Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas [Archive] - Page 4

enderlord99

2013-01-11, 10:42 PM

Squid are to remain at least fifty meters from our sacred order's rituals from now on.
This goes double if we are clerics of PelorSunny (god of sunshine, lolipops and vagueness).
We cannot be secretly cultists of a dead squid in order to justify this
If paladins kick the door down and go to town on our asses, we are not to complain that they are being lawful Stupid, because we were violating reality in front of the high preistess.

*I may only use running gags sparingly.:smallbiggrin:

toapat

2013-01-12, 12:03 AM

*I may only use running gags sparingly.:smallbiggrin:

**I am to use that running gag at any convenient time.

I forgot i homebrewed him lol

Techwarrior

2013-01-12, 04:56 AM

The catchphrase my Swashbuckler spouts out while dashing out of the Princess's chambers wearing nothing but a swordbelt is not to be referred to as a running gag.

My Swashbuckler may not have a catchphrase for such occasions.

Nor may my Swashbuckler have a backup plan for when his first escape attempt fails.

Let alone 4 such plans, particularly if they involve Contingency or Contingent Spell.

Acquiring a Contingent Spell Word of Recall with the trigger of me saying "I swear I didn't know she was the Princess," is no longer permitted.

Acquiring a Contingent Spell Glibness with the trigger condition 'raises arms in surrender' is no longer allowed.

Cranking up my Bluff score high enough that I convince the guards I really didn't know she was the princess is going too far.

For that matter, I am no longer allowed to run anywhere wearing nothing but a swordbelt.

I may not circumvent these rules by instead playing a Bard.
Or a Beguiler, Sorceror, or Paladin.

You know what, I'm no longer allowed to have characters with a positive Charisma score.
Or positive bonuses in any Charisma based skill.
If I ask really nicely, I can get my half-orc barbarian to use Strength for Intimidate. This does not mean I can have a positive Charisma based skill. Intimidate is simply now strength based.

Doxkid

2013-01-12, 08:36 AM

*Under no circumstances should I ever utter the phrase "She said she was level 18."

Deathkeeper

2013-01-12, 01:00 PM

*If my GM brings back one of his old PCs as a temporary NPC due to dwarves living very long lives, I may not give him constant reasons of why he should be helping more due to permanent spells cast on him by my Sorcerer in said previous campaign.

The-Mage-King

2013-01-12, 02:43 PM

*Snip*

*This cannot be my new guide to playing Bards.

Chilingsworth

2013-01-12, 03:20 PM

*This cannot be my new guide to playing Bards.

* It should be the standard guide to playing bards, nothing "new" about it. :smalltongue:

also (not that this has ever happened)

* If the host's cat jumps on the gaming table, and causes disruption that ends up in my favor... I can not try to pass it off as an environmental effect.*

Zahhak

2013-01-13, 12:49 AM

While playing in a superhero campaign:

I may not play a demon from the pit of hell.
Especially in a party with a Catholic Archbishop.
No, it doesn't matter that I had my concept first, he made his character first.
No, I may not dump a third of my points into teleportation.
I may not be able to pick up someone my weight and teleport them 320 meters into the air and drop them.
This may definitely not be my primary attack
If I do this, I may not drop an enemy, on top of one of his friends.
I may definitely not refer to this as a "cuddle puddle"
I may not take points in "cuddle puddling"

*Same character/campaign*
My native language may not be Latin.
Especially if its "a dialect of Latin that requires two tongues"
I may not attempt to seduce any female characters.
I may not attempt to seduce any male characters.
I may definitely not attempt to seduce any characters by using the line "I don't need to breath and have a nine inch tongue."
And definitely not "I don't need to breath and have a nine inch tongue. Two of them infact"

Edit:
There is in place a 'No Molest-O Clause', and it is in place.
This also applies to characters that have an AOE blindness, enhanced strength, and extra limbs.

Guizonde

2013-01-13, 01:59 PM

as dm:
*running gags must follow two rules:

-affect only the unluckiest party member
-npc's if they're the same class

(halfling barbarian flying through wooden objects beyond his control, and npc rogues all saying "times are hard 'round these here parts", before you ask)

*if a character's trait is "adopted", not allowed to tell him "by a kraken" and grant him waterbreathing as a new racial trait. especially if it's a gnome
*not allowed to have all the npcs ask the halfling barbarian "shouldn't you be wearing a turban?" (untranslatable pun based on his profession) the barbarian will throw pens at me. and wipe is arse with said turban i rule zero'ed on his head.
*not allowed to rename the halfling barbarian "belkar". even if he's just as bloodthirsty and twin-wields

as player:
*if mr. welsh is my inspiration, that's right out
**this goes for gnomes having racial skill (playing accordeon), and playing polka
***banjos are right out, especially if using bluegrass as a musical cue.
*if i ever decide to play a halfling slinger, i can't use any munition other than stale halfling pastries
**the above means that one of my pc's is going to die soon
***it will be pastry-based
****no, there is no plane of gravy oceans
*****i can't eat the non-existent plane of gravy oceans

Socratov

2013-01-14, 09:12 AM

*if a game should hold certain skeletons of ancient superbly strong creatures, I may not do any of the following:

play polka
have someone play polka
reanimate said skeleton
ride a skeleton zombie while my follower plays polka in a polkasuit while my ride/animated T-rex munches on all and every enemy
I may not draw any inspiration from Jim butcher's Dead Beat

**arguing that they died out at some point and thus not superbly powerful earns me one of those cratures resurrected as an enemy

Adoendithas

2013-01-14, 12:37 PM

My native language may not be Latin.
Especially if its "a dialect of Latin that requires two tongues"

Just call it "Elvish" and it'll be fine.

Kazyan

2013-01-14, 03:09 PM

*May not use Horse ebooks tweets as verbal components.

Milo v3

2013-01-14, 05:10 PM

Just call it "Elvish" and it'll be fine.

Elves have two tongues? :smalleek:

Bacon Elemental

2013-01-14, 05:43 PM

artofregicide

2013-01-14, 07:36 PM

*May not draw wildly inaccurate elven anatomy charts
** May not draw painfully detailed Elven anatomy charts
*** If the Gelatinous Cube should ever require an anatomy chart it will be because it has consumed me.
**** Anatomy privileges are now revoked.

***** Must be able to distinguish between a Elf (sans shenanigans) and a Gelatinous Cube in order to play D&D.

Guizonde

2013-01-14, 09:09 PM

***** Must be able to distinguish between a Elf (sans shenanigans) and a Gelatinous Cube in order to play D&D.

the above does not count if you've treated the elf correctly (read: stomped him)

Shpadoinkle

2013-01-14, 10:41 PM

* I am no longer allowed play a bard who animates skeletons, paints them in bright colors, and forms a mariachi band with them.

Guizonde

2013-01-14, 10:45 PM

*not allowed to ever say "rabid dire weasels" "sling ammo"and "good idea" in the same sentence ever again

artofregicide

2013-01-14, 10:48 PM

*not allowed to ever say "rabid dire weasels" "sling ammo"and "good idea" in the same sentence ever again

**Doubly so for Rabid Dire Bears or larger Dire mammals
***No dire whales may be used a sling ammo. I don't care what your STR score is!

Ksheep

2013-01-14, 10:49 PM

* As an assassin, I don't have to take the spellcasting rules for them literally
** Yes, this means my Glibert and Sullivan inspired assassin is null and void

* As a bard, I don't have to sing for the entire time any of my spells are in effect
** This is especially true for Invisibility, Invisibility Sphere, Alter Self, Glibness, Eagle's Splendor, Fox's Cunning, Cat's Grace, Glitterdust, Scrying, Leomund's Tiny Hut…
*** ESPECIALLY if I act it out.

Chilingsworth

2013-01-14, 10:50 PM

* I am no longer allowed play a bard who animates skeletons, paints them in bright colors, and forms a mariachi band with them.

**Well, it might be ok once a year (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_of_the_Dead). :smallwink:

Guizonde

2013-01-14, 11:25 PM

**Doubly so for Rabid Dire Bears or larger Dire mammals
***No dire whales may be used a sling ammo. I don't care what your STR score is!

****the answer is not a bigger sling.
*****the following are banned: cannons, howitzers, trebuchets, mangonels, catapults, rock throwers, acme giant slingshots, peasant railguns, pun-pun, warp portals, 4th wall material accelerators, kill sats (improvised or otherwise), compressed air and pressure-based apparatuses...

*if the ammo is so big it breaks the fourth wall, banned.

DigoDragon

2013-01-15, 08:09 AM

You have already done this? Can we see?

Yeah, but my wife has hidden the camera from me. She still hasn't given me a copy of the Christmas pictures either. I'm gonna have to get another recording. Not a hardship though, my daughter likes being a camera ham.

Oh, and another entry:

I am not allowed to keep letting the GM know I'll be playing a male dwarf rigger and then show up to the game with a female elf rigger. It kinda throws off his expectations a bit.

Esprit15

2013-01-15, 07:17 PM

* An AC roll to hurl myself at the ground is not necessary.
** A natural one on this is still a successful hit.
*** Missing the ground does not result in me flying, just injuring myself.

In One Piece
* I may not sink a ship using nothing but a single shot from a rifle.
** May not have a sniper rifle anymore.
*** Shots from underwater have an AC penalty. A large one.
* Am not to eat a devil fruit as a mermaid. Or merman. Or fishman.

PTA
* May only take one version of Stat Ace per PC.
* May not grab someone, fly to a massive height, scream "[PC name here] USED SKY DROP!" and throw them down to Earth.
* May not lecture a lesser BBEG on why murder is wrong, then make him hang himself.
* May not make the BBEG decide that he'd be happier as a florist.
** This is why Influential is not allowed.
** I may not dispose of the BBEG's body and then have the Mystic seamlessly replace them to steal all of their funds.
*** This is why Body Snatcher is not allowed.

Kadzar

2013-01-15, 08:12 PM

* An AC roll to hurl myself at the ground is not necessary.
** A natural one on this is still a successful hit.
*** I do not get a penalty to the roll for being distracted at the last second.

enderlord99

2013-01-15, 10:22 PM

artofregicide

2013-01-15, 10:26 PM

...You do realize Armor Class is defense, right? And that you don't roll it?

Did you mean "attack roll?"

*AC means Armor Class, not Automatic Cannon.
**I may not have an Automatic Cannon.
***The Automatic Cannon that I do not have is not affected in any way by my AC.

Chilingsworth

2013-01-15, 10:32 PM

Guizonde

2013-01-15, 11:15 PM

I'm just preemptively guessing these:

* No, I can't fill the king's bathroom reading with explosive runes
* No, I can't counterfiet Tyr paladin recruiting brochures and fill those with explosive runes, either.
* Yes, I may cast explosive runes on wanted posters of myself, but this will not make them less common.

preemptive:
*i may not be inspired by chillingsworth's ideas.
**especially explosive runes
***munchkinning based on suggestions in his explosive runes thread is right out
****especially if i'm dm'ing and i've got a minmaxing bard in my group of PCs who'll fall for the megaton-force explosive-book trap
*****the above is pure conjecture

Balmas

2013-01-15, 11:25 PM

*Even if I'm a genre savvy bard, may not throw the BBEG at the fourth wall.
**My bard has no knowledge of character sheets, feats, skills.
***My Bard may not correctly guess every number on the BBEG's character sheet before two rounds have passed.
****My Bard is not to then be angry that the wizard already killed the BBEG before the bard could do anything.

DrachenGlied

2013-01-16, 02:22 AM

* I may not innocently ask what book the aforementioned spell is in, "For curiosity's sake.":smallwink:

I may not mention with complete confidence that the spell is in Pathfinder's Ultimate Magic book, and easily accessed online http://paizo.com/pathfinderRPG/prd/ultimateMagic/spells/unnaturalLust.html

HandofCrom

2013-01-16, 02:56 AM

Techwarrior

2013-01-16, 03:03 AM

For Shadowrun:

* Plan A is not "Kick the door down and start shooting."
** Plan B is not "Drop grenades and other assorted explosives like confetti at a parade and run like the dickens."
*** Plan C is not "Start a riot."
**** Plan D is not "Start an international riot."
***** Plan E is not "Have the rigger do a bombing run on your position."

Of course not, you need to drop Plan A to Plan E, then shift each one up a slot. :smallbiggrin:

I am not refer to any character of mine that can conjure, create, evoke, manufacture, or summon fire at will a 'Live Bomb.'

The DM finding out that my character's name really means that in another language after playing for a while is considered inappropriate awesome by the DM all involved.

Adoendithas

2013-01-16, 12:39 PM

Esprit15

2013-01-16, 01:26 PM

*AC means Armor Class, not Automatic Cannon.
**I may not have an Automatic Cannon.
***The Automatic Cannon that I do not have is not affected in any way by my AC.

Sorry, I'm used to a system where AC is Accuracy Check.

Guizonde

2013-01-16, 01:38 PM

* If the plan involves charging small pieces of metal with Lightning Bolt, it's not allowed.
** If the plan involves Faraday cages, it's also not allowed.
*** Same for lightning rods.
**** Just stop trying to make hydrogen already!

now the real question is: do faraday cages affect "send" spells? second question: if you're grounded, how much boost do you gain to lightning resistance?

*soooooooo totally not allowed to test out these questions.
**even FOR SCIENCE!!
***especially if it's to ruin the BBEG's day
****doubly so if i'm a dwarf cleric, and not a dwarf engineer

Chilingsworth

2013-01-16, 03:11 PM

now the real question is: do faraday cages affect "send" spells? second question: if you're grounded, how much boost do you gain to lightning resistance?

*soooooooo totally not allowed to test out these questions.
**even FOR SCIENCE!!
***especially if it's to ruin the BBEG's day
****doubly so if i'm a dwarf cleric, and not a dwarf engineer

* May not play a dwarf engineer
** especially if I name him Faraday
*** This goes double triple for gnomes.

Wookieetank

2013-01-16, 04:08 PM

Things my brother has done while I've DM'd:
*May not play a gnome in a dragonlance game with a life quest of creating a mech, and succeding.
**May not then procede to have a second life quest of creating flying saucers.
***No longer allowed to liberate an abandoned mine from the critters who have taken up residence there, and then procede to use said mine for minting my own money, in order to fund my gnome experiments.

Bacon Elemental

2013-01-16, 05:24 PM

-This thread is not a tutorial
-Not even for the joke campaign
-you can beleive the DM reads it and he WILL know if you use it.

Chilingsworth

2013-01-16, 08:11 PM

- Of course this thread isn't a tutorial.

- It's an almanac

- The players may feel free to use it.

- But so can the DM. :xykon:

Guizonde

2013-01-16, 08:59 PM

- Of course this thread isn't a tutorial.

- It's an almanac

- The players may feel free to use it.

- But so can the DM. :xykon:

*can't roll d20 to choose which ban i'm trolling the dm with next :smallbiggrin:
**can't punish a character who rolls a natural 1 by using this list onhim

Balmas

2013-01-16, 08:59 PM

Sith_Happens

2013-01-16, 10:13 PM

I may not mention with complete confidence that the spell is in Pathfinder's Ultimate Magic book, and easily accessed online http://paizo.com/pathfinderRPG/prd/ultimateMagic/spells/unnaturalLust.html

* As a DM, I may not sneak a potion of this spell into the treasure pile.

artofregicide

2013-01-16, 10:22 PM

* As a DM, I may not sneak a potion of this spell into the treasure pile.

As a DM, I may not make a treasure stash consisting only these potions, which are all mislabeled as potions of "Cure serious wounds".

Guizonde

2013-01-16, 10:33 PM

As a DM, I may not make a treasure stash consisting only these potions, which are all mislabeled as potions of "Cure serious wounds".

*must not put the pile of loot above a warp with a brothel as destination
**you know what? banned

Elemental

2013-01-17, 05:50 AM

*Yes, in a superhero campaign, I may base my character off Aquaman. Though why I'd want to is beyond the ken of mortal understanding.
**Yes, I can control creatures of the sea.
***...Yes, Cthulhu could be considered a creature of the sea.
****No longer allowed to play Aquaman.

Technically, I believe Cthulhu is a creature of the land who lived in a city on an island that sunk to the bottom of the sea...

*I may not spend my life studying the DNA of Cthulhu for the benefit of "science".
**No. Biologists do not keep Tesla coils in their laboratories!

Milo v3

2013-01-17, 06:08 AM

*I may not spend my life studying the DNA of Cthulhu for the benefit of "science".
**No. Biologists do not keep Tesla coils in their laboratories!

***Biologists also do not keep God Hearts in their laboratories.
****Especially if they are atheist.
*****Even if they are Elder God Hearts (AKA Lovecraftian) rather than true Diefic hearts.

Zahhak

2013-01-17, 11:42 AM

******I may not point out that Cthulhu is technically an alien, and that therefor a biologist would probably keep his various internal organs lying around.

Chilingsworth

2013-01-17, 10:17 PM

* I may not play (any of) the scientist(s) that brought about the cthulhu tech universe.

** Nor may I singlehandedly bring about the Tippyverse.

-- I maynot invent breachloading artillery

--- I maynot invent DU discarding sabot rounds for my breachloading artillery.

---- Nor high explosive rounds.

----- My high explosive rounds may not be based on explosive runes and a custom item of dispel magic.

Or erase.

Or amanuensis.

Recherché

2013-01-17, 11:31 PM

-The barbarian using a table as an improvised weapon is legitimate
-However tableflipping the BBEG to death is frowned upon
-I am not allowed to mithril plate the table
-Nor may I enchant it to be a +2 human-bane table
-I am now banned from taking Improvised Weapon Mastery
-Exotic Weapon Proficiency (Table) does not exist
-Tables are not martial weapons either
-All of the above also applies to chairs, folding or otherwise

Moonwolf727

2013-01-18, 12:20 AM

* Even if I have him dominated, the fighter does not get a bonus for being my familiar.
** I may not make the fighter into my familiar by having him eat the previous one.
*** This goes double for the barbarian, even if they do have similar intelligence scores.
**** "What about the paladin?"
***** Not allowed familiars.

fishjam

2013-01-18, 04:46 AM

*In a game of 7th sea, cannot have more skills then all the other players combined
** Even if being the skill monkey
*** Not allowed to be an ACTUAL monkey with skills

Also from this game

*Cannot speak every language in the game, just because i can speak all the real world equivellents.
**Especially if its to just make fun of the other players for there lack of language skills.

All true..

Ksheep

2013-01-18, 11:09 AM

* Yeah, you could play a rogue with maxed ranks in tumble
** It's perfectly normal to tumble away when you're attacked…
*** Yes, tumbling can reduce fall damage
**** Yeah, you can name your character Wilhelm
***** NO, YOU DO NOT GET TO PLAY THE WILHELM SCREAM WHENEVER YOU TUMBLE!

Adoendithas

2013-01-18, 02:35 PM

*Cannot speak every language in the game, just because i can speak all the real world equivellents.

What are the real-world equivalents of the languages in your game?

Zahhak

2013-01-19, 10:33 AM

*No matter how high my regen, I may not offer myself for vivisection
**Especially if it's so I can spend time with the female mage so I can seduce her
***I may not attempt to seduce the high power female mage at all
****Especially if my reason is "to make lots of hellspawn"

* I may not attempt to seduce the villain I nearly killed and imprisoned

*If someone asks to use my sword, I may not demand sexual services in exchange

*I may not become a cult leader
**Saying "he's a glorified librarian" does not give me permission to open a portal to hell to talk to a demon
***Even if I am a demon
****Even if I am a demon and I know him
*****Especially if I joke about summoning him to Earth
******Oh, he's a 900 point build? Yeah, you are definitely not allowed to think about talking to him again

For non-Hero System users, a 900 point build is basically a demi-god. Super heroes are a 150-200 point build, 900 is basically a demi-god.

Erik Vale

2013-01-19, 04:11 PM

Yeah, there is a reason summoning is banned at my table. Also, 200-350 is the superhero range, by 350 is more the save the galaxy on your own level.
However, I remembered somewhere that actual gods where 7500 points, and just bought the book and called it a day.

Some recent rulings from our hero game. [They start becoming less real after Lightsleep]

*You cant use Rapid Fire and almost all your character points to be able to Kill the BBEG in one round.
** Or Ogres, which are supposed to be party level threats.
*** Or entire rooms of creatures that aren't simply to numerous. Like A room with a small group of Ogres.
**** You are not allowed to make the entire party useless with the exception of providing travel, money for your bow, or healing.
***** You didn't pick up lightsleep right?
****** The Party can no longer have lightsleep or perception rolls greater than 14-.
******* Due to being so powerful, your city has been targetted by an orc Tribe.
******** And a Dragon.
********* No, you are not allowed to make dragon plate armour.
********** Sure your character can challenge the 1000 year old Elven Lord to an Archery challenge. He is actually a better archer than you.
*********** All NPC's have just put ranks in luck to avoid 18's.

Hyena

2013-01-19, 04:26 PM

* Force lightning is not a legit way to persuade someone.
** Unless I took Force Persuasion talent, that is.
*** Not even then.
* Using Force Choke does not provide my allies morale bonus.
* Eyebrow can not be replaces with cybernethic prothesis.
** Neither can appendix.
* Pantomime is not a legit language I can take. Therefore, no mind tricking with it.

Doorhandle

2013-01-19, 07:25 PM

*No longer allowed to have mud elementals challenge players to wrestling matches.

Sith_Happens

2013-01-19, 07:28 PM

* Force lightning is not a legit way to persuade someone.

Spoken like someone who's never played an Inquisitor in SW:TOR.:smalltongue:

Ksheep

2013-01-19, 08:06 PM

* I may not play a Pixie who wields a Gargantuan Warhammer
** Even if it is technically possible, due to the Titan Bloodline
*** How would a Pixie even HAVE the Titan Bloodline?
**** Not allowed to answer above question, for the sake of the DMs sanity

Chilingsworth

2013-01-19, 11:09 PM

* Once I've shattered my dm's sanity, not alloyed to send him to arkham asylum.
** Once he's been sent to arkham asylum, not allowed to revoke his joker immunity.

Arbane

2013-01-20, 10:39 PM

* When making a new character, not allowed to use the DSM-IV as a checklist.
** Not every character needs to start off insane and dysfunctional - that's what character development is for.

Sith_Happens

2013-01-20, 11:11 PM

* Ring Gates and long-distance relationships are now mutually exclusive.

Kelb_Panthera

2013-01-20, 11:44 PM

* Ring Gates and long-distance relationships are now mutually exclusive.

Ugh. I laughed so hard I puked a little.

*mental note: use this in the solo game with the missus sometime*

fishjam

2013-01-21, 05:01 AM

What are the real-world equivalents of the languages in your game?

In seventh sea you have the main languages, albion - english, montaine - french, eissen - german, ursara( i think i cant spell it) - russian/crylic - though really only enough to order a beer and ask if you speak english. but its more then some, Vodice - italian (a little), castillian - spanish. and the scandinavian country whos name i wont try to spell - norwegian/swedish/ viking (though really again like russian only enough to ask if they speak english)

Still counts. and i dont think i missed anyone..

oh and the game is 7th sea

DigoDragon

2013-01-21, 08:34 AM

Shadowrun--

DM side:

I am not allowed to rule that RFIDs can be inserted into bars of gold during the molding process.
Not allowed to RP the mayor's security force as a bunch of kids on Christmas morning trying to open the mysterious package the Runners smuggled into the house.
I may no longer derail the PCs' actual well-thought-out plans by causing a bank robbery, attempted assassination of the mayor, and a severe blizzard at the same time.
I am not allowed to have the mayor's mundane butler locate the PC's hideout solely on the shaman's "pretty green eyes." Especially when she was wearing green contact lenses during the initial meeting and gray ones the second.
Just because a PC shaman's character's has a southern drawl and likes to wear a stetson while on missions, I'm not allowed to refer to her as the "Team's Applejack".

PC side:

If I get shot by a sniper and survive, I am no longer allowed to just stand there in the open and look for a red laser sight pointed my way.
A duffel bag is not a sufficient precaution to prevent the object inside from producing a radio signal.
When interrogating the mayor's butler, who apparently knows how to track the Runner team, the interrogation should not end with the butler's release and the contact info to our Johnson given to him.
Never nickname the Rigger's two drones as "Snoopy" and "Prickly Pete". The Rigger aparently takes offense to that.
Just because a PC shaman's character's has a southern drawl and likes to wear a stetson while on missions, I'm not allowed to refer to her as the "Team's Applejack".

Techwarrior

2013-01-22, 02:11 AM

I am no longer allowed to use statements that begin "If it weren't for my righteous oaths, I would..."

Following this up with, "You know it's people like you that cause a Paladin to fall," does not grant a bonus to Intimidate checks.

I do not autosucceed on Bluff checks because I'm playing a Paladin, even if the victim of my bluff knows I'm a Paladin.

There is no penalty to their Sense Motive for this either.

Complaining "Well, whats the good of being bound by a code of honor if noone believes you?" does not help my case.

The DM pointing out that I am, in fact, not a Paladin but a Rogue with really good deception skills is perfectly acceptable at that point.

Any dice, books, pencils, miniatures, beer cans, or halflings thrown at me by the party for us being level 14 before they found out are my own fault.

Ksheep

2013-01-23, 01:18 AM

* I may not play as an animal with negative height
** Even if it only APPEARS that I have negative height
*** All characters must be at least 1'1" tall
**** May no longer learn "Disguise Self"

nedz

2013-01-23, 06:48 AM

*I may not cast Planar Binding upon myself
**Especially if I have cast a Circle of Protection from <whatever> first
***I am not then allowed to spend days bargaining with myself over the price of my own services, no matter how equally matched I am with myself
****Neither am I allowed to dismiss said binding so as to effect an inter-planar Word of Recall

Sith_Happens

2013-01-24, 07:51 AM

Any Star Wars RPG:

* I may not become the richest sentient in the galaxy by inventing handrails.

Wookieetank

2013-01-24, 08:53 AM

Any Star Wars RPG:

* I may not become the richest sentient in the galaxy by inventing handrails.

*This also applies to inventing auto-deploying parachutes that come standard with any utility belt.

Rogue Shadows

2013-01-24, 10:02 AM

*This also applies to inventing auto-deploying parachutes that come standard with any utility belt.

** I am not allowed to use starships as relativistic kill vehicles
*** No, it doesn't matter that the planet was all full of bad guys anyway.
**** This applies to any starship in any RPG
***** I am not allowed to use Spelljammers as relativistic kill vehicles.

toapat

2013-01-24, 01:18 PM

** I am not allowed to use starships as relativistic kill vehicles
*** No, it doesn't matter that the planet was all full of bad guys anyway.
**** This applies to any starship in any RPG
***** I am not allowed to use Spelljammers as relativistic kill vehicles.

******I am not allowed to argue Relativity that Spelljammers can accelerate to faster then 10mph

Ksheep

2013-01-24, 02:16 PM

Doxkid

2013-01-24, 02:34 PM

Rogue Shadows

2013-01-24, 02:36 PM

* My bard may not mess with time travel
** Especially if the spell involves cooking
*** No, the recipe for making a time portal does NOT include eye of newt, cinnamon, a fig, bread, butter, chocolate icing, yeast, Seapony tears, and provolone.

"Me? I'm not a gypsy. I'm a pastry chef. Those aren't even similar...or are they...?"

* All Hail Lord Smooze is not an appropriate greeting, ever.

Ksheep

2013-01-24, 02:44 PM

* When my players convince me to throw an Eldritch Abomination at them, I am not to have Smooze appear
** Gak is not permissible either
*** Nor is Floam
**** Must stick with Lovecraftian horrors
***** On second thought, maybe not…

Zahhak

2013-01-24, 09:21 PM

* When flow charting all possible options and outcomes of a particular encounter, if more then 1/4 end with the comment "worst possible scenario", we are no longer using that course of action
** When flow charting all possible options and outcomes of a particular encounter, if more then 1/3 end with the break down of "John alive or John dead", John is allowed to filibuster.
*** If we ever get a flow chart that looks like this, we are not doing it:
http://i565.photobucket.com/albums/ss99/Wo1f-man/Temp_zps8ad34ad5.jpg

Yes, I literally made a flow chart for the last encounter. A lot of the ends were "worst case scenario" or divided into "John alive or dead". And yes, I did make the above flow chart.

Chilingsworth

2013-01-24, 09:24 PM

* The DM maynot make it a point to use the above flowchart as an ideal.

Doorhandle

2013-01-24, 10:13 PM

** I am not allowed to use starships as relativistic kill vehicles
*** No, it doesn't matter that the planet was all full of bad guys anyway.
**** This applies to any starship in any RPG
***** I am not allowed to use Spelljammers as relativistic kill vehicles.

*Not to buzz-kill by point out that the velocity of an object in D&D has no effect on the falling damage dealt by it.

Zahhak

2013-01-24, 11:39 PM

* The DM maynot make it a point to use the above flowchart as an ideal.

He was shooting for a third option "PCs talk to BBEG". What he didn't account for was that two members of the party had psych lims requiring us to kill him, so that wasn't happening.

TypoNinja

2013-01-25, 07:30 AM

*Not to buzz-kill by point out that the velocity of an object in D&D has no effect on the falling damage dealt by it.

It does, terminal velocity is just really oversimplified under D&D rules, so you can't really have fun with it.

Doxkid

2013-01-25, 07:51 AM

I think the simplest solution is to adjust/ignore causality. There are a few things D&D physics can't do, but you can usually get by using related properties or going from effect->cause.

Wookieetank

2013-01-25, 09:24 AM

I think the simplest solution is to adjust/ignore causality. There are a few things Thanks to magic D&D physics can do anythingcan't do, but you can usually get by using related properties or going from effect->cause.

Fixed that for ya :smallwink:

rockdeworld

2013-01-25, 11:37 AM

Excuse me if this has been mentioned already.

*I am not allowed to use commoners as seige engines.

*My hulking hurler is not allowed to assume the existence of rocks denser than the planet's core.
**ANY planet's core.

*Control Weather does not allow me to make it rain Skittles.

Adoendithas

2013-01-25, 12:18 PM

* Plan B cannot be "immobilize the kobolds, then load them into the catapults."

Rogue Shadows

2013-01-25, 12:23 PM

* There is no such thing as the Holy Gnomen Empire, nor has there ever been such a place.
** My character cannot be a gnome paladin from the Holy Gnomen Empire

* In Spycraft, my character is not allowed to secretly be a double agent working against both the USA and the USSR in order to steal massive amounts of funds to found her own independent organization, VILE, while subtly manipulating the party to go to every location mentioned in the Carmen Sandiego theme song.
** Having done so regardless, my character is not allowed to use VILE to commit acts of grand theft, up to and including stealing the Mona Lisa, the Great Wall of China, Mount Everest, the Portuguese language, Tai Chi, and the Moon.
*** It does not matter that my character sheet has said "Carmen Sandiego" on it from day one.
**** Yes, it is my fault that no one at the gaming table had ever heard of her.
***** I am not allowed to call fellow players uncultured just because they have never heard of Carmen Sandiego.
****** There is no such thing as a chronoskimmer.

Amidus Drexel

2013-01-25, 12:57 PM

The party, as a whole:
*May no longer make a pun out of every single name the DM comes up with.

The party cleric:
*May no longer sleep inside of dead bears. (think tauntauns, from Empire Strikes Back)
**This goes doubly so when the party is in a temperate climate, and therefore has plenty of warmth sans bear carcass.
***He should at least have the decency to wash himself off afterwards.
****May not complain when the elves kidnapping us dunk him in the river to clean him up.
*****May not complain when I hit him across the face for insulting the NPCs we're talking to.

As for myself:
*I may no longer try to steal large objects, such as a throne, from the ancient ruins.
**I may not take the crown from the skeleton sitting on the throne.
***I should get back to the party and help them move the cannon, instead of wandering around.

Kadzar

2013-01-25, 01:22 PM

* There is no such thing as the Holy
*** It does not matter that my character sheet has said "Carmen Sandiego" on it from day one.
**** Yes, it is my fault that no one at the gaming table had ever heard of her.
***** I am not allowed to call fellow players uncultured just because they have never heard of Carmen Sandiego.
Where are you from that people haven't heard of Carmen Sandiego?

Rogue Shadows

2013-01-25, 01:57 PM

Where are you from that people haven't heard of Carmen Sandiego?

Massachusetts. Unfortunately most of the people I play with are both younger than me (by all of 3 years, but it makes a difference, apparently), and didn't watch much PBS as kids.

vasharanpaladin

2013-01-25, 02:31 PM

*If I play a frenzied berserker, I deserve what I get.
**Same goes for half-ogres.
***No, a possessing ghost can't make the Will save to get out of a frenzy for me...
****Yes, a possessing ghost takes half of whatever damage its host takes...
*****If my half-ogre frenzied berserker opts to punch himself in the face to remove a possessing ghost, I deserve the loss of Charisma.

Doxkid

2013-01-25, 03:33 PM

*I am not allowed to start the game at -9 with statuses that make it almost impossible to heal me and improbable that I will be able to take any actions.

**If I start the game at -9 hp, I should not be the last person to die in what should have been a role-playing/intrigue session.

Chilingsworth

2013-01-25, 04:30 PM

Doxkid

2013-01-25, 04:47 PM

I made use of a thread that popped up some time ago that could alternately make a character this is impossible to heal, or a character that is healed by positive AND negative energy.

From there I only had to use the Healing Touch spell (Book of Exalted Deeds) to reduce myself to -9 and a pile of feats (Arcane Toughness, Die Hard, Toughness and possibly another one) and a bit of DR to never die once I got there.
---
This actually occurred. Everyone I play with eventually says something along the lines of "You optimize too much" or "You minmax in bad ways."

...then one time I took it at as challenge...

Balmas

2013-01-26, 02:33 AM

*No one wants to hear the song I used to sing to my parents
**Or the song they sang to me.
***No, I do NOT still know the words to the song
****Mangled loved ones do not provide a circumstance bonus to my perform DCs

*Perform (Filibuster) and anything similar is retroactively banned from any and all skills in any game we play.
**Should I attempt a filibuster, I will remember that the BBEG got to be the BBEG by being Big and Bad; he most likely has a firing squad on hand.

*Control Weather does not allow me to make it rain Skittles.

**However, a good Wish spell will always yield chocolate rain as a side effect.

artofregicide

2013-01-26, 02:47 AM

*Perform (Filibuster) and anything similar is retroactively banned from any and all skills in any game we play.
**Should I attempt a filibuster, I will remember that the BBEG got to be the BBEG by being Big and Bad; he most likely has a firing squad on hand.

***I may not Filibuster the DM, or another player's term in order to prolong my character's existence. I may not move for a roll-call vote. I may not invoke quorum laws.
****Not even if I'm the Bard.
*****Especially if I'm the Bard.

Ksheep

2013-01-26, 03:03 AM

Jbr208

2013-01-26, 04:09 AM

***I may not Filibuster the DM, or another player's term in order to prolong my character's existence. I may not move for a roll-call vote. I may not invoke quorum laws.
****Not even if I'm the Bard.
*****Especially if I'm the Bard.
******Robert's Rules of Order is no longer allowed at the table.
*******May not create procedural logjam to keep the previous rule from being acknowledged.

Balmas

2013-01-26, 04:14 AM

Ksheep

2013-01-26, 04:16 PM

* I may not Wish a God dead
** I may not Miracle a God dead either
*** Especially if I worship the God that I am trying to Miracle dead
**** Unless, of course, said God is Chaotic, and might find it mildly ironic

enderlord99

2013-01-26, 05:55 PM

Swaoeaeieu

2013-01-27, 04:29 PM

* i may not quote Ezekiel 25:17 before killing our prisoner.
** no "say what one more time" yokes either.
***even if the scenario was unintentionally made to resemble the scene by the DM.

*this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbIlLmCID5g&NR=1&feature=endscreen) is not a check list!

Guizonde

2013-01-27, 05:28 PM

*not allowed to insult the ranger npc. even if he deserved it

*there is no knowledge(fourth wall). stop asking.
**the rogue can't lean on the fourth wall, never mind climb it and use it to her advantage

*"roll for anal circumference", even if it is an appropriate overview of the situation, does not replace the phrase "roll initiative"

*no setting the forest on fire.
**the ranger will shoot arrows at us. the elves will fall on us like a friggin' meteor.
***no setting the forest on fire.

*i've gotta stop insulting every single boss my dm throws at me. especially when they are well-thought out and delivered in-character.
**this goes double if the insult leans on the fourth wall.
***no hurting the boss' feelings if i can't hurt it physically.

*not allowed to ask if i have a nosebleed. i have to cast detect evil first.
**no dodging spellcasting by bodily functions.

*not allowed to be resigned to a rapeathon.
**the term "rapeathon" is both inappropriate and too weak for what befalls us. a rapeathon has an end.

*my character's name is "Corbec Girderson". it's not "PELOR!!!" even if he's that goddamn pious and devout. (i invoke pelor's name too often in character, apparently)

*halfling war kazoos are preemptively banned.
**battle-vuvuzelas are preemptively banned as well.
***tyrolean pipes, tibetan pipes, and didjeridoos are banned for halfling warriors exclusively. bets are off for half-orks.

*madness can't break the fourth wall. stop asking.

(yeah, it was a run-of-the-mill session last night:smallbiggrin:)

Doorhandle

2013-01-27, 06:42 PM

*In Don;t Rest Your Head, not allowed to have the madness power "I will hit you SOOOOO HAAAARD that..."
* Not allowed to pick up my insanity and hit people with it. (At least, not literally.)
*The game is not a race to see what gets you first, the nightmares or yourself.
*Particularly if you add "lung cancer" to the above race.

nedz

2013-01-27, 07:56 PM

* Casting Animate Objects on the dishes is typically frowned upon at dinner parties
** Especially if I make the gravy boat and soup dish pour their contents on the dinner guests.

*** Nor make the dish run away with the spoon

Also

* When diving I am not allowed to use Prestidigitation to flavour the rope liquorice in order to communicate that I wish to be hauled up.

Arbane

2013-01-27, 10:21 PM

* Casting Animate Objects on the dishes is typically frowned upon at dinner parties
** Especially if I make the gravy boat and soup dish pour their contents on the dinner guests.

* Using Animate Dead on the meal itself is absolutely forbidden, and will probably get you challenged to a duel by the other diners.

Ksheep

2013-01-27, 10:25 PM

* Using Animate Dead on the meal itself is absolutely forbidden, and will probably get you challenged to a duel by the other diners.

I think we just figured out why Elves are typically vegan…

vasharanpaladin

2013-01-27, 11:04 PM

* Using Animate Dead on the meal itself is absolutely forbidden, and will probably get you challenged to a duel by the other diners.

**Unless you happen to be attending dinner at the local mages' academy, in which case this would be the pre-dinner entertainment. :smallwink:

Gnomish Wanderer

2013-01-28, 12:53 AM

* When diving I am not allowed to use Prestidigitation to flavour the rope liquorice in order to communicate that I wish to be hauled up.

I think this idea is super clever, given a certain set of circumstances. Like diving in the pitchblack of night where you can't use lights to avoid alerting the spectral spirits that alert the water and you have to move slow enough to avoid waking them as well. Flavor could become a good silent indication.

Of course, that's probably so specific as only being viable like at a one in a million chance. So it's BOUND TO HAPPEN

TuggyNE

2013-01-28, 01:21 AM

I think this idea is super clever, given a certain set of circumstances. Like diving in the pitchblack of night where you can't use lights to avoid alerting the spectral spirits that alert the water and you have to move slow enough to avoid waking them as well. Flavor could become a good silent indication.

I think the problem is, what dive spotter wants to have to lick the rope? :smalltongue: :smallyuk:

Ksheep

2013-01-28, 01:26 AM

I think the problem is, what dive spotter wants to have to lick the rope? :smalltongue: :smallyuk:

"Tastes like tar… Still tastes like tar… Still tastes like tar… Tastes like… Caramel? What was that code for?"

DigoDragon

2013-01-28, 07:49 AM

* I may not create the spell "Dirt to Soap"
** Nor may I make a spell to elongate the legs of animals
*** The same goes for giving them +20 to Strength

* I may not convince the local beaver population to build a dam large enough to flood the nearby village
** I may not then freeze the water just so I can go ice skating

* Casting Animate Objects on the dishes is typically frowned upon at dinner parties
** Especially if I make the gravy boat and soup dish pour their contents on the dinner guests.

Teehee, Reference Get. :smallbiggrin:

If I disguise a grenade as a can of Bud Light and then sell it to the PCs, I'm not allowed to complain when the town mayor inexplicably detonates on his front porch the next evening.
If given the option to create my own spellcasting traditions, I'm not allowed to also create my own type of spirits. There are no "Spirits of Couches".
Despite it being "Truth in Television", I'm no longer allowed to use my microwave as a storage box for RFIDs, homing becons, cell phones, and other devices that I don't want giving out a signal.
When questioned by a Johnson for acting outside the job guidelines, I'm no longer allowed to respond by throwing a towel at them and shouting "KILL!"

Wookieetank

2013-01-28, 09:53 AM

*snicker snack snip*

*halfling war kazoos are preemptively banned.
**battle-vuvuzelas are preemptively banned as well.
***tyrolean pipes, tibetan pipes, and didjeridoos are banned for halfling warriors exclusively. bets are off for half-orks.

*Am not allowed to bring any of the above to the gaming table for proper demonstrations.

nedz

2013-01-28, 10:12 AM

"Tastes like tar… Still tastes like tar… Still tastes like tar… Tastes like… Caramel? What was that code for?"

Well, provided that your dive isn't going to last more than an hour you could pre-flavour the old rope to taste of Chocolate, Strawberries or {Scrubbed} depending upon your preferences.

Chilingsworth

2013-01-28, 02:09 PM

Fresh from lastnight's gaming session!

* A 6th level wizard/beguiler shouldn't challenge an 8th level barbarian to a one-on-one duel.

** if he does, his freshly made explosive runes remote mines will be inadequate if he forgets to cast invisibility on himself.

*** if he ever tries this again, he really should prepare more appropriate spells, rather than using his standard spell loadout.

**** He really needs to thank the cleric for that life saving close wounds spell.

Zahhak

2013-01-28, 02:43 PM

Real world, since otherwise it'll get brought up sooner or later:

* I am no longer allowed to use the phrase "full on cabbage-soup enema crazy"

Ksheep

2013-01-28, 03:08 PM

* I may not play as a merchant who somehow always ends up in the middle of fights and other action scenes
** Especially if I sell my wares out of a cart
*** Said wares may not be leafy vegetables
**** If, for some reason I ignore the above, I may not yell out "MY CABBAGES!!" whenever someone inevitably crashes through my vegetable cart
***** I may not be a primary source for a play about the heroes, due to the above

racnor

2013-01-28, 07:00 PM

Doorhandle

2013-01-28, 07:20 PM

*the acquisition of a Dire whale familiar will require a great deal of feat expenditure.
**Dwarf fortress is rarely an acceptable source for settings, particularly if the result may be described with the words "necromancer swarm", "adamantine collossus", or "kinda like sparta, except with wereocelots"

*Dwarves do not have a radical proficiency for dwarven lava cannons, orbital or not.
* Dwarves have neither immunity or obliviousness to fire.
* Sponges are not known for their nigh-indestructibility.
* Defensive training works against giants, not elephants.
** No, that does not include giant elephants.
* NO ZOMBIE WHALES.
* A single untoward comment by a P.C is not enough to cause the city to enter a death-spiral of tantrums.

Kane0

2013-01-28, 10:14 PM

*I can no longer sell a mundane item as if it were magical
**Not even with 3 good, consecutive Diplomacy and Bluff rolls and use of temporary magic to cover my ruse
***Even if successful, I will not be surprised nor upset if the merchant hires someone to make an example of my character.

*I can no longer use the spell Command to get someone to "Walk this way"
**Especially if I then attempt to strut down the street with said Commandee following

*If given the choice of giving sensitive information to either of two conflicting factions, I cannot choose "Option 3, Both"
**Not even if I could get a reward from both
***Especially not Simultaneously
****Especially not if I plan on using the ensuing conflict for more profit

*Not all party conflict can be solved with alcohol
**Especially if I buy suspiciously cheap 'Elven Wine' for the Dwarf and suspiciously cheap 'Dwarven Ale' for the Elf.

Kadzar

2013-01-28, 11:10 PM

*Dwarves do not have a radical proficiency for dwarven lava cannons, orbital or not.
* Dwarves have neither immunity or obliviousness to fire.
* Sponges are not known for their nigh-indestructibility.
* Defensive training works against giants, not elephants.
** No, that does not include giant elephants.
* NO ZOMBIE WHALES.
* A single untoward comment by a P.C is not enough to cause the city to enter a death-spiral of tantrums.*I may not refer to elves as "immortal ritualistically cannibalistic hippies".
*Not allowed to create a facility that traps mermaids so that I can air-drown their young and sell their bones for profit.
*Not allowed to one-shot a bronze colossus by throwing a bunny and making a called-shot to its forehead.
*Even if it is faithful to the source material, for sanity's sake, my kobold needs to take another language besides "[UTTERANCES]".
*If my kobold thief sneaks into a fortress and just steals a pair of underpants, the other players WILL throw books at me.
*As a DM, I cannot give out socks as treasure.
**No, they do not count as "art objects", even if they are encrusted with jewels and hanging rings of marble.

((Now I kind of do want to actually play in a game set in the world of DF))

Kelb_Panthera

2013-01-29, 06:30 AM

*If given the choice of giving sensitive information to either of two conflicting factions, I cannot choose "Option 3, Both"
**Not even if I could get a reward from both
***Especially not Simultaneously
****Especially not if I plan on using the ensuing conflict for more profit

See now, that sort of thing is not only allowed but encouraged in games I run.

*****Not to complain if I put too many irons in the fire at one time and the whole thing falls apart and comes back to bite me in the ass.

Kane0

2013-01-29, 05:07 PM

Yeah, those probably could have used some more context...

Anywho:
*I am no longer allowed to gestalt Warlock and Rogue
**No, not even if using a greatsword with a modified hideous blow.
***Especially if I need to borrow other people's d6s just to make an attack.
****Just... no more warlocks for me

Doorhandle

2013-01-29, 05:25 PM

See now, that sort of thing is not only allowed but encouraged in games I run.

*****Not to complain if I put too many irons in the fire at one time and the whole thing falls apart and comes back to bite me in the ass.

*I don't care about your head-canon, Lolth is noit Vriska.

Arbane

2013-01-29, 07:30 PM

*I don't care about your head-canon, Lolth is noit Vriska.

LIES! :)

* The GM is no longer allowed to base Drow society on Homestuck's Trolls.
** Basing Drow biology on Trolls is RIGHT OUT.

Gizladlo

2013-01-30, 01:21 PM

Amidus Drexel

2013-01-30, 03:57 PM

*No longer can I roll 1d10 to determine my alignment for the day while playing a TN character.
**There is no tenth alignment.
***I am not allowed to make one up.
****There are no such alignments as "Jerk Good" and "Stupid Evil."

*****The alignments explicitly do not include: Lame Good, Neutral Greedy, Crazy Gunslinger, Lawful Nuisance, Chaotic Stupid, or Lazy Evil.
******Players may not substitute a profanity of their choice for one of the words in their alignment description.

vasharanpaladin

2013-01-30, 06:20 PM

******Players may not substitute a profanity of their choice for one of the words in their alignment description.

*******They may, however, do so when describing that of the paladin. :smalltongue:

nedz

2013-01-30, 06:41 PM

Well Lame Good = Paladin and Lawful Nuisance = Monk :smallbiggrin:

Das Platyvark

2013-01-30, 07:22 PM

I may not play the Joker again.

Ksheep

2013-01-30, 07:32 PM

* My profanity of choice may not be *BUY SOME APPLES*

vasharanpaladin

2013-01-30, 07:34 PM

*I may not refer to elves as "immortal ritualistically cannibalistic hippies".
*Not allowed to create a facility that traps mermaids so that I can air-drown their young and sell their bones for profit.
*Not allowed to one-shot a bronze colossus by throwing a bunny and making a called-shot to its forehead.
*Even if it is faithful to the source material, for sanity's sake, my kobold needs to take another language besides "[UTTERANCES]".
*If my kobold thief sneaks into a fortress and just steals a pair of underpants, the other players WILL throw books at me.
*As a DM, I cannot give out socks as treasure.
**No, they do not count as "art objects", even if they are encrusted with jewels and hanging rings of marble.

*Booze does not stave off riots due to lack of food.
*Adamantine comes from space, not "the circus."
**It is most certainly not "cotton candy."
***It's dense enough to provide and ignore damage reduction, how is that "ultra-light"!?

*What the devil is a "plump helmet" and why are there three hundred of them marked in your inventory?

toapat

2013-01-30, 08:12 PM

***It's dense enough to provide and ignore damage reduction, how is that "ultra-light"!?

Well, that would be easy to explain: Your Adamantine is from Dorf Fortress, where it has the strength of Nano-Diamond, while having the density and weight of Styrofoam Peanuts

vasharanpaladin

2013-01-30, 09:32 PM

Well, that would be easy to explain: Your Adamantine is from Dorf Fortress, where it has the strength of Nano-Diamond, while having the density and weight of Styrofoam Peanuts

To a fellow DF player, yes. Not so to my DM's. :smallconfused:

toapat

2013-01-31, 12:18 AM

To a fellow DF player, yes. Not so to my DM's. :smallconfused:

there are people who dont know that Adamantine from Dorf Fortress is made of the most amazing substance in the universe?

Zahhak

2013-01-31, 12:21 AM

There are people who don't know what "Dorf Fortress" is

Zale

2013-01-31, 12:50 AM

I may not harvest a Succubi's organs.
I may not dress a halfling and green then extort gold from him.
Falling poo does not deal damage. Please stop doing that.

DigoDragon

2013-01-31, 08:33 AM

* My profanity of choice may not be *BUY SOME APPLES*

Not allowed to use it as a battle cry either. :smallbiggrin:

I am no longer allowed to invite Knight Errant to my house for tea when I'm a wanted runner.
That house I invited them to? It's not mine. Stop breaking into people's houses.
Also, not allowed to break open the gas line in the house and let it fill the kitchen.
And not allowed to stuff newspapers into the toaster, programming it to start in 8 minutes.
Look, you are simply banned from watching Jason Bourne movies, okay?

Geigan

2013-01-31, 02:32 PM

*I may not use my knowledge of the area's laws to commit insurance fraud using my employer's mansion.
**Even Especially if it involves burning down said mansion and killing all their serving staff.
***Just because someone else ended up doing that anyway doesn't mean you're going to get away with it.
****Manipulating their sense of philanthropy for the purposes of performing experimental surgeries designed to "save the lives of innocents" only works if you're telling the truth.

vasharanpaladin

2013-01-31, 04:25 PM

****Manipulating their sense of philanthropy for the purposes of performing experimental surgeries designed to "save the lives of innocents" only works if you're telling the truth.

*If you are telling the truth, you are required to remember that there is such a thing as "quality of life" when planning the operation.

artofregicide

2013-01-31, 04:55 PM

*If you are telling the truth, you are required to remember that there is such a thing as "quality of life" when planning the operation.

** Not allowed to start an argument about quality of life vs. intrinsic value of life during the course of a session.
***Not allowed to start said argument regardless
****Exception being in philosophy class. Or the youtube comment section. Then it is pretty much expected.

Tvtyrant

2013-01-31, 05:00 PM

** Not allowed to start an argument about quality of life vs. intrinsic value of life during the course of a session.
***Not allowed to start said argument regardless
****Exception being in philosophy class. Or the youtube comment section. Then it is pretty much expected.

*****Not allowed to quote Youtube arguments as doctrinal points during a session.

artofregicide

2013-01-31, 05:06 PM

*****Not allowed to quote Youtube arguments as doctrinal points during a session.

****** May not use anything from Sock Puppet Theatre (http://sockpuppettheatre.com/) as a basis for any character ideas, setting ideas, or ideas period.
******* I may not wear a sockpuppet.
******** I may not name him Banjo.

Black Mage

2013-01-31, 05:17 PM

* If I try to make Old Man Henderson (http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Old_Man_Henderson), it's a safe assumption the DM will try to murder me on the spot. (If you haven't before, read that link. The story is glorious.):smallamused:

Ksheep

2013-01-31, 05:17 PM

****** May not use anything from Sock Puppet Theatre (http://sockpuppettheatre.com/) as a basis for any character ideas, setting ideas, or ideas period.
******* I may not wear a sockpuppet.
******** I may not name him Banjo.

********* Nor may I name him Wolfie
********** He doesn't appear whenever someone is high
*********** He cannot give advice to the characters
************ This is especially true if a player who's character died is acting all this out in person, and is talking to any players waiting for their turn

Arbane

2013-02-01, 04:02 AM

* Your familiar is not a leprechaun.
** He does not tell you to burn things.
*** Even if he does, you don't HAVE to follow his advice.
**** No more fire spells for you.

Amidus Drexel

2013-02-01, 02:38 PM

Adoendithas

2013-02-01, 02:46 PM

Words cannot accurately convey how much I laughed at that story... :smallbiggrin:

Same here. Hopefully my players would never do something like that to me.

Lupos

2013-02-01, 05:47 PM

Things I am banned from in 99% of the games I play
3.5
*I may not play a Lycanthrope, Natural or otherwise
*I may not play a Ranger, Ever
*I may not play a Druid, Ever
*I may not play a Rogue, Ever
*I may not play a Fighter unless told I may
*I may not play a Bard, Ever
*I may not play a Barbarian, Ever
**I may not use a barbarian who has lost his weapon, provide to pick up a shovel as a improvised weapon, rush the hobgoblin hoard screaming "SPOOOOOOOOOON!" and kill them all in a blood rage while the rest of the party watches on in horror.
*I may not play a Cleric for any reason
*I may not play a Paladin for any reason
**Just because I do something for the greater good and it is infact a Lawful Good act tasked to me by my god, does not mean my **** of a DM who only defines LG as Lawful Stupid can say it is an act of evil and force me to fall.
*I may never play any form of arcane spellcaster, ever, for any reason, on pain of death.
**I may not, in a game involving The Book of Erotic Fantasies, Take the Still Spell, Silent Spell, and Eschew Materials feats as a Sorcerer. I may not then use said feats to force a Succubus to swallow a Delayed Fireball when she has me bound, gagged, and giving me unwanted *cough*.
*i may never, for any reason, play a Psionic class.
*I may not play any PC classes anymore, I am restricted to NPC classes only
**I am banned from all local games.

4e
*I may not play any class not in the base PHB
*I may never use the Werewolf theme
*I may never take a bloodline feat
*i may never take a Dragonmarked feat
*I may never play a hybrid of any kind
*I may not use anything that is outside the PHB1
**I may not make a Shifter/Werewolf/Dhampyr Barbarian who can one turn two ancient red dragons just to piss off the DM who has a personal vendetta against me
***I am banned from all local games

Geigan

2013-02-02, 02:31 PM

MOAR Legend
*No you may not charge your party for long distance calls just because they're far away and you're still connected to them via World-mind.
**Ignoring them when they are in trouble if they do not pay the long distance fees is generally frowned upon.

*Insurance fraud via the Medicine skill only works the first time you kill someone and revive them later.
**I may no longer use the Geography skill to learn and abuse local laws to my advantage.

*If I am to take a Dramatic Plunge I must extend the last thing I say before doing so into an echo like SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
**Just because the recurring villain took a Dramatic Plunge does not mean the Players will not follow for the purposes of finishing the job.
***I am to stop giving my villains Endless Pit to keep trying that escape. The Players are wise to it.

*The enemy's Dread Secret is not that they've really just been a Mook this whole time.

*Just because I took the Ghost Hunter feat does not mean I am allowed to hum the ghostbuster's theme during every encounter. Only when we're fighting actual ghosts.

*I am not allowed to spontaneously develop a Brooklyn accent after taking the Master Scout feat.
**I am not allowed to shout "BOINK" when fighting either.
***I may only perform double jumps if I can make the acrobatics check for it.

*Retcon does not let me replace words in the GM's memory of our conversations.

*Ruinous Charge is a privilege, not a right.

*"The Charleston" is not an appropriate fluff description for Fancy Footwork.

Chilingsworth

2013-02-03, 12:07 AM

Ok, just happened:

* Some paranoia is acceptable and even to be encouraged. However, obsessive checking of everything may lead to discovering nasty surprises the hard way.

artofregicide

2013-02-03, 12:44 AM

Ok, just happened:

* Some paranoia is acceptable and even to be encouraged. However, obsessive checking of everything may lead to discovering nasty surprises the hard way.

Story behind that? Please tell?

TuggyNE

2013-02-03, 01:02 AM

Story behind that? Please tell?

Sounds a lot like someone relearned an early AGC episode (http://agc.deskslave.org/comic_viewer.html?goNumber=41) the hard way.

Gizladlo

2013-02-03, 01:27 AM

*I may no longer keep in my pack the heads of my fallen enemies.
**Even Especially as a barbarian!
***Throwing a severed head from my pack does not count as a burst 5 Fear attack.
****I am not to be surprised the town guard tries to arrest me for it.
*****Nor should I be surprised the DM hid an epic-level LG paladin in the surrounding crowd just to "deal with you."

Zahhak

2013-02-03, 01:44 AM

* I am no longer allowed to complain about turning into a Hipster by the GM
** I am not allowed to compare Hipsterism to an STD
*** I am not allowed to say that I've had mind-sex with the GM that is turning me into a Hipster

Doorhandle

2013-02-03, 01:54 AM

MOAR Legend
Fancy Footwork.

*Not to absue legend's rules for flying/jumping to say that my barbarian can get into melee-range with the orbital cannon.
*If I succesfly burrow to avoid being hit by the D.M's opening nuke, he's going to flip a gasket.
*Even with maxed-out vigor, cannot undo years of muscle disuse and disease by flexing.
* Okay, fine, by legend rules you CAN suplex a super-tanker at high levels. Not to do so at every given opportunity.
*Not to kill my own allies to gain the benefits of both reaver AND bravado simultaneously.
*Not to use a grappling hook and 3 land-mines to pull the BBEG into an explosion bigger than china.
*Even with pushing blow and the devastating quality , my monk cannot dragon kick any asses into the milky way.
* If I use an obscure combinations of feats, tracks, and items to smash my foes into walls for double my level in damage/per hit, the D.M is allowed to do so with me.
** Not to name the technique the manhammer.
*** Manhammers are not suitable battering-rams.
* Not to combine reign of arrows and demo-man.
** Even if suddenly exploding is enough to justify the surprise-attack bonus.
* You have five seconds to explain what a were-robot dragon-vampire can add the the party.

Amidus Drexel

2013-02-03, 02:12 AM

* You have five seconds to explain what a were-robot dragon-vampire can add the the party.

**Panache is not an acceptable answer.

@v *applauds* There is a limit to the amount of math jokes we can make; you'll find it where the lim 1/x is equal to 0 :smallamused:

Zahhak

2013-02-03, 02:20 AM

* You have five seconds to explain what a were-robot dragon-vampire can add the the party.

** "Lim X->0 F(X): 1/X amounts of fun" is not an acceptable answer

Math jokes, yeah!

Chilingsworth

2013-02-03, 04:01 AM

Story behind that? Please tell?

Well, basically I had (Totally IC) reason to suspect scrying. I began varifying that the place I was in was secure, scanning for scrying sensors, examining an item I was suspicious of. When I went to question a prisioner I suspected of being an enemy agent, I found him dead, likely by unknown magics. When I examined the corpse, I triggered a magical trap that was left on him. I don't think it was put there in response to my precautions, but my being hit by it was directly caused by them.

Geigan

2013-02-03, 08:03 AM

*The Engineering skill alone does not inspector gadget make. Even if they do have the coolest consumables.
**Mechanist Savant is still a bit off, though at least one can more easily keep from blowing themselves up.
***Being "too safe" is not really a valid reason to take demo-man.

*The vigilante's signature ride does not need a "tune up", and if I touch it again I will get a Brutal Kick to the face.

*If I make one more bad joke about cold hands I am banned from playing a Necromancer with chill touch.
**No I may not make slurping sounds when using vampiric touch.
***Just because the spell must be used at [Melee] range does not mean I have the "magic touch"
****I am no longer allowed to play any character with abilities that frequently make use of [Melee] range magical abilities.

*Just because the Sentient Construct has [Darkvision] does not mean you can steal his eyes for "night vision goggles"
**Neither is his [Tremorsense] suitable for your beach combing treasure finder.
***One more suggestion about cannibalizing the Sentient Construct for gear will earn you a Big Finish/Kinetic Bombardment to the face.

*Not allowed to turn the entire rest of the party into undead just so we can perform Thriller.

*Just because I took Acrobatic Adept does not mean I was trained by Piccolo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9VWofx5XG8)
**I am to refrain from making 10 million dollar man sound effects whenever I move, take an action, or do anything in general.
***Singing MC Hammer gets old after the first few Just That Quicks or so.

*Using Prying Eyes to spy is fine. Using it to follow your party members and track every little thing they do is creepy.
**Even if it is sometimes justified.

*I am to refrain from belting out "Living on a prayer" every time I cast Miracle.

*Just because I am a Sentient Construct using Wind Walk does not make me the Google Cloud.
**Neither does using Comprehend Languages make me Google Translate.
***Discern Location does not make me Google Earth.
****Having every knowledge will not make me Google either.

Guizonde

2013-02-03, 09:49 AM

new ones from warhammer:

*not allowed to defy gravity looney tunes style.
*no, alcohol isn't a poison, so i can die from it. (go rule 0, i guess)
*can't take hated enemy: masonry
**can't take hated enemy: gravity
***can't take hated enemy: physics
****can't take any hated enemy. this is warhammer, darn it!
*the witchhunter isn't out to get me, so i should quit hiding behind the ogre.
**hiding is suspicious
*not allowed to kill corpses
**even if they ate my ham
*poisoning the wood elf's arrows in exchange for learning elvish is banned.
*it's not a race to see who gets their first insanity first.
**no, their is no "seen it all" insanity
***can't take "scared of pointy things" as an insanity
*the elf'd better have a really good reason to become an imperial witchhunter
*when the ogre says "stop!", i stop too. stop means stop. stop doesn't mean run away twice as fast.
*it's called a plaguebearer. not "aw, crud! not again!"
*i'm not gonna resist fear and terror just by seeing chaotic horrors. i'm not that jaded yet.

dnd:
*victory laps are NEVER tolerated.
**even after 3 critical successes
***chanting "pelor rocks!" does not make it a religious chant.

Theoboldi

2013-02-03, 02:40 PM

*Casting grease on any sort of sloped surface we are about to scale is no longer allowed.
**No, causing the entire party to fall down the stairway isn't funny enough to justify it.

Sith_Happens

2013-02-03, 03:52 PM

* My Warforged Psion (Egoist) is not a transforming mecha.
** Using Fusion to be a combining mecha is right out.

Artillery

2013-02-04, 03:38 AM

Legend
*Rogue stop running straight at the "treasure chest" in a room full of suits of armor
**Don't be surprised when Skeletal Elementalist Monk Kamen Rider punts you down the stairs for being greedy
***Well you just lost enough social encounters against him to be his lackey

*Paladin, yes you did just make so much noise that you made 2 formerly normal suits of armor sentient constructs
**They are mooks you should have no problem
***Stop missing
****Fine, just use your Healing Font and you'll be fine
*****Go ahead and talk to the Skeletal Champion PC, your Aura of Judgment says he is indifferent

*Stop hitting the tactician
**Especially into the pile of knocked out bits of Bar Mob
***Its a bar fight, don't use a Flame Bolter

*Paladin hasn't made an attack roll of more then 5 in 3 turns
**You even get a +1 for each time you miss, how are you missing
***The only hit you made also hit the tactician

*You guys be as off the rails as you want
**I have maps made and plenty of things stat'd
***So you want to investigate what ever is leaving flaming trails in the nearby town
****Should it be Ghost Rider, the Delorian from Back to the Future, or Rapidash from Pokemon? Delorian it is.

Doorhandle

2013-02-04, 04:24 AM

Even more legend (Can you tell that the first half of version 1 came out to recently?)
*Even as a rhino knight of destruction, not to charge 4 times per turn...
** Attacking everything within my ridiculous melee reach on each charge, with bonus precision damage, WHILE tripping them...
*** Then interrupting their attempts to stand up by reading myself and having my rhino step on them...
**** GODDMAN IT! THAT ENCOUNTER WAS SUPPOSED TO LAST 20 ROUNDS!
*As a lich, have to cast more spells/spell like abilities than magic missile, even If I can cast it at will.
** Casting magic missile and then greater dispel magic as a SLA does not count, no.
* As Vigilante, not to use brutal kick to fly AWAY from battle rather than the other way round.
*Even as a demo-man, not to use high-explosives to rocket-jump.
** As a demonic demo-man with bonded by blood, not to detonate a cluster-bomb at my archnemis's feet, doing all the associated damage twice.
*** If I don't take any net damage from having impossible fast-healing high vigor, or vampiric weapons, books will be thrown.
* The D.M really wants to know why everyone has a relic mount with destructible and crash...
** Not to have the entire part Crash their mounts into the big-bad for 1000+damage.
*** Mounts with the study quality, and thus enough HP to be reusable, will result in the D.M's premature retirement. Please, think of the D.M.

Gizladlo

2013-02-04, 04:38 AM

*I cannot take "Urination" as a custom trained skill.
**My character being male is not enough justification for this.

DigoDragon

2013-02-04, 08:15 AM

Shadowrun

I am no longer allowed to assume the physical adept will fear anyone dressed as a member of Kiss.
I am no longer allowed to use "Rule of Cool" to cause the enemy's vehicle to explode just to deny the party any monetary reward for their decently clever plan to capture my minions.
I am no longer allowed to give Knight Errant a 36 second response time to an "F-rated" neighborhood during a heavy snowfall. Especially when two hours earlier I made it a point that the roads were closed due to being unplowed.
When the party shaman calls me out on cheating, I am no longer allowed to defend my case when she picks up my Own GM Notes that clearly show that I cheated the party during combat.
Note to self: No longer allowed to freely let the party shaman see my GM notes.

Hyena

2013-02-04, 02:23 PM

* While playing cleric, may not worship the party's wizard.
** Even if he is much more both useful and active then Corellon Larethian will ever be.

Guizonde

2013-02-04, 03:49 PM

* While playing cleric, may not worship the party's wizard.
** Even if he is much more both useful and active then Corellon Larethian will ever be.

whfrp:
* as an adopted skink, not allowed to worship anyone other than the party wizard
**especially old ones. i don't know they exist, despite speaking their tongue.
***i will not question rule 0 on this. rule 0 > logic

Nousos

2013-02-05, 04:51 PM

*May no longer cast magic mouth on the fighter's best sword to make it question his sexuality every time it is drawn
**May not then cast a spell to make that spell permanent

Geigan

2013-02-05, 04:56 PM

Legend
*Livers Need Not Apply is not an excuse to challenge everyone to drinking contests.
**The party is on bad enough terms with AA for your own behavior. We don't need them angry at us for inflicting alcoholism on those who don't have the feat.
***Drinking Deep right in front of the AA sponsored paladin is probably only going to cause problems.
****That goes double for Seven Drunken Immortals.
*****Using Spirited Strength to beat said paladin senseless is probably not going to be good for our public image.

*Knowing may be a moral radar, but it doesn't mean we can wave the paladin over every individual like a metal detector for people we don't like.
**At the very least it might start social encounters.
***We may not use said social encounters as excuses to beat up people we probably now don't like for giving us trouble over the aforementioned morality detecting.

*Demon Robot Dragon Zombie is a completely legitimate character concept, but you may wish to be quick on the draw when explaining to the party that you're not the first encounter for the session when introduced.

*I may not shout "You've activated my trap card!" every time someone activates one of my portable Arcane Engineer traps.
**Vigilante+Arcane Engineer for card games on motorcycles is not always appropriate for every campaign.

Black Mage

2013-02-06, 06:12 PM

Zahhak

2013-02-06, 07:58 PM

"Hastur Hastur Hastur!"

Will Wheaton reference?

Milo v3

2013-02-06, 08:54 PM

Will Wheaton reference?

Lovecraft Mythos Reference.

vasharanpaladin

2013-02-06, 08:54 PM

Will Wheaton reference?

Not likely. Cthulhu mythos holds that saying the Unspeakable One's name three times in succession is a very good way to make Bad Things happen. Specifically, by calling him to possess your body indefinitely.

Ksheep

2013-02-06, 08:59 PM

Lovecraft Mythos Reference.

Hastur actually goes back before Lovecraft. Ambrose Bierce featured him in the short story "Haïta the Shepherd" in 1893. Then again, Hastur was only a benign god of shepherds in that story… Lovecraft took him and… well, Lovecraftified him.

Amidus Drexel

2013-02-06, 10:39 PM

* I may not play a Lawful Good paladin through the entire campaign, with the sole intention of shouting "Hastur Hastur Hastur!" at the start of the BBEG fight.
** Nor may I do this with Pazuzu.
*** Especially if the BBEG is an avatar of either Hastur or Pazuzu.

I'd just like to say that I always find your posts in this thread inordinately funny. :smallbiggrin: :smallcool:

vasharanpaladin

2013-02-07, 12:12 AM

Hastur actually goes back before Lovecraft. Ambrose Bierce featured him in the short story "Haïta the Shepherd" in 1893. Then again, Hastur was only a benign god of shepherds in that story… Lovecraft took him and… well, Lovecraftified him.

I knew his origins, wasn't sure who came up with the "name thrice spoken damns the speaker" thing, so I figured it was safer to hedge my bets, it seemed like something Lovecraft would do. :smallamused:

Zahhak

2013-02-07, 12:48 AM

Lovecraft Mythos Reference.

Yes yes I know, but in his youtube series "Tabletop" there's a part where Will Wheaton says something to the effect of "Hastur. Hastur, Hastur, Hastur. My woman is science!" Since it was a LG Paladin, I figured it was something more referencing Will Wheaton, where's its basically the character daring Hastur to do something.

jamewatson

2013-02-07, 01:59 AM

When the DM pulls a mind swap on the entire party my wizard-in-a-fighter's body may not be more effective than the original fighter.

Geigan

2013-02-07, 03:19 AM

*My Demo Man's name is not "Collateral Damage Man."

*"Taste the Rainbow!" is not an appropriate battlecry for my Combat Alchemist.
**Neither is "Druuuuuuuuuuuuuugs."

*The party's Combat Alchemist is never allowed to mix the punch for the upcoming social event.

*"Everyday I'm shuffling" is not an appropriate description for my swashbuckler's full string of Once More! attacks.
**Neither is "Gangnam Style".

DigoDragon

2013-02-07, 08:28 AM

*"Taste the Rainbow!" is not an appropriate battlecry for my Combat Alchemist.

The following battlecries are banned:

They may take our lives, but they'll never take American Express!
Hello, my name is Darkwing Montoya. You insulted my ego. Prepare to die!
Ready men? Let's go Voltron Farce!
Not in the face!!

When the party loses control of their speeding Hummer, I am not allowed to play the Benny Hill theme while we smash through a brick wall.
I'm no longer allowed to play a Punisher-styled vigilante hero named Mr. Rogers.

Elemental

2013-02-07, 10:15 AM

Sorry to drag this from several pages ago...

*Control Weather does not allow me to make it rain Skittles.

** At least not without the proper research and experimentation...

Guizonde

2013-02-07, 01:37 PM

*i am preemptively banned the following classes: (spoilered for length)

-eldritch knight specializing in summoning waterfowl
-halfling outrider (especially on a size L goat)
-master of chains (especially with a clearly bdsm intent)
-spellsword
-sacred exorcist (obeying only horror movie tropes)
-bladesinger (microphone stands and spandex do not exist in DnD)
-dervish (especially if called "blender")
-hulking hurler (goes double if i'm half-troll, half-giant, half-halfling... fractions...)
-gnome giant slayer (no. just no)
-master thrower (especially if i take favored weapon: fine china)
-occult slayer
-any magebane, spellbreaker, or warrior specializing in ruining a caster's day

*not allowed to play a gnome warrior with preferred weapon: oak trunk
**goes double if i make that a large oak trunk. that last part is ok if i've got at least a half-ork.
***oddly enough, sycamore trunks are allowed.

*yelling "SHUT UP, for pelor's sake!!" at an enemy spellcaster does not count as a silence/mute spell
*when failing to sneak, yelling out in character "i've got a 4! do i sneak good?" is still breaking the fourth wall.

Ksheep

2013-02-07, 04:21 PM

* I may not play a Master Thrower with Favored Weapon: Top Hats
** Just because it's approximately the same size as a Throwing Axe does not mean that a thrown hat does the same amount of damage
*** No, not even if I place a steel plate in the brim

EDIT:
**** No, the hat may NOT be Vorpal

toapat

2013-02-07, 07:05 PM

*yelling "SHUT UP, for pelor's Sunny's sake!!" at an enemy spellcaster does not count as a silence/mute spell

Fixed that for you

Guizonde

2013-02-07, 07:09 PM

Fixed that for you

that's heresy! ...no, wait a minute... that's awesome!:smallbiggrin:

just called my dm... nope, it's not allowed either. on account of both heresy and not being a spell :smallannoyed:

Ksheep

2013-02-07, 07:36 PM

Fixed that for you

Of course it won't work. A prerequisite of following Sunny is that you can only speak in muted and garbled phrases. Then again, that might be in part due to the required full-face mask you must wear at all times…

toapat

2013-02-07, 09:50 PM

Of course it won't work. A prerequisite of following Sunny is that you can only speak in muted and garbled phrases. Then again, that might be in part due to the required full-face mask you must wear at all times…

Heresy, No one knows the accurate dogma of Sunny, god of Sunshine, Rainbows, and Vagueness

Ksheep

2013-02-07, 10:05 PM

Heresy, No one knows the accurate dogma of Sunny, god of Sunshine, Rainbows, and Vagueness

He whose favored weapon is the Fireaxe Giant Lollypop?

EDIT: Stupid autocorrect…

toapat

2013-02-07, 10:08 PM

He who's favored weapon is the Fireaxe Giant Lollypop?
Giant Lolipop (Lightmace), but only because i forgot it when making him originally, his dogma is to remain unknowable though

Ksheep

2013-02-07, 10:12 PM

Giant Lolipop (Lightmace), but only because i forgot it when making him originally, his dogma is to remain unknowable though

Was it not The Great Gabe who revealed the path of Sunny the Unknowable to us mere mortals?

………

I think we're getting a bit off topic.

* No, I cannot design a flamethrower using alchemist's fire and a system of pumps.

enderlord99

2013-02-07, 10:30 PM

*If playing in an Ancient Egypt-based game, I may not question Ra's alignment. It is whatever the DM claims it is.
**If I worship him, I may not be a bard with perform (cheerleading)
***Especially as an excuse to say
Worship the sun god! He is the fun god! Ra! Ra! Ra!
****Even if I do, I should not expect anyone to actually convert because of it.
*****In or out of game.

Kane0

2013-02-07, 10:31 PM

* No, I cannot design a flamethrower using alchemist's fire and a system of pumps.
** Nor do I automatically threaten a critical hit on enemies that have been set on fire

Ksheep

2013-02-07, 10:45 PM

* Backstabbing with a dagger is not an automatic triple-crit
**No, I cannot enchant a dagger such that I automatically disguise myself as my victim whenever I backstab them
*** Backstabbing with an icicle doesn't freeze the opponent solid
**** Yes, I can heal myself with a backstab if I have Vampiric on the dagger. No, it still doesn't count as an auto-triple-crit

enderlord99

2013-02-07, 10:47 PM

*I am not Painis Cupcake
**Not allowed to eat anyone. Even if I have the Swallow Whole ability.

artofregicide

2013-02-07, 11:06 PM

**Not allowed to eat anyone. Even if I have the Swallow Whole ability.

I may not transport the entire party in the stomach of my character. Even if they're okay with it. Especially if I'm a halfing.

enderlord99

2013-02-07, 11:19 PM

*I may not refer to the ettin we are fighting as "Solgineer."

Socratov

2013-02-08, 03:42 AM

Was it not The Great Gabe who revealed the path of Sunny the Unknowable to us mere mortals?

………

I think we're getting a bit off topic.

* No, I cannot design a flamethrower using alchemist's fire and a system of pumps.

but it's easy: a decanter of endless alchemists fire and a leather strap and some handles (grab handles, hang decanter from stap on shoulder, speak geysermode command word to operate). Now for someone to think up a price for it...

DigoDragon

2013-02-08, 07:34 AM

* I may not play a Master Thrower with Favored Weapon: Top Hats

That kind of specialty would limit your work options to the occasional... Oddjob. :smallbiggrin:

Banned actions for NPCs~

Not allowed to Polymorph Any Object bandits into oranges and then offer them out as snacks.
Not allowed to let the rogue AI within the long-abandoned dungeon write fanfics about the party.
Not allowed to give an Iron Golem a ranged fist attack and call it "Rocket Punch".
Also not allowed to have said Iron Golem repeatedly shout "Crush! Kill! Distroy! Swag!" when attacking the party in berzerk mode.

hamishspence

2013-02-08, 08:22 AM

"By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes" is not the verbal component of Detect Evil.

toapat

2013-02-08, 10:51 AM

"By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes" is not the verbal component of Detect Evil.

**unless i already am evil, in which case why am i using that spell

Doxkid

2013-02-08, 02:08 PM

***If I call "Detect Evil" "Detect competition", my party mates might become a little suspicious about my alignment.

Black Mage

2013-02-09, 07:17 PM

I'd just like to say that I always find your posts in this thread inordinately funny. :smallbiggrin: :smallcool:

And all of my posts are things that have actually been banned in my group, too. :smallamused:

Scow2

2013-02-09, 07:42 PM

* cloudkill's somatic component does not involve pointing at a nearby party member or monster.
** Its verbal component is most definitely NOT "Pull my Finger."

Sith_Happens

2013-02-09, 08:06 PM

* cloudkill's somatic component does not involve pointing at a nearby party member or monster.
** Its verbal component is most definitely NOT "Pull my Finger."

* Both of the above go double for Stinking Cloud.

Black Mage

2013-02-09, 08:44 PM

* The verbal component of Prismatic Spray is not "Carebear stare!"
** All paladins do not have altar boys that travel with them.
*** Okay, maybe some do.

Ksheep

2013-02-09, 10:16 PM

TuggyNE

2013-02-09, 10:25 PM

* I may not kill off an EL 10 encounter with a single 3rd level spell
** Especially when it's a swarm of Clockwork Horrors
*** Shouldn't be surprised when the DM replaces all Electrum Horrors with Adamantine Horrors

**** "Unique" really means "as many as needed to blow your character into oblivion", not "there's only one".

Black Mage

2013-02-09, 10:32 PM

* I may not kill off an EL 10 encounter with a single 3rd level spell
** Especially when it's a swarm of Clockwork Horrors
*** Shouldn't be surprised when the DM replaces all Electrum Horrors with Adamantine Horrors
Adamantine Horrors are utter nonsense. I LOVE them. :smallbiggrin:

Ksheep

2013-02-10, 06:26 PM

* When an Inevitable shows up with an army of Formians to arrest you for a crime, it's best if you comply
** When they escort you to the plane of Mechanus for trial, you know you must've done something REALLY wrong
*** When the High Arbitar for the trial is a construct, it just might be a hint that you won't be able to talk your way out of this.
**** When they finally tell you what you're accused of, and it turns out to be breaking a law placed to stop a warmongering civilization that collapsed over a thousand years ago, you better hope they believe you when you tell them that you aren't part of that civilization
***** Especially when one of your party members is a Warforged made by said civilization (albeit with a different mind (long story, just suffice it to say that Gnomes were involved))

Milo v3

2013-02-10, 07:13 PM

* When the inevitables decided to create a new model just to kill you, you shouldn't continue breaking the laws of existance.

Dimers

2013-02-10, 09:10 PM

* When an Inevitable shows up with an army of Formians to arrest you for a crime, it's best if you comply
***** (long story, just suffice it to say that Gnomes were involved))

* If gnomes are involved, it's best if you just comply go along with it. :smallsmile:

Arbane

2013-02-10, 11:12 PM

Tetraplex

2013-02-10, 11:45 PM

*My bard cannot bluff the head of the local Merchants' Guild into giving him his post in exchange for that puppy I picked up earlier.
**No, playing "Cult of Personality" on my mandolin does NOT give a bonus to my suggestion spell.
***Puppies make terrible helmets. Angry men will, in fact, attack a gnome with a puppy on his head.

DigoDragon

2013-02-11, 08:35 AM

Shadowrun--

Not allowed to create a Magnetic Anomaly Dectector that picks up plastic.
Not allowed to let the party Rigger have access to a snow plow ever again.
Not allowed to recreate the Winchester Mansion while the party still has access to grenades.
The Rigger is banned from having his drone hitch a ride on the changeling's tail.
Not allowed to make self defense rolls for the shaman's summond plant spirit and then assume such actions uses up favors. It doesn't.
Never bring a gun to a mage fight.

Hyena

2013-02-11, 10:24 AM

* My wizard is not Tim. Also, not Dean the Expellcaster.

saxavarius

2013-02-11, 06:28 PM

*There is no elf with a magic rune on its body
**May not capture and strip search every elf I come across just in case
*** Ditto for dwarves, gnomes, orcs, or halflings
**** No strip searching NPCs!!!

Proud Tortoise

2013-02-11, 10:26 PM

I may not play a purple worm.

I may not play a remorhaz.

I may not play a were-purple worm.

Adoendithas

2013-02-12, 08:55 AM

* The subrace "high elf" does NOT mean "elf on drugs."

Wookieetank

2013-02-12, 08:57 AM

* The subrace "high elf" does NOT mean "elf on drugs."

** It also doesn't mean an elf who carts around a pot with him and stands on it frequently.

nedz

2013-02-12, 09:01 AM

* The subrace "high elf" does NOT mean "elf on drugs."
** It also doesn't mean an elf who carts around a pot with him and stands on it frequently.
*** It may however mean an elf who lives in a tall white tower
**** Or an elf who's head is always in the clouds

Guizonde

2013-02-12, 10:33 AM

*** It may however mean an elf who lives in a tall white tower
**** Or an elf who's head is always in the clouds

*****no, "high elf" is not the dwarf way of saying "target"

TimeWizard

2013-02-12, 11:11 AM

nedz

2013-02-12, 12:11 PM

*****no, "high elf" is not the dwarf way of saying "target"
****** Or someone who gets drunk on half a pint of beer, well Dwarf beer anyhow.

Doorhandle

2013-02-13, 12:15 AM

Guizonde

2013-02-13, 08:27 AM

*Cannot play a barbarian that is somehow a samurai.
** A single-stroke battle does not result whenever I use howling strike.
* Thunderfoot rage does not mean "Stand back citizen! I take LARGE STEPS!"
**Nor does it mean I'm dancing the charleston, with my sword as the cane.
* Desperate fury is not the definition of insanity.
* Goring charge involves a large cow-man rushing his opponent and heabutting him. It does NOT mean your minotaur launches himself bodily at the target like a human cannonball without the cannon.
*Wreckless charge does mean I have to say sorry.
*My character is not Yoshimitsu.

this reminds me:

-my dm's brother is not allowed to model his halfling barbarian on altair.
-my dm's brother is not allowed to model his halfling barbarian on ezio.
-my dm's brother is not allowed to model his halfling barbarian on that third assassin.
-my dm's brother is not allowed to model his halfling barbarian on desmond
-my dm's brother is not allowed to model his halfling barbarian on ANY character from the assassin's creed franchise!

my dm ruled that jumping did not work that way, i said "go for it, at your own risk". he didn't. shame, really

Scow2

2013-02-13, 10:21 AM

this reminds me:
my dm ruled that jumping did not work that way, i said "go for it, at your own risk". he didn't. shame, really
Jumping doesn't work what way?

Ksheep

2013-02-13, 11:17 AM

Jumping doesn't work what way?

If I had to guess, it would be something along the lines of "Jumping into a pile of hay does not negate all fall damage, especially when you're jumping off a 100' tall spire."

Scow2

2013-02-13, 11:42 AM

*I may no longer abuse Dominate Person's description to subvert any order given to me by designating it Nap- or Dinnertime, even if it has precedent in Dwarf Fortress. Not even if it's night, or close to any designated meal/snacktime.
** No, I may not attend parties instead of carrying out orders under the effect of Dominate person either.

Guizonde

2013-02-13, 12:14 PM

If I had to guess, it would be something along the lines of "Jumping into a pile of hay does not negate all fall damage, especially when you're jumping off a 100' tall spire."

it didn't go that far, but his entire concept revolved around: goomba-stomp mook (for damage), then double stab with his short swords... the thing is he weighs like... 40 pounds, and he's level 1, so not enough attacks. so yeah. doesn't really work that way since he was hoping he could legitimately make a mook stumble. he did pull off an incredible AoO jumping off a rooftop onto a fleeing mook though, so that was cool!

Kane0

2013-02-13, 04:09 PM

* I may not jump over an opponent to give myself a flanking bonus until his turn
** If I do happen to do so, I'd best hope to have the sudden leap maneuver or something similar

* I may not use my Eldritch cone as a means of extra propulsion for a jump
** Nor can I use eldritch cone for extra speed while flying
***If I am heard muttering any of the following words in any order I am to expect books to be launched at my face: "Kah" "Meh" or "Hah"
****I may not 'overcharge' my eldritch blast any more. Not even if I use a homebrew feat to be able to do so as a kind of metamagic.

rockdeworld

2013-02-14, 02:24 PM

* My wizard is not Tim. Also, not Dean the Expellcaster.
** He may, however, be Timmy. But preferably not Johnny or Spike.
*** He may not claim immunity from enemies on their first turn by stating that they have "summoning sickness."

nedz

2013-02-14, 04:27 PM

* My Wizard may not have max ranks in Perform(Pinball)
** Especially if he is Deaf, Dumb and Blind

Thump

2013-02-14, 04:31 PM

*I may no longer use the Black Flame Daggers as a Vrolikai

**Even if their use warrants certain death for the enemy

***I may not designate insane teammates as enemies

****May no longer ask the hooded obyrith lord what her name is*

*****This will result in insanity in the party.

******May no longer play a Vrolikai

*******May no longer touch negative levels

Kymme

2013-02-14, 09:53 PM

Here's some:
*in a time-traveling game, I cannot play as a punk teenage kid
**when our time machine malfunctions and sends us back to the biblical era, i cannot try to become the messiah
***sunglasses and a pat on the back do not cure the sick and lame.

dps

2013-02-15, 12:52 AM

A ha! (http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4gk4x1yEs1qiujmjo1_500.jpg)

I thought is was really funny, but I didn't even realize that it was a reference to something. :smallconfused:

I still have no idea what it's a reference to.

Chilingsworth

2013-02-15, 12:53 AM

I thought is was really funny, but I didn't even realize that it was a reference to something. :smallconfused:

I still have no idea what it's a reference to.

Those Who Hunt Elves (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Those_Who_Hunt_Elves), I'd guess.

Doorhandle

2013-02-15, 01:23 AM

Guizonde

2013-02-15, 08:04 AM

Here's some:
***sunglasses and a pat on the back do not cure the sick and lame.

this is the best pun i've seen in quite a while. i must try it out on a cleric!

*no, dwarves do not have racial proficiency: skateboard, snowboard
**elves do not have racial proficiency: surfboard, windsurf, windkite

*once again, halflings are not considered projectiles, even with their consent
**said halfling cannot use "hang-time", especially if it's to sneak attack
***what's with me and throwing live projectiles?!

*rule of cool applies in case of natural 20's only
**aaaaaaaand rule of cool is banned

Kelb_Panthera

2013-02-15, 11:18 AM

Note to self: If I get the rule of cool banned, I may need to start pushing the DM's buttons just a bit less. I've clearly gone too far and may be getting close to getting myself banned.

Doorhandle

2013-02-15, 10:29 PM

*If I get an excessive amount of attacks/round, not to start counting them.
**likewise, if I interrupt a series of attacks, not to scream out "COMBO BREAKER!"

*If I meet a noble efreet and force him to grant me wishes, cannot wish for more efreet.
* Or a map that locate more wish-granting materials..
** Or for efreet blueprints...
*** Or for this efreet to be your lifeslave....
****Or for a bunch of things that arn't wishes but act like them, for all intents and purposes.....
*****Or simply wishing for multiple things as part of one wish......
****** Okay, that's it! No more wish-giving organisms! Your wish-mongering ways have driven them to EXTINCTION!
...you should feel TERRIBLE about yourself...

:smallbiggrin:

Felandria

2013-02-16, 12:02 PM

*If I enter a room that mysteriously contains a pond, and said pond contains an anthropomorphic black mallard, I should just leave.

Guizonde

2013-02-16, 04:25 PM

*banned alchemists because they aren't powerful enough
**if i'm to make an alchemist with the sole intent of breaking the world's economy by crafting potions, it's vetoed
***if that alchemist has ranks in bluff or multiclasses rogue specifically to rip off merchants, i'll get the following at me: rocks, bigger rocks, books, the merchant's guild, the town militia, tharizdun's army, iuze's army, aaaaaand a passing tarrasque
****banned alchemists, period.

from friday night:
*can't start an offshoot unorthodox church of pelor without divine repercussions
*the (fake) book of vile deeds won't eat me
*just because i'm a mortician doesn't mean i get to say "i see dead people" when undead roam about
*that thanatopractor's book is not made of babies' foreskins. it's not THAT evil.
*summoning undead for the sole purpose of killing them some more won't net me more XP (an alignment change, however...)
when facing an operating block with a corpse on it, can't allowed to put on sunglasses and say "the doctor is in the house!"
*from now on, the fourth wall is equipped with +5 spikes of "screw you, guizonde"
**not allowed to rip 'em off to beat undead with them.
*** not allowed to throw undead at the fourth wall
*if i kill the dm's homebrewed boss ghoul alone in one turn with just my mace, not allowed to say loudly "NEXT!"
*from now on, it's assumed i've rolled a 4 on my silent move checks.
*from now on, it's assumed i've rolled too much on my healing and cure checks
*just because i've got my ear to an iron door doesn't mean i'm listening to metal. especially thrash metal! if i say "i can hear reign in blood!", the dm will mock me relentlessly
**not allowed to headbang next to the door

DigoDragon

2013-02-18, 08:05 AM

If a player is absent, I'm no longer allowed to replace his empty seat with a bag of Lays chips.
Also not allowed to comment how much more popular that player became due to being "kettle cooked".
No longer allowed to nickname the dwarf gunslinger "Bacon" after she gets toasted by a flamethrower wielding thug.
No longer allowed to tempt fate with the phrase "I'll leave the flamethrower behind. I doubt I'll need that much fire."

Doxkid

2013-02-18, 08:50 AM

If a player is absent, I'm no longer allowed to replace his empty seat with a bag of Lays chips.

*If I recognize this reference correctly, I am especially disallowed from replacing him with a sack of potatoes.

**I may not use slight of hand to swap people in a room out for sacks of potatoes when we are tired of listening to someone talk.

toapat

2013-02-18, 10:40 AM

from friday night:
*can't start an offshoot unorthodox church of pelor Sunny without divine repercussions

Fixed that for you

vasharanpaladin

2013-02-18, 04:12 PM

No longer allowed to tempt fate with the phrase "I'll leave the flamethrower behind. I doubt I'll need that much fire."

In fact, if anyone ever utters this sentence it is to be considered blasphemy of the highest order. One can never have enough fire.

Reltzik

2013-02-19, 01:55 AM

So. When our group lewts, we just keep track of it on a group list. We divvy it up when we hit town, sell the rest, that's that. We never really keep track of who's carrying what.

On one trip to town, the DM says, "what, you looted 12 sets of scale male? ... how were you carrying it?"

"Uh... we're not sure... do you really want to stop the game while we work encumbrance?"

"No, that'd be silly. I'll let it slide for now. But we're going to have a talk about encumbrance soon."

Over dozens of sessions we'd have similar discussions. "200,000 sp? You do know that weighs 2 tons, right?" "Uh... well maybe we converted it to platinum somewhere?" "I'll let it slide, but we're going to have a talk about encumbrance soon."

Then, we hit environmental hazards. A storm. Hurricane force winds. A landslide. A tumble into a roiling river.

"Okay. In a moment I'm going to ask for swim checks. But first, let's talk about encumbrance."

* No longer allowed to carry 30 times my lift-over-head capacity.