Dilemma

[Kinsmarck]

I'm not often one to reach outside my comfort zone for support, much less advice, but I feel that the playground is one of the few relatively trustworthy places left to do just that. Ordinarily, I'd turn to my friends and family, but the lion's share of them would, I know, just tell me what I want to hear, and I want real honesty in this matter.

In short, I'm an English graduate who's now been in the working world for about three years, most of which spent working for a corrections agency. There was a little stint in sales, but that...didn't go well. When I left sales, I was, for the first time, completely unoccupied. It was the first time I'd ever left one vocation, be it student or employee, and not already had another lined up to jump into. I've treated the rectification of that fact as my full-time job ever since, and that was about three months ago. Luckily, my girlfriend of over five years and I have been able to stay with her parents for the time being, and it's their generosity that's kept us afloat. As far as they're concerned I'm family, and it's nobody's secret that she and I will be tying the knot the in the near future.

I want to be clear on something: I HATE to feel like a mooch, like I'm taking advantage of anyone. It's how I was raised, and it ain't changin.' Blame a Texan upbringing. That's why my ultimate dilemma in all this is so difficult. A few weeks ago, my girlfriend was notified of an opening with a large company that some of her family works at, and pretty much told that she could have the job, which would pay around $40k annually, at the drop of a hat. It would just be a matter of going through the motions of the application process. Forty grand isn't an enormous salary, but it's comfortable. I supported the two of us for two years on thirty. It's for that reason that I feel like now may be the best and only chance I get at pursuing my ultimate goal of establishing myself as an author. I tried balancing it with full-time work before, and it just didn't work. My college passion, my drive in life, became a tiresome chore after a day's mental drain.

My dilemma is this: If my girlfriend does secure this job, should I approach her and her family, and discuss my pursuit of full-time writing? I know well and good that if it ever pays much, it certainly won't do so early on. Odds are, I'll still feel like a mooch and a bum until I start making a real contribution to our income...if I ever do, as rough as the writing market can be. Still, I'm not sure I'll ever get a better chance to chase down my own goals than this. Help me out here, playgrounders, 'cause I'm at war with myself.

[leafman]

What about getting a part-time job? You would have time for writing while still contributing and you might not have the strain of a full time job. If your writing takes off then you can easily quit the job and do writing full time.

[snoopy13a]

I think you'd be better off trying to find a low-stress job that will allow you write part-time. Perhaps you had trouble writing because of the particulars of the jobs you've held. For instance, working for a corrections company doesn't sound like low-stress to me.

Best-case scenario is that you write a best-selling novel. It'll take years, if you start now, for that to happen as you have to write it, self-edit it, submit it to publishers, have a publisher accept it, go through the editing process, and finally have it go to print.

So, even if your wildest dreams come true, that'll be years of you not bringing in an income. My guess is that this won't be too popular. There's a common saying, "Don't quit your day job." Here my advice would be, "Don't pass up a day job."

[Talanic]

I've been writing for nearly a decade, since I started college. I've written when I was working and I've tried to write when I wasn't. I think that it's a great boon to start writing part-time before you try to write full-time. Writing part-time teaches you more about making that time effective, whereas trying to dive in full-time (in my case, as I waited for applications to get responses) caused me to mostly waste time. I had a lot of stress coming at me over my dwindling savings and bills that I didn't know how I was going to cover; I actually started writing more when I got a job because I was no longer in a blind panic.

If stress affects you the same way that it does me, then feeling like a mooch might actively harm your ability to write just the same as working too much does. That's something to keep in mind.

I'd recommend that you keep your job for a while as things settle. If your job is amenable to it, cut your hours a bit to make some time for writing, but also look to your hobbies to see if anything else you do could be cut back (for me it's video games). After a few months to a year, talk it over with your girlfriend. You'll have a lot more money saved up for a rainy day and a better handle on the situation.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

... yeah, not to be a downer, but writing ain't much of a career. It's an art, and like any art, you don't make money unless you are a) lucky and possibly also b) brilliant, though the latter is optional.

[Jimorian]

An advance for a first novel is typically around $4-5000, so even if you're "successful", it's unlikely to make much of a dent in everyday expenses. I'm a member of Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, and out of 1500 members, maybe 50 make enough from writing to live off of it. A rough rule of thumb is that it takes 5 different novels constantly on the shelves of bookstores to be able to consider quitting the day job.

The hard truth of the matter is that if you don't have the drive and passion to MAKE time for writing while holding down a full-time job, no matter how exhausting or stressful it may be, then it's very unlikely that having free time is going to make a real difference in the outcome.

Now freelance non-fiction writing is a different animal, but typically the best way to break into that area is to write about stuff related to the field you're working in (and hence have expertise worth paying for), and it takes years even there to reach the tipping point where writing income is enough to consider dropping the day job.

[GolemsVoice]

Yeah, I think there's the long standing advice to writers: "Don't quit your day job"

Cynical as it may sound, I fear there's some truth to that. So maybe find a part-time job and pursue writing as more of a leisure activity? This way, you'll have creative energy left, you'll not feel like you're just living on other people's money, and you still get to write something, and if that doesn't work out, you have a job to fall back on.

[Jay R]

Your question is whether or not to discuss your plans with the people who will be most affected by them.

Why is this hard? Of course you should.

If they support you doing it, then you are not a mooch; you are a part of the family, being supported by your family to achieve yuour dream.

If they don't support it, then you know you will need to get a day job and pursue yuour dream without being a mooch.

In either case, you will feel better and be less of a mooch if you have spoken to them about it.

[Anarion]

Your question is whether or not to discuss your plans with the people who will be most affected by them.

Why is this hard? Of course you should.

If they support you doing it, then you are not a mooch; you are a part of the family, being supported by your family to achieve yuour dream.

If they don't support it, then you know you will need to get a day job and pursue yuour dream without being a mooch.

In either case, you will feel better and be less of a mooch if you have spoken to them about it.

I think Jay R is right. Be open with everyone and discuss what you'd like to be doing. It's a modern world, many women are supporting stay at home men in various relationships. If her job has potential for advancement, she could make enough to support your family on her own long-term. If you're both comfortable with that, it could make for a great relationship.

On the other hand, I suggest that writing full-time is quite difficult and it might actually advantage you to get work somewhere else and write a few hours a day. Since your girlfriend has a good job, yours doesn't need to be a full-time high-stress position. You mentioned you did sales and it went poorly, but that's a pretty broad field. You could try bagging groceries or do something like shoe sales, for example, which might be quite different from your first experience, depending on what it was. Plus, if you get used to meeting lots of people and become comfortable around them in a business situation, you can potentially get lots of material for your book.

[Kinsmarck]

I appreciate the candid responses, guys. Definitely gave me some food for thought, as well as a much-needed check to my frame of reference. I hadn't really given much thought to how I might feel, mentally and emotionally, after a day of less stressful work, seeing as I haven't really held any non-stressful jobs. "I have to get a sale today" stress is, admittedly, less taxing than "I have to be ready to get attacked today" stress, but those were longer days, so...yeah.

I'll be talking with family about it, and doing a bit of soul-searching to boot. I think, cliched as it may be, that the trick may be just finding something with a livable income which I actually enjoy, or at least don't mind, doing.