Your personal euphemisms?

[danzibr]

Just a warning to the reader there will probably be some dirty ones in here (but let's keep it within the forum rules).

I have a 2 year old son and of course we substitute words we don't want him to say with socially appropriate words which other people might not get, our personal euphemisms. I'd like to hear some of the playgrounders' personal euphemisms.

I'll start (and even give the back story). One day my son ate a bunch of peanut butter and the next day had a terribly stinky diaper. While changing his diaper I commented on peanut butter and he picked up on it. Now whenever he gets a diaper change he talks about peanut butter and when someone is going #2 in our household we (well, at least me, maybe not my wife) refer to it as making peanut butter.

[Frathe]

I've been known to swear, when actually angry, using the word "beep".

[danzibr]

I've been known to swear, when actually angry, using the word "beep".
Ha, nice one. I occasionally say "smurf" :P

[Anarion]

I think I'm boring on the swear words. I'll use gosh darn it instead of god damn if I'm in a setting where I need to moderate language.

I do have several good expressions from various family members for calling people crazy though. Our favorite was saying someone was a bowling pin short of a strike.

[Traab]

I tell my mother im a son of a &*^%* all the time, does that count since its not quite directly stating the insult to her?

[AttilaTheGeek]

I used to be a summer camp counselor back in freshman year of high school with a friend of mine who had a well-deserved reputation for swearing like a sailor. He hit his toe on a table leg, swore, realized he had sworn next to a camper, swore, realized he'd sworn twice now, swore to that, and it just sounded like this:

"Ow! S*** ...F***! ...A**! F**- God D***** I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SWEAR AROUND KIDS"

[Mauve Shirt]

I swear regularly, but if my grandmother is in the room I'll substitute "FUDGEMUFFIN!"
Decent work-appropriate substitutes for **** (Richard) and **** (rooster) would be "dongle" or "outie".

[Grinner]

I'll start (and even give the back story). One day my son ate a bunch of peanut butter and the next day had a terribly stinky diaper. While changing his diaper I commented on peanut butter and he picked up on it. Now whenever he gets a diaper change he talks about peanut butter and when someone is going #2 in our household we (well, at least me, maybe not my wife) refer to it as making peanut butter.

Now there's an unpleasant image. :smallsigh: I need to go wash my brain now.

[Starwulf]

When my first daughter was about a year and a half old, we couldn't think of an appropriate word for where she pees from, so we called it "the pee butt". One day we were at the restaurant that my wife worked at, and she(our daughter) unknowingly spoke up and said "mommy, why did you have blood coming from your pee-butt earlier". Oh man, were our faces red.

[Trog]

The only ones that come to mind are ones my ex and I used to use all the time:

"pancakey" as a substitute for panicky (I think that originated in a mis-said phrase)

"floppy" - this one is used to describe that feeling where nothing feels quite right and you're frustrated nothing is right and that you cannot fix it somehow because pinpointing what is not right cannot be achieved. Instead, all you want to do is flop down on the floor and make big sad eyes. You're dissatisfied enough that you have to keep sighing and changing your position over and over, laying on this side like a dead fish and then switching over to the other side because even laying there isn't quite right, or the act of "flopping." To feel floppy is to catch oneself in the midst of flopping and to put a name to the condition, usually for the purpose of whining about it in a sort of humorous and please help me sort of way.

"bloated and slow" - This was a misheard phrase by my ex who was feeling floppy (see above) during a conversation with our friends about money or the lack of it. Something like that. I forget what, exactly. But during it I made the sarcastic comment that "Yes dear, I married you because you are loaded with dough." :smalltongue: She mis-heard this (somehow) and replied in a very, very doe-eyed sad face "You think I'm bloated and slow?!" :smallfrown: Needless to say that cracked us all up and I had to explain, while laughing, what I had actually said and then she thought it was pretty funny too, really. So "bloated and slow" became a phrase meaning something akin to "you misunderstood me and are feeling down on yourself, there, there, everything's okay you silly." :smalltongue:

Come to think of it we invented a lot of oddball euphemisms over the years. These are the few that were used the most though.

But for swear words my favorite (that I don't really use, but should, I suppose) is Bill Cosby's "FILTH! FLARN! FLARN! FILTH!" :smallbiggrin:

[Jay R]

Winnie-the-Pooh taught us to say "Bother!"

[Pyromancer999]

When I'm in a setting where younger kids are around, instead of swearing, I'll say random words, a sample of which are included here:


Raspberry Muffincakes
Son of a badger
Bearsharks
Bearkittens McMasterson(used as an insult)


Yeah.....emphasis on the random.

I also tend to say "Fudge" instead of the F-word, as well as "Sheesh" instead of the S-word sometimes, and use "gank" as a universal noun/verb/adverb.

[Ravens_cry]

"Mother of Monkeys!" "Holy Hanna on a Pink Banana!" "Frak!" "Bee with an itch." various wordless tones of angresh. It varies really.

[Jimorian]

I worked in a toy store for a long time, so I had a couple of fallbacks. Usually "gadzooks!" but when something really went wrong, I used "dogammit!" which usually got some confused looks from people until they finally got it. :smallwink:

[inuyasha]

I say Hibachi (bastard [and yes I say that for bastard swords too lol])

fudge
and occasionally I will say random D&D monsters like...
GITHYANKI
SON OF A MONGRELFOLK
aww otyugh...
WHAT THE FLUMPH!

[PhantomFox]

I steal from Fantastic Mr. Fox and replace most swears with 'cuss'. It's delightfully emphatic.

"What the cuss are you cussing doing, you little cuss?"

[Concrete]

In my teens, I conditioned myself to replace swears with guttural sounds with too many consonants.
Now I can't stop. I have been asked if I have tourettes, or at one time, if I was trying to summon Cthulhu.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

I just swear to be honest. Though I do say "freaking" or "flipping" and I enjoy the phrase "Dag nabbit". I know a girl who is so innocent she legit says "Gosh darn" all the time. Sometimes she says "bugger" though when she's REALLY mad.

[OverdrivePrime]

In public, I've been known to use Frelling, Fragging or Fracking (depending on if I'm in a Farscape, Shadowrun or Battlestar mood) when in polite company to avoid dropping the F bomb.

"What in the Nine Hells?" has been my verbal dodge for WTF in public for about 20 years.

Recently, I've picked up "Shut the front door!" from Castle.

I now work at a Catholic college, so I've swiftly switched back to the ol' "Cheese and Rice!" instead of the standard oath to JC.

As far as euphemisms for one's tallywacker, several friends and I tend to pull in 1980s movie characters as reference material. As such, "Ooph, right in the Egon Spangler!" or "Sounds like you're letting your Ben Richards handle the thinking tonight."

[Archpaladin Zousha]

The word I say probably more than any other to express frustration or exasperation is "CRIMINY!" It helps that people today don't know its origins (heck, even I didn't know until I looked it up, it's a contraction of "Christ's Money").

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

The girl I met now says "Bother" instead of "Bugger" because britishisms.

[Minitroll]

Instead of cussing, we say animals close to the word.

Oh, duck.
Oh, female dogs.
Oh, Joffery.

[Karoht]

"What in the sweet butternut fudgicle is going on here?"

[Scarlet Knight]

I have a bit of a cursing problem, and tend to try & modify it by cursing in other languages, which stops working when others pick up the curses.

Yes , when the kids were small I used "Oh, bother" or "bleep". "Dangnabit" came from cartoons.

Thanks to Ghostbusters, I have used "Holy mother pus bucket"!

Occasionally I'll say "Ooh, intercourse!" or "coitus".

But the best non curse word that sounds like you're cursing is "Götterdämmerung"! Still no one realizes you're not cursing so ...

[Altair_the_Vexed]

I've used "dual-classed" and variants thereof ("fighter-theif", usually) to euphemise bisexuality.

[Feytalist]

For a while there in high school I had a habit of saying "Oh, sod!". It's a nice solid word.

Also for a while I played a lot of online gaming. Some of the more odd outbursts made it into my vocabulary. "Zomg" was the big one. Spoken as a word, with a hard "g". Used to get odd looks for that one.

These days I just swear. Or not, as the situation dictates.

[dehro]

good old frack is always a nice substitute, and it's being used more and more in TV too.. think TBBT and Eureka..
also, I have been known to use ambidexterous in place of bisex.. for no particular reason actually... not that that's a word that comes up often in conversation anyway.

[Morph Bark]

I often combine languages, but those usually turn out to still be very much like certain swearwords. I did use a lot of self-invented swearwords that referred to bears about ten years ago, though.

[Caesar]

I just swear and if people dont like it, they can grow the f up or get out. I suppose I will swear a lot less when my son is older, and if he asks about some of the words he will inevitably hear, I will just explain to him that they are words for adults that some people think are very rude that he shouldnt use until he understands what it means to say them. Kind of like how my dad taught me.

Oh and you pee out of your penis or vagina. Hopefully. I feel sorry for the kid who learned its called a "pee-butt". In danish there is a word that is literally "pee-man" or "pee-wife" depending, but literal translations typically lose the true meaning. The word is a just a slightly less formal way of saying penis or vagina without being directly vulgar either, as there are slang terms that adults use as well.

[Socratov]

I swear... A lot. However, I am usually creative combining tits (the birds) and a long forgotten diseas. I only need to look for some rythm and I'm done. However, that only works in Dutch. In English I usually use (as euphemism) 'bloody' instead of fornication and excrement. It still shows severity without actually being naughty.

[noparlpf]

When my first daughter was about a year and a half old, we couldn't think of an appropriate word for where she pees from, so we called it "the pee butt". One day we were at the restaurant that my wife worked at, and she(our daughter) unknowingly spoke up and said "mommy, why did you have blood coming from your pee-butt earlier". Oh man, were our faces red.

...when I was a year and a half old, my mother just called it a urethra. Much simpler.


Winnie-the-Pooh taught us to say "Bother!"

I did that when I was younger. Now I mostly say "butts", "bugger", or "bollocks". Ah well.

[Starwulf]

Oh and you pee out of your penis or vagina. Hopefully. I feel sorry for the kid who learned its called a "pee-butt". In danish there is a word that is literally "pee-man" or "pee-wife" depending, but literal translations typically lose the true meaning. The word is a just a slightly less formal way of saying penis or vagina without being directly vulgar either, as there are slang terms that adults use as well.

lol. No need to feel sorry for my daughter. She's 9 now, and knows what she pees out of just fine. I Just didn't feel the need to explain what it was to her when she was 2 years old, ya know?

[Thajocoth]

I generally say precisely what I mean, having no problems with using an actual curse word when warranted (usually as a response to pain.)

However, there is something that I've codified.

My girl & I are in a D/s relationship (voluntary power exchange). At home, if I tell her to do something, she does it. Do that in public, however, and people start judging & having bad opinions. So instead, I use a prefix before the command, that she knows is prefixing a command, regardless of sounding like a question.

"Would you kindly... ?"

I stole the phrase from a video game I like.

[noparlpf]

Oh and you pee out of your penis or vagina. Hopefully. I feel sorry for the kid who learned its called a "pee-butt". In danish there is a word that is literally "pee-man" or "pee-wife" depending, but literal translations typically lose the true meaning. The word is a just a slightly less formal way of saying penis or vagina without being directly vulgar either, as there are slang terms that adults use as well.

Urine passes through the urethra, which is a separate opening from the vagina. If pee is coming out of the vagina there's a bit of a problem.

I also don't see why vagina would be a bad word to teach a kid anyway. I asked where babies come from, my mother told me, nice and clear. Two-year-olds can handle a lot more than adults seem to think.

[Trog]

Nearly forgot one euphemism in my gaming group:

Masterbation = "Rolling up a guy."
*cue dice shaking and rolling motion (as one might do when rolling up stats for a new character), done at crotch level * :smalltongue:

[Starwulf]

Urine passes through the urethra, which is a separate opening from the vagina. If pee is coming out of the vagina there's a bit of a problem.

I also don't see why vagina would be a bad word to teach a kid anyway. I asked where babies come from, my mother told me, nice and clear. Two-year-olds can handle a lot more than adults seem to think.

Do you have kids? Honest question here, because it's not something a parent wants to talk to there kids about at the freaking age of 2, where they are most likely still pooping in their pull-ups/just starting to learn about potty training, and barely have a grasp on any form of communication. I have two kids, and I know neither of my kids were at any sort of point to be taught the word vagina at the age of freaking 2. I only put this story up because it was funny, not to be criticized, especially by people that I'm 99% certain are not married/have kids.

[noparlpf]

Do you have kids? Honest question here, because it's not something a parent wants to talk to there kids about at the freaking age of 2, where they are most likely still pooping in their pull-ups/just starting to learn about potty training, and barely have a grasp on any form of communication. I have two kids, and I know neither of my kids were at any sort of point to be taught the word vagina at the age of freaking 2. I only put this story up because it was funny, not to be criticized, especially by people that I'm 99% certain are not married/have kids.

I'm not criticizing. And no, I don't have kids, but I was two once, and I understood it fine at that age. It probably does vary from child to child, though, so it's up to a parent's judgement regarding their individual children.

[Coidzor]

Bruising the butter.

I'll leave it up to your dirty minds to decide what it's a euphemism for.


I also don't see why vagina would be a bad word to teach a kid anyway. I asked where babies come from, my mother told me, nice and clear. Two-year-olds can handle a lot more than adults seem to think.

Cue the Kindergarten Cop scene.

[jebbewocky]

Oh man, one of my friends knew a kid who came up to her and said "boys have a penis, girls have a butt."

Hopefully he figures that out eventually or his first encounter is going to be rather..surprising.
Assuming he ends up liking girls.

[mistformsquirrl]

Online I use "Sweet hairy bob" or "sweet mother of bob" a fair bit >.> also "Mein gott!"

... in real life I just swear up a storm. < . .> a pottymouth, I has one.

[zabbarot]

I've recently started substituting Oedipus for mother f*. It's pretty self explanatory.

[Valwyn]

Va-jay-jay (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVxm-SO6Vdo). :smallbiggrin:

[sambouchah]

I tend to say things like "Goblin Toot!" and Dinosaur Doodie" around my baby sister. Around friends it's more "Satan's Butthole!" or the like haha...

[enderlord99]

"Mother of Monkeys!" "Holy Hanna on a Pink Banana!" "Frak!" "Bee with an itch." various wordless tones of angresh. It varies really.

Holy Hanna is apparently a fifty-seven.

[Taffimai]

Do you have kids? Honest question here, because it's not something a parent wants to talk to there kids about at the freaking age of 2, where they are most likely still pooping in their pull-ups/just starting to learn about potty training, and barely have a grasp on any form of communication. I have two kids, and I know neither of my kids were at any sort of point to be taught the word vagina at the age of freaking 2. I only put this story up because it was funny, not to be criticized, especially by people that I'm 99% certain are not married/have kids.

I have two sons, and they learned the proper names for all body parts as soon as they started talking. I don't feel the need to talk about a snot-hole instead of a nose, so penis and vagina are likewise the appropriate terms. Your uneasiness with those words seems out of place to me, as if using a cutesy name for their genitals would somehow have an influence on your child's sexual development.

That said, I wouldn't want you to feel criticised - it's your kid and you make the parenting decisions based on what you're comfortable with. My parents used euphemisms ("mouse" (translated) for vagina and "peemel" for penis) and it didn't stop me from being very no-nonsense about sexuality.

[Proud Tortoise]

I say hrekin because it sounds very ugly... Everyone seems to think I'm saying kraken.

[danzibr]

I have two sons, and they learned the proper names for all body parts as soon as they started talking. I don't feel the need to talk about a snot-hole instead of a nose, so penis and vagina are likewise the appropriate terms. Your uneasiness with those words seems out of place to me, as if using a cutesy name for their genitals would somehow have an influence on your child's sexual development.

That said, I wouldn't want you to feel criticised - it's your kid and you make the parenting decisions based on what you're comfortable with. My parents used euphemisms ("mouse" (translated) for vagina and "peemel" for penis) and it didn't stop me from being very no-nonsense about sexuality.
I detected no uneasiness. I have a son and a daughter and I have no intention of using the real words, so to speak, until they're a bit older (son is 2 years, daughter is 2 weeks). My son has a gigantic mouth and I strongly suspect he'd say things he's not supposed to in public.

My nephew learned the real words rather than euphemisms and, no surprise, embarrassed his parents by using the "wrong" word in public before knowing better. I do think you should teach your kids the real words at a young age, but the first word they learn?

[scurv]

" Crap the Bed"
Component that stopped working in a unit under test.

[Razanir]

Neither of these are mine, but they're interesting:
1) At a hypnotist. He had them replace all swears with vegetables.
2) One of my 'friends' IRL uses his least favorite teacher's classroom as a euphemism for Hell.

[noparlpf]

I detected no uneasiness. I have a son and a daughter and I have no intention of using the real words, so to speak, until they're a bit older (son is 2 years, daughter is 2 weeks). My son has a gigantic mouth and I strongly suspect he'd say things he's not supposed to in public.

My nephew learned the real words rather than euphemisms and, no surprise, embarrassed his parents by using the "wrong" word in public before knowing better. I do think you should teach your kids the real words at a young age, but the first word they learn?

Because saying [any common euphemism for genitalia] in public is less embarrassing? Kids say things. If adults get offended every time a two-year-old says something about poop at a dinner table, that's their problem.

[danzibr]

Because saying [any common euphemism for genitalia] in public is less embarrassing? Kids say things. If adults get offended every time a two-year-old says something about poop at a dinner table, that's their problem.
Indeed, far less embarrassing. I doubt the adults in question get offended, only embarrassed. It's a social norm (at least where I'm from) for your kids to not say such things in public.

[noparlpf]

I'm weird, but I'd be more embarrassed if my hypothetical future kid said something like "pee-butt".

[Mnemophage]

It seems all my best ones come from typos.

A buddy of mine was trying to call someone a butthead. Problem 1: he was texting; Problem 2: he was drunk. The result was a lot of gibberish and random cussing... before the magical word BUTTNADS popped out of his meaty vodka fingers. I can't read that word without giggling like a child. Buttnads. Buttnads.

Similarly, when myself and a (different, less drunk) buddy typo something in conversation, it immediately gets turned into a Pokemon, which we then collect and fight. Weepig evolves into Sleepig! Sleepig uses Dram Aether! It's not very effective... Tradgey uses Guts! It's super effective! Tradgey evolves into Robert Smith!

[Lateral]

A buddy of mine was trying to call someone a butthead. Problem 1: he was texting; Problem 2: he was drunk. The result was a lot of gibberish and random cussing... before the magical word BUTTNADS popped out of his meaty vodka fingers. I can't read that word without giggling like a child. Buttnads. Buttnads.

Huh, that's weird. I use 'assnads' a lot. Also: 'gonads,' 'nadface,' 'nadstick,' and occasionally 'nadnads.' I really like 'nads.'

Oh, and 'crap on a stick.' I'm pretty sure I got that from OOTS, but I don't remember where.

And 'slippin' rippin' dang fang rotten zarg barg-a-ding-dong,' which I got from Calvin and Hobbes. Generally, that one starts off well, then degenerates into random other swears and phrases around the 'dang fang' part, and then ends (often after several minutes) with 'rotten zarg barg-a-ding-dong.' :smallbiggrin:

[GrlumpTheElder]

I find Sphenoid is a good substitute for most swearwords that are nouns - it has the potential to sound dirty when said in the right way when in reality it's a bone in the skull.

A housemate of mine coined the phrase 'Gentleman's Vegetable' which has a good ring to it.

[rexreg]

when i was in high school an English teach stood in front of the class & said "I don't care if you curse in my classroom. But, you must be original. Here is a list of words you are not allowed to use...." followed by what was essentially George Carlin's incomplete list of curse words...a) we were stunned unto silence by his colourful language. b) i try to be original when i curse...Thrice cursed son of a poxed whore, while not a euphemism is one of my favourites...

i teach little kids & have had ample time to work on euphemisms: gosh darn it, dang it, son of a gun, BISCUIT!, & oh my all see use...
other times, i have found eloquence in strangled strings of consonants mixed w/ odd growls

[Form]

I sometimes default to 'bugger' or 'merde', although the latter is just cursing in French and not really a euphemism.


I used to be a summer camp counselor back in freshman year of high school with a friend of mine who had a well-deserved reputation for swearing like a sailor. He hit his toe on a table leg, swore, realized he had sworn next to a camper, swore, realized he'd sworn twice now, swore to that, and it just sounded like this:

"Ow! S*** ...F***! ...A**! F**- God D***** I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SWEAR AROUND KIDS"

:smallbiggrin:

[dehro]

I sometimes default to 'bugger' or 'merde', although the latter is just cursing in French and not really a euphemism.

the use of the word "merde" always reminds me of a french (Frederic Dard) author..
his main character, thinking about what could be a 5-letter password to crack a code argued that for a true frenchman only two 5-letter options existed...
the password wasn't Paris