Asking something of someone - how to?

[Dr.Epic]

So, how do I go about doing that? The situation is this: a friend of mine from college invited me to this haunted house type thingie, and that sounds pretty awesome. I mean, go back to my college, see people I haven't see in awhile, go to some college haunted house, eat a crap tone of candy. Cool deals right? Problem is, I don't have anywhere to stay. The invite was a little vague. Basically, they invited me via inviting me to the Facebook page that had the event info. They never directly said "Hey, wanna stay at my place for a few days to go to this thing?" Maybe they did - I'm not sure - all I know is I'm invited and they didn't say anything about if I could stay with them. I'm assuming it's cool if I could crash with them a few days, but again, I'm not completely sure. How would I go about asking this? I figured something like this:

"Hey. Saw you invited me to this haunted house? Sounds cool. I'd love to get back down there and see people again. Mind if I crash at your place a few days since I don't have residency there? I'd appreciate it. Thanks."

That sound good? Oh, and one last thing that may play an issue. I'm male and she's female - just in case you think gender might be an issue and she'd be more inclined to say no because of this.

Thanks for any advice.

[Erloas]

I suppose it would mostly depend on how good of friends and what sort of stuff you did with this friend before, regardless of gender.
If you don't feel comfortable asking directly then I would say instead say something like "I would like to go down there but I can't really afford a hotel while I'm there" which would then leave it up to her to invite you to stay. It also gives her the option of maybe having another suggestion such as some other friend that might be better equipped to have someone extra stay with them.

[GolemsVoice]

Just ask them, I'd say, it's no big deal. I mean, the worst they might say is no, they can't do that.

Just be polite and don't pressure them, and don't sound like you're already assuming they'll host you. You'll be fine!

[Dr.Epic]

I suppose it would mostly depend on how good of friends and what sort of stuff you did with this friend before, regardless of gender.

Apparently good enough to be invited. Honestly, I've never seen myself as being too close to this person. I actually see them as more a friend of friend. I don't dislike them, I just don't remember hanging out with them on too many occasions.


If you don't feel comfortable asking directly then I would say instead say something like "I would like to go down there but I can't really afford a hotel while I'm there" which would then leave it up to her to invite you to stay. It also gives her the option of maybe having another suggestion such as some other friend that might be better equipped to have someone extra stay with them.

I have no problem asking them directly. I'm just wondering if my wording sounded good.


Just ask them, I'd say, it's no big deal. I mean, the worst they might say is no, they can't do that.

Just be polite and don't pressure them, and don't sound like you're already assuming they'll host you. You'll be fine!

Cool. I'll send them a message later today.

[Kelb_Panthera]

If there's a waffle house, 7-11, or other 24hr business with a public restroom in town, you can sleep in your car and ask this friend if you can shower at her place.

Just a thought.

Anyway, unless there's some prior event to create awkwardness or she's a person that's particularly sensitive in regards to classic decorum, the phrasing you've suggested should be okay.

I've found that it's best to simply ignore gender for the most part. It's not a big deal unless you make it one.

[dehro]

I'd personally raise the issue without asking outright..
that way she can offer to let you crash and it takes away any feeling of "having imposed" or somesuch.
and if she doesn't offer it, then there's a good chance that she would only have accepted under the strain of some sort of obbligation but would rather not have you.
or she could offer to help find a place to crash at alternative to hers, if she has an issue with that.
I'd say something in the way of "I'd really love tocome..the only thing is I don't quite know where to put my sleeping bag and really don't feel like sleeping in the car. do you know if anybody is opening their house/living room/basement/spare room for people from out of town, on the occasion?"

or something less explicitly hinting at the correct response to that :smallbiggrin:..but still in that direction.
but that's because I'm crap at asking for stuff from people and would rather spend money I shouldn't be spending that ask a favour...which I am not advocating as correct behaviour.

[Ravens_cry]

Eh, I'd just ask. Going all sorta passive-aggressive about it doesn't sound like the best way to go about it to be honest.

[Dr.Epic]

Well, I just sent her the message. I'll report back later playgrounders and tell you all how it went.

[Zdrak]

"Hey. Saw you invited me to this haunted house? Sounds cool. I'd love to get back down there and see people again. Mind if I crash at your place a few days since I don't have residency there? I'd appreciate it. Thanks."

Almost. The wording you are looking for is:


"Hey. Saw you invited me to this haunted house? Sounds cool. I'd love to get back down there and see people again. Do you know where I can crash a few days since I don't have residency there?"

By asking "do you know a place I can crash" instead of "can I crash at your place" you don't put any pressure on her, so if she doesn't want you on her couch, there are no hard feelings. And if she does want to host you (and it's likely that was her intention all along when the invite was sent!) she can just say "yeah, you can crash with me".

As an added bonus, if she doesn't want to host you, she is now forced to refer you to someone who can.

[Dr.Epic]

Well, I just sent her the message. I'll report back later playgrounders and tell you all how it went.


By asking "do you know a place I can crash" instead of "can I crash at your place" you don't put any pressure on her, so if she doesn't want you on her couch, there are no hard feelings. And if she does want to host you (and it's likely that was her intention all along when the invite was sent!) she can just say "yeah, you can crash with me".

As an added bonus, if she doesn't want to host you, she is now forced to refer you to someone who can.

Cool. I'll just go back in time and change the wording in the message I sent a few days ago because I can totally time travel.:smallwink::smalltongue:

In other news, still no word back. I'm beginning to think the answer is no.:smallfrown:

[Chen]

Apparently good enough to be invited. Honestly, I've never seen myself as being too close to this person. I actually see them as more a friend of friend. I don't dislike them, I just don't remember hanging out with them on too many occasions.

Conceivably this is just one of those mass Facebook invites. I get those from time to time from people who are on my friends list but I don't really talk to much, if at all. How many other people were invited? If its a small number then it is a more directed invite. If its a HUGE number than its probably a mass invite.

Seems a little late for advice now, but its good to know for the future.

[Dr.Epic]

Conceivably this is just one of those mass Facebook invites. I get those from time to time from people who are on my friends list but I don't really talk to much, if at all. How many other people were invited? If its a small number then it is a more directed invite. If its a HUGE number than its probably a mass invite.

Seems a little late for advice now, but its good to know for the future.

You humans and your foolish social customs. I swear I'll never understand them.

[The Succubus]

So, how do I go about doing that? The situation is this: a friend of mine from college invited me to this haunted house type thingie, and that sounds pretty awesome. I mean, go back to my college, see people I haven't see in awhile, go to some college haunted house, eat a crap tone of candy. Cool deals right? Problem is, I don't have anywhere to stay. The invite was a little vague. Basically, they invited me via inviting me to the Facebook page that had the event info. They never directly said "Hey, wanna stay at my place for a few days to go to this thing?" Maybe they did - I'm not sure - all I know is I'm invited and they didn't say anything about if I could stay with them. I'm assuming it's cool if I could crash with them a few days, but again, I'm not completely sure. How would I go about asking this? I figured something like this:

"Hey. Saw you invited me to this haunted house? Sounds cool. I'd love to get back down there and see people again. Mind if I crash at your place a few days since I don't have residency there? I'd appreciate it. Thanks."

That sound good? Oh, and one last thing that may play an issue. I'm male and she's female - just in case you think gender might be an issue and she'd be more inclined to say no because of this.

Thanks for any advice.

"Oh sweetest and fairest of maids, I humbly thank you for your gracious invitation. I greatly look forward to our nocturnal frolicks in this haunted house, yet I confess I find myself in dire straits.

I fear I lack a place to surrender to the embrace of Morpheus after the night's frivolities come to a close and seek your leave to remain as a guest of yours for a day or two. If you would grant me this boon, I shall be a shining example of virtue and good behaviour and shall make no attempt to engage in happycuddlefuntime, no matter how sweetly divine the temptation may be."

[Dr.Epic]

"Oh sweetest and fairest of maids, I humbly thank you for your gracious invitation. I greatly look forward to our nocturnal frolicks in this haunted house, yet I confess I find myself in dire straits.

I fear I lack a place to surrender to the embrace of Morpheus after the night's frivolities come to a close and seek your leave to remain as a guest of yours for a day or two. If you would grant me this boon, I shall be a shining example of virtue and good behaviour and shall make no attempt to engage in happycuddlefuntime, no matter how sweetly divine the temptation may be."

Stop speaking all Shakespearean!

[Ashen Lilies]

It's not Shakespeare! There aren't nearly as many made up words!

[Dr.Epic]

It's not Shakespeare! There aren't nearly as many made up words!

Well I'm as sad as a cucumber since I'm not going.:smallfrown:

[Kelb_Panthera]

Well I'm as sad as a cucumber since I'm not going.:smallfrown:

Got a definitive no, or still just no answer?

[Dr.Epic]

Got a definitive no, or still just no answer?

Still no answer, and I sent it to her over a week ago, I know she's been on Facebook and would have seen the message (I saw in my feed some of her status updates) and the haunted house opens tomorrow, and runs through Saturday. I'm pretty sure I got my answer.

[Kelb_Panthera]

Still no answer, and I sent it to her over a week ago, I know she's been on Facebook and would have seen the message (I saw in my feed some of her status updates) and the haunted house opens tomorrow, and runs through Saturday. I'm pretty sure I got my answer.

That's too bad man. Maybe next year, eh?

[Dr.Epic]

That's too bad man. Maybe next year, eh?

Most of the people I still know from college have either graduated or are seniors this year...so yeah.

[Traab]

Ack nm, didnt read the whole thing. Sorry about that.

[Kelb_Panthera]

Most of the people I still know from college have either graduated or are seniors this year...so yeah.

Such is life, my friend. There'll be other celebrations.

Just remember this and it'll cheer you up. In 1 weeks time, 80-ish% of the attractive women you know will be dressed in the sluttiest outfit they'll wear all year. Yay!

[Dr.Epic]

Such is life, my friend. There'll be other celebrations.

Just remember this and it'll cheer you up. In 1 weeks time, 80-ish% of the attractive women you know will be dressed in the sluttiest outfit they'll wear all year. Yay!

Several things you don't know about me that could be true:

a) I could be gay.

b) I could be blind.

c) I could be some kind of asexual alien like a Namekian.

d) I could be a gay, blind Namekian.

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[The Succubus]

Several things you don't know about me that could be true:

a) I could be gay.

b) I could be blind.

c) I could be some kind of asexual alien like a Namekian.

d) I could be a gay, blind Namekian.

e) You could be a cucumber.

[GolemsVoice]

d) This could be madness
e) This could be SPARTA
f) It could have been a joke

[Morph Bark]

Considering Dr. Epic has not given a definitive answer (much like the girl who invited him), we just have to assume he is actually, much like his fellow colleague Dr. Horrible, FeliciaDaysexual.

[Socratov]

Such is life, my friend. There'll be other celebrations.

Just remember this and it'll cheer you up. In 1 weeks time, 80-ish% of the attractive women you know will be dressed in the sluttiest outfit they'll wear all year. Yay!
That is indeed a great cheer up comment. Here have a marshmellow:(_()

Several things you don't know about me that could be true:

a) I could be gay.

b) I could be blind.

c) I could be some kind of asexual alien like a Namekian.

d) I could be a gay, blind Namekian.
those are indeed possibilities. However, without advertising as such in a recognisable way (not over dramatic, not very subtle either, just recognizable) I don't think it's that bad a comment to be honest. On the other hand, if you find it offensive you could of course always say so and ask the poster if he would direct such comments to others... Just my 2 cp

[Kelb_Panthera]

Several things you don't know about me that could be true:

a) I could be gay.

b) I could be blind.

c) I could be some kind of asexual alien like a Namekian.

d) I could be a gay, blind Namekian.

I meant no offense, and sincerely apologize if I gave any, but that's a cheering thought to me.

In the case of being homosexual, there's always all the cute guys in tight outfits too ya know.

In the case of asexuality, there is candy. Mountains of awesome candy. (though "fun size" is bull crap. What's fun about a candy bar 1/10th the normal size?:smallannoyed:)

[Zdrak]

Still no answer, and I sent it to her over a week ago, I know she's been on Facebook and would have seen the message (I saw in my feed some of her status updates) and the haunted house opens tomorrow, and runs through Saturday. I'm pretty sure I got my answer.

If you'd format your message as per my advice, none of this would have happened. Remember this, for future reference. :smallsmile:

[Dr.Epic]

If you'd format your message as per my advice, none of this would have happened. Remember this, for future reference. :smallsmile:

Thanks for rubbing it in and saying I told you so. And obviously it had to be my fault, not something like it was just a mass invite like other people said.

[Zdrak]

In other news, I can imagine how the poor girl felt when she got your message ...
"Wow, I never thought about really inviting him ... I thought it was just a Facebook faux-popularity thing where you interact with numbers and statistics and not actual people ... crap, an actual person wants to visit with me, what do I do now? I know, I'll just pretend this never happened, and maybe it'll go away"

[Dr.Epic]

In other news, I can imagine how the poor girl felt when she got your message ...
"Wow, I never thought about really inviting him ... I thought it was just a Facebook faux-popularity thing where you interact with numbers and statistics and not actual people ... crap, an actual person wants to visit with me, what do I do now? I know, I'll just pretend this never happened, and maybe it'll go away"

"Poor girl"? What's that supposed to mean? Are you trying to draw sympathy for her and make me look like the bad guy for asking? Yeah, I got some nerve politely following up on an invitation I was sent. I'm some kind villain alright!

[Erloas]

"Poor girl"? What's that supposed to mean? Are you trying to draw sympathy for her and make me look like the bad guy for asking? Yeah, I got some nerve politely following up on an invitation I was sent. I'm some kind villain alright! see: facetious

[The Succubus]

"Poor girl"? What's that supposed to mean? Are you trying to draw sympathy for her and make me look like the bad guy for asking? Yeah, I got some nerve politely following up on an invitation I was sent. I'm some kind villain alright!

Dr Epic is the *best* sort of villain.

[Zdrak]

"Poor girl"? What's that supposed to mean? Are you trying to draw sympathy for her and make me look like the bad guy for asking? Yeah, I got some nerve politely following up on an invitation I was sent. I'm some kind villain alright!

I was of course being more than slightly sarcastic.