culinary endeavors

[scurv]

I tried to make caramel this weekend. Seems to be three failures, But I'll try again next week.

Someone else shout out about your culinary endeavors

[The Glyphstone]

Making myself a pot of chili tonight.

[MonkeyBusiness]

Don't give up on your attempts to make caramel, scurv!

I make bread. I love to make bread, but it took me a while to get good at it. It also took a while to discover which tools worked best for me, and to invest in the ones I needed. The things I bought were not expensive - loaf pans, a good set of whisks, etc - but getting the right ones mattered quite a bit.

So did practicing. I have a good technique now. Also, I discovered some ingredients work better than others: some brands of yeast or flour yield a superior result, for example. But like practice, discovering which ingredients are best takes time, and trial and error.

Still, it's worth it to have fresh, home made bread.

.

[THAC0]

Salted caramel apple crumb bars, to be made before the weekend.

Made sweetpotato/beet pancakes this weekend. Sounds gross. Tastes amazing!

[scurv]

Oh I won't! I think in a month or so I should have it quite passable. I tend to fail till I win when it comes with cooking. Then tweek it forever.

[HeadlessMermaid]

I tried to make kebab the other day. Kebab means very different things to different people, but I mean the Armenian (I think) kebab, which is mincemeat with spices, shaped in sausage-shaped rolls, skewered and grilled. In the absence of a grill, you roast them in the oven. You usually serve them with yoghurt and a red sauce.

I did not have skewers, so I made them shorter and hoped they wouldn't fall apart in the process. Most didn't.

It smelled like heaven. I don't even know what spices I put eventually (there are tons of variations, so I just picked what sounded good), but I'm sure that cardamom and coriander made a huge difference.

The taste was OK, but no match for the delicious result I get in places with real cooks.

And the fail part: it was notably hard to chew. And I've no idea how to fix that. Maybe it's the meat. I used only beef, which - I've read - does tend to produce that effect in kebab (though I know for a fact that real cooks can circumvent that, god knows how). Adding lamb, or using lamb only, would take care of it, but the whole point of that adventurous endeavor was that I'm supposed to eat more beef from now on - doctor's orders.

Or maybe it's the roasting, and here I'm stumped because I rarely use the oven, and I don't really now how it works, how it behaves. So when you roast something and it turns out hard to chew, what do you do? Less heat or more heat? Less time or more time? Do you change the shape, and if so do you make them fatter or thinner?

In short, I have NO idea what I'm doing. :smalleek:

[Tebryn]

I tried to make kebab the other day. Kebab means very different things to different people, but I mean the Armenian (I think) kebab, which is mincemeat with spices, shaped in sausage-shaped rolls, skewered and grilled. In the absence of a grill, you roast them in the oven. You usually serve them with yoghurt and a red sauce.

I did not have skewers, so I made them shorter and hoped they wouldn't fall apart in the process. Most didn't.

It smelled like heaven. I don't even know what spices I put eventually (there are tons of variations, so I just picked what sounded good), but I'm sure that cardamom and coriander made a huge difference.

The taste was OK, but no match for the delicious result I get in places with real cooks.

And the fail part: it was notably hard to chew. And I've no idea how to fix that. Maybe it's the meat. I used only beef, which - I've read - does tend to produce that effect in kebab (though I know for a fact that real cooks can circumvent that, god knows how). Adding lamb, or using lamb only, would take care of it, but the whole point of that adventurous endeavor was that I'm supposed to eat more beef from now on - doctor's orders.

Or maybe it's the roasting, and here I'm stumped because I rarely use the oven, and I don't really now how it works, how it behaves. So when you roast something and it turns out hard to chew, what do you do? Less heat or more heat? Less time or more time? Do you change the shape, and if so do you make them fatter or thinner?

In short, I have NO idea what I'm doing. :smalleek:

Marinate the meat before you mince it. Pineapple juice is wondrous for this.


I've been smoking Ghost Peppers to use in a curry powder I'm making, so far so good. I've also been drying some since I live in a climate that is helpful in that process just to see how it will turn out.

[Serpentine]

I'm about to go down the street to get cream with which I intend to make a cinnamon baked custard, with cinnamon sticks and real vanilla beans.

[Traab]

My first attempt at making banana bread with chocolate chips was a mixed bag of win and loss. The win is it tasted mostly awesome. The bad news is, the chips all fell to the bottom of the batter and we had to chop off the burnt portion that was on the pan.

Someone mentioned chili. We knew sort of how to make it, so we gave it a shot. First attempt came out closer to meat sauce excellent for pasta. Second attempt came out chiliish, but bland. Third time was the charm though. We got the perfect thickness, and just enough spice for it to be a solid 2 alarms, maybe 2 and a half in heat. Enough to leave a nice tingle on our tongues, not so much we couldnt enjoy the flavor.

[celtois]

I'm planning to make a curry with pumpkin as the primary thickener (sometime this week). Probably by modifying a recipe that calls for tomatoes. I'll let you know if it turns out.

[HeadlessMermaid]

Marinate the meat before you mince it. Pineapple juice is wondrous for this.
Before I mince it? The butcher minces it, I have neither the expertise nor the tools to do it myself. :smalleek: Can't it be done afterwards?

Also, I'd be weary to add pineapple taste to this dish, and I wonder if there's something more appropriate that I could use.

Still, that's a neat little trick, thanks! :)

[Tebryn]

Before I mince it? The butcher minces it, I have neither the expertise nor the tools to do it myself. :smalleek: Can't it be done afterwards?

Also, I'd be weary to add pineapple taste to this dish, and I wonder if there's something more appropriate that I could use.

Still, that's a neat little trick, thanks! :)

I've never marinated ground beef but you could certainly do it I'm sure.

As for other things, Pineapple doesn't have much of a flavor when used as a marinade though you could certainly use other things. vinegar of any variety though I like Apple Cider vinegar. Anything that's highly acidic like tomato sauce, lemon/orange juice/lime juice, pineapple juice....the list is a long one that should fit into your desires quite well.

[Katana_Geldar]

My first attempt at making banana bread with chocolate chips was a mixed bag of win and loss. The win is it tasted mostly awesome. The bad news is, the chips all fell to the bottom of the batter and we had to chop off the burnt portion that was on the pan.


Try coating them in flour, that can work. Or put the chips in last.

I've made quiche lorraine, the right way which is pouring the liquid after arranging the filling and cheese. It's a regular of mine but my fiance loves my cheese sauce, which I cook with mushrooms, cauliflower and brocolli.

Now I'm making cheese meatballs and crostini.

[Krazzman]

An sort of common recipe for me and my GF is the "super Teriyaki Burger" from Cooking-Comically. The also have an awesome ice-cream and chili recipe (the chili one I would test myself to adapt better to "hot" spices as they most of the time don't taste for me) on there... and some other stuff I believe.

Another quite awesome thing is... we got a Thermomix when we moved together. This thing came with an extra cookbook with a few awesome recipes. Sadly the selfmade mayonnaise contained too much mustard on our first try and I think she used too much oil and thus we had to throw it away...

So... if you want some easy cooking done? Buy a Thermomix. I know they are expensive but worth every friggin cent. You get some really awesome dips/dishes/beverages(alcoholic and non-alcoholic)/dessert recipes for it.

Another thing you could cook to actually eat more beef is:
Minced Meat (100% Beef) + beefsteak slices (like gyros or so) + onions + Curry Ketchup.
1 lb of each and 1 bottle of ketchup... I think. Not so sure about the stuff as my GF's mother made that a few weeks ago. Although instead of beefsteak slices she used Lamb.

On another note if you want to eat more beef... might search for epic meal time on youtube... they use loads of meat for their.... show.

[Eldan]

I made a plum pie yesterday, since my parents gave me a few kilos of them from their tree.

[Serpentine]

My cinnamon baked custard has been declared a success, although it separated out into two slightly different layers. I also got a cinnamon and vanilla toffee, which I dissolved into a sauce, out of it.
Btw, the apple pie (fresh apples, marmalade and real cinnamon filling and a sweet almont pastry crust) I made for my grandparents the other day was also declared successful.

[Malak'ai]

I tried to make kebab the other day. Kebab means very different things to different people, but I mean the Armenian (I think) kebab, which is mincemeat with spices, shaped in sausage-shaped rolls, skewered and grilled. In the absence of a grill, you roast them in the oven. You usually serve them with yoghurt and a red sauce.

I did not have skewers, so I made them shorter and hoped they wouldn't fall apart in the process. Most didn't.

It smelled like heaven. I don't even know what spices I put eventually (there are tons of variations, so I just picked what sounded good), but I'm sure that cardamom and coriander made a huge difference.

The taste was OK, but no match for the delicious result I get in places with real cooks.

And the fail part: it was notably hard to chew. And I've no idea how to fix that. Maybe it's the meat. I used only beef, which - I've read - does tend to produce that effect in kebab (though I know for a fact that real cooks can circumvent that, god knows how). Adding lamb, or using lamb only, would take care of it, but the whole point of that adventurous endeavor was that I'm supposed to eat more beef from now on - doctor's orders.

Or maybe it's the roasting, and here I'm stumped because I rarely use the oven, and I don't really now how it works, how it behaves. So when you roast something and it turns out hard to chew, what do you do? Less heat or more heat? Less time or more time? Do you change the shape, and if so do you make them fatter or thinner?

In short, I have NO idea what I'm doing. :smalleek:

If they are meant to be flamegrilled try using a griddle pan (one of those wavy ridged frypan things) to seal them up all nice (also give the grill effect to the meat) and then put them into the oven.
For beef, if I remember correctly, it's 20mins per 500g at 180 degrees C, so for kebab's of that nature I wouldn't have them in there more than 15 minutes (maybe 20 minutes for well done) at the most.

EDIT: This is assuming they are approximately the same size as the ones I've had at restaurants, which were about an inch in diameter.

[dehro]

I've been experimenting with bollito misto (http://italianfood.about.com/od/boiledbeef/ss/aa041607.htm) for a while.. with alternating results.. trouble is that I cook mostly for myself.. meaning that this is both a lot of work and a mountainload of food, for one person.
put simply..several cuts of meat from several animals, boiled for several hours, together with a few veggies..then presented with assorted sauces..homemade sauces would be best but I'm not that refined yet.
done properly, the meat melts in your mouth.
I limit the dish to 3 cuts of meat... usually a turkey leg, a veal's tongue and another cut of veal or beef

[Malak'ai]

I've tried cooking Hangi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H%C4%81ngi) (pronounced: Hung-ee) before and failed with spectacular results. According to a Maori friend of mine, you can't use just any old stone you pick up off a riverbank for it :smallfrown:.

[Lentrax]

I pretty much fail at cooking. I mean, I can screw up making pudding.

But I can make a couple of good things, notably grilled cheese and chili, though my steaks usually turn out okay as well.

[Astral Avenger]

I am a fan of making frybread. I don't know if it has a different name, my roommate and I discovered it when he had some leftover flour. basically you take 1 part white flour and 1 part wheat flour, pinch of salt and add water until its a nice bread-dough consistency then flatten it out until its about 1" thick. then you fry it in oil or butter (I've used butter, olive oil, peanut oil and canola oil, use whichever you prefer the taste of). Flip to fry up the other side, then enjoy. Try putting peanut-butter on it or adding cinnamon.

On a related note, I feel I may be in the presence of much better chefs than myself.

[Winter_Wolf]

I love me some Indian food. I've managed to successfully replicate a variation of chicken biryani several times. I've managed to mangle the heck out of both mango chutney and that green stuff you get for dipping your corn chips into. The green stuff made with cilantro, not guacamole. I *have* successfully made up batches of guacamole, but realistically it's just cheaper to buy it from the store where I live.

Once I was desperate for something to eat, and it was two ingredients that I wouldn't normally consider as food, but they went well together. And I'm drawing a complete blank on it, unfortunately. I want to say cucumbers and saltine crackers, but I like both of those things.

Baked duck (kao ya style Chinese baked duck anyway) with horseradish, and also with brown mustard, are quite good with julienned cucumber and spring onions, wrapped in flour tortillas. Then again mustard and horseradish have been good on almost everything I've put 'em with.

[Asta Kask]

Before I mince it? The butcher minces it, I have neither the expertise nor the tools to do it myself. :smalleek: Can't it be done afterwards?

Also, I'd be weary to add pineapple taste to this dish, and I wonder if there's something more appropriate that I could use.

Still, that's a neat little trick, thanks! :)

Pineapple juice contains enzymes that tenderize the meat. Apparently you can buy meat tenderizers in the grocery store. You can also add the juice from fresh papaya (not canned or cooked) - this also contains tenderizing enzymes.

[Tebryn]

Pineapple juice contains enzymes that tenderize the meat. Apparently you can buy meat tenderizers in the grocery store. You can also add the juice from fresh papaya (not canned or cooked) - this also contains tenderizing enzymes.

I think she was more weary because of the flavor of the Pineapple. The enzyme is Bromelain which also removes the "finger prints" on our hands. Papaya has Papain. Though really, any acidic sauce/fruit/vegetable is useful as a marinade.

It should be noted you can buy both Bromelain and Papain in powder form which should negate any lingering issues with the flavor of the Pineapple.

[Traab]

I pretty much fail at cooking. I mean, I can screw up making pudding.

But I can make a couple of good things, notably grilled cheese and chili, though my steaks usually turn out okay as well.

Hey, pudding is tough! That damn powder seems to refuse to ever fully blend in, leaving at least tiny little powder pockets that are just unpleasant to bite into.

[Asta Kask]

I think she was more weary because of the flavor of the Pineapple. The enzyme is Bromelain which also removes the "finger prints" on our hands. Papaya has Papain. Though really, any acidic sauce/fruit/vegetable is useful as a marinade.

It should be noted you can buy both Bromelain and Papain in powder form which should negate any lingering issues with the flavor of the Pineapple.

Everything's better with pineapple.

There was even a rumor in Sweden that smearing your private parts with pineapple juice would destroy the sperm and work as a natural contraceptive. Our professor said that this was a perfectly acceptable practice as long as you didn't mind pregnancies.

[Tebryn]

Everything's better with pineapple.

There was even a rumor in Sweden that smearing your private parts with pineapple juice would destroy the sperm and work as a natural contraceptive. Our professor said that this was a perfectly acceptable practice as long as you didn't mind pregnancies.

I tend to agree, though I like Spicy, Sweet and Sour flavors over...Meaty, Salty, Bitter flavors so Pineapple fits the former more than the latter.

That..is a wonderful quote.

[Krazzman]

Hey, pudding is tough! That damn powder seems to refuse to ever fully blend in, leaving at least tiny little powder pockets that are just unpleasant to bite into.

As I said above a Thermomix makes stuff easier. Pudding without resorting to those instant packages? There's a recipe for that and it is awesome. It might needs abit to cool down so you should do it in advance but else it is delicious.

[Serpentine]

Oh, wait, are you talking about that YoGo-like custardy stuff, not propper soft, hot cakey puddings? Weirdos :P

Anyone interested in my baked custard? I think I can actually recite the recipe (such as it was) from memory.

[Malak'ai]

Oh, wait, are you talking about that YoGo-like custardy stuff, not propper soft, hot cakey puddings? Weirdos :P

Anyone interested in my baked custard? I think I can actually recite the recipe (such as it was) from memory.

Not much of a fan of custard, but shoot. Never hurts to give different things a try.

[Serpentine]

Hokay, so, I was sort of mashing together a couple of recipes and making stuff up and didn't have enough of some ingredients. Also measurements are metric.

Cinnamon and Vanilla Baked Custard
Ingredients
4 cups cream (I only had about 3 cups, made up the rest with milk)
2 cinnamon sticks
1 vanilla bean (I'd already taken the seeds for something else, be better to use the whole thing)
4 eggs (I added an extra one to make up for the milk)
2 egg yolks
1 cup castor sugar (I used normal sugar. Not sure of amount, may have been more)
Ground cinnamon

1. Split vanilla bean, scrape seeds into cream. Simmer cinnamon sticks and vanilla in cream for about 20 minutes. Take care not to boil the cream - you may have to take it off the stove to cool for a while.
2. Lightly grease a baking dish (~7 cup capacity).
3. Whisk together sugar, eggs and yolks until pale and thick.
4. Remove cinnamon and vanilla bean from cream. Slowly whisk cream into egg mixture until well combined.
5. Pour custard into baking dish. Set in a baking tray, and pour water in the tray until it comes half-way up the dish. Sprinkle custard with ground cinnamon.
6. Cook at 150oC for an hour, until set but wobbly. Allow to cool.
7. Nom.

Bonus: Cinnamon and Vanilla Syrup
Rinse the used vanilla bean and cinnamon sticks well. Put in a saucepan with a couple of cups of water, boil briskly until the water is noticably coloured. Remove bean and sticks, add a cup or two of sugar. Simmer for some time, until syrup achieves desired consistency, remembering that it will thicken has it cools; if it gets to the consistency of runny honey, it will turn into a hard toffee, which could be good anyway. In fact, I just might try that... The syrup will end up a rich dark red, and slightly spicy.

[HeadlessMermaid]

Wow, thanks for all the suggestions about the kebab.

I think I'll leave the marination thingy as a last resort. The only acidic flavor that fits (in my mind, at least) is lemon, and I'm not too fond of lemon. As for the papaya/pineapple powders, I don't think I can find them easily around here.

I think I simply overcooked them, I must have left them in the oven for almost half an hour. I'll try 15-20 minutes next time, and see how it goes. I've also gotten some (makeshift) skewers, so the shape will be more "correct". Thanks again! :)

[Xefas]

(Foreword: I cannot talk about food without cursing. In the interest of not coming off as boarish, every time I feel the urge to be vulgar, I'll instead type the word 'snuggle'.)

I made a canapé a few days ago. It was delicious. Lemma tell you about it.

Level 1) The bread. Nothing special. Baguette, sliced very thin, soaked in butter, oven-toasted.

Level 2) The meat. Mothersnuggling Beef Tenderloin. Slathering with olive oil, and rubbed down with a thick coating of fresh herbs from my garden (rosemary, sage, thyme, and oregano). Grilled, painstakingly, patiently, godsnuggle perfect. Sliced about as thick as the bread. Meaty, tender, subtle hints of herb. Melts in your mouth. (Godsnuggle perfect. I was as surprised as anyone.)

Level 3) A tiny sprinkling of Roquefort.

Level 4) These onions. Lemme tell you about these onions. Never have I lit something on fire so many times. So, caramelized onions, right? But like, snuggling caramelized. Almost like you're making French Onion Soup. Like, snuggling caramelized. Little bit of salt, pepper, sugar. But then comes the Bourbon.

Whole snuggle-ton of bourbon. Light on fire. Cook down. Put out fire. Whole snuggle-ton of bourbon. Light on fire. Cook down. Put out fire. Over and over. Lemme tell ya, by the time I was done, these onions were more saturated with booze than my entire family combined (and they all have crippling alcoholism!).

One sliver of these - one sliver - like one of those tiniest sliveriest pieces you can cut from a single ring of an onion - one of those - was like a bourbonsplosion in your mouth. I would describe it as 'offensively bourbonesque' but in a good way. Lemme tell ya.

Level 5) Bourbon Sauce. Because of course.

So, I wanted thick. Like, thick like syrup. Which means - sugar. Lots of sugar. Problem with sugar? Don't want it snuggling sweet. Solution? Soy sauce! The sweet and salty murder each other in the face and I'm golden. Soy sauce, bourbon, violent amounts of sugar. Reduce. Aaaand reduce. And reduce until it's so thick and syruppy and about to burn that you think it's about to burn, but then you save it at the last second.

I would describe a dab of this sauce to be as if you were in a terrible accident, and then they were gonna Robocop you, but instead of replacing your body with computers, it was bourbon. But in a good way.

---

So, together, Bread/Meat/Cheese/Onions/Sauce. Delicious, amazing, incredible.

And then I made 105 of them. Didn't get to have any. And wasn't paid.

It was great.

[dehro]

(Foreword: I cannot talk about food without cursing. In the interest of not coming off as boarish, every time I feel the urge to be vulgar, I'll instead type the word 'snuggle'.)

that's an oddly specific form of Tourrette, you've got going there..:smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

[Malak'ai]

Malak'ai's Roast Lamb:

Lamb Forequarter/Shoulder Roast (approx 1.5 - 1.8kg)
Fresh Herbs (Mint, Thyme, Rosemary, Sage)
Other Aeromatics (Garlic, 1/2 an Onion)
Salt/Pepper/Olive Oil
Bottle of Red Wine (Yes, a whole bottle. I recommend a Merlot, but a Sharaz or Cab Sav is fine.)

Method:
Pre-heat oven to 150 degrees C.
Grind up herbs, aeromatics, salt, pepper and oil into a paste, rub onto lamb (make sure to get an even coat all over the skin) nice and hard.
Place lamb in oven tray with a little but of extra fat (or other shortening) and pour wine over the lamb gently and place lamb into the oven for 3 hours, turning the lamb once.
Turn oven upto 180 degrees C and finish for half an hour.

Result should be a nice medium to medium-well roast of lamb that melts in your mouth with the flavours of the herbs and wine right through it to the bone.

The wine and herbs also add a huge boost to the flavour of the gravy as well.

[missmvicious]

My cinnamon baked custard has been declared a success, although it separated out into two slightly different layers. I also got a cinnamon and vanilla toffee, which I dissolved into a sauce, out of it.
Btw, the apple pie (fresh apples, marmalade and real cinnamon filling and a sweet almont pastry crust) I made for my grandparents the other day was also declared successful.

I take it someone like cinnamon.

I've actually started trying a lot of new things in the kitchen. I recently tried making my own potato chips which was rather delicious and I made my own tomato sauce. I actually like the sauce so much I am seeing about jarring some of it. I ended up subscribed to "Nerdy Nummies" on youtube also (which I don't remember doing) and that makes me want to try more baking. I found their recipe for lembas bread earlier and the only thing that stopped me from making it is the fact I don't have a lemon.

[Socratov]

(Foreword: I cannot talk about food without cursing. In the interest of not coming off as boarish, every time I feel the urge to be vulgar, I'll instead type the word 'snuggle'.)

snip
And then I made 105 of them. Didn't get to have any. And wasn't paid.

It was great.
presnip: this reminds me of Gordon Ramsy substituting Holy Mackerell (?) that is hwo I read your recipe, in his voice, with his intonation and the word snuggle. I had a hard time not to laugh so hard I needed an oxygen mask...

aftersnip: how can it be great when you do a lot of work for them, not get any, and not get paid :smallfrown: If I had one I'd shared with you...

that's an oddly specific form of Tourrette, you've got going there..:smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:
yeah, but rule of funny allows it.

I have recently aquired my grandma's recipe for coffe cordial:
*warning: this is a recipe involving strong spirits. if you are not elligible to drink strong spirits in your country don't do this*
0.5 l Jenever (dutch spirit based on juniperberries)
80 'soft'* coffee beans (*slightly roasted like mocca)
40 g vanilla sugar
250 g sugar candy(some kind of rocklike very sweet sugar witha brown color)

put all this in a 1 l container and shake every day for 6-8 months. After 6-8 months strain the beans out and leave be for at least haf a year (best is a full year) and you're done.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

(Foreword: I cannot talk about food without cursing. In the interest of not coming off as boarish, every time I feel the urge to be vulgar, I'll instead type the word 'snuggle'.)

I made a canapé a few days ago. It was delicious. Lemma tell you about it.

Level 1) The bread. Nothing special. Baguette, sliced very thin, soaked in butter, oven-toasted.

Level 2) The meat. Mothersnuggling Beef Tenderloin. Slathering with olive oil, and rubbed down with a thick coating of fresh herbs from my garden (rosemary, sage, thyme, and oregano). Grilled, painstakingly, patiently, godsnuggle perfect. Sliced about as thick as the bread. Meaty, tender, subtle hints of herb. Melts in your mouth. (Godsnuggle perfect. I was as surprised as anyone.)

Level 3) A tiny sprinkling of Roquefort.

Level 4) These onions. Lemme tell you about these onions. Never have I lit something on fire so many times. So, caramelized onions, right? But like, snuggling caramelized. Almost like you're making French Onion Soup. Like, snuggling caramelized. Little bit of salt, pepper, sugar. But then comes the Bourbon.

Whole snuggle-ton of bourbon. Light on fire. Cook down. Put out fire. Whole snuggle-ton of bourbon. Light on fire. Cook down. Put out fire. Over and over. Lemme tell ya, by the time I was done, these onions were more saturated with booze than my entire family combined (and they all have crippling alcoholism!).

One sliver of these - one sliver - like one of those tiniest sliveriest pieces you can cut from a single ring of an onion - one of those - was like a bourbonsplosion in your mouth. I would describe it as 'offensively bourbonesque' but in a good way. Lemme tell ya.

Level 5) Bourbon Sauce. Because of course.

So, I wanted thick. Like, thick like syrup. Which means - sugar. Lots of sugar. Problem with sugar? Don't want it snuggling sweet. Solution? Soy sauce! The sweet and salty murder each other in the face and I'm golden. Soy sauce, bourbon, violent amounts of sugar. Reduce. Aaaand reduce. And reduce until it's so thick and syruppy and about to burn that you think it's about to burn, but then you save it at the last second.

I would describe a dab of this sauce to be as if you were in a terrible accident, and then they were gonna Robocop you, but instead of replacing your body with computers, it was bourbon. But in a good way.

---

So, together, Bread/Meat/Cheese/Onions/Sauce. Delicious, amazing, incredible.

And then I made 105 of them. Didn't get to have any. And wasn't paid.

It was great.



Ok.
So.
You need to give more recipes.
Because this was one of the best recipes I've ever read.

[Coidzor]

Ok.
So.
You need to give more recipes.
Because this was one of the best recipes I've ever read.

I must concur. A pleasure to read.

[Xefas]

This is something we made at work a few weeks ago for staff meal*. I'll tweak the recipe a little with the assumption that you're cooking out of your kitchen, and not an Asian restaurant's kitchen. So, you should probably be safe just starting at step #1 without reading ahead.

(*If you aren't familiar, restaurants tend to have a morning shift and an evening shift and, between the two, the kitchen cooks up something to be the 'staff meal' for all the employees. It tends to be cheap [because your employer is basically buying you all lunch every day, so best not to push your luck], quick [because you all want to hurry up and get some actual rest before the snuggling late shift starts], and large in quantity [because you obviously have to work at lunch time, serving lunch to the customers, everyone eats with a big gap between breakfast and their own 'lunch', and is thus ravenous]).

So,

#1) 1 egg. Beat/whip that snuggler.

#2) 1 cup of flour. Nothing fancy, just your standard all-purpose flour.

#3) 1 cup of... and I can't snuggling stress this enough - listen, okay? - okay? listen. Listen. Okay? Cold water. Now, I say 'Cold', but what I actually mean is Snuggling Cold. Okay? Got it? No. No, I don't think you have. Place your hand in that water. Have you a great suffering, naive? Colder, then. Find a way.

#4) Mix - very, very carefully - the flour, egg, and water (still cold... riiiight?). By carefully, I mean slowly and gently, like one would make love to an anemic water balloon. You... okay, wow. Okay, I just mean that there still needs to be some thickness to the mixture. You can mix it enough that it turns to just water consistency. But you don't want that. It's okay if it's a little non-uniform in texture, so long as it remains thick.

Troubleshooting at this stage:
>"I think I over-mixed my batter. It's too thin."
(1- Add a little more flour. 2- And take heart! For the rest of your life, you will never disappoint anyone. As much as you just disappointed me.)

#5) Purchase a chocolate cake. Now, #6-... what? Yes. A cake. Chocolate cake, heathen. And it better be cold for step #6, or the time of your great snuggling will be now (then?).

#6) Coat that cake in the batter you just made. The entire cake. Bottom too! All the way around. And don't set it down anywhere, or the batter will come off. This will make an incredible snuggle to clean up later. Entirely intentional.

#7) Part of me hopes that you read ahead before starting this recipe. Part of me hopes you're just now reading this, holding, in you hands, an entire chocolate cake dripping with tempura batter, desperate to find out what to do with it.

Drop that snuggle in the deep frier. Whole thing. Submerse it. Feel either shame at the terrible deed you are about to commit with this cake (eating it?), or shame that you do not have a large enough deep frier and are now, ostensibly, holding a soggy cake with no resolution in sight.

#8) When crispy on the outside and magma-like on the inside, pull the cake out. Gently, so you don't tear the batter, philistine. You may need multiple tongs, spatulas, and assistants to do this correctly without the molten blob of chocolate held together by a paper thin crust exploding onto your shoes. God knows I did. Have fun with that.

#9) Revel. (And salt, of course. Salt it.)

[Serpentine]

Xefas, I will BUY your cookbook. All you have to do is write it.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

Xefas, I will BUY your cookbook. All you have to do is write it.

Actually though.
I'm a student with negative monies.

And I will buy your cookbook.

[Wyntonian]

Xefas, I will BUY your cookbook. All you have to do is write it.

I would as well. And enough copies for every relative and friend I have, and some extras for random pets, woodland creatures and strangers on the street.

Also, I'm going to go help cook dinner for 350 people for a fundraiser. Bacon Mac n Cheese, Lamb and Cranberry sausages, a marinaded chickenwhatever, some of that basil-tomato-mozarella-basalmic salad stuff and a bunch of punkin pies, as well as half a dozen things I forgot.

Yeah, we have fun with this.

[TheCountAlucard]

Made some rather nice cookies the other day - white chocolate chip with macadamia is a good combo. :smallbiggrin: And last night I made fluffy scrambled eggs with sausage and bacon and cheddar cheese. I love breakfast for dinner. :smallsmile:

[Wyntonian]

Made some rather nice cookies the other day - white chocolate chip with macadamia is a good combo. :smallbiggrin: And last night I made fluffy scrambled eggs with sausage and bacon and cheddar cheese. I love breakfast for dinner. :smallsmile:

You just named like two of my five favorite foods. I'd get creative with the kind of cheese, personally, but still.

[TheCountAlucard]

Feel free to name the others. :smalltongue: