Problem Player

[Trasilor]

So, I recently joined a new group and I am having some difficulty with one of the players...

Basically the player is a DM-hog. When he gets excited, he literally jump and down to get the DM's attention. This has become very distracting. Mostly because the DM responds to his actions, thus reinforcing the behavior.

The problem is that I am new to this group. I don't want to come off as confrontational or whiny to these guys. I want to get into this game, but it becomes a distraction when this player is literally standing over me.

My question to you playgrounders: how have you handled disruptive (to you) players when you join a new group?

[Gerrtt]

Put a d4 on his chair the next time he gets excited.

Nah...talk to the DM, but make it about the DM's choice to reward the behavior. Heck, it may bug the DM too and by bringing it up you may help the DM feel empowered to talk to the player about.

Don't be harsh or critical, just say you've noticed the behavior in the player and that it gets on your nerves a little. Bonus points if you have the discussion over pizza and beer/mountain dew.

[Shining Wrath]

You need to talk to the DM privately, and possibly also to the other player. Politeness, humbleness, and listening are your allies.

[Trasilor]

Put a d4 on his chair the next time he gets excited.


I bet I could make it look like an accident.....:smallamused:

Seriously though, you may be onto something. The DM did seem to be a bit annoyed the last game.

[Malachei]

So, I recently joined a new group and I am having some difficulty with one of the players...

Basically the player is a DM-hog. When he gets excited, he literally jump and down to get the DM's attention. This has become very distracting. Mostly because the DM responds to his actions, thus reinforcing the behavior.

The problem is that I am new to this group. I don't want to come off as confrontational or whiny to these guys. I want to get into this game, but it becomes a distraction when this player is literally standing over me.

My question to you playgrounders: how have you handled disruptive (to you) players when you join a new group?

I'd say first of all, wait. If you've only recently joined the group, and the other players have, perhaps, been playing longer in this game, you should, first of all, wait. Take the time to observe how others, including the DM, react to the behavior of the player. Do they feel it is fine? Do you perceive they might be slightly irritated? In any case, take your time before you talk to the DM or the player in question. Also, it would help you if you could find out what's more of a problem to you: The player acting that way or the DM reacting - because this implies whom you would need to talk to personally.

[feyanor]

I agree with Shining Wrath.

I had the same problem once and it worked out fine, by talking to the DM and the player in private.

I think it is important to be polite and not accusse the player, but present it as something to be discussed, not as a fault of his.

Edit: The waiting part is a good point, it may have been high spirits on the players part and he may usually be a more settled character.

[Dr_S]

I feel like at times, I might be this type of player.

So just from a player perspective, I tend to get so wrapped up in some of the more exciting parts that while I consciously recognize that there are other players at the table I have a hard time waiting for my turn, and if you have timid players it makes it all the easier to not make sure everyone's included.

As a DM I also ran a group that consisted of 3 overbearing players like me, and 3 really timid players, and I could tell that the 3 timid players weren't having as much fun because they don't like to interupt people and thus were barely roleplaying. I went out of my way to include the more timid players, and I spoke to the other guys, just let them know that I wanted to make sure everyone was having fun.

Being excited about the game should be considered a positive, and I think "problem player" should be reserved for those who've been consulted about an issue hurting the game and aren't actively making any effort to change.

If you talk to the DM and the player, it should be easy to resolve this, or at least get the player to realize what he's doing and make him willing to dial it back a bit (though it can be hard at times to change overnight, be patient)

When you talk about it though:
1) Don't antagonize the player you have issues with
-a) Don't be accusatory
-b) Don't be abrasive
-c) Don't make threats or demands to the player or the DM
All of these things will put them on the defensive, and be unwilling to hear you
2) Be patient
As I said, this is a base personality issue, someone's not going to overhaul their entire personality, but they can learn methods to cope
3) Be assertive (though not confrontational)
-a) Don't be afraid to interrupt this player on occasion (when they get carried away, not just because you feel like it)
-b) Don't be afraid to tell this player no
-c) Try not to let your character get pushed around unless it's a roleplay thing (i.e. you're roll playing a total pushover)
All conflicts are 2 way streets, while I'm not letting your problem player off the hook, unwillingness to be assertive with people who tend to act like this means that they're blissfully unaware of what's up while it's happening. A simple "hey save some roleplay for the rest of us" may be all you need to defuse an individual situation.

So as a DM for a player like this, and as a player who occasionally struggles with this my final thoughts are some things that I've noticed that can help the flow of the game.

DMs:
be aware of body language of your players, are those less assertive members of the group falling asleep, playing on their phone? get them involved.

Periodically ask those that are getting the least amount of face time, what their character is doing. Get them thinking about it, that way if something another player does conflicts with their character, they won't just let it happen as easily.

Don't be afraid to say "we're going to resolve this first then we'll get to your thing." to players who interrupt.

Players who struggle with this:
Remember, 2 minds are greater than the sum of their parts. Another player may think of something that you wouldn't, so maybe actions other players are taking will inspire you, so let them goddamn finish so you can be fully inspired. This means too, that they may take an approach that you wouldn't have thought of, which gives you an idea they wouldn't thought of, which gives them another idea you wouldn't have thought of, and you suddenly create some super idea that neither of you would have come up with on your own. (Also give credit where it's due when someone inspires you in this way)

Sometimes it's hard to keep your damn mouth shut... instead of hijacking the conversation, think of it like 2 friends playing ping pong. You don't go "ok stop the game, it's my turn whoever has the higher score is playing me now" no, you say "hey I've got next" or "I've got winner," this is the same thing except you don't have to wait as long, "I've got a thing when you're done with that" then wait as patiently as you can.

Find an activity, related to the game, to distract you when you feel you're being overbearing. Playing on your phone is distracting, researching what spells you want for your character is less so. If you're like our group who plays games in 3 different systems (pathfinder, d20 modern, star wars) then odds are there's something you can stand to learn from one of the books, maybe read up on the pathfinder chase rules, those are fun.

After you've called next, if you're getting antsy, step away from the table, refill your drink, hit the loo, go stretch, order the pizza you forgot to get on the way to the game. make it brief so you're on hand when it comes around to your turn to do your thing, but it eases the wait.

[Ace Nex]

Most people beat me to the punch here. Talk with the DM about it, perhaps the player also, in private. Diplomacy is an often over-looked solution to many problems. I had this kind of problem in a campaign once, and instead of talking it out things between the two guys got confrontational. While we did manage to eventually simmer things down, it really brought down the mood of the group and the setting.

[Trasilor]

@ Malachei. I agreed to wait; we are coming up on or 5th session. Bit more back story: this is a new game with some other new players. I am not sure how many games this DM has ran before, I do know that they have played (are playing) in other games together (DM and "problem player"). But you are correct in your assertion of my dilemma: is this their 'normal' play style?

If this is NOT normal, then I am more annoyed at the DM for allowing this type of behavior.

If this is normal behavior, then I am more annoyed a the player for interrupting. He is the only player at the 'table' who does this.

@Dr_S Thank you for giving me some insight into this player's mind :smallamused:. Your suggestions go a long way.

Part of the problem is I DM another game, and I would not put up with these actions. I would remind the player that a) I am talking to another player b) if it so important that they are about to explode, just write it down. Of course I tend to game with older 'gents and we tend to be less excitable. :smallamused:

[Dr_S]

@Dr_S Thank you for giving me some insight into this player's mind . Your suggestions go a long way.
Part of the problem is I DM another game, and I would not put up with these actions. I would remind the player that a) I am talking to another player b) if it so important that they are about to explode, just write it down. Of course I tend to game with older 'gents and we tend to be less excitable. :smallamused:

I'm relatively new to the whole group role playing scene, as such I get excited in the same way I might when playing a video game on my own, where I don't have to worry about interrupting people.

When I run my games I'd rather have people be excited and have to wrangle them a bit than the opposite.

However one group I played with, we had a lot of overbearing personalities (a friend was teaching us) and one player who is absolutely the opposite, and won't be assertive no matter what. Due to the size of the group the DM decided that it'd be best to run combat in a 2 phase method where player turns didn't matter, just enemies then players, and on the player phase we all went in whatever order instead of by initiative... which meant the one player almost never actually took his turn because the DM would move on to the enemies without making sure everyone took their turn. That DM was a terrible DM all around and I think he actually ruined the game for a few of the people playing in that group, as they were still learning and he did such a piss poor job of introducing the game.

So the moral of the story is DM intervention is probably required, but the player isn't likely doing it on purpose.

[hymer]

It seems you have it sort of in hand already. I'll just mention this:
Sometimes, a well placed "Please don't interrupt." is all it takes. Sometimes it takes three times before they get the hang of it. This is obviously not for anyone (whether saying it or hearing it) or for any situation, but if you feel so inclined, polite assertion may serve you well.