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Jeivar
2012-11-19, 05:07 PM
We are going to play a Pathfinder campaign, starting at first level, in a homemade setting "in the frozen north!"

I'm playing a female Aasimar Paladin with glowing eyes and a radonkulous Charisma score. We're going for a deliberately cheesy, melodramatic tone, and I have two days to hammer out a fittingly dramatic backstory. Preferably one composed of several stock fantasy backstories stitched together.
"Daughter of the missing, legendary paladin Wandred Lightbringer, escaped from slavery many years after The Dread Lord Baneheart razed her village, she now seeks to bring the light of justice upon evildoers as she searches for Wandred!"

Stuff like that. :smallsmile:

So, please good folk of yon Playground, throw cliches at me until we have a beautiful cheesecake. :smallbiggrin:

The Glyphstone
2012-11-19, 05:11 PM
Her entire family was murdered when the monster lord led by Dread Lord Baneheart attacked their village, and she had to bury her own family. But during her escape from slavery, she confronted Baneheart, who revealed that he was her father.

Jeivar
2012-11-19, 05:18 PM
Her entire family was murdered when the monster lord led by Dread Lord Baneheart attacked their village, and she had to bury her own family. But during her escape from slavery, she confronted Baneheart, who revealed that he was her father.

Appropriately cheesy. :smalltongue: Though the Baneheart thing was an example, not a template. :smallsmile:

The Glyphstone
2012-11-19, 05:21 PM
Appropriately cheesy. :smalltongue: Though the Baneheart thing was an example, not a template. :smallsmile:

So roll with it, actually name him Dark Lord Baneheart. Oh, and he's also the evil twin brother of the legendary paladin who she thought was her father.

hymer
2012-11-19, 05:22 PM
Pirates. A prophecy. True love and labours to gain unconsenting (possibly not nice) father's acceptance. Divine descent and/or some powerful artifact. Childhood rival. Princess/dragon thing. Vampires/werewolves.

That's all for now.

Balmas
2012-11-19, 05:42 PM
Your Aasimar flees an arranged marriage with a demon, arranged by her power-hungry father. However, she's since heard that the demon, in anger, killed her father--or, rather, the body was never found, which everyone knows means that he's dead. Now, she must battle both the demon and her own feelings for the man who raised her. She mus also combat her own budding attraction for the mysterious stranger who follows them, with the name suspiciously similar to the demon who killed her father.

Oh, and dragon pirates. That's a good idea.

Craft (Cheese)
2012-11-19, 05:44 PM
My favorite source of inspiration for this kind of thing? The Mary Sue Generator! (http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/fatguy.html)


She appears to be a normal martial artist except she dresses like a elf catgirl, her eyes lets her see ghosts and her hair is rainbow colored and has a wild bushy goth look to it, but secretly she is actually a half-werewolf.
She is a megalomaniac who is part of a secret organization and she will fight her enemies with the power to restore her health by eating corpses or to seduce demons.
Her friends and enemies call her Bloodprincess Spacebird!
Her constant companion is a angsty over-analytical spaceship who is also the reason she lives.
Her favored weapon is a steam-powered dragonbone razor which absorbs all light around her.

The Glyphstone
2012-11-19, 05:44 PM
Make sure that you use everything given to you here in the same backstory, contradictions be hanged.

CarpeGuitarrem
2012-11-19, 05:45 PM
Make sure that you use everything given to you here in the same backstory, contradictions be hanged.
I was about to say this.

She is, in fact, the last Aasamir, or so she thinks.

Craft (Cheese)
2012-11-19, 05:49 PM
She's also the last heir to be the Princess of an ancient Aasimar empire. Princess, because queens and empresses are always evil.

Her favorite method of transportation is to use an old, geriatric wizard with a really long beard. I don't mean he teleports her around, I mean she just gets on his back and he walks her around.

CarpeGuitarrem
2012-11-19, 05:52 PM
Her favorite method of transportation is to use an old, geriatric wizard with a really long beard. I don't mean he teleports her around, I mean she just gets on his back and he walks her around.
Except that when the campaign starts, said old wizard has been tragically slain by an evil demon monkey minion pirate.

pffh
2012-11-19, 05:53 PM
Also she has heterochromia iridum (where the eyes are different colours), one silver and one blue and hides the silver one with a fake eyepatch.

North_Ranger
2012-11-19, 05:56 PM
Oh, and she has to be raised in the wild by wolves/apes/badgers/dire weasels, but then be completely at home in the high-class society befitting his station and natural inclinations.

Eyes that change colour, that's pretty much a given...

Her name must be Raven or a play there-of; Rawen, Ravyn, Ra'ven.

Her best friend is a half-dragon, psionic, half-fey unicorn who is also a werewolf - a good werewolf who wants to fight his evil kin.

Craft (Cheese)
2012-11-19, 06:28 PM
She was also grown in a vat by aliens to be the perfect woman.

Razanir
2012-11-19, 08:29 PM
She's actually a tiefling. :smalleek: It's just that her family and close relatives are actually good-aligned and never told her which plane her ancestor was from.

Astral Avenger
2012-11-19, 08:42 PM
Make sure that you use everything given to you here in the same backstory, contradictions be hanged.

hmm... might as well throw in some of this too:

Oedipus with genders switched (prophesied that she would kill her mother and sleep with her father, comes true, bad stuff happens when she finds out)
Surprised by the Spanish Inquisition (If anyone knows for sure, did that start with Mel Brooks' history of the world?)
Hating mondays
Always have a towel (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)

Razanir
2012-11-19, 09:19 PM
Make sure that you use everything given to you here in the same backstory, contradictions be hanged.

:smalleek: *blinks* :smalleek:

So far we have a tiefling who:

thinks she's an aasimar
is a princess
rides an aged wizard. Who, by the way was slain by an evil demon monkey minion pirate
is destined to kill her mom and sleep with her dad
hates Mondays
is surprised by the Spanish Inquisition
always carries a towel
was grown by aliens
and has two eyes that change colors independently of each other


:eek:

TheThan
2012-11-19, 10:04 PM
Oh please, too easy.

Despite your girly and dainty physique, you grew up a tomboy in a remote village, more interested in beating up boys than learning how to cook, clean sew etc.
Your father left when you were just a babe, your mother died in child birth, and you were raised by your favored uncle, and a wizened old sage, father figure. The sage is a wizard that taught you magic, but you shunned it in favor of the martial teachings of your uncle.

Eventually a band of raiders attacked your village, burning it to the ground. Your uncle and father figure both fought bravely but died quickly in the assault. You managed to survive, by running off into the forest, where you spent many years learning how to survive and become friends with all the forest creatures. The surviving villagers were all taken as slaves and sold, dispersing all the survivor of your village.

After you were taken as a slave you learned to fight in the gladiator pits. These gladiator pits are (naturally) controlled (from a distance) by your evil overlord father. Eventually you won your freedom (partly because you became too dangerous to keep, partly because you freaking earned it). Now you are destined by the god of iron to become queen by your own hand.
During your travels you’ve discovered a magical sword; which happens to be quite sentient, evil and a magical maguffin your father (the evil overlord) needs. You’ve also become a thief, a mercenary, a general, a pirate, a beggar, a priest and of course, a princess.

The_Snark
2012-11-20, 12:24 AM
Other people have covered your character's upbringing pretty well, so I'll be talking about possible love interests! Your options are...

1) a Handsome Prince. He's a little full of himself and slightly spoiled, but has a good heart and will get over himself once he runs away from home in search of you and sees how ordinary people live. He is sick of scheming court ladies who want the throne more than they want him, and his heart is won by your character's refreshing honesty and lack of respect for his station... even though he'd be offended if it were anyone else. Your impressive, um, Charisma score is probably the culprit there.

2) a Dashing Thief. You will meet this fellow the first time you visit a big city, and he will take you under his wing after meeting you in the marketplace. (There is a good chance he'll pick your pocket during that first meeting, but in a charming sort of way.) At first he will act as a sort of big brother to you, but his feelings will become less and less platonic over time; whether you notice is up to you. Although an unrepentant criminal, he too has a good heart and will always look out for you, even when you are ignoring him in favor of other love interests.

3) a Nervous Young Scholar. He's homely by Hollywood standards, meaning he's actually quite cute but everybody in the story treats him as if he's plain. Smart but socially awkward, especially around girls and particularly around you; it is obvious to everyone (except you, possibly) that he is completely besotted. He is unworldly and not accustomed to danger, meaning you have to most of the work when you drag him along on adventures, but proves his worth about once per story by solving a riddle or providing a crucial plot-related fact. Has a good heart (duh).

Don't worry too much about neglecting him; should you choose someone else, he will almost certainly pair off with your best female friend. If he hasn't stopped stammering and tripping over things by the end of Book 2, this is probably better for everyone involved.

4) a Steadfast Soldier. You met him in the army; he was either the first friendly person you met there, or that one guy who doubts your abilities because he doesn't think a beautiful woman is tough enough to be a real soldier. (Don't worry; this attitude won't last long.) He will accompany you on your first adventures and will quickly become your most loyal supporter. Naturally, he falls in love with you as well, but unfortunately you do not return his feelings. He will be content to quietly pine, possibly for the rest of his life.

Note: if you are of noble birth and he is a common soldier, he will claim this as his reason for never acting on his feelings. This, paradoxically, makes his suit 100% more likely to succeed. Suddenly his silence will seem brooding and tragic instead of just boring.

5) a Dark Stranger. This love interest works for the Big Bad; you will first meet him when he is assigned to hunt you down. He will be one (or more) of the following: assassin, vampire, pirate, demon or half-demon, ninja, werewolf. Although he claims not to have a good heart, he is nonetheless captivated by your character's beauty and spirit. It will take a long time for him to admit these feelings to himself, but in the meantime you are relatively safe from him; the worst he will do is capture you, in which case you will either escape on your own shortly afterwards or (if he successfully drags you to the Big Bad's fortress) with his assistance. Expect a tense romance, with plenty of mutual suspicion and sexually-charged fight scenes. He will invariably have a tragic past, so as to soften your character's heart with pity when he finally opens up.

Note: there is a good chance that this love interest will turn out to be your character's brother or even father. In such cases, you may replace romantic interest with a familial bond... though I suppose you don't have to, if you like mistaken identity stories or your character has an Electra complex.


There you go! You can pick any or all of these, though I recommend at least two for proper melodrama. Also, in the event that you have multiple love interests, one of them must be a childhood friend—#2, #3, and #4 are best suited for this, although #5 could work in a pinch.

TheThan
2012-11-20, 12:32 AM
*snip*



She could choose all five, and have a whole adventuring party of love interests.

DontEatRawHagis
2012-11-20, 12:51 AM
Cheesy Backstories in history:

Last of a dead race
Part of a holy order destined to slaying evil where ever it stands.
Orphaned
Amnesia
Evil Twin
Love Triangle
Prophesied to be the Chosen One
Cursed to have people die around her(Sad sack, I can't endanger the people I love)
Her Uncle died when she failed to stop an armed burglar.
Father died at the hands of the BBEG.
Mother was married to the BBEG
BBEG is her Father
Eventual hand severing.


Honestly say anythings about prophecies or prophets in my games you automatically win the cheesy backstory contest. Double points if the prophecy goes exactly as planned until start of the campaign.

The_Snark
2012-11-20, 01:02 AM
She could choose all five, and have a whole adventuring party of love interests.

Yes. Yes she could.

(Hmm, let's see: knight, rogue, wizard, fighter, and something generically dark (warlock, assassin, or some kind of monster race). A little light on divine casting, but Our Hero is a paladin. Not bad.)

Jeivar
2012-11-20, 01:49 AM
Snip


Now that's some good cheese. Though I don't think the DM will allow that many supporters in the party. :smallsmile:

Gettles
2012-11-20, 02:30 AM
Oh please, too easy.

Despite your girly and dainty physique, you grew up a tomboy in a remote village, more interested in beating up boys than learning how to cook, clean sew etc.
Your father left when you were just a babe, your mother died in child birth, and you were raised by your favored uncle, and a widened old sage, father figure. The sage is a wizard that taught you magic, but you shunned it in favor of the martial teachings of your uncle.

Eventually a band of raiders attacked your village, burning it to the ground. Your uncle and father figure both fought bravely but died quickly in the assault. You managed to survive, by running off into the forest, where you spent many years learning how to survive and become friends with all the forest creatures. The surviving villagers were all taken as slaves and sold, dispersing all the survivor of your village.

After you were taken as a slave you learned to fight in the gladiator pits. These gladiator pits are (naturally) controlled (from a distance) by your evil overlord father. Eventually you won your freedom (partly because you became too dangerous to keep, partly because you freaking earned it). Now you are destined by the god of iron to become queen by your own hand.
During your travels you’ve discovered a magical sword; which happens to be quite sentient, evil and a magical maguffin your father (the evil overlord) needs. You’ve also become a thief, a mercenary, a general, a pirate, a beggar, a priest and of course, a princess.

Not bad, but you need to squeeze some amnesia into it. Proper cheese doesn't taste right unless a bit of amnesia brooding is thrown in.

mishka_shaw
2012-11-20, 08:02 AM
Ah she has a family? Dammit I thought every character in d&d had to be an orphan abandoned in a temple...wasn't it like the law or something?

Anyway a friend of mine had a female paladin whose mother was cut in half by a golden dragon. She was pregnant at the time and so as she was cut in half the fetus fell out and rolled down a hill into the river.
The fetus was than washed down the river and was picked out by wolves who than raised her.
...once we we're finished laughing we told him to go with it.

As for your character she defo needs a mysterious amulet given to her by her mother. The thing screams MacGuffin and will be used later on to get out of a plot-hole.


Not bad, but you need to squeeze some amnesia into it. Proper cheese doesn't taste right unless a bit of amnesia brooding is thrown in.

100% this

Razanir
2012-11-20, 08:47 AM
As for your character she defo needs a mysterious amulet given to her by her mother. The thing screams MacGuffin and will be used later on to get out of a plot-hole.


Prophesied to be the Chosen One

These. How could we forget the chosen one bit

CarpeGuitarrem
2012-11-20, 12:05 PM
She could choose all five, and have a whole adventuring party of love interests.
Slayers: the Visual Novel?

The Glyphstone
2012-11-20, 12:09 PM
She can have a family that was killed to become and orphan, only to be adopted and re-orphaned.

And of course, end the entire backstory with a single line that says she's forgotten all of the above because of amnesia.

Craft (Cheese)
2012-11-20, 12:10 PM
All the love interests are also girls because het is ew.


She can have a family that was killed to become and orphan, only to be adopted and re-orphaned.

Why stop there? Have it happen like, on a weekly basis. And her family's murderer is the same person every time.

Razanir
2012-11-20, 12:13 PM
She can have a family that was killed to become and orphan, only to be adopted and re-orphaned.

And in an alternate timeline, she become the wizard that did it. *cough*Onion Kid*cough*

Man on Fire
2012-11-20, 12:45 PM
and something generically dark )

Please, that's a brooding grim Mysterious Stranger Gunslinger if I ever seen one.

Also, add these to our mary sue's backstory:

* Pretended to be a boy to join the military in place of your ages-old grandfather
** When **** came out, she already proved to be better than everybody else.
*** Yet she still must prove how good she is to every man, othertwise they won't take her seriously.
**** Especially if they are of higher position than those she alerady convinced she is as good as the guys.
* Love Interest killed by BBEG.
** She blames herself.
* BBEG is in love with her
* Her true father was a god
* She is the Chosen One

DontEatRawHagis
2012-11-20, 01:14 PM
Disney theme keeps trucking along:

Disney Princess
Evil Step Mother/Sisters
Coma/Endless Sleep
Mary Sue Prince character as savior.

Grimsage Matt
2012-11-20, 01:24 PM
Her best friend is a Troll Engineer that hands out Steam Chains Guns to everyone.

The Glyphstone
2012-11-20, 01:26 PM
Her hair is an odd color, like gold.

She never cries no matter what, because her tears grant immortality to those who drink them, and she can't risk that falling into the hands of evil.

Craft (Cheese)
2012-11-20, 01:50 PM
She never cries no matter what, because her tears grant immortality to those who drink them, and she can't risk that falling into the hands of evil.

Nah, she never cries because her tears have the power to unleash an ancient Eldritch Horror that'll devour the world as soon as she does.

Also, she happens to be madly in love with a blue hedgehog with an obsession for chili dogs...

Jeivar
2012-11-20, 02:18 PM
Her hair is an odd color, like gold.

She never cries no matter what, because her tears grant immortality to those who drink them, and she can't risk that falling into the hands of evil.

Funny thing, shiny-metal-like hair is one possible Aasimar feature, and a variant ability is to cure disease three times a day . . . with your tears. :smallsmile:

The Glyphstone
2012-11-20, 03:47 PM
Funny thing, shiny-metal-like hair is one possible Aasimar feature, and a variant ability is to cure disease three times a day . . . with your tears. :smallsmile:

Done, these things must be.:smallbiggrin: It'll add that dangerous little dollop of legitimacy to the rest of this insane conglomerate.

Sith_Happens
2012-11-20, 05:01 PM
Don't forget the order of Blackguards bent on turning her evil because of the other prophecy saying she'll lead them to world domination.

Dr Bwaa
2012-11-20, 05:09 PM
Re: Love Interests:

Now that's some good cheese. Though I don't think the DM will allow that many supporters in the party. :smallsmile:

Well of course not; whoever suggested that the five love interests should be different people? For that matter, why not just go for the bonus and strap all these personalities onto your character, and make her her own love interest who she only meets when no one else is around (or not, for added the-party-thinks-I'm-crazy points), because they're all just projections of her own mind (but they're also all real people from her forgotten past).

Astral Avenger
2012-11-20, 05:58 PM
Now that's some good cheese. Though I don't think the DM will allow that many supporters in the party. :smallsmile:

then the five six infatuated ones shall be a separate party bumbling along behind looking for her, and refuse to leave her alone until she ditches them somehow. This way you don't have an ungodly number of followers, but if you are about to run into a very strong monster you might be able to get stronger help than a few villagers.

Edit: we can't forget about the blue hedgehog with a thing for chillydogs. hm... lets give him/her/it a ring of permanent haste and name it sonic.

hiryuu
2012-11-20, 07:46 PM
Keyblades. Keyblades everywhere.

nedz
2012-11-20, 08:02 PM
She has a third eye in the middle of her forehead, which she always keeps covered with a hair band. This is because it houses a malevolent spirit which always tries to curse random people.

She is followed around by a bunch of kids who always try to mess up her plans. (These could be small fey from the forest, who can vanish if truly threatened — only to return when the threat has gone away).

She has a number of guardians in the forest which include a Lion, a Bear and a Unicorn.

She has an umbrella which allows her to fly. Its not very fast though.

She can talk to trees.

TheThan
2012-11-20, 10:32 PM
Not bad, but you need to squeeze some amnesia into it. Proper cheese doesn't taste right unless a bit of amnesia brooding is thrown in.

*snaps fingers*
Knew I was forgetting something. But I do have more back-story!

Anyway one time she was frozen in time for x number of years (ranging from 100-1000). Most people mistook her for being under some sort of magical sleep spell, maybe she took a bite from a poisoned apple. But really her soul had traveled to another dimension, a spirit realm. This realm is ruled by an evil queen, (which happens to be her stepmother).

While there she teams up with a lowly woodsman that eventually becomes another love interest. This woodsman is actually a prince in disguise. He is the rightful ruler of this realm, but the evil step-queen overthrew his family. He’s vowed revenge. Filled with sympathy Mary Sue decides to help him free his people and over throw the step-queen. So she spends (divide x by 10) years here fighting a guerrilla war against the step-queen and her armies of corrupted spirits.

Only a kiss from her one true love (naturally there is a line), can “wake” her from this sleep and bring her back to the material plan. Or she wakes up of her own accord, but only doing so after the defeat of the evil step-queen. Afterward the woodsman prince can also visit her in the form of a spirit.

QuidEst
2012-11-22, 02:53 PM
Brace yourselves. This is the tale of Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third. She's called Darkstar Morningmist for short. I appologize for getting this to you too late, but I couldn't resist taking a stab at it.

She was born the princess of Ultima, but her parents were forced to abandon her because the Dark Lord of Dark Lordiness, Emordnilap, wanted to kill her. Because her parents abandoned her, she grew up an orphan. Then her real parents died, so she was really an orphan. She was adopted by some kindly woodcutter-monks who lived in the forest and cut down trees with their mystic arts, but were secretly the king and queen of the neighboring country of Penultima. She lived a happy and care-free life for six weeks (during which she learned all the mystic arts, which normally took several lifetimes of being reincarnated to learn, but she was pretty much done by week three) until her new parents went out to get groceries. (This made her, temporarily, a double-orphan orphan.) When they got back, wolves attacked. (They were not ordinary wolves, they were special wolves that were purple and rainbow and had wings with sparkles and could talk in Spanish, even though there was a bit of an accent and sometimes some of the words weren't quite right, but it wasn't nice to comment on it.) Her new parents fought valiantly to defend her, but they couldn't, and they were killed. (This made her really a double orphan.) But she was so beautiful that the alpha wolves adopted her and raised her as her own. She lived happily ever after for the next four weeks, until her new adoptive-adoptive mother died of mysterious causes that were shrouded in mystery. She was very sad. Her adoptive-adoptive father married a new alpha who was secretly evil. She made the princess do all the worst chores, like scrubbing the den. Then one day, the wicked step-adoptive-adoptive mother decided that she wanted to be the only alpha, so she killed the princess's adoptive-adoptive father. As he lay dying, he whispered to her, "Te amo porque eres herbaria", which means, "I love you because you are herbal", but deep in her heart, she knew that he meant, "Te amo porque eres hermosa," which means, "I love you because you are beautiful." Now that she was a triple-orphan, she ran away from home (also because she was tired of being a princess). Then her step-adoptive-adoptive mother accidentally ate a poison frost-toad and died, so she was really a triple orphan. The weight of all her tragic past was too much for her, and so she decided to have amnesia. It was then that she was destined to meet her star-crossed lover, but because they were star-crossed, fate intervened, and they missed each other. The princess decided that she was going to become a Paladin so she could fix all the problems in the world. It normally took decades of training and introspection to prepare oneself, but since she was already perfect, she was mostly done by the second week. And so, Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third (Darkstar Morningmist to her friends) set out into the world to fix the one or two problems she'd noticed with it on the way.

Scowling Dragon
2012-11-22, 03:24 PM
QuidEst?

Will you marry me?


That extra bit with the accent got me ROARING with laughter

nedz
2012-11-22, 04:53 PM
Oh, and when she meets the rest of the party — in the tavern — it will be after tasting all of their porridge and sleeping in all of their beds.

QuidEst
2012-11-22, 05:23 PM
QuidEst?

Will you marry me?


That extra bit with the accent got me ROARING with laughter


I'm flattered. X) I had a lot of fun writing it!

The accent bit… I don't know, the image of Spanish-speaking wolves with a bad accent just seemed too good to pass up.

THEChanger
2012-11-23, 01:25 AM
Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third stood nobly before the massive doors which lead to the lich's throne room. The noble barbarian whom she had defeated in single combat hefted his mace, ready to turn said doors into firewood. Sir Reginald, Captain of the Guard and one of her sparring partners during the two weeks she had trained as a Paladin stood beside the barbarian, hand on his sword hilt. Behind him was his squire, Arthur, who had proven to possess sorcerous talent shortly into their journey. Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned to Black Jack, the tiefling thief who was charged to join them as pennance for his crimes. Despite being the spawn of darkness, she knew Jack's heart still had good in it, and that his thievery was not for his own wealth, but in order to keep the orphans under his care safe. All of her companions, in addition to being extremely attractive, had proven time after time they were willing to put their lives on the line for her.

"Darkstar? Are you ready?"

Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third nodded to Jack, and drew her blade, Moonbeam, and pointed to the door. "NOW!" Cormyr took his mace and crushed the mighty oaken doors, and the party rushed through into...

A library?

Yes. A library. Not a dank, dusty tomb, lined with thousands of tome of evil magic. Just a library, like one might find in any noble's home. A cozy, leather chair faced the fire, its occupant hidden from sight. A desk, with a stack of parchment upon it, made of simple oak. The walls not taken up by the massive fireplace were lined with books. But, as Black Jack quickly noticed, they did not appear to be grimoires of darkness, but normal, everyday books. A deep sigh came from the chair, and the being they had come to deal with stood. Contrary to the stories they had heard, he didn't appear to be a horrid, damnable abomination of un-life. He was merely an old man, with small, thin-rimmed glasses, dressed in simple robes.

But Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third quickly recovered her resolve. "Nosfeartan the Vile, this is your final day! We have come to finally rid this world of you villiany! Your machinations are over, and we will have justice for all the trechery you have worked in our lives!" The lich gazed at her, impassively, and closed his eyes, sighing once more.

But when he opened them, Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third felt a chill run down her spine. In her adventures, she had seen men gaze at her with fury, with madness, with lust, with respect, with greed, with love, with annoyance, even with impassive noncommitance. But this gaze was something truly different. It was though Nosfeartan wasn't so much looking at her, but through her, his eyes looking past her physical form, past even her soul, and alighting upon the very gods themselves, using her as a mere crystal ball to lock his gaze upon the very powers which commanded the world.

"So. You have finally arrived. Does my form surprise you? Not the ancient, decaying corpse you expected? I'm sorry I do not conform to your meager expectations. I'm sorry the narrative you've created for me doesn't match the reality of the situation.

Though I must wonder if you ever stopped to think. Think about why I have done what I did. Why I murdered the poor girl's families, why I disgraced Cormyr in front of his tribe, why I framed Reginald and Arthur for murder and brought Black Jack's family to ruin."

Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third opened her mouth to interupt the corpse's diatribe, but he lifted a single hand, still not truly looking at her. "Not you peasant. Them. You do not understand, Angelina. You were not created to understand, and for that I do not blame you. No, you have no blame in all this. They are to blame.

I know you can hear me. I know you watch over these five, overseeing their every movement, orchestrating their every action. Did you really think I would not see? That I would not percieve the mechanics by which this world operates? That I could not feel the troupes and cliches at work, twisting even my mighty mind?" The lich threw back his hand, motioning to the multitude of books lining his office. "I have read every story this world has to offer, memorized every legend. I see the pattern, I comprehend the rules! I understand what even you mighty god-children do not. And when I heard of this child, this walking Mary Sue, I had to intervine. You do not realize what damage you do to this world. The harm wrought by the overwhelming perfection of your creations. You force the world into a dichotomy, into a duality which does not exist by nature! By creating such paragons of goodness, you force things like me, you force pure, unrelenting evil into the world.

Does it frighten you to know that one of your creations knows of you? Does it frighten you to consider that this might not all be a game? I imagine it does. After all, such a...poorly concieved world as this one must be the product of mere children. And for a child's delusions to be broken is a terrifying thing indeed.

I tried to limit your influence. Before I truly understood the full influence of your power, I tried to kill this one, this monster of unreasoned perfection you created. Yet my every effort was stopped by the twisting of fate. By your twisting of fate. So I moved on to her compatriots. But my every action merely drove them closer together, against all sanity and basic mortal nature. Your injection of outside influence does more damage to this world's laws than any mage. So, now we come to the conclusion of this ballet. I will fight your avatars, and no doubt I will lose, because of your meddling. I will fade, and your creations will be let loose on an unprepared world.

But even if you care not for this world once your fun is over, I do know you are attatched to these avatars, otherwise you would have allowed their deaths without a second thought. So know this. All that I have done...every vile act which has been wrought upon them...every dark deed which has been visited upon their families...every last horror they have suffered by my hand...I have done because you willed it. I have tortured, and corrupted, and defiled.

And it is all your fault."

So saying, the lich lifted his hands, and the castle around the combatants began to shake and rattled. The final battle had been joined.

OOC: Roll initiative.

A small write up for the BBEG for a campaign centered around Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third. I thought a Lich Bard who had lived long enough to break down the fourth wall might be appropriate.

Gildedragon
2012-11-23, 01:59 AM
Well I am surprised no one stated the obvious: cheesemaker heritage or training

On a less facetious note:
Descended from a fallen celestial (fallen because of love or hubris)
A curse on her line, likely inherited from the (fallen) celestial that is her lineage's progenitor

Malak'ai
2012-11-23, 03:28 AM
Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third stood nobly before the massive doors which lead to the lich's throne room. The noble barbarian whom she had defeated in single combat hefted his mace, ready to turn said doors into firewood. Sir Reginald, Captain of the Guard and one of her sparring partners during the two weeks she had trained as a Paladin stood beside the barbarian, hand on his sword hilt. Behind him was his squire, Arthur, who had proven to possess sorcerous talent shortly into their journey. Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned to Black Jack, the tiefling thief who was charged to join them as pennance for his crimes. Despite being the spawn of darkness, she knew Jack's heart still had good in it, and that his thievery was not for his own wealth, but in order to keep the orphans under his care safe. All of her companions, in addition to being extremely attractive, had proven time after time they were willing to put their lives on the line for her.

"Darkstar? Are you ready?"

Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third nodded to Jack, and drew her blade, Moonbeam, and pointed to the door. "NOW!" Cormyr took his mace and crushed the mighty oaken doors, and the party rushed through into...

A library?

Yes. A library. Not a dank, dusty tomb, lined with thousands of tome of evil magic. Just a library, like one might find in any noble's home. A cozy, leather chair faced the fire, its occupant hidden from sight. A desk, with a stack of parchment upon it, made of simple oak. The walls not taken up by the massive fireplace were lined with books. But, as Black Jack quickly noticed, they did not appear to be grimoires of darkness, but normal, everyday books. A deep sigh came from the chair, and the being they had come to deal with stood. Contrary to the stories they had heard, he didn't appear to be a horrid, damnable abomination of un-life. He was merely an old man, with small, thin-rimmed glasses, dressed in simple robes.

But Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third quickly recovered her resolve. "Nosfeartan the Vile, this is your final day! We have come to finally rid this world of you villiany! Your machinations are over, and we will have justice for all the trechery you have worked in our lives!" The lich gazed at her, impassively, and closed his eyes, sighing once more.

But when he opened them, Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third felt a chill run down her spine. In her adventures, she had seen men gaze at her with fury, with madness, with lust, with respect, with greed, with love, with annoyance, even with impassive noncommitance. But this gaze was something truly different. It was though Nosfeartan wasn't so much looking at her, but through her, his eyes looking past her physical form, past even her soul, and alighting upon the very gods themselves, using her as a mere crystal ball to lock his gaze upon the very powers which commanded the world.

"So. You have finally arrived. Does my form surprise you? Not the ancient, decaying corpse you expected? I'm sorry I do not conform to your meager expectations. I'm sorry the narrative you've created for me doesn't match the reality of the situation.

Though I must wonder if you ever stopped to think. Think about why I have done what I did. Why I murdered the poor girl's families, why I disgraced Cormyr in front of his tribe, why I framed Reginald and Arthur for murder and brought Black Jack's family to ruin."

Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third opened her mouth to interupt the corpse's diatribe, but he lifted a single hand, still not truly looking at her. "Not you peasant. Them. You do not understand, Angelina. You were not created to understand, and for that I do not blame you. No, you have no blame in all this. They are to blame.

I know you can hear me. I know you watch over these five, overseeing their every movement, orchestrating their every action. Did you really think I would not see? That I would not percieve the mechanics by which this world operates? That I could not feel the troupes and cliches at work, twisting even my mighty mind?" The lich threw back his hand, motioning to the multitude of books lining his office. "I have read every story this world has to offer, memorized every legend. I see the pattern, I comprehend the rules! I understand what even you mighty god-children do not. And when I heard of this child, this walking Mary Sue, I had to intervine. You do not realize what damage you do to this world. The harm wrought by the overwhelming perfection of your creations. You force the world into a dichotomy, into a duality which does not exist by nature! By creating such paragons of goodness, you force things like me, you force pure, unrelenting evil into the world.

Does it frighten you to know that one of your creations knows of you? Does it frighten you to consider that this might not all be a game? I imagine it does. After all, such a...poorly concieved world as this one must be the product of mere children. And for a child's delusions to be broken is a terrifying thing indeed.

I tried to limit your influence. Before I truly understood the full influence of your power, I tried to kill this one, this monster of unreasoned perfection you created. Yet my every effort was stopped by the twisting of fate. By your twisting of fate. So I moved on to her compatriots. But my every action merely drove them closer together, against all sanity and basic mortal nature. Your injection of outside influence does more damage to this world's laws than any mage. So, now we come to the conclusion of this ballet. I will fight your avatars, and no doubt I will lose, because of your meddling. I will fade, and your creations will be let loose on an unprepared world.

But even if you care not for this world once your fun is over, I do know you are attatched to these avatars, otherwise you would have allowed their deaths without a second thought. So know this. All that I have done...every vile act which has been wrought upon them...every dark deed which has been visited upon their families...every last horror they have suffered by my hand...I have done because you willed it. I have tortured, and corrupted, and defiled.

And it is all your fault."

So saying, the lich lifted his hands, and the castle around the combatants began to shake and rattled. The final battle had been joined.

OOC: Roll initiative.

A small write up for the BBEG for a campaign centered around Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third. I thought a Lich Bard who had lived long enough to break down the fourth wall might be appropriate.

.... Please tell me the Lich at least got to put up a decent fight :smallfrown:.

Dr Bwaa
2012-11-23, 10:57 AM
QuidEst/TheChanger:

That is simply fantastic. Nosfeartan the Vile is the perfect villain for Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca the Third. Perfect, I tell you!

Incom
2012-11-23, 02:28 PM
Nosfeartan is the best BBEG ever and I want to play him in an evil campaign.

THEChanger
2012-11-23, 06:22 PM
.... Please tell me the Lich at least got to put up a decent fight :smallfrown:.

Of course! Drama dictates that Nosfeartan must fall to nothing less than the good Princess' last blow, on the cusp of victory. Ideally, after slaying Black Jack, and causing Angelina to finally admit the love she harbored for the reformed thief.

Then of course her miracle tears bring Black Jack back to life, and they all live happily ever after and slowly turn the world more and more into a falsely-dichotimous, cliche-ridden paradise/hellhole.

Razanir
2012-11-23, 07:37 PM
May I borrow Nosfeartan as the BBEG for my own campaign?

THEChanger
2012-11-23, 07:42 PM
You all have my full permission to include Nosfeartan, his epic final speech, or elements thereof in your campaigns. Keep in mind that Nosfeartan is not immune to your own manipulations, merely aware of them. So feel free to make him as cliche as possible inside of that framework. :smallbiggrin:

Morithias
2012-11-23, 08:02 PM
Of course! Drama dictates that Nosfeartan must fall to nothing less than the good Princess' last blow, on the cusp of victory. Ideally, after slaying Black Jack, and causing Angelina to finally admit the love she harbored for the reformed thief.

Then of course her miracle tears bring Black Jack back to life, and they all live happily ever after and slowly turn the world more and more into a falsely-dichotimous, cliche-ridden paradise/hellhole.

And then 200 years in the future, the Dungeon Keeper series happens.

What?

Sith_Happens
2012-11-24, 02:11 AM
Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bobesca Cortez the Third

See bolded above. Because everything's cheesier with Spy Kids references.:smallbiggrin: Incidentally, her name is the command word for the MacGuffin.

The Glyphstone
2012-11-24, 09:30 AM
Of course! Drama dictates that Nosfeartan must fall to nothing less than the good Princess' last blow, on the cusp of victory. Ideally, after slaying Black Jack, and causing Angelina to finally admit the love she harbored for the reformed thief.

Then of course her miracle tears bring Black Jack back to life, and they all live happily ever after and slowly turn the world more and more into a falsely-dichotimous, cliche-ridden paradise/hellhole.

Shouldn't that be Round 2? The first time they fight, he has to effortlessly beat them, and promise them eternal unimaginable torture after explaining his master plan before leaving them alone in an easily escapable death trap.

Geostationary
2012-11-24, 05:55 PM
Shouldn't that be Round 2? The first time they fight, he has to effortlessly beat them, and promise them eternal unimaginable torture after explaining his master plan before leaving them alone in an easily escapable death trap.

And then they need to bring him to the point of defeat, only for Nosfeartan to reveal his TRUE FORM. And then she can beat him with her final blow as he's on the cusp of victory.