GITP Fantasy Blood Bowl Cup- Season III [Matches, Standing and Schedule]

[kurokotetsu]

GITP Fantasy Blood Bowl Cup - Season III


This thread is where you will see results, leaders, upcoming matches, and highlights. Think of it as our own little Spike! Magazine. When highlights get posted, you will recieve a PM directing you here. Feel free to add trash-talk, boasting, and all manner of Blood Bowl talk here.

If you're looking to manage players or make changes to your team, you want the Team Management Thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=277321).

Blood Bowl Rulebook can be found Here (http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m750496a_BB_Competition_Rules_Pack.pdf).


http://imageshack.us/a/img402/368/fantasycup.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/402/fantasycup.png/)

All-Star Week Recap
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/DivisionA.png
VS.
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/DivisionC3.png

Division A vs. Division C
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/divc_diva_1.jpg

We got all the excitement we could hope form an All-Star match in the first game of our little League. Things were looking good for the Division A. They got Wilhem Boulder out quickly and Distraction countered the game plan of acting commissioner Kurokotetsu, going for a running game instead of Göndul’s passing strength. Ackbar was especially stupid, not moving a single step during the whole drive. With this good luck, Distraction didn’t have any problems to even get past the blocks of Derk and Amateratsu, scoring early and hard. The strength of Division A was overwhelming and Division C was looking bleak.

The veterans of Triple-S and Die Valkyrie were also ready to show their defense. The Amazons lead a charge against Amateratsu, sealing her moves. Her blocking team was doing their best, but with Derk without thralls, on account of both of them being on the line away from him, even that was a step away from falling apart. The vampire did his job, even if knocking Edrad meant he lost consciousness for the rest of the game. Still Amateratsu was pressured but managed to get out of problems. The star runner seemed that was going to be able to break the good blitz of the Division A. But Oatlhui’s Prehensile Tail stopped her dead on her tracks. Still the ball was past the Lien of Scrimmage and when Göndul missed a pass Division C was ready to react. Ackbar awoke and found an unlucky Romdin in front, causing a fatal injury that the apothecaries couldn’t heal. The skinks where there to literally pick up the ball, and Princess Leia was too fast for Division A scoring for the first time.

The half was about to end but Division A is an offensive powerhouse, with the mobility of Distraction and Göndul’s passes. After such an effective first drive Distraction was on even better ground. Distracion wasn’t feeling any pressure. With an unstoppable running she found Tenghui deep in enemy territory. An easy hand off for a good Skink to run for a touchdown. But Elves and Lizardmen aren’t used to cooperate, and the abll was lost. It fell directly into Lucius’ hands. And in a desperate move, a team that wasn’t geared to passing took a chance. Lucius prayed to Nuffle and threw a very long pass. And found Apopulmec deep in opposing territory in a great play that ended giving Division C and advantage.

With the momentum on their side DIvisoin C was ready to show their moves. Amateratsu go the ball once more. With solid blocking she was ready to show her moves. Her pride took the better of her. She charged alone to opposing territory. Her teammates did their best to follow but her eagerness to score left to many openings in the formation. Division A had been holding back not wanting to get caught flat footed once more and were well planted in the back. The closed the spaces and constructed their defense. The haste of Division C worked in their favor, as the completely amateur team didn’t work weel enough. Finally Amateratsu was under too much pressure and lost the ball. Edrad got the ball back. A further lack of coordination meant that the Dark Elf Blitzer soon had only Amateratsu and Lucius to worry about. And he was agile enough to shake them and score.

The match about to end, everything was pointing towards overtime. Amateratsu was running her best game and the blocking was working. The Werewolf would score given the time and even the back of Division A was covered. But her fleetness wasn’t enough. But she had swallowed her pride since her last fiasco. In a daring move she made a last minute pass. That hadn’t worked last time she tried it. But she was incredibly concentrated and found Apopulmec, throwing a beautiful pass to him. The Skink then shook off the cover and scored a last second touchdown for the Division C ending the match with a surprise win.

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/divc_diva_2.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/divc_diva_3.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/divc_diva_4.jpg

Divison A SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

6|Hildr|2|n/a
8|Edrad "The Stepdad" Oril|3|n/a
9|Romdin|-|Dead
10|Distraction|3|n/a
14|Göndul|5|n/a
[/table]

Division C SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

1|Leia ‘Princess’ Organa |3|n/a
2|Amateratsu|1|n/a
5|Squire|5|n/a
6|Lucius Von Duneheim|1|n/a
8|Admiral Ackbar|n/a
11|Apopulmec|6|n/a
[/table]

http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/DivisionA.png
VS.
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/DivisionBdraft2.png

Division A vs Division B
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/diva_divb_1.jpg

Another great match for Division A, even at a great cost. After a last second comeback by Division C, Division A wanted to show their strength. The only problem was that Division B is full of very strong veterans. Sessrumnir got the ball first and was soon deep in a pocket of his fellow Rampage teammates. Meanwhile Fry Cook and Bry Dryskull were running their usual routes. And the strong Line, blocking made it nearly impossible for Division A to get to the thrower. And while “Lightning” is normally a rusher with the two of the great catchers alone he showed and with a little elbow grease he managed to trhow a spiral to “John” Cook, who with ease ran to the end zone.

Distraction got the ball really deep in the field. The fast players of Division B started the pursuit while the Line stood strong, knocking everything in their way. The strength of Division B was undeniable. But Distraction had been underperforming in the regular season and desired to show her bewitching skills. Even after running straight to the center near the great strength of the Rampage players, she was unfazed. Her teammates covered her with great persistence, holding off the strength of the defending team. And she just kept running through the path that Oatlhui opened for her on the right side, right past Okolnir. Division B isn’t all strength and managed to react to the great run, but not fast enough. Distraction slipped past them and evened the score.

Sessrumnir was still on the pitch though. Recovering the kick he was ready to run again. The Norse had that under control and once again protected the passer. Far away form a blitz and well protected, there was nothing Division A could do. Distraction tried to cover the catchers, but was alone against them. “Lightning” saw the situation and decided to throw a second pass. But even though he is a thrower, he runs more than he throws, resulting in a fumbled pass. Distraction was the first to react, but lost the ball the first time. But not the second as she got the ball back and this time completed the hand off to Tenghui who got the Division A in the lead.

Even with that good first half, things started in a quite different tone the second half. Trying something different Distraction went up as a catcher but was tackled before going far. With the ball being quite shallow, Division B had little problem breaking the Line and making an opening to let Niflheimr pass. With the ball in such a situation the melee broke out. Herfjötur died of a strong swing by Lyngvi, that was still hot from the Snortling Derby. “Thunder” couldn’t move and lost the ball. But when pushing Cook the ball was stepped on and fell to the hands of Bry Dryskull. Him being in the edges of the war zone, he didn’t have many problems running the ball to the end zone.

Göndul got the ball during the next kick off, reflecting the change in strategy. A blitz stopped her advance, but this time Division A was ready. Even after Okonir got past his mark for an early attack, Göndul was well protected. Almost all the backs had her back and started pushing away the blitz. She finally had an opportunity and took it. All her team was watching over her. “Thunder” and Tengui were injured, although they won’t be missing the next games. Even the great strength of Division A couldn’t don a thing. Finally the thrower found Skeggjöld that was too fast for Seb Sha and scored one last time.

Division B almost caught up with them. Sessrumnir was still on the field after a good intervention of an apothecary before and Danforth was taking the pitch. The conditions were perfect. Or so it seemed. Danforth pinched a nerve defending “Lighning”, meaning the blitzer won’t be in next game. But the the sacrifice opened a path. The norse thrower this time had been practicing his passes and threw a great pass. But incredibly Fry let the ball go. Göndul managed to get hold of the ball and secure it to end the match with a good Division A win.

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/diva_divb_2.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/diva_divb_3.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/diva_divb_4.jpg

Divison A SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

1|Tenghui of Cuexotl|3|n/a
2|Roc Lockjaw|-|Dead
7|Kowen|4|n/a
10|Distraction|8|n/a
11|Herfjötur|-|Dead
13|Skeggjöld|5|n/a
14|Göndul|1|n/a[/table]

Division B SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

1|Mánagarmr|2|n/a
2|Lyngvi|2|n/a
3|"Lightning!" Sessrumnir|1|n/a
6|W. Tell|5|n/a
7|Danforth|-|Pinched Nerve (Misses Next Game)
11|Bry N.O. Dryskull|3|n/a
15|Bloomberg|2|n/a
16|Fry ‘John’ Cook|3|n/a[/table]

http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/DivisionC3.png
VS.
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/DivisionBdraft2.png

Division B vs Division C
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/divb_divc_1.jpg

To close the All-Star week we had the veteran team against the rookie team. Division C was feeling the heat and wanted to take home the All-Star week after a surprising win against Division A. On the other hand Division B had a loss and didn’t want to go home on such a low note. A shallow kick left thinking that division C could react. The ball was a fair distance for Sessrumnir and with the fast players in the pitch Division C could do something about it. Fredo picked the ball and counted on his team to help. And they did. But chainsaw were flying and Lyngvi and Amateratsu soon found themselves in the receiving end of the bladed instruments. The ball was soon contested. The pushing war. Not a yard was gained or lost during several minutes. Stefani lost the ball, only for Fry Cook to pick it up. When the Elf catcher lost it, APopulmec tried to grab it, only to be taken shortly after to the infirmar , where the apothecary patched him up real nice. But finally the ball bounced enough to get itself out of that mess, into the hands of the human blitzer once more. The pressure wasn’t enough to make him lose the ball twice and he scored.

Amateratsu was ready to show her offense. But this wasn’t her week. The Division B was quick to go after her, but she didn’t flinch. With the help of Derk, that even without thralls was giving an excellent performance, and the Sauruses she took the strength of the blitz. She knew though that she couldn’t take it forever. The Line wasn’t moving, the blitz was strong and even deep there were a lot of players waiting for her. After slipping her pressure, she showed that she had done some special training for the match and threw another beautiful pass in the week. But Division B had watched the previous game and was covering tightly the ace receiver, Apopulmec. “Lightning” didn’t let him catch the spiral. The half seemed that it would end there. But Sessrumnir took the ball from the ground before start moving and found the the blitsers were in a good position. He found “John” Cook who changed from defense to offense quickly enough and scored a second touchdown to cement the lead of Division B.

The second Division B kick was in the perfect place, completely to the other side of Amateratsu. But the team adapted. Amateratsu followed the Skinks and went deep, while Derk wen for the ball. With so many potential catchers Division B couldn’t blitz. Derk had a snack mid game, because not once he required of the thralls. Taking their time the vampire began to run. He wasn’t the fastes in the team, but he was reliable. The offense was taking the pressure. But the slowness of the ball carrier came back at them. Division B was the strongest Division for a reason. While the vampire was doing a fine job, the line was dissolving. Slowly but surely Division B was gaining the upper hand. The catcher had to return when Derk didn’t find a moment to throw and aid in the block. But that gave opportunity to the backs to run to the line to help. And that was the downfall. Amateratsu and Frankie’ Lame copy where knocked out cold, even after getting Sessrumnir and Lyngvi. The players fell. And Derk managed to hand the ball to Apopulmec, hoping that the little Skink could move. But he couldn’t and the bouncing ball fell to Fry Cokk, who had little problem to score a third and final time.

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/divb_divc_2.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/divb_divc_3.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/divb_divc_4.jpg

Divison C SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

5|Devouxe Edjut|2|n/a
11|Apopulmec|5|n/a
14|Frankie's Lame Copy|2|n/a[/table]

Division B SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

1|Mánagarmr|5|n/a
3|"Lightning!" Sessrumnir|3|n/a
9|Fredo D. Stefani|3|n/a
12|Orgetorix|2|n/a
16|Fry ‘John’ Cook|6|n/a[/table]


Week 6 Recap
http://i.imgur.com/jvv6igl.jpg
VS.
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/ShirePatch300.jpg

Rampage! vs. The Shire Patch
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/patch_ram_1.jpg

Talk about a bloodbath. This has and probably will be the bloodiest match of the Season. There was so much blood that the players were playing under pouring rain conditions. You would think that with that much blood thy send a team of hemophiliacs to the pitch. Can I say blood more? Because that is what defined the match, blood. The uniforms were red with blood. And there isn’t that much to say. Lotho received the first ball. His team was swarmed quickly enough. There were four players in the dougout even before he lost the ball. Sessrumnir wasn’t even challenged for the first touchdown. Two more Halflings were injured before the end of the first half.

The Rampage offense left the Shire Patch in a worse position. There were only four players standing before the “Lighning” scored an easy second touchdown. Lotho got the ball with only four players of the Patch standing on the pitch. Only one was left by the time that Sökkvabekkr scored after the ball fell in his hands when Lotho was injured. There is little more to say, eleven casualties in the Shire Patch. The 0-3 result seems tamed compared to the amount of injured halfings. A massacre.

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/patch_ram_2.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/patch_ram_3.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/patch_ram_4.jpg

The Shire Patch SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

2|Merry Brandybuck|-|Damaged Back (Niggling Injury
3|Peregrine Took|5|n/a
9|Keri Rosewater|-|Serious Concussion (-1AV)
14|Bally Brobson|-|Pinched Nerve (Misses Next Game)
[/table]

Rampage! SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

1|Balmung|2|n/a
2|Mánagarmr|2|n/a
3|Okolnir|4|n/a
4|Sökkvabekkr|3|n/a
7|"Lightning!" Sessrumnir|6|n/a
8|Jötunheimr|2|n/a
9|Folkvang|2|n/a
10|Lyngvi|5|n/a
11|"Thunder!" Niflheimr|4|n/a[/table]

The Shire Patch Winnings: $60,000, 0 Factor
Rampage Winnings: $30,000, +1 Factor

http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/JohnnysQuest300.jpg
VS.
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/InvisibleAssassin300.jpg

The Johnnys' Quest vs. The Invisible Assassin
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/john_assa_1.jpg

Dark vs. Light. The two elf teams of the League were facing. The Invisible Assassin had been going through a rough patch in terms of losing members and not a strong record to back them up they were hoping to show their “good” cousins that they were still stronger than them. But they didn’t start in a great way with a touchback that left Dijon Bone with the ball and the position to move it. With that good advantage the Johnnys’ weren’t going to go easy. Holding the blitz, Dijon didn’t have much problem to find Fry Cook. The Dark elves were slower that their lighter kin and couldn’t catch up to the Catcher, who scored the first for the Wood Elves.

Their offense didn’t start much better. Bodyguard died at the hands of Bloomberg and the Assassin just couldn’t show their strength. In paper the Dark Elves should be better at pushing but that didn’t show this match. Edrad just didn’t have a way to advance. With their strong opint nullified and the blitzer stopped dead in his tracks it was a matter of time before he lost the ball. The Dark Elves had a little respite when they got the ball back, but M.T Stomach not only tackled the new carrier, he got the ball back and scored a second time before the end of the half.

In the second half the Invisible Assassin was faring better. This time letting Distraction carry the ball, the Witch Elf was managing to advance a little. But Wood Elves are fast, even for their kin and they got to the ball carrier. Distraction bravely fought them and even got a few more yards, but the pressure was too much. After losing the ball, an Invisible Lineman got the ball before losing it to Dijon, which just couldn’t pick it up. Bodyguard 2 ran a couple of yards before being tackled. After Stomach got the ball back a Journeyman was killed and the team star Edrad “The Stepdad” suffered a concussion. The Lineman handed the ball to Ferris Yohanan, that sealed the game with a strong 0-3 for the Wood Elves.

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/john_assa_2.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/john_assa_3.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/john_assa_4.jpg

The Johnnys' Quest SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

1|Bloomberg|4|n/a
4|Dijon ‘Crazy’ Bone|1|n/a
5|Fry ‘John’ Cook|3|n/a
7|Sauvignon ‘The Conduit’ Blanc|5|n/a
8|Ferris ‘The Facade’ Yohanan|3|n/a[/table]

The Invisible Assassin SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

2|Edrad "The Stepdad" Oril|-|Serious Concussion (-1 AV)
6|Bodyguard|-|Dead
10|Bodyguard2|2|n/a
11|Hethfin|5|n/a[/table]

The Johnnys' Quest Winnings: $80,000, +1 Factor
The Invisible Assassin Winnings: $20,000, 0 Factor

http://imageshack.us/a/img850/722/back300.jpg
VS.
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/BloodKnights300-1.jpg

The Bloodknights vs. Die Valkyrie
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/blood_val_1.jpg

The vampires are known ladykillers and while they didn’t chase Amateratus as hard as they hoped, they wanted a remedy with the all-female team of Die Valkyrie. They got their chance quite early as they had to defend first. Hervör had the ball in the absence of Göndul, as there was some rumors that she couldn’t handle the ball during practice. The fight was close in power. The thralls could control the Line of Scrimmage and the vampires were helping in the defense. But Amazons are nimble and difficult to stop. Hervör out ran the early pressure and and even with the tight defense she didn’t seem have problems running. But Konrad had been lifting some weights and when he finally got to her, she couldn’t handle the blow. The vampire got the ball back and seemed ready to lead the vampire counter-offense. But he soon found out why most blood players don’t fantasize about being surrounded by Amazons, they are hard hitters. Even with his developed muscles he just couldn’t take so many hits and lost the ball. Hervör got the ball back and handed it to Skeggjöld how scored the first touchdown of the game.

Even after losing Devouxe in the kick off the vampire offensive was working after receiving the ball. They were getting by, knocking out a couple of Amazons in the process and Derk was running the ball. And while he didn’t mind the hits, his thrall escorts weren’t doing so hot. Finally he was all alone, but he was one stubborn vampire. He took everything the pursuers were dishing out and dodged them once and again. Just about the first half to end and he only had to sprint to reach the end zone. But even one’s own feet can betray you, as he tripped himself just in the last yard, losing the ball and the score.

After such a close call the vampires were on fire. Even after losing two players to blood lust they kept attacking. Derk tried, left, right and center to break the Valkyrie’s defense, but his team was falling apart. Another injury and a lot of knock outs were looking bleak for the Bloodknights. But Derk had a Bone to pick after missing that last touchdown. Even when he found himself in the same position as Konrad before him he didn’t let the ball go and took advantage of being pushed to advance even a little more. After resisting everything he found a path and ran the ball past the Amazons. And even after they caught up to him once more he didn’t let go. With sheer determination he found the end zone.

But things were too bad. Even after Konrad returning, there were only two thralls left for three vampires and less than half of the tema in the pitch. After a beautiful diving catch be Mist the Amazons didn’t have any problem overpowering the Bloodknights. Hitting hard, even the slow Mist could run the ball. Even after a failed hand off the vampires weren’t even close to get the ball back. An Amazon did the pickup and handed it again to Mist who score right before the match ended, giving her team a 2-1 victory over the famed ladykillers.

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/blood_val_2.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/blood_val_3.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/blood_val_4.jpg

The Bloodknights SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

1|Derk Von Duneheim|3|n/a
7|Squire's Cousin|-|Smashed Ankle (-1 MA)
11|Louise Moldovia|5|Serious Concussion (-1 AV)[/table]

Die Valkyrie SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

6|Mist|3|n/a
7|Skeggjöld|3|n/a
9|Herfjötur|4|n/a
11|Hrund|5|n/a[/table]

The Bloodknights Winnings: $20,000, 0 Factor
The Die Valkyrie Winnings: $70,000, 0 Factor

http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/NoxtilanNarcissists300.jpg
VS
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/Mistakes300.jpg

The Nox'tlan Narcissists vs. The Mistakes of Life
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/mis_nar_1.jpg

Burning white hot form a victory in of the Lads, the Mistakes of Life were ready to end the first stretch of the season in a high note against their closest divisional rival, the Nox’tlan Narcissists. With Loo’kin “Nasty” suffering an early injury Ver’reh had the responsibility of picking the ball. But Amateratsu had been sharpening her claws and wanted to show her new skill so she blitzed the ball carrier and got her first casualty ever. With the early blitz and a pumped up Necromantic defense the Lizardmen were being pushed to a corner. Reh’Lee salvaged the ball and took head on the frenzy of Amateratsu, even managing to escape to the sideline. But his team was falling back too much and couldn’t protect him from losing the ball near the mid filed. The star werewolf returned in time to get the ball, but even after carrying it almost to the end zone the pitch was such a Chaos, it could be mistaken for a battlefield of two Chaotic teams. She lost the ball and Al-gol got it back but couldn’t move before the clock ran out.

After stopping the offense that had given such rivals as the Johnnys’ problems the Mistakes were ready to show why they were the top ball carriers by mid-season. But the kick brought a surprise; the bouncing ball fell just in the hands of a type of player that is slower than a Halfling, the agility of a Big Guy and completely average strength, a zombie. With the lucky kick that fell to Zed the Lizardmen were in a good position to stop the offense. But the Mistakes had the momentum going. With great blocks and covering the ball carrier with speed and strength, the slow zombie was moving the ball. The only scare came when it seemed that Amateratsu had broken a collarbone, but her regeneration took care of it. Finally the Lizardmen were unable to do anything and a zombie got the best of them.

REh’lee picked up tha ball again for the second Lizardmen offensive. But with a team plagued by injured or knocked out players and the Line of Scrimmage unable to open a path, the fast backs of the Mistakes caught up to him. The ball was free in the mid field once more and Amateratsu had a bone to pick. With the first ball being lost before scoring and the second kick away from her she hadn’t been able to show her running skills. So she just took the ball, dodged every palyer in the Line and ran to the end zone alone, scoring the second and final touchdown of the match. The Lizardmen weren’t faring any better in their third attempt, and lost the ball once more, but the match ended with a 0-2 victory for the Mistakes of Life.

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/mis_nar_2.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/mis_nar_3.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/mis_nar_4.jpg

The Mistakes of Life SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

1|Amateratsu|5|n/a
2|Celia's Good Will|2|n/a
4|WW Wow|5|n/a
5|Vánagandr|2|n/a
9|Zed|3|n/a[/table]

The Nox'tlan Narcissists SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

4|Jal'ak'tha The Joker|5|n/a
11|"Made-Fun-Of" Mike|2|n/a[/table]

The Mistakes of Life: $80,000, 0 Factor
The Nox'tlan Narcissists Winnings: $30,000, 0 Factor

http://imageshack.us/a/img163/2053/triples.png
VS.
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/FancyLads300.jpg

Selene's Seductive Strut vs. The Fancy Lads
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/lads_sele_1.jpg

The Fancy Lads were coming from a rough patch, suffering two loses and a draw the last two three weeks. Selene’s Seductive Strut was coming from two wins and a draw, a very good run. Things were looking very interesting. With T.P. Xan having very good injury free weeks getting the ball he was facing the strong Orc defense, which has a good record stopping rushes. With a Blitzer and a Goblin as potential passing options the Thrower had a second plan though to face the strength of the Lads. With a good fight in the Line of Scrimmage and a fast reaction to stop the ball carrier, the Orcs seemed that would stop the offense even before it started. But Xan was ready for that. Using his good speed he changed sides. With the defense tangled up in the melee the thrower had a lot less blockers in front. With a little help from the deep field runners and good agility, the Skaven had little problems carrying the ball to the end zone scoring a very early touchdown, even after losing Romdin to an injury.

The problem for Triple-S was going to be stopping the Orc offense. With their superior strength the Orcs were used to stomping the opposition and running the ball, a strategy that the Underwolrd didn’t have the best track record against. And they weren’t having the best luck against it again. Even with Danforth running the ball instead of W. Tell the strength of the Lads was proving too much for Triple-S. Danforth had little problem breaking the Line and running ahead. But a timely blitz from Green Nail stopped the Blitzer dead in its tracks. Nolud got the ball back and Selene’s was looking good to stop the rampaging Orcs. The only problem was that the Underworld was to overwhelmed help the small Goblin. Nould couldn’t move and the ball was lost to the superior Orc strength. Danforth got the ball back and scored just before the time ran out.

The second half was more problematic for the offense than first. With Danforth not picking the ball, Triple-S was close of getting it back for a moment with their short bodies and quick reflexes. But the Lads are an experienced team and aren’t usually found flat footed. They composed themselves and even after suffering an injury in the middle of the line. But Danforth is fast for an Orc and got to the other side of the field before the Skavens and Goblins could untangle themselves. He didn’t even have to rush to find the end zone.

Triple-S was in trouble but not discouraged. With little time left they most teams wouldn’t be able to move the ball fast enough against the strong, but Xan was sure he could repeat the feat. He didn’t have time to go to a side or wait for his team. While his team mates did the best they could to stop the powerful Lads he ran ahead fearlessly. But he was soon completely sourrounded. And in what was one of the mos incredible displays of ability in the Season, he dodged six players throwing blows at him at the same time. After that great breakthrough it looked like the Selene´s was going to make a miraculous comeback. But the Thrower was exhausted after such a great display and was tipped in the last second by a Line Orc coming from behind, ending the mathc with a very close 1-2.

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/lads_sele_2.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/lads_sele_3.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/lads_sele_4.jpg

Selene's Seductive Strut SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

3|Kowen|2|n/a
4|T.P.XAN|3|n/a
9|Romdin|5|n/a[/table]

The Fancy Lads SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

1|Henri|7|n/a
2|Danforth|4|n/a
10|Greensworth|-|Pinched Nerve (Misses Next Game)[/table]

Selene's Seductive Strut Winnings: $20,000, 0 Factor
The Fancy Lads Winnings: $50,000, +1 Factor

http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/ReptileAlliance300.jpg
VS.
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/HellbugsHeroes300.jpg

The Reptile Alliance vs. Hellbug's Heroes
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/alla_hero_1.jpg

With both teams coming from loses The Reptile Alliance and the Hellbug’s Heroes both wanted something more. The Alliance wanted to show their stars after their first defeat and the Heroes had a bone to pick with the Lizardmen given their less than spectacular record against them. Trush was the first to get hold of the ball. The Chaos team had the same problems they usually had with Lizardmen teams, struggling to get the upper hand in their bashing game. Trush just couldn’t move freely. The fight was so passionate that even the Adencembogius’ armor was broken, along with his hand. But this time the fight was equal enough that the finally a small crevice opened for the Beastman. Using his training he was faster than usual and seemed to get a good enough lead on the opposing team. But Gram Bel Iblis was persitant and he found an opportunity in that moment. ViAngelo though literally and figuratively dropped the ball, failing an easy pick up. Thelonius Magnum had better skill and found the end zone. Leia got the ball in the kick off but couldn’t do anything before the end of the match.

In the second half one had to wonder if there was some foul play. A kick that went directly to Biggs, VIAngelo and ReAngelo failed to find any of the claws of the Skinks. Biggs and Vi both tried to picked up the ball and missed it again. Fumbling that much with the ball it wasn’t a surprise that the Heroes had them surrounded before there was any ball control. The ball was lose for most of the rest of the half. Nobody seemed to be ablo to pick it up in the middle of the melee and the few that managed were soon tackled. Gram died during the hostilities. Finally yhe Lizardmen lost and Ajax got the ball. While the Warrior didn’t have the time to score, he ended the Alliance’s chances for a comeback, ending the game with a 1-0.

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/alla_hero_2.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/alla_hero_3.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/alla_hero_4.jpg

The Reptile Alliance SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

3|Garm Bel Iblis|-|Dead
4|Wedge Antilles|2|n/a
10|ReAngelo|5|n/a[/table]

Hellbug's Heroes SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

2|Andecembogius|-|Smashed Hand (Misses Next Game)
4|Vercingetorix|2|n/a
7|Manny|7|n/a
10|Adam Mcgillis|2|n/a
11|Thelonius Magnum|3|n/a[/table]

The Reptile Alliance Winnings: $20,000, 0 Factor
Selene's Seductive Strut Winnings: $80,000, 0 Factor

http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/OutrageousCretaceous300.jpg
VS.
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/RedSabers300.jpg

Outrageous Cretaceous vs. The Red Sabers
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/out_sabers_1.jpg

With a good start off the pitch, a rumor about incapacitating Fernand Arrow before the game, Outrageous Cretaceous was ready to make a note against the Champion of Season I. With a shallow kick they started the game against the humans, and in a terrible decision the Thrower tried to pick the ball. Fumbling while trying to get the ball he let the skinks almost get the best of him, as the small players managed to slip the ball protection. But Tlaxankha just couldn’t pick up the ball. Fernand was stubborn and even before one of his teammates could give a try to the ball, he once again to carry the pig skin. Tenghui was the first to be able to pick the ellipsoid but lost it quite quickly. Rowe Oulle finally stepped in for the humans, getting the ball and moving it forward a little. But by then the fight had broken. Skinks were falling and the Sabers weee being knocked out. Blitzers, catchers and Skinks were going for the ball, while the less agile members just threw punches at everything that was near. Yet, the ball was moving foward, inch by inch, yard by yard, either by bounce or runs (but mostly bounces). The Humans had a shot at the touch down, but the movement was slow and the time was not enough to achive that task, so the first half ended quickly.

After stopping once the mighty Sabers offense, the Cretaceous were ready to take the lead. Itza-uax got the ball, even with the Strength of a Snortling. The dangerous ball carrier soon faced the Sabers’ pressure. The defense was quick and strong, not leaving an opening for the small Skink. But even the slightest crack can let a Skink through and even while holding the line and blitzing the carrier at the same time, no easy feat, Itza found a way to slip his pursuers. Even with the diminished strength, the humans were just not fast enough to touch the slight Skink, who managed to score the first and seemed final touchdown.

With little time left and an unsuccessful first offense by the Red Sabers, the Lizardmen victory seemed assured. Rowe got hold of the ball in a high catch but with the diminished strength resulting of the knocked players he couldn’t make most of the shallow kick to the Line of Scrimmage. Instead he had to back pedal and wait for option to appear. But the Lizardmen are excellent blitzers and soon the catcher was completely surrounded just a few yards away from his end zone. It looked like a desperate situation. Either the time would run out before Rowe could run form such a tight cover or he would be tackled and probably get another touchdown for the Cretaceous. But we were ready for a spectacular play, slipping several claws, the Catcher got away for a moment. He couldn’t run, so instead he showed a great skill in passing, throwing a beautitul spiral to Bry Dryskull, who deep in opposing territory could run easily for the end zone, tying the match. With tha last minute play the Sabers managed a draw 1-1.

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/out_sabers_2.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/out_sabers_3.jpg
http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z188/kurokotetsu/out_sabers_4.jpg

The Red Sabers SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

1|N. Senn Ricky |5|n/a
4|Fernand O.E. Arrow|2|n/a
7|Rowe Oulle|1|n/a
13|Bry N.O. Dryskull|3|n/a[/table]

Outrageous Cretaceous SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

3|Conqua-inz of the Golden Tower of the Gods |5|n/a
6|Itza-uax of the Temple-Avenue of Gold|3|n/a[/table]

The Red Sabers Winnings: $30,000, +1 Factor
Outrageous Cretaceous Winnings: $60,000, +1 Factor

[kurokotetsu]

Division A Standings

{table=head]Rank|Team|Team Value|Wins|Losses|Draws|Div. Record|Points

1|Die Valkyrie|1240|4|1|1|0-0-0|13

2|The Invisible Assassin|1000|1|4|1|0-0-1|4

3|Selene's Seductive Strut|1000|2|3|1|1-0-0|8

4|Outrageous Cretaceous|1000|1|1|4|0-1-1|7

[/table]

Division B Standings

{table=head]Rank|Team|Team Value|Wins|Losses|Draws|Div. Record|Points

1|The Fancy Lads|1540|3|2|1|1-1-0|11

2|Red Sabres|1540|2|2|2|0-1-1|8

3|Hellbug's Heroes|1440|3|2|1|1-0-0|11

4|Rampage!|1410|2|2|2|0-1-1|8

5|The Johnnys' Quest|1290|4|2|0|1-0-0|13

[/table]

Division C Standings

{table=head]Rank|Team|Team Value|Wins|Losses|Draws|Div. Record|Points

1|The Bloodknights|1000|1|4|1|0-2-0|4

2|The Mistakes of Life|1000|5|0|1|3-0-0|19

3|The Nox'tlan Narcissists|1000|3|2|1|2-1-0|12

4|The Reptile Alliance|1000|2|2|2|0-0-0|8

5|The Shire Patch|720|0|6|0|0-2-0|0

[/table]

League Leaders

[kurokotetsu]

Regular Season Schedule and Results
Week 1:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |1-2| Rampage!

The Bloodknights |0-2| The Johnnys' Quest

Outrageous Cretaceous |2-2| The Invisible Assassin

The Mistakes of Life |3-0| The Shire Patch

The Reptile Alliance |1-1| Die Valkyrie

The Fancy Lads |2-1| Red Sabres

Hellbug's Heroes |0-0| The Nox'tlan Narcissists

[/table]

Week 2:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |0-2| The Bloodknights

Outrageous Cretaceous |1-1| Rampage!

The Mistakes of Life |3-1| The Johnnys' Quest

The Reptile Alliance |2-0| The Invisible Assassin

The Fancy Lads |1-0| The Shire Patch

Hellbug's Heroes |0-2| Die Valkyrie

The Nox'tlan Narcissists |0-3| Red Sabres

[/table]

Week 3:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |1-0| Outrageous Cretaceous

The Mistakes of Life |2-1| The Bloodknights

The Reptile Alliance |1-0| Rampage!

The Fancy Lads |1-2| The Johnnys' Quest

Hellbug's Heroes |1-0| The Invisible Assassin

The Nox'tlan Narcissists |1-0| The Shire Patch

Red Sabres |1-2| Die Valkyrie

[/table]

Week 4:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |1-1| The Mistakes of Life

The Reptile Alliance |1-1| Outrageous Cretaceous

The Fancy Lads |1-1| The Bloodknights

Hellbug's Heroes |1-0| Rampage!

The Nox'tlan Narcissists |2-1| The Johnnys' Quest

Red Sabres |3-0| The Invisible Assassin

Die Valkyrie |1-0| The Shire Patch

[/table]

Week 5:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |3-0| The Reptile Alliance

The Fancy Lads |0-1| The Mistakes of Life

Hellbug's Heroes |0-1| Outrageous Cretaceous

The Nox'tlan Narcissists |3-0| The Bloodknights

Red Sabres |1-1| Rampage!

Die Valkyrie |1-3| The Johnnys' Quest

The Shire Patch |0-1| The Invisible Assassin

[/table]

Week 6:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |1-2| The Fancy Lads

Hellbug's Heroes |1-0| The Reptile Alliance

The Nox'tlan Narcissists |0-2| The Mistakes of Life

Red Sabres |1-1| Outrageous Cretaceous

Die Valkyrie |2-1| The Bloodknights

The Shire Patch |0-3| Rampage!

The Invisible Assassin |0-3| The Johnnys' Quest

[/table]

All-Star Week:

{table=head]-|-|-

Division A All-Stars |-| Division B All-Stars

[/table]

Week 8:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |-| Hellbug's Heroes

The Nox'tlan Narcissists |-| The Fancy Lads

Red Sabres |-| The Reptile Alliance

Die Valkyrie |-| The Mistakes of Life

The Shire Patch |-| Outrageous Cretaceous

The Invisible Assassin |-| The Bloodknights

The Johnnys' Quest |-| Rampage!

[/table]

Week 9:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |-| The Nox'tlan Narcissists

Red Sabres |-| Hellbug's Heroes

Die Valkyrie |-| The Fancy Lads

The Shire Patch |-| The Reptile Alliance

The Invisible Assassin |-| The Mistakes of Life

The Johnnys' Quest |-| Outrageous Cretaceous

Rampage! |-| The Bloodknights

[/table]

Week 10:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |-| Red Sabres

Die Valkyrie |-| The Nox'tlan Narcissists

The Shire Patch |-| Hellbug's Heroes

The Invisible Assassin |-| The Fancy Lads

The Johnnys' Quest |-| The Reptile Alliance

Rampage! |-| The Mistakes of Life

The Bloodknights |-| Outrageous Cretaceous

[/table]

Week 11:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |-| Die Valkyrie

The Shire Patch |-| Red Sabres

The Invisible Assassin |-| The Nox'tlan Narcissists

The Johnnys' Quest |-| Hellbug's Heroes

Rampage! |-| The Fancy Lads

The Bloodknights |-| The Reptile Alliance

Outrageous Cretaceous |-| The Mistakes of Life

[/table]

Week 12:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |-| The Shire Patch

The Invisible Assassin |-| Die Valkyrie

The Johnnys' Quest |-| Red Sabres

Rampage! |-| The Nox'tlan Narcissists

The Bloodknights |-| Hellbug's Heroes

Outrageous Cretaceous |-| The Fancy Lads

The Mistakes of Life |-| The Reptile Alliance

[/table]

Week 13:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |-| The Invisible Assassin

The Johnnys' Quest |-| The Shire Patch

Rampage! |-| Die Valkyrie

The Bloodknights |-| Red Sabres

Outrageous Cretaceous |-| The Nox'tlan Narcissists

The Mistakes of Life |-| Hellbug's Heroes

The Reptile Alliance |-| The Fancy Lads

[/table]

Week 14:

{table=head]-|-|-

Selene's Seductive Strut |-| The Johnnys' Quest

Rampage! |-| The Invisible Assassin

The Bloodknights |-| The Shire Patch

Outrageous Cretaceous |-| Die Valkyrie

The Mistakes of Life |-| Red Sabres

The Reptile Alliance |-| The Nox'tlan Narcissists

The Fancy Lads |-| Hellbug's Heroes

[/table]

[Aedilred]

League Leaders - Week 11

Players marked with an asterisk played in All-Star Week.

SPPs:
{table=head]Rank|Name|Team|SPPs
1|Amateratsu*| The Mistakes of Life |52
2|Tenghui of Cuexotl*|Outrageous Cretaceous|33
3|Kowen*|Selene's Seductive Strut|33
4|Sessrumnir*|Rampage!|24
=5| “Itchy” Feet|The Johnnys' Quest|28
=5|Göndul|Die Valkyrie|28
[/table]

Touchdowns:
{table=head]Rank|Name|Team|TDs
1|Amateratsu*| The Mistakes of Life| 13
=2|Fry “John” Cook*|The Johnnys' Quest|8
=2|Rowe Oulle|Red Sabres|8
=3|Leia “Princess” Organa*|The Reptile Alliance|7
=5|“Itchy” Feet|The Johnnys' Quest|7
=5|Derk von Duneheim*|Bloodknights|7
=5|Tenghui of Cuexotl*|Outrageous Cretaceous|7
=5|Kowen*|Selene's Seductive Strut|7
=5|Sessrumnir*|Rampage!|7
=5|Tlaxankha of the Forests of the Viper|7
[/table]

Passes:
{table=head]Rank|Name|Team|Passes
1|Dijon “Crazy” Bone|The Johnnys' Quest|8
=1|Fernand O.E. Arrow|Red Sabres|8
3|Göndul* |Die Valkyrie |7
4|T.P. XAN|Selene's Seductive Strut|3
5|Sessrumnir*|Rampage!|2
[/table]

Casualties:
{table=head]Rank|Name|Team|Cas
=1|Bloomberg*|The Johnnys' Quest|7
=1|Fredo D. Stefani*|Red Sabres|7
=3|“Fat” Ronald|Red Sabres|6
=4|Herfjötur*|Die Valkyrie|5
=4|Quetankha of the Jungles of Despair*|Outrageous Cretaceous|5
=4|Vercingetorix|Hellbug's Heroes|5
=4|Ajax|Hellbug's Heroes|5
=4|Kowen*|Selene's Seductive Strut|5
=4|Doc Nutsmasher|Selene's Seductive Strut|5
[/table]

KOs:
{table=head]Rank|Name|Team|KOs
1|Seb Sha Bal*| Red Sabres |8
[b]=2[b]|Green Nail*|Selene's Seductive Strut|7
=2|Konrad ze Krazy|Bloodknights|7
=2|Fredo D. Stefani|Red Sabres|7
=5|Bloomberg* |The Johnnys' Quest |6
=5|Trush|Hellbug's Heroes|6
[/table]

Kills:
{table=head]Rank|Name|Team|Kills
1|Bloomberg*|The Johnnys' Quest|4
=2|Quetankha of the Jungles of Despair*|Outrageous Cretaceous|1
=2|Jean Lebaptiste|The Johnnys' Quest|1
=2|Nolud|Selene's Seductive Strut|1
=2|Fredo D. Stefani*|Red Sabres|1
=2|Rick S.T. Lee|Red Sabres|1
=2|Frodo Baggins|The Shire Patch|1
=2| “Fat” Ronald|Red Sabres|1
=2|Keri Rosewater|The Shire Patch|1
=2|Manny|Hellbug's Heroes|1
=2|Lyngvi*|Rampage!|1
=2|Admiral Ackbar*|The Reptile Alliance|1
=2|Balmung|Rampage!|1
=2|Vercingetorix|Hellbug's Heroes|1
=2|Quetankha of the Jungles of Despair|Outrageous Cretaceous|1
=2|Artemis|The Fancy Lads|1
=2|Tenquax of Dawn|The Reptile Alliance (JNY)|1
=2|Konrad ze Krazy|Bloodknights|1
=2|Sam Vinchester|Bloodknights|1
=2|Louise Moldovia|Bloodknights|1
=2|Trush|Hellbug's Heroes|1
=2|L.N. Rickman|Red Sabres|1
[/table]

Rushing Yards:
{table=head]Rank|Name|Team|YR
1|Amateratsu*| The Mistakes of Life| 570
2|Sessrumnir*| Rampage!|440
3|Derk von Duneheim*|Bloodknights|396
4|T.P.XAN|Selene's Seductive Strut|360
5|Distraction*|The Invisible Assassin|340
[/table]

[Aedilred]

KO! Magazine
All-Star Week!

By Bill Moroni

Greetings, fans, and welcome back to another edition of KO! Magazine after an exciting week both on and off the pitch!

S. “Fab” Rickas: Mostly off the pitch.

And of course I'm pleased to welcome back our guest contributor, S. “Fab” Rickas, formerly of the Red Sabres! Unfortunately Skögul won't be joining us this week, as she's still down at the city watchhouse answering questions about her role in the resolution of last week's hostage crisis.

SFR: Not to mention signing autographs for the city watch.

Anyway, while Skögul convinces the watch that any injuries inflicted on “Richer, Dirtier” Dezz were entirely reasonable, we've purloined another former star for our column this week. Our next guest is a veteran of two top Blood Bowl sides and was one of this magazine's picks for All-Stars last season, even though he never made it onto the pitch. Narchan Tarchol, welcome!

NT: Brains.

So guys, this week we have the All-Stars Match, and for the first time we've got three matches rather than one. What do we reckon?

SFR: Obviously on paper Division B look strong, but they're handicapped slightly by some odd player selection, and won't be starting with their best XI.

NT: Brains.

SFR: Right. In previous years it's come down to who plays best on the day and makes the best use of the resources at their disposal, and not who has the best players in theory. Of course in both the last two seasons the “underdog” team won.

Anyone we should particularly look out for in the matches?

SFR: It's often not the big names that shine. Look out for players like Distraction and Lucius von Duneheim. While the top stars get mobbed by the opposition, these guys have the ability to slip through the cracks.

We've also got the inaugural Snotling Destruction Derby this week, with several teams putting forward a player for that. Any thoughts?

NT: Brains.

SFR: Narchan's got a point; it's not necessarily just about strength, but using that strength intelligently. It's also an endurance test as much as anything, which will play into the hands of players like Quetankha of the Jungles of Despair. I know Skögul said she fancied Folkvang-

Oh really?

SFR: Not like that. Rampage! blitzers would be expected to do well here, but Valaskjalf's retired, and the team's sent Lyngvi along instead. If we've learned anything from this league, it's never to underestimate a werewolf, and there are two of them in the Derby. Well, that and not to trust Crow's predictions. Still, though, it would seem disloyal to name anyone but Fredo as favourite.

Speaking of Fredo and Crow, what do you make of the latest scandal?

NT: Braaaaains.

SFR: Yeah, it's just mind games ahead of the second-half of the season, trying to damage Fredo's self-confidence.

I hear we've got the results back from the celebrity derby, and Bull the Butcher totally dominated, with some ridiculous number of casualties.

SFR: Well, that's not too much of a surprise, given his record. There's nobody quite so scary in the main event, although I think Lyngvi and Fredo probably have the best shot.

NT: Brains.

That's all for this week, folks – enjoy the All-Star matches, and let's hope Skögul makes bail to make it back for next time!



Back Issues

Week 6:


KO! Magazine
Back in business!

By Bill Moroni

Greetings, fans, and we have exciting news! Former owner "Richer, Dirtier" Dezz isn't dead after all! After mysteriously disappearing from his yacht a few months back, he turned up two days ago with a gang of mercenaries and has taken over the building, holding all of us hostage!

S. "Fab" Rickas: Does that mean this magazine will be reverting to its former standard of journalism?

Skögul: To be honest, I haven't noticed much of a change since then anyway.

And of course I'm pleased to welcome back our guests, S. "Fab" Rickas and Skögul!

Skögul: So what are we actually going to do?

Well, Dezz has given me a list of demands he wants us to convey to the authorities. It seems he wants... let's see, immediate cessation of any investigations into his financial affairs, a full pardon, safe conduct to a neutral jurisdiction of his choice, and Amateratsu's home address.

SFR: Well, good luck to him.

Absolutely! Now, Skögul, what's this I hear about you staying over at Fab's house this week?

SFR: Can't we just talk about the games?

Sorry, Fab, my hands are tied, special request from the editor.

Skögul: Look, I was in town anyway for Fredo's party, I needed to come into the office to do this stupid colum, and I didn't want to have to travel all the way home just to come back the next day, so Fab offered me his sofa.

SFR: Maybe if you paid us a bit more for this rubbish she might be able to afford a hotel next time.

Only the sofa, not the bed? Not terribly gentlemanly of you, Fab?

Skögul: You know, I do know some pretty good lawyers.

SFR: This is just a waste of time... what have we got here? Right, last week's summary.

Skögul: The girls came a cropper against the Quest, but that's not terribly surprising, even if it is a bit of a disappointment.

SFR: Yeah, the Quest are probably the most talented team in the league per player, so it was always going to be an uphill struggle for Die Valkyrie. Trying to compete with elves on their terms is rarely a recipe for success.

Skögul: Meanwhile we saw another bloody draw between Rampage! and the Sabres. It's good to see Sessrumnir back on some sort of form.

SFR: Sess looked more like his old self, so maybe Fredo's celebrations did him some good. Still no sign of Niflheimr this season, which is worrying.

Skögul: Do you think Rampage! will make the playoffs?

SFR: Honestly? Not on current form. They've got the toughest group and you'd hope they'd have scored more points by now if they were going to get through either on group position or a wild card.

Can I just get a word in...?

SFR: No.

Skögul: So this week, there aren't likely to be too many classic matches, but Triple-S versus the Fancy Lads could be an interesting one.

SFR: Right. Triple-S have been surprisingly effective so far, and we all know the quality of the Lads, so this could well be the match of the week. Orcs versus goblins?

Skögul: Only likely to end one way.

SFR: We also have our only all-elf matchup of the season this week between the Invisible Assassin and the Quest. The Quest for that one, Skögul?

Skögul: Absolutely. With sporadic management for the Assassin and less experience and ball-skill to begin with, it's difficult to see how they can compete.

SFR: Meanwhile, Rampage! are up against the Shire Patch, and, let's face it, if they can't win this they might as well give up now. If the Norse attack doesn't tear through these halflings like Danforth through a cheap suit, something's gone seriously wrong.

Skögul: Right, that's enough of that. I'm off for a coffee.

Don't forget, the building's still under lockdown.

SFR: By these jokers? They might cut the mustard as mercenaries in wherever it is they're from, but they're hardly Blood Bowl players, are they?

Until next week, folks... we hope!

Week 5:

KO! Magazine
Running on fumes

By Bill Moroni


Greetings, Blood Bowl fans, and welcome to yet another issue of KO! Magazine! I'm pleased to welcome back our guest experts, S. “Fab” Rickas and Skögul.

Skögul: Hello.

SFR: Wotcher.

First things first, let's talk about Die Valkyrie and the Shire Patch. What happened there?

SFR: The Shire Patch have a much better defence than anyone's predicted. They're still losing every match, of course, but by much smaller margins than we would have expected.

Another chance to lament the Valkyries' two-catcher policy, Skögul?

Skögul: Whatever's going on, I think it's to the credit of the Patch, not a problem with the girls this time. Only the Mistakes have really opened the halflings up.

What do we think about their game this week against the Invisible Assassin?

Skögul: It'll be a close one, I think. The Assassin haven't really capitalised on their potential and they lost two players last week who haven't been replaced. The Shire Patch could really be in with a chance this time.

SFR: This is another great chance for the Shire Patch to pull out a win. They weren't able to close the deal against the Narcissists but anything less than a draw against the Assassin, the way things are, is bad news for the halflings.

Skögul: Of course, after they play the Dark Elves, they're up against Rampage!, so they'll need to capitalise on their momentum now.

Right, that brings me on to my next question. What's going on with Rampage!? Have they lost their mojo?

SFR: It's difficult to tell. They certainly aren't looking as formidable as they have in the past, but they're not alone in that. The Fancy Lads haven't exactly been setting the stadium alight either.

Skögul: Of course, Rampage! are up against the Sabres this week, which could be one of their toughest matches of the season. I asked for some stats to be sent up to look at...

Here's the statsmonkey now.

Skögul: Doesn't he have a name?

Probably.

Statsmonkey: It's Gerald.

Quiet, monkey. Let's see what you've got for us.

Skögul: Here we go. Compared to the Sabres, each Rampage! player is marginally stronger and more agile on average, which is mostly down to the Sabres' catchers and Seb the ogre versus Sessrumnir and the werewolves.

SFR: Right, but the Sabres players are on average a yard of pace quicker than the Rampage! boys, and have nearly a full point better armour across the board.

Skögul: The really interesting thing, though, is the skills. Both teams have roughly a similar skills aggregate, but the Sabres have an extra player, which means that Rampage! are the more skilful team.

SFR: They've got about 200K of inducement money to spring an ambush, too.

Skögul: Of course, none of this will make a difference unless the Rampage! offence clicks again.

It's been suggested that Sessrumnir and Niflheimr's marketing commitments are taking them away from the training pitch and distracting their attention from the game.

SFR: There might be some truth in that. The sponsorship offers have certainly been flooding in, and that takes its toll Whatever it is, though, I hear that they've been invited along to Fredo's celebratory pillage party, so it might help them recapture some of their fighting spirit.

This would be the party Fredo's throwing in celebration of attaining stardom? Are you invited?

SFR: Of course.

Skögul: You bet.

Funny, my invitation must have got lost in the mail... Do we think this new status will have an effect on his play?

SFR: Last time I saw him, he was talking about breaking records in the next few weeks. I hope he's talking about casualty figures, but knowing Fredo, it could equally be Christmas #1 for his single or a Most Amazons Impregnated Award, so I don't want to jump to any conclusions.

Skögul: Last season he was disappointing, but this looks more like the Fredo of old.

Isn't he worried that this celebratory pillage is going to revitalise the Rampage! players right before his game with them?

Skögul: Well, we're going out the night before the game...

SFR: With “Lightweight” Sessrumnir and “Chunder” Niflheimr, they'll probably be in a worse state than him come the next day.

Skögul: But this is a public service. It's in everyone's interest for Rampage! to be firing on all cylinders.

SFR: Everyone except the Shire Patch, anyway.

Let's look quickly at some of the other matches this week.

Skögul: There are a couple that catch the eye here. The Bloodknights have a great shot at beating the Narcissists, and the Heroes match with the OC should be a masterclass of blocking strategy.

SFR: Another way of saying a turgid snooze-fest?

Skögul: That's pretty rich coming from a Sabres player. The real fireworks, though, are in the Lads match against the Mistakes. The Mistakes have a top-class offence with their werewolves, but the Lads have W. Tell and Danforth, not to mention one of the best defences around.

SFR: We've also got Die Valkyrie against the Johnnys, which is a must-watch for anyone who enjoys open play and passing. Dijon Bone versus Göndul... well, it's another treat for throwing fans.

Skögul: We've also got two of the league's dark horses facing each other when Triple-S play the Alliance. Do you fancy the Alliance for this one, Fab?

SFR: We could be looking at another draw. The Strut held off the Mistakes last week with their two werewolves, and even with ReAngelo the Alliance just don't pose the same scoring threat.

Skögul: On the other hand, the Alliance could overrun the line of scrimmage. Expecting Roc Lockjaw and a couple of overgrown rodents to stand up to six Saurus and a Kroxigor is a tall order.

There we have it, folks, and remember that KO! Magazine bears no liability for any gambling losses suffered as a result of our game previews. Enjoy the week's play!

Week 4:

KO! Magazine
Raising standards, even if it kills us

By Bill Moroni

Greetings, Blood Bowl fans, and welcome to another edition of KO! Magazine. I'm joined as usual by our regular irregular guest experts, S. “Fab” Rickas and Skögul!

SFR: Against our better judgement, I assure you.

Last week you two wimped out of giving a verdict on the Sabres-Valkyrie match. Are you surprised by the result?

Skögul: No, for reasons I think we made pretty clear at the time.

SFR: The match actually played out pretty much as we expected. The girls weren't able to execute their usual strategy so got Roxanna in to give them a few extra options.

Skögul: That's not a sustainable long-term option, of course. They'd be better off playing three regular catchers from the start of the season.

SFR: The Sabres' defence is all over the place at the moment, and Roxanna has the experience to capitalise on that.

Skögul: She's certainly been around the block enough times, and she's old enough to be my great-great-great-grandmother.

SFR: The Sabres are really missing N. Rico Gleyzass on the line.

Skögul: Not to mention your penetrating strategic vision.

SFR: Well, I didn't want to mention that. Either way, they're going to need Rick or L.N. to step up soon and shoulder that responsibility. I know they've got a dreadful early-season record, but you'd hope they were past that by now.

What about next week, for both teams?

SFR: The Sabres will be optimistic. They tend to play their best ball against elf sides, and they've never lost to an elven team.

Skögul: Meanwhile the girls are playing halflings. You might as well give Göndul the week off.

Well, it's better than a full season off. Coming up this week we also have a few other interesting matches.

SFR: Right. Triple-S are up against the Mistakes, who've been the best team of the season so far, with Amateratsu the top scorer by some distance.

Skögul: I think the jury's still out on Amateratsu; werewolves always look good in the early season, but seem to fade towards the end. I like the look of that new werewolf the Mistakes have just signed, though.

SFR: That's just because you think his accent's sexy.

Skögul: That's not the only reason, but I can't deny it.

It seems you're not the only one to think that accent's hot, Skögul – I hear Amateratsu finds it difficult to resist too.

Skögul: So I've heard from the rags, but I don't know if there's any truth in it. I thought Sessrumnir had better taste than that, to be honest.

SFR: I'm not really one for gossip, myself.

Skögul: Are you serious? That's basically all this magazine prints!



Sessrumnir himself of course is up against the Heroes.

Skögul: The Heroes are a genuinely scary team these days, especially for a team like Rampage! who don't use all that much in the way of protection.

SFR: Not judging from the paternity suits, anyway.

Skögul: I think I'll have to give this one to the Heroes. I just think Rampage! aren't quite the team they were, although I hope they prove me wrong!

We've also got an interesting matchup between the Lads and the Bloodknights.

Skögul: They're definitely the two best-dressed teams in the league.

SFR: Both teams have better ball-skills than you'd expect, but still hit hard. It should be a good blend of quality play and outright brutality.

Skögul: The Lads are still feeling the loss of George. Without him, all the play is having to come through W. Tell and Danforth, which limits their options.

SFR: The Lads are still favourites, obviously, but the Bloodknights could pull off an upset here.

What about our all-Lizardmen matchup between the Reptile Alliance and Outrageous Cretaceous?

Skögul: The Alliance.

SFR: I have to agree. The two teams have similar-looking rosters at first glance, but the Alliance have two good Skink runners, while for the OC there's only really Tlaxankha who's performed so far.

Skögul: The Alliance only have eleven players and put in less pre-season training, which accounts for why they're actually being paid to play this match, but the quality of those players is just that bit higher.

We're almost at the quarter-point of the season already and halfway to All-Star week. It might be a bit early to be putting down any serious money, but what do you reckon, looking forward to that?

SFR: Only Amateratsu has really stood out with the ball. There are a couple of Skinks who've looked promising, so we'll likely see a couple of them.

Skögul: Niflheimr's had a quiet season so far by his standards, but there's still plenty of time for him to turn it around. Sess and W. Tell, of course, are still odds-on for inclusion.

SFR: Green Nail could be an outside bet. He's been the pick of Triple-S's players so far, and they've been doing surprisingly well.

Skögul: We haven't seen any of the Heroes really light up the pitch yet, but I fully expect to see a couple of them in the league leaders in three weeks' time.

SFR: Then there are the Bloodknights. All the vampires have done pretty well so far, although there aren't any standouts yet. If one of them puts in a great performance, he could easily get a nomination.

That's all, folks. Thanks to our guests, and enjoy this week's games!

Week 3:

KO! Magazine
[I]Boldly going where this magazine has never gone before

By Bill Moroni

Greetings, Blood Bowl fans! We're back after a week of technical difficulties that saw all the power and lights go out at KO! HQ.

Skögul: Bill, we saw you turn the lights off.

S. “Fab” Rickas: And I felt you try to put your hand up Skögul's dress while they were out.

Skögul: That explains the black eye, then.

[Get on with it, Bill – Ed.]

And of course I'm pleased to welcome back our Blood Bowl experts, S. “Fab” Rickas and Skögul. First things first, this week we have the long-awaited Sabres-Valkyries match-up. How do you think that will play out?

Skögul: It's a tough one, that's for sure.

SFR: Man-for-man, or for woman, rather, you have to give this one to the Sabres. With four blitzers and three catchers, they have better ground speed, better ball-handling skills, better armour across the board, and tougher blockers, including an ogre.

Skögul: The girls still have Göndul, of course.

SFR: Right, and she's the main reason this is up for debate, along with the inducements. But it's easy to forget the Sabres have a good thrower too.

As good as Göndul?

SFR: Not technically, but Fernand has better delivery options and is also a better runner of the ball. The Valkyrie don't have as much of an advantage in the air as they usually would.

Skögul: The Valkryja will struggle with only two catchers, and one of them limping. Mist isn't going to be able to get so deep into the backfield to make use of her diving catches, which limits what Göndul can do with the ball. If the Sabres can take out Skeggjöld, it could be curtains.

SFR: Not to mention that the girls' main asset, their dodging, isn't going to be all that useful against the Sabres. There's going to be some serious Tackle on display this match.

Skögul: I don't know; the Sabres always go on about how you should take their Tackle seriously, but I've never been particularly impressed.

I gather that Fredo D. Stefani's been working on his Tackle with Hrist over the off-season.

[That's enough of that, Bill - Ed]

The way you're talking, it sounds like you think the Sabres have this one sewn up.

Skögul: No way.

SFR: That's precisely the problem. You have to hand it to my old team. The Johnnys might score more, the Heroes may hit harder, and the Fancy Lads may win more matches, but the Sabres are without a shadow of a doubt the best team in the league when it comes to cocking up straightforward wins.

Skögul: The Valkryja are deploying some serious inducements, too, and we saw how they took down the Sabres last season from a similar situation. This one's too close to call.

Let's take a look at some of the other matches. How do you like the Shire Patch this week?

SFR: This might be one of the best chances the Shire Patch have to pick up a win.

Skögul: Assuming AddZable doesn't come back towards the end of the season, the Patch might actually regret facing the Narcissists so early, before their players have a chance to gain experience.

SFR: On the other hand, they get maximum inducement advantage now, and can prepare for the match without worrying about the Narcissists countering them – their training will be all over the place.

Skögul: They're still halflings, though, and inexperienced halflings at that. Even against an orphaned team, a win would still be against the odds.

Any other matches take your fancy this week?

SFR: The Quest are playing the Lads, and that should be a real treat. The best offence in the league against probably the best defence.

Skögul: We have two great runners facing off against each other in the Rampage! - Reptile Alliance match, too. The last time ReAngelo and Sessrumnir were on the same pitch was the All-Stars match back in Season I.

SFR: ReAngelo actually gave Sessrumnir a run for his money that season, until the Crushers' owner ran off with the treasury. I'm looking forward to seeing what he can do this time.

Then we have an all-Undead match-up between the Bloodknights and the Mistakes of Life...

SFR: Amateratsu against the von Duneheim brothers – it's a photographer's dream, isn't it?

Skögul: Let's just hope a flesh golem doesn't wander into the shot.

SFR: It's a fun one, because both teams have a few really talented players and then some scrubs to fill out the teamsheet.

Skögul: Sounds a bit like the Sabres last season.

SFR: On current form, you have to say the Mistakes are favourites, but if the Bloodknights can get their defence working well enough to shut down the werewolves, it's game on.

Before we go, can I ask a favour? Skögul, my nephew asked if you could sign a picture of yourself for him.

Skögul: No problem.

SFR: Your nephew's name wouldn't be “Bill”, would it?

Funnily enough, it is.

Skögul: I don't remember this picture being taken.

SFR: It looks like you've cut Skögul's face out of her calendar shot from last year then pasted it onto a different picture altogether...

Hmm, funny that. Oh well – would you sign it anyway?

Skögul: No. In fact I'm tempted to say you can go-

Until next week, folks!

Week 2:

KO! Magazine
Now with content!

By Bill Moroni

Greetings, Blood Bowl fans! This week I'm pleased to introduce two guests to the feature in an attempt to bring some genuine Blood Bowl insight to our readership.

First up is S. “Fab” Rickas, formerly of the Red Sabres. Fab was one of the key figures in the Sabres for two seasons and displayed some real all-round ability before suffering a career-ending injury late last season. Fab, good to have you on board.

S.F.R.: My pleasure.

I'm also delighted to announce that Die Valkyrie catcher Skögul is here on a rolling temporary contract, after the Amazons didn't re-sign her at the start of the season. Skögul, welcome.

Skögul: Thank you, although I would appreciate it if you stopped staring at my chest.

Apologies. Is that better?

Skögul: Not really. [Cut it out, Bill – Ed.]

So, what did you two think of the opening week?

S.F.R.: Most of the matches this week have been pretty close, with a couple of draws. It looks like this season could be pretty competitive.

Skögul: Even the Sabres managed to give the Fancy Lads a match...

S.F.R.: Very funny. Both those teams are a bit lighter than at the end of last season, so they're finding their feet with new player combinations. The Lads are missing George, who's a big loss, and the Sabres are having to make do without MENT and Rico.

Do you think the Sabres were right not to re-hire Morr E.N. Tezz after his performance last season?

Skögul: If a catcher has a good season, it's mad to drop them.

S.F.R.: On the other hand, re-hiring MENT would have cost almost a quarter of the team's regular budget, and towards the end of last season his performances just weren't justifying that sort of wage. They've got him in a coaching position now, which is probably the best use of their resources.

Skögul: You still need players to catch and run the ball, though.

S.F.R.: Of course, but that's the thing – to catch the ball. Morr spent half of last season trying to throw it. It's interesting to see the contrast between the Sabres and Die Valkyrie, though – the Sabres used to run a two-catcher strategy but are now starting with three, while Die Valkyrie have gone the other way and ditched one of their catching trio.

Skögul: Thanks for reminding us, Fab. Of course, the Valkryja beat the Sabres last season with three catchers to two.

S.F.R.: And half a team's worth of inducement cash.

Speaking of Die Valkyrie, what do we make of their opening week?

S.F.R.: Almost the opposite of the Sabres there, as well. The Sabres lost but their strategy seemed to work and they picked up some good experience. Die Valkyrie got a draw against a tough Lizardman team but it was a disaster in other ways.

Skögul: With Mist injured, it puts a lot of pressure on Skeggjöld for the rest of the season, and it means they really need to get two new catchers in rather than just the one to get the same impact as previously. They'll be novices, too, so it'll take them a while to find their feet.

S.F.R.: I think the girls are going to have a tougher time of it this season. There are some heavier-hitters hanging around and a few expert tacklers. We'll have to see if Die Valkyrie are fast, agile and tough enough to stay on the pitch, because their dodging's going to count for less and less as the season goes on.

What about Selene's Seductive Strut? This magazine panned them in the pre-season review, but they held their end up against Rampage! well enough.

Skögul: Like my old team, Rampage! are going to find this season the toughest yet, I think. They're missing a couple of players and they're only lightly armoured. With Lizardmen and vampires knocking about, they're not as threatening physically as they used to be.

S.F.R.: Obviously Triple-S have an experienced manager, and they've got a low team value, so they're going to benefit from inducements against the veterans. I think they'll spring a few surprises, but they don't have the player quality or durability to win with any consistency.

Let's talk about The Invisible Assassin. Are they the unluckiest team in Blood Bowl?

S.F.R.: Early days to be talking about that, I think, but they've got a horrible draw. Lizardmen this week, an even tougher Lizardmen team next week, then the hardest hitters in the league, and the Sabres after that, who aren't pushovers physically.

Skögul: Just technically.

S.F.R.: We saw from the Shadow Dancers and the Assassin this week that Dark Elves are really good players, so long as they don't get wrecked by injury at the start of the season. They don't even have an easy run-in at the end. If they're still in contention by the playoffs, they'll be one of the teams to watch.

Skögul: They really need Distraction to stay fit, at least until they can get another Witch Elf in the squad as cover.

With Distraction in mind, who do you think the hottest player is this season?

S.F.R.: Well, since Skögul isn't playing...

Skögul: Thank you.

S.F.R.: I like the look of Amateratsu, when she's not in wolf-form anyway.

Skögul: Some of the Bloodknights are pretty alluring, but I haven't seen enough of them yet.

[Bill, this is the sort of mindless filler we're trying to put a stop to – Ed.]

Sorry, I of course meant the hottest player as in hottest property, best prospect, most likely to do well, etc..

Skögul: Obviously.

S.F.R.: Well there are the usual names, of course. Sessrumnir, Niflheimr, Danforth, Göndul, the whole of the Johnnys' Quest... but I'm going to stick with my original answer. GGGrrrr and Lupus dominated this league while they were playing, and Amateratsu could easily do the same.

Skögul: Göndul's going to struggle this season, because she doesn't have the same delivery options for the ball that she had last time.

S.F.R.: You're not dwelling on this at all, are you?

Skögul: It's too early in the league to tell, with just one match gone. We'll have to wait and see.

That's all we've got time and space for this week, so thanks for your views. See you next time?

S.F.R.: When Skögul will no doubt be wearing a higher-cut top.

Skögul: You bet.

Have a great week, folks, and may death come swiftly to your enemies.


Week 1:

KO! Magazine
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the newsagents

Following the mysterious disappearance of KO! Magazine owner "Richer, Dirtier" Dezz three weeks ago, KO! Magazine has been bought out by a consortium of newspaper magnates, and "Giddy" N. Hague, formerly of Wisdom Magazine, has been appointed editor-in-chief. We hope this change in management and ownership will usher in a new age of responsible journalism and put an end to the trivial clap-trap this magazine used to be famous for.

A new Blood Bowl season is just around the corner, with some familiar faces mixing with promising and not-so-promising newcomers alike. Here's a run-down of the teams in a handy pull-out guide.


The Fancy Lads
Coach: houlio

Regularly rated as the best on-paper team in the league, and the most successful side of last season, the Lads come into Season III with the joint-highest team value of anyone and an almost unparalleled winning record. In seasons past they have had a tendency to choke, however, crashing out of the playoffs in the first round on both occasions. With a powerful front line and a fine thrower, the Lads have more than one dimension to their play, although it remains to be seen how the team will cope with the loss of their graceful blitzer, George, who was killed last season and leaves their ball-handlers with a lot of weight on their shoulders.

Players to watch: W. Tell, Danforth


Die Valkyrie
Coach: Leriel

Having spent last season as relative middleweights, Die Valkyrie will be looking to press their advantage and go on to dominate this season. A well-balanced side, Die Valkyrie do have access to probably the best thrower in the league, and last season's Offensive Player of the Year, and some cunning coaching saw them topple heavily-favoured sides last time round. Doubts remain over the team's overall toughness and blocking ability, though, and there's always a risk that the girls will be muscled off the park by brawnier foes.

Players to watch: Hildr, Mist, Göndul, but they're all pretty easy on the eye


The Bloodknights
Coach: Tychris1

It's difficult to know what to make of the Bloodknights, who could be dark horses this season, or just carthorses. Their vampires give them options to move the ball and hit as hard as almost anyone, but vampire teams come with a liability and we just don't know whether the plans put in place by the owner will be properly executed on the pitch.

Players to watch: Derk von Duneheim, Konrad the Krazy, Lucius von Duneheim


Hellbug's Heroes
Coach: The Hellbug

The surprise package of last season, the Heroes endured a horrendous first few matches before gathering momentum and scraping into the playoffs on a wild card, then going on to claim some heavily fancied scalps on their route to the final, where they just couldn't close the deal against an awesome Rivermen side. Nevertheless, the Heroes come into this season brimming with confidence, and the shoeing duly delivered to Selene's Seductive Strut in a recent friendly won't be doing that any harm. While they've struggled to score many touchdowns in the past, they finally seem to be clicking as an offensive outfit and present a real threat to everyone. The Heroes are in the toughest division, though, and they may need the help of another wild card to reach the playoffs.

Players to watch: Flush, Trush, Ajax


Rampage!
Coach: snkls

Rampage! are something of a perennial underachiever: while successful in the early part of the seasons they tend to go missing in the second half and have yet to deliver any meaningful playoff success. They come into this season arguably stronger than they did last time, with two experienced werewolves, and the league's most fearsome offensive pairing. The retirement of a couple of blitzers might deprive them of some of their cutting edge, but since their first match is against an Underworld team it's a valuable chance for their players to gain some experience ahead of the more taxing Lizardmen and Chaos sides to come. In the long run, the light armour of the Norse players might cost them, but Rampage! have weathered beatings before and it would be a surprise not to see them in the playoffs. Whether they can deliver once they get there, we'll only know when we see it.

Players to watch: “Lightning!” Sessrumnir, “Thunder!” Niflheimr, Mánagarmr



Selene's Seductive Strut
Coach: Crow

The Strut have made a bold move by hiring several players from two now defunct teams: Goblin washouts Da Gabooms and first-season Skaven finalists the Stinky Feets. Unfortunately, whether due to cost or strict labour laws, they don't seem to have been able to hire any of the good players from either team. The Strut are up against it right from the start, with only a couple of half-decent players backed up by a raft of cheap goblins. After a one-sided spanking from the Heroes in a pre-season friendly, it's difficult to see them making it into the playoffs, but then we've been surprised before!

Players to watch: Stinger, Kowen, T.P. Xan


Outrageous Cretaceous, The Reptile Alliance and The Nox'tlan Narcissists
Coaches: TheTyrantis, SpikeSolo and AddZable

There's not much to choose between these three Lizardmen sides at the start of the season, although the Reptile Alliance have left a few slots open for hiring free agents, which might make something of a difference. The physicality of the league may play into the Lizardmen's hands, as all of them can field a formidable front row. All three teams will ideally be looking to eclipse the performance of the last league Lizardman team, the Cretaceous Crushers, who were the first team to qualify for the playoffs in Season I despite inactive team management.

Players to watch: Skinks!


The Invisible Assassin
Coach: ybot

Given the performance of the Shadow Dancers in Season I, which was better than they had any right to, the Invisible Assassin will probably fancy their chances this season if they can stay the course. The Invisible Assassin have some of the best all-round options for moving the ball around the field, although their lack of skills might cost them early in the season. Staying injury-free will be a priority; if this team can stay on their collective feet, they're in with a good shot of qualification.

Players to watch: Distraction, Edrad “the Stepdad” Oril


The Red Sabres
Coach: Aedilred

It seems like an age ago that the Sabres were routinely derided as the worst team in the league, and sat at rock bottom of the tables. Success hasn't changed the team for the better, though, and they remain as inconsistent as ever despite their impressive attributes on paper. Last season the team started to become overly dependent on superstar catcher Morr E.N. Tezz to win games for them, but in his absence this season hopefully some of their other players will return to the fore. The Sabres are also missing, through death or injury, a couple of veteran linemen, which might well cost them on the line of scrimmage until their replacements can gain some experience. The Sabres have all the talent to make it into the playoffs and even win the cup again, but they're never a safe bet.

Players to watch: Fernand O.E. Arrow, Fredo D. Stefani, Seb Sha Bal


The Mistakes of Life
Coach: kurokotetsu

Necromantic teams have traditionally been impressive in the league to date, so long as the management remains invested. Since the Mistakes are run by the league commissioner, hopefully that won't be a problem this time. The Mistakes have all the tools to mess other teams up, and with two Flesh Golems, are capable of dominating the line of scrimmage. If Amateratsu can emulate his werewolf forebears in the rushing and scoring departments, the Mistakes should be looking at a playoff berth at the least.

Players to watch: Amateratsu, Celia's Good Will, Frankie's Lame Copy


The Shire Patch
Coach: LordBlackadder

There's always one. Or in this case, sixteen. While it might seem harsh to refer to the Shire Patch as the least promising team in the league, it's difficult to look past that all-Halfling roster. With opening matches against Rampage! and the Fancy Lads, neither of whom tend to pull any punches, the chances are they'll be shedding players almost as fast as they can hire them. On the other hand, the Shire Patch should be picking up some inducement bonanzas, which won't get them a star unless they suffer some deaths or sackings, but does mean opponents should be prepared for a barrage of magic items and dirty tricks, which might just be enough to spoil their day. Even so, the Shire Patch are serious outsiders and if they're even still in contention by the end of the season it'll be a miracle.

Players to watch: Whoever they're playing against


The Johnnys' Quest
Coach: Tastier

The Quest have shed a number of players, but still remain without a doubt the best elfball team in the league. With a high movement and agility across the park, all the Quest players are dangerous, but their catchers should be particularly alarming. Provided they can stay on their feet, the Quest are capable of scoring almost at will, but with only one Wardancer and a novice Treeman, they may find staying upright for long tricky, certainly early in the season. Last time round the Quest also had a remarkably soft defence, which made their high scoring rate more a necessity than a boon. The Quest will be looking to reach the playoffs at least, with the Crud! Cup poor recompense for a high-scoring season, and if they can reach the knockouts, their ability to score quickly will make them a difficult team to beat.

Players to watch: Fry 'John' Cook, 'Itchy' Feet, Dijon 'Crazy' Bone

[Crow]

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Fancy Lads Hold On In Victory Over Strut

In a result that really surprised nobody, The Fancy Lads, two-time playoff contenders, knocked off The Strut, 2-1. Despite the loss, Triple-S played competitively, and the result just narrowly missed being a draw. 'Saved by the bell' is an applicable moniker to descibe the end of this match, as with just a little more time, The Strut could have secured the draw. Veteran thrower T.P.XAN scored a touchdown in the loss, and has been showing flashes of brilliance in the past couple weeks. If the thrower can just turn the corner and become more consistent on the pitch, There is a good chance that Triple-S can make a cup run.

Despite the loss, Triple-S is still clinging to second place in Division A due to a lackluster showing by Outrageous Cretaceous this week. At the top of the division, Die Valkyrie holds a strong points lead, and seems unassailable, so long as their strong play continues, and the team can avoid key injuries. While players rest and enjoy the spectacles of the all-star break, no doubt Triple-S owner Crow is looking ahead to week 8. The aforementioned Outrageous Cretaceous face The Shire Patch in that week, and every analyst who knows their stuff is predicting a win for the lizardmen. Meanwhile, Crow's team MUST win in order to retain 2nd place in the division, as even a draw will see OC pass them in the standings. Both teams may get some help from outside the division, with the undefeated Mistakes of Life facing Die Valkyrie. A DV loss would keep both teams in striking distance of the division lead, at least for a while longer.

All-Star Week Puts Spotlight On Triple-S Veterans

As players get ready for the All-Star matches, it is interesting to note that in excess of expectations, Triple-S is proud be sending six representatives in their debut season. Despite whispers that at least two of the nominations are the result of shady back-room dealings involving voter manipulation and roster tampering, we have no doubt that the Triple-S contribution to this season's team will be very valuable. Of the five players who received votes, four are league veterans who will bring valuable experience with them as Division A takes the pitch. However, none of those four have had any All-Star experience, so the upcoming week's events should prove to be an enjoyable new experience for all of Triple-S' representatives.

Representing the team in the leagues inaugural Grintoof Snotling Derby will be veteran blitzer, and team heart and soul, Kowen. In the new event, the top blockers from around the league each take turns blocking against Grintoof snotlings, each hoping to inflict the most casualties and KO's. While Kowen is known more for his supporting skills, and opportunistic play on offense, rather than for his blocking, we at the Times believe that Kowen can have a good showing this week. No other player, except possibly Danforth of The Fancy Lads has shown such great ability to do whatever a coach asks of a player. This is even evidenced by Kowen's music career along with Stinger. The Triple-S blitzers are true renaissance men, and our beloved number 3 should not disappoint.

Crow Blasts Fredo D. Stefani, Accusations of Mediocrity

Continuing from a story which dates back to season 2, Triple-S owner Crow once again called out Red Sabres blitzer, and all-star, Fredo D. Stefani. Written in the margins of his all-star ballot, Crow's comments were discovered when a sharp-eyed snotling actually took the time to read them! The comments derided the accomplished human, saying that he was vastly overrated, and that his poor performance last year was the result of failing to dope. He went on to say that Fredo has no aptitude for the blood bowl pitch, and should he stop doping again, is all but doomed to fade into obscurity.

We at the Times contacted the Sabres front office to get a statement from team owner Aedilred. While Aedilred was unavailable, we did get a statement from team representative Maynard B. Fired.


Times: So you are the acting general manager when Aedilred is out of the office?

Maynard B. Fired: Aye, and when he is in the office. I'm really the power behind the throne, if you want to put it that way. Did you write that down...OK good.

T: What is your response to the comments made by Crow regarding Fredo D. Stefani?

MBF: I just want to make clear, that the accusations made by Crow against Fredo are completely false. My player did not have sexual relations with that woman. She was at the bar drinking, and there is no way Mr. Stefani could have known that she was underage.

T: ...

MBF: Is that all? I need to get back to this mopping.

Interesting, to say the least! What a truly devoted general manager too, who insists on doing even the most menial jobs at the team compound. The Sabres definitely struck gold with that hire!

Enjoy the All-Star break, and stay cheesy!

(((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))







Back-Issues

Week 6:
The Strut has done it again! Triple-S won by a hefty margin against The Reptile Alliance, and have now been on a tear for three straight weeks. With The Fancy Lads coming up next week however, and with Hellbug's Heroes up after the All-Star break, some fans are beginning to worry for the health of our beloved rats and gobbos! While we here at the The Triple-S Times aren't quite ready to forecast what the health of team is going to look like in just a few weeks, we are more than happy to delve into the past. We're digging into the archives, and setting our analytics department loose to come up with definitive grades for the Triple-S season thus far. Without further ado, here we go:

Triple-S Mid-Season Ratings

Offense: 4/10
The Strut's offense has not functioned as a complete unit much this season, if at all. While the team has managed to put points on the board with regularity, this has been more due to opportunistic defense than a concerted offensive attack. Triple-S needs to find an identity on offense, and than is going to have to fall on T.P.XAN and Diggles Bouldercod. The skaven throwers need to step up and take the rushing game to the next level. If they can start doing this on a consistent basis, the mobile Triple-S offense can be a unit to be feared.

Defense: 7/10
Improved play over the past three weeks has seen the defense give up just one touchdown in three games. Prior to that, were two matches in which they gave up two touchdowns. For an undersized roster, the team has been doing extremely well on defense, all things considered. The team has not been able to knock players out with noticable consistency, but has been able to use it's mobility to harry the ballcarrier, and make advancement difficult. Expect them to stick with this formula as they forge ahead to face some very physically strong teams in the coming weeks. Swarm and overwhelm has worked reasonably well thus far, and if Triple-S can continue to bring more defenders than the offense can block, the defense should perform well.

Casualties/KO's: 5/10
Owner Crow has surprisingly not placed much emphasis on training the team to inflict casualties, and so the bar hasn't been set very high in this catagory. However, the Triple-S troll, Roc Lockjaw, has been underperforming in the past couple weeks. While he has been providing a decent anchor in the center of the field, his casualty and KO production has been lower than fans had hoped. This could be due to a lack of support on the line of scrimmage, or possibly a lower-than-average Blood Bowl IQ on the part of Roc. Whatever the reason, while he makes a good anchor, but hopefully Roc can rack up some casualties or KO's in the coming weeks and really make his presence felt.

Player Development: 8/10
Many of the players on the Triple-S roster are veterans on Season One. While these guys weren't exactly superstars to begin with, they did enter the season with some prior experience, and they are drawing on this to make noticable advances in their training. This has offset (or possibly even contributed to) some poor development by the team's rookies. While the rate of advancement is bound to slow over the next couple weeks, the early development of the Triple-S players will lay a good foundation to hopefully build a playoff birth.

Gamesmanship: 7/10
The Strut has done a good job of presenting opposing teams with a challenge in most of their matches this season. Perhaps looked at as a bit of a pushover at the beginning of the season, the team has shown great fortitude and willingness to play hard until the end of every match. This has served the team well and allowed them to challenge each team they have faced thus far. With the exception of their match against The Bloodknights, in which some bad luck contributed to the loss, the team has performed competitively in every match.

Style: 3/10
The Strut gains few points for style. With an offense that lacks all identity, when Triple-S scores touchdowns, they score ugly. The defense attacks with nerve-wracking wave tactics that have fans crossing their fingers on every blitz, just hoping that not too many players end up injured. This does give each play an exciting bit of the unknown, and a sort of "X-factor" though. So while The Strut doesn't get any points for offensive or defensive brilliance, they do manage some points for sheer excitement and the feeling of watch a carriage wreck on the pitch each match!

Overall: 34/60
Triple-S has played well, and to much of the league, much better than expected. While there are some areas of the Triple-S game that need drastic improvement, the team IS getting some wins, and IS competitive enough to be taken seriously. While this isn't exactly a hurdle that a Blood Bowl team wants to have to get past, The Strut can at least be secure in the knowledge that they have in fact gotten past it. With some continued strong player development, and improved play on offense, this team is capable of making a serious bid for a playoff birth.

See you next week!

Week 5:
Wild Two Weeks See Strut Win, Tie

After a catastrophic printing press malfunction, the Triple-S Times is back in business. Though it is somewhat old news now, Triple-S managed a win against the lizardmen of Outrageous Cretaceous in week 3, which as a divisional game, could have playoff implications depending on how the remainder of the season shakes out. To add to that stunning victory, The Strut managed an ugly tie against the undefeated Mistakes of Life after a somewhat hostile staredown between Strut owner Crow, and league commissioner and MoL owner Kurokotetsu. Both owners waited until the deadline to reveal their gameplans, with Kuro eventually being the first to blink. Our sources indicate that The Strut had been practicing against an agility-focused gameplan for MoL, and were caught by surprise when MoL owner Kuro decided upon a strength-focused gameplan. This led to Crow throwing out The Strut's earlier training, which focused on agile gobbos diving after players when they attempt to tackle them, to a more bash-heavy strategy at the last minute. Luckily for (the few) Triple-S fans, the strategy was sound, and the Mistakes watched victory slip from their grasp for the first time this season.

Alliance vs. Strut Showcases Free-Agent Pickups

This week, we have a matchup between two of the biggest players in free-agency this offseason, as The Strut takes on The Reptile Alliance. The Strut has received mixed contributions from it's free-agent pickups so far. On the one hand, you have skaven blitzer Kowen, who has been a huge part of Triple-S's offensive and defensive attack. Unlike his partner (and fellow free agent) Stinger, who has played as well as can be expected from the line of scrimmage, Kowen is a ball-hawk who has been involved in almost every major offensive and defensive play this season. Also of special mention is Green Nail, who was fairly unknown until this season. The skaven lineman has been hitting the gym non-stop since being signed in free-agency, and is one of The Strut's leaders in blocking assists. Together, Kowen and Green Nail represent two "hits" in the free-agent market, though many free-agents have plenty of time left to come into their own. The Reptile Alliance has enjoyed far less production from their free-agent pickups, though it can be argued that they don't need them nearly as much. With a better overall lineup than Triple-S (or underworld teams in general), there is not a great deal of pressure on players like the saurus Acedia to carry the team in the early stages of the season. This has allowed Acedia to plug into the lineup as a solid contributer as future stars like Admiral Ackbar, Mon Mothma, and Leia Organa develop. As far as Alliance fans are concerned, this makes Acedia a "hit".

Triple-S did walk away with at least one big "miss" in free agency so far though. That "miss" is skaven thrower T.P.XAN. While never a star in his time with Stinky Feets, T.P.XAN, with his strong leadership abilities, was expected to play a larger role on both sides of the ball for The Strut this season. While he is fairly effective when he plays, injuries have sapped much of the potential that team owner Crow saw in him. In four weeks, T.P.XAN has already missed two games. As for The Reptile Alliance, it is still too early to decide if any of their free-agent pickups were "misses". ReAngelo has certainly not lived up to expectations except to ride his popularity to soak up Match MVP awards. His fellow free-agents ViAngelo and Apopulmec have largely been invisible as well. The Alliance has played well though, and you can't snuff a winning record. If Leia goes down, it will be on those free-agent skinks to shine, and then we analysts can really see what they are made of.

Die Valkyrie and Johnnies May Not Air It Out

As the amazons and wood elves prepare for their matchup this week, the league is abuzz over what may be one of the most prolific passing games we will see this season. We here at TST are of a different opinion, and here is why:

Göndul is a top-notch thrower, of that there is no doubt. But she is also one of the most saavy offensive minds in the league. Head to head, Göndul knows that the Johnnies have a better pure passer in Dijon, and a much better receiving corp all around. Dijon and the Johnnies are going to try their best to pour it on through the air anytime they get the ball, and Göndul knows this. So what does an /offensive/ coordinator do to slow down a near-unstoppable offense?

Hold onto the ball, run down the clock, and make the most of scoring opportunities. A gameplan at which Göndul is one of the masters. The amazonian thrower's gaudy passing stats make it easy to forget that she was one of the leagues top rushers last season. She is still the heart of a wildcat-style attack, and a dual-threat ballcarrier, equally ready to sling the ball upfield or punch it into the endzone herself. We expect the Johnnies to have pretty good coverage on Die Valkyrie's weakened receiving corp, and as a result, Göndul is going to have to move the ball a bit further on her feet anyways. Depending on who gets the first kickoff, we could be looking at a 2-1 DV victory, with the amazons running a ball-control rushing offense, maybe with a dash of passing thrown in for good measure. The Johnnies are going to try their best to avoid this though, and a so far improved Johnnies defense may prove to be the key in stopping this approach. No matter how the match plays out, fans are in for a treat. It is not often that two veteran teams face eachother in such an even matchup.

Until Next time!

Week 3:
Another week down, and another issue of the most honest publication in Bloodbowl! After a referee strike that brought the league to a grinding halt for the better part of a week, we are happy to see that the offending refs have been promptly put to the sword. With new replacements, we hope to see week 3 take shape soon. We have a special treat this week, as Triple-S owner Crow has come to our offices to answer our questions about last week's match, and the upcoming match against division opponent Outrageous Cretaceous.

Triple-S, Not Vampires, Suck In Week 2 Shutout

TST: Thanks for coming in. We're going to cut right to the chase; what happened last week?

C: We were outplayed, plain and simple. We made some great defensive plays on the vampires' first possession, but they dominated us in the physical game. Once we were short on guys, it became even easier for them to overpower us.

TST: What about that touchdown by Lucius von Duneheim? You looked pretty angry up in the owner's box.

C: It wasn't so much anger as it was frustration. My guys made a fantastic play, and a poor bounce- out of their control, mind you- set up Lucius to waltz on in. It happens, and you learn to get over it. When it happens though, emotions can run high.

TST: You are of course correct. On that same note, it looked as if the play had gotten into the heads of some of your players by the 2nd half. What do you think?

C: Absolutely. Our guys made some bonehead moves, and before we knew it, Diggles was in deep cod. Any time you fail to get control of the ball and leave openings for the defense...well I think at that point, my guys had just about had enough.

Outrageous Cretaceous Presents New Challenge For Triple-S

TST: Moving on, the lizardmen, Outrageous Cretaceous. What do you think our chances are this week?

C: Well, let's admit, my record as a coach against lizardman teams isn't too great! But I think we stand a decent chance. At a glance, we are two very different teams, but when you look closely, we have a lot of similarities.

TST: Like what?

C: For one, our stunty, elusive players. We don't have the strength that they do, but that is hopefully offset somewhat by our bigger players being able to handle the ball if they need to.

TST: You don't sound so sure. What do you think Triple-S needs to do in order to win this week? We've heard that Green Nail is likely to be a big part of those plans.

C: That is true. Nail has been hitting the gym like a rat ogre lately, and really he is the biggest skaven lineman I have ever seen. We intend to use this, so we have been giving him practice with the blocking dummies. This actually gives him an edge over the inexperienced saurus players of Outrageous Cretaceous. We hope to use him in ball protection, and cage breaking.

TST: I see that Roc Lockjaw has been given an alchemical formula wihich has resulted in him growing some magnificent claws! How does that factor into the gameplan?

C: We are hoping that by cutting through the armor of their sauruses and kroxigor, we can keep them on the ground a little longer and even the armor and strength gap. If we can keep this match stunty vs stunty for the most part, our veteran players can tilt the scales in our favor. Hopefully anyways. We've seen how the best laid plans turn out in this league.

League Ablaze Over Rules Changes

TST: Our last subject, we've heard you are working with the league commissioner regarding changes to the league rules. Is this true?

C: Not really. None of the rules are changing. What we have been working on are some coaching guidelines for our subordinate coaches to follow, which should hopefully result in more exciting matches, and fewer coaching mistakes.

TST: Aren't the mistakes what make the games exciting?

C: They are, to a degree. These will still happen of course, and will still be plentiful.

TST: Good to know. We've heard some nebulous talk of formations. What is that all about?

C: We've revised the formations that coaches are allowed to use when they line up for kickoffs and kickoff returns. That is all. The formations now conform with those used by the most competitive teams in Bloodbowl. The change should be transparent to most owners for the most part, but will allow the on-field coaches to put their best players in the positions they are needed in most from the start, without having switch the field or anything similarly wonky, just to start a drive.

TST: Some are saying that your involvement in this may be giving Triple-S an unfair advantage. What is your opinion?

C: The changes will affect all teams equally. As always, the players on the pitch, and the whims of Nuffle are going to be the greatest determinator of who wins each week. If I wanted an unfair advantage, I wouldn't be sitting on ownership of an Underworld team.

TST: Good point. Well thanks coach, we're happy you found the time to stop in.

C: No problem. Now, you said something about a check?...

Week 2:
Welcome back Bloodbowl fans! This issue, we are going to be discussing The Strut's last match, as well as their upcoming one against The Bloodknights. Then we'll make a quick tour of the league and talk about some of the other top news from this week.

Strut Falls to Rampage!

Ok, so this was expected in a lot of ways, but you can't deny that Triple-S made a game of it. Arguably, it was among the top matches of the week. Team manager Crow elected to try and capitalize on the weak armor of the Norse with his gameplan, and the strategy seemed to be working early on, as Roc Lockjaw scored an early casualty that knocked the werewolf Lyngvi out for the week. That would be it, though, as the team failed to injure any more Rampage! players after that. Prepping skaven blitzer Kowen as a ballcarrier was moderately successful, with the rat scoring a touchdown in a modest rushing performance. All in all, however, Triple-S was just greatly overmatched. There is a good reason why Rampage! have been a playoff team in each of their seasons. Still, the team gave the norsemen a run for their money, and could have scored a draw were it not for late-game heroics by norse runner Niflheimr. The performance leaves the non-existant Triple-S fanbase quite excited to see what they can do against some more evenly-matched teams.

Strut Set to Take On Bloodknight Vampires

This week, the rats and gobbos will be facing down some real physical specimens. Vampires are some of the most fearsome players on the pitch, and can put forward a versatile attack under the right circumstances. The Strut will have a lot of difficulty handling these bloodbowl behemoths, and opinions in the locker room are split on whether the team should even try. Triple-S Defensive coordinator Mike the Mauler was asked how he would handle the Bloodknights' vampires:

MM: "Mother****in' guuuuuaaaaaard..."

...Which seems to be a good strategy to help the diminutive but mobile goblins of Triple-S to make some plays against their stronger opponents. However, they would have a lot of ground to make up against vampires, who are known to swat away goblins like Transylvania mosquitos. Strut Special Teams Coach 'Mad' Max Saravia offers an alternate strategy:

MMS: "I think our best bet is to make the most of our greater team mobility. Those vampires are tough nuts to crack, but their thralls aren't so special, and once marked, can't move around too well. Meanwhile, our guys can slip tackles with the best of them. I think if we play up that advantage, to swarm and overwhelm the ballcarrier with more gobbos than his buddies can peel off of him, one of them is bound to trip him up."

Either way, whatever strategy team owner Crow is planning on going with, he has thus far kept his cards close to his chest. It is no secret that the Bloodknights have been pumping vampire Konrad the Krazy with PED's and making him spend extra time in the weight room this week. His strength will be tough to overcome. But now that we've seen how tough Triple-S was able to play Rampage!, we are expecting a good match against The Bloodknights.

The Best of Week 1

The first week of the season saw some impressive performances, and we decided to list what we felt were the top 3 of the week.

3. Fernand O.E. Arrow Slings Two Passes On the Lads

Though the Sabres were unable to pull out a win in their annual grudge match against The Fancy Lads, human thrower Fernand lit up the skies against a team that historically has played very well against the pass. Unfortunately, that performance was eclipsed by:

2. W. Tell Rushes For 80 Yards, and Scores Two

Indomitable orc runner W. Tell continues where he left off last season, capitalizing on the notoriously slow-to-start Sabres defense. Determined to establish himself as one of the league's elite rushers, the powerful orc has spent too long in the shadow of rushers like Sessrumnir, and Lupus 'Patches'. This orc is playing with a chip on his shoulder right now, and it shows.

1. Amateratsu Scores a Hat Trick

Though it was against a halfling team, it is still an impressive feat when a player manages to get into the endzone three times in the same match. The Necromantic werewolf took the opportunity against a light team to put the league on notice. Once again, a werewolf is going to be making a strong run at the rushing charts.

That's all for this week, and until next time, Stay Cheesy.

Week 1:
10 Bold Predictions For Season III

Our writers here love to make predictions, and one of the best times to do it in this league, is when you have the least amount of information to go on! So hold on to your seats, because here they go:

10. Two Lizardman Teams Will Make the Playoffs

We can't say which two will make it, but with a lineup sporting as much strength AND speed as these guys have, you have to admit that they stand a good shot. Season one saw a lizardman team make the playoffs with minimal help from their organization, and another that nearly made the cut with a completely absent front office! If we get two well-run lizardman teams this year, we will have two playoff lizardman teams. Bank on it!

9. A Necromantic Werewolf Will Rock the Rushing Charts

Each year the league has had a werewolf from a necromantic team that could run, score, and strike fear into the hearts of opposing defenses. This season will be no different, and under the studious eye of the league commissioner, you can bet we will see this guy carrying his team well. Werewolves have excellent speed, and the necromantic teams are built to bog down a defense. This combination of factors nearly guarantees we will be seeing a werewolf make a run for the rushing title.

8. The Red Sabers Will NOT Suck in the First Half

Last year, the Sabers improved upon their first half performance, even while facing teams that were receiving stunningly large inducement checks. Aside from their season opener against the Lads, which they will almost certainly lose, the Sabres will face a smattering of new teams, along with teams which they performed very competitively against last season. Finally rid of the dubiously effective play, and smothering contract of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (The diva catcher bought the rights to his own name! Who does that!???), the Sabers are sporting a leaner, possibly more balance roster than last season, and are going to jump out to a good start before the All-Star break.

7. Göndul Will NOT Be This Season's Leading Passer

With Dijon 'Crazy' Bone making a return for the Johnnys, it would take a monumental effort from Göndul to stay ahead of the ball-slinging master elf. That just isn't going to happen for a passer in an unpredictable wildcat-style offense like that of Die Valkyrie. Göndul ran in a not-insignificant number of touchdowns last season to go along with her numerous touchdown passes, and the only way she passes up the elf, is to abandon the running game altogether. Historically a great team player, in it to win games, rather than pad stats (Hear that, previously mentioned human catcher?), Göndul is going to do whatever it takes to win, even if it means sacrificing her passing title.

6. The Shire Patch Will Win More Games Than...Someone!

We aren't sure what The Shire Patch has hidden up their sleeves, but with a roster consisting of 16 halflings, something is definitely fishy! What we do know is that those little hairy-foot buggers are going to be utilizing historic inducement checks, and you never know what may ensue from those. This inability to predict exactly what they will be facing is going to confound some opponents, and make The Shire Patch hard to plan for. Take also into account the likelihood that some teams will just chalk the match up as a win, and not prepare like they should, and we have a recipe for a good number of upsets!

5. 'Lightning' Sessrumnir's Career Will End

Up until now, the nearly unstoppable norse thrower has been lucky regarding injuries, but that streak is about to end. We here at the Triple-S Scream Sheet can't see this guy making it through the season without a serious injury. Maybe if team owner snkls plans to have him wear a little armor each match, but history has shown that this isn't going to happen. As the opposition gets better and better, it will get more difficult for the norse to protect their players from serious injury. However, if Big Sess does go down, Rampage is still dangerous. The oft-forgotten 'Thunder' Niflheimr will see to that!

4. The Bloodknights Will Annihilate the Competition

This team is going to be feast-or-famine all season. They are going to see their fair share of defeats, and those defeats are going to be ugly. But when they win, it is going to be an absolute massacre. Sporting some of the best players to step foot on the pitch this side of the Styx Rivermen, and with a supporting cast that is tailor-made for bogging down their opposition, the vampires are going to have a field day with many teams who will be incapable of imposing their will upon these impressive specimens. Will the Bloodknights make the playoffs, you ask? Absolutely. But when they get there, expect the feast-or-famine M.O. to show up ugly. This, along with the generally higher level of competition in the playoff seeds, means we won't be seeing the Bloodknights in the Final.

3. The Johnnys' Quest Will Win Division B

The league's prospective top offense is going to be tough for a lot of teams to handle as it is, but this year, it's going to be even tougher. We here at Triple-S expect to see the Johnnys focus a little more on developing a coherent defense, which was their biggest weakness last season. The Johnnys gave up the greatest number of touchdowns in league history last season, and it can only (hopefully) get better from there. Once the Johnnys hire on a second wardancer, expect this swarming-style defense to get surprisingly stout. Pair this up with the way this team is poised to greatly out-score most of their opponents, and Division B better start looking out!

2. Hellbug's Heroes Will Dominate the Casualties Charts

If there is one thing we here at the Triple-S Scream Sheet know, it's that a Bloodbowl league always has a strange sort of equilibrium. Well guess what. The equilibrium of the league when it comes to casualties was shattered when the Styx Rivermen decided to disband for Season III. This means that someone is going to step up and fill the role of the league villain. This villain will be the Heroes. With a fearsome roster than can out-block any team in the league, and has shown it can beat the best the league can throw at it, the Heroes are set for an amzing run this year. But where they will really shine is in inflicting casualties. With many tough, developed players, and a fearsome KO record to boot, the casualties are going to flow like a river for this team. Watch out squishies! This team will be dangerous.

1. Selene's Seductive Strut Will Make A Surprise Cup Run

Triple-S is run by the most skilled owner in the league. If anybody is counting this motley crew out, they are a fool. These rats and goblins are dedicated to being the best this season, and are going to turn a few heads. you take our words for it. :smallwink:

[LordBlackadder]

Reserved for Shire Patch writings.

[Tychris1]

Carpe Noctem!
Premiere Magazine for all things that go bump in the night.

Welcome back Ladies and Thralls! Things have been going topsy turvy in the world of Blood Bowl, and we here at Carpe Noctem! are on the case to get it all down. With so many things happening, it's hars to keep it all together! But luckily for you readers at home, we've got a special treat. An interview where we sit down with Blood Bowl players Konrad Ze Krazy, Derk and Lucius Von Duneheim, Coach Tychris, and after leaving her music tour ex-Wizard for the Blood Knights and now full time Vampire Player Valerie "Vampeera" Von Streissenhower! Let's get right to it!

We sat all the stars down in a circular table, our representative sat on the opposite end facing Coach Tychris.

CN: Well then, it's good to see you all here! Now, the readers are curious as to what you all think about the past few games that have been going on.

Tychris: I can't say i'm less then impressed with the performance that my boys have given me, ever since the All Star week i've seen rapid improvement in all of them. Konrads really stepped up his front and center fightin style, Lucius is as elusive as ever, and Derk has been a great swiss army knife for us. I think the time spent around the pros has really rubbed off on them.

Derk/Konrad/Lucius: Ayup/Have you ever tried to taste yourself?/Sounds about right.

CN: Yes, the crowds seem to be pleased with how they are performing recently. To bring things to a more recent light, Valerie, how does it feel to be the newest (And first female) Vampire hired for the team?

Valerie: It's not as bad as one might think. I used to be married to this big chunk of slobbering meat, so i've had plenty of experience with the boys. I can see why they so easily signed up for it. It's rather exhilerating!

Tychris: Not like it was cheap to hire you.......

We reconvened at the table in 30 minutes, after Coach Tychris' lungs stopped caving in on themselves from Valeries sucker punch

CN: Yes, well after such hits as "Blocks Don't Lie", "Illegal Move", and "How do you score" it seems like you've been gearing up for your Blood Bowl career. Do you think it'll match your music career?

Valerie: Well, despite my success with vocals, i'd like to think that whenever I do something I strive to be the best at it. Otherwise, what's the point of trying?

CN: Shifting back to you Derk, your rising fame and experience seem to indicate you as the tip of the spear for the Blood Knights charge to the playoffs. With all this ramping pressure do you think you'll perform against such veteran teams like the Red Sabres?

Derk: I have trust in my Thralls, in my Brothers, and in my inner circle. I'm not the only thing that keeps the team moving. But yes, i'll definetely pull through. I'm the best there ever is or was.

CN: Well then. With such a bold statement, keeping you in top condition must he a priority, hiw do you handle the stress?

Derk: Amazon Cheerleaders and Daemon Dust. Lots and lots of Daemon Dust.

CN: Is that........ Entirely legal?

Tychris: Lets move on to the next question…………

CN: Got it. So Konrad, how does it feel to be named "Sexiest Blocker" by CRUSH SKULLZ magazine?

Konrad: Konrad doesn't always take his medicine. But when he does, he feeds it to Squire and tell Tychris he did.

Tychris:........Dammit

We reconvened yet again an hour later, after Konrad took his mood stabilizers due to a bout of "KONRAD SMASH! KONRAD KILL!"

CN: To any readers at home, here's a picture of Konrad posing for his award.
http://img-cache.cdn.gaiaonline.com/88698fcd43234cfac5fa57a85223b049/http://i729.photobucket.com/albums/ww293/Shade_Shinobi/Vampires/VampireWarrior.jpg

CN: Lets start rounding this out, this conference room can't take too much more of a beating. Now, Lucius, you're the official treasure hunter for the Blood Knights. What wacky artifacts can we expect this week?

Lucius: Nothing too peculiar. After tomb robbing some old Draco Lich crypts, I found the claws of some dusty old Dragon Lord or another, apparently they grant the wielder immense ferocity and strength in combat.

CN: Sounds great!

Lucius: Except they're apparently cursed so that they turn on the wielder whenever he falters, slowly drains their soul, and kind of fuse into their hands. I haven't yet figured out how to remove them, so until then Blud Bag is left with razor sharp overly sized bone claws for hands. Didn't really have time to read the instructions before the Draco Lich of the crypt woke up and tried to eat me.

CN: Well, best of luck to him in that regard. Lastly, Tychris what is your opinion on the current fiasco with management in the league?

Tychris: In most cases I would have my phalanx of lawyers investigate and prove at it, but Crow has given me solid advice in hiring the (Exuberantly priced) Valerie, plus me and the boys still owe him for that particularly hazy night of gambling on ourselves again. So i'll let sleeping dogs lay where they be and go with the flow.

That's all here for Carpe Noctem! As always stay classy readers, avoid stakes, and please kick the fat blonde kid that keeps trying to sell garlic outside of our HQ.

Mid-Season Team Review
It seems as if the funeral dirges are ringing for the Blood Knights (And not in a good way!) after their last defeat at the hands of the Narcissists, who deftly crushed the vampires 3 nothing. With their current losing pattern, things are looking bleak for the Vampires, and many fans are throwing in the towel. As of such, Coach Tychris has decided to sit down and address his team as they approach their next game against the more veteran amazons, and rapidly approach the midseason point, a burst of energy is certainly required for the Knights to get back into it. With the statistical knowledge at the fisposal of Carpe Noctem! we hope to help coach Tychris (And avoid his ire) in this analytical report of what is working and what isn't. Now, let's get to it!

Blood Knight Mid Season Ratings

Bloodlust Control: 9/10
In a surprising turn of events the lone Vampire team has managed to hold its lust for blood under wraps for most the season currently. Aside from a recent, minor slip up against the Narcissists, the Blood Knights have feasted regularly before and after the match, and as of such have managed to keep more thralls standing on the pitch. Surprisingly, Derk and Lucius have shown the only real lust for Blood, leaving the greatly unstable Konrad at the peak of the dog pit for controlling his urges. They'll be needing this fortitude, as every thrall will be worth his weight in gold when wins start counting for more and more.

Hypnotic Gaze usage: 2/10
The Vampires have yet to really use their Hypnotic gazes properly on the battlefield, instead trying for the reliable method of bashing the other teams face in. Despite the tactical capabilities of such a mystical power, Konrad and Derk find little use in it, and Lucius spends all his time in the end zone and thus cannot use it even if he wants. Despite the pit falling of this skill going unused, there is little that can be done about it, and will remain a shelf skill for the Vampires. Hopefully it will come further into play in the late season, but nothing can be done to motivate the vampires into seductively gazing into their enemies (Except for the Amazons).

Thrall Power: 8/10
The thralls of the Blood Knights have really been showing their colors, some of them becoming fan favorites (Even over the Duneheim brothers) and they are certainly not slacking when it comes to progression. Blazing star Squire has shown his skill when it comes to playing on the pitch, and it seems like he'll be leading the other Thralls in his example. Considering how the Vampires are fairing currently, the Blood Knights are going to have to rely on thralls more and more to get things done until the Vamps get moving.

Showmanship: 8/10
If there is one thing the Bloodknights do not lack, it's class. Whether it be riling up a crowd in order to score a touchdown against the Mistakes, or pull out all the stakes when it comes to showing up and matching the Fancy Lads, the Vamps have not disappointed us yet in the regard of having a good match. Even in defeat, the sheer qualities of a Vampire team lead to chaos and fast plays on the pitch, all things that warm the heart of our dear blood bowl players.

Chivalry: 10/10
Though they have yet to face the all female Amazon team, whenever the Bloodknights tread the pitch, it is always at the sake of any lady, fan or player. Their gentlemen handling of Amateratsu and her mad dashes for the end line, such as Derk putting his cloak over a mud pit, and Lucius ensuring that she got up properly for the second half of the pitch might have effected their odds at winning, but it solidified their integrity. One can only wonder how they will handle there upcming match.

Blitzes: 7/10
Despite their training with jousts and lance based combat, the Bloodknights have yet to really show their muscle off and really plow through the enemy lines. Konrad, master horseback jouster as he is, sorely needs to improve his current game mindset if he wishes to re-establish his old nicknames of "The Slayer" and "The Black Knight". The fans certainly know he's not exerting himself enough, as the KO to Casualty ratio for him can show.

Maidens Nabbed: 9/10
Many fans have recently asked "How do the Bloodknights afford all their advertising and arrogant gambling on themselves?" Well, for starters, those fans are dead for the second comment (Or now thralls). And secondly, it has to do with the greatest business of them all; Vampires seducing fair ladies in order to get generous donations, and the Bloodknights have been orchestrating it in spades. The Von Duneheim brothers have consistently managed to afford Tychris' drunken bouts of gambling and poor management with their consorts, and Konrad's web of resources has pulled in many a inducement. With the upcoming match against Die Valkyrie, the Vampires have set their sights on nabbing Amazonians, and a fierce competition has started amongst the 3 of them for top rights (To the greedy delight of Tychris' consultants). The current total seems to be,
K: 12
D:8
L:9
And if the current luck for the Bloodknights is any indicator for the rest of the season, then the Vampires are going to have to pull out all the stops if they intend on staying afloat money wise.

Overall: 53/70
The Bloodknights have started out shakily, losing matches that ought to have been ties or at the very least, less one sided, and their place seems bleak. Yet the Vampires are beginning to develop, and with their already impressive statline and Thrall-line (Coupled with what we have already seen the Vampires capable of) we can easily hope that the second half of the season will fair better then the first. At the very least they will end on a high note with both halfs, facing off against the Shire Patch and Die Valkyrie, and should at the very least prove to make interesting (And visibly exciting and enjoyable) matches.

Until next week, stay away from stakes, and happy hunting!

Week 3 & 4

We're back folks! After a thrall ran into our supply line of necrotic energy we've managed to perform enough blasphemous rituals to get our night time weekly back on print! And to make up for lost time we've got special treats in the form of an interview with Bloodknight Coach Tychris himself!

CN: Glad to have you here. Let's try to make up for lost time and ask about the game against Triple-S

T: Absolutely amazing. The boys performed great, Konrad even manages to keep himself in control the whole match despite having enough dope in him to kill a man (Mainly because we fed him a man who overdosed on the stuff). Lucius and Derk worked in tandem to "accidentally" get that ball to the endzone. Many of my Necromancer cohorts were laughing when that happened.

CN: And it seemed as if the Thralls were showing their stripes that day aswell.

T: Indeed! After weeks of training, Squire finished his apprenticeship to Derk and has finally donned the Knights armor after severe training with the blocking dummy. He's been harder to knock over ever since. Devouxe Edjut even managed to hone his religious fanaticism to Konrad into a wrestlin technique that can knock down the best of them. Many a barmaid went missing that day.

CN: Now back to pressing matters, what do you have to say about the game against the Mistakes?

T: In an effort to avoid the pun "We made a terrible mistake" I'll instead say that a mixture of pride from the last match, chivalry to Amateretsu, and an overall lack of discipline from the thralls lead to the Knights being all over the place. Konrad couldn't even keep himself in check, all I saw was a red flash, and suddenly Konrad had tackled Sam Vinchester to the ground and began draining him. We didn't even know he had a smashed hip until after the game when Sam and Dean Vinchester tried to do their ceremonial dance party while "Wayward Son" plays in the background.

CN: It is a classic. Speaking of classics, how do you intend on handling the veteran team of The Fancy Lads?

T: I've decided to pull out all the stops for this fight. The Fancy Lads have been on good terms with the Bloodknights due to the gentlemens code of "You don't scuff my fancy suit, I don't scuff yours." But Bloodbowl makes barbarians out of nobles and heroes out of peasants, so they won't be pulling punches, and neither will we. I've hired out Konrad's ex-girlfriend and psychiatrist, Vampeera, after her singing career ended and she decided to delve further into magic. Derk has been outfitted with an experimental suit of fullplate armor that should make him more then a match for the Fancy Lads Black Orcs, so long as the unholy runes stand, and he is fed enough blood before the match. I've thrown Lucius into a cell, deprived him of blood, and fed him warpdust laced warer and blood that should temporarily make him a Varghulf. Squire and Edjut have both been places as Thrall Commanders, and have put the other thralls through a rigorous training course. And finally i've entrusted Konrad to rile up the crowd with the same warpdust water, infect as many crowd members as possible, and to finally draft all the fans from Transylvania into coming with 50% off coupons whilst barring the entrance to Fancy Lad fans. Win or lose, I can't say I didn't try.

CN: Some of that sounds..... Less then legal.

T: Screw the rules, I HAVE MONEY!

CN: Yes indeed........

That's all folks! Next week we'll have a post game interview with Vampeera and Konrad the Krazy, assuming he survives the game! Good Night, and Happy Hunting!

Week 2
Don't say we can't work miracles! After losing several intern thralls we managed to get ALL THREE of the Vampires from the Blood Knights to have an interview about their last match and the future of Blood Bowl itself. We'll start it off with Derk, being the easiest to obtain.

Derk Von Duneheim
We managed to wrangle him by paying headcoach Tychris into making Derk pose for Playdead, our more adult orientated sister magazine.

D: It's great to be here today.

CN: Great to have you, so, let's start this off properly hy asking what you thiugh of the last match.

D: Urgh. That was an absolute travesty. I didn't expect us to conquer, but the edjuts couldn't keep a hold of the ball! Good thing we won't be fighting them again for a while now....

CN: Some rather, critical, fans point to Sir Lancelot as the reason you lost. Has Lancelot seen any backlash from the rest of the team?

D: We've currently been floggin-I mean motivationally encouraging Sir Lancelot to work on his foot eye coordination, so that he doesn't slip on another of Konrad's blood vials that get thrown everywhere. Squire has taken a great interest in this "Motivation" and Tychris seems to be supporting it with some extra "work" on the side.

CN: Right then. Changing subjects, what do you think of Selen's Seductive Strut?

D: I hold great respect for them. They have a very different playstyle from our own and fight at an inherent disadvantage due to their lack of undead players. I cannot wait to see how the match ends up.

CN: Interesting to see a player so sportsman like in Blood Bowl. Are there any players you believe we should keep an eye out for?

D: Amateretsu and W.Tell. That Orc can run faster then a thrall being hased by a mob of vamps while being lit on fire, and it's hard to keep my eyes off of Amateretsu. Tch tch.

CN: So how does it feel being up there in the leaderboards for passing currently? Do you expect to hold that position?

D: I've never been one to throw the ball (Considering nobody else can hold it afterwards and i'm the only one who can hold it properly) but from the way the season seems to be turning with stronger teams on the horizon, I think i'll have to bust out the elbow grease and get some hail maries in. Otherwise we'll need a priest to sanctify the pile of thrall corpses.

CN: Thanks for your time, we'll be in touch.

D: See you later.

Lucius Von Duneheim
It would appear as if Lucius has finished whatever questing he went upon and has returned to the main Headquarters for the Blood Knights.

CN: It's good to see you.

L: Good to see you too.

CN: To start I have to ask what you were doing all this time away from your team?

L: I went looking for the magical items that we gave to one of the Vinchester boys and used in our match. Aside from that I had personal matters to attend to, namely getting some Cheerleaders to cheer up the Thralls and distract my brothers.

CN: Any luck in that regard?

L: Not really, when I mentioned Konrad they all spontaneously got excuses. I did however spot a radiant sight, a retired player named Skögul. Simply divine.

CN: Back to the topic of Blood Bowl I have to ask if you think you'll rake up more injuries in this upcoming match, in the hopes of staying on the leaderboards.

L: Konrad seems to want to take center stage in that regard, but I can say this much, there will be less vermin walking out of the pitch then on. I can attest to that.

CN: How do you think the upcoming match will fair?

L: Brutally. We'll either score nothing (Freaking Lancelot) or we'll grind rat bones to dust. I'm betting on the latter. That's all the time I have, there are prospective advertisers coming in a bit and I need to get ready.

CN: Of course, best of luck to you.

Konrad the KRAZY
Located deep within the bowels of the BK HQ we found their gym, where several thralls, includint Squire, were working out. But a part of the gum was clearly intended for Vampires, and it was being wholly occupied by Konrad. Syringes lied about, kittens were for some reason strewn across the ground and moving around, and all the weights were set to maximum. Konrad himself was found in the center, talking to himself as he benchpressed a Black orc, promptly killing him afterwards by breaking the orcs back on his knee (Elicitin the yelp "Oi! Me back!")

CN: Uh... Konrad it's a pl-

KRAZY!: I PITY THE FOOL WHO STEPS UP FOR THIS BANG! CALL ME B.A BICEPS CAUSE I'LL CRUSH THEIR WHOLE GANG! BRING ON LOCKJAW, KOWEN, I'LL CRUSH'EM LIKE A TRAIN! AND WATCH ME DIP THEIR ASS IN GOLD AND WEAR IT LIKE A NECK CHAIN! SUCKA!

CN: Err.... Right. Ok. First question, why are there kittens everywhere?

KRAZY!: It is to simulate the goblins from Triple-S! I get a thrall for every skull I crush! I'm currently at 17!?! Hehehehehehahaahaha

CN: Well it is fairly accurate. How do you think your current strength program will help the match?

KRAZY!: I THINK I'M GOING TO DROP THOSE SKAVEN INTO THE NEAREST CEMETERY! AIN'T NO ONE GOING TO MISS'EM! CAUSE ALL THEIR FRIENDS IMAGINARY!

CN: Interesting and poetic. You currently stand toe to toe with Lockjaw, do you feel he'll offer a suitable wall to stop you?

KRAZY!: You know what I do for fun? PUNCH BRICK WALLS! And when i'm trying to impress the ladies I do it with my head! Speaking of heads, did you know I can catch arrows with my skull?

He promptly revealed a longbow arrow embedded in his skull, somebow fitting under his helmet

CN: That explains quite a bit.... Do you think you'll hold your ground in KO'ing people?

KRAZY!: What?!?!? OF COURSE I WILL! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ASKING STUPID QUE-

We resumed the interview after a sedative for trolls was pumped into him

Krazy: Sorry, haven't taken my... Medication in a bit. Puts me on edge. Continue?

CN: Uh... Thanks? Alright, do you think there are any players/teams to look out for?

Krazy: I'd keep an eye out for The Hidden Assassins and The Mistakes. I'm not one for playing the ball but Distraction and Amateretsu are beasts (One quite literally) upon the field when handed the ball. It will be quite riveting to see their matches. Of course I have to pay special attention to the Sabres and DV, as they both seem like they'll be strong contenders early on while most teams are underdeveloped, and can easily set the flow for the rest of the season.

CN: That was a mighty fine answer. I'm sorry but that's all the time we have for today.

Krazy: Oh do come back again chaps, it was rather refreshing dicsussing the other teams for this season.

There you have it folks! Now for our next article; Chivalry, is it (un)dead at last? More insight from our head zombie spy.........

Week 1

With the reintroduction of a Vampire Team to the Blood Bowl season, Carpe Noctem! has reestablished it's Blood Bowl section of the Magazine. Up and coming players gathered from all across the Old World have been banded together under the new head coach of the Vampire team The Bloodknights. Despite their relatively infantile state of playing on the pitch, the headcoach has managed to sink a large amount of money into advertisements (As you can clearly tell from the 8 pages in this Magazine dedicated to them) and sponsers. Where exactly he has gathered this money is unsure, but rumors float of a deal between The Bloodknights and the NBC (Necromantic Broadcasting Channel).

This writer is looking forward to seeing how they fair on their first match and has conducted reports from several members on the team about their opening match.

Pre-First Match Interviews

Derk Von Duneheim: It took a bit of finangling (And the sacrifice of an intern) to get a good amount of time regarding an interview with Derk.

Q:Derk, how do you think The Bloodknights will fair against a more veteran team like Johny's Quest?
A: Listen, i'm not saying the odds aren't against us here, but me and my brother have been through far worse fights then this. It'll be pretty grisly, but so long as we stay away from Bloomberg i'm certain we can get out of this fine enough. I've even taken a little time off to make sure 'Itchy' Feet has an interesting next match.

Q:Have you done any particular training for the upcoming match?
A: Me and the Head Coach have done a little one on one regarding my training and worked it all out. I've recently been taking lessons from champion jouster Floras Kyrell on the art of escaping a hit and properly blocking those I can't dodge.

Q:Do you have a favorite team?
A: The Shire Patch, lovable little buggers. Not to mention Halflings are travel sized thralls.

Q:Do you have anything to say to The Johnys' Quest?
A: Yeah, this one goes out to 'Itchy' Feet, you little bastard. I'm going to grab your neck, raise you up high, and then punch my fist straight through your-

We had no further time for the interview.

Konrad the Krazy: We were unable to get a proper interview with Konrad, as both interns we sent were found dead inside of manure piles with the blood drained out of them.

Lucius Von Duneheim: Despite the best scrying efforts from us here at Carpe Notcem! we can't pinpoint the location of Lucius. Rumors abound on his whereabouts and it seems he's off collecting magical items for the Blood Bowl team to use in their upcoming matches.

[TheTyrantis]

Offense: 4/10

When the Skinks and Sauruses took on the opportunity to join the GITP-sponsored Blood Bowl League, they all knew how tough it was going to be. Except the Kroxigor, he's just big and dumb. Outrageous Cretaceous' has been poor on offense so far, the majority of their TDs going through Tlaxankha with only a few others managing to get the chance contribute in the end zone, along with being just below the top 5 runners in the league since his impressive league start died down, recording only 1 TD in the last three games after his 3 TDs in his first two games. While still a contender for a play-off role, offensive coach Boqotta will have to get his lizardmen to produce a higher work rate on the attack.

Defense: 6/10

While the Sauruses of OC are a competent and muscular defensive power on the team, they have been giving up too many last minute drives to either tie or lose the game, although they have been known to stop even the better teams, which may surprise some critics given their stats. Star player for the OC defense so far in the mid-season is Quetankha, with 1 kill and 3 casualties inflicted in his first 5 games, tying for 1st on each table. Until they gather more experience, the Sauruses can only attempt to stop the veteran runners and passers of the GITP-League...

Casualties/KO's: 7/10

...And with all said and done, the OC is still a strong defense, keeping veteran teams Rampage! to a tie and recently defeating Hellbug's Heroes to a shut-out and gaining their first win of the season. Also, the Lizardmen have gathered 6 casualties in 5 matches and several Knock-Outs accumulated, however not enough to reach the table on the latter. Rumours speculating from anonymous sources claim that magical powers will be at work soon to improve the Sauruses, along with the claims that a large cache of performance-enhancing drugs were purchased by Coach Catachan, although the manager denies these claims as farce. Notable mentions to Kroxigor Oatlhui and Saurus Tockrox, both with a casualty and two casualties inflicted, respectively.

Player Development: 7/10

As the entire team were rookies going into the beginning of the match, each had an equal opportunity to get experience. As it goes, just about everyone has gotten a piece of the Star Point flavored pie, with a few being moved into the experienced category already. Coach Catachan deems this a success as a potential dark horse in Division A.

Gamemanship: 6/10

Strong in both agility and strength, the OC has been a worthy opponent in their own right (or at least in Coach Catachan's opinion, which trumps all others), being able to have strength in both ends of the pitch, but their weakest asset so far has been their will power and stamina to finish each match off, with each tying game being scored by the opposing team. If they can practice more, they will be a force to be reckoned.

Style: 3/10

While the Lizardmen haven't been trying to go for any style points, being a rather predictable team in regards to tactics. Seeing off their own impressive hits and running plays, they rank low for having practically nothing else in their arsenal.

Overall: 33/60

It might not be a high grade, but Coach Catachan is proud of his rookie Lizardmen team in terms of how well they're doing. While their draw record is higher than everything else at the moment, their improvement to overtake a superior Chaos team shows just how much they've learned in the first 5 matches of the season. In their opinion, they will take a playoff position in Division A as long as the players remain tough and show up to their games.

[Tastier]

Jah Na’vi’s Scout Report - Week IX
Your chronicle of the latest gossip juice in the sanguine vessel.
*Jah Na’vi’s Scout Report is a for profit magazine published by the Johnnys’ Quest Publishing LLC

Nolud’s Joyride
You may remember from last months issue that Nolud of Triple-S grew a second head. Well, he’s back in the news this week after crashing his stage coach into a Treeman. An anonymous source reported a conversation between his left and right heads that took place in an underworld night club. Apparently Noleft and Ritud each thought is was the others turn to be the designated coachman.


A Correction
Last month we mistakenly reported that Sessrumnir was seen with Amateratsu at his castle. Our source on the story has since rescinded his statements saying that he may have mixed Amateratsu with a handsome set of edwardian golf clubs that Sess was using during a pleasant afternoon of golf.


Interview with Jumpy Longears

This is Jah Na’vi here with Jumpy Longears. Welcome to the Scout Report, Ms. Longears.

JL - Thanks. It’s a pleasure to be here.

So what was it like to be back out on the pitch after more than a season off?

JL - Good. It felt good. I haven’t had much opportunity to knock people down back on the family rabbit farm.
So your parents are rabbit farmers? Is that how you got your name?

JL - Yes. It was my grandmothers name, too.

And your nickname, ‘The Fast’, where did that come from?

JL - Well, most people seem to think it’s because of 100yd dash, but it actually came from back at Treetop High. There was a rumor going around that I liked to jump on the bed if you know what I mean.

I’m sure. So what do think of your new teammates?

JL - Well, I knew some of the guys from my days on The Trees. Itchy’s even more restless than back then I think. He’s always happy to go for a run, but he never has time to stay and chat. And M. T.’s as incorrigible as ever, still thinks he’s king of the world. They got together and introduced me to the rest of the team. Bloomberg has a fierce calmness to her. She’s very protective of the squad. And then there’s Dijon, always worrying about his figure. I’ve never seen an elf so obsessed with carrots. Calls ‘em a superfood. You’d think he was the rabbit farmer.

That’s for sure. How about the rest of the league?

JL - Well, those Von Dunheim fellows are pretty easy on the eye …. mhmmm …

I meant, what do you think of them as opponents?

JL - Oh right, uh, to be honest I haven’t really been following the league. I know we shut out Outrageous Cretaceous in the last match, but I think they have a lot of potential. I hope they stick around for next season, it can be tough for all rookie teams to make their way in the league against the more established ones, but sophomore teams tend to do pretty well.

So, how about you pose for a couple of portraits? Just three or four.

JL - Sure.

Let’s start with you in uniform. No need for a helmet. The fans want to see your face.

….................

Looks like our artist has finished the first one.

http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/jumpy.png

JL - Whew, that took a while. How many of these did I agree to pose for?

Four. For the second, why don’t you try something more casual.

JL - How about you just copy the first one and change the clothes?

Well, we could, but ….

JL - So it’s settled. See ya later! *whoosh*

There she goes, out the window... Well, I guess we could take her suggestion. That’s it for the Scout Report. Goodnight!

http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/jumpy2.png


Week V - Mid Season Report

Game by Game
Week 1
2-0 season opener vs the Bloodknights. A solid win where all the moving pieces did what they were supposed to. Dijon’s butterfingers were the only sour note.

Week 2
1-3 loss against the Mistakes. The Mistakes used witchcraft to keep Dijon’s hands off the ball. Still, it could easily have gone the way of 2-2 draw despite the disadvantage. With Dijon at a 100% it likely could have been a win.

Week 3
2-1 success vs The Fancy Lads. Once again the Quest and the Lads are in the same division. A win over one of the strongest teams is doubly a boon.

Week 4
1-2 ****-up vs the Nox’tlan Narcissists. The team of this season’s premiere absentee manager doesn’t seem to mind. It feels bad to lose to an uninduced worse on paper team. It’s another loss that could easily have been a win.

Week 5
3-1 victory over Die Valkyrie. In this game between teams with similar styles and team values the Johnnys’ came through with a repeat of the Season 2 match.


What do the Statistics say?
2nd in Touchdowns Scored
Tied for 3rd in Touchdowns Against
Tied with 3 other teams for 3rd best Touchdown Differential +2

Tied for last for the number casualties inflicted.
Middle of the pack for number of KOs inflicted.

Most passes completed of any team.
4th most SPPs generated this season.

Chart I
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/chart_1.png

Chart II
http://i529.photobucket.com/albums/dd336/Lotusflowerful/chart_2.png

So Manager, what do you think?
We have been basically injury free (for an agility team). This is excellent during a season where the number of consequential casualties seems quite high. We still have games against a number of dangerous teams though. We’ve got 2 more lizardmen teams to face, old toughies including the Red Sabres and Rampage, dirty teams like Triple S and the Assassin, and this season’s meat grinders- Hellbug’s Heroes. *Shudder*

The wins feel good and the losses feel like flukes. As it stands now, I don’t think there’s a match left , except perhaps the Sabres, where I wouldn’t pick the Johnnys’ to win. In any case I don’t think it will be too much trouble to get into the playoffs. This season's level ups all have been useful, most notably Stomach's +1 ST and Dijon's sure hands. I think the best signs of success can be seen in the above charts. The Johnny’s are doing well in points, TDs, and SPPs are are near the other leading teams on the plots.

How many more games will the Johnnys' win? I'd say [roll0]


Jah Na’vi’s Scout Report - Week IV

Your chronicle of the latest gossip juice in the sanguine vessel.
*Jah Na’vi’s Scout Report is a for profit magzine published by the Johnnys’ Quest Publishing LLC

Nolud’s New Growth!
Nolud, player for Triple S, was spotted this week sporting a stylish new growth protruding from his neck. This comes in the wake of a match where he threw a lethal block against Tocadohi of Hautl of Outrageous Cretaceous. Sources report the gross lizard juice that shot out probably “discombobulated his flesh or something.” Photos have surfaced suggesting that the new growth is a second head. No word yet on which head is dominant but if past blood bowlers who’ve grown a second head are any indication, it should be fun to watch them figure it out or kill each other.


Does J. Doe’s New Album Not Go Far Enough?!
Former player for the Johnnys’ Quest, J. Doe, was once again drawing attention to his music career. His new album ‘Songs of Amnesia’ has flared tempers among some fans who were more familiar with his older work for it’s lack of violence and viritol. There’s are no references made to viscera, sex, or narcotics at all. When asked to comment on the outrage, “Being a musician-poet who transcends genres even as he reinvents them is hard work. Since my dismissal from the Johnnys’ I’ve discovered a new peaceful world amongst the leaves of Lorain Wald, the city of the forest. I think my fans will come around.”


Sessrumnir and Amaterasu Together!
Photographic evidence has surfaced allegedly of Lady Amaterasu of the Mistakes horse riding alone with Sessrumnir of Rampage on the grounds of his castle estate in Moorland. Our expert on human behavior reports that the rigorous code human nobles are expected to follow would normally forbid such an encounter unless the couple was engaged or married. The implications of the story, if they are true, are scandalous. We can only hope.


A Correction
A correction from last weeks article ‘Weight Loss through Blood Loss’. Our story reported that blood loss was effective means to reduce ones overall mass, and we stand by the position. However, it was not made clear that blood letting as described could have some other significant consequences. Side effects may include dizziness, lightheadedness, unusual appetite, nausea, death, and swarms of vampires.
Week III - From the Desk of Big ‘Wig’ Johnson

2013/04/29


As the Manager of the Johnnys’ Quest, some say you’re to blame for the spectacular collapse at the end of last season.
I thought we agreed that this interview was only going to be about this season.

Are you happy with your victory over the Vampires in Week I?
Well it was a victory and a shut-out. All the moving pieces of the team went out there and did their jobs. Bloomberg kept the opponents on the ground and Dijon slung the ball cleanly downfield to the receivers. If we keep playing like this we should make the playoffs easily. (Winning the division is another matter) If I had to critique the match, and I do, I’d say the Bloodknight haven’t hit their stride. Tripping in front of the goal line isn’t really something I can credit to our defense. The bumbling attempts to pick up the ball didn’t do anything to make my elves look graceful either.

What mistakes were made in week two?
Alright. So, Dijon comes in late for the match. “I can’t find my hands”. I was dumbfounded. “What did you do with them?! Unlike Feet they don’t just get up walk away.” “Well I was out late at the pub late last night. You know happens when you drink too much wood alcohol. I can’t remember a thing.” And then the game whistle blew. I didn’t even have a chance to tell the team... Well, you know the rest. Even with Dijon being hungover I think we would’ve had a chance if we could’ve kept him away from the ball for once.

What could you have done differently to leash Amaterasu?
Leash her? You’d better hope she doesn’t read this. As long as she stays healthy and can remember to bring her hands to the game she’ll give everyone fits. There’s been some wild rumors swirling about her. Our team’s sp- uh, scout can’t figure out where the truth lies. Some of the more ridiculous reports indicate that she’s half amazon, or she’s half highelf, the werewolf that bit her was a yhetee, she once dated Sessrumnir, and her eyes are- that’s not important.

Can we get a preview of the upcoming match with the fancy lads?
They block like norseman, move the ball like pro elves, and are strong to boot. It’ll be a tough one for sure especially with Stomach out with, well, an upset stomach. I told him not to eat so much before swimming. I can tell you that we’ll have some star talent on the pitch though and Jean seems primed to deliver some more hit this week. As for the lads player’s if we can contain Danforth we have chance to outscore the greenbacks. It’ll be nice to have the stadium full too, even though many of the fans will be cheering the orcs. A little publicity goes a long way.

What do you think of the number of Lizardmen teams in the league this year?
Well, Outrageous Cretaceous seems to have the best offense, but the team I’m most concerned with is the Reptile Alliance. They’ve left the teams most similar to the Quest hurting. Not only that, but they’ve got some veterans from Season I. Perhaps this is why ReAngleo is the skink in everyone’s sights, but I think anyone who saw Princess Leia’s ball handling against the Invisible Assassin in Week II knows that she can handle herself. Apparently the metal bikini she wears is more than functional, allowing for a degree of protection without compromising freedom of movement. It’s also is the also the traditional armor of her royal house.

There’s been some speculation in the media that you’re working out a deal to pick up some players from the the wood elf legacy. It’s natural considering you’ve hired some players of the Trees in past. Well that and Stomach and Feet both the made the cut this year and are looking good out there. Are you looking to drag any other unfortunate souls back out onto the pitch?
Were not planning any roster changes at this time... but... nevermind.

[kurokotetsu]

From the Tomb!

Mid-Season Team report by the Acting Commissioner:

After giving a truth suerum to the commissioner Kurokotetsu, he gave us some insight in the teams form his ventage position. We hope it is worth the dead interns. On the good side, we have new zombies working for us! That shoudl speed the printing process:

Die Valkyrie: The Amazons have been very strong this season, with only one loss and tied second in overall points. They are good reacting in the defense, with decent speed and bashing power of the blitzers and catchers the ball carriers in the league are in extreme danger. In the offense their good passing options means that they have a consistent offense that manages to score and are difficult to stop. Against quick or strong ball carriers though they may have a problem. If they can’t reach the ball before the play is constructed, their line isn’t that great and there are faster players in the League that can out run the pursuit meaning that if the blitz fails they will have problem in the defense. Conversely, Göndul is also weak to blitzes with her average strength and not great speed. Faster teams will probably present the Amazons but they are looking like a Championship contender none the less.

The Invisible Assassin: An underwhelming team by mid-season. They are hard to manage, not being neither great agility nor great strength. Inactive management is probably hurting them the most. They are the most injury riddled team thus far they are almost down to half their starting roster and fielding more and more Journeymen every week. But there is still some hope. Distraction and Edrad are strong players and if planned accordingly and with more support their good agility may make them a good running team if they get their act together.

Selene’s Seductive Strut: While weak on paper, Triple-S has one very good advantage, Crow’s management. So far he has been able to plan against most teams in a way that matches are normally close calls, even against team veterans. They are not shinning but they are also growing more consistently than any other new comers to the League. The Goblins are hard to tackle; Roc is strong and dangerous in the line and the Skavens are good at both support and ball carriers in general. And while fast teams seem unable to shake them, strength based games are being their weakness. While Roc and Green Nail are both good at holding the line, the rest of the team usually doesn’t have the strength for prolonged blocks and breakthroughs. If they hit the weights a little they might become even more dangerous.

Outrageous Cretaceous, The Reptile Alliance, The Nox’tlan Narcissists: The three Lizardmen teams are more or less in similar situations, and with similar strengths and weaknesses. The skinks aren’t great blitzers but they almost always find the ball carrier fast impeding their movement until stronger teammates arrive. The Sauruses and Kroxigors are very good at the line at bashers. Skinks in general are good ball carriers and even though they lose the ball easily, there are many that can pick it up again. But all these teams are dependent on weak Skinks. If the Skink speed is counteracted, either by fast pursuers or strong teams, they have great problems moving the ball, normally because they end up easily injured or knocked. The muscles of the team have other problmes. Once they start beating an opponent, their bad foot skills means they have to stick to their mark until it is totally down, as trying to leave usually means getting tripped. IN particular of the teams, Outrageous is showing more muscle but not so strong ball carriers. The Alliance, on the other hand, have a great runner in Leia and her added strength while their straight bashers aren’t that strong. Cretaceous is growing faster it seems though, so they are quickly becoming a team to watch.

The Fancy Lads: While not under performing, the Lads are maybe not dominating against teams they should. W. Tell is a nearly unstoppable runner and the Orcs rarely fail to open a path. Their defense is also strong, proving that moving the ball against them is hard. They are having problems with the faster teams though. The Orcs aren’t light on their feet and are struggling against teams that even if they are knocked down can still catch up. Their strength doesn’t help if they can’t move the ball. They are also greatly dependent on Tell. Even with Danforth being a great secondary carrier, if Tell is down they seem to have problems to get Danforth the ball and keep running. Their slow speed also means that when this happens most teams can catch up with them make moving the ball even harder. They are strong as they come but their feet drag a little too much for their own good.

The Red Sabers: The archetypical human team, a great balance. A good defense, a good offense and not evidently weak in any one respect. They can pass, they can run and they can defend both. But they aren’t exceptional either. They aren’t as fast as other teams for the blitz and at the same time they aren’t the strongest to break through. They have good passes but the passer isn’t always in the position to take use of it. Also, if Fernand Arrow is missing, they have problems. With reduced options, the strength of the humans is halved, as they have no reliable back-up passer. If the thrower is missing an opponent can effectively stop the run and give the humans a hard time even with the strong lineup they have.

Hellbug’s Heroes: Performing quite well in general, the Heroes are one tough team. They are hard to knock down and in the contrary are very hard hitters. They are consistent in their work and can’t be stopped. They are by mid-season one of the best defenses. The blitzes and toughness of the team means that they are hard to be beaten in the land game. But they have several problems. They are not very fast, so when a player manages to get past them, they can’t catch up. The same speed problem applies in their offense, where if they can’t beat the opponent to a pulp they have trouble moving the ball. Also they have little to no defense against passes and slow blitzes the passing teams will give them a hard time.

Rampage!: They relay the same in strategy than the Heroes and the Lads but have a different feeling to them. They are more suicidal, as they don’t have the same protection as the other two teams. On the other hand they are even better at bashing, with their extensive training in block they usually can knock out most teams. Sessrumnir is more agile than his counter parts in the other teams, which usually shows in being able to move the ball more reliably when his teams strategy doesn’t fall, but in contrast to W.Tell when they catch him alone he is more lickley to lose the ball. Niflheimr is also a reliable secondary carrier and can step in any moment that Sesstumnir is caught. But they have more problems against strong teams than the other. More prone to injuries, strong team can stop them while also reducing their strength. In a way they are an inversion despite the similar style.

The Johnnys’ Quest: The Johnnys’ are an offensive powerhouse. Bloomber holds the line in front of any opposing players and Dijon bone is great passer. Their catchers are top notch, rarely miss a pass, while also being agile enough to dodge the cover. They are one of the fastest offenses, sometime scoring in a moment after getting the ball. They may not be a strength powerhouse but they have good blitzes to stop the offenses, with skill and agility to get to the ball carrier. But they are also a one player team even if it doesn’t show in the charts. When Dijon is missing or neutralized they have problems. The Wood Elves aren’t that great at opening paths for the run and when their thrower is out or blitzed they start having problems. If Dijon is in no condition to pass the powerful offense fails and they start having problems. With no great defensive strength they may lose games when Dijon is in out of the game.

The Bloodknight: They say a team is as strong as their weakest link and no team shows that as much as the Vampires. While their main players usually are hard to stop with their great agility and strength. They are hard form stop moving, because tackling them is hard and can get out of the opponents reach. They aren’t very fast, though which mean that even after getting again once, they soon have to face the opponent. The team’s problems come with thralls. The thralls while not doing a terrible job have it really hard to follow the vampires, their main task. They are average players at everything and always lose to more specialized players, as they aren’t that strong, agile, fast or even well protected as other players. When they lag behind they leave the vampires in a bad situation to be tackled or even succumb to their blood lust. As the thralls grow more skillful and strong, they won’t be leaving the pitch so often and be better at keeping company the team will grow.

The Shire Patch: The complete underdogs. Slow and weak, with no passing options. They have little offense power and even less defense. They have only the option to dodge until they can’t dodge more, both for defense and offense. The inducements and possible growth are the only weapons at their disposal now.

The Mistakes of Life: The current league leaders. They have a very strong running game, with Amateratsu being an agile and fast runner and having decent cover. The teams works together to get the werewolf past the line and after Amateratsu usually has gained the inch she needs to ou run most competitors. They fast werewolves also make good blitzers, especially with their claws and acquired blocking skill. Wights and Ghouls are good compaions and even if Flesh Golems don’t dominate the line, they do the job standing firm and keeping most linemen of the league in place. But they have been lucky in their most challenging games, not facing the strong ball carriers in neither of the matches. Amateratsu has also been in the pitch for most of the games and she is the backbone of the team. This may be a very different story if or rather when the star player goes missing for a game.


Mid-Season Report

Offense: Even with a rushing team, the MIstakes are by mid-season the top yard earners and top scorers. While Amateratsu’s performance has slowed down since the terrific first two games, the star werewolf still carries all the team in most games. With rushes like that the team could go far. But the real task is ahead, as the first half has shown the Mistakes only a couple of veteran teams. While it is a great start, the problem will be the follow up. Still for this moment, things couldn’t go better. (9/10)

Defense: Surprisingly the team has the lowest TDA score in the Season, alongside the Hellbug’s Heroes. The Flesh Golems although they aren’t breaking most of the lines are holding up, even while lying on the ground, as their Stand Firm skill allows them to move only when they want. Meanwhile, the wolves cover the sides with their great mobility, curbing most running attempts. With that good reaction speed, it will be hard to run the ball unless great strength is applied. Passes on the other hand are still on the air. While the defense managed to stop Johnnys’ that can be only seen as a result of them losing their main thrower. While werewolf blitzes are a possibility to stop the thrower, the strategy hasn’t’ been proven and the matches with Red Sabers and Die Valkyrie may show a fatal weakness. (8/10)

Casualties: While Celia’s Good Will is a lead in casualties, the team in total isn’t doing that great. Most players aren’t strong enough to show anything and the Flesh Golems are usually in a place where they are evenly matched at best and outmatched as worst. The team isn’t a powerhouse of strength but they are holding their own. Still with no deaths to fill the ranks, the Necromantic team is losing a great opportunity here. (5/10)

Hairiness: While the fur in the Werewolves and only be matched by the Beastmen, the lack of hair in the rest of the team is appalling. The zombies lose hair by the minute and the Wights and Ghouls are completely bald. The Flesh Golems also don’t show a lot of hair in their stiched up limbs, but that depends on the original donor. (3/10)

Style: Amateratsu is again the pillar of the team here. All of the surprising and breath taking runs, slipping through the tiniest cracks are a sight to behold. Still the fact that it is always the same play works against them in this aspect. There are only runs. Also the rest of the team is dully efficient at best and tragically disappointing most of the time. Amateratsu may be the raising star of the Season but her team doesn’t hold the test. Also the smell of rotting flesh and terrible looks don’t help them at all.(3/10)

Team development: Another disappointing area. With Amateratsu sucking all the attention most of the team has seen little to no growth. So while Amateratsu is reducing the inducement checks and running accordingly, her teammates are having problems catching up with her and it may prove fatal later in the season. (2/10)

Sportmanship: Terrible. Most team members only exude odd body odor in the field, ignore the other team or make guttural noises at them and only care about shoving them as far as possible. A terrible attitude fit of a life mockery of a team. At least they seem to not kill all their opponents. (1/10)

Looks: Rotting flesh. What else can we say? (1/10)

Competitiveness: The only undefeated team by the end of week 5 the Mistakes will hopefully prove to be a problem to even the best teams in the league. While their wins against the two veteran teams had a good deal of luck they are still showing that even in a disadvantage they can be dangerous. (8/10)

Management: The acting commissioner is doing a decent job with his first team. There are rumors of foul play, but still the matches… Are you saying I cheat? Or that my management isn’t perfect? Not at all sir. Well, a great coach. Please don’t kill me. (10/10)

Overall: A great surprise and a strong team, with one of the strongest defenses and the best offense so far. With a lot to see for the second half of the season and when they’ll have to show their real worth in the final stretch. But they are definitely performing better than expected and are a team to watch, even for a playoff run. (50/100)

Week 2
This week we have a special treat. Amateratsu will be answering some reader mail. It was hard to get hold of her, but after losing some disposable interns she was quite amiable and acceded to our request.

Hello and wlecome. My name is Amateratsu, star of the Mistakes of Life, Werewolf, lady and I’m here to answer some reader mail.

Anonymous Zombie: Brains. Brains. BRAAINS.

A : Yes, I’m sexy and intelligent. Thank you for noticing. It is always nice to be appreciated by fans.

Necromancer Admirer: I wonder, a proper lady like you, how did you turn into a Werewolf?

A: My, my. There are some things you don’t ask a lady. Her age. How many men she’s been with. If she’s fat. This is one such a question. You’ll just have to let your imagination run wild. Hmmm, I love running wild.

Fantasy Blood Bowl Fan: Any inside information of you team might dispense us fans?

A: I wasn’t expecting a Blood Bowl related question, I thought it was all going to be about me. Are you a spy? Well, there are some things I can tell you. The owner pampers me, which is perfectly fine. But my team mates are dull as hell. Zombies know only one word, ghouls are simple beasts, wights are monothematic and flesh golems don’t have the brain power to have a conversation. That is why I keep my wolf form with them, if I growl and howl instead of talk I’m in the same level as them.

Outraged human: You are a sin against life! You should die! There is no place in the Old World for you! You and all your team!

A: I know I’m breathtakingly beautiful. So much that some men may have extreme reactions. But you don’t mean it. You don’t want me out of the Old World. It would be a bleaker place without me. Also, I don’t know what my team has to do with it.

Well, there are other letters, but fan mail is getting dull and night is growing close. I think I’ll take a nice walk. Maybe I’ll find some fresh meat to bring home. Or a roaming skeleton. Good night and write better questions for next time.


Week 1
We thank you for reading the first issue of From the Tomb your exclusive Necromantic weekley magazine. If you like your player undead, you can't go miss our pages. For our first issue we are going to introduce our president, commissioner, owner of the Mistakes of Life and over all nice person Kurokotetsu:

I: Nice too see you in our offices, sir.
K: Maek it quick. It reeks of zombie here.

I: All our interns are zombies.
K: Are you insinuating I don't know that?

I: Not at all! Let us start then. What are the prospects of the Mistakes of Life this Season.
K: Terrible. They are a bunch of losers, no experience what-so-ever and couldn't handle the ball if the unlife depended on it. But at least I hope we won't get any injuries in the first weeks and let our Werewolf grow to be a nice runner. At least most of the physical teams seem concentrated in the secodn half of the league.

I: Do you see a Championship run?
K: Don't you listen? They suck. But at least I hop they can clinch a second spot in DIvision C and see the playoffs.

I: And what about your divisional rivals?
K: I worry mainly about the Reptile Alliance, with their returning strength they are the most experienced team in the Division, and the Bloodknights with their vampires. The Shire Pathc at least should be easy. I mean, no even a Treeman?

I: Talking about The Patch, what about the upcoming match?
K: I expect a 10-0 win. They are weak and I want to see some blood flow.

I: 10-0 isn't a little bit to much?
K: Are you saying I'm delusional?

I: Of course not, sir! Your thoughts on the rest of the League?
K: The veterans will probably crush us. Maybe we can do something about DIe Valkyrie and Johnnys' Quest if we can break a few bones, but I'm expecting ties at best. Of the other three, the Dark Elves and we've never seen an Underwold team, making them dangerous to plan ahead.

I: Any predicionts?
K: The Sabers will take the Championship again.

I: Well, thank you for your time.
K: You are welcome. You be greatful that intelligent undead are expensive or I would grind you to dust for that bore fest.

I: You are very kind sir.

[Leriel]

Gray(Tail) Apothecary's

Episode 2

"I hope I'm not getting a cold! Jaikine, something hot... to drink!"
That's Hlökk - trying to dry somewhat her long hair, squeezing them - and replying to the malicious look from the tavern owner.

It was a rainy day - raining cats and dog, water everywhere - and rats getting out from the lockers.

Meredith took an hot punch and she's taking it to her friend - and I'm joining them.

"Hi Urd... Tell me that you were lucky and they suspended your game..."

"Nope, Meredith... and what about you?"

"Stubborns managed to fall, drop and stumble over the whole field. And so their opponents. No one got hurt badly... just a lot of dislocations and sprains."

"Girls, give me a break, ok? I'm still hearing Leriel cursing the weather, cursing elves, cursing everything but most of all cursing Crow... Not only for hiring some good players of his former team, but for saying that the ladies would beat the elves!"

Hlökk shakes her head, spraying water everywhere.

"And that Coaching Commandos thing... He's getting mad!"

"I think that I understand Skögul for not coming back in the team..."

"She argued with me about the PR role... now she got a job for KO! Magazine. Well, if she prefers to show her thighs to "Fab" Rickas, it's no more my issue" Hlökk says drinking some more punch.

"But both of you were on that calendar, last year!"

"Oh my... I was so drunk... all of we were... DJ Blitz really knew how to set up a party! And that beer from The Beard..."

"Ah ah ah! Hey Hlökk, what's that parchment in your bag? It's completely wet!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Leriel will kill me! That's the Mid-Season report!"

"Well, what do you think... we can write something nicer..."

Offense: 4/10
Just 7 touchdowns in 5 matches, and two of them by Roxanne. This is an awf--- this is not really what we were expecting from Göndul, Mist and Skeggjöld, but the poor Mist was badly hurt at the beginning of the season - she has problems moving. I think that the team should buy more chocolate for her, and Leriel should end to shout at her.

Defense: 7/10
Again 5 TDs - 3 from elves in a match that--- that requires more towels and bathrobes in the lockers. I mean, how are the ladies supposed to properly get dry? After Skögul left for a career as BB expert, the other blitzers don't have to listen her complains and they can concentrate on defense. Yeah!

Casualties/KO's: 5/10
I am really proud about the match against halflings - and about the physical improvement of the blitzers--- and I am proud of the lesson of make-up by Reginleif. She didn't get a single point in two season, but she's sooo cute!

Player Development: 6/10
Göndul is getting just a point per match - but she's getting it. She always makes an accurate passage. I's like her to be more offensive. And for the rest of the team, I cannot complain--- as I always do!

Gamesmanship: 5/10
The new AI is crazy. It makes lizardmen win - I mean, LIZARDS--- that sssscaly, ugly, awful, disgusting, filthy, putrid, sickening lizardmen!!!

Style: 9/10
Die Valkyrie really miss the support of their fan and the songs from Radio Bash Bash... We all hope that "Odin got's talent!" ends soon and that DJ Blitz an return!

Overall: 36/60
DV are playing well--- and the most important thing, they have a good PR that can endure their terrible coach!

Episode 1

"Get a stretcher, this one is bleeding! NOW! Some bandages! Some painkillers! It's not enough... We're loosing him..."

"Coach, can we?..."

"No healing potion - it's just a lineman".

"BUT COACH!"

"Listen, Urd: we're not a major team. You worked for DV last year - well, we don't have their money nor their fans. Stop it."

"But..."

"Urd Young, I said stop it. Want to get fired? No? Then stop. And leave - the match is over for you."

And so also Mike is out. Stone cold.

It's cold today - maybe some drinks to the Valhalla Tavern could help.

"Urd, you look terrible. Get a beer."

She's Meredith GrayTail, the daughter of the Gray Seer, the apothecary of the Stinky Feet. She's the apothecary of the Stubborn Ones - another minor team, for a minor league.

It's not so easy to get a good job for a good team. Look there - he's Rivell Mastacasta, that's grapping a lot of martinis in his tentacles. Lucky chaos one - Hellbug's Heroes could be twisted by chaos gods, but they are strong.

And this evening there is also R2-Dsomething - no one gets to spell its name properly. And there is also Hlökk - nice fellow - looking at the lizardman as she can kill it with her gaze.

"Hi Meredith, thanks. Did you manage to get some tickets for the concert?"

"Urd, don't you know? Stinger and Kowen disbanded. They are playing BB again - for the S.S.S."

"Oh my... I think I need another shoot... Jaikine, what radio are you playing? It's not Radio Bash Bash!"

"Sorry Urd, there is again Odin's Got talent. Awful. DJ Blitz will not return for a while..."

Hlökk gets closer.

"Urd, come on, it was a bad day, wasn't it? But think at this: there are no Lizardmen in your league. No. Lizardmen. No sssscaly, ugly, awful, disgusting, filthy, putrid, sickening lizardmen. And there are THREE team in this league!"

Hlökk finishes her beer in one gulp.

"Leriel is getting mad. Three lizardmen teams. DV faced skavens, undead, werewolves, khemri... no problem. But LIZARDMEN! Bleaaaaaahhhhh!"

"It will be a long season, Hlökk..."

"It will be a long night, Urd. Come on, Meredith - let's drink something stronger. I still have some beer of the dwarfes from last season... And maybe we can get invite Fredo..."

"You're the best Hlökk!"

[Crow]

The Grintoof Snotling Derby

Welcome Bloodbowl fans! This is the home of the Grintoof Snotling Destruction Derby. As part of the spectacle of All-Star Week, the top bashers from around the league are lining up to see who can demolish the most Grintoof snotlings. This season's winner will find themselves the recipient of a Grintoof endorsement contract, as well as a new pair of prototype Rogre brand hardliner gloves. But, without further ado, our bashers are ready to rumble!

Fredo Proves Detractors Wrong, Takes Big Prize

http://imageshack.us/a/img208/595/fredofinal.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/208/fredofinal.png/)
Fredo displayed the skills which made him the joint Season I casualties leader.

The Final Round. As these two juggernauts of the pitch took the field, the crowd erupted in anticipation of what was to come. Going first, was Fredo D. Stefani, the Red Sabres' star blitzer. Fredo headed to the target area, and immediately began to show why he has managed to hang around in this league for so long. Cheered on by the crowd, Fredo finished with nine snotlings eliminated, including a kill. After a standing ovation from the crowd, the onlookers remained standing as up-and-coming beastman Max Dryhauser took the field. Hoping to show that Chaos rules the bashy team, Dryhauser got to work. Unfortunately, he was unable to match his success of the previous two rounds. With six snotlings eliminated, he fell well short of Fredo, despite still having a respectable total plus another kill. The crowd cheered Fredo on as he took the pitch once more to accept his award. Shaking hands with the beastman, Fredo took the Grintoof Rogre hardliner gloves, as the just due for his display today.

Final Round Results
{table=head]Name|Team|Casualties|KO's|Kills|Total Score

Fredo D. Stefani|Red Sabres|6|3|1|9

Max Dryhauser|Hellbug's Heroes|4|2|1|6
[/table]

Also, as we know, killing Grintoof snotlings was strictly prohibited. The following teams have been assessed fines due to the actions of their players:

{table=head]Team|Snotlings Killed|Penalty

Red Sabres|2|$40,000

Hellbug's Heroes|2|$40,000

Rampage!|1|$20,000

The Bloodknights|1|$20,000
[/table]

Gaffs Mark Second Round, Dryhauser and Stefani Advance

http://imageshack.us/a/img43/4359/maxround2.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/43/maxround2.png/)
Max Dryhauser improved on his first round's performance to lead the pack.

Opening the second round was first round hero Kondrad ze Krazy. Konrad started out really well, with a KO on his first snotling, but then need to grab a drink from his thrall Squire. After another snotling, Squire was back up as Konrad reached for another drink. Unfortunately, this time Squire had to be removed from the pitch for blood loss. Konrad should have grabbed a bite before the match, because on the next snotling, he reached for Squire again...but Squire was gone. Despite having eliminated three snotlings in just five attempts, Konrad quit the pitch to find a drink, ending his promising run. Fredo D. Stefani provided the first real fireworks of the day, eliminating eight snotlings, including a kill, to set the stage for Heroes beastman Max Dryhauser. Dryhauser continued the exhibition began by Fredo, and himself eliminated nine snotlings to top the chart. Next up was Fancy Lads blitzer Cornelius, who made a respectable run, surpassing Lyngvi, but failing to match his first round performance, and unable to reach the bar set by Fredo and Max. First round winner Lyngvi was up next. Lyngvi's frenzied approach served him well in the first round, allowing him to pursue fleeing snotlings, but this time it didn't work so well in his favor. Chasing a missed block, Lyngvi faced three snotlings (still favorable for him), but failed to land the block. A lucky hit by a snotling found it's mark, and Lyngvi was done for the day, having only dropped five snotlings. As the last contestant in the round, totals were tabulated, and we have Fredo D. Stefani and Max Dryhauser facing off in the final round!

Second Round Results
{table=head]Name|Team|Casualties|KO's|Kills|Total Score

Max Dryhauser|Hellbug's Heroes|5|4|0|9

Fredo D. Stefani|Red Sabres|3|5|1|8

Cornelius|The Fancy Lads|4|2|0|6

Lyngvi|Rampage!|3|2|1|5

Konrad ze Krazy|The Bloodknights|1|2|0|3

[/table]

First Round Concludes, Lyngvi Impresses, Bloomberg Just Misses

http://imageshack.us/a/img194/2064/konradround1.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/194/konradround1.png/)
Konrad ze Krazy provided one of the round's surprises with an unexpected early casualty run.

To open the Grintoof Snotling Derby, ten of the best bashers in the league lined up for a shot at greatness. After a random draw to determine the order, Konrad ze Krazy got the first shot of the afternoon. With his trusty thrall Squire providing the refreshments, Konrad proceeded to light up the pitch. A brilliant early run saw Konrad casualty or KO five of his first eight snotlings before needing to grab a drink from his buddy Squire. Despite only eliminating two more (Including a kill! Doubt his manager will be happy to pay for that.) in his next eight snotlings, Konrad had pumped up the crowd, and the crowd (as well as Konrad) was thirsting for more blood. Next, lackluster performances by Vánagandr, Quetankha, and Hildr failed to satisfy the crowd. Luckily, the tree(wo)man Bloomberg and Triple-S' Kowen provided decent performances in that stretch, to keep the crowds at bay. Bloomberg's performance was tainted by an unseemly high number of KO's rather than casualties. The crowd then received a real treat as Cornelius, Fredo D. Stefani, and Max Dryhauser took the field to much fanfare. The three crowd favorites performed well in each of their turns, all three exceeding the totals put up by Konrad and Bloomberg. But little did anyone know, the best had been saved for last. Lyngvi provided a blocking clinic, knocking out or injuring a total of 11 snotlings to set the standard for the first round. Lyngvi, Cornelius, Max, and Fredo advanced to the second round. Konrad ze Krazy barely edged out Bloomberg on account of his impressive casualty score in relation to the Johnnys' tree(wo)man, and advances as well.

First Round Results
{table=head]Name|Team|Casualties|KO's|Kills|Total Score

Lyngvi|Rampage!|6|5|0|11

Cornelius|The Fancy Lads|5|4|1|9

Max Dryhauser|Hellbug's Heroes|5|3|1|8

Fredo D. Stefani|Red Sabres|3|5|0|8

Konrad ze Krazy|The Bloodknights|5|2|1|7

Bloomberg|The Johnnys' Quest|2|5|0|7

Kowen|Selene's Seductive Strut|3|3|0|6

Hildr|Die Valkyrie|1|2|0|3

Quetankha|Outrageous Cretaceous|1|2|0|3

Vánagandr|The Mistakes of Life|1|2|0|3
[/table]

Bull the Butcher Dominates Celebrity Derby

http://imageshack.us/a/img24/1710/bullceleb.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/24/bullceleb.png/)
Bull dispatches one of two snotlings which he killed in the final round.

Prior to the main event was the Grintoof Celebrity Snotling Derby. In this event, great retired bashers from seasons past went head to head in a pounding prieview of the day's activities. In the first round, Bull the Butcher, of Styx Rivermen fame, went first. Electing to take the risky option of facing two snotlings at a time, the diminutive weaklings were no match for Bull, who eliminated a total of 11 snotlings. After Bull came necromantic flesh golem George 'Grafts', who is perhaps best known for killing Bull's Rivermen teammate **** the Destroyer. Apparently it was a fluke, as Grafts was only able to down 2 snotlings. The treeman Oak, of well, The Trees, came up next. Like Bull, he elected for a 2 snotling strategy, and acquitted himself well, taking out 7 snotlings despite sub-par blocking skills. The final contestant was Red Sabres veteran, and Sports Night! commentator Joe Nar Law Muu. Asked prior to his shot what he felt his chances were in the first round, Joe said the following;

"I's gonna smash!"

What Joe lacked in quantity, he certainly made up for in smashy. Despite only eliminating 4 snotlings, Joe managed to kill two outright! After the first round, Bull and Oak, having the best scores, advanced to the final showdown.

First Round Results
{table=head]Name|Team|Casualties|KO's|Kills|Total Score

Bull the Butcher|Styx Rivermen|7|4|0|11

Oak|The Trees|3|4|0|7

Joe Nar Law Muu|Red Sabres|2|2|2|4

George 'Grafts'|Patched Plagues|1|1|0|2
[/table]

Oak, having scored fewer points in the earlier round was first to go. Again electing for the dual-snotling strategy, the treeman started off well, eliminating one snotling before his lack of blocking skills reared it's ugly head. Laying full-force into a block, Oak left himself exposed and the snotling was able to get a solid shot on Oak's low danglies! We mean the fruit that grows on the treeman, obviously. Treeman biology being what it is, the shot was extremely painful, dropping Oak to the ground, and prematurely ending his turn. Next up, Bull the Butcher would need to eliminate only two snotlings to win. With the crowd chanting "Raging Bull!" as he took the pitch, the tomb guardian gave the crowd a show, going on a rampage in the final round, eliminating 19 snotlings with his dual-snotling assault. Just the snotlings that he killed (two) were enough to win the final round, and secure the celebrity derby trophy for the Rivermen vet.

Final Round Results
{table=head]Name|Team|Casualties|KO's|Kills|Total Score

Bull the Butcher|Styx Rivermen|11|8|2|19

Oak|The Trees|1|0|0|1
[/table]




Coaching Commandos are off this week. Below is last week's match report.

League Owners Take On The Greats!

In this space, we will occasionally have our league owners, as the Coaching Commandos, take on some of the most storied (retired) teams in Cup history. Unfortunately for us, as team owners go inactive, they will be removed from our roster, so keep on playing! Each match opponent will be decided upon by the owners themselves.

In our second match, the Commandos are taking on the Goblins of Da Gabooms. While not an excellent team by any standard, Da Gabooms are led by Quicky, the hall-of-fame goblin Pogoer. Despite missing a number of his teammates (who are currently signed by Selene's Seductive Strut), there is a good chance this league legend will punch it into the endzone against us. The Commandos go into this match without Spike Solo. Results Below!

Gabooms Fall, But Fight 'Til The End



Gabooms Fall, But Fight 'Til The End

http://imageshack.us/a/img818/76/commandosfinal.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/818/commandosfinal.png/)

The Commandos took the field, and kicked the ball off to Da Gabooms after losing the coin toss. As Quicky took up the ball, it didn't take long for Leriel to inflict the first (of what would certainly be many) goblin casualty of the match. The Commandos didn't count on the two Da Gaboom trolls, though! The goblins smashed the line of scrimmage, but this wasn't quite enough. As Quicky began to break for Commando territory, he got bogged down in a sea of Commandos. A short while later, Tastier managed to scoop up a loose ball and slip in for the first touchdown of the match at the close of the first half.

The Commandos got the ball in the second, and with thrower Aedilred down with another injury after only a short run, Tychris took the ball. One good drive later, and the by now partly depleted Commandos pushed Tychris into the endzone to put the coaches up 2-0. Quicky got another opportunity. In a fantastic display of dodging and leaping prowess, the hall of famer slinked up the field to get the goblins a score. Closing out the game, the coaches only had to stall for time in order to get the win. What did they do? Why, try to run up the score of course! Crow took the short kickoff this time, and as he forged ahead, did his best Fernand O.E. Arrow impersonation, and heaved the ball to Tychris! The catcher hauled it in, and ran for the touchdown, giving the Commandos their second victory, 3-1.

Drive Chart
http://imageshack.us/a/img801/2875/commandodrivechart.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/801/commandodrivechart.png/)

Coaching Commandos Match Statistics
http://imageshack.us/a/img24/8089/commandostats.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/24/commandostats.png/)


Da Gabooms Match Statistics
http://imageshack.us/a/img577/8339/boomstats.png (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/577/boomstats.png/)

Coaching Commandos SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

1|Aedilred|0|Broken Ribs (Miss Next Game, see below)|

2|Crow|1| n/a |

3|Leriel|2|n/a|

5|SNKLS|5|n/a|

6|Tastier|3|n/a|

8|Tychris|6|n/a|

[/table]


Da Gabooms SPP/Injury Report
{table=head]No.|Name|SPP|Injury

4|Quicky|3| n/a |

5|Smud|4| n/a |

6|Gnakzit (Journeyman)|5| n/a |

[/table]

Coaching Commandos Winnings: $20,000, +1 Factor
Da Gabooms Winnings: $50,000, +0 Factor




Who's our next opponent??? You decide! PM Crow with your suggestions.

Here is the list of teams from Season 1 (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=13166996#post13166996)
Here is the list of teams from Season 2 (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=259143)

Team Stats:
{table=head]No.|Name|Position|MVP|TD|Pa|IT|Kills|Cas|KO|YR|Inj ured| SPP | Skills |

1| Aedilred |Thrower| 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 12 | 2 | 0 | Smashed Knee (Niggling Injury) |
2| Crow |Blitzer| 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 98 | 0 | 3 | |
3| Leriel |Blitzer| 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | |
4| Houlio |Blitzer| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 5 | |
5| SNKLS |Blitzer| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | |
6| Tastier |Catcher| 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 20 | 0 | 3 | |
7| The Tyrantis |Catcher| 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 20 | 1 | 0 | |
8| Tychris |Catcher| 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 46 | 0 | 6 | +1AG |
9| Kurokotetsu |Catcher| 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 14 | 1 | 3 | |
10| Spike Solo |Ogre| 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | |
11| The Hellbug |Lineman| 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 1 | 3 | |

[/table]

[Aedilred]

The Sabreur: Red Sabres Mid-Season Report

Offence: 7/10. The Sabres have yet to fail to find the endzone this season, which is a whopping improvement on previous efforts at a similar stage. The offence still seems to falter sometimes at a critical stage, and seems to have problems breaking down tough defences, but it's going well enough.

Defence: 7/10. A decent physical performance so far that sees the team in credit on touchdowns. Against dedicated offences the team is still struggling to keep clean sheets, which they'll be looking to improve on, but all the same, some of the former stinginess of the defence has been recovered. As a bonus, the Sabres have become one of the more dangerous teams to face, killing three players so far.

Ladykilling: 3/10. While the players are as sexy as ever, Week 3 saw another dismal loss to Die Valkyrie, in which the team failed to inflict a single casualty.

Style: 6/10. A decent throwing game and three catchers, together with a tough physical front line, means the Sabres have the potential to play almost any way they like. And mostly, this season, they have, making the most of all their options.

Team Development: 7/10. Even in loss the team's picked up a reasonable number of SPPs, which leaves them the league's top team in both SPPs and value at this stage. Their main weakness is a lack of flexibility, with a limit to what they can do to prepare individually for each match.

Competitiveness: 6/10. The team's got better at hammering underdogs, with healthy victories over the Narcissists and the Invisible Assassin. They seem to have difficulty closing out better teams, but they also have yet to capitulate meekly. With some of the toughest teams this season to come after the halfway mark, the Sabres will be looking to improve on that.

Morale: 6/10. Although currently sitting in fourth place in Division B and out of the playoffs, there's still plenty of time to go, and all but one of the players have been here - indeed, in far worse situations - before. The players are optimistic about their chances of pulling off another late season charge.

Revenue: 8/10. Although there was a disappointing return from the Rampage! match, the cash has been rolling in, and not too much of it has been thrown away gambling either. The growing profile of some players has also helped bring in some sponsorship money. The team's budgeting for disaster, and has built up some healthy coffers.

Total: 50/70

[The Hellbug]

From the desk of The Hellbug: A Mid-Season Report

Gumption: This is where we really need to get it together. We may not be an offensive powerhouse, but the second worst scorers in the league? Come on, we only beat the halflings and that's basically by default. Nobody takes the ball down the field. Most of our games take place in our half, a place I'm not totally comfortable with. We need a scorer, and since Brunbob's injury in the finals last season, he hasn't quite been the same. This is a place where some new talent could really help us, but we'll have to see how our players develop. On the other hand, we're ranked tied in third for most rushing yards in the league so maybe we're just unlucky so far. (3/10) (We could still be the halflings after all.)

Stubbornness: We Heroes pride ourselves on never giving up on a game until its done, and it really shows when we post the lowest TDA (tied with the Mistakes--we'll show them later) in the league. We're good at keeping players on the field and the ball out of our endzone. The only thing we could really use is someone who can lock down agile enemy players. Flush and Magnum have done this in the past, but our recent loss against the lizardmen has got me thinking about training up someone else to deal with ballcarriers. (9/10)

Burliness: Our biggest improvement over last season: I don't think anyone in the league (with the possible exception of the Lads) can out-bash us. Last season we started off real slow on casualties until the end of the season, but this year we're already at the top of the charts. This may be our saving grace if we can get lucky and knock out key enemy players...or just all of them. (10/10)

Decadence: An expensive team is something we are relatively new to with the Heroes. As other teams get increasingly large inducement checks, I can't help but wonder where all that money I'm paying our veteran players is going. I mean, on other teams maybe it goes towards 'ritzing it up' for the stars but that's not how we have functioned here. If we're gonna give our opponents all that free money, we might as well have something to show for it. The lack of any true star has hurt us here I think.(4/10)

Sportsmanship: We haven't killed anybody yet, that enough for ya? (8/10)

Teamwork: I think our greatest strength as a team since our induction into the league has been the relative well-roundedness of our team. While having no true star may hurt our scoring potential, there is no easy target among the Heroes who can be stopped to shut down our whole team. The boys just enjoy playing together and everybody gets to be the Hero once in a while. (10/10)

Overall: I'm proud of the boys this season so far (anything is better than the start of last season) and I think we have what it takes to bring home the division B title if we get a little lucky. I'd love to see the finals again, but we only made it there last season on a wing and a prayer, and there is still staunch competition for the title this year, even with the absence of the Rivermen. As newer teams in the league become more advanced, we'll just have to see where the season goes. (44/60) Not too shabby in my opinion.