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Frathe
2013-03-08, 02:07 AM
The game: You give a false or completely meaningless fact, then the person below you has to come up with another false fact using a word or concept from your "fact". And so on like that.

Please, don't use this for pointed sarcasm. Make sure you obey forum rules. Also, the point of this is to come up with funny new fake facts, not to repeat fake facts that some people really believe (and thus use this as a forum for complaint) or that people used to believe.

I'll start: The moon landing was a hoax. The video presented to the public was actually filmed on Mars.

Note: They don't all have to be like conspiracy theories. This is just what I thought of. Any kind of false claim is fine (within forum rules).

PallElendro
2013-03-08, 04:12 AM
Water on Mars isn't liquid. It's a very small solid.
Veeeerrry small solid.

Elemental
2013-03-08, 08:33 AM
The Earth does not orbit the Sun. Rather, it takes a very long rectangular path around Saturn.

Lentrax
2013-03-08, 08:51 AM
The rings of Saturn are composed of dead Koopa Troopas.

Phil Lactery
2013-03-08, 11:55 AM
Koopa Troopas were not, in fact, based on turtles.

They were based on moldy cashews.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-08, 12:37 PM
Cashews were once used as money, hence the modern term "cash."

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-08, 12:51 PM
Money as we know it has changed drastically; the next big change isn't to a strictly-digital medium, as many expect, but to switch to solid-nickel statues of Orko, from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

They weigh eleven tons and buy about half a loaf of bread.

Lentrax
2013-03-08, 01:37 PM
Little known fact: on the weekends, Prince Adam fought Skeletor as She-Man.

North_Ranger
2013-03-08, 01:49 PM
Skeletor paid his way through college by stripping. His stage name was Mr Bone.

Frathe
2013-03-08, 05:39 PM
"Mr. Bone" is also the name of a generic brand of Viagra.

HypoSoc
2013-03-08, 05:54 PM
Ironically, Viagra was originally intended as a libido suppressor.

Needless to say it did not work as planned.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-08, 06:02 PM
You know what else didn't work out as planned? This forum. Turns out it came about as an attempt to get other artists into Rich Burlew's stable.

North_Ranger
2013-03-08, 07:43 PM
"Rich Burlew's stable" is more than just a figure of speech. For you see, the Giant is in fact a sentient horse.

Eldan
2013-03-08, 08:15 PM
On a related note, few people know that the closest relative of the domestic horse is the asian hornbill, hence their very similar mating calls.

Tectonic Robot
2013-03-08, 10:04 PM
Asian Hornbills are the most psychically gifted creatures in the universe. They watch and wait, seeking to strike when we're at our weakest.

Mauve Shirt
2013-03-08, 10:10 PM
Psychically gifted creatures tend to die 2 years earlier than their non-gifted siblings, even if their siblings are older

Minitroll
2013-03-08, 11:59 PM
Younger siblings are made using the dead skin cells taken from the elder children.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-09, 12:24 AM
Kevin Bacon packages and sells dead skin, including his own. He calls it "Bacon Bacon."

Anecronwashere
2013-03-09, 12:38 AM
Bacon was originally made of bear before the "Great Pig Litter" fiasco enlarged the pig populace to unsustainable levels

PallElendro
2013-03-09, 12:50 AM
That high pig population was caused by flash-cloning, courtesy of ONI.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-09, 03:45 AM
Flash-Cloning has been banned, as the bright flashes from the clones have been known to misdirect aircraft making their final approaches.

North_Ranger
2013-03-09, 06:29 AM
It is one of the best-kept secrets in the world that airplanes fly due to the psychic abilities of the pilots.

LordSintax
2013-03-09, 06:35 AM
Psychic powers, contrary to popular belief, are actually the product of a mother exposing her child to massive amounts of horse meat in utero.

Anecronwashere
2013-03-09, 06:38 AM
Horse meat is also responsible for detecting the weather if exposed to the sun through red glass

Ninjaed
Psychic powers are a result of the last living Plutonian breeding with prehistoric humans after crashlanding on earth after the Martians and PLutonians warred themselves to exctinction

Lentrax
2013-03-09, 09:18 AM
Red glass is the only nonorganic substance known to require human blood for sustenance.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-09, 10:17 AM
Vampires actually have no need to consume human blood. They just do it 'cuz if looks cool.

Mauve Shirt
2013-03-09, 10:51 AM
"Looking cool", or some primitive idea of the concept, is the motivation behind 90% of acts performed by dolphins, horses and lemmings.

HypoSoc
2013-03-09, 12:19 PM
Dolphins, horses, and lemmings are all synonyms for the same mammal. If you believe them to be separate beings, please consult medical help immediately.

Lentrax
2013-03-09, 01:18 PM
Lemmings do not just walk off of cliffs for no reason. The player just never gets the girders in place quickly enough.

Grindle
2013-03-09, 05:33 PM
Canada doesn't actually exist. The northern border of the U.S. just ends in a massive cliff.

Eldan
2013-03-09, 05:37 PM
Cliff Johnson was the first Secretary General of the first United Nation, which was disbanded over a massive corruption scandal. Johnson himself was found guilty of selling the nation of Portugal to build a new swimming pool.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-09, 05:41 PM
I once built a swimming pool out of a Moebus Strip because I wanted to swim laps but had a hard time learning that kick/flip maneuver. Worked pretty well for a while, but then it sprung a leak and all the water drained out of the bottom.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-09, 09:09 PM
You, too, can master the kick/flip maneuver! Just deposit $260 into my PayPal account to take advantage of this limited-time offer!

Eldan
2013-03-09, 09:15 PM
Few people know that the word "advantage" is actually a combination of the words "adaptable" and "vantage point" and was first used in the American Civil war, when zeppelins were used for that purpose and, because they could be moved, were quite adaptable. This proved to be a great, as the word now is, "advantage".

Anecronwashere
2013-03-09, 09:17 PM
Zeppelins were actually made using advanced alien technology blueprints found under Berlin

HypoSoc
2013-03-09, 11:00 PM
Berlin is an illusion, a manifestation of the of the mistaken belief that Germany is a country and not a fast food chain.

Blue Ghost
2013-03-10, 01:03 AM
Fast food chains are alien hiveminds bent on taking over the earth. The only thing that's stopped them from doing so so far is their competition with one another.

@V: I'm almost there. Just a few more planets to visit.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-10, 04:17 AM
Bloog here once got in a competition with a team of kittens. First to hug the rest of the universe would win. Unfortunately, the kittens got stuck in a comically large box, so despite also not having hugged the universe, victory is essentially in the bag for Bloog.

Anecronwashere
2013-03-10, 04:25 AM
Comically large boxes are actually alien artifacts designed to destroy and replace cats.

Many cat videos show this horrible phenomenon, cats being trapped in boxes then a box-cat leaves, with the goal to lure more kitties into comically large boxes

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-10, 07:00 AM
Schrodinger's Cat is actually an alien capable of teleportation. The cat itself NEVER dies, it either remains (If Alive) or teleports out and replaces itself with a non-living clone (If Dead).

True Story, Bro.

Androgeus
2013-03-10, 07:12 AM
Schrodinger's Cat is actually an alien capable of teleportation. The cat itself NEVER dies, it either remains (If Alive) or teleports out and replaces itself with a non-living clone (If Dead).

True Story, Bro.

Schrödinger originally designed his experiment to find out if cats are afraid of the dark.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-10, 08:13 AM
Are You Afraid of the Dark? stole all its best plots from M. Night Shyamalan movies.

Eldan
2013-03-10, 08:38 AM
The phenomenon known as "Night" is caused by a persistant cloud of iridium-rich ash deposited in the atmosphere by the same asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs. Many people can, to this day, see the souls of noble dinosaur heroes as tiny lights, often called "stars" due to the close similarity of many of those dinosaur heroes to Hollywood movie actors.

Lentrax
2013-03-10, 10:05 AM
Dinosaurs were well know for their smooth bass singing voices, and incredible stage presence.

Internet Flea
2013-03-10, 11:21 AM
The first theater stage was in fact a stage coach, which would be pulled by horses around the audience in a large circle as actors performed shows upon the roof. Being 'center stage' was the most preferable location as it was furthest from the edges and therefore carried the least risk of falling off.

Ninjaman
2013-03-10, 12:45 PM
Until 1257 BC. risk was not invented, and things that could potentially happen was just assumed to happen. Which was also why the cavemen lived in caves to avoid acid rain, meteor showers, flying whales, angry angels, boars hurled with great power,.......

HypoSoc
2013-03-10, 01:25 PM
An accurate calendar was not kept after the fall of the Roman Empire. An indeterminate time passed before the pope declared that it would now be year 1000.

FreakyCheeseMan
2013-03-10, 01:41 PM
Originally, the term "Pope" referred only to the hat; the person wearing it was merely a minor functionary intended to support it.

Lentrax
2013-03-10, 01:43 PM
The term support was conceived of by early sailors who were continually asking, "Sup, Port?"

Eldan
2013-03-10, 01:44 PM
The Roman empire fell when the infamous emperor Gaius Aleator bet the entire city of Rome on the outcome of the olympic games of 64 BC, losing it to the Germanic king Athanaric Ercanbaldson.

Edit: Ninja'd.

The word "port" originally comes from port wine, which was brought into England on ships. Since ships were mainly used for the transport of alcohol, they used to land near liquour stores, which, when port slowly monopolized the market under the Tudors, were renamed "ports".

Shadebolt
2013-03-10, 04:24 PM
Wine isn't only made of fermented grape juice! It's also made of a mix between caffeine and tomatoes, giving it that zing, and also hangovers to you.

Grindle
2013-03-10, 04:37 PM
Tomatoes are neither a fruit nor a vegetable. They're actually cleverly disguised animals.

Anecronwashere
2013-03-10, 06:57 PM
Fruits, contrary to popular belief, are actually all variants of Zerg Queens. Only by removing them from their nurseries (or orchards) before they complete their growth can we stop them from maturing and conquering the Earth

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-10, 07:01 PM
Earth has long since been conquered, and all living forms have been replaced with exact duplicates.

You can't prove this is wrong, therefor it is a "True Fact," and should not have been placed in this thread. :smallamused:

Diego Havoc
2013-03-10, 07:07 PM
All of ancient Rome was once conquered by a single Greek man, in a little under 6 hours. He did it on a dare and gave everything back the following day.

Ack, no, that's conquering twice in a row. Um...

Ignore me!

Anecronwashere
2013-03-10, 07:10 PM
Ignorance is in fact the hole left as the backwards-travelling brainslug eats your knowledge away
It generally infests you around the age of 70 and abandons your brain a couple days before (well, after cause backwards) your birth to go looking for a new victim

Androgeus
2013-03-10, 07:17 PM
Slugs are in fact snails that have been evicted from their home because they haven't paid rent.

HypoSoc
2013-03-10, 08:51 PM
Most of the money you pay in rent actually goes Jonathan Larson who copy-wrote the concept in 1996.

FreakyCheeseMan
2013-03-10, 09:01 PM
Actually, most of *that* money in turn goes to Edward Valkirk, who copy-wrote the concept of copy-writing.

Internet Flea
2013-03-10, 09:11 PM
Copywrite laws were originally designed to ban copy machines from distribution in an attempt to control information available to the public.

Blue Ghost
2013-03-10, 09:15 PM
Copy machines originated as an attempt by the Holy Roman Empire to create a clone army.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-10, 09:26 PM
Clones cannot operate copy machines, but they can operate a fax machine. Unfortunately, nobody sends faxes anymore.

Eldan
2013-03-10, 10:37 PM
The word "cannot" is a back-translation of the word "cannon", which Her majesty the Queen Victoria's translator inccorectly assumed was French.

FreakyCheeseMan
2013-03-10, 10:38 PM
"The French" do not actually exist; they are a fairy tale told to children, in the same manner as Santa Claus.

Anecronwashere
2013-03-10, 10:40 PM
Santa Claus does not in fact live on the North Pole, instead he lives on the moon, and is also known as the Man in the Moon

Fri
2013-03-11, 01:49 AM
Most cultures have their own legendary figures that's similar in purpose to Santa Claus. The leading theory is that Santa Claus is based on Homo Santaklus, a species of hominid that used to live alongside Homo Sapien in the Pleistocene era, who had a penchant of helping the less fortunate. It's generally thought that their generosity led to their extinction, and Homo Sapien survived because we're selfish bastards.

Ninjaman
2013-03-11, 04:11 AM
Selfish originates from "sell fish", referring to people who took fish from the lake, which was the town's, and sold it for their own good.

Diego Havoc
2013-03-11, 06:23 AM
For a brief period in 1962 a swordfish became Miss Universe due to a mix up in votes. The mistake was soon rectified, but the fish can still be found in records of past winners.

HypoSoc
2013-03-11, 06:32 AM
It wasn't until the success of the Women's Rights Movement that the Miss Universe Competition allowed female contestants to participate.

Anecronwashere
2013-03-11, 07:07 AM
The Women's Rights Movement was originally founded because a Woman's Left received all the attention in movies and advertisements
It has since been reinvisioned

Fri
2013-03-11, 07:45 AM
Before world war two, people only manufactured left gloves. People turn gloves inside out to fit the right hand.

Eldan
2013-03-11, 07:52 AM
Of course, after the war right hand gloves were quickly associated with fascism, and it wasn't until Michael Jackson that they became fashionable again.

FreakyCheeseMan
2013-03-11, 12:00 PM
"Michael Jackson" is actually an anagram of "I eat potato farts."

Lentrax
2013-03-11, 12:25 PM
Anagrams are words that are made of nonconsecutive prime numbers.

Felandria
2013-03-11, 12:58 PM
Anagrams are words that are made of nonconsecutive prime numbers.

If your height, in inches, is a prime number, you are 7% more likely to be left handed.

FreakyCheeseMan
2013-03-11, 01:05 PM
According to a law passed in 1953, "7" is not a number.

Blue Ghost
2013-03-11, 01:16 PM
1953 never happened. All events of that year are a collective illusion caused by nuclear fallout from a parallel universe.

Gnomes2169
2013-03-11, 01:30 PM
Squirrels being harmless and fluffy animals is an illusion. They are actually a highly organized hit squad with their own assassins and drug cartels, as well as a strategic alliance with the badgers.

FreakyCheeseMan
2013-03-11, 01:39 PM
Squirrels never developed true CGI; this is why they still move in stop-motion.

Lentrax
2013-03-11, 01:44 PM
Fun fact: CGI is a Hollywood term for 'filmed in an alternate universe.'

Eldan
2013-03-11, 02:30 PM
Universe is actually text speak for "You knee worse", a polite inquiry as to the state of the opposite's leg injury.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-11, 02:35 PM
The throne of the current god of politeness stands empty - who will rise to take the god's place?

Internet Flea
2013-03-11, 03:25 PM
Politeness was originally exclusively about politicians and was a derogatory term meaning a scheming liar.

Diego Havoc
2013-03-11, 04:38 PM
The movie Liar Liar, starring Jim Carrey, was only ever seen by 20 people. All other viewing figures were simply made up.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-11, 06:40 PM
Jim Carrey is not actually human. He is a rubber being from Altion 6, sent here to capture Altion 6's most wanted criminal: Will Ferrell.

HypoSoc
2013-03-11, 09:42 PM
Under the Finnish Constitution, rubber beings have more rights than tradition, carbon-based ones.

Internet Flea
2013-03-11, 09:55 PM
Finland is called Finland because everyone born there is part fish.

Blue Ghost
2013-03-11, 11:17 PM
Fish are evolutionarily descended from a tribe of human scuba divers.

Lentrax
2013-03-12, 02:19 AM
Scuba isn't really an abbreviation. The inventor just named it after his favorite cartoon character: Scooby-Doo.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-12, 04:25 AM
Cartoons are not drawn, as we have been led to believe. There is a race of Two-Dimensional humanoids who have wacky adventures. They are followed around by a film crew, who later splice the film together into a story.

Ninjaman
2013-03-12, 07:32 AM
Crew originates from "creaward", which was a name used for the dreaded general "Creawers, the Loathesome's" retinue of bodyguards, maidens and a hairdresser.

HypoSoc
2013-03-12, 10:26 AM
Hairdressers are a Diaspora, as their country was overtaken by the Ottomans in the Medieval Era. They still keep alive ancient traditions and rites of passages from their homeland. Mounting pressure in the UN seems to indicate they will be given their own land sometime soon.

Lentrax
2013-03-12, 12:05 PM
It was the UN that UN-Nazified Europe from dinosaurback.

Sorry, couldn't help that one.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-12, 01:47 PM
It was Dave Barry that once said, "'Dinosaur Back' would be an awesome name for a band."

Frathe
2013-03-12, 05:50 PM
"Dave Barry" is actually a pseudonym. The writer's real name is Erwin V. Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorffvoralternwareng ewissenhaftschaferswessenschafewarenwohlgepflegeun dsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvonangreifendurchihrraubg ierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolftausendjahresvorand ieerscheinenwanderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgebr auchlichtalsseinursprungvonkraftgestartseinlangefa hrthinzwischensternartigraumaufdersuchenachdiester nwelchegehabtbewohnbarplanetenkreisedrehensichundw ohinderneurassevonverstandigmenschlichkeitkonntefo rtplanzenundsicherfreuenanlebenslanglichfreudeundr uhemitnichteinfurchtvorangreifenvonandererintellig entgeschopfsvonhinzwischensternartigraum.

FreakyCheeseMan
2013-03-12, 06:08 PM
"Erwin V. Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorffvoralternwareng ewissenhaftschaferswessenschafewarenwohlgepflegeun dsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvonangreifendurchihrraubg ierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolftausendjahresvorand ieerscheinenwanderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgebr auchlichtalsseinursprungvonkraftgestartseinlangefa hrthinzwischensternartigraumaufdersuchenachdiester nwelchegehabtbewohnbarplanetenkreisedrehensichundw ohinderneurassevonverstandigmenschlichkeitkonntefo rtplanzenundsicherfreuenanlebenslanglichfreudeundr uhemitnichteinfurchtvorangreifenvonandererintellig entgeschopfsvonhinzwischensternartigraum" is an anagram for "Steve."

Androgeus
2013-03-12, 06:41 PM
The name Steve is not of human origin. It is a result of a virus that infects a person's brain and replaces all memories of their own first name with Steve.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-12, 06:59 PM
Much like computer debugging came from removing a small insect from a relay switch in the earliest days of computing, viruses first appeared when a programmer sneezed on a punch card, causing the computer to behave erratically afterwards.

HypoSoc
2013-03-12, 09:40 PM
Erratically and errotically were originally one word, but the people writing the first dictionary wanted the book to be bigger so they split it.

FreakyCheeseMan
2013-03-12, 09:43 PM
These were, in fact, the only two words in that first dictionary.

Frathe
2013-03-13, 12:04 AM
In contrast, the modern edition of the Creighton-Ashburton Dictionary contains over 10,000 words, every single one of which is "sprocket".

krai
2013-03-13, 01:39 AM
Recent evidence in the ongoing investigation of the "Titanic" incident has shown that the iceberg story is a cover. The ship sank after a lode bearing sprocket was damaged and an engineer attempted to replace it using an uncooked ravioli.

Elemental
2013-03-13, 02:41 AM
According to historical records, pasta was not invented in Italy or China, but in fact was first made in a little shop in Provence. Unfortunately, early pasta sauces contained high explosives and one fateful day, the little shop exploded, sending pasta high into the atmosphere.
Eventually, it reigned down across Central Italy, and was adopted by the local peasantry. Unable to afford high explosives to make the sauce properly, they substituted other ingredients.

Lentrax
2013-03-13, 03:06 AM
High Explosives: This Product is known by the State of California to contain materials which will cure cancer. Tell your friends!

Chilingsworth
2013-03-13, 05:11 AM
California is an aztec word for cancer.

Anecronwashere
2013-03-13, 07:46 AM
Roughly 1/2 the words in the aztec dictionary mean "cancer"
The other half means roughly translated "You don't have"

Eldan
2013-03-13, 08:21 AM
Roughly is a misspelling of "Ruff Lee", the nickname of a Chinese tailor working for Queen Elizabeth the first.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-13, 08:26 AM
Queen Elizabeth was famous (or notorious) for her hobby of raising Japanese Fighting Octopi. Her largest and most dangerous octopus, Mr. Fluffy-Pants, once ripped the arms off of a knight in full armor and wielding a broadsword. This was not a duel; the knight was responsible for cleaning Mr. Fluffy-Pant's tank, and simply got too close.

Fri
2013-03-13, 10:13 AM
There were actually eleven queens named Elizabeth before the current one.

North_Ranger
2013-03-13, 10:52 AM
Three of them were actually carefully-operated automata constructed by Angus McAnic, a Scottish inventor/professional sheep-tosser.

Lentrax
2013-03-13, 10:59 AM
Sheep-tossing was invented one night in ancient Babylon when a few sheep herders had to get thier flock across a chasm created by a sudden earthquake.

Anecronwashere
2013-03-13, 11:02 AM
Earthquakes are not caused by shifts in the tectonic plates, but instead the reaction to a morse-code based communication sent by the Zeblefs
Each quake represents one part of the communication (Zeblefs living longer than stars)

Eldan
2013-03-13, 01:14 PM
Few people know that the "shift" key on a keyboard was originally used in Victorian factories to send one "shift" of workers home and call in the next one.

HypoSoc
2013-03-13, 02:48 PM
Before Ford introduced the concept of weekends and wages and worker rights, factory workers spent their off-shift hours in sedentary jobs, like being a table or doorstop, to catch up on sleep.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-13, 03:05 PM
Trolls lurk under bridges because their partners-in-crime need a reason to be able to extort those who would ford rivers.

Ninjaman
2013-03-13, 03:53 PM
Trolls don't actually regenerate, they are just too stupid to understand that they are wounded.

Chilingsworth
2013-03-13, 07:23 PM
Stupidity is actually caused by a family of viruses that have been around since just after the first cellular life appeared.

Anecronwashere
2013-03-13, 08:08 PM
Viruses and bacteria are actually the same thing. Scientists cover it up to allow selling multiple vaccines and medications for 'different' ailments

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-13, 08:14 PM
The Technocracy's scientists lie to you about Creation-that-was, not to dull men's souls and make the world a less exciting place, but because they think the alternative would be "too weaboo."

Fri
2013-03-13, 09:13 PM
The word Cracy and Crazy have the same etymology.

Lentrax
2013-03-13, 10:26 PM
Etymology is a derogatory version of something you do in the privacy of your own dining room.

Blue Ghost
2013-03-13, 10:28 PM
The word "doom" is a contraction of "dining room," from the era when people would be taken away by giants to their dining rooms to be eaten.

Chilingsworth
2013-03-13, 10:30 PM
Giants are actually a humanoid form of sauropod dinosaur.

Anecronwashere
2013-03-13, 11:42 PM
Dinosaurs are actually the devolved forms of an advanced alien race defeated in the war against the Giant Spaghetti Monster.

Internet Flea
2013-03-14, 12:19 AM
"The Giant Spaghetti Monster" was the original title for H.P. Lovecraft's "The Dunwich Horror" before he realized it gave away the ending.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-14, 01:14 AM
In H.P. Lovecraft's novel "At the Mountains of Madness," the starfish creatures were inspired by a tomato that had been impaled on a fencepost. Nobody was sure who would do such a horrible thing to an innocent tomato, so Lovecraft also changed the tone from a light romantic comedy to the creeping horror the story later became.

Chilingsworth
2013-03-14, 01:17 AM
Tomatoes are actually the eggsacks of the giant wolfspider.

[email protected]: That could make a dish featuring tomatoes and crab interesting. :smallbiggrin:

Frathe
2013-03-14, 02:05 AM
Suprisingly, the giant wolfspider is neither a wolf nor a spider, but actually a small species of crab that's a delicacy in many Mediterranean countries.

Edit: /\ No more so than chicken and egg. :smallbiggrin:

Ninjaman
2013-03-14, 06:04 AM
Crabs don't naturally walk sideways, but they developed it because they thought they where boring and needed a "thing".

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-14, 09:09 AM
The best thing to do with that toilet paper tube isn't to recycle it; rather, if you carve fun shapes into the cardboard and stick a glow stick inside, you can summon Lix Lorn, who will grant you one wish!

Chilingsworth
2013-03-14, 12:50 PM
Lix Lorn is actually the most recent incarnation of the elder god known to the Myans as Linx'edri'tican.

Lentrax
2013-03-14, 01:02 PM
The elder gods don't want to eat planets. It was just an exaggeration of Hasturs habit of consuming marbles.

Grindle
2013-03-14, 07:56 PM
Every marble is actually a miniature world. If you look closely, you can see tiny people living on them.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-14, 08:27 PM
Looking closely at his latest find, Bill Nye the Science Guy discovered that the solution to 90% of physics problems lies in the buttery secret of mashed potatoes…

Chilingsworth
2013-03-14, 08:40 PM
Butter isn't actually a dairy product. It's actually rendered human infant adipose tissue.

@V Nice! :smallbiggrin:

HypoSoc
2013-03-14, 09:58 PM
Butter isn't actually a dairy product. It's actually rendered human infant adipose tissue.

Human infant adipose tissue, otherwise known as HIAT, has an interesting effect when consumed by people who have serialized output (web-comic artists, writers, tv-produers, etc.). The effect is known as Hiatus.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-15, 02:50 AM
I once went to Hiatus, Ohio for the Princess Peach Blossom Festival. But this short man with a mustache started jumping on all the people there, and running though green pipes. Sadly, he ruined it for everyone. :smallfrown:

Lentrax
2013-03-15, 03:37 AM
Mustaches have long been associated with being cool. This wasn't always so, because mustaches were once reserved to identify prisoners sentenced to death.

Fri
2013-03-15, 06:25 AM
Before the advent of fingerprints and dna testing, nosehair sheddings were used to identify criminals.

Eldan
2013-03-15, 08:14 AM
In fact, fingerprints were first introduced in Victorian Britain by the Holmes Act of 1874. A first move to introduce them had been made by Shakespeare himself in the Hamlet act, but printing technology was not yet advanced enough.

smuchmuch
2013-03-15, 11:29 AM
DNa is also used to indentify criminals nowadays. But Watson and Crick model of the double helix is a hoax, the real form of DNA is a barcode !
In the newly fertilized egg, the black bars are brought by the father spermatozoids and the white spaces by the mother.

Kieran Cage
2013-03-15, 11:44 AM
UPC barcodes on products don't actually contain scannable data. All they are is the name of the product, but all such labels are made by one very old laser printer in Hoboken, NJ, and it has a tendency to jam and stretch out letters down the page.

Lentrax
2013-03-15, 12:13 PM
Printer jamming is usually caused Byrne operator listening to awesome music. The paper sliding back and forth is the equivalent of headbanging.

Fri
2013-03-15, 02:03 PM
Headbanging is based on Hodeflytting, a traditional norwegian folk dance popular in the 15th century.

HypoSoc
2013-03-15, 06:52 PM
Dance is the second most popular form of communication for the mute and deaf, closely following fisticuffs.

Chilingsworth
2013-03-15, 07:31 PM
Fisticuffs originated from an arabic word for the fighting style of repeat offender thieves. This is because, with no hands they had to hit things with their wrist-stumps which are located at their cuffs.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-15, 07:44 PM
Lunar Exalted use their regeneration capabilities to collect a severed hand with every Lunar to ever serve in their pack; it's estimated that some elder Lunars have hand-collections that number in the thousands.

FreakyCheeseMan
2013-03-15, 09:38 PM
Contrary to popular belief, calendar months are not and never were based on the lunar cycle; rather, it is the other way around.

Androgeus
2013-03-15, 10:43 PM
There is a month in between December and January - Smarch. Nobody remembers it due to the large quantities of alcohol drunk on 31st December. Clever calendar manufactures noticed this and stopped printing calendars featuring this month to save money.

Lentrax
2013-03-16, 02:35 AM
Alcohol was not invented. It has been scientifically proven to be the fundamental building block of all other forms of matter.

Chilingsworth
2013-03-16, 02:41 AM
Alcohol was not invented. It has been scientifically proven to be the fundamental building block of all other forms of matter.

I'll just leave this here. (http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/beercld.htm)

Science as we know it started when ancient Mesopotamians conducted research into techniques to improve the fermentability of datepalm sap. Their experiements were wildly successful, giving us the practically self fermenting datepalms of today.

Hmm... that might not have been 'blatantly false' enough.

Shadebolt
2013-03-16, 09:53 AM
The Mesopotamians (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAMRTGv82Zo) song was not created or written by TMBG (They Might Be Giants), but actually Johnny Depp, who in turn is actually Johnny Appleseed, who in turn is Johnny Test, who in turn is Bill Gates, who in turn is Steve Jobs. The Bill Gates you see now is his evil twin sister.

HypoSoc
2013-03-16, 11:54 AM
Evil twin is a euphemism for a person's cross dressing alter-ego.

Eldan
2013-03-16, 12:05 PM
Sigmund Freud's psychology actually features five parts of the psyche, the id, ego, super-ego, charm and strange.

Androgeus
2013-03-16, 12:51 PM
There are actually 8 flavours of quarks - up, down, strange, charm, bottom, top, rocky road and neapolitan

Elemental
2013-03-16, 10:37 PM
According to recent studies into the nature of subatomic particles, quarks feel that being studied violates their right to privacy and have attempted to petition numerous government bodies for freedom. However, such petitions are too small to be seen.

Saito Takuji
2013-03-18, 01:07 AM
the entirety of DS9 is true, Quark actually pitched it to one of the privates on the base at roswell, eventually after the series "ended" he came back to finish off the story.

Lentrax
2013-03-18, 02:39 AM
The conspiracy theories about Roswell, New Mexico were created to cover up the real alien crash in Roswell, Rhode Island.

Chilingsworth
2013-03-18, 02:48 AM
The idea that Rhode Island is a state is itself a cover-up:

It is actually the cover for the world's biggest missile silo.

(Bah! wanted to find a clip of Tokyo 3 turning itself into a fortress/gun and missile battery. Too tired to search properly.)

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-18, 03:56 AM
Tokyo 3 is actually like the sixtieth time they've rebuilt the city… what with Godzilla movies being canon with the NGE universe and all. :smallamused:

Elemental
2013-03-18, 04:36 AM
Despite appearances, no one actually lives in Tokyo any more due to the continual destruction of the urban environment. Despite attempts by the best Japanese researchers, science can still not explain how this continues to happen.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-18, 05:10 AM
Actually, Japanese scientists do have a theory, but not yet proof. Tokyo is not a collection of buildings erected by humans, but rather a form of life. The most popular theory is that the buildings contain trace elements that Godzilla and the other denizens of Monster Island need for their survival, thus their near constant attacks on the city.

Flint Ironsides
2013-03-19, 06:52 AM
Godzilla isn't really a dinosaur, or a dragon, or even a Godzilla thing! He is actually a hippie in disguise, who uses his magical rainbow powers to protect the planet from the forces of pollution when you powers combine! He is just undercover right now.

Sgt. Cookie
2013-03-19, 09:07 AM
Dinosaurs were invented by the government to discourage time travel.

5a Violista
2013-03-19, 12:01 PM
Actually, time travel was invented by dinosaurs to discourage government.

When they tried it out, though, their time traveling phone box wasn't built to withstand the stresses of high-speed time travel, so when it hit a strain-buildup in the space-time continuum, their device crumpled under the compression, causing an early apocalypse.

Modern-day scientists called it a meteor. Or a volcano. Or a flood. They still can't decide which.

Lentrax
2013-03-19, 01:14 PM
'Apocolypse' was originally defined in the dictionary as: A pleasant event, heralded with feasts and honeyed wines.

Elemental
2013-03-20, 01:04 AM
Dictionaries were actually invented for the purpose of housing words forced to flee persecution in other lands, hence the great diversity of foreign words in English dictionaries.

Gnomes2169
2013-03-20, 01:22 AM
The English language is not the amalgamation of all the European languages, but rather the long-lost progenitor of every language currently spoken. Which is why it sucks.

((As a note, I'm a native English speaker, so that was self-deprecating humor and not meant to be an insult. :smalltongue:))

Erik Vale
2013-03-20, 02:32 AM
English people rarely are people, about 50% are werewolves.
Vampire populations amongst the English have also died out... Especially the sparkly ones. :smallsmile:

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-20, 03:55 AM
Werewolves and vampires aren't actually natural enemies - in fact, they're not even competitors; the whole "fur vs. fang" thing they've got going is just a protracted argument over whether abbreviations count in games of Scrabble (They don't, by the way).

Elemental
2013-03-20, 07:22 AM
The argument is a result of the fact that vampires can't read, despite their desire to play Scrabble. As such, they put down any combination of letters and claim it is either an abbreviation or an acronym.

Lentrax
2013-03-20, 08:10 AM
Scrabble was brought to Earth by aliens who felt that there were not enough words beginning with the letter Q.

Tylorious
2013-03-20, 01:18 PM
the letter Q is a figment of your imagination, and is actually just a C

crayzz
2013-03-20, 01:42 PM
There is a plot to inflate the English alphabet. Once we reach 31 letters, singing the alphabet song will unleash a terrible cosmic being.

HypoSoc
2013-03-20, 02:22 PM
Most songs summon terrible cosmic beings. They take the form of the Earworms.

Erik Vale
2013-03-20, 04:32 PM
Justin Beiber is trying to take over the world by implanting mind controlling earworms.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-20, 04:34 PM
Most implants in the future will consist of applesauce packets, subcutaneously applied in and around the face.

Quiddle
2013-03-20, 08:36 PM
The future already happened what comes next is the past.

HypoSoc
2013-03-20, 09:35 PM
Past is an acronym for Potentially Alterable Space-Time. This is due to the prevalent theory among greek philosopher/ninjas like Plato that while the future is set in stone by fate, a person with a time machine could do whatever they wanted in the past.

Elemental
2013-03-20, 11:38 PM
The key component of a time machine is the soul of a Great Auk. Unfortunately, they went extinct before this fact was realised.

Erik Vale
2013-03-21, 01:49 AM
The soul has been proven to exist scientifically, by renaming the sole of peoples feet.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-21, 02:36 AM
Elephant feet do not reach all the way to the ground. This is why they move so quietly for such a big animal.

Lentrax
2013-03-21, 03:45 AM
Ground was a slip of the tongue. The first person to speak this word was supposed to call it "Diametrically opposing force to air." Instead he said ground. And was prompty executed for such a greivous error.

Chilingsworth
2013-03-21, 03:59 AM
Banana peels aren't actually slippery. In actuality, they simply release large amounts of clumsiness-inducing gas.

HypoSoc
2013-03-21, 07:00 AM
Clumsiness occurs when the Earth laughs, causing people to miss their footing. As such, people effectively gain 3 points of Dex in space.

Elemental
2013-03-21, 07:05 AM
If people weren't prone to foolish acts, then the Earth would have fewer reasons to laugh. Thus, we would gain that dexterity without having to go into space.

Lentrax
2013-03-21, 04:53 PM
Thy called it space so scientists could have a large,y accurate word for, 'something to fit a lot of stuff in.'

Chilingsworth
2013-03-22, 12:57 AM
The letter Y, along with the letter X are artifacts of ancient genetic knowledge.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-22, 01:48 AM
Pirates used to use an "x" and "y" axis to determine the location of their treasure. This is because Edward "Blackbeard" Teach was actually a school teacher before taking up the life of a pirate.

Eldan
2013-03-22, 10:38 AM
In time, however, the use of the "y" axis slowly faded out as other, less educated pirates took up the tradition of burrying their treasures. Finally, only a single vestige remained, in the "x" that does not, as some think, "mark the spot", but marks the end of the "x" axis.

Elemental
2013-03-23, 07:04 AM
Naturally, the reason why pirates took up burying treasure is because they feared the effects it would have on the world if allowed to roam freely.

HypoSoc
2013-03-23, 11:27 AM
Naturally, the reason why pirates took up burying treasure is because they feared the effects it would have on the world if allowed to roam freely.

That, and dead treasure tells no tales.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-23, 08:52 PM
Dead-treasure tales presently tie up half of the world's virtual currency.

Amidus Drexel
2013-03-23, 09:07 PM
Currency, in fact, is derived from the word cur (n); it was originally something only people of low repute would use, as a sort of primitive credit. More reputable persons would not need this "currency", but eventually general cynicism drove it to a state of universal usage.

Eldan
2013-03-24, 02:44 PM
That is, in fact, a common misconception. The word currency comes from an old problem in computer science, often formulated by the formula:

cur (c) =? cur (nc)

HypoSoc
2013-03-24, 08:42 PM
The P/NP problem for computing has been solved. Solving it gets you into the CompSci Illuminati. To maintain the secret, the group has bots censoring the internet.

TheCountAlucard
2013-03-24, 09:19 PM
Those black censor bars? That's actually a deathly fungus; once it blossoms into being over your naughty bits, you're doomed.

Zjoot
2013-03-24, 10:38 PM
The phrase "naughty bits" comes from the last name of the inventor of naughty bits, Dr. Jethro P. Naughtybits.

Quiddle
2013-03-26, 12:43 AM
The inventor of this game created it so that she could find out what we are thinking about.

Fri
2013-03-26, 01:32 AM
Game used to mean "Match played to death"

Elemental
2013-03-26, 03:00 AM
Death, of course, can only happen to people who are alive. As such, people with no life are immune to the rigours of mortality.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2013-03-26, 03:21 AM
Fact: the rigors of mortality involve the effort of maintaining the often-uncomfortable position of your limbs for as long as possible, hence the phrase, "rigor mortis."

Fri
2013-03-27, 02:19 AM
Fact: Dr Seuss invented the word "Mortality"

Ninjaman
2013-03-27, 05:15 AM
Mortality comes from Mort, an old cartoon character who died a lot, and so the ability to die was named after him.

Eldan
2013-03-27, 12:19 PM
The first animated movies were made by painting every single frame on a wall and then driving past them quickly with a car while holding a camera out the side window. Hence "Car" toons.

HypoSoc
2013-03-27, 01:25 PM
There is no such thing as engines. Car's are powered by the feet of the people in them, but nobody notices.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2013-03-27, 10:18 PM
Fact: All foot ailments are caused by colonies of evil imps.

Elemental
2013-03-27, 11:42 PM
Fact: Stating a fact by prefacing it with the word "Fact" followed by a colon increases the likelihood of those reading it to suffer cerebral haemorrhaging.

Lentrax
2013-03-28, 07:14 AM
The colon, as a puncuation mark, was originally three dots in a line, but when the typewriyter was invented, the three dots kept bleeding into a single line that was confused with the letter l.

HypoSoc
2013-03-28, 11:57 AM
'L' originally was pronounced "smazelpick' but the linguistic reform movement did away with that in the 20's.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2013-03-28, 04:07 PM
An early kind of puzzle consisted of unchallenging L-shaped figures, or simply "smazelpicks," which amounted to a single corridor with a turn in it for small children to navigate. The kids given these to play with eventually started concocting their own, and as they grew up the puzzle community began to call their more complex creations, "mazes," for short, even as the old word for the original figure fell out of common use.

Chilingsworth
2013-03-28, 11:30 PM
The maze of the minotaur was constructed of neither stone nor masonry. Instead, it was constructed of cotton candy.

Lentrax
2013-03-29, 02:49 AM
It was the belief of the early Grecians that the Minotaur lived in the labyrinth to hunt down those who came to Crete. In truth, he lived there to get away from the hundreds of virgins sent to the island each year to 'appease' him.

Jaikei
2013-03-29, 03:34 AM
It was the belief of the early Grecians that the Minotaur lived in the labyrinth to hunt down those who came to Crete. In truth, he lived there to get away from the hundreds of virgins sent to the island each year to 'appease' him.

Crete was invented by Columbus, who had come to love saying "The sleet in Crete falls neatly in the street," but wanted a country to use it in context.

Elemental
2013-03-29, 07:02 AM
Sleet never actually falls in Crete. It in fact floats up gently from the ground.

HypoSoc
2013-03-29, 01:53 PM
Ground is a liquid. However, we all have the magical power to walk on it.

Lentrax
2013-03-29, 02:10 PM
We often use the phrase: "Any technology, if sufficiently advanced, is indistinguishable from magic."

Historians have always left out the next bit, which says: "Unless it is magic, in which case, we are so totally screwed."

Chilingsworth
2013-03-29, 03:06 PM
Magic actually exists, but we all have a specific form of brain damage applied to us as newborns that prevents access to it.

Internet Flea
2013-03-29, 03:39 PM
The term 'newb' applies to a distinct subset of newborn babies who have mastered using a computer before they learn to crawl or talk.

HypoSoc
2013-03-29, 04:00 PM
Most humans don't ever learn how to crawl or talk. They just fake it really well.

Fri
2013-03-29, 06:11 PM
Human and catfish has 97% similar chromosome.

Chilingsworth
2013-03-29, 09:53 PM
That is because catfish are actually an aquatic subspecies of chimp.

Zjoot
2013-03-30, 12:07 AM
Primates actually have an intellect several times that of humans, but they pretend to be primitive because they think it's super funny.

HypoSoc
2013-03-30, 12:30 AM
Humor is a deadly disease. 100% of people who laugh at or tell jokes die.

Fri
2013-03-30, 07:21 AM
Just like with cancer, scientists have found a way to cure humor in mice. As usual the problem is replicating it with human.

Zweisteine
2013-03-30, 07:39 AM
Besides being deadly, Humor is am extraordinarily fast disease, almost always resulting in death within only one century. Due to this, research of the disease is a top priority in many countries

Edit: Ninja'd (somehow), but I don't think I have to change my fact.

Chilingsworth
2013-03-30, 01:35 PM
Ninjas never went extinct, they just got even better at hiding.

Eldan
2013-03-30, 01:38 PM
Hiding was invented when a cavemen first held up a piece of mammoth hide in order to stay out of sight of a cave bear, hence the term.

5a Violista
2013-03-30, 02:17 PM
The best way to skin a cave bear is by telling it a scary story around a campfire. That's sure to make its skin crawl away.

Lentrax
2013-03-31, 10:37 AM
Skin was created solely so we have something better to look at than squishy internal organs.

Eldan
2013-03-31, 06:17 PM
Church organs were based on the only remaining parts of Theophrastus von Hohenheim's attempt to build an artificial human: the metal intestines and other organs.

Surfing HalfOrc
2013-03-31, 07:35 PM
Theophrastus von Hohenheim was also famous for his amazing robotic dogs, who were trained to sing Baha Men's Who Let the Dogs Ouot?

Tragically for Theo, the dogs eventually turned on him, and the result was quite messy...

HypoSoc
2013-03-31, 08:32 PM
Messy is derived from the same root as message. This is due to the fact that before written communication existed, the way to send information to other people was to break into their home and upset their furniture. The blotches that make up stains were used as signatures.

Zweisteine
2013-04-01, 10:22 PM
Written communication was invented after an incident in which someone was killed when someone else left them a message when they were at home.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2013-04-02, 03:02 AM
Some answering machines cause your phone to ring after you check your messages. The reason for this is that the mechanism uses the practical fake-out to properly represent the hilarity of any prank calls received over the course of the previous day.

Elemental
2013-04-04, 07:18 AM
Prank calls are actually messages from a parallel universe attempting to warn us of some grave threat. Alas, their language is indecipherable to us.

Shadebolt
2013-04-04, 01:02 PM
There are no parallel universes, only future versions of this one.

Raz_Fox
2013-04-08, 04:56 PM
Time actually moves backwards; the future is the past, and so we will end up going through the World Wars in about sixty years or so.

Chilingsworth
2013-04-08, 05:53 PM
The world wars actually started over a disputed game of tiddlywinks.

Chickenspleen
2013-04-08, 08:00 PM
Tiddlywinks is actually a clever training mechanism used to breed a new army of super-soldiers.

MesiDoomstalker
2013-04-08, 09:35 PM
Armies started out by surgically attaching multiple arms to a single person. It was believed the country with the most armed man was most superior. The practice died out when the lack of two armed men decreased to catastrophic levels.

Elemental
2013-04-09, 12:57 AM
The word catastrophe originates from the early era of particle accelerators when a cat jumped up on a keyboard and accidentally added a whole bunch of zeros to a number of variables.
The results were devastating and the cat was severely reprimanded.

Chilingsworth
2013-04-09, 01:09 AM
Cat reprimanding was the national sport of China until the time of the revolution of 1949.

Arcran
2013-04-09, 10:04 AM
Cats are not, in fact, inherently evil.

HypoSoc
2013-04-09, 01:05 PM
"Inherently" does not derive from latin inhaerentem (closely connected to) but actually from "In here ents lie," as tree people were thought to sprout in areas of fundemental truth.

Alexkubel
2013-04-09, 02:45 PM
The Romans who spoke Latin Deliberately chose the build cities upon where Ent's lay as it was a good supply of timber

Ninjaman
2013-04-09, 03:25 PM
Latin is not actually a language. It is just made up by smart people to impress stupid people.

Elemental
2013-04-10, 05:15 AM
A problem they could have solved easier by using long division.

TheCountAlucard
2013-04-10, 05:34 AM
Long division is the reason why I was away from this thread for so many pages! :smallsigh:

MesiDoomstalker
2013-04-10, 08:52 AM
Threads of old were actually made of cloth and were sent to all active 'posters' after each new addition to the stitch work. It was horribly time consuming.