brakisaurus
2013-01-17, 03:17 PM
You are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of the hated man-town called Sandpoint. Once, other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn’t bring enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result.
Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos—writing things down. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of your tribe! There’s no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no choice. You branded the goblin’s face with letters to punish him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and then you ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned down his hut.
That’s where things got interesting, because before you all burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks—fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from Scribbleface’s poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting, all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House. Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he’s got an important mission for you all... one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn’t pull off. This could be your chance to go down in Licktoad history!
Slorb, advisor to His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad, has rounded you all up and herded you to the chief's Moot House at the center of the village. As you duck under the grimy hides that server as a door, your jaws drop in awe. There is so much GREAT STUFF in here! Chief Gutwad is truly glorious. Stolen swords, stolen fences, pickled dog feet, pickled horse feet...it's like a museum of pure amazing.
Slorb leads you further back into the hut. Perched atop the great Teetering Chair, surveying his domain from 6 feet in the air, is Chief Gutwad. Gutwad is, for lack of a better word, fat.
"Down! Down, sit in dirt! Great honor to sit in dirt in front of His Mighty Girthness!!" squeals Slorb in a high, nasally voice.
Before any of you can move, though, Chief Gutwad addresses you directly in a deep, booming voice:
“You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me...and maybe but for Slorb. But still almost best!
That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission.
“You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there! I want them for Licktoads.
You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks.
If you meet men: you make them dead.
If you meet dogs, you make them dead.
If you meet horses, you make. them. dead.
If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run though.
And if you not find fireworks, you not comeback or we feed you to Squealy Nord!”
Slorb shrieks in fright at this last threat, then quickly ushers you out.
"Out! Out! Get out now and get ready for feast tonight!" Slorb hands you the map to the fireworks cache.
Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos—writing things down. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of your tribe! There’s no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no choice. You branded the goblin’s face with letters to punish him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and then you ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned down his hut.
That’s where things got interesting, because before you all burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks—fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from Scribbleface’s poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting, all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House. Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he’s got an important mission for you all... one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn’t pull off. This could be your chance to go down in Licktoad history!
Slorb, advisor to His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad, has rounded you all up and herded you to the chief's Moot House at the center of the village. As you duck under the grimy hides that server as a door, your jaws drop in awe. There is so much GREAT STUFF in here! Chief Gutwad is truly glorious. Stolen swords, stolen fences, pickled dog feet, pickled horse feet...it's like a museum of pure amazing.
Slorb leads you further back into the hut. Perched atop the great Teetering Chair, surveying his domain from 6 feet in the air, is Chief Gutwad. Gutwad is, for lack of a better word, fat.
"Down! Down, sit in dirt! Great honor to sit in dirt in front of His Mighty Girthness!!" squeals Slorb in a high, nasally voice.
Before any of you can move, though, Chief Gutwad addresses you directly in a deep, booming voice:
“You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me...and maybe but for Slorb. But still almost best!
That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission.
“You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there! I want them for Licktoads.
You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks.
If you meet men: you make them dead.
If you meet dogs, you make them dead.
If you meet horses, you make. them. dead.
If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run though.
And if you not find fireworks, you not comeback or we feed you to Squealy Nord!”
Slorb shrieks in fright at this last threat, then quickly ushers you out.
"Out! Out! Get out now and get ready for feast tonight!" Slorb hands you the map to the fireworks cache.