will suspend the gaming session, once the dm stops laughing.
**** "smelling like a daffodil" is not the worst insult in the ork language, but it should be
*banned from the following skills: diplomacy, stonecraft, psychology, profession (mortician), profession (medic), profession (generalist doctor)
*i must have another weapon besides a mace, and the dm doesn't care that i don't like swords.
*it's summon beast 3, not "boar bomb"
** "or boar-shotgun"
*** "badger-gun" is out too
*anything involving weaponizing badgers or wolverines is banned
*it's called "searing light", not "hadoken"
*can't heal with a fist bump, or a brofist for that matter. i must let go of my mace. even if i've got a symbol of pelor under my skin.
*roleplaying a pious character is ok. having him pray whenever the occasion presents itself is pushing it. 5hours straight is really pushing it. praying in 15 minute bursts after every fight gets me dope-slapped
*not allowed to say that the water-elemental priestess with 26CHA is "ok to look at", on account of different beauty standards for dwarves
*not allowed to scorn elves in ork (again)
*racial skill (scorn) does not exist, even for dwarves.
*if it can be described with "cute but cacophonic", vetoed right off
*weaponizing animals is banned.
*halfling monks are not projectiles
*not allowed to use my shield as a surfboard again, and collision damage does not work that way, thankyouverymuch
*when praying, "yo, pelor, wanna tell me what the hell i'm supposed to do now?" is not the appropriate formulation

meta:
*not allowed to write up character sheet descriptions like this again

race: 1st place
class: tons of it
sex: yes please
eyes: yes
hair: that too
skin: please
*not allowed to be so damn lucky
*not allowed to use the dm's lucky dice
**or mine, especially if they're pink
*no, a standard wager is not a ham
*making the dm cry, weep, rofl, or throw things at me is not a good idea
*getting knocked out by the dm's chokehold will not let me play a pink halfling paladin no matter how much i want him to apologize.
**i will accept the +5 mace, and it can't talk, so i can't call it "lilarcor"



sorry for the wall of text, and once again, all this really happened

[Lord_Gareth]

*Any proposal I make that involves the words 'ascension sequence' is banned with no further questions.

[vasharanpaladin]

*Playing a Warforged does not give me the right to make a joke character.
**Soulknives may not use the "Mind Weapon" power to produce drills from nowhere.
***Even if PathFinder's Soulknives' Throw Two-Handed, Wing Clip, Powerful Charge, and Exploding Critical would be exactly like Giga Drill Breaker.
****Psionics are not powered by "Spiral Energy"
*****My Warforged may not be a monk accompanying a human he claims is his brother wearing a red cloak.
******No Warforged. Ever.

Wow. Your DM is either an utter **** or... wait, no, there isn't another valid explanation. :smalleek:

[Arbane]

* My Martial Artist character cannot learn Gangnam Style.

[toapat]

* My Martial Artist character cannot learn Gangnam Style.

**But a Wizard can, its an 8th level spell

[Deathkeeper]

Wow. Your DM is either an utter **** or... wait, no, there isn't another valid explanation. :smalleek:

Actually, this is a self-imposed ban to keep my sessions from devolving into nothing but comedic relief. So far I've been very good at derailing my GMs' tone in my RL games into comedy. And the first time it was just with a pseudodragon.

[The Pressman]

*I may no longer destroy my enemies by lighting on fire the flour-dust-cloud trap they just set off.
**Nor may I then kill the rest by beating them with a still-living dire weasel
***And then kill that weasel by the action of using it to beat them.

[DigoDragon]

More "banned" Shadowrun actions-


Do not antagonize Knight Errant by throwing donuts during a car-shase sequence.
No longer allowed to reenact the bigrig trailer fight sequence from Matrix 2.
The adept is no longer allowed to use his motorbike as an improvised weapon.
The back seat of the SUV is not a place for a gunfight. Especially if you were driving!
If my expectation is to end the car-chase sequence with an intact car, I am no longer allowed to let the shaman drive.

[Guizonde]

*I may no longer destroy my enemies by lighting on fire the flour-dust-cloud trap they just set off.

although not mine, my friend's caster isn't allowed that either. he isn't allowed:
*chain lightning synergies with the cleric summoning gallons of holy water.
*chain lightning synergies with fog
*chain lightning synergies with rain
*chain lightning is banned


in a totally unrelated incident (yeah, right):

*i've lost my summon water privileges
*i've lost my bless water privileges (holy fog and holy rain in ravenloft make the setting cry)
*unless playing a water elemental, i can't use water offensively ever again
**defensively is frowned upon if i'm a dwarf
***can't substitute ale as a loophole

[Moonwolf727]

To avoid harming the sanity of the DM I can no longer:

* Cast flesh to stone on a annoying Druid
** Cast Rock to mud on a Druid statue
*** Scoop mud into little ceramic pots
**** Plant tree's in individual ceramic pots
***** Claim that I have helped them become one with nature

[Erik Vale]

To avoid harming the sanity of the DM I can no longer:

* Cast flesh to stone on a annoying Druid
** Cast Rock to mud on a Druid statue
*** Scoop mud into little ceramic pots
**** Plant tree's in individual ceramic pots
***** Claim that I have helped them become one with nature

That, that would so fly with me. Can I sig this?

[ActionReplay]

From a custom nuclear apocalypse campaign: Duck and Cover.

*Even if I do roll high enough to break the handcuffs, my 60 year old survivalist isn't ripping through steel.
**Painting the creation of adam in mustard on the back of a doublewide trailer does not add to my charisma rolls to befriend my new neighbours.
***Nor does blasting Lynyrd Skynyrd at full volume.
****While aiming a gun from beneath a pile of lawn gnomes is acceptable, aiming from beneath a pile of cds is not.
*****No matter how well I roll, the police coming to arrest us on false charges won't be fooled by hiding under a massive pile of Garth Brooks cds.
******Even if I shoot out the cop's tires in the car chase it won't save us from the driver's rolls.

Edit: This is all from one session.

[Moonwolf727]

That, that would so fly with me. Can I sig this?


Sorry it took me a while to reply, yes of course you can.

[Darthteej]

*Any proposal I make that involves the words 'ascension sequence' is banned with no further questions.

**If I even mention psionic reformation again, I will be forced to play a core fighter.
***Said core fighter is not allowed to hire spellcasters, psioniscists, truenamers, incarnists, or anything that waves their hands around and makes stuff hppen.

[toapat]

**If I even mention psionic reformation again, I will be forced to play a core fighter.
***Said core fighter is not allowed to hire spellcasters, psioniscists, truenamers, incarnists, or anything that waves their hands around and makes stuff hppen.

****I am then not to complain when the only thing that fighter fights with are Wizards

[Balmas]

****I am then not to complain when the only thing that fighter fights with are Wizards

*****Unless the DM laughs maliciously as he throws wave after wave of caster.
******In this case, I may employ whatever trickery is necessary to make the DM cry.

[Amidus Drexel]

*****Unless the DM laughs maliciously as he throws wave after wave of caster.
******In this case, I may employ whatever trickery is necessary to make the DM cry.

*******I may no longer use onions, IC or OOC.

[Wookieetank]

*******I may no longer use onions, IC or OOC.

n+1* Wasabi peas are also right out.

[Black Mage]

**If I even mention psionic reformation again, I will be forced to play a core fighter.
My favorite psionic power ever. The party always loves having my psions around. *poke* Rebuild. *poke* Rebuild. *poke* Rebuild. :smallbiggrin:

[Riverdance]

*Rule #16 of the modern day paladin: Hijacking planes is an aggressively not-good act. Hijacking just to joy-ride will cause me to promptly fall in both senses of the word.

[toapat]

**Counter Hijacking the Plane is ok
***But only so long as you land the thing, and not surf it into the nearest building
****No, you dont have a Grappling Hook and Stunt Parachute

[Darthteej]

*75% miss chances at first level are considered to be in bad taste
**Especially when you're not a wizard

[Doorhandle]

*Rule #16 of the modern day paladin: Hijacking planes is an aggressively not-good act. Hijacking just to joy-ride will cause me to promptly fall in both senses of the word.

*Not to let my players hijack the elemental plane of fire. :smallcool:

[Guizonde]

*perform (grindcore) is not valid
**neither is perform (death metal)
***roleplaying the vocals just because i can is not good roleplaying. that's showing off
*banned forever from having a singing sword.
**especially if it sings death metal
***calling it corpsegrinder is out
****just because it's 3lbs of screaming steel does not make it the most metal thing ever
*not matter how hilarious, a goth/black metal gnome bard/druid based on black metal band Immortal will be banned from campaigns against evil
*half-gnoll bard? bad idea
(not tested, just asked the dm, spoilsport he is)
*banjoleles, sitars, banjos, electric guitars, double bass, cellos, trombones, tubas, and grand pianos are now banned instruments for any bard
**if it doesn't fit in a breadbox, it's not a judicious choice for a roving bard

[eulmanis12]

As Dm

*not to take a group that likes to play spellcasters and suggest, "ok how about a no magic campaign"

*may not deploy more than eight anti magic spheres in a given room
**May not invent the anti-magic elipsoid or anti-magic cube to get around this

*may not set games in a fictional counterpart of the French and Indian War (Seven Years War for those in Europe)
**If so I may not make major characters that have the exact same name as their real world counterparts just because I am bad at naming and I am reasonably certain that nobody will pick up on it.
***I definitly cannot then have this lead to a fictional verson of the American revolution.
****At this point if I insist on making Fictional counterparts to real world characters the list that I use should not look like this.
(Contains their in game role according to TVtropes)
-Colonel Tarlton (Dragon) In game name Colonel Arlton
-General William Howe (BBEG) in game name General Howard Wiliamson
-Daniel Morgan (Hero from another story) in game name Colonel Morgan Danielson
-Nathaniel Green (Da Chief) In game name Nathan Red
-Thomas Jefferson (The Commisoner) In game name Jeffery Thomson
(note this is a campaign that I am currently running)

[Wookieetank]

...stuff...
***I definitly cannot then have this lead to a fictional verson of the American revolution.
...other stuff...

Was this by your doing, or did your players choose to start the reolution on their own without prompting?

*May not attempt to pin everything wrong in the world on Elves.
**Even if it is occasionally right.
***Trying to convince every nation that is not elven to wipe out the elves as a means of making the world a better place is right out.
****Even if it is true.

[BRC]

*As a DM, I am no longer allowed to be lazy by having an encounter where the PC's fight each other, then just sitting back and watching the carnage.


I did this last night. Online pathfinder game (Roll20), one PC (Ratfolk Gunslinger), backed up by two NPC's (a pair of Rapier-wielding Ratfolk Rogues who used swarmfighting for auto-flank), was hired under false pretenses to assassinate the other PC's (Classic "Wacky Misunderstanding/Bad Guy Deception" story).

It was all fun and games until the Witch Doctor summoned a giant monkey.

[LrdoftheRngs]

* I may not play a Warforged Bard
** If I do, I may not play "Iron Man" for bardic music
*** Or ever, for that matter
**** No, I may not invent dubstep
***** "Bass Cannons" are right out

[Yomega]

* May not be a 1ft tall pixie with a 20ft reach as a at will MBA that targets 2 things in 4th
** Said pixie cannot be a sadistic blackgaurd with a naked goblin as a mount
*** That same pixie may not kill mount because it was a rp session and I havent killed anything yet
**** May not play said character in a evil drow campain
***** May not be the most effective striker in a party of 9 with a highest stat of 16
****** May not be a pixie slave in a evil drow campain where I have more worth in drow society than any other pc

******* May not play pixies in any edition

******** As DM in 3.5 may not have pixies as npcs
********* I have a pixie stalking the party right now

[Guizonde]

*May not attempt to pin everything wrong in the world on Elves.
**Even if it is occasionally right.
***Trying to convince every nation that is not elven to wipe out the elves as a means of making the world a better place is right out.
****Even if it is true.
now that's just not fair! why ban it when it's true?:smallbiggrin:

completely unrelated, but:
*not allowed to chew the half-elf when i'm hungry
**especially since i've got prepared "heroic banquet" (the whole deal with the bonuses, the chairs, the maitres d', the fine silver, the antique furniture...)
***if i cast that spell, i do too have to feed the half-elf
****not allowed to bean the half-elf with an antique ottoman, either

*not allowed to distract the ghouls with heroic banquet.
**no dropping heroic banquet from a great height on the huge mob of critters
***antique furniture does not count as "improvised artillery"
****gourmet rations are not "anathema to undead"

[Doorhandle]

As Dm

*not to take a group that likes to play spellcasters and suggest, "ok how about a no magic campaign"

*may not deploy more than eight anti magic spheres in a given room
**May not invent the anti-magic elipsoid or anti-magic cube to get around this

*may not set games in a fictional counterpart of the French and Indian War (Seven Years War for those in Europe)
**If so I may not make major characters that have the exact same name as their real world counterparts just because I am bad at naming and I am reasonably certain that nobody will pick up on it.
***I definitly cannot then have this lead to a fictional verson of the American revolution.
****At this point if I insist on making Fictional counterparts to real world characters the list that I use should not look like this.
(Contains their in game role according to TVtropes)
-Colonel Tarlton (Dragon) In game name Colonel Arlton
-General William Howe (BBEG) in game name General Howard Wiliamson
-Daniel Morgan (Hero from another story) in game name Colonel Morgan Danielson
-Nathaniel Green (Da Chief) In game name Nathan Red
-Thomas Jefferson (The Commisoner) In game name Jeffery Thomson
(note this is a campaign that I am currently running)

*Not to ruin a campaign by looking up the historical events it was based on and then using that to predict the plot.


******** As DM in 3.5 may not have pixies as npcs
********* I have a pixie stalking the party right now

*May not invent the buggzapper.
*No such thing as a cold-iron flyswatter.
* weedwakers do not have a bonus aginst fey.
*cannot be a ranger with favored enemy: (pixes and other fey too I guess) and name him the exterminator.

[Amidus Drexel]

Oh, some things I remembered from last session:
The party scout:
*May no longer announce our presence to the enemy
**Especially when the party could have easily ambushed them
***May not suggest a ridiculous course of action based on wrong ideas he came up with himself.

The party cleric:
*May not attempt to melee the enemy without a melee weapon
**May not refuse to heal the party, as he is indirectly responsible for much of the damage we took

[Guizonde]

*cannot be a ranger with favored enemy: (pixes and other fey too I guess) and name him the exterminator.

that can totally fly in pathfinder! (see what i did there?) although having that favored enemy might see you getting your wings clipped quite fast.

*banned hadoken searing light. reason? pulling a durkon in a big forest... and on the half-elf... and the ranger's pet... and the ranger...
**if i wig out on a tree again, i'd better damn well remember to control the ensuing forest fire
***no, smoky the bear won't take care of it

[Zahhak]

Since only half of my party has even read OOTS I am not allowed to reference it at all. The DM gets it when I say "Well, Durkon would...". The rest of the party doesn't get it until its far too late.

[Alcyius]

As a DM:

*Not allowed to have the Temple to a God of Metal be guarded by four blind bards.

Props to those who get the reference.

[artofregicide]

As a DM:

I am not allowed gleefully to chant: "TPK, TPK, TPK" to the tune of the Smash Bros character chants: such as "Kirby, Kirby, Kirby!"

I am not allowed mournfully chant: "TPK, TPK, TPK"

I am not allowed to chant: "TPK" any form

I am not allowed to chant.

I am not allowed to mention "TPK", much less insinuate that that the whole party is going to die.

Unless they do.

[Socratov]

A quick google search reveals it's H.P. Lovecraft's blind Idiot God

*I may not google obscure references I don't understand anymore. I will have to wait for someone answering or ask the person in question.

[Hyena]

* I may not incorporate quick time events in my game.
** Especially if they include dodging objects I suddendly throw.

[Socratov]

***I may not subsequently make my players say "I Press X" by implying they need to "Press X to not die".
****rolling for saves is not like "Pressing X to not die"
*****by now even Zero Punctuation is off limits when preparing for a DnD Session

[Guizonde]

***I may not subsequently make my players say "I Press X" by implying they need to "Press X to not die".
****rolling for saves is not like "Pressing X to not die"
*****by now even Zero Punctuation is off limits when preparing for a DnD Session

wait, that's really not how it works? i so don't understand pen and paper anymore :smallfrown:

[Socratov]

wait, that's really not how it works? i so don't understand pen and paper anymore :smallfrown:

no, saves are moments of chance telling you whether you succeed or fail in overcoming hardship. it is not a cutscene :smallamused:

[DigoDragon]

When the team puts together a valid plan to extract a VIP from a corporation, we are no longer allowed to change the plan without telling the party shaman first. She get's "moody".
Even if it means we later get to see the shaman try to run in a business skirt and high heels during a gun fight.

No longer allowed to knit a "tea cozy" to disguise a live grenade.

An Ork build averaging a 12P attack per bullet (AFTER the target rolled his soak check) with a sniper rifle is not considered the party negotiator.
Not allowed to use a Bruce Willis movie to prove the above as plausable.

[Adoendithas]

* Stinking Clouds are not flammable. I should not attempt to set one on fire.

[A Tad Insane]

As a DM, I'm not allowed to make the party run across the group from a session I'm a player in

This goes double if the party I'm DM for is also playing the other session, too

I can, how ever, secretly conspire with the other DM to just mess with everyone

We should not be suprised when books get thrown at us

[Guizonde]

As a DM, I'm not allowed to make the party run across the group from a session I'm a player in

This goes double if the party I'm DM for is also playing the other session, too

I can, how ever, secretly conspire with the other DM to just mess with everyone

We should not be suprised when books get thrown at us

this fits perfectly with your signature. both combined made me laugh out loud!

@adoendithas: why didn't i think of that?! try it with chlorine or another flammable gas, might work then!:smallbiggrin:

*not allowed to snipe halfling bounty hunters.
**especially those who are in the party
***even if they're redundant and have worse stats than me
**** i'm a poisoner. i know what to do
***** because i don't know what to do, i'm supposed to poison their pie. not transform them into dart-pincushions (even if i think they deserved it)

*just because i'm a poisoner does not mean i know how to make gunpowder
**"lead poisoning" will not allow me to learn how to fire a hochland long rifle.
***if i want a hochland long rifle, my character must be at least as tall as it. ideally, that character should weigh more than 60lbs
****no firearms for me
*****not allowed to load bob-ombs in my blowgun
*just because i have a prehensile tail does not mean i'm allowed to sleep like a possum
**i can shoot darts hanging from my tail, but every round i hold like this i have to make an endurance check (augmenting difficulty) and suffer a 10% penalty to my shots
***can't goomba-stomp the halfling bounty hunter if i fall, or anyone for that matter

edit: got a few preemptives:

*my lizard in WHFRP is not allowed to learn tilean from a fishmonger
**it being trilingual is enough as it is.
***it can't learn ork for the sole purpose of scorning elves
****i'm sure skavens have feelings too, so no scorning them in their tongue
*even if we've now got an alchemist specializing in stuff blowing up, we're not allowed to share trade secrets.
**i'd better have a good reason (and casing) to combine in one dart chimera spittle and a nitroglycerine equivalent
***even though i've got racial knowledge (blowguns) and (darts) and can craft them from roughly anything, i'm not allowed to teach the rest of the party how to use them
****no toppling the warhammer world with the fun times buddyalchemist-poisoner tag-team

*still not allowed war ponies
**or regular ponies
***shetland horses are still ponies (even if the rest of the world disagrees)
*no wardogs for me
**especially if they're dire dog demon equivalents
***the human warrior can't carry me in his backpack
****make star wars references riding in the warrior's backpack, i will not
*****from now on, i walk
*i can't use "wish" to wish for the monk to get better dice karma
**can't use "wish" to wish the warrior to grow a pair
***can't use "wish" to change the elf's race
****can't use "wish" to annihilate the entire plane of ravenloft

[Hyena]

* I may not dual gear my hand with vibroblade while playing SWSGE as a cyborg.
* I may not dual gear my torso with stealth field generator while playing SWSGE as a cyborg.
** I may not dual gear my torso with thermal detonator while playing SWSGE as a cyborg.
* I may not become a cyborg during a game session and then throw away all six of my cybernetic limbs while saying that ain't no rule I must keep them.
* Being turned into a cyborg makes neither better, nor stronger, nor faster.
** Unless I install flying or wheeled locomotion, that is.
* Six of my cybernetic prothesis are - two hands, two legs, torso and head.
** No, I can't dual gear my eyes with blasters.
*** Blaster cannon is right out.
* If I love playing cyborgs so much, why not install borg construct? At least it will make my character silent.
** May not abuse the vague wording to make my character remain chatty.
* May not play cyborgs. Ever.

[DigoDragon]

As a DM, I'm not allowed to make the party run across the group from a session I'm a player in

This goes double if the party I'm DM for is also playing the other session, too


Our current GM used to love to mix old and new characters across campaigns. A couple books to his head later and he doesn't do that anymore. :smallbiggrin:


Things that get PCs enemies...

No longer allowed to mail Lofwyr a "Tickle Me Lofwyr" doll.
No longer allowed to mail Damien Knight a video of his goons getting killed.
No longer allowed to send an accompanying MST3K Riff track with the said video.
No longer allowed to mail your former Johnson a live grenade.
No longer allowed to mail death threats to the governor of Seattle.
Nor allowed to mail undeath threats to the governor.
You are hereby banned from using the US Postal Service for anything! Period!

[Malak'ai]

Our current GM used to love to mix old and new characters across campaigns. A couple books to his head later and he doesn't do that anymore. :smallbiggrin:


Things that get PCs enemies...

No longer allowed to mail Lofwyr a "Tickle Me Lofwyr" doll.
No longer allowed to mail Damien Knight a video of his goons getting killed.
No longer allowed to send an accompanying MST3K Riff track with the said video.
No longer allowed to mail your former Johnson a live grenade.
No longer allowed to mail death threats to the governor of Seattle.
Nor allowed to mail undeath threats to the governor.
You are hereby banned from using the US Postal Service for anything! Period!


But how will I get my taxes in? :smalltongue:.

[Ksheep]

But how will I get my taxes in? :smalltongue:.

Turn them in in person?

* Not allowed to bring weaponry to the Tax office when paying taxes
** Not allowed to turn pens into improvised weapons at the Tax office
*** Not allowed at the Tax office
**** No, catapulting containers full of pennies at the Tax office is not how I am to pay my taxes
***** Not allowed within a mile of the Tax office
****** Cruise missiles filled with pennies are also vetoed
******* You know what, you don't have to pay taxes any more.

[Guizonde]

Turn them in in person?

* Not allowed to bring weaponry to the Tax office when paying taxes
** Not allowed to turn pens into improvised weapons at the Tax office
*** Not allowed at the Tax office
**** No, catapulting containers full of pennies at the Tax office is not how I am to pay my taxes
***** Not allowed within a mile of the Tax office
****** Cruise missiles filled with pennies are also vetoed
******* You know what, you don't have to pay taxes any more.

just. as. planned *laughs maniacally*

*not allowed to munchkin my way into not paying taxes
**or laugh maniacally afterwards

[TuggyNE]

*not allowed to munchkin my way into not paying taxes
**or laugh maniacally afterwards

*** Not allowed to laugh maniacally at all.
**** Unless playing in a campaign with Girl Genius-style sparks, in which case it is mandatory.

[Balmas]

*** Not allowed to laugh maniacally at all.
**** Unless playing in a campaign with Girl Genius-style sparks, in which case it is mandatory.

*If playing in a girl-genius campaign, I may not be a spark.
**Not allowed to use common sense to simply build mechanical devices to do the same thing.

[Hyena]

* Not allowed to substitute BBEG of the campaign with my PC.
** I just won't have enough gold to give PCs at the end of every dungeon.
*** I can't afford feeding all those monsters too.

[Guizonde]

*If playing in a girl-genius campaign, I may not be a spark.
**Not allowed to use common sense to simply build mechanical devices to do the same thing.

from my dm directly:

*no, common sense is not a superpower.
from me
**even if it's so goddamn rare it should be at LEAST a feat

(go us... again:smallannoyed:)

[DrachenGlied]

*I will not neglect my will save with spells such as Unnatural Lust at my GM's disposal.
**I will make sure my party knows of my high bonus I receive to my grapple checks.
***We will NOT discuss what happened when we ventured into the Enchanter's study.

[Guizonde]

*pun-pun is banned
**not even as an overdeity
***can't pray to pun-pun
****even if i'm reptilian, especially if it's not the same universe
*****no, pun-pun is not an old one. he is not a slann either, so stop saying it.

*this goes for: chuck norris, olanius pious, the emperor, keith richards, lemmy, ozzy, the altar of metal gods, the dragonborn, teddy roosevelt, and any other unkillable badass, memetic or otherwise

*can't aim for the self-esteem of my target
**even with a coconut cream pie
***especially with a rubber chicken
****can't make called shots to emotions or other non-physical attributes
*****the courage attribute is not located in the manly bits, so either i aim for the manly bits, or not at all

*darts to the knees are authorized, and encouraged in chase scenes, but kill-shots are preferable in battle

(one of these days this poor lizard is gonna get rocks to the face signed "the DM is tired of your questions" :smallfrown:)

[Ksheep]

* I may not aim for the dragon's "voolnerables"
** I may not stack the odds such that the shot ends up being a million-to-one chance
*** I may not then complain that it didn't work, since everyone knows that million-to-one odds come up in your favor 9 times out of 10
**** I should not be surprised when the DM informs us that it's actually a female dragon, and that the "voolnerables" were located elsewhere, meaning that it was more than a million-to-one shot.

[Doxkid]

**** I should not be surprised when the DM informs us that it's actually a female dragon, and that the "voolnerables" were located elsewhere, meaning that it was more than a million-to-one shot.
...

"The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system."
**I may not comment on how amazingly applicable this quote is.

[Balmas]

...

**I may not comment on how amazingly applicable this quote is.

I wish this forum had some method of giving rep, because this is worth one.

*not allowed to rate DM's
**especially not to their face

[Guizonde]

I wish this forum had some method of giving rep, because this is worth one.

*not allowed to rate DM's
**especially not to their face

*the reason? not because they don't deserve it, but because it flatters their egos
**no giving the dm an ego

[Zahhak]

I wish this forum had some method of giving rep, because this is worth one.

You can give cookies or internet points. I award him 5 internet points!

[Doorhandle]

* I may not aim for the dragon's "voolnerables"
** I may not stack the odds such that the shot ends up being a million-to-one chance
*** I may not then complain that it didn't work, since everyone knows that million-to-one odds come up in your favor 9 times out of 10
**** I should not be surprised when the DM informs us that it's actually a female dragon, and that the "voolnerables" were located elsewhere, meaning that it was more than a million-to-one shot.

* Any plans that involve giving an enema with explosives are henceforth vetoed.
*Their is no use of shadow evocation that will let me fire undead shadows at my enemies.
* Can't do what I want 'cause a pirate is free.
*Cannot take 20 on using the expose weakness ability of the marital artist. It's just wrong if a level 4 character can crack adamantite blocks in half with his bare hands.
*Not to combine the above with spell-sunder barbarian just so I can break walls of force with my face.
* The method of breaking an artifact include a major quest of some sort. They do not involve making a flurry attack and calling it a day.
* My Eildon cannot be Gilgamesh.
*My rouge cannot have a thundering Shocking/corrosive/fire/lightning burst scythe just for coupe-de-grace.
*having Quick-draw and a cohort that dual-wields 2 kukris and the butterfly slice feat is just adding insult to ridiculously explosive injury.

[Sith_Happens]

*I will not neglect my will save with spells such as Unnatural Lust at my GM's disposal.
**I will make sure my party knows of my high bonus I receive to my grapple checks.
***We will NOT discuss what happened when we ventured into the Enchanter's study.

* I may not innocently ask what book the aforementioned spell is in, "For curiosity's sake.":smallwink:

[Amidus Drexel]

The party cleric:
*May not shout out our location to the orcs he sees.

The party scout:
*May not hang off of a cliff by his toes. (he never did)
**Is encouraged, as the character with a good spot modifier, to point out the things he sees with it.

The party:
*May no longer leave the city before information about the horde of orcs is given to them.
**The first response upon seeing the giant horde of orcs, is not to be "We can take 'em."

[Balmas]

The party:
*May no longer leave the city before information about the horde of orcs is given to them.
**The first response upon seeing the giant horde of orcs, is not to be "We can take 'em."
***Especially if it's true.

[Amidus Drexel]

***Especially if it's true.

Except for the orc leaders (who are very likely higher level than the party), we probably could have, if the warlock didn't die. We were at the top of a cliff with only a narrow path leading up, and every single person in the party uses ranged attacks.

That being said, my conjurer is still alive because I try and stay out of range of the enemy.

[Morrolan]

* I may no longer manifest energy wave downwards at a height of 85 feet so that I can hit a total of 907 squares with it.
** I may no longer ask for 5 minutes to calculate some things while playing D&D

[DigoDragon]

I may no longer allow my 4-year old daughter to roll for my core-fighter BBEG.
Especially when said rolls take out the party wizard on pure luck.
If my daughter adds My Little Ponies to the combat board, I'm not allowed to assume they're "In Play" minions of the BBEG*
Also not allowed to teach my daughter to laugh maniacally like the BBEG*


*Exception to these rules is if I first record the cuteness and upload the videos to YouTube.**

**My wife has stated I'm no longer allowed to upload videos to YouTube.

[Wookieetank]

I may no longer allow my 4-year old daughter to roll for my core-fighter BBEG.
Especially when said rolls take out the party wizard on pure luck.
If my daughter adds My Little Ponies to the combat board, I'm not allowed to assume they're "In Play" minions of the BBEG*
Also not allowed to teach my daughter to laugh maniacally like the BBEG*


*Exception to these rules is if I first record the cuteness and upload the videos to YouTube.**

**My wife has stated I'm no longer allowed to upload videos to YouTube.

* I may not write this down for future reference when my soon to be born daughter is old even to do the same.
** Stating up the ponies ahead of time for just such an occasion is right out.

[Mono Vertigo]

*I'm no longer allowed to trigger a hospital-wide fist fight.
** As the GM. (Didn't actually happen, but was only barely avoided.)

[Zahhak]

**My wife has stated I'm no longer allowed to upload videos to YouTube.

You have already done this? Can we see?

[artofregicide]

I may no longer allow my 4-year old daughter to roll for my core-fighter BBEG.
Especially when said rolls take out the party wizard on pure luck.
If my daughter adds My Little Ponies to the combat board, I'm not allowed to assume they're "In Play" minions of the BBEG*
Also not allowed to teach my daughter to laugh maniacally like the BBEG*


*Exception to these rules is if I first record the cuteness and upload the videos to YouTube.**

**My wife has stated I'm no longer allowed to upload videos to YouTube.



* I may not write this down for future reference when my soon to be born daughter is old even to do the same.
** Stating up the ponies ahead of time for just such an occasion is right out.

I may not show these posts to my girlfriend and tell her that's why we must have children RIGHT NOW.

*Seriously, that's adorable!

[Bacon Elemental]

Squid are to remain at least fifty meters from our sacred order's rituals from now on.
This goes double if we are clerics of Pelor.
We cannot be secretly cultists of a dead squid in order to justify this
If paladins kick the door down and go to town on our asses, we are not to complain that they are being lawful Stupid, because we were violating reality in front of the high preistess.