<-- Newbie DM. Please help.

[Hadesman]

So I just recently became a dm, and first question I got was, "Can my character have a dil do as a weapon?" I was both of kind of shocked and amused. If I did allow this weapon, how much damage would it have? Should it have special qualities to it and should be considered an exotic weapon? Please be kind of serious. His character is a half-orc rogue who has multiple personality disorder (a headache. Yeah..). :smalleek:

[Flickerdart]

Improvised club (1d6 damage, x2 critical, one-handed simple weapon, -4 penalty to-hit for improvised). Probably non-lethal damage.

[scarmiglionne4]

So I just recently became a dm, and first question I got was, "Can my character have a dil do as a weapon?" I was both of kind of shocked and amused. If I did allow this weapon, how much damage would it have? Should it have special qualities to it and should be considered an exotic weapon? Please be kind of serious. His character is a half-orc rogue who has multiple personality disorder (a headache. Yeah..). :smalleek:

By all accounts it would just function like a sap. I would not allow it unless he can both come up with a reason why he would do that, and how he became privy to the knowledge that such an item exists, and where to get one. Even then it is going to make your game that much more difficult to take seriously.

It is as if the game is already a joke to this person. If you are running a comedic game, go for it. If you are not your game will never be taken seriously by this group of players as long as Choda Boy is running around bonking people on the head with a fake penis.

[Crustypeanut]

Heh sounds as nutty as my players.. they're planning on using the Masterwork Transformation spell to turn all of their weapons into them. The oddest of the group will be a large double barreled pistol in the shape of one.. >.>

Players sometimes, eh? They so crazy. Granted, if my players plan on actually going through with this insanity, I'm allowing it, as our group is nuts anyways, what with the Pegleg'd Dwarf Witch who punches people with his beard, among other things.

[Alefiend]

It would have to absolutely massive to do even 1d4. We're talking John Holmes/Ron Jeremy filled with lead. And you should expect this game to quickly spiral out of control.

[demigodus]

I would call it either a small (1d4) or tiny (1d3) sized club if they were regular sized. Now if you just want a large object of that shape that can't be used for the purposes usually attributed to such an object because it is too big, you essentially get a weirdly shaped club.

[Crustypeanut]

What if.. its intended purpose was for an ogre or giant? :smalleek:

[jaynus006]

You know the best option is to just not allow it. Unless your fine with your early DM days filled with "Get drunk and rape the princess" adventures.

[Crustypeanut]

You know the best option is to just not allow it. Unless your fine with your early DM days filled with "Get drunk and rape the princess" adventures.

Sounds like an Evil Dragon would need to save the princess from the drunken adventurers, causing the group of adventurers to go on a quest to save the princess from a dragon.. after which another dragon would come along..

ENDLESS QUEST LOOP!

[Daftendirekt]

Yeah... why does this thread exist? Why does your player want to wield a dildo as a weapon? Why did you even allow him in your group after realizing he was serious? Why are you now considering his request and how to stat it out? Why are people giving serious answers?

So many questions that deserve answers.

[Gavinfoxx]

Remove that person from your game, don't let him play... he intends to be disruptive.

[TypoNinja]

What if.. its intended purpose was for an ogre or giant? :smalleek:

And that's when the shark flew overhead Your Honor.

Seriously, unless you really want a completely ridiculous game, tell him no. This isn't one of those things you really need a good reason for if you feel like its gone too far. You can just say no because 'sanity'.

[JeminiZero]

Why does your player want to wield a dildo as a weapon?

My first guess would have something to do with Saints Row the Third (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bL1u0O-x_w4) (around the 0:32 mark).

[Malimar]

Fun fact: dildos date back to the ancient Greeks of at least the 5th century BC. Originally, they were made of bread or leather.

You could say "sure, you can have a dildo, but hard plastic ones haven't been invented yet, a glass one will break the first time you hit somebody with it, and nobody makes them out of metal or wood. It's bread or leather." Leather would probably be an improvised sap; bread would probably be an improvised club that breaks the first time you use it in combat.

[Flickerdart]

...bread?

Also, it seems like a length of broken glass would be a more effective weapon than if it were intact.

[Santra]

Fun fact: dildos date back to the ancient Greeks of at least the 5th century BC. Originally, they were made of bread or leather.

You could say "sure, you can have a dildo, but hard plastic ones haven't been invented yet, a glass one will break the first time you hit somebody with it, and nobody makes them out of metal or wood. It's bread or leather." Leather would probably be an improvised sap; bread would probably be an improvised club that breaks the first time you use it in combat.

Well yes but medieval dildos were made of wood, clay, or stone and since D&D is primarily a medieval time period reference...

[GoblinGilmartin]

Don't let him have it. Tone is important.

[Malimar]

Well yes but medieval dildos were made of wood, clay, or stone and since D&D is primarily a medieval time period reference...

It's the DM's world, the DM gets to decide what the world does or does not contain; if he chooses to limit the kinds of dildos people use beyond the limitations of the assumed time period, that's entirely his prerogative.

EDIT: That was the weirdest sentence I've typed in days.

[Gavinfoxx]

Well yes but medieval dildos were made of wood, clay, or stone and since D&D is primarily a medieval time period reference...

Plate Armor? Two-Handed Swords? Rapiers? It's Renaissance.

[Hadesman]

Thanks guys. I've made a decision after reading your posts.

[herrhauptmann]

Thanks guys. I've made a decision after reading your posts.
And?

If you say 'yes,' I recommend picking up the book of erotic fantasy. Your player will love you. The rest of the players might quit the game in disgust if that's not what they wanted in a game.

[Sacrieur]

No no, let him use it.

And if it's not hidden have it take a penalty to his diplomacy score. People in towns may think that kind of thing is obscene, and some guards may actually take issue with it startling townsfolk.