I'm WAY Over My Head Here

[Hootman]

Greetings, Playgrounders!

I am currently gaming as Sir D'mitri Flynn, Adventurer Extraordinaire, a young halfling bard. What I have to ask has a good bit of setup, so I'll be putting a TL;DR at the bottom for those of you in a rush to get to the good bits.

D'mitri Flynn, Bard 2
Stats: 10/15/10/12/9/17
Saves: +3/+6/+5 (+2 vs Fear, +4 vs Bard/Sonic/Language Effects)
Best Skills: Acrobatics, Perform (Sing: Bluff, Sense Motive), Stealth, UMD
Other: 23HP, 16AC, Move Speed 30ft, 1 Feat (Sure and Fleet, countering my speedy racial trait from Adv Races)

Any questions about things beyond the highlights, just ask.

D'mitri's driving motivation is to become a paladin someday. He has a very naive view of Good, Evil, and the nature (and 'rewards') of heroism--he knows all the stories of shining knights, and wants to be the best one the world has ever seen. This will be important in a moment.



The Problem Arises

In a recent session, D'mitri and Company managed to meet some pirates, befriend pirates, steal from pirates, and burn all the pirates to death (The latter being somewhat unexpected. Ships burn! Gunpowder explodes! Who knew?).

We crashed onto a beach, where we were greeted by some kind of Mighty Wizard. He thanked us for getting the MacGuffin he needed from the pirates in order to break the blockade on his island (he asked us to do it via magic). Good, right? Pirates blocking up a town, women and children starving, heroic halfling to the rescue?

WHOOPS, GUESS THE TOWNSFOLK WERE ALL ZOMBIES AND HE WANTS TO "RETAKE HIS RIGHTFUL DOMAIN OF ALL THESE TINY UNINHABITED ISLANDS". Also, one of the zombies looks exactly like the Pretty Girl in the painting in the Pirate Captain's cabin. Oooooohhhh........crap.

Now, he's offered each of the party members he spoke to the wish (not Wish) he promised them. The witch and wizard both get their stuff cleared up, and now I'm the last to get a wish. BUT WHAT DO I WISH FOR?


And Then, I Get To Respond

D'mitri is convinced that this Wizard is a Bad Guy (none of the other players seem to disagree, though some of the characters do), and that something must be done to stop him. However, we're also on HIS island, surrounded by HIS zombies, and our ship was crippled by the pirates' cannons before we beached it, so we're trapped. Obvious answers are as follows:

1. Have him fix the ship, and leave. Come back later to deal with him.
2. Wish for him to never do anything bad again (naive, remember?). Be stuck on the island, or get killed if he lawyers his way around the wish.
3. Fight him, half the party likes him and won't help, get slaughtered by zombies
4. CHALLENGE HIM TO A DUEL.

If the Capslock hasn't already clued you in, this is my current plan. My wish will be to restore the ship to full sailing power. Then, D'mitri is going to challenge the Wizard to a "Duel To The Yield", where the first to go unconscious or surrender is the loser. There will also be a stipulation that if one of us is killed, the deceased is declared the winner. Riding on this fight will be a bet, of sorts:

-If he wins, I will give him the MacGuffin (never promised I'd give it to him, just that I'd bring it to the beach, which I did) without further fighting.
-If I win, he can never do anything bad again (still too naive to phrase this in a more binding way), AND I will give him the MacGuffin.

I am hoping that he will be willing to take me on, but then I have another problem; he's a mid-to-high-level primary caster, and I'm a Bard that just hit level 3 at the end of the session (which I am seriously making his first Paladin level). The other players have suggested that the MacGuffin MIGHT be a Phylactery as well. So, that would make him a Lich. GONNA BE A GOOD FIGHT, HUH?

But I have plans! And props! And moxie! If anyone actually wants to help give me ideas, I'll be happy to post what I've come up with so far.

TL;DR - Level 3 Bard/Paladin picking a fight with a 15th-ish level Lich. What do?

[Shpadoinkle]

Um... good luck? Also, maybe roll up a backup character ahead of time.

[Hootman]

Um... good luck? Also, maybe roll up a backup character ahead of time.

Already done! :smallbiggrin:

I don't WANT D'mitri to die (he's already one of my favorite characters ever), but I can't think of a way not to fight without breaking character, so I'm willing to take a chance.

[Crazyfailure13]

Sorta depends on how you might twist any moral logic he has, perhaps instead of challenging the lich to a hopeless duel, he realizes his wish could be put to better use by warning others of the lichs freedom or threat of it.

Thats bout all i got, hope the new character is genre savvy, suspicious, and quick-witted.

[Lapak]

Wish for him to stay on the island with all his zombies for six months.

Phrase it as if you're asking this just to give yourself time to get clear of the devastation without being linked to it. Happy little selfish motive for him to believe.

Use the six months to raise the surrounding lands against him, using your Bardic talents to spread word of the danger far and wide. Maybe you'll manage to attract a mighty Paladin strong enough to face him down (and/or take you on as a trainee/herald/whatever in the process!) If not, at least the islanders are forewarned.

[Electrohydra]

Hey, if the duel isn't to kill him, why does it have to be an old-style, lets fight each other duel. You are a bard, challenge him to a duel of riddles, or a rap battle or anything that does not involve spells or poky sticks.

[PaperMustache]

Don't challenge him to combat. Challenge him to something YOU are good at. Also, I'd make it your wish so he has a reason to do it rather than murderfy you and take the mcguffin at your first sign of resistance. Make the parameters of the deal involve fixing your ship if you win as well as not doing evil things. I don't really know what kind of edge you could have, but I suggest finagling it so that you or something you control is fighting one of his zombies in a test of who is the better master. I have an example of something I did like this once, splinters for length... And narcissim.

I was in a situation like this once where I *accidentally* insulted a barbarian cheiftan's honor and she challenged me to a duel. There was no way that I could beat her one on one, I was a low level sorcerer, but she had an animal companion that she had a lot of pride in and I had recently acquired a griffin. I told her that we would have a battle of leadership, her bear versus my griffin in a test of intellect. We sent both animals away to witness three events and they had to come back to us and try to communicate what they saw. What she didn't know was that griffins understand common and have higher int than an animal. I worked out a "two stomps for yes one for no" system to verify the griffin's information which gave me an edge. In the end we ended up tieing (power of friendship or some BS made the bear not as big an idiot as I had anticipated). As a tiebreaker the cheiftan insisted on a test of loyalty. She drew a dagger and cut a massive wound in her arm. The bear immediately went for help, fetching a healer to save her without even a command. I thought for a second, asked the griffon if he understood. When he gave me the affirmative, I mounted the griffon, ordered it to fly straight up to a height that would kill me if I fell, and jumped. The griffon ended up catching me just in time and I won the duel without a scratch on me.

Funny thing is, if the griffon hadn't caught me I had the time to call a high level wizard with a telepathic link and alert him that I was in danger. He would have cast feather fall and I would have been fine. You're fighting someone evil, he's probably going to cheat if you've got a shot at besting him. You're setting the parameters of the duel, so make it one you can't lose even if you lose. ;)

[Sipex]

How do you even know the wizard will take the duel? He might just turn you into a smoking crater for suggesting it.

edit: If you want to get to the bottom of things, make a clever wish. Try to get in the wizard's ranks or something (I mean, without becoming dead of course) and gain his trust. A wish to join him might fly, or a wish for something which could make your motives undetectable could work too (although he'll still know what you asked for).

This is all assuming the wizard is going to play fair with your wish too, he might purposely botch it somehow if he suspects something is up.

edit#2!: Are you playing in a good/evil campaign? You could wish for some way to detect the wizard's alignment if that's so.

[nedz]

edit#2!: Are you playing in a good/evil campaign? You could wish for some way to detect the wizard's alignment if that's so.

That sounds suitable naive.
Hobbit: "I wish to know if you are evil"
Evil Wizard: "Muhahahaha, DISINTEGRATE"

[Sipex]

Nah, you just have to be creative with it.

Like "I wish for a scroll of true seeing" or the like.

I'm not proficient in 3.5 so you'll have to figure that out on your own.

[LibraryOgre]

Lieutenant: We're locked into the moon's gravitational pull! What do we do?
<whirr as eyepiece rotates into place> Admiral: We die.

[Kelb_Panthera]

Are any of your allies familiar with wizardry?

If so, talk to that character about your plan to challenge this wizard, so he can talk you out of this almost certain suicide.

Keeping an army of undead under your control is at least mid-ish level magic (general of undeath, SpC) or high-level resource management. I'm guessing the former since it's mostly zombies. Anyone with knowledge of wizardry (read; ranks in spellcraft and knowledge (arcana)) should be able to tell you that you wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of beating this guy in any kind of combat scenario.

The previous suggestions of a duel of wits might be an interesting angle, but ultimately challenging this guy to any kind of duel is playing up your character's naievety, because it relies on the wizard not answering with something to the effect of "piss off, I already gave you a reward and I've got things to do," either verbally or by making you a skid-mark on the beach.

[Ulysses WkAmil]

Fight dirty. Really, really, really dirty. Kicks to the groin, sand in the eyes, biting, ect. Maybe set up some traps ahead of time, have a powerful item, whatever. You're not a Paladin yet, so just RP about how you believed him to be an undead heathen. The only way you could win this is through smarts. Here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20_3Yk3B6DM). It may do you some good :smallwink:

[Hootman]

How do you even know the wizard will take the duel? He might just turn you into a smoking crater for suggesting it. [...] This is all assuming the wizard is going to play fair with your wish too, he might purposely botch it somehow if he suspects something is up.

edit#2!: Are you playing in a good/evil campaign? You could wish for some way to detect the wizard's alignment if that's so.
He's Lawful and incredibly confident in himself. D'mitri looks kind of like a doofus in front of him (he and one of the darker party members already had a good chuckle at D'mitri's expense), so I think he'll accept 'FOR HONOR' and also because he has no reason to expect he could lose.

I already have evil-detection well in hand. My third level is Paladin, so all I need is a move action to figure out what I'm up against (and probably get stunned from his Overwhelming Aura, or something).


Don't challenge him to combat. Challenge him to something YOU are good at.

Hey, if the duel isn't to kill him, why does it have to be an old-style, lets fight each other duel. You are a bard, challenge him to a duel of riddles, or a rap battle or anything that does not involve spells or poky sticks.
Unfortunately for riddles and rap battles, I myself am terrible at such things. Yes, I could just roll for it, but....that's, y'know, boring. I WISH I could do this, though.


Wish for him to stay on the island with all his zombies for six months.
Oh, that's a good one. It's not 'STAY FOREVER', which would make him quit the deal, but it DOES give me a decent amount of time to prepare and otherwise interact with the world at large so I can stop any nefarious plans he might have later.


Thats bout all i got, hope the new character is genre savvy, suspicious, and quick-witted.
A gentleman thief is in my bag, ready to go if absolutely necessary, so...yep! All bases covered.



Are any of your allies familiar with wizardry?

If so, talk to that character about your plan to challenge this wizard, so he can talk you out of this almost certain suicide.

Keeping an army of undead under your control is at least mid-ish level magic (general of undeath, SpC) or high-level resource management. I'm guessing the former since it's mostly zombies. Anyone with knowledge of wizardry (read; ranks in spellcraft and knowledge (arcana)) should be able to tell you that you wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of beating this guy in any kind of combat scenario.

The previous suggestions of a duel of wits might be an interesting angle, but ultimately challenging this guy to any kind of duel is playing up your character's naievety, because it relies on the wizard not answering with something to the effect of "piss off, I already gave you a reward and I've got things to do," either verbally or by making you a skid-mark on the beach.
Everything you say makes sense for a normal party. However, I probably should have mentioned that my allies are roughly 60% straight-jacket-wearing, small-animal-tormenting insane.

1. Barick, Cleric of Desna, actually cool guy who is polite and helpful to everyone.
2. Mr. Darkwolf, Druid with a broadsword somehow who is laid back and doesn't cause trouble.
3. DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS, the guy who asked for the Wizard's autograph (and gave him his own) and generally makes D'mitri's life very confusing. His moral compass points in a completely different direction, but he's not technically evil.
4. Kitty, the Witch girl, who is as cliche a witch as possible without being a hag as well. Obsessed with flying, cats, and sweets.
5. Durgar, the "totally a human and not a duergar" Wizard, mad as a hatter. Believes he's been teleported here from another universe, where he worshipped a god he says was named "Buckob". Why he worships what is CLEARLY a mad chicken deity is unknown.

Not really the cream of the crop, here.


Lieutenant: We're locked into the moon's gravitational pull! What do we do?
<whirr as eyepiece rotates into place> Admiral: We die.

That sounds suitable naive.
Hobbit: "I wish to know if you are evil"
Evil Wizard: "Muhahahaha, DISINTEGRATE"
You guys. I like you guys. :smallamused:


Fight dirty. Really, really, really dirty. Kicks to the groin, sand in the eyes, biting, ect. Maybe set up some traps ahead of time, have a powerful item, whatever. You're not a Paladin yet, so just RP about how you believed him to be an undead heathen. The only way you could win this is through smarts. Here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20_3Yk3B6DM). It may do you some good :smallwink:

THANK YOU FOR THE SEGUE, GOOD SIR. I will be editing in my current fight-that-guy-instead-of-being-smart plan as it currently stands ASAP.


The Greatest Plan The World Has Ever Seen
OR
How To Make Wizards Mad In 4 Easy Status Conditions

(TO BE EDITED)

[Kelb_Panthera]

In spite of it being a dubious idea, given their descriptions, I really think it would be a good idea to talk to either Death, Kitty, or Durgar to see what they think of the idea of challenging this guy.

I doubt Death could keep a straight face as he tells you it's "a great idea." That should be at least some clue, no matter how naive D'mitri is. Either of the others sounds more likely to give you the straigh "are you out of your cotton-pickin' mind?!" answer, assuming Durgar isn't as insane as your post made it sound like he may be.

Is he really a worshipper of "Buckob" or did D'mitri mishear or misunderstand Boccob? A follower of the uncaring could definitely give you the heads-up to this really bad idea.

Good luck. You're going to need it. *sadly shakes head*

[Hootman]

Is he really a worshipper of "Buckob" or did D'mitri mishear or misunderstand Boccob?

I really MEANT to make clear as part of that bit that this game takes place using the Pathfinder rules and thus the Pathfinder deities. To more directly answer your question, yes, he meant Boccob, but I rolled Bardic Knowledge on that one, came up with nothing, and so D'mitri just went with his gut.

His gut told him "I'm hungry! He's making chicken noises. Chicken is delicious. Talk about chicken."

*Ahem* Now, I wanted to post this earlier, but goodness my day has been busy. Also, it's very long, so I'm going to spoiler it.



The Greatest Plan The World Has Ever Seen by Sir D'mitri Flynn
OR
How To Make Wizards Mad In 4 Easy Status Conditions by Hootman


Step 1: Level Up
Since I'm hitting Level 3 between sessions, I'm going to level up and become a Bard 2 / Paladin 1. Paladin level gives me better Fort/Will, BAB, HP, and Detect and Smite Evil, so I can be sure he's bad as well as hurt him more when I confirm that he is.

Step 2: Prepare the Field
Moving on, I've spent the past week making props for this fight. Why? Mostly because I can, but PARTLY because I'm trying to "play the player" as well as the game. I'm hoping that if I can have enough mystery-stuff coming out of a SECRET PLAN box, then my DM MIGHT cheat some of the enemy's roll in my favor just to see what I do next. My DM's a swell guy and pretty excitable, so it could work. However, I'm not relying SOLELY on DM fiat to win--that would just be silly. And so...

Step 3: Preparation is Everything
As part of my challenge, I'm going to request a short-ish amount of time to prepare ourselves before we start the duel, and ask my Cleric and Druid to help me out, in case parts of our smashed-up ship are obstructing my gear, most of which is still in my bunk on the ship.

This is technically the truth, which is the best kind of truth for a Paladin. In addition to preparing my own personal gear, I'm going to have my two buddies help me set up gear and traps on the ship to use against the Wizard. I will also precast a few spells. I will explain them shortly, but let's just assume I get everything set up beautifully.

Step 4: Play the Bagpipes
What it says on the tin. It's ACTUALLY important, because it associates D'mitri's position with the noise of the bagpipes, and I will use that to my advantage later. But until then, Scotland the Brave.

Step 5: Get On With It!!!
Turn 1 - And thus, the battle begins! My first action, as I'm declaring the start of the match (which would essentially be a surprise round, since I'm doing it suddenly), will be to draw a pair of Smokesticks, light them with a match, and throw them between myself and the Wizard while shouting "BEGIN!" Precasted Mage Hand now carries my bagpipes away from the ship and squeezes them at the end of its move to draw attention. I go toward the ship, swiftly scale the rope I left dangling over the side earlier, and hide amongst the debris on deck.

The Wizard should target the bagpipes rather than me (not being able to see either through the smoke), because it will be the only stimulus he can gather from the battlefield.

Turn 2 - I grab a Net set nearby, start my Bardic Music such that he cannot hear me (I mean, there's an ocean right there), and stay hidden for one more turn. The smoke clears, and the wizard becomes aware I'm not there and that the ship is probably the only place I could be hiding. I'm intending to get one of my party members to say something about how I'm Invisible and not just in a different place. ANY distraction would be ok, really, so long as he doesn't nuke the ship.

Step 5: Cue the Music
Turn 3 - It's time to REALLY get this show on the road! Charge the railing, grab a dangling rope on my way by, and leap dramatically while playing the heroic theme from the animated Sinbad movie or PotC's He's A Pirate. As I drop to the ground, I'm going to use my attack to throw that Net over the Wizard's head. ENTANGLED.

Attached to the Net will be a Thunderstone. It should go off when the Net impacts with the Wizard. DEAFNESS.

Double-status effect means his casting is fairly likely to fail, which is fantastic.

Step 6: End It In Style
Turn 4 - I pull out my little bucket of Artisans' Paint and splash the paint (which, for my own amusement, I precast Light on) in his eyes. I'll move after the splash, so he'll have a hard time tracking my movements and hitting me with spells. BLINDED.

Triple-status effect means his casting should be even more likely to fail, because he's now lacking line of sight.

Turn 5 - Now it's really over. I step up next to the Wizard and throw the rope that I had no reason to let go of over his head. Why would I do this? Well, because the end I'm holding has a delightful gallows knot tied in it, and the other end runs up over sail on one of the ship's masts and is attached to a heavy barrel only barely held up on the ship's railing by a rope conveniently tied to the front of the ship where I am fighting. So, noose goes around his neck, and Mage Hand gets used to release that barrel-securing rope to tip it overboard. String him up and let him surrender or pass out before swiftly cutting him down before he can get around to dying.

Step 7: It's Over, Y'All
This is it. I'm out of tricks. I've either won or lost by this point. If he's actually a Lich, several of my tricks won't work in the slightest and I'll get stomped. HOWEVER, my biggest hope is to give a show to remember regardless of victory or loss, so I'm pretty sure I'll be able to do that one.

Thoughts?

[Eurus]

Hah. Most of this revolves around the wizard being cocky enough to pretty much forego any defensive preparations -- but if he's that high-level of a mage dealing with that low-level of a target, I suppose it's a possibility! Good luck. :smalltongue:

[Lapak]

Thoughts?(a few of the) Problems:
- A 15th-level caster is likely to have at least one spell that doesn't require somatic components and will get him out of your net. Like, oh, say, Dimension Door. (Verbal only.)

- A 15th-level lich is profoundly unlikely to fail a DC 15 Fort save against the Thunderstone.

- A lich doesn't need to breathe. Stringing him up only accomplishes 'placing him out of convenient reach' without making him any less dangerous.

- Assuming you get your surprise round, he'll very likely just blanket the entire Smoked area with an area-of-effect spell and roast you before this even gets started anyway.

Seriously, this fight is not winnable unless the DM does just hand it to you. This almost certainly will not get past the first round. Use your wish to get some time in order to bring back enough force to put him down. :smallredface:

[PaperMustache]

I approve of this plan, except for the fact that its ludicrously high chances of failure do not in any way doom the world at large. How can we rework this so that at the end absolutely everyone is screwed?

Some suggestions:
-Put the lives of your companions up as stakes.
-Put your home town up as stakes.
-Tell him that if you win, he has to go good and if he wins you go evil. Live through the fight, but spend the rest of the campaign at odds with every npc and good member of your party until they are forced to kill you for paving the way for the undead scourge. Invest all spells in enchantment. Mindrape everything. Become anti-paladin. Become lich. Rule world. BWAHAHAHA!
-Tell him the fight will take place on the boat with both of you bound and gagged. Head butt each other until one of you is loose, at which point you take turns exploding the ship.

Honestly. You're not thinking catastrophically enough. If you're set on going down, the whole bloody world should burn with you!

[Kelb_Panthera]

I really MEANT to make clear as part of that bit that this game takes place using the Pathfinder rules and thus the Pathfinder deities. To more directly answer your question, yes, he meant Boccob, but I rolled Bardic Knowledge on that one, came up with nothing, and so D'mitri just went with his gut.

His gut told him "I'm hungry! He's making chicken noises. Chicken is delicious. Talk about chicken."

*Ahem* Now, I wanted to post this earlier, but goodness my day has been busy. Also, it's very long, so I'm going to spoiler it.



The Greatest Plan The World Has Ever Seen by Sir D'mitri Flynn
OR
How To Make Wizards Mad In 4 Easy Status Conditions by Hootman


Step 1: Level Up
Since I'm hitting Level 3 between sessions, I'm going to level up and become a Bard 2 / Paladin 1. Paladin level gives me better Fort/Will, BAB, HP, and Detect and Smite Evil, so I can be sure he's bad as well as hurt him more when I confirm that he is.

Step 2: Prepare the Field
Moving on, I've spent the past week making props for this fight. Why? Mostly because I can, but PARTLY because I'm trying to "play the player" as well as the game. I'm hoping that if I can have enough mystery-stuff coming out of a SECRET PLAN box, then my DM MIGHT cheat some of the enemy's roll in my favor just to see what I do next. My DM's a swell guy and pretty excitable, so it could work. However, I'm not relying SOLELY on DM fiat to win--that would just be silly. And so...

Step 3: Preparation is Everything
As part of my challenge, I'm going to request a short-ish amount of time to prepare ourselves before we start the duel, and ask my Cleric and Druid to help me out, in case parts of our smashed-up ship are obstructing my gear, most of which is still in my bunk on the ship.

This is technically the truth, which is the best kind of truth for a Paladin. In addition to preparing my own personal gear, I'm going to have my two buddies help me set up gear and traps on the ship to use against the Wizard. I will also precast a few spells. I will explain them shortly, but let's just assume I get everything set up beautifully.

Step 4: Play the Bagpipes
What it says on the tin. It's ACTUALLY important, because it associates D'mitri's position with the noise of the bagpipes, and I will use that to my advantage later. But until then, Scotland the Brave.

Step 5: Get On With It!!!
Turn 1 - And thus, the battle begins! My first action, as I'm declaring the start of the match (which would essentially be a surprise round, since I'm doing it suddenly), will be to draw a pair of Smokesticks, light them with a match, and throw them between myself and the Wizard while shouting "BEGIN!" Precasted Mage Hand now carries my bagpipes away from the ship and squeezes them at the end of its move to draw attention. I go toward the ship, swiftly scale the rope I left dangling over the side earlier, and hide amongst the debris on deck.

The Wizard should target the bagpipes rather than me (not being able to see either through the smoke), because it will be the only stimulus he can gather from the battlefield.

Turn 2 - I grab a Net set nearby, start my Bardic Music such that he cannot hear me (I mean, there's an ocean right there), and stay hidden for one more turn. The smoke clears, and the wizard becomes aware I'm not there and that the ship is probably the only place I could be hiding. I'm intending to get one of my party members to say something about how I'm Invisible and not just in a different place. ANY distraction would be ok, really, so long as he doesn't nuke the ship.

Step 5: Cue the Music
Turn 3 - It's time to REALLY get this show on the road! Charge the railing, grab a dangling rope on my way by, and leap dramatically while playing the heroic theme from the animated Sinbad movie or PotC's He's A Pirate. As I drop to the ground, I'm going to use my attack to throw that Net over the Wizard's head. ENTANGLED.

Attached to the Net will be a Thunderstone. It should go off when the Net impacts with the Wizard. DEAFNESS.

Double-status effect means his casting is fairly likely to fail, which is fantastic.

Step 6: End It In Style
Turn 4 - I pull out my little bucket of Artisans' Paint and splash the paint (which, for my own amusement, I precast Light on) in his eyes. I'll move after the splash, so he'll have a hard time tracking my movements and hitting me with spells. BLINDED.

Triple-status effect means his casting should be even more likely to fail, because he's now lacking line of sight.

Turn 5 - Now it's really over. I step up next to the Wizard and throw the rope that I had no reason to let go of over his head. Why would I do this? Well, because the end I'm holding has a delightful gallows knot tied in it, and the other end runs up over sail on one of the ship's masts and is attached to a heavy barrel only barely held up on the ship's railing by a rope conveniently tied to the front of the ship where I am fighting. So, noose goes around his neck, and Mage Hand gets used to release that barrel-securing rope to tip it overboard. String him up and let him surrender or pass out before swiftly cutting him down before he can get around to dying.

Step 7: It's Over, Y'All
This is it. I'm out of tricks. I've either won or lost by this point. If he's actually a Lich, several of my tricks won't work in the slightest and I'll get stomped. HOWEVER, my biggest hope is to give a show to remember regardless of victory or loss, so I'm pretty sure I'll be able to do that one.

Thoughts?

Thoughts? You're doomed.:smallamused: I hope you have as much fun with your backup character as you've had with D'mitri.:smallbiggrin:

[Incom]

Um, guys? Am I the only one noticing a huge hole in this story?

The party is at level 3ish. The lichzard appears to be level 15ish. What can even a party of level 3 characters accomplish that he can't?

Why didn't he just steal the McGuffin himself?

I'm thinking it's because he can't. Your level 15 lichzard is probably an illusionist of some kind, trying to look frightening.

It's not a perfect theory, but you should look into it.

[Amidus Drexel]

I approve of this plan, except for the fact that its ludicrously high chances of failure do not in any way doom the world at large. How can we rework this so that at the end absolutely everyone is screwed?

Some suggestions:
-Put the lives of your companions up as stakes.
-Put your home town up as stakes.
-Tell him that if you win, he has to go good and if he wins you go evil. Live through the fight, but spend the rest of the campaign at odds with every npc and good member of your party until they are forced to kill you for paving the way for the undead scourge. Invest all spells in enchantment. Mindrape everything. Become anti-paladin. Become lich. Rule world. BWAHAHAHA!
-Tell him the fight will take place on the boat with both of you bound and gagged. Head butt each other until one of you is loose, at which point you take turns exploding the ship.

Honestly. You're not thinking catastrophically enough. If you're set on going down, the whole bloody world should burn with you!

Heh, this is hilarious!

@OP - Do all of these. :smallbiggrin:

(you had better hope this guy is actually an illusion of some sort. I can think of several ways your plan can go downhill quickly, especially if this "lich" wins initiative.)

[Gbrngfol]

Can't you just wish for your weight in scrolls of Hold Person? Start using them at round one and coup de grace when he's held.

[Hootman]

Hah. Most of this revolves around the wizard being cocky enough to pretty much forego any defensive preparations -- but if he's that high-level of a mage dealing with that low-level of a target, I suppose it's a possibility! Good luck. :smalltongue:
You hit the nail on the head. I am relying entirely on luck, overconfidence, and moxie to pull this off.


Seriously, this fight is not winnable unless the DM does just hand it to you. This almost certainly will not get past the first round. Use your wish to get some time in order to bring back enough force to put him down. :smallredface:
You are quite right, but I can't actually justify D'mitri knowing most of that, or letting little things like "logic" or "the looming spectre of Death (no relation)" get in the way. :smalltongue:


I approve of this plan, except for the fact that its ludicrously high chances of failure do not in any way doom the world at large. How can we rework this so that at the end absolutely everyone is screwed?
@OP - Do all of these. :smallbiggrin:
That pesky paladin level I just picked up prevents me from doing...any of that. With a different character, though, I'd be all over this list.


Why didn't he just steal the McGuffin himself?
THIS HAS BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY SINCE WE LAST PLAYED. Thank God I'm not the only one puzzled by this--in retrospect, this might have been part of why I had D'mitri choose to fight. If he can't even swipe a wee little box from pirate ship with no spellcasters on board, how could he stand up against The Mighty Sir D'mitri Flynn?


Can't you just wish for your weight in scrolls of Hold Person? Start using them at round one and coup de grace when he's held.
I'm playing a halfling. That would be, like, one and a half scrolls. :smallbiggrin:


OH. There was ONE other plan I had. If he pulls out a useful item, I might be able to Grease it out of his hands. I vaguely remember something about it not working on magic items, though, which is kind of B.S.

EDIT: Ignore that, I double-checked, I'm all kinds of wrong. I was mixing up the limitations of Mage Hand with Grease.

[Gbrngfol]

I'm playing a halfling. That would be, like, one and a half scrolls. :smallbiggrin:

Ok yeah I see your point and he could also just trick you by making them all so tiny you couldn't read them. Either way my point still stands: wish for a lot of scrolls and hold him, then coup de grace.




OH. There was ONE other plan I had. If he pulls out a useful item, I might be able to Grease it out of his hands. I vaguely remember something about it not working on magic items, though, which is kind of B.S.

This one's easy: ignore the item and grease the wizard.

[Kelb_Panthera]

Ok yeah I see your point and he could also just trick you by making them all so tiny you couldn't read them. Either way my point still stands: wish for a lot of scrolls and hold him, then coup de grace. One minor and one major problem with this.

Minor; if I understand correctly, the OP was using wish in the sense of being granted a request or a boon, not the spell.

Major; Wizards have good will saves and he's not just going to stand there until one of those hold spells connects. You'll get one shot that will probably fail and then you'll be sent screaming to the after-life for attacking a wizard.




This one's easy: ignore the item and grease the wizard.

This is a much better suggestion. At the very least you'll force him to waste an action on either casting a flight spell or activating a flight item, assuming he doesn't have some means of outright blocking the grease from hitting him in the first place. With a little luck, this plan might let you survive one round longer than you otherwise might have.


The suggestion that the wizard is a fake-out is far-and-away the best chance you've got, if it's true. How funny would it be if he turned out to be a high level expert with UMD for one of his class skills :smallamused:

[Crazyfailure13]

My thoughts?

Teach one of your companions how to play a dirge pre-plan, just incase a mood is needed to be set afterwords.

[ReaderAt2046]

PLEASE remember to tell us how this turns out!

[Randomguy]

You know, you don't have to commit suicide. This could be a big chance for character development: D'mitri realises that the wizard is significantly more powerful than him, and there's nothing he could possibly do to stop him for the time being, changing his perspective on life, and making him realise that good doesn't always triumph over evil. From here the character could become cynical, or just less naive.


I suggest you wish for the pretty girl in pirate captain's painting zombie: She's clearly significant. You could try bringing her back to life later on. Or just wish for him to bring her back to life right away.

[Amechra]

I see nothing wrong with your plan... if you were facing down an ordinary mortal.

However, if the Wizard is that much of a ****-sure bastard, you're in luck; he'll probably go into battle prebuffed.

[Electrohydra]

Hey yo evil wizard
I'll crush you like a lizard
This is D'mitri you're facing
The face of your reckoning
You might have epic magic
However I'm heroic
I'm here to end your tyranny
Today's the day you meet destiny

This should confuse him enough to get you your surprise round.

[Ulysses WkAmil]

Hey yo evil wizard
I'll crush you like a lizard
This is D'mitri you're facing
The face of your reckoning
You might have epic magic
However I'm heroic
I'm here to end your tyranny
Today's the day you meet destiny

This should confuse him enough to get you your surprise round.

I see no way this plan could fail.

[Hootman]

Minor; if I understand correctly, the OP was using wish in the sense of being granted a request or a boon, not the spell.

Major; Wizards have good will saves and he's not just going to stand there until one of those hold spells connects. You'll get one shot that will probably fail and then you'll be sent screaming to the after-life for attacking a wizard.
Minor: Yes! He's using his magic to grant our desires, but not with the 9th level spell Wish.

Major: Indeed! Hence why I am targeting his likely lower Fort Save with the Thunderstone and the strangulation.


My thoughts?

Teach one of your companions how to play a dirge pre-plan, just incase a mood is needed to be set afterwords.
:smallfrown: I'm mostly sad because this is probably a good idea. If nothing else, I'll just make my replacement character play the trumpet and do taps for him.


PLEASE remember to tell us how this turns out!
But of course! Regardless of the results, I won't be able to shut up in the slightest. :smallbiggrin:

[Gbrngfol]

New Idea: wish to permanently control his undead army.

[Kelb_Panthera]

New Idea: wish to permanently control his undead army.

Right. Making him laugh until he has tears in his eyes might throw him off guard! :smallamused:

[Mattarias, King.]

I think what you need, my good friend, is a pair of pants SO GLORIOUS that he will surely be cowed by your SUPREME MANLINESS! :smallcool:

...Wait, what was that? Oh, it's an immediate encounter? Hm... Ask him if he knows anything about Iolmede first. Those markings WERE on his island. Plus, he's a magical fellow who knows dead things.

..Or he's a fake, who knows. I need to go to bed. :smallsigh: