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View Full Version : Ever get the GM's goat. Tell us your tale!



Thrysierius
2013-05-13, 10:57 PM
Hey Ladies and Munchkins! I thought I'd start a thread to list tales of how players (*sigh* GMs too) have pulled a fast one on their all time hated foe, EACH OTHER.

Now I'm not talking about cheating or sneaking past something that makes your character insanley powerful, I'm talking about somthing done just to grind his/her gears.

To get the ball rolling, I'll start with my most recent edition of make Alejandro furious. In his Saga game, he let my PC start with a YT-2400 freighter (stock of course). To balance this, he has a Glottlephib named Pyre that my character owes a lot of money to (thanks uncle huge gambling debt). Recently, Pyre decided he was going to raise the monthly payments. So I drafted a new contract, complete with legal jargon, and sent it to him. Alejandro (on behalf of Pyre of course) read it, requested some changes, and when it was done, Pyre signed the six paragraph document.

The kicker? Paragraphs 3-5 had a secret message spelled out with the first letter of each line. I convinced a nefarious loan crocodile to sign a legal document stating: You can suck my balls. :smallbiggrin:

Mr Beer
2013-05-14, 03:59 AM
Only by being an argumentative douchebag or on one memorable occasion (to me) because the GM was a pompous douchebag.

Aidan305
2013-05-14, 05:28 AM
There was a game that I ran recently where I constantly paraded the main plot in front of the players with metaphorical flashing signs and sirens (And one NPC outright stating what the plot was).

They, as I had planned, were so focused on a sub-plot, and so distracted by wave after wave of non-plot distractions that they never noticed that they were doing what the villain wanted them to do until it was too late.

They swore at me for half an hour before proclaiming it as a brilliant game and me as an evil Magnificent Bastard.

DigoDragon
2013-05-14, 07:26 AM
I think the most annoying I ever got on the GM's case was when his NPCs got so predictable that I created a drinking game out of them. In Character. Never took a villain seriously even when they were a qualified threat.

The GM improved his NPCs since so I stopped being a jerk.

illyrus
2013-05-14, 09:23 AM
GM had this one villain that kept escaping at the last minute (I was away from the game during the villain's introduction and previous escapes). He had some artifact teleportation device that could bypass things like dimensional anchor and never seemed to be without an action to use it. A year and 5 levels had gone by and we had still been unable to capture the villain and were sure that he'd escape again this time.

My character used magic jar in addition to a stealthy PC to get the "jar" within range but out of sight of the villain. The villain was immune but his troll lieutenant was not. Hopped in the troll and grabbed the villain's teleportation artifact from his waist and beat him to death with it. The GM was not pleased.

NEO|Phyte
2013-05-14, 10:03 AM
Don't feel like delving into the amount of background info needed for the full context, but there was a time when I very nearly made a player ragequit.

He was an emperor that cared very much about keeping his people safe, I was (at the time) possessed by the god of war, and the oracle we were visiting at the time happened to know something that put the existence of the divine portfolio of War at risk. This oracle was part of said emperor's empire.

After some clever shenanigans on his part left me with no way to directly harm the oracle, I had exactly one option left.

I dominated him and had HIM kill the oracle he had fought so hard to protect.

The rest of the fight did not go well for the god of war.

imaloony
2013-05-14, 10:44 AM
Hmm, I once had a DM whose game I was honestly getting sick of. It was slow, boring, and wasn't really going anywhere. He was a nice guy, but a bad DM. At the time I was playing a rogue, and we were in a dungeon we found under a Cleric's tent (???)
So, we end up down in the dungeon fighting this statue thing. The fighters are wrapped up in grappling the statue, and an NPC with us is pinned to a wall. It's looking grim, but not unwinnable, but I'm just sick of this whole thing.
Me: "I leave."
DM: "What?"
Me: "I leave the dungeon."
DM: "You can't just leave!"
Me: "Watch me. I walk out of the room."
DM: "The NPC attacks you as you walk past him."
Me: "Did he hit me?"
DM: "No..."
Me: "I keep walking."
DM: "He casts Create Water above your head!" (He was low on spells)
Me: "And now I'm wet and still walking away."
DM: "As you reach the entrance to the dungeon, you find it magically locked and unpickable."
Me: "Well, good thing you gave me these gloves than can cast Knock once per day. I open the door and leave."
Understandably, he wasn't happy that I literally walked out on his campaign, but I was just so sick of it. I'm still friends with the guy, but I doubt he'll ever run a campaign again.

Xeratos
2013-05-14, 12:45 PM
My group doesn't play like it used to (several of us have kids now, and after various moves, the farthest of us are about 2 hours of driving apart), but occasionally we'll gather for a 1 shotter. One of my players always takes advantage of that to try out just plain weird, goofy ideas. Basically, it went like this:

Me: Ok, enemy rogue's turn. He lifts his bow and fires an arrow across the pit separating you. He obviously must feel the sorcerer's magic is the biggest threat, because he aims directly at you.

A nice d20 roll later...

Me: That's definitely a hit. The arrow comes arcing in and sinks into you. You take-

Sorcerer: No I don't.

Me: -what?

Sorcerer: No, I took deflect arrows.

The entire table: What?

Sorcerer: Yeah, I couldn't think of anything better to do with the feats, so I took the feat chain to deflect arrows for some extra ranged defense.

He hands over his character sheet, and there it is, plain as day. Improved Unarmed Strike and Deflect Arrows.

Me: Ok, let me just double check the rules to make sure there are no rolls involved here.

Sorcerer: *smirking now* Here, go ahead and borrow my PHB.

Me: Yep, there it is. No check, free hand, bla bla. Ok then. So the arrow goes arcing in and you snatch it out of midair. The enemy rogue lets out a long string of shocked vulgarity in your direction.

All in all, relatively harmless. It was more of a bizarre coincidence than anything else, but we had a good laugh about it.

Mikhailangelo
2013-05-14, 01:32 PM
In a rare display of luck, during a campaign I ran once I successfully convinced the players to kill one another systematically by having allied NPC's suggest that there were hidden, evil members in the party and that they were each out to murder the good/neutral aligned.

The players each killed one another until only two remained (of the original eight). The best part? One of the two that survived actually was evil and planning to betray the group!

Jay R
2013-05-14, 01:36 PM
The game was 1E. Magic items were rare, and couldn't be bought. You had to find them.

We were talking to a guard who wanted to stop us from going into the city. It was clear that we were very low-level, and easy to bully. It was clear that the DM was trying to force us to bribe him with what little gold we had.

Me: I pull my Wand of Cold, and say, "Open that gate or I will freeze you and it together, and shatter you both."
DM: Ummm... OK, he lets you through the gate.

That surprised me. I hadn't expected it to work, since the DM knew I didn't have any magic items.

Five minutes later, the DM suddenly remembered that fact.

DM: Wait a minute. You don't have a Wand of Cold.
Me: I know. It was a bluff.
DM: But you didn't have anything to point at him. You can only use what's on your character sheet.
Me: It's been on my character sheet for the last two sessions. Here - it's the fourth item listed.

There on my sheet was clearly written, "14-inch polished stick of wood".

Lord Torath
2013-05-14, 01:38 PM
This reminds me of a time with my DM. I joined the game in the middle of a campaign, so the DM let me pick 75% of my XP in magic items, no one of which could be worth more than 1500 xp (2nd Ed). I played a 4th level mage (10,000 xp) with a magic dagger, a Cloak of Protection+1, Ring of Protection+1, Ioun Stone of Protection +1, and Gloves of Missile Snaring. (He okayed my character sheet before I showed up to play).

We were fighting a big bad demony-type guy (Zargon from B4 - The Lost City). I threw one of my daggers at him (and missed horribly), and he replied by chucking a Spear+3 at me. The DM was rather non-plussed when I told him I caught it. He had to break out the DMG and read the rules on the Gloves before letting me catch it.

imaloony
2013-05-14, 02:18 PM
This is a Dark Heresy story. Spoilers for Length, my revenge against a player who had it coming for a looooooooooooooooooong time.
Dark Heresy game. I'm playing a Feral World Assassin (Honestly, I don't even remember this guy's name, just that he was big and dual-wielded weapons). Now, I was already gravitating away from the 40K RPGs because honestly, I hate them. the d100 system is really cool, but the world is boring, unchanging, and full of idiots and/or pricks (Such as the Imperium of Man, or as I like to call them, the Space Nazi's).
Then there's another player, we'll call her Lauren. Lauren and I did not get along. I hesitate to use the word "Hate," but it wasn't far off. Lauren didn't like to role play, constantly put the party in danger, reminded us how little she cared for the game and all of us, and was generally just unpleasant. So, if this girl hated playing with us so much, why did she even show up? Well, her boyfriend also played in the group and she felt the need to spend every waking moment with him, so she managed to show up and entertain herself by making our lives miserable. The boyfriend was an alright guy, but this girl was just insane.
The best part? This masochistic, evil, and uncaring character who loved to put us in danger? Played a Psycher. Every single character was an f-ing Psycher. Oh, and her favorite hobby was using her abilities at Full Power. Those who are unfaimilar with 40K, full power makes the abilities more powerful, but you need to roll on a table to see if certain side effects come from using the power. Hell, in our Deathwatch campaign, she once lied about a roll so that her full power would summon a Demon Prince. Because she thought it would be fun. Her character didn't even bat an eye (We managed to kill it, BTW, because our GM was pretty terrible and didn't read half of the crap the prince could do).
So anyways, the DH campaign. She was playing (of course) a Psycher. We went to a planet to investigate something-or-other and we ended up in a town that was being shelled with primitive artillery 24/7. As we wandered the city, there was a chance we could get hit with the artillery. Wouldn't you know it, Lauren catches a shell in the chest. When she gets back up, she notices one of the NPC civilians looked at her, smirked, and then walked away shaking his head.
Lauren, being the level-headed lady she was, wastes him with her shotgun.
Now, me being an assassin, this violates two of my core codes: Be Subtle, and don't kill anyone you don't have to kill. So I start yelling at the Psycher in-character. It's about to reach a clash when the GM says that we find papers on the civilian that reveal he was a heretic, making the Psycher in the right. I gripe at the GM for bailing the Psycher out, but he explains that he just doesn't want to deal with in-fighting in the party. I shrug it off, and we continue.
A little while later, Lauren gets hit with another artillery shell, and she again shoots at a nearby civilian. She misses, but I've seen enough. My Assassin draws his autopistol and puts it against her head.
Me: "Never do that again."
Lauren: "Do it!"
Yes, she said that to the FERAL WORLD ASSASSIN. I slowly turn and look at the GM.
GM: "Are you going to be nice enough to do a single-shot?"
Me: "Nope. Full-Auto Burst."
Amazingly, Lauren's Psycher survives with a few wounds left. Deciding that I've made my point, or that if she had half a brain that she'd save her revenge for such a time as when I wasn't still holding a loaded gun to her head, I say:
Me: "Alright, now never do that again."
Lauren: "F*** YOU!"
I take another side-glance at the GM, who has his face buried in his hands while I roll damage and blow that character away. And wouldn't you know it, Lauren gripes and whines the rest of the session that it's my fault. Heck, the GM even lets her roll up ANOTHER PSYCHER for next session (Were it me, I'd say "No, you have to play a non-psycher class this time" just so her death would actually mean SOMETHING).
Still, it gave me quite a bit of satisfaction to kill that character. I haven't seen Lauren in years, and that' just fine with me. I'm still in touch with our GM at the time, and he really hates it when I tell that story (I still do).

Dread Angel
2013-05-15, 07:44 AM
There was the time I 1-shotted the GM's BBEG-to-be towards the beginning of the game, during the prelude type thing. The PCs were all young, mid-teens. Our village was going down the bog, basically. We ended up in the evil-temple-thing that had sprung out of the ground in the middle of the town, witnessing the BBEG-to-be preparing his ritual that would have resulted in Bad Things.

Two sessions earlier (this was a very detailed intro and the campaign was planned to last quite a long time) I had through some shenanigans involving a farmer's daughter, an irate farmer, a pile of copper pieces and a rake..... managed to make off with a nice dagger and most of my skin intact.

In the temple. I pass a note to the GM. Who reads it, and comes and has a look at my dice I'd been quietly rolling. He does some mental arithmetic quickly, looks at me with wide eyes, and says the following:

"Leon suddenly lunges forward, and arcs his arm in a desperate overhand throw. The dagger he'd been hiding in his sleeve THIS WHOLE TIME flies across the room, sinks into (BBEG's name)'s eye. He falls over dead."

Aaaand that was the end of that. :D



He got me back while I was GMing though. In a single cameo role, he was a lieutenant to a bandit lord they were after. He surprised me by betraying the other lieutenant (they were left behind to deal with the PCs), killing him, and asking to join the PCs. He goes along with it (despite their many suspicions) and proves quite helpful, and an especially good cook. And at the end of our eight-hour session, this cameo (a half-orc with one eye, one hand, and a wooden leg named Lucky...of course...) throws a massive banquet for the PCs (a large group, 8 players total). By this time he's even managed to convince the party's main rogue (played by my ex girlfriend) that he's legit, the only two people who still had any suspicions...well.

They failed their fortitude saves.

He drugged them ALL into oblivion and made off with pretty much all their stuff.


New campaign hook.

I had to rewrite the WHOLE story cause of course they chased after him (he had analyzed my setting and actually planned out everything to the point where they had HUGE issues catching him).

ellindsey
2013-05-15, 11:11 AM
Many years ago, I was in an Amber campaign with a few friends. One of the other players had an annoying, wisecracking, squeaky-voiced familiar/sidekick creature that was some kind of imp/demon thing, which was played by the GM. During the first session, when all of our characters were being brought together, I pulled the GM aside and told him "I'm going to kill that thing. Now now, but eventually.". The GM told me that I couldn't just kill it because I didn't like it - I needed a good in-character reason. I agreed, and told him that eventually I'd find one.

Months later, the party is split up. The group that I'm with receives information that the character with the imp sidekick is planning to betray us. The imp is with us, hears us discussing this, panics and tries to flee. I happen to be in its way, and coincidentally happen to be holding a magic dagger that is one of the few things that can actually hurt it. So I killed it.

Afterwards, the GM agreed that I had fairly warned him, and that I also had a perfectly justified in-character reason to do what I'd done.

Alaris
2013-05-15, 10:52 PM
Urk... as loathe as I am to admit it, one of my players, a Rules Lawyer in particular, pulled a fast one on me. This was D&D 3.5.

He was playing an Aasimar Bard. This in itself isn't too bad. He wanted to take a prestige class, I gave it the cursory glance (Sublime Chord, if I recall), and I figured it was fine. You get some Wizard spells, nothing too broken. Nothing I can't handle.

So, the party gets thrown into a major encounter, against a White Dragon and a large group of Bandits that serve it. White Dragon would've been a recurring villain of sorts, if all went well, etc.

So the first thing he pulls out is Polymorph (from the Wizard Spell List) into a Ghaele. The bandits launch their volley of arrows, 12 of which ALL MISS HER. So I demand to see the character sheet, and I see a 30+ AC... jeez! The player in question made sure not to mention what he planned on polymorphing into... it didn't occur to me that he'd start changing into Outsiders... broken!

So, the encounter continues, the bandits shifting their focus from the Bard, since it's obvious they can't hit her, and to the rest of the party.

The Bard promptly moves forward, and fires a Maximized Lucent Lance at the White Dragon. Another spell I just gave a cursory glance of, figured it was fine. Foolish me. The Dragon was forced to make a fortitude save vs Massive Damage... and rolled a 1.

So the White Dragon... big bad ruler of the bandits... was dropped in one hit. Boy was I torqued there... I ended session. Ultimately, we determined that the White Dragon choked on the party member it was trying to swallow whole, and that's how it died.

Either way... it was an important lesson for me to look over the player's builds COMPLETELY before allowing it into game. There is so much cheese that can be wrought, especially from the rules lawyer.

On the plus side, I don't have to watch him too closely at the moment... he's playing a Paladin.

The Fury
2013-05-17, 10:02 PM
When I was at my worst I had just played in a string of really railroady campaigns, afterward I adopted the mindset of, "Avoid all plot hooks! Off the rails! Woo!"
Why I haven't been kicked out of my group is a mystery to me. Anyway, during one campaign in particular I not only ignored all plot hooks but encouraged the rest of the PC to do the same, made leaflets slandering the town's mayor, broke into the city watch's headquarters to make them look stupid and built Loony Toons-style pie-traps.
Thankfully, this DM didn't get mad exactly. He was pretty annoyed though, good sport about it all the same. I suppose this was doubly jerkish on my part because I think this was the first campaign he tried to run.

Vknight
2013-05-18, 10:37 AM
The Man of Steel

Steelhammer
Hi character can take automatic rifle fire
Be run over by a car
Fight a guy getting powers from a demon
Take a explosion of a 3 story building
Be drugged to near death
Fight a guy who can level buildings
Lift cars(and in a bit will be able to throw them)
Runs at 40MPH

Now considering this is a supers game that is mostly fine and dandy
Problem being that no one else can keep up with him

Steelhammer has punches that hurt. Equal to the alien abomination
He's as hard to kill as the super scientist made of goo
He can watch a man burn alive like the guy who can simply shout at people and they do what he says

In a group of 7 were you can do what half the party can do as well if not better you can see a issue.
He has my goat slightly for that but at the same time his character has one great thing about him.
Mind Control. He is really, really easy to mind control into doing evil things

Steelhammer vs. Stratos
-Car thrown by Stratos hits steelhammer, then Stratos rams him with his sword
-Steelhammer takes a sledgehammer to Stratos
-Stratos uses the sword again. Doesn't do enough to hurt Steelhamemr
-Steelhammer strikes him again fails to hurt him
-Stratos throws steelhammer and the fight dissolves into Steelhammer charging the guy only to be thrown into the ground/buildings/other party members

Steelhammer still wins as the rest of the party only acted against the gang members that Stratos had been fighting before he engaged Steelhammer

Magnema
2013-05-18, 11:37 AM
I remember when my goat got got. I was running a Kobolds Ate My Baby adventure which was supposed to involve a reasonable amount of social interaction with humans. Then the Kobolds ALL rolled "winning smile" as their ability, which makes humans like you so long as you're not doing anything outright wrong. That... was annoying.

Then there was the time that I was DMing a (very freeform and rather wacky) space Fudge campaign. The characters were chasing a subsection of a huge sentient ball of black gloop the size of a galaxy (it functioned as a giant brain, and they were chasing one part of the brain; long story). Anyway, they tracked down a piece of it and placed a sensor in it to see whether the gloop moved (which would make a black hole if it did, to keep the gloop in place out of fear). Naturally, the gloop maintains a coating on the sensor by leaving a small fraction of its total self on the sensor while most of it leaves. The players were NOT happy to find that most of the gloop had escaped their sensor-bomb. They spent the rest of the adventure chasing down the anger portion of the amygdala of the brain.

Threadnaught
2013-05-18, 08:26 PM
Dragonwrought Kobold, going for Vow of Povery for level 9. Fingers crossed, I'll have more to contribute as I tear my DM's (that ******* Druid) world apart.

He'll only DM for my solo adventure, when the Wizard is unable to play.

Katasi
2013-05-18, 09:59 PM
Hmmm, in my first campaign I decided to have my character flirt with some girls.... who the DM decided had bfs. Who would have killed me had an NPC not stepped in.

In my longest running campaign the DM was constantly getting upset at how easily we creamed his combats, and keep bringing in reinforcements..... in the 1st combat of the game our party (8 or so level 5 characters) creamed Two frost giants and an ogre mage.... so the DM sent in a dozen or so goblins on worgs, which we creamed, and then an ice devil.... which went down in one hit (double crit if I remember right.) He was so ticked.

Neo Tin Robo
2013-05-19, 11:37 PM
Epic game. Big bad beholder is doing its thing, ruining our day. Until I cast a Heightened Blindness, that is.

All of your eyes are now useless! :smallamused:

illyrus
2013-05-20, 03:12 PM
During an adventure the GM had a bunch of demons bust into the room and cast some AE paralysis effect on the party.

GM: You're all paralyzed!
Player1: Don't we get some sort of saving throw?
GM: Why?
Player2: Does the effect have a saving throw?
GM: Yes but it is really high so there is no point, fine just roll it.
Player 1-4: *roll* Bleh I fail.
Player 5: Natural 20, I succeed.
GM: ...Okay sure, not like you can do anything.
Player 5: I wildshape into a bird and fly out of the tower.
GM: You can't do that, the demons will stop you!
Player 5: Didn't they all just go?
GM: Uh, the window is sealed shut!
Player 5: ... Wasn't it just open a minute ago... oh wait I have freedom of movement. I cast that on the wizard to allow him to act!
Player 2: I cast teleport and we all port out.
GM: You can't do that!
Player 2: Is there some sort of effect that blocks teleport?
GM: No look, you guys get captured, it doesn't matter, no way out.
Player 5: That doesn't seem very fair...
GM: WHAT DO YOU WANT, THE ILLUSION OF CHOICE?
Player 1: No [GM], we actually want a choice.

Campaign ended about 5 minutes of discussion later.

Dr.Orpheus
2013-05-20, 03:37 PM
I was playing a PbP Immortals Handbook game in which everyone was so powerful that every action made against another player involved hours of calculations and would occasionally crate a paradox. However, I was encouraged to test my powergaming against a particular player who the DM said was probably the best powergamer he knew tied with me. I may have taken it to far, but I became a size Xona-Titanic (90 sizes above colossal+ and the highest size in existence) and ate the all the planes putting them in my dreamscape I gained from the epic PRC Cosmic Horror and I was then RAW Co-DM and could use DM fiat as a class ability in character (the game somewhat devolved after that sense I had infinite+1 of everything).

drew2u
2013-05-20, 09:51 PM
GM: ...and in the cell there's a barred window.
Me: What's it playing?
GM: What?
Me: You said it was a "Bard Window" 8D
GM: STFU

imaloony
2013-05-21, 08:49 AM
GM: ...and in the cell there's a barred window.
Me: What's it playing?
GM: What?
Me: You said it was a "Bard Window" 8D
GM: STFU

I'm known as the pun guy in our group. Some of my more famous ones:

*Watching a fight between two druids. They shapechange into bears.*
Me: I can't bear this fight any longer.
(The DM threw a Nerf-Mace at me)

*Fighting against a group of golems*
One player: Do the golems have balls?
DM: *Annoyed* No
Me: No, they've got STONES
(The DM actually found this quite funny and fist-bumped me)

TheGlow
2013-05-21, 10:22 AM
Man, way back playing Heroes unlimited for the first time.
I had a vigilante Punisher type guy with just lots of mortar/grenades on his gun.
But at the time the Mr T online jokes were hot, so I had the van from Mr T that was helluva fast.
Anytime the crap hitting the fan "I get in my van. It's helluva fast"
GM always getting upset. I have it outfitted to be like Dr Who, inside is bigger than it should be, carrying more members, etc.
To the point where he just outright says "the van blows up."
"I outrun the explosion".
"You can't, it blows up"
I point to my sheet "See, it's helluva fast. It can outrun it's own explosion"
Gm "Ok, kool. you cause a space time paradox, the universe implodes, games over."
I never got to play with him again.

Raineh Daze
2013-05-21, 10:30 AM
Man, way back playing Heroes unlimited for the first time.
I had a vigilante Punisher type guy with just lots of mortar/grenades on his gun.
But at the time the Mr T online jokes were hot, so I had the van from Mr T that was helluva fast.
Anytime the crap hitting the fan "I get in my van. It's helluva fast"
GM always getting upset. I have it outfitted to be like Dr Who, inside is bigger than it should be, carrying more members, etc.
To the point where he just outright says "the van blows up."
"I outrun the explosion".
"You can't, it blows up"
I point to my sheet "See, it's helluva fast. It can outrun it's own explosion"
Gm "Ok, kool. you cause a space time paradox, the universe implodes, games over."
I never got to play with him again.

It sounds like a good thing you never got to play with him again.

Ozfer
2013-05-21, 12:23 PM
The game was 1E. Magic items were rare, and couldn't be bought. You had to find them.

We were talking to a guard who wanted to stop us from going into the city. It was clear that we were very low-level, and easy to bully. It was clear that the DM was trying to force us to bribe him with what little gold we had.

Me: I pull my Wand of Cold, and say, "Open that gate or I will freeze you and it together, and shatter you both."
DM: Ummm... OK, he lets you through the gate.

That surprised me. I hadn't expected it to work, since the DM knew I didn't have any magic items.

Five minutes later, the DM suddenly remembered that fact.

DM: Wait a minute. You don't have a Wand of Cold.
Me: I know. It was a bluff.
DM: But you didn't have anything to point at him. You can only use what's on your character sheet.
Me: It's been on my character sheet for the last two sessions. Here - it's the fourth item listed.

There on my sheet was clearly written, "14-inch polished stick of wood".

That is genius.

TheGlow
2013-05-23, 07:40 AM
Another situation comes to mind. I was playing with a friend who wasn't the most imaginative DM so it was only a matter of time before his beloved Ravenloft monsters would come.
He favored these skeleton archers that apparently if they miss you, the bone arrows would hit the floor and spawn into another archer, rinse and repeat.
This was his way of getting at all the high (low ac) armored people.
He forgot that in my annoying thiefish manner he gave me a curse shield of missile attraction. Which I decided to keep and he shrugged his shoulders.
So in this case i told him I run into the corner, wedge myself in between a statue, etc for cover, and hold that shield up, drawing all the arrows to me. They are getting stuck in the shield on misses since im not actively dodging them and im covering every exposible inch of flesh as possible.
A cleric proceeded to cure away on the apparent hits I did take and now that I think about it, this was the first time I think i seen anyone 'tanking' something in the mmo sense now. Just drawing fire as hard as possible.
He was none to pleased.
Thwarted again, with an item meant to discourage me.

BWR
2013-05-23, 10:34 AM
My magus Tramachus in Ars Magica had Mythic Blood (gives him a powerful spell-like ability) which I chose to be a teleport variant. Normally this requires special circumstances to cast safely, or the use of a skill roll to avoid teleporting into unpleasant places, like the ground. However, being a Bjoernar with a bird heartbeast (basically a druid with wildshape to a specific form) he was always in the air and didn't need to worry about it. So no matter what happened, my magus could always get anywhere he needed fast and get out of places faster. The GM was upset that half his stories ended up being cut out because I bypassed all action on the ground.

Blackmoor
2013-05-23, 02:41 PM
It was the group's first gaming session. We all met in a tavern, preparing to go after some goblins. I played a bard. It was my turn to introduce myself. "'Sup dudes? Name's Ozzy Van Halen. We were in the middle of a tour when my band got shanghaied by some goblins, so now I gotta go bust 'em out... anybody got some pipeweed or something? I could use a hit." The DM, who intended on a serious sort of campaign had this great :smallconfused: look on his face.

Later, during the first encounter, I used my bard song and sang out loud, in character: "I LIVE MY LIFE LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROOOOW! ALL I GOT I HAD TO STEAL! LEAST I DON'T NEED TO BEG OR BORROOOOW! I'M LIVING IN A PLACE THAT KILLS! AHHHHHYEAH! RUNNIN' WITH THE DEEEEEVIL!" Then the DM was like this :smallannoyed::smallmad:

The other players liked OVH so much that the DM decided to lighten the tone of his campaign, allowing the comic relief of a stoner headbanger bard.

OctoberRaven
2013-05-26, 12:59 AM
In nWoD Hunter, I made some... unusual requests.

"I want a training facility with a pool of pig's blood and a thermostat that can go as high as 140 degrees and as low as -30 degrees. I'll be using my contacts in the Department of Homeland Security to help me with this."

"I want an underwater POV camera, so I can record everything I see. I also want a dictation machine so I can record sound too."

"I want to buy one of those toys that chances your voice into Darth Vader's and reverse-engineer it so it will fit under a hockey mask comfortably."

"I want to make a booby trap for my torture chamber. A cannon. That shoots bowling balls. And the cannon will be made out of duct tape."

"I'm bringing a belt sander, a boxcutter, a box of salt, and some bleach."

"My retainer's skills? Well, let me put it this way. You remember Winston Wolf from Pulp Fiction?"

"And here is how I'll be using my contacts to bring every cop in the city to this location to retrieve the vampire's body..."

These were three different characters, by the way.

Doomboy911
2013-05-26, 01:27 AM
So we have my character Itzli. A mind reader who hates doing that stuff. We're trying to find out who's been stealing rations on the ship that really needs food. I figure out who's the rat and we kick him off. The dm decides to prove my mind reading ways wrong by asking why the guy did what he did to which we never asked. (He stole rations because his rations were stolen but than why didn't he tell our captain you know it's a big complaint for us) Later on we're in a court case defending our captain's honor (he's the brother of one of our players) I want to speak because I'm quite good at talking but I've been messing up some stuff in the past so I'm not part of the group defending the captain. So a bit bummed I sit on my hands and be quiet. Than the rat we kicked off comes in to testify against the captain for poaching.

I step in, I'm not allowing this stuff to happen. I speak out so I can speak up. The guys running the court allow this though it looks bad on the captain. Before the little snitch can get a word out I step in.

"Hello so I've got a few questions for you. You're a good man correct?"

"Yeah"

"An honest man"

"Yeah"

"You're no liar right? I mean nine times out of ten you're a good guy."

"Yeah what of it?"

"Well I mean if you're no liar why were you on a ship under suspicion of poaching"

"heh...."

The dm drops the voice he was using and is silent. So am I. I just stare at him
Either he's an honest man on an honest ship or liar and he shuts up.

Five minutes of our dm in silence, everyone's hooting and hollering while I just grin.

For those wondering the dm went with "The captain made me" and that was all the rat really had to say.

Hyena
2013-05-31, 08:59 PM
So, I had a DM once who loved cursed items. He loved to screw his players over with them. The curses were horrible, too powerful for us to handle and really, REALLY annoying. Oh, and those standard "break the curse" spells did not work, because this is how the DM rolls. We clenched our teeth, suffered and asked for mercy. And then the justice prevailed.
One day we found a bag of holding. As you might guess - yes, it was a bag of devouring. We lost a lot of loot because we tried to transport it in our newfound bag, and the DM declared that our loot was destroyed. There was no mean to get it back, ever, even with the Wish or Miracle - it is basically unmade. I decided to sell it, but the party's paladin declared we will not put any other person through the similiar experience. Then we kinda forgot about it.
Many sessions later, we found a cursed amulet that was spreading diseases amogst us and was indestructible. If we tried to toss it in the river, it was on our necks the next day. If we try to sell it, it was back. Break enchantment? No, it does not work. All the wise scholars shrug when we ask for any help.
And then our paladin stares at his character sheet for long ten seconds. He stares and stares, only to finally say: "I put it into the Bag of Devouring".

Gamgee
2013-06-01, 12:58 PM
So, I had a DM once who loved cursed items. He loved to screw his players over with them. The curses were horrible, too powerful for us to handle and really, REALLY annoying. Oh, and those standard "break the curse" spells did not work, because this is how the DM rolls. We clenched our teeth, suffered and asked for mercy. And then the justice prevailed.
One day we found a bag of holding. As you might guess - yes, it was a bag of devouring. We lost a lot of loot because we tried to transport it in our newfound bag, and the DM declared that our loot was destroyed. There was no mean to get it back, ever, even with the Wish or Miracle - it is basically unmade. I decided to sell it, but the party's paladin declared we will not put any other person through the similiar experience. Then we kinda forgot about it.
Many sessions later, we found a cursed amulet that was spreading diseases amogst us and was indestructible. If we tried to toss it in the river, it was on our necks the next day. If we try to sell it, it was back. Break enchantment? No, it does not work. All the wise scholars shrug when we ask for any help.
And then our paladin stares at his character sheet for long ten seconds. He stares and stares, only to finally say: "I put it into the Bag of Devouring".
Hahahahah! YES! :smallcool:

Asmodai
2013-06-03, 09:03 PM
Recently we were playing Edge of the Empire, and once I got my mitts on the Falcon expie, there was no chance in hell I was going to let it slip out. Alas, the campaign never accounted for the players using the ship to go around the planet, and all the tricks the DM tried to pull to trap us or generally challenge us with what he was given got turned into a joke thanks to the fact that noone in his right mind wants to go up against a YT-1300 with gun turrets while weilding just common blasters. There was a moment when he just gave up, giving me a evil look and proceeded to finish the evening totally halfassedly.

I'm really not sure why he didn't just try and attack us with fighters or something, but I guess it was his bad night and handling a pregenned adventure :P

Ninjadeadbeard
2013-06-03, 09:28 PM
I was running a Moria-style dungeon crawl adventure. We had a Dwarven Fighter (ugly, stupid and unobservant, but convinced he was Casanova), a human Rogue (klepto) and a Half-Orc Ranger (a Brony). This story is about that last one.

While on the surface looking to sell some loot they'd delved for, the party came across a Troll guarding a bridge. They pretty mercilessly wailed on it's "no-touchy" areas with everything they got, and then tossed him off the bridge for good measure. Under his bridge, the Troll had constructed a little home for himself, and strewn about were the remains of dozens of travelers he'd slain and eaten, including, as I should have realized my mouth was saying, "a pile of bones from their mounts and beasts of burden. A pony graveyard."

:smalleek: I didn't mean to say that. Some of my best friends are Bronies, including the Ranger. I swear it slipped out. That first time.

He had a good chuckle about it. His character was horrified (Half-Orcs worshiped centaurs and horses at his request), but we got past the moment together.
But in my notes for the world I had accidently added (and forgotten about) something else.

They were headed to a city called Bluestone, based on the blue marble that the city was constructed from. The Dwarf went to sell an ancient dwarven fertility idol to the local priests, while the Rogue became convinced she had to steal a magic staff on display in the market, and the Ranger left to sell some random artifacts to a museum.

The Dwarf walked in on the High Priest as he was making a sacrifice: A Unicorn. I started sweating, since I didn't mean to add that in...but it worked very well world-building-wise. The Dwarves made Uni-brew, their favorite beverage, out of the blood. The horn and spine were sold to the Mages, who would craft it into magical components.

And then it slipped that the Magic Staff the Rogue was after was partly crafted from a Unicorn spine, with a shiny gold top.

The Ranger was...not amused rip-**** p*****-off. He was obviously furious, but mostly at the Dwarves and Mages. He looked me dead in the eyes and said his Orc was going to burn the city to the ground. Had the campaign survived much longer (failed due to low interest, interestingly) he would have made good on that threat perfectly accurate statement.

Paperback
2013-06-04, 01:40 PM
So my tale takes place in my friend's previous campaign, a steampunk-esque world using the Pathfinder system. We were nearing the endgame, and just about everyone in the party had reasons to hate each other (in character).

My gunslinger was upset because two of my party members committed mass genocide on an army.

The Warrior/Rogue was upset that I didn't support his plans of mass genocide to further the cause for a glorious future (we had turned into some sort of terrorist group by the end).

The Witch (who was the tool that caused the mass Genocide) was upset because we weren't letting him continue his rampage of murder.

The Pugilist Monk (he did bare-knuckles brawling in tournaments for prize money) was actually a big softie the entire time and didn't like the mass genocide either, but he was also upset with my gunslinger's vigilantism.

The Inquisitor was a selfish bastard who wanted the endgame wish all to himself. We all thought he was a humongous ******* planning to backstab us, so we were all going to kill him anyways.

Our endgame was that we were going to collect the six gems of the gods so that we could get the gem of Nephis, whose power was to grant one wish with no strings attached. All of us wanted it for different purposes, and we were probably going to kill each other for it with increasingly convoluted plots. (I was going to summon a Daern's Instant Fortress and destroy our airship, falling safely with feather fall. Shoot the witch on my way down if needed.)

So what does the DM do? He save-or-dies me and the monk, and railroads the ending in such a way in favor of the Warrior/Rouge so that it sets the entire world up for the next campaign he wants to do so that he can do everything in the same continuity (because that's cool, so he can do throwbacks to the previous campaign and feel clever :smallyuk:). This isn't really humorous as is the point of this thread, but it certainly did get us.