LGBTAitp 30: Free Cuddles (Enquire Within)

[Lix Lorn]

Hello to all, and I'm honoured to see you enter the thirtieth incarnation of the queerest, rainbow-coloured, extra-friendly corner of the Playground, the LGBTAitp thread!

This is a thread where we Playgrounders, and LGBTAitp in particular, gather to discuss, share our experiences, give general advice and support one another in such matters as arise relating to, well, the world beyond heteronormativity.

Please note that although the title of the thread names only the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Asexual communities, it is intended as an all inclusive environment.


Everyone is welcome. Let's try to keep from seeming otherwise.
Keep this topic free of politics and religion. (so, don't violate the board rules, plz)
It's beyond the scope of this thread to discuss whether LGBT is "Right." (And really, most discussions probably should avoid moralizing too much anyway)
Please refrain from posting sexually explicit content. (Keep it friendly as well as board safe :smallsmile:)



Keep in mind that content which contain strong language may be filtered (Plus, y'know, the forum-filters), and content that violates the forum rules won't be posted at all.

Here are the links for the previous threads, where much of use or interest may be found:
LGBT people in the playground (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=62225)

LGBT people in the playground - part II (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=86066)

LGBTitp - part III (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=5663140#post5663140)

LGBTitp 4: We are a family? (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=129235)

LGBTitp - Part Five (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=143424)

LGBTitp - Part Six (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=147832)

LGBTitp - Part Seven (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=157312)

LGBTitp - Part Eight (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=167395)

LGBTitp - Part Nine (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=172747)

LGBTAitp - Part Ten (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=177253)

LGBTAitp - Part Eleven (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=181683)

LGBTAitp - Part Twelve (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=10335967#)

LGBTAitp - Part Thirteen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192714)

LGBTAitp - Part Fourteen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=200329)

LGBTAitp - Part Fifteen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207987)

LGBTAitp - Part Sixteen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=11820872#)

LGBTAitp - Part Seventeen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=219966)

LGBTAitp - Part Eighteen! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=223792)

LGBTAitp - Part Nineteen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=227182)

LGBTAitp - Part Twenty - Critical Hit! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=12613347)

LGBTAitp - Part Twenty-One - BLACKJACK! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=233833)

LGBTAitP Part 22: The Best There Is (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=236828)

LGBTAitP Part 23: Et tu, ~Bianca? (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=239610)

LGBTAitP: Alphabet Soup-with 24 different Vitamins! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=13243754)

LGBTAitP part 25: Doing Away With Subtitles (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=249030)

LGBTAitP 26: No Time For Snappy Titles (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=253352)

LGBTAitP 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=256951)

LGBTAitP #28: Come Taste the Rainbow! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=14110484#post14110484)


And, for reference, here is the Thousand&Wordster Dictionary of Commonly Used LGBTAitp Words and Phrases

Lagerbeta: A fine brewski to be drunk by queers and allies.
LGBT: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans*
Trans*: Transsexual and Transgender
LGBTA: LGBT+Asexual/Allies
QUILTBAG: Q - Queer and Questioning
U - Unidentified
I - Intersex
L - Lesbian
T - Transgender, Transexual
B - Bisexual
A - Asexual
G - Gay, Genderqueer
Allies: Straight people that support equality for sexuality and gender minorities.
MtF: Male-to-Female: A woman born with male nibblies, who may or may not be seeking HRT and/or SRS. (AKA: trans woman)
FtM: Female-to-Male: A man born with female nibblies, who may or may not be seeking HRT and/or SRS. (AKA: trans man)
GQ: Genderqueer.
CS: Cis-sexual: sex and gender match (a male with male nibblies, a female with female nibblies.
TS: Transsexual: Sex and gender disparity.
HRT: Hormone replacement therapy. MtF's take more progestrogens and oestrogens and FtM's take more testosterone (I think?)
SRS: Sex Reassignment Surgery: Surgery to replace/transform a vagina into a penis, or vice versa depending on direction. Mastectomies or plastic surgery may be used on breasts.
FFS: Facial Feminization Surgery: Plastic surgery to reduce chin/nose/cheekbones. not very common.

Man: A cisman or transman. Male.
Woman: A ciswoman or transwoman. Female.
Androgyne: Gender Identity with male and female aspects.
Genderfluid: Someone who fluctuates between male and female.
Agendered: Someone who feels neither male nor female.
Third-gendered: Someone who fits in a local society's third gender, usually male performing female tasks, occasionally vice versa.
Masculine: Something generally associated with men.
Feminine: Something generally associated with women.

Lesbian: A woman who is attracted to women.
Gay: A man who is attracted to men.
Homosexual: A person who is attracted to members of their gender.
Heterosexual: A person who is attracted to members of the opposite gender.
Bisexual: A person who is attracted to two genders (usually men and women, sometimes transgender instead of one of those).
Pansexual: A person who is attracted to people regardless of gender.
Asexual: A person who does not feel any/some sexual attraction.
Demisexual: A person who is sexually attracted to someone(s) they have formed an intense emotional relationship with.
Polyamorous: A person who is interested in a relationship with more than one person.
Radosexual: A person who is only attracted to rad people.
Pomosexual: A person who avoids SO labels.

Sexual Orientation: How one identifies who they are attracted to. (SO)
Gender Identity: How one feels inside society's idea of "man, woman, or other". (GI)
Gender Expression: How one expresses their GI to society. (GE)
Significant Other(s): Person you are in a relationship with. (SO)

[Asta Kask]

Can I get cuddles?

[Lix Lorn]

:O (cuddles) xD

[Absol197]

I too am interested in this offer of cuddles...

On topic, I'm still looking for articles related to child development differences (or similarities) between hetero and same-sex couples.


~Phoenix~

[pffh]

I too am interested in this offer of cuddles...

On topic, I'm still looking for articles related to child development differences (or similarities) between hetero and same-sex couples.


~Phoenix~

If I remember correctly there were a few done in the UK so you might want to check relevant British journals if you have access to those.

[Selpharia]

*cuddles*

*joins request for cuddles*

I posted this in thread 29, but I don't want it eaten by the thread switch, even though I was late to the party in response to Lena last time.

[Repost]





-----

Dysphoric rambles (which is why I haven't replied to anything. Ugh, I sound really whiny so you really don't have to read it...):
So, got struck by a bout of dysphoria that was worse than anything I've had in weeks. And to make it even worse it just wouldn't go away no matter what I did and it lasted on the whole day and I had to fight off collapsing in a pile of sobbing pityfullness all day...

Everyone here is making progress and achieving things while I'm still super nervous and scared about everything and don't even dare to go buy clothes or anything or think about informing my uni and I basically don't really have anyone for support in real life cause I shut myself up so much and I'm all anxious around people and I just feel so cowardly and stupid and not deserving of transitioning and I'll never look decent anyway and it's all just a whole puddle of darkness that I"m sinking away with and tendrils dragging me down and more blehness...

Lena, you've achieved a lot, like other people have said, going to the endo, getting those prescriptions (even if it's been tough and they're not there yet. ) I've seen the pictures you posted and I think you'll look great. And don't think I'm just saying that to make you feel better, I'm one of the most brutally critical people you'll ever meet, and I don't pay idle compliments. It won't be perfect because nothing is, but it will be better than it is now. If you think not telling your uni makes you a coward, than you're in the company of many many cowards. I often feel like I shut myself away too, and even having a few people support me doesn't help because i don't think I could step out from behind the familiar, if often miserably uncomfortable, mask of maleness that I spend most of my day hiding behind, so that often in a crows I feel alone. But maybe, and this is just a suggestion and a thought, and you shouldn't take it as anything more, trying to find a support group or something near you would be good. Even if it's fractious and full of competing narratives about transness, you might find someone to talk to there, who could become a source of RL support, since you don't have much right now.

About deserving transition: Who can decide that you don't deserve transition? A doctor with a paper degree and a cardboard brain can deny it, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve it. Social standards? What do they matter when your identity is for you first of all and everyone else in the world second? The only one who can decide whether you deserve something is you, and in this case, why should you not do what will make you happy? Everyone who matters, ultimately, loses in that scenario. But still, that doesn't mean that waiting until you're more secure makes you less worthy, it's just practical. There's no inherent virtue in making things hard for yourself. Sometimes I think there;s a mistake made talking about "transition" as if it were an objective thing, like metamorphosis or some automatic process where transness attracts you to your correct gender presentation irresistibly and along a pre-determined path at a pre-determined pace, like magnetism. It's full of fits and starts, of steps forward to try new things, steps backward to re-confirm old knowledge, and steps sideways just because. Your transition is yours, and you deserve it because it is a fundamental part of you. It may not be perfect or ideal, but I think it will get where it needs to be in the end. Good luck!

*hugs*

Feel better, sweetie



~Laura

[Asta Kask]

Well said, Laura. I'm not sure transition is something you can deserve. That the word applies to it.

[Lentrax]

Wow, Laura. Those are some very impassioned words. They give me the warm fuzzies, and they weren't even for me.

Very well put.

[turkishproverb]

Can I get cuddles?

*CUDDLES* Happy?

[Asta Kask]

Flying turtle-cuddles are second only to mysterious-snail-like-being cuddles.

[Lea Plath]

*Burns Lixie's desk* NOW THE CUTE PEOPLE CANNOT HIDE FROM HUGS AND LOVE! >:D

So. Bit of a problem...

I use the internet to express my feminine side etc, and Lea Plath tends to be my generic user name, but I've got some people on steam and cockatrice who I know in real life and they have questioned about the user name/pictures. I've kinda deflected them for now, but got me worried a little is all. They are my friends but I dunno... I would rather it didn't get out if possible yet.

[The Succubus]

Simple enough:

"I play <insert MMO here> and my guild/corp/griefing group I hang around with know me as Lea Plath. I changed my Steam name so they know who I am and one of them did a cartoon based on my character. I thought it was rather awesome and decided to stick with it." :smallsmile:

And if anyone asks, just join the GiTP Steam group where everyone would know you as Lea Plath. :smallbiggrin:

[Arachu]

I wanna cuddle! :pout:


Hey Lea! Haven't seen you in the thread for a while (possibly because I haven't been keeping up for a while, but still :smalltongue:). *Waves~*


:smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin:

So I just logged in to my uni account, and saw across the top, "Welcome, <surname> Miss T"

I haven't stopped grinning for the past five minutes.

n.n
Dysphoric rambles (which is why I haven't replied to anything. Ugh, I sound really whiny so you really don't have to read it...):
So, got struck by a bout of dysphoria that was worse than anything I've had in weeks. And to make it even worse it just wouldn't go away no matter what I did and it lasted on the whole day and I had to fight off collapsing in a pile of sobbing pityfullness all day...

Everyone here is making progress and achieving things while I'm still super nervous and scared about everything and don't even dare to go buy clothes or anything or think about informing my uni and I basically don't really have anyone for support in real life cause I shut myself up so much and I'm all anxious around people and I just feel so cowardly and stupid and not deserving of transitioning and I'll never look decent anyway and it's all just a whole puddle of darkness that I"m sinking away with and tendrils dragging me down and more blehness...

*So many hugs* You are absolutely strong, beautiful, smart, and wonderful. I'm actually inspired by you (for one thing, I can't tell my parents about my gender even after I've moved out >.>)~ *More hugs* :smallsmile:


~Bianca

[Lea Plath]

I wanna cuddle! :pout:


Hey Lea! Haven't seen you in the thread for a while (possibly because I haven't been keeping up for a while, but still :smalltongue:). *Waves~*~Bianca

*Cuddles* But you have me everywhere else :P

[Arachu]

*Cuddles* But you have me everywhere else :P

Yeah, but still thread. :smalltongue: *Huggles*

Succubus' idea sounds good~


~Bianca

[Lix Lorn]

I too am interested in this offer of cuddles...


*cuddles*

*joins request for cuddles*
(cuddles you both and Bianca too)

@Lea: I made the desk out of water vapour and sunshine, it's not hard to replace. xD

[Lea Plath]

(cuddles you both and Bianca too)

@Lea: I made the desk out of water vapour and sunshine, it's not hard to replace. xD

I have more fire than you have that stuff >:D

[golentan]

Thanks for the commentary at the end of the last thread. I appreciate it. Also, I would like to extend free cuddles, and also enquire about the promised ones.

[Lea Plath]

Thanks for the commentary at the end of the last thread. I appreciate it. Also, I would like to extend free cuddles, and also enquire about the promised ones.

Can I get a 6 armed hug? :3

[golentan]

Can I get a 6 armed hug? :3

Of course! Come here you lovable lady with the right number of limbs! *hug*

[Coidzor]

I'd just like to echo the kudos to Laura. :smallsmile:

[Lea Plath]

Of course! Come here you lovable lady with the right number of limbs! *hug*

Needs more L! *hugs back!*

I love the idea of 6 armed hugs. The arms fit perfectly together :P

[Lix Lorn]

I have more fire than you have that stuff >:D
Meanieface.


Thanks for the commentary at the end of the last thread. I appreciate it. Also, I would like to extend free cuddles, and also enquire about the promised ones.
(HUGLOMP)

[Heliomance]

So. TIL that trying to work while suffering from a major attack of dysphoria is unfun.
Basically, I've been managing okay feminizing myself as much as I can while staying just within the bounds I've been set. Today, though, there was a big group in, and I was taking drinks orders, and one guy said to his friend something along the lines of "this gentleman wants to know what you want to drink" and it all came crashing down. I forced myself through another hour, hour and a half, but eventually I went to my supervisor, told her I wasn't coping, and begged to be allowed to finish the shift as a girl. She, however, was unwilling to put her arse on the line by letting me when the manager had said no, but as it was quiet she let me go early. She also said she'd tell the manager to phone me tomorrow, so one way or another this is going down.

As I'm now pretty certain I'm trans, I'm legally in the right, but I'm slightly terrified about what's gonna happen.

[pffh]

So I'm considering starting to try meeting dudes who are into dudes more actively and a quick look around reveals that I have three options:

Gaybar - Tried this, not my thing. When drinking I prefer just hanging around a friends apartment with some friends and I usually only go to bars because my friends want to go to bars. Also they are straight so we go to those bars (and usually just our regular club or pub). On top of that the gaybars usually close after existing for a year or two and another opens and I have no idea where the current on is.

Grindr and other apps like that - Iceland = small community = very small percentage of people that use these apps. Just looked at grindr for example and the entire capital region seems to have around 20-30 guys on there.

The universities LGBT society - Seems like the best option. They have meetings, pub quizzes, movie nights and more stuff like that. They don't seem to have a schedule posted anywhere though. Also suddenly appearing alone in a community where everyone kinda knows each other is kinda scary for an introvert.

So any ideas? Tips from other shy people?

[Lix Lorn]

@Helio
(hugs /tightly/)
I'm pretty sure that if this ends badly for you, they are in so much trouble.
You're in the right even if you're not trans. Your gender expression is your own business.

[ScionoftheVoid]

*wanders through thread cuddling all who allow it*

Congratulations to Helio on having an awesome university.
Extra hugs for Golentan 'cause all people should be able to get hugs.

@Lena: You are one of the kindest women I've had the pleasure to talk to, and I do not exaggerate about such things. You are wonderful, and have made plenty of progress in ways that other people haven't, even if you're behind them in other places. If you don't feel brave enough to go and visibly buy girl-clothes, that's okay. I haven't managed to do that yet, either, and I don't think less of myself for it. And if I don't think less of myself for something, I'll certainly not let you do so. You worry about not passing when I (and no doubt others, too) would give loads to look as feminine (and as pretty) as you do - that's not to say that you're at fault for having doubts when others aren't so lucky, we just want you to see yourself as we see you. We're all here for you, even if there's few who are there in close physical proximity.
That probably wasn't a good supportive message, but I hope it helps even a little.

EDIT: @Helio: *offers more hugs* That's terrible, I hope everything goes in your favour. :smallfrown:

[Heliomance]

Incidentally, by "major attack" I mean I was actually seriously wondering if I was going to throw up, and when I went up to get changed I spent about five minutes having a minor panic attack in the bathroom.

It hasn't been that bad for a while :/

[Asta Kask]

*hugs for Helio*

pffh, I've got nothing but I wish you luck.

Lix, you're adorable. *cheekkiss*

[Lix Lorn]

Incidentally, by "major attack" I mean I was actually seriously wondering if I was going to throw up, and when I went up to get changed I spent about five minutes having a minor panic attack in the bathroom.

It hasn't been that bad for a while :/
Panic attacks are horrible. :(
(hugs more)


Lix, you're adorable. *cheekkiss*
Lies.

[golentan]

Helio, you have my hugs and support. If you want, I will start a petition to send to your manager, or just be here to pop the champagne/throw it against the wall angrily when you hear how things will go down.

Pffh, I'm sorry I don't have advice. I had similar trouble for a while when I was trying to sort out sexuality and romance, solved mostly by networking (for whatever reason a disproportionate number of friends are LGBT, mostly among the women-folk). So, umm... Ask your friends if they know any cute gay guys?

[Heliomance]

Usefully, I have a friend with a law degree who's worked in the CAB. I'm picking his brains at the moment.

[Asta Kask]

Lies.

*earnibbles*

[Lix Lorn]

Ack! .////.

[Absol197]

Good luck to you, Tam! *Hugs*

I hate it when people refer to me as male. Even when I know that it's not their fault because they had no way to know, it still makes me flinch inside.

And if they try to get rid of you, your manager is totally in the wrong. And the whole, "You didn't interview that way" argument is going to get them in trouble as well, especially if they follow it up with, "Well, if [she] had told us [she] was trans, we never would have hired [her]!" Or some variant thereof. Not that I'm saying that's where he's going to go with it, but still. I mean, really, if he's that worried that customers will walk out and complain, does he really want those people as customers to begin with? I wouldn't (but maybe I'm biased :smallredface: ).

Although looking for another job might not be a bad idea.


~Phoenix~

[KenderWizard]

:smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin:

So I just logged in to my uni account, and saw across the top, "Welcome, <surname> Miss T"

I haven't stopped grinning for the past five minutes.

This is so awesome!! :smallbiggrin:


So. TIL that trying to work while suffering from a major attack of dysphoria is unfun.
Basically, I've been managing okay feminizing myself as much as I can while staying just within the bounds I've been set. Today, though, there was a big group in, and I was taking drinks orders, and one guy said to his friend something along the lines of "this gentleman wants to know what you want to drink" and it all came crashing down. I forced myself through another hour, hour and a half, but eventually I went to my supervisor, told her I wasn't coping, and begged to be allowed to finish the shift as a girl. She, however, was unwilling to put her arse on the line by letting me when the manager had said no, but as it was quiet she let me go early. She also said she'd tell the manager to phone me tomorrow, so one way or another this is going down.

As I'm now pretty certain I'm trans, I'm legally in the right, but I'm slightly terrified about what's gonna happen.

Oh, honey, that's hard. ((hugs)) You're doing all the right things by talking to your legal friend and being honest with your supervisor. It might not be a bad idea to start looking into a new job, even making a clean break might help, you know? You're within your rights to present as a girl at work, but if it takes a legal battle, it might be better to just say "well #!@% you then" and go elsewhere. You have yourself and your studies to focus on, you know? Either way, this hard time will pass.



The universities LGBT society - Seems like the best option. They have meetings, pub quizzes, movie nights and more stuff like that. They don't seem to have a schedule posted anywhere though. Also suddenly appearing alone in a community where everyone kinda knows each other is kinda scary for an introvert.

So any ideas? Tips from other shy people?

Oh man, I find it super-hard to go to an already-formed group, but I happen to be one of those naturally-shy people who has found a bunch of workarounds and coping strategies and people I meet now no longer peg me as shy, so it seems to be working. I think a big part of it is actually that thing of "pretend to be confident and you will be", or "fake it 'til you make it". That actually does help. So, here's a few tips:

1) Go with someone. Drag someone else, anyone else, along. Bonus points if they're outgoing but not pushy, and love introducing you to small, non-threatening groups.

2) For your first excursion, pick something you're really into. A movie night of a movie you adore or are super-excited about seeing, or a costume party that you have the Best Costume Ever for. It's harder to talk yourself out of going, and you'll have more ready-made things to talk about.

3) Prepare. Think about what you'll do. Have a few things to talk about in mind, or make up your mind that you'll offer to help or something.

4) Set goals. "I will introduce myself to at least two people before I allow myself to give up and run away."

5) Arrive early. Walking in on the organiser and an enthusiastic newbie as they're setting up the projector is waaaay less intimidating than walking in on a group of 20 people settling down to start the movie, already in their groups and chatting away. And you're unlikely to both ignore and be ignored by two other people, whereas you can easily get lost in a bigger crowd.

Also, it may not seem like it, but other people there will be shy and insecure, and on the look-out for someone to talk to. Also also, if you're a member of the society, you're entitled to be there, don't forget that. Someone who's been there longer isn't more entitled than you, or better than you, just more established. In a year's time, you'll seem intimidatingly well-connected to some shy newcomer.

Good luck!

[Absol197]

:smallsigh: I haven't been feeling to great recently. I've been wistless all day. I have trouble deciding on anything to do, and once I finally do decide, I get bored and give up. Even passive things like watching TV. I've been sleeping late the past couple days because I can't muster the energy to get up.

I feel really lonely. Not just for having a Significant Other, like I have for years, but for any kind of companionship. I see my friends on Friday nights, and some of them on Saturday. But the rest of the weekend I'm basically by myself. Except my parents are around, and they're exactly the kind of people I don't want to be around.

Maybe part of it is losing my job, but that's not everything. Update on that, by the way:
Like Succubus suggested, I told my parents. I left out some details, but I did tell them. They reacted much better than I expected, which was nice. My mom is asking her boss if I can come back to working at her CPA firm part-time until I find another full-time position, and my dad met a contact at a corporate meeting he was at that needs people for a new department they're opening. I've got an interview about that on Tuesday. So that's good. And he works for Chase, and they have amazingly good LGBT support (they give gay/lesbian employees in long-term relationships higher pay to compensate for the fact that they can't get marriage benefits). All in all, that front's going better.
And of course there's the constant dysphoria tickling around the edges of my brain, too. :smallsigh: I hope I feel better soon, but I'm not so sure...


~Phoenix~

EDIT: Also, one of my sister's good friends went hiking in the Grand Canyon, and didn't come back when she should have. Please pray, wish, hope, or whatever form of higher request you might favor for her :smallfrown: ...

[noparlpf]

*avoids cuddles*
Not that I think you all don't give lovely cuddles, but that's not my thing.


Incidentally, by "major attack" I mean I was actually seriously wondering if I was going to throw up, and when I went up to get changed I spent about five minutes having a minor panic attack in the bathroom.

It hasn't been that bad for a while :/

Aw geez. I'm really sorry to hear that. Panic attacks suck. I think you're going about this generally the right way. Maybe you should think seriously about getting a different job, if possible, if these guys are going to be too difficult about it.


5) Arrive early. Walking in on the organiser and an enthusiastic newbie as they're setting up the projector is waaaay less intimidating than walking in on a group of 20 people settling down to start the movie, already in their groups and chatting away. And you're unlikely to both ignore and be ignored by two other people, whereas you can easily get lost in a bigger crowd.

But not too early. If you show up and nobody's there yet, you have a chance to panic and leave. Yup, been there...

[Lanaya]

Warning: lots of unhelpful ranting ahead, spoilered for your convenience.

Ranting about names:
Names freaking suck. I spent goodness knows how long looking through just about every girl name ever invented, and I kinda expected that somewhere in that enormous list, half of which I'm sure aren't even real names, there would be The One. Our eyes would meet across a crowded room and I would know we would spend the rest of our lives together. Or, y'know, something like that. But no, instead it's boring name, boring name, boring name, boring name, nice name but it doesn't really suit me, boring name, boring name, etc. Eventually I narrowed it down to about five names that I could maybe see myself using, but they all just felt a bit weird. I mean, they're all nice names which seemed to suit me reasonably well, but none of them clicked, or really felt right. Eventually I had to pick one, and it's not a bad name by any means, but it still just feels slightly off. I s'pose it could just be because I'm not used to it, but I can't say that for certain; what if it just really doesn't fit me and I'll use it for however long waiting for it to start feeling better and it never does?

Plus there are so many names I skipped over that I would have been absolutely fine with if I'd been given them at birth. It's just something about having to choose your own name that makes it so much harder to be satisfied, I guess. Plus if you do have a certain name from birth then by the time you can wonder about whether it really fits you you've already been using it for years. I've read that some people just ask their parents what they would have been named if they'd been born properly in the first place and use that, but even if I did that I'd still be the final arbiter of whether I have that name or not. It'd still be my decision in the end. Ugh.

Ranting about needles:
I HATE needles. I've always been freaking terrified of them. But doctors won't write any HRT-related prescriptions without having a good, long look at my blood first. Which was fine the first time, I didn't enjoy getting stabbed and having my vital fluids harvested, but I managed okay and got a prescription written out and woohoo everything is happy. Then a month later I need to get a second blood test so he can see how everything changed and then prescribe some more hormones so I end up above the bare minimum levels, which would be quite nice. But when I went to get the needle, I COMPLETELY freaked, worse than anything I'd ever experienced before. I basically fled the building without letting that accursed thing anywhere near my arm and then spent the rest of the day getting post-traumatic flashbacks about an injection that didn't even happen. And the only thing that really changed between the first time and this one is a significant reduction in manly calm-the-hell-down hormones. So it seems the only way I'd be able to calm down enough to get another blood test done is if I stopped HRT completely, but even if I did do that it would no longer be useful because that would just be an exact copy of the first test they did. Argh.

[Mynxae]

So I'm considering starting to try meeting dudes who are into dudes more actively and a quick look around reveals that I have three options:

Gaybar - Tried this, not my thing. When drinking I prefer just hanging around a friends apartment with some friends and I usually only go to bars because my friends want to go to bars. Also they are straight so we go to those bars (and usually just our regular club or pub). On top of that the gaybars usually close after existing for a year or two and another opens and I have no idea where the current on is.

Grindr and other apps like that - Iceland = small community = very small percentage of people that use these apps. Just looked at grindr for example and the entire capital region seems to have around 20-30 guys on there.

The universities LGBT society - Seems like the best option. They have meetings, pub quizzes, movie nights and more stuff like that. They don't seem to have a schedule posted anywhere though. Also suddenly appearing alone in a community where everyone kinda knows each other is kinda scary for an introvert.

So any ideas? Tips from other shy people?

Hmm, interesting situation you have. Sounds like the same one I had when I turned 18 and online dating was available to me finally.

I've used Grindr before, but I can see your problem of the low population problem, plus a lot of people usually go on there just looking for sex (unless that's what you're looking for? :smallconfused: I dunno :smalleek:).

Dating sites: Search some things on Google, see if there are any dating sites specific to your area, or heck, any that are just for people in countries near your own. I know several but a few of them are only for my country (Australia) so... :/

Friends: Ask around to your social group, or even perhaps friends on Facebook in the area. Do they know any gay guys that you might find to your liking? Or do they know anyone who can get you in contact with people who do?

Is there a local LGBT group by any chance? They tend to crop up in a lot of places and cities.

I can understand how you wouldn't want to go to gaybars, heck, I've never been to one, but I don't have many single LGBT friends who I'm not attracted to. :smalltongue: Although from things I've heard from any of my LGBT friends who've went to gaybars, well... Every time they go, they come out with a different man, wake up in the morning (huh, who's that guy? :smalleek:), make smalltalk and then kick him out. :smallbiggrin: So yeah, gaybars probably aren't your thing.

[Thajocoth]

Warning: lots of unhelpful ranting ahead, spoilered for your convenience.

Ranting about names:
Names freaking suck. I spent goodness knows how long looking through just about every girl name ever invented, and I kinda expected that somewhere in that enormous list, half of which I'm sure aren't even real names, there would be The One. Our eyes would meet across a crowded room and I would know we would spend the rest of our lives together. Or, y'know, something like that. But no, instead it's boring name, boring name, boring name, boring name, nice name but it doesn't really suit me, boring name, boring name, etc. Eventually I narrowed it down to about five names that I could maybe see myself using, but they all just felt a bit weird. I mean, they're all nice names which seemed to suit me reasonably well, but none of them clicked, or really felt right. Eventually I had to pick one, and it's not a bad name by any means, but it still just feels slightly off. I s'pose it could just be because I'm not used to it, but I can't say that for certain; what if it just really doesn't fit me and I'll use it for however long waiting for it to start feeling better and it never does?

Plus there are so many names I skipped over that I would have been absolutely fine with if I'd been given them at birth. It's just something about having to choose your own name that makes it so much harder to be satisfied, I guess. Plus if you do have a certain name from birth then by the time you can wonder about whether it really fits you you've already been using it for years. I've read that some people just ask their parents what they would have been named if they'd been born properly in the first place and use that, but even if I did that I'd still be the final arbiter of whether I have that name or not. It'd still be my decision in the end. Ugh.

Ranting about needles:
I HATE needles. I've always been freaking terrified of them. But doctors won't write any HRT-related prescriptions without having a good, long look at my blood first. Which was fine the first time, I didn't enjoy getting stabbed and having my vital fluids harvested, but I managed okay and got a prescription written out and woohoo everything is happy. Then a month later I need to get a second blood test so he can see how everything changed and then prescribe some more hormones so I end up above the bare minimum levels, which would be quite nice. But when I went to get the needle, I COMPLETELY freaked, worse than anything I'd ever experienced before. I basically fled the building without letting that accursed thing anywhere near my arm and then spent the rest of the day getting post-traumatic flashbacks about an injection that didn't even happen. And the only thing that really changed between the first time and this one is a significant reduction in manly calm-the-hell-down hormones. So it seems the only way I'd be able to calm down enough to get another blood test done is if I stopped HRT completely, but even if I did do that it would no longer be useful because that would just be an exact copy of the first test they did. Argh.

I have a ton of trouble naming anything. RPG characters, pets, anything. I certainly understand the difficulty involved, especially for something so important.

Needles have been my second biggest phobia for a long time (second to food). I've mostly gotten over it now, thanks to a hobby I picked up that happens to use them. Last time I had blood drawn, I was surprised by how easy it was. I didn't even scream or anything. I'm still terrified of oral needles though. No dentist is sticking me without nitrous first.

Good luck with it!

[Ravens_cry]

I guess I am lucky in that respect. I know exactly what I'd name myself.
In fact, I use the name already in some online places I am female.

[Arachu]

*So many hugs to Helio, Phee and anyone else who wants/need them*


Ranting about names:
Names freaking suck. I spent goodness knows how long looking through just about every girl name ever invented, and I kinda expected that somewhere in that enormous list, half of which I'm sure aren't even real names, there would be The One. Our eyes would meet across a crowded room and I would know we would spend the rest of our lives together. Or, y'know, something like that. But no, instead it's boring name, boring name, boring name, boring name, nice name but it doesn't really suit me, boring name, boring name, etc. Eventually I narrowed it down to about five names that I could maybe see myself using, but they all just felt a bit weird. I mean, they're all nice names which seemed to suit me reasonably well, but none of them clicked, or really felt right. Eventually I had to pick one, and it's not a bad name by any means, but it still just feels slightly off. I s'pose it could just be because I'm not used to it, but I can't say that for certain; what if it just really doesn't fit me and I'll use it for however long waiting for it to start feeling better and it never does?

Plus there are so many names I skipped over that I would have been absolutely fine with if I'd been given them at birth. It's just something about having to choose your own name that makes it so much harder to be satisfied, I guess. Plus if you do have a certain name from birth then by the time you can wonder about whether it really fits you you've already been using it for years. I've read that some people just ask their parents what they would have been named if they'd been born properly in the first place and use that, but even if I did that I'd still be the final arbiter of whether I have that name or not. It'd still be my decision in the end. Ugh.

Yeah, names can be... Complicated. I took like a week to find mine, and I was looking constantly. @.@

Eventually I narrowed it down to like three or four choices, and I *tried* the one with the more significant meaning but I ended up deciding that Bianca's catchy. :smalltongue:

Hope you find one you like. *Hugs*


Ranting about needles:
I HATE needles. I've always been freaking terrified of them. But doctors won't write any HRT-related prescriptions without having a good, long look at my blood first. Which was fine the first time, I didn't enjoy getting stabbed and having my vital fluids harvested, but I managed okay and got a prescription written out and woohoo everything is happy. Then a month later I need to get a second blood test so he can see how everything changed and then prescribe some more hormones so I end up above the bare minimum levels, which would be quite nice. But when I went to get the needle, I COMPLETELY freaked, worse than anything I'd ever experienced before. I basically fled the building without letting that accursed thing anywhere near my arm and then spent the rest of the day getting post-traumatic flashbacks about an injection that didn't even happen. And the only thing that really changed between the first time and this one is a significant reduction in manly calm-the-hell-down hormones. So it seems the only way I'd be able to calm down enough to get another blood test done is if I stopped HRT completely, but even if I did do that it would no longer be useful because that would just be an exact copy of the first test they did. Argh.

Ever try looking in the opposite direction? That helped me when I still had needle issues. *More hugs*


~Bianca

[golentan]

Needles:
The trick I've found for dealing with those kinds of phobia? Pretend it's a similar thing that doesn't trigger. If you're afraid of having blood drawn, but only irritated by mosquitos... well, that's a similar process, convince yourself that the doctor isn't sticking a needle in you but rather helping you remove a giant mosquito after it's bit you. This may sound facetious but if you can draw a parallel in your mind between two things and one of them doesn't bother you, you can usually get to the one mental state from the other by doing some deep breathing and meditative exercises.

You know, it's funny. I'm not afraid of needles, and I'm not afraid of bleeding out, but I am deathly afraid of bleeding out through a needle or tube of some kind.

[Mynxae]

Went to a Mental Health Centre today and made an appointment for the 29th January for their intake system. Feel so good that I'll finally be getting the help I need. Fingers crossed that I'll be getting on some kind of anti-depressants. 'Cause, it's funny... If I tell anyone I'm depressed (with an in-depth discussion to my feelings, so they know the full extent), they wonder why I've never been on medication. I even told my Job Advisor today at my local job agency, and she was shocked that I wasn't on medication. :smalleek:

I just hope that if I get on medication that I can still have orgasms. :smalleek:

*cuddles to anyone who needs them* :smallsmile:

Also, I second the idea of what Golentan said about needles.

[pffh]

Pffh, I'm sorry I don't have advice. I had similar trouble for a while when I was trying to sort out sexuality and romance, solved mostly by networking (for whatever reason a disproportionate number of friends are LGBT, mostly among the women-folk). So, umm... Ask your friends if they know any cute gay guys?

Well one knows two cute single guys. They both live 5 hour drive away. :smallannoyed:



*Kender tips snips*

Lots of good advice. I might be able to coax a friend to come with.



Dating sites: Search some things on Google, see if there are any dating sites specific to your area, or heck, any that are just for people in countries near your own. I know several but a few of them are only for my country (Australia) so... :/


There is one dating site here and it's pretty much just prostitutes and swingers.

[Ashtagon]

@Helio

I know this may sound like strange advice, but if you think you are about to have a panic attack at work, rather than bottle it up, it may be worth wallowing in it, complete with ambulance call out if they think it necessary.

As long as you can successfully bottle it up and mask the symptoms while at work, they can convince themselves that it isn't a critical issue. If it causes demonstrable and undeniable issues that can be resolved in an obvious and reasonably pain-free manner for them (especially a manner that you have already signposted), then it makes the later processes much easier to push through.

That doesn't mean repeatedly have them all the time of course. But at least once, where it is a genuine panic attack, will make your case as a medical issue (rather than just an "I feel like it" issue) far more believable.

[The Succubus]

That's actually made me curious - is gender dysphoria classed as a disability?

Now, before you all jump down my throat, hear me out. I've been reading quite a few accounts from various folks on here about what it's like when the Dysphoria Beast attacks and it sounds absolutely horrible. Often, folks say things like, "I found myself unable to think clearly or stop crying and just curled up in a ball hoping the feeling would subside." Sounds pretty disabling, by the very definition of the word, to me. If dysphoria attacks were classed as such it'd be a very neat way for genderfluid folks to get some legal coverage at work. After all, epilepsy also has sporadic and highly disabling attacks and I'm covered under the Disability Discrimination Act. The only difference between my condition is that mine is a physical attack, whereas dysphoria is a (largely mental? I'm sure there's a physical side to it as well) mental attack.

Does that make any sort of sense? :smallconfused:

[Ashtagon]

@succbus

In the UK, GID is a recognised medical condition that qualifies for NHS treatment. It is not, however, regarded as a disability.

However, some employers are behind the times, and may struggle with themselves in granting the rights required by law. If there is documented external evidence of their knuckle/heel-dragging causing issues, it makes it far easier to claim discrimination if it ends up coming to a legal court case.

GID that "simply" expresses itself as "depression" is rarely taken seriously, as mental health doesn't receive the attention in should. But physical symptoms (including panic attacks) do. So don't hide or bottle up the panic attacks. Also, it is very easy for a discriminatory employer to paint a "depression" episode as a "lazy employee not pulling their weight". That can't be done so easily after a documented panic attack.

[Socratov]

*takes a dive in tje cuddlepit*

:smallbiggrin:

*cuddles Lixie for making the new thread*

so, yeah, needles. yeah, I don't really like them, but they don't really bother me. Except when I get stitches: I'd better not feel any of that.

Ooh! fun story time! (spoilered for your convenience)

so, I was drunk. It all becasue it was my last match for a certain hockeyclub I used to frequent and last game, I had scored 2 goals (my 2 first and last for that team) so I was happy like pig (for lack fo a better word). Suddenly the scariest thing that can happen in a student's hockeyclub (hockeyplayers drink, student drink, and put the 2 tegether and the effect is doubled): the beer was gone. So I volunteered to get some beer (I iknow a pub nearby who could help us out) and while riding a cart with a couple of barrels back to the clubhouse the barels stsrt to shift and get my righthand index finger stud betweenthe cart and the barrel. Needless to say I was drunk so I didn't feel a thing. It did bleed profusely though... So anyway I get inside with the beer, and I walk to the bar to ask for some stuff to stop me bleeding all over the place (my hand, leg and clothes were all swathed in it, I looked as if I came from some battlefield after slicing through a couple of guys or something). Our resident First aid person sends to the hospital despite me answering her that I feel fine and it's only a scratch.

So in the hospital the nurse is all to happy to 'punish' my stupid behavior with a tetanus inhections (no problem) and the doc says it's my choice if I want a narcotic or not. so my resoning is: I have neough alcohol in my blood to not feel anything form the alcohol, but too little to not feel the stitchingneedle. so hit me up doc! and that's how I got my Igor scar on my finger :smallcool:

the end!

[SiuiS]

So. TIL that trying to work while suffering from a major attack of dysphoria is unfun.
Basically, I've been managing okay feminizing myself as much as I can while staying just within the bounds I've been set. Today, though, there was a big group in, and I was taking drinks orders, and one guy said to his friend something along the lines of "this gentleman wants to know what you want to drink" and it all came crashing down. I forced myself through another hour, hour and a half, but eventually I went to my supervisor, told her I wasn't coping, and begged to be allowed to finish the shift as a girl. She, however, was unwilling to put her arse on the line by letting me when the manager had said no, but as it was quiet she let me go early. She also said she'd tell the manager to phone me tomorrow, so one way or another this is going down.

As I'm now pretty certain I'm trans, I'm legally in the right, but I'm slightly terrified about what's gonna happen.

I have nothing for you but sympathy and an impotent desire to help. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I cope via anger, personally, but that leads to bad places and you shouldn't do it.


Usefully, I have a friend with a law degree who's worked in the CAB. I'm picking his brains at the moment.

Oh, good on that.


Warning: lots of unhelpful ranting ahead, spoilered for your convenience.

Ranting about names:
Names freaking suck. I spent goodness knows how long looking through just about every girl name ever invented, and I kinda expected that somewhere in that enormous list, half of which I'm sure aren't even real names, there would be The One. Our eyes would meet across a crowded room and I would know we would spend the rest of our lives together. Or, y'know, something like that. But no, instead it's boring name, boring name, boring name, boring name, nice name but it doesn't really suit me, boring name, boring name, etc. Eventually I narrowed it down to about five names that I could maybe see myself using, but they all just felt a bit weird. I mean, they're all nice names which seemed to suit me reasonably well, but none of them clicked, or really felt right. Eventually I had to pick one, and it's not a bad name by any means, but it still just feels slightly off. I s'pose it could just be because I'm not used to it, but I can't say that for certain; what if it just really doesn't fit me and I'll use it for however long waiting for it to start feeling better and it never does?

Plus there are so many names I skipped over that I would have been absolutely fine with if I'd been given them at birth. It's just something about having to choose your own name that makes it so much harder to be satisfied, I guess. Plus if you do have a certain name from birth then by the time you can wonder about whether it really fits you you've already been using it for years. I've read that some people just ask their parents what they would have been named if they'd been born properly in the first place and use that, but even if I did that I'd still be the final arbiter of whether I have that name or not. It'd still be my decision in the end. Ugh.

Names are important. You spend a long time building up very, very potent associations to them. They aren't just words, but entire symbols of sound, force, substance, color, inertia; You can hum, sing, say, spit, purr, scream, and slur a name. And all of those properties are part of it, as well as your own sense of self.

Of course, this new name is cold, sterile, it's like being asked to move into a new body.

When trying one out, don't worry about other people using it. Build up the appropriate sympathy within yourself. Say it, a lot. Look in the mirror and Name your reflection. Scream at it, in fear, in anger, hatred, lovingly. Whisper it's name into it's ear. Murmur the name like you just don't know what to do with them. Write it out! write, print, cursive, type, signature. Forge connections, in your mind. See if they stick, if they go places, and if so, good ones or bad ones or what. Try different styles. See what abbreviations there are; I am always Michael. Never Mike, or Mikey, or Miguel. Sometimes Mishka, occasionally Mickel (though only if I trust the speaker, otherwise RAGE). So too, should you feel what it's like to wear the name, to see others wear it.

Say you pick Stephanie. How do you feel about other stephanies? Personally, I dislike Jennifers. They are all uniformly unlikeable people in my experience. Jennies are okay, Jens and such, but if they demand Jennifer, that sickly lavender word with the red backlight, I'm probably not going to like them. So I definitely wouldn't want to be a Jennifer. You. you moight not like Stephanie, but maybe be okay with Stef, or the other way around.

Like clothes, some folks buy clothes because the clothes look good on their own with absolutely no consideration of how they look on a human body, let alone their own build. Don't do that. Pick a name not off a list because it looks good, flat in black print wedged into the discopunt rack of other, less prestigious anmes. Take it to the dressing room, do cartwheels! Make sure it's a name you'd be comfortable wearing in an emergency, or if you just woke up and there was a knock at the door and it was all you had to throw on.

A person ois more than the sum of their parts, and the parts of a person become more than just a single thing. A name is not a series of letters making a word read as a proper noun attached to a person. It has weight. There's no shame in not being able to like a name unworn, nor in not realising what the phenomena is. I can't clothes shop because I can't imagine the clothes on my body. You can't name shop because you can't imagine the name on you. So fix that!

If you play with a name for a few hours in private, what's the harm when you put it back on the rack after?


That's actually made me curious - is gender dysphoria classed as a disability?


I believe it is not a disability in itself but can cause disabilities. Panic attacks can be caused by, but are not part of, dysphoria, I believe.

Then again, it is listed under mental disability. I'm not sure how severe they have to be before dealing with them is an option.

[Lea Plath]

On the subject of needles...if my surgery goes ahead I'm gonna be having 6 or so in my big toe >.<

[Mono Vertigo]

*hugs Helio and golentan*

Update on yesterday evening!
Discussion pre-restaurant basically went as following (BF in bold):
"Meh. Celebrate that? I don't know. Nobody's got two birthdays."
"That's the point, let's take advantage of that, for once!"
"It's not even an accurate date..."
"Moreso than Christmas."
"Christmas' date is more accurate, besides, it feels like I'm celebrating my appendicitis."
"Okay then, let's just take this as an excuse for me to invite you for delicious food."
"Hell yeah :D"

So, maybe I went a little ahead of myself, but on the other hand, you can't go wrong when said celebration involves tasty food (which you don't even have to cook yourself!), and literally nothing else. I'll say that's globally a win. :smallsmile:

[Asta Kask]

:smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin:

So I just logged in to my uni account, and saw across the top, "Welcome, <surname> Miss T"

I haven't stopped grinning for the past five minutes.

Did you get all Miss-T-eyed?

[KenderWizard]

That's awesome, Musashi, I'm glad ye went for it.

Btw, this morning I engaged with the Julie Burchill thing and it was WAY worse than I imagined. Holy ****, how could that stuff be printed in a newspaper?! Disgusting.


Warning: lots of unhelpful ranting ahead, spoilered for your convenience.

Ranting about names:
Names freaking suck. I spent goodness knows how long looking through just about every girl name ever invented, and I kinda expected that somewhere in that enormous list, half of which I'm sure aren't even real names, there would be The One. Our eyes would meet across a crowded room and I would know we would spend the rest of our lives together. Or, y'know, something like that. But no, instead it's boring name, boring name, boring name, boring name, nice name but it doesn't really suit me, boring name, boring name, etc. Eventually I narrowed it down to about five names that I could maybe see myself using, but they all just felt a bit weird. I mean, they're all nice names which seemed to suit me reasonably well, but none of them clicked, or really felt right. Eventually I had to pick one, and it's not a bad name by any means, but it still just feels slightly off. I s'pose it could just be because I'm not used to it, but I can't say that for certain; what if it just really doesn't fit me and I'll use it for however long waiting for it to start feeling better and it never does?

Plus there are so many names I skipped over that I would have been absolutely fine with if I'd been given them at birth. It's just something about having to choose your own name that makes it so much harder to be satisfied, I guess. Plus if you do have a certain name from birth then by the time you can wonder about whether it really fits you you've already been using it for years. I've read that some people just ask their parents what they would have been named if they'd been born properly in the first place and use that, but even if I did that I'd still be the final arbiter of whether I have that name or not. It'd still be my decision in the end. Ugh.

Ranting about needles:
I HATE needles. I've always been freaking terrified of them. But doctors won't write any HRT-related prescriptions without having a good, long look at my blood first. Which was fine the first time, I didn't enjoy getting stabbed and having my vital fluids harvested, but I managed okay and got a prescription written out and woohoo everything is happy. Then a month later I need to get a second blood test so he can see how everything changed and then prescribe some more hormones so I end up above the bare minimum levels, which would be quite nice. But when I went to get the needle, I COMPLETELY freaked, worse than anything I'd ever experienced before. I basically fled the building without letting that accursed thing anywhere near my arm and then spent the rest of the day getting post-traumatic flashbacks about an injection that didn't even happen. And the only thing that really changed between the first time and this one is a significant reduction in manly calm-the-hell-down hormones. So it seems the only way I'd be able to calm down enough to get another blood test done is if I stopped HRT completely, but even if I did do that it would no longer be useful because that would just be an exact copy of the first test they did. Argh.

Okay, those are both really tough things, but they're also both very manageable!

Names: There's no perfect answer. It's not like there's a name out there that's Meant For You. The name that's meant for you is the name you think you can live with, and then you do live with it. And it'll have some downsides and you'll have days where you wished you picked something else, and days when you Suddenly Realise what the Perfect Name would have been, but actually, if you'd picked that other name, there would have been days where it didn't fit too. Think of it like a relationship; you pick someone you're compatible with, but that doesn't mean sunshine and roses forever. It means it'll work, if you're willing to be a bit patient and get through the bad days together.

Needles: That's really hard, but it's not impossible. You can do this, and without going off HRT. It's crappy, but there are ways to manage. You can get someone to help, to come and hold your hand or distract you. You can work on relaxation techniques, to replace those calming-down hormones, like breathing exercises. You can enroll the help of your doctor, whom I guarantee has seen people freak out about needles before, and who can take you through the process slowly, at your own pace. If it's allowed (check that it won't mess with the results) you can take something to calm you down, your pharmacist might be able to recommend something like a low-dosage sleeping tablet. The relaxation techniques one is probably the method with the most lasting and useful results. Or you can combine! Also, when the time comes to go back, don't dwell on what happened, and don't dwell on what's about to happen. Don't sit there thinking about needles, think about someone in a lab looking at your blood and putting a tick on a form that gets posted back to your doctor, and your doctor writing your next prescription for you. You can do this!


Went to a Mental Health Centre today and made an appointment for the 29th January for their intake system. Feel so good that I'll finally be getting the help I need. Fingers crossed that I'll be getting on some kind of anti-depressants. 'Cause, it's funny... If I tell anyone I'm depressed (with an in-depth discussion to my feelings, so they know the full extent), they wonder why I've never been on medication. I even told my Job Advisor today at my local job agency, and she was shocked that I wasn't on medication. :smalleek:

I just hope that if I get on medication that I can still have orgasms. :smalleek:

*cuddles to anyone who needs them* :smallsmile:

Also, I second the idea of what Golentan said about needles.


Well one knows two cute single guys. They both live 5 hour drive away. :smallannoyed:



Lots of good advice. I might be able to coax a friend to come with.



There is one dating site here and it's pretty much just prostitutes and swingers.

[The Succubus]

I may have a somewhat tongue-in-cheek solution to Helio's problem...

When you see your manager, I'd be rather surprised if he actually understood how it felt to be in your position, so help him out! Tell him that if he spends an entire day in a dress, with full make-up, earrings and shaved legs serving customers, then you're prepared to wear a male uniform. Here's the kicker though: he's not allowed to say *anything* about why he's in the dress, etc, or the deal's off. If he starts spluttering and protesting, seize him by the throat and say "Listen buster, by the end of today *one of us* is going to be in a dress!" :smallfurious:

It might not work but it'd certainly get the message across. =D

[Mynxae]

I may have a somewhat tongue-in-cheek solution to Helio's problem...

When you see your manager, I'd be rather surprised if he actually understood how it felt to be in your position, so help him out! Tell him that if he spends an entire day in a dress, with full make-up, earrings and shaved legs serving customers, then you're prepared to wear a male uniform. Here's the kicker though: he's not allowed to say *anything* about why he's in the dress, etc, or the deal's off. If he starts spluttering and protesting, seize him by the throat and say "Listen buster, by the end of today *one of us* is going to be in a dress!" :smallfurious:

It might not work but it'd certainly get the message across. =D

The only problem would be the assault charges...

[Mono Vertigo]

"Listen buster, by the end of today *one of us* is going to be in a dress!" :smallfurious:
I don't know how much of a good idea the rest of your post is, but that, THAT, is awesome. And womanly. And awesome.

[Heliomance]

@Helio

I know this may sound like strange advice, but if you think you are about to have a panic attack at work, rather than bottle it up, it may be worth wallowing in it, complete with ambulance call out if they think it necessary.

As long as you can successfully bottle it up and mask the symptoms while at work, they can convince themselves that it isn't a critical issue. If it causes demonstrable and undeniable issues that can be resolved in an obvious and reasonably pain-free manner for them (especially a manner that you have already signposted), then it makes the later processes much easier to push through.

That doesn't mean repeatedly have them all the time of course. But at least once, where it is a genuine panic attack, will make your case as a medical issue (rather than just an "I feel like it" issue) far more believable.
I don't know if it was an actual panic attack, never having had one before. Basically I stood there hugging myself almost in tears frantically going "imagirlimagirlimagirl" until I managed to convince myself it was true and okay.

Did you get all Miss-T-eyed?
That was absolutely terrible :smallyuk:

[The Succubus]

Did you have your meeting with the manager?

[Heliomance]

Not yet. Waiting for him to phone me. If he hasn't by the time I'm done picking up my new ID card, I'll phone him.

EDIT: I chickened out. I'm just gonna wait to get phoned :/

ION: NEW ID CARD YAY! *dances*

[Lix Lorn]

Did you get all Miss-T-eyed?
I'm revoking your pun priviliges.


I don't know if it was an actual panic attack, never having had one before. Basically I stood there hugging myself almost in tears frantically going "imagirlimagirlimagirl" until I managed to convince myself it was true and okay.

That was absolutely terrible :smallyuk:
(hugs tight)
For me, the most obtrusive thing about panic attacks is shivering. Shivering enough that people can see it. Plus, yknow, the overwhelming sense of panic, but that's kinda clear from the name...


Not yet. Waiting for him to phone me. If he hasn't by the time I'm done picking up my new ID card, I'll phone him.

EDIT: I chickened out. I'm just gonna wait to get phoned :/

ION: NEW ID CARD YAY! *dances*
(hugs MORE)

[noparlpf]

Warning: lots of unhelpful ranting ahead, spoilered for your convenience.

Ranting about names:
Names freaking suck. I spent goodness knows how long looking through just about every girl name ever invented, and I kinda expected that somewhere in that enormous list, half of which I'm sure aren't even real names, there would be The One. Our eyes would meet across a crowded room and I would know we would spend the rest of our lives together. Or, y'know, something like that. But no, instead it's boring name, boring name, boring name, boring name, nice name but it doesn't really suit me, boring name, boring name, etc. Eventually I narrowed it down to about five names that I could maybe see myself using, but they all just felt a bit weird. I mean, they're all nice names which seemed to suit me reasonably well, but none of them clicked, or really felt right. Eventually I had to pick one, and it's not a bad name by any means, but it still just feels slightly off. I s'pose it could just be because I'm not used to it, but I can't say that for certain; what if it just really doesn't fit me and I'll use it for however long waiting for it to start feeling better and it never does?

Plus there are so many names I skipped over that I would have been absolutely fine with if I'd been given them at birth. It's just something about having to choose your own name that makes it so much harder to be satisfied, I guess. Plus if you do have a certain name from birth then by the time you can wonder about whether it really fits you you've already been using it for years. I've read that some people just ask their parents what they would have been named if they'd been born properly in the first place and use that, but even if I did that I'd still be the final arbiter of whether I have that name or not. It'd still be my decision in the end. Ugh.

Ranting about needles:
I HATE needles. I've always been freaking terrified of them. But doctors won't write any HRT-related prescriptions without having a good, long look at my blood first. Which was fine the first time, I didn't enjoy getting stabbed and having my vital fluids harvested, but I managed okay and got a prescription written out and woohoo everything is happy. Then a month later I need to get a second blood test so he can see how everything changed and then prescribe some more hormones so I end up above the bare minimum levels, which would be quite nice. But when I went to get the needle, I COMPLETELY freaked, worse than anything I'd ever experienced before. I basically fled the building without letting that accursed thing anywhere near my arm and then spent the rest of the day getting post-traumatic flashbacks about an injection that didn't even happen. And the only thing that really changed between the first time and this one is a significant reduction in manly calm-the-hell-down hormones. So it seems the only way I'd be able to calm down enough to get another blood test done is if I stopped HRT completely, but even if I did do that it would no longer be useful because that would just be an exact copy of the first test they did. Argh.

Sounds bothersome. Good luck. Might be worth a shot to just try one and stick with it for a few weeks and see if it gets more familiar.

As for needles...
I'm fine with shots, and although having blood drawn has always felt weird, I used to be okay with it. Until I had blood drawn by one of the school nurses at my old school. She chose an unusual vein, a bit harder to reach. Then she put it in poorly, so after a few seconds the blood stopped. So she wiggled the thing around and pushed it through. If I weren't also mildly afraid of throwing up I'd have thrown up in her face right there. That's the closest I've ever come to passing out, too, including the anaesthesia that one time that failed to knock me out completely.


*hugs Helio and golentan*

Update on yesterday evening!
Discussion pre-restaurant basically went as following (BF in bold):
"Meh. Celebrate that? I don't know. Nobody's got two birthdays."
"That's the point, let's take advantage of that, for once!"
"It's not even an accurate date..."
"Moreso than Christmas."
"Christmas' date is more accurate, besides, it feels like I'm celebrating my appendicitis."
"Okay then, let's just take this as an excuse for me to invite you for delicious food."
"Hell yeah :D"

So, maybe I went a little ahead of myself, but on the other hand, you can't go wrong when said celebration involves tasty food (which you don't even have to cook yourself!), and literally nothing else. I'll say that's globally a win. :smallsmile:

That sounds fun. n.n


Did you get all Miss-T-eyed?

Okay, that was awful. Thumbs up.


Btw, this morning I engaged with the Julie Burchill thing and it was WAY worse than I imagined. Holy ****, how could that stuff be printed in a newspaper?! Disgusting.

*wonder what that is, let's Google it*
Oh lovely. :smallsigh:

[Asta Kask]

Panic attacks?

Shaking, shivering, hyperventilating, freaking out and throwing up. Except I don't freak out as much anymore because I know exactly what's going on.

Nasty stuff. Avoid them.

[Mina Kobold]

Re: Names; Figuring out what word that will summarise and represent your very essence is a very harrowing task. But it is not one that should ever bind you. Try the path that seems to fit and don't be disheartened if it is not quite right. There are many paths and nobody can tell you how to travel them. Keep on searching. :smallsmile:

Personally, I am mostly in a dilemma between choosing a name that mimics my given name or one that mimics my current last name... Or perhaps I should pick the one that mimics my nickname/middle-name? Eep! Decisions! >_<

Re: Needles: I don't quite like pointy objects, but medical needles are a terrible phobia to me. The feeling of metal cutting bluntly into my flesh and having to do nothing to prevent it is terrifying. Just, so, eek. ._.

It is, however, something I would gladly do for HRT. Needles are temporary, dysphoria is much much worse.


I don't know if it was an actual panic attack, never having had one before. Basically I stood there hugging myself almost in tears frantically going "imagirlimagirlimagirl" until I managed to convince myself it was true and okay.

*Hugs*

Sounds very much like a panic attack, though I am no expert either. I hope they stop making you panic and let you show up as yourself.

If they don't, I vote for trying the "one of us will end up in a dress" suggestion. I really really want to do that someday and just shut up the constant misgendering. >_<

Sorry, tangent! Get well, Tam. ^_^


Panic attacks?

Shaking, shivering, hyperventilating, freaking out and throwing up. Except I don't freak out as much anymore because I know exactly what's going on.

Nasty stuff. Avoid them.

*HUGS*

Those sound no fun at all. Glad I have never panicked to the point of throwing up, but very sad that you have. ;_;

[Asta Kask]

*HUGS*

Those sound no fun at all. Glad I have never panicked to the point of throwing up, but very sad that you have. ;_;

They're really not. I had panic attacks every morning for eighteen months. On the plus side, if I ever live with a pregnant woman I'll know what it's like to throw up every day. :smallbiggrin:


DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Panic Attack

A discrete period of intense fear or discomfort, in which four (or more) of the following symptoms developed abruptly and reached a peak within 10 minutes:

Palpitations, and/or accelerated heart rate
Sweating
Trembling or shaking
Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering
Feeling of choking
Chest pain or discomfort
Nausea or abdominal distress
Feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint
De-realization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself)
Fear of losing control or going insane
Sense of impending death
Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations)
Chills or hot flashes

Note that while the DSM-IV-TR only lists the 13 specific symptoms above, it has been proposed that culture-specific symptoms (e.g., tinnitus, neck soreness, headache, and uncontrollable screaming or crying) be added to the DSM-V diagnostic criteria for a panic attack.

[noparlpf]

They're really not. I had panic attacks every morning for eighteen months. On the plus side, if I ever live with a pregnant woman I'll know what it's like to throw up every day. :smallbiggrin:

I'd forgotten that one. By that definition, I have panic attacks regularly. Usually I'm a little more strict in my definitions, by which I've only had "proper" panic attacks a few times.

Edit: Of course, adding in judgment about what's "clinically significant" and whatnot changes things a bit. Dunno how much as it's hard to judge from in here, sometimes.

[KenderWizard]

Not yet. Waiting for him to phone me. If he hasn't by the time I'm done picking up my new ID card, I'll phone him.

EDIT: I chickened out. I'm just gonna wait to get phoned :/

ION: NEW ID CARD YAY! *dances*

YAY!! :smallbiggrin: Waiting to get phoned is a valid choice, hope he gets in touch soon!




As for needles...
I'm fine with shots, and although having blood drawn has always felt weird, I used to be okay with it. Until I had blood drawn by one of the school nurses at my old school. She chose an unusual vein, a bit harder to reach. Then she put it in poorly, so after a few seconds the blood stopped. So she wiggled the thing around and pushed it through. If I weren't also mildly afraid of throwing up I'd have thrown up in her face right there. That's the closest I've ever come to passing out, too, including the anaesthesia that one time that failed to knock me out completely.


Ahhh! I'm not even afraid of needles but I hate hate hate needle-related incompetence! >,<


*definition of panic attacks*

.... Oh. I have these horrible episodes, ever since my fatigue started, and I think they might actually be panic attacks by that definition, they're just quiet, no crying or hyperventilating or throwing up, so I didn't think they counted. Just terror and dread and prickley discomfort and a dizzying sense of impending death and loss.

[Asta Kask]

As I theoretically know, but don't practice, light to moderate exercise is helpful in practically any anxiety/depression-related psychiatric disorder.

ETA: This (http://thevoodoomagickshop.com/catalog/i1204.html) makes me angry. I wanted to check a story that appeared on Natalie Reed a while ago, and apparently there are people out there who take advantage of desperate people and sell false hope. I shouldn't be surprised, I suppose. Do you think we could shut them down?

[Irish Musician]

Did you get all Miss-T-eyed?
.....Bad Asta, bad!! :smalltongue:

*Hugs, cuddles, running Glomphs* for all that need them

Geeze, not on for a day and there is already a new thread! And thank you Lixie, you cuite you, for making the new thread!

~Matthew~

[Mina Kobold]

They're really not. I had panic attacks every morning for eighteen months. On the plus side, if I ever live with a pregnant woman I'll know what it's like to throw up every day. :smallbiggrin:

:smalleek:

I can't hug quickly enough to express how sad that is... ;_;

*Tries still to hug Asta a quadrilliard times*


ETA: This (http://thevoodoomagickshop.com/catalog/i1204.html) makes me angry. I wanted to check a story that appeared on Natalie Reed a while ago, and apparently there are people out there who take advantage of desperate people and sell false hope. I shouldn't be surprised, I suppose. Do you think we could shut them down?

I believe it could technically be considered false advertisement and thus illegal within the USA (where they appear to be based). However, precedence disagrees, as is evident by the fact that certain magical claims no longer need a "for entertainment purposes only" warning on USA television.

That should be taken with a big dose of NatriumChloride, however, as I am just a silly little Kobold with no law expertise. ^_^'

[Irish Musician]

ETA: This (http://thevoodoomagickshop.com/catalog/i1204.html) makes me angry. I wanted to check a story that appeared on Natalie Reed a while ago, and apparently there are people out there who take advantage of desperate people and sell false hope. I shouldn't be surprised, I suppose. Do you think we could shut them down?
In the words of Sheldon, "Hokum, sir. Pure Hokum." The brain believes what the brains wants to believe, so selling a "magical sex-change ring" will, in my mind, create the placebo effect, and just make your brain bring out all the feminine/masculine qualities that someone has. I think it is garbage and people shouldn't be taking advantage of people like that.

As for shutting them down, doubtful. The little Kobold is almost right, about false advertisement, but you would have to prove that their spells don't work. "Well that aren't working now", you might say, they might counter with "Well a spell this powerful and changing will take quite a long time, just stick with it", and then what? Not to mention, depending on what they would be considered, they might be able to claim a First Amendment right and that they are protected under that due to the fact that this is their religion and they are only selling to those that believe what they believe, AND that the government has no right to tell them how to conduct themselves in this respect.

I too am appalled by this, but I am pretty sure that we couldn't shut them down legally, Unfortunately. Of course, I am no expert in the law by any means, but from what I know of our law, this seems the most likely way that it would happen. Sorry to burst bubbles :smalleek:

~Matthew~

[Asta Kask]

They're selling them on e-bay... does anybody know if e-bay has a clause against selling fraudulent merchandise? It would surprise me if they did.

Keveak, thank you. I'm much better now. I'm down to once a month or so, but that's manageable.

[Irish Musician]

They're selling them on e-bay... does anybody know if e-bay has a clause against selling fraudulent merchandise? It would surprise me if they did.
In all likelihood the do, or at least some sort of buyer protection, etc, for crap people sell. However, the problem comes up again with proving it. Things imbued with "magic" are so hard to give a concrete definition for anyway, in terms of what they do/how long they last/how long they take to work, that it would be a difficult task to get them to stop selling them through a offical channel. Of course, if a lot of people hounded ebay constantly for a long time, eBay might go ahead and just ban them from being sellers, so that is a channel to go down I think :smallwink:

I'm not trying to be combative or trying to stop you from doing anything Asta, just trying to play devil's advocate and give you the "hard road" of what might come out of such inquiries. Please don't take offense or be mad/sad. Much love to you!

~Matthew~

[Asta Kask]

No offense taken. It's good to have people who try to see the difficulties.

[Mina Kobold]

In the words of Sheldon, "Hokum, sir. Pure Hokum." The brain believes what the brains wants to believe, so selling a "magical sex-change ring" will, in my mind, create the placebo effect, and just make your brain bring out all the feminine/masculine qualities that someone has. I think it is garbage and people shouldn't be taking advantage of people like that.

As for shutting them down, doubtful. The little Kobold is almost right, about false advertisement, but you would have to prove that their spells don't work. "Well that aren't working now", you might say, they might counter with "Well a spell this powerful and changing will take quite a long time, just stick with it", and then what? Not to mention, depending on what they would be considered, they might be able to claim a First Amendment right and that they are protected under that due to the fact that this is their religion and they are only selling to those that believe what they believe, AND that the government has no right to tell them how to conduct themselves in this respect.

I too am appalled by this, but I am pretty sure that we couldn't shut them down legally, Unfortunately. Of course, I am no expert in the law by any means, but from what I know of our law, this seems the most likely way that it would happen. Sorry to burst bubbles :smalleek:

~Matthew~

I am aware of that, but they are actually the ones who have to show evidence for their case. Same reason you cannot claim your medicine cures cancer, even if you believe it strongly. You can claim subjective (makes you happier, more energised) or non-manifesting ("add 3 MP to your total!") effects, but you cannot claim any physical effect that has not had evidence to back it. Which may be why the spell page says it can "help" change you, rather than simply change you... Curses. >_<

The First Amendment does not protect them in the slightest, otherwise a hospital run by a religious institution could deny treatment to those of another religion. That was actually the subject of a case (ruled against the hospital) recently, I think. Flaky memory. ^_^'

But that may get close to board-inappropriate and non-supportive talk, so instead, I shall end by glomping Matthew!

*GLOMP!*

^_^


Keveak, thank you. I'm much better now. I'm down to once a month or so, but that's manageable.

That is still terrible! ;_;

*Pulls Asta into glomp-pile*

I know it won't do much, but I hope it can at least make some of the non-once-a-month time more enjoyable. :smallsmile:

[Winthur]

I don't ever come by this thread but I had a talk about this article with certain someone. Apparently the European Union is trying to pass a convention that is regarding violence against women and domestic abuse. One of the points of that article defines gender as a social construct of sorts. It proposes that any person could just switch his gender as he felt like.

Here's a certain far-right article about the fact (with my own crude translation):
"It's a great large scale revolution. The fact is that Poland was the only country to have accepted this convention aside from Turkey. As you know from history, revolutions rarely happen in places they're invented in. For example, the Marxist revolution was invented in Germany and Britain and then "lab-ratted" in Russia. Same thing happens now, the great revolution will happen in Poland and Turkey. The Church really cares for the violence problem but this convention is comparable to someone trying to administer a smallpox vaccine in a syringe whose needle was tainted by a HIV carrier's blood"


The reasoning sounds really bollocks even if I'm not a real supporter of any group.

[Irish Musician]

I am aware of that, but they are actually the ones who have to show evidence for their case. Same reason you cannot claim your medicine cures cancer, even if you believe it strongly. You can claim subjective (makes you happier, more energised) or non-manifesting ("add 3 MP to your total!") effects, but you cannot claim any physical effect that has not had evidence to back it. Which may be why the spell page says it can "help" change you, rather than simply change you... Curses. >_<
Exactly, they don't claim it will change you into a woman or man, just that it will help you change, by adding "help" in there, they add ambiguity as to what that actually means, and therefore it is harder to prove for the buyer. And actually, in a court, the burden of proof is on the prosecution, not the defendant. So as long as they could keep reasonable doubt alive there job is easy. Of course, that is more criminal court, rather than civil court, so I don't know if it is the same in a plaintiff/defendant situation as well. But I think we can all agree that they are a bunch of *many a expletive deleted* people exploiting those that are legitimately trying to change their situations for the better, and therefore having a happier life.

I shall end by glomping Matthew!

*GLOMP!*

^_^
EEEEEEEEEEKKKK!!! A KOBOLD HAS ME!!!!! HELP ME, HE-wait a minute, this is great! *is glomped* :smallamused:

~Matthew~

[Astrella]

I don't ever come by this thread but I had a talk about this article with certain someone. Apparently the European Union is trying to pass a convention that is regarding violence against women and domestic abuse. One of the points of that article defines gender as a social construct of sorts. It proposes that any person could just switch his gender as he felt like.

I think you're referring to this from the proposal?


“gender” shall mean the socially constructed roles, behaviours, activities and attributes that a given society considers appropriate for women and men;

That's not really implying that gender identity is mutable, just that the definition of gender they're going to be using in the rest of the proposal refers to the social aspects of gender.

[pffh]

Oh boy

http://www.destructoid.com/star-wars-the-old-republic-and-its-new-gay-planet--242389.phtml

SWTOR will feature a gay planet and all homosexual things in the game will happen on that planet.

[Winthur]

I think you're referring to this from the proposal?



That's not really implying that gender identity is mutable, just that the definition of gender they're going to be using in the rest of the proposal refers to the social aspects of gender.
Right, argh, I came off as a douche here. No, I meant that there are far-right sentiments that basically said gender could be changed at a whim. Somehow it irks many environments.

[PairO'Dice Lost]

Oh boy

http://www.destructoid.com/star-wars-the-old-republic-and-its-new-gay-planet--242389.phtml

SWTOR will feature a gay planet and all homosexual things in the game will happen on that planet.

I must admit that my first thought when reading about the issue was not "All the gay relationships are restricted to one planet? How dare they! :smallannoyed:" but rather "They just up and introduced a non-canonical planet? How dare they! :smallfurious:"

That said, I agree with the article: it was kind of tasteless to just throw a "designated gay relationship planet" into a patch while they worked on "more important" stuff, but they've said they'll get to it once the F2P conversion is taken care of and you have to give them some credit for implementing a temporary (albeit incredibly clumsy) solution.

[Astrella]

Right, argh, I came off as a douche here. No, I meant that there are far-right sentiments that basically said gender could be changed at a whim. Somehow it irks many environments.

Oh, I didn't think you came of as an ******* there...

Well, whether or not gender is innate or not shouldn't really matter I feel but it's just that such statements are often abused by bigots (same with being queer being a choice or not) into a "well, then you can not be trans* / gay / bi / pan / etc...

[Lanaya]

Oh, goodness. There's too many people offering support and advice for me to thank everyone personally, so I'll just send out some general thankful vibes to the world at large. :smallsmile:


Oh boy

http://www.destructoid.com/star-wars-the-old-republic-and-its-new-gay-planet--242389.phtml

SWTOR will feature a gay planet and all homosexual things in the game will happen on that planet.

I don't know what to be more upset about; the idea that all the gays have been rounded up and sent to live on their own planet, or the fact that it isn't real and I'll never be able to go there.

[pffh]

I must admit that my first thought when reading about the issue was not "All the gay relationships are restricted to one planet? How dare they! :smallannoyed:" but rather "They just up and introduced a non-canonical planet? How dare they! :smallfurious:".

Well since it's happening before the other canon that planet could just be deserted. I mean a planet with only gay people won't last very long. :smalltongue:

[Kindablue]

What's this about free things now?

[Astrella]

*hugs and sympathies for everyone I missed below*

Glad to hear a lot of things are getting sorted out well, Helio!

Also thanks Phoenix, Goly, Laura, Scion, Lentrax and everyone one else for their kind words on my dysphoric rambles, that really meant a lot to me and you're all especially wonderful people. :smallsmile:


So, I managed to have a short conversation with my mother without any snippy jibes at me or either of us yelling at the other; it's not much, but it's a start. Also, my new blouse, top and pants arrived yesterday. The pants are too big to wear (and they were my favorite purple shade too:smallannoyed:) but I think the top and blouse are really pretty. Sadly, I sdtill look more androgynous than feminine wearing them, but it's a start. I think half the joy of them was how much more I felt like the presentation "fit," that it was more me because I chose it. I've also found myself getting more accustomed to Laura as my name and more uncomfortable when I see or hear my male name. So, even though my parental issues aren't resolved, I'm moving on, and things seem to be looking up a bit.

~Laura

Glad to hear your mum is coming around at least a tiny bit? Also yay for fitting in more with your presentation! :smallsmile:


So, not actually LGBT related but some overlap.

I had a conversation today. The other person present thought it was a hypothetical, and the whole thing lasted maybe ten sentences. And it really got under my skin. Because it reminded me that there are large portions of the population, probably a majority, who do not consider people like me people at all. Not worthy of any moral consideration, something which could be "switched off" with less concern than you'd feel for swatting a fly, and less guilt. And I've heard such themes so often, from so many people, that I've internalized some of them. I worry that I might not be "people," even though worrying about that is all the proof I need that they're wrong. And it leaves me feeling bitter and angry and hopeless for the rest of the day, even though I'm the one who seeks out such conversation 90% of the time. Like an itch I can't scratch, I keep coming back to it until I've dug too deep and I hurt myself.

:smallsigh:

Anyway, hugs for people who need them (Astrella in particular, I'm sorry you're having a rough time). And I'd like to ask Lady Tam for the honor of a celebratory dance.

Hrrmm, that's always a really awful thing to hear. And I feel you on the whole "seeming like you seek out this stuff" sorta thing, cause I tend to do that a lot myself and get hurt... *hugs*


In other news!
It's been exactly one year today that BF undergone his surgery. He's referred to it a few times as his second birthday, so I'm intending to go to a nice little restaurant to celebrate it. :smallsmile:
In other other news: my personal news are finally LGBT+ relevant. It might start raining frogs. Apologies in advance, and bon appétit to whoever actually enjoys jumping amphibians as a meal.

Yay, congratulations!


So. TIL that trying to work while suffering from a major attack of dysphoria is unfun.
Basically, I've been managing okay feminizing myself as much as I can while staying just within the bounds I've been set. Today, though, there was a big group in, and I was taking drinks orders, and one guy said to his friend something along the lines of "this gentleman wants to know what you want to drink" and it all came crashing down. I forced myself through another hour, hour and a half, but eventually I went to my supervisor, told her I wasn't coping, and begged to be allowed to finish the shift as a girl. She, however, was unwilling to put her arse on the line by letting me when the manager had said no, but as it was quiet she let me go early. She also said she'd tell the manager to phone me tomorrow, so one way or another this is going down.

As I'm now pretty certain I'm trans, I'm legally in the right, but I'm slightly terrified about what's gonna happen.

That's really awful. :c Dysphoria attacks are never nice and especially in situations like this when you can't even escape them...


Warning: lots of unhelpful ranting ahead, spoilered for your convenience.

Ranting about names:
Names freaking suck. I spent goodness knows how long looking through just about every girl name ever invented, and I kinda expected that somewhere in that enormous list, half of which I'm sure aren't even real names, there would be The One. Our eyes would meet across a crowded room and I would know we would spend the rest of our lives together. Or, y'know, something like that. But no, instead it's boring name, boring name, boring name, boring name, nice name but it doesn't really suit me, boring name, boring name, etc. Eventually I narrowed it down to about five names that I could maybe see myself using, but they all just felt a bit weird. I mean, they're all nice names which seemed to suit me reasonably well, but none of them clicked, or really felt right. Eventually I had to pick one, and it's not a bad name by any means, but it still just feels slightly off. I s'pose it could just be because I'm not used to it, but I can't say that for certain; what if it just really doesn't fit me and I'll use it for however long waiting for it to start feeling better and it never does?

Plus there are so many names I skipped over that I would have been absolutely fine with if I'd been given them at birth. It's just something about having to choose your own name that makes it so much harder to be satisfied, I guess. Plus if you do have a certain name from birth then by the time you can wonder about whether it really fits you you've already been using it for years. I've read that some people just ask their parents what they would have been named if they'd been born properly in the first place and use that, but even if I did that I'd still be the final arbiter of whether I have that name or not. It'd still be my decision in the end. Ugh.

Ranting about needles:
I HATE needles. I've always been freaking terrified of them. But doctors won't write any HRT-related prescriptions without having a good, long look at my blood first. Which was fine the first time, I didn't enjoy getting stabbed and having my vital fluids harvested, but I managed okay and got a prescription written out and woohoo everything is happy. Then a month later I need to get a second blood test so he can see how everything changed and then prescribe some more hormones so I end up above the bare minimum levels, which would be quite nice. But when I went to get the needle, I COMPLETELY freaked, worse than anything I'd ever experienced before. I basically fled the building without letting that accursed thing anywhere near my arm and then spent the rest of the day getting post-traumatic flashbacks about an injection that didn't even happen. And the only thing that really changed between the first time and this one is a significant reduction in manly calm-the-hell-down hormones. So it seems the only way I'd be able to calm down enough to get another blood test done is if I stopped HRT completely, but even if I did do that it would no longer be useful because that would just be an exact copy of the first test they did. Argh.

That really sucks about the needles. :c

About names; I think using them and trying them out just like you'd do with a new piece of clothing might help you figure stuff out? You could do something like trying it out with people online first to see if you like the feel of it and getting addressed by it and all that, that's sorta how I got used to mine. My name is a variant of the name I'd been given if they'd known I was a girl at birth. I mostly just picked it because I couldn't stand using my boyname anymore, but just using it and hearing people use it really made it mine, you know?


Went to a Mental Health Centre today and made an appointment for the 29th January for their intake system. Feel so good that I'll finally be getting the help I need. Fingers crossed that I'll be getting on some kind of anti-depressants. 'Cause, it's funny... If I tell anyone I'm depressed (with an in-depth discussion to my feelings, so they know the full extent), they wonder why I've never been on medication. I even told my Job Advisor today at my local job agency, and she was shocked that I wasn't on medication. :smalleek:

I just hope that if I get on medication that I can still have orgasms. :smalleek:

*cuddles to anyone who needs them* :smallsmile:

Also, I second the idea of what Golentan said about needles.

That's good! I hope it all turns out well. :smallsmile:


They're really not. I had panic attacks every morning for eighteen months. On the plus side, if I ever live with a pregnant woman I'll know what it's like to throw up every day. :smallbiggrin:

That sounds really awful. :smallfrown:

[Chess435]

I was passing by when the promise of free cuddles caught my attention. Can I haz?

[Lix Lorn]

I was passing by when the promise of free cuddles caught my attention. Can I haz?
(huggle) Sure. :)

[Chess435]

(huggle) Sure. :)

:biggrin:.

[The Succubus]

Well since it's happening before the other canon that planet could just be deserted. I mean a planet with only gay people won't last very long. :smalltongue:

Can someone poke me in the direction of the bisexual planet or the Asari planet? I know the Asari aren't promiscuous but Happy Fun Time with them sounds amazing. :smallredface:

[Absol197]

:frown:
One of my next door neighbors is dead. She was on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon, she left the camp to go to the bathroom and disappeared. They think she fell in the river and drowned.

Her name was Katie; she was smart, and fun. She was in her freshman year in college; she was a swimmer and a wonderful fiddle player. She just became an aunt last year, when her oldest sister had a beautiful baby girl. My sister and her were good friends, and I knew her well, too...

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.


~P~

[Lix Lorn]

(LOTS of hugs)

[turkishproverb]

:frown:
One of my next door neghbors is dead. She was on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon, she left the camp to go to the bathroom and disappeared. They think she fell in the river and drowned.

Her name was Katie; she was smart, and fun. She was in her freshman year in college; she was a swimmer and a wonderful fiddle player. She just became an aunt last year, when her oldest sister had a beautiful baby girl. My sister and her were good friends, and I knew her well, too...

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.


~P~

*Hugs* Sometimes the tears just don't come, even if you want them to. DOn't feel bad about not crying, it happens. Sorry you lost someone. :smallfrown:

[Chess435]

*Hugs Absol* :smallfrown:

[Astrella]

:frown:
One of my next door neighbors is dead. She was on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon, she left the camp to go to the bathroom and disappeared. They think she fell in the river and drowned.

Her name was Katie; she was smart, and fun. She was in her freshman year in college; she was a swimmer and a wonderful fiddle player. She just became an aunt last year, when her oldest sister had a beautiful baby girl. My sister and her were good friends, and I knew her well, too...

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.


~P~

That's really awful to hear, my condolences. :smallfrown:

Don't beat yourself up over not crying. Not everyone cries as easily, and tears do not make your sorrow any more valid or better. If there are tears that need to come, they will come in time.

[Triscuitable]

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.

~P~

I wouldn't cry if someone I was close to died, but that doesn't make me a monster; I mourn through other methods. If you remember her, then you're doing her memory enough. Stop demeaning yourself; recognize that just because you don't do something, doesn't mean that you have to conform to the tropes of the world.

[Astrella]

That's awesome, Musashi, I'm glad ye went for it.

Btw, this morning I engaged with the Julie Burchill thing and it was WAY worse than I imagined. Holy ****, how could that stuff be printed in a newspaper?! Disgusting.

It's absolutely vile. Regardless of the reactions Moore got on her original article (and the whole 'Brazilian Transsexual' was pretty iffy considering how discriminated against the trans* community there is and the fact that it's a country with one of the highest incidences of transphobic violence... but then she went into making a bunch of transphobic remarks in her defence anyway... ._. ) the actions of a few don't ever justify bigotry against an entire group. :/

[Mynxae]

:frown:
One of my next door neighbors is dead. She was on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon, she left the camp to go to the bathroom and disappeared. They think she fell in the river and drowned.

Her name was Katie; she was smart, and fun. She was in her freshman year in college; she was a swimmer and a wonderful fiddle player. She just became an aunt last year, when her oldest sister had a beautiful baby girl. My sister and her were good friends, and I knew her well, too...

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.


~P~

*hugs* <3 :smallfrown:

[Asta Kask]

:frown:
One of my next door neighbors is dead. She was on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon, she left the camp to go to the bathroom and disappeared. They think she fell in the river and drowned.

Her name was Katie; she was smart, and fun. She was in her freshman year in college; she was a swimmer and a wonderful fiddle player. She just became an aunt last year, when her oldest sister had a beautiful baby girl. My sister and her were good friends, and I knew her well, too...

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.


~P~

*hugs*

People mourn differently. I cried when my Dad died but I didn't cry at his funeral. I've met people online (I think it was on this forum actually) that told me that makes me a psychopath. They were wrong. And you are wrong. Not crying simply makes you a person who does not cry easily.

[noparlpf]

:frown:
One of my next door neighbors is dead. She was on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon, she left the camp to go to the bathroom and disappeared. They think she fell in the river and drowned.

Her name was Katie; she was smart, and fun. She was in her freshman year in college; she was a swimmer and a wonderful fiddle player. She just became an aunt last year, when her oldest sister had a beautiful baby girl. My sister and her were good friends, and I knew her well, too...

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.


~P~

Oh geez, that's terrible. I'm really sorry. :<

And don't feel bad. There's no reason crying should be absolutely vital to mourning.
For me, I sat with my great-grandmother during her last week while she died, and I didn't cry then.

[The Succubus]

*squeezes tightly*

I'm not someone that sheds tears easily but that doesn't mean you don't feel something. What's important is that you recognised your beighbour as a sweet and wonderful person and that the world is a slightly less sparkly place without her.

The way in which you go about this is not important.

*hugs again*

[Asta Kask]

It's absolutely vile. Regardless of the reactions Moore got on her original article (and the whole 'Brazilian Transsexual' was pretty iffy considering how discriminated against the trans* community there is and the fact that it's a country with one of the highest incidences of transphobic violence... but then she went into making a bunch of transphobic remarks in her defence anyway... ._. ) the actions of a few don't ever justify bigotry against an entire group. :/

I'm lazy today. Can someone give me a link to all this?

[Zorg]

Big hugs for Phee - there's nothing wrong with not crying right away, or not crying at all. I didn't cry when I lost my grandfathers or one of my cousins, but it doesn't make the sadness any less. I've wanted to cry and not been able to, myself, and I know it feels even worse somehow. But you are a wonderful, caring and thoughful young lady who could never be a monster :smallsmile:
Also yay for parental support with work!

Big hugs for Helio, hope your work get thier heads out of their asses pronto. Happy to hear you can get some advice on the matter and hope things don't get you that bad again :smallsmile:

Big hugs for Golly - you may have more than the usual number of arms, but you're as much people as anyone else on this planet, and certainly moreso that anyone who would question it (and I totally know that feel) :smallsmile:

Big hugs for ffh 'cause I suck at meeting new people about as badly as I do keeping up with those I know already and know how hard it lonely it can be sometimes :smallsmile:

Big hugs for Lena because watching you doing it for yourself has really helped me see it can be done. You're as deserving of this as any of us, and don't we all deserve to be ourselves :smallsmile:

Big hugs for Lanaya as having to do something absolutely terrifying but necessary is hard, as is making such a big choice. I used to get panic attacks and once had to flee work just like you did and found that talking to the people involved in the situation (in your case the doc) helped make the situation manegable as they were clued in on what was going on :smallsmile:

Big hugs for Mynxae for having another helping hand along the way :smallsmile:

Big hugs for Musashi and Musashi's BF because good news deserves a hug :smallsmile:

Big hugs for Celtic, Keveak, Asta, Lixie, Turkish, Triscuitable, Laura, Succubus, noparlpf, Bianca and anyone else I missed 'cause why not :smallsmile:

And super big hugs for SWTOR's gay planet because of all the hate when it really seems like the kind of place pffh and I should move to :smallbiggrin:

as for where I've been:

http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r314/Gotthammer/tumblr_m9yafs2l9B1r5widco1_r1_500_zps49c56942.png

or, to quote a wise philospher:

"Sometimes I need some time on my own
Sometimes I need some time all alone
Everybody needs some time on their own
Don't you know you need some time all alone"

:smallamused:

[Irish Musician]

:frown:
One of my next door neighbors is dead. She was on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon, she left the camp to go to the bathroom and disappeared. They think she fell in the river and drowned.

Her name was Katie; she was smart, and fun. She was in her freshman year in college; she was a swimmer and a wonderful fiddle player. She just became an aunt last year, when her oldest sister had a beautiful baby girl. My sister and her were good friends, and I knew her well, too...

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.


~P~

I'm so sorry dear. But don't at all feel bad about not crying. I oft times don't cry at things. Does that mean I don't feel bad? Not at all. It is just who I am. I will say in my old age that I have become much more of a "crying big manly tears" guy, but I think that is ok too :smallsmile: So don't feel bad Phee. We each process things differently and at different rates. Who knows, 2 weeks from now a thought might pop into your head and you will find yourself crying into your spoons of ice cream (not that I have ever done that >.> <.< ) But like the other wonderful people here have said, don't think there is anything wrong with you.

~Matthew~

[Castaras]

I'm lazy today. Can someone give me a link to all this?

The article has been removed from the Guardian site. I'm sending you a pm with it in, because I don't feel comfortable linking something quite so horrendous in public, especially now it's harder to find.

The thing that disgusts me most about it is the money she'll have made off it... and the money Guardian made off of it because of the increased traffic. :smallyuk:

[Irish Musician]

The article has been removed from the Guardian site. I'm sending you a pm with it in, because I don't feel comfortable linking something quite so horrendous in public, especially now it's harder to find.
Would you PM me a link as well. Interested to read the article or whatever it is.

[Asta Kask]

I read about a third of it and then had to stop.

[gunnar11]

Hey there guys, I'm back, older and more mature! I think...

And if anyone asks, just join the GiTP Steam group where everyone would know you as Lea Plath. :smallbiggrin:
There is a GiTP Steam group!?


:frown:
One of my next door neighbors is dead. She was on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon, she left the camp to go to the bathroom and disappeared. They think she fell in the river and drowned.

Her name was Katie; she was smart, and fun. She was in her freshman year in college; she was a swimmer and a wonderful fiddle player. She just became an aunt last year, when her oldest sister had a beautiful baby girl. My sister and her were good friends, and I knew her well, too...

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.


~P~
My condoleances, losing someone you love never is easy...

[Astrella]

Here's an overview (http://jezebel.com/5975828/transphobia-is-a-goddamn-embarrassment-to-us-all) of the whole Moore / Birchell thing for those interested. (Huge Trigger Warning: Transphobia)

[Phobia]

:frown:
One of my next door neighbors is dead. She was on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon, she left the camp to go to the bathroom and disappeared. They think she fell in the river and drowned.

Her name was Katie; she was smart, and fun. She was in her freshman year in college; she was a swimmer and a wonderful fiddle player. She just became an aunt last year, when her oldest sister had a beautiful baby girl. My sister and her were good friends, and I knew her well, too...

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.


~P~

*hugs* :smallfrown:

[Asta Kask]

Found Burchill's website but it won't accept e-mail at the moment. I can understand why.

[Lycunadari]

I heard here are free cuddles available. Can I have some? I could need a hug right now.


:frown:
One of my next door neighbors is dead. She was on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon, she left the camp to go to the bathroom and disappeared. They think she fell in the river and drowned.

Her name was Katie; she was smart, and fun. She was in her freshman year in college; she was a swimmer and a wonderful fiddle player. She just became an aunt last year, when her oldest sister had a beautiful baby girl. My sister and her were good friends, and I knew her well, too...

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.


~P~

Oh dear, I'm so sorry life's so tough for you and your family. *lots of hugs* :smallfrown:


Here's an overview (http://jezebel.com/5975828/transphobia-is-a-goddamn-embarrassment-to-us-all) of the whole Moore / Birchell thing for those interested. (Huge Trigger Warning: Transphobia)

That's just ... I don't have words for this. :smalleek::smallyuk:

[Astrella]

I heard here are free cuddles available. Can I have some? I could need a hug right now.

*offers hugs*

Everything alright with you?


That's just ... I don't have words for this. :smalleek::smallyuk:

I know... :smallfrown::smallyuk:

[The Succubus]

Well, that seems about par for the course for an English newspaper. =/

Foolish. So very foolish. *shakes head*

*decides to do something far more worthwhile and hugs Lucy instead*

[Chess435]

Edit: Nvm, found the group.

[noparlpf]

I read about a third of it and then had to stop.

Yeah that's probably about right.

[Lix Lorn]

I heard here are free cuddles available. Can I have some? I could need a hug right now.
(lotsofhugs)

[SiuiS]

*wonder what that is, let's Google it*
Oh lovely. :smallsigh:

Yeah. I personally filed it under 'doesn't really know what they are talking about' which makes it less directly offensive and more offensive on the level of 'please actually learn topics before discussing them' for me. But yeah. It is pretty loaded.


As I theoretically know, but don't practice, light to moderate exercise is helpful in practically any anxiety/depression-related psychiatric disorder.

ETA: This (http://thevoodoomagickshop.com/catalog/i1204.html) makes me angry. I wanted to check a story that appeared on Natalie Reed a while ago, and apparently there are people out there who take advantage of desperate people and sell false hope. I shouldn't be surprised, I suppose. Do you think we could shut them down?

Wow.

Well, uh. That's unfortunate.
I hoped 'casted' tips off enough people to avoid the site. Never trust a witch who can't read that well and all.


*Hugs* Sometimes the tears just don't come, even if you want them to. DOn't feel bad about not crying, it happens. Sorry you lost someone. :smallfrown:

this. If your heart goes out that's all that matters.

[Mina Kobold]

Re: Burchill/Moore; That story is quite sad and hurtful. I really hope the transphobia in the feminist movement is on its way down. ;_;

In fact, I want to do something for intersectionality. No idea as to how, but I shall!

Re: Gay Planet: Sounds like a phenomena that could be a silly mystery (in the vein of why all people with trait Delta have been collected/drawn to one planet), but a bit iffy in context. They really don't like non-privileged groups in their Star Wars, do they? u_u'


:frown:
One of my next door neighbors is dead. She was on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon, she left the camp to go to the bathroom and disappeared. They think she fell in the river and drowned.

Her name was Katie; she was smart, and fun. She was in her freshman year in college; she was a swimmer and a wonderful fiddle player. She just became an aunt last year, when her oldest sister had a beautiful baby girl. My sister and her were good friends, and I knew her well, too...

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.


~P~

*Hugs*

That is a very very very sad thing to experience, but there is no true way to mourn the loss of a close friend. Crying may never come, the shock or mind-crushing sorrow drowning the tears, or other ways of coping coming into action when simply crying would not do. It could even be a random combination of everything else that affects you. But a tear is no more sorrowful than the feeling expressed any other way. Grieve in your own way, and do not worry if it is not the same as others' ways. :smallsmile:



Big hugs for Celtic, Keveak, Asta, Lixie, Turkish, Triscuitable, Laura, Succubus, noparlpf, Bianca and anyone else I missed 'cause why not :smallsmile:

*Hugs back*

^_^



http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r314/Gotthammer/tumblr_m9yafs2l9B1r5widco1_r1_500_zps49c56942.png

or, to quote a wise philospher:

"Sometimes I need some time on my own
Sometimes I need some time all alone
Everybody needs some time on their own
Don't you know you need some time all alone"

:smallamused:

Solitude can certainly be a necessity, glad that you were gone for a happy reason. ^_^


I heard here are free cuddles available. Can I have some? I could need a hug right now.

*HUGS*

Wish I could help more than virtual shows of affection, but I shall give as many as them as I can. :smallsmile:

ION: It is late, and Keveak may make odd leaps of logic when it is late. Sorry. m(_ _)m

[Phobia]

I'm a huge fan of TOR but they said they were going to give us gay option companions ages ago and still haven't. Now they're saying it's too hard to implement and putting all the gay content on one planet? I dunno. :smallsigh:

[Ashtagon]

I hoped 'casted' tips off enough people to avoid the site. Never trust a witch who can't read that well and all.

What you meant was, never trust a witch who can't spell :smallbiggrin:

[Heliomance]

What you meant was, never trust a witch who can't spell :smallbiggrin:

Damn you, beat me to it! *shakes fist*

[noparlpf]

Look what I just saw on tumblr.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mddpmkpNmV1r9je72o1_1280.png
I don't even have a tumblr how did I get sucked into this.

[Lix Lorn]

Could you link me to the post? I want to reblog the post, and not the photo of it.

[noparlpf]

Could you link me to the post? I want to reblog the post, and not the photo of it.

Uhh maybe? Hang on.
...
Not the original but I'm being lazy. Here's (http://peachesnbasil.tumblr.com/post/40634781057/pantslesswrock-beinggayisokay-perfect-dad-is) where I saw it.

[Triscuitable]

I'm a huge fan of TOR but they said they were going to give us gay option companions ages ago and still haven't. Now they're saying it's too hard to implement and putting all the gay content on one planet? I dunno. :smallsigh:

I love how it's the "Gay Planet". I'm going to go there, and as my ship closes in on it, I'm going to say, "that place looks so gay."

Extra points if the atmosphere is purple, and it has two rings that intersect, ending in arrow points.

[Absol197]

Look what I just saw on tumblr.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mddpmkpNmV1r9je72o1_1280.png
I don't even have a tumblr how did I get sucked into this.

That is the best thing I've read in a long time. He's so lucky he's got a dad like that. All his parents, really.


~Phoenix~

[Lix Lorn]

Uhh maybe? Hang on.
...
Not the original but I'm being lazy. Here's (http://peachesnbasil.tumblr.com/post/40634781057/pantslesswrock-beinggayisokay-perfect-dad-is) where I saw it.
Thanks. Found and reblogged

[Kindablue]

ETA: This (http://thevoodoomagickshop.com/catalog/i1204.html) makes me angry.

God, that's sickening. Truly disgusting. Just a terrible, ugly design aesthetic to the whole website. Some people have no taste at all.

[Mina Kobold]

I'm a huge fan of TOR but they said they were going to give us gay option companions ages ago and still haven't. Now they're saying it's too hard to implement and putting all the gay content on one planet? I dunno. :smallsigh:

It really does sound like an excuse not to be inclusive. If you can program heterosexual relationships, you can program homosexual ones. Pretty simple, do exactly the same thing, except the companion is the same gender as the PC. Apparently worked in Mass Effect. :3


Look what I just saw on tumblr.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mddpmkpNmV1r9je72o1_1280.png
I don't even have a tumblr how did I get sucked into this.

D'aww. ^_^

I am quite cheered that someone has three awesome parents, but I am a bit alarmed at the reinforcement of gender-segregated clothing. Then again, I am the kind of gal who would wear a Victorian dress to school if I had one, so I may just be annoyed at clothing norms in general. ^_^'

[Lea Plath]

I am quite cheered that someone has three awesome parents, but I am a bit alarmed at the reinforcement of gender-segregated clothing. Then again, I am the kind of gal who would wear a Victorian dress to school if I had one, so I may just be annoyed at clothing norms in general. ^_^'

You should meet my friend Grace. She went into school with a fan. A parasol. Boots. Corset. Gothic lolita dress. So cute.

Anyway. I've managed to deflect people for now. I'll confide in them when I feel safe about the genderfluidity thing. I don't think it would be so much an issue, as the local gaming community is pretty LGBTA friendly but family don't know and I definatly don't want my sister knowing.

[Asta Kask]

I'm sorry, I can't let this go just yet.


[Transphobicslur], [Transphobicslur], whatever you’re calling yourselves these days – don't threaten or bully we lowly natural-born women, I warn you. We may not have as many lovely big swinging Phds as you, but we’ve experienced a lifetime of PMT and sexual harassment, and many of us are now staring HRT and the menopause straight in the face – and still not flinching. Trust me, you ain’t seen nothing yet. You really won’t like us when we’re angry.

This is an amazing paragraph. It reminds of the priest in Life of Brian telling the man who's about to be stoned that he's only making it worse for himself. Transgenderism is illegal in an astonishing number of states in the world (I found it difficult to get exact numbers). In a number of these, the penalty is death. In how many countries in the world is it illegal to be a woman? Punishable by death?

It's possible that trans* people won't like Julie Burchill when she's angry - I find her disagreeable in her apparently calm and rational state - but be afraid of her? Seriously, what's she going to do? Unless she forms hit squads that target transsexuals, bring them to the center of town and burn them alive she's not going to be doing anything new. Everything above that is already being done.

Worse? How could it be worse?

[The Succubus]

We could have to read the rest of her articles! :smallyuk:

[Mono Vertigo]

I've missed most of that issue, but there's that word she uses, "bully".
I don't think it means what she thinks it means.

[The Succubus]

I've missed most of that issue, but there's that word she uses, "bully".
I don't think it means what she thinks it means.

Oooo, now there's a solution. Anyone know where we can find some iocaine powder? :smallamused:

[golentan]

Re: Planet of the Gay. I'm torn. I'd rather that gay options were scattered throughout the game. I'm glad that a gesture has been made. And I'm a bit offended.

So, I'm not sure how to be honest about some things without outing my girlfriend. Some friends were discussing losing virginity yesterday, and I realized that if they asked me the honest answer was "Depends, what counts," with the knowledge that I have never had P in V sex.

Also, I have the daily show open in a second window, and I would like to ask the universe to stop looping the same ad dozens of times...

[Asta Kask]

Virginity is a state of mind - that's why Rings of Regeneration won't make you fit for a unicorn. Or a dragon.

[Mina Kobold]

You should meet my friend Grace. She went into school with a fan. A parasol. Boots. Corset. Gothic lolita dress. So cute.

That does sound utterly adorable, how are the security measures on Grace's wardrobe? Purely incidental curiosity.

>_>
<_<

:3


I've missed most of that issue, but there's that word she uses, "bully".
I don't think it means what she thinks it means.

I think Burchill may be projecting in order to justify their own bullying. I am not sure if the fact that professional journalists and feminists resorting to "They started it! They ruined our fun!" is more or less scary, though. Eep. ._.


Re: Planet of the Gay. I'm torn. I'd rather that gay options were scattered throughout the game. I'm glad that a gesture has been made. And I'm a bit offended.

While it is nice that they try, it really feels like the old attempts of ethnic diversity or gender diversity in media. Include one tiny part of the story that fills the criteria and ban it from everywhere else. Except possibly closer to the Tarzan "Everybody is British, except for the one stereotypical tribe" days than the Token X days. >_<


So, I'm not sure how to be honest about some things without outing my girlfriend. Some friends were discussing losing virginity yesterday, and I realized that if they asked me the honest answer was "Depends, what counts," with the knowledge that I have never had P in V sex.

Would you be able to simply refuse to answer? Sex is a rather personal and private matter from what I can gather, so simply saying that you are not comfortable comparing virginity-states with them at the moment may make sense. :smallsmile:

Again, no experience with this issue myself. While I am irked that people expect to learn everything about my sex life, I don't actually have one. ^_^'

[Mynxae]

Why am I depressed, ladies and gentleman? 'Cause I have no clue. One minute I'm perfectly happy and fine, then something that to anyone else would seem insignificant, and I'm depressed. Like seriously, tonight I was happy, then got depressed 'cause the game I'm playing most at the moment went down for an update. And about half an hour ago I was happy again after an hour or two of depression, and then I was on a dating site. This guy I'd talked to before who had suddenly gone offline in the middle of a conversation earlier, logged on. I said hi, how come you disappeared earlier... He's on for a minute, then disappears. Instant depression.

What's wrong with me guys? :smallfrown:

[Asta Kask]

I think Burchill may be projecting in order to justify their own bullying. I am not sure if the fact that professional journalists and feminists resorting to "They started it! They ruined our fun!" is more or less scary, though. Eep. ._.

I think she feels put upon and the way she speaks of PhDs makes me think she's more than a little insecure about her academic credentials. It would surprise me enormously if trans* people were more likely to have PhDs than the population at large. Or just women, for that matter.

It's also a rhetorical trick. People don't like the aggressor - look at the way states always try to blame the other guy for the war. So if you can get yourself to look like the victim (particularly the less powerful victim) you can evoke powerful feelings of fairness and pity. So by stating that the trans* started it and that they are more powerful, she's trying to strengthen her position.

I think a lot of it is to justify her actions to herself. Her friend was attacked and she went in to defend her friend. And since Suzanne Moore is her friend she must be in the right and those who attack her must be bullies. And since their bullies they must be in power and that means PhDs (I think the power of the PhD is greatly exaggerated, btw). So you can see that one thought leads to the next in the chain.

Now, I want to stress that that is not unique to Julie Burchill. We all do this. What we have to do is to try to second-guess ourselves. Are these people really as bad as I think? How would I react in their position? Am I doing anything except defending my friends and my tribe?


Why am I depressed, ladies and gentleman? 'Cause I have no clue. One minute I'm perfectly happy and fine, then something that to anyone else would seem insignificant, and I'm depressed. Like seriously, tonight I was happy, then got depressed 'cause the game I'm playing most at the moment went down for an update. And about half an hour ago I was happy again after an hour or two of depression, and then I was on a dating site. This guy I'd talked to before who had suddenly gone offline in the middle of a conversation earlier, logged on. I said hi, how come you disappeared earlier... He's on for a minute, then disappears. Instant depression.

What's wrong with me guys? :smallfrown:

Messed up brain chemistry?

[Irish Musician]

What you meant was, never trust a witch who can't spell :smallbiggrin:
:smallamused:

Snip
I am completely with you on this. Crazy lady.

~Matthew~

[Mynxae]

Messed up brain chemistry?

I've got Schizophrenia, but that usually never messes with anything unless I'm angry. :smallfrown:

[SiuiS]

What you meant was, never trust a witch who can't spell :smallbiggrin:

It

I

How did I miss that?!


God, that's sickening. Truly disgusting. Just a terrible, ugly design aesthetic to the whole website. Some people have no taste at all.

Oh thank goodness I thought it was my phone.


I'm sorry, I can't let this go just yet.

This is an amazing paragraph. It reminds of the priest in Life of Brian telling the man who's about to be stoned that he's only making it worse for himself. Transgenderism is illegal in an astonishing number of states in the world (I found it difficult to get exact numbers). In a number of these, the penalty is death. In how many countries in the world is it illegal to be a woman? Punishable by death?

It's possible that trans* people won't like Julie Burchill when she's angry - I find her disagreeable in her apparently calm and rational state - but be afraid of her? Seriously, what's she going to do? Unless she forms hit squads that target transsexuals, bring them to the center of town and burn them alive she's not going to be doing anything new. Everything above that is already being done.

Worse? How could it be worse?

that's exactly it. It's like listening to a twelve year old argue how your stance on psychiatry is obviously wrong because said twelve year old found a 1950's textbook on the subject and skimmed it. I can't be mad about it, because to do that I would have to take her seriously. It's a clever trap, really. By arguing against her you give her stance legitimacy.

"I will commit to the genophage the greatest insult an enemy can face; to be ignored."

It may have been spoken by a fictional alien megalomaniacal madman, but it's spuds nonetheless. Broken clocks, right?

[Asta Kask]

I've got Schizophrenia, but that usually never messes with anything unless I'm angry. :smallfrown:

Well, reading this (http://schizophreniabulletin.oxfordjournals.org/content/35/2/383.full), it seems that schizophrenics have an increased risk of depression. Why is another matter - are the two disorders linked through brain chemistry, is there trauma from psychotic episodes, do the medicines for schizophrenia increase the risk for depression... we don't know and it's unlikely to be any single one of these. Schizophrenia is such a diverse disorder (or set of closely related disorders) that I don't think we know what role - if any - your schizophrenia plays.

So, yeah, don't know. Wish I could have given you a better answer. Hope you get better. *hugs*

[The Succubus]

"I will commit to the genophage the greatest insult an enemy can face; to be ignored."

It may have been spoken by a fictional alien megalomaniacal madman, but it's spuds nonetheless. Broken clocks, right?

That was pretty much my take on it as well. If I wanted to listen to stupid and irritating people, I'd join a public matchmaking game in Dota 2.:smalltongue:

Speaking of which, would anyone be interested in making a Steam group for the folks in this thread? It'd be really cool if I could chat with some of you in real time and of course playing games together would also be rather delectable. ^_^

[Mynxae]

Well, reading this (http://schizophreniabulletin.oxfordjournals.org/content/35/2/383.full), it seems that schizophrenics have an increased risk of depression. Why is another matter - are the two disorders linked through brain chemistry, is there trauma from psychotic episodes, do the medicines for schizophrenia increase the risk for depression... we don't know and it's unlikely to be any single one of these. Schizophrenia is such a diverse disorder (or set of closely related disorders) that I don't think we know what role - if any - your schizophrenia plays.

So, yeah, don't know. Wish I could have given you a better answer. Hope you get better. *hugs*

Huh. Well... I have PTSD, OCD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (extremely sever), Panic Attacks (only had like one or two, but sometimes I can feel one coming on and somehow suppress it), (severe) Schizophrenia (which I mentioned) and possible Aspergers Syndrome (never gotten it fully checked out).

No wonder I feel like crap all the time. :smallsigh:

I just wonder what doctor can look at all these mental disorders (which a psychologist has diagnosed me with) and think 'Hmm, he doesn't need medication, he's fine!' :smallfrown:

[Asta Kask]

I just wonder what doctor can look at all these mental disorders (which a psychologist has diagnosed me with) and think 'Hmm, he doesn't need medication, he's fine!' :smallfrown:

That's what I wondered when I heard you had severe depression.

Have you tried getting a second opinion?

[Mynxae]

That's what I wondered when I heard you had severe depression.

Have you tried getting a second opinion?

Been to two different doctors, a therapist and a mental health nurse. All of them think I can improve with therapy. But then, I never end up continuing with therapy for awhile, because when depression sets in I get very forgetful to the point that I forgot what day it is and where I am on the odd occasion. :smallredface:

[golentan]

Huh. Well... I have PTSD, OCD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (extremely sever), Panic Attacks (only had like one or two, but sometimes I can feel one coming on and somehow suppress it), (severe) Schizophrenia (which I mentioned) and possible Aspergers Syndrome (never gotten it fully checked out).

No wonder I feel like crap all the time. :smallsigh:

I just wonder what doctor can look at all these mental disorders (which a psychologist has diagnosed me with) and think 'Hmm, he doesn't need medication, he's fine!' :smallfrown:

Fellow Psychotic and Emotional Illnesses hug. I wish you the best.

In response to the response to my thing: I don't think I'm a virgin, but the question was originally "when did you lose your virginity?" The obvious question for me is "What counts," because that's a murky line because it's a mental distinction as you say, and there were quite a few years of meandering around that line for me. So if followup questions come... I'm not sure what to say. The question itself is harmless in my mind and to me, but the outcome might not be maybe to my GF?

[Asta Kask]

Sexual intercourse seems to imply penetrative sex, according to Wikipedia. Which may be a bitch for lesbians, but I didn't write the article. My take on it is that while non-penetrative sex may or may not count, penetrative sex does.

That's my opinion and I stand by it. :smallsmile:

[The Succubus]

Fellow Psychotic and Emotional Illnesses hug. I wish you the best.

In response to the response to my thing: I don't think I'm a virgin, but the question was originally "when did you lose your virginity?" The obvious question for me is "What counts," because that's a murky line because it's a mental distinction as you say, and there were quite a few years of meandering around that line for me. So if followup questions come... I'm not sure what to say. The question itself is harmless in my mind and to me, but the outcome might not be maybe to my GF?

The way I'd define it is - an act of intimacy that results in orgasm (or as close as possible) for one or both parties involved. Failing that, there's always the smartass answer:

"I think I lost it down the back of the sofa but I haven't had any luck finding it again."

[Lycunadari]

*offers hugs*

Everything alright with you?

I'm just not feeling good for some time now, and the last two days it was particularly bad. It's like life just got more difficult.
It drains my strength to try to protect/help my friend against the bullies in school. Another friend told me she is now going to see a psychiatrist because of depression, told me how she sits crying in her room every afternoon. I feel bad because I didn't notice anything and wasn't there for her when she needed me. Schools just annoying. Either the lessons are boring (like biology, because we hardly learn anything) or are spoiled by the terrible people in them (the same who bully my friend) (like English). I miss my sister, who lives about three hours away – I always feel better when she is here. I don't get along very well with my guest sister from China who will stay till July. My hobbies seem to have all lost their fun – the songs I invent myself for piano are all somehow dull, and I don't have the patience to learn new ones from the music sheets I have, writing seems just senseless and I only keep on writing because I made a "pact" with my sister ( I have to write everyday, no matter how little time I have after school, and she has to draw every day, no matter how little time she has after uni), I feel uninspired to draw, and I feel bad if I waste my time with games or reading when I could do something creative instead. I feel lonely. I'm always tired, because I need massive amounts of sleep, which I just can't get during schooltime. The more I have to do for school, the less able I feel to do anything – I don't work well under stress. Little things I usually don't care to much about can make me easily upset so I find myself crying from the tiniest things.
That are all not really big problems, but they all seem so overwhelming form time to time. :smallfrown:

But thanks for the hugs *hugs back*



Well, that seems about par for the course for an English newspaper. =/

Foolish. So very foolish. *shakes head*

*decides to do something far more worthwhile and hugs Lucy instead*

Thank you *hugs*

(lotsofhugs)

Merci *hugs*


*HUGS*

Wish I could help more than virtual shows of affection, but I shall give as many as them as I can. :smallsmile:


Thank you –virtual shows of affection can do much more good than it may seem *hugs*


Look what I just saw on tumblr.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mddpmkpNmV1r9je72o1_1280.png
I don't even have a tumblr how did I get sucked into this.
Oh, that's something great! :smallsmile:


Why am I depressed, ladies and gentleman? 'Cause I have no clue. One minute I'm perfectly happy and fine, then something that to anyone else would seem insignificant, and I'm depressed. Like seriously, tonight I was happy, then got depressed 'cause the game I'm playing most at the moment went down for an update. And about half an hour ago I was happy again after an hour or two of depression, and then I was on a dating site. This guy I'd talked to before who had suddenly gone offline in the middle of a conversation earlier, logged on. I said hi, how come you disappeared earlier... He's on for a minute, then disappears. Instant depression.

What's wrong with me guys? :smallfrown:

*hugs!*

[Asta Kask]

I'm just not feeling good for some time now, and the last two days it was particularly bad. It's like life just got more difficult.
It drains my strength to try to protect/help my friend against the bullies in school. Another friend told me she is now going to see a psychiatrist because of depression, told me how she sits crying in her room every afternoon. I feel bad because I didn't notice anything and wasn't there for her when she needed me. Schools just annoying. Either the lessons are boring (like biology, because we hardly learn anything) or are spoiled by the terrible people in them (the same who bully my friend) (like English). I miss my sister, who lives about three hours away – I always feel better when she is here. I don't get along very well with my guest sister from China who will stay till July. My hobbies seem to have all lost their fun – the songs I invent myself for piano are all somehow dull, and I don't have the patience to learn new ones from the music sheets I have, writing seems just senseless and I only keep on writing because I made a "pact" with my sister ( I have to write everyday, no matter how little time I have after school, and she has to draw every day, no matter how little time she has after uni), I feel uninspired to draw, and I feel bad if I waste my time with games or reading when I could do something creative instead. I feel lonely. I'm always tired, because I need massive amounts of sleep, which I just can't get during schooltime. The more I have to do for school, the less able I feel to do anything – I don't work well under stress. Little things I usually don't care to much about can make me easily upset so I find myself crying from the tiniest things.
That are all not really big problems, but they all seem so overwhelming form time to time. :smallfrown:

You need to think more about yourself. You're the most important person in your life, and I think you should really embrace that. Friends are very important, but don't wear your fingers to the bone trying to help them. If they're really your friend then they will care about your well-being as well. And taking time to relax with reading and playing games is not wasted time - it is necessary time. Without some way to recharge you're going to hit the wall. And I don't want that.

[Irish Musician]

Huh. Well... I have PTSD, OCD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (extremely sever), Panic Attacks (only had like one or two, but sometimes I can feel one coming on and somehow suppress it), (severe) Schizophrenia (which I mentioned) and possible Aspergers Syndrome (never gotten it fully checked out).
:smalleek: *ALL THE HUGZ!!!!!!*

You need to think more about yourself. You're the most important person in your life, and I think you should really embrace that. Friends are very important, but don't wear your fingers to the bone trying to help them. If they're really your friend then they will care about your well-being as well. And taking time to relax with reading and playing games is not wasted time - it is necessary time. Without some way to recharge you're going to hit the wall. And I don't want that.
There is very much something to this. If you can't take care of yourself (not saying you can't at all), then how do people expect you to take care of them. Make sure you are taking time for yourself and making sure that you are still (semi)sane, and then you can help friends and take care of them. And like Asta said, "doing-nothing" time is never time wasted, esp if it helps you calm down and take a moment to get your head together (I do it all the time!!) So don't worry, I am sure your friend wouldn't want you making yourself stressed out to try and get her back to normal. As long as she knows you are there to help and listen to her, she will ask if she needs to; which she proved by opening up about crying and needing to talk to someone. So don't feel bad, dear. *MOAR HUGZ!!!*

~Matthew~

[Triscuitable]

Huh. Well... I have PTSD, OCD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (extremely sever), Panic Attacks (only had like one or two, but sometimes I can feel one coming on and somehow suppress it), (severe) Schizophrenia (which I mentioned) and possible Aspergers Syndrome (never gotten it fully checked out).

No wonder I feel like crap all the time. :smallsigh:

I think you might have been misdiagnosed with a couple of those things. If you really did have all those conditions, you'd be an absolute wreck... With Asperger's Syndrome. Believe me when I say you will begin to believe you have those conditions if you continue, which won't end well. Get therapy, find help in friends (not us on the internet; physical persons who can keep you safe), and avoid Ritalin.

That last one was a joke, but really, don't take Ritalin. A nice guy I knew was on some form of anti-depressant to suppress his schizophrenia. As I've mentioned before, he took his life in 2009.

Also, find a hobby, for God's sake. Learn an instrument, find an art style you want to practice, or try basic coding. Something like that.

[Mynxae]

I think you might have been misdiagnosed with a couple of those things. If you really did have all those conditions, you'd be an absolute wreck... With Asperger's Syndrome. Believe me when I say you will begin to believe you have those conditions if you continue, which won't end well. Get therapy, find help in friends (not us on the internet; physical persons who can keep you safe), and avoid Ritalin.

That last one was a joke, but really, don't take Ritalin. A nice guy I knew was on some form of anti-depressant to suppress his schizophrenia. As I've mentioned before, he took his life in 2009.

Also, find a hobby, for God's sake. Learn an instrument, find an art style you want to practice, or try basic coding. Something like that.

I display quite a few symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome, have for years. /shrugs

I'm a gamer, video gaming is my hobby. It just sucks when it makes me rage. >.< It also sucks when I used to be obsessed with World of Warcraft for about a year until last September, but didn't make any of the 3 raid teams in my guild, so there was practically no point in continuing to play consider I was a hardcore raider.

[Petrocorus]

Hi, everybody.
Just passing by to wish every one an happy new years.

[Triscuitable]

I display quite a few symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome, have for years. /shrugs

Consider getting it diagnosed. The community doesn't take kindly to people running around claiming they have Asperger's just because they have symptoms of it. Technically, I have symptoms of MPSD. That doesn't mean I have multiple personalities, it just means I have symptoms of it.

It's the "Ass Burgers" mentality of people on the internet that gets real Aspies ridicule around the world.

[Mynxae]

Consider getting it diagnosed. The community doesn't take kindly to people running around claiming they have Asperger's just because they have symptoms of it. Technically, I have symptoms of MPSD. That doesn't mean I have multiple personalities, it just means I have symptoms of it.

It's the "Ass Burgers" mentality of people on the internet that gets real Aspies ridicule around the world.

Only problem is going out. >.< Sometimes I go outside and I'm fine, other times I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. Dunno why. I just do.

[noparlpf]

Huh. Well... I have PTSD, OCD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (extremely sever), Panic Attacks (only had like one or two, but sometimes I can feel one coming on and somehow suppress it), (severe) Schizophrenia (which I mentioned) and possible Aspergers Syndrome (never gotten it fully checked out).

No wonder I feel like crap all the time. :smallsigh:

I just wonder what doctor can look at all these mental disorders (which a psychologist has diagnosed me with) and think 'Hmm, he doesn't need medication, he's fine!' :smallfrown:

I dunno about "misdiagnosis" like Tris suggested. The way I see it, most of those diagnoses overlap here and there, and sometimes one doctor might focus on certain aspects and give one diagnosis while another might focus on others and suggest another.

[Kindablue]

Sexual intercourse seems to imply penetrative sex, according to Wikipedia. Which may be a bitch for lesbians, but I didn't write the article. My take on it is that while non-penetrative sex may or may not count, penetrative sex does.

That's my opinion and I stand by it. :smallsmile:

Does phone sex count? It's certainly a kind of sexual intercourse.

[Asta Kask]

Does phone sex count? It's certainly a kind of sexual intercourse.

Only if use the phone to... well... I think I'll shut up now.

[Triscuitable]

I dunno about "misdiagnosis" like Tris suggested. The way I see it, most of those diagnoses overlap here and there, and sometimes one doctor might focus on certain aspects and give one diagnosis while another might focus on others and suggest another.

That is a better way to put it. I blame you. :smalltongue:

[Heliomance]

That last one was a joke, but really, don't take Ritalin. A nice guy I knew was on some form of anti-depressant to suppress his schizophrenia. As I've mentioned before, he took his life in 2009.

I'm... really not sure either what these two statements have do do with each other, or why you're so against Ritalin. I take it, and I've found it extremely useful.

[Thajocoth]

I've had a friend who developed tourettes from prescribed Ritalin.

Mental meds are WAY overprescribed (by the many irresponsible psychiatrists out there). My feeling is that unless someone is an actual danger to themselves or others, their mind's delicate workings shouldn't be altered. If they're a danger to themselves, I put in an exception to that rule for those who are making an informed decision to self-terminate, but that's very rare. It's almost always entirely emotion driven.

At the same time, I'm not going to tell someone to stop taking what they're on. It's their choice, and the same argument can be made against stopping as I have against starting.

I will never take mental meds because then I wouldn't be me. So, someone already on something would cease to be the same person if they stopped taking what they're on as well. That is my view on it.

-----

EDIT:

I am not calling for a ban on anything, nor am I implying that anyone who's taking anything should stop doing so. In fact, I just stated the reverse, that stopping one such medication is just as big a decision as starting it was, and that a person needs to be just as certain.

I have essentially stated three things:
#1 - A friend of mine was hurt by an over-prescribing doctor
#2 - That there are psychiatrists that give this stuff out far too freely, which can often be a detriment.
#3 - Why I personally will avoid mental medication.

People forcing me to clarify this further & further, has been incredibly annoying, so I'm editing these posts to attempt some level of clarity and intent.

[Triscuitable]

I'm... really not sure either what these two statements have do do with each other, or why you're so against Ritalin. I take it, and I've found it extremely useful.

They take "you" out of who you are. Even if you didn't suffer the side-effects, in people on the Autism Spectrum or those with Schizophrenia or MPSD, Ritalin eats you from the inside out.

[Asta Kask]

I've had a friend who developed tourettes from prescribed Ritalin.

There are no medications without side effects that I'm aware of.


Mental meds are WAY overprescribed. My feeling is that unless someone is an actual danger to themselves or others, their mind's delicate workings shouldn't be altered. If they're a danger to themselves, I put in an exception to that rule for those who are making an informed decision to self-terminate, but that's very rare. It's almost always entirely emotion driven.

At the same time, I'm not going to tell someone to stop taking what they're on. It's their choice.

Ehh... the word is "suicide". I knowThey're overprescribed and they're underprescribed. There are studies on Swedish populations showing that depressions are underdiagnosed. On the other hand, there are "fashionable diagnoses" who are overdiagnosed. ADHD for instance, was probably overdiagnosed for a while.

As for no altering the mind's delicate workings - do you have any training or understanding in how the mind functions? I know there are people on this forum who would be utterly incapacitated without stuff like Ritalin. With it, they can pursue a career and make a life for themselves. What are you telling them?


They take "you" out of who you are. Even if you didn't suffer the side-effects, in people on the Autism Spectrum or those with Schizophrenia or MPSD, Ritalin eats you from the inside out.

And you know this, how?

[Thajocoth]

There are no medications without side effects that I'm aware of.

That is the second biggest problem with mental meds.

He was taken off ritalin, but will have to live with tourettes for the rest of his life because some psychiatrist decided that every child who doesn't get enough attention needs to be on ritalin & his parents believed them.

EDIT: I am pointing out here that often enough side effects can be a huge deal. It's important to be certain that the cost outweighs the benefit before you start something like this. This requires being very informed.


Ehh... the word is "suicide". I knowThey're overprescribed and they're underprescribed. There are studies on Swedish populations showing that depressions are underdiagnosed. On the other hand, there are "fashionable diagnoses" who are overdiagnosed. ADHD for instance, was probably overdiagnosed for a while.

As for no altering the mind's delicate workings - do you have any training or understanding in how the mind functions? I know there are people on this forum who would be utterly incapacitated without stuff like Ritalin. With it, they can pursue a career and make a life for themselves. What are you telling them?
I have actually done some study of the brain's workings. A little psychology, but mostly the hardware level. What the brain itself does.

EDIT: Stating this only because I was asked for some level of "how I know things". The initial question is as irrelevant to the discussion as my response.

People who are already on something, as I already stated, would be changing who they are to stop taking it.

EDIT: Attempt to reclarify that I'm not suggesting that people change what they're doing. As a matter of fact, I'm giving no advice at all.


And you know this, how?If the individual is 1.273 & the medication is 0.964, 1.273 * 0.964 = 1.227172. 1.227172 is different than 1.273. They're not equal numbers. They're not the same person. The new person has some traits (symptoms) replaced with others (side effects). Who they are is not preserved. It's simple math.

We decide that one number is better than another based on which traits are more desirable to society.

EDIT: My explanation of why I personally won't take mental medications. It is clearly not meant to influence anyone else.

[Asta Kask]

There are no medications without side effects that I'm aware of.

[QUOTE=Thajocoth;14540129]That is the second biggest problem with mental meds.

He was taken off ritalin, but will have to live with tourettes for the rest of his life because some psychiatrist decided that every child who doesn't get enough attention needs to be on ritalin & his parents believed them.

And because there are side effects you don't want it except in cases where the patient can kill themselves? Have you looked at the benefits of Ritalin in cases where it's indicated?


They're overprescribed and they're underprescribed. There are studies on Swedish populations showing that depressions are underdiagnosed. On the other hand, there are "fashionable diagnoses" who are overdiagnosed. ADHD for instance, was probably overdiagnosed for a while.

As for no altering the mind's delicate workings - do you have any training or understanding in how the mind functions? I know there are people on this forum who would be utterly incapacitated without stuff like Ritalin. With it, they can pursue a career and make a life for themselves. What are you telling them?


I have actually done some study of the brain's workings. A little psychology, but mostly the hardware level. What the brain itself does.

People who are already on something, as I already stated, would be changing who they are to stop taking it.

Yes. Should they change who they are?


And you know this, how?


If the individual is 1.273 & the medication is 0.964, 1.273 * 0.964 = 1.227172. 1.227172 is different than 1.273. They're not equal numbers. They're not the same person. The new person has some traits (symptoms) replaced with others (side effects). Who they are is not preserved. It's simple math.

Yes... this is called post hoc ergo propter hoc. It is not necessarily valid. And you are wrong anyway. In my case, for instance, my friends and relatives tell me that I'm going back to where I was pre-depression. In other words, I'm not changing who I am as much as undoing a change. But there's no place for me in your theory.


We decide that one number is better than another based on which traits are more desirable to society.

So... when antipsychotics were introduced there were schizophreniacs who had been lying catatonic in their beds for twenty years or so. Within a day or two of being given antipsychotics these people were up and walking. Oh, they still had problems and the antipsychotics had side effects, but they were walking.

This, of course, represents a change in "who they are". Are you saying that these people shouldn't have been given the antipsychotics because they weren't in danger of self-harm? Are you telling me that me saying the change is desirable is merely founded on which traits are more desirable to society?

I will give you the last word, because this really isn't relevant to the thread at hand. If you want to start a new thread, feel free.

[Thajocoth]

Yes. Should they change who they are?

I see it as not much different from suicide (in scope), so if it's an informed decision, it's up to them, but they should understand the change.

Also, people do generally change over time as well. Experience does this slowly. If you lose touch with someone for 50 years, they're not going to be the same person. Imagine a snowball with one random snowflake in that ball leaving and one new one being added each day... How much of it is the original snow? Is it the same snowball? And there's clearly a gray area. If one snowflake is different is it a different snowball? If 75% of the snowflakes are different is it a different snowball? Where's the line?

You might be closer to who you used to be. (1.0 gradually becomes 1.3 medically changed to 1.05) That's still a change to who you are. The person you were at 1.3 ceased to exist. The person you are now at 1.05 began existing. I'm not telling you that you should change it, but for a change so profound as such, psychiatrists need to be WAY more careful than they are.

EDIT: Attempting to clarify my explanation further of why I won't take mental meds.

[golentan]

It is very different from suicide. The person is still the same person. And you are making some very upsetting and inaccurate comments based on my personal experience.

[Thajocoth]

It is very different from suicide.
Meant "in scope". As in, the size of the change is the same. The level to consider is the same. Added qualifier.

It is simply not something to do lightly.

Ultimately, while I may think the prescriptions are handed out like candy, I also think that it's the individual's decision what they do or do not do to themselves as long as they're capable of giving informed consent.

EDIT: Golentan had gotten the wrong idea from my statements, so I attempted here to explain what I had actually meant, adding to it my opinion that a person has the right to make decisions about their own body.

[golentan]

No. Not even close. If you eat certain foods, you get metabolic mood effects: Are you a different person if you choose the hot fudge sunday over the lemon meringue? What about if you bang your head instead of your shin? A person remains the same person, and a chemical based mood imbalance is no more integral to that than the shape of their nose. You're engaging in a scare tactic argument based on what I assume are personal objections to medication, and I find it upsetting and inaccurate, and I apologize if I'm being curt but I am quite angry and trying to stay within the bounds of polite conversation.

[The Succubus]

I suggest a non-medical change of topic before someone comes with in with chains and padlocks, and not the happy fun time sort.

[Thajocoth]

No. Not even close. If you eat certain foods, you get metabolic mood effects: Are you a different person if you choose the hot fudge sunday over the lemon meringue? What about if you bang your head instead of your shin? A person remains the same person, and a chemical based mood imbalance is no more integral to that than the shape of their nose. You're engaging in a scare tactic argument based on what I assume are personal objections to medication, and I find it upsetting and inaccurate, and I apologize if I'm being curt but I am quite angry and trying to stay within the bounds of polite conversation.

I consider the first half of this to be a strawman (in what really isn't even a debate, at least not for me). I've only stated & clarified my opinion. I have not told anyone else what to do. The fact that this has provoked you is unfortunate & I hope you calm down.

Personally, I hate debates, and was getting close to saying that this seems to be turning into one, so I'd like to have no more part in it.

I agree with the topic change idea, but don't have one to offer.

EDIT: Urge to clarify further resisted... Despite hating debates as much as I do, it's difficult to resist clarifying my opinion on something when someone misunderstands part of it.

EDIT x2: Golentan clearly doesn't understand that I'm not attacking anyone or suggesting anyone do anything different. This has escalated way out of proportion and is becoming a debate. This is my attempt to diffuse (I hate debates & don't want people to be upset). The Edit above is in reaction to the post below, in which Keveak assumes that I had very specific answers to questions I never answered. This made me feel like I needed to clarify the issue further, but I resisted doing so.

[Mina Kobold]

I think you might have been misdiagnosed with a couple of those things. If you really did have all those conditions, you'd be an absolute wreck... With Asperger's Syndrome. Believe me when I say you will begin to believe you have those conditions if you continue, which won't end well. Get therapy, find help in friends (not us on the internet; physical persons who can keep you safe), and avoid Ritalin.

Not to sound rude, but please don't assume people have not gotten second opinions, that doctors are incompetent or that your expertise is good enough to declare that an individual with those disorders would be a wreck. That is similar to saying that all people in the Autism Spectrum are incapable of a standard neurotypical-esque life because Autism can be like that or sounds like it could. It is possible to have those disorders and be a wreck, but it may also be possible not to be one, just as it is with any other number of aversions from the neurotypical norm. :smallsmile:

Again, sorry if I was rude. m(_ _)m


That last one was a joke, but really, don't take Ritalin. A nice guy I knew was on some form of anti-depressant to suppress his schizophrenia. As I've mentioned before, he took his life in 2009.

Anecdotes are not very good evidence. It is horrendously sad that your acquaintance (Or friend? Sorry, you did not specify and I don't want to assume. >_<) was driven to suicide, but that does not mean the drug is inherently more likely to cause that. Just like knowing one person who got better on their own after a horrific experience does not mean most people do. ;_;


Hi, everybody.
Just passing by to wish every one an happy new years.

Have a joyous and wondrous Orbit-around-the-sun too! ^_^


I've had a friend who developed tourettes from prescribed Ritalin.

My apologies if the following seems indifferent or terrible.

I have a classmate who may have constant leg and back damage, preventing even long walks or any sport activity, due to an injury from playing Basketball. If your anecdote is an argument against taking Ritalin, then mine is one against playing Basketball. Negative side-effects are not relevant on individual levels, only in the grander statistic.

Not that I think you are saying we should discard Ritalin due to an anecdote, but I just wanted to point out how little one data point says about anything. Sorry. And also sorry to my classmate for using that anecdote so casually. m(_ _)m


Mental meds are WAY overprescribed (by the many irresponsible psychiatrists out there). My feeling is that unless someone is an actual danger to themselves or others, their mind's delicate workings shouldn't be altered. If they're a danger to themselves, I put in an exception to that rule for those who are making an informed decision to self-terminate, but that's very rare. It's almost always entirely emotion driven.

Medicine is a personal choice anyway and doctors are required to give you the information necessary, nobody but those who are both a danger and incapable of otherwise being helped are supposed to be given medicine against their will. Except perhaps children, due to the issue of waiting (risking constant misery until they turn eighteen) contra letting parents decide (whose judgement calls can be poor).

As an aside; how do you know it is overprescribed? I ask because I hear people complain both ways. Some are not given medicine unless they force the matter, while others apparently get prescribed tonnes of stuff without any sight of therapy. It could be an issue of individual doctors, rather than a unified trend. :smallsmile:


I have actually done some study of the brain's workings. A little psychology, but mostly the hardware level. What the brain itself does.

People who are already on something, as I already stated, would be changing who they are to stop taking it.

If the individual is 1.273 & the medication is 0.964, 1.273 * 0.964 = 1.227172. 1.227172 is different than 1.273. They're not equal numbers. They're not the same person. The new person has some traits (symptoms) replaced with others (side effects). Who they are is not preserved. It's simple math.

We decide that one number is better than another based on which traits are more desirable to society.

By that logic, I have never been me. I am slightly different than I was when beginning this post (Most notably, I am more sleepy. ^_^') and I have permanently changed in very visible ways many many times in my life. I do not regret most of those, as they make me who I am now and will be a part of who I may become. I believe I would be an exponential function, if we stick to simple Mathematics. ^_^

If that makes me self-terminated, then I am a perpetual suicide, as I cannot stay static even without medicine. Yet I still will eventually get on medicine, which is of a kind that will create quite stark changes.
Three guesses what a transgender person may be talking about there. :3

Oh, and it is indeed sometimes true that societal pressure is heavy on what traits to have and which to throw out. What is not true is that this is always the case and that taking medicine to change cannot be a good choice for a person. Sometimes, people don't like what they have, be that their physical abilities, mental skills, body structure or neurological matters. Fight the social torture, but don't take away forges for their ability to create torture devices. :smallsmile:

EDIT: Eep! Sorry, Succubus! Uhm, topic change... Ooh! I know! I drew this (http://keveak.deviantart.com/art/Phoenix-Style-Comparison-348517145) lately because Phee is adorable and might use some cheerful colours :smallsmile::
http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/014/1/0/phoenix____style_comparison_by_keveak-d5rhxjt.png

[Thajocoth]

I drew this (http://keveak.deviantart.com/art/Phoenix-Style-Comparison-348517145) lately because Phee is adorable and might use some cheerful colours :smallsmile::
http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/014/1/0/phoenix____style_comparison_by_keveak-d5rhxjt.png

That looks nice. Two very different styles. Both well done.

[noparlpf]

Whoa. Um. Stuff and stuff.

Anyway.
Nice drawings, Keveak.

[Lix Lorn]

I apologize if I'm being curt but I am quite angry and trying to stay within the bounds of polite conversation.
(hugs)


I suggest a non-medical change of topic before someone comes with in with chains and padlocks, and not the happy fun time sort.
So, about them happy fun times chains. They're fun. Also happy.

[Absol197]

I'm just not feeling good for some time now, and the last two days it was particularly bad. It's like life just got more difficult.
It drains my strength to try to protect/help my friend against the bullies in school. Another friend told me she is now going to see a psychiatrist because of depression, told me how she sits crying in her room every afternoon. I feel bad because I didn't notice anything and wasn't there for her when she needed me. Schools just annoying. Either the lessons are boring (like biology, because we hardly learn anything) or are spoiled by the terrible people in them (the same who bully my friend) (like English). I miss my sister, who lives about three hours away – I always feel better when she is here. I don't get along very well with my guest sister from China who will stay till July. My hobbies seem to have all lost their fun – the songs I invent myself for piano are all somehow dull, and I don't have the patience to learn new ones from the music sheets I have, writing seems just senseless and I only keep on writing because I made a "pact" with my sister ( I have to write everyday, no matter how little time I have after school, and she has to draw every day, no matter how little time she has after uni), I feel uninspired to draw, and I feel bad if I waste my time with games or reading when I could do something creative instead. I feel lonely. I'm always tired, because I need massive amounts of sleep, which I just can't get during schooltime. The more I have to do for school, the less able I feel to do anything – I don't work well under stress. Little things I usually don't care to much about can make me easily upset so I find myself crying from the tiniest things.
That are all not really big problems, but they all seem so overwhelming form time to time. :smallfrown:

:smallfrown: I'm so sorry you're not feeling well, Lucy. Please let me know if I can do anything to help!


Hi, everybody.
Just passing by to wish every one an happy new years.

Hi! A happy New Year to you, too!


EDIT: Eep! Sorry, Succubus! Uhm, topic change... Ooh! I know! I drew this (http://keveak.deviantart.com/art/Phoenix-Style-Comparison-348517145) lately because Phee is adorable and might use some cheerful colours :smallsmile::
http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/014/1/0/phoenix____style_comparison_by_keveak-d5rhxjt.png

:smallredface: Aaawww, Keveak! :smallredface:

Thank you very much!
(As an aside, I'm sorry I haven't been updating the Werewolf game recently; I'll try to get back to it today [which, as you know, likely means I won't get to it until tomorrow, but...)
~Phoenix~

[Triscuitable]

Not to sound rude, but please don't assume people have not gotten second opinions, that doctors are incompetent or that your expertise is good enough to declare that an individual with those disorders would be a wreck.

No, it's not, but it's not healthy to go around assuming you have all those conditions. I'm not saying having them will make him a mental wreck, I'm saying the idea of having been diagnosed with that many conditions (many of which are considered very bad) can be incredibly stressful, and lead to depression. The medications you can be prescribed can also do a lot of damage. I took meds for ADHD and Asperger's. Looking back on it, I never had ADHD; it was just diagnosed because the psychiatrist didn't know how to explain how a depressed 10-year-old was so extroverted. The meds tore me apart, and made me into a completely different person. When I didn't take them, I was much happier, if a bit more stressed out. When I took them, I felt like a genuinely broken person who needed a caplet to remain operational.


That is similar to saying that all people in the Autism Spectrum are incapable of a standard neurotypical-esque life because Autism can be like that or sounds like it could.

No, it's not. People on the spectrum will never see life through the eyes of a neurotypical person. No amount of therapy, counseling, or medications will ever change how we think. Our brains are hardwired to a different way of thinking and reasoning; if I were to see the world in any other way, the stress from the radical change in that would likely drive me to suicide. A lot of the time, change is just incredibly stressful, but something that drastic can put me into an extreme depression.


It is possible to have those disorders and be a wreck, but it may also be possible not to be one, just as it is with any other number of aversions from the neurotypical norm. :smallsmile:

As said before, it's the idea of having all those disorders that could drive a person to become depressed. I've heard it from the psychiatrist before: "you have Asperger's", or similar. To me, I had no concept of it. I just heard the word "syndrome" and thought "oh no, that sounds really bad". Then I heard that I'm being prescribed pills, and the stress begins to pile on. It's the idea that you could be broken that hurts, not what comes of it.


Anecdotes are not very good evidence. It is horrendously sad that your acquaintance (Or friend? Sorry, you did not specify and I don't want to assume. >_<) was driven to suicide, but that does not mean the drug is inherently more likely to cause that. Just like knowing one person who got better on their own after a horrific experience does not mean most people do. ;_;

I didn't know him as well as the rest of the school had, but there's something shocking about realizing that the nice guy with the guitar you knew isn't going to be playing anymore. He was schizophrenic, and took Ritalin to reduce its symptoms. As a result, he grew detached from the world, staring idly into space and not being able to focus on his guitar. When on Ritalin, anything he used to enjoy doing was completely alien to him. When he wasn't, he could play, but heard voices telling him malicious things.

My point is, the side-effects can do horrible things to you. He got desperate, and chose not to take Ritalin so he wouldn't be depressed. He continued to hear voices, and was apparently told to hang himself; his younger brother found his body over the Winter Break.

[Heliomance]

Mental meds are WAY overprescribed (by the many irresponsible psychiatrists out there). My feeling is that unless someone is an actual danger to themselves or others, their mind's delicate workings shouldn't be altered. If they're a danger to themselves, I put in an exception to that rule for those who are making an informed decision to self-terminate, but that's very rare. It's almost always entirely emotion driven.

At the same time, I'm not going to tell someone to stop taking what they're on. It's their choice, and the same argument can be made against stopping as I have against starting.

I will never take mental meds because then I wouldn't be me. So, someone already on something would cease to be the same person if they stopped taking what they're on as well. That is my view on it.


They take "you" out of who you are. Even if you didn't suffer the side-effects, in people on the Autism Spectrum or those with Schizophrenia or MPSD, Ritalin eats you from the inside out.

Bull. Absolute, total and utter tripe.

I've been on Ritalin since I was 9 years old. At the time, my teachers thought I was lazy and incompetent. The immediate change they saw in my application to the work impressed them hugely.

I've tried to come off it a few times, and I've discovered that it's not a good idea. Without it, I can't concentrate well enough to succeed in university. Without it, I can't hold down a job. Believe me, I've tried.

But it doesn't change who I am, not in the slightest. It improves my concentration and focus, makes me less prone to random daydreaming. I'm not a danger to myself or others without it, but without it I can't have a normal life. I would never describe it as "eating me from the inside out", I could never claim that it's having any adverse effect on who I am. The only negative thing I've ever experienced from it is its side effect as an appetite suppressant, and that's simple enough to work around.

So no, you're wrong. Both of you. Mental drugs are needed even in situations where the patient isn't dangerous, and Ritalin isn't evil. Ritalin is the thing that has allowed me to live the life I have - which I consider a successful life - and which will allow me, in the future, to hold down a successful career. And I will fight tooth and nail if anyone tries to take that away from me.

[Triscuitable]

Bull. Absolute, total and utter tripe.

Glad it worked for you, but it killed my friend and ruined my life for four years.

So thanks for calling it "bull", that makes me feel respected. Ritalin is a controversial drug that has debatable effectiveness. Whether it worked for you or not, it does a lot of harm, too. You said yourself, you're dependent on the drug. I'm not on it anymore because I grew dependent of it, and didn't want that to happen. Now, I function just fine. I was never in danger, I was just in a lot of emotional pain. Quite frankly, making a kid suffering from emotional pain not recognize his own emotions and needs through a pill is a bad idea.

Doesn't change the fact that it's got a record of being over-prescribed by psychiatrists. Out of greed? No. Out of confusion? Yes. It's hit-or-miss for a lot of people, but you just disrespected the life of a person who had dozens of friends cry when they heard about his death by calling it "bull".

[The Succubus]

Well, as far as examples of the positive effects of Ritalin go, Helio is a shining example.

All medications carry risks of course and sometimes they do react with tragic consequences. But the same can be said of driving a car, engaging in risky sports like snowboarding and even physical intimacy. Just because it can affect people in a negative way, it doesn't mean we should ban it completely. We just need to be mindful and alert. :smallsmile:

[Triscuitable]

Well, as far as examples of the positive effects of Ritalin go, Helio is a shining example.

All medications carry risks of course and sometimes they do react with tragic consequences. But the same can be said of driving a car, engaging in risky sports like snowboarding and even physical intimacy. Just because it can affect people in a negative way, it doesn't mean we should ban it completely. We just need to be mindful and alert. :smallsmile:

I never said we should ban it. Why do people keep inferring all this stuff from what I said? I never said psychiatrists were irresponsible, I never said people have to be in danger to need meds, and I definitely never said Ritalin should be banned!

[Lix Lorn]

Can we please get the arguments out of the support thread please.

[The Succubus]

Can we please get the arguments out of the support thread please.

Amen to this. We're supposed to be a support thread and it's a little tricky to do that when people are nibbling each other's heads off. :smallwink:

[Heliomance]

Glad it worked for you, but it killed my friend and ruined my life for four years.

So thanks for calling it "bull", that makes me feel respected. Ritalin is a controversial drug that has debatable effectiveness. Whether it worked for you or not, it does a lot of harm, too. You said yourself, you're dependent on the drug. I'm not on it anymore because I grew dependent of it, and didn't want that to happen. Now, I function just fine. I was never in danger, I was just in a lot of emotional pain. Quite frankly, making a kid suffering from emotional pain not recognize his own emotions and needs through a pill is a bad idea.

Doesn't change the fact that it's got a record of being over-prescribed by psychiatrists. Out of greed? No. Out of confusion? Yes. It's hit-or-miss for a lot of people, but you just disrespected the life of a person who had dozens of friends cry when they heard about his death by calling it "bull".

Saying I'm "dependent on it" makes it sound like it's an addiction. I need it because it alleviates symptoms that I need alleviating, not because I'm chemically dependent. And I remain sceptical about the claim that the Ritalin caused his death.


I never said we should ban it. Why do people keep inferring all this stuff from what I said? I never said psychiatrists were irresponsible, I never said people have to be in danger to need meds, and I definitely never said Ritalin should be banned!
You didn't say that, Thajocoth did. I quoted both of you.

But yes, this is an argument that probably shouldn't be being had here. I have more I could say on the matter, and I'd invite you to PM me, but I have a suspicion that could get very nasty very quickly, so it's probably best not to.

[Kindablue]

Check out this Kickstarter for a documentary about the life of James Randi. (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/220588101/an-honest-liar-the-amazing-randi-story)

Also. I don't follow award shows or entertainment news almost at all, but Jodie Foster is gay? In a weird way I feel kind of bad for Hinckley. Turns out he really never had a shot.

[Triscuitable]

But yes, this is an argument that probably shouldn't be being had here. I have more I could say on the matter, and I'd invite you to PM me, but I have a suspicion that could get very nasty very quickly, so it's probably best not to.

I just don't like people saying the cause of another person's death is "bull".

[Roland St. Jude]

Sheriff: All this medical advice and medication argument is off-topic and probably rule violating. Please take it elsewhere and let this thread get back to it's stated purpose.

[Kindablue]

I just don't like people saying the cause of another person's death is "bull".

Even doctors in Pamplona, around July?

[Absol197]

I agree with our good Sherriff, so getting us back on track:

Something that's been bugging me a lot recently: at the health club I go to, there's a sign outside the locker room: "No girls over 4 years old allowed". I know what they mean, but it makes me just a little sad every time I see it :smallfrown: .



~Phoenix~

[turkishproverb]

Check out this Kickstarter for a documentary about the life of James Randi. (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/220588101/an-honest-liar-the-amazing-randi-story)

Sounds fun.


Also. I don't follow award shows or entertainment news almost at all, but Jodie Foster is gay? In a weird way I feel kind of bad for Hinckley. Turns out he really never had a shot.

DARKEST SKETCH!
DARKEST SKETCH!
DARKEST SKETCH!
DARKEST SKETCH!

[Triscuitable]

Sheriff: All this medical advice and medication argument is off-topic and probably rule violating. Please take it elsewhere and let this thread get back to it's stated purpose.

Right, of course, apologies.


Even doctors in Pamplona, around July?

I don't think I got that joke.

[Thajocoth]

I don't think I got that joke.

My guess: The running of the bulls, where being impaled by a bull's horn is a real possibility. It's a slightly morbid pun.

Granted, I didn't look up where or what time of year the event takes place. It's just a guess from the context.

[Mynxae]

Oh dang. :smalleek: Sorry if I was the accidental cause for the whole thread-topic-change :smallfrown:

Thanks everyone for the hugs anyways...? :smallredface::smallsmile:

[SaintRidley]

What's all this about cuddles?

[monkyman640]

Speaking of which, would anyone be interested in making a Steam group for the folks in this thread? It'd be really cool if I could chat with some of you in real time and of course playing games together would also be rather delectable. ^_^

I'm just gonna bring this back....

[Lix Lorn]

What's all this about cuddles?
(Cuddles!) ^,,^

[Mynxae]

I'm just gonna bring this back....

I wouldn't mind this, to be honest. Steam group, awa-a-ay! :smalltongue:

[Chess435]

I'm just gonna bring this back....

I nominate Lix to start it.

[Lix Lorn]

I nominate someone who knows how. xD

[Astrella]

There is an existing gitp steam group (http://steamcommunity.com/groups/gitp) already though?

Edit; I could whip one up if you'd like...

[Chess435]

There is an existing gitp steam group (http://steamcommunity.com/groups/gitp) already though?

Edit; I could whip one up if you'd like...

Let us know when it's done! :smallbiggrin:

[Astrella]

Let us know when it's done! :smallbiggrin:

Kay, here (http://steamcommunity.com/groups/LGBTitP) you are.

[Arachu]

*Hugs Mynxae, Lucy and anyone else who wants/needs hugs*


On the subject of needles...if my surgery goes ahead I'm gonna be having 6 or so in my big toe >.<

D: *Hugs!*


:frown:
One of my next door neighbors is dead. She was on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon, she left the camp to go to the bathroom and disappeared. They think she fell in the river and drowned.

Her name was Katie; she was smart, and fun. She was in her freshman year in college; she was a swimmer and a wonderful fiddle player. She just became an aunt last year, when her oldest sister had a beautiful baby girl. My sister and her were good friends, and I knew her well, too...

And I feel like a monster because even though I knew her and her family well, I can't cry about her being gone.


~P~

*So many hugs* I have trouble crying, too. :<


Hi, everybody.
Just passing by to wish every one an happy new years.

Happy new year~ :smallbiggrin:


EDIT: Eep! Sorry, Succubus! Uhm, topic change... Ooh! I know! I drew this (http://keveak.deviantart.com/art/Phoenix-Style-Comparison-348517145) lately because Phee is adorable and might use some cheerful colours :smallsmile::
http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/014/1/0/phoenix____style_comparison_by_keveak-d5rhxjt.png

Those are pretty neat. @.@ :smallbiggrin:


~Bianca

[Absol197]

What are you guys making me join now? What is STEAM, and how does it work?


~Phoenix~

[noparlpf]

What are you guys making me join now? What is STEAM, and how does it work?


~Phoenix~

Don't do it it will suck away your money and time.

[Chess435]

Kay, here (http://steamcommunity.com/groups/LGBTitP) you are.

*giant hug*

[Mynxae]

*giant hug*

Now, to wait for people to come into le chat room... :smallamused:

EDIT: Monkeyman is making me blush! Gah! :smalleek:

[Asta Kask]

I think that in the spirit of the thread it should be a steamy group.

[The Succubus]

What are you guys making me join now? What is STEAM, and how does it work?

~Phoenix~

Steam is a gaseous substance formed from the evaporation of water. Essentially, we're forming an LGBTitP Sauna club. :smallwink:

[SiuiS]

I am still giggling at Kindablue. Isn't a conversation a sort of intercourse? Wouldn't that make talking to a doctor about hormones over the phone, into phone sex?


Steam is a gaseous substance formed from the evaporation of water. Essentially, we're forming an LGBTitP Sauna club. :smallwink:

Hot

[Lea Plath]

I think that in the spirit of the thread it should be a steamy group.

Oh my :smallredface: I hope you are only implying we will be using this steam to power our steam punk robots!


Steam is a gaseous substance formed from the evaporation of water. Essentially, we're forming an LGBTitP Sauna club. :smallwink:

Are we going for the full turkish baths? :P

[Asta Kask]

Oh my :smallredface: I hope you are only implying we will be using this steam to power our steam punk robots!

The first vibrating sex toys were steam-driven. Just puttin' out (in) there.

[The Succubus]

The first vibrating sex toys were steam-driven. Just puttin' out (in) there.

That...sounds quite unbelievably risky. Aside from the hazards of escaping scalding hot steam, a blockage and pressure build-up could result in a considerably bigger bang than the one you were expecting. :smalleek:

[Asta Kask]

This was 1869. People were tougher back then. :smalltongue:

[Mina Kobold]

:smallredface: Aaawww, Keveak! :smallredface:

Thank you very much!
(As an aside, I'm sorry I haven't been updating the Werewolf game recently; I'll try to get back to it today [which, as you know, likely means I won't get to it until tomorrow, but...)
~Phoenix~

You're much welcome! :smallsmile:

(Don't worry, life has been pretty hectic for you lately. Don't feel guilty if it takes some time to get back into things. ^_^)


Something that's been bugging me a lot recently: at the health club I go to, there's a sign outside the locker room: "No girls over 4 years old allowed". I know what they mean, but it makes me just a little sad every time I see it :smallfrown: .



~Phoenix~

Uhm... What do they mean? I don't get why girls above four years would not be allowed in the locker room. Unless it is an archaic, gendered locker room for AMAB people only. Is that it? ^_^'


Kay, here (http://steamcommunity.com/groups/LGBTitP) you are.

Ooh, that looks fun! ^_^

*Joins*


What are you guys making me join now? What is STEAM, and how does it work?


~Phoenix~

A platform created by Valve, which functions as both an online store for downloadable games and expansions, a way to play a game with people far away and as a community for gamers. Have been neglecting using it much myself, but it looks really interesting, particularly some of the stuff involving Indie producers a-

*Realises she is geeking out*

Uhm, I... Eep! >_<

*Hides under desk*

[pffh]

This was 1869. People were tougher back then. :smalltongue:

Back when women could get hysteria treatment from doctors. Said treatment was rubbing of the genitals with the steam vibrator.

[Mynxae]

4 people online on Steam and no-one in the chat but me. :smallfrown:

[Asta Kask]

Back when women could get hysteria treatment from doctors. Said treatment was rubbing of the genitals with the steam vibrator.

Oh, yes. And they would go into "hysterical convulsions" followed by an intense sense of pleasure. The sad thing is that very few of them recognized anything like that happening when they were with their husbands...

[Socratov]

So, ehm, is it ok for me to join the steamgroup?

Anyway, being ill during holidays is another classic for me :smallfrown:

[The Succubus]

4 people online on Steam and no-one in the chat but me. :smallfrown:

Another 4 hours before I get home, pony-features. :smallwink:

[Pyromancer999]

The title for the thread is spelled incorrectly. It's "Inquire", not "Enquire".

[Irish Musician]

but Jodie Foster is gay?
Yeah, I am pretty sure when she came out, everyone just kind of was like, "Uh huh....so what's our news?" :smallwink:

I think that in the spirit of the thread it should be a steamy group.
I think we already are a steamy group :smallbiggrin:

A platform created by Valve, which functions as both an online store for downloadable games and expansions, a way to play a game with people far away and as a community for gamers. Have been neglecting using it much myself, but it looks really interesting, particularly some of the stuff involving Indie producers a-

*Realises she is geeking out*

Uhm, I... Eep! >_<

*Hides under desk*
Oh no.....you don't get to hide yet......

*Pulls the little kobold out from under the desk*

Talk geeky to us :smallamused:

~Matthew~

[noparlpf]

The title for the thread is spelled incorrectly. It's "Inquire", not "Enquire".

Both are correct. "Enquire" is more common in British English, although "inquire" is becoming the preferred form in general.

[Irish Musician]

Both are correct. "Enquire" is more common in British English, although "inquire" is becoming the preferred form in general.
Yes, you can use either: "Either spelling can be used, but many people prefer enquire and enquiry for the general sense of “ask”, and inquire and inquiry for a formal investigation. In practice, enquire and enquiry are more common in British English, and inquire and inquiry are more common in US English, for both informal questions and formal investigations."

~Matthew~

[Castaras]

Inquire looks weird imo, Enquire looks shiny.

I like shiny words.

[Irish Musician]

For everyone:
http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/73360_498485963535498_2026295707_n.png

~Matthew~

[Lix Lorn]

Hot
It wouldn't be a very good sauna if it weren't :3

[Asta Kask]

*pokes Lix with a steam-driven vibrator*

[Lix Lorn]

Not in public, sweetie. :smallwink:

[Zorg]

So, Lixie, you want to be poked somewhere... private then?



For everyone:
http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/73360_498485963535498_2026295707_n.png


I wish I had someone who could do that for me.

[Astrella]

I wish I had someone who could do that for me.

Awww. :( *hugs Zorg silly*

[The Succubus]

I wish I had someone who could do that for me.

I know the feeling, hun. I really do. *hugs gently*

[Lix Lorn]

So, Lixie, you want to be poked somewhere... private then?
Always. :3


I wish I had someone who could do that for me.
You and me both.

[Zorg]

Thanks peoples :) and e-hugs a plenty back :)

Had a long crappy day at work (bout 14 hours) and got sad when I realised I had no one to come home too. And that due to working nights I barely have any actual verbal, non-work, conversations with anyone.
And the other day at electrolysis (about half way done!) the tech had to lean over me and rested her arm across my chest and it was kinda like a hug such was at the same time nice yet kinda depressing.

[KenderWizard]

Having a bad week. >,<


I'm just not feeling good for some time now, and the last two days it was particularly bad. It's like life just got more difficult.
It drains my strength to try to protect/help my friend against the bullies in school. Another friend told me she is now going to see a psychiatrist because of depression, told me how she sits crying in her room every afternoon. I feel bad because I didn't notice anything and wasn't there for her when she needed me. Schools just annoying. Either the lessons are boring (like biology, because we hardly learn anything) or are spoiled by the terrible people in them (the same who bully my friend) (like English). I miss my sister, who lives about three hours away – I always feel better when she is here. I don't get along very well with my guest sister from China who will stay till July. My hobbies seem to have all lost their fun – the songs I invent myself for piano are all somehow dull, and I don't have the patience to learn new ones from the music sheets I have, writing seems just senseless and I only keep on writing because I made a "pact" with my sister ( I have to write everyday, no matter how little time I have after school, and she has to draw every day, no matter how little time she has after uni), I feel uninspired to draw, and I feel bad if I waste my time with games or reading when I could do something creative instead. I feel lonely. I'm always tired, because I need massive amounts of sleep, which I just can't get during schooltime. The more I have to do for school, the less able I feel to do anything – I don't work well under stress. Little things I usually don't care to much about can make me easily upset so I find myself crying from the tiniest things.
That are all not really big problems, but they all seem so overwhelming form time to time. :smallfrown:


I completely understand, I've had those exact feelings, and especially the last couple of years of school (when I had a bit of a breakdown). It gets better, it really does. Find as much time for yourself as you can and let go of some things. That feeling of "I should be doing something useful/productive/creative" is so difficult and I get it a lot, but the truth is we can't be "on" all the time, we as humans (and non-human people, I think?) need downtime, and that's the way it is. That includes sleep and nothing-time and chewing-gum time like reading silly blogs or watching pointless TV or whatever you're into yourself.




Something that's been bugging me a lot recently: at the health club I go to, there's a sign outside the locker room: "No girls over 4 years old allowed". I know what they mean, but it makes me just a little sad every time I see it :smallfrown: .


:smallfrown: Well, I dunno what might help you, but I think you're living as a girl for less than 4 years? So if it was me, I'd be like "That 2 year old has been living as a girl for 2 years, and I've been living as a girl for 18 months! I can come in too!" and maybe by the time you hit living as a girl for four years, you'll be in the women's locker room. Or a different health club. Or something. .... Also, ((hugs!))


For everyone:
http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/73360_498485963535498_2026295707_n.png

~Matthew~

:smallsmile: Cute.

[Lycunadari]

You need to think more about yourself. You're the most important person in your life, and I think you should really embrace that. Friends are very important, but don't wear your fingers to the bone trying to help them. If they're really your friend then they will care about your well-being as well. And taking time to relax with reading and playing games is not wasted time - it is necessary time. Without some way to recharge you're going to hit the wall. And I don't want that.

I know that I myself am important, but I don't even do so much to help my friends (and I feel selfish every time I don't do something for them, like helping them with maths homework), it's more that I just worry all the time, how could help them with their bigger problems (like family problems, or depression, not small things like homework). And I can't just stop worrying – they are my friends!
And it's not like I do useful stuff all the time and don't relax, it's like I really waste all my time – I hardly do anything for school, I don't do the things I actually want to do (all the creative things), I'm just procrastinating all the time. I know that I should do stuff for school, but I don't want to, but I would feel bad if I did, say, play games instead, so I end up doing nothing. I know that relaxing isn't wasting time, but I feel like what I do isn't even relaxing. *sigh*


There is very much something to this. If you can't take care of yourself (not saying you can't at all), then how do people expect you to take care of them. Make sure you are taking time for yourself and making sure that you are still (semi)sane, and then you can help friends and take care of them. And like Asta said, "doing-nothing" time is never time wasted, esp if it helps you calm down and take a moment to get your head together (I do it all the time!!) So don't worry, I am sure your friend wouldn't want you making yourself stressed out to try and get her back to normal. As long as she knows you are there to help and listen to her, she will ask if she needs to; which she proved by opening up about crying and needing to talk to someone. So don't feel bad, dear. *MOAR HUGZ!!!*

~Matthew~
*hugs*
I'm not even sure my friends know that I'm there for them all the time. Like I wrote above, I don't actually do too much besides worrying, nothing visible. And they probably also don't know how bad I'm feeling. I don't want to burden them with my problems when they are facing much bigger issues themselves. Also, I'm not really close to most of them. I hardly do anything with them outside of school. The only exception is the friend who told me about having depression. She lives only two houses away and we go to the bus stop together everyday. And while we don't do anything else (our different school/work schedules don't leave us much time, and we have sorta lived ourselves apart over the years, so we probably wouldn't even know what to do together (though that slowly seems to change back!)), I still consider her my closest friend and the friend I trust the most. But I don't know if that is just nostalgia and missing the old times when we were still children running around in the forest and I'm actually not much more than an acquaintance to her. :smallfrown:

:smallfrown: I'm so sorry you're not feeling well, Lucy. Please let me know if I can do anything to help!

~Phoenix~

Just knowing that you are out there caring about me makes me feel better. :smallsmile: *hugs*


*Hugs Mynxae, Lucy and anyone else who wants/needs hugs*

~Bianca
*hugs back*


For everyone:
http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/73360_498485963535498_2026295707_n.png

~Matthew~
Aw, that's cute. :smallsmile:



I wish I had someone who could do that for me.
*hugs!*

[Mina Kobold]

Thanks peoples :) and e-hugs a plenty back :)

Had a long crappy day at work (bout 14 hours) and got sad when I realised I had no one to come home too. And that due to working nights I barely have any actual verbal, non-work, conversations with anyone.
And the other day at electrolysis (about half way done!) the tech had to lean over me and rested her arm across my chest and it was kinda like a hug such was at the same time nice yet kinda depressing.

I really wish I could hug you, but you are so far away and my arms are tiny Kobold arms! >_<

I am, however, quite sure that you will find someone to get home to someday, you are an amazing and wonderful person. It may seem unimaginable now, but you have succeeded before and there is no way the myriad people you will meet and interact with will have no people among them that will end up as your friends. :smallsmile:

I, on the other hand, might need to do something about that "doing something remotely social-ish" thing. Last verbal conversation that was not in school or with family was years ago. I might become a hermit Kobold by this rate. ^_^'


I know that I myself am important, but I don't even do so much to help my friends (and I feel selfish every time I don't do something for them, like helping them with maths homework), it's more that I just worry all the time, how could help them with their bigger problems (like family problems, or depression, not small things like homework). And I can't just stop worrying – they are my friends!
And it's not like I do useful stuff all the time and don't relax, it's like I really waste all my time – I hardly do anything for school, I don't do the things I actually want to do (all the creative things), I'm just procrastinating all the time. I know that I should do stuff for school, but I don't want to, but I would feel bad if I did, say, play games instead, so I end up doing nothing. I know that relaxing isn't wasting time, but I feel like what I do isn't even relaxing. *sigh*

*Hugs*

The feeling of wasting your time and getting neither work nor wishes done is really terrible and stressful to have. Though I am struggling with that too, may I suggest trying to see if you could find a way to structure when you do what or change the way you do homework? Deciding that you will do X amount of work in a day can feel a bit like you are wasting the rest, but it at least helps me use that time for something other than procrastinating. Or perhaps you could make a deal with one of your friends that you will help each other with homework? Would either of those help? ^_^'


I'm not even sure my friends know that I'm there for them all the time. Like I wrote above, I don't actually do too much besides worrying, nothing visible. And they probably also don't know how bad I'm feeling. I don't want to burden them with my problems when they are facing much bigger issues themselves. Also, I'm not really close to most of them. I hardly do anything with them outside of school. The only exception is the friend who told me about having depression. She lives only two houses away and we go to the bus stop together everyday. And while we don't do anything else (our different school/work schedules don't leave us much time, and we have sorta lived ourselves apart over the years, so we probably wouldn't even know what to do together (though that slowly seems to change back!)), I still consider her my closest friend and the friend I trust the most. But I don't know if that is just nostalgia and missing the old times when we were still children running around in the forest and I'm actually not much more than an acquaintance to her. :smallfrown:

They may notice more than you know, friends can be surprisingly attentive. Perhaps many of them are feeling the same way about you, but don't want to be a burden by talking about how worried they are.

It may be fairly cliché, but you could try deciding that tomorrow (Or a particular day where you are spending time with a friend) that you will do a small extra nice thing. Nothing big, just taking five minutes to help with a Mathematics problem, bringing along a snack or just giving them a hug. I don't know your friends, but just doing that may help a lot and brighten their day. As you said, you are already slowly changing back to doing more with your closest friend, so just keep on doing little and slow things, and it may soon be much less of a hidden worry. :smallsmile:

And I am sure your closest friend does not just think of you as an acquaintance! If you remember the past that fondly, then why would she suddenly not? If nothing else, you share that old friendship, which is nothing small. ^_^

[Irish Musician]

So, Lixie, you want to be poked somewhere... private then?
Ohhhh Myyyyy......:smallamused::smallwink:

I wish I had someone who could do that for me.
*HHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGZZZZZZZZZ*

I'm not even sure my friends know that I'm there for them all the time. Like I wrote above, I don't actually do too much besides worrying, nothing visible. And they probably also don't know how bad I'm feeling. I don't want to burden them with my problems when they are facing much bigger issues themselves. Also, I'm not really close to most of them. I hardly do anything with them outside of school. The only exception is the friend who told me about having depression. She lives only two houses away and we go to the bus stop together everyday. And while we don't do anything else (our different school/work schedules don't leave us much time, and we have sorta lived ourselves apart over the years, so we probably wouldn't even know what to do together (though that slowly seems to change back!)), I still consider her my closest friend and the friend I trust the most. But I don't know if that is just nostalgia and missing the old times when we were still children running around in the forest and I'm actually not much more than an acquaintance to her. :smallfrown:
Sometimes friends will be in your life for a small amount of time, and some will be in your life for a long amount of time. But whatever the case may be, they will always be your friend (unless of course, heaven forbid, something bad should happen). Even now, I see friends from years ago from time to time and we get together and laugh and carry on like we used to. I don't see them much, but that doesn't mean I don't care about them. It just means that we went in different directions and that is ok. So just talk with who you feel comfortable with and trust, and from time to time just let them know that you are here if you need them, doesn't have to be a big thing, just a little sentence here and there. And as always, my PM box is open if you need it :smallsmile:

[noparlpf]

Having a bad week. >,<

Sorry to hear that. Anything in particular?


I completely understand, I've had those exact feelings, and especially the last couple of years of school (when I had a bit of a breakdown). It gets better, it really does. Find as much time for yourself as you can and let go of some things. That feeling of "I should be doing something useful/productive/creative" is so difficult and I get it a lot, but the truth is we can't be "on" all the time, we as humans (and non-human people, I think?) need downtime, and that's the way it is. That includes sleep and nothing-time and chewing-gum time like reading silly blogs or watching pointless TV or whatever you're into yourself.

What you need to do is cultivate this sense of "well screw it" that I've developed so you can goof off and never worry about important things. Although you need to balance actually getting enough of the important things done to make it work, and that's what's difficult to do without trying.


I'm just not feeling good for some time now, and the last two days it was particularly bad. It's like life just got more difficult.
It drains my strength to try to protect/help my friend against the bullies in school. Another friend told me she is now going to see a psychiatrist because of depression, told me how she sits crying in her room every afternoon. I feel bad because I didn't notice anything and wasn't there for her when she needed me. Schools just annoying. Either the lessons are boring (like biology, because we hardly learn anything) or are spoiled by the terrible people in them (the same who bully my friend) (like English). I miss my sister, who lives about three hours away – I always feel better when she is here. I don't get along very well with my guest sister from China who will stay till July. My hobbies seem to have all lost their fun – the songs I invent myself for piano are all somehow dull, and I don't have the patience to learn new ones from the music sheets I have, writing seems just senseless and I only keep on writing because I made a "pact" with my sister ( I have to write everyday, no matter how little time I have after school, and she has to draw every day, no matter how little time she has after uni), I feel uninspired to draw, and I feel bad if I waste my time with games or reading when I could do something creative instead. I feel lonely. I'm always tired, because I need massive amounts of sleep, which I just can't get during schooltime. The more I have to do for school, the less able I feel to do anything – I don't work well under stress. Little things I usually don't care to much about can make me easily upset so I find myself crying from the tiniest things.
That are all not really big problems, but they all seem so overwhelming form time to time. :smallfrown:

That stinks. Biology is the best (if you get a good prof., and most Bio professors I've had were excellent).
And I've been there too, with the rest of that, mostly. It can be tough to get out of a funk like that. I'd suggest making time to get to bed earlier, if you can, and maybe scheduling your time so you can see that you do have enough time to do homework, and read, play games, play piano, or write, and sleep ten hours.


I know that I myself am important, but I don't even do so much to help my friends (and I feel selfish every time I don't do something for them, like helping them with maths homework), it's more that I just worry all the time, how could help them with their bigger problems (like family problems, or depression, not small things like homework). And I can't just stop worrying – they are my friends!
And it's not like I do useful stuff all the time and don't relax, it's like I really waste all my time – I hardly do anything for school, I don't do the things I actually want to do (all the creative things), I'm just procrastinating all the time. I know that I should do stuff for school, but I don't want to, but I would feel bad if I did, say, play games instead, so I end up doing nothing. I know that relaxing isn't wasting time, but I feel like what I do isn't even relaxing. *sigh*

*hugs*
I'm not even sure my friends know that I'm there for them all the time. Like I wrote above, I don't actually do too much besides worrying, nothing visible. And they probably also don't know how bad I'm feeling. I don't want to burden them with my problems when they are facing much bigger issues themselves. Also, I'm not really close to most of them. I hardly do anything with them outside of school. The only exception is the friend who told me about having depression. She lives only two houses away and we go to the bus stop together everyday. And while we don't do anything else (our different school/work schedules don't leave us much time, and we have sorta lived ourselves apart over the years, so we probably wouldn't even know what to do together (though that slowly seems to change back!)), I still consider her my closest friend and the friend I trust the most. But I don't know if that is just nostalgia and missing the old times when we were still children running around in the forest and I'm actually not much more than an acquaintance to her. :smallfrown:

Wow, you sound just like one of my friends. And what I always tell her is, chill, I'm sure your friends know you care, but you have to take care of yourself first and even if it hurts you can't always help your friends the way you might want to. For example, a friend of hers was depressed because she had a crush on a straight friend. All you can really do there is tell them that you're there for them and offer hugs or tea or something.
And if you're worried that they don't know, then you should try to make an effort to talk to them more or hang out more, and let them know that you care.

[Chess435]

Glad to see the Steam group is picking up. Just wish people were in the chat room more often. :smallsmile:

[KenderWizard]

Sorry to hear that. Anything in particular?


No, more like lots of little frustrations and moments of self-hatred and not enough sleep. I am counting the days until March when I can get back to therapy and yoga!

[Triscuitable]

Put the Steam group in the OP. It'll get more members fast. Make it invite only to deter trolls.

[noparlpf]

No, more like lots of little frustrations and moments of self-hatred and not enough sleep. I am counting the days until March when I can get back to therapy and yoga!

Oh, one of those. :smallfrown: Sounds kind of like my week. Hope you feel better soon. Any way of getting back into therapy or yoga before March?

[Kindablue]

What you need to do is cultivate this sense of "well screw it" that I've developed so you can goof off and never worry about important things. Although you need to balance actually getting enough of the important things done to make it work, and that's what's difficult to do without trying.

"How to Procrastinate and Still Get Things Done" by John Perry: (http://chronicle.com/article/How-to-ProcrastinateStill/93959)


To make structured procrastination work for you, begin by establishing a hierarchy of the tasks you have to do, in order of importance from the most urgent to the least important. Even though the most-important tasks are on top, you have worthwhile tasks to perform lower on the list. Doing those tasks becomes a way of not doing the things higher on the list. With this sort of appropriate task structure, you can become a useful citizen. Indeed, the procrastinator can even acquire, as I have, a reputation for getting a lot done.

[noparlpf]

"How to Procrastinate and Still Get Things Done" by John Perry: (http://chronicle.com/article/How-to-ProcrastinateStill/93959)

Hm, interesting. That might be a good idea to try some day.