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Vknight
2013-06-06, 05:42 PM
Standing strong before you is the final opponent a powerful and ancient Vampire Wizard. His final plan too remove all his vampiric weakness's too walk in the sun again. And as he stand before you in his massive throne the Fighter grapples and jumps out the window into the noon day sun.

In other words
Spin us a yarn a tale about the times the Players, Npc's, BBEG's grabbed onto the idiot ball and did not let go.

From the funny. To the pathetic. To the stupid.
These are the stories of the time someone just failed.
Failed to understand something
Failed to realize a big hole in there plan
Failed to to take the hint what have you

These are not stories of Nat 1's these are times when the player(or Gm) failed.


Old Bones & Bad Business

Your a Level 23 Lich Sorcerer
You've captured the Whisper Gnome(Rogue/Warlock) and Human(Mage)
They have caused you a huge set back in your plans.
Months, and this is bad because you only have a year too get these 6 gems and corrupt them otherwise they will summon 6 Super Constructs which will destroy you.
Both of these people are sometimes skirt around the law, and/or abuse it for there groups benefit(Lawful Neutral/Evil area).
And they have both admitted to being willing too work for you under the right pay.
What do they want in on the plan. One wants knowledge and does not care about the constructs but they would interfere for his goals of Lich-hood(For the Wizard). The other one wants the High Priestess of Lolth(For the Rogue/Warlock).

Now its obvious what you do right?
Torture them!

Not help the Wizard become a Lich and betray his allies
Not force the Priestess(Or let the Gnome talk too her) who is thanks to a special magical item you can dominate at-will[no save], who actually is already enamored with the Gnome

Nope Torture

What about the fact the Gnome has admitted if you don't agree to the two's terms they will escape?
That they will burn the city with all your followers too ash. After you start the torture and this is your last chance?
Continue? Yes of course.
The Gnome who slew 2 of your generals in single combat, leaves no trail, no scent. The guy who slew them because one tried to kill your High Priestess who is more valuable then said general and the other who was about too betray you.
You don't even finish him off you torture and leave for dead in a cell.

Who swallowed a wand of Cure Light, a wand of Fireball[Maximized & Widened]. Who is gone a hour later and the city is burning.

Long and short of it is. The Wizard and Me were captured. And we offered the BBEG a deal. Will join you if you get the wizard lichdom and the help the Gnome with the High Priestess.
He tortured us at which point we escaped. Later burned the city
Slew all of his top men and took him down by level 12 or so.


Silver Is All The Colours of the Rainbow
Long and Short of it?
What is the best way too get revenge?
You'll get many answers but the groups plan?
Murder.

Hold the idiot ball for a second.
Murder.
Your plan is too try and kill a guy in Iron Man power armor with a team of better then Navy Seals in low-level super tech equipment, with him at all time.
And someone make him disappear or reveal that he's actually a bad guy, with no proof.

What is going on?

The group met the Silver Praetorian a member of Overwatch.
And a the guy in the suit is one hero's brother(Said brother is most likely a serial killer). Though the group hasn't really set itself up as a group of Hero's.

Their big plan?
Lead him into a building under construction.
Attack and make him disappear. Or make him same incriminating things to ruin his reputation.
Without angering Overwatch whose a mercenary organization who are basically Cadmus from DC

BWR
2013-06-06, 06:23 PM
Who swallowed a wand of Cure Light, a wand of Fireball[Maximized & Widened].

That's impressive.
Especially since wands only go up to 4th level, not 9th.

Vknight
2013-06-06, 06:55 PM
That's impressive.
Especially since wands only go up to 4th level, not 9th.

I pointed that out too, and got nothing. So don't ask me but yeah we got that wand.
I know of a feat which lowers a Metamagic down to only a +1. And another feat which lowers all metamagic by +1.
And even then the Fireball would have still been a 5th level spell.
But I was not going to argue with 60damage on a 40ft radius. Again I don't know I asked got nothing.
I think the Gm did not realize how Maximize works so it maxed the damage. so 10d6 so 60.

Amidus Drexel
2013-06-06, 08:11 PM
In the campaign I DM'd about a year ago, the players frequently held the idiot ball. Some of them had almost chronic idiocy as a defining character trait. :smallamused:

Pattern Recognition Is Not Your Strong Suit, Dwarf
One decided that, after being rejected from the elven mage's guild because: 1) He was a dwarf, and had insulted the elven mages about being elves (to their face, while trying to get in...), and 2) he was not a mage; that the best course of action would be to knock the door down. He was met with a maximized lightning bolt. Undeterred, he tried to knock the door down again, and was somehow surprised when it shocked him for 60 damage again. Seeing the futility of using brute force on the door, he then attempted to light the mage's guild on fire. Three wizards teleported out, and threatened to lightning bolt him again if he didn't leave them alone. He responded by attacking, lost initiative, and was hit by three maximized lightning bolts in quick succession and died.

Granted, had he made even half of his saves the character wouldn't have died from his own stupidity.

Bards Can Be Horrible People Too
Another such story was that of the party's bard. He had a habit of causing trouble and then not doing much in the fight (as he wasn't particularly well-built for attacking. He was more of the "run away and buff" type) while the rest of the party did the hard work. On one such occasion, the party was talking to a cloud giant they had just met, and were having a generally good conversation. The bard decides to piss the giant off just for the hell of it, and instigates a fight that he spent ethereal, not interacting with the giant or the party in any meaningful way. Meanwhile, two members of the party die (to (un)lucky crits) in a fight that didn't really have to happen at all.

There were others; I just can't remember them off the top of my head.

PlusSixPelican
2013-06-06, 08:18 PM
When on a stealth/stealing/probably a few crimes quest, the Dwarf Fighter not only gives away his name, but proclaims it loudly when we've been busted.

Callin
2013-06-06, 08:22 PM
My gaming group tells me about a time before me back in 2nd Ed D&D about the group Posting Flyers all over town advertising about starting up a Thieves Guild.

Slipperychicken
2013-06-06, 08:42 PM
A Warlock heard that all who entered the magic lake died. She touched it. With her bare finger. While flying. In the middle of the lake. DM cowardice dealt 30 damage but kept her alive. My Wizard had to drag her body back. She shot at the Wizard later.

An Alchemist hears his long-dead wife's soul is held hostage by a mary-sue-powered man known well to betray, who can't be trusted. He is instructed by the hostage-taker to come to an alley at night alone, and tell no one. He comes, alone, and tells no one. Not even the party.

A Bard is told that if she doesn't explain herself, she will die. She is told this by a man who doesn't know her, distrusts her, is one of the strongest she's ever seen, and who she has been insulting and attacking for all 30 minutes of their acquaintance. The only escape is by slowly crawling through a 3ft diameter hole the man is standing next to brandishing his claymore. She said nothing. She tried to run. She died.

A mercenary was jumped, outnumbered 1 against 5, no escape. He was told that if he surrenders, he will live. He was easily captured, then beaten and told that if he didn't explain his presence, he will die. He didn't explain his presence. He was thrown down a hole and died.

TuggyNE
2013-06-06, 09:28 PM
These are pretty amazing. But am I the only one who thinks "too" instead of "to" in the OP is grating?

Angel Bob
2013-06-06, 11:40 PM
You are not alone, tuggyne.

Examples of the "Idiot Ball", as TVTropes has so lovingly christened it, come up frequently in my group. The most common stories I tell are the one with the dragon, and the one with the "band of traveling minstrels".

Long stories short: in exhibit A, the greed of two party members (psion and her rogue accomplice) compels them to spend 6 rounds stuffing the dragon's Monty Haul hoard into bags of holding while my warlord dies.

Secondly, my new character (an ardent with maxed-out Cha) leads the party into an alt. universe where our counterparts rule an evil city, Bluffing our way out of our conspicuous costumes with the immortal phrase "We are a band of traveling minstrels." The psion from above is having none of it and attempts an Intimidate check, claiming she'll have the guards killed (note that as a telekinetic psion, she's got no Cha). Five minutes later, we're in chains.

Vknight
2013-06-07, 12:56 AM
These are pretty amazing. But am I the only one who thinks "too" instead of "to" in the OP is grating?

Just noticed that. Lazy takes to much time so I won't be fixing it any time soon.

Another story

Retire the Character, No is No, & Threats at Mace Point
Instead of putting away a character who after the first 2 fights of the campaign the player realized he didn't like he decided to kill the character.
By attacking the captain of the guard.
Later he did a similar action against a general when his Ranger failed in his attempts to bed said general.
How about well at the mercy of a angry cleric for killing his apprentice threatening him with burning down his church. This was a Cleric of Pelor. And I don't even know how, why he thought it was a good idea to kill the apprentice in the first place.


It's the Perfect Plan
Groups plan
Send 3 people into this fort get the information and leave.
Other 4 will stay outside.
One of those 4 is the bard he stayed there because the player does not understand the idea of not killing everything. Or consequences for actions, you anger the city guard they stay angry. Which means he was probably more dangerous too the plan then the other 3.
So he leaves the other 3 who are a 6Int, 8Cha Half-Orc[Barbarian], a 6Cha 8Wis Dwarf[Wizard], and a 8Int 8Cha Human[Cleric]
Keeping in mind he didn't want to enter through the front get.
So he climbs the wall... In broad day-light... In a Chain Shirt... With no ranks of Move Silently... and a 13 Dex...
Up top are the guards who spotted him.
When he gets taken up to the jail he calls to the other 3, well passing them on their way to the record halls, blowing their cover, when one of them tries and save him.
Why did they try too save him and not just let him die I don't know point being 4 out of 7 dead and the others decided to attack...

Xuc Xac
2013-06-07, 01:27 AM
Standing strong before you is the final opponent, a powerful and ancient Vampire Wizard. His final plan: to remove all his vampiric weaknesses to walk in the sun again. And as he stands before you from his massive throne, the Fighter grapples him and jumps out the window into the noon day sun.

I think I figured out what you're trying to say. Why is that a bad idea? Was this after the vampire succeeded in removing his weakness to sunlight? And did the fighter know that?

Scootaloo
2013-06-07, 03:01 AM
This isn't a D&D episode; I suaully play WoD games. So this is my experience in Werewolf: the Apocalypse.

The characters are seeking hte lst essence of a caern - a werewolf holy place - that visions and omens have pointed to being in the realm of the dead. They get together and find the gateway to said realm, where a trio of spirits of ill repute suggest that the only way to get through the portal is to sacrifice a living being.

The leader of the group immediately stabs himself in the throat. i ask, "are you sure?" he says yes, so... well, he stabs himself in the throat. I stare in wonder as the other characters all follow suit. Well, that escalated quickly. But okay, self-sacrifice in the name of a higher cause is the main thrust of werewolf, and I was going for a Shamanistic death and ressurection theme anyway, so what if they were... really literal.

So now divorced from their bodies as spirits, they slip through the gate and after a brief and depressingly uneventful journey though the mists of the underworld, end up in the Abyss - in werewolf, it's a spiritaul realm, basically a bottomless cave full of other caves, where things lost throug hthe ages dissappear to. Rule #1 of the Abyss is that you don't want to fall in.

So they prowl around a bit, and end up at what appears to be a dead end. The tunnel they're in opens into a big black pit. The far walls around this pit have shadowy (well, shadowy-er, the Abyss isn't known for its light) alcoves, and there at the edge of the pit is a spirit of some sort. it's a little scary-looking (abyss!), but not hostile.

One of the players decides he's going to roll a die to determine what his character does. I stare at him because he's randomly deciding what his character thinks. he launches himself at the spirit, gets knocked aside, and the spirit appears perplexed, asking why they would do that. Another guy attacks, gets a harsher response that involves being knocked unconscious for a brief moment and tied to a wall. The spirit moves out of harm's way.

Brief rules interlude here; Two of the characters are Theurges, the sort of werewolf that is very good at interacting with, negotiating with, and of course, binding and controlling spirits. One of them has a magic power that lets her dig through rock like butter. And the way jumping rules work in the World of Darkness, each of these people could clear half a football field with a little hop. The theurges are completely silent while this spirit is being attacked, the one with the digging ability hasn't thought to take on the rock walls of the caves, and nobody's considered jumping the hole to try one of the alcoves beyond it.

Instead they murmer among themselves to debate how best to take on this spirit that just laid their two best warriors flat and is now hovering over a hole to nowhere like some evil wizard badass. But wait, there's more!

Genius warrior #2, the one who was knocked out, seems to have gotten a little bit of sense between then and now. From his place hanging upside down on the wall, he yells out an apology to the spirit and urges his packmates to not attack. Good move! The spirit doesn't want to fight... but then the warrior opens his mouth and swears to give the spirit anything it wants in exchange for not harming the rest of the pack.

So, you're telling the sinister-looking spirit you found in an equivalent of hell that you'll give it whatever it wants, if it agrees to do what it was going to do anyway. This makes sense? The spirit, being what it is, agrees... if it gets to keep the guy making this offer. For, you know, whatever a night-spirit in the Abyss would do with a Garou tied to a wall.

Now, warrior-dude is no Theurge. He's not a spirit expert, and knows he's in deep over his head now. Do the two who are Theurges come to his aid, to renegotiate a plan that would get him out of this hot water? nope! They leave him there.

And then everyone jumps into the hole. Not across. Not over. Into. The big dark pit, in a realm that is a bottomless pit that nothing comes out of.

Here, I have to hit the brakes, because - this is me holding the idiot ball - this is one group in a multiplayer chat RPG site, and the current werewolf storyline might not need them to succeed, but them just vanishing forever and ever would be a pretty lame way to wrap this up for everyone - even if they these few totally deserve it.

So, I have them fall, go a little insane, and then hit a bottom (different from the bottom) Werewolves are durable, right? I then proceed to watch them roflstomp the endgame of the plot, and i have their spirits return to their bodies, prize in hand.

I'm not going to say I was a genius here myself, but... Wow. I cite this series of derps when people ask me why I got burned out running things.

supermonkeyjoe
2013-06-07, 03:26 AM
I managed to barely recover from one of these;

A villain in my previous campaign was running around mind-seeding important people as part of his dastardly plot, the PCs encountered an important mercenary enclave where the two highest ranked members had been mind seeded, after a battle the pcs slew one of them and reduced the other to very low hp and cornered him,

The villain smirked at the PCs and threw himself out of the window to escape uttering something diabolical and cliched like ' you haven't seen the last of me' or 'this isn't over', I can't remember which but it implied that he was making his escape.

I checked his list of psionic powers know and realised that after the 8 negative levels from being a mind-seed and not the original, he had no known powers that could save him from the three story fall...

peering out of the window to find the enclave leader's broken body on the cobblestones below the players all burst out laughing, I managed to recover the situation as a guard patrol came across the body and looked up to see the players all peering out the window that the body had fallen from, 2+2= the PCs being wanted for murder... just as planned... :smallwink:

JeenLeen
2013-06-07, 08:39 AM
In a oWoD: Mage game, one of the players enjoyed doing stupid stuff even if it could get him killed or hurt him in other ways.

One of the funniest examples:
We were working with a werewolf (unknown to us at the time as a Black Fury) NPC to raid a major Iteration X construct in CERN. While planning, he turns on the TV, watches a nature documentary, and asks a lewd question about her activities while in wolf form.

She frenzies (the DM did roll) and proceeds to kill him. After failing to reason with her for a round (we didn't know how frenzy works), the other PCs teleported out of the room.

Because of the important mission going on and even a one-day delay would eliminate any chance we had of success, the DM let us retcon that he did not do that in exchange for an xp penalty.

Interestingly, the PC died during the mission as we fled due, but that was mostly bad dice rolls.
---
Years later in-game, with a different character, the same player makes another lewd statement to her, now knowing that's she's a Black Fury. Again, before an important mission (taking out the Sabbat Bishop in the city). The DM gave him a "Are you sure? Remember what happened last time." He was sure, and I think his character even had garou lore ot know how frenzies worked. Again, she frenzies and kills him. This time it was not retconned, but fortunately his next PC was pretty easy to persuade to come with us on a dangerous mission for basically no reason whatsoever. (And died during that mission from a Paradox backlash after throwing many, many fireballs.)

Vknight
2013-06-07, 09:44 AM
I think I figured out what you're trying to say. Why is that a bad idea? Was this after the vampire succeeded in removing his weakness to sunlight? And did the fighter know that?

It was just something I wrote up
A quick thing that has never actually happened just because.
Seeing as when I wrote it I'd been awake 36 hours I'm glad others can understand it

The point is that the story it can be seen as either way.
Fighter destroyed the Gm's big gloating with one grapple
or
Fighters player did something stupid because they held the idiot ball

Twopair
2013-06-07, 11:39 AM
My personal favourite. My players were facing off against a Red Dragon, when the Factotum decided to Fireball it. Yeah. Wait, it gets better. The party's Beguiler was currently standing next to the dragon, having decided it was a great idea to close in to melee range (reasonably idiotic in it's own right).

When the guy declared what he was doing, I asked him if he was sure. He assured me he was. I asked if he was really, really sure he wanted to cast the Fireball, which had a large area of effect, at the Red Dragon. Once again, he said yes. The Beguiler piped in, chiding me for trying to mess with their plans.

So, it went ahead. Rather predictably, the Red Dragon basked in the heat, as I pointed out that he was immune to fire. The Beguiler, on the other hand, having already been on low HP, was incinerated.

Yeah.

Kornaki
2013-06-07, 11:54 AM
My personal favourite. My players were facing off against a Red Dragon, when the Factotum decided to Fireball it. Yeah. Wait, it gets better. The party's Beguiler was currently standing next to the dragon, having decided it was a great idea to close in to melee range (reasonably idiotic in it's own right).

When the guy declared what he was doing, I asked him if he was sure. He assured me he was. I asked if he was really, really sure he wanted to cast the Fireball, which had a large area of effect, at the Red Dragon. Once again, he said yes. The Beguiler piped in, chiding me for trying to mess with their plans.

So, it went ahead. Rather predictably, the Red Dragon basked in the heat, as I pointed out that he was immune to fire. The Beguiler, on the other hand, having already been on low HP, was incinerated.

Yeah.

Haha, this is the best one for its simplicity.

A while ago I was in a party with a guy who was always a bit too confident in his abilities... at one point we found a crypt in a graveyard that was filled with fleshrakers (might be the wrong name) - ghosts that literally strip your flesh and steal your charisma after grappling you. We bypassed it, but he wanted to go back on a solo mission to the crypt. He was a 3.5 sorcerer, and his logic was he had enough charisma to tank the ghosts. Nowhere did "I have spells that can protect me from these ghosts" come into the equation. One grapple later we have a coma'd sorcerer who has been dragged into the crypt.

We spent a lot of money on salves of slipperiness for that rescue mission

Lothmar
2013-06-07, 12:20 PM
Random premise of retired adventurers who had decided to settle down and build a cabin for themselves.

As the group is sitting on the porch of their village house they see one of the hutts on the outer end of town begin to go up in flame.
"Whew, would you look at that." One adds drinking from his jug.
"Old clampits house eh? Meh, he always screwed me on trade." The other adds stuffing his pipe.
"Glad im not part of the fire brigade or militia." One adds eating snacks.
~next round~ Ok… Another house on the north side and edge of town and another on the west side edge of town catch fire as well.
"And that…" He adds drinking from his jug again.
"Meh, never liked them much either." He adds starting to light his pipe.
"You guys think we should help out our neighbors?" The other adds with a handful of snacks.
"Meh, we told those sponges not to build a community around our house and expect us to be a part of it but they did it anyway." He adds taking a puff.
"Might even be able to pick up the land cheap." He adds tipping his jug to the air.
~Two rounds pass~ Ok, now you hear panic as people flee to the south past you and away from the fires.
*continued indifference*
~Two rounds pass~ A few people run back in a panic and one dies with arrows in his back in your yard.
"Oh #$%&, this was an attack!?" One adds utterly shocked.
The other two. "WHAT!?" the other two reply in kind.

A lord of the rings game

"No man can kill me…" The Nazghoul adds fighting the warrior.
The warrior punches him in the helmet and knees him in the gut.
"Urff… No man can,~" The nazghoul takes an attack of oppurtunity to the face.
The warrior continues beating the Nazghoul viciously and trips him.
"No… Cough, man…" The nazghoul adds annoyedly from the ground.
Warrior mounts the grounded Nazghoul and commences to pummel him into the ground.
"No~"
Warrior punches him again.
"No~"
Warrior punches him again.
"No~"
"By the white walls, why wont you die!" the warrior adds punching him again.

CarpeGuitarrem
2013-06-07, 12:33 PM
Does the player who talked a village into burning down the surrounding forest count? (It was to attempt to destroy an infestation of evil wolves. It didn't work.)

Kornaki
2013-06-07, 12:43 PM
Warrior mounts the grounded Nazghoul and commences to pummel him into the ground.

:smalleek: Has this story been approved for all audiences?

Lothmar
2013-06-07, 01:20 PM
:smalleek: Has this story been approved for all audiences?

I figured someone would make a comment like that no matter how I attempted to describe the action of someone straddling/sitting on the ring wraiths chest.

Slipperychicken
2013-06-07, 01:44 PM
"No man can kill me…" The Nazghoul adds fighting the warrior.
The warrior punches him in the helmet and knees him in the gut.
"Urff… No man can,~" The nazghoul takes an attack of oppurtunity to the face.
The warrior continues beating the Nazghoul viciously and trips him.
"No… Cough, man…" The nazghoul adds annoyedly from the ground.
Warrior mounts the grounded Nazghoul and commences to pummel him into the ground.
"No~"
Warrior punches him again.
"No~"
Warrior punches him again.
"No~"
"By the white walls, why wont you die!" the warrior adds punching him again.


I think the warrior here actually took the smart option -you can't just believe any jerkass who claims to be invincible. Also, this is amazingly awesome.

Besides, if he stunlocks the Nazgul long enough, someone else might be able to wrench the ring off his finger (which might cripple him in addition to being an awesome insult). Or until the nearest female human, or nonhuman of any gender, decides to kill it :smallbiggrin:

Kornaki
2013-06-07, 01:56 PM
I figured someone would make a comment like that no matter how I attempted to describe the action of someone straddling/sitting on the ring wraiths chest.

Possibly, but you did yourself no favors with your word choice :smalltongue:

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/mount

Also my understanding is there is at least one game system where this is an effective combat technique (also, probably only one game system)

Shred-Bot
2013-06-07, 02:33 PM
I think the warrior here actually took the smart option -you can't just believe any jerkass who claims to be invincible. Also, this is amazingly awesome.

Besides, if he stunlocks the Nazgul long enough, someone else might be able to wrench the ring off his finger (which might cripple him in addition to being an awesome insult). Or until the nearest female human, or nonhuman of any gender, decides to kill it :smallbiggrin:

Indeed! Anyone claiming to be invincible just needs to be punched harder.

And every round the Nazgul spends pinned and getting pummeled is a round he's not murdering all y'all.

BWR
2013-06-07, 02:48 PM
The party has agreed to a non-lethal combat with a red dragon. Said dragon is neither evil nor chaotic (Mystara, where color coding isn't quite so reliable). They have set several ground rules, including paying for raising if they were unlucky enough to kill someone . The party has a paladin.

After a long and intense combat, 5 of 6 are down (the dragon was careful not to kill anyone - dealt only non-lethal damage). All the players were fully aware of this. The dragon looks like he's on his last legs, and the magus pulls out his lesser rod of maximize and uses it on an intensified shocking grasp. He misses on his first attack.

I state again that the dragon looks like he's about to keel over. If asked, he would probably yield. But the magus ignores all rules they had agreed to, ignores that the dragon has only done non-lethal damage to people, ignores that he is LN and gave his word, ignores that he is trying to romance the paladin and attacks again and crits, killing the dragon. His excuse was that he didn't trust the dragon.

But of course the dragon is raised; the paladin would have it no other way. The paladin is also giving the cold shoulder to the magus, who didn't admit to the paladin that he did it on purpose, he "just got carried away". The dragon didn't believe his protestations of innocence, but chose to say nothing about it right there.

The next session, a week later game time, the magus kills yet another person in a non-lethal tournament, with another critical intensified shocking grasp.

So said magus is seriously rebuked by the paladin (good luck getting into her pants now), has lost his lawful nature, and there is a red dragon who might want to get even at some point.

Slipperychicken
2013-06-07, 02:51 PM
Also my understanding is there is at least one game system where this is an effective combat technique (also, probably only one game system)

Such fighting appears in a lot of movies, and when I studied MMA (a long time ago), the instructor presented it as an option for real-life ground-fighting. Being in such a position makes raining blows on the enemy's face highly appealing, especially if you don't have the training to break his arms. Even if you want to break arms, it forces the target to defend his face, which makes his arms more accessible for controlling and breaking.


Also, grappling rules in tabletop RPGs almost universally suck, presumably because it's not considered very "heroic" or "noble" to sit on your enemy's chest, pound his face in, snap his limbs, then choke him to death. Either that, or game designers just don't know how to write them.

hymer
2013-06-07, 03:42 PM
@ Lothmar: Not sure what system that was. In MERP, he'd have to roll a harsh resistance roll every time he struck the Nazgûl. Regardless, getting that close to one of them is bound to require a roll to resist the Black Breath.
I think it's a horrific tale, and of course rich in Idiot Balls.

@ Slipperychicken: No ring on the Nazgûl any more. Once the Nine Rings had done their thing, Sauron kept them himself, possibly to avoid that sort of thing.

My usual tale when this sort of thing comes up, is this: The revolution is over, but the court wizard, a very strict man, is still alive in his home. The PCs are sent to find him and persuade him that his oath of loyalty to the king is now void (the king having accidentally brutally cut his own head off while combing his hair (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Series/Blackadder?from=Main.Blackadder) just after the last battle was lost).
A short, spirited debate follows, exploring the meaning of honour, order and continuity of nation and the good of all mankind, where the wizard shows survivor's guilt and a clear reluctance to allow the king's honour to be sullied - especially so now that he is dead and unable to defend it himself. Until finally one player has had it, grabs solid hold of the Idiot Ball, holds it defiantly up over his head in one hand, and shouts in the wizard's face: "The King is a fake!" Presumably while flipping the wizard off with the free hand.
The embassy failed with no small loss of life.

TuggyNE
2013-06-07, 04:47 PM
@ Slipperychicken: No ring on the Nazgûl any more. Once the Nine Rings had done their thing, Sauron kept them himself, possibly to avoid that sort of thing.

Wait, what? I don't think I ever heard that. I kind of assumed they couldn't take the rings off anymore anyway.

The Fury
2013-06-07, 10:03 PM
Ah yes, the Idiot Ball. I know it well. Everyone in my group has gotten ahold of it at some point or another which is why we have the house rule "No Take-back Theater!" That is if you make a dumb mistake you don't get to undo it.
Unfortunately the best case of I can think of at the moment is this little exchange:

PC: "I need a potion! I run into the room!"
DM: "OK, in this room there's a desk--"
PC: "Is there a vial on the desk?"
DM: "Yes, but it's--"
PC: "I DRINK IT!"
DM: "Oh, umm..."
PC: "... It was ink wasn't it?"
DM" "Yeah. Yeah, it was."

There were also not one but two times that our group derailed a campaign in very similar ways. In both cases the party knew of two NPCs, one of whom is almost certainly the campaign's main villain. In both cases the party is tasked with recovering a World-ending Artifact™, and in both cases the party is asked to choose which NPC to hand the artifact over to. In both cases my group chose neither one.
I'm not sure that counts as the Idiot Ball though. If anyone had it, it was likely the person who planned those campaigns.

Deaxsa
2013-06-07, 10:54 PM
first of all, these are all awesome.
second, i have my own story to tell.

the party was bedding down for the night in a jungle, and they needed to decide where to rest. they decided to go up a nearby tree. fortunately, one party member had wings and very high strength, so a little bit of searching and ferrying later, they found themselves in a (relatively) good tree to rest in. they tied themselves to the tree so that falling out would be a problem, and proceeded to decide who wold take watches, etc. after having decided that, I (the DM) decided tonight was going to be a good night for a random encounter. so, i looked through my list of monsters, picked one (giant centipede), and during 1d4th watch, this centipede was going to attack. WELL. lo and behold, the centipede decided to attack during the Desert Wind Swordsage's watch. i tell him to make a spot/listen check, the swordsage easily makes the listen check, and soon enough, he can pick out a large snake-like form with many legs walking towards him and his friends. the Centipede continues to meander towards the party, not knowing it had been spotted. the swordsage, on the other hand, took immediate action. he looks at me with a look of determination in his eye.

Swordsage: "I use Searing Charge on it."
Me: "ok, what's that do?"
Swordsage: "gain fly speed equal to my base landspeed during a charge and a bunch of fire damage"
Me: "ok, yea, it's within 60 feet"
Swordsage: "so... attack roll.. I crit! rolling to confirm.. does a 26 hit?"
Me: "yea, that's confirmed. roll damage."
Swordsage: "okay, so with the fire damage and the crit.. that'd be... 38 damage"
Me: *looks at sheet... it has 39 health* "okay, uh. you hit it, slice it right down it's back, and burn it like crazy, but miracullously, it's still alive. oh, and make a reflex save"
Swordsage: "a refle...?" *sudden look of dismay and realization as he realizes he just jumped out of a rainforest canopy* ".... oh crap."
Me: "the fact you are a giant ball of fire may or may not make it harder for you to grab onto foliage on the way down"
Swordsage: "so, i got an (i don't remember the number)"
Me: "riiiiight. well, you fail to grab on to any branches, and then fall about 150 feet. and it's unintentional, so you take 14d6 damage.. right, so you take 45 damage"
Swordsage: "well, wow. that puts me at 1 HP"
Me: LOL

...and the party wasn't even awake to see it

Logic
2013-06-07, 11:43 PM
The Idiot subject in both of the following stories is the same person, player in the first, DM in the second:

You have three choices:
DM: "Alright, you've come to a t-junction intersection. You can go forward, turn right, or go back the way you came."
PC: "I'll run left!"
DM: "You just said you will run left?"
PC: "Yeah! I run left!"
DM: "Okay, you run full force into the wall on your left. Let me see your character sheet."
*Player sheepishly hands the DM his character sheet*
DM: "18 intelligence? I don't think so. How's 14 sound?"
PC: Whimpering in protest

But it fits the gelatinous cube perfectly!
DM: "Okay fellas! You open the door to a 10 foot by 10 foot by 10 foot room...."
*DM removes a scrap of paper from the map in front of us showing a room on the grid taking up a 10 foot space with a neatly printed "F" in center. All prior rooms had a similar letter code in the middle for the DM's corresponding note sheet. DM then consults his cheat sheet*
DM: (Proclaiming loudly) "....and you encounter three great wurm black dragons! Roll initiative!"
PC1: "Um, the party can't fit in that room all at once, how did you get three great wurm black dragons in there?"
*DM has a confused look on his face as he looks at the map and the corresponding cheat sheet.*
DM: (Muttering to himself) But it says 'F,' and 'F' is the dragon encounter....

hymer
2013-06-08, 01:55 AM
@ tuggyne: Who Held the Nine Rings? (http://www.glyphweb.com/arda/n/ninerings.html), a little down on the page.

Bryan1108
2013-06-08, 11:19 AM
So they're in a dungeon and come into a room with three locked chests. The rogue fails to disable the traps in the first two and dies from poison.

They decide to carry the third chest back to town (low on spells, need to meet the rogue's player's new character, etc). They get to town and hand the chest over to the local blacksmith/substitute locksmith to open, not mentioning the traps in the other chests. The blacksmith hands the job off to his apprentice while the PCs are in the room and they still don't mention the possibility of a trap.

So anyway, the apprentice dies and the treasure in the chest in confiscated by the town watch for the apprentice's family.

Vknight
2013-06-08, 12:04 PM
-The Plan?
Charge a Blue Dragon, on a airship falling apart, and heavily damaged from a previous battle. And on the last round before hitting it have every ranged person fire on it.
-The Ship?
It has a hole. Correction holes, from Ballista, a Wyvern, a guy being rammed through the wall, crossbows.
The Elemental Engine is breaking apart from the Ballista Bolt that hit it along with the fighting that took place near it and no one knows how to repair it.
-The Crew?
The PC's. Cleric[Human], Warden[Goliath], Rogue[Shifter], Ranger[Human], Warlord[Elf], Warlock[Changeling]
-Rest of the Crew?
Dead. Why? Last fight...
-Last Fight?
They got attacked and one PC has a bounty. So the PC's half way through the fight betray the crew so they can't turn the PC in for the bounty.
Which was 6 hours ago in game time.
-Result of Plan?
Dragon moves out of the way and they don't see it. Feel a bumping sound like a large thing landing. Ranger goes below deck too look around see if Dragon flying below ship.
Breath Weapon, knocked out ranger. Repeat with Warden. Others realize something. THE DRAGON DROPPED SOMETHING INTO THE CARGO!

-New Plan?
Climb down sides of the ship and break the engine.
Cleric fails and falls. Warlock barely makes it. Warlord makes it. Warden fails and drops along with Ranger she is carrying. Rogue makes it.
-Warlock, Warlord, & Rogue see Dragon
Think dragon knocked the others off?

-New New Plan?
Fight Dragon
Dragon Jumps out of ship after Breath Weapon on group and Engine
Warlord checks engine.
Realizes it will break. Decides too send ship into dive bomb after Dragon
Rogue and Warlock help
They see Dragon get out of its dive and level off.
Continue
Ship falls and crashes.

Warden arrives(1 Surge Left and at 17 HP) with Dead Ranger
Cleric arrives barely conscious(6 HP spends last 2 surges, after they meet up)
Warlock barely alive(no Surges Left 12 HP)
Rogue at 0(no Surges), but alive
Warlord dead

Group see's Dragon.
Decides too get its attention.
It lands.
They demand an apology...
Dragon says they attacked first.
They charge Dragon.
Dragon flies up and hits them with Breath Weapon.
Warden out. Cleric out. Warlock out. Rogue dead.

Dragon Flies away too look for the "hero's" it is too help find artifact of power.

Did PC's know meeting Blue Dragon? Yes
Did PC's know the same day? Yes
Didn't they have resources? They did but they used them in the bandit/crew fight. The Bandits were nasty, but the crew helped even it out. Until round 3 when the PC's turned on the crew. At round 10(or 11) the PC's won.
1 Hard Encounter(Turned Normal thanks too crew)
turned into
1 Hard + 1 Normal Encounter.

Then decided to fight Hard Encounter of the Dragon

Eurus
2013-06-08, 03:08 PM
I only have one really good example for this, but it was a very frustrating one for me. I was the DM, and the player in question was my brother.

It was the very beginning of Age of Worms, and he was playing a kobold Dragonfire Adept named "Uncle Meepo" or something. An old, cantankerous, and generally unpleasant fellow, but working with the rest of the party to explore this tomb. He had Entangling Exhalation and I think some kind of metabreath feat, making him a grotesquely effective blaster/controller at level 1. I strongly suggest picking up Endure Exposure as his invocation (works like Endure Elements but also makes the target immune to your breath weapon), he refuses. I forget what he took instead, it was Beguiling Utterance or shatter-on-a-stick or Baleful Geas or something.

Very first encounter. A pack of wolves. The party is doing a fine enough job dealing with them in melee, but is getting to low health. Then Uncle Meepo breaks out the breath weapon, despite warning. Kills the wolves, hits two of the PCs. The PCs have just enough time to fully recognize the horror of their imminent, certain demise as the entangling flames engulf them, knowing (ooc) that it could have been entirely avoided if the character had just taken the "avoid friendly fire" invocation. Horrified by the deaths as much as by Meepo's nonchalance, the other two PCs attack him. One dies, before Meepo gets killed as well.

So we end up with four out of five PC deaths. The party is understandably kind of pissed, so I rewind and tell Meepo that he can either swap out for Endure Exposure, or retire the character. He chooses the latter.


That game didn't go very far, even after the reset. This same party would later attempt Age of Worms again, with slightly more success, but Uncle Meepo was always held over that player's head as a lesson... don't murder the party.


Actually, I have a personal example too. One of the first games I ever played, I was a blaster wizard. My brother was also in this game, as a minotaur beatstick. We were in a big fight, a rather chaotic melee, when the minotaur (previously occupying most of the enemies by virtue of being the scariest thing around) goes down into negatives. None of the rest of us are particularly well-qualified to tank these guys, and we have zero crowd control, but the enemies are pretty hurt and conveniently lined up. So I throw out a lightning bolt.

My brother, of course, is displeased. I defend myself with "hey, I don't have Heal, as far as I know you're already dead". **** move, I know -- not the kind of thing I'd ever do nowadays. So we win, but I incinerate the minotaur. I'll assume it was karma that later resulted in that wizard getting embarrassingly one-shotted by two different beholders on two seperate occasions later.

Avilan the Grey
2013-06-08, 03:41 PM
I am trying to find any real idiotic moments. Most of the time it has actually been the opposite; the PCs outsmarting the GM.

Most of the time someone has done something truly stupid the other players have been able to stop him, kill him, get him arrested or abandoned him in time.

So... as for right now I can't really come up with any amusing stories. Sorry.

Kornaki
2013-06-08, 04:42 PM
Ahahaha we had a great idiot ball session. The evil mayor captured us and threw us into a pit - after some conversation we learned he captured us because he considered his town's existence a state secret or something crazy. We had come with an NPC who had left to return to the capital and report on how crazy this town is - the mayor also knew about this NPC and had dispatched some goons to take him out (who we at the time believed we had effectively stopped but we didn't know for sure).

I decide to go for a bluff at this point. "Ah, but our squire who waited outside of town will be returning to civilization shortly and reporting on how we were kidnapped".

Another player then chimes in with "Wait, we didn't have a squire. There was only that one knight wasn't there?.....

Oh, f**k me, I just said that didn't I"

Flame of Anor
2013-06-08, 09:35 PM
Vknight, your posts look interesting, but they are very difficult to understand. Would you mind making your grammar/punctuation a bit more conventional? Thanks! :smallsmile:

Vknight
2013-06-08, 11:10 PM
Vknight, your posts look interesting, but they are very difficult to understand. Would you mind making your grammar/punctuation a bit more conventional? Thanks! :smallsmile:

Not right now, got a major headache and its been taking me several minutes to write up each.
Later maybe but yeah.

Sith_Happens
2013-06-09, 03:39 AM
Anyone claiming to be invincible just needs to be punched harder.

There's one for the sig-box (when I get around to making it).

NichG
2013-06-09, 11:41 AM
I think my favorite example so far was in a campaign where a player had the ability to have hallucinations that were physical and real to them. They were underwater and needed to get to air, so they declared 'I imagine a submarine over there!', followed by a bunch of shenanigans to try to get inside the submarine and not flood the submarine with water and so on.

When of course 'I imagine that I'm in a submarine' would have just worked.

Similar story, one of my characters could summon things by singing short improvised songs about them. This character was falling through a sort of smokestack structure in an ancient ruin below a city and declared 'a million pounds of feathers beneath my feet!' in a panic. Pause game for about 10 minutes as we figure out the volume of a million pounds of feathers and realize that this should basically shoot my character back up the smokestack like a bullet in a gun, not to mention probably burst all the sewers of the city above.

Avilan the Grey
2013-06-10, 03:20 AM
Similar story, one of my characters could summon things by singing short improvised songs about them. This character was falling through a sort of smokestack structure in an ancient ruin below a city and declared 'a million pounds of feathers beneath my feet!' in a panic. Pause game for about 10 minutes as we figure out the volume of a million pounds of feathers and realize that this should basically shoot my character back up the smokestack like a bullet in a gun, not to mention probably burst all the sewers of the city above.

I know it's not a summoning thing, but for some reason I get Elan in my head: "Bluff Bluff Bluff the stupid Ogre...!" :smallbiggrin:

I feel sad that the only true time we have had shiny bright idiot balls are when the players in question has been idiots IRL.
You know the type:

GM: "The messenger tells you the king has disinvited you to the wedding"
Idiot player: "I punch the messenger until he takes that back!"
GM: "The messenger cannot overrule the king"
Idiot player: "I don't care"
GM: "Somebody notified the town guard. They are coming to arrest you"
Idiot player: "We will kill the town guards!"
All other players: "We do not know this man. Please take him away forever!"
Idiot player: "Why are are you doing this? I attack the other players"
... GM: "Your character is dead after being attacked by 4 guards and 3 high level characters. Don't make a new one"

OR, even worse:

Very annoyed GM: "No, the Queen-cleric and ruler who is also the leader of the Chaste order of St. Pure will not have sex with you"
Idiot player (no not the same one): "I will break into her quarters tonight and make her mine"
... Annoyed GM: "Your Paladin has fallen. Just by thinking that."

CarpeGuitarrem
2013-06-10, 09:45 AM
Also, grappling rules in tabletop RPGs almost universally suck, presumably because it's not considered very "heroic" or "noble" to sit on your enemy's chest, pound his face in, snap his limbs, then choke him to death. Either that, or game designers just don't know how to write them.
Most people have seen college wrestling, so they have some sense of how grappling works. Far fewer people have seen actual swordfighting, and thus their sense of combat boils down to "people hit each other until one drops".

Vknight
2013-06-10, 11:30 AM
I thought I had a good one to share after yesterday, but it wasn't some much idiot ball as a )@(&@$% ball

Anyways

3 More Stories once I recover

Fouredged Sword
2013-06-10, 02:21 PM
I had one that I ended up holding the ball. Paraphrasing, but close wording.

DM
"You see a hydra under the bridge."

My character
"Hold my beer, I'm gonna go tank it. My character adds it to my collective and manifests share pain (level 5 sadists vitalist in PF)"(Yes, hold my beer, that should have been a warning.)

DM
"The hydra jumps out of the water and hits you with 8 fire breath attacks (24d6) fire damage (8 headed pyrohydra, CR9). It appears to be a pyrohydra. Take 60ish damage."

Me
"I survive with 4HP, Run away!"

We managed to kill it while my character hid behind his tower shield, but I felt very stupid afterwards.

illyrus
2013-06-10, 02:52 PM
4E game:
Party was used to damage being in the xdy+z range where x was not a big number and thought the entire world worked that way. They had not encountered the vehicle crash rules yet which throw that notion out the window.

So the party is fighting a steam-tank that has been going at top speed for a round and the following conversation happens:

Fighter: I step in front of it.
GM: It is moving at flank speed and you're going to step into it where it will run you over?
Fighter: Yeah I plan to stop it in its tracks.
GM: It is a tank, you do understand this right?
Fighter: I got this, I'll take what, 2d6 damage at most.
GM: Ok the tank's turn comes and it crashes into you and... I'm going to need everyone's dice, I don't have enough to roll damage.
Fighter: !?!?!?!

The rest of the party was able to beat the tank.

Traab
2013-06-10, 03:30 PM
OR, even worse:

Very annoyed GM: "No, the Queen-cleric and ruler who is also the leader of the Chaste order of St. Pure will not have sex with you"
Idiot player (no not the same one): "I will break into her quarters tonight and make her mine"
... Annoyed GM: "Your Paladin has fallen. Just by thinking that."

Holy crap, thats like ten different levels of idiot ball.

Eurus
2013-06-11, 06:20 PM
I had one that I ended up holding the ball. Paraphrasing, but close wording.

DM
"You see a hydra under the bridge."

My character
"Hold my beer, I'm gonna go tank it. My character adds it to my collective and manifests share pain (level 5 sadists vitalist in PF)"(Yes, hold my beer, that should have been a warning.)

DM
"The hydra jumps out of the water and hits you with 8 fire breath attacks (24d6) fire damage (8 headed pyrohydra, CR9). It appears to be a pyrohydra. Take 60ish damage."

Me
"I survive with 4HP, Run away!"

We managed to kill it while my character hid behind his tower shield, but I felt very stupid afterwards.

If it was your first time dealing with a hydra don't feel too bad, heh. Elemental hydras are notorious for having damage potential well in excess of most level-appropriate threats, more than enough to pulp anyone unprepared.

BWR
2013-06-11, 06:41 PM
GM: you see the crook dash into a geisha house
Player: I follow him *rolls dice, resulting in very good roll*
GM: Fine, the crook is running up the stairs, but crashes into some of the patrons, slowing him down. you will be in arm's reach next round.
Player: I use my firebreath ability *rolls an insane amount of damage*
GM: Huh? Are you sure about that?
Player: Oh yeah.
GM: have you thought this through? You know that that is going to do?
Player: oh yeah.
GM: ok, you incinerate the crook, the poor patrons and geisha he crashed into and set the place on fire. This being a building made of thin dry wood and paper, it is pretty soon a raging inferno, which threatens the entire city. Since you are a monk and I'm feeling very nice today, you merely get declared persona non grata in the province and are thrown out. What the hell were you thinking?!
Player: Come on, I couldn't waste that great damage roll.

awa
2013-06-11, 08:15 PM
it was a modified mutants and masterminds game the party was attempting to find and protect these seals before the bad guys could destroy them to unseal an lovecraftian god they had a riddle to help identify the seals.

Any how they decide to do an underwater adventure with half the party holding their breath and suffering from various penalties do to being underwater.

They see a giant stone pillar covered in strange runes and a bad guy compound at its base one player decided to try and knock the pillar down on the base spends a long time until hes told it's to big to be knocked down easily in various different ways before they decide to go into the compound. Inside the first player to rush in gets swarmed he uses an ability to hurt himself for extra actions killing every one in the room before anyone gets to go at the cost of knocking himself out.

The party retreats spends a week or two using an animal control power to get a bunch of sharks and a giant octopus for the rematch.They have also gone to a magic item crafting lady and get some item to breath under water i honestly don't remember.

On returning they discover the bad guys have destroyed the pillar and left the base is empty. The party realized then that the pillar was the seal and maybe they should not have taken a week off of there life or death race to save the world.

geeky_monkey
2013-06-12, 05:35 AM
A game I was DMing a few years back.

The party have managed to get hold on a macguffin that’s vital to the BBEG’s plan and he wants it back. They’ve been told they need to get it to one of their NPC allies (a high lv wizard) who should be able to protect and study it to discover a way to destroy it for good. He was about 3 days travel away and the BBEG is sending waves of minions after them to recover it before this happens.

After several ambushes (nothing too challenging – I wanted them to feel harried and under threat not suffer a TPK) the party get sick of this and decide to get rid of the macguffin.

By selling it to an NPC shopkeeper in a tavern on the way back. A tavern that was less than an hour’s march from the wizard’s tower (which they knew – they’d been this way many times and I told them it was in sight).

They then went on a side quest. I can’t remember what it was, rescue someone I think - I made it up on the spot. Sadly they never got their reward as when they came back to the tavern it was on fire, everyone was crucified and the BBEG had his toy back.

The party were furious the world didn’t pause while they were doing other things and said the shopkeeper should have been able to hide/save the macguffin. I’m not sure what they thought a lv 1 commoner shopkeeper could do to fight off an enemy who has proving a challenge to a group of well armed lv 9 adventures or hide a large golden relic that the BBEG was clearly scrying (which they also knew).

Even stupider – they’d heard screams and seen smoke coming from the direction of the tavern while trapsing around in the nearby woods but had decided it could wait. If they’d rushed back they’d have arrived in time to save the day.

DigoDragon
2013-06-13, 07:00 AM
When I ran Expedition to Castle Ravenloft, the party brought their own Idiot Ball and used it liberally. The best moment was the first encounter with Count Strahd~

The party found him in the throne room. He unleashed a band of skeletal warriors to soften up the party (Strahd likes his meat tender?). Now, the party KNOWS for a fact that Strahd can take on a gaseous form (They learned this from a diary).
So what do they do?
They lock Strahd in his throne room (the lock is on the inside of the room) and then linger in the hall to see if it works.

It didn't.

So the party retreats, but instead of backtracking to the foyer where it's relatively easy to defend themselves, they head into the church, thinking that Strahd can't enter a holy place. Because even Strahd would keep a consecrated church that harms him available for the PCs, right?

It's a shrine to Tiamat.