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View Full Version : Gag weapons? (Any system/homebrew)



Akeii
2013-05-24, 01:58 AM
For humorous reasons, I've always wanted to create a clown-assassin complete with a tremendous arsenal of gag weapons at her disposal, and my DM is currently feeling generous about homebrew items. Have you folks come across, or thought of, any extremely funny creations during your playing experience? Effectiveness is optional, practicality very much less so.

mistformsquirrl
2013-05-24, 01:59 AM
Well a friend of mine in 3.0 played a Barbarian chef with a giant pizza cutter for a weapon < . .> I think we treated it as a Greataxe.

Blightedmarsh
2013-05-24, 02:27 AM
The rusty and co badger launcher (http://rustyandco.com/comic/level-5-5/)

Admiral Squish
2013-05-24, 04:17 AM
The franklinator! (Badger tied to a stick)

Magic joy buzzer! With a 'tazer' setting.

Acid-squirting flower!

Squirt gun tazer.

Maybe your primary weapon could be a rubber chicken with the stats of a sap.

I'd look at the joker to see if you can copy some of his arsenal.

Joe the Rat
2013-05-24, 08:03 AM
have you mined superhero comic books for ideas? Between the Joker, Trickster, and Jester you should do pretty well for weaponized gags. I suppose it would help to define what sort of clown you are going for - what sort of gags exist in your setting. Are we talking Killer Jester, Deadly Harlequin, Murderous Pennywise, what?

You know those juggling pins? They're clubs. And you can throw them, like clubs. Throw in some trick juggling balls - gas-releasing, tanglefoot, explodey, squeeze for poison spikes, that sort of thing. Can you throw in a bit of Alchemist? They've got wonderful throwables. Not to mention the whole "juggling dangerous objects" angle - axes, knives, chakram... Marvel had a whole villain team based around deadly juggling.

Poison your thing? Acid squirting flowers, contact poison squirting flowers, holy water squirting flowers, yellow musk creeper spore squirting flowers... Tubing and bladders are not unfamiliar to most fantasy settings. Poison Pies are also a popular one. If you went subtle rather than madcap, poisoning is popular. Just remember where you put the pellet with the poison...

On a slightly more (or perhaps less) wacky run, yo-yos. Iron or Lead (or silver or Cold Iron or Adamantine) bodied, silk cord yo-yos. Heavy enough, it's a flail. treat it as a small meteor hammer, or bludgeony whip for reach. Make one spring-loaded so when it snaps at the end of its spooling, blades pop out like a little circular saw (note: and retracts on return. Fingers are a good thing to keep). Plus, garrote-string!

Blow gun flute/recorders. Weighted jester sticks (or jester sticks that are cleverly disguised magic wands). Poison ring "joybuzzers." Is lame magic part of your schtick? carry 50' of silk rope up your sleeve, in the form of 50' of silk scarves tied together.

I'd also toss in (heh) the razor-edged cards as throwing knives/shuriken, but that's more games-themed than clown themed.

Giant sized squeaky hammers! Like giant sized hammers (warhammer, maul) but they squeak too!

Scow2
2013-05-24, 03:46 PM
Giant sized squeaky hammers! Like giant sized hammers (warhammer, maul) but they squeak too!

This right here pretty much wins the thread. You can't go wrong with giant squeaky hammers.

Or cream-pie-to-the-face acid.

Mando Knight
2013-05-24, 04:50 PM
I'd also toss in (heh) the razor-edged cards as throwing knives/shuriken, but that's more games-themed than clown themed.

Clowns are sometimes also magicians, depending on their act. A deck of cards is almost required for that line of work.

Siosilvar
2013-05-24, 04:53 PM
There's always The Whole Bunch of Weapons Duct-Taped Together (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60864) in case you can't decide.

Flail_master
2013-05-24, 05:00 PM
I once heard of a good one that occured in a friend of mines games.

It was called the 'Sneaky Bastard Sword'

It was a bastard sword not only capable of using for sneak attack as a rogue, but it also added EXTRA D6 during the sneak attack if you caught them by surprise.

The only problem was that it was also sentient... and could speak... and was quite, shall we say, confrontational.

It was actually very rare they could use the bonuses since it was usually yelling very colourful insults at the would be victims. :smalltongue:

'OI YOU, Think you're so tough? Well wait till we sneak up on ye and stab ye, ya slimy, two-faced, weird-nosed GIT!'
*bonuses lost*
*cover blown*
*facepalm*

:smalltongue:

Bulhakov
2013-05-24, 05:06 PM
A ladder could make for an interesting exotic weapon with a lot of added utility :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFjRbWbIR6o

Yora
2013-05-24, 05:36 PM
Pathfinder has the starknife in the core rulebook. That must be a joke.

TuggyNE
2013-05-24, 07:27 PM
Or cream-pie-to-the-face acid.

"It's funny because it's true!" (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0416.html) - :xykon:

Alejandro
2013-05-24, 07:36 PM
Allow me to refer you to the movie 'Killer Klowns from Outer Space.' A lot of what is listed here, is in it.

The Fury
2013-05-25, 02:06 PM
A hand crossbow which when shot ejects a flag which reads "TWANG!" and confetti. Maybe it can shoot real quarrels too, whichever you find funnier.

There was also that bazooka from that episode of Gargoyles that fired cream pies. What was it called? "Mr. C," I think.

QuidEst
2013-05-25, 02:51 PM
Vorpal Pillow. No damage, but if you roll a twenty on attack and confirm with a twenty, their head flies off.

Mace of Golfing. When you confirm a crit against a Small or smaller creature, it is knocked back 1d20*5 feet.

Joe the Rat
2013-05-25, 04:55 PM
Put the two together. Vorpal Club. All the enhancements of a Vorpal sword, only it's a club. decapitation on a 20, roll to confirm that you knocked the head downrange into a rabbit hole. Carry a whole bag of them do deal with different enemies (wood, 3 iron, cold iron, blessed flaming alchemical silver, and putting wedge).

(I actually got to use one in a mid-high level stupid-powered one-off D&D game. The imagery of a kobold in a cowboy hat (of disguise) leaping off of a flying chariot to hit a dragon with his fancy club, and taking its head clean off in one blow kind of sticks with you.)

Also, a fish.


A hand crossbow which when shot ejects a flag which reads "TWANG!" and confetti. Maybe it can shoot real quarrels too, whichever you find funnier.

There was also that bazooka from that episode of Gargoyles that fired cream pies. What was it called? "Mr. C," I think.That was a good episode.
"Mr Carter." Say it with the accent, go back a few decades, and look up John Travolta.

...

Welcome back.

QuidEst
2013-05-26, 02:08 PM
A firearm that turns your bad jokes into projectiles.

… really, I just want an excuse to go into the room puns blazing.

Randel
2013-05-26, 03:43 PM
Megaphone (inspired by Cait Sith from Final Fantasy) - Get a supercharged megaphone that amplifies your voice, insults, dragonborn shouts, etc to deafening levels. Deals sonic damage to enemies and isn't sneaky in the least.

Can be dual wielded by sticking one megaphone in front of the other. Adding more than one may require some tape and a place to set them up.

Sonic Disruptor Trumpet (from I'm a Marvel, I'm a DC) - A trumpet specifically designed to emit dangerous soundwaves. Useful for taking out symbiots.

Party Cannon (from My Little Pony) - A portable cannon that can fire anything from glitter and streamers to pies made of cement. Fun options include jagged glass colored like glitter (or just colored pieces of buckshot), to nets, extra tangling streamers or nets, or clouds of blinding powder.


Steel toed clown shoes for extra kicking power.

Padded shoes for extra sneaking.

Mando Knight
2013-05-27, 02:11 AM
A hand crossbow which when shot ejects a flag which reads "TWANG!" and confetti. Maybe it can shoot real quarrels too, whichever you find funnier.

In Joker fashion, have it do both: the "TWANG!" flag is also an actual quarrel, and a second trigger fires the crossbow for real.

Souju
2013-05-27, 04:36 AM
My first campaign had a wondrous item of my invention called the Bag of Infinite Fruit. It's a bag that you reach inside and pull out a random fruit. on a nat 20, you get a peach that basically counts as a potion of Heal (the campaign was exceptionally brutal combat-wise so I threw them a bone. To put things in perspective, at one point I had them fighting every single one of their characters from previous campaigns.)
It was just goofy enough that the guy who got it would roll a d20 every single round he wasn't in combat or busy doing something else just to see what he pulled out of it.
I topped it a few campaigns later with the Bag of Infinite Deliciousness. Inside the bag is a cupcake. The cupcake is delicious. When you eat the cupcake, another cupcake appears in the bag. If you ate the previous cupcake and see the new cupcake, you have to pass a DC5 will save if you choose to not eat the cupcake. The DCs go up by 1 for each cupcake you eat past the first.
This item was originally found in the possession of a morbidly obese black dragon.
The player who got it (strangely enough the same player that got the first bag) constantly offered cupcakes to NPCs he didn't like. And PCs he didn't like.

TuggyNE
2013-05-27, 04:55 AM
I topped it a few campaigns later with the Bag of Infinite Deliciousness. Inside the bag is a cupcake.

I c wut u did thar.

Ashtagon
2013-05-27, 05:10 AM
The thagomiser (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thagomizer)

A Tad Insane
2013-05-27, 02:50 PM
The dread rubber chicken.
Get smacked by it, make a 11 will save or get feared. It was an improviced club beside that.

TheThan
2013-05-27, 03:26 PM
have you mined superhero comic books for ideas? Between the Joker, Trickster, and Jester you should do pretty well for weaponized gags. I suppose it would help to define what sort of clown you are going for - what sort of gags exist in your setting. Are we talking Killer Jester, Deadly Harlequin, Murderous Pennywise, what?

You know those juggling pins? They're clubs. And you can throw them, like clubs. Throw in some trick juggling balls - gas-releasing, tanglefoot, explodey, squeeze for poison spikes, that sort of thing. Can you throw in a bit of Alchemist? They've got wonderful throwables. Not to mention the whole "juggling dangerous objects" angle - axes, knives, chakram... Marvel had a whole villain team based around deadly juggling.



Don't forget the broken glass (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3p6DOktFhx4)

Zejety
2013-05-27, 04:03 PM
A hand crossbow which when shot ejects a flag which reads "TWANG!" and confetti.

Make it shoot flags which read "TWANG!" and confetti and we have a deal. :D

https://docs.google.com/drawings/d/1d0RdcUhNoLb6X7aKZcsZmecf52YFqfk6uMGQ7hg1yV8/pub?w=232&h=208

Eldan
2013-05-28, 06:18 AM
Do puns Count?

Because my group once encountered a beholder cultist with a weapon called the Eye Sickle.

(Edit: it was an intelligent Kopesh with ten magical gemstone eyes along the blade and one in the hilt)

Xelbiuj
2013-05-28, 08:47 AM
Lots of good answers so far.
You should use hand buzzer for electric damage, microphone that turns bad jokes into sonic, acid flower, and vorpal pillow/rubberchicken.

Bananas to act as slippery caltrops.
handkerchief whip, damage somehow related to their "use rope" skill?
Tanglefoot cotton candy that can be set blaze when you honk your nose.
Razor blade/glitterdust confetti
Multi-colored toxic smoke bombs.

mistformsquirrl
2013-05-28, 10:25 AM
I just realized I forgot an old classic:

The plunger fired from a crossbow (or even a ballista) >_> Nothing says hilarity like sticking a plunger on someone's face <_<

OverdrivePrime
2013-05-28, 11:44 AM
I just realized I forgot an old classic:

The plunger fired from a crossbow (or even a ballista) >_> Nothing says hilarity like sticking a plunger on someone's face <_<

Particularly when it has sovereign glue applied to the rim and causes suffocation. :smalleek:

dysprosium
2013-05-28, 12:07 PM
On a slightly more (or perhaps less) wacky run, yo-yos. Iron or Lead (or silver or Cold Iron or Adamantine) bodied, silk cord yo-yos. Heavy enough, it's a flail. treat it as a small meteor hammer, or bludgeony whip for reach. Make one spring-loaded so when it snaps at the end of its spooling, blades pop out like a little circular saw (note: and retracts on return. Fingers are a good thing to keep). Plus, garrote-string!


they say that the yo-yo was actually used as a weapon by the Filipinos . . .

Scow2
2013-05-28, 01:00 PM
I just realized I forgot an old classic:

The plunger fired from a crossbow (or even a ballista) >_> Nothing says hilarity like sticking a plunger on someone's face <_<

One cannot forget the ever-famous Boxing Glove arrows.

Blightedmarsh
2013-05-28, 05:14 PM
What about a glove with a portable hole sewn into the palm and an undead/construct cohort inside armed with a:

Spear
Crossbow
Decanter of endless water
Ballista

Rust right for those "talk to the hand" moments.

________________________

Button hole of endless water WAD cutter

mistformsquirrl
2013-05-28, 05:24 PM
Particularly when it has sovereign glue applied to the rim and causes suffocation. :smalleek:

That's simultaneously rather dark and kinda hilarious >_>

The Fury
2013-05-29, 12:28 AM
In Joker fashion, have it do both: the "TWANG!" flag is also an actual quarrel, and a second trigger fires the crossbow for real.

Yes! That exactly!




https://docs.google.com/drawings/d/1d0RdcUhNoLb6X7aKZcsZmecf52YFqfk6uMGQ7hg1yV8/pub?w=232&h=208

That's perfect!
Though if you go this route make sure to perfect your evil laugh.