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backwaterj
2014-10-06, 03:53 PM
Are there chunks of gravel in this smoothie?

Hard starboard and on til midnight.

AvatarVecna
2014-10-06, 04:14 PM
You there! Boy! Which way to Disneyland?

It's not my fault they've never won!

Lheticus
2014-10-06, 05:10 PM
So, just what IS with those Besaid Aurochs anyway?

I suppose then we really could call it FINAL Fantasy.

EmeraldRose
2014-10-06, 06:45 PM
Did they ever say what will happen when the next FF is released and it precipitated Ragnarok?

Someday my prints will come.

backwaterj
2014-10-07, 04:17 PM
Any word from forensics on that broken wine bottle?

The short answer is: due to a quantum overload in the phase induction loop, we lost all power to the polyhedral inhibitors, causing a cascade failure of the microencephalon's poly-decaffeinator, thereby destabilizing the entire bovine defecation subsystem.

AvatarVecna
2014-10-07, 04:24 PM
Exactly how high are you right now?

A pyramid made of out crystals.

Haruki-kun
2014-10-08, 12:05 AM
What do you think a polite gift to send to Cleopatra would be?

Yes, but if I did that I would lose all my socks.

CrimsonKnight
2014-10-10, 09:23 AM
Hey, want to help me test my clothing disintegration ray?

It was yesterday. There were no survivors.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-10, 10:08 AM
So, did you ever try out your gasoline-and-a-box-of-matches idea on your little flea infestation problem?

That's what a collection of rocks is for.

EmeraldRose
2014-10-10, 10:31 AM
Is there a reason why my bag is so heavy?

It just sort of...happened.

backwaterj
2014-10-10, 02:43 PM
Would you care to explain to me why New Jersey is now an immense crater lake filled with an army of mutant sea monkeys?

Okay, yes, I may have been involved . . . but it was Martha Stewart's fault!

CrimsonKnight
2014-10-10, 05:16 PM
Who was the genius who decided to repaint the command center for my doomsday machine bright pastels?!

Shoot it in the head!

Haruki-kun
2014-10-11, 12:40 AM
We're out of targets to practice at the firing range, but we do have a lettuce. What should we do?

Yes, but if you did that they would never let you into Disneyland again.

Scarlet Knight
2014-10-11, 07:07 PM
Do you think I can fill my teacup with tea?

"And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck..."

EmeraldRose
2014-10-11, 09:28 PM
What did you say that made the aliens decide to destroy the universe?

It all comes down to the theory and practice of the everyday Grammar Nazi.

backwaterj
2014-10-12, 11:04 AM
U MAD BRO?

Ideally I'd like to see more flesh-eating termites, but I suppose it will have to do.

KuReshtin
2014-10-13, 08:47 AM
What do you think of my idea of a movie with an outbreak of rampaging, homicidal sloths?

It must be at least considered to be one of the key moments in sports of all time.

braveheart
2014-10-13, 01:55 PM
did you catch the WNBA game last night?


I hid it...in places...:smalleek:

Lheticus
2014-10-13, 03:16 PM
Okay...what did you do with my video game collection?! :smallfurious:

Like that mountain over there?
Let's see if I can get a theme going here...

backwaterj
2014-10-13, 05:36 PM
Have you ever seen an erupting volcano up close?

Bill Gates paid me good money to say yes.

AvatarVecna
2014-10-13, 09:35 PM
{{scrubbed}}

Just jiggle it a little, and Bob's your uncle.

Targ Collective
2014-10-14, 04:37 AM
What phrase brings the most disturbing images into your mind?

Smokin'.

Modigar
2014-10-14, 02:55 PM
What is your favourite method of preparing bacon?

Lunars are not furries!

backwaterj
2014-10-14, 03:41 PM
Why won't you let us perform "What Does the Fox Say" for the divine emissary?

An electronic drum set, fourteen strips of bacon, and a live diamondback rattlesnake.

braveheart
2014-10-14, 05:40 PM
What did you bring for the party?


IN SOVIET RUSSIA QUESTION ASK YOU!

PersonofJid
2014-10-14, 05:45 PM
Can I ask you a question?

That's not a fact, that's speculation.

EmeraldRose
2014-10-14, 08:15 PM
Didn't I hear somewhere that you are actually not always online?

Soon.

Laughing Dog
2014-10-14, 08:22 PM
When will the coffee be done brewing?

She said, "Soon"

ORione
2014-10-14, 08:29 PM
Did she say when the coffee would be done brewing?

I blame fluorescent light bulbs.

Modigar
2014-10-15, 02:15 AM
Why is it so dark in here?

Frederick.

KuReshtin
2014-10-15, 07:39 AM
Do you have a special name for your privates?

A nuclear launch originating from Antarctica would likely leave the entire world perplexed, if you ask me. No one would expect it.

EmeraldRose
2014-10-15, 07:59 AM
Do you have an idea for the next big party we throw?

Angels and violets. Maybe a coin or two.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-15, 09:54 AM
Anybody know what goes into making Angel Surprise Cake?

Build the walls higher, and be quick about it.

Modigar
2014-10-15, 12:53 PM
What would be the most ineffectual defence against flying enemies?

Faster than light.

Septimus Faber
2014-10-15, 03:32 PM
In terms of quantum physics, describe how these questions go.

Five pints of bitter, a used postage stamp, a Trident missile and an identity crisis.

Haruki-kun
2014-10-16, 01:08 AM
"So how was your day?"

If you don't mind never being able to eat pickles again.

KuReshtin
2014-10-16, 07:10 AM
I noticed that there weren't any more pickles in the fridge, so you don't mind that I grab your last one?

Some say he breeds pet Porsches, and that he once killed a rabbit just by looking at it.

EmeraldRose
2014-10-16, 08:33 AM
What can you tell me about Haruki-Kun?

But it was a royal flush!

CrimsonKnight
2014-10-16, 10:21 AM
Why did you dump your winning poker hand in the toilet?

Damn it, I'm a doctor, not a detective!

ORione
2014-10-16, 02:00 PM
What killed him?

Peanut butter and bananas.

backwaterj
2014-10-17, 06:38 PM
What would you use to fix this radiator leak?

Ridiculous! He was clearly Bulgarian!

Orm-Embar
2014-10-17, 09:01 PM
Would you say this rhinoceros was from Sumatra, or Java?

A beard so big, birds live in it.

Haruki-kun
2014-10-17, 10:05 PM
What would you like us to plant in your backyard, sir?

I'm sorry, I don't play Pokemon.

enderlord99
2014-10-18, 01:48 AM
Hey, did you see that game last night?

Yes; rather sunny.

Neli42
2014-10-18, 02:01 AM
Are you certain that you adequately assessed his disposition?

Duct tape, fresh spinach, and a fetal hamster.

Lheticus
2014-10-18, 09:28 AM
Just how do you plan on capturing Popeye?

NO! No I won't sing with you next time, gosh darnit!

backwaterj
2014-10-18, 04:00 PM
Would you join me for a duet of Total Eclipse of the Heart on karaoke night?

With a ten-minute tambourine solo.

ORione
2014-10-18, 04:41 PM
How did you enter the party?

You know the answer. You just don't want to admit it.

PersonofJid
2014-10-18, 05:53 PM
But if you're really a woman, then what does that make me?

Fire, and lots of it.

KuReshtin
2014-10-20, 05:19 AM
What would be your first solution for extraction when finding out that a spider had burrowed in under your skin like that Australian guy?

Travis never found out if lying when he was 17 caused it to rain on him all the time.

backwaterj
2014-10-20, 03:47 PM
What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Sheen?

Only if it's entirely in iambic pentameter.

braveheart
2014-10-20, 06:15 PM
What do you consider to be pure poetry.




well I was walking along then BOOOOM!!! and now I'm here

Dudeons
2014-10-20, 07:34 PM
Can you explain screen transitions the way Michael Bay explained them?

Try working the shaft.

Haruki-kun
2014-10-20, 09:23 PM
Hi, I'm here to repair your elevator. Any idea what went wrong with it?

You'd have a lot of problems with making popcorn.

Targ Collective
2014-10-21, 04:11 PM
[twitch... twitch] The popping... Always the popping... Poppity, poppity, pop... [twitch... twitch]

You might think so, but it's not actually all that bad... Some even think it invigorating!

EmeraldRose
2014-10-21, 04:26 PM
Isn't ice swimming generally unhealthy?

One....two....three....four....PLANT!

backwaterj
2014-10-21, 04:27 PM
Was that even a question? :smallbiggrin:

(Ninja'd by the Coffee Queen!)

How do you CIA types pick out the double agents?

Put simply, we'll have to drown it in toothpaste.

Neli42
2014-10-22, 04:20 PM
I'm not quite clear on your plan here, General. In layman's terms, what are you saying we'll need to do to defeat the alien threat?

Because it was undeniably wearing Aunt Tillie's bloomers.

Scarlet Knight
2014-10-22, 07:00 PM
"How can you be so sure your Aunt's a werewolf?"

Election Day.

copycatcat
2014-10-22, 10:09 PM
When do we elect the president?

Floss, fire, and poetry.

KuReshtin
2014-10-23, 07:34 AM
What would you say are the three most important things in the development of humanity as we know it today?


Sean Plott, Rosanna Pansino and Felicia Day, with a dash of Wil Wheaton.

EmeraldRose
2014-10-23, 01:13 PM
How would you describe your ideal pet?

One thing is for certain, it isn't very warm here.

backwaterj
2014-10-23, 02:04 PM
How's the vacuum of deep space treating you these days?

To start with, we'll need a gallon of Nutella and the keys to the South African ambassador's moped.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-23, 03:06 PM
If you're planning a heist, shouldn't you have a complex plot geared to run like a Swiss watch?

Twenty fathoms deep, wrapped in a spare anchor chain, and probably eaten away by crabs at this point.

Lheticus
2014-10-24, 12:32 PM
Where the heck did Bob get to?

Because I am SICK of everyone treating Reverse Questioning as The Noodle Implement Game!

EmeraldRose
2014-10-24, 01:00 PM
Why so many :smallfurious:?

Some days you just want to beat it with a stick.

Haruki-kun
2014-10-24, 01:27 PM
Your egg beater doesn't look so good. Does it give you problems?

I'm afraid I cannot let you do that.

Dudeons
2014-10-24, 04:13 PM
Can I haz hugs?

Hmmm... needs more bass.

thirsting
2014-10-24, 05:01 PM
How's the fish soup?

No thank you, I have a penguin.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-24, 05:35 PM
Can I interest you in a puffin or two?

Make stew from what's left over.

EmeraldRose
2014-10-24, 05:41 PM
What exactly am I supposed to do with all these nails?

First, I was afraid. I was petrified.

B-Man
2014-10-24, 06:37 PM
How did you survive?


Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

copycatcat
2014-10-24, 11:08 PM
What are your two favorite compliments? :P

That question.

Haruki-kun
2014-10-24, 11:53 PM
What do you hate being asked more than anything?

You can, but it's too much cookie and not enough chocolate.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-25, 08:41 AM
Can I offer you a job with an impressive-sounding title, even if it comes with no more authority than you already have and probably less pay too?

The directions say to light all the candles first, but, and this is important, not the green ones.

thirsting
2014-10-25, 09:51 AM
What else was in that little booklet that came along with your mogwai?

Sir Elton John's magnificent glasses, of course.

EmeraldRose
2014-10-25, 10:56 AM
What is the source of that wondrous light?

:smallwink:

Haruki-kun
2014-10-25, 11:00 AM
Can you wink?

I think only in Antarctica.

Laughing Dog
2014-10-26, 02:24 AM
Do you know where I could find some Dilithium at this hour?

Ice, unless you are fighting Steel.

Dudeons
2014-10-27, 07:42 PM
What opponent has a weakness to Vanilla?

Use more gun. And sprinkle in some dakka.

Neli42
2014-10-28, 11:36 AM
What could make this awesome party any better?

I sure am. That's what worries me.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-28, 04:32 PM
Did you ever think you might be worrying too much?

There's a big-block engine with your name on it.

backwaterj
2014-10-28, 05:20 PM
You got any new parts for the General Lee?

Pure, blinding fury incarnate.

AvatarVecna
2014-10-29, 06:27 AM
Out of curiosity, how would you respond to a run-of-the-mill office prank?

I've never done anything like that, to be honest.

EmeraldRose
2014-10-30, 11:04 AM
What will it cost to get you to run around the world twice?

Sometimes it seems a little fire.

Dudeons
2014-10-30, 11:26 AM
So, how about that weather?

I didn't do it, and if I did do it, I didn't know I could do it until I did it!

Targ Collective
2014-10-30, 06:45 PM
Dude, WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!

Because we've all seen how terrifying EmeraldRose is without coffee.

Haruki-kun
2014-10-30, 10:50 PM
It's four in the morning, why did you drive to the grocery store at this hour?

Try taking it apart to see if you can find the issue.

KuReshtin
2014-10-31, 08:53 AM
Do you know what could cause my laptop to give me an electric shock every time I try to use the Caps Lock key?


I though dressing up as the Grim Reaper and then go knock on the windows of the local retirement home, pointing at random old people would be a fun thing to do.

EmeraldRose
2014-10-31, 09:17 AM
Can you explain to the court your reasoning behind the recent reign of terror you precipitated?

18d10

B-Man
2014-10-31, 09:36 AM
Level with me: how much is this going to cost me?


2 cubic tonnes.

Archonic Energy
2014-10-31, 10:30 AM
how much halloween candy is too much to eat in one sitting?

40% ABV

backwaterj
2014-10-31, 04:40 PM
This Kahlua cake is amazing! What's your secret ingredient?

It was in the original design specs but they removed it after the first few decapitation incidents.

Dudeons
2014-10-31, 09:49 PM
Why can't you wear plaids and stripes together?

Elementary, my dear poster!

Haruki-kun
2014-11-01, 12:02 AM
When did you first learn about European history?

I would, but I prefer to keep it as is.

Neli42
2014-11-01, 02:56 AM
Wouldn't you think your hybrid would get better mileage without that taxidermed ostrich protruding from the hood?

A disabling case of flatulence, I'd say.

EmeraldRose
2014-11-01, 09:34 AM
Why is everyone from your office standing outside in the rain?

Because it's the one day of the year they get to eat candy until they are sick.

Haruki-kun
2014-11-01, 11:37 AM
How come people love the day after Valentine's Day so much?

I have absolutely no idea.

B-Man
2014-11-01, 11:49 AM
Why are doing this when it's not meant to be done this way?!?!?!



Next to the controller you last used.

Dudeons
2014-11-01, 02:23 PM
Honey! Where is my supersuit?

KILL IT BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS!!

EmeraldRose
2014-11-01, 03:18 PM
Did you see this cute little fluffy beholder?

Well, it started out as an apple pie, but then the irradiated cinnamon was added by mistake...

backwaterj
2014-11-03, 07:37 AM
Why is there a portal to the Nine Hells of Baator in my living room? And more to the point, why does it smell so delicious?

That would be my pet rhinoceros, Fluffy.

Orm-Embar
2014-11-03, 11:24 AM
Has the world gone mad, or did I just see a heavily armored unicorn trot through here?

They're hanging from the tree out front.

Haruki-kun
2014-11-03, 11:55 PM
Did you hide the bodies?

I really wish you didn't.

thirsting
2014-11-05, 04:58 AM
What was the wish you made to the genie who said he'd like you to wish for you to really, really like him?

Wasted effort, all of it.

EmeraldRose
2014-11-05, 10:00 AM
What do you think of all the decorations for our After-After-After-After-After Halloween Party?

Well, it was a lottery.

backwaterj
2014-11-05, 01:31 PM
Is there a reason the swimming pool is filled with one-dollar bills?

No, officer, that was my other personality.

Haruki-kun
2014-11-05, 03:13 PM
Do you know how fast you were going?

Only if I don't have any ketchup.

Lheticus
2014-11-05, 04:42 PM
You're...not gonna still kill us all of a sudden are you?

That should NOT be a meme.

copycatcat
2014-11-05, 05:02 PM
Have you seen this freaky kitty with this text?

In seven seas, across the lands...

backwaterj
2014-11-06, 05:28 AM
Excuse me, could you point me toward the restroom?

Like I solve all problems: with prodigious amounts of banana pudding.

KuReshtin
2014-11-06, 07:47 AM
How did you manage to memorize Pi to the millionth decimal?

Because it was free.

Dudeons
2014-11-06, 10:38 AM
Why do dogs chase cats?

Quick, don't think about cats!

Dire Moose
2014-11-06, 11:12 AM
How do I escape the fuzzy kitten pile?

Drive me closer! I want to hit them with my sword!

EmeraldRose
2014-11-06, 12:03 PM
Don't you think we should leave the wandering minstrels alone?

Because someday you will regret it.

B-Man
2014-11-06, 12:12 PM
Why shouldn't I go through the effort of getting a Snorunt in Gen III?


Duct tape.

Laughing Dog
2014-11-06, 12:59 PM
How do you think we should fix this hole in the ship?

Just follow the smoke clouds and screams of the dying, you'll catch up to them. Don't know why you want to, though.

Dudeons
2014-11-06, 04:09 PM
Are you sure the 4chan convention is this way?

Honey, I'm home!

PersonofJid
2014-11-06, 04:35 PM
Have you ever thought what your last words will be?

The kind that never goes away.

copycatcat
2014-11-06, 05:08 PM
What is the worst pain possible?

Ernelia Cenelia, master jester, disapproves of every single word you said in every possible use for them.

EmeraldRose
2014-11-06, 05:18 PM
What's that thing growing out of your shoulder have to say about the cost of tea in Canada?

One of these days.

Orm-Embar
2014-11-06, 06:23 PM
When is the world scheduled to be devoured by Things from Outside?

I've decided to plant them.

Haruki-kun
2014-11-06, 10:30 PM
So how are you going to raise the chickens?

I think I'd rather just get a soda.

Lifscuetorya
2014-11-07, 05:10 PM
Wanna go on a quest to destroy this ring and save the world?

A potato.

Dudeons
2014-11-07, 05:40 PM
What's the flamethrower for?

I'll do it when Satan can go ice skating.

copycatcat
2014-11-07, 08:49 PM
So, what did you think of the plan to make hell a boiling furnace?

I insert several ninjas, holding kitties, and the kitties are shuriken.

Laughing Dog
2014-11-07, 09:27 PM
You do realize this isn't the D&D Vending Machine, right?

The lead monk holds up his hand and say, "Please, let us put aside our differences and speak of peace." What do you do?

I have no idea what you're on about! I'm just here doin' my job!

backwaterj
2014-11-10, 05:38 PM
Did you just . . . break into my house to euthanize my dog?!

I'm vacillating between "signs point to yes" and "ask again later".

EmeraldRose
2014-11-10, 07:51 PM
Have you finished your resume for that job as a Magic 8 Ball?

Yes. No. Ice Cream.

Lheticus
2014-11-10, 07:57 PM
So, is liqueur your favorite coffee flavored thing that's not coffee?

Necroscope86's voice.

copycatcat
2014-11-10, 09:34 PM
What's a sound you know of and I don't?

The bravest warrior of Eberron fell to a mighty housecat who scratched out his eyes.

Orm-Embar
2014-11-11, 02:01 PM
Does the story have a happy ending?

Standing on the beach with a pocket full of shells.

@V That's what was playlooping in my head. :smallamused:

backwaterj
2014-11-11, 03:42 PM
Mr. de la Rocha, could you describe your dream vacation?

I um . . . the longjohns are a bit much.

KuReshtin
2014-11-12, 04:04 AM
How do you like my new swim suit?


Contrary to what some people may think, a copy machine does not contain a bunch of pixies that are very quick at painting what they see.

Dudeons
2014-11-12, 03:40 PM
Name one thing about my office that is boring.

I am a man! *punch*

braveheart
2014-11-12, 04:39 PM
Zeus: "puny mortal, you are naught but a worm beneath my feet, what makes you think that you can stand up to my might?"




That is the porjik, and I don't have to tell you what a porjik is.

Lheticus
2014-11-14, 08:06 PM
What is that a picture of? And DON'T YOU DARE say it's the Funyarinpa!

The world's foremost experts convened recently on the subject, and they STILL couldn't find the answer.

Dire Moose
2014-11-15, 04:26 PM
Does this sweater make me look fat?

I didn't do it! You can't prove I did it! The sheep are lying!

EmeraldRose
2014-11-15, 07:18 PM
:xykon: + :roach: = ?

Because the other one cost too much.

Dudeons
2014-11-15, 09:24 PM
Why is my gun made of balsa wood?

Well, according to this, you have no legal right to be existing.

Hbgplayer
2014-11-17, 03:50 PM
What gives you the right to eat my cheeseburger?

I don't know, you tell me.

Orm-Embar
2014-11-17, 09:47 PM
Sir, do you know how many miles per hour over the speed limit you were going?

There's a simple remedy for that kind of thinking.

B-Man
2014-11-17, 10:56 PM
Can't I just compare all these fields for incoming queries?


Excadrill holding a Balloon.

EmeraldRose
2014-11-18, 08:16 AM
O.o

It started with a chicken.

Laughing Dog
2014-11-18, 08:44 AM
Queen EmeraldRose, what exactly caused this horriffic slaughter today?

Shedinja that somehow acquired sturdy.

Lheticus
2014-11-18, 11:53 AM
What should NEVER be allowed to exist?

I could tell you, but there's a 67% probability that doing so would rend the very fabric of space and time. Either that or you'd spontaneously combust.

Hbgplayer
2014-11-18, 01:09 PM
What is the answer to four times four?

It's either everything or nothing. Nothing can be said with absolute truth, so why bother looking for the answer?

Dudeons
2014-11-18, 04:59 PM
Where are my keys?

Oh, sorry about that, I had something in my throat.

PersonofJid
2014-11-18, 05:42 PM
Why are there horse heads all over the floor?

In about thirty seconds.

Orm-Embar
2014-11-18, 06:34 PM
Are we there yet? How about now?

That won't fix everything, you know.

Haruki-kun
2014-11-18, 11:08 PM
Have you tried turning it off and on again?

That only worked once and we didn't get very far.

Laughing Dog
2014-11-19, 01:23 AM
Have you tried turning the car off and on again?:smalltongue:

Batman, Nightwing, and Robin all walk into a bar. They say, "Ow."

KuReshtin
2014-11-19, 03:25 AM
What's Green Arrow's favourite ice breaker when trying to pick up girls?

You can't calculate that, as the wall would prematurely stop the car.

EmeraldRose
2014-11-19, 09:35 AM
What's the average speed of a car traveling directly through a brick wall on its way to the Super Bowl?

But it's snowing out there!

Dire Moose
2014-11-19, 09:46 AM
I'd like to go to a nudist camp this weekend. What do you think?

I don't care if it's a natural THIRTY.

thirsting
2014-11-19, 09:56 AM
Look at my thac0, then look at the dice I just rolled, just what do you mean I can't hit that thing?!

That should totally be the title for the next thread.

Dudeons
2014-11-19, 12:32 PM
Is this the X-rated version?

You're no fun.

Hbgplayer
2014-11-19, 03:44 PM
Could you put that thing away?

Over there, over there, and up there.

Haruki-kun
2014-11-19, 08:55 PM
Have you seen our explosives specialist?

Can't you do that yourself? :smallsigh:

Targ Collective
2014-11-19, 09:39 PM
Poof! Kazam! Magic!

Because it's always the season to be giving.

EmeraldRose
2014-11-20, 08:29 AM
Why did you infect the thread with such a horrible virus?!?

Just....because!

braveheart
2014-11-20, 01:05 PM
Why would you eat his spleen, while he was alive, and watching you do it?

because I was bored and my xell phone was dead

backwaterj
2014-11-20, 06:54 PM
Can I ask you why you suddenly started replacing all your C's with X's?

It was in Brussels, man! Anything goes!

KuReshtin
2014-11-21, 05:00 AM
Did I not tell you that it's unacceptable to punt babies?

Your current options is to either leave it alone and hope it goes away on it's own, or raise an issue with the supervisor and let them handle it.

thirsting
2014-11-21, 08:13 AM
How would you handle a neighbouring cubicle which has spontaneously developed a dull but malevolent sentience?

Don't worry, you'll get used to the chafing.

Dudeons
2014-11-21, 11:03 AM
Shouldn't you be wearing the Pikachu costume?

I need a volunteer.

Orm-Embar
2014-11-21, 11:49 AM
Are you going to saw someone in half?

There should still be a few of those left in the garden.

enderlord99
2014-11-21, 06:19 PM
Have you seen my socks? They weren't in the dishwasher...

Unless and until Apple starts calling their operating system "Smilodon."

backwaterj
2014-11-21, 06:27 PM
How long is Bill Gates going to keep his lolsabertoothcatz page going?

The answer is beyond the power of mere mortal minds to comprehend.

EmeraldRose
2014-11-21, 10:56 PM
What's for breakfast?

It started out as a simple dungeon crawl...

V: That's actually completely true. :smallwink::smallbiggrin:

Haruki-kun
2014-11-21, 11:02 PM
So how did you two meet?

No, I don't have enough patties.

Jormengand
2014-11-22, 06:39 PM
So, are you ready for Thog to show up?

Seven.

Hbgplayer
2014-11-22, 06:43 PM
Spongebob! Did you make that septuble krabby patty yet? How many ninjas did you have help you?

Six hundred ninety-four million, seven hundred twenty-eight, three hundred fifty-one and one one-billionth.

Orm-Embar
2014-11-23, 02:13 PM
Can you guess how many grains of rice, sacks of flour, tons of sugar, and concentrated essence of souls, went into making this Devilish Surprise Cake?

A single elegant word in the proper ear.

Dudeons
2014-11-25, 10:51 PM
What was the murder weapon?

Whoa, perfect score!

EmeraldRose
2014-11-26, 10:38 AM
What do you have to say about this?

One thing's for sure, there won't be any more turkeys for a loooooong time.

backwaterj
2014-11-26, 05:08 PM
Okay, so we've just discovered this intergalactic confederation of sentient races, and they all want traditional Thanksgiving dinners. What are the possible ramifications?

Just keep hitting it until it works again.

Neli42
2014-11-27, 01:38 AM
So now that we've surgically removed the arrested heart from the patient's chest, what's the next step in the procedure?

A chicken feather, a matchstick, a coffee mug, and a gallon of Cherry Garcia ice cream.

Lheticus
2014-11-27, 08:27 AM
{scrubbed}

Don't look now, but I think it's that guy right over there.

Dire Moose
2014-11-28, 12:49 AM
Have you found the ancient eldritch abomination that is destined to destroy the universe as we know it yet?

Well I guess it worked, but you could have avoided making such a huge mess for everyone else to clean up.

IZ42
2014-11-30, 02:05 AM
How did you know shoving the shoggoth into a blender would kill it? (Not the best fit :/)


It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Orm-Embar
2014-12-02, 02:06 PM
Why did you have to press the big red button?!?

It looks like a perfectly ordinary, innocent hallway, with no traps at all that you can see.

EmeraldRose
2014-12-02, 02:31 PM
What's the one set up line a DM can use to ensure absolute paranoia in their players?

Because it's snowing. Again.

thirsting
2014-12-02, 04:27 PM
Why exactly are you browsing online for a flamethrower?

But I like goblins. :smallfrown:

backwaterj
2014-12-02, 07:09 PM
Do I really have to tell you that "goblin parmesan" is not on the FDA-approved list?

Quick! We need more weedwhackers and theremin music!

Dudeons
2014-12-03, 11:23 AM
The DJ called in sick and the wedding reception is in five minutes! What do we do?

The Bay of Pigs invasion reenacted by the Justice League!

Orm-Embar
2014-12-03, 04:30 PM
What's your 10-second pitch for the next movie this studio should make?

Suddenly all the red lights on the instrument panel came on at once.

EmeraldRose
2014-12-03, 04:39 PM
How were you able to tell it went all the way to 11?

A squeaky hedgehog.

Haruki-kun
2014-12-03, 08:18 PM
What do you get if you cross Sonic with a rubber ducky?

Five thousand dollars.

Sgt. Cookie
2014-12-09, 06:34 AM
What's the current going price for a galleon of papal holy water?

I don't know how it happened, but he spontaneously combusted.

KuReshtin
2014-12-09, 08:08 AM
Can you please explain how come the person staying in room 13 on the 13th floor of this hotel went into the room, locked the door from the inside and then disappeared off the face of the earth?



I don't think anyone is fully capable of grasping the immenseness of the repercussions of these events, were they ever to happen.

thirsting
2014-12-09, 09:42 AM
May I touch your helmet?

My pet hedgehog.

Strigon
2014-12-09, 04:39 PM
WHO ATE MY BLUEBERRY PIE?

It would take a miracle...

Haruki-kun
2014-12-10, 10:05 AM
Think I can find a picture of a cat somewhere online?

As long as you only read the first page.

KuReshtin
2014-12-10, 10:48 AM
In your opinion, would you say that 50 Shades of Gray is a literary masterpiece?


I just opened the door and the light fixture fell from the ceiling and almost hit my head.

Lheticus
2014-12-10, 04:53 PM
What in the name of Miyamoto's sweet granny happened here?!

About the same as the odds someone will put a question that's specifically related to a given answer in this thread. :smalltongue:

Strigon
2014-12-10, 06:51 PM
What are the odds I survive this?

It involves a rubber band, eleven sheets of paper, a tub of custard, and 7 12-gauge shotgun shells.

Dudeons
2014-12-11, 09:24 AM
What's your survival plan in case of a zombie apocalypse?

That's no excuse for parking over the line!

EmeraldRose
2014-12-11, 10:31 AM
When did they remove all the paint from the parking spaces?

Because it requires you to actually be at work to complete.

KuReshtin
2014-12-12, 03:25 AM
Why do I have to get up so early in the morning to do this survey thing?

It's actually a rapidly growing sport in the UK, contrary to popular belief.

Neli42
2014-12-12, 04:58 AM
So who's even heard of Extreme Underwater Ferret Bowling anyway?

As fun as that sounds, I don't think it's an economically viable solution.

Scarlet Knight
2014-12-12, 06:05 PM
Don't you think the "Gold Bar Snatch and Run" would make a great Olympic sport?

The Wall Street Wobble

Lheticus
2014-12-12, 06:30 PM
Is there anything worse than the Kansas City Shuffle?

That is just sick and wrong...I LOVE IT!

IZ42
2014-12-16, 08:17 PM
Have you ever considered playing tennis with mice?


Never would've guessed it.

thirsting
2014-12-17, 02:11 AM
Ever thought about how when ever you look at the stuff that have been written on internet, somewhere out there is an actual human being who wrote that thing?



Please put it down, now.

KuReshtin
2014-12-17, 03:30 AM
Since I know the fundamentals of juggling three balls, do you think I should try swapping one of the balls out with this kitchen knife and try juggling that?


Modern 'inventions' aren't always modern. The palace at Knossos in Crete actually had a rudimentary water flushed toilet system.

Dire Moose
2014-12-23, 10:10 AM
It never fails! Every toilet I've own has inevitably exploded at some point. Will someone please invent a non-exploding toilet?

Steampunk versions of things that have absolutely no reason to be steampunk.

EmeraldRose
2014-12-23, 11:42 AM
What sort of collector's items are you searching for these days?

If it involves a TARDIS and something potentially deadly to the entire human race, I'm in.

Haruki-kun
2014-12-23, 11:35 PM
Would you watch a Doctor Who Anime?

I would prefer it if you took it somewhere else.

IZ42
2014-12-24, 02:07 AM
Do you want to see how my automatic server for mouse tennis works?



I can't believe you would do that to a waffle!

PurityIcekiller
2014-12-24, 03:11 AM
Don't you think the nitrogen triiodide adds a nice blast of flavour?

I think the dog did.

CapedLuigiYoshi
2014-12-24, 04:48 AM
What the- who completed all my math homework?

Too canon for my tastes.

TheCountAlucard
2014-12-24, 12:24 PM
Didja hear the new Star Wars movie was gonna have the Millennium Falcon in it?

Santa, obviously.

EmeraldRose
2014-12-24, 01:24 PM
How exactly did you wind up in that stocking?

I swear it was the eye drops.

Haruki-kun
2014-12-24, 05:38 PM
Would you explain why your little brother has a black eye? :smallmad:

It's supposed to be that color!

Dire Moose
2014-12-25, 10:09 PM
Just what exactly did you DO to that guy? There's blood all over the walls!

In my pants.

Dudeons
2014-12-26, 11:33 AM
Where's the victim's body?

You had ONE JOB!

goto124
2014-12-27, 11:28 AM
How should I have known what you actually meant by 'take care of her'?

A lollipop might work. Kill all the little girls until one drops a lollipop. If none of them have it, wait until the resurrection and try again. Might take 10 or more resurrections.

EmeraldRose
2014-12-27, 12:25 PM
I want some candy, how can we get some candy?

Seems like they just don't last as long as they used to.

goto124
2014-12-27, 12:47 PM
I just tried out the newest model of Andriod BoyfriendTM, and he came even faster than before! What sort of stupid design is this?

Stay up until 2 am.

Dire Moose
2014-12-28, 12:16 AM
My chainsaw broke down and I'm low on money, so I'll need to borrow one. Is there anyone in this town who has a working chainsaw, and if so, how do I meet them?

That is NOT the way you were supposed to use it, but I guess results are results.

KuReshtin
2014-12-29, 04:20 AM
If you're not supposed to use a musket to batter your opponent ove the head using it like a cudgel, how do you explain all the neutralised zombies?

Because we're on page 50, and you're as good as any to start the new thread.

Dudeons
2014-12-29, 01:43 PM
How does me dressed as David Bowie promote this thread in any way?

To the thread-mobile!

EmeraldRose
2014-12-29, 01:45 PM
Does this mean you're starting the new thread?

It used to be covered in sprinkles but the cat ate them.

IZ42
2014-12-29, 01:47 PM
What happened to the old thread?

I suppose it had to happen eventually.

rafet
2014-12-30, 02:45 PM
Did you hear how elves won the gnome punting tournament?

More Fireballs!

Lheticus
2014-12-30, 04:32 PM
Quick, how can we avoid these deadly fireballs?!

Because there ARE no rules.

enderlord99
2015-01-02, 06:12 AM
Why won't you tell me the rules?

Here's a video that explains it. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

KuReshtin
2015-01-02, 08:18 AM
Where's the new thread?

Oh, lookit! There it is! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=18595029&postcount=1)