View Full Version : TPAY/TPBY Reverse Questioning

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2014-03-17, 06:17 PM
this assasin garb has hod do i have to put it all on?

Yea, of course cthulu wants a hug

2014-03-18, 01:53 PM
Does cthulu want a hug?

It's only twenty feet, chicken!

2014-03-18, 03:07 PM
You want me to jump over a pit full of lava?

Nothing good will come of it.

2014-03-18, 03:23 PM
What do you think will happen if we cross a spice weasel with an artichoke?

It's snowing again.

V: Good one! But no...thankfully they went today. :smallwink:

Zar Peter
2014-03-18, 03:41 PM
It's a normal weekday. Why are the kids not in school?

Because, and you won't believe me here, the anteater killed the snake.

2014-03-18, 04:33 PM
Why has gravity reversed?

The movie was better than the book.

Targ Collective
2014-03-18, 08:54 PM
What is untrue about the Lord of the Rings?


Passive Pete
2014-03-18, 09:11 PM
Why are there footprints. . . on the ceiling?!

He was just so flabby that I passed out. And things went downhill from there. . .

2014-03-19, 03:17 AM
How was your date?

Only if I roll above a seventeen... Pass me my prerolled dice!

2014-03-19, 08:04 AM
Is there any way we can avoid falling into the pit full of spikes that leads into the snakes and spiders and ghasts and vampires (that don't sparkle) and Gith?

All I can say about it is that it will involve vast quantities of cheddar cheese.

What is untrue about the Lord of the Rings?


Did someone call me? :smallbiggrin:

Targ Collective
2014-03-19, 08:31 AM
Sammich time maybe?

Once upon a time there was a sparkly vampire and HEYWHATAREYOUDOING

2014-03-19, 02:39 PM
OK, what's the script for your Frankenstein parody so far?

Taste the rainbow, mother-trucker!

2014-03-19, 02:45 PM
Did you hear that they hired Samuel L. Jackson to do Skittles commercials?

Well LA DE DA for you then!

2014-03-19, 03:20 PM
Guess who the actual hero in this story is, fool!

Sqrt(1 + tan^2(c))

2014-03-19, 03:46 PM
Have you the formel for eternal life.

A box of dynamite

2014-03-19, 08:30 PM
What is required for the test?

Because that is the way it is in Call of Duty.

2014-03-20, 09:29 AM
Why are you trying to shoot yourself in the foot? With a rocket launcher!

Go get the... thing...at the place...from the guy... you know.

2014-03-20, 09:47 AM
Your wish, Master Antipholus?

But I don't wanna play an orc!

2014-03-20, 11:23 AM
You know the rules, even do you kissed my feet and brought snack offerings to me you still forgot to adress me Grand dungeon master of the first degree when you told me what your charekter was doing, so you chareter is transformed.

I know its me who make the rules but it was your own fault.

Just kill your mother!

2014-03-21, 08:07 AM
What did the Oracle say when you met with them?

Green is the new black.

2014-03-21, 09:08 AM
What did the red-haired party girl say this past Monday?

I can give you back the rutabaga if it means that much to you.

2014-03-22, 12:11 AM
Don't you care that it's the last of its kind?

That's when the chandelier explodes!

2014-03-22, 04:50 AM
What happens when I press the secret button?

Maybe if you're lucky and dump a couple ranks in Climb and Autohypnosis.

2014-03-31, 08:44 AM
Do you think I'll be able to make it all the way to the top and back down without permanent, horrible, disfiguring injury?

When cows fly, pigs sing, and horses yodel.

2014-03-31, 09:05 AM
Will the Cubs ever win a game?

Just pour some acid on it, that fixes everything!

2014-03-31, 10:19 AM
Is the new forum software a little buggy?

I like the sidebar!

Zar Peter
2014-03-31, 01:02 PM
The tables are broken, it is slow as hell and my eyes are burning. Is there anything good about the new forums?

(That's not really serious, I just try to get accustomed)

You could try and get a live instead.

2014-04-03, 04:18 PM
So nobody has a spare dead?

Only this once! I know that's what I said the last three times but this time I mean it!

Targ Collective
2014-04-03, 04:57 PM
So you want to summon a demon for the purposes of your carnal pleasures? And I'm supposed to be okay with this???

There once was a young lady from Quirm...

2014-04-03, 07:51 PM
How did that poem about you and Lix go again?

:smalleek::smalltongue::smallconfused::smallbiggri n::smallamused:

Passive Pete
2014-04-03, 09:30 PM
And the side effects are. . . ?

Just stand back and let the ninja pigs do it. . . they have wings anyway.

Zar Peter
2014-04-04, 01:13 AM
Oh no! Frodo and Sam are trapped in the middle of the lava sea and there's no way out! What can we do to save them, Gandalf?

I know it's not perfect but that's the best we can do.

2014-04-04, 02:40 AM
The chance of the anvil hitting me is over 80%?!

An AU where Hannah is Super Mario and Tarquin is Bowser, and she thinks her mother Princess Laurin has been kidnapped. Kobolds are goombas.

2014-04-04, 08:48 AM
Can you tell me what happened when my kids were LARPing as Mario and Luigi?

It all started when the snow came...again.

2014-04-04, 11:07 PM
Why does that horde of flour-covered vampires look so angry?

They said it was about ninjas, but it was actually about farts.

Zar Peter
2014-04-05, 04:16 AM
You mean they lied? And the story when they only felt a slight gust of wind but didn't see anything and all the enemies dissapeared?

In THIS universe Elvis is still alive. He shot John Lennon, though.

2014-04-05, 08:47 AM
What's the backstory for your dystopian future campaign?


2014-04-07, 03:25 AM
What is the most expensive item in your store?

I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

Targ Collective
2014-04-07, 09:21 AM
If you're dark *and* light how do you keep these 'sides' of yourself integrated yet not cancelling out?



2014-04-09, 04:03 PM
Why is the humidity awfully sweet-smelling?

Calibrate the deflector dish to fire gravitons, not anti-protons.

2014-04-09, 06:15 PM
Why have 3 of our dishes gone?

Because it is SHINNEYYY...

2014-04-09, 07:20 PM
Give me one good reason why you decided you absolutely had to have a gem-encrusted shovel?


Dire Moose
2014-04-09, 09:31 PM
When did you stab that guy to death?

Three chickens and a fat goat.

2014-04-10, 02:34 AM
You Awakened WHAT?

It's like the regular ones, but pink and fluffy!

2014-04-10, 06:59 PM
What's special about the deluxe assault rifle?


v Sorry, the question was actually "Finish the sentence: 'We finish each others...'". But I'll accept your answer.

2014-04-10, 08:14 PM
Can you tell this court what you used to suture the wound after performing unauthorized surgery?

Just wait until it comes around again before jumping in.

Dire Moose
2014-04-11, 01:34 PM
What is the best way to commit suicide by train?

I'm sorry, the squirrels are refusing to cooperate. We need more tacos.

Zar Peter
2014-04-11, 02:25 PM
The beavers are on strike demanding wood and the giraffes are telling me that the entrances are too low. Are there any other bad news about my plan to take over the world with innocent animals?


2014-04-11, 06:30 PM
What did you get on the test? I got an "One Hundred."

Wait.... It's on CD somewhere...

2014-04-13, 06:51 AM
Where do babies come from? o:

Call him that again and I'll bash y' f**kin 'ead in!

2014-04-13, 07:27 PM
Are you still dating Mr Halfling Werewolf?

Ha. Ha ha. Hahaha! No.

2014-04-13, 08:16 PM
*waves cheese in front of Chain's face* (for context, watch Buffy's dream in "Restless")

I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.

2014-04-18, 07:17 PM
Would you please explain your new fashion line to the class?

It all began back when arglebarglehsghnvews...

Zar Peter
2014-04-20, 10:21 AM
Mr. Bond, you have 5 seconds to tell me why I should not kill you now?

In this case you use the clutch.

2014-04-20, 12:16 PM
What do I do if the aeroplane stalls?

No, I can use it to describe myself, it's only offensive when you use it to describe me!

2014-04-21, 07:09 PM
Can I call you fat?


2014-04-21, 07:27 PM
♪ You gotta take a lace in each hand, go over and under again, make a ... ♪


2014-04-21, 08:26 PM
What is 100 - 68 + 33 - 224 + 201?

Sure, just let me get my monkey wrench.

2014-04-22, 09:22 AM
Can you ask that guy to leave?

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

2014-04-22, 09:45 AM
What did the weatherman say just before he was killed by thousands of fur covered, snow boot wearing, ski toting, coffee drinking people from Florida?


2014-04-22, 07:29 PM
What colors don't rhyme with anything?

Orange. :smalltongue:

Targ Collective
2014-04-23, 12:36 AM
What rhymes with the French town of Blorenge?


Dire Moose
2014-04-23, 12:16 PM
Your case review has come up. Please let us know why you believe you should be released from the asylum.

Anything but the giraffe!

2014-04-25, 09:34 AM
Which one do you want to eat first?

A pinch of salt, two eggs, one cup of cider, a donkey, and three penguins.

2014-04-25, 10:36 AM
Hey, I'm headed to the store. What do you need to make dinner?

A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a hat, a canal- Panama!

2014-04-28, 12:23 PM
What were Dr. Seuss' last words?

We should just let the market regulate itself.

2014-04-28, 02:08 PM
Do you believe in "laisse faire"?

Because it is so tiny.

2014-04-29, 06:26 PM
i ask u again, why wont u go out with me

three packs a day, unfiltered

2014-04-30, 01:08 PM
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?


2014-05-01, 06:22 PM
Insane test: where were you last weekend?

Just eat the whole thing

2014-05-05, 10:07 AM
So how does this "cannibalism" thing work? Should I cook him first, or...?

Well, you could, but it'd be easier to use corn starch.

2014-05-06, 11:49 AM
If I killed 7 unicorns, pulverized their horns in a gigantic blender, placed the ground horns in an ancient ming vase to be blessed by at least three aged monks, sacrificed 50 virgins to Torg (ALL HAIL KING TORG!) and mingled their blood with the horn grind, cooked the solution with a fireball, and blended that again, would the result be able to thicken a muffin mixture?

Six salted pistachios and a plasma machine gun.

2014-05-07, 06:08 AM
What are you guys going to the Halloween party as?

Double espresso and a five-year-old.

2014-05-08, 03:00 PM
Welcome to Superb Styles, what would you like in your hair?

There are never peanuts in the bowl, so clearly the peanut thief must have stashed them there.

2014-05-10, 11:08 AM
Why are there peanuts is the bowl of the guy who is severely allergic to peanuts?

Because I am jumping.

2014-05-10, 12:37 PM
Why is the entire continent shaking?


2014-05-10, 01:48 PM
How many seconds until you explode?

It wasn't there before, honest!

Targ Collective
2014-05-10, 03:45 PM
What the - oh my God that's sick - with a lemon?!?

Let's do a classic one.

Klaatu Barada Nikto

Zar Peter
2014-05-15, 04:13 PM
So, which words did you say when you took the Necronomicon shortly before the Army of Darkness arose?

I never wanted to be a lumberjack!

2014-05-21, 06:32 PM
What did Paul Bunyon say on his deathbed?

It gave me a splinter.

2014-05-21, 08:29 PM
Did.. did you just hack that priceless wooden carving into pieces?

Lesbian vampire ninja-pirate-nuns!

2014-05-22, 12:36 AM
Can you even template-stack something that makes less sense than The Snail?

I'm sad now.

2014-05-22, 08:25 AM
You know they didn't mean to take away your ice cream, but only to shove it in your face?

It tickles.

Targ Collective
2014-05-22, 01:29 PM
So what do you think of Mr. Tickles Coffee Edition?

Roll up! Roll up! Sights never before seen!

2014-05-24, 09:59 AM
What did the doctor say after that surgery to give you your sight?

Fire. Fire and jelly.

2014-05-24, 01:59 PM
How did you even manage to get that thing into that... thing?

Kiss kiss, bang bang, KAPOW!

2014-05-27, 10:04 AM
What's your favorite way for someone to tell you goodbye?

V: Well...that's what happens when I try to post while two kids keep asking me questions.

2014-05-27, 10:09 AM
So, how about that white space?

OK, we need a sock full of butter and nails, and I think we can do it.

2014-05-28, 04:37 PM
What did you say the plan was for breaking into fort knox?

Blow up the Eiffel Tower

2014-05-28, 09:17 PM
"You want to go back in time and prevent the invention of the Ferris Wheel how?"

Because you're two penguins standing on each other's shoulders inside a trenchcoat!

2014-05-29, 04:25 PM
And why won't you give us, um I mean me, the money?

Because lasers.

2014-06-07, 10:00 AM
Why couldn't you have just settled for Sharks with Friggin' Shotguns?

Theoretically, no, but with ample application of improper grammar...

2014-06-07, 10:06 AM
Can you fix my intelligibility?

Because someday, some beautiful, sunny, breathtakingly cold day, you will want it.

2014-06-07, 06:52 PM
Why the heck haven't I thrown out that stupid ugly sweater yet?

Because BACON.

2014-06-07, 07:03 PM
Why is bacon so good?!?!?!?

I was told by a great man.

Targ Collective
2014-06-07, 09:53 PM
Who told you to throw glitter everywhere?


2014-06-07, 10:10 PM

*unintelligible choking noises*

2014-06-07, 11:05 PM
Why have you failed Lord Vader again?

Come on! Just because I'm holding a weapon-grade laser doesn't mean it was me!

2014-06-07, 11:05 PM
So, did you know your great-great-grandfather was an octopus?

Did you cut the apple pie?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do - I'm going to dance!

Blue Ghost
2014-06-08, 12:59 AM
There's a horde of angry squirrels with swords coming straight for us! What do we do?

Go through the door to your right three times, then go down the hallway and through the window.

Scarlet Knight
2014-06-08, 07:11 AM
How do I get out of this blind date?

The Yankees win! Thuuuuuuh...Yankees...Win!

2014-06-08, 09:05 AM
Explain again why I should care?

Because green!

v: :smallredface: :smallbiggrin:

2014-06-08, 12:02 PM
Why is EmeraldRose so awesome?

Lasers... Just lasers.

Zar Peter
2014-06-09, 07:00 AM
Well, good. And the alarm system of the mirror maze consists of?

I did it to win the chess game!

v I like the second one a bit more :smallsmile:

2014-06-13, 12:21 AM
Who bribed my brother with chocolate chip muffins, and why?
Alternatively: Why did you put my king in checkmate?
(I couldn't decide which question I liked better for that answer.)

Only if I get a good night's rest beforehand.

2014-06-14, 11:30 AM
Care to dance?

I've started a laser trend.

2014-06-14, 03:06 PM
Lasers...why are there SO MANY ANSWERS WITH LASERS?! O_O

Of course not--which is why I've had THIS ready! Muahahaha!

2014-06-14, 03:10 PM
Are we all out of mashed potatoes?

It's called the Stance of the Weeping Gorilla.

2014-06-14, 04:26 PM
Could you explain again to the Jury exactly how you killed JFK?

Green and pink. Just green and pink.

Targ Collective
2014-06-14, 11:28 PM
What colours, according to esoteric lore, represent Abundance and Unity (given in that order)?

No, Matron! Bad matron!

(Interested in where people will take this one. ;) )

Laughing Dog
2014-06-17, 09:30 PM
Did you know your cat Matron is clawing the curtains?

Incoming!:smalleek: Didn't I already do this gag?

2014-06-18, 11:58 PM
So, I want you to... What the hell is that?!

Because I said so!

2014-06-19, 08:34 PM
Why are we under attack man!

Because an octopus attacked me when I was 5 years old

5a Violista
2014-06-19, 10:49 PM
Why do you have a creepy tentacle-beard that can play the organ?

Well, that's simple. Just get the bubblegum and a watermelon, then place the gum right...here. Then smash it all with a hammer.

2014-06-20, 07:05 AM
How DO they get the watermelon flavor into bubblegum?

I'm sorry...WHAAAAAAT?!

Scarlet Knight
2014-06-20, 07:23 AM

The Samba

2014-06-20, 11:07 AM
What's the Lion King's rapper name?

Steven Spielberg disagrees.

dramatic flare
2014-06-21, 04:01 AM
So the whole world has contractually agreed that Shia LeBeouf's eyes are just creepy, right?

....And that's how you splice a lanyard.

2014-06-27, 10:48 AM
What did you say to when the teacher walked in on you and all the rest of the class playing poker for cash?

Well..I hadn't really thought about it exactly that way before, but thanks for the image.

2014-06-28, 11:36 AM
So you plan on killing yourself in order to make fun of the gaming community by proving Jack T. Chick was right?

Unless it's a farm!

2014-06-29, 11:35 AM
Wanna accept an invite to boost my Facebook game??

Fine, but you have to deal with the cops

2014-06-29, 12:47 PM
Wanna help me bake cupcakes and give them out to all of the public service employees?

No, I think I'm getting sick.

2014-06-30, 01:47 PM
Is that a monkey?

Rice and special sauce.

2014-06-30, 04:01 PM
Why ARE these burritos so delicious?!

Ummmmmm... *runs away*

2014-06-30, 09:07 PM
Wanna check out my deviantart gallery?

Gotta go fast!

2014-06-30, 09:18 PM
What's the most annoying video game-related quote?

Burn them. Burn them all.

2014-07-01, 07:49 PM
What were Nero's last words?

Oh baby, baby, baby, yeah!

Scarlet Knight
2014-07-02, 06:30 AM
"We may have found the oldest lyrics in history; can you translate them?"

O Mio Bambino Caro.

2014-07-04, 12:13 PM
Can you say something that I will have to Google?

It will cause a space-time rip unrepairable by modern or future science.

2014-07-04, 01:18 PM
What happens if you make a pizza without sauce?

You got no plot, you got no comedy, you don't even have the other Blues Brother!

2014-07-05, 11:37 AM
Don't you think the script for my new movie is fantastic?!

Coffee. Coffee and then more coffee. Followed by coffee.

2014-07-05, 02:07 PM
What does ProtonJon drink over his day?

...Fine, but only as long as this isn't like that one time with the pickle juice.

2014-07-06, 01:07 AM
Can I rig a nuclear reactor in your parents' bedroom again?

Not unless you give me your firstborn son and a pair of shorts.

2014-07-06, 01:30 AM
Do you have this style of pants in my son's size?

It's only illegal in Bavaria and New Jersey.

2014-07-09, 12:02 AM
Can I have a glass of water?


2014-07-09, 08:38 AM
Why isn't the deathray having any effect on you?


2014-07-09, 09:14 AM
What was the name of The Benevolent Lodge of Mystery's animal mascot?

If you can't accept the risks, don't play the game.

2014-07-09, 05:11 PM
Oh god... The blood... The bones!.... Does this always happen when you gm?

Duct tape and hope

2014-07-09, 06:51 PM
What was left in Pandora's box after she opened it?

It cures stomach aches, but it'll raise your odds of getting cancer to, like, 80%.

2014-07-09, 08:31 PM
So, uh, this donut is glowing, what does that mean in regards to eating it?


Just swat it and get out of there as fast as you can.

2014-07-11, 08:29 AM
What should I do to get rid of the hornet's nest I found under my bed?


For that, you'd need blu-tack, four safety pins, some duct tape and a bottle of absinthe.

2014-07-11, 10:19 AM
How do I stick a bottle of absinthe to the wall?

Kenobi fhtagn! Kenobi fhtagn!

2014-07-11, 11:33 AM
What does your voicemail message say?

Well, it all started with a squirrel, a basketball, and some duct tape...

2014-07-11, 06:41 PM
Why are there three splattered cats stuck to my ceiling?

All I did was add "boolean crash = true;"!

2014-07-11, 09:04 PM
Your computer spontaneously combusted while you were working on that new program?! The heck?!

It won't be easy--I'll need a flashlight, masking tape, plenty of papier-maché, and around a half dozen cans of Spam, but yeah, I can do it.

2014-07-11, 09:23 PM
Could you please walk the dog when you get home?


2014-07-12, 11:48 AM
Why is my car on fire?

Forty-seven dollars and fifteen cents.

2014-07-14, 01:57 PM
So, what will you give me for £27.62?

Ask me that again and I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you.

2014-07-14, 11:26 PM
Is that a topiary on your head or are you just happy to see me?

It started really innocently, but by the time the thirteenth round of tequila rolled around the Shriners had leapt from the second story balcony, Kevin Bacon started doing improv comedy, and I woke up on a pool table wearing a kimono and a cheese-head hat. I really don't want to talk about it.

2014-07-15, 01:37 PM
So how was your weekend?


Targ Collective
2014-07-15, 03:07 PM
Wanna try this spiced coffee?

Hah! Squiddlydoodlefluffer!

2014-07-15, 05:13 PM
Roy, Elan accidentally ran into my daggers a few dozen times. Is that going to be a problem?

Not if you drink water first.

2014-07-15, 10:05 PM
Is it dangerous to add salt to your system by ingesting equal parts pure sodium and chlorine gas?

Mostly. But watch out for the purple ones, yowza!

2014-07-16, 05:58 AM
Is the Black Mamba more poisonous than the Green Mamba?


With the liberal use of Lime Cordial.

2014-07-17, 11:32 PM
How did you overthrow the government?

With a mug of ale and a really big bomb!

2014-07-18, 08:40 AM
How do you want to celebrate the new merger of your company with Facebook?

Is there an option that will allow for puppies?

2014-07-18, 11:04 AM
And your punishment: Trial by lion! Ready?

I'm pretty sure that's not batman

2014-07-18, 12:09 PM
There's this guy over there on the corner in a Batman suit that keeps stopping passerby and going "I'm Batman" in the whole deep gutteral voice. Wtf?

Spleens...lots and lots of spleens.

2014-07-18, 12:18 PM
What organ never gets transplanted?


2014-07-18, 01:28 PM
Wow this sure is great! Do you think there's anything that could make it even better?

Trees. And [I]maybe a shrubbery.

2014-07-18, 02:19 PM
What do you like most about earth?

Why sir, I do believe that was a bubble, not a shark

2014-07-18, 09:32 PM
Madame, if I may be so bold, how much mako precisely did you put into this delectable quiche?

It pays better dividends than field hockey speculation.

2014-07-18, 09:50 PM
Can you give me one good reason why I should wish to join your 43-piece kazoo band?

The crossroads near Bayou des Vieux Mortes, at precisely 15 minutes to midnight tonight.

2014-07-18, 09:52 PM
Where is the 3Musketeers/Left4Dead LARP today?

I didn't put those turtles in the mine.

2014-07-18, 10:38 PM
Sir, do you happen to know where the teenage mutant ninja turtles are?

You have to twist, then pull.

2014-07-19, 12:14 AM
How do I remove this knife from my gut?

Well, I think that it was a conspiracy: godzilla was helping the government!

2014-07-19, 09:49 AM
Sir, will you give a statement about the recent events to Dragon News 13?

Once upon a time, in a town not so very far away, there was a boy who ate three magic snaeb...

Targ Collective
2014-07-19, 12:16 PM
It's EmeraldRose, Coffee Queen! tell us a stooory EmeraldRose!

No, no, no no no. That is *not* how we treat our guests.

2014-07-19, 12:42 PM
The third course is Frey Pie, right?

7 tin cans, a roll of duct tape, and half a gallon of WD-40.

2014-07-19, 07:49 PM
Wow, this stew is delicious - what's in it?

Well, it keeps the badgers from getting drunk.

2014-07-19, 08:15 PM
Why did you give the Gryffindors all of the firewhiskey?

*broken sobs*

2014-07-20, 02:23 PM
I'm playing a half-dragon half-fiend vampire swordsage named Inigo Montoya. He attends Hogwarts and is Mialee's lover. Does that fit well in your campaign?

I'd recommend fire ants, a jar of peanut butter, and a Barry Manilow LP.

2014-07-20, 10:44 PM
How can I best torture this man?

Do it, but don't even think of doing something like that to me.

2014-07-20, 11:04 PM
Making characters for Epic 3.5 campaigns is hard, so can I just play Pun-Pun instead?

Don't worry! At least 30% of that will be harmless Alpha radiation.

2014-07-21, 02:45 PM
My level 3 bard just took 582 points of damage in one hit?!?

The easy answer is cabbage.

2014-07-21, 03:29 PM
What goes in cabbage soup?

And it's so easy when you're evil.

2014-07-21, 05:31 PM
Did you just put ham on a vegetarian sandwich?

First we'll need to wait for the heat death of the universe.

2014-07-22, 05:35 AM
So how long 'til we pay off the national deficit?

The short answer is it involves an albino Burmese python and a can of Crystal Light.

2014-07-22, 01:53 PM
What is love?

Myopic dolphins.

2014-07-22, 05:37 PM
Hey, can ya help a Floridian out with a good name for a rock band?

*glares at asker with barely restrained rage*

2014-07-22, 07:13 PM
Could you pass me the salt?

I'm afraid that what you ask of me is impossible.

2014-07-22, 07:26 PM
Can I have a piece of your liver for my science experiment please?

It all has to do with the human elven rights movement.

2014-07-22, 08:45 PM
What's with this new UN embargo on the north pole anyway?

Look, it's just safer for the universe at large that you don't know.

2014-07-23, 11:54 AM
What is love?

Baby, don't hurt me.

@V: :smalleek: I need an adult.

2014-07-23, 12:13 PM
Up for some bondage tonight?

Captain Janeway's immaculate bun.

2014-07-23, 12:15 PM
What gives you hope while you're so far from home?

I'll need at least a week to do some tests, then I'll get back to you.

2014-07-23, 05:13 PM
Is it possible for a man to get pregnant? 'Cause I have this friend...

sixty-four milliseconds after the dawn of time.

5a Violista
2014-07-23, 05:15 PM
Remind me, when did we first meet?

Please stop, your questions are making me feel more important than I should be.

2014-07-24, 08:42 AM
Would you like fries with your order?

Hmm... Only if you remodulate the graviton beam and use it purge the area of excess tachyons.

2014-07-24, 08:55 AM
Would you mind bring chips and dip to the party?

It's peanut butter jelly time.

2014-07-24, 09:18 AM
What's your favourite euphemism for 'making love'?


For the last time, you connect the blue wire to socket A, the red wire to port G and the green/yellow wire to the battery. And for the love of all that's holy, leave the pink wire unplugged!

2014-07-24, 02:38 PM
So...how am I supposed to hook up my new entertainment system again?

Chuck Norris' elbow.

2014-07-24, 07:50 PM
What's your favorite prepackaged internet-meme-inspired macaroni product?

In Boris Karloff's underwear drawer, where else?

2014-07-24, 08:51 PM
Where can I get ahold of Boris Karloff's underwear? It's uh... for an urget, top secret mission.

That is none of your business.

2014-07-25, 01:14 PM
What's two plus two, Mr. Hawking?


2014-07-26, 01:58 AM
What do you think the surprise in every box is?

When I said I didn't know if I'd ever seen a gnome before, I didn't think it would cause so much trouble! I suppose I was just trying to fit in with all the cool rats and such... I'M SORRY!!!

2014-07-26, 07:57 AM
Please answer clearly for the recording. Exactly why did your associates put Mr Dinklage in the burlap sack?

Enough cola to drown a small nation

2014-07-26, 08:31 AM
(Doctor) "Excuse me sir, it seems like you have gained 500 pounds since your last visit, which was last week. What did you drink in that time frame?"

I can't think of anything else besides explosives. A lot of explosives.

2014-07-26, 08:39 AM
I've closed the deal on the theater and projection screen rental, got the ten pounds of Raisinettes, the industrial size bags of tortilla chips and the five gallons of nacho cheese, the half dozen popcorn machines rented for the day, and the projection screen and copies of all three LOTR movies and the two currently released Hobbit movies ready to go...am I forgetting anything?

Have you ever considered that maybe there's a way to solve this problem BESIDES blowing everything up?

For the love of what little sanity is left in this world...no. Just...NOOOOOOO!

Targ Collective
2014-07-26, 10:59 AM
What is a fractal map of the number zero?

A fractal map of the number zero.

2014-07-26, 04:45 PM
Can you name one simple concept that can cause the entire universe to have an aneurism?

Forty-five gyros, a mariachi band, and the script to Battleship II.

2014-07-26, 07:34 PM
What will you put in your anti-zombie kit?

Green clovers, blue diamonds, and purple horseshoes.

2014-07-26, 09:18 PM
What's in here besides the brown bits?

No, that would be your mother!

Targ Collective
2014-07-27, 12:27 AM
Aww, does someone need a hug?

Since Zero contains nothing, it contains everything. Therefore, in theory, the fractal map of the number zero, if expressed through an encodement of literature, will contain the book you're looking for. It also contains an index of everything within it. This is the key to everything you seek.

2014-07-27, 12:48 AM
What did your professor say to make everyone fall asleep?

No, those are the cheese curds.

2014-07-27, 01:58 AM
Wait a second. Those were the magic beans, right?

Get me some string, an ape suit, and urine!

2014-07-27, 03:32 PM
Have you made lunch yet?

It all started when the coins fell out of the bottle...

2014-07-27, 08:01 PM
Could you explain to me again how you ended up dressed like Elvis and riding a unicycle into oncoming traffic?

It's easy, you just have to bend it two hundred forty degrees.

2014-07-27, 08:26 PM
How in God's name did you get space-time to DO that?!

I'd tell you what I'd be willing to trade for it, but there's no way you could ever get what I want.

2014-07-27, 08:44 PM
Can I have your Massed Files Neon Annihilator?

I would, but my God won't let me.

2014-07-27, 08:50 PM
Mind picking up some groceries while you're out?

It started with a game of pool, and ended with this Lovecraftian horror that's sitting on my shoulder...

2014-07-27, 09:20 PM
How was your day today, honey?

Two cubes of sugar.

2014-07-27, 10:10 PM
What do you fuel this gigantic death ray with?

And that's how I lost my medical license!

2014-07-27, 11:30 PM
Really, in the grand scheme of things, is a cat liver really that different from a human liver?

I'd say yes, but my tapeworm disagrees.

2014-07-28, 12:22 AM
Wanna pour some boiling oil down your throat?

I guess we can catch enough small animals to keep this thing fed...

2014-07-28, 12:39 AM
Look! This stray cannibal followed me home! Can I keep him?

Seventeen red whiskeys 'till Tuesday.

2014-07-28, 08:33 AM
Do we have enough drinks to last until the end of the world?

A frisbee, a Jedi Master, a Pokeball, and Captain Jack Harkness.

2014-07-28, 10:38 AM
What bait should we use in the nerd trap?

This'll take a while to explain. It all started at the beginning of the universe...

Laughing Dog
2014-07-28, 03:36 PM
What time is it?

Lunatic Plus is an understatement.

2014-07-28, 08:21 PM
What do you think of my new Husky Big & Tall straight jacket?

By the love of all that is pure, holy, and right, no! Just....no!

Targ Collective
2014-07-29, 02:51 AM
Wanna snuggle? Your soul's safe, I promise...

Whack a fol diddle di ta li ra to ray!

2014-07-29, 05:08 AM
What's the next bit of that song? You know, the one that goes 'rakkatakka twii, dim dim doo rakka takka tway'.


They told me that 4 out of 5 dentists agreed.

2014-07-29, 08:39 AM
Has told you about the new sewing your mouth shut fad?

This call is being recorded for quality assurance and training purposes.

2014-07-29, 10:15 AM
Am I EVER going to talk to a real person, you stupid phone auto menu?!

The odds are about 670,580 to one...but screw it, let's go!

2014-07-29, 08:02 PM
Do you think we can renew this car registration in under an hour?

With liquid nitrogen, a case of taquitos, and a cloned tasmanian tiger.

2014-07-29, 09:03 PM
Can we feed frozen taquitos to a cloned tasmanian tiger?

Apricot pie.

2014-07-29, 10:26 PM
What do you think that dragon wants from us?

Maybe if we had more space on the bookshelves.

2014-07-30, 01:03 AM
Look, can I keep my Rule 34 books or not?

I just need to touch you and force things out of you that you never knew you had!

2014-07-30, 01:07 AM
What do you mean "haven't descended yet"?!

Only with extreme caution and prodigious amounts of custard pie.

2014-07-30, 01:50 AM
How do you usually tame orcs?

About as likely as Sarah Palyn becoming a Democrat.

2014-08-01, 11:45 AM
Are you going to dye your hair mustard yellow?

Going back to school.

2014-08-01, 01:54 PM
What are you looking forward to this fall?

Not if George R.R. Martin has anything to say about it.

2014-08-01, 02:13 PM
Just this once, can everybody live?


Two quarters, three pence, and a bucket.

2014-08-02, 06:03 AM
How much do you think the tax on this multidimensional hypercube is?

Only if it's blue.

2014-08-02, 10:31 PM
Do you think I'd survive if I drove a Mazerati off the Empire State Building?

Let's see... moon in the third quarter, Jupiter rising in Capricorn... yeah, 20 grains of black powder should do the trick.

2014-08-02, 10:59 PM
Quick, the astronomer werewolves are attacking! What do we do?

The artist soon to be known as the artist formerly known as Princess.

2014-08-03, 11:47 PM
So who was that cute guy you met at the Renaissance Fair?


Targ Collective
2014-08-04, 12:13 AM
Oh my God, it's *moving*... What the hell *is* it?

No. No way. Absolutely not. Not allowed. It would scare people is why. Do you want to be barred for witchcraft?

Laughing Dog
2014-08-04, 11:08 AM
May I pet a cat?

*chuckles omniously* That... is a secret.

2014-08-04, 02:39 PM
This shepherd's pie tastes different. What sort of meat is this?

As long as you bring your brother and play nice.

2014-08-06, 12:04 AM
Can I go invade a city, mom?

Um, yes. That was definitely meant to do that.

2014-08-06, 05:04 AM
When I pressed the button, a mechanical shark jumped at my friend and ate him. is that normal?

It should only be used between 1:37am and 2:14am, Pacific time.

2014-08-06, 11:47 PM
When should a normal, functional person use YouTube?


2014-08-07, 06:31 AM
(I know it's the obvious thing to say, but I just can't pass it up.)

Tony Stark built this WHERE?!

Well that's just--that's...actually a pretty good idea.

Targ Collective
2014-08-07, 03:45 PM
*Succubus appears and hypnotises you*

Do you want to... cuddle?


2014-08-07, 07:45 PM
What do you think of these photos of John Goodman in a tutu?

Someplace far, far away. Preferably with Twinkies.

2014-08-07, 09:57 PM
Where should we send the people who got voted off on The Biggest Loser?

I'm not locked in with you; YOU are locked in with ME!

2014-08-10, 05:07 AM
Hey man. Sucks that they locked us up in a Water Closet, amiright?

Because Justice is BLIND, not deaf.

Targ Collective
2014-08-10, 03:12 PM
I cry freedom of speech! I can preach hate all I want because of freedom of speech! (Note for government watchlists - this is a GAME, I'm not SERIOUS.)

What do you say to that hey? you can't lock me up - hey! Get off me copper! Why do you think you can arrest me?

I think not.

2014-08-10, 05:39 PM
What would Descartes say if he were a non-entity?

Twenty-two pushups, a gallon of milk, and a stuck elevator.