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mjlush
2013-03-21, 03:16 AM
I thought it would be useful to collect the sort of advice that will give a new player an exciting and colourful gaming career.

For example:-

1) Always attack little old men with seven canaries, there always evil and have lots of treasure

2) Some slimes found on dungeon walls have skin healing properties (its a bit like the power ups you find in video games, the green one is best)

3) GM's often use "Hastur Hastur Hastur" as a password for troops and the like (its a bit of an in joke, I don't GM so I'm not in on it).

Rabidmuskrat
2013-03-21, 04:21 AM
4) Hooded man/woman in a tavern? Assasin. Kill on sight. GM's reward that kind of initiative.

5) Wizards' touch spells are really powerful. Don't be afraid to get up close and personal with that Gibbering Mouther.

6) GM's like to use important NPCs as ways to railroad parties, so make sure you kill any NPC whose name you learn to preserve your freedom.

7) You can rest any time, just like in PC games. Just tell your GM that your party is resting to recharge spells before continuing.

8) Don't have anyone keeping watch when you camp out for the night, it interferes with their resting and might leave them tired the next day. Nothing ever happens anyway.

9) Fighters are totally OP. +1 BAB EVERY level and a whole heap of bonus feats? Sick!

10) Research and preperation is for sissies. Just charge in, its your GM's job to make sure you don't die.

11) Powerful, intelligent monsters admire pluckiness, such as when a low level PC calls them "Big, fat and butt ugly".

12) Mindflayers go down pretty quick if you can grapple them. (Ironically, one of the players in my game did this and it actually worked pretty well. It helps that he had a grapple check that could take down a rhino. And that the mindflayer wasn't allowed to hurt him.)

13) There is no friendly fire in DND. No, really, you can throw that fireball.

Jornophelanthas
2013-03-21, 08:55 AM
Is this thread intended to gather ideas for hazing new players?

No thank you.

supermonkeyjoe
2013-03-21, 09:06 AM
14) Bags of holding can carry a lot, but still weigh a bit, for maximum storage capacity put all of your bags of holding into a portable hole!

mjlush
2013-03-21, 09:18 AM
Is this thread intended to gather ideas for hazing new players?
No thank you.

I'd be quite surprised if anyone fell for any of these. Its inevitable they will get conveyed in the 'bad advice voice'.

Feddlefew
2013-03-21, 09:28 AM
15) The lich has most certainly labeled his potions with their standard effects, not what they do to him, and you should definitely quaff those 'healing potions'.

Deffers
2013-03-21, 10:28 AM
16) Incarnum users are simple to use and commonly show up at tables. Expect them!

Raimun
2013-03-21, 11:43 AM
17) Remember the movies 300 and Captain America: The First Avenger? Always trust in your trusty shield! It's super-trusty! Trust me.

Rabidmuskrat
2013-03-21, 12:53 PM
Is this thread intended to gather ideas for hazing new players?

No thank you.

No, this is the thread for retarded things you can do/might have thought was a good idea once upon a time in DnD and now write about in a humorous way.

If I wanted to haze a newbie I'd just tell him 'figure it out on your own'.

Oh, that reminds me...

18) The best way to get your friends to play DnD with you is to lend them all your books and tell them to figure it out on their own.

mjlush
2013-03-21, 01:10 PM
19) The Black Sphere teleport system is an excellent way to bypass the dungeon and get to the end of the adventure.

20) Ask the GM if you can quest for the Head of Vecna, its power will take your breath away.

21) It is always a good idea to inform the GM if you feel the game is too easy.

22) Lengthy Quotes from the Goon Show, Monty Python, The Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy and the like will impress your GM with your scholarship.

22a) If you hear a misquote from another player you should immediately correct them

RFLS
2013-03-21, 01:15 PM
23) The BBEG of the entire campaign will always be the first person you meet. Go ahead, you can take him now.

navar100
2013-03-21, 01:36 PM
24) As a 1st level wizard, always prepare Magic Missile. It's an auto-hit!

25) When playing a cleric, ignore your spell list. Only cast Cure Wounds. Everything else is a trap to waste spell slots. Clerics are only good for healing. Exceptions permitted for Heal, Restoration, and Raise Dead.

26) You don't need your own dice. The DM or another player will gladly let you use theirs for the entire campaign.

27) The DM always treats everyone for pizza.

Feddlefew
2013-03-21, 02:12 PM
25) If it's nice out you should definitely try playing outside!
26) The best drink for D&D games is mountain dew!
26.A) OR espresso!

Jay R
2013-03-21, 03:35 PM
30. If you see a gazebo, run. It's not what it looks like. There's a famous story about a monster that looked like a gazebo but woke up and ate a player character.

Feddlefew
2013-03-21, 05:10 PM
31) A truenamer is a good alternative to a sorcerer in any campaign.

Negativethac0
2013-03-21, 07:00 PM
32. Contrary to what you might've been told, you don't need to gather your party before venturing forth. Don't wait for the others, but give them some space and time alone while in a dungeon.

Sith_Happens
2013-03-21, 10:34 PM
33. Looting is every man for himself. If your teammates wanted a cut of what's in that treasure chest, they would have helped find and/or open it.

34. The best time to loot the dragon's hoard is while the rest of the party is fighting the dragon. That way it's distracted and you can take your time.

Feddlefew
2013-03-21, 10:49 PM
35. There are no combat encounters which cannot be avoided with a seduction check.

Fighter1000
2013-03-21, 11:32 PM
36. Attacking the NPC that just rescued you from being eaten by trolls is always a good idea, especially if that NPC is a pyromaniac gnome.

37. Always try to make your character lose his virginity as quickly as possible, for bonus XP!

38. Get drunk in the game because getting drunk IRL isn't always possible and/or a good idea. But when your character gets drunk, crazy **** will often ensue, or you will just pass out :(

39. Start random fights in town because being bored in town is no fun

40. No need to think things through. Just act stupid in-game. Everything will be alright. The worst that could happen is you have to make a new character. If your DM is lazy, he may just resurrect your character for no good in-game reason.

navar100
2013-03-21, 11:50 PM
41. Your character is not considered tough unless you take the Toughness feat.

Arbane
2013-03-22, 12:03 AM
I thought it would be useful to collect the sort of advice that will give a new player an exciting, colourful, and short gaming career.


Fixed for accuracy.

mjlush
2013-03-22, 02:21 AM
Fixed for accuracy.
You may have a point there ... lets shorten it a bit more



Fighter1000
37. Always try to make your character lose his virginity as quickly as possible, for bonus XP!.

37a A Role playing game is a fantastic opportunity to explore the um.... darker aspects of your sexual identity. Do so regularly, diversely and graphically for regular roleplaying XP awards from your GM and the respect and admiration of the other players.

Feddlefew
2013-03-22, 04:38 AM
37a A Role playing game is a fantastic opportunity to explore the um.... darker aspects of your sexual identity. Do so regularly, diversely and graphically for regular roleplaying XP awards from your GM and the respect and admiration of the other players.

I DMed a game where a player decided to do this once. He no longer plays with us. :smalleek:

mjlush
2013-03-22, 08:22 AM
I DMed a game where a player decided to do this once. He no longer plays with us. :smalleek:

The group therapy thread is over there ---->. Please don't sully this thread with distasteful personal experience :smallsmile::smallsmile::smallsmile::smallsmile:

Gravitron5000
2013-03-22, 08:49 AM
The group therapy thread is over there ---->. Please don't sully this thread with distasteful personal experience :smallsmile::smallsmile::smallsmile::smallsmile:

FILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFILLFI LLFILL. I DMed a game where a player decided to do this once. He no longer plays with us.:smalleek:

On topic: 42) Shopkeepers have all the good stuff, and are total pushovers. Why not take advantage of the situation with a sneak attack?

Edit: 42!!!

Deepbluediver
2013-03-22, 08:49 AM
No, this is the thread for retarded things you can do/might have thought was a good idea once upon a time in DnD and now write about in a humorous way.

43) The large number of special abilities and bonus feats that the monk gets make him one of the most powerful core classes. Your DM may be reluctant to let you play one for this reason.



Edit: Gravitron's is #42

Negativethac0
2013-03-22, 09:07 AM
44) Having your bard focus on Perform (Tuba) is an instant way to approval from your party and GM. Especially in dark campaigns, such as Carrion Crown.

Jay R
2013-03-22, 09:14 AM
45. Role-playing means doing stupid stuff. If you attack the bad guy with a sword, you're just min-maxing. If you attack him with a fish, you're really role-playing.

paddyfool
2013-03-22, 09:31 AM
46. Nobody will mind if you pull out a handheld gaming console to keep yourself busy between your turns - the music and sound effects will entertain them.

47. Your character is meant to succeed at everything ever. Sometimes you have to loudly argue the case for this with the GM; this is known as good player participation.

48. You don't need a good Will save; nothing important ever targets that.

49. Spellcasters are weaksauce. Once they've cast all their spells, there's nothing they can do and they're just excess baggage. Go for a big strong Fighter. EDIT: So many feats!

49a. Druids are especially weaksauce. They can't even use anything made of metal!

Deepbluediver
2013-03-22, 09:53 AM
45. Role-playing means doing stupid stuff. If you attack the bad guy with a sword, you're just min-maxing. If you attack him with a fish, you're really role-playing.

45a) Chaotic Neutral is the best alignment because it means you can do anything you want without any consequences.




50) Even if you can convince your DM to house-rule out the penalty, Multiclassing is hardly ever worth it. Its best to just stick with a pure build all the way to 20.

mjlush
2013-03-22, 09:55 AM
38. Get drunk in the game because getting drunk IRL isn't always possible and/or a good idea. But when your character gets drunk, crazy **** will often ensue, or you will just pass out :(


38a) Turning up to the game drunk is entirely acceptable. If your playing an alcoholic character you should receive a fat XP award for good (method) role playing.

Jay R
2013-03-23, 09:56 AM
51. You know how physics work, so be sure to correct the DM every time he wants to apply the rules rather than the correct physical explanation that you know would help you.

52. If the facts are against you, pound on the rules. If the rules are against you, pound on the facts. If the rules and the facts are against you, pound on the table.

The Fury
2013-03-23, 12:39 PM
53. A longsword is the only piece of equipment you really need, with a little creativity and know-how it can be used for almost anything! You can use it like a crowbar, tie it onto the end of a stick and use it like a spear, cut your food with it, make some sandwiches, the possibilities are endless! Why, you can even fight some guys with it!




1) Always attack little old men with seven canaries, there always evil and have lots of treasure



OK, I've seen this pop up a few times and I'm sort of curious. Where does this actually come from?

scurv
2013-03-23, 12:51 PM
4)

10) Research and preperation is for sissies. Just charge in, its your GM's job to make sure you don't die.



You do know that many players actually do believe that

Arbane
2013-03-23, 12:58 PM
OK, I've seen this pop up a few times and I'm sort of curious. Where does this actually come from?

1st ed D&D - Bahumut & his gold dragon retinue are mentioned as occasionally appearing looking like that on the Prime, getting attacked by some chumps, and unleashing Armageddon on said chumps.

----------

54: A spoon is a vital piece of equipment, so you can eat the delicious, health-restoring puddings and jellies that appear in dungeons.

Darius Kane
2013-03-23, 03:57 PM
55) Bad gaming is better than no gaming.

TuggyNE
2013-03-23, 06:18 PM
52. If the facts are against you, pound on the rules. If the rules are against you, pound on the facts. If the rules and the facts are against you, pound on the table.

I love the phrasing here. Can I stick it in my quotesig? :smallcool:

Jay R
2013-03-23, 08:25 PM
I love the phrasing here. Can I stick it in my quotesig? :smallcool:
Sure, but it's a misquote of an old legal maxim. Here's (one version of) the original form:

When the law is against you, pound on the facts. When the facts are against you, pound on the law. When the law and the facts are against you, pound on the table.

TuggyNE
2013-03-24, 05:34 AM
Sure, but it's a misquote of an old legal maxim. Here's (one version of) the original form:

When the law is against you, pound on the facts. When the facts are against you, pound on the law. When the law and the facts are against you, pound on the table.

Heh, good enough. :smallwink:

mjlush
2013-03-24, 05:43 AM
55) Bad gaming is better than no gaming.

I'm not convinced this is as 'helpful' as the other advice... Being in a bad game gives you the contacts to get invited into other hopefully better games. Or at worst gives you a store of gaming horror story's that you can dine out on:smallamused:

Darius Kane
2013-03-24, 12:00 PM
What? So now we're rating "helpfulness"? My advice is as helpful as any other in this thread, which is not at all (but that's the point). If I cared (which I don't) I could nitpick all the other advice to not be as helpful as mine. So please, lets not go into contests whose advice is better, mkay?

scurv
2013-03-24, 02:17 PM
56> Passively aggressively kill other peoples chars and roll on their loot. NPC really means Not-MY Player Char so it is ok

mjlush
2013-03-24, 03:45 PM
What? So now we're rating "helpfulness"? My advice is as helpful as any other in this thread, which is not at all (but that's the point). If I cared (which I don't) I could nitpick all the other advice to not be as helpful as mine. So please, lets not go into contests whose advice is better, mkay?

Sorry to offend but I thought that was genuinely good advice

Octopusapult
2013-03-24, 05:58 PM
57 : Mood Music is important to many games. Celine Dion, Sunny & Cher, and Nickleback are all good suggestions, and appreciated by many a D/GM.

58 : In the event that your mood music is banned, or shattered upon impact with the concrete when thrown out of the window, a good alternative is to use your iPod or other MP3 device mid-game. No one will mind.

59 : If your game is being played online through chat, it's totally acceptable to also use Facebook or skype with people other than your gamers. No one will mind when you need to be caught up every 5, 10, 20 minutes. Or whenever you decide to tab back into the game.

58 & 59 are actual complaints I've got against some past players.

Darius Kane
2013-03-24, 07:22 PM
Sorry to offend but I thought that was genuinely good advice
Except the reverse, "No gaming is better than bad gaming", is a good advice. I just reversed it to be a bad advice. And as I said, any advice can be nitpicked to be bad/good.

Scow2
2013-03-24, 07:28 PM
Except the reverse, "No gaming is better than bad gaming", is a good advice. I just reversed it to be a bad advice. And as I said, any advice can be nitpicked to be bad/good.

No gaming leaves you with nothing. Bad gaming can be salvaged if you view the challenge in the right light, and can provide contacts for Good gaming. No gaming just leaves you bored and without hope of getting into Good games.

mjlush
2013-03-25, 04:49 AM
Except the reverse, "No gaming is better than bad gaming", is a good advice. I just reversed it to be a bad advice. And as I said, any advice can be nitpicked to be bad/good.

OK Here is my post to the Really helpful advice to new players thread

55) Bad gaming is better than no gaming

I'm sorry to say but your first games are liable to suck. But don't
worry its not your fault (Here I'm making the bold assumption that your are a personable guy or gal, though you are taking advice from the Internet which indicates some personality flaws :-) :-) :-)

There are a number of ways to get into RPG's

1) A friend buys the books and thinks it sounds fun.
This is not too bad really your all newbys together and make newby mistakes.. its not going to be fine art though. The GM may take the 'GM is god' thing just a little bit too much to heart. Someone will use the game to explore the more exotic features of their sexual identity and at least one session will end as a result of a Total Party Kill (TPK) from an intra party brawling.

2) A friend invites you to join an existing group.
This is a good and a (perhaps) bad thing. It means the group is recruiting, good groups are typically closed because it has enough players and nobody willingly leaves a good group. This is a good thing in that these groups don't advertise its invitation only and they like you!... OTOH you may find the GM uses the game to explore the darker aspects of his sexual identity, one of the characters is a God (by bribery and/or rules abuse), and a least one session will end with a TPK just to feel cleansed.

3) You go to a games club
All the good games will be heavily over subscribed, the ones with few players are like that for a reason.... here you have to play your Newby card for all its worth and hope one of the organisers gets you into a good game to get you off to a good start.

Why am I telling you all this depressing stuff? Don't despair! There are better games out there. Look round the table ask the question who else is good fun, buttonhole them to see if they know of any other games going on.

Gaming is a social activity you need to be in society to get on in society

Gaming is also like pizza whan its good its very good when its bad well its still pizza. If the session is bad laugh and store it away, you can dine out on the anecdotes later

Jay R
2013-03-25, 09:16 AM
60) Talk about whatever you want to at the table. Everybody else is a gamer too, so they will share an interest in anything you want to talk about. So it's perfectly correct for two people to interrupt a game to carry out their own argument.

Octopusapult
2013-03-25, 10:35 AM
60) Talk about whatever you want to at the table. Everybody else is a gamer too, so they will share an interest in anything you want to talk about. So it's perfectly correct for two people to interrupt a game to carry out their own argument.

can't help but feel like this thread inspired this one somehow...

LeoLionxxx
2013-03-25, 08:29 PM
61) Stopping in the middle of the goblin lair to argue about who should be party leader is alwase a good idea; and if your DM starts rolling dice, tasty little XP chunks are on their way :D

62) Remember, it's ROLE playing, not ROLL playing. If your dice betray you, you can get out of most anything with some decent wording. (Some GMs give extra XP too :) )

63) Do Not Feed the Halfling!!!

Fighter1000
2013-03-25, 08:53 PM
64. When creating your character, try to make him/her as different from the other PCs as you can. This way, you'll feel extra special when you're playing the game.

65. If your GM does something that you don't like, don't hesitate to bitch-slap that mother-pheasant-plucker.

66. Do something in the game, and then after you realize it was a dumb thing to do, just say, "I take that back. What I actually do is....blah blah blah" The other players and the GM will understand completely that you made a mistake and allow you a do-over.

67. Treat every NPC as a dog treats a fire hydrant.

68. When at the gaming table, play with your dice constantly. No one will notice or care if you drop them on the hard wooden floor a few dozen times in a session. In fact, the others will be nice to enough to pick them up for you.

Darius Kane
2013-03-26, 06:25 AM
No gaming leaves you with nothing. Bad gaming can be salvaged if you view the challenge in the right light, and can provide contacts for Good gaming. No gaming just leaves you bored and without hope of getting into Good games.
Bad gaming gives bad feelings. It can and will cause anger, sadness, irritation, hate, jealousy or even boredom. If it isn't fun and makes you miserable instead, it simply isn't worth the time, time that you could use doing something different that's fun or productive. Some potential minor benefits from enduring bad gaming aren't worth it either.
No matter how you spin it, the saying "No gaming is better than bad gaming" will still ring true. Just do yourself a favor and accept it.

scurv
2013-03-26, 06:49 AM
I think how people handle a case of "Bad-Gaming" is dependent on their viewpoints, conflict resolution skills and intellect/creativity.

Although sometimes people just do not mesh.

Hyena
2013-03-26, 07:03 AM
63. Intimidating, bluffing and talking your way through every single encounter is a really good way to show the DM that you're a great role-player. Trust me.
64. NPCs are there to serve and help you, you are free to treat them as dirt - they will never object. If they do, they are the bad guys - kill them.
65. Feel free to pillage, burn and take NPCs slaves (they make a good fortune). Nobody will ever mind that, because you are the PCs.

Killer Angel
2013-03-26, 07:07 AM
No matter how you spin it, the saying "No gaming is better than bad gaming" will still ring true. Just do yourself a favor and accept it.

But bad gaming, at least, leaves you with a story to tell on forums! :smalltongue:

TuggyNE
2013-03-26, 07:17 AM
But bad gaming, at least, leaves you with a story to tell on forums! :smalltongue:

Speaking of which…

66. It's perfectly OK to go off on a tangent about something the DM or another player said that you disagree with on some point, however minor. After all, if you weren't there to correct them, how would they ever learn?

mjlush
2013-03-26, 07:36 AM
68. When at the gaming table, play with your dice constantly. No one will notice or care if you drop them on the hard wooden floor a few dozen times in a session. In fact, the others will be nice to enough to pick them up for you.

68a) Dice stacking is the highest complement you can pay your GM. Its like saying "Your building this fantastic world for us, I'm building this little tower just for you"

AgentofHellfire
2013-03-26, 07:48 AM
69. Properly acting out your alignment is important--if you're Lawful Good, fight everyone evil you see, if you're evil, take the evil option every time. If you're Chaotic, always break the law. This does mean you should kill people in the tavern in the game.
69b. The difference between Chaotic Good and Chaotic Evil is that Chaotic Good only kills and robs mean people.

Darius Kane
2013-03-26, 07:53 AM
But bad gaming, at least, leaves you with a story to tell on forums! :smalltongue:
And good gaming doesn't? Heck, any other type of gaming?

AgentofHellfire
2013-03-26, 07:54 AM
And good gaming doesn't? Heck, any other type of gaming?

Not gaming period certainly doesn't.

Frozen_Feet
2013-03-26, 11:44 AM
And good gaming doesn't? Heck, any other type of gaming?

People provenly remember bad experiences better than good ones. :smalltongue:

Also, these "advices" are not fun. I'd more like advice that's actually helpful, but so counter-intuitive you really wouldn't think of it as a first-time player.

Like, "don't eat kobolds".

mjlush
2013-03-26, 11:59 AM
And good gaming doesn't? Heck, any other type of gaming?

IMHO tales of awesome games are inherently kind of dull. Interesting and useful in a source of good ideas sort of way. But its much more fun to read about a real trainwreck.:smallbiggrin:

Darius Kane
2013-03-26, 04:39 PM
Not gaming period certainly doesn't.
Huh? you couldn't be more incorrect. I was in the army. I didn't game there, yet I have quite some interesting stories to tell. :smallconfused:


IMHO tales of awesome games are inherently kind of dull. Interesting and useful in a source of good ideas sort of way. But its much more fun to read about a real trainwreck.:smallbiggrin:
That's your opinion, not fact.

Octopusapult
2013-03-26, 04:52 PM
Huh? you couldn't be more incorrect. I was in the army. I didn't game there, yet I have quite some interesting stories to tell. :smallconfused:


That's your opinion, not fact.

I'm sure the veteran's section of the forums would be more than happy to hear them.

Sith_Happens
2013-03-26, 05:11 PM
70. "It's what my character would do" is the universal justification for anything, and as long as you say it no one is allowed to get mad at you.

mjlush
2013-03-26, 05:15 PM
Huh? you couldn't be more incorrect. I was in the army. I didn't game there, yet I have quite some interesting stories to tell. :smallconfused:


but your gaming story's for that time were rubbish:smallsmile:


That's your opinion, not fact.

IMHO that's rather what IMHO means

Darius Kane
2013-03-26, 05:32 PM
but your gaming story's for that time were rubbish:smallsmile:
So? You said stories, I have stories. You were wrong. And dull stories are certainly better than hurtful stories, unless you're emo or a masochist.


IMHO that's rather what IMHO means
You use facts as arguments, not opinions.

Pokonic
2013-03-26, 05:34 PM
71. Dragons are actualy weaker than the average creature of there supposed power level, because the game creators expected them to be used often against players. You can rush right into a dragon lair without preparing for anything major happening.

72. Same with Giants.

scurv
2013-03-26, 05:38 PM
73> Change your character sheet between sessions. The DM won't compare your new one to the old one he copied. ((now to deal with that frelling mess))

Scow2
2013-03-26, 06:26 PM
So? You said stories, I have stories. You were wrong. And dull stories are certainly better than hurtful stories, unless you're emo or a masochist.Are not all forms of gaming and play about trying to challenge yourself and overcome adversity? "Bad" gaming is merely a different type of challenge to overcome, with a different ruleset to figure out and play by. It's all a matter of perspective.


You use facts as arguments, not opinions.Except people have different tastes and approaches to gaming, as well as different worldviews about what to do when faced with a given variety of adversity. "Bad Gaming" vs. "No Gaming" is a VERY subjective field, with various tolerances.

mjlush
2013-03-26, 07:05 PM
So? You said stories, I have stories. You were wrong. And dull stories are certainly better than hurtful stories, unless you're emo or a masochist.


I'm is reasonably sure I specified gaming story's... but opinions may vary on the matter



You use facts as arguments, not opinions.

Is that a fact? :smallsmile:

Darius Kane
2013-03-26, 07:59 PM
Are not all forms of gaming and play about trying to challenge yourself and overcome adversity? "Bad" gaming is merely a different type of challenge to overcome, with a different ruleset to figure out and play by. It's all a matter of perspective.
You overcome adversity when you have no better choice. Not doing something rather than doing it and feeling bad is objectively better. I don't know how you can keep justifying bad things, it's silly. :smallsigh:


"Bad Gaming" vs. "No Gaming" is a VERY subjective field, with various tolerances.
Except it's not. It's very objective, actually. No one sane will agree with you that bad things are good when there's a simple and better alternative.


I'm is reasonably sure I specified gaming story's... but opinions may vary on the matter
No. You said stories. I'm pretty sure I can read just fine. That the stories can come from bad gaming is irrelevant, because stories can also come from things other than gaming. Potential for a story simply doesn't justify feeling bad, period.


Is that a fact? :smallsmile:
It is.

74. Do the stupidest and baddest things you can think of and then justify them by pointing out some insignificant benefit.
"Sure, I slaughtered all those innocent people in the tavern, but at least we don't have to pay for dinner. :D"

Scow2
2013-03-26, 10:47 PM
You overcome adversity when you have no better choice. Not doing something rather than doing it and feeling bad is objectively better. I don't know how you can keep justifying bad things, it's silly. :smallsigh:Do you not play games? Games are designed to challenge and provide a virtual adversity to overcome. That is ALL a game is. Almost every single form of play, every single game is about overcoming adversity. It's what we're biologically programmed to do.


Except it's not. It's very objective, actually. No one sane will agree with you that bad things are good when there's a simple and better alternative.Except "No gaming" is not a simple and better alternative, as that provides no challenge.


No. You said stories. I'm pretty sure I can read just fine. That the stories can come from bad gaming is irrelevant, because stories can also come from things other than gaming. Potential for a story simply doesn't justify feeling bad, period.But gaming stories are the only ones worth a damn on these forums, where it's a mutual interest for a large number of people. You can get over 'feeling bad', and they're worth the bragging rights you get from having an interesting story to tell. Bad gaming also builds character.


It is.
Not when it comes to deciding something that depends on a person's personality, such as tolerance for 'bad' games.

Darius Kane
2013-03-26, 11:42 PM
Do you not play games?
Do you not live in the real world? In the real world you avoid bad things, not embrace them as "challenges". If something bad happens and you can't avoid it, then you make the best of it.


Except "No gaming" is not a simple and better alternative, as that provides no challenge.
Being miserable, bored or unhappy isn't a "challenge". :smallmad: Don't you get it?


You can get over 'feeling bad', and they're worth the bragging rights you get from having an interesting story to tell. Bad gaming also builds character.
So I guess being a total **** to your gaming friends is okay, because it builds their characters and gives them bragging rights on the internet, right? It's not like behavior like that is totally unaccepted and abhorred by (almost) anyone on this very boards, right?


Not when it comes to deciding something that depends on a person's personality, such as tolerance for 'bad' games.
This isn't tolerance for bad games, this is justifying wasting time on something that makes you feel horrible.

Octopusapult
2013-03-27, 12:06 AM
This was a fun thread....

mjlush
2013-03-27, 01:48 AM
No. You said stories. I'm pretty sure I can read just fine. That the stories can come from bad gaming is irrelevant, because stories can also come from things other than gaming. Potential for a story simply doesn't justify feeling bad, period.


Could you produce that fact

Peanut Gallery
2013-03-27, 02:17 AM
74) Introduce a chaotic evil character to an already established Lawful campaign. It offers complex IC interactions and the potential for lots of roleplaying.

75) RL > Game. So if something important comes up (like Xbox, or a nap, or housework you said you were going to do yesterday, but didn't feel like it) then cancelling game is understandable. Even if it started 15 minutes ago. For the third time in a row.

Sith_Happens
2013-03-27, 02:20 AM
This was a fun thread....

It's still going as intended, albeit intermittently.

Also, I opened the spoiler in your signature.:smalltongue:

mjlush
2013-03-27, 04:12 AM
76) If the GM is running a published campaign, it is a good idea to buy and read it. This will give you time to think about how your character will respond to the various situations in the game allowing you to roleplay him/her/it with much greater realism.

scurv
2013-03-27, 05:26 AM
76a> If you bought the published campaign and your DM changes details on it. You have the right to correct them

scurv
2013-03-27, 05:28 AM
Sometimes in life crap happens and if you avoided all the crap in life. You might find yourself missing quite a bit of it. So if someone chooses to sit though a few crappy sessions they are putting in their fair effort for the DM to hone their skills. A very civic minded thing to do. And it gives a chance that maybe the campaign might turn around. Some of the best ones i was in are ones that started rough.

mjlush
2013-03-27, 06:15 AM
72. Same with Giants.

72a) Giants are great wusses and will run and hide if you use the cheat code "Seven at one blow"

Octopusapult
2013-03-27, 11:52 AM
76) If the GM is running a published campaign, it is a good idea to buy and read it. This will give you time to think about how your character will respond to the various situations in the game allowing you to roleplay him/her/it with much greater realism.


76a> If you bought the published campaign and your DM changes details on it. You have the right to correct them

This is the reason I don't like Faerun. My players knew way more about it than I did, but none of them wanted to DM. Bad times.


It's still going as intended, albeit intermittently.

Also, I opened the spoiler in your signature.:smalltongue:

I want a full page of "RE: <whatever the new title says>" without anyone noticing. Someday....

AgentofHellfire
2013-03-27, 12:17 PM
Huh? you couldn't be more incorrect. I was in the army. I didn't game there, yet I have quite some interesting stories to tell. :smallconfused:


...but not interesting gaming stories, though.


So I guess being a total **** to your gaming friends is okay, because it builds their characters and gives them bragging rights on the internet, right? It's not like behavior like that is totally unaccepted and abhorred by (almost) anyone on this very boards, right?

Willfully subjecting yourself to bad things to build from them=/=Being subjected to bad things by other people without any desire on your part.

The quoted isn't acceptable, obviously, but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't benefit from it.

mjlush
2013-03-27, 02:24 PM
This is the reason I don't like Faerun. My players knew way more about it than I did, but none of them wanted to DM. Bad times.


Much too late to help (and it probably wouldn't have helped anyway) but...

I have had a concept for a campaign for such a group. PC's get hold of a prophecy that has expired (the lost prince is dead the midnight noon happened a month ago etc etc) However if they could come up with a new interpretation and make that come true.. perhaps that's what it meant all along.

So give the players a few lines of doggerel verse and let them use their knowledge of the setting to come up the the new version.... Then as GM run round in front and come up with the adventures.....

Octopusapult
2013-03-27, 03:54 PM
Much too late to help (and it probably wouldn't have helped anyway) but...

I have had a concept for a campaign for such a group. PC's get hold of a prophecy that has expired (the lost prince is dead the midnight noon happened a month ago etc etc) However if they could come up with a new interpretation and make that come true.. perhaps that's what it meant all along.

So give the players a few lines of doggerel verse and let them use their knowledge of the setting to come up the the new version.... Then as GM run round in front and come up with the adventures.....

That is incredibly clever, I may have to steal that.

HedgehogRanger
2013-03-27, 04:57 PM
77) Everyone knows that it is expected that Rogues steal loot from the party regularly. Most parties also expect the Rogue to loot the room during a battle, so that less time is wasted after the battle, especially if the fight is against the BBEG.

LeoLionxxx
2013-03-27, 07:04 PM
79) Tieing your horse to a tree will result in it being eaten or otherwise horribly killed in some fashion. What you can so is put them in your bag of holding, making sure to open it every 10 minutes so that your horse gets enough air.

80) Splitting the party assures the mission will go faster.

81) Rust monsters are a good way to dispose of enemy weapons to make them useless. Also Works for the annoying barbarian in your group.

Darius Kane
2013-03-27, 07:39 PM
Guys, your numbers are off. >.>

LeoLionxxx
2013-03-27, 07:59 PM
Guys, your numbers are off. >.>

Opps, yes. 2 74s.

82) Paranoia is perfectly acceptable. Go ahed and check every floor tile, lift every banner, Break every gargoyal. You're sure to find a trap sooner or later.

Prince_Ornstein
2013-03-27, 08:14 PM
83. please understand that you DM has built the little town your in out of wood so it would be easier for you set everything on fire and burn to the ground.

84. everything burns...and your DM wants to see how creative you can be with fire :smallbiggrin:

Hyde
2013-03-27, 08:16 PM
85) The Tomb of Horrors is ironically named- it's more a vacation spot than a dungeon.

Octopusapult
2013-03-27, 08:24 PM
83. please understand that you DM has built the little town your in out of wood so it would be easier for you set everything on fire and burn to the ground.

84. everything burns...and your DM wants to see how creative you can be with fire :smallbiggrin:

1.) Exactly. Forest is just another word for Kindling after all.

2.) I get the reference of both your name and location. Praise the Sun.

scurv
2013-03-28, 12:09 AM
86> All classes can be duplicated with a magic item.

Killer Angel
2013-03-28, 04:18 AM
That's your opinion, not fact.

well, if you want facts...

1 - We still talk (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=277848) 'bout Lanky. How many years have passed?
2 - we have no tales of campaigns not played.

So, probably it's better to don't play, rather than play a bad game, but certainly, if you don't play you cannot share your gaming stories, while if you play a bad game, you can.

mjlush
2013-03-28, 04:49 AM
83. please understand that you DM has built the little town your in out of wood so it would be easier for you set everything on fire and burn to the ground.


83a) When you burn the town make really sure there are no survivors, The GM will only use them as recurring villains. Do this to make the campaign much shorter and simpler to play.

Darius Kane
2013-03-28, 05:05 AM
{Scrubbed}

Killer Angel
2013-03-28, 05:37 AM
{Scrubbed}

My first post (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=14968719&postcount=55) on the matter, wasn't serious.
Neither Mjlush's one (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=14970007&postcount=62).
Your answers were.
You want a serious answer? Bad games are bad, and no gaming is better than wasting time and having no fun, BUT, a bad game leaves you with a story to tell, if you're able to make fun of it. No one should partecipate to a bad game, knowing already it will be bad, but if it happens and you're there, you live with it.
A bad game is bad, but don't be too much dramatic about it, 'cause it remains a game: I was citing Lanky only 'cause it is an extreme case, not 'cause I'm going to make an apology of raping. :smallannoyed:

Darius Kane
2013-03-28, 05:59 AM
No one should partecipate to a bad game, knowing already it will be bad, but if it happens and you're there, you live with it.
Obviously, but no one is forcing you to continue being there. I more than clearly stated that you should make what you can out of a bad situation if you can't avoid it, but subjugating yourself to bad things for some half-arsed reasons is stupid. I know you're not trying to justify rape, it was a hyperbole, but I hope you finally realized how absurd you sounded. And it doesn't matter that it's just a game, because people can get seriously hurt (physically or psychically) over virtually anything and it being a game doesn't make the bad any less bad.

Killer Angel
2013-03-28, 06:04 AM
Obviously, but no one is forcing you to continue being there.

That's why, when we have threads regarding "DM horror story", a good amount of the posts, ends with "...and at that point, I leaved". :smallwink:


I know you're not trying to justify rape, it was a hyperbole, but I hope you finally realized how absurd you sounded.

Yep, hyperboles should be avoided, internet debating is already sufficiently open to misunderstandings. :smallsmile:

mjlush
2013-03-28, 07:00 AM
87) Roleplaying games tend to be short lasting one or two sessions at most (you do hear about games that go on for years but that's because there badly run and the GM/players are idiots who don't know how to win the game). By following all the advice in this thread you will ensure that all the game your involved in will stay close to the normal length.

mjlush
2013-03-28, 08:29 AM
A bad game is bad, but don't be too much dramatic about it, 'cause it remains a game: I was citing Lanky only 'cause it is an extreme case, not 'cause I'm going to make an apology of raping. :smallannoyed:

Lanky's tale is quite instructive in that he was left with a group of presumably normal players (and an epic plagiarised tale)

Scow2
2013-03-28, 03:34 PM
Obviously, but no one is forcing you to continue being there. I more than clearly stated that you should make what you can out of a bad situation if you can't avoid it, but subjugating yourself to bad things for some half-arsed reasons is stupid. I know you're not trying to justify rape, it was a hyperbole, but I hope you finally realized how absurd you sounded. And it doesn't matter that it's just a game, because people can get seriously hurt (physically or psychically) over virtually anything and it being a game doesn't make the bad any less bad.
The absurd opinion here is that it's impossible to have fun even in a bad campaign. The metagame can be EXTREMELY amusing, even if the GM and players are bad - Remember, it's all just a game. If you're taking it so seriously that you can't have any fun, then you need to either leave... or lighten up.

Yes, it's best to leave if you're in a bad game and can't have any fun with it. But the fun doesn't inherently have to be in-session. It can also be fun once you stop taking the game seriously, allowing you to see how deep the rabbit hole goes, or actively taking longshots to quietly crash the campaign in a blaze of glory, and trying to see what bull**** you can get away with that you wouldn't attempt/wish on a "Good" game.

And you can also have fun through indirect means, such as sharing the stories and laughing at the bad game, or using a bad campaign group to springboard into a better one.

stupiddDice
2013-03-28, 04:23 PM
88) DMs hate it when you find an action that will automatically solve whatever problem you are currently facing and will attempt to prevent this by causing you to doubt yourself. They do this with the phrase "are you sure?". If you hear this phrase used, proceed with gusto.

89) beholders and aboleths are stupid monster that DMs throw in campaigns for cheap XP.

90) the best feats are the ones that give +2 to skills. Take them at every opportunity.

91) max out swim. All DMs are aquaphiles just waiting to drown the party to fulfill their sick desires

edit: numbering

scurv
2013-03-28, 04:44 PM
{Scrubbed}

scurv
2013-03-28, 04:46 PM
{Scrubbed}

Darius Kane
2013-03-28, 04:57 PM
{Scrubbed}

scurv
2013-03-28, 05:03 PM
{Scrubbed}

Darius Kane
2013-03-28, 05:20 PM
{Scrubbed}

scurv
2013-03-28, 06:01 PM
{Scrubbed}

Darius Kane
2013-03-28, 06:15 PM
{Scrubbed}

scurv
2013-03-28, 06:17 PM
{Scrubbed}

Darius Kane
2013-03-28, 06:19 PM
{Scrubbed}

scurv
2013-03-28, 06:22 PM
{Scrubbed}

Ehra
2013-03-28, 09:12 PM
{Scrubbed}

Jay R
2013-03-28, 09:20 PM
92. The villain is always nearby, disguised as somebody innocuous. Just slay the first commoner you find. (If the DM didn't want him to die, he wouldn't have introduced him into the game.)

Sith_Happens
2013-03-28, 09:32 PM
Wrong opinion is wrong. I'm making sure it's clear.
And it wasn't me who started it by nitpicking my first post as being somehow not "helpful" enough, and then continued with it, despite my request.

You realize that this thread is for bad advice, right?

tbok1992
2013-03-28, 09:33 PM
You compared sticking with a "bad" D&D session to actual rape (whether you later tried to backtrack is irrelevant). Your posts get more unreal as time goes on, I don't know what your problem is but you should probably just stop.

To be fair, I have heard horror stories of DMs raping PCs in game, including one in a space campaign that was basically "Pregnancy Fetish: The Setting!", where a female player's PC got hentaicled and was not allowed in-universe to abort the resulting horror-spawn. At that point, I'm pretty sure playing in Piss World from Gunshow would be preferable.

But yeah, comparing it to actual rape is a bit much.

93. If you see something that looks like a Beholder but isn't attacking you, it's probably a pinata. Hit it to break it open and release the "delicious candy" within!

94. The first thing you should do when you get to Sigil is pray to The Lady Of Pain as loudly as possible. She really likes that.

Darius Kane
2013-03-28, 09:35 PM
{Scrubbed}

Hyde
2013-03-28, 09:46 PM
We still talk (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=277848) 'bout Lanky. How many years have passed?


I saw this, and I was all "Hey, I wonder if it's my thread?"
And then I was all "It is my thread!"
And then I thought that it was weird that my recent threads have actually started surviving more than a day or two.

Hello, thread!

Killer Angel
2013-03-29, 03:33 AM
I saw this, and I was all "Hey, I wonder if it's my thread?"
And then I was all "It is my thread!"

:smallbiggrin:


95. You should check this build, is named Pun Pun. Or this trick, is called Chain Gate - Wish Abuse. They're very helpful, you DM will be happy to have a competent character.

scurv
2013-03-29, 05:28 AM
{Scrubbed}

mjlush
2013-03-29, 05:29 AM
96) If you see a bunnyrabbet sitting on a tree stump. Its a stump bunny which grants wishes if you can catch it by hand on your first attempt.

97) Don't sweat over grammar, homonyms and the like when phrasing a wish, The GM will know what you mean and grant the intent rather than the actual phrasing

98) D&D wishes have unlimited power but are very rare. So always ask for as much as possible to get the most out of them.

99) The best way to deal with a vampire is a staring match,

99a) There are many monsters where you can get up to a +5 (bravery) bonus on diplomacy if you state that you are looking them right in the eye.

mjlush
2013-03-29, 05:47 AM
You know I think it would make quite a fun one off where everyone plays as is a helpfully advised new player.

edit: or perhaps to make it a bit less metagame the adventurers had been helpfully advised.

navar100
2013-03-29, 07:51 AM
100) If you encounter a creature imprisoned with magic, free it. That's why you encountered it.

scurv
2013-03-29, 10:08 AM
100a> After you free it, Kill it with fire because that's what all npc's are for.

Water_Bear
2013-03-29, 11:08 AM
101. Tabletop games operate just like the Legend of Zelda or Mass Effect; when the badguy announces their plan to destroy the world, feel free to froof around and explore the whole map. After all, the ritual can't happen until you get to the the boss fight, so it's better to level grind in the mean time.

102. Villains enter cryogenic suspension while offscreen, and the re-heating process tends to dull their memories of past events. So expect them to be exactly as powerful as they were the last time you fought, and keep using the same tactics against them over and over.

103. Since roleplaying is essentially improv acting, don't be afraid to pull out the big guns. Monty Python and Dead Alewives references add to any FRPG's atmosphere, and should be made as frequently as possible.

a. By this token, any Vampire game can be improved with a few thousand Twilight jokes. As can any Werewolf game for that matter.
b. No-one is wittier than Mel Brooks! Your Star Wars game will benefit from his timeless Spaceballs jokes, which only ever get funnier with repetition.

104. All editions of Dungeons and Dragons play exactly the same way and have the same intended audiences. So if the people playing their 4e/3.5/AD&D/OSR game aren't doing things the same way you would in your favorite edition, they are filthy heretics and must be taught how to play correctly. They will resist at first but eventually bow to your righteous wisdom.

105. Trying to portray mental illness accurately is boring and will just bring everyone down. It is much better to act like a drunk Dadaist performance artist and generally behave like there are no consequences for your actions. When in doubt, hit the nearest authority figure with a fish.

Lord Torath
2013-03-29, 11:13 AM
103. Since roleplaying is essentially improv acting, don't be afraid to pull out the big guns. Monty Python and Dead Alewives references add to any FRPG's atmosphere, and should be made as frequently as possible.

a. By this token, any Vampire game can be improved with a few thousand Twilight jokes. As can any Werewolf game for that matter.
b. No-one is wittier than Mel Brooks! Your Star Wars game will benefit from his timeless Spaceballs jokes, which only ever get funnier with repetition.
You are a baaaad man! ...err...Bear!

Sith_Happens
2013-03-30, 12:16 AM
106. The fictional card game "Three Dragon Ante" is traditionally played with a deck of 22 ivory or vellum cards. Some such decks are known to possess a powerful enchantment guaranteeing the victory of their owner, which registers an "overwhelming" magical aura.

scurv
2013-03-30, 06:57 AM
107> Play exotic races, The stranger the better. Then insist that your DM's world be so cosmopolitan that your 4 hoofed Minotaur is accepted without reaction penalty.

mjlush
2013-03-30, 08:58 AM
108) GM's love player created races and classes it shows engagement and commitment to the game. However they will start out with a show of reluctance that is just a test of your resolve.

Fighter1000
2013-03-30, 11:20 AM
109. Every chest you encounter in a dungeon, poke it with a stick before trying to open it. It is a mimic

Negativethac0
2013-03-30, 11:43 AM
110. When the GM presents the new and mysterious NPC (for whom he's had a unique picture drawn), who also suffers from amnesia, he expects you to come up with a new name for him. Don't fall into the old trap and pick something in line with the setting. Instead go for Frank, Bob or something related to genitals. He will applaud you for thinking out of the box.

scurv
2013-03-30, 11:46 AM
110. When the GM presents the new and mysterious NPC (for whome he's had a unique picture drawn), who also suffers from amnesia, he expects you to come up with a new name for him. Don't fall into the old trap and pick something in line with the setting. Instead go for Frank, Bob or something related to genitals. He will applaud you for thinking out of the box.

I have seen the expression on a DM's face when you do it. Although that is a good start to getting the CR of the campaign boosted

mjlush
2013-03-30, 01:08 PM
110. When the GM presents the new and mysterious NPC (for whom he's had a unique picture drawn), who also suffers from amnesia, he expects you to come up with a new name for him. Don't fall into the old trap and pick something in line with the setting. Instead go for Frank, Bob or something related to genitals. He will applaud you for thinking out of the box.

110a) This NPC should be killed and/or ditched at the first opportunity. Amnesia basically means that the GM hasn't thought up a background for this character, so you doing a service by killing them off and saving the GM the trouble of coming up with one.

The Glyphstone
2013-03-31, 09:12 PM
Great Modthulhu: Thread locked for review.