Killing Joke.

[MidgetMarine]

I was recently reading the Divine Prankster Class.
And saw the Killing Joke ability.
Now, This is probably my favourite class feature I have ever seen.
I love it.

And, I started thinking of some pretty bad jokes.

1.Hey, beast! down here! Guess who I'm going to kill?

Who?

Gee, I'm glad you Tarr-asked.

2.Did you hear about the dwarf who got into a fight?

His arch enemy was Duer-regarding him angrily.


3.Did you hear about the elf who was exiled?

He DROW-ned his sorrows.

4.What do you call a magical thief with a crutch?

An Ar-CANE trickster.

These have resulted in much groaning from my fellow players.
But, as rather massive fan of puns, I wanted to see your best 'Killing Jokes' relating to D&D

[Arbane]

But, as rather massive fan of puns, I wanted to see your best 'Killing Jokes' relating to D&D

For all your terrible D&D pun needs: Weregeek (http://www.weregeek.com/2013/03/18/).

[karkus]

What about that one from Monty Python? Do you have to translate the joke into Goblinoid and then shout it into the dungeons?

[Karnith]

What about that one from Monty Python? Do you have to translate the joke into Goblinoid and then shout it into the dungeons?
You could just leave it in its original non-German (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehAoqKAQI3s).

[Venger]

keep an eye out over here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=274122&page=17) since I think you were one of the chefs. we're starting up a gnome pun chain, so that's pretty related.

you" knock knock"
victim" who's there?"
you" gnobody! AHAHAAAHAHHAHHAHHAH!"

[Kalaska'Agathas]

What about that one from Monty Python? Do you have to translate the joke into Goblinoid and then shout it into the dungeons?


You could just leave it in its original non-German (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehAoqKAQI3s).

The joke, here spoilered for safety, goes thus:
Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

[gallagher]

The joke, here spoilered for safety, goes thus:
Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

thank goodness I only speak a little german, I got a nose bleed and broke my toe reading that

[Krazzman]

thank goodness I only speak a little german, I got a nose bleed and broke my toe reading that

Yeah it's a bit clunky... clunky nonsense.

Either that or I am Immune to it's effect... :D

[navar100]

A beholder was attacking a sylvan forest. A satyr was giving a battle report to the treant general.

Satyr: "The beholder aimed its anti-magic eye upwards against the flying fairies. A nymph in a tree got caught by the anti-magic ray and plummeted straight down into the beholder's eye, blinding it."

Treant: "So what you're saying is . . . "

Satyr: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

[Guizonde]

a cleric adresses a vampire:

if i may be so blunt (beans vamp with a mallet), you took your time. i've been board to death (shield bash). i've been on a stake-out (guess) all night, whereas you've been flying around. no more! i'll clip your wings now, and you're grounded (stake'd!) until further notice!

*flees*

[navar100]

Unknown by most players Remove Fear can counter and dispel Rope Trick. The rope becomes a frayed knot.

[Shining Wrath]

Unknown by most players Remove Fear can counter and dispel Rope Trick. The rope becomes a frayed knot.

Most excellent.

Q: Why do dragons sleep days?
A: They fight knights.

Q: How many barbarians does it take to change the oil in a lantern?
A: 7. One to pour the oil *up* into the lantern, and six to lie on the ground and blow upwards to create a raging breeze.

[wrybread]

The wizard Rary, of Rary's Telepathic Bond fame, wanted to try living as a woman; in particular he wanted to look like one of the main female characters from Final Fantasy VII. He consulted all the most known Clerics, Wizards and Oracles of the land and discovered, to his disappointment, that the only Girdle of Femininity/Masculinity was on the other side of the Continent. He asked his allies to journey with him to find the artifact but they said...

"Hmm, that's a long way to Tifa Rary!"

[Shining Wrath]

How can you tell when a Red Dragon is hiding under your bed?
You can smell the maidens on his breath.

What did the elf say to the dwarf?
As little as possible.

[navar100]

Why did the paladin let the undead cleric go? He was a heceuva guy.

[Malimar]

My favorite terrible D&D pun comes from Lore Fitzgerald Sjöberg (of Brunching Shuttlecocks (http://brunching.com/) and Bad Gods (http://badgods.com/) fame). It probably wouldn't work in a serious campaign:


A fifth-level paladin drives his car to the repair shop.

He gets out and says to the mechanic "It's really weird. Normally I fight for justice and righteousness, but every time I get in this car I have this incredible urge to run over old ladies, drive way past the speed limit, and pick up hitchhiking demons. Can you help me?"

The machanic looks the car over and says "Yeah, I see what the problem is. Your alignment's off."