The True Culprit of Durkon's Demise [Archive] - Giant in the Playground Forums

Rakoa

2013-03-13, 09:12 PM

Vinsfeld

2013-03-13, 09:23 PM

:durkon: "If a tree kills alone in the forest, does it make a sound?"

Codyage

2013-03-13, 09:24 PM

Also how to you beat a vampire?! a STAKE made of WOOD! Truly, the trees have been a conspiracy all along. They forced Durkon to either live an eternity of undead, or forced to be slain by the thing he most despises.

Not to mention most of the tress are willing to be turned into stakes to kill people, seeing as how they are Neutral WOOD! In all honesty we should have seen this coming.

Rakoa

2013-03-13, 09:25 PM

I believe Rich had this death planned out from the beginning. Rich, if you're listening, these trees you've written up are devilish masterminds. I'd wager money that the Tree Council is behind the plans of Team Evil as well.

Shred-Bot

2013-03-13, 09:30 PM

It makes sense, actually... he has always been a thorn in the side of the Arboreal Empire, but ever since the infamous Control Weather Incident in Cliffport, where several brave trees were brutally murdered, Durkon has been marked for death.

This was not the first attempt that the trees made on Durkon's life, either. The first plan involved sleeper agents Red Birch and Ficus (known as Haley and Belkar to the more mobile beings), in a land where the trees were fewest in number so as to catch the dwarf unawares. After Red Birch goaded Durkon into direct combat with a palm scout, Ficus sprung the trap, sending him flying in the air and hitting him with his own hammer. Only Durkon's dwarven constitution allowed him to survive this strike.

But what a tree lacks in mobility, it more than makes up for in patience...

(This is fun!)

Rakoa

2013-03-13, 09:53 PM

The evidence continues to build. We've all been blaming Malack this whole time, but I think we've been barking up the wrong tree. Durkon has viciously murdered several trees in the pasted, and foiled several recon attempts. It was only a matter of time before the Arboreal Empire responded in the only way they know how: with much patience, planning, and deadliness.

SaintRidley

2013-03-13, 10:10 PM

Well, let us turn to examine Malack further. See his emotional investment in the duel -- he's as emotional as a hunk of wood, whereas Durkon feels and expresses his feelings. He is tall, as trees are wont to be. As a cleric of a death god, he is naturally an ally of Hel, a goddess who guards the souls of those killed by trees. He is also known to float (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0849.html) and therefore must weigh the same as a duck, indicating that he is truly made of wood.

What does this add up to? Malack is no mere vampire. No, he is a vampire tree. Thus, Durkon has not become merely an undead creature, a fate he would arbhor, but in fact has become a tree as well.

ThatNickGuy

2013-03-13, 10:13 PM

Wait a minute, you might be on to something here. What are other ways you kill a vampire?

Sunlight and holy water.

What do trees need to grow? Sunlight and water.

It all makes sense, now!

OPM

2013-03-14, 04:04 AM

Good thing they don't know about those of us in the lumber cartel.

Mike Havran

2013-03-14, 04:07 AM

I think you are right on the money here. Now we know Malack's creature type:

VAMPIRE SNAKEWOOD TREE

Rakoa

2013-03-14, 08:25 AM

There are some excellent points here. Vampires are killed by everything trees need to nourish themselves. The Arboreal Empire has, under the command of the Tree Council, turned Durkon into a vampire so that they may kill him with as much irony as possible themselves. I think it won't be long before they send out an army of Grassassins, or maybe just a single badass tree named Spruce Willis. Either way, Vampire Durkon will soon be killed by trees...their master plan will be completed.

Who knows? The rest of the Order may be on the hitlist too for associating with Durkon for so long.

Codyage

2013-03-14, 09:10 AM

It is even worst for Durkon!

Vampires are unable to enter an abode which is not public, unless given permission by the people living there. Now, what is the most common material homes are made of in certain areas, where people use wooden houses?

Wooden houses of course! The trees are in the BUILDINGS now! Not to mention they have tried to put their roots in Durkon's home within the caves! For all we know the Dwarven lands have become corrupt by the trees power! The trees have the power to DENY Durkon from ever returning home, and any pub, tavern, or inn that is made of wood! Heck, potted plants can still deny him access to anywhere!

So he can't personally go back to his home, and any dwarf he goes to look for that CAN let him in, will be drinking! So he won't be able to ask them to let him in either, because they will be drunk all ready after leaving the building!

Not to mention Durkon probably can't get drunk anymore. Even if he could, can't enter the buildings...which means...:smalleek:

HE HAS TO DRINK THE BLOOD OF HIS OWN DWARVEN KINSMAN TO GET DRUNK! Those trees ARE evil!

Mastikator

2013-03-14, 09:58 AM

[snip] Infection by elm.
[snip]

You might say it was a
*puts on glasses*
nightmare on elm street?
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

Vemynal

2013-03-14, 10:46 AM

oh look

an epileptic tree theory lol

Raiju

2013-03-14, 11:48 AM

So wait, if Durkon goes back to his homeland as a tree vampire, and lays waste to his clan, is it then considered Treeson?

Rogar Demonblud

2013-03-14, 12:43 PM

Okay, I'm going to leaf the thread now.

Rakoa

2013-03-14, 12:49 PM

Okay, I'm going to leaf the thread now.

I'm stumped as to why.

LasVegasLawyer

2013-03-14, 01:12 PM

I'm stumped as to why.

I got board after a few posts.

Secris

2013-03-14, 01:16 PM

I feel like this thread has really branched off from it's original topic.

Necrus Philius

2013-03-14, 01:32 PM

I feel like this thread has really branched off from it's original topic.

I beleaf you're right there.

What we've failed to see though is the spy the trees sent. It's so obvious now. Who was in a position to help but didn't? Who can often times be found CLIMBING ON THE ENEMY WITHOUT FEAR? It was the cat! He was the eyes and ears for the trees this whole time!

How else could he climb trees without fear?

Roland Itiative

2013-03-14, 02:06 PM

If one of the mysterious nine sides of the Gate conflict turns out to be remnants of Lirian's Gate defences, now led by ents, I'll laugh at this Tree Council thing to no end.

Mikhailangelo

2013-03-14, 02:30 PM

...
...
...
The TREE culprit of Durkon's demise?

Rakoa

2013-03-14, 02:36 PM

I beleaf you're right there.

What we've failed to see though is the spy the trees sent. It's so obvious now. Who was in a position to help but didn't? Who can often times be found CLIMBING ON THE ENEMY WITHOUT FEAR? It was the cat! He was the eyes and ears for the trees this whole time!

How else could he climb trees without fear?

This may also explain why Durkon never trusted Belkar. After all, Belkar is best friends with a cat. Durkon knew Mr. Scruffy was a spy sent by the Tree Council, but didn't voice his opinions because the rest of the Order always scoffed at the dangers posed by the trees.

BatRobin

2013-03-14, 03:28 PM

I do believe we need to get to the root of this problem.

AngryHobbit

2013-03-14, 03:36 PM

Greetings, Playgrounders.

It has recently come to my attention that it was not Malack who killed Durkon. It was a different enemy of his, one that goes back to the very beginning. The earliest strips.

Allow me to explain.

In strip #874, Durkon requests help from Thor in fighting Malack. In that same strip, Thor does not answer this call for help. Thor's aid could well have saved Durkon from his horrible demise, but Thor was preoccupied. Preoccupied with what, you might ask? Bargaining with Hel over the soul of one of his followers. How did this follower die? Infection by elm.

An elm is a tree. DURKON WAS KILLED BY TREES! It is my proposal that the Tree Council organized the assassination of this poor, unnamed Worshipper of Thor at the precise moment of the battle beginning so as to prevent Durkon from receiving the help of Thor.

(Need I say that none of this is to be taken seriously? Also I apologize if someone brought this up before)

This makes sense. Well, at least Malack didn't turn Durkon into something he despises the most - a tree!

This may also explain why Durkon never trusted Belkar. After all, Belkar is best friends with a cat. Durkon knew Mr. Scruffy was a spy sent by the Tree Council, but didn't voice his opinions because the rest of the Order always scoffed at the dangers posed by the trees.

Not to mention that he fears the hidden powers of Mr. Scruffy almost as much as he fears the trees.

Mike Havran

2013-03-14, 04:22 PM

I do believe we need to get to the root of this problem.

No chance of achieving it here. You're barking up the wrong tree.

thereaper

2013-03-14, 05:41 PM

No chance of achieving it here. You're barking up the wrong tree.

I believe his confusion stems from the machinations of the Tree Council. Understanding their plots is a tall order.

Secris

2013-03-14, 05:57 PM

Someone needs to inform the Order of the Stick ASAP so they can uproot this menace and knot succumb to the Tree Council's shady plans.

Rogar Demonblud

2013-03-14, 06:21 PM

The Order of the Stick.

Only now does the true depth of the Tree Council's malevolent plan bloom before us.

ReaderAt2046

2013-03-14, 06:31 PM

The Order of the Stick.

Only now does the true depth of the Tree Council's malevolent plan bloom before us.

I dunno, carrying around defeated trophies of your greatest enemies seems honorable enough. (It's what Roy did with Xykon's crown, after all).

Lord Ensifer

2013-03-14, 06:32 PM

The Order of the Stick.

Only now does the true depth of the Tree Council's malevolent plan bloom before us.

Good god. It makes so much sense now.

(spoilered for OoPC, if anyone cares)
The trees arranged for that particular branch to be lying on the ground at just the right time. A truly subtle and devious plan.

The whole gate thing is just a cunning diversion--the trees merely wanted to get a powerful spellcaster out of the dwarven homelands, the better to launch their attack.

Raiju

2013-03-14, 07:01 PM

What wood Thor do..?

Tragak

2013-03-15, 09:11 AM

I'd wager money that the Tree Council is behind the plans of Team Evil as well. But even so, they would've abandoned Team Evil after the wild-fire.

Rakoa

2013-03-15, 04:21 PM

But even so, they would've abandoned Team Evil after the wild-fire.

That's true. My guess is Team Evil is being manipulated by the Tree Council, so that they may be sent to their own demises in such a way that grants maximum benefit to the Arboreal Empire.

ReaderAt2046

2013-03-15, 04:38 PM

But even so, they would've abandoned Team Evil after the wild-fire.

Not necessarily. The wild-fire may have been orchestrated by the Arboreal Empire as a move against a more peaceful faction in their society. It would not be without precedent among more animalian dictatorships.

JustSomeGuy

2013-03-17, 03:25 PM

Just so you guys know, Roy was revealed as a plant in #769.

Quantum Glass

2013-03-17, 06:56 PM

But even so, they would've abandoned Team Evil after the wild-fire.

I don't remember the scene in question so the circumstances might contradict this, but wildfires are a natural and (quite frankly) beneficial phenomenon in forests. The old trees pass on, leaving sunlight (Trees usually block the sun, preventing new saplings from coming in), space to grow, and nutrients for the next generation. So long as these fires aren't prevented, their intensity won't escalate to the mess going on in the US (and maybe other places, I haven't looked into it) today (Smokey has caused the death of countless innocents, and destroyed thousands of homes. Thanks, Smokey!). I think a handful of trees in Australia create seeds that only germinate when exposed to intense heat. It's important to remember that from the community's perspective, fires are usually beneficial--and we don't know if an individual tree would, after living it's life and bearing children, be completely unhappy with moving on and finding out what comes after.

Heck, it's not uncommon for octogenarian humans to accept death when it's their time, content with the inevitable after long, fulfilling lives. Why would trees be different?

Incidentally, I just realized something: Almost every time the Order have been in the wilderness, there's been a tree or at least some kind of plant. There's no way that's a coincidence.

Dwy

2013-03-17, 07:39 PM

I think it is time to focus our attention on Malack's walking stick. His weapon of choice is obviously a powerful demi-tree, gifted to him from the Bark Lords as one of their champions.

The poor dwarf Hel is taking home as Durkon dies was obviously killed by a similiar Avatar of Trees, leaving a deadly splinter within him, like the morgul blades in another known fantasy universe would.

The terrifying thing, though, is that Roy not so long ago carried another of these Death-branches as his main weapon. Did Roy "deal with the devil" off-screen? Is Roy not only a plant, as proven by an above poster, but also a powerful sleeper agent for the Kingdom of Wood?

Last but not least: Is Haley torturing the forest agent she carries as a weapon by having him constrained with string, tightening it, stretching his body to cause maximal pain whenever she sends his steel tipped buddies towards certain doom by his unwilling aid? Or does that fiendish bow willingly co-operate, in return for her loyalty to her demonic, bark-skinned overlords?

Secris

2013-03-17, 08:39 PM

The terrifying thing, though, is that Roy not so long ago carried another of these Death-branches as his main weapon. Did Roy "deal with the devil" off-screen? Is Roy not only a plant, as proven by an above poster, but also a powerful sleeper agent for the Kingdom of Wood?

Are you suggesting Roy is not only made of fibrous plant material, but is also a plant by the Tree Council to thwart the OotS from the inside?

The Vagabond

2013-03-17, 09:14 PM

What's this? Demi-Tree's?
I wonder if they are growing a Tree-Zombie army to attack the order, kill Xykon, and take the universe in the name of TREEDOM!I lack the mind-power to come up with some of the absurd theories that make sense you guys have, and I feel sad because of it.

Rakoa

2013-03-18, 04:08 PM

Roy is a plant! That changes just about everything. Order of the Stick...Roy is a plant...the Arboreal Empire truly HAS been the villains of this story for longer even than Xykon, and they will continue to branch out and ensnare the world with their evil tree plans.

Damn, this is getting intense.

thereaper

2013-03-19, 02:53 AM

Wait, wait, wait.

I just realized something.

The Arboreal Empire is controlling everything from behind the scenes.

Who else do we know who does that? Someone who hides themselves under cloaks that are thin except at the top (and could therefore easily hide small trees)?

The IFCC!
It all makes perfect sense! They lied to V about what their name stood for! IFCC really stands for Inter-Fern Cooperation Commission!

JustSomeGuy

2013-03-20, 05:31 AM

Through careful deciphering of some dan brown style clues, i have unvieled the truth that was lost through hazy intergenerational legends: It isn't a SNARL, it's a KNARLed old bramble bush, and it was secretly created by the secret identity of Thor... Thorn. His dabbles in creation were not the species that populate the known world, but the one imprisoned by it. He gave it his own power, but it's thorns (remembered in legend as beastly claws) were capable of killing the very gods, so he had to keep his true involvement a secret and work though various tangled webs of double agents, secret associations and hidden cults, but their combined years of covert operations are finally nearing their end - his plan(t)s are bearing fruit, if you will.

cheezewizz2000

2013-03-20, 05:53 AM

Listen guys, leaf the trees alone. There's no point planting all these conspiracy theories that branch off into different tangents. Get to the root of the issue: The dwarves have been committing genocide against the arboreal population for centuries. That they have barely managed to trim the tree population is testament to the fact that the dwarves are all bark and no bite.

dtilque

2013-03-22, 02:54 AM

Durkon's not dead, he's just pine-ing for the fjords.

Starwaster

2013-03-25, 05:37 PM

Durkon's not dead, he's just pine-ing for the fjords.

PINE'ING FOR THE FJORDS?!??

He's not pine'ing! He's passed on! Durkon is no more! He has ceased to be! He's a stiff! Bereft of life! If Malack hadn't vamped him he'd be pushing up daisies!

THIS IS AN EX-DURKON.