The Live Show You're Trying To Blot From Your Memory Forever

[Chunklets]

Ok, you know you've been to one. This is the thread to discuss that one gig you were at where your favourite band played for five minutes and then stormed offstage promising never to come within 500 miles of your hometown again. The one where your date threw up on a cop and then ditched you for the opening act's drummer. The one that cost you $110 to listen to a sound system that was a step down from Fisher Price. You know, the worst live show you've ever been to, ever.

Mine would have to be the noble but eventually futile attempt by some local promoters to give a bit of stage time to some very young theoretically-up-and-coming local punk banks. A noble gesture, and one that was enthusiastically received by the local 'scene.' In retrospect, a couple of pieces of advice to these young bands might have been in order:

Do not bring grandma and grandpa to the punk show unless they're really into punk rock. In which case you have the coolest grandparents ever.
Please have more in your repertoire than Blink-182 covers. Trust me, even if your own songs are ear-destroyingly bad, the local punks will not mind too much. This is punk rock, after all.Anyway, faced with the prospect of hanging out with the bands' extended families and listening to the aforementioned cover versions, most of the die-hard local punks slunk away fairly early on, and the entire thing ended up being unbelievably flat and tedious.

I admit, as worst gigs go, the above wasn't really all that apocalytically bad. I suppose I've been a bit lucky in that regard...

[Jack Squat]

Mine would have to be the ones I've worked at. Now these concerts are put on by our school's literary magazine to raise money for it. Most of the bands that come through don't have any talent, and they act like they are doing us a favor by playing for money. Yep, well, we've stopped that problem this year, we're not paying them. They can make money off of their own merchandise, and the only band that's gotten an album in any sort of reputable store was the only one that never complained about our policy of preferring not to pay bands because it's a fundraiser (The band is called The Showdown, the store was the local Best Buy, not sure if it's out further than that). I hate working there, I hate dealing with the bands, and I hate dealing with the people who come. I wouldn't work if it wasn't for the fact that it supports our literary magazine, of which I contribute some.

[smellie_hippie]

Let the harrassment commence...

Samantha Fox. If you don't know her, you are that much better off in life.

Now, on to the setup. This would be in the mid 80's. This "concert" would be in the middle of Wisconsin. This would also be the culmination of the county fair / tractor pull for a city with a population of about 20,000. Thankfully I believe puberty helped to irradicate some of my mental capacity, and most of the details are a vague blur...

I could also bring up the time I got pulled over in Detroit on New Years after a NIN concert, but that wasn't actually that bad... and I only got a warning.

@v Would it help if I said that there was LITERALLY nothing else to do?

[Elvaris]

Mushroomhead concert... 5 opening bands... club with no seats...
I missed the first band, spent three hours standing and listening to the middle three bands who were bad enough that by the time the fifth opening act started playing I just left. I still haven't heard Mushroomhead play live, but that night it just wasn't worth it.

...and I'll be nice and not say anything about Samantha Fox.

[Sailacela]

Sheryl Crow. I love her music and was thrilled to have the opportunity to see her live. WORST VENUE EVER. The sound was distorted and it was nigh impossible to hear her over the instrumentals. I'll never again go to a concert held in that stadium. An incredible let-down.

[Midnight Son]

The worst would have to be the time I was at the local mall, doing some Christmas shopping. They had set up a local version of American Idol auditions in the food court. It was so bad, the guys at the game store had turned their Xbox display into a sound buffer and placed it at the entrance of their shop at full volume.

[Enoxice]

...and the only band that's gotten an album in any sort of reputable store was the only one that never complained about our policy of preferring not to pay bands because it's a fundraiser (The band is called The Showdown, the store was the local Best Buy, not sure if it's out further than that)...

I totally own a CD by a band called The Showdown! Any chance the CD is called "A Chorus of Obliteration"? If not, I apologize for getting so excited.

Anyway, the worst show I've ever been to? I actually can't say I've ever been to a bad show. I mean, some of the opening acts have been terrible (Bullet for My Valentine opening for Iron Maiden, for example. Or some 3-woman Beastie Boys rip-off opening for Cake). But I've always left even the "local scene" shows satisfied.

[Closet_Skeleton]

Well there was one time a they wouldn't let me listen to some famous female folk singer's pub gig because I wasn't 18...

Apart from that aforemented headclash with Scottish alchohol restriction laws I haven't had any trouble at gigs.

[Jack Squat]

I totally own a CD by a band called The Showdown! Any chance the CD is called "A Chorus of Obliteration"? If not, I apologize for getting so excited.

You mean this one?
http://www.monovsstereo.com/images/showdown-cover200.jpg

Yeah, that's them. How far out of Knox-Vegas have they made it?

[Toric]

A Relient K concert I went to on a date, and only because I was on a date.

The opening acts were terrible, even for opening acts. Sorry kids, screaming phrases into the microphone with no regard for pitch or meter does not constitute singing. Although one guitarist did provide some amusement with a bowl haircut that went all the way down to his nose in the front.

As soon as the main band came out, my girl and her friend expertly maneuvered the swarm to get four rows in front of me, with me entirely unable to join them. This left me in a stadium with bad accoustics, surrounded by strangers who kept trying to start moshpits to a friggin' christian rock band (oh the irony), and listening to a band I had only heard one song by prior to coming to the concert, utterly bored out of my mind. My only consolation was the fact that my bro was right beside me and the same darn thing was happening to him.

Yeah, that was the last time I went out with that girl.

[Enoxice]

You mean this one?
<snip>

Yeah, that's them. How far out of Knox-Vegas have they made it?

That's the one. I picked it up at either Best Buy or Newbury Comics in Boston. Good stuff.

[Athanatos]

Not quite a show, but an opening act.

I was heading to an Apocalyptica show with some buddies (great band, by the way. Classic metal covers on cellos = <3), and was expecting a pretty underwhelming opening act. I figured it'd be some no-name metal band tagging along with Apo on one of their smaller-venue shows. Sure enough, I arrive at the concert hall and see that the opening act is named "The Eyes of Fire". After laughing a while, my friends and I decide that we're just going to have to sit through some melodramatic fantasy metal crap for about an hour, but don't think much of it.

They come up onto the stage. Their lead singer has a giant mohawk and looks perpetually consipated. Their guitarist is a fat guy with a terrifying beard. Their drummer looks like he just arrived from a Neo-Nazi rally. Despite appearances, they play the first two measures of their first song, and I'm actually quite impressed.

Then the chords kick in.

For almost the entirety of the next hour, the cloest thing to music I was hearing was the same frickin' chord over and over again while the singer apparently had bowel movements onstage. When they were done, somebody from the audience had apparently taken a strong dislike to them. The exchange went like so:

Audience member: "You guys are f**kin' q***rs!"
Lead singer: "Did you just call us f**kin' q***rs?!?"
Audience member: "Yes!"

They tried to insult him back, but ended up getting drowned out by boos. Fortunately, Apocalyptica themselves were absolutely amazing, and made up completely for the sour taste that the Eyes of Fire injected into my mouth.

[waspsmakejam]

I saw Supertramp once. They were so underwhelming and 100% meh that my memory auto-blotted the performance within a week.

[Jack Squat]

That's the one. I picked it up at either Best Buy or Newbury Comics in Boston. Good stuff.

Wow, that's a good 820 miles. They are pretty good, although I'm not into that genre much.

[Tom_Violence]

Incubus win for me, hands down, no contest.

I don't care if you like them - that's irrelevant. I don't, never really have, and just went cos it seemed like the thing to do at the time.

Anyway, the basis of my complaint is that I do not appreciate spending a fairly reasonable amount of time and money to go and see a bunch of guys stand on stage and not move at all for the best part of an hour, except about halfway through for Brandon Bloody Boyd to take his shirt off, much to the complete elation of the female populace, and the utter disgust of everyone else.

Seriously, if you'd got some cardboard cut-outs of them and put a CD on in the background it would've achieved the same effect.