You are a Monster

[MukkTB]

You live in a world with at least one active adventuring party nearby. The DM plays fair mostly and only lets the party encounter CR appropriate encounters. (He will let the lvl 1 party transverse the dragon's lair and find the CR 10 dragon if they choose to look specifically for things of higher CR) So you don't have much of a chance of eating a low level party unless they specifically went looking for you. But you worry that any day now the adventurers are going to kick down your door and stick a sword through your guts for the XP.

What do you do?

[Darius Kane]

Become an adventurer myself.

[Kornaki]

Be a lone kobold. Then I'm not CR appropriate for any party

[galan]

Be a lone kobold. Then I'm not CR appropriate for any party

..but you are still a lone kobold.

i will spam traps nearby, to rise my CR so the party won't come to my lair soon. then ill just help any other monster in town to do the same- not only all the beholders will be on my side for this (alliance with beholder? higher CR), the party won't be able to attack anyone if they're not looking for him. so keep a low profile, untill the party get bored and go to someplace else.

[Morghen]

It depends what I am:

If I'm intelligent, I observe the party.

If they're amoral, I offer my services.
If they're evil, I offer to help but tip off other monsters and offer to split the loots.
If they're good, I offer my services to the scariest critter in the neighborhood. Once the adventurers are of a level to challenge my boss, I sell him out to the adventurers. Then I play up how I realized the evil of my ways. Maybe they'll let me help guard their stronghold or something.

If I'm not intelligent, I do my "dumb monster" routine until adventurers show up and kill me.

[rot42]

Level appropriate encounters are massively stacked against team monster, so they should be avoided at almost any cost. Running away is good (flying and burrowing are good, Shadow Jaunt and Plane Shift are better). Think Rincewind.

Team up with something with lots of fiddly rules that is just a pain to run.

Join a Mob: the encounter-ending condition is "mob disperses" rather than "I die".

Join a horde: anything I would expect to have encounter me normally will tend to miss the horde due to the deflective effects of high CR, while most anything level appropriate will either be willing to settle for dispersing the horde or simply have better things to do.

[Gotterdammerung]

I would hire the PC's. Keep em busy with trumped up quests.

[Ghen]

Recognize that the party gets XP awards for defeating me, which isn't necessarily killing me.

[Pandoras Folly]

I would hire the PC's. Keep em busy with trumped up quests.



You win a cookie. Thats awesome.

[thompur]

"Ooooh! I'm a Monster! RRaarrgh! And I have a lair!"

Cookie for those who get the reference. :smallwink:

[Darius Kane]

Gnome (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UqFPujRZWo). And the sequel, Gnome Barbarian (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KqjOGdOMtA).

[TheWombatOfDoom]

"Ooooh! I'm a Monster! RRaarrgh! And I have a lair!"

Cookie for those who get the reference. :smallwink:

Cartoon parody of the Mac vrs PC with D & D 4.0, Monsters vrs PC. :smallsmile:

[Ksheep]

Build defensively, have many escape routes, and use hit-and-run tactics if I get into a fight. Try to split the party up and take out spellcasters and ranged people first. If need be, snatch said spellcaster and run/fly/burrow away with him so I can focus on getting rid of that threat first.

[Darius Kane]

Alternatively I would be an underCRed monster like a Dragon or a casting monster like a Planetar.

[lunar2]

have full cleric or wizard casting equal to my CR. laugh at the party that actually tries to kill my uber-paranoid self.

[Darius Kane]

Casting equal to your CR? Pfff. How about higher?

[Karoht]

Hire Tuckers Kobolds.
Hire the party and walk them right into a trap involving Tuckers Kobolds.
If that doesn't work, Hire Tucker's Orcs.

[Randomguy]

Step 1: Be a mirror mephit.
Step 2: Simulacron army of Clockwork Horrors
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit!

[The Glyphstone]

Invest my treasure in the market and/or real estate. Leave my front door unlocked, so when adventurers kick it in it's undamaged. Explain to them that if they kill me, they might get some XP, but the immense wealth I've developed via savvy investment dividends will be forever lost - but if they sign on to my budding economic partnership as investors and shareholders, they'll have a risk-free and steady supplementary income source.

[lunar2]

Casting equal to your CR? Pfff. How about higher?

what monsters have higher?

[Deodarthethird]

Invest my treasure in the market and/or real estate. Leave my front door unlocked, so when adventurers kick it in it's undamaged. Explain to them that if they kill me, they might get some XP, but the immense wealth I've developed via savvy investment dividends will be forever lost - but if they sign on to my budding economic partnership as investors and shareholders, they'll have a risk-free and steady supplementary income source.

then ask them to apologise for scuffing your door and get them to repaint it.

[Darius Kane]

what monsters have higher?
Planetar in Core. I'm sure there are others, for example in the poorly made MM2.

[Ellrin]

I would be a lone, level one kobold.

Then I would become pun-pun.

[awa]

what monsters have higher?

elemental wierd mm2 18th level sorc casting + some cleric spells if i remember right. less then cr 18 (12 it think)

+ untyped regeneration and a number of other extremely powerful abilities like free action divination at will.

not to mention the creature was intended to be used as the magic seer in the mountains not a boss monster so even if there was a party strong enough to beat you they would get more benefit from the free divination.

[Hand_of_Vecna]

Option 1: A variant on a theme several people have posted in. Endeavor to be a Interesting Non-Combat or Combat light encounter that shouldn't have to end in my death to be interesting. Furthermore, I'll try to learn some information that could be useful to the PC's so they might take the information as the reward for defeating me rather than taking my stuff.

Option 2:

Step 1: Be a far stronger melee threat than the strongest melee PC, Easily achievable with monstous CR+class levels vs an ECL character.

Step 2: Spend all my loot on consumables (because for some reason, massively increasing your power level through consumables doesn't effect CR and its fine to steal all the loot the PCs "deserve" for an encounter off camera with no real chance of the stopping it) and alarm traps that do no damage and are low enough CR to not be worth xp.

Step 3: Leave notes in common further from my lair than the alarm traps explaining the this situation.

[Ksheep]

Be a mutant 4-armed gargoyle…

[nedz]

I'd be aquatic:

Be a Crab — yes, that one.
Or an Aboleth called Steve.

[Karoht]

Steve the Aboleth took levels in Bard hey?
I hear tell that he's forming a band behind the scenes.
I would be a Beholder.
Who plays an electronic keyboard, and does special effects/lighting with my eye beams.


========
Serious suggestion.

K, I'm a monster. If I have sufficient wealth, I pay for two things.
A casting of Stone Shape on a sufficiently sized block of stone.
A casting of Stone to Flesh.

The Stone Shape + sufficient skill check makes a statue in my likeness.
Stone to Flesh turns that statue into a me shaped flesh bag.
Dress it, leave some gold and maybe some loot.
Wait for adventurers to enter my cave, literally throw it at the big beefy adventurer with a huge weapon. The party 'slays me' and loots the corpse. They leave.


Or there is always the Flesh to Stone hibernation method.
Caster casts Flesh to Stone on me, with a contingent spell to cast Stone to Flesh within about a year or so. Statue of me is then thrown into a nearby lake, in a section that is deep enough to discourage the adventurers but shallow enough that I can swim back out once I reanimate.

[Ksheep]

Steve the Aboleth took levels in Bard hey?
I hear tell that he's forming a band behind the scenes.
I would be a Beholder.
Who plays an electronic keyboard, and does special effects/lighting with my eye beams.


========
Serious suggestion.

K, I'm a monster. If I have sufficient wealth, I pay for two things.
A casting of Stone Shape on a sufficiently sized block of stone.
A casting of Stone to Flesh.

The Stone Shape + sufficient skill check makes a statue in my likeness.
Stone to Flesh turns that statue into a me shaped flesh bag.
Dress it, leave some gold and maybe some loot.
Wait for adventurers to enter my cave, literally throw it at the big beefy adventurer with a huge weapon. The party 'slays me' and loots the corpse. They leave.


Or there is always the Flesh to Stone hibernation method.
Caster casts Flesh to Stone on me, with a contingent spell to cast Stone to Flesh within about a year or so. Statue of me is then thrown into a nearby lake, in a section that is deep enough to discourage the adventurers but shallow enough that I can swim back out once I reanimate.

Better yet, have multiple statues of yourself lining the entrance to your lair, have one of them Stone-to-Fleshed, and turn yourself to stone (standing in the line of other statues) with the contingency that 24 hours after the decoy gets "killed", you become flesh again. Dispose of the corpse, rinse, and repeat

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Better yet, have multiple statues of yourself lining the entrance to your lair, have one of them Stone-to-Fleshed, and turn yourself to stone (standing in the line of other statues) with the contingency that 24 hours after the decoy gets "killed", you become flesh again. Dispose of the corpse, rinse, and repeat

An interesting idea. However:

Lance: Hey Bill! Remember that monster the townspeople mentioned? I think I just killed it.
Bill: What? How? Wasn't it supposed to be a really hard fight?
Lance: I dunno. I just stabbed it till it was in a lot of pieces and it seemed to work.
Bill: That can't be right...we were about to level...I don't feel stronger.
Lance: Maybe its a gargoyle and its one of these other statues?
Bill: Good idea. Lets smash them all.
*smash* Nope. *smash* Nope. *smash* DING!
Bill: I KNEW IT! HA!

[Pink]

Step one: Max out bluff
Step two: Convince the party you are the cursed heir of such and such kingdom. Only by someone killing the one who cursed you (whatever high powered dragon is nearby) can you regain you form and kingdom.
Step three: offer reward when you regain kingdom
Step four: sit back and let dragon have lunch.

[Last Laugh]

I like the idea of a mid CR monster (like 8?) that is capable of defeating melee characters, and spending time, doing divination on the the pcs, and generally increasing knowledge of the party.

Then you need to find a dungeon, and really filll it with obstacles that you need magic to pass by. Sheer cliff faces with a level 1 goblin on top ready to cut/sledgehammer/burn grappling hooks/ropes/chains, so they have to fly, cramped conditions prevent most non-magical flight, long submerged sections to force water breathing magic, the dungeon has a group of 20 shadows who patrol, and only attack sleeping partys (rest to prepare spells? take a CDG from a shadow instead)

Hopefully you can drain their mages by the end of the dungeon, if the party is scared out of the dungeon simply relocate and begin again. If they reach you with crappy/no magic you might actually have a chance.

[Azoth]

I'd take a hollowed out cave structure, spend time remodeling it into a maze style death trap, and then populate it with a metric ton of low CR critters that attack at all times of day. I would arm the smarter ones with cheap alchemical items to make life annoying for enemies.

Then I would spend a good chunk of my remaining wealth to broadcast a Champion of Champions tournament. Where there can be only one winner, you can enter the cave anytime, leaving auto disqualifies you...but the reward for reaching the end is massive.

Finally, I'd sit back and watch from an off shoot room hidden behind several stone walls as the hero teams killed eachother. Should one team reach the end...I'd watch them kill eachother as a magic mouth announced in a booming voice, "There can be ONLY ONE!"

[Slipperychicken]

A. Flee the detailed areas of the campaign world. Carve out a new life on some haphazardly-drawn peninsula far from any named location on the map. Ideally far from roads and shortcuts too.

B. If I can pull it off and am intelligent, make my way in the Big City. No one kills wandering intelligent monsters there. Especially if they're dressed in commuter clothes, and have legitimate jobs. Glasses help the look. This will be easier if I'm vaguely humanoid shaped, but still possible otherwise. I keep my distance from gangs, religion, bars, and evil organizations.

C. Be a very low CR and hide from the PCs until I'm sure they're too high-level to want to fight me.

D. Join the PCs. Try to enter their party in the most awkward, contrived way possible at the beginning of a session. This may fool them. Later I will "retire", and go to some land where none of them will ever go.

[nedz]

Become a familiar for a high level Wizard.
Even if the PC's do kill your master — which is unlikely — you will never be targeted.

[JaronK]

I'd try to look like something with opposite weaknesses. If I'm a red dragon, wear a Hat of Disguise or Ring of Chameleon Power to look like a white dragon.

And then have lots of escape routes.

JaronK

[tadkins]

Exist in a location that corresponds to my type that would be inhospitable to anyone else. For instance, if I was a cold creature, I would make my home atop a high, unforgiving mountain with furious, unending snowstorms. Then I'd invest in some items meant for dispelling whatever magical protections the enemy might have to survive said harsh environment.

[Chilingsworth]

Be a young bronze dragon

Take one level each in Warblade and Crusader

For my 1st level sorcerer casting, chose the spells Detect Magic, Ghost Sound, Prestidigitation, Read Magic, Nerveskitter, and Expeditious Retreat. (make that Charm Person.)

Invest my wealth in appropriate gear for myself, and things to aid adventurerers I mentor.

Become a mentor to as many adventuerers as possible.

When other advenurerers come for me (and few should), call my virtual army of humanoid allies. If that doesn't work, well... at least I can swim and fly.

[GnomeGninjas]

Challenge them to game of riddles, if they win then you do something incredibly helpful for them if they win then they leave you alone. Ask a vague riddle, when they come up with answer tell them it is wrong. Once they give up consult your long list of answers that sort of fit for an answer that they haven't thought of yet. Tell them that they are stupid and should go away and that correct answer was the one you selected from your list.

[Vizzerdrix]

Hmm...Be a medusa, then find a little defenseless town of good aligned humanoids and offer my services as a protector and mason in exchange for protection from any adventurers. Now I'm an important NPC, and thus protected by Plot Armor.

[Chilingsworth]

As an alternative to my bronze dragon plan, I could be a couatl, take a level of crusader, and then advance as a Jade Pheonix Mage.

Actually, now I kind of want to play that character... :smalleek:

[Arbane]

Scribble weird, meaningless riddles all over the passages leading to my lair. Set up a few noisy traps. With any luck, I'll be able to hear either the traps or the PCs arguing over the riddles, giving me enough time to escape.

[The Glyphstone]

Hmm...Be a medusa, then find a little defenseless town of good aligned humanoids and offer my services as a protector and mason in exchange for protection from any adventurers. Now I'm an important NPC, and thus protected by Plot Armor.

No, you're a Plot Hook - the evil Medusa that has taken over a town and terrified the townsfolk into submission. That's like painting a PC bullseye on your forehead.:smallsmile:

[Raven777]

When the PCs reach my lair, I give them a convoluted task that will have them adventure to the far corners of the world in exchange for a vague promise of reward. Congratulations! I have now become a quest giver!

[Vizzerdrix]

No, you're a Plot Hook - the evil Medusa that has taken over a town and terrified the townsfolk into submission. That's like painting a PC bullseye on your forehead.:smallsmile:

Oh... Oh gods you're right! WHAT HAVE I DONE!?! :smalleek::smalleek::smalleek:

[Anderlith]

I Gnish the Armiger Goblin Hero-God, will unite all goblinoid tribes & form an empire & seek sovereignty. Truthfully going to lengths to protect yourself is only going to threaten the pretty races into coming for you head, thinking you are the next BBEG

[137beth]

No, you're a Plot Hook - the evil Medusa that has taken over a town and terrified the townsfolk into submission. That's like painting a PC bullseye on your forehead.:smallsmile:
Well then, I'll just have to hide in a cave in an unreachable location (e.g. completely surrounded by stone) until they are a high enough level that I won't give them any xp. Now that that is out of the way, I take over a town.

[Coidzor]

Be a young bronze dragon

Take one level each in Warblade and Crusader

For my 1st level sorcerer casting, chose the spells Detect Magic, Ghost Sound, Prestidigitation, Read Magic, Nerveskitter, and Expeditious Retreat. (make that Charm Person.)

Invest my wealth in appropriate gear for myself, and things to aid adventurerers I mentor.

Become a mentor to as many adventuerers as possible.

When other advenurerers come for me (and few should), call my virtual army of humanoid allies. If that doesn't work, well... at least I can swim and fly.

Then you run the risk of getting the BBEGs to target you for narrative purposes, though. I mean, mentor figures are practically assured of dying and having it occur in "cinematic" timing.

[Slipperychicken]

Challenge them to game of riddles, if they win then you do something incredibly helpful for them if they win then they leave you alone. Ask a vague riddle, when they come up with answer tell them it is wrong. Once they give up consult your long list of answers that sort of fit for an answer that they haven't thought of yet. Tell them that they are stupid and should go away and that correct answer was the one you selected from your list.

"What have I got in my pocket?" :smallbiggrin:

EDIT: That may well piss the PCs off hard enough to kill you, though...

[Chilingsworth]

Then you run the risk of getting the BBEGs to target you for narrative purposes, though. I mean, mentor figures are practically assured of dying and having it occur in "cinematic" timing.

Sure, but the only listed threat were adventurerers.

[rockdeworld]

While I like the suggestion of becoming Pun-Pun, in the setting of D&D, I don't see how being a monster is really different from being an adventurer or anything else. After all, "we're all in the Monster Manual somewhere" (except humans). In which case there's only 1 option: become the pirate king.

[GnomeGninjas]

EDIT: That may well piss the PCs off hard enough to kill you, though...

Good point.

[nedz]

Create a (fake) Prophesy which requires my survival, or else.
Disseminate said Prophesy to all potential heroes.
?
Profit

[Raven777]

Create a (fake) Prophesy which requires my survival, or else.
Disseminate said Prophesy to all potential heroes.
?
Profit


Be targeted by wacky cultists trying to end the prophecy.

[Anderlith]

Create a (fake) Prophesy which requires my survival, or else.
Disseminate said Prophesy to all potential heroes.
?
Profit


*Prophet you mean ;)

[Marnath]

Are we a typical specimen of the monster we choose, or point-buy and WBL with class levels and our choice of alignment?

If we can be anything, I choose half-green dragon war troll abusing the non-associated class levels rule to have 12 sorcerer levels for only 6 CR more and then spend a lot of money on protecting myself from things that aren't hp damage, like ability and energy drain.

If we have to be a regular monster, I choose to be a magmin. Spend my days idly entertaining myself by setting small brush fires or something. Or maybe a water mephit, I could be a cohort.

[Coidzor]

Pull a Neko from Secret of Mana, and set up shop doing legitimate business catering to adventurers and then once I actually encountered *THE* adventurers, start following their every move so that I could always turn up at just the right place to offer them a much needed resupply point.

[Amidus Drexel]

I'd be a dread wraith. I'd kill a few commoners in a handful of towns, and order the (newly made) wraiths to guard my lair. I'd hide in a massive underground maze with 5ft wide passages and 5ft thick stone walls. It'd be spread out across several floors (5ft thick ceilings and floors), and completely flooded, preferably with murky water. Some con-draining traps at the entrance (and a bunch of wraiths) would tip me off that the adventurers have arrived, and then I'd just play a game of cat-and-mouse in the labyrinth until each of the party members was dead. Bonus points if the extra wraiths that spawn get the kills.



Be a Crab — yes, that one.


You are cruel. :smalleek: I pity the poor adventurers.

[Slipperychicken]

If we can be anything, I choose half-green dragon war troll abusing the non-associated class levels rule to have 12 sorcerer levels for only 6 CR more and then spend a lot of money on protecting myself from things that aren't hp damage, like ability and energy drain.


You might be on to something. If we're so cheesy and rules-abusive that no self-respecting DM would ever throw us at his PCs, we win. Too strong, though, and we might see use as a Grudge Monster, potentially putting our hide at risk (but substantially lower risk than if we were an appropriate encounter).

Also, generally being an unfun encounter or unsuitable for the campaign's themes will help lower our chances, but won't be any guarantee. Template-stacking with obscure rules may help; the more book-diving and labor required to run us as an encounter, the better. Not appearing in published modules will also help us out.

[Doxkid]

Abuse whatever niche ability I have to kill them before they kill me. If I don't have one I attack them in the middle of the night and try to destroy the caster's spellbooks/familiar/holy symbol/plot devices.

[Ksheep]

Be an undead who lives on the Positive Energy Plane

[Biffoniacus_Furiou]

Be a Dragonkin Sorcerer 8, which is only CR 7 but with a +11 BAB, 15 HD, natural flight, high natural armor, and no weaknesses at all, really.

Find a large and well populated EL 4-5 dungeon. Natural flight and the ability to see in darkness means I can easily scout the area around it, and figure out where adventurers will be coming and going. Frequent nearby small towns, using Disguise Self to pose as an elderly half-metallic-dragon goliath who's a retired adventurer. Tell stories about my real self as a helpful adventuring monster, and be sure to describe myself as using all types of armor and plenty of martial and exotic weapons for automatic proficiency.

Give pointers to adventurers and even buy and sell magical equipment (http://i.imgur.com/sKKUO.jpg), saying it was from my days as an adventurer. Nobody will be high enough level to catch on. Take note of each group of adventurers, their capabilities, and where and when they plan to go adventuring.

Catch adventurers coming out of the well-populated dungeon, low on spells and HP and burdened with loot. I'd keep my distance and wait for them to make camp, then it's Black Tentacles and Fell Drain Kelgore's Grave Mist, followed up by some overhead Spiked Chain with Large and In Charge. Glitterdust, Bands of Steel, and even Fell Drain Power Word: Pain will ensure that none of them manage to escape. Even if they've got a Dispel Magic left over (that doesn't get eaten by a negative level), my caster level of 12 with Practiced Spellcaster is a DC 23 so they have to roll 18-20 to succeed.

Hey look at that, more magical loot that's 'left over from my adventuring days' that I can go sell in a town that's in the opposite direction from the dungeon from where they came from.

[Baroncognito]

I lead my monster life. Hopefully there are berry bushes. Pecans would be good too.

I suppose I'd be best off as a pixie. I'd be naturally invisible, I'd have a massive stealth bonus.

If I stay out in the woods, I'd just be a random encounter. With my abilities, I pretty much only have to fight them if I want to, and I don't.