Daloth
2013-05-23, 09:15 PM
So, a bunch of us over at IG decided to play some D&D. We started Red Hand of Doom, and I had no intentions at all of doing a journal for it. However, after an 8 hour session (maybe more) through Skype and r20, and the epicness (and failure) of things that happened, I pretty much have to write, because if the rest of the adventure is half as funny and awesome, and if I can write it even a tenth that well, I believe most anyone who reads it will enjoy it greatly. This first update will go through the bridge and fight against a certain green dragon (who, technically, we don't know his name IC yet, for... well you'll see why).
So, first. the players:
Paladin of Heironius- Being played as hammy as possible. I'm talking he yells in battle and acts extremely polite outside. I pretty much hear the Templar from Diablo III every time he speaks, but that's me personally. He and I make up most of the comic routine of the group, we pretty much play good cop bad cop because we both have the highest CHA and disagree on almost everything. Leads to interesting dialogue when we are getting quests. The only person among us who doesn't have a microphone for the game currently. He's also openly said he will play it as a horribly stick up the ass Paladin.
The Dwarf Cleric- New guy in a way. He's a solid char so far, doesn't know all the rules (just like the next guy). New to RP'ing as well so I think we're still going to see him personality wise grow. He doesn't realize just how OP Clerics are yet though
Elven Ranger- specializing in TWF. he's also new, but in a terribly different way. His character seems borderline insane/psychotic though I don't think he intends to be. It leads to some funny moments and he's already almost killed the whole town of Drellin's Ferry in the first session. Has a badger named Hoon Eh.
Dread Necromancer- Myself. I'm just a normal human dread necro. Nobody knows I am yet obviously, and I'm only CN so I don't show up on the paladin's radar. We have some excellent banter according to our DM and the other players. Hat of Disguise keeps all of my slightly visible advancements in check.
We are not that optimized. I'm not a necropolitan for example, we are all straight 6 levels in classes and probably not prestiging (though I think I might possibly at level 8) and we are playing pathfinder. So, half of this is us learning how to play a new system (3.5 junkies) or never having played before at all. If a battle or event was uneventful, I'll mostly just skim it or give very light details. If it was amazing (Like say our first battle against Ozzy) then I will use extreme detail.
Fun and Furries
We begin our adventure just outside Drellin's Ferry, we don't really have backstories of any kind out yet, so, for the first of many, many times, the Paladin goes first, "Hark! I think we near the noble townstead of (whateverthe****itwas)"
So, we all head towards the town and are ambushed. I take a few, and the Paladin takes the rest. His response? "I'm so douchey arrows just can't not try to hit me."
We all do some very basic stuff, The ranger attacks and reveals more enemies, I use Fear aura + Kelgore's Mist on the biggest group I can find, and they all start dropping like flies. The paladin is getting physically angry at this because he wants to kill evil. He celebrates whenever he realizes there are a few outside the mist he can hit. And.... within a few rounds its GG goblins. The Paladin gets to heal and of courses enjoys his lay on hands, and he touches hard. So, we continue going south and the road splits. We decide to head away from the town because, duh, free stuff is always away from the place you should go. So we find a house at the end of the road, and my dreadsight (pathfinder homebrew buff to Dread Necros) tells me there are two people inside. and one is a furry.
We burst in and the Paladin yells "Facecheck best check!" and the lone goblin pretty much dies on the spot. We find out the furry is named Alahara, and I know she is a Kitsune. We offer her help back to town and, of course, the Paladin decides he will take all of her bags himself, and hammers fall out like spaghetti everywhere. We put them back in and before we know it we are being let into the gates of Drellin's Ferry just for mentioning we killed some goblins (not a good sign for their future IMO).
The group decides to split up, the Dwarf and Elf take the Kitsune to the Inn and for some food while The paladin and myself go for a little meeting with the captain of the guard. He all but pledges our undying loyalty to her, and I disagree just a bit. She doesn't offer us a reward, gold, women, not even amnesty for crimes we might commit. Then I remember big battle equal lots of corpses. I smile and agree. We explain the situation to the rest of the group and Decide we need to go after some fellow named Jor who knows these parts better than a pregnant teenager on a dirt road in the south. We all sleep and head out for the next morning.
In the night however, the Paladin is praying, and the Kitsune sneaks in to "repair his shield" (the religious ones always have the weird fetishes, and they call necromancers strange). He swore she just carried his shield out like it was nothing and disappeared. But, the next day its all shiny and fixed, so they must have done something to it.
Only You Can Prevent Quest Hook Fires
We head out and get to Jor's home. The Paladin is just like our holy version of Radio or something because he walks up to the door and knocks like its nothing. Luckily, Jor isn't insane or murderous or evil. He offers us his services for 10 GP a day. We quickly agree and off we go.
We get to the bridge and my Dreadsight goes off, there's something BIG in the water, and we can just barely make out its head. The ranger decides he's going to sneak across, in broad daylight. He rolls a twenty. With his modifiers added in he could've snuck up on Sam Fisher.
The Hydra doesn't give a damn. He gets across and it sees us start to move and charges. It gets up to us and full attacks us. OOC the paladin asks "Is this hydra a monk?" I respond with a shivering touch, drop its dex to 0, and prove that, yes, it is as useful as a monk. We kill it and loot the wrecked cart and head on.
We hit the keep and I immediately notice a giant skeleton outside, and I grow a completely legit necro boner (Pun of course intended). My Dreadsight again tells me there are lots of somethings in there, two of them big. So, we head inside and Boom there's the Manticore, and he tells us to leave. You can guess how that ended up. He flies out of the room raising a ruckus and out come owlbears, minotaurs, and goblins. I wet my pants at the idea of some owlbear minions and the Paladin OoC tells me to go die, but not lich style, like a normal person so I won't enjoy it. I cast some Kelgore's mist as they try and move in on the minotaur and damage the Manticore more. We almost have the Manticore dead, and it flies away as some of his friends drop dead from the lingering mist. Paladin OoC says it best "TEAM MANTICORE BLASTING OFF AGAIN. CHEATING YOU OF XP."
The minotaur however is having none of our crap. He does some very nice damage before we start focusing on him. Cleric's player comments "Paladin, you need to make a taunt (Righteous Jackass) check so that they'll go after you." We finally get him down, and in come the wargs. they get some attacks in on me as they go through the mist I laid down, I roll terribly on my AoO, and the Paladin asks "Can I aid another to not suck in battle?" So, we kill everything once the frontline fighters come in. I start healing up with charnel touch (I'm not so un optimized I wouldn't take TTS), and the Cleric asks what that spell is.
The Paladin responds, "It's like lay on hands, but bad touch instead of good touch." He then goes off singing "When I think about you I touch myself." Except he has no microphone... so he types it. Somehow this makes it creepier.
We all start exploring the keep at this point. I kind of have an idea of what we're looking for because I've read some of the RHOD before, and the Ranger finds the battle plans. The DM is in the middle of explaining what he has and his immediate response is, "I throw it in the fire."
Let me say that once more. The DM is explaining exposition for the item he has in his hands, about the goblin invasion we want to stop, and he says "I throw it in the fire."
HE BURNS THE GODS DAMN PLANS WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING AT THEM.
The DM even asks, are you sure? And he just casually says yes. Problem is, IC, none of us saw this happen. OoC, even the Paladin is swearing. We then spend the next five minutes trying to invent technology to strangle through skype that ends with the dwarf running into my characters shins by avoiding a falling beam of wood. Luckily, the Cleric finds the map later, and our resident fire starter doesn't get a chance to destroy it, so we at least have an idea what's going on.
During this same time, the Paladin starts praying for thanks, and the Ranger finds the secret room. He has a lockpick, but instead of picking the locks on the chests (which he can do pretty easily) he smashes them open. With his scimitar. The Cleric and I hear this above ground and run, the Paladin simply says "I'm still praying, bro, I don't give no ****s, YOU'RE UNDERGROUND LIKE SKRILLEX"
We find the deed, the skull, teeth, etc. The ranger thinks he gets to keep the deed. Naturally, knowing he just set our quest hook on fire, we take it from him. The Paladin states "Please, your badger would **** all over it anyway." (we have such a nice group)
We decide to head back to town, nothing else to do. We take our magic items to crazy foxy lady as she's pounding away on an anvil with her seven tails (Now I see why the paladin was so into it). Our ranger, showing off his brilliance again, tries to get her attention by grabbing one of her tails. The hammers drop, she turns, and somehow the ranger did not turn into stone. I quickly try to help diffuse the situation (+6 cha modifier FTW) and when I say why we were there, she says she'll identify the items, if she is allowed to keep one item. I'd personally rather stab her in the face for this, but everyone agrees. She grabs the staff and shows off her Kid Muscles and Chris Birdman level tattoos as she identifies it. Guess which Item she takes out of all of them? Yep, the Staff of Life. (which we had to con her into even telling us what it was.)
Rather than watching as we lose our anal virginity from the Kitsune for something a spell would do for almost free, we go and discuss with the captain what happened. Luckily, our DM isn't evil (or we haven't drove him insane yet), and he sends in a retired merchant with battle plans. Once we discover what they are doing after combining the scouting reports with the map, we debate for nearly an hour IRL on how to handle this royal screwjob we are in. We know we probably don't have time to get to the bridge to stop them, but we also know we could at least meet them half way and slow them down while the town evacuates. Most of the time is spent swearing even more over the Ranger burning the plans because we could've casually strolled to the bridge in time. He claims it was just Goblin Porn he burned anyway.
The DM then tells us we can make it to the bridge in time riding full speed on horses, but it will kill the horses. Naturally, we say yes. We then spend a few minutes discussing the idea of shoddily made mithril before realizing "Oh yeah, army so large their arrows block out the sun."
One Shining Moment (of Douchiness)
We get to the bridge and laugh because it looks like a penis before we roll initiative. Most of us roll terribly. The paladin runs to the nearest hell hound and casts "Punch in face with teeth" as he so eloquently calls it. I summon a spectral hand, and everyone else starts moving up as well.
I ask the group how furious they would be if I did something slightly evil to help us win (debating revealing to them I am a necromancer if needed.) The paladin responds "Please, as if I wouldn't smite your evil action with a spoon and kill you."
He then goes on to take his first damage of the entire campaign, and he very politely scolds his god for it. By this point we have taken out a large group of archers and one of the horn guys, as well as both hellhounds. Just as we think we are doing well and might be able to slow this invasion down we hear a roar.
****ing. Young. Adult. Dragon. He swoops over us and his fear makes us all make a check except for the Paladin. I question how a necromancer with a fear aura can have fear, and of course I fail. The paladin responds "How can you fail with help from my +4 save from me being a shining douche?"
We then argue over which character is better. He starts tanking hits from small goblins on their turn and asks why I would not play a paladin. Then it's my turn, and I say "Watch why I play a ****ing Necromancer."
I look up at the Dragon as it is banking hard to turn back around. Shivering touch (technically as I'm shaking from fear) for 11 dex damage. The dragon (who we don't know the name of, thanks again Ranger!) is paralyzed mid fly by attack before he even has time to speak. My hope was he would fall straight down and take the bridge out. Instead, his wings naturally unfurl and he glides away harmlessly like a pretty little death kite.
Seeing their leader fall like that freaks the gobbos out. One of them drops his horn and does his best Waluigi impression and yells WAAAAAAAAAGH!
The ten or so left all drop their weapons, and run and jump off the towers onto the bridge to charge us, parkour style. A few of them critically fail and break their necks or backs, but enough of them save and group up to try and shove the paladin off the bridge. They roll terribly, collectively, and 4 of them take up one square leaning against the paladins shield.
Now, the ranger is up close, his favored enemy? Goblinoids. Since 4 of them are in one square, the DM lets him add his bonuses and modifiers 4 times. What results is 4 goblins flying 20 feet off of the bridge.
We then realize we have nothing to destroy this bridge with. We came all this way without one spell to take out a bridge. Our dwarven buddy says he looks for any weaknesses, since this is a dwarf bridge and all, and rolls a natural 20 on his check. The DM words it as "If you have a spell, it will destroy the bridge."
He then checks the bowels of his sheet and sees he had Stone Shape prepared just to use as healing fodder. We run off the bridge, he casts, and we begin to celebrate as the bridge collapses.
The DM then tells me and the paladin to roll for a reflex save.
The pally gets a natural one.
The dragon comes swooping in from behind us, knocks me into the side of the tower and nearly takes off half my HP doing it. The Paladin? He gets caught in the things mouth. The dragon keeps flying, turns west, and... disappears into the distance before we have time to even comprehend what was going on. We all get a bit depressed having seen our meat shield friend basically guaranteed a slow death inside the belly of that thing, and with our horses dead, we begin the long walk back to the town, very slowly really.
Little did we know our friend was not a paladin, no, he is the Terminator. or... the Determinator.
The paladin, mid flight, somehow gets out of the jaws of the dragon, and just into his mouth. So, he does what any hero would do. Starts swinging and stabbing. He has smite evil and swift action healing. After a few rounds of taking roughly 15/20 damage a turn, the dragon lands at Vraath Keep, and spits him out. He flies to the edge of the map only for the Paladin to yell at him:
"COME DOWN HERE AND FIGHT ME, COWARDLY WORM!" He also prays to Heronious, "Dear Heronious, today I almost reached half health."
This is the part of the story where the level 6 paladin attempts to solo a freaking young adult dragon with 70% of his health.
The dragon comes at him and keeps trying to hit, to no avail. First, the dragon bites and simply misses, then the paladin slides under his stomach. He even rolls a natural one and loses a few teeth trying to bite him and hitting the ground instead. The Pally meanwhile? Doesn't miss, and he crits a few times for good measure. And keeps swift action healing. Eventually, the dragon backs up.
We all think "****, here comes a charge or acid attack, GG paladin buddy."
And he flies away like a little girl.
The Paladin doesn't brag or yell at the dragon, he simply says OoC "I had two more touches left and only lost 30 hp. Heironious is good."
Our DM later told us he actually buffed Ozzy. Gave him max HP (145) and fast healing 5. He retreated with 10 HP left.
The session ended with the party still separated, and the Kitsune coming to the Keep and claiming she got there too slowly.
Our next session is this Saturday at 12 EST. and the DM swears one of us will probably die.
Needless to say, we all are looking forward to it.
Hope you enjoyed what we have so far. and when things get more serious, so will the updates, but as of now it's just been one giant ball of fun, so thats how I want it to feel when you guys read it.
So, first. the players:
Paladin of Heironius- Being played as hammy as possible. I'm talking he yells in battle and acts extremely polite outside. I pretty much hear the Templar from Diablo III every time he speaks, but that's me personally. He and I make up most of the comic routine of the group, we pretty much play good cop bad cop because we both have the highest CHA and disagree on almost everything. Leads to interesting dialogue when we are getting quests. The only person among us who doesn't have a microphone for the game currently. He's also openly said he will play it as a horribly stick up the ass Paladin.
The Dwarf Cleric- New guy in a way. He's a solid char so far, doesn't know all the rules (just like the next guy). New to RP'ing as well so I think we're still going to see him personality wise grow. He doesn't realize just how OP Clerics are yet though
Elven Ranger- specializing in TWF. he's also new, but in a terribly different way. His character seems borderline insane/psychotic though I don't think he intends to be. It leads to some funny moments and he's already almost killed the whole town of Drellin's Ferry in the first session. Has a badger named Hoon Eh.
Dread Necromancer- Myself. I'm just a normal human dread necro. Nobody knows I am yet obviously, and I'm only CN so I don't show up on the paladin's radar. We have some excellent banter according to our DM and the other players. Hat of Disguise keeps all of my slightly visible advancements in check.
We are not that optimized. I'm not a necropolitan for example, we are all straight 6 levels in classes and probably not prestiging (though I think I might possibly at level 8) and we are playing pathfinder. So, half of this is us learning how to play a new system (3.5 junkies) or never having played before at all. If a battle or event was uneventful, I'll mostly just skim it or give very light details. If it was amazing (Like say our first battle against Ozzy) then I will use extreme detail.
Fun and Furries
We begin our adventure just outside Drellin's Ferry, we don't really have backstories of any kind out yet, so, for the first of many, many times, the Paladin goes first, "Hark! I think we near the noble townstead of (whateverthe****itwas)"
So, we all head towards the town and are ambushed. I take a few, and the Paladin takes the rest. His response? "I'm so douchey arrows just can't not try to hit me."
We all do some very basic stuff, The ranger attacks and reveals more enemies, I use Fear aura + Kelgore's Mist on the biggest group I can find, and they all start dropping like flies. The paladin is getting physically angry at this because he wants to kill evil. He celebrates whenever he realizes there are a few outside the mist he can hit. And.... within a few rounds its GG goblins. The Paladin gets to heal and of courses enjoys his lay on hands, and he touches hard. So, we continue going south and the road splits. We decide to head away from the town because, duh, free stuff is always away from the place you should go. So we find a house at the end of the road, and my dreadsight (pathfinder homebrew buff to Dread Necros) tells me there are two people inside. and one is a furry.
We burst in and the Paladin yells "Facecheck best check!" and the lone goblin pretty much dies on the spot. We find out the furry is named Alahara, and I know she is a Kitsune. We offer her help back to town and, of course, the Paladin decides he will take all of her bags himself, and hammers fall out like spaghetti everywhere. We put them back in and before we know it we are being let into the gates of Drellin's Ferry just for mentioning we killed some goblins (not a good sign for their future IMO).
The group decides to split up, the Dwarf and Elf take the Kitsune to the Inn and for some food while The paladin and myself go for a little meeting with the captain of the guard. He all but pledges our undying loyalty to her, and I disagree just a bit. She doesn't offer us a reward, gold, women, not even amnesty for crimes we might commit. Then I remember big battle equal lots of corpses. I smile and agree. We explain the situation to the rest of the group and Decide we need to go after some fellow named Jor who knows these parts better than a pregnant teenager on a dirt road in the south. We all sleep and head out for the next morning.
In the night however, the Paladin is praying, and the Kitsune sneaks in to "repair his shield" (the religious ones always have the weird fetishes, and they call necromancers strange). He swore she just carried his shield out like it was nothing and disappeared. But, the next day its all shiny and fixed, so they must have done something to it.
Only You Can Prevent Quest Hook Fires
We head out and get to Jor's home. The Paladin is just like our holy version of Radio or something because he walks up to the door and knocks like its nothing. Luckily, Jor isn't insane or murderous or evil. He offers us his services for 10 GP a day. We quickly agree and off we go.
We get to the bridge and my Dreadsight goes off, there's something BIG in the water, and we can just barely make out its head. The ranger decides he's going to sneak across, in broad daylight. He rolls a twenty. With his modifiers added in he could've snuck up on Sam Fisher.
The Hydra doesn't give a damn. He gets across and it sees us start to move and charges. It gets up to us and full attacks us. OOC the paladin asks "Is this hydra a monk?" I respond with a shivering touch, drop its dex to 0, and prove that, yes, it is as useful as a monk. We kill it and loot the wrecked cart and head on.
We hit the keep and I immediately notice a giant skeleton outside, and I grow a completely legit necro boner (Pun of course intended). My Dreadsight again tells me there are lots of somethings in there, two of them big. So, we head inside and Boom there's the Manticore, and he tells us to leave. You can guess how that ended up. He flies out of the room raising a ruckus and out come owlbears, minotaurs, and goblins. I wet my pants at the idea of some owlbear minions and the Paladin OoC tells me to go die, but not lich style, like a normal person so I won't enjoy it. I cast some Kelgore's mist as they try and move in on the minotaur and damage the Manticore more. We almost have the Manticore dead, and it flies away as some of his friends drop dead from the lingering mist. Paladin OoC says it best "TEAM MANTICORE BLASTING OFF AGAIN. CHEATING YOU OF XP."
The minotaur however is having none of our crap. He does some very nice damage before we start focusing on him. Cleric's player comments "Paladin, you need to make a taunt (Righteous Jackass) check so that they'll go after you." We finally get him down, and in come the wargs. they get some attacks in on me as they go through the mist I laid down, I roll terribly on my AoO, and the Paladin asks "Can I aid another to not suck in battle?" So, we kill everything once the frontline fighters come in. I start healing up with charnel touch (I'm not so un optimized I wouldn't take TTS), and the Cleric asks what that spell is.
The Paladin responds, "It's like lay on hands, but bad touch instead of good touch." He then goes off singing "When I think about you I touch myself." Except he has no microphone... so he types it. Somehow this makes it creepier.
We all start exploring the keep at this point. I kind of have an idea of what we're looking for because I've read some of the RHOD before, and the Ranger finds the battle plans. The DM is in the middle of explaining what he has and his immediate response is, "I throw it in the fire."
Let me say that once more. The DM is explaining exposition for the item he has in his hands, about the goblin invasion we want to stop, and he says "I throw it in the fire."
HE BURNS THE GODS DAMN PLANS WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING AT THEM.
The DM even asks, are you sure? And he just casually says yes. Problem is, IC, none of us saw this happen. OoC, even the Paladin is swearing. We then spend the next five minutes trying to invent technology to strangle through skype that ends with the dwarf running into my characters shins by avoiding a falling beam of wood. Luckily, the Cleric finds the map later, and our resident fire starter doesn't get a chance to destroy it, so we at least have an idea what's going on.
During this same time, the Paladin starts praying for thanks, and the Ranger finds the secret room. He has a lockpick, but instead of picking the locks on the chests (which he can do pretty easily) he smashes them open. With his scimitar. The Cleric and I hear this above ground and run, the Paladin simply says "I'm still praying, bro, I don't give no ****s, YOU'RE UNDERGROUND LIKE SKRILLEX"
We find the deed, the skull, teeth, etc. The ranger thinks he gets to keep the deed. Naturally, knowing he just set our quest hook on fire, we take it from him. The Paladin states "Please, your badger would **** all over it anyway." (we have such a nice group)
We decide to head back to town, nothing else to do. We take our magic items to crazy foxy lady as she's pounding away on an anvil with her seven tails (Now I see why the paladin was so into it). Our ranger, showing off his brilliance again, tries to get her attention by grabbing one of her tails. The hammers drop, she turns, and somehow the ranger did not turn into stone. I quickly try to help diffuse the situation (+6 cha modifier FTW) and when I say why we were there, she says she'll identify the items, if she is allowed to keep one item. I'd personally rather stab her in the face for this, but everyone agrees. She grabs the staff and shows off her Kid Muscles and Chris Birdman level tattoos as she identifies it. Guess which Item she takes out of all of them? Yep, the Staff of Life. (which we had to con her into even telling us what it was.)
Rather than watching as we lose our anal virginity from the Kitsune for something a spell would do for almost free, we go and discuss with the captain what happened. Luckily, our DM isn't evil (or we haven't drove him insane yet), and he sends in a retired merchant with battle plans. Once we discover what they are doing after combining the scouting reports with the map, we debate for nearly an hour IRL on how to handle this royal screwjob we are in. We know we probably don't have time to get to the bridge to stop them, but we also know we could at least meet them half way and slow them down while the town evacuates. Most of the time is spent swearing even more over the Ranger burning the plans because we could've casually strolled to the bridge in time. He claims it was just Goblin Porn he burned anyway.
The DM then tells us we can make it to the bridge in time riding full speed on horses, but it will kill the horses. Naturally, we say yes. We then spend a few minutes discussing the idea of shoddily made mithril before realizing "Oh yeah, army so large their arrows block out the sun."
One Shining Moment (of Douchiness)
We get to the bridge and laugh because it looks like a penis before we roll initiative. Most of us roll terribly. The paladin runs to the nearest hell hound and casts "Punch in face with teeth" as he so eloquently calls it. I summon a spectral hand, and everyone else starts moving up as well.
I ask the group how furious they would be if I did something slightly evil to help us win (debating revealing to them I am a necromancer if needed.) The paladin responds "Please, as if I wouldn't smite your evil action with a spoon and kill you."
He then goes on to take his first damage of the entire campaign, and he very politely scolds his god for it. By this point we have taken out a large group of archers and one of the horn guys, as well as both hellhounds. Just as we think we are doing well and might be able to slow this invasion down we hear a roar.
****ing. Young. Adult. Dragon. He swoops over us and his fear makes us all make a check except for the Paladin. I question how a necromancer with a fear aura can have fear, and of course I fail. The paladin responds "How can you fail with help from my +4 save from me being a shining douche?"
We then argue over which character is better. He starts tanking hits from small goblins on their turn and asks why I would not play a paladin. Then it's my turn, and I say "Watch why I play a ****ing Necromancer."
I look up at the Dragon as it is banking hard to turn back around. Shivering touch (technically as I'm shaking from fear) for 11 dex damage. The dragon (who we don't know the name of, thanks again Ranger!) is paralyzed mid fly by attack before he even has time to speak. My hope was he would fall straight down and take the bridge out. Instead, his wings naturally unfurl and he glides away harmlessly like a pretty little death kite.
Seeing their leader fall like that freaks the gobbos out. One of them drops his horn and does his best Waluigi impression and yells WAAAAAAAAAGH!
The ten or so left all drop their weapons, and run and jump off the towers onto the bridge to charge us, parkour style. A few of them critically fail and break their necks or backs, but enough of them save and group up to try and shove the paladin off the bridge. They roll terribly, collectively, and 4 of them take up one square leaning against the paladins shield.
Now, the ranger is up close, his favored enemy? Goblinoids. Since 4 of them are in one square, the DM lets him add his bonuses and modifiers 4 times. What results is 4 goblins flying 20 feet off of the bridge.
We then realize we have nothing to destroy this bridge with. We came all this way without one spell to take out a bridge. Our dwarven buddy says he looks for any weaknesses, since this is a dwarf bridge and all, and rolls a natural 20 on his check. The DM words it as "If you have a spell, it will destroy the bridge."
He then checks the bowels of his sheet and sees he had Stone Shape prepared just to use as healing fodder. We run off the bridge, he casts, and we begin to celebrate as the bridge collapses.
The DM then tells me and the paladin to roll for a reflex save.
The pally gets a natural one.
The dragon comes swooping in from behind us, knocks me into the side of the tower and nearly takes off half my HP doing it. The Paladin? He gets caught in the things mouth. The dragon keeps flying, turns west, and... disappears into the distance before we have time to even comprehend what was going on. We all get a bit depressed having seen our meat shield friend basically guaranteed a slow death inside the belly of that thing, and with our horses dead, we begin the long walk back to the town, very slowly really.
Little did we know our friend was not a paladin, no, he is the Terminator. or... the Determinator.
The paladin, mid flight, somehow gets out of the jaws of the dragon, and just into his mouth. So, he does what any hero would do. Starts swinging and stabbing. He has smite evil and swift action healing. After a few rounds of taking roughly 15/20 damage a turn, the dragon lands at Vraath Keep, and spits him out. He flies to the edge of the map only for the Paladin to yell at him:
"COME DOWN HERE AND FIGHT ME, COWARDLY WORM!" He also prays to Heronious, "Dear Heronious, today I almost reached half health."
This is the part of the story where the level 6 paladin attempts to solo a freaking young adult dragon with 70% of his health.
The dragon comes at him and keeps trying to hit, to no avail. First, the dragon bites and simply misses, then the paladin slides under his stomach. He even rolls a natural one and loses a few teeth trying to bite him and hitting the ground instead. The Pally meanwhile? Doesn't miss, and he crits a few times for good measure. And keeps swift action healing. Eventually, the dragon backs up.
We all think "****, here comes a charge or acid attack, GG paladin buddy."
And he flies away like a little girl.
The Paladin doesn't brag or yell at the dragon, he simply says OoC "I had two more touches left and only lost 30 hp. Heironious is good."
Our DM later told us he actually buffed Ozzy. Gave him max HP (145) and fast healing 5. He retreated with 10 HP left.
The session ended with the party still separated, and the Kitsune coming to the Keep and claiming she got there too slowly.
Our next session is this Saturday at 12 EST. and the DM swears one of us will probably die.
Needless to say, we all are looking forward to it.
Hope you enjoyed what we have so far. and when things get more serious, so will the updates, but as of now it's just been one giant ball of fun, so thats how I want it to feel when you guys read it.