Iliumin
2013-05-16, 06:13 PM
I keep looking for a thread to post good/fun gaming stories. So I thought to myself...why not start one! So...here goes:
WARNING! This story is not for the feint of heart and contains graphic imagery which may be offensive to some people.
One of our players wanted a small puppy as his animal companion for no other reason than that it was cute and cuddly (and possibly because it would improve his diplomacy rolls with the ladies ^.^...getting side-tracked). Anyway, the other evil bastards he was playing with decided they wanted to kill the puppy. They did so and he acquired a new puppy. When they continued killing the puppies over and over, the player went to the DM and said "Pray thee kind sir, but these men keep killing my puppies. I'm tired of crying over the loss of my puppy and tired of getting a new one every session. Isn't there anything I can do?" After some thought the DM suggested that the player could spend experience points and money to have the puppy magically enchanted. The player ended up going with an enchantment that splits one puppy into two every time it dies (not sure why he didn't just make it invulnerable...perhaps the DM thought this was over-powered?).
So the next game session starts, and the other players kill the puppy as usual, but this time, the puppy splits into two puppies! They kill the puppies again, and this time there's FOUR puppies! At this point the evil genius of the group gets an idea: what if we weaponized this? They build an adamantium box (cage?) exactly big enough to contain one puppy comfortably with a small breathing hole. They then kill the puppy in the box, and one puppy becomes two. Again, they kill a puppy in the box, now there's three puppies. At this point, the pressure from the extra puppies is crushing the other puppies in the box and they die. 3 becomes 6, 6 becomes 12, 12 becomes 24, etc. What used to be a small breathing hole is now the barrel of the very first "puppy-goo cannon". This goo becomes increasingly pressurized to the point that it can kill anything it comes across by simply slicing it in two instantly. However, physics applies even in DnD and it is eventually ruled that the adamantium box would eventually overheat (after all, raw ore is shaped in a super heated furnace right?) due to friction and melt or that the box would become too pressurized at some point and explode (one small hole may not be enough pressure release to prevent this).
It is also ruled that the box is subject to Newton's third law (every action has an equal and opposite reaction) and the pressurized goo creates an equal an opposite reaction. The engineer takes this idea to the next level by creating a space suit (using book magic to not have to breathe and be capable of handling the pressure differential) and a seat belt for the box. He then proceeds to start the pressure process by killing a few of the puppies inside. He straps in, holding another puppy in his arms, and angles the cannon so the puppy-thrust engine will propel him into the air. In this way, he takes flight and goes into space. The puppy (in his arms) of course, dies from the lack of oxygen well before hitting space and proceeds to split. Those puppies die, and another cycle is started. Every planet he comes across, he throws a puppy towards. It dies on the way down several times, dies from entering the atmosphere (if there is one) by super-heating, then dies again from the impact on the ground, then dies again from the mass of other puppies slamming into it at velocity. The thrust from the puppy engine becomes increasingly faster, and even once friction melts the box, the puppies are still dying and splitting and therefore giving the box thrust. There is also an ever-increasing amount of puppies (matter) behind him that continue to die instantly in space. Eventually, the matter from the puppies coalesces into the largest black hole ever seen, which continues to grow. At some point, the evil bastard dies, but the puppy rocket would continue indefinitely - eventually destroying the entire universe.
At the end of walking through this scenario, the player asks the DM if his next character gets to have some of the experience his old character got for destroying the entire universe.
True story, embellished for story-sake. If anyone else has a story they would like to share, post below :smallbiggrin:
WARNING! This story is not for the feint of heart and contains graphic imagery which may be offensive to some people.
One of our players wanted a small puppy as his animal companion for no other reason than that it was cute and cuddly (and possibly because it would improve his diplomacy rolls with the ladies ^.^...getting side-tracked). Anyway, the other evil bastards he was playing with decided they wanted to kill the puppy. They did so and he acquired a new puppy. When they continued killing the puppies over and over, the player went to the DM and said "Pray thee kind sir, but these men keep killing my puppies. I'm tired of crying over the loss of my puppy and tired of getting a new one every session. Isn't there anything I can do?" After some thought the DM suggested that the player could spend experience points and money to have the puppy magically enchanted. The player ended up going with an enchantment that splits one puppy into two every time it dies (not sure why he didn't just make it invulnerable...perhaps the DM thought this was over-powered?).
So the next game session starts, and the other players kill the puppy as usual, but this time, the puppy splits into two puppies! They kill the puppies again, and this time there's FOUR puppies! At this point the evil genius of the group gets an idea: what if we weaponized this? They build an adamantium box (cage?) exactly big enough to contain one puppy comfortably with a small breathing hole. They then kill the puppy in the box, and one puppy becomes two. Again, they kill a puppy in the box, now there's three puppies. At this point, the pressure from the extra puppies is crushing the other puppies in the box and they die. 3 becomes 6, 6 becomes 12, 12 becomes 24, etc. What used to be a small breathing hole is now the barrel of the very first "puppy-goo cannon". This goo becomes increasingly pressurized to the point that it can kill anything it comes across by simply slicing it in two instantly. However, physics applies even in DnD and it is eventually ruled that the adamantium box would eventually overheat (after all, raw ore is shaped in a super heated furnace right?) due to friction and melt or that the box would become too pressurized at some point and explode (one small hole may not be enough pressure release to prevent this).
It is also ruled that the box is subject to Newton's third law (every action has an equal and opposite reaction) and the pressurized goo creates an equal an opposite reaction. The engineer takes this idea to the next level by creating a space suit (using book magic to not have to breathe and be capable of handling the pressure differential) and a seat belt for the box. He then proceeds to start the pressure process by killing a few of the puppies inside. He straps in, holding another puppy in his arms, and angles the cannon so the puppy-thrust engine will propel him into the air. In this way, he takes flight and goes into space. The puppy (in his arms) of course, dies from the lack of oxygen well before hitting space and proceeds to split. Those puppies die, and another cycle is started. Every planet he comes across, he throws a puppy towards. It dies on the way down several times, dies from entering the atmosphere (if there is one) by super-heating, then dies again from the impact on the ground, then dies again from the mass of other puppies slamming into it at velocity. The thrust from the puppy engine becomes increasingly faster, and even once friction melts the box, the puppies are still dying and splitting and therefore giving the box thrust. There is also an ever-increasing amount of puppies (matter) behind him that continue to die instantly in space. Eventually, the matter from the puppies coalesces into the largest black hole ever seen, which continues to grow. At some point, the evil bastard dies, but the puppy rocket would continue indefinitely - eventually destroying the entire universe.
At the end of walking through this scenario, the player asks the DM if his next character gets to have some of the experience his old character got for destroying the entire universe.
True story, embellished for story-sake. If anyone else has a story they would like to share, post below :smallbiggrin: