View Full Version : Group Jokes and Memes

Ulysses WkAmil
2013-06-19, 01:26 AM
So, I just killed one of my players with an axe wielding barbarian, while the wizard sat helplessly by. Now, the initial shock was rather grim, but the other members and I developed a sense of humor about it. An example of what I post on his facebook:
Now whether he likes it or not, this is getting made fun of. That was just one of the many photos. (We are a group of friends, but he was still somewhat attached to his character). We have many other inside jokes, which make the game a lot more fun than it already is.
I'd like to hear about some inside jokes or player-torment that other people of the playground have.

2013-06-19, 01:43 AM
Unless a module specifically states we encounter a bear, we are not allowed to have bears in any campaign we make. The reasons for this are unbearable.

I'm pretty sure my predilections towards making female characters with bizarre builds (Very first character was a Tiefling Barbarian/Rogue. That was the NORMAL one! Either my race is weird, my class build is weird, such as a Sword Saint Samurai that actually doesn't specialize in the katana, or their personality is weird.) is almost as famous as one player's love of playing monks and another's love of playing casters named "Zim."
The family tree of the monk loving player has become the stuff of legend. And now that he's dropped the family tree for whatever reason, he has gained a new legend as "I AM GOING TO GRAPPLE EVERYTHING! EVEN IF COMMON SENSE SAYS IT'S A BAD IDEA!"
And damn do we love it.

2013-06-19, 02:09 AM
Once our GM ran a sidequest that saw our meager party of three trying to navigate through an enchanted forest. Fed up with the hidden pathways and generally difficult layout of the place our warforged decided he was going to use his grappling hook on absolutely everything. On the cliff, on the tree, on the skeleton behind the waterfall, if we reached a point where we weren't sure how to progress he'd just use the grappling hook on everything. To this day "I use my grappling hook" has become shorthand for "I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing here" in our party.

The next one requires a bit more explaining because the list of fails is quite long. So this is in our current campaign, our characters all start off on a boat heading for the star fall islands. The plan is to have them interact a bit, pirate ambush, fight scene, and then they all knock off to the local island pub for some food and bonding over how they totally kicked ass.

So we go around the table saying where our characters are and what they're doing. Sorcerer's rummaging through people's luggage, halfling's puking over the side of the boat etc.

He gets to the dragonborn on our ship (He named him something french, I can't begin to spell it so we'll call him johnny for the purposes of this post) and Johnny replies "I'm trying to chop down the mast."

There's a pause while this piece of info sinks in. So of course the dragonborn is taken town to the brig (not before dislocating his shoulder while attempting to escape) and held there until the fight starts. When the fight starts Nox (changeling ranger) decides the crazy dragon guy with a huge battleaxe might be useful in fending off pirates and goes to break him out. Johnny melts the bars with his acid breath once Nox gets his muzzle off, so far so good. But then, rather than simply step through the hole he has created, Johnny decides he's going to dive through the hole head first, while his arms are still bound.

The DM, fed up with Johnny's shenanigans, makes him roll acrobatics to see if he leaps through the bars successfully (he wouldn't have made him roll anything if he'd just walked out like a normal person). Johnny rolls a 1 and then a 3 and crashes head first into the unmelted bars and knocks himself out for three turns. The battle was over in 2. He only gained exp from the fight because our DM is a really nice guy. Luckily he seems to have learned from the boat incident and has mellowed out some in terms of his desire to use his axe to solve all his problems. But "don't be a johnny" is now a term we use to warn characters away from insane courses of action and the campaign isn't even over yet.

2013-06-19, 02:23 AM
This would have taken place back in December, at the start of a new campaign. I was playing Pavo, the wizard in my current avatar, who hailed from a remote desert nation, Syrrozhia. We were talking about some random thing in-character, I don't even remember what, and I made some quip, out of character, regarding an actual game rule like saving throws or something. But the other players thought I was in character still saying that, and they said something like "He failed his Perception check? What the hell does that mean?" Thinking on my feet, I went back to my elderly wizard voice and said "It's an old desert saying." To this day, an "old desert saying" has kept on being used whenever anyone references the actual rules during roleplaying, as if the denizens of Syrrozhia have some incredible third-wall-breaking insight.

Lea Plath
2013-06-19, 02:53 AM
Well, I kind of, for a joke, threatened the players with a bear tank. A tank full of bears. Now, they seem intent of making it happen.

2013-06-19, 03:25 AM
Well, I kind of, for a joke, threatened the players with a bear tank. A tank full of bears. Now, they seem intent of making it happen.

That is awesome. I want to face a bear tank one day...

Few years back, my Factotum cast Shrink Item on a Medium sized boulder (yes, I misread the volume limit stop judging me) which was holy because it was near a church, described as "as big as you are". Now, I forgot to ask the DM how much it weighed until I dropped it. He, fearing the worst, said it was 500lb. The group immediately devolved into a discussion about how that couldn't possibly be right given the dimensions, unless it was pumice or something, so the DM used the old standby "it's a magic rock", after which the group burst into laughter. Thereafter, whenever the DM would make an immersion-breaking ruling, we'd refer to it as "magic pumice" or "holy pumice".

Obviously, we also tell all the Monty Python quotes which plague D&D ("it's only a model"), as well as the other gamer jokes like "now roll for anal circumference" in reference needlessly-detailed rules, using phallic humor involving longspears and 10ft poles, or shooting magic missiles at the darkness, and so on. Not the most creative or clever humor, but it's good for a laugh.

2013-06-19, 05:14 AM
We used nWoD to run a zombie survival game, which turned out well, and then we shifted from that into Mage and Vampire, which turned out not so well. Anyway my character became a mage, and for some reason or another we were required to deal with a small vampire infestation as they were breaking the Masquerade and making things tricky for everyone. Life magic was my strongest point, and there were quite a few interesting spells in there that I thought would help. One of them turned living things into different living things.

Anyway, as the GM described the place, I asked if there were any trees around. He confirmed that there were, and had a look on his face that seemed quizzical, as he wondered why I'd ask such a question. Anyway, this spell specifically allowed me to turn trees into other things as well, which included insect swarms, and due to the laws of physics, the bigger the tree, the more bugs I could create.

So when I asked "How big are the trees?" I had a very good reason for asking. Especially for knowing how big they'd be considered in in game sizes. I absolutely floored the GM with the question, as I really doubt someone would plan for such a thing, and this was also our first time playing Mage. Everyone at the table started laughing for 5 minutes, and it took some time to resume the session, and work out how to resolve my question satisfactorily. (Turned out that buffing my dexterity to ridiculous levels was a much more effective strategy than creating bees, but that's irrelevant.)

Anyway, a couple of years later and occasionally we'll still ask "How big are the trees?" whenever someone asks a stupid question, or something seemingly irrelevant, or as a reminder to be prepared for everything.

2013-06-19, 05:36 AM
Every time we encounter an annoying DMPC, we call him Gandalf and shower him with praise. The source is obvious.
Non-lethally "subduing" people with arrows, zweihanders and fireballs.
Random characters can get bizzare characterization when out of game, which tends to slip into IC. Paladin can be treated like ladies' man, our barbarian is an english gentleman, our jedi eat babies and blow up the brothels.
Blowing up a brothel is a meme itself - it happened so during a fight, enemies decided to take us with them and activated a very potent explosive, capable of destroying an entire floor. My character kicked it into an elevator and sent it off. How it's a meme? We constantly shift the blame of an accidental murder spree that ensued twelve seconds after on to each other.

2013-06-19, 06:36 AM
"Roll like Dave!" - when the chips are down, no one rolls better. The dude has the luckiest dice possible for clutch situations.

Cameos by Keith's characters are always referenced with "- goatee, a katana, a cape flowing in the wind, Anime speed lines and a constant stream of charismatic chatter." - because that is all the guy played , in systems ranging from WEG Star Wars to D&D to Rifts, for about 15 years.

Every major city in my games has a Drunken Monkey Interdimemsional Tavern & Inn franchise. No exceptions.

Maggey gets special treatment from the DM. No exceptions - except the one time she played in Kristen's campaign. Awkward...

2013-06-19, 09:25 AM
In a game I ran last year the party needed to make gather information rolls in the city, our Paladin rolled a one, and thinking quickly I told him he went and asked his horse, Bill, if he knew anything. From then on whenever the party needed some information they would turn to the Pally and say, "Why don't you ask Bill about [blank]"

2013-06-19, 09:35 AM
"Go to Sleep Sarah"
Player liked to play females named Sarah. Played a Monsters & Other Childish Things game were she played a 9 year old too everyone else and their 13-14 year old characters.
As such the other PC's acknowledge they were going to treat her like the kid sister. So in game time 10:30pm, party decides to break into the movies.
Ok Sarah comes in they ask her to go away and relocate from the living room to the kitchen. Sarah comes in again asking too help. The party moves again to the roof.
She follows

#1: Why are you following us?
Sarah: No one said goodnight.
#1: Go to Sleep Sarah
#2: I don't think that counts as goodnight
#1's player proceeds to do a hiss snap with his fingers and says that is what his character is doing towards #2, followed by 'Go to Sleep Sarah'
Sarah: Yeah Go To Sleep Sarah
#1 & 2 & 3: *Sighs*

As such its become the go too for a PC to leave the scene, room, or stop talking.

"Don't pull/be a Virgil"
Long & Short of it; Don't Pull/Be a Virgil refers to doing any of this
-Don't make a character and or expect the game you super want too happen because the group decides and they may not want too play that.
-Don't make a ridiculous character and expect too play it
-Don't make a ridiculous character and expect too have fun with the rest of the group
-Don't make a super generalized character and get upset if they can't handle a specialist
-Don't make a super generalized character with one super expensive and rarely useful ability
-Don't make a over-specialized character and when they need to do something outside of that specialty get upset.
-Don't be stupid...

The Story Behind Virgil
Virgil was a character for a Supers game.
And the player kept on wanting him too be an angel and detect the hearts of men. Long story short he wanted evil-radar/soul sight so he could identify a person in or out of costume and attack them when they were not ready.
That was the first use of Don't Pull a Virgil refering to not making a character who defeated the point of the game/system.

It also gained a second usage
Virgil was played eventually without the whole being an angel... after 2 hours of work explaining why in street tier that wouldn't work(not the least of which being I was going more Rings upon rings around a burning star covered in eyes)
So what did Virgil have? Wings, Light Control, Above average stats, weapon generation for melee, flight well he could use the wings, time stop and no combat skill on the offensive or defensive.

Wait What?
Yeah what do you mean Vknight?
Virgil had spent almost nothing to boost his attack rolls. He has +2 to attacks.
He had a 11 Defense.
His saves were all poor +4 Toughness, +4 Fortitude, +5 Reflex, +3 Will(Applying stat benefits and bonuses from ranks)

Wait time stop is effective in combat!
No no its not in street tier were 3 ranks cost 2/9ths of your total points.
3 Ranks meaning the average thug needs to roll below an 9 to fail.
So Virgil was way too spread out and I couldn't get the player to listen.
So we had Virgil the man who thought he was an angel who could freeze time for a group of people in a 20ft area for 18 seconds. And he could fly at a massive 25MPH, could control light within 60ft to heal, fire energy bolts, create a shield(+3 to his defense against attacks if he used light control only for that), and finally flares.

So Virgil was a utility character.
Who wanted to fight other supers and bring them too justice.
First Session 'Bank Robbery'

4 Guys with Pistols watching the place. 1 other guy with a shotgun also watchign the place
1 Guy watching the street with a high caliber handgun
2 Guys in the back with Shotguns along with a guy carrying a Uzi getting the tellers to empty out stuff from the vault.
1 guy off in the corner who looks to be a civilian in a black suit, carrying what most would call the Grandfather of all Hand-Cannons. Perception, Sense Motive, and Knowledge[Occult Checks], all of which failed.

Group Enters in after hearing about it from various sources. They all have gotten powers recently or powers finally hit the point they realized hey I could do something rather then make jerks have frozen cokes.
(The Group: Frost[Ice Themed], Vine[Plant Controller], Burst[Darkness/Smog Controller/Made of the stuff], Ninshu[Ninja+Lightning Gauntlets], and Virgil)

They all burst in from various locations.
Frost comes in on the 3 in the back along with Ninshu using ancient ninja arts to be in the vault.
Vine took the front using a Rose to entrap the guy at the door
Burst, dropped down on one of the guys with pistols knocking him down
Virgil flies into the bank draws his sword and throws down a time stop which everyone resists except Burst who fails the roll.

So now 1 PC down(luckily Burst is immune to the low caliber bullets only Shotguns or higher could hurt her) for 3 rounds
Combat starts up Vine wraps up 3 at once and they all fail preps next round to knock them all unconscious.
Ninshu lightnings a shotgun guy. Frost freeze-bolts the other.
Virgil walks up to the entrapped thugs and slices them... His swords cannot harm those unable to protect themselves/fight etc. so he frees them by virtue of sword cutting vines.
They all act without penalty. One kicks at him another grabs his gun the final tackles him.

So Virgil gets knocked down from a kick plus tackle combo pinning him. Well another guy will get up and prep a head-shot at point-blank.
Other guys shoot the more dangerous vine and miss.

Next round others finish thugs.
Virgil still has his three. Tries Time Freeze fails. Uses special quality on Light Ability to try and hit all 3 thugs. Spends Hero Points for second action.
He knocks them all off. Problem said ability makes him tired. Hits everything in range. Including the civilians who were now all dead. and Shroud who auto-fails the save because time-stop.

Now seeing all this going down the guy no one thought was a thug leaves.
Virgil flies after and attacks saying he must be fleeing justice.
Keeping in mind none had made any checks to notice the guy so had no knowledge of him being a thug, or anything.
So Virgil catches up well the other clean up the place and explain too the cops.
And it goes down hill when Virgil draws his sword causes panic does time stop freezes some civilians and gets a car driver. So now the car's driver is frozen with his foot on the gas.
Car Crash more dead civilians and now a cop on the scene after another round or so of this.
Cop see's Virgil trying to kill some random man. After having killed at least too the cops eyes 4 people(The Actual Total including deaths by proxy was 22)
Cop shoots gets a crit. Virigl rolls a nat 1 and with no Hero Points drops from a headshot to the back of the head from the now named Hero Cop, Officer Juarez

"Super Jaguar"
-Anytime the group cannot defeat a simple encounter or enemy. Stems from a fight in Shadowrun vs. a Jaguar who proceeded to defeat the 6 Runners... normal Jaguar.
2 Adepts, 1 Rigger, 2 Street-Samurai, 1 Bounty Hunter.
They lost and the Jaguar managed to kill the Orc Street-Sam

Anytime rations, food comes up. Lets eat the Halflings first(or whatever small race is in the group. Never was Halflings but that was there go to example), followed by why not(biggest character in group)

2013-06-19, 09:41 AM
Well, I kind of, for a joke, threatened the players with a bear tank. A tank full of bears. Now, they seem intent of making it happen.
See, in my country, if I tried to threaten my players with a tank of bears, I might get in trouble. :smalltongue:

I have a story from a friend's group, actually. As I recall, it involved one of the Tome of Battle Classes that had to make Concentration checks (unless I'm misremembering gravely). They had taken a feat (or something) which let them forego rolling Concentration (or maybe it was a class ability? I dunno).

But every time, the DM would ask them to roll a Concentration check. "I get 32." And the next time. "I get 32." And again. "I get 32." And the DM kept asking for Concentration rolls, each time the situation came up, despite the fact that it was going to be the same exact thing each time.

So eventually, it got to the point where one of the other players (the DM's current wife, as I recall) just said, "Don't you get it? 32 is the EPIC NUMBER!"

And it has remained the Epic Number ever since.

2013-06-19, 10:45 AM
We have three in our group (we only play 4e):

1) Our old DM liked his DMPCs to be the centre of attention. He had this Shardmind Psion called Hanzu that existed solely to show how incompetent we, the players, were. The DM left but we still boom "Hanzu!" whenever our current DM (who was one of the players during the tenure of the last) has his NPCs do extreme things.

2) We were in a desert town attempting to get intelligence on this evil cult that was operating nearby. So we went to see the local scatterbrained wizard/zoologist because we were told by some informants that he could help us. We had found out that this female Eladrin would go out into the desert once a month to commune with some sort of powerful fey creature, so we were going to the wizard to see if he knew of any fey creatures in the desert. We failed our diplomacy checks so the wizard was becoming suspicious. The Bard decided to bluff. She rolled a 20. We managed to convince the wizard that we were hunting a legendary Arm Snake - an extremely rare flying serpent that could punch through most solid matter with ease - and that there was only one natural predator for the Arm Snake: a desert-dwelling fey creature. We told him that we wanted to use the fey creature as bait to get the Arm Snake.

Enthused, the wizard decided to join us but he began to get suspicious when we turned up at the home of the female Eladrin to search for clues. The Bard rolled really high on bluff again and told him that we had found evidence that the Eladrin had access to an Arm Snake sample. Enraged, the wizard burst in (after disabling the arcane locks and traps - the main purpose we wanted him there) and we used him as a scapegoat.

The Arm Snake became the Bard's go-to bluffing subject.

3) Our knowledge-based Deva Invoker was bored and frustrated one day because the DM likes to screw-over a party member of two each session. This one had radiant-resisting enemies and lots of strength skill checks. So towards the end of the final encounter the Invoker charged at the boss - shouting "Deva PAWNCH!" with his staff and clonked him over the head, criticaling, and killed it.

Each time he gets fed up and charges at an enemy he ends up getting a critical hit. He's done this four times now.

2013-06-19, 10:49 AM
I used "Excavate Brain Matter" as a skill in a homebrew zombie game. The Dm and group were able to recover after I used to coup de grace an infected soldier, but when I used it on a living zombie, the game had to be canceled. The DM was laughing so hard.

I once ate the party psion.

"How are you doing this?" "I'm a wizard, Nick." Which is why I don't play wizards in my in-person games.

The Fury
2013-06-19, 11:41 AM
The longest-running one in our group: "No Takeback Theatre."
For a while it was acceptable for someone to claim that their character, "Didn't really do that," whenever they took a stupid action. At one point the DM had enough and ruled that there would be no more "Takeback Theatre." Since then "No Takeback Theatre," has come to be more of an acknowledgement that you have done something stupid.

One of our group's dead memes: "The Stargate is too small to drive a tank through."
During a Stargate Game one of the players wanted to take a tank through the Stargate. The DM ruled that the Stargate was too small for that and was met with skepticism. For a while "The Stargate is too small to drive a tank through," was used to express skepticism on a DM's ruling before becoming more general ridicule. Even outside of Stargate. Once when a Stargate appeared in D&D, one player asked how big it was. Another responded with, "Too small to drive a war-carriage through."

A new running gag that someone says he plans on taking to his group was inspired by an event in a game. One PC was a captain of a ship with a crew. When one of the crewmen was stranded with another PC the captain's player turned to a player that was just waiting her turn and asked, "Hey, what's this crewman's name?"
she responded with, "Oh! Um... Felipe!"
As soon as she came up with a name, a monster showed up and threw Felipe off a cliff. She was pretty upset about that.
The running gag the DM wants to introduce is to have one of the players name random NPCs only to see something horrible happen to them. I haven't asked if it's caught on yet.

2013-06-19, 01:14 PM
"I seduce the _____!"
I have to blame Gamers II: Dorkness Rising for my tendency to say that. I also have a tendency to write out very elaborate depictions of natural 20s.
For instance, a 20 on an Intimidate:

As Jairus rolls a 20, a great hush resounds throughout the land. Without reason, the people of villages throughout the realm grow quiet and somber. Arguing families grow quiet, hanging their heads in shame. Warring nations suddenly throw down their arms, awkwardly trying to look away from one another.
And meanwhile, within the 9th Hell itself, Asmodeus suddenly feels the need to apologize to a few people.

2013-06-19, 01:22 PM
"What have we learned"
It started with your typical everyone meets at a tavern, started a bar fight and in the middle of it our rogue tries to steal the gold on the table where an eagle eyed man caught him and with a nat 20 stabbed his hand to the table. Upon bandaging that phrase was first uttered.
We proceeded to ask him that every time he failed a roll or did anything stupid to the point where it jumped games.

2013-06-19, 02:29 PM
"But is it holy?" started out as one of those running gags that only the player using it finds funny and is pretty much intended to annoy the DM (in this case asking for Knowledge Religion rolls after any place or thing is introduced). After said player got kicked it's become something humorous to say when a particularly long-winded description is given of something or you're trying to point out that you're clueless.

2013-06-19, 04:24 PM
Our latest campaign seems to have a vodka fetish. it's literally the only think half the party wants to drink. None of these characters are in the current party....

we also had a thing with a demonically possesed pig, which was one of the characters pet, before he angered the demons. Now it serves as a mount for one of the other players. This Pig loved to charge a certain party member and he fell to negative HP every so often (vodka also helped with this)

Angels are arsonists and must not be trusted with any source of fire

The phrase "tegeepee" spoken really fast always puts a small grin on our DM's face. I believe it's from the first merchant/shop where we tried to do some shopping. We asked for the price of a certain item, all he said was "tegeepee" really fast and we couldn't understand it the first time. After saying it 3 more times, we finally figure out it was 10gp.

My friend has a tendency to roll bad at all his rolls outside of combat, unless life threatening
I always have a tendency to roll bad at all my rolls during combat, unless life threathening

2013-06-19, 05:15 PM
I forgot about a fourth - the tapas bars.

We were a bit bored of eating in inns so we searched for something more exciting. The DM likes to have our input on things so I jokingly suggested a tapas bar. Since then there has been a tapas bar in every settlement we've come across on the material plane. There was even one ran on a merchant vessel we hired. Each one was ran by an identical looking and sounding man with a terrible Italian accent. We all know very well that tapas is Spanish. The first thing we do when we come to a new city is ask if there's a tapas bar.

Big Fau
2013-06-19, 05:21 PM
I've got the hobofort.

The party's Warforged Dread Necromancer acts a lot like the Medic from TF2, and demonstrated this on a city's homeless population. At the time it was too funny to reprimand him for it (and he was joking about it), so he decided to kick up the crazy levels a bit by turning the corpses into the mortar to build a fort (out of their collective bones, no less). He carries it around (again, this is largely in jest) and uses it as his house.


The party's Warlock knows the Baleful Utterance invocation, and uses it primarily on locked things (much to the Rogue's annoyance). The locks don't break, the doors just know better. :smallbiggrin:

2013-06-19, 11:34 PM
"Eat the ******* candy bar!"
"Oh god it's delicious!"

Our Shadowrun group was being run through Food Fight, an introductory adventure. They're getting chow at the "Stuffer Shack," 2070's equivalent of a 7-11, when a bunch of thugs blow up the front of the store and start making a hassle.

One of the magical characters casts the equivalent of a suggestion spell on one of the thugs, and orders him to start eating the candy.

2013-06-20, 02:27 AM
When I was back in Uni I had two players who were Meme-tastic. One of them just played awesomely off everyone in the group, he's a great and charismatic guy who rolls with the punches and comes up swinging when it comes to in-group teasing. The other guy was just too much of a natural target: Proud without being terribly capable, thin-skinned while loving to join in on the teasing, and proof positive that Karma has a dark sense of humor.

From the first player we got many much loved meme's that just became in-jokes, punchlines, and the such.

"Flying your ferret" (before xkcd did it) started because his first character was a Sorcerer who scouted using his familiar and a Mage Hand spell to check for dangers. I had a well deserved reputation in the group for making far too many puns and inuendos, and so the first time I said, "And the sorcerer is elsewhere flying his ferret." The entire group stopped to try to figure out what, exact, dirty thing I was implying he was doing. Probably because I was stumped this became a meme and now we've all decided that it is definately a dirty comment, but no one can agree on what it means (which makes it all the dirtier because no one can explain it and just winds up blushing around people who don't get it).

"Panda's mate for life" Was used as Safe-Word in one of the player's "con the bad guy" plans. And he and I made the tension in that scene rise pretty high until he just blurts out "You know, Panda's mate for life" leaving the bad guy completely confused while the PCs start hacking away. It broke the tension so beautifully that someone, somewhere, will invariably use it as a password in every game now.

For the other guy, he got us, "It's the cloak." he was playing a Bard and he set up a super dramatic introduction to showcase how awesome of a Bard he was, and then couldn't roll above a 3 on any perform check for the whole first adventure. At the end of the adventure he got a Magic bardic cloak + Cha and + perform. After that story even his die never landed lower than a 15 on a perform check (when he was wearing the cloak)... leading the less generous characters in the group to assume that it was the cloak and not the Bard. This probably would have stopped early on, but he didn't let it drop and his attempts to disprove the idea (because his dice hated him and loved comedy) actually further entrenched the idea in the other PCs.

2013-06-20, 02:59 AM
"Is he carrying a torch?"

In our group you always killed the enemy with the torch first. This morphed into asking if anybody you just met was carrying a torch and then killing them if they did. Also to giving a torch to members of your party you aren't happy with.

"We go right."
It's always right to go to the right. (duh)

"Rocks fall, Matt's character dies."
I was running late to DM a session and texted this message due to my friend's super annoying halfling beguiler. (The character was dedicated to using whelm and spells that made enemies lose their turn. Especially swift versions of said spells.)

2013-06-20, 03:04 AM
"I have attended to The Greased One. She was most displeased."

I was a level one Wizard. Our party had just gotten back from an encounter with some bandits, in which there was a female civilian being robbed. The bandits had surrounded her, and since I had the opportunity to catch three of them, I cast grease. I also caught the woman in it, and everyone fell down. The spell doesn't do damage, but apparently I mentally scared the woman for life. When we returned to the priest in the keep to have our wounds mended, he looked me in the and uttered the above line. Even though I typically only memorize 1 or 2 castings of grease on a given day, I'm still called the "Master of Grease" for using the spell that one time. I apparently "lube them up real good" for the party fighter.

2013-06-20, 03:37 AM
The only particularly funny one I can think of at the moment is this.

"Obviously the Moose did it."
"Moose are OP! Nerf Moose!"

The context behind it: one time while traveling through the mountains, I rolled on the random encounter table for my players (I still used a book for this a half-year ago) and got an "Interesting Event" which a further roll revealed to be a hunter's trap. The party ninja spotted it in time and the only thing I could think of what type of trap it was a pit trap. The NEXT random encounter they had was with the hunters, who put down said trap. The only animal that I could think they were hunting for with pit traps that big would be moose. The fighter, of course, wants to ride a moose.

A session later my characters were having a very brief in-game two week downtime while they refreshed and made some magic items. Now, the party fighter doesn't want to sit around the city and instead wants to head back into the mountains and find a moose to ride. He goes out hunting for a week and finds a herd of moose and decides to fight them. I pull up the stats on moose, and what do I see? Intelligence 3. That's right, sentient moose. So I fight smartly. The moose headbutts the fighter in a bull rush and pushes him into a swift-running river. He then proceeds to narrowly fail his swim check, and goes over the waterfall, dragging the moose down with him.

The fighter and moose have an epic duel for two rounds as they plummet to the rocks below. (By this time, my other players have already come up with a ridiculous scenario where this particular moose was actually the white moose that killed the fighter's parents and he was completing his ten-year mission of revenge.) The moose dies, but the fighter takes massive damage from the fall and falls unconscious.

Essentially, he was pushed off of a cliff by a sentient, evil moose that was later ruled to have horrifically murdered his family in the past.

2013-06-20, 04:19 AM
Lets see there are a few

Pulling a C***** (a guy I know's last name). Basically for cheating, espically on character creation. Or when reading the rules and not reading the whole thing and interperting what you did read to do what you want it to do even though the rule is no where near that, basically breaking the rule or cheating. Came about in a Warhammer game in which he rolled up a character with a poor weapon skill and ballistic skill. Between game sessions he conviently lost his character sheet but "remembered the whole thing" and now his cleric had weapon skill of 39 (40 is max), balistic skill of 38, and all other stats that are combat important were very high.

Danny math-- friend that seems to never be able to add stuff up correctly. In a pathfinder game his character had 20 more hit points then it was possible for him to have. I played one of his characters a couple of games because he asked me to while he could not show up for the game. Another player and I could not figure out how his he got his bonus to hit either. It was mathmatically inpossible. At one point is was slightly too high then later it was too low, so he was not trying to cheat.

Joe-joe dice -- If we ever need to make the roll we channel the power of joe-joe dice. I saw one game where he, playing a paladin, fighting an anti-paladin, rolled 20s to hit and 20s to parry 4 times in a row each. He once shot a arrow at a flying dragon hitting it in the eye and killing it with one arrow.

Ken dice -- The exact opposite of Joe-joe dice. That man has the worst luck with dice rolling I have ever seen. If you start to have horrible rolls we call it either ken dice or ken luck.

2013-06-20, 05:21 AM
Last night the LFR group I'm in inventedd the Suppository Mints. Supposi-Mints.

Yeah, you should have been there.

2013-06-20, 07:23 AM
In the current group we have a "joke" going on that stems from our Warhammer game.

Our Witchhunter is interrogated and due to this being in another room as we were planning the next steps we can't hear anything... except for the OOC phrase "[DM's nickname] I can't do that..." in a whiny tone. Now everytime something get's "hard" we say this phrase in his games.

2013-06-20, 07:38 AM
First, wow, these are great!

In a campaign I was in the party cleric was the only human character of the bunch, and also happened to be the party face. Unfortunately, he had notoriously bad rolls. One time, when we were trying to negotiate with a sentient polar bear (yes, the DM ripped off Golden Compass, don't judge), he rolled a natural 1 on Diplomacy. Thinking quickly, the third party member and myself rolled Diplomacy and each passed the DC, saving the situation, but from that day on the cleric was known as "Morndil, Poor Speaker of Men."

Totally Guy
2013-06-20, 08:22 AM
I once introduced a Dwarf NPC to the game called Longbeard Knobbles.

Some of the players thought it was a funny name and kept saying "Knobbles!" in a funny voice. They'd make it longer and shorter and higher and lower. It kept being funny for us.

A while later one guy decided to write it on another player's facebook wall:


The recipient of this facebook wall message happened to be trans-male... It did not go well.

I told the player that his comment had unleashed something bad online and he went back to post again:

"This is a private joke."

Flippin' heck!

Sir Enigma
2013-06-20, 09:51 AM
"Roll a Survival check."
"<insert number here>"
"You fail to survive, make a new character"'

I don't know exactly how this got started, but it now comes up any time a Survival check is called for, and frequently when other skills are called for as well.

2013-06-20, 02:16 PM
Well, when I mentioned the unbearable truth of bears, I have to get one-upped by my own group...
There is now an obsession with deer in the group. The puns are flying, and there was a serious proposal (this is a Kingmaker campaign) to not only make our official animal the deer, but to make the official god the deer god, and our farms produce only deer.
And the deer puns. Oh dear lord the dear puns.
...it's like I'm in Nara all over again.

2013-06-20, 04:27 PM
"I eat it!"
Anyone who plays ANYTHING with a bite attack in our games traditionally eats the first enemy he slays, giving him HP.
The first instance was when a buddy of mine was playing a Lizardfolk barbarian and I was a Gnomish Sorcerer.

DM: The wolves fall quickly before your battleaxe. Cris, roll a Knowledge arcana check.

Me: 20.

DM: The wolves seem to be covered in a purple substance. Investigate further?

Me: Sure

Friend: *nom, nom* what were you saying?

DM: Oh...

Turns out it was geas. Friend had to drink a potion to get rid of it, and make will saves. Lesser geas btw


Friend: Gotta prepare for everything *burp*

2013-06-20, 05:51 PM
Some long-running jokes in my group.

"Jim drops his sword!" "The brave Sir Jim drops his sword!" "Sir Jim valiantly drops his sword!"

So we have a player named Jim, who likes to make his characters badass. He fills their backstory with machismo and moments of facing down death with a grin. The first of these characters had a sword from his ancestors that he was supposed to never dishonor by losing a battle or something.

Unfortunately for Jim there were two things; 1) he was the worst optimizer I have ever seen in a game, and 2) he is a coward and it bleeds through into his character. When the odds are even slightly against the team he'll be the first one to put the blade away and beg, or in a fight the first to be disarmed. So it's a long recurring theme that we point out every time he drops or loses his sword declaring it in an epic voice as though something amazing has happened.

"Helllooo boys," (said in a deep raspy manly voice). When I GM I like to add voices and manorism to my characters. So I made the deepest voice I could for a character, and after my players started talking to the character I decided, why not, let's make it a girl. So she acted indignant when they called her a he, and after the surprise wore off I decided to have some fun with it. One of my players is the shyest guy alive, I don't think he's ever gotten the courage to even talk to a girl. So I had this croaky old woman who I described as toad-like in every way flirt and make advances on his character. Laughter was had by everyone (except shy-player). So after that I decided that every game I would have Helga pop up somewhere, mostly as a tavern owner, or innkeeper, or matron of a brothel or whatever. And every time she would introduce herself with "Helloo boys," and start flirting with Shyguy's character.

The epic story of Sir Nolan the Brave. In my first campaign as GM there were only 3 players, none of whom wanted to play a meatshield. So in one of the early battles I had two basically nameless guards whose job was essentially to absorb some hits and die. And one of them did that job perfectly. The other, rolled 3 crits in a row and ended up being the most valuable combatant in the fight. Impressed, my players asked for the guard to accompany them and so was created Nolan the guard. And he got more awesome as time went, one game every die roll I made that was above 10 was an attack made by Nolan. The players liked the guy mostly because I made him moral without being obtuse about it, and just generally helpful. And since he was by his nature expendable, if any players character was in trouble I would just send Nolan to go try and help out. By the end of his run I think he had personally saved the lives of every single party member at some point, all while I was actually trying my best to fairly kill him off.

So I had a GMPC on my hands, unfortunately, I despise them on a fundamental level. I kept him along until we gained a new player who wanted to play a barbarian (the aforementioned Jim) at which point he left the party (which worked well since they had just decided to make a few immoral decisions giving him a reason to leave). But the players still liked him so I kept bringing him back in later campaigns as stories about what happened to Nolan. They heard a bard sing about how he was knighted after being the first soldier to scale the wall during the battle to reclaim his lost city. Another campaign mentioned him in passing as a guard of the king. And so on. And each time he's mentioned my players basically shout "Nolan!" and have a drink in his honor. It's silly but fun.

2013-06-20, 08:10 PM
So I had a GMPC on my hands....
....And each time he's mentioned my players basically shout "Nolan!" and have a drink in his honor. It's silly but fun.
This is quite honestly I think the best story here so far. Good use of "recurring character" that never actually shows up and does anything plot relevant anymore, but still remains a fan favorite. I'm sure if your campaign was an anime all of the audience would be picking apart every episode like "Where's Waldo?" to find him.

2013-06-20, 08:22 PM
So my players were going through an initiation to the adventurers guild.

The final task involved them finding themselves in a room with no doors, a light in the corner, and a chair in the center. under the chair was a knife. once the knife was taken a clone of yourself would appear and argue with you over who was the real you. After three characters fail the "test of self" by killing the clone on player decides to kill himself with the knife as a joke. So he succeeded the test (The adventurers guild was kinda crazy btw). so now whenever I put a difficult puzzle or task in front of them they say "I know what to do!" and pantomime stabbing themselves. -sighs-

John Campbell
2013-06-21, 01:10 AM
Once upon a time, before 3E was a thing, my AD&D party entered a badly described room, where whoever wrote the description had taken too much to heart their English teacher's advice to not repeat words, placed things relative to other things in the room without using the same noun to refer to the things in successive mentions, and used generally ambiguous language to describe things, to the point that we ended up spending a considerable amount of time interrogating the DM about things like whether the "portal" and the "archway" were the same egress or two different ones, whether either of those was the "doorway", and whether any of them were the way we'd come in, whether "on the wall to the right of the fireplace" meant "on the same wall as the fireplace, but to its right", or "on the wall that's to your right when you're facing the wall with the fireplace on it", and so on. Finally, we managed to get the basic layout of the room sorted out, and, not seeing anything of interest, decided to leave through the doorway. At this point, the DM said, "Aren't you going to do anything about the demon head?"

"What demon head?" we asked.

"The severed demon head lying in the middle of the room," the DM replied. This was, needless to say, the first mention of any such thing.

This story has followed me through various groups, editions, game systems, to the point that basically anyone I've played with since will use, "What demon head?" as shorthand for, "Uh, GM, you seem to have left out a critical bit of description here."

Our Shadowrun group was being run through Food Fight, an introductory adventure. They're getting chow at the "Stuffer Shack," 2070's equivalent of a 7-11, when a bunch of thugs blow up the front of the store and start making a hassle.
"Who robs a convenience store with a katana?! This is not the fragging Meiji Restoration!" -- our sammy, during Food Fight

2013-06-21, 11:43 AM
Rolling a 1 on Knowledge (arcana) always gives the same answer on a failure. "Magic isn't real!" said in a dismissive tone. When the same happens with Knowledge(religion), it results in momentary atheism.

"It's cold iron."
Used when we're trying to sell mundane gear for much more than it's worth. The party actually used this line successfully when trying to bluff a shopkeeper into buying a sword that wasn't even masterwork. Prestidigitation to cool it down, a horrifyingly high Bluff check (we use exploding 20s for skill checks, and there were 4 consecutive 20s) and a 1 on Sense Motive.

"This is safe and won't come back to haunt us!"
Whenever doing something that will almost certainly have repercussions that will come back to make things harder, but they're doing it anyway. This actually started a few sessions ago. They fought a bunch of low-level clockwork horrors (mostly copper, with a couple of Silvers) and the party rogue used Disable Device to shut one of them down (a mechanic I had come up with when planning the encounter). They took all the corpses, loaded them up on a wagon (they were quite low-level) and took them to the biggest town in the setting. They sold the corpses for a lot of money. They sold the deactivated one for much more to a wacky artificer of the mad scientist sort, knowing full well that he plans on activating it to study and whatnot, that clockwork horrors are capable of exponential replication, and that the last time clockwork horrors appeared in the world, it was a near-apocalyptic problem, and there were horrendous casualties.

2013-06-21, 12:10 PM
As a party, we spend a lot of time in taverns, bars, pubs, and other places where alcohol is dispensed in large quantities. The favorite word of the party as a whole seems to be, "ANOTHER!"

2013-06-21, 01:45 PM
My warrior obsessed with hygiene started this one for our group. "Oil... Soap..." ~makes wax on wax off motions~

"YOU WILL WEAR PANTS IN MY TOWN!!!!" is one my group remembers fondly. One of the characters who was the lord of the town was mad at me his goblin servant/sorcerer/dragon/accountant because I was naked, bruised and covered in bits of garbage and rotten vegetables from the people and was generally having a bad day so I was somewhat ignoring him and heading to my room to get myself a new burlap potato sack to wear (yes he wore a potato sack by choice).

"Man if only we had a chicken." Is a reference people use on occasion to irque me in game because my character had bought over 8 chickens throughout a campaign and they all perished in unique and horrible/accidental ways in various dungeons.

~Swedish chef style borking~ (random times for no reason)

"Oh jeez here he goes again~ ok just tell me the dice roll and i'll tell you how much I enjoyed it, I don't want to waste the next twenty minutes listening to how you describe the dish you're preparing for us..." This or something close too it occurred a few sessions in from when I introduced a 'cook' to the party.

~holds fingers to lips and makes a 'shhhh' sound as if im also making several 'tsktsktsk' sounds. ie - Shhhshhhshhhshhhshhhh~ This became our group 'im observing something super evil from a character' thing. It happened in one game where I was playing a barbarian wildling, I didn't like the invading city folks and frontier settlers so my stealthy barbarian snuck into town and ambushed a family walking at night. It was an elderly man and his two sons, physical description of popeye and bluto respectively. So I drop down from the roof and slink over clubbing the fat one into the wall with my two handed weapon, he's incapacitated. Surprise round is over I then whack the sickly son with the tumors and signs of a seizure and he too is dead or incapacitated. The father at this point is huffing and trying to catch his breath and clutching his heart so that he can call for help but fails to do so in time as I reach over ever so calmly and grab his mouth and head with my left hand, hold my right pointer up to my lips and begin shaking my head slowly as I shh him. He passes out and lets just say the situation gets worse when I look through their stuff and notice one of the random junk loots is 'carpenters nails' "Per~fect..." lol.

2013-06-22, 09:50 AM
My game group has a good handful of 'in-jokes' that have been the source of many "I have no idea what you guys are talking about" when hanging out with people who don't game with us.

If I had hours at my hand right now, I'd write them all, but instead I'll start with this:

"Monks don't die." :smallcool:

A game of Pathfinder turned intrigue as our party found ourselves wrapped in a plot of Werebears infiltrating governments in an attempt to fall a nation (or something retarded like that).

What started as a four-man group including a dual-wielding lul-not-lawful Paladin, a grapple-barian, an Oracle and my whip-centric lul-chaotic Bard eventually was brought down to just my character. We had enough of the intrigue bull**** and sought adventure in the form of tackling an orc camp. The Oracle had dropped the game and then, due to some poor choices in campsites, the Paladin and Barbarian were slain in combat while my Bard got the hell out of dodge, eventually finding herself in an adventuring town.

Since my character had dreams of running an adventurer's guild, she tried to recruit a new party in order to actually get something done in terms of the plot. The two players returned with a Wizard and an Archer (who had purchased a dog with Bear stats named Snoop Lion/ don't ask). We also had a small handful of NPCs lined up, including a low-level Monk named Paul.

Paul, being played by the DM who played him as if Paul were being played by a new-to-tabletop player, was the source of a good amount of amusement. When asked what made him (in character) become a Monk, he responded with, "I heard that monks are really good and, like, don't ever die."

Being two or so levels below us, Paul was utilized as an expendable meat shield. He was lucky to hit anything, let alone do decent damage. Often, the first round of combat passed with Paul dropping unconscious, but he never actually died. Granted, his sole use was soaking one or two blows, but that was a handful of damage the rest of the party never needed to suffer.

It got so ridiculous that we even began keeping a counter for how many times Paul was 'pwned-but-not-killed' throughout the game.

When the game ended with a TPK for more stupid mistakes (no one at the table either wanted to play intrigue, or had the wits to do it correctly), Paul, Snoop Lion, and a late-to-the-game player (Rogue) were the only ones to survive. Paul and Snoop Lion would then return as the plot hook for our current (and unrelated plot-wise) Pathfinder game.

Every time it looked like Paul would die off and one of us said something like, "This could be it for Paul," another one of us would respond, "Don't be stupid. Monks don't die."

This theory was later proven incorrect when the player of the lul-not-lawful Paladin and later the Wizard, built a Monk for our current Pathfinder game. Long story abbreviated somewhat, our game had found more intrigue that no one wanted to deal with, so his Monk and my Death-Patron Witch dug up some work from a crime lord which involved trashing a shop and beating up / capturing its owner.

Being Chaotic Evil and not particularly liking the Monk, I decided to go warn the shop keeper in an effort to give the Monk more of a challenge than "sneak in and insta-gib a commoner" as well as bring some guards in to raise the body count. My action ended up leading to about 200% more death than would have happened had I not warned the shop keeper and I was raised to Chaotic Neutral because alignment: how does it work?

Anyways, the Monk figures that I had something to do with making his operation difficult, so he tells some people where our party sleeps so they could send a hit squad after me. The assassins sneak into our inn at night, meet with the Monk, and ask as to the room I was staying. He informs them (incorrectly) and then decides to go to sleep. I had roomed with another party member for safety this night, and when the assassins failed to find me, they went into the Monk's room while he (and Paul, who botched all his Perception checks) were sleeping. One coup de graced the Monk with a battle axe, instantly killing him.

I suppose every rule needs an exception, but hey, Paul was never killed.

2013-06-22, 11:45 PM
In one game, there was a group of 5 of us:
Male Dwarf Fighter (leader)
Female Half-Elf Ranger
Mostly Male Human Rogue (me)
Male Human Paladin (thinks he's leader)
Young Female Human Cleric (12)

The joke is the magic gender changing Rogue.

The Fighter, Ranger, and Rogue were sent to go find an orb (Paladin and Cleric joined later). During our journey to the next town we got sidetracked taking out a cave of Goblins... and didn't have enough water to get to the next town or back to the last one. So the DM decides to 'help' us out with a spring full of water. The Ranger partially failed her nature check and told us that it was safe to drink because animals were drinking from it. My Rogue took a drink first... and found himself with a new gender. We took a sample and filled his water skin as he was 'already doomed'. (We later found out that the Half-Elf would have been fine and she would have noticed that all the animals drinking from it were female.)

After getting to the next town and curing the rogue, we were joined by the Paladin and Cleric and the adventure continued. Later we were tasked by the princess of a kingdom to find a cure for her father, and she secretly tasked the rogue to find out who was poisoning him... by trading places. So the princess uses a potion to become the rogue and the rogue becomes the princess.

Even later we tasked with stealing from a corrupt captain of the guard to expose him. There was a ball going on in the castle and we figured it'd be the perfect time to sneak in... but we needed someone inside to let the others in. So the Half-Elf tried to seduce the guard captain... turns out he's racist. So the Cleric tries... she's too young. So the party is about to give up on that strategy when the Half-Elf remembers that we still have that sample from the spring water and now my rogue is once again female. After seducing him and convincing him to take her to the ball, the Half-elf and Cleric take my Rogue to get her hair done and then get a dress.

Might just stay female next time it happens.

2013-06-23, 01:26 AM
We have not had a group for some time. We have had random game nights with board games. The dwarven song "Gold Gold Gold" is suitable for any and all of them. It started with a game of Dominion when everyone decided to buy a Mine card and make a lot of gold (gold, gold). We wasted a lot of time drawing gold (gold, gold) cards and so the other players began to sing along with every draw. Puerto Rico has a prospector option where you waste a turn digging for gold (gold, gold). Everyone hopes to loot a gold (gold, gold) treasure chest in Descent. Someone asked what kind of ore we were mining in Settlers of Catan, and decided it was gold (gold, gold). The most contested train route in Ticket to Ride led to the gold (gold, gold) mines out west.

2013-06-23, 02:41 PM
"Roll a Survival check."
"<insert number here>"
"You fail to survive, make a new character"'

I don't know exactly how this got started, but it now comes up any time a Survival check is called for, and frequently when other skills are called for as well.

I make this joke occasionally as well. :smallbiggrin:

My Friday group used to play a Terminator game using d20 Modern and set after Judgment Day, when the machines have taken over and humanity is struggling to survive. However, as the game went on we noticed a pattern: whenever we fought SkyNet machines, whether they were flying Hunter-Killer units, Terminators, or something else, the GM suddenly developed horrible luck and couldn't seem to hit us. He made all his rolls in the open, so we know he wasn't fudging either.

To this day, "rolling like SkyNet" is the term for having a series of bad rolls when making attacks in our group. It's even started to spread to a couple of my other gaming groups.

A Tad Insane
2013-06-24, 11:12 AM
There needs to be at least one exploding vermin. If there aren't there will be exploding players, the dice gods will make sure of that.

Also, one of my friends will try and make a warforge, no matter the game. First edition? Warforge. Call of cthulu? Without a doubt. He makes the best backstories, though

2013-06-24, 03:29 PM
A couple more of mine!

Silver tongue. One of our players, Braden (who typically plays tough powerhouses), keeps trying to intimidate, bluff and sweet talk his way through his problems. Unfortunately, his luck is so horrible, he never rolled anything higher then 10 on social skill. Ever. In fact, his dice seem to roll natural one every time his character is trying to say something impressive or reasonable.
Guess who? DARTH VADER! is a bit of old shame of our DM. DM is called Vader. Why? Because he's a bit of a fanboy, which showed during his first game ever. The party played two smugglers, who couldn't be bothered with conflict between the Empire and rebels, but during the first session we were kidnapped by imperials, led by Darth Vader. When we ran away, we were re-captured and told we are to be seen by a special guest - the Dark Lord himself. After a bit of talking, he said we are force-conscripted into stromtroopers. Of course, we deserted. Unfortunately, very soon we were re-captured. Again. We were escorted to - what a surprise - Darth Vader, who... promoted us to his secret agents. Darth Vader was everywhere - on Nar Shadaa, on our ship, in our prison, in our minds, in our hearts. And where Darth Vader was not, Boba Fett showed up to compensate.
Long story short, after all these years, every time we are to see some sort of imperial, we expect him to be Darth Vader.
Skills must work - we are rolling knowledge checks to know, if the guys in front of us are soldiers - despite armor and weapons they hold. Why? Because skills must work. We use Pilot to levitate on a floating rock. Why? Because skills must work. Use Computer to use Google? Skills must work. Why are we using survival instead of just shooting prey? Skills must work. To find the one thing internet was created for? Skills. Must. Work! Oh, and speaking of which...
You see suggestive images involving twi'leks, and you see it everywhere. Even on ancient rakata supercomputer.

2013-06-24, 03:49 PM
In star wars I've apparently established a pattern of playing Cerean force users to such an extent that someone was surprised when I was rebuking.

I asked him, "Why are you surprised? It's one of my primary force powers."

He says to me, "Because you didn't lean forward with your fore and middle finger against your temple while wearing your in character helmet."

Because apparently i'd never noticed my habit of doing this in game while rolling with the other hand because apparently I would always use my cone to bend attacks around me or bat them back...

And yes, im the only one at the table who puts on anything for game. ~chuckle~


Whenever our friend bob runs we have a running pool under the table on when Grand Moff tarquin will show up as our apparent nemesis. ~chuckle~

2013-06-25, 07:12 PM
"I kill it with a rock."

First ever adventure with my group, I'm running them through a short, low-level module so they can get a handle on the rules (D&D 3.5 May not have been the best choice for a new group, but it's what I know.) Members of the party include a Half-Orc Fighter, a Human Two-Weapon Ranger who chose to use a Greatsword instead(She's smart, what can I say), a Dwarven Fighter with a Crossbow focus, a Half-Elf Sorcerer, and three Halflings-a Rogue, a Wizard, and a Bard.

Well, while exploring one of the rooms, the party attracts the attention of a den of rats. I roll to see how many come out, and roll the maximum-4. But nobody in the party can hit them. The Half-Orc and the Ranger are swinging away, the Rogue is trying to land a sneak attack, the Wizard, Sorcerer, and Dwarf are all shooting Crossbows, and way in the back, the Bard is singing. After multiple rounds of nobody hitting anyone, the player of the Bard gets fed up, and says "I attack!" Unfortunately, she had neglected to purchase a weapon. Upon being prompted as to what she was attacking with, she replies "I pick up a rock and chuck it at the nearest rat." Improvised sling. Sounded good to me.

She crits. Rolls a twenty to confirm, and then another twenty. Kills the rat instantly. She then proceeds to do the same for each of the other rats, while not a single other party member lands a hit. It seems for now on, the default response on the first round of any combat is to look for nearby stones to throw.

2013-06-26, 09:19 AM
A new DM had our traveling low-level party make a spot check. Some of us succeeded and noticed that we were being stalked by dire tigers. Someone said "Uh, I think those are way above our challenge rating". The DM, realizing his mistake said "Oh, oops. Ok, they're actually boars." My immediate reply was "We're being stalked by boars?". The ensuing laughter ended the session and now, when we encounter a monster doing something unnatural or against its usual nature, we are "being stalked by boars".

The activation word for the Rod of Wonder is always "Kaboom".

During a certain adventure, a tribe of goblins decided to wait for us to leave the dungeon to attack us. Our DM's excellent description was "As you exit the tower, you see a sea of green - with morningstars." Which we quote everytime we face a large number of enemies.

Night falls like a brick. You take 2d6 damage.

One time a player making a check of some sort rolled his d20 and got a 4. At the instant it landed, one of my cats jumped up onto the table, batted the die to a 17 and then left like nothing ever happened. We now have a houserule that if a cat interferes with a die roll, the cat's result is the one we use.

2013-06-26, 05:42 PM
Night falls like a brick. You take 2d6 damage.

There is only one possible response to this, you realize. :smallamused:

2013-07-01, 12:52 PM
Our group has an Imp who sounds like Gilbert Gottfried and often breaks the fourth wall

The Fury
2013-07-01, 04:54 PM
Our group has an Imp who sounds like Gilbert Gottfried and often breaks the fourth wall

Man. That sounds like it would be really harsh on the vocal cords of whomever's doing the voice!

2013-07-01, 07:26 PM
Man. That sounds like it would be really harsh on the vocal cords of whomever's doing the voice!

*sniffles a little* it is..........

That's why he doesn't talk much

2013-07-02, 09:13 AM
My campaign running Paizo's Carrion Crown has made a running gag of the party Ninja going first for everything. So much so that I was able I plan out an entire custom dream sequence for him and Father Charlatan (a ghost) haunting him instead if the generic printed one because there wasn't even a remote chance of anyone else picking up the haunt's trigger.

2013-07-02, 02:00 PM
A few good ones:

Any time Exalted is brought up in my group, mention goes to the Zenith caste brawler I made. He was equipped with tiger claws, but after seeing that improvised weapons were form weapons for Solar Hero Style, he barely used them. The meme itself comes from when we got into a bar brawl in a teahouse. Everybody had fun with that, with one of our lunars spending the entire battle eating (while fighting). But the only part anybody remembers is when I uprooted the bar itself (the drink counter, not the building) and used that as my weapon for the rest of combat. Thus started the meme about beating somebody up with a bar.

Then there's the tent. At the beginning of any adventure, every player makes a big show to the DM about the fact that he BOUGHT A TENT, and is sure to mention every night that I AM SLEEPING IN MY TENT!

The story? A character was hit by an assassin while he slept. The assassin made a death attack from the bushes. The character failed his fort save (unexpected, as he was a dwarven fighter). Dead. Then the battle started. A couple rounds in, the dead guy's player looks up from the the DMG and says, "Wait a minute! The assassin has to observe me for 3 rounds before making the death attack. I was in my tent, where he couldn't see me. He has to sneak into the tent and sit there for three rounds first." They backed up and rerolled the assassination, on the agreement that the fort save stuck, as it was so epic. However, given the new modifiers for sneaking involved in sneaking into camp and then into an individual guy's tent, he got caught...and the fighter proceeded to MURDER THE **** OUT OF HIM!

Rope is the most useful item in the book (too many stories to count, is definitely a self-perpetuating meme). We faced down a guy with a net. "RUUUUUUUUUUUUN! HE'S GOT A WEAPON MADE OF ROPE!"

I even had a wizard who became a meme. Transferring him into a 12th level group at level 9 from a campaign long on bad guys and short on good guys, I'd learned how to play every spell for all it was worth (played him from first level). I also hated talking about my multi-round plans. I came in with (what the other players considered) a truly bizarre spell list, with barely any straight combat spells to be found. The first time I spent 3 rounds setting up a spell combo that dealt over 30 dice of damage and killed the boss monster in the room from massive damage (at level 10, no less), the meme became:

Dude, he's pulling out the weird spells. Just stand back and take care of the flunkies.

Last, but not least, we have, "Don't pull a [dude's name]." Dude had the WORST knack for character creation, and perpetually made the most useless characters ever. The Cha 3 barbarian could take the Leadership feat and get a more useful party member. Probably the worst one that survived long enough to live up to its full (awful) potential was a level 18 pure caster who had...6 levels of wizard, 6 of sorcerer, and 6 of cleric. Tons and tons of lvl 3 and below spells and no ability to get past SR...not to mention THREE primary casting stats.

2013-07-02, 03:35 PM
There is only one possible response to this, you realize. :smallamused:

What would that be?

2013-07-02, 08:11 PM
What would that be?

"I attack the darkness!" :smallwink:

2013-07-02, 10:27 PM
"I'm just a simple farm girl who knows noth--" *Smack* *Slap* *Sound of thrown items bouncing off the cleric's head*

2013-07-03, 03:07 AM
"We know the drill"

We were a team of three playing the swedish equivalence of Mutants and Masterminds and quickly realized there was a certain… pattern to any encounter we got into.

There was Imi the thief, a mutated cat-hybrid who, in- and off-game, liked to leave the battle as soon as it got ugly (she usually returned at some point, but still the party got grumpy about it).
There was Julia the scholar and our “fearless” leader, a psimutant (with the power of mind-control), who was a bit quick to despair when said battle got ugly.
Last there was Sebb the soldier, a humanoid mutant, who was the main reason said battle turned ugly. This because he was the only pure fighter in the group and he was great at it… as long as no-one was watching. As soon as another party member was present the player had the worst luck with the dices and he was ALWAYS taken down in the first attack by a critical damage to the head. (This later included critical damage to the chest, but the outcome was the same)

It became the solid foundation on which we built our campaign:

GM: - You are being attacked
Any player: - We know the drill, positions everyone! Sebb, take a critical damage to head and/or chest. Imi, make a “tactical retreat”. Julia, throw yourself into cover and scream “We are going to die!”

Imi (constant reply to the steady stream of criticism of cowardice): - But I always return!

GM: -Where is Sebb?
Player/Sebb: -What round is it?
GM: -Two
Player/Sebb: -Take a wild guess
GM: -…While you’re bleeding out on the floor you watch how a grenade rolls towards you
Player/Sebb: - Why do you hate me?

Julia defending Sebbs presence in the team: -But he is a good fighter!
GM: -Come to think about it, have any of you ever seen Sebb fight? All you’ve ever seen is how he time after another takes critical damage to head and chest. Have you any idea of how much he has cost you in healing drugs? Sebb is not a mutant anymore; he is a cyborg due to all metal that’s etched into his more and more blasted apart walking corpse!

Rules of RPG survival

In the same campaign “The rules to survival, according to Sebb” was created. These are still being used in other RPGs:

#1: Never trust a psimutant (or psyker, witch, magician, or any other creature with psychic powers)
#2: You will never be in a situation where you won’t need your rifle (or other weapon of choice)
#3: Liquid that reaches over your ankles is too deep


During a Dark Heresy campaign the players came up with something they called GM-scrutiny. They would suggest a plan of action, and then stare hard at the GM for a few seconds, usually saying things like:

- She’s smiling! Let’s not do it!
- I can’t tell, roll GM-scrutiny to see if she wants us to do it

In the end, this worked out in the GMs favor since she now had a failsafe way of tricking the players in to doing exactly what she wants them to do

“I wait and see what happens”

This started late one night when GM felt that Tybalt had not had any chance to shine yet. During a battle GM made sure Tybalt was the only one close enough to react and then told him that a group of women and children was being attacked by the enemies, and asked him what he wanted to do. He later blamed it on the late hour, but his response to this was “I wait and see what happens”.
When GM with some distress tells him how they are being slaughtered and once again asks him if he wants to take any particular action he replies “I wait and see what happens”. When everybody’s dead and GM for the third times asks him what he wants to do he thinks for a while and says “I think I’ll go back inside”

After that whenever a situation came up that would either have horrible consequences or be of great help to the players the first reply to “What do you do?” would always be “I wait and see what happens”

“Don’t make me take off my belt!”

In another Dark Heresy campaign we had a player who got his hands on a soft sword. It's an alien weapon that seems to be soft fabric until you activate it, then it gets sloid and sharp. The PC used it as a belt. This way he was always armed. It started once when they was discussing a plan of attack, having no other weapons and not knowing of his alien one. The rest of the goup was distressed and wondered what they would do if they we’re attacked to which the PC replied “Then I’ll take of my belt”

This evolved to be a constant threat from his side. Whenever some NPC was being rude or unhelpful he would say “don’t make me take of my belt” and other players would say “Don’t make him take of his belt”

Maugan Ra
2013-07-03, 04:56 AM

Playing Hunter: The Vigil for the first time. ST does an excellent job conveying how creepy and tense the situation is as we follow what might be a ghost out of the library and towards a nearby alleyway. Then something lunges out of the darkness at me, and I automatically attempt to bludgeon it with the fire extinguisher that I was carrying as an improvised weapon, visibly terrified out of my mind.

Turned out to be a stray cat. Which flew a good twenty foot through the air. And thus was a meme born.

2013-07-03, 07:01 AM
Oliver Winchester is a Pharaoh!
Years back I ran a Wild Western game during the early years of the US civil war. The players tried not to metagame, but they did want the Union to win so they nudged themselves in certain directions covertly. One mission had them trying to rescue some POWs, and among the freed men was Oliver Winchester, famous businessman of the rifle of the same name.
Turns out most of the layers didn't know him by name out of character so I let them do some knowledge checks for info. The team gunslinger "rolled a 1" and declared "Oliver Winchester is a Pharaoh!" as his concluding statement and we all about died laughing right there.

Since then, whenever we meet a historical figure that we're not positive about, we ask if they're a pharaoh. :smallbiggrin:

2013-07-03, 07:10 AM
When one of our players ( vampire named maz) got curbstomped by a high level shaman (read cleric) due to his underestimating of literaly every character in the game, lets just say that one of the others wrote a song about it from the persepective of the shaman

(tune of Thrift Shop)

I'm gonna pop some Maz
only got twenty shamens in my pocket
i'm imma huntin
gonna turn some undead
this is @#$%&*@ awesome