Dwellingtrapped

[RandomNumbers71]

http://i.imgur.com/uWSX51M.png

A young woman stands in front of a totally blank wall. It just so happens that today, the 4th of June, has absolutely no significance to her whatsoever.

She will, however, start playing a game with her friends that will eventually save their lives today. They just don't know it yet.

But, for now, what is this lady's name?

[Business Scrub]

> Enter Name.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Enter Name
http://i.imgur.com/8GGUqUp.png

There. No nonsense, no needless insults. You'd probably say something like "Dumbbelle McStinklady", anyway.

[RandomNumbers71]

Your name is EMILY.

Your room has a number of BOARD GAMES in random places, some LOCKED CHESTS along the walls, and an EMBARRASSING JOURNAL stashed under your bed. There is a SAXOPHONE sitting next to your COMPUTER DESK. There are posters with SUPERHEROES on your walls.

You have a variety of INTERESTS. You enjoy playing COMPUTER GAMES. You also enjoy COMPOSING MUSIC, even though you're PRETTY CRAPPY AT IT. You also dabble in WRITING works based on your DAYDREAMS. You never think it's GOOD ENOUGH, though.

Seriously, now. What will you do?

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Capchalogue that saxophone.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Captchalogue that saxophone

You captchalogue the instrument. You use the TWO-WAY RING modus. All filled cards are put on a ring. Only the two cards on the bottom are accessible, and an item that you last added is put on the bottom-left, immediately accessible. If you take an item, the ring rotates so that the card is in the other accessible position.

...Of course, you only have one item in your inventory, so the long-winded explanation is kind of moot right now. Whatever. One of your five pale grey cards is filled.

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Remove 3D glasses from chest.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Remove 3D glasses from chest

You take the glasses out of one of your many chests. You immediately put them on, because you apparently want a terrible headache. Your shenanigans are then interrupted by a beeping noise from your computer. One of your chums is pestering you!

Pesterlog:
-- dungeonMastery [DM] began pestering vulpineEidolon [VE] at 16:23 --

DM: Hey, how's it going?
VE: Oh, hello again!! Just dandy, as a matter of fact. Are you ready for today?
DM: Yep, just got my beta in the mail. This is gonna be fupping awesome :D
DM: Did you get yours yet?
VE: fupping..?
VE: I have! Though I'm afraid I misplaced it in one of these infernal chests somewhere around here.
VE: Have you heard from the others?
DM: Not today, I'm gonna stay online and make sure they know we're starting though.
DM: And don't question my fake swears, nothing good lies down that path XD
VE: I'm trying to see what people say online, but the reviews are all mixed. Look: 'An immersive, educational, and challenging game. 5/5 -Rose'
VE: '**** GAME. DO NOT PLAY. WAS A HUGE LET DOWN. -2/5 -KV'
VE: Can you even rate it negative..?
VE: 'Easily The Most Influential Game Of Our Time. Everyone Who Considers Themselves A True Gamer Simply Must Play. -Kanaya'
VE: ...
DM: Haters gonna hate.
DM: I don't care what the reviews say, this game is gonna be the s***.
DM: I'm surprised so many people are reviewing the beta, though--they usually wait for the final game to give any real opinion on it.
VE: True. Maybe they got the pre-prerelease. :P
VE: Alright. You and me Abe, we're going to knock this game's proverbial socks off. Let's talk once you've got my server going! :D
DM: Yeah, I'll get that set up while you find your client copy.
DM: Let's get this party started >:)

-- dungeonMastery [DM] ceased pestering vulpineEidolon [VE] at 16:29 --

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Strut around the room honking like a crazed goose.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Strut around the room honking like a crazed troll goose

Really? REALLY?! That is the dumbest idea you've had in weeks- screw it let's be a goose. You spend about half an hour entertaining yourself like this. Was that a good use of your time, dumbbelle?

[Business Scrub]

>Calm the heck down and scour your room for Beta.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Calm the heck down and scour your room for the Beta

Sure, let's go do that. After a good twenty minutes of searching, you can not find the disks. You must have left them in another room.

You do, however, find four pieces of stale candy corn under your bed!

[Business Scrub]

>Sweet! Captchalogue that delicious sugary goodness.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Captchalogue that delicious sugary goodness

The newly captcha'd candy corn takes the place of your saxophone on your ring. Your sax, now on the middle-left position, is inaccessible.

[Business Scrub]

>Look out window.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Look out window

You look out to your yard. Well, you like to call it a yard, but you kinda live on your own island just off the coast of the Great Britain. There is a tree out back with a rope attached, along with a nice view of the ocean.

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Leave your room.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Leave your room

You exit your room and go into the main hallway. You can access pretty much any other room in your house from here. You're still trying to find that freaking Sburb Beta, though. Where are you going to check next?

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Go to the kitchen and get your thinking cap on.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Go to the kitchen and get your thinking cap on

You go to the kitchen and put on a white fedora. You realise that a hat can not, and never will, raise your mental capabilities, but it's still a nice hat.

You have a fairly modest kitchen. There is what you would expect; fridge, stove, cupboards... If the Beta is in here, you can't see it from your vantage point.

[Business Scrub]

http://i.imgur.com/MfaDlR5.png (http://imgur.com/MfaDlR5)


>Emily: Search kitchen for clues to missing Beta, then be the other guy.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Search kitchen for clues to missing Beta, then be the other guy

Unsurprisingly, the only things in your kitchen are either food, or used to prepare food. You find nothing useful, but at least you look fabulous during your search.

You are suddenly Abe.

[RandomNumbers71]

Your name is ABE DRESDEN, and you just finished talking to Emily about the game, so it's... say 20-ish minutes in the past.

You have a variety of INTERESTS, mostly your PASSION for nearly EVERY TYPE OF GAME. You have a fascination with SCI-FI AND FANTASY STORIES, particularly those with MAGIC and OTHER SUPERNATURAL THEMES. This has lead you to use the WANDKIND specibus, even though you know magic is FAKE AS SH**.

You have also played CELLO for most of your life, but you are totally BORED WITH IT.

Now that you have some time to kill before the game, what will you do?

[Amaril]

http://i.imgur.com/XjMrDyB.png
>Abe: Pester Chums.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Pester chums

Well, you DO need to discuss the game with someone, and JA is online. Sure, why not?

Pesterlog:
-- dungeonMastery [DM] began pestering jangleaphobicsAnonymous [JA] at 16:30 --

DM: Yo JA, you ready to play the hell out of this game? 'Cause VE and I are starting like now, as soon as we both get it installed.
JA: yes
JA: hell yes
JA: hell ****ing yes
JA: im ready to get it on like donkey kong
JA: this ****s 4 realsies now
JA: no takebacks
JA: we gonna rock the hizzowse 2nite
JA: im gonna beat this whole game
JA: i mean as soon as i find my copy of the beta
DM: Lost yours too, then? Emily's off rummaging through her house to find the disc.
DM: I was gonna check in with you and MP and then get her server set up while I wait for her.
JA: im sure its somewhere in the basement
JA: the question is where
JA: is it under my astrodice box?
JA: is it somewhere in the towers of unfinished art?
JA: is it amidst the pile of assorted crap at my left elbow?
JA: we may never know
JA: it could be anywhere
JA: this place is a mess
DM: Well take your time looking for it.
DM: It's probably a good idea for VE and me to get some idea of how to really play the game when it's just the two of us before we introduce more people, that way it'll be less complicated.
DM: Plus it'll take me forever to figure out how to set up the server 'cause I can't computer.
DM: Although I guess I could get MP to help out with that, but I'm not even sure he's online.
DM: Anyway, let me know when you find your copy :D
JA: will do buckaroo
JA: oh wait hold on
JA: hell yEAH SON SBAHJ THE MUSICAL
JA: FINALLY
JA: IT CAME OUT
JA: JKSGKSHFLJKGJKSGH
JA: ILL CALL YOU BACK IN LIKR E tWEN YEATRS OK
DM: I can't believe you actually like that s*** XD
DM: I'm surprised Strider hasn't died of the five billion terminal cancers he must have given himself by now.
DM: But anyway, yeah, just drop back on here once you find the beta, we'll be waiting :)
DM: I'm gonna go check in with MP if he's online. Seeya in a bit.

-- dungeonMastery [DM] ceased pestering jangleaphobicsAnonymous [JA] at 16:34 --

[Amaril]

>Abe: See whether MP is online.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Check whether MP is online

Looks like he is.

Pesterlog:
-- dungeonMastery [DM] began pestering mysteriousProgrammer [MP] at 16:35 --

DM: Hey, you got your Sburb beta ready to go? VE and I are starting in a bit, she just needs to dig out her client disc.
DM: Also, I may need your help getting her server set up.
MP: i actually haven't gotten it yet.
DM: Aw, really? Didn't you say it was supposed to get here today?
DM: I mean, I'd be cool with waiting for you, but I'm pretty sure the others really wanted to get started ASAP.
MP: well hopefully it gets here soon
MP: anyway what do you need help with your server?
MP: even though i dont have my copy yet i might still be able to help
DM: Well I haven't actually tried installing it yet.
DM: For all I know it might be the most intuitive thing ever.
DM: But can I message you again if I do need help?
MP: sure
MP: anyway im going to go and play riven then

-- mysteriousProgrammer [MP] ceased pestering dungeonMastery [DM] at 16:38 --

[Amaril]

>Abe: look around room.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Look around room

From your desk, you can see your desktop and your Sburb discs. Apparently, you don't want any shenanigans, and you just want to start playing the game. Weird. Also on your desk two replicas of nerdy things: a wand from Harry Potter, and a sonic screwdriver.

Elsewhere in your room is a cello, a toy lightsaber, a deck of Magic: The Gathering cards, and a set of dice. There are also several wizard figurines.

[Amaril]

>Abe: captchalogue wand.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Captchalogue wand

Well, you already mentioned that you use the wandkind strife specibus, so let's just put it in directly your strife deck.

[Amaril]

>Abe: play a beautiful cello prelude.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Play a beautiful cello prelude

You play a beautiful and nostalgic song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9T10YHSHM) on your cello. If there was an audience, you are sure that they would be moved to tears.

You're not entirely sure if this actually qualifies as a prelude, it's just an awesome song that still sounds awesome when arranged for the cello.

[Amaril]

>Abe: attempt to install Sburb server application.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Attempt to install Sburb server application

You put the spirograph-marked disc your computer. A simple window nearly immediately pops up. There isn't even a GUI.

SBURB version 0.0.1

© SKAIANET SYSTEMS INCORPORATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

SBURB server is running.

Waiting for client to establish connection...


What the f*** is this.

[Amaril]

>Abe: exit room.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Exit room

You exit your room and go into the hall. Your room is on the second floor, so there is multiple other doors and a staircase downwards. There is also a picture of you and your dad hanging on the wall opposite your room. Where would you like to go from here?

[Amaril]

>Abe: descend stairs.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Descend

You go down the stairs in a way that was definitely overdramatic, due to the way the narrative phrased it.

You are now in the living room. There are doors leading to your kitchen and your father's home office.

What now?

[Amaril]

>Abe: search kitchen for snacks.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Search kitchen for snacks.

Sure, snacks are good.

In the way of snack foods, you find a bag of plain chips, a box of "Watermelon Apesh** Apocalypse" flavour Fruit Gushers, some licourice Scottie dogs, and a half-empty bag of candy corn.

You immediately put everything in your TREE MODUS. What a waste of four of your five cards!

[Amaril]

>Abe: return to room.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Return to room

You abscond back to your bedroom, snacks in tow.

[Amaril]

>Abe: check computer.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Check computer

You'd check back on your computer, but you're suddenly Emily again! Hopefully you find your discs pretty soon so you can start.

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Read journal for clues to Beta whereabouts.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Read journal for clues to Beta whereabouts

You quickly grab and flip through the embarrassing journal you hide under your bed. One entry is actually helpful.

Sunday, June 2nd

The Sburb Beta finally arrived today! The discs are in the living room for when me and Abe start playing. This is going to be so much fun!


In hindsight, you really should've checked in there first.

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Capchalogue journal and head to Living Room.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Captchalogue journal and head into living room

You captcha the journal. It is now immediately accessible on the bottom-left, the candy corn is on the middle-left, and your sax on the top.

You go into the living room. A pair of envelopes with spirographs are on the coffee table. Two-days-ago you was right!!!

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Eat a candy corn in celebration, then quickly caphalogue that Beta.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Eat a candy corn in celebration, then quickly captchalogue that Beta

You can't reach the candy corn, your journal is in the way! You can, however, captcha the Beta. You're almost playing!

[Business Scrub]

>Take the SHODDY FLAMETHROWER next to the fireplace too. Just to be safe.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Take the shoddy flamethrower next to the fireplace, too, just to be safe

You captchalogue your FLAMETHROWER. If it didn't break nearly every time you pull the trigger, and didn't consume a propane tank in twelve seconds, you'd be such a f***ing bada**. Your sax wraps around and becomes available again.

...why do you even own a flamethrower?

[Business Scrub]

>Return to your room, posthaste!

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Return to your room, posthaste!

You do that. Unless you want to pursue further shenanigans, there's no reason why you can't start playing.

...seriously, why do you own a flamethrower. That doesn't seem like something you have any business owning.

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Pursue further shenanigans.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Pursue further shenanigans

You proceed to do some random sh**, along with assigning FLAMETHROWERKIND. This is the best idea.

You should probably start the game soon. It'll have shenanigans to pursue.

[Business Scrub]

>Alright, alright. Emily: Install Beta. Sheesh.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Install Beta, sheesh

You know, you didn't have to phrase that so rudely. Anyway, a simple screen pops up on your computer upon inserting the disc.

SBURB version 0.0.1

© SKAIANET SYSTEMS INCORPORATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Sburb client is running.

A SBURB host user is attempting to connect with you.

Client has established connection with host.

Press [ENTER] when ready.

[Business Scrub]

>Press [Enter]. White Space

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Press [ENTER]

The Sburb loading screen (http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=002037) appears on your and Abe's computers. After the totally amazing loading sequence, your computer returns to your desktop. However, Abe sees a view of Emily's bedroom with a Sims-esque HUD.

[Business Scrub]

>Dream Emily: Wake.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Dream Emily: Wake

Dream Emily can not wake because Real Emily is awake, and only Heroes of Heart can be awake and sleep-awake simultaneously! You, of course, do not know this, and, in fact, the term "Hero of Heart" means NOTHING to you!

You're going to have Sburban early game shenanigans, and you are going to like them, missy!

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Ignore the things that mean nothing to you, and investigate for changes.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Ignore the things that mean nothing to you, investigate for changes

You promptly ignore them due to the fact that you never knew them in the first place, and try to figure out what the heck just happened. As far as you can tell, installing the disc did abolutely nothing.

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Check disk for scratches.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Check disc for scratches

Nope, not a single scratch. You only just got the game, it's still in pristine condition. Maybe this is just how the game works? You have no idea.

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Answer Abe.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Answer Abe

Hm? Oh, Abe has been pestering you. Huh. You guess you probably should answer him.

-- dungeonMastery [DM] began pestering vulpineEidolon [VE] at 16:44 --

DM: Ah, great, you got it installed then?
DM: What have you got on your screen?
DM: Mine's showing some girl with a white fedora, 3D glasses and blue hair sitting at a computer, for whatever reason.
VE: Uhm... Abe?
DM: Yeah, what?
VE: ... That's me.
DM: ...
DM: What, for real?
VE: Unless you know a lot of girls with blue hair, 3-D glasses, and a Fedora, then yeah...
VE: How is that possible though?
VE: Is my room bugged..? 0.o
VE: Well, what else is on your screen Abe?
VE: A GUI or anything?
DM: Um, yeah, there's a GUI...I don't really know what any of it means, though.
DM: You have any idea what a "Phernalia Registry" is? 'Cause I don't :/
DM: I mean, how is this even working? If you don't have a camera set up or anything like that?
DM: Can you see me?
VE: No, no clue, and no...
VE: Wait, this...
VE: Is...
VE: AWESOME!!
VE: ^v^
VE: Try mashing buttons or something!!
DM: What? Why?
VE: Abe, what if this game is more than we thought?
VE: It's letting you see into my room, which shouldn't be possible. I just mean, I want to know what else it can do!
DM: Um, okay...
DM: This is really weirding me out, but I'll try some stuff.
DM: Hang on, it looks like I can highlight objects with this cursor...gimme a sec.
VE: WOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHHHH...
VE: This is the coolest...
VE: ...
VE: Ok, you said there's a Registry?
DM: Whoa, so wait, did your bed actually move?
DM: How does that even work? What the hell kind of game is this?
DM: Yeah, there's a registry. It's got a bunch of weird equipment that I guess I'm supposed to place somewhere. Want me to start dropping some of it?
VE: I think we got a little more than we bargained for.
VE: Yeah, lets see what we've got here.
DM: Ok, give me a minute to find places for all this stuff, it looks pretty big.
DM: I might also go online and try to find a guide for this, I don't want to accidentally demolish your house O_O

-- dungeonMastery [DM] ceased pestering vulpineEidolon [VE] at 16:49 --


This game just got really interesting.

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Be Abe.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Be Abe

You are now Abe, and you're messing around with your friend's bed. It's a good thing there aren't any journals under there. That'd be really embarrassing for her.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Put the bed back where it was.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Put the bed back where it was

You replace the bed. Now, you just need to find a place to put all these huge machines.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Search online for Sburb guide.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Search online for Sburb guide

After a quick search, you can only find three that are of any significant quality. One is by tentacleTherapist, one by GodsGiftToGrinds, and one by lucidLeonine. The rest look like they were written in a hurry, almost like the authors were panicking.

[Amaril]

>Abe: open guide by lucidLeonine.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Open guide by lucidLeonine

You open the guide, and quickly navigate to the portion on the beginning of the game.

Walkthroughlog:

Sburb Walkthrou9h by lucidLeonine
Chapter 1: The Entry
I have avoided spoilers wherever possible

If you have installed the client's disc, you're probably thinkin9 "what the heck just happened?" This is normal, and completely expected. You just aren't doin9 anythin9 at the computer at the moment.

If you're the server, then you have a variety of machines meant to place around your client's home. These are the ALCHEMITER, TOTEM LATHE, and CRUXTRUDER, alon9 with a PRE-PUNCHED CAPTCHALO9UE CARD.

After the machines have been placed (hopefully near each other), you have to open the Cruxtruder. This is most easily done by droppin9 some sort of heavy object on the cap. Once open, it will release a KERNELSPRITE and a dowel of CRUXITE.

The Kernelsprite is a... sort of a seizure ball. Don't look ri9ht at it too lon9.At some point before the end of the chapter, you have to throw somethin9 into it, in a process called PROTOTYPIN9. The object you prototype will have a powerful influence on your session, so you must think carefully. You can do this twice, one of which, like I said, MUST be done before the end of this chapter, or you will make the 9ame unwinnable.

You must take the Dowel and the Card to the Totem Lathe, at which point it will carve the Dowel into a CRUXITE TOTEM. Take this to the Alchemiter.

Place the Totem on the small pedestal on the Alchemiter to create an item called the CRUXITE ARTIFACT. The Artifact is unique to every player, so it doesn't really matter what it is. Once you break the Artifact, you will pro9ress, and the 9ame can truly be9in. ;3

Please note, that this chapter must be repeated by each of the players, one by one.


Huh. While helpful, you're kinda curious what the heck was wrong with this guy's 'g' key.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Deploy Cruxtruder.

-- dungeonMastery [DM] began pestering vulpineEidolon [VE] at 16:51 --

DM: Ok, so, I took a bit of a look at one of the guides, and I think I sort of know what to do with this stuff.
DM: Once I'm done placing all of it, I'll walk you through the process.
DM: Don't do anything with this stuff until I say so, it looks like everything has to be done in a particular order.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Deploy Cruxtruder

You place the large tube in the middle of the kitchen.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Clear space for other equipment nearby.

DM: The guide says I should put all this stuff close together, so I'm gonna have to move some of your stuff around. Is that ok?

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Clear space for other equipment nearby

You move Emily's bed to place the Totem Lathe. The bed is carelessly thrown outside.

[Business Scrub]

VE: Yeah, that should be fi
VE: HOLY MOTHER OF JEGUS!
VE: Yeah, no, you can just pitch that through the wall, sure. -v-

[Amaril]

>Abe: Deploy Alchemiter.

VE: Yeah, that should be fi
VE: HOLY MOTHER OF JEGUS!
VE: Yeah, no, you can just pitch that through the wall, sure. -v-
DM: OH GOD SORRY
DM: These controls are really bad, it's kinda hard to move objects carefully :(
DM: I'll be more careful with everything else, I promise.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Deploy Alchemiter

Emily's house is pretty small... maybe you can just... place it just outside?

[Amaril]

>Abe: Deploy Alchemiter outside.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Deploy Alchemiter outside

Done and done. Hopefully the universe doesn't follow the 'any machine explodes violently when wet' trope.

[Business Scrub]

Show Pesterlog
DM: Ok, looks like that's everything for now. Ready to move on?
VE: Heck yes.
VE: What do I do next?
VE: Do I put something on this platform thingy that you left outside?
DM: Eventually--that comes later.
DM: See that thing with the big tube and the valve handle? That's the Cruxtruder--we need to use that first.
VE: Hmmm... ok.
VE: I see it.
VE: Does it...
VE: What does it do?
DM: The guide says we need to pull that lid off the top of it to continue. Apparently the easiest way to do that is to drop something heavy on it, so I'm gonna go look for something.
DM: Stay by it though, looks like you'll need to start interacting with it pretty quickly.
VE: Ok.
VE: You can knock my fridge against it, that'll probably work.
VE: If you're gonna, let me take my stuff out of it first.
DM: Sure, go ahead.

>Emily: Empty contents of fridge.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Empty contents of fridge

You quickly pile your food onto all the counters. This "Cruxtruder" thing really makes it hard to get around your kitchen, though. This game better be worth the hassle.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Drop fridge on Cruxtruder.

Show Pesterlog
VE: OK, you're good to go.
DM: Ok, stand back...

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Drop fridge on Cruxtruder

As the appliance hits the Cruxtruder, a blinding light is released. Once it dies down, you can both see a cyan sphere of light. The Kernelsprite has been released. A teal Dowel is visible in the Cruxtruder.

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Check Countdown Timer.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Check countdown timer

The timer on the sides of the Cruxtruder seem to have started on 6:04.

[Business Scrub]

Show Pesterlog
VE: Uhm, Abe?
VE: What happens in...
VE: 6 minutes?
DM: I don't know, the guide doesn't say anything about a countdown.
DM: But time limits in games always make me nervous. Let's get a move on.
DM: See that flashing ball hovering around? According to this guide, that's the Kernelsprite. Before you do anything else, you need to do something called "prototyping" it, which it says here just means throwing something into it.
DM: It says what you prototype has a huge effect on the game, so...um, pick carefully I guess? I don't actually know what any of this means, the guide is really unclear.

>Emily: Quick, search for options to prototype!

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Quick, search for options to prototype!

You would if you knew what to look for! What does 'prototyping' even DO? How can you decide what would be good?

You can only assume you have to pick some random crap. Do you have any... like, posters or something? Models? Plushies? Something?

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Go upstairs and capchalogue Age Of Mythology pieces.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Go upstairs and captchalogue Age of Mythology pieces

You add the game pieces to your sylladex. ...you aren't going to... Oh, crap, you are, aren't you?

(You can keep track of your own inventory. I'm terrible at it.)

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Heedlessly chuck mythological creatures into kernelsprite. What's the worst that could happen?

[RandomNumbers71]

>Emily: Heedlessly chuck mythological creatures into kernelsprite. What's the worst that could happen?

You specifically toss only the Greek pieces into the kernel, for reasons that are most definitely NOT the narration's lack of knowledge on Norse and Egyptian mythology.

The seizure ball turns into... a head, which looks like a mashup of a bull, a lizard, and a goat, wearing a Greek helmet?

What the fup is this.

"What the fup" will now be a recurring thing. THE NARRATION COMMANDS IT.

[Business Scrub]

Show Pesterlog
VE: Ok, I prototyped some stuff!
VE: Oh... Oh dear.
VE: Well that's just...
VE: Eeeeeeeck.
VE: What next?
DM: Um...wow. That is one weird-looking thing O_O
DM: Ok, now go back to the Cruxtruder.
VE: Alrighty. Is this thing supposed to be following me..?
DM: No idea, the guide doesn't say...
DM: Ok, once you're back at the Cruxtruder, you need to extrude some Cruxite.
DM: See that valve handle? Try turning it.
VE: Wow, the cruxtruder extrudes cruxite. -v-

>Emily: capchalogue cruxite.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Captchalogue Cruxite

You stow away the dowel for the long trek down the hall back to your bedroom. This might take ten seconds a while.

[Business Scrub]

> Emily: Take Cruxite to Totem Lathe.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Take Cruxite to Totem Lathe

You set off on a long trek towards the lathe. It takes 5 Acts, but you make it to the Server Disc the lathe. That was really time consuming.

[Business Scrub]

>Congratulate yourself on a successful, thrilling, 5 act adventure.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Congratulate yourself on a successful, thrilling, 5 act adventure


You give yourself a celebratory pat on the back for walking down a hallway. You should celebrate simple sh** more often!

[Business Scrub]

Show Pesterlog
VE: Alrighty, I've got the crux.
VE: I feel like there should be more in this thingy.
DM: Great, now you need to take it to the Totem Lathe.
VE: Am I putting it in the lathe?
VE: Seems like the next step.
DM: Yeah, but first you'll need this.
DM: Apparently you need to use that card with the Totem Lathe somehow, and it makes the item on the card.
VE: Card?

[Amaril]

>Abe: Deploy Pre-punched Card.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Deploy Pre-Punched Card

You place the card on Emily's desk.

[Business Scrub]

Show Pesterlog:
VE: Oh! That card! Sweet!
DM: Yeah, that one :)
DM: Not sure how exactly you're supposed to make it work with the lathe, so I guess you'll have to figure out that part.
VE: Hmmmmm-k.
VE: Shouldn't be too tricky.[/B]

>Emily: Use PREPUNCHED CARD with TOTEM LATHE.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Use Pre-Punched Card with Totem Lathe

Okay... there should be somewhere to put this card... Oh, there's a little slot on the side. You put the card in the slot. ...now what.

[Business Scrub]

>Use CRUXITE DOWEL with TOTEM LATHE.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Use Cruxite Totem with Totem Lathe

You wedge the totem between the two... holder... thingies on the lathe. The lathe processes the totem automatically. Now, instead of a perfect teal tube you have a... squiggly teal... thing. That you assume is a 'totem'.
...yay?

[Amaril]

>Abe: Check timer on Cruxtruder.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Check timer on Cruxtruder

There is currently about... just over a minute. And you have a feeling that you do not want to find out whatever happens at the end.

Nothing good ever happens with countdowns in video games.

[Business Scrub]

Show Pesterlog
DM: Now I guess you have to use the Cruxite with the Lathe.
VE: Way ahead of ya. ^v^
VE: Did we ever figure out what the countdown was for?
VE: Or how much longer we have?
DM: We should be doing fine, you've been pretty efficient far as I can tell.
DM: Let me go check the thingy, just to be safe.
DM: ...
DM: Okay, um, next you need to take the Cruxite to the Alchemiter. Put the totem on the smaller pedestal and it'll automatically make the thing that was on the card. Then you have to do something with that to move on to the next stage.
DM: And Emily?
VE: What?
DM: RUN.

>RUN!

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: RUN!

Wow, what an incredibly vague command! Thank gog for context, huh? You book it to the Alchemiter and place your totem on the little pedestal. A fairly large teal candle appears on the large platform.

You got the CRUXITE CANDLE!

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: No dawdling, light it up.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: No dawdling, light it up

STRIFE!!!

You pull out your flamethrower, and immediately win your strife with the candle, mostly due to it's regrettably high INANIMACY and FLAMMABILITY attributes. You are suddenly flood with a bright light as you barely avoid the meteor.

------------------------------------------------------------

You are hit with a sudden blast of cold air as the light dies down.

The landscape around you is dominated by large, snow-covered coniferous trees. A clear, greenish sky is visible between the firs. The trees roots seem to pulsate with some unknown energy, and you feel like someone - someone besides Abe, anyway - has started watching you, and everything knows you've arrived.

Welcome, Emily Flynn, the Thief of Mind, to the
http://i.imgur.com/k4W8SGQ.png

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Suddenly be Amy.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Suddenly be Amy

After a JARRING PERSPECTIVE SWITCH, you are suddenly Amy, right now. I mean Emily is in a wintry wonderland in another universe, but Amy is in her house doing random crap. How could we miss that?!

[jAnonymous]

>Amy: In your dream, you are the star. It is you.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Amy: In your dream, you are the star. It is you.

In your dreams, you are one of the princesses of a dark kingdom on the edge of the known universe. So, yes, that statement is correct, you are a pretty big deal. Too bad you aren't asleep right now, or dream you could do princess-y stuff. Like trying not to get stabbed.

[jAnonymous]

>Amy: Live the blog life.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Amy: Live the blog life

Done and done. You currently run a (somehow) completely unironic Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff RP blog. Stunningly, it is moderately popular, and completely immune to trolls, solely due to the fact that no one would be able to tell the difference.

If Strider knew that people were taking that legendary piece of sh** seriously, he would likely do an ironic acrobatic pirouette off the deep end.

[jAnonymous]

>Reflect on the latest of Hella Jeff's shenanigans. Take pride in your work.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Amy: Reflect on the latest of Hella Jeff's shenanigans; take pride in your work

Oh, Hella Jeff. You so did warn him about those stairs, bro. You told him, dawg. How does Dave keep this comic so ironically hilarious? It must take him hours to write this! ...oh, someone's pestering you.

Pesterlog:
paintedEnigma [PE] began trolling jangelaphobicsAnonymous [JA]
PE: *FInallI*, []ne []f y[]u started playIng!
PE: I was gettIng *reallI* b[]red talkIng to f***Ing Cal!
PE: So, how's It g[]In'? ;)

[jAnonymous]

> Amy: Reflect on the latest of Hella Jeff's shenanigans; take pride in your work.

Oh, Hella Jeff. You so did warn him about those stairs, bro. You told him, dawg. How does Dave keep this comic so ironically hilarious? It must take him hours to write this! ...oh, someone's pestering you.


Pesterlog:
paintedEnigma [PE] began trolling jangelaphobicsAnonymous [JA]
PE: *FInallI*, []ne []f y[]u started playIng!
PE: I was gettIng *reallI* b[]red talkIng to f***Ing Cal!
PE: So, how's It g[]In'? ;)
JA: who the **** is you and how did you get my chumhandle

[RandomNumbers71]

Pesterlog:
paintedEnigma [PE] began trolling jangelaphobicsAnonymous [JA]
PE: *FInallI*, []ne []f y[]u started playIng!
PE: I was gettIng *reallI* b[]red talkIng to f***Ing Cal!
PE: So, how's It g[]In'? ;)
JA: who the **** is you and how did you get my chumhandle
PE: Tw[] thIngs:
PE: []ne: I am sexI.
PE: Tw[]: I have mI ways. ;)
PE: That's a prettI kIckass bl[]g you've g[]t, there, bI the way.

[jAnonymous]

Pesterlog:
paintedEnigma [PE] began trolling jangelaphobicsAnonymous [JA]
PE: *FInallI*, []ne []f y[]u started playIng!
PE: I was gettIng *reallI* b[]red talkIng to f***Ing Cal!
PE: So, how's It g[]In'? ;)
JA: who the **** is you and how did you get my chumhandle
PE: Tw[] thIngs:
PE: []ne: I am sexI.
PE: Tw[]: I have mI ways. ;)
PE: That's a prettI kIckass bl[]g you've g[]t, there, bI the way.
JA: i dunno dude i highly doubt your so called 'sexi' appeal
JA: my immediate assumption is that you are a stalker and your immediate connection between blog and handle is not helping your case
JA: neither is that goddamn winky face emoticon i s2g ur giving me some hella creeps dude
JA: give me one good reason why i shouldnt block you on the spot

[RandomNumbers71]

Pesterlog:
paintedEnigma [PE] began trolling jangelaphobicsAnonymous [JA]
PE: *FInallI*, []ne []f y[]u started playIng!
PE: I was gettIng *reallI* b[]red talkIng to f***Ing Cal!
PE: So, how's It g[]In'? ;)
JA: who the **** is you and how did you get my chumhandle
PE: Tw[] thIngs:
PE: []ne: I am sexI.
PE: Tw[]: I have mI ways. ;)
PE: That's a prettI kIckass bl[]g you've g[]t, there, bI the way.
JA: i dunno dude i highly doubt your so called 'sexi' appeal
JA: my immediate assumption is that you are a stalker and your immediate connection between blog and handle is not helping your case
JA: neither is that goddamn winky face emoticon i s2g ur giving me some hella creeps dude
JA: give me one good reason why i shouldnt block you on the spot
PE: Y[]u use the same name f[]r y[]ur bl[]g. It wasn't verI hard.
PE: AnIway, y[]u seem lIke the m[]st fun o[]t []f anI []f y[]u!
PE: D[]n't y[]u wanna have s[]me *fun*, gIrl?

[jAnonymous]

Pesterlog:
paintedEnigma [PE] began trolling jangelaphobicsAnonymous [JA]
PE: *FInallI*, []ne []f y[]u started playIng!
PE: I was gettIng *reallI* b[]red talkIng to f***Ing Cal!
PE: So, how's It g[]In'? ;)
JA: who the **** is you and how did you get my chumhandle
PE: Tw[] thIngs:
PE: []ne: I am sexI.
PE: Tw[]: I have mI ways. ;)
PE: That's a prettI kIckass bl[]g you've g[]t, there, bI the way.
JA: i dunno dude i highly doubt your so called 'sexi' appeal
JA: my immediate assumption is that you are a stalker and your immediate connection between blog and handle is not helping your case
JA: neither is that goddamn winky face emoticon i s2g ur giving me some hella creeps dude
JA: give me one good reason why i shouldnt block you on the spot
PE: Y[]u use the same name f[]r y[]ur bl[]g. It wasn't verI hard.
PE: AnIway, y[]u seem lIke the m[]st fun o[]t []f anI []f y[]u!
PE: D[]n't y[]u wanna have s[]me *fun*, gIrl?
JA: oh yeah
JA: frick
JA: note to self: change handle and url so as to
JA:
JA: okay what the flying ****
JA: i dont know what kinda *fun* youre implying but i am certifiably creeped out now
JA: whats this mysterious 'all of them' and why am i the most fun
JA: **** ive got the heebie jeebies like nobodys biz rn

[RandomNumbers71]

Pesterlog:
paintedEnigma [PE] began trolling jangelaphobicsAnonymous [JA]
PE: *FInallI*, []ne []f y[]u started playIng!
PE: I was gettIng *reallI* b[]red talkIng to f***Ing Cal!
PE: So, how's It g[]In'? ;)
JA: who the **** is you and how did you get my chumhandle
PE: Tw[] thIngs:
PE: []ne: I am sexI.
PE: Tw[]: I have mI ways. ;)
PE: That's a prettI kIckass bl[]g you've g[]t, there, bI the way.
JA: i dunno dude i highly doubt your so called 'sexi' appeal
JA: my immediate assumption is that you are a stalker and your immediate connection between blog and handle is not helping your case
JA: neither is that goddamn winky face emoticon i s2g ur giving me some hella creeps dude
JA: give me one good reason why i shouldnt block you on the spot
PE: Y[]u use the same name f[]r y[]ur bl[]g. It wasn't verI hard.
PE: AnIway, y[]u seem lIke the m[]st fun o[]t []f anI []f y[]u!
PE: D[]n't y[]u wanna have s[]me *fun*, gIrl?
JA: oh yeah
JA: frick
JA: note to self: change handle and url so as to
JA:
JA: okay what the flying ****
JA: i dont know what kinda *fun* youre implying but i am certifiably creeped out now
JA: whats this mysterious 'all of them' and why am i the most fun
JA: **** ive got the heebie jeebies like nobodys biz rn
PE: "All []f them" refers t[] y[]u and y[]ur frIends, obvI[]uslI.
PE: The "fun" Is c[]mIng wIth the game!
PE: Y[]u're startIn' late, and I want t[] help! Is that s[] wr[]ng?
PE: (The answer Is 'n[]'.)
PE: Y[]u're g[]nna need help, and I'm offerIng it! Because I'm just amazIng lIke that!
PE: Y[]u're beIn' pretty rude, y[]u kn[]w. LuckIlI, I'm an understandIng man. ;)

[jAnonymous]

Pesterlog:
paintedEnigma [PE] began trolling jangelaphobicsAnonymous [JA]
PE: *FInallI*, []ne []f y[]u started playIng!
PE: I was gettIng *reallI* b[]red talkIng to f***Ing Cal!
PE: So, how's It g[]In'? ;)
JA: who the **** is you and how did you get my chumhandle
PE: Tw[] thIngs:
PE: []ne: I am sexI.
PE: Tw[]: I have mI ways. ;)
PE: That's a prettI kIckass bl[]g you've g[]t, there, bI the way.
JA: i dunno dude i highly doubt your so called 'sexi' appeal
JA: my immediate assumption is that you are a stalker and your immediate connection between blog and handle is not helping your case
JA: neither is that goddamn winky face emoticon i s2g ur giving me some hella creeps dude
JA: give me one good reason why i shouldnt block you on the spot
PE: Y[]u use the same name f[]r y[]ur bl[]g. It wasn't verI hard.
PE: AnIway, y[]u seem lIke the m[]st fun o[]t []f anI []f y[]u!
PE: D[]n't y[]u wanna have s[]me *fun*, gIrl?
JA: oh yeah
JA: frick
JA: note to self: change handle and url so as to
JA:
JA: okay what the flying ****
JA: i dont know what kinda *fun* youre implying but i am certifiably creeped out now
JA: whats this mysterious 'all of them' and why am i the most fun
JA: **** ive got the heebie jeebies like nobodys biz rn
PE: "All []f them" refers t[] y[]u and y[]ur frIends, obvI[]uslI.
PE: The "fun" Is c[]mIng wIth the game!
PE: Y[]u're startIn' late, and I want t[] help! Is that s[] wr[]ng?
PE: (The answer Is 'n[]'.)
PE: Y[]u're g[]nna need help, and I'm offerIng it! Because I'm just amazIng lIke that!
PE: Y[]u're beIn' pretty rude, y[]u kn[]w. LuckIlI, I'm an understandIng man. ;)
JA: you mean youve been creepin on my pals too
JA: you have GOT to be ****TING me right now............
JA: but for realsies youve got the scoop on that conksuck game too
JA: game bro only gave it 2.5 hats and that was just to "keep it real"
JA: why would i need help in a dumb game????????
JA: ill have u know i am the pokemon battle CHAMPION of this household
JA: also i can play the smash bros
JA: and i completed endless ocean 100%
JA: as for the rude thing
JA: http://24.media.tumblr.com/364b02d8b12e55f9326923e88eaa1ffe/tumblr_mht689jIXU1s5920qo1_1280.jpg

[RandomNumbers71]

Pesterlog:
paintedEnigma [PE] began trolling jangelaphobicsAnonymous [JA]
PE: *FInallI*, []ne []f y[]u started playIng!
PE: I was gettIng *reallI* b[]red talkIng to f***Ing Cal!
PE: So, how's It g[]In'? ;)
JA: who the **** is you and how did you get my chumhandle
PE: Tw[] thIngs:
PE: []ne: I am sexI.
PE: Tw[]: I have mI ways. ;)
PE: That's a prettI kIckass bl[]g you've g[]t, there, bI the way.
JA: i dunno dude i highly doubt your so called 'sexi' appeal
JA: my immediate assumption is that you are a stalker and your immediate connection between blog and handle is not helping your case
JA: neither is that goddamn winky face emoticon i s2g ur giving me some hella creeps dude
JA: give me one good reason why i shouldnt block you on the spot
PE: Y[]u use the same name f[]r y[]ur bl[]g. It wasn't verI hard.
PE: AnIway, y[]u seem lIke the m[]st fun o[]t []f anI []f y[]u!
PE: D[]n't y[]u wanna have s[]me *fun*, gIrl?
JA: oh yeah
JA: frick
JA: note to self: change handle and url so as to
JA:
JA: okay what the flying ****
JA: i dont know what kinda *fun* youre implying but i am certifiably creeped out now
JA: whats this mysterious 'all of them' and why am i the most fun
JA: **** ive got the heebie jeebies like nobodys biz rn
PE: "All []f them" refers t[] y[]u and y[]ur frIends, obvI[]uslI.
PE: The "fun" Is c[]mIng wIth the game!
PE: Y[]u're startIn' late, and I want t[] help! Is that s[] wr[]ng?
PE: (The answer Is 'n[]'.)
PE: Y[]u're g[]nna need help, and I'm offerIng it! Because I'm just amazIng lIke that!
PE: Y[]u're beIn' pretty rude, y[]u kn[]w. LuckIlI, I'm an understandIng man. ;)
JA: you mean youve been creepin on my pals too
JA: you have GOT to be ****TING me right now............
JA: but for realsies youve got the scoop on that conksuck game too
JA: game bro only gave it 2.5 hats and that was just to "keep it real"
JA: why would i need help in a dumb game????????
JA: ill have u know i am the pokemon battle CHAMPION of this household
JA: also i can play the smash bros
JA: and i completed endless ocean 100%
JA: as for the rude thing
JA: http://24.media.tumblr.com/364b02d8b12e55f9326923e88eaa1ffe/tumblr_mht689jIXU1s5920qo1_1280.jpg
PE:Calm down, I never 'creeped' []n them. Y[]u're mI luckI fIrst cust[]mer. ;)
PE: But y[]u wIll need t[] take the game serI[]uslI.
PE: Y[]u... *d[]* kn[]w ab[]ut It, rIght? Y[]ur cheap FIduspawn rIp[]ff w[]n't help.

[jAnonymous]

Pesterlog:
paintedEnigma [PE] began trolling jangelaphobicsAnonymous [JA]
PE: *FInallI*, []ne []f y[]u started playIng!
PE: I was gettIng *reallI* b[]red talkIng to f***Ing Cal!
PE: So, how's It g[]In'? ;)
JA: who the **** is you and how did you get my chumhandle
PE: Tw[] thIngs:
PE: []ne: I am sexI.
PE: Tw[]: I have mI ways. ;)
PE: That's a prettI kIckass bl[]g you've g[]t, there, bI the way.
JA: i dunno dude i highly doubt your so called 'sexi' appeal
JA: my immediate assumption is that you are a stalker and your immediate connection between blog and handle is not helping your case
JA: neither is that goddamn winky face emoticon i s2g ur giving me some hella creeps dude
JA: give me one good reason why i shouldnt block you on the spot
PE: Y[]u use the same name f[]r y[]ur bl[]g. It wasn't verI hard.
PE: AnIway, y[]u seem lIke the m[]st fun o[]t []f anI []f y[]u!
PE: D[]n't y[]u wanna have s[]me *fun*, gIrl?
JA: oh yeah
JA: frick
JA: note to self: change handle and url so as to
JA:
JA: okay what the flying ****
JA: i dont know what kinda *fun* youre implying but i am certifiably creeped out now
JA: whats this mysterious 'all of them' and why am i the most fun
JA: **** ive got the heebie jeebies like nobodys biz rn
PE: "All []f them" refers t[] y[]u and y[]ur frIends, obvI[]uslI.
PE: The "fun" Is c[]mIng wIth the game!
PE: Y[]u're startIn' late, and I want t[] help! Is that s[] wr[]ng?
PE: (The answer Is 'n[]'.)
PE: Y[]u're g[]nna need help, and I'm offerIng it! Because I'm just amazIng lIke that!
PE: Y[]u're beIn' pretty rude, y[]u kn[]w. LuckIlI, I'm an understandIng man. ;)
JA: you mean youve been creepin on my pals too
JA: you have GOT to be ****TING me right now............
JA: but for realsies youve got the scoop on that conksuck game too
JA: game bro only gave it 2.5 hats and that was just to "keep it real"
JA: why would i need help in a dumb game????????
JA: ill have u know i am the pokemon battle CHAMPION of this household
JA: also i can play the smash bros
JA: and i completed endless ocean 100%
JA: as for the rude thing
JA: http://24.media.tumblr.com/364b02d8b12e55f9326923e88eaa1ffe/tumblr_mht689jIXU1s5920qo1_1280.jpg
PE:Calm down, I never 'creeped' []n them. Y[]u're mI luckI fIrst cust[]mer. ;)
PE: But y[]u wIll need t[] take the game serI[]uslI.
PE: Y[]u... *d[]* kn[]w ab[]ut It, rIght? Y[]ur cheap FIduspawn rIp[]ff w[]n't help.
JA: BUT HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THEM
JA: jfc ok i guess ill leave my torrent of questions for a sec here to explain you a thing
JA: its a GAAAAAME
JA: it says so right on the wrapper
JA: i thought the point of games was to be fun and not serious
JA: unless you like codblops and halolz
JA: so what about this game is so fantastic that id actually need to apply myself for once in my life

[RandomNumbers71]

Pesterlog:
paintedEnigma [PE] began trolling jangelaphobicsAnonymous [JA]
PE: *FInallI*, []ne []f y[]u started playIng!
PE: I was gettIng *reallI* b[]red talkIng to f***Ing Cal!
PE: So, how's It g[]In'? ;)
JA: who the **** is you and how did you get my chumhandle
PE: Tw[] thIngs:
PE: []ne: I am sexI.
PE: Tw[]: I have mI ways. ;)
PE: That's a prettI kIckass bl[]g you've g[]t, there, bI the way.
JA: i dunno dude i highly doubt your so called 'sexi' appeal
JA: my immediate assumption is that you are a stalker and your immediate connection between blog and handle is not helping your case
JA: neither is that goddamn winky face emoticon i s2g ur giving me some hella creeps dude
JA: give me one good reason why i shouldnt block you on the spot
PE: Y[]u use the same name f[]r y[]ur bl[]g. It wasn't verI hard.
PE: AnIway, y[]u seem lIke the m[]st fun o[]t []f anI []f y[]u!
PE: D[]n't y[]u wanna have s[]me *fun*, gIrl?
JA: oh yeah
JA: frick
JA: note to self: change handle and url so as to
JA:
JA: okay what the flying ****
JA: i dont know what kinda *fun* youre implying but i am certifiably creeped out now
JA: whats this mysterious 'all of them' and why am i the most fun
JA: **** ive got the heebie jeebies like nobodys biz rn
PE: "All []f them" refers t[] y[]u and y[]ur frIends, obvI[]uslI.
PE: The "fun" Is c[]mIng wIth the game!
PE: Y[]u're startIn' late, and I want t[] help! Is that s[] wr[]ng?
PE: (The answer Is 'n[]'.)
PE: Y[]u're g[]nna need help, and I'm offerIng it! Because I'm just amazIng lIke that!
PE: Y[]u're beIn' pretty rude, y[]u kn[]w. LuckIlI, I'm an understandIng man. ;)
JA: you mean youve been creepin on my pals too
JA: you have GOT to be ****TING me right now............
JA: but for realsies youve got the scoop on that conksuck game too
JA: game bro only gave it 2.5 hats and that was just to "keep it real"
JA: why would i need help in a dumb game????????
JA: ill have u know i am the pokemon battle CHAMPION of this household
JA: also i can play the smash bros
JA: and i completed endless ocean 100%
JA: as for the rude thing
JA: http://24.media.tumblr.com/364b02d8b12e55f9326923e88eaa1ffe/tumblr_mht689jIXU1s5920qo1_1280.jpg
PE:Calm down, I never 'creeped' []n them. Y[]u're mI luckI fIrst cust[]mer. ;)
PE: But y[]u wIll need t[] take the game serI[]uslI.
PE: Y[]u... *d[]* kn[]w ab[]ut It, rIght? Y[]ur cheap FIduspawn rIp[]ff w[]n't help.
JA: BUT HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THEM
JA: jfc ok i guess ill leave my torrent of questions for a sec here to explain you a thing
JA: its a GAAAAAME
JA: it says so right on the wrapper
JA: i thought the point of games was to be fun and not serious
JA: unless you like codblops and halolz
JA: so what about this game is so fantastic that id actually need to apply myself for once in my life
PE: G[]g, y[]u reallI have N[] Idea!
PE: Pft! ThIs Is *hIlarI[]us*!
PE: Just... let me kn[]w when y[]u're fIlled In. Y[]u sh[]uld pr[]bablI ask s[]mebodI ab[]ut It.
PE: Have fun, babI! ;)
PE: I'm g[]Ing t[] plaI s[]me "Hal[]lz".
paintedEnigma [PE] ceased trolling jangelophobicsAnonymous [JA]

[jAnonymous]

>Amy: Stop messing around and be the other guy.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Amy: Stop messing around and be the other guy

You decide that the narrative focused too much on you and this d**che, so you be the guy we haven't seen yet. Now, let's get some exposition in here!

Your name is DANIEL LYDEN.

You have a variety of INTERESTS, the most prominent of which being your love of TERRIBLE VIDEO GAMES. Well, most of them are terrible - there's the odd diamond in the rough. You also enjoy PROGRAMMING, and bought a BARE-BONES FETCH MODUS to mess around with, which you COMPLETELY ABANDONED and proceeded to us AS IS. You often COMPOSE BAD MUSIC, and spend a lot of time thinking of creative ways to AVOID WORKING.

You also enjoy collecting BIONICLES, and playing the associated TERRIBLE GAMES.

You are currently waiting to play Sburb with a group of your friends, and are currently bored out of your skull. What will you do?

[GiantBlargg]

Daniel: Retrive arms

[RandomNumbers71]

> Daniel: Retrieve arms

You've already got arms, sh**-for-brains!

[GiantBlargg]

Daniel: Answer Abe

[RandomNumbers71]

> Daniel: Answer Abe

What? Is Abe even pestering you right no- huh. Abe's pestering you.

Pesterlog:
-- dungeonMastery [DM] began pestering mysteriousProgrammer [MP] at 16:35 --

DM: Hey, you got your Sburb beta ready to go? VE and I are starting in a bit, she just needs to dig out her client disc.
DM: Also, I may need your help getting her server set up.
MP: i actually haven't gotten it yet.
DM: Aw, really? Didn't you say it was supposed to get here today?
DM: I mean, I'd be cool with waiting for you, but I'm pretty sure the others really wanted to get started ASAP.
MP: well hopefully it gets here soon
MP: anyway what do you need help with your server?
MP: even though i dont have my copy yet i might still be able to help
DM: Well I haven't actually tried installing it yet.
DM: For all I know it might be the most intuitive thing ever.
DM: But can I message you again if I do need help?
MP: sure
MP: anyway im going to go and play riven then

-- mysteriousProgrammer [MP] ceased pestering dungeonMastery [DM] at 16:38 --

[GiantBlargg]

Daniel: Survey the islands

[RandomNumbers71]

> Daniel: Survey the islands

http://i.imgur.com/Dya2rK9.png

The islands in Riven look... pretty much the same as they always look. Map Island still has maps, Temple Island still has a temple, et cetera, et cetera.

[GiantBlargg]

Daniel: Turn around and go inside the map hut.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Daniel: Turn around and go inside map hut

http://i.imgur.com/FPnxwg0.png

You do that. You have the strangest feeling that these actions are, for some reason, getting really meta.

[GiantBlargg]

Daniel: Get confused by weird puzzle s***, and decide to do something else.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Daniel: Get confused by weird puzzle s***, and decide to do something else.

http://i.imgur.com/5IrNAir.png

How the heck are you supposed to solve all these soup cans?! Screw this, you probably have something slightly better to do. Like... um...

[GiantBlargg]

Daniel: Observe room

[RandomNumbers71]

> Daniel: Observe room

Why are you closely observing your own bedroom? Anyway...

You are currently sitting at your computer desk with your laptop, a wireless mouse, and an MP3 player with giant headphones.

There is also a bed with a Matrix-esque black-and-green blanket, a wardrobe, several posters for crappy video games, a multitude of Bionicle figures, an electric keyboard (as in a piano), and a bookshelf with various programming books.

...same as there always was.

[GiantBlargg]

Daniel: Captchalogue MP3 Player and Giant Headphones under 0x0

[RandomNumbers71]

> Daniel: Captchalogue MP3 Player and Giant Headphones under 0x0

You captchalogue your comically large headphones and MP3 player in your sylladex.

You use the REGISTER MODUS. Each card you add to it is turned into 48 lines, representing a bit in the code. They are labelled in hexadecimal. An item is then assigned to a set of lines. ...it can, however, accidentally overwrite items if they're placed in the same lines. You get what you pay for, you guess. It only cost, like, twenty boonbucks.

The MP3 player w/ headphones goes into lines 0x0 through 0x2F.

[GiantBlargg]

Daniel: Play amazing original music on your Keyboard

[RandomNumbers71]

> Daniel: Play amazing original music on your keyboard

Yes! Let's do this!

...you suddenly remember that none of your original music is amazing by any stretch of the imagination. You recall your sister telling you many a time to "stop that stupid racket".

[GiantBlargg]

Daniel: Stop playing terrible original music.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Daniel: Stop playing terrible original music

You stop playing all the sh**ty songs you've half-written. ...what now?

[GiantBlargg]

Daniel: Go piss off a wahrk.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Daniel: Go p*ss off a wahrk

Go do what to a what?

http://www.genisim.qc.ca/riven/23wahrk.jpg

Oh. One of these whale-looking things. I knew that. Of course. You do that.

[GiantBlargg]

Daniel: Get pestered by Amy

[RandomNumbers71]

> Daniel: Get pestered by Amy

Why do you keep saying stuff like this? You're not psychic! You have absolutely no control over when she- huh. Amy just pestered you.

Pesterlog:
jangelaphobicsAnonymous began pestering mysteriousProgrammer
JA: yo mystery dude
JA: whats the dilly-o
JA: gimme the lowdown throwdown
JA: whats your eta
MP: ETA?
MP: I dont think im going anywhere
JA: i mean like
JA: game wise
JA: what is happened over on your end
JA: im waitin on u brotein shake
MP: what's happening on my end game wise?
MP: umm i am playing Riven, one of the best games ever made!
MP: you probably wouldn't like it though
MP: it's graphics dont look ridiculous at all.
JA: okay point one *its graphics
JA: not "it's"
JA: point two realistic graphics are lame
JA: if i wanted 3.2 jillion shades of brown and pixel perfect rendering id just go outside
JA: what fun is there in perfectly mimicking real life when real life is just beyond yon wall o adventurous one
MP: i never said it had "realistic" graphics
MP: i just said it didn't have ridiculous ones
MP: also you're correcting MY grammar?
MP: well then what is a "brotein shake" anyway?
JA: hey dont u go dissin the bro puns son
JA: theyre the bomb and we both know it
JA: and ive got an arsenal of em three miles wide
JA: are you ready
JA: for the
JA: bropocalypse
MP: umm
MP: maybe?
JA: thanks brobama
JA: brotassium
JA: bronana split
JA: johnny bro-vo
JA: bro-ntosaurus
JA: mutual of bromahas wild kingdom
JA: tybrosion
JA: super maribro
JA: hal-bro 3
MP: ...
MP: was there something you wanted to ask me about?
JA: why else would i bother bugging you
JA: its about sburb
JA: abe and em have already started jammin the discs and we gotta follow suit at some point
MP: oh...
MP: that
MP: i actually havn't gotten my copy yet
MP: it was supposed to come today
JA: man the postal system can be some BULL****
JA: fashionably late is fine but i dont wanna wait an epoch to get this dog and pony show on the road
JA: i wasnt too keen on playing to begin with and im not getting any keener
MP: not much i can do.
MP: also an epoch is an instant in time such as 1970-01-01 00:00, so if i only had to wait an epoch it would be here already
JA: no by epoch i meant like
JA: pleistocene epoch
JA: a geological time unit
JA: aka a RLY FRICKIN LONG TIME
MP: oh, that kind
MP: im fairly sure it wont take that long
JA: well good
JA: cause i am not a patient person
JA: until things start happening for real im gonna blog k
JA: and if you catch abe tell him i said hi

[GiantBlargg]

Daniel: Be Emily

[RandomNumbers71]

> Daniel: Be Emily

You are now Emily, standing in what is, as far as you know, a snowy forest, despite it being summer.

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Explore

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Explore

This forest itself is breathtaking, but there doesn't seem to be anything of interest to note out here. Everything within a 40 meter radius of looks exactly the same. There's always this... satyr-soldier-ghost thing following you but... it's kinda freaking you out.

[Business Scrub]

> Ogle Satyr curiously

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Ogle satyr curiously

It's... a satyr. That is also a cyan ghost. And wearing ancient Greek-esque armour. Or is it Roman? You're not exactly sure. ...It looks concerned with your ogling. It's eyebrow is raised. Can it talk? You are suddenly flooded with questions as to what the f*** is going on.

[Business Scrub]

>Freak out and run into the forest.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Freak out and run into the forest

OH GOD WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON WHY IS THERE THIS GREEK GHOST THINGS FOLLOWING YOU WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT THE FFFFFFF********CK?!?!?!?!

[Business Scrub]

>SDNFJSDFKFJSKFFJSAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: SDNFJSDFKFJSKFFJSAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

FASDFAWFUIUASDFASOIUDAOSUDOSIAUODUIOASUDIOAUSDOUAS DOPUAPSUDPAUFPUIASUFIDUSIOAUDOIUAEHFKASNJCBISBOIUH FICNASKSNCKBASBFIONAWEOISBFUBAIOUONABFEIOAWHATTHEF UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

[Business Scrub]

>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- *Thud*

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- *Thud*

You freak the h*ll out into a nearby tree. The satyr-thing facepalms.

Spritelog:
SATYRIONSPRITE: Hey! Kid!
SATYRIONSPRITE: Are you gonna calm down for ten freaking seconds?!

[Business Scrub]

Spritelog:
SATYRIONSPRITE: Hey! Kid!
SATYRIONSPRITE: Are you gonna calm down for ten freaking seconds?!
Emily: You can talk..? Where am I?

[RandomNumbers71]

SATYRIONSPRITE: Hey! Kid!
SATYRIONSPRITE: Are you gonna calm down for ten freaking seconds?!
EMILY: You can talk..? Where am I?
SATYRIONSPRITE: First, yes, I can obviously talk.
SATYRIONSPRITE: Second, you're currently freaking out in a forest on the north pole of the Land of Forests and Ego.
EMILY: Wow that's sounds cool I guess...
EMILY: But surprisingly unhelpful Mr. Satyr.
EMILY: Is this place on Earth?
EMILY: And how do you know anything? You came out of your machine thingamajig like twelve minutes ago.
SATYRIONSPRITE: No, this place is NOT on Earth. Unless there's suddenly a forest called "Land of Forest and Ego" on the North Pole.
SATYRIONSPRITE: You are in a dimension called The Medium, and the Land of Forests and Ego is one of three - soon to be six - planets within it.
SATYRIONSPRITE: I am here to be your guide, and the game gave me the knowledge to do so properly!
EMILY: Oooooh. So you're like... my NPC. My Navi, Midna, Slippy, Cortana.
EMILY: Sweet.
EMILY: So what is the Medium? Sorry, the Medium.
EMILY: And what are the other five planets?
SATYRIONSPRITE: The Medium is simply an alternate dimension wherein the game of Sburb takes place.
SATYRIONSPRITE: The planets are the Kingdoms of Light and Darkness, Prospit and Derse. The other planets don't exist yet.
EMILY: Ok... So what am I supposed to be doing here, exactly?
SATYRIONSPRITE: It is the duty of the Thief of Mind, Page of Breath, Sylph of Space, and Seer of Time to defeat the Black King of Derse on the Battlefield in Skaia and breed the Genesis Frog.
SATYRIONSPRITE: However, for the time being, you need to explore and restore the planet. The Denizen has damaged the planet, and it is your job to help.
EMILY: Hmmm... I guess I'll just... go do that then? Ovo
SATYRIONSPRITE: Good initiative, soldier! The first step is- look behind you! D:<

[Business Scrub]

>Haha, what?

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Haha, what?

What could possibly be behind you that would cause Satyrionsprite to freak ou- OH GOD WHAT IS THAT

You just barely avoid a... slate grey, humanoid... THING stabbing you with a spear. It's wearing the same armour as your sprite.

STRIFE!!!
Emily vs Charcoal Imp

[Business Scrub]

You check you INFERNO GAUGE. Nearly empty?! Maybe you can just turn down the heat a little..? Nope! Your INCINERATION INCREMENT is at it's minimum! No way are you wasting the last of your Inferno on this chump. You give him a good whack with the head of the flamethrower instead.

[roll0]

if hit: [roll1]

[RandomNumbers71]

The head of the flamethrower bounces uselessly off of the monster's armour.

It lunges for you again. You nearly dodge, but you're grazed by its spear. Your HEALTH VIAL is slightly pushed out of your VITALITY GEL.

d20 for hit: 14
d4 for damage: 1

[Business Scrub]

You swing again with the flamethrower, and thump the imp upside the head.


[roll0]
[roll1]

[RandomNumbers71]

The imp was hit square in the jaw by the head of the flamethrower. It's HEALTH VIAL is thrown just under half-way out of its VITALITY GEL.

It attempts to stab you again, but you quickly dodge. It misses by a mile.

d20 for hit: 1

[Business Scrub]

You rough him up with another swing. Yeah, you show that imp whose boss.

Wow, I'm surprised that hit. Well, I guess not, they're imps.

Attack: [roll0]
Damage: [roll1]

[RandomNumbers71]

You deliver another strong hit to the Imp. Its HEALTH VIAL is just barely staying in its VITALITY GEL.

The imp takes another stab at you, and gets a pretty solid hit. It starts to draw blood.

d20 for hit: 16
d4 for damage: 3

[Business Scrub]

Enough goofing around. You punch the imp in the noggin, dealing hearty damage.

[roll0]
[roll1]

How much health do I have?

[RandomNumbers71]

After taking the blow, the imp explodes into... two unidentified materials and a strife deck, along with leaving its spear.


Congratulations, Emily wins!
You gained:

9 BUILD GRIST
10 CHARCOAL GRIST
SPEARKIND STRIFE DECK
IRON SPEAR


Emily leveled up on her ECHELADDER! She climbed from the rung of LI'L SPARK to ELECTRIC SLIDER!

Your CACHE LIMIT increases by 20!

SATYRIONSPRITE: Good work, soldier!

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Reap the spoils of victory, then return home.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Reap the spoils of victory, then return home

You gather your grists and equip your new spear and return to your bedroom. You were pestered by two people while you were gone - Abe and someone who goes by 'subtlePsychic'.

[Business Scrub]

>Respond to Abe.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Respond to Abe

You decide to talk to the one guy who you actually know.

Show Pesterlog
-- dungeonMastery [DM] began pestering vulpineEidolon [VE] at ??:?? --

DM: Emily?
DM: You still there?
VE: Yup! Pretty crazy place here, huh?
VE: Hey any idea what this grist stuff is? It looks like Gushers.
DM: Umm...no idea what it is, but I think we've got bigger problems!
DM: Didn't you see what happened before you got sent here?
VE: Ummm, I lit a candle?
VE: I'm guessing that's not what you're talking about.
DM: No s***!
DM: You honestly didn't see the massive f***off meteor that just left a smoking crater where your house used to be?
VE: Nnnnope. No I did not catch that.
VE: I guess it's good I got out of there then!
DM: Yeah O_O
DM: I guess it must have been sent by the game, cause it seemed like it touched down at pretty much the exact second that timer on the Cruxtruder ran out.
DM: I only saw it like ten seconds before you got sent here...
DM: Actually, where the f*** is here? That greek ghost thing didn't really explain much >_<
DM: And what the hell was the deal with that monster you were fighting before?
VE: The Land of For
VE: Oh, sorry. The Land of Forests and Ego.
VE: Apparently it's a whole planet!
VE: I'm guessing it was just a creep. Like, a generic baddie or something.
VE: It gave grist when it died, so I'm guessing it's a vehicle for providing that item.
DM: Um, okay, I guess that sort of makes sense...
DM: But I still don't get it. What the hell is going on here? Is the game doing all this somehow?
DM: That sprite thing seems to know what's up, can you maybe try and get it to explain more?
VE: I can give it a shot. I'll pester you when I know more.
VE: In the mean time, see if you can figure out what to do with the grist.
DM: Um, sure...guess I'll just mess around with the controls and see if it starts making sense...
DM: Also I might go online and see if that meteor collision made the news yet, cause with one that big, someone must have seen it.
DM: Get back to me when you get the chance.

[Business Scrub]

>Woah, look at all these people pestering you! Respond to MP and SP.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Respond to MP and SP

You decide to start with SP. He WAS there before Daniel, to be fair.

Show Pesterlog
-- subtlePsychic [SP] started trolling vulpineEidolon [VE] --
SP: u~m... h~ello, th~ere
SP: o~h, i~ g~uess y~ou're b~usy
SP: i~'ll t~ry a~gain l~ater, i~ g~uess
SP: s~orry f~or b~othering y~ou
-- subtlePsychic became an idle troll! --
VE: lolwut?
SP: o~h, y~ou *a~re* h~ere
SP: i~ j~ust... u~m...
SP: j~ust w~anted t~o t~alk t~o y~ou
SP: i~f th~at's o~kay w~ith y~ou, o~f c~ourse ^u^"
VE: I mean I guess I essentially have no say in that since you can just pester me literally whenever.
VE: And since saying *that* counts as talking.
VE: So I guess, retroactively sure?
SP: w~ell, i~f y~ou're b~usy w~e c~an j~ust t~alk a~gain l~ater
SP: i~'d u~nderstand i~f y~ou're b~usy
SP: th~is g~ame *i~s* v~ery t~ime-c~onsuming
VE: Wait, have you played this game?
SP: y~eah, i~ h~ave, w~ith m~y e~leven f~riends
SP: m~y p~lanet w~as... p~retty s~cary...
SP: b~ut, o~verall, i~t w~as k~inda f~un!
VE: Oh excellent! So you can help! ^v^
VE: Cause I'm on the first planet, and frankly I have no idea whats going on.
VE: And my Satyr's not being much help...
SP: o~h, s~ure, i~'d b~e g~lad t~o h~elp
SP: wh~atever y~ou n~eed t~o kn~ow, j~ust a~sk
VE: Aw, thanks! I just killed a creep, and it dropped some stuff.
VE: Also did meteors come down when you played?
SP: y~eah, th~ere w~ere m~eteors
SP: th~e b~iggest o~f th~em W~ILL l~and o~n y~our h~i- e~r, h~ouses
SP: a~s th~ey d~id f~or u~s
VE: Why are you talking like that?
SP: u~m...
SP: w~ell, i~'m u~sing a~ s~peech-t~o-t~ext p~rogram
SP: i~... g~uess th~is i~s h~ow i~t h~andles m~y s~tutter?
SP: i~ j~ust s~peak l~ike th~is ^u^"
VE: Ooooh. Umm... ok.
VE: Woah woah woah, you said that you and eleven other people played this?
VE: And a meteor dropped on all of your houses?
VE: Why didn't any of us hear about 12 meteor impacts in like, a short span?
VE: You'd think that sort of thing would make the news.
SP: u~m... w~ell, i~t's p~robably b~est n~ot t~o d~well o~n i~t
VE: Wow that sounds pretty horrifying.
VE: But ok dwelling ceased.
VE: Welp, I have to go destroy some more imps. Wish me luck!


Okay... that was a weird conversation. Anyway, now for Dan.

Show Pesterlog
mysteriousProgrammer [MP] started pesting vulpineEidolon [VE]
MP: so, how is it?
MP: SBURB, i mean
VE: Oh hey there!
VE: Pretty great!
VE: But strange? Like i think a meteor took out my island. -v-
VE: And now I'm in a forest.
VE: How are things on your end?
MP: cool
MP: i still haven't gotten my copy of the game.
VE: Oh wow.
VE: Maybe it got lost in the mail or something?
VE: I hope you find it soon, this is
MP: hopefully...
MP: So is a sandbox game?, adventure game?
MP: How are the aesthetics?
VE: Sorry about that.
VE: Loads of creeps here.
VE: It's an adventure for sure!
VE: And everything looks...
VE: Quite lifelike! Hehehe ^v^
MP: what's so funny?
VE: I guess you'll find out when you get here!
VE: I have to go though, I think these creeps just keep coming.
VE: See ya later!

--VulpineEidolon ceased pestering mysteriousProgrammer--

MP: What do you mean 'when i get there'?
MP: get where?
MP: Emily?

[Business Scrub]

Wow, you are just so popular today. Time to see what you can figure out from your sprite.

>==>

[RandomNumbers71]

> ==>

Time for some exposition!

Show Spritelog

EMILY: Yo Mr. Satyr!
EMILY: So what's the deal with this game?
EMILY: How come it can make all this wacky stuff happen?
SATYRIONSPRITE: The "deal" is that the actual "game" is more of a vehicle, driving Sburb's actual purpose using the players.
EMILY: Mhmm, mhmm. And that purpose would be...?
SATYRIONSPRITE: The purpose of Sburb is to c---te an --tir--y n-w u---er--.
EMILY: What? Mr. Satyr?
EMILY: You all right?
SATYRIONSPRITE: Don't worry, I'm fine.
SATYRIONSPRITE: The game is censoring the "spoilers", apparently. Sorry, kid, I just can't tell ya.
EMILY: Nooo! V.V Well that's alright then I guess.
EMILY: Can you at least tell me how to find my um...
EMILY: I forget what you called him. My boss guy.
SATYRIONSPRITE: The Denizen. I wasn't told where his or her lair is. You'd have to ask the Consorts in the village a ways away from here.
EMILY: Sounds like a quest!
EMILY: But jeezum it's cold here. I wonder how that imp stayed warm.
SATYRIONSPRITE: I haven't the slightest idea about the imp.
SATYRIONSPRITE: However, the fastest way to the village will probably by having your server building up to the First Gate; the first of the seven portals above your house.
SATYRIONSPRITE: There will be more imps coming soon. You'll need to fight while he builds so he has enough material.
EMILY: Oh goody. Alright imps, Emily's brought enough pain for all a y'all.
SATYRIONSPRITE: Calm down, soldier! Gotta leave some for me, don't'cha? >:)

[Amaril]

>Abe: Research.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Research

You search for news articles concerning the meteors, and read the first one that comes up.

Show Newslog

Recent Meteors Finally Impact

As an escalation to the recent meteors that have been entering and burning up in Earth's atmosphere as of late, we finally have a case of a confirmed impact. A larger specimen has fallen onto a small island just off the coast of England just moments ago.

Luckily, the island was uninhabited, and there were no casualties.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Skim other results.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Skim other results

The first article seems to have the same info as all the others: first significant meteor, hitting an "uninhabited" British island. You probably aren't going to find much else; it DID only happen a few minutes ago, after all.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Peruse Sburb guides.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Peruse Sburb guides

Unsurprisingly, no other Sburb guides have popped up since you last looked. The only ones of any significant quality remain the ones by tentacleTherapist, GodsGiftToGrinds, and lucidLeonine. You're not exactly trusting of the last one, either.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Open guide by tentacleTherapist.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Open guide by tentacleTherapist

You open another guide (http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Rose's_Walkthrough). Hopefully, this author thought to warn the reader about FREAKING METEORS.

...is this her attempt to be QUICK? You've seen less purple prose taking up entire libraries!

[Amaril]

>Resist urge to flip the f*** out.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Resist urge to flip the f*** out

You completely fail to resist the urge. In other news, you need to get your computer off the floor.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Go get some fresh air.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Go get some fresh air

You go in to the back yard to clear your head. It is uncharacteristically cool and breezy today. The wind is just what you needed to calm your nerves. Nothing ominous falling towards you at all.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Look up at the sky.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Look up at the sky

Aside from a few clouds, there isn't really anything. They're blocking out the sun, though. If there IS anything plot-relevant travelling at you from the sky at high speeds, it's hiding behind a cloud.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Return to room.

[RandomNumbers71]

>Abe: Return to room

You return to your room and go back to your computer.

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Look up at the sky.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Look up at the sky

You can just barely make out a series of spirographs above your house; you assume that these are the 'Gates' that Satyrionsprite talked about. The green gates are pretty hard to make out against the green sky, though.

[Business Scrub]

>Try making something with this grist.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Try making something with this grist

You're... not actually sure how to make anything with it, let alone where it went.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Examine Sburb interface.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Examine Sburb interface

Let's see here... there are the controls for modifying Emily's house; the PHERNALIA REGISTRY, where you got all those machines; Emily's GRIST CACHE; and the ALCHEMY EXCERCUS.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Open Grist Cache.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Open Grist Cache

You click on the Grist Cache. There are... like, thirty different slots, only two of which seem to be occupied. Emily currently has 29/40 BUILD GRIST and 10/40 CHARCOAL GRIST. ...what this stuff is even used for, you have no idea.

[Business Scrub]

>Suddenly, imps!

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Suddenly, imps!

You are not so suddenly accosted by a quintet of imps!

Underling Stats:
Name - Prototypings
Charcoal Imp - SATYR
Charcoal Imp - HARPIE
Charcoal Imp - HYDRA
Timber Imp - SOLDIER
Timber Imp - CENTAUR



STRIFE!

[Business Scrub]

> ==>

You set them ablaze with your flamethrower, draining the INFERNO GAUGE completely. The vicious flames deal [roll0] damage.

[RandomNumbers71]

The imps gang up on you, trampling, stabbing, and punching you, dealing (5d4)[9] damage.

Satyrion lunges at the centauroid imp, dealing (1d6)[5] damage.

[Amaril]

> ==>

You're sure as hell not gonna just sit and watch while Emily and the weird ghost thing deal with these guys on their own. Using your trusty Sburb cursor, you pick up Emily's chest of drawers from its spot by the wall and drop it on top of the hydra-looking imp.

[RandomNumbers71]

The hydra-looking imp is crushed under the weight of the chest and explodes into grist. One down, four to go!

[Business Scrub]

> ==>

Sweet, looks like Abe is helping you out! You quickly take a swing at the closest imp to you, with [roll0] pretty abysmal accuracy, dealing [roll1] damage if you hit.

[RandomNumbers71]

It's a good thing the centaur imp has abysmal dodging ability, because it gets hit and dies, too. Two down!

The remaining imps try to attack Satyrion, but can't deal a hit. He stabs at the soldier, and deals (1d6)[5] damage.

[Amaril]

> ==>

You'd rather not risk breaking any more of Emily's furniture than you absolutely have to. With that in mind, you pick up the same chest of drawers again, shift it over a few feet, and drop it on the imp that looks like a satyr.

[RandomNumbers71]

The imp is once again crushed beneath the weight of the chest, bursting into grist. Three down!

[Business Scrub]

Boy, Abe was a wizard with that chest. You jump up to the one beside you and swing again [roll0] with excellent accuracy, dealing [roll1] damage.

[RandomNumbers71]

The soldier imp is hit square in the jaw and falls. Four down!

The remaining harpy swoops down and swipes at Emily with its claws, just barely missing, and cuts off a lock of hair.

Satytion tries to stab it, but he misses.

[Amaril]

> ==>

You pick up the drawers again and dangle them over the final enemy's head, but hold off on dropping them for now--wouldn't want to hog all the kills, now would we?

[Business Scrub]

You watch your drawers hanging above the imp. And he's even giving you the kills, what a nice guy.

You swiftly finish off [roll0] the last imp [roll1].

[RandomNumbers71]

Congratulations, you killed all the imps! Emily has earned:

46 BUILD GRIST
28 CHARCOAL GRIST
17 TIMBER GRIST

You can't carry that much BUILD grist! The excess was placed in GRISTTORRENT.

Emily climbed the echeladder from ELECTRIC SLIDER to ARCADE THUNDERBIRD!

Grist cache capacity increases by 20!

The chest climbed the echeladder from STORAGE WARLORD to DRAWERS OF DAMOCLES!

Capacity increases by 0 liters!

[RandomNumbers71]

As you finish your strife, Abe starts pestering you. You head over to your computer.

Pesterlog:
-- dungeonMastery [DM] began pestering vulpineEidolon [VE] --

DM: You ok?
VE: Yeah, I'll be fine.
VE: Thanks for the backup!
DM: No probs
DM: So what did the ghost say while I was gone? Anything helpful?
VE: Actually yeah!
VE: Apparently I have to find some denizen guy and help him.
DM: Huh...sounded to me earlier like he was some kinda final boss you were supposed to kill.
DM: So, any idea how you're supposed to find him?
VE: He said something about a village of Consorts.
VE: And that they're in a village away from here.
VE: Maybe you can zoom out?
DM: Sure, gimme a sec.

[Amaril]

>Abe: Zoom out.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Zoom out

You zoom out to see an incredible view of... Emily's house. You can see the Sburb logo above her house, and that's about it...

Pesterlog
DM: No good, I can't see anything more than a little ways around your house.
DM: It's probably some kinda fog of war type thing where I can only see places you've been before.
DM: Did the sprite say how to get to this village?
VE: He said the quickest way would be through the 'first gate'.
VE: Which I'm assuming is the huge SBurb spiral whatchyamajig up there.
VE: Can you build a latter or something with that grist?
DM: Dunno, maybe that's what this "revise" control is for? Lemme try this out...
DM: No good, I can't see anything more than a little ways around your house.
DM: It's probably some kinda fog of war type thing where I can only see places you've been before.
DM: Did the sprite say how to get to this village?
VE: He said the quickest way would be through the 'first gate'.
VE: Which I'm assuming is the huge SBurb spiral whatchyamajig up there.
VE: Can you build a latter or something with that grist?
DM: Dunno, maybe that's what this "revise" control is for? Lemme try this out...

[Amaril]

> Abe: Revise.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Revise

You use Emily's acquired BUILD GRIST to edit her house, building up to the Gate. You spend most of it, and you're about 10 or 15 feet away from it.

...during your building, you notice there's still this "Punch Designix" thing that you haven't placed.

[Amaril]

> Abe: Deploy Punch Designix.

Show Pesterlog
DM: Ok I'm almost up to the gate but we're like 10 feet short, gonna need more grist.
DM: Also I'm putting down this Punch Designix thing from the Registry, you'll have to figure out what it's for.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Abe: Deploy Punch Designix

You place back on the ground floor near the other equipment. You can only assume they're related.

You spend 4 CHARCOAL GRIST.

[Business Scrub]

>Dream Emily: Steal consciousness from Emily.

[RandomNumbers71]

>Dream Emily: Steal consciousness from Emily.

You faint, scaring the H*LL out of Abe.

------------------------------------------------------

You wake up in a purple room, coughing. There's... something in your mouth... peanuts? There's also a black short, black figure facing away from you, talking into a radio.

???: Slick, I did it! The Thief is done for!
???: But... you said to kill the Thief and Sylph first! They're easier to get to!

[Business Scrub]

You spit out the peanuts. What the heck was their deal anyway? Whatever, you guess. Who's this schmuck? You address him sternly.

Emily: Yo, ***hole.
Emily: Not really a fan of waking up with nuts in my mouth.
Emily: Now what are you doing here?

==>

[RandomNumbers71]

He turns around, a look of shock on his face.

???: S-Slick, she's alive!
???: Wh-what do I do?!


After a pause, he runs out of the room.

[Business Scrub]

Oh heeeeeeeell no! You try to chase after him.

[RandomNumbers71]

He escapes into the purple streets and out of sight, blending into the crowd. However, he drops his radio.

[Business Scrub]

>Emily: Shake your fist angrily at your would-be assassin.

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Shake your fist angrily at your would-be assassin

You successfully shake your fist. That'll show him to feed you legumes!

[Business Scrub]

>Dream Emily: Pick up Radio

[RandomNumbers71]

> Emily: Pick up radio

You pick up the radio and put it up to your ear. A deep, somewhat raspy voice coming from the other end.

???: Deuce, where are you?! Did you drop your f*cking radio again?! I swear, if you let the Thief get away!

[Business Scrub]

>==>

Emily: Wow your henchmen kinda suck, huh?
Emily: Who's this, by the way?

[RandomNumbers71]

???: Name's "Business". First name: "None of Your".
???: I have nothing to say to ya, so beat it and get rid of this thing!

[Business Scrub]

"Wow, rude much Mr. Business?"

>Dream Emily: Hang on to radio for future use.