Looking for "Joke" curses (On the off chance they're here, my players stay out)

[BTB]

Essentially I'm making a poison that inflicts curses at random, but rather than being particularly helpful or harmful, I'm looking for effects that are mostly jokes, and need as many as possible. I'm looking at things like random fire sneezes, or a raincloud following you around. Stupid little things to make RP a little more interesting, as it's mostly a flavor item. Any help is appreciated

[Amnestic]

Whenever you say the words "And", "If", "Or", "he", "she", "it, or "they, you stutter and say the word twice.

You can only speak in rhyme.

You always have to take two steps with the left foot, then one with the right, when walking (Left->Left->Right->Left->Left->Right etc.)

You are incapable of telling forks, spoons and knives apart when using them as eating utensils.

Every drink you have has to come in two separate containers, alternating sips between them.

Before going to bed every night, you need to do an entire lap around the building/campsite in which you are sleeping, no matter how large the building is.

Every time you pass through a doorway you have to knock on the door twice, no matter what kind of door it is.

[Sylthia]

Here's a link of random curses for Pathfinder. You can remove the ones that are harmful mechanically and leave the flavor ones. You can also add more of your own to replace the ones you take out.

http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic-items/cursed-items

[BTB]

Definitely really helpful, I've already filled out 25 curses! Though more is always better!

[VeisuItaTyhjyys]

One of my buddies came up with this, but it's really great.

Whenever you try to sneak, you hear rad spy music in your head. The problem? It's not in your head: you're humming it. Might be a little more detrimental than you want, but I think the idea of a guy sneaking around like a pro while humming, like, The Pink Panther theme.

[Devronq]

Whenever you say the words "And", "If", "Or", "he", "she", "it, or "they, you stutter and say the word twice.

You can only speak in rhyme.

You always have to take two steps with the left foot, then one with the right, when walking (Left->Left->Right->Left->Left->Right etc.)

You are incapable of telling forks, spoons and knives apart when using them as eating utensils.

Every drink you have has to come in two separate containers, alternating sips between them.

Before going to bed every night, you need to do an entire lap around the building/campsite in which you are sleeping, no matter how large the building is.

Every time you pass through a doorway you have to knock on the door twice, no matter what kind of door it is.

wouldnt this severly hamper your speed and make it almost impossible to run?

also my curse, you have to end every sentence with "for some reason"

[Sylthia]

wouldnt this severly hamper your speed and make it almost impossible to run?

also my curse, you have to end every sentence with "for some reason"

Or make you roughly walk in circles, unless you compensated for it in your stride.

[Amnestic]

wouldnt this severly hamper your speed and make it almost impossible to run?

I specified "when walking". I presume that in combat you're either jogging, weaving, diving or running. The knock on effect is when you're not in combat you either have to a) walk like a twit or b) jog (or run) everywhere. :smalltongue: In towns or when meeting people, this could be quite the social faux pas!

[Sylthia]

I specified "when walking". I presume that in combat you're either jogging, weaving, diving or running. The knock on effect is when you're not in combat you either have to a) walk like a twit or b) jog (or run) everywhere. :smalltongue: In towns or when meeting people, this could be quite the social faux pas!

You'd be treading dangerously close to invoking a Monty Python reference from the Ministry of Silly Walks.

[Regitnui]

Spontaneously attract one animal/person whenever you're in the wilderness/city. They follow you around non-stop until you leave the area.

Whenever you make eye contact with someone of the opposite gender, you blush uncontrollably.

Whenever you draw your weapon, you have an uncontrollable urge to shout a battlecry.

You are now intensely scared of fish.

Everyone else now looks intensely unattractive.

Need some more? I'm very good at thinking up wierd ways to mess with people. :smallbiggrin:

[BTB]

As I said, more is ALWAYS merrier. In an ideal world, I can get a hundred of these. In this one, I'm at 50.

[Sylthia]

The character refuses to eat anything that isn't orange.

The character develops an itch on their nose every time the wield/equip the object.

The character gets a tune stuck in their head that won't go away and they feel compelled to sing it.

Everything the character eats tastes like onions.

The character bursts into tears at random, inappropriate times.

The character replaces random nouns and verbs with the word "Smurf".

[Regitnui]

You feel compelled to stop whatever you're doing at 10am and 2pm and have a cup of tea.

Everything you say comes out as a haiku.

Multicoloured bubbles come out of your mouth in the shape of the words you try to say.

Whenever you hold a parchment, an identical copy appears in your other hand.

Any food item you touch turns to bacon (And/or) any drink item you touch becomes orange juice.

You find the egg of a random creature in your pack every day which hatches when you touch it, whether intentionally or accidentally.

[Sith_Happens]

You become unable to taste bacon.

Any and all clothing you wear is either just a little too tight or just a little too loose.

You are dazzled while in the presence of a cat.

You grow a ridiculous-looking mustache that cannot be shaven.

[Taveena]

Everyone else suddenly seems to have breasts. Nothing else about their appearance changes.

Even the Gelatinous Cube.

[Feint's End]

On a slightly less related note ... Would you mind uploading the list after you are done? I would greatly appreciate the gathered informations for a campaign I'm running soon.

[Bonzai]

1. Goblins of both genders find you irresistibly sexy. Like an Axe body spray commercial, but only for goblins.

2.The character comes down with an odd form of torrets syndrome. But in instead of actual cussing, it's in 1960's style TV cussing. Things like "Gosh Darn, Gee Whizz, or Boy Howdy".

3. Character develops an intense phobia of halflings. The sight of their feet makes you panic.

4. Character must turn around in place twice before sitting down.

5. Character has to always speak in 3rd person, and always say what he is thinking. Film Noir style.

[FleshrakerAbuse]

3. Character develops an intense phobia of halflings. The sight of their feet makes you panic.
Well... Halfings in D&D 3.5 by default no longer have to have hairy feet.

Curse object causes them to periodically view everything as an illusion and always thinks that nothing can harm him/it.

Gravity of smaller objects influxes and increases at random around him whenever he is 5 or more ft away from the ground, lasting for up to 5 minutes.

[ikosaeder]

Upon entering a room every candle and oil lamp will alight. (even those in boxes)

After each meal or drink, the character will fart loudly.

The characters hair turns white when a person of the opposite alignment is present.

The characters hair turns green when a person of the same alignment is present.

The character gets allergic against wer creatures (werwolves), he sneezes when one is present resulting in a -1 penalty for attacks against such creatures

The fingernail on one finger grows ten times faster than the others, and has to be cut every day.

The characters eye color chances every day randomly.

In case of an intelligent weapon: The weapon curses and swears permanently and insults the character, preferable in sneaky or diplomatic situations.

The character is shape changed to a squirrel for ten minutes. After changing back, the character keeps a lust for nuts.

Every time the character tells his ideas, there is a fanfare.

[Amnestic]

Every time the character tells his ideas, there is a fanfare.

That's not a curse! My Bards would love that :smalltongue:

[Killer Angel]

Every time you enter in a place, a (ghost sound) music starts. It will be dramatic, or funny... but everyone will look at you.

[BTB]

On a slightly less related note ... Would you mind uploading the list after you are done? I would greatly appreciate the gathered informations for a campaign I'm running soon.

I will gladly post a link to the spreadsheet after
A: I am satisfied with the number of curses upon it
B: I clean it up a bit as it was slapped together rather haphazardly for personal use
C: I change certain curses to be applicable to all settings, as certain ones depend on the players being diminutive equines (A Poison that inflicts Joke curses. Thanks for the help statting)

Thanks for the great list of ideas. Keep em coming

[Regitnui]

Whenever fighting a humanoid of the opposite gender, you feel you have to protect it.

Everything that had breasts now appears to not have.

As long as you wear/hold the item/weapon, you are convinced you're naked.

Farm animals are sentient, and want you to eat them.

You are convinced you are now the most attractive creature alive, and flirt relentlessly with everything, even something bent on eating you.

You are compelled to speak in non-repeating rhyme, and cannot speak until you can rhyme something with 'orange'.

Your mood uncontrollably fluctuates with the weather: sunlight makes you deliriously happy, rain makes you suicidally depressed, thunderstorms make you furiously angry, etc.

You can no longer trip on things, but you cannot walk or run forwards anymore.

[TuggyNE]

On topic: not to be that guy, but no one seems to have yet suggested (illusionary) forced gender changing, for some reason.


2.The character comes down with an odd form of torrets syndrome. But in instead of actual cussing, it's in 1960's style TV cussing. Things like "Gosh Darn, Gee Whizz, or Boy Howdy".

That's not what Tourette's Syndrome is. :smallannoyed::smallmad: Tourette's is the persistent and repeated urge to make muscle twitches or (often guttural) vocalizations — tics. Coprolalia is only a small part of that, and most people do not suffer from that aspect.

Please do not spread misinformation, even accidentally, even as a joke. Thank you.

[Sylthia]

On topic: not to be that guy, but no one seems to have yet suggested (illusionary) forced gender changing, for some reason.

Actual gender changing is part of the table that I linked.

[Kuulvheysoon]

You become unable to taste bacon.

Any and all clothing you wear is either just a little too tight or just a little too loose.

You are dazzled while in the presence of a cat.

You grow a ridiculous-looking mustache that cannot be shaven.

Now that's just cruel and unnecessary.

[Razanir]

The character gets allergic against wer creatures (werwolves), he sneezes when one is present resulting in a -1 penalty for attacks against such creatures

We call those lycans (short for lycanthropes)

My ideas:
*Gender flip (someone had to suggest it)
**As a variant, you become convinced the curse changed your gender, but it didn't really
*You become convinced you're a character in a game
*You begin to *pfft* speak in a *pfft* accent *pfft* (Spongebob Rock Bottom Accent)
*You know how some people have an OCD-like obsession with different numbers? Prime numbers. You insist on things happening in prime numbered increments.
*You become a conspiracy theorist

[BarnabasBailey]

You have to sing everything you want to say in a bombastic operatic tone.

You now believe that dance fighting is the only gentlemanly way to settle scores.

You now believe yourself to be a Musketeer. Grow a mustasche and adopt a big felt hat at your earliest convenience, even if you're a woman.

When raging, you have the uncontrollable urge to rub your nipples suggestively.

When standing in front of clergymen, you have the uncontrollable urge to rub your nipples suggestively.

When anywhere within twenty feet of noblemen, you have the uncontrollable urge to rub your nipples suggestively.

When standing in front of your mother, you have the uncontrollable urge to blurt out every little way you have disappointed her since you became an adult.

[bluthunda]

got too lazy to read all comments but a funny curse would be
-The Character is compelled to strip down to their skivvies at the most inappropriate times.

[navar100]

When ever you have to roll a d20, you must roll it twice. The DM always counts the first roll. The second roll is meaningless. The player does not know that.

[Jeff the Green]

When ever you have to roll a d20, you must roll it twice. The DM always counts the first roll. The second roll is meaningless. The player does not know that.

Even better if you tell the player you're taking the worse of the two or the best of the two. Then they'll think they've been cursed/blessed to be extraordinarily un/lucky

[Tholomyes]

Buy a deck of Cards against Humanity Cards. Whenever they enter a temple or holy place, draw a card from the deck. To them, they see the temple as dedicated to whatever the drawn card is.

[BTB]

Oh god. these are all wonderfully cruel and brilliant. I love you all.

[Regitnui]

Everyone has fun messing with people, DM or not.

Some more 'Meta'-curses.

All rolls to determine hp are rolled twice. The DM takes the first one, but the player is told that they'll have to take the lower.

All damage that player inflicts is halved. Or, all damage that player takes is doubled.

And some silly ones:

In order to hit an enemy with a spell or attack, you must sing "it's a small world after all" in place of any verbal components or war-cries.

All speech sounds like insectile chittering to you, and you can only respond in kind.

Peoples' faces are radically simplified: i.e. they look like this: :smallsmile:, :smallamused:, :smallfrown:, :smallwink:, :smallbiggrin:, :smalltongue:, :smallannoyed:, :smallyuk: or :smallconfused:

[MesiDoomstalker]

When raging, you have the uncontrollable urge to rub your nipples suggestively.

When standing in front of clergymen, you have the uncontrollable urge to rub your nipples suggestively.

When anywhere within twenty feet of noblemen, you have the uncontrollable urge to rub your nipples suggestively.


You grow a second set of arms whose sole function is to rub your nipples suggestively 24/7/365.

[Shining Wrath]

Fleas. Random fleas inside armor or robes. As in "may the fleas of 10,000 camels infest your armpits".

Hiccups.

A hand with a mind of its own - not Vecna, but Dr. Strangelove.

Random odors, good or bad.

A little critter of somewhat malicious appearance that appears, watches the character for a while, and then vanishes. Never says a word.

Everything the character says must be delivered Inigo Montoya style, e.g.: "I am the halfling Willie Greentoes. I would like a pint of ale. Prepare to die".

The character is unpredictably colorblind.

Cross-dressing.

Cross-species dressing, e.g.,: elves dress like halflings; halflings dress like dwarves; dwarves dress like gnolls.

The character has "theme music" that accompanies them wherever they go, playing in the background. It's ambient, so it doesn't give away location, but any hearing creature is likely to wonder exactly where that music is coming from.

The character must sing rather than speak.

When entering any settlement, the character will commence moon walking for the next minute.


You grow a second set of arms whose sole function is to rub your nipples suggestively 24/7/365.

A permanent prestidigitation spell whose sole function is to rub whatever part of your body is most sensitive to being rubbed, resulting in a PC in a constant state of ... let's say "stimulation".

[PrinceOfMadness]

You are compelled to find and steal sweetrolls. All of them.

Your undershorts have an embarrassing and mysterious tendency to end up on the outside of your pants.

You burst into maniacal laughter at no provocation.

Once per day for five minutes, your every action is plagued by zany sound effects.

You have an irresistible urge to consume mushrooms to 'power up'.

All of your ranged attacks target the knees of your enemies.

[Razanir]

You have an irresistible urge to consume mushrooms to 'power up'.

You become convinced that you can cast fireball by eating flowers

[Asteron]

The character (noone else in game) constantly hears the song "Banana Phone" playing in the background.

And yes, the player must always have an earbud in one ear attached to device playing the song just quiet enough that they can hear everyone else at the table.

[Phippster]

"Aren't you forgetting something?"
"What?"
"Your character's paralyzing fear of water!"
"Oh right... AHHHHHHH!"

As for actual ideas:

- Characters can only speak if at least one word in their sentence is a palindrome.
- They always feel like their shoes are on the wrong foot, even if it clearly is not.
- They think they are under the effect of a Zone of Truth spell, even if they aren't.

[Jeff the Green]

- Characters can only speak if at least one word in their sentence is a palindrome.

Easy enough for the character that realizes that "a" and "I" are palindromes.

[animewatcha]

Any time a vital moment happens, finishing of an enemy, epic strike, you get the idea, the character lets out a humungous fart hearable by everyone in the room that ruins the moment. There is a large chance of character losing the action.