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Laughing Dog
2013-10-02, 07:05 PM
Did you know that your avatar appears to be of Jill Fizart?

If the Excruciarch looks like it's about to hurl, you've gone too far.

Arkhosia
2013-10-02, 07:17 PM
What do you think of my vomiting torture macine?

Cute Girl with a dragon on her head! Your argument is invalid!

Crystalwind
2013-10-02, 08:07 PM
That dragon's burning down the city! We can't let it do this!

Maybe if it wasn't keeping me alive, I'd consider it.

Tris
2013-10-03, 01:58 PM
Can I borrow your heart for an experiment?

70 years and one day after which you owe me a pencil.

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-03, 04:12 PM
What's the payment plan for your thermonuclear warheads?

Death is usually the most simple solution.

Laughing Dog
2013-10-05, 05:32 PM
So how do we get out of this mess?

Kill it with Fire! ... Or water.... Water's fine too.

Arkhosia
2013-10-06, 09:41 AM
How do we get rid of the highly volatile sentient missiles that are a few hundred feet away?


Ah, the cold, it burns!

Korith
2013-10-07, 10:19 AM
"How's the dry ice bath going?"

"Derpy, obviously."

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-07, 04:11 PM
How are you feeling today, Internet?

Huge, ENORMOUS... tracts of land.

Korith
2013-10-08, 01:08 PM
"But why should the prince have to marry her?"

"57mph, with a good tailwind"

DaTamarin
2013-10-08, 03:42 PM
How fast do pigs have to run to get airborne?

"Ms. Swan"

Laughing Dog
2013-10-09, 09:38 AM
So who was it that killed Colonel Mustard in the ballroom with the candlestick?

His name is Hobbes and your argument is now invalid.

Arkhosia
2013-10-09, 10:33 AM
Why is the stuffed animal's mouth covered in tuna? You shouldn't waste tuna like that!


The cultists stole my lawn gnomes!

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-09, 12:50 PM
Why does your lawn look so much better this morning?

Well, there goes the neighborhood.

Laughing Dog
2013-10-09, 12:59 PM
Did you know Old Man Henderson was in the neighborhood?

The Tanker Truck incident.

TinyMushroom
2013-10-09, 02:45 PM
But why am I not allowed to name the newborn?

Not without a prescription.

Tris
2013-10-09, 09:24 PM
Can I borrow some eggs?

He is a fascist communist anarchist.

Arkhosia
2013-10-09, 10:33 PM
Who's the Henderson-Dredd-Vlad person?


NO! NOT MY CABBAGES!

Laughing Dog
2013-10-10, 10:17 AM
Hey Arkhosia, why is your vegetable garden on fire?

You can have never enough HP.

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-10, 05:35 PM
Why the heck did you take the Toughness feat SIX times?

The best damn weekend of my life since that time I hooked up with those two Playboy bunnies.

Quiddle
2013-10-10, 06:20 PM
How was Disneyland?

S***, did you tell her?!

Arkhosia
2013-10-10, 07:50 PM
I killed Mary!


Exterminate! Exterminate!

PersonofJid
2013-10-10, 08:23 PM
What do you think our new pesticide company slogan should be?

Of course! That is, if it doesn't rain tomorrow.

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-11, 12:43 PM
Ready to go invade Fiji?

It cost me a half year's pay, but it was worth every penny.

Korith
2013-10-11, 01:17 PM
"How's your electrum-plated ice cream cone doing?"

"IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!" *smashes scouter*

ImpSyndrome
2013-10-11, 01:33 PM
Wasn't the name of the game "The Wonderful 101"?

Based on my analysis, I'd say the only practical solution is to use napalm.

Arkhosia
2013-10-11, 01:36 PM
What should we do to fix the rat infestation at your apartment?


Not my fault. Someone put a wall in my way.

Dudeons
2013-10-11, 01:39 PM
That's just like you; perfectly usable door, and you smash in through the wall. Why?

Well, what else would I use Magikarp for?

Laughing Dog
2013-10-11, 04:29 PM
Why are you beating Arkhosia with that fish?

There is no fork, there is no fork...

Tris
2013-10-12, 02:14 AM
Could you pass me the silverware?

But you broke a royal promise!

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-12, 08:51 AM
Why won't you forgive me for the time I betrayed a centuries-old treaty, invaded your country, enslaved your people, and executed all your family?

Well, the good news is we now have an opening to promote that smart kid in the mail room.

Rover
2013-10-12, 11:13 AM
What happened to the office!?



No. That one belongs to George Lucas.

Laughing Dog
2013-10-12, 03:56 PM
Can we park in that spot?

NORA!

Arkhosia
2013-10-12, 09:20 PM
Who do you think I act like?

Batman can breathe in space. Why? Because he's Batman!

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-12, 10:38 PM
So what useless fact is the Internet obsessing over today?

Not the face! Anywhere but the face!

ImpSyndrome
2013-10-14, 11:53 AM
Hmm, now where should this needle go...?

Well, EXCUSE ME for not knowing how to hot-wire a cruise missile!!

Dudeons
2013-10-15, 02:17 AM
What's with all that hullabaloo in Cuba?!

Well, I know this really good one...

Laughing Dog
2013-10-15, 11:44 AM
Do you know where I can find a half dozen succubi at this time of night?

Obviously, you send the infantry after the calvalry.

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-15, 04:29 PM
Any suggestions for my military-themed Yakety Sax video?

Eh, those guys were a bunch of jerks anyway.

Arkhosia
2013-10-15, 04:31 PM
Why the hell did you put a bomb in the peace diplomats?!

BRING ME MORE COOKIES!!!

Tris
2013-10-15, 07:32 PM
Do you want anything else?

The river is small. The sea is big.

Laughing Dog
2013-10-16, 12:47 AM
What did that vaguely-wise hermit say again?

BLOOD FOR THE KHORNE DOGS!!!!

ImpSyndrome
2013-10-16, 11:37 AM
OK, here's a challenge for you: what's the most dramatic thing you can shout at the top of your lungs when adding ketchup to lightly-breaded beef franks?

I couldn't help myself; she had Reese's Pieces!!

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-16, 02:35 PM
Why did you feel it necessary to throw her off the plane?

We're gonna need a bigger boat.

Rover
2013-10-16, 04:46 PM
Do you like the new mini yacht I got for our fishing trip?



Horned beetles with a shotgun.

Laughing Dog
2013-10-17, 07:35 AM
What's that on the horizon?

We are not allowed to have a heart.

Tris
2013-10-17, 09:16 PM
Remind me again. Why can't just go ask the wizard?

Xanoids kill plantoids.

ImpSyndrome
2013-10-18, 02:49 PM
So why do we keep xanoids and plantoids separate again...?

See, I TOLD you there was a Spaceballs reference in there somewhere!!

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-18, 06:16 PM
What do you think about this book stating that people who selflessly do good things are inherently less intelligent than people who put themselves first?

Um, sir... evil overlord dude with snake hair is on line two.

Dudeons
2013-10-18, 06:50 PM
Cut, cut! The evil overlord is supposed to speak first!

Put ketchup on it and it just might activate!

Arkhosia
2013-10-18, 06:53 PM
Oh god, the tomato replication machine is broken! Our food supply is going to be wiped out!


Napalm!

Rover
2013-10-18, 09:39 PM
What do you love the smell of in the morning?



I spilled grape juice on the mystic relic.

Tris
2013-10-19, 03:28 PM
Why are the gods going to destroy our village?

My calculator says 4568+i.

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-19, 04:49 PM
How much are we getting paid for this job?

I think we got ourselves a cheater here, boys.

Rover
2013-10-19, 09:01 PM
How many yahtzees does that make?


Somewhere between here and venus.

Tris
2013-10-19, 09:07 PM
Where did I leave my glasses?

Ot woll onlo toko o socond.

Rover
2013-10-19, 09:09 PM
How long ontol wo got tho othor vowols bock


Spreadsheets for the business god!

EDIT: I just violated three post rule twice. Sorry.:smallfrown:

Laughing Dog
2013-10-20, 04:18 PM
What did you overhear Dilbert say?

They steal our bones and take our blood.

Dudeons
2013-10-21, 08:07 AM
What do desperate vampires do?

If we go upwards redways before making a clockwise turn to the left, I think we'll be on to something.

ImpSyndrome
2013-10-21, 09:17 AM
So, got any idea how we're going to get out of this maze, Commander Crayon?

There's no time for that! We need to go straight to Plan B...Ready the conductive rolling pin!!

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-21, 01:44 PM
Chef Gaspar, do we have enough time to make an anti-zombie cake batter?

The sheer amount of stupid in that last sentence has caused all of my brain's higher functions to shut down.

Rover
2013-10-21, 07:10 PM
Could woodchucks chuck wood if we wire the woodchucks to some strange wood chucking contraption made of wood to allow maximum wood chucking capacity?



Now if only they would.

Arkhosia
2013-10-22, 06:55 PM
We gave the woodchucks superstrength, any ideas on convincing them to throw trees?

"Genes are like muscles; the more you use them, the more you end up with, and the more are passed on to your offspring, like with giraffe necks."

Quiddle
2013-10-22, 10:02 PM
Why do your kids keep wetting their beds?



Of corse, it would be better with hot sauce.

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-23, 01:46 AM
Aren't these barbecued pterodactyl wings the best?

On the advice of my lawyer, I refuse to answer that question.

Laughing Dog
2013-10-23, 09:16 AM
Do you know the Muffin Man?

That sword is made out of the tears of orphans!

Arkhosia
2013-10-23, 11:06 AM
Can I give the sword to the Paladins for a peace bargain?


Repent! Repent before the Demons eat your cakes! Think of the pastries!!!

Dudeons
2013-10-23, 11:10 AM
My bakery is having a clearance sale on Easter and I need some good advertising; any ideas?

Do a barrel roll!

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-23, 11:59 AM
How are we gonna get through this rush hour traffic?

I think I found the source of the problem.

Tris
2013-10-24, 01:56 AM
Why are you laying on the table looking through a magnifying glass at my cat?

The storM did it.

Dudeons
2013-10-24, 12:52 PM
Why am I losing at this Halo match?

Tie 'em up and make them listen to Creepypasta stories while doing a Christian Bale impression.

4here4
2013-10-24, 04:00 PM
What should we do for our cult's initiation ritual this month?

I don't know. But the cars have all got rabies.

CrimsonKnight
2013-10-24, 06:35 PM
So how was your road trip?

Well, that escalated quickly.

Laughing Dog
2013-11-03, 12:12 AM
Do you know why I went from Level five Pokemon to Level 90s in one week?

Our steel teeth grind eternally.

5a Violista
2013-11-03, 12:26 AM
What shall we to show respect to the Muffin Lord?

Three vampires dancing, two sick hens, and a musicbox in a tower.

4here4
2013-11-03, 10:51 AM
*Slams door hurriedly* Okay. I'm going to ask you one question. What in the world was that?

It was more like that time when the ettin did it first.

Tris
2013-11-03, 12:43 PM
Doesn't that remind you of the time where we found that cat-lord?

Snuggles is coming for me! I'm DOOMED!

Rover
2013-11-03, 04:57 PM
Why is there a rabbit with a scythe at the door?


Popsicle sales have gone through the roof!

Arkhosia
2013-11-03, 05:15 PM
Why is the ceiling have a hole filled up with a giant pillar of money?


NOT THE TIN FOIL! NOT THE TIN FOIL!

4here4
2013-11-03, 09:41 PM
Hey, buddy, do you have any spare aluminum?

Well, as long as I can scratch a tree, yes.

ImpSyndrome
2013-11-04, 12:03 PM
Hey, I just had an epiphany! Any chance I could get you to pretend you're a cat for a few hours?

Trust me, friend: it's better that you don't know...I still have nightmares about it...

Dudeons
2013-11-04, 01:57 PM
What does the fox say?

I am a man! *punch*

Korith
2013-11-04, 02:22 PM
"Pardon me ma'am, but is this the way to the train station?"

"I'm pretty sure that if you continue doing that, you'll end up unraveling the fabric of reality and get a really nasty skin rash."

Sethman27
2013-11-04, 02:56 PM
What happens if I keep dividing by 0?

For that you'll have to kill me MR bond

4here4
2013-11-04, 03:06 PM
Hey! Buddy! What's a guy have to do to get a drink around here?

Leave now, mortal fool! It shall awaken!

CrimsonKnight
2013-11-04, 04:36 PM
Why is your bathroom barricaded shut?

Twenty crates of worthless junk.

Tris
2013-11-04, 08:47 PM
And what would you like today from Mr. Bozzo's Wondershop?

My friend Godot could probably help you out.

Rover
2013-11-04, 09:31 PM
Where can I buy the new Google glass and a whole bunch of coffee?


I threw one of them off the docks.

EbrithilAdaniel
2013-11-04, 09:45 PM
What did we do with the gnome pirates?

I don't think we have enough explosive cream cheese for that.

4here4
2013-11-04, 11:04 PM
Ok, guys. We're launching a full-scale excavation of the bagel mines today. Any objections?

Not without dressing like a Spanish guy's left arm, you won't!

Arkhosia
2013-11-06, 06:22 PM
Can I go trick or treating?


I told you to stop putting those in flying pigs!

Tris
2013-11-06, 09:10 PM
Can I have some more quarters?

You'll understand when you're older.

Dudeons
2013-11-06, 11:57 PM
Dad, how did they fit twenty sides onto one die?

You eat sushi with a spoon in the bathroom with your mom at 5:00!

4here4
2013-11-07, 03:50 PM
So, all during filming, I didn't quite understand what my character was really doing in the movie. Hey, you saw it, right? What was that one scene in the bathroom about?

But then we wouldn't have enough quasars to go around.

CrimsonKnight
2013-11-07, 07:25 PM
Why'd the government stop our research into collapsing stars into quantum singularities?

My ukelele demands justice for such an insult!

EbrithilAdaniel
2013-11-07, 08:13 PM
Dude, why would anyone play a bard?

Never. NEVER!!!!!

Tris
2013-11-07, 10:25 PM
Hey. Can I borrow some eggs?

It's like a left turn except it's to the right.

Arkhosia
2013-11-07, 10:26 PM
Why the hell do you have so much trouble turning left!


NOT THE FAAAACE!

4here4
2013-11-07, 11:49 PM
Where should I start the incision, doctor?

Well, obviously. My teeth aren't tap dancers!

CrimsonKnight
2013-11-08, 02:27 PM
Why do you put little slippers on to each of your teeth before eating?

You are one hell of a team player.

EbrithilAdaniel
2013-11-08, 09:17 PM
Hey, could you come over on saturday, I'm hosting a party for the whole group all morning, and then I'm providing snacks for everyone and giving them a ride home and then, well, you get the idea.

Seriously? I don't even think that's possible. No seriously don't try it

Arkhosia
2013-11-08, 09:45 PM
Can I make a black hole with a spoon?


Nanananananana fat man!

Dudeons
2013-11-10, 09:11 AM
Quick, I need a Ben Affleck diss!

Private, I want you to pick up that gun and GO GO GO!

CrimsonKnight
2013-11-20, 04:19 PM
Hey Sarge, how's my paperwork to get discharged from the Army for being a conscientious objector going?

Oooooh... that's gonna leave a mark.

AKA_Bait
2013-11-20, 05:09 PM
Can you just sign here please?

Behold the power of cheese!

4here4
2013-11-20, 05:24 PM
Dude! I'm starving. What's left in the fridge?

Tropical laser beams... Laser beams of love.

Laughing Dog
2013-11-20, 05:40 PM
Why did you let that magical girl from Hawaii blast you?

Meat Shield Powers, Activate!

EbrithilAdaniel
2013-11-20, 07:37 PM
Alright, you're the fighter, you go up there and take them out, we'll back you up

I think you turn left at the centre of the universe

Volcan
2013-11-20, 07:55 PM
how do u get left of the center of the universe

hmmmmm im not quite sure wait actually i am sure, Sardines!

4here4
2013-11-21, 03:44 PM
Geez, what is that... stuff all over your face?

More like MAXIMUM TOOTH PREVENTION.

Neodan282
2013-11-21, 10:19 PM
So why did he need a punch to the face?

There are many reasons for that. I'll tell you when I think of them.

CrimsonKnight
2013-11-22, 01:12 PM
Why would you intentionally feed our gnome wizard to the dragon?!

Caution: contents under pressure.

AKA_Bait
2013-11-22, 01:20 PM
What's the most appropriate warning sign for law students during final exams?

Then she threw the hedgehog at me.

Laughing Dog
2013-11-22, 04:21 PM
So after your wife kicked you out of your house, what happened?

I dis-arm the monk. Then I de-leg him.

DarkLightDragon
2013-11-23, 11:51 PM
How did you get banned from the local monastery?

Of course I can, but you have to buy me lunch first.

Volcan
2013-11-24, 07:13 PM
Can u give me 20,000,000 dollars?

No eat his brains then twist is arms and shove them up his butt

Dudeons
2013-11-24, 11:03 PM
What should we do for warmup at yoga, stretches?

I'm an angel with a shotgun, fight until the war's won, I don't care if Heaven won't take me back!

CrimsonKnight
2013-11-25, 10:53 AM
So how goes the script for your gritty "Touched By An Angel" remake?

AK-47s for everybody!

DarkLightDragon
2013-11-25, 12:32 PM
What is your primary electoral promise for the council vote this year, Mr.Knight?

No, put that down. You want the blue one.

Laughing Dog
2013-11-25, 01:58 PM
You said I wanted the red lightsaber, right?

Waitaminute... I'm a mercenary, mercenaries are considered disposable, and I'm the Token Evil Teammate... Aw, Crap.

Eternis
2013-11-27, 04:28 PM
Are you SURE the wizard is only being nice and letting you at the loot first?

Hm... I think around Doomsday, but Friday if you're feeling impatient.

CrimsonKnight
2013-11-29, 12:08 PM
Want to go on a date?

Go for the eyes!

Grozomah
2013-11-29, 01:01 PM
What is the battle cry of true berserkers?

Sharks, piloted by cats.

Strategos
2013-11-29, 05:59 PM
"Quick, I need your help! The Christmas parade is in a couple of hours and the reindeer pulling Santa's sleigh are all sick. Do you have anything that we can use to replace them, anything at all?"

**sighs**
"No. That's why I need three dozen ice-cream cones in the first place!"

DarkLightDragon
2013-11-29, 11:57 PM
Is the annual orphan picnic still on?

Oh, come on! It'll never work!

CrimsonKnight
2013-11-30, 07:24 PM
Why won't you be my human sacrifice to summon an Elder God?

You didn't use a big enough gun.

Dudeons
2013-11-30, 07:57 PM
Why won't my muffins rise?

It's powered by a forsaken child!

Blood_caller
2013-12-02, 12:23 PM
Why do your giant robot build for world destruction keep gathering flowers instead og destroying?

A irongolem, 2 pound of cheese and a common house cat.

4here4
2013-12-02, 04:19 PM
This is the weirdest cake I've ever made. What's the next ingredient?

More like twenty lizard gizzards.

Strategos
2013-12-03, 08:06 PM
"Ugh! I can't believe I lost the bet. How many of those things do I have to eat again? Two? Three?"

"Pick me, pick me!"

DarkLightDragon
2013-12-04, 12:08 AM
Who volunteers to be thrown into the fires of Mt. Doom?

It's alive, I tell you!

CapedLuigiYoshi
2013-12-04, 03:33 AM
So, is that sloth dead, or...



Oh, it was nothing, really.

4here4
2013-12-04, 03:12 PM
Woah! Did you see that?! It was blue and covered in slime! It ate tiny breads and excreted political cartoons! It invented every edition of the Playstation from scratch in 30 seconds! What was that thing?!

Well, yes. But not a second time.

Dudeons
2013-12-04, 04:26 PM
Can I get a hug?

A sports car with Herpes.

AKA_Bait
2013-12-04, 05:48 PM
Oh my god, what happened to Herbie the Love Bug?

He would have needed a TARDIS to get to work on time.

CrimsonKnight
2013-12-10, 03:46 PM
Why did the Master call in sick today?

Oy, you're never gonna get those stains out.

4here4
2013-12-10, 03:50 PM
Ugh. My pet otyugh was sick again last night.

Pretty much all the time if I'm aware of it.

Volcan
2013-12-10, 05:24 PM
do u relize u have a giant nose threatening to end the earth and bring about the apocolypse

stop asking stupib questions about mind flayers

ts20fan
2013-12-12, 06:58 PM
Do Mind Flayers know how to spell?

That's why we have concrete ear muffs.

Dudeons
2013-12-12, 07:12 PM
WHY ARE YOU PLAYING SKILLET AT FULL BLAST?!

This demon can only be driven out by brofist.

D20ragon
2013-12-12, 09:36 PM
Why is the toast beating me?? Is it possessed?:smalleek:



That's why you carry whipped cream in a shotgun.

4here4
2013-12-13, 03:50 PM
You'll never believe this! I was just attacked by a zombie made of ice cream!

Because the wrench said so!

Scarlet Knight
2013-12-14, 04:13 PM
Why did the nut bolt?

Margaritaville

CrimsonKnight
2013-12-14, 04:36 PM
Where did you lose your pants, shoes, and dignity at?

That was then, this is now.

enderlord99
2013-12-14, 06:13 PM
Wasn't that guy supposed to insult us? Rather than what he's actually doing, which is telling some weird story about how he lost his arm? (http://theholders.org/?The_Holder_of_Doom,_as_according_to_Jack)

I'd tell you why, but I would need O5 approval first, and things are a bit too urgent for that.

Eternis
2013-12-14, 06:38 PM
Chicken. In my Office.
WHY?!

The blue whale answers only at mid-morning.

Targ Collective
2013-12-14, 11:40 PM
Why is he silent?

The incantation you need is Portis scliatoris zebenis maliforious.

Lifscuetorya
2013-12-16, 12:06 AM
What's an incantation for an ominous latin phrase?


It was delicious.

Dudeons
2013-12-16, 12:41 PM
What do you think of that time travel device I submitted to you?

Boom! That just happened! Mic drop! :smallcool:

CrimsonKnight
2013-12-17, 07:20 PM
Did we just beat Cthululu in a rap battle?

Don't laugh, it works.

D20ragon
2013-12-17, 07:28 PM
Higgledy piggledy?



Wham! Pow! Pizza!... Or not...

rs2excelsior
2013-12-17, 08:58 PM
Can you REALLY cook with nothing more than explosives and kung-fu?

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

CapedLuigiYoshi
2013-12-17, 09:55 PM
All I asked is how gravity really works if light can be affected by it! It can't be just based on mass! I want the truth!

-----

It'll solve itself quickly enough.

Targ Collective
2013-12-17, 11:33 PM
^Matter is energy, therefore gravity if it affects matter affects energy. Therefore there is no conflict in it affecting light 'cause light is energy too. Also, observed light behaves like particles.

How can I solve this sentient Rubik's Cube? It keeps messing with me!

In theory this is possible but you need to think about the particulars - quantum thermodynamics has a role to play here as it does in most things.

Dudeons
2013-12-18, 10:51 AM
Could I borrow your dice for a sec?

Nine programmers, a bunch of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic posters, and a bucket of pennies.

AKA_Bait
2013-12-18, 03:42 PM
What am I going to need to pass my classes this semester?

Bees!

4here4
2013-12-18, 03:57 PM
What do you want on your pizza?

Only when the world implodes. Then we can give up.

ts20fan
2013-12-18, 05:15 PM
How many times are you going to try that black hole generator?

Mint chocolate chip, with a side of revenge.

Blood_caller
2013-12-18, 06:14 PM
What do YOU want on your pizza?

It will turn to the blue screen of death.

inuyasha
2013-12-18, 06:57 PM
What if an android ate a penguin with apple slices while looking out a window?

damnit carl you upset the gnomes

D20ragon
2013-12-18, 07:03 PM
I'm just gonna sell the garden ornaments...




Bite me, caesar.

ts20fan
2013-12-18, 09:01 PM
What did Brutus say after Caesar said, "Et Tu Brute?"

Rope. Lots of rope.

4here4
2013-12-18, 10:33 PM
What do you want on your pizza? How do you tie up a phone line?

As the phone said, so it shall be.

AKA_Bait
2013-12-19, 10:37 AM
Why are my ears ringing?

Dance Dance Dance!

Targ Collective
2013-12-19, 10:44 AM
What ends in Revolution?

Some might use the invocation *Harcus Nemeris Milo Humdiazzler* for that, others the invocation *Urtis Hillus Minihus Jojonibus* and others yet *Temeris Hansis Tortus Pliastis* but I always just use a hammer.

TheOnlyCleric
2013-12-21, 01:36 AM
What is the correct invocation for this spell?



Satan's gym class.

4here4
2013-12-21, 01:03 PM
Why are you wearing all that red spandex?

Everyone who could fly.

D20ragon
2013-12-21, 01:36 PM
Who can eat the floating pickle?



Alright. Time to hit that badger with my holiday cheer.

EmeraldRose
2013-12-21, 02:43 PM
So much for Plan A. What do we try for Plan B?

347,566,008.

Dudeons
2013-12-21, 06:37 PM
Vegeta! What does the scouter say about his power level?

Superman! Use Headbutt!

ts20fan
2013-12-22, 09:49 AM
Ok... you managed to catch Superman in a Poke'Ball. Now what?

This Thread.

D20ragon
2013-12-22, 10:27 AM
What is best in life?



Help! I'm choking on a cactus/catfish hybrid!

EmeraldRose
2013-12-22, 01:51 PM
Ok, 8 words, first word, one syllable, sounds like whelp?

But it was just so chewy!

Lifscuetorya
2013-12-22, 11:15 PM
Why did you eat my wookie figurine?
Sorry, it doesn't exactly work, but it was better than anything else I thought up.
It crashed. Into a wall.

rs2excelsior
2013-12-22, 11:56 PM
Why exactly is that office chair destroyed?

Two sheep, matches, and vodka. LOTS of vodka.

Blue Ghost
2013-12-23, 01:37 AM
So, what is your plan to break us into the vault?

Any even number other than forty-two would work.

D20ragon
2013-12-23, 08:06 AM
"Break his mind!"
" With what?"


Hey there Mr. Octopus. C'mon, get off the bicycle.

Dudeons
2013-12-23, 09:58 AM
Spiderman! Doc Ock is doing evil experiments on my bike! Can you make him stop?

TEN MILLION BOTTLES OF MILK ON THE WALL, TEN MILLION BOTTLES OF MILK ON THE WALL...

Volcan
2013-12-23, 10:22 AM
what was that song that we made up a non-alchoholic version for

of course u can eat them, they're fingers

EmeraldRose
2013-12-23, 01:18 PM
Are you sure these things are edible?

It all started that night at the coffee shop...

D20ragon
2013-12-23, 02:07 PM
So, we have a killer sheep-bot on our trail, and only a spoon and a mug to live on. How the **** did this happen?!



Do not deny me, you will put the peanut butter in the laser cannon, or else doom yourself to hell, along with your gerbil.

ts20fan
2013-12-23, 04:36 PM
Why do we need 2 tons of peanut butter?

Why, foam fingers of course!

Lifscuetorya
2013-12-23, 04:51 PM
What would you like for breakfast, lunch, and dinner today?

A fortress of toilets. With fully functional weapons.

EmeraldRose
2013-12-23, 05:29 PM
What can you show me in a size 10?

It was a clockwork Christmas.

D20ragon
2013-12-23, 07:06 PM
The children where snuggled up sleeping in bed while visions of trenchcoats and automatons danced in their heads.


Alright! Alright! You can feed the ooze with a vacuum! Just don't cry to me when it exhusts your uncles freeze ray!

Gnomish Wanderer
2013-12-30, 07:53 PM
Would you hop in this vacuum for me? There's something I gotta try out.

Yeah, and it can go from zero to sixty in ten seconds!

rs2excelsior
2013-12-30, 10:56 PM
Would you hop in this vacuum for me? There's something I gotta try out.

Yeah, and it can go from zero to sixty in ten seconds!

Is... is that a zombie T-Rex?

Somewhere far, far away, where it can never be found. That, or in my refrigerator.

Laughing Dog
2013-12-30, 11:19 PM
Is... is that a zombie T-Rex?

Somewhere far, far away, where it can never be found. That, or in my refrigerator.

So where should I put this corpse?

King Nothing killed Miss Everything.

ImpSyndrome
2013-12-31, 11:27 AM
So, how did your big date go last night?

Now wait just a minute...I'm pretty sure there's a law against that sort of language.

Dudeons
2013-12-31, 02:55 PM
So I can take Elven for my foreign language credit?

Yeah, and then I went home and watched blind commentaries on MLP: FIM.

rs2excelsior
2014-01-07, 11:02 PM
Wait... did you just murder an entire city?

I think so. Either that, or someone else just let loose a giant mutant dinosaur.

(ironically, my question works with my answer as well as the one above this :smalltongue: )

PurityIcekiller
2014-01-07, 11:09 PM
Did you leave those big footprints all across the countryside?

Maybe two or three days, if we're lucky.

EmeraldRose
2014-01-08, 09:36 AM
How long before all the air in the world is gone?

Well, yeah, if you put it like that, I think the only thing to do is eat all the coffee beans.

AKA_Bait
2014-01-08, 11:34 AM
Whatever shall I do with all these excess chocolate covered espresso beans?

The special prize was a chunk of depleted uranium.

ImpSyndrome
2014-01-08, 11:44 AM
I heard the nuclear science fair was a real hit this year. Any idea what brought so many crackpots out to compete?

I can't remember the lyrics, but I think they had something to do with Harrison Ford...

kiapet
2014-01-09, 01:09 PM
Do you remember that song from Star Wars? No wait, I think it was in Indiana Jones. Or was it Ender's Game?

You have just destroyed my will to live.

EmeraldRose
2014-01-09, 01:32 PM
Did you hear that Lucas is going to be making a re-remake of the 3 original movies to include more Jar-Jar and some sort of futuristic Miley Cirus/Barney mixture instead of Carrie Fischer?

But the footprints clearly show it was a cat, not bacon!

Volcan
2014-01-09, 02:45 PM
Follow his trail to the bacons lair

of course u dont have to eat all the hot dogs on planet earth

ts20fan
2014-01-12, 11:04 AM
How do I dispose of all of the hot dogs in the world for our evil plan, master?

It has a can opener, a knife, a flashlight, a calculator, a cannon, a music player, a portal gun, and a warp driver.

rs2excelsior
2014-01-12, 12:15 PM
Wow, that's a cool watch. Does it have a timer or anything?

On Mars. Don't ask how.

Blood_caller
2014-01-12, 12:36 PM
Have you broken up with your girlfriend as we talked about a while back, I haven't seen her resently, were are she now?

The hard part was getting the troll to mate with the mother, training the cub is a walk in the park.

AKA_Bait
2014-01-13, 12:56 PM
Have you made any progress breeding your Trowelbears?

Frankly, I blame Steve Jobs.

Laughing Dog
2014-01-13, 02:22 PM
So why are we stuck in the middle of the Jurrasic period, again?

Ten thousand wolves in the air!:smalleek:

Arkhosia
2014-01-13, 02:33 PM
So why are we stuck in the middle of the Jurrasic period, again?

Ten thousand wolves in the air!:smalleek:

What's the Cat Goddess's attack plan?

Obviously, we need more headlight fluid.

rs2excelsior
2014-01-13, 05:14 PM
What? The headlight laser-beams aren't working? What happened?

A shoe. A left shoe, to be precise.

PurityIcekiller
2014-01-13, 05:43 PM
What did you beat that man to death with?

I was trying to prove a point about the French.

Blood_caller
2014-01-13, 07:05 PM
Why did you paint your nails pink and shave all your hair off?

They have alle been reprogramed to target the danish Queen

EmeraldRose
2014-01-13, 07:59 PM
Can you tell me what happened to my car keys?

First, we went to the lobster patch, then the Fairies came by for a stapler, then somebody bleeped the nose, and after that everything purple.

kiapet
2014-01-14, 12:36 PM
Why were you late?

The trees were laughing at me.

AKA_Bait
2014-01-14, 02:33 PM
And you felt the need to set fire to Central Park, why?

She refused to put the money in the bag, so I shot her.

ts20fan
2014-01-14, 04:05 PM
How'd the divorce go?

I ate them. All 365 of them.

PurityIcekiller
2014-01-14, 04:15 PM
It's 2014 already? Where did the days go?

Somewhere between here and Regulus, last I checked.

Dudeons
2014-01-14, 04:44 PM
Where did I put my glasses?

Oh come on! Would I lie to a squid?

Arkhosia
2014-01-14, 04:51 PM
Did you just tell the calamari you're made of diamonds?!

Napalm is a great flavoring for tea!

EmeraldRose
2014-01-14, 07:09 PM
Why don't you just use lemon?

I just forgot. Honest!

kiapet
2014-01-15, 10:28 PM
Didn't I tell you that killing people is a bad thing to do?

273,632 exactly.

Zar Peter
2014-01-16, 07:16 AM
How many peas are in this jar?

No, you can't touch this!

AKA_Bait
2014-01-16, 09:31 AM
Mr. Hammer, what did you say when the naked man in the trench coat approached you?

Because it's GREEN!

EmeraldRose
2014-01-16, 10:33 AM
Can you tell me why you like my dress so much?

I'm telling you that the prints just appeared on the coffee pot out of thin air!

DarkLightDragon
2014-01-16, 12:11 PM
If you didn't touch the coffee pot, and I don't like coffee, then who did? :smallannoyed:

You should have done them in the opposite order.

Blood_caller
2014-01-16, 02:24 PM
Hi Boss I killed her and told her your message. Did I do good Boss?

Shoot all lazers, all phazers and prepair to hit warp 5 faster than kirk can pick up another female lifeform.

Dudeons
2014-01-16, 02:39 PM
So how are we going to get into the Trekkie convention?

Two elixirs of immortality, three buckets of dragon tears, and a dash of salt.

rs2excelsior
2014-01-16, 03:02 PM
This soup is pretty good. What's in it?

Eh. An interstellar civil war couldn't be but so bad.

EmeraldRose
2014-01-16, 03:44 PM
Do you know what the consequences will be if you press that button?

But it was just one bite!

D20ragon
2014-01-16, 03:47 PM
You appear to have torn his throat out...:smalleek:

Help me! The fireman approaches upon his horse of bronze, and where he goes, the horde of hose is sure to follow!

Zar Peter
2014-01-17, 04:22 AM
Ok, cool down champ, that was a pretty hard blow. How many fingers do you see?

You will see when I'm finished with this little screw.

AKA_Bait
2014-01-17, 11:35 AM
Why are you building a tiny Belkar robot?

My research shows that the polar bear would actually just eat the penguin and the walrus.

ts20fan
2014-01-17, 04:49 PM
Why are the penguin and walrus fighting the polar bear?

Because I have 2 AA batteries.

Chadamantium
2014-01-17, 07:11 PM
Why did you think you could power this time machine?

Because I like to eat toothpaste, now get off my back!

Targ Collective
2014-01-17, 07:27 PM
Your mouth is foaming with minty freshness - why???

Oh my, THAT's what you think has been going on all this time? Hahaha - ahaha - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

D20ragon
2014-01-17, 07:49 PM
You don't, by any chance, have evil mastermind syndrome, do you?:smallconfused:

Because, my friend, Lucky Charms will see you through the night. Trust not the servants of Evil!

StreetPizza
2014-01-17, 08:15 PM
Why did you replace my bed with a bunch of colorful marshmallows that are part of a balanced breakfast?

A multivitamin suppository.

EmeraldRose
2014-01-17, 10:00 PM
He's your doctor, can't you even tell him the truth about the multi-colored poops?

Two all-dwarf patties, special sauce, mandrake leaves, pickles, onions, on a bullet seed bun.

Arkhosia
2014-01-17, 10:14 PM
*Later, in a dungeon* What did you give the dwarves that made them so pissed off at us!?!!?? :smalleek:

You will fear my Laser Face!

Zar Peter
2014-01-18, 05:48 AM
* In the playground, the school bully * Did you like to be kicked in the groin? Hah? Do you want me to kick you again?

And they lived happily ever after.

Blood_caller
2014-01-18, 05:31 PM
So what do you think happend with Sadam and Bin Laden, now that it have been proved that it was only body doubles that was killed?

In a Batman suit offcourse!!!

Dudeons
2014-01-18, 06:36 PM
How should I dress for the funeral of Kevin Conroy?

NOW IT'S COWARD KILLING TIME!!!

smuchmuch
2014-01-19, 06:19 PM
Hello. I'm new here.Is it true these forums are prowled by a dangerous delusional maniac prone to random killing spree?

Look, we're sorry but that's what you get for choosing a neurosurgeon based on prices.

EmeraldRose
2014-01-19, 06:30 PM
Why didn't anyone say that Dr. Dave wasn't a real doctor?

It's the Preciousssss....preciousssssss....

D20ragon
2014-01-19, 07:08 PM
What is it, Bilbo?


Please sir... All I have is this candycane flamingo and a carwash! I swear it on my dead brothers sword, and me fathers best apron!

ts20fan
2014-01-20, 11:52 AM
What is the latest line in your Durkon-based Christmas story?

THERE IS MY STAPLES "EASY BUTTON"!

ImpSyndrome
2014-01-22, 05:18 PM
*sits down* "That was easy." What the heck...?

Now now, don't get so upset. I'm sure his limbs will regain function in a few hours...

PurityIcekiller
2014-01-22, 05:37 PM
What the heck is that substance you injected into my dog? What will it do to him?

At least twenty. More if she's especially angry.

EmeraldRose
2014-01-22, 05:42 PM
How many knives do you think she can throw in 2 seconds?

Green.

rs2excelsior
2014-01-22, 05:51 PM
What is the meaning of life?

Probably, but you'd be more likely to find it in ancient Rome.

Gnomish Wanderer
2014-01-22, 06:06 PM
Oops, did I leave your kidney in the bathtub?

To watch them bleed out.

AKA_Bait
2014-01-24, 11:47 AM
What did Belkar want?

Because getting anything done around here is an uphill battle.

Dudeons
2014-01-24, 12:05 PM
Why is my computer encased in ice?

It was Denny, that son of a mother!

EmeraldRose
2014-01-24, 01:39 PM
Who did you decide to marry?

And then the floor fell in.

Socksy
2014-01-25, 12:38 PM
"Are you sure pulling that lever is a good idea?"

*seductive voice* Omlette du Fromage.