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View Full Version : Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas



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Balmas
2012-10-09, 09:34 AM
Okay boys, confession time: I'm a munchkin. I enjoy imagining weird character ideas and then making them absurdly powerful. However, I do occasionally draw a line in the sand that I'll never cross. For example, Pun-Pun will never see the light of day.

But, that's not very fun, is it? What about those times that you want to make your DM suffer? Or perhaps you merely want to make those uppity PCs pay for splitting up.

All you need to do is pull this simple gourd from your bag of holding, point it at the target and say the command word for a torrent of endless hair-pulling, insanity-inducing bad ideas!

This is the fourth chamber for the decanter, the other three having overflowed. As we swam in the morass of crazy, we voted on a new location, and here we are!

[Any] Things I may no longer do while playing. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175909)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207015)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=228707)


Note: if you're going to use numbers, please keep the numbering in order. This means:
1) don't add sub-rules to previous numbers--people will think that number is the current one
2) look to make sure that the last post isn't a sub-rule to a previous number

I suggest using asterisks, though, as the first thread did.

Riverdance
2012-10-09, 09:42 AM
*When the DM pulls a mind swap on the entire party my wizard-in-a-fighter's body may not be more effective than the original fighter.

*If my rogue-in-a-paladin's body is more ethical than the paladin something is wrong.

Ksheep
2012-10-09, 10:16 AM
* I am not allowed to optimize the entire party
** If I do so, I cannot make everyone halflings
*** We do NOT represent the Lollipop guild

Malak'ai
2012-10-09, 10:22 AM
* I am not allowed to optimize the entire party
** If I do so, I cannot make everyone halflings
*** We do NOT represent the Lollipop guild

****The BBEG Sorceress is NOT the Wicked Witch of the West.
*****She will NOT melt if I cast 'create water' above her head.
******The Druid's animal companion taking a wizz on her leg is right out.
*******And NO, I cannot 'ride the flying monkeys'.

Silverbit
2012-10-09, 11:02 AM
*Gunpowder and fire elementals do not mix.
**Neither does sodium and water elementals.

*There is no NHS in this world.
**You may not found it.

Jane_Smith
2012-10-09, 11:07 AM
* Players are no longer allowed to cast color spray at allies.
** Or animal companions.
*** Or rationalize catching a building on fire with this spell by some paradox of events.
**** ESPECIALLY when allies and animal companion are inside said building.
***** And persuading the dm to let it happen.
****** Only to find out there was barrels of gunpowder inside the building and the dm is now cackling in glee.
******* They are also not allowed to blame the gun slinger in the party for placing those barrels there earlier when they helped him place said barrels that same morning.
******** Or just use color spray again at all.



* Players are not allowed to play half-centaur, half-golem, half-fiend halfling swashbuckling dread pirates.
** They are also not allowed to take underfoot fighting as a feat.
*** Or apply a permanent reduce person to themselves.
**** Or customize a rowboat to be a tiny sailing ship so it gets a size bonus to ac.
***** Then raid, and successfully plunger, an entire pirate cove.

Palegreenpants
2012-10-09, 11:20 AM
Things I will never make the mistake of letting my players to do again.

*I will never again let the battlemind wear a suit made of pillows to a royal wedding.

*I will never make super optimized characters for half my players.

*I will never again allow any members of the party to date Thayan witches.

Sith_Happens
2012-10-09, 12:21 PM
*******And NO, I cannot 'ride the flying monkeys'.

******** I cannot literally ride the flying monkeys either.:smallwink:
* My character may not successfully explain how the main quest-giver is actually the evil one and the BBEG just an innocent(-ish) victim if this was not meant to be the case.
** Knowledge(Psychology), Knowledge(Plot Holes), and Knowledge(Basic Understanding of Cause and Effect) are now all forbidden to me, as are their equivalents in other systems.


*I will never again allow any members of the party to date Thayan witches.

** Circle magic can "enhance" spells, and only spells.
*** No, just no.

Arcanist
2012-10-09, 12:47 PM
*I may no longer cast Epic Spells with a DC of 0
** Yes, even if that Epic spell conjures cupcakes

*Knowledge (System Mastery) never a class skill for me.
**Even if I am a Wizard.
***Especially if I am a Wizard.

Sith_Happens
2012-10-09, 01:05 PM
*I may no longer cast Epic Spells with a DC of 0
** Yes, even if that Epic spell conjures cupcakes

*** Even if the cupcakes are harmless.

toapat
2012-10-09, 01:16 PM
*** Even if the cupcakes are harmless.

**** Especially if it creates more then 13 cupcakes.
***** the cupcakes can be no larger then tiny in size

MrLemon
2012-10-09, 02:07 PM
**** Especially if it creates more then 13 cupcakes.
***** the cupcakes can be no larger then tiny in size
****** Not even when the party rogue keeps stealing all my sweetrolls

MidgetMarine
2012-10-09, 02:31 PM
*I may not convince a phasm to accompany the party
**Or convince that phasm to regularly transform into a fire giant
***OR use the fire giant/phasm as a mount
****OR Tie up said fire giant at local stables
*****OR sell said fire giant as bodyguard service.
******OR retire upon the profits of this business.

Blightedmarsh
2012-10-09, 02:31 PM
****** Not even when the party rogue keeps stealing all my sweetrolls
*******May not wright an exploding rune on said sweetroll in icing.

toapat
2012-10-09, 03:33 PM
*******May not wright an exploding rune on said sweetroll in icing.

********I will however bake the spell into the cake.
*********Eating said cake is highly advised, as explosive runes will not detonate on ingestion


*A manual of Bodily Health is to be read, not eaten
**Even if biting through it would be enough to increase your constitution
***Expecially if im a Barbarian and Illiterate

Rockphed
2012-10-09, 03:45 PM
**** If I do attempt to gain the benefits of a manual of health by eating it, I am not to force the party to accompany me on a quest for the perfect sauce.
***** The warm blood of my enemies is not the best sauce for eating my books.

Sith_Happens
2012-10-09, 05:35 PM
****** Not even when the party rogue keeps stealing all my sweetrolls

* I may not research the spell [Character name]'s Knee-Seeking Acid Arrow.
** The target of this spell does not have to make a fortitude save vs. becoming a town guard.

Dr Bwaa
2012-10-09, 05:36 PM
********I will however bake the spell into the cake.
*********Eating said cake is highly advised, as explosive runes will not detonate on ingestion

**********I will not donate my entrails for use in divinations after eating this cake, however.

*I will not convince the GM to let me buy a Decanter of Endless Flour.
**Not even though we're in the marketplace in the City of Brass and all the salespeople are Eefreeti.
***Not even if the NG cleric gets to buy a slave.
****Just no.

*If I am a NG cleric, I do not get to buy a slave at "fair market price" from an Eefreet "because I'm pretty".

saxavarius
2012-10-09, 05:38 PM
* I cannot exclusively drink the blood of my enemies
**Strawberry Yoo-Hoos are also not alowed
***A Bloody Mary doesn't contain actual blood

toapat
2012-10-09, 05:49 PM
* I cannot exclusively drink the blood of my enemies
**Strawberry Yoo-Hoos are also not aloud
***A Bloody Mary doesn't contain actual blood

****Alevera rubbed on the neck is not treatment for getting shot in the foot

Doxkid
2012-10-09, 05:49 PM
*It should not contain Mary either.

**There are no recreational uses for Flesh to Stone.

***Do NOT steal the necromancer's horse.

****Weaponized fruit is a privilege, not a right.

*****The Healer who wields bananas should not do more damage per round than the rest of the party combined.

******I lose my right to have bananas (IRL and In game) if any character I play has any resemblance to Soraka.

*******A banana that throws healers is right out.

********The DM trusted me to not build pink haired wild-men who can swallow enemies whole. I shouldn't abuse that trust.

Doorhandle
2012-10-09, 05:49 PM
***** Then raid, and successfully plunger, an entire pirate cove.

*Not to ask how one can PLUNGER a pirate cove.

:smallbiggrin:

toapat
2012-10-09, 06:54 PM
* I may not research the spell [Character name]'s Knee-Seeking Acid Arrow.
** The target of this spell does not have to make a fortitude save vs. becoming a town guard.

***There is no fortitude save against becoming a town guard
****Anyone struck with Knee Seeking Arrow gains it as an at will Spell Like Ability

The Second
2012-10-09, 07:01 PM
If, while my bard is 'entertaining' the dukes consort, the duke enters the room, he WILL autofail all of his diplomacy checks.

The duke also gets a +20 circumstance bonus to his will saves versus my Suggestions.

I WILL accept the fact that I am royally screwed, pun intended.

Riverdance
2012-10-09, 07:03 PM
*snip*

****Weaponized fruit is a privilege, not a right.

*****The Healer who wields bananas should not do more damage per round than the rest of the party combined.

******I lose my right to have bananas (IRL and In game) if any character I play has any resemblance to Soraka.

*******A banana that throws healers is right out.


*snip*

*****Even if it would be something completely different.
******I am not to complain when the person I run at with a banana pulls out a pistol and shoots me.
*******All NPCs are now trained in how to defend against being attacked with fruit.

Monty Python anyone?

newBlazingAngel
2012-10-09, 07:06 PM
*I am to stop basing my characters off of...
The sound of music
Disney films
Music videos
"This one anime I saw"
The 90's in general.
"This one fanfiction I read"
Any of my own, personal heroes
Batman
Andre the Giant

enderlord99
2012-10-09, 08:40 PM
* I may not research the spell [Character name]'s Knee-Seeking Acid Arrow.
** The target of this spell does not have to make a fortitude save vs. becoming a town guard.

***If the spell existed, which it doesn't, the save would be will... not fortitude.

toapat
2012-10-09, 09:37 PM
***If the spell existed, which it doesn't, the save would be will... not fortitude.

****That assumes there would be a save, and not a propagation effect

Incom
2012-10-09, 10:24 PM
*The paladin in obvious holy armor may not attempt to bluff his way through the guards guarding the demon summoning

Arcanist
2012-10-09, 10:29 PM
****That assumes there would be a save, and not a propagation effect

*****Assuming that there is a save, whenever the spell is casted on me I automatically fail the save and Die.
******Upon such death all contingencies fail
*******Yes, even that one
********Especially that one

Erik Vale
2012-10-09, 10:37 PM
*My Warlock may not have more options available to him then a wizard.
**Or have more spells than a wizard.
***Homebrew has been destroyed.
****A new player has been voted the party Wizard.
*****I nolonger have access to UMD or Magic.
******No matter whatever role play I perform in game.
*******No more extraordinary abilities.
********My leadership rights have been banned, It will take a year and a day of good roleplay to regain them.
*********I will not point out that I am the only one that has and does use it responsibly.
**********I am now a permanent level 1 commoner follower of a randomly detirmined party member.

Morithias
2012-10-09, 10:41 PM
**********I am now a permanent level 1 commoner follower of a randomly detirmined party member.
*********** No more chicken infested.

toapat
2012-10-09, 10:47 PM
*********** No more chicken infested.

************I am now forced to take levels in the UA generic Spellcaster class.
*************Said spellcaster can not have a mental score above 3

Arcanist
2012-10-09, 10:51 PM
************I am now forced to take levels in the UA generic Spellcaster class.
*************Said spellcaster can not have a mental score above 3

**************Said Spellcaster cannot be a Venerable Dragonwrought Kobold
***************A Stat increasing item is out of the question
****************Asking for a Book to increase stats is just flat out No

*I may not Wish to re-roll my stats, despite clearly being able to do so at the start of the game

Balmas
2012-10-09, 10:57 PM
*In every town, there is a town guard.
**In ever town guard, there is at least one epic level druid, one epic level wizard, and one epic level barbarian equipped with an antimagic sphere.
***I will remember that the next time I go on a maniacal rampage through the center of town.

Techwarrior
2012-10-09, 11:03 PM
I may not have a Contingent Resurrection set on the BBEG to raise him two days after death.
Especially if it would be in character.

Rockphed
2012-10-09, 11:13 PM
*It should not contain Mary either.
*****The Healer who wields bananas should not do more damage per round than the rest of the party combined.

****** If the party is fighting undead he is only allowed to match the rest of the party.


*The paladin in obvious holy armor may not attempt to bluff his way through the guards guarding the demon summoning

** He especially cannot bluff his way past the guards by claiming to be a seller of holy books.
*** He cannot aggressively try to convince the guards he is lying by purposefully failing bluff checks while speaking the truth.
** When he finally gets to the summoning just as a demon arrives, he is not allowed to try converting it to his religion.
*** Attempts to convert the cultists are also forbidden.

Jane_Smith
2012-10-09, 11:42 PM
* The Chaotic Neutral Tiefling Sorceress with 3 Fiendish Heritage feats should not be better at doing good acts then the Lawful Good Aasimar Paladin.

** That paladin should also not get to keep his abilities after deciding to keep a mans severed leg as a improvised club and using it as a tool to intimidate a surrendered enemy.

*** OR when the paladin breaks a promise to allow the man to live and shoots him in the back of the head as he attempts to escape, and then keeps his arm so he can duel wield human limbs.

**** Yes, the tiefling is allowed to kill the paladin at this point and become Chaotic Good.



* One may not begin a match of league of legends, highlander, as urgot with a dorans ring and be considered serious.

** They may also not complain how there lane opponent, shaco, has been so nerfed and is completely useless and boast how easily they will win there lane.

*** They may not later begin to complain how overpowered shaco is after going 0/11 against that shaco, thats ap, while stacking armor and dorans blades.

**** They will be reported even if it was a premade 3v3 when they act like a jerk and ragequit.

***** And yes, it does make you seem more stupid, not less, when you claim you have had 32 beers that day and you were not playing at your full capacity.

Ksheep
2012-10-09, 11:44 PM
* I may not cast a Permanenced Contingency Maximized Empowered Fireball to go off on my location when I die.
** I may not do this multiple times, with the area where the fireballs are to be fired staggered to cover all spots within a 800 foot radius of my body.
*** I may not proceed to teleport myself into the center of the enemy stronghold while completely unarmored shortly after slitting my own wrists.
**** I may not then complain when half the enemies survived because they are rogues.

Deathkeeper
2012-10-09, 11:53 PM
*My familiar can't make Diplomacy checks by looking cute to make up for when I roll a 2 on Diplomacy
**Even if he rolls a natural 20 when the DC is only 10
***He may also not make heal checks by beating the person's chest with his wings
*If the dwarf rolls a Fortitude save to stay conscious during a drinking contest and rolls two natural 20s in a row, he may not tell everyone he's the chosen hero of Cayden Cailean.
**Even if he beat a cloud giant in said drinking contest
*the verbal components of Holy Smite are not screaming Holy Smite! as loud as possible.
*The command phrase for Ring of the Ram is not "fus ro dah"

Sith_Happens
2012-10-10, 01:08 AM
If, while my bard is 'entertaining' the dukes consort, the duke enters the room, he WILL autofail all of his diplomacy checks.

The duke also gets a +20 circumstance bonus to his will saves versus my Suggestions.

I WILL accept the fact that I am royally screwed, pun intended.

* I may not attempt to get out of this situation by becoming even more royally screwed, pun intended.
** "What, aren't you into that kind of thing?" is not a valid Suggestion.

Blightedmarsh
2012-10-10, 02:07 AM
*There is no Badass PrC
**Even if there where I may not take a level in it
**I can not make a stunning fit attack refluffed as a headbutt
**Chuck Noris is not a valid animal companion
**It dose not allow me to duel wield bladed numchucks
***there is no such thing as bladed numchucks

**It does not grant favored enemy (people who annoy me)
***Favored enemy (the world) Is right out.

**It does not grant summon (The pain) As a spell like ability
**Nor does it grant polymorph self (Ninja Dent) as its capstone ability.

Socratov
2012-10-10, 03:12 AM
*I may not play an awakened worm with way too much WBL and Perform(Sarcasm), Perform(one-liner), Profession(Worm of fortune) or Knowledge(Irony)
**neither may I ever have ranks in UMD
*No there is no Holy handgrenade
**No there is no Relic of Antioch
***I shalt not count to 3
**No I may not craft one
***Even if I do, which i obviously don't, it's command phrase is not "1..2..5"
***I may not have leadership with a follower named Brother Maynard
*I may not reference Monty Python, on pain of immedeate rocks falling
*I may not play videogames within a timeframe of 8 hours when making a character
*I must contain myself to a sensory deprivation tank before starting to make a character.

Blightedmarsh
2012-10-10, 05:22 AM
**May not base a character off of the hallucinations caused by sensory deprivation.

TuggyNE
2012-10-10, 05:55 AM
**May not base a character off of the hallucinations caused by sensory deprivation.

*** May not base a character off of the hallucinations caused by sleep deprivation.
**** May not base a character off of hallucinations, period.
***** Not even the interesting ones.

Kelb_Panthera
2012-10-10, 06:16 AM
*** May not base a character off of the hallucinations caused by sleep deprivation.
**** May not base a character off of hallucinations, period.
***** Not even the interesting ones.

******Unless I'm the DM and I'm sending the players to Dal-quor, Xoriat, or the Far Realms. Then hallucination based characters are encouraged.

Socratov
2012-10-10, 06:30 AM
******Unless I'm the DM and I'm sending the players to Dal-quor, Xoriat, or the Far Realms. Then hallucination based characters are encouraged.

******Provided they are not called Lucy

eulmanis12
2012-10-10, 08:45 AM
* while it is perfectly acceptable for me to name my weapon, I may not call my 5 and a half foot sword of fire and Ice "Mr. Pointy"

**My ranger that fights with a longbow may not do a called shot (knee)
***this does not make the target into a town guard
****Shooting myself in the knee does not instantly cause me to join the town guard

*my rogue may not spend all his time stealing sweet rolls
** nor may he steal Swee Trolls

* I may not create a wizard capable of benching both the party's barbarians at the same time

* I may not join a college of majic without any majical ability beyond yelling people to death.

* If a town is deserted except for guards and one or two unkillable NPCs I may not consider this a success

* I may not duel wield shields and rely entirely on shield bashes for my damage output

* placing a cauldron over someone's head does not render them incapable of detecing me

* I may not question the fact that there are ancient burial sites RIGHT FRIGGIN NEXT TO THE TOWN! NOT EVEN TEN FEET AWAY AND NOBODY HAS EVER EXPLORED THEM IN THE SEVERAL THOUSAND YEARS THAT THEY SAT THERE!!!!

*Dragon is not the key ingrediant in any local cuisine

*I may not season food with money

*If I use a glitch to kill the BBEG right at the end of the starter dungeon I may no longer play the game.

* My character's name is not
-Leroy Jenkins
-THE GAME
-Kilroy McDeathenator
-Bob the Breaker
-Chml'thlgggpnnnch'chlch
-Nobody, (Nothing, Nemo, Sombody Else, and Guy Over There are also unacceptable
**Our party may not consist of people with names entirely from that list.

*My battle cry is not
-GOOD FOR THE GOOD GOD
-FOR THE LULZ
-WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
-BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
-FOR NO REASON IN PARTICULAR
-BECAUSE I CAN

*My character may be fluent in only one language, however this language may not be
-Uncommon
-Dragon
-Braile
-Morse Code
-Lojiban
-C'thullu

*If DMing a campaign set in the real world I must remember that just having a character that speaks a foreign language does not mean that the person speaks that language.
Example. Bob's character knows spanish, Bob does not. Thus I may not when speaking for an NPC say "?Donde estan los armas para nosotros?" and not tell bob what it means, then expect him to respond in character. (this happened, I didn't know that bob did not speak spanish and was trying to add a level of realisim to the game)

toapat
2012-10-10, 09:11 AM
* I may not duel wield shields and rely entirely on shield bashes for my damage output

**I will Duel Wield shields, along with a pair of Animated Shields, in Mountain Plate. I will do it effectively

Ksheep
2012-10-10, 09:18 AM
* Power Word (Kill) is NOT the word that the Knights of Ni cannot hear.
** Nor is Power Word (Stun) or Power Word (Blind)
*** None of the Power Words are common words in Common
**** Or any language, for that matter
***** Power Word (Kill) is now Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch, and I must actually speak it and pronounce it correctly if I want to cast it.

Balmas
2012-10-10, 10:11 AM
**I will Duel Wield shields, along with a pair of Animated Shields, in Mountain Plate. I will do it effectively

***I will take the Ironclad prestige class so I actually get the shield bonuses to my armor and touch class.
****I will not plead for Multiweapon fighting to be able to use all four shields at once.

Doxkid
2012-10-10, 10:21 AM
*The DM CAN revoke my gender and WILL if I keep up these shenanigans.

Dr Bwaa
2012-10-10, 10:31 AM
* while it is perfectly acceptable for me to name my weapon, I may not call my 5 and a half foot sword of fire and Ice "Mr. Pointy"

** I may, however, use this name for any Masterwork- or better- quality wooden stake.

Arbane
2012-10-10, 11:27 AM
*In every town, there is a town guard.
**In ever town guard, there is at least one epic level druid, one epic level wizard, and one epic level barbarian equipped with an antimagic sphere.
***I will remember that the next time I go on a maniacal rampage through the center of town.

**** Complaints that the uberNPCs could finish whatever trivial quest we're on in less than a minute shall be restricted to once per session.

Morithias
2012-10-10, 11:34 AM
* I am not allowed to redeem the big bad by sleeping with him.
** No not even if I have 5 levels in Silverhaired Knight.

(No I'm not even kidding, at level 5 they get the ability "consume sins" which just requires you to maintain physical contact for a number of minutes equal to the target's HD. Given how long sex lasts, it's entirely plausible for you to redeem the big bad by sleeping with him)

Rockphed
2012-10-10, 11:39 AM
**** Uber-NPCs do not follow our actions via scrying just to laugh at our failure.

Hyena
2012-10-10, 11:58 AM
* My character can complain about seeing bad dreams every night, but said dreams can't include being forced to travel by train without possibility to leave, stop or change direction of the rails.

Thump
2012-10-10, 12:22 PM
*I may no longer try to lick the random pillar of holy light.
**Especially when it burns my tongue almost clean off.
***This goes triply so when it turns out to be a planetar.
****Which proceeds to smite me.

MidgetMarine
2012-10-10, 12:29 PM
*The Leadership feat is not an adequate replacement for buying rations.
**Nor is the elven bard.

Malak'ai
2012-10-10, 12:32 PM
*My character may not taunt the BBEG's pet Minotaur Barbarian with a red handkerchief.
**Calling him 'an over grown milk cow' or a 'walking T-bone' is not allowed either.
***He may not proceed to fight the Minotaur Barbarian 'Matador Styles'.
****I may not then complain when I get gored six ways from Sunday.
*****Doing this while the DM just stares at me like a deer in the headlights because I survive is right out.

*My light Scout Mech is no longer allowed to be armed with the equivilant of two small sub-machine guns.
**Especially if this makes room for a stadium grade sound system.
***Playing 'Run for the Hills' by Iron Maiden though said sound system when I get detected is a no.
****Hiding behind the Super-Heavy Mech that looks more like a walking weapons cache while playing 'Die, Die My Darling' by Metallica when what ever detected me finally catches up is certainly not allowed.
*****Bringing a walkman and speakers to actually be able to play those songs at the table will result in books being thrown at me.

Sgt. Cookie
2012-10-10, 01:22 PM
*My Werewolf Cleric was NOT given the following instructions:
"First of all, you will eat all the bodies."
"The Second step is to swallow all creation."


For those that don't get it, and I really only expect French Metalers to get it, it's a reference to Wolf Down the Earth (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyh3eOg-YpA) by Gojira, a French heavy metal band.

Kalrany
2012-10-10, 02:08 PM
*My character may not taunt the BBEG's pet Minotaur Barbarian with a red handkerchief.
**Calling him 'an over grown milk cow' or a 'walking T-bone' is not allowed either.
***He may not proceed to fight the Minotaur Barbarian 'Matador Styles'.
****I may not then complain when I get gored six ways from Sunday.
*****Doing this while the DM just stares at me like a deer in the headlights because I survive is right out...

I must have an odd DM. This would result in much laughter and extra XP for thinking obliquely and with style. Of course, this is the same person who get’s giddy when we can outthink the baddies. And loves the theatrical engagement.

* When the rogue takes on the master thief mano-a-mano Jackie Chan style, the appropriate response is to start the popcorn and relax, but no meta allowed. This includes shouting suggestions from the sidelines when you are required to be otherwise occupied.

** Clapping when the rogue wins after 30+ rounds is acceptable, however. (Seriously, we lost count between the serving tray discus attack and the chandelier dive to the ledge of the second story window. I am not exaggerating.)

Metahuman1
2012-10-10, 02:32 PM
* I am not allowed to redeem the big bad by sleeping with him.
** No not even if I have 5 levels in Silverhaired Knight.

(No I'm not even kidding, at level 5 they get the ability "consume sins" which just requires you to maintain physical contact for a number of minutes equal to the target's HD. Given how long sex lasts, it's entirely plausible for you to redeem the big bad by sleeping with him)

I must have book and page number!!!!!! Please!

toapat
2012-10-10, 02:41 PM
I must have book and page number!!!!!! Please!

Dragon 315, P28


and yes, they do have Perform (Sexual Acts) as a class skill

byaku rai
2012-10-10, 04:45 PM
As a DM:

*I should determine ahead of time what sort of party the players want to play.

*Failing that, I should at least make clear what sort of characters will work best in the (homebrewed) setting.

*Not to be disappointed when I get a group of well-thought-out, excellently roleplayed characters instead of the murderhobos I tailored the setting for.

*Not to keep the combat encounters the same despite a somewhat lower level of combat competence than they were designed for. >.> No matter how tempting it may be.

*Not to get disappointed when they try to talk their way through /every/ /single/ /encounter/, including the ones with dumb (in the literal sense of the word) beasts.

Riverdance
2012-10-10, 04:54 PM
*I may not play an awakened worm with way too much WBL and Perform(Sarcasm), Perform(one-liner), Profession(Worm of fortune) or Knowledge(Irony)


**I may not play an awakened worm at all, or anything else that nobody in the group can say with a straight face.


* while it is perfectly acceptable for me to name my weapon, I may not call my 5 and a half foot sword of fire and Ice "Mr. Pointy"

**"Jesus" is right out.


*Dragon is not the key ingrediant in any local cuisine

**Neither is Gnome, Halfling, Elf, or Kender.
***No, not even if I take Profession(Chef) and invent the dish myself
****Even if I do try to eat Kender they are rumored to be chewy like bouncy balls.


* My character's name is not
-Leroy Jenkins
-THE GAME
-Kilroy McDeathenator
-Bob the Breaker
-Chml'thlgggpnnnch'chlch
-Nobody, (Nothing, Nemo, Sombody Else, and Guy Over There are also unacceptable
**Our party may not consist of people with names entirely from that list.

**My Barbarian's name is not "Plair Karkter"
***Nor is it "Nohn-Plair Karkter"
**My Gnome's name is not "Donjin Meister"


**I am to refer to the power gamer's Gladiator by the name he almost forgot to give it and not "Minimus-Maximus"
***The more blatant "Optimus Munchkin" is right out.

Erik Vale
2012-10-10, 05:11 PM
* Power Word (Kill) is NOT the word that the Knights of Ni cannot hear.
** Nor is Power Word (Stun) or Power Word (Blind)
*** None of the Power Words are common words in Common
**** Or any language, for that matter
***** Power Word (Kill) is now Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch, and I must actually speak it and pronounce it correctly if I want to cast it.

****** All the powerwords are now the chemical name of Titan, broken up with prayers, no drinks of water, and the effect I want to cause. A single mispronounciation will result in my death.
******* There are now no breathing breaks.
******** There are no magical recorders.


**** Uber-NPCs do not follow our actions via scrying just to laugh at our failure.

***** Because that's gods job.
****** Who has now gotton bored and stopped watching, and so won't save the world.


QUOTE=Morithias;14027491]* I am not allowed to redeem the big bad by sleeping with him.
** No not even if I have 5 levels in Silverhaired Knight.

(No I'm not even kidding, at level 5 they get the ability "consume sins" which just requires you to maintain physical contact for a number of minutes equal to the target's HD. Given how long sex lasts, it's entirely plausible for you to redeem the big bad by sleeping with him)[/QUOTE]

Wow...

Malak'ai
2012-10-10, 08:41 PM
I must have an odd DM. This would result in much laughter and extra XP for thinking obliquely and with style. Of course, this is the same person who get’s giddy when we can outthink the baddies. And loves the theatrical engagement.

* When the rogue takes on the master thief mano-a-mano Jackie Chan style, the appropriate response is to start the popcorn and relax, but no meta allowed. This includes shouting suggestions from the sidelines when you are required to be otherwise occupied.

** Clapping when the rogue wins after 30+ rounds is acceptable, however. (Seriously, we lost count between the serving tray discus attack and the chandelier dive to the ledge of the second story window. I am not exaggerating.)

The DM was laughing so hard he cried, it was when the others in the group started acting as rodeo clowns when it finally caught me that he started thinking we were going a little too far :smalltongue:.

Silus
2012-10-11, 02:12 AM
I may not cast True Resurrection on the BBEG's Dragon Scale armor.
I also may not cast Cure Blindness on an Eye of Grummish.

(Thanks TV Tropes =D)

Krazzman
2012-10-11, 04:38 AM
**Neither is Gnome, Halfling, Elf, or Kender.
***No, not even if I take Profession(Chef) and invent the dish myself
****Even if I do try to eat Kender they are rumored to be chewy like bouncy balls.

***** The only exception to this is the Gnome in the Beholder-cuisine which is know for their recipes mostly consisting of raw flesh.
****** NO I may not try to teach a beholder any Cooking related skill.

Fayd
2012-10-11, 08:43 AM
Yelling "SUCK BOLT V LIZARD" at an adult black dragon is generally a bad idea.

Doxkid
2012-10-11, 09:51 AM
*You only get to wink and smile at someone ONCE per session. Make it count.
**...Alright, I guess I'm to blame for that last one.
***From now on your charisma cannot be above 8. With or without boosts.
****Know what? All NPC are assumed to have heard about your exploits. Expect the child support demands to start flocking in.

toapat
2012-10-11, 10:11 AM
****Know what? All NPC are assumed to have heard about your exploits. Expect the child support demands to start flocking in.

*****You are not to ask how you have kids when your character is a lesbian.
******Even less so if she is an elf

Malak'ai
2012-10-11, 10:20 AM
*My character cannot distract the enemy spellcaster by sneezing in his face.
**Blowing my nose on the hem of his robe is just asking for it.
***Blaming his bad cologne gets hot coffee poured on my lap.
****I may not play characters with allergies again.

Doxkid
2012-10-11, 10:34 AM
*"...but it'll be fine because I can outrun them..." should not be the main reason behind your alignment. I dont care what that alignment is, you just got it veto'd.

** No hunting Hi-Op casters as a mundane, just to prove you can.

***Seriously, the Wizard is crying.

****You are no longer allowed to play Monks, Commoners or Warriors. Just...just sit in a corner and think about what you've done.

Techwarrior
2012-10-11, 10:35 AM
I am not allowed to retire and then play one of my many children who wants to grow up to be just like his daddy.

Riverdance
2012-10-11, 11:33 AM
* I am to cease and desist of setting my housecat on commoners.
**Even if they set theirs on me.
***I am not to first dip the cat's claws in hot sauce.
****Acid is right out.
*****My housecat privileges can and will be revoked if I continue with my shenanigans.

BootStrapTommy
2012-10-11, 03:15 PM
** No hunting Hi-Op casters as a mundane, just to prove you can.

The way we play, this is almost a requirement.

*I am no longer allowed to use prestidigitation to do anything I decide that its vague language will allow.
**I'm no longer allowed to EVEN brainstorm on the things I could get away with with prestidigitation.

Elemental
2012-10-12, 04:41 AM
* I may not create a portal that leads from the Elemental Plane of Water to a spot near to the Sun such that the aforementioned Plane that contains an infinite quantity of water drains onto the Sun.
** If this is your plan to kill everything, then good work because it will succeed eventually. Just... You know... Not how you think.
*** Also, the Sun God will try and kill you.

Riverdance
2012-10-12, 06:56 AM
**No portals from the plane of water to the plane of fire either. Salamanders don't appreciate that.
***Not to mention the efrits.

TheRedWidow
2012-10-12, 12:17 PM
* I will not offer my gay vulture as a gift to the tengu in an attempt to get on their airship

Rockphed
2012-10-12, 12:27 PM
* I will not offer my gay vulture as a gift to the tengu in an attempt to get on their airship

Dare I ask about the story behind this?

Venusaur
2012-10-12, 05:38 PM
*My character may not taunt the BBEG's pet Minotaur Barbarian with a red handkerchief.
**Calling him 'an over grown milk cow' or a 'walking T-bone' is not allowed either.
***He may not proceed to fight the Minotaur Barbarian 'Matador Styles'.
****I may not then complain when I get gored six ways from Sunday.
*****Doing this while the DM just stares at me like a deer in the headlights because I survive is right out.

****** Not allowed to try and "milk those".

Riverdance
2012-10-12, 06:47 PM
Dare I ask about the story behind this?

Seconded.


* I will not offer my gay vulture as a gift to the tengu in an attempt to get on their airship

**My familiars may never have a defined sexual orientation.

Reltzik
2012-10-12, 06:53 PM
* DnD (or a similar game like Pathfinder) and Paranoia do not mix.
** If they were to mix, the decision to mix them would be made by the DM, not a player like me.
*** Especially not a player like me.

Kelb_Panthera
2012-10-12, 07:44 PM
* DnD (or a similar game like Pathfinder) and Paranoia do not mix.
** If they were to mix, the decision to mix them would be made by the DM, not a player like me.
*** Especially not a player like me.

**** If, however, the DM does decide to make that particular blend, I will do my best to not -completely- screw the rest of the party until the final session. (No guarantees though.)

Techwarrior
2012-10-12, 07:54 PM
How do you manage a Paranoia game that survives an entire session? Hell we play Paranoia planning to only go one night at this point.

toapat
2012-10-12, 08:24 PM
How do you manage a Paranoia game that survives an entire session? Hell we play Paranoia planning to only go one night at this point.

I thought the intended TPK time of a Paranoia game was 10 minutes before you get to the front door of the first quest's hideout

Kelb_Panthera
2012-10-12, 08:28 PM
How do you manage a Paranoia game that survives an entire session? Hell we play Paranoia planning to only go one night at this point.

A) First and Last are not mutually exclusive terms.

B) It's possible but the role-playing requirements are HEAVY. You have to go in with a seriously machiavellian mind-set and an eye toward keeping your pawns (read; the other pc's) alive so you can continue to make use of them.

Finding an entire group that's even capable of having the right mindset and roleplaying chops is probably more difficult than keeping the game together once you do.

NikitaDarkstar
2012-10-12, 10:30 PM
* I am not allowed to play natural lychantropes anymore.
* I am not allowed to play barbarians anymore.
* I am most certainly not allowed to play werewolf barbarians anymore.
** Especially not with the Lesser Animal Totem rage power.
*** Soloing a CR 4 encounter as an ECL 3 character is just bad form.

Balmas
2012-10-12, 10:46 PM
* I am not allowed to play natural lychantropes anymore.
* I am not allowed to play barbarians anymore.
* I am most certainly not allowed to play werewolf barbarians anymore.
** Especially not with the Lesser Animal Totem rage power.
*** Soloing a CR 4 encounter as an ECL 3 character is just bad form.
****Soloing the tarrasque at level eighteen is just showing off.
****I shall remember that while my barbarian can deal out the damage like nobody's business, he can't take what he gives.
*****The DM can minmax too.

toapat
2012-10-12, 10:51 PM
****Soloing the tarrasque at level eighteen is just showing off.

*****Soloing the Tarrasque at anything over third level is considered polite to the DM
******I will not respond immediately with a Half-Platnium Vow of Poverty Paragon Pseudonatural Tarrasque

Doxkid
2012-10-12, 10:57 PM
* "If I can catch it, I can kill it" should neither be accurate nor easy. Please consider the DM when you prove you can indeed catch and kill anything; he has feelings too and I'm sure he put a lot of work into that monster with more templates than you have character levels.

NikitaDarkstar
2012-10-12, 11:09 PM
****I shall remember that while my barbarian can deal out the damage like nobody's business, he can't take what he gives.

***** Unless we're playing pathfinder and archetypes are in play, some of them are very, very scary.



* "If I can catch it, I can kill it" should neither be accurate nor easy. Please consider the DM when you prove you can indeed catch and kill anything; he has feelings too and I'm sure he put a lot of work into that monster with more templates than you have character levels.
** Killing it without actually catching it is rude.
*** Yes, even if you are a wizard.
**** Especially if you are a wizard.

toapat
2012-10-13, 09:17 AM
* "If I can catch it, I can kill it" should neither be accurate nor easy. Please consider the DM when you prove you can indeed catch and kill anything; he has feelings too and I'm sure he put a lot of work into that monster with more templates than you have character levels.

just a quick note: Half-Platnium, Paragon, (MotP) Pseudonatural Tarrasque is simply fixing most of his weaknesses. the topic that came from has him getting 15ish templates along with Vow of Poverty, giving him enough power to trounce most printed enemies

Riverdance
2012-10-13, 09:55 AM
How do you manage a Paranoia game that survives an entire session? Hell we play Paranoia planning to only go one night at this point.

*If I choose to run any length paranoia-based game it is to be played in broad daylight and all players are to be presented with a lollipop and a teddy bear before they go home.
**Prank calling that night will get me kicked out of the group.
***Even if I am the DM.

TheRedWidow
2012-10-13, 05:11 PM
Dare I ask about the story behind this?

It was one of my players who did this, and its really pretty much what it says. The ranger, in an attempt to get on an airship, tried to convince the tengu that the military had ordered him to give them his vulture. Who, as a running gag, is gay.

Doorhandle
2012-10-13, 06:19 PM
*My character's life-goal needs to be slightly more developed than "irrepressible desire to to consume the gods with barbecue sauce"

Metahuman1
2012-10-13, 06:28 PM
*My character's life-goal needs to be slightly more developed than "irrepressible desire to to consume the gods with barbecue sauce"

**Declaring, after doing so, that there "Puny" in terms of there "God Flavor." is not more developed.

NikitaDarkstar
2012-10-13, 06:45 PM
**Declaring, after doing so, that there "Puny" in terms of there "God Flavor." is not more developed.
*** Neither is asking for ketchup.

toapat
2012-10-13, 07:14 PM
*** Neither is asking for ketchup.

****If the Color Green is related at all to the character's concept, armor, or anything, then a shield shall zoom out of stage right and perform a lobotomy on the character

Dimers
2012-10-13, 09:36 PM
**** If I do attempt to gain the benefits of a manual of health by eating it, I am not to force the party to accompany me on a quest for the perfect sauce.
***** The warm blood of my enemies is not the best sauce for eating my books.

****** Nor is green slime, nor quintessence. Nectar of the gods will be considered on a case-by-case basis.
******* Unless the gods in the campaign setting are all evil, in which case NO.

Sith_Happens
2012-10-13, 10:15 PM
* The verbal component for Time Stop is not "Chaos control!"
** It is not "Za warudo!" either.
** Unless I'm playing a Sublime Chord, it is not the Reverse Song of Time either.
** "TIID KLO UL!" is right out.

Reltzik
2012-10-14, 01:17 AM
* I may no longer provide the following snacks at a Paranoia game: MnMs, Skittles, Starbursts, Jolly Ranchers, Jelly Beans, or multi-colored jawbreakers.
** Any writing materials or dice provided must be some mixture of gray, red, or black.
*** If I break either of the above rules, I may not then tattle to Friend Computer about my "teammates'" color violations.


* Even if I AM on Friend-Computer-prescribed hallucinogenics, I cannot taste magenta, and when asked how I know what magenta is, I need a better answer than "It's red... AND violet.... AT THE SAME TIME! Whooooooooaaah."
** I am not to attempt to taste what a faulty (er, sabotaged-by-traitors) device taste likes.
*** If my drugged antics result in my "teammates" spending so much time trying to save me from myself that they stop trying to kill me, I'm playing the game wrong. (Or maybe very, very right.)
**** Hallucinogenics do not make me sing.
***** I never had, and never will have, the clearance to sing "I'm blue, da-ba-dee da-ba-dye."
****** Ditto for "It's not easy being green."
******* Apparently, I AM coming up on infrared.
******** My clearance level is no longer color-coded.
********* No, I do not get to make up the name my new clearance level.
********** Henceforth, all hallucinogenics are beyond my clearance level.

Reltzik
2012-10-14, 01:29 AM
Addendum:

* Evidence that I have embraced a meta-strategy of making all negative status ailments and debuffs applied to me so irritating via role-playing that the GM declines to apply them to me in the future, will result in instant character death.
** No, I do NOT get last words.

Kurald Galain
2012-10-14, 06:33 AM
* The verbal component for Time Stop is not "Chaos control!"
** It is not "Za warudo!" either.
** Unless I'm playing a Sublime Chord, it is not the Reverse Song of Time either.
** "TIID KLO UL!" is right out.

How about An Tym? :smalltongue:

BootStrapTommy
2012-10-14, 11:34 AM
*****Soloing the Tarrasque at anything over third level is considered polite to the DM
******I will not respond immediately with a Half-Platnium Vow of Poverty Paragon Pseudonatural Tarrasque

******Or simply a Phase-Tarrasque, who disappears only to return much later fully healed to catch the party flat footed.

Guran
2012-10-14, 11:37 AM
*I will never again remind the DM he has been unable to do me any damage in the current dungeon.*

toapat
2012-10-14, 11:51 AM
******Or simply a Phase-Tarrasque, who disappears only to return much later fully healed to catch the party flat footed.

*******except that doesnt fix anything.
********It also lacks the storytelling potential of a Colonydrop via God-Tarrasque

vasharanpaladin
2012-10-14, 12:10 PM
*Any and all references to any video game, anime, and/or miscellaneous work of fiction are punishable by immolation.
**This goes double for anime that is not Dragon Ball Z, Bleach, or Naruto, because apparently other series don't exist.
***Triple for One Piece.
****Elder Scrolls is exempt due to pissing me off. :smallfurious:

toapat
2012-10-14, 12:19 PM
*Any and all references to any video game, anime, and/or miscellaneous work of fiction are punishable by immolation.
**This goes double for anime that is not Dragon Ball Z, Bleach, or Naruto, because apparently other series don't exist.
***Triple for One Piece.
****Elder Scrolls is exempt due to pissing me off. :smallfurious:

****Because not everyone likes Anime, and some people find it impossible to watch because of the animation

*****Play Skyrim, it has good (ignoring the terrible pacing) writing, and gameplay that flows. people have compiled Thousand+ page tomes of the ingame books.

Callista
2012-10-14, 12:36 PM
*****Soloing the Tarrasque at anything over third level is considered polite to the DM
******I will not respond immediately with a Half-Platnium Vow of Poverty Paragon Pseudonatural TarrasqueIf I am ever faced with a Half-Platinum Vow of Poverty Paragon Pseudonatural Tarrasque, I will not use my Diplomacy skill to turn it into an ally by making the point that, because it is now strongly Good-aligned, it would naturally prefer not to kill my Paladin character and her Good-aligned buddies and would at the very least stop and negotiate before biting us in half.

Also, when offering large amounts of livestock to the Tarrasque, it is necessary to actually own the livestock in question.

Deathkeeper
2012-10-14, 12:49 PM
*I will never again remind the DM he has been unable to do me any damage in the current dungeon.*

*I will never again remind the DM that neither the Paladin nor her polar bear mount have taken damage the entire session

enderlord99
2012-10-14, 01:07 PM
*I may not contradict people.
**This includes myself.
***No it doesn't!

:smallamused:

Techwarrior
2012-10-14, 01:56 PM
I may no longer point out to the DM that my character, the last one standing, has taken no damage the entire campaign.

Him responding with a spell that offers a Will save, which I have not managed to succeed at any of during the entire campaign, is to be expected.

Turning the failed Will save versus Charm Person into a party win, and getting the BBEG to raise the entire party, got my PC license revoked.

Sith_Happens
2012-10-14, 03:10 PM
Turning the failed Will save versus Charm Person into a party win, and getting the BBEG to raise the entire party, got my PC license revoked.

* I may not exploit my character's strict adherence to friendship tropes to either (a) loophole my way out of a Charm spell or (b) irritate the caster so much that they deliberately break the charm.

NikitaDarkstar
2012-10-14, 04:02 PM
* I may not exploit my character's strict adherence to friendship tropes to either (a) loophole my way out of a Charm spell or (b) irritate the caster so much that they deliberately break the charm.

** Friendship is NOT magic.

vasharanpaladin
2012-10-14, 04:10 PM
****Because not everyone likes Anime, and some people find it impossible to watch because of the animation

*****Play Skyrim, it has good (ignoring the terrible pacing) writing, and gameplay that flows. people have compiled Thousand+ page tomes of the ingame books.

Oh, no, it's not the "not everyone likes anime" card, I, specifically am not allowed to make anything in reference or homage to anything. Originality is encouraged, unless you're not me, and especially unless you're cribbing from the Elder Scrolls, which I loathe utterly and without measure.

Because, apparently, this group simply could not wrap their heads around the idea that someone might know and like something outside of their relatively meager pool of experience. Son Goku is not just anime, dammit! :smallfurious:

Metahuman1
2012-10-14, 04:18 PM
Oh, no, it's not the "not everyone likes anime" card, I, specifically am not allowed to make anything in reference or homage to anything. Originality is encouraged, unless you're not me, and especially unless you're cribbing from the Elder Scrolls, which I loathe utterly and without measure.

Because, apparently, this group simply could not wrap their heads around the idea that someone might know and like something outside of their relatively meager pool of experience. Son Goku is not just anime, dammit! :smallfurious:

My answer to that would be to bring some of the mythological sorces of these things to a session and drop them on the table and tell everyone to have a look and get off your back.

vasharanpaladin
2012-10-14, 04:39 PM
My answer to that would be to bring some of the mythological sorces of these things to a session and drop them on the table and tell everyone to have a look and get off your back.

Moot point now, that group finally stopped being so passive-aggressive about it sometime around when I actually pointed out the hypocrisy. Still a good font for a few lists of my own, when I find old campaign notes and suchlike. :smallwink:

Metahuman1
2012-10-14, 04:49 PM
Moot point now, that group finally stopped being so passive-aggressive about it sometime around when I actually pointed out the hypocrisy. Still a good font for a few lists of my own, when I find old campaign notes and suchlike. :smallwink:

There you go. Get in the DM chair. THEN show up with the mythological sources and drop it in front of them and tell them it's required reading for the game.

enderlord99
2012-10-14, 05:15 PM
*I may not contradict people.
**This includes myself.
***I must contradict people whenever possible.

Doorhandle
2012-10-14, 05:26 PM
*Cannot play a half-orc half-drow.

*If my character, at any point, is so utterly worthless that the only reason the drow keep him alive is because they are yet to find a death horrible enough to justify ending his existence, I need to rework him. :smallbiggrin:

Kelb_Panthera
2012-10-14, 06:18 PM
*Cannot play a half-orc half-drow.

*If my character, at any point, is so utterly worthless that the only reason the drow keep him alive is because they are yet to find a death horrible enough to justify ending his existence, I need to rework him. :smallbiggrin:

** ....... or possibly enshrine his character sheet.

PaperMustache
2012-10-14, 06:18 PM
*I may not loot the bodies of my fallen companions.
**Especially not in a party containing a CG oracle and inquisitor.
***If I do, an argument can NOT be made for chaotic neutral.
****I am not to make an argument for chaotic neutral by making my newly chaotic evil character "actually evil".
*****Siding with the genocidal wizard is not a morally ambiguous decision. (See ***)
******Neither is orchestrating the collapse of a major city, no matter how unpleasant it was. (See ***)
*******Having a sister, being nice to old people, doing good things to spite my genocidal wizard father, and anything else short of an atonement spell will not make my character chaotic neutral.
********I am evil and a whore.

TheRedWidow
2012-10-14, 06:24 PM
*The bluespawn is not named Fluffly
**Nor, for that matter, is the other bluespawn named Reginald

*If the players start in an underground library in the middle of the desert, I deserve the demands to know when the eclipse is

Malak'ai
2012-10-14, 06:24 PM
*I may not loot the bodies of my fallen companions.
**Especially not in a party containing a CG oracle and inquisitor.
***If I do, an argument can NOT be made for chaotic neutral.
****I am not to make an argument for chaotic neutral by making my newly chaotic evil character "actually evil".
*****Siding with the genocidal wizard is not a morally ambiguous decision. (See ***)
******Neither is orchestrating the collapse of a major city, no matter how unpleasant it was. (See ***)
*******Having a sister, being nice to old people, doing good things to spite my genocidal wizard father, and anything else short of an atonement spell will not make my character chaotic neutral.
********I am evil and a whore.

*********Unless I give them the best stuff.
**********And I charge and arm and a leg... Literally :smallwink:.

Sith_Happens
2012-10-14, 08:50 PM
*If the players start in an underground library in the middle of the desert, I deserve the demands to know when the eclipse is

* The guardian of the library is not interested in a butterfly made of string.

Ksheep
2012-10-14, 08:51 PM
* The guardian of the library is not interested in a butterfly made of string.

** Handing him a wanted poster for myself is only marginally better.

genderlich
2012-10-14, 09:20 PM
*I am not allowed to play a half-dragon dragonborn dragon disciple dragon-bloodline sorcerer/dragon shaman with a pseudodragon familiar and a dragonling cohort.

Ksheep
2012-10-14, 09:37 PM
*I am not allowed to play a half-dragon dragonborn dragon disciple dragon-bloodline sorcerer/dragon shaman with a pseudodragon familiar and a dragonling cohort.

** The same applies to a Draconic Kobold Dragon Rider/Dragon Slayer with Dragon-hide armor.

Arcanist
2012-10-14, 09:57 PM
** Handing him a wanted poster for myself is only marginally better.

***It is also only acceptable to hand him scrolls of control water and tomes of worldly knowledge.

toapat
2012-10-14, 10:18 PM
** The same applies to a Draconic Kobold Dragon Rider/Dragon Slayer with Dragon-hide armor.

***Or a Ursal Werebear Bear Totem Barbarian Bearmaster who calls in bear cavalry wearing bearhide armor

vasharanpaladin
2012-10-14, 10:29 PM
*I am not allowed to play a half-dragon dragonborn dragon disciple dragon-bloodline sorcerer/dragon shaman with a pseudodragon familiar and a dragonling cohort.

**This may slide, however, if the base race is dragonkin.

Kane0
2012-10-14, 11:30 PM
Yo dawg...

Anyway,
* If I play in two campaigns, I may not treat one as a sandbox and the other as a drama.
**Said 'sandbox' campaign may not include a character more serious than the 'drama' campaign
***I may not work behind the scenes to make the 'sandbox' campaign more fun or make more sense than the 'drama' campaign.
****Any attempt to merge the two will result in my characters in both campaigns mysteriously dying or getting switched.
***** If I do, it will be in my own campaign. With Blackjack. And hookers.

Riverdance
2012-10-15, 06:35 PM
********I am evil and a whore.

*********I am also a troublesome strumpet.
**********and a murderous trollop.

Doorhandle
2012-10-15, 09:30 PM
*If my character is describes as a "rogue and peasant slave," it is assumed not to be literal.
*It is assumed I am going to shoot my guns, not clobber people with them.
*i am allowed to fill a cannon with grapeshot. I am NOT to do so with the idea of firing at blank-point range.
** Not to make a shotgun out of two cannons tied together with duct tape.
*not to scream out "FORE!" whenever i kill someone with my great club.
**the same goes for "Hit him for six" or "outta the park!"

*Cannot stuff my pants full of alchemist's fire/delayed blast fireball/ACME dynamite before stuffing myself into a monster's mouth.
*Likewise, with spiked armour/hooked cloak/+5 full plate of vicious vivisection.
*Their is not enough CMB in the world you let you tie the tarrasque appendix into a knot while you are still inside of it.
* It's questionable weather or not using presdigination to taste like a frogemoth's pimpled butt cheeks is enough to stop a monster from eating you.
*..Come to think of it, how do you know what that tastes li- don't tell me I don't wanna know.
*Cannot use sneak attacks inside a monster, even if +I+ would be very surprised if my dinner started stabbing me.
* Not to be swallowed whole by a creature in order to get around it's A.C
* Cannot detonate the creature's esophagus by shoving a base into it's stomach acid and waiting.
*Likewise with vials of poison.
* If you keep this trickery, you're going to have to fight the tapeworms inside the dragon if you're swallowed by it.

Amidus Drexel
2012-10-15, 09:37 PM
* If you keep this trickery, you're going to have to fight the tapeworms inside the dragon if you're swallowed by it.

** May not Diplomacy, Bluff, Intimidate, or suggest that the tapeworms help me fight the dragon.

toapat
2012-10-15, 09:42 PM
** May not Diplomacy, Bluff, Intimidate, or suggest that the tapeworms help me fight the dragon.

***even if i have wild empathy and their damage to the dragon is constant and minimal

Doxkid
2012-10-15, 09:59 PM
**** Please...Please don't seduce the tapeworm. That's not what they're there for.

Ksheep
2012-10-15, 10:06 PM
* I may not be a tiny-sized commoner with "Tasty", "Chicken Infested", and quick draw just so I can get myself swallowed and proceed to fill the monster to bursting with chickens.

* I may not play a female wizard with a pseudodragon familiar who specializes in telekinesis, dimension door, and prismatic spray.
** Said character has NOT been instructed by her master to write a letter detailing what she's learned at the end of every session.
*** No, she does not dress in all purple.

toapat
2012-10-15, 10:38 PM
* I may not play a female wizard with a pseudodragon familiar who specializes in telekinesis, dimension door, and prismatic spray.
** Said character has NOT been instructed by her master to write a letter detailing what she's learned at the end of every session.
*** No, she does not dress in all purple.

****She does not Predesignate her hair to be Navy with a single red stripe each day either

Sneaky Weasel
2012-10-15, 11:20 PM
*When playing a Druid, I may not use all my slots of 2nd level and higher to prepare Tree Shape.
**Nor may my first action in every encounter be to cast it.
***I may not gain XP for any encounter that was spent entirely in the form of a tree.
*I may not use a Bag of Tricks as a supply of infinite food.
*Under no circumstances is my gnome druid allowed a rocket launcher.
**Nor is he able to spend a feat for proficiency with it.
***Actually, none of my characters are allowed to have rocket launchers under any circumstances.
*I may not shoot myself with a rocket launcher in order to catch foes in the explosion.
**Nor am I allowed to shoot my animal companion for the same reason.
***I am not allowed to even mention rocket launchers ever again.

Arbane
2012-10-16, 12:37 PM
*I may not shoot myself with a rocket launcher in order to catch foes in the explosion.


Rocket-Jumping DOES NOT WORK in this game.

Blightedmarsh
2012-10-16, 01:33 PM
Edit: sorry, wrong thread.

*I may not forget which game I am playing.

Arcanist
2012-10-16, 01:48 PM
*Stuff that inspired this*

*Vampires are allowed to Sparkle.
**Said Vampires take permanent Negative levels equal to the level adjustment of said template.
***The DM is entitled to hit you with the Libra Mortis if you choose to create a sparkling vampire.
****The Reflex DC for this is always to high for you
*****You always roll a natural 1 on this saving throw

Hyena
2012-10-16, 01:49 PM
* None of vampire templates, in fact, give me glitterdust as a spell-like ability.
* If BBEG is planning genocide or destruction of the whole world, may not side with him unless I have a good reason to.
** May not side with BBEG even if I do have a good reason to.

Metahuman1
2012-10-16, 03:11 PM
*Vampires are allowed to Sparkle.
**Said Vampires take permanent Negative levels equal to the level adjustment of said template.
***The DM is entitled to hit you with the Libra Mortis if you choose to create a sparkling vampire.
****The Reflex DC for this is always to high for you
*****You always roll a natural 1 on this saving throw

*May not be a sparkling Vampire just to let my army of endless rabid fangirls do all the work for me.
**Especially out of character.

Kane0
2012-10-16, 05:09 PM
*May not decide that forcefully taking ownership of the Pub is a better option than helping the drunk owner
**Especially if my reasoning is "I want a source of income and a free place to rest"
***Even more so if I add the reason "Also I can take over the local gambling den and end up owning this section of town"
Exception: Evil.
**I am not evil, I am true neutral with the soul of a Lawful Evil tagging along
***Should this occur anyway, I am not to keep the key to the Pub for myself.
****I may not be surprised or upset when we have no employees after said takeover
*****No, I may not negotiate with a gambling den to get employees and mutually beneficial business arrangements
******And I may definitely not begin my own Black Market trade to compete with the thieves guild in the same city.
*******Just... no more party face or leadership for me. The best I may do is be the schemer behind the leader of the group.
********No, I may not call my next character Starscream.

Geigan
2012-10-16, 05:32 PM
Legend
*When searching for a guy in a maze, I will not forget that one can tunnel.
**Especially since the other guy has seen shawshank redemption, and plans to escape.
***STOP. FORGETTING. TO. GET. AN. EARTHSMASHER'S. PICKAXE.

toapat
2012-10-16, 05:33 PM
********No, I may not call my next character Starscream.

*********Must add a character named Starscream to the campaign
**********I must not invent the following: Casinos, the Mafia, stripclubs, or Las Vagas

Rockphed
2012-10-16, 05:34 PM
*No, I may not call my next character Starscream.

**Stellarwail is also forbidden.
***As is Stellar Whale.
**** Even when I am playing a whalefolk.

* Grand Viziers are not always evil.
** Just because the King's adviser has a goatee does not make him evil.
*** Or the grand Vizier.
** If the king goes missing, blaming the grand Vizier is a poor first response.
*** Even if it is right.
**** Just because it was the case last time does not mean it is this time.

toapat
2012-10-16, 05:42 PM
* Grand Viziers are not always evil.

** *Looks up Grand Vizier PrC*
*** *Notices Pre-requisite: Must be of Evil alignment.*
**** *Notices the "Alignment is locked to evil class ability"*

Arbane
2012-10-16, 06:48 PM
**Stellarwail is also forbidden.



*** And their hate of d02 does, in fact, know a limit.

(Bet nobody here will get THAT joke...)

Kane0
2012-10-16, 07:40 PM
**********I must not invent the following: Casinos, the Mafia, stripclubs, or Las Vagas

There was not an explicit 'no' on that actually... and it is in character...

Rockphed
2012-10-16, 07:56 PM
** *Looks up Grand Vizier PrC*
*** *Notices Pre-requisite: Must be of Evil alignment.*
**** *Notices the "Alignment is locked to evil class ability"*

Wait, there is a "Grand Vizier" PrC? What other abilities does it have? Does it allow me to pull off Jafar?

Speaking of:

* I will not turn into a giant snake, it never helps. Source (http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html)

TuggyNE
2012-10-17, 12:35 AM
*** And their hate of d02 does, in fact, know a limit.

(Bet nobody here will get THAT joke...)

I c wut u did thar.

Socratov
2012-10-17, 02:37 AM
*When thinking of designing a grand vizier for your campaign, remember Rincewind:

Rincewind, who personally fell afoul of at least two viziers, held that the selection process for choosing such people appeared to be asking "are you a power-hungry scheming madman? Yes? Good, I shall make you my most trusted minister!"

Thump
2012-10-17, 08:33 AM
* None of vampire templates, in fact, give me glitterdust as a spell-like ability.
* If BBEG is planning genocide or destruction of the whole world, may not side with him unless I have a good reason to.
** May not side with BBEG even if I do have a good reason to.

*I may no longer doublecross the BBEG by genociding his people with an artifact that he created by using rules that the DM created to reverse-engineer that same artifact that targets his race, followed by a Power Word:Kill.

**Even if it's for the greater good.

***ESPECIALLY if it's for the evulz and revenge.

****Doing so will get me two things; a book to the face, and eternal damnation for my character.

Reltzik
2012-10-17, 02:31 PM
* No longer allowed to adventure in a temple to the god of booze.
** My first thought upon encountering a fountain of 170 proof Dwarven Vodka should not be "let's set it on fire".
*** Even if it were, I should warn my party of the eminent explosion before doing it.
**** I should also first check to see if the fountain has any quest items.
***** When the destruction of the fountain leaves behind a humungous drain large and smooth enough to serve as a waterslide, complete with magically conjured vodka in place of water, my first thought should not be "let's set it on fire".
****** HAVING set it on fire and sending a running plume of flame down ahead of us, only to have newly-conjured vodka replace it the burnt stuff, my second thought should not be "GERONIMO!"
******* In particular, I am to remember that I am an unarmored caster and not a front line combatant.
******** In even more particular, I am to remember that intelligence is my main stat and wisdom is a dump stat. This means that while I can come up with a great many overly-clever ideas, I lack the common sense to evaluate whether they are GOOD ideas, and should listen to the high-wisdom members of the party.
********* Having violated all of the above, I am not to complain about the pool of vodka at the bottom of the waterslide being on fire, should count myself lucky not to have been burnt on the way in, and damn well deserve to catch fire when I climb out.
********** My next words I shout up to the party upon extinguishing myself should be a warning.
*********** "Come on down, it's fun!" was not a warning prior to the party discovering my twisted definition of the word "fun".

NikitaDarkstar
2012-10-17, 03:23 PM
* When playing high DEX characters I am encouraged to remember it's called "THE LAW of gravity" and NOT "The Suggestion of Gravity."
** I'm also encouraged to remember that while ranged weapons are a perfectly valid option I really shouldn't attempt called shots to organs such as eyes from 250ft with a throwing dagger and expect it to succeed.
*** I should not then proceed to roll a nat 20 and confirm the crit.
**** If I do so the DM expects a hug and the rest of my chocolate.
***** If the DM does not get hugs or chocolate I should not be surprised when an evil wizard suddenly drops a massive area of effect spell on me.
****** When this happens I should have the decency of at least taking some damage from it.
* I will not be allowed to take Craft (Poison) Ever again.
** If for some reason I still get my hands on poisons I am not allowed a ranged weapon anymore.
*** Especially not a crossbow.
*I am strongly encouraged to play something other than a rogue.
** This does not mean I'm allowed to play wizards, bards, fighters, barbarians or sorcerers again.
*** I may not have played it before, but we all know that druid is not even an option.
**** "Ranger" is from now on considered another word for "Rogue" just as "Cleric" is another word for "Fighter", "Barbarian" or "Wizard".
***** I am strongly encouraged to give Monk a try. Or Commoner.
****** No I can not use BoED, ToB, or the Completes. In fact I am restricted to the PBH only.
******* Yes we still remember what happened the last time I got my hands on the DMG.

Sith_Happens
2012-10-17, 04:54 PM
* Just because listen is a cross-class skill for Fighters doesn't mean that my commanding officer won't hear me whispering to myself.
** If anything out of the ordinary should happen to him immediately following this, he will put two and two together, and what happens then will not be pretty.

toapat
2012-10-17, 06:57 PM
There was not an explicit 'no' on that actually... and it is in character...

no, but it is the "To the letter of the complaint, not to the Intention of it"

Flemkopf
2012-10-17, 11:00 PM
*May not put an adamantine nozzle on a decanter of endless water so it sends out a thin stream with enough pressure to slice through leather.
**May not use said WOMD to slice through the zombie hordes invading the local town.
***May also not use it to keep party members in line, because they can get one too.
****If our cleric takes off my foot using one of these, I am to apologize profusely for designing these things before he regenerates it.
*****If we try to market them as medical devices we will get anatomy textbooks thrown at us instead of rulebooks.


******Be wary when playing with a premed student as DM.

Hyena
2012-10-18, 02:17 AM
* I'm not expected to bury the body after someone's PC dies, but I really should at least aknowledge his death.
** I am no longer allowed to bury the bodies of PCs with the gravestones saying things like "Whats-His-Name, mourned my his comrades".
*** Slicing bodies, then burning the pieces and casting gust of wind is not and never will be the burial rite of my character's nation.
**** Animating them as skeletons is not either.
***** No longer allowed to remember fallen PCs.

Sith_Happens
2012-10-18, 04:57 AM
* If one of the other players opts to make a new character rather than receive a resurrection, I may not Animate Dread Warrior the fallen character.
** "But this way he has twice as many characters!" is not a acceptable argument against the above rule, it is in fact the reason for the above rule.

Hyena
2012-10-18, 08:36 AM
* There is no such a prestige class in Stormwrack as "Cliche stormcaster"
* Favored enemy (chaotic good dark elves) can not be my class feature. Even if I'm chaotic evil drow ranger.
* If I'm in the spooky place like dark forest or ice cave, and I'm finding little helpless girl there, my first reaction can not be brutally killing her.
** Even if she IS evil and looking for a way to harm us.

MidgetMarine
2012-10-18, 11:42 AM
*I will not, under any circumstances, introduce my Kobold Wizard as Pun-Pun, The Mighty
**It is considered bad form to laugh at the DM's expression of horror.
***I may also expect instant and unexplainable death for that character
****The DM had no way of knowing that I was not actually building Pun-Pun.
*****I am an *******.

toapat
2012-10-18, 12:41 PM
*I will not, under any circumstances, introduce my Kobold Wizard as Pun-Pun, The Mighty
**It is considered bad form to laugh at the DM's expression of horror.
***I may also expect instant and unexplainable death for that character
****The DM had no way of knowing that I was not actually building Pun-Pun.
*****I am an *******.
******I am to fully expect instant death if i build a Kobold with a class which gets Summon Monster 1 at first level.
*******even moreso if one of my class skills is Knowledge (the planes)

Riverdance
2012-10-18, 01:44 PM
*I may not put full ranks in Knowledge (Min-Maxing)
**Nor may I take the feat Skill Focus (Knowledge(Min-Maxing))
***The Helm of Min-Maximus is not a real artifact
****Knowledge (Min-Maxing) is not a real skill
*****Neither is Profession (Munchkin)
******I am now restricted to playing bards.
*******And I have to dump charisma.

toapat
2012-10-18, 02:39 PM
*I may not put full ranks in Knowledge (Min-Maxing)
**Nor may I take the feat Skill Focus (Knowledge(Min-Maxing))
***The Helm of Min-Maximus is not a real artifact
****Knowledge (Min-Maxing) is not a real skill
*****Neither is Profession (Munchkin)
******I am now restricted to playing bards.
*******And I have to dump charisma.
********Int, Wisdom, and Strength also

Amidus Drexel
2012-10-18, 03:13 PM
********Int, Wisdom, and Strength also

*********Dexterity too, just to be safe.
**********I may keep a decent Constitution score, but I am to remember that this is because the DM needs my character to live long enough to be tortured.
***********I may no longer have positive modifiers in any of my ability scores.

Magesmiley
2012-10-18, 04:00 PM
* I will not create a whisper gnome with the shadow template who is capable of hiding in plain sight with over +20 at 2nd level.
** I will not have him resort to unarmed combat primarily.
*** I will not paint his miniature in blue and grey
**** I will not give him a rod of ropes
***** I will not have him disappear during a conversation with the watch captain when he turns his back.

toapat
2012-10-18, 04:48 PM
*********Dexterity too, just to be safe.
**********I may keep a decent Constitution score, but I am to remember that this is because the DM needs my character to live long enough to be tortured.
***********I may no longer have positive modifiers in any of my ability scores.

************No, dex and Con are fine. Being a Spoony bard is punishment enough

Balmas
2012-10-18, 04:54 PM
Legend
*When searching for a guy in a maze, I will not forget that one can tunnel.
**Especially since the other guy has seen shawshank redemption, and plans to escape.
***STOP. FORGETTING. TO. GET. AN. EARTHSMASHER'S. PICKAXE.

*Yes, you can buy a pickaxe
**Who would waste perfectly good Adamantine on a Pickaxe?
***I'm fairly sure they don't make diamond pickaxes
****This is not Minecraft.
****Stop trying to dig your way through the Tomb of Horrors.

Reltzik
2012-10-18, 04:59 PM
* Henceforth, all bars, doors, gates, walls, floors, ceilings, and similar obstructions are immune to bending, sundering, tunneling, disintegration, smashing, acid, gaseous form, or anything other method of bypassing them save for the one that the DM has scripted.

Amidus Drexel
2012-10-18, 05:01 PM
* Henceforth, all bars, doors, gates, walls, floors, ceilings, and similar obstructions are immune to bending, sundering, tunneling, disintegration, smashing, acid, gaseous form, or anything other method of bypassing them save for the one that the DM has scripted.

**Looting the furniture/walls/ceilings/doors/etc. is considered bypassing for all purposes.

Studoku
2012-10-18, 07:54 PM
* I may not refer to my horse as "My Little Oni"
* I am not allowed to don a mask, form an anti-shugenja revolution and attempt to remove shugenjas' powers.
* Singing Kami-Kami-Kami-Kami-Kami-Chameleon is not appropriate in character.
** Or out of character

Hyena
2012-10-19, 01:41 AM
* None of swordsage abilities can remove wizard's magic. Permamently.

Doorhandle
2012-10-19, 05:38 AM
* I will not create a whisper gnome with the shadow template who is capable of hiding in plain sight with over +20 at 2nd level.
** I will not have him resort to unarmed combat primarily.
*** I will not paint his miniature in blue and grey
**** I will not give him a rod of ropes
***** I will not have him disappear during a conversation with the watch captain when he turns his back.

*The whisper gnome cannot defeat everything with prep time.
**Not to test this theory on anything with more Hit-die than I have HP.

*Cannot have a decanter of endless anything.
**Not even if it try to shallowly hide it by calling it the Sampo.

* If the table is specifically noted as having poison on top of it, not to roll over it in order to knock out the guy we need to keep alive.

remember, half orc/drow + poison explosion + dead interrogation target +beatings eternal for half orc.

*If my first instinct upon landing in the suspicious lair of suspicious drow is "Right, I think i will punch that one first" I am to make it clear this is out of character
*The party blames me for giving the D.M ideas, from now on.

*As the D.M, cannot design stages based on sonic the hedgehog.
** No, the warblade doesn't know how he's getting around that loop ethier.
*** Even in planescape/spelljammer, cannot base stages off super mario galaxy.
****Likewise, not to make dungeons off "Something I saw in a W.o.W raid once."
***** Even if the monk could totally take Ragnaros on in a fight. I mean, how many hitdie does he have, anyway?



* No longer allowed to adventure in a temple to the god of booze.
** My first thought upon encountering a fountain of 170 proof Dwarven Vodka should not be "let's set it on fire".
*** Even if it were, I should warn my party of the eminent explosion before doing it.
**** I should also first check to see if the fountain has any quest items.
***** When the destruction of the fountain leaves behind a humungous drain large and smooth enough to serve as a waterslide, complete with magically conjured vodka in place of water, my first thought should not be "let's set it on fire".
****** HAVING set it on fire and sending a running plume of flame down ahead of us, only to have newly-conjured vodka replace it the burnt stuff, my second thought should not be "GERONIMO!"
******* In particular, I am to remember that I am an unarmored caster and not a front line combatant.
******** In even more particular, I am to remember that intelligence is my main stat and wisdom is a dump stat. This means that while I can come up with a great many overly-clever ideas, I lack the common sense to evaluate whether they are GOOD ideas, and should listen to the high-wisdom members of the party.
********* Having violated all of the above, I am not to complain about the pool of vodka at the bottom of the waterslide being on fire, should count myself lucky not to have been burnt on the way in, and damn well deserve to catch fire when I climb out.
********** My next words I shout up to the party upon extinguishing myself should be a warning.
*********** "Come on down, it's fun!" was not a warning prior to the party discovering my twisted definition of the word "fun".

Good sir! I do believe i owe you 1 Internet, and Armok now owes you fifty.

DigoDragon
2012-10-19, 06:37 AM
A 1995 BMC Mini is a vehicle, not a "two-handed weapon" for a 350-point SM+2 dragon.

Stop successfully sneak-attacking Magneto with said Mini!!

Do not make a character solely for the purpose of breaking the combat mechanics. Your character Runs on combat mechanics, so guess what breaks first?

Don't build a DMPC around a single funny line you heard on an Abridged Anime.

Don't build a DMPC faerie dragon named "Reggie" to your campaign. It's 2-0 for causing your players to Rage-Quit your campaign.

Not allowed to play a Cleric of Improvising, Imagination, or Invention dogmas. No one will understand it and the GM assumes it's some joke on Scientology.

Not allowed to play a heroic character in a Super Hero genre campaign if my base racial trait is "equine".

If a player pays the points of an unusual background in order to play a spellcaster in your modern GURPS Super campaign, don't having that player constantly meet spellcasters in every town she travels to.

Do not joke about running a "Star Trek My Little Pony Zombie Apocalypse" campaign. You might just get taken seriously.

Sith_Happens
2012-10-19, 07:35 AM
* If I planar bind an elder evil for any reason, I deserve anything and everything that happens to me and/or the Material Plane as a whole.

toapat
2012-10-19, 09:28 AM
*Likewise, not to make dungeons off "Something I saw in a W.o.W raid once."
** Even if the monk could totally take Ragnaros on in a fight. I mean, how many hitdie does he have, anyway?

***if we do it accurately, Ragnaros as converted to 3.5 would have Hit Dice in the low 100s, and somewhere around 10k hp
****No, the Mailman would not help, as Ragnaros has the property that all fire elementals should have, "Healed by Fire"
*****Lava is both Fire and Crushing damage
******This does not mean that WoW raids would make bad dungeons.
*******WoW has, excluding Cataclysm, very good raids and dungeons.

Arcanist
2012-10-19, 09:44 AM
* If I planar bind an elder evil for any reason, I deserve anything and everything that happens to me and/or the Material Plane as a whole.

**If I ever I do manage to gate in an Elder Evil, it will never willingly wonder through the Gate.
***Not even if I shake a hunk of cheese on the entrance.
****Unless it is Monterey Jack (the best kind of cheese).

Doxkid
2012-10-19, 10:54 AM
***if we do it accurately, Ragnaros as converted to 3.5 would have Hit Dice in the low 100s, and somewhere around 10k hp
****No, the Mailman would not help, as Ragnaros has the property that all fire elementals should have, "Healed by Fire"


*When meta-game estimating how much hp a target has, it is in bad taste to describe that number in Magic Missiles.
**In character estimations with Magic Missiles are right out.
***If the only damage a bosss-monster takes is from my Magic Missiles, expect a witch-burning IRL.

Techwarrior
2012-10-19, 11:28 AM
I may under no circumstances research the spell [character name's] Superior Magic Missiles.
It is not a 9th level spell dealing 1d4+1 per missile, 1 missile per caster level with no caster level cap.
Its range of effect is not Long (400 +40 feet per caster level).
It does not bypass spells that normally prevent Magic Missiles.
I may not take Arcane Thesis ([character name's] Superior Magic Missiles).
Rolling 4s on every single d4 of my Sudden Empowered Sudden Maximized [character name's] Superior Magic Missiles is just rude.
Adding Warmage's Edge on top of that will get books thrown at me.

Ksheep
2012-10-19, 11:37 AM
*Just because my opponent has an open wound does not mean I have LoS with his circulatory system
** I may not cast purify food and drink to turn his blood into water
*** Nor may I summon a swarm of ants inside his circulatory system to clog up his veins.
**** I may not be a caster

NikitaDarkstar
2012-10-19, 12:44 PM
I may under no circumstances research the spell [character name's] Superior Magic Missiles.
It is not a 9th level spell dealing 1d4+1 per missile, 1 missile per caster level with no caster level cap.
Its range of effect is not Long (400 +40 feet per caster level).
It does not bypass spells that normally prevent Magic Missiles.
I may not take Arcane Thesis ([character name's] Superior Magic Missiles).
Rolling 4s on every single d4 of my Sudden Empowered Sudden Maximized [character name's] Superior Magic Missiles is just rude.
Adding Warmage's Edge on top of that will get books thrown at me.
*You may not give the player of an arcane caster with deity aspirations interesting ideas. :smallamused:

Riverdance
2012-10-19, 05:06 PM
* I am never to base a character on V.
**No, not even if he is the ultimate rogue.
***I can't get away with this by masking it with other letters.
****"W" the masked rogue will be vetoed on sight, no matter how good his backstory is.

Ksheep
2012-10-19, 05:08 PM
* I am never to base a character on V.
**No, not even if he is the ultimate rogue.
***I can't get away with this by masking it with other letters.
****"W" the masked rogue will be vetoed on sight, no matter how good his backstory is.

***** DEFINITELY can't have a Rogue/Swashbuckler, Rogue/Ranger, or straight Rogue named Z, incorporating elements of V and Zorro.

Riverdance
2012-10-19, 10:23 PM
***** DEFINITELY can't have a Rogue/Swashbuckler, Rogue/Ranger, or straight Rogue named Z, incorporating elements of V and Zorro.

******"T" the Warforged with an Austrian accent will be quickly terminated.
*******No, he will not be back.

Razanir
2012-10-20, 09:09 AM
* I am never to base a character on V.

On a side note, I thought this meant :vaarsuvius: at first

Blightedmarsh
2012-10-20, 12:10 PM
*I may not cary a portal ring so my companion may make point blank range crossbow shots from 3 miles away
**chain lightning is right out
***as is eldrich glave
****No I may not apply sneak attack damage to such a balista shot because "he defiantly did not see that one coming"
*****No ballistas
**Nor may I use a catapult to lob a portal ring over the city wall to brake the siege from the inside
***I may definatley not toss the other ring into the sea to flood the city out.
****A volcano is not an acceptable alternative
*****No more portal rings for me

Riverdance
2012-10-20, 12:50 PM
On a side note, I thought this meant :vaarsuvius: at first

I knew I was forgetting something!

Ksheep
2012-10-20, 10:03 PM
* When the players say they'd like to do one more quick thing before the end of the session, don't have them hear rumors that there is a vampire in the next town over.
** ESPECIALLY when the party has a cleric and a Radiant Servant of Pelor
*** Don't have all the townsfolk cheerfully inform the party that the rumors are true as soon as they arrive
**** Pointing them straight into the ominous castle overlooking the town is frowned upon
***** When the party enters the castle, don't have the vampire sitting right there, amicably chatting with them
****** It really confuses the party when they realize that said vampire is not evil (or at least, is not being detected as evil)
*x7 When, in the course of the conversation, the vampire agrees to help the neighboring town (which consists solely of elves) by providing them with food, it's ill advised for me to snigger at the fact that the vampire agreed to send pork… to the town full of nature-loving elves…

toapat
2012-10-20, 10:13 PM
** ESPECIALLY when the party has a cleric and a Radiant Servant of Pelor

***Not to point out the irony of Pelor's Disdain of his own clergy more then his written disdain of the undead

enderlord99
2012-10-20, 11:19 PM
***Not to point out the irony of Pelor's Disdain of his own clergy more then his written disdain of the undead

****If this argument keeps popping up, people will probably start hating each other.
*****At that point, everything would start burning.
******As has surely been mentioned already, not allowed to make that happen.
*******Neither are you.
:smallannoyed:

Ksheep
2012-10-20, 11:21 PM
Oh, almost forgot for the above:
*x8 This entire scenario is ESPECIALLY true immediately after said Favored Soul lost enough sanity to make him question the gods and his place in life (even if he had restored his sanity)

toapat
2012-10-20, 11:44 PM
*******Neither are you.

********I do not acknowledge this Pelor you speak of, only Sunny, god of Sunshine, Lolipops, and Rainbows
*********Who has a NG alignment, and Domains of Sun, Knowledge, Good, and Bunnies
**********And does not have an evil side

Ksheep
2012-10-21, 12:27 AM
********I do not acknowledge this Pelor you speak of, only Sunny, god of Sunshine, Lolipops, and Rainbows
*********Who has a NG alignment, and Domains of Sun, Knowledge, Good, and Bunnies
**********And does not have an evil side

*********** And who does NOT have a favored weapon of either Axe or Flamethrower

Arbane
2012-10-21, 12:30 AM
*********** And who does NOT have a favored weapon of either Axe or Flamethrower

* Not allowed to base any characters on the cast of Team Fortress 2.
** Especially not the Pyro.
* Not allowed to base any characters on the cast of Homestuck.
** Especially not Vriska.

toapat
2012-10-21, 12:41 AM
*********** And who does NOT have a favored weapon of either Axe or Flamethrower

************His favored weapon is Tindersticks
*************yes, the Alchemical item
**************that is used to light fires
***************It is not a club
****************using them as such will set yourself on fire

Reltzik
2012-10-21, 01:33 AM
* May not use a portable hole as a pit trap.
** May not use a portable hole for prisoner storage.
*** May not use a portable hole as a hiding place for anyone sapient, myself included.
**** May not use a portable hole to contain ammunition heavier than I could normally carry.
***** May not use a portable hole as part of a Disable Device or Open Lock check.
****** May not place a portable hole on my shield.
******* May not use said portable-hole-on-a-shield to catch fireballs, magic missiles, disintegration beams, breath weapons, or anything similar.
******** A portable hole may not be hurled like a Frisbee, and in any event is not vorpal.
********* May not use a portable hole as part of a disarm action.
********** May not invent a sport in which a portable hole is either a goal or a course hazard.
*********** When the enemy stares long enough into the portable hole, the portable hole does not stare back into them.
************ May not use a portable hole as part of a bluff check to file a disability claim.
************* May not use a portable hole to win a drinking contest.
************** I may not use portable holes. And I'm on probation where bags of holding are concerned.
* May not use portable holes to swallow all previous rulings, including the one banning it, and their associated asterisks.

Deepbluediver
2012-10-21, 10:25 AM
* Players are no longer allowed to cast color spray at allies.
** Or animal companions.
*** Or rationalize catching a building on fire with this spell by some paradox of events.
**** ESPECIALLY when allies and animal companion are inside said building.
***** And persuading the dm to let it happen.
****** Only to find out there was barrels of gunpowder inside the building and the dm is now cackling in glee.
******* They are also not allowed to blame the gun slinger in the party for placing those barrels there earlier when they helped him place said barrels that same morning.
******** Or just use color spray again at all.

Some of these "rules" are very specific, and seem like maybe they would do better in the Funny Stories (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=248776) thread.

toapat
2012-10-21, 10:30 AM
*I am not to tame a Phase Spider
**I am then not to have it reside in a portable hole
***I am then not to feed it and use its webbing to make more portable holes
****I am not to build my Mage tower inside the portable holes
*****Having a Portable Phase Spider dungeon is also disallowed

Archmage1
2012-10-21, 04:18 PM
*I may not bluff the paladin that my CE spellthief is the paragon of good.
**Especially if this causes him to fall, and he is bluffed into believing that he did not emulate me enough.

Voyd211
2012-10-21, 04:26 PM
* It doesn't matter if your ratfolk's name is Martin, your sword is not indestructible and grant instant swordsmastery.
** Nor does it if your ratfolk's name is Dandin, Matthias, Mattimeo or Luke.

Riverdance
2012-10-21, 06:04 PM
It's a little early but I thought of a name for the next thread:
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Make Any Mention Of Pelor Or His Alignment. Ever.


* It doesn't matter if your ratfolk's name is Martin, your sword is not indestructible and grant instant swordsmastery.
** Nor does it if your ratfolk's name is Dandin, Matthias, Mattimeo or Luke.
*** If my badgerfolk's war cry is "Eulalia" I'm getting sued for copyright infringement.
****No he does not live in an inactive volcano.
*****I may no longer play badgerfolk
******Badgerfolk no longer exist.

Craft (Cheese)
2012-10-21, 07:46 PM
Not allowed to play a Cleric of Improvising, Imagination, or Invention dogmas. No one will understand it and the GM assumes it's some joke on Scientology.

** Totally ARE allowed to play a Cleric//Artificer gestalt who worships the Becoming God.

Arcanist
2012-10-21, 08:54 PM
*** If my badgerfolk's war cry is "Eulalia" I'm getting sued for copyright infringement.
****No he does not live in an inactive volcano.
*****I may no longer play badgerfolk

*Badgerfolk automatically have a 100ft aura of empathy
**Badgerfolk may not be be True Neutral
***Eating snakes automatically poisons you with Godsblood (http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/ei/20021110a)
****You can never make the save

Sith_Happens
2012-10-22, 01:52 AM
* I may not develop the epic spell Create Non-Magical-Looking Money (Seeds: Conjure, Conceal. Factors: Permanent).
** If for some reason I am allowed to develop this spell, it is with the expectation that I will not cast it so much that my conjured coins end up consituting the majority of the money circulated in several countries.
*** If the above nonetheless occurs, my character's big reveal as actually being Chaotic Evil should not come via reminding the DM of the "Dismissable by caster" factor that he failed to pay attention to when he approved the spell.

Elemental
2012-10-22, 08:07 AM
****But by that time it makes no difference because the economy has long since been destroyed.

PaperMustache
2012-10-22, 12:57 PM
*My character's goal should not be to become the end boss of the campaign.

Blightedmarsh
2012-10-22, 02:05 PM
**He should not be added and abetted in this by his future self that has already won the campaign.

Voyd211
2012-10-22, 02:18 PM
* Bells are not suitable weapons for necromancers.
** In keeping with the above, Oracles do not require windows of ice to predict.

Tohron
2012-10-22, 02:51 PM
*I may not play a wizard whose only method of attack is using flying summons and minions to carry heavy objects into the sky and drop them on unsuspecting foes.
**I may not kill the Tarrasque using this method.

Riverdance
2012-10-22, 03:06 PM
* I may not develop the epic spell Create Non-Magical-Looking Money (Seeds: Conjure, Conceal. Factors: Permanent).
** If for some reason I am allowed to develop this spell, it is with the expectation that I will not cast it so much that my conjured coins end up consituting the majority of the money circulated in several countries.
*** If the above nonetheless occurs, my character's big reveal as actually being Chaotic Evil should not come via reminding the DM of the "Dismissable by caster" factor that he failed to pay attention to when he approved the spell.

****If I want to have any say in the events that occur after I dismiss 80% of the worlds money I (and moreover my character) had better know a damned lot about economics.
*****Just because I know more about economics than the DM doesn't mean I get to dictate what happens.
******My character may not use his knowledge of economics to create a stock market.
*******If he does create a stock market than the casting of the spell Panic, Mass on the market floor will become punishable by death.

Elemental
2012-10-22, 09:11 PM
* Bells are not suitable weapons for necromancers.
** In keeping with the above, Oracles do not require windows of ice to predict.

But... That's an awesome series!

Ksheep
2012-10-22, 09:15 PM
* My bard does not have a goatee
** Nor does he wear a beret or sunglasses
*** He is not one chill cat
**** He does not have ranks in Perform (Bongos) and Perform (Poetry)
***** NO, he is NOT a beatnik!

Malak'ai
2012-10-22, 09:37 PM
* My bard does not have a goatee
** Nor does he wear a beret or sunglasses
*** He is not one chill cat
**** He does not have ranks in Perform (Bongos) and Perform (Poetry)
***** NO, he is NOT a beatnik!

****** Bogan or Bohemian is right out.

Balmas
2012-10-22, 11:20 PM
*******An Illusionist with a penchant for invisibility spells is fine, so long as he doesn't research a variant that lets his smile remain visible.

Kane0
2012-10-22, 11:26 PM
* I may no longer make a DMPC that the characters are reliant on, such as the only healer in the party
**I may no longer take away any DMPC at a time the party needs it. A lot.
***I may no longer DMPC. Except if someone is co-DMing with me, then he gets a DMPC
****Co-DM DMPC's cannot be disappeared like normal DMPCs

Sith_Happens
2012-10-22, 11:46 PM
* I may no longer make a DMPC that the characters are reliant on, such as the only healer in the party
**I may no longer take away any DMPC at a time the party needs it. A lot.
***I may no longer DMPC. Except if someone is co-DMing with me, then he gets a DMPC
****Co-DM DMPC's cannot be disappeared like normal DMPCs

* I may not buy a more reliable and effective means of healing and tell the DMPC to bug off the next time he/she/it tries to join us, even if this would be in-character.

TuggyNE
2012-10-23, 12:05 AM
*******An Illusionist with a penchant for invisibility spells is fine, so long as he doesn't research a variant that lets his smile remain visible.

******** Especially not if he's an awakened cat or tibbet.

DigoDragon
2012-10-23, 07:18 AM
Don't let the PCs name their horses. They'll get attached to the point that three days will be spent retrieving the horses from the haunted forest of Haven instead of saving that small village being ransacked by the elven army.

Do not break the antimagic field at the opera house just because you don't like it. There are bad people who cast spells too.

If the GM gives you solid evidence that someone is planning an Inside Job to assassinate the lead opera singer on the night of the performance, you are not allowed to spend two days prior telling Everyone of this fact.

The chances of a rabid octopi attack on land during Scene 2 of an opera is pretty much zero.

Stop stealing adventure ideas from Final Fantasy VI. Your players are on to you...

Voyd211
2012-10-23, 07:30 AM
* I may not use a Dhampir gunslinger if his outfit is a red longcoat and hat.
** Dhampirs also do not have advanced regeneration capabilities. I cannot recover from decapitation.
** Anti-tank rifles do not exist in PF and DnD, stop giving them to my female dhampir gunslinger.
*** Stop making her say "B****es love cannons!"
** Human paladins do not have infinite bayonets.
*** Like the Dhampirs above, paladins don't have advanced regeneration powers.
** I may not play Dhampir gunslingers.

Dimers
2012-10-23, 10:20 AM
* My bard does not have a goatee
** Nor does he wear a beret or sunglasses
*** He is not one chill cat

**** Ksheep's bard may be a chill cat only by playing a half white dragon housecat. Other "base creature" felines are not acceptable. No, there's no LA reduction in this game. Furthermore, in order to play a half white dragon housecat, Ksheep is required to write a two-page (single-spaced, font size no larger than 12) report on how this physically came to be, without squicking the DM.
***** Aforementioned half white dragon housecat still may not have goatee, beret or sunglasses.

Techwarrior
2012-10-23, 10:50 AM
Without using the words Shapechange, Polymorph, Alternate Form, or any other shape-changing spell or effect.

Adoendithas
2012-10-23, 11:45 AM
* Bells are not suitable weapons for necromancers.
** In keeping with the above, Oracles do not require windows of ice to predict.

*** The BBEG may not be two enormous metal hemispheres.

Doorhandle
2012-10-23, 10:12 PM
Without using the words Shapechange, Polymorph, Alternate Form, or any other shape-changing spell or effect.

...Tossing them both into a blender and casting raise dead on whatever comes out.
OR hideous teleporter accident.

NikitaDarkstar
2012-10-24, 12:49 AM
* If my DM cries when he sees the stats I rolled I'm not allowed to use them
** No, not even if they were legal rolls.
*** This goes double if I intend to add insane templates to the character.
**** Yes even if the DM initially approved it.
***** If I add a half-demon template to the half-elf race I'm not allowed to look completely human.
****** Especially if I have the above mentioned insane stat array.
******* I will not be surprised if my half-elf/half-demon shadowdancer runs into a few Demon Bane weapons in his career.
******** Especially if he tries so seduce any more paladins, clerics, or other holy people.
********* This is the last time I'm allowed to use the puppy--eye look on the DM during character creation.
********** I am not to remind the DM that's what he said the last time, while smirking.
*********** Next time I am to play a character that's at least part human and has stats that actually reflect this.
************ Arguing that a 17 is within a human range does not help me when that is also my dump stat.
************* If I pull any of this one more time, we're playing Exalted.

Krazzman
2012-10-24, 03:17 AM
*** The BBEG may not be two enormous metal hemispheres.

This seems oddly specific... where might this be from?

* If I try to join a new Group I should not start with annoying the Paladin
** If I do it should have a good reason for being invited next time
*** My goal should be to make a good impression in the first session

Voyd211
2012-10-24, 04:43 AM
It's from Abhorsen, by Garth Nix. Same goes for my bells and ice things.

Elemental
2012-10-24, 08:26 AM
It's from Abhorsen, by Garth Nix. Same goes for my bells and ice things.

And it is an awesome series.
Now I'm briefly curious as to how one would reproduce the bells in an RPG... Let alone Death...

Socratov
2012-10-24, 08:37 AM
*using Coconuts as an instrument does not give a movementspeed bonus
**Giving the BBEG a fleshwound does not let him lose control of limbs, thus rendering him unable to use weapons or somatic spells
***I must stand in the corner until I understand why using Monty P. is not good for DnD.
****Even if some things actually do make sense
*****Under no circumstances am I allowed to be a Cleric with the True Believer feat when my deity is Antioch
******I understand now that I wasn't allowed to have Antioch as my deity anyway

Voyd211
2012-10-24, 08:41 AM
* Monk/sorcerers cannot fire ki beams named after Hawaiian rulers, nor can they absorb energy to lob at the enemy.
** Seven orange spheres are not needed to cast Wish.
** Dying your hair blond and spiking it does not increase your power 50 times.

Blightedmarsh
2012-10-24, 08:52 AM
***It increases it to 9000

toapat
2012-10-24, 08:56 AM
* Monk/sorcerers cannot fire ki beams named after Hawaiian rulers, nor can they absorb energy to lob at the enemy.

**unless they have the Spellfire Wielder feat.
***even then, they have to ready the catch as a standard action
****they still dont gain power from dying their hair yellow

Adoendithas
2012-10-24, 11:50 AM
And it is an awesome series.
Now I'm briefly curious as to how one would reproduce the bells in an RPG... Let alone Death...

Now I'm curious, too. :P

Some of the bells would be easy (in 4E at least, 3.5 I don't know). Ranna could just be a Sleep spell; Kibeth would have a Slide effect, or possibly one-turn Domination; Dyrim would be Speak With Dead and/or Silence; Saraneth would be a more powerful domination effect. But Mosrael, Belgaer, and Astarael I can't find any precedent for. Maybe Mosrael could let the ringer spend some healing surges for the target? Or Raise Dead with a large healing surge cost rather than material?

Death might work with the idea of Death Saving Throws, although it's not perfect. Someone is in the First Precinct if they're at negative hit points, the Second/Third after they fail their first death saving throw, the Fourth/Fifth after another failure, and the Sixth if they're dead but can still be raised or animated. I'm not even going to try to write rules for going into death, they would take up multiple pages.

Speaking of which...

* I may not nerd-snipe people with literary references!

Alabenson
2012-10-24, 01:27 PM
*Not allowed to spend all of my starting gold on cats, dogs, or any other animal.

*I am no longer permitted to play a hadozee wizard who insists on only speaking in his native tongue.

Morithias
2012-10-24, 01:38 PM
*Not allowed to spend all of my starting gold on cats, dogs, or any other animal.


I actually did something like that once. I was so I had "allies" that I could use an unholy set of armor to transfer damage to, and their saves were low enough they were likely to fail most of the time.

Voyd211
2012-10-24, 01:42 PM
Now I'm curious, too. :P

Some of the bells would be easy (in 4E at least, 3.5 I don't know). Ranna could just be a Sleep spell; Kibeth would have a Slide effect, or possibly one-turn Domination; Dyrim would be Speak With Dead and/or Silence; Saraneth would be a more powerful domination effect. But Mosrael, Belgaer, and Astarael I can't find any precedent for. Maybe Mosrael could let the ringer spend some healing surges for the target? Or Raise Dead with a large healing surge cost rather than material?

Death might work with the idea of Death Saving Throws, although it's not perfect. Someone is in the First Precinct if they're at negative hit points, the Second/Third after they fail their first death saving throw, the Fourth/Fifth after another failure, and the Sixth if they're dead but can still be raised or animated. I'm not even going to try to write rules for going into death, they would take up multiple pages.

Speaking of which...

* I may not nerd-snipe people with literary references!

Quick! To the Homebrew-mobile! Dananananananana~ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuZxn0aT_UQ)

* My rogue should not cause alignment arguments that span the entirety of the internet.
** My rogue's parents are not DEEEEAAAAAD!
** My rogue cannot breathe in space.

Riverdance
2012-10-24, 04:27 PM
Quick! To the Homebrew-mobile! Dananananananana~ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuZxn0aT_UQ)

* My rogue should not cause alignment arguments that span the entirety of the internet.
** My rogue's parents are not DEEEEAAAAAD!
** My rogue cannot breathe in space.

***My rogue cannot survive nuclear explosions, no matter what level he is.
****My rogue may not have a highly mobile tank
*****He may not then use it to wreck perfectly good roofs.

BootStrapTommy
2012-10-24, 07:06 PM
****But by that time it makes no difference because the economy has long since been destroyed.

Inflation's a bitch.

*If I have over 100 AC, I should not be surprised when the WHOLE party takes advantage of the fact that my two tower shields constitution full concealment.
**I may no longer build characters who throw tower shields like boomerangs.

*As a halfling artificer I may not mount a decanter of endless water to my helmet with a smaller nozzle in order to turn it on and fly around the room spinning and spraying everything.
**Nor can the cleric then caste desecrate water to do more damage.

Voyd211
2012-10-24, 07:19 PM
*My monk cannot throw 100 punches with one technique.
** Even if he could, his coat should not disintegrate beforehand.
** Poking someone in strategic spots will not cause them to explode violently.
** Monks cannot manipulate air currents to form invisible blades.

Doxkid
2012-10-24, 07:40 PM
*My monk cannot throw 100 punches with one technique.
** Even if he could, his coat should not disintegrate beforehand.
** Poking someone in strategic spots will not cause them to explode violently.
** Monks cannot manipulate air currents to form invisible blades.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with this list; I'm at least 80% sure monks are SUPPOSE to do each of those things.

Voyd211
2012-10-24, 07:53 PM
I see absolutely nothing wrong with this list; I'm at least 80% sure monks are SUPPOSE to do each of those things.

I'm going to guess you don't get the Fist of the North Star reference.

Dimers
2012-10-24, 08:12 PM
I got the reference, and I too think that monks should be able to do those things.

Although, for invisible blades made of air, I prefer the bard/monks (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiDo1YA0zck) in Kung Fu Hustle. :smallsmile:

Doxkid
2012-10-24, 08:30 PM
I got the reference, but that doesn't change the fact that the quoted list is among the top10 most normal things for a game. From this full series of threads, no less.

eulmanis12
2012-10-24, 08:31 PM
*when playing a cleric and being chased by a group of angry barbarians described as "clad in the furs of horrible beasts" I may not defeat them by casting reserection on their clothing