Humorous things that have come up in RP

[jebbewocky]

Not d&d specific, so I put it here.

So, my campaign features a Lizardfolk, a Hobgoblin rogue, a gnome sorceror, and a dwarf cleric. The hook I'm using to get the party to meet is that the party (except the cleric) are all basically squatters in a HUGE city (think NYC).

The gnome, who is paranoid, ex-military, has paid some local kids to tell him if anything weird happens. The kids names are Jenny(11), Jerry(9), and Jeffy(5), who are siblings, and half-elf, half-orc, and half-ogre respectively (I DO have a somewhat involved backstory for all this actually).

Anyway, Jerry gets kidnapped. So, they have to save him.
The hobgoblin player decides to talk to Jenny

PC: So..would your mom be interested in having a half-hobgoblin anytime soon?
Jenny: I..I don't think dad would like that.
PC: ..when you say your dad, you mean your step-dad?
Jenny: Yep.
PC: So..so that'd be Jeffy's dad then?
Jenny: Mmhmm.
PC: ...here's a gold piece. Don't tell your Dad I said that.
Jenny: K.

----
Anyway, they find out Jerry has been kidnapped by one of the gentry. He tells the PCs he wants them to take care of a goblin problem for him. It's important to note in my setting that hobgoblins see themselves as being the superior kind of goblin, because they're the only ones with discipline.

The PCs go in, slaughter the goblins, and then interrogate the last one.

During the interrogation:
Rogue: So, did that other goblin mean anything to you?
Goblin: He was my cousin!
Rogue: Did you like your cousin?
Goblin: Umm..not if you don't want me to?

(The player with the cleric was playing a cleric I rolled up as pre-gen because he was also playing the gnome and we were missing a cleric. He starts to argue that they shouldn't kill the goblin.)

ME: Wait, why do you have a problem killing this guy? He's a goblin.
Cleric: you don't kill guys that have surrendered. That's not what good guys do.
Me: Check the alignment on that sheet.
Cleric player: Oh, he's True Neutral. Yeah, I cave his head in with my mace.

[Eldonauran]

ME: Wait, why do you have a problem killing this guy? He's a goblin.
Cleric: you don't kill guys that have surrendered. That's not what good guys do.
Me: Check the alignment on that sheet.
Cleric player: Oh, he's True Neutral. Yeah, I cave his head in with my mace.

:smallsmile: I have this same internal debate everytime I make a decision with my True Neutral Sorcerer. I typically play Good/Lawful characters (It closely mirrors my view of things) and I seem hardwired to respond in a manner that reflects this. Playing the sorcerer helps me develop a perspective on other ways of thinking.

My debate ends a bit differently that yours:

Sorcerer player: Oh, he's True Neutral. In that case, I beat the crap out of him and leave him unconcious on the floor.
LG mindset: No! You can't leave him like that! Something is going to eat him in a very painful manner or he'll get better and cause a bunch more evil! Kill him or turn him in!
Sorcerer player: TN. I don't care. *walks off like a boss*

[jebbewocky]

The only time I've ever played good was because the DM Evil alignments and Chaotic Neutral (barbarian, so LN was out). I tend to play True Neutral.

Oh, and I played an NG Wizard who gradually moved to True Neutral in 4E.

I'm not naturally altruistic, and tend to see things in shades of grey, so playing Good is actually fairly difficult for me.

Honestly, I'd say my own alignment is probably True Neutral.

I kind of want to play an NG Radiant Servant of Pelor and play him as very Quaker and Buddhist based though. Like, doesn't do lethal damage to humanoids, even orcs kinda guy.

[TaiLiu]

Shouldn't this be placed in Roleplaying Games (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=30)...? :smallconfused:

[thubby]

i was playing my eponymous NG troll Thubby. a barbarian/fighter. we were ambushed and the party wizard (his best friend) was killed in the surprise round. so I raged and waded in. over the course of the fight my weapons broke. this was the end result

me: ok, i grab the nearest metal object and bludgeon the bandits to death with it!
party cleric: oh hell...
*everyone looks at the board, his character is in full plate and directly adjacent to thubby*
DM: roll grapple checks

thubby proceeded to kill them all and knock the cleric into severe unconsciousness. you have not had surreal until you have cleaved a gnoll in half using a dwarf.

[Mnemophage]

Here is a tip for DMs: The moment the words "flying mount" trip liltingly from the mouth of either yourself or one of your players, you SMACK IT DOWN WITH EXTREME VENGEANCE. Pegasi are the destroyers of plots. Giant birds will ruin all your ideas. Wyverns are the terror of all your plans. Don't even think about your players riding dragons, for that dread concept may well summon it into horrible reality. Do not, ever, include a nation which fields anything that rides a flying mount, even if their position on the world map would make it exceptionally practical to do so. The minute your players see that majestic legion of elven lancers sailing through the air on giant hawks, one of them will want one - or worse, ALL of them will want one. You will spend the rest of your campaign either having all of your carefully-considered plans blown past or picked apart by your now-perpetually airborne players, or figuring out how to kill every single one of them and fighting your players about it all the while.

I know, because I was the cause of so much chaos. I was playing an elven ranger, and through some sort of insane contrivance managed to get myself a tame giant eagle mount and enough points in Ride to be able to reliably ride the thing around while firing from its back. The eagle was originally introduced as the mount of a sorcerer that we had murdered handily, and then a few really good rolls by both myself and the party druid managed to keep this thing from flying away long enough for us to get our Handle Animal on. The DM had not tailored any of his plot to deal with a party member continually in the air. He began trying to either kill or discourage the use of the eagle, which only encouraged me further in my use and protection of the thing. His attempts got more and more transparent and contrived, which pissed off EVERYBODY, which led to further derailing as the entire group was now patiently dismantling his anti-eagle defense system while I kept flying around ruining all his ideas.

I think the moment I broke his spirit for good and set him to flinging wizard gargoyles, territorial dracoliches and other airborne crap about was the thing with the castle. See, we had repelled a huge city siege and had been tasked to take the fight to the castle that the enemy orcs/dark elves/lizardfolk/generic bad guys had taken over. It was a big structure, well-defended but still in a state of repair, filled with places to sneak and things to sabotage and havoc to wreak. As a means of discouraging the goddamn eagle, he had loaded the parapets with expert archers who knew about my eagle and had constant eyes on the sky.

Unfortunately, I had caltrops. A lot of caltrops. I had picked them up at the start of the adventure and had them hanging around without having used them. I got the party to back off. I emptied bag after bag of caltrops over the castle at a height I could be assured the archers could not reach. Terminal velocity did the rest of my work for me. Myself and the party swooped in and mopped up the rest as the DM just responded in single words and offered no resistance.

After that, swarms of vargouilles and the aforementioned wizard gargoyles and increasingly weird things would plague the sky anytime I attempted to leave the ground. The eagle would eventually be killed by a high-level supposedly allied wizard with a Finger of Death out of nowhere. Two sessions later, the entire adventure moved onto a boat.

Unless your campaign takes place on a series of floating islands where everyone has flying mounts, don't even think about them. Though that does give me an idea...

[Bastian Weaver]

He should've moved the action underground, in caves and low corridors with no place for the mighty eagle to proudly soar. Or better yet, move it all underwater! Can you imagine a water-breathing eagle deep under the sea? Maybe with an air sphere around it or something...
Now I want to do it.

[Lorsa]

Shouldn't this be placed in Roleplaying Games (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=30)...? :smallconfused:

Yes it probably should.

[dupersudi]

So I am part of a group that has only met a couple of times so far, during our second session we were resting for a night when one of us stupidly reminded the DM about random encounters( I think it was me). He let one of the players roll the random encounter roll and we got a Gray Render. Now I'm playing a 5th(now 6th YAY!) cleric who has been raising bloody skeletons left and right so at that point I had 5 humanoid bloody skeletons and 1 warg bloody skeleton that actually did pretty well against the render. We manage to kill the thing and find out that base humanoid skeletons really suck. So after that the DM tells me I can raise it if I release all the other undead, so I do it because it was so much cooler than some humanoids and a warg.
Our next combat encounter was at a bridge over a chasm that we were supposed to destroy and we expected some hobgoblin resistance, there was a dragon too. Not an ancient one or anything but still a freaking dragon. And our plan to avoid combat failed pretty spectacularly. So my Render charges on the bridge and attacks the dragon. Well one of the fun things about a Gray Renders claw attacks are that they automatically grab when they hit. So I had the Render grapple the dragon:smallbiggrin:. It works and I try to get it to fall off the bridge while holding the dragon. That doesn't work, nobody falls off the bridge but the DM makes the dragon fly away because if you just got grappled by a big continuously bleeding skeleton and almost fell into a chasm you wouldn't want to stay near it. So hilarity ensues everyone almost dies and starts running away from the dragon, the render is still on the bridge and I'm just having a blast making it drop all the hobgoblins off the side of the bridge.
So my character nearly dies and our Beguiler manages to lead the dragon off, giving us some time to regroup and form a new plan, we decide to use the Render as a distraction and figure out to destroy the bridge, which we do, and I have the Render stand on the other side of the chasm and piss off the dragon, so the DM has it land and attack with it's breath attack which the Render narrowly survives, but it is within reach and this time both the grapple and the movement off the bridge worked. So my Render grapples the dragon off the bridge. Unfortunately this didn't kill the dragon but it was close enough to death the DM had it hightail it out of there and we had decided not to stick around thinking it wouldn't work again. The Render being a Bloody Skeleton and all just stood up an hour later and climbed out of the chasm. It is now my favorite thing.