View Full Version : TPAY/TPBY Reverse Questioning

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2013-06-19, 02:28 PM
The game is simple. I give an answer, then TPBM asks a question pertaining to my answer, giving an answer for the person below them to make a question for, and so on.

The Cookie Jar

Gnomish Wanderer
2013-06-21, 10:40 PM
Where did you hide the bodies?

You gotta break the sound barrier.

2013-06-21, 11:50 PM
How do you make one of those loud noises?
Yes, I realize that's kind of boring.
Maybe, but it would take ten cans of paint-thinner and a German weightlifter.

2013-06-22, 12:11 AM
Can you help me make the next Conan movie?

You left the fan unplugged, silly!

2013-06-22, 12:14 AM
Why isn't it cooling down in here?


2013-06-22, 12:18 AM
whats the answer to life the universe and everything?

dude...go back to school...learn some math maybe?

2013-06-22, 01:45 AM
Can you help me with this?

That's a purple panda.

2013-06-22, 02:06 AM
What is eating those Down's syndrome blind paropolegic mentally handicapped orphan babies?

A rockabilly concert in Reykjavik, Iceland.

2013-06-22, 03:04 PM
What's the REAL reason Thor came back to Earth in The Avengers?

200 square miles of corn.

2013-06-22, 03:35 PM
How much do we need to plant to make the World's Most Annoying Corn Maze?

No, I wanted a cheeseburger! :furious:

Gnomish Wanderer
2013-06-22, 04:23 PM
Didn't you want some people stew?

I see a little silhouette of a man, Scaramoosh scaramoosh

2013-06-22, 07:02 PM
Okay, now can you cover your left eye and tell me what you see?

An explosion so large you can see it from space.

2013-06-22, 07:35 PM
(A la crocodile man) ahh see: over there, that's a King Cobra. The most aggressive and poisonous snake on earth. What happens when I poke it with a stick?

Several thousand tons of chocolate ice cream

2013-06-22, 10:01 PM
What would it take to kill Superman?

A box full of EARWIGS.

2013-06-23, 12:51 AM
Tell be the truth, doc. What did you find in me?

A week at the latest, tomorrow at the earliest.

2013-06-23, 04:32 AM
When will the earth get out of orbit?

A break dancing minotaur.

2013-06-23, 11:20 AM
What on earth happened to your room young man?!

That's Classified Information :smallcool:

2013-06-23, 01:30 PM
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A jacuzzi full of lemon pudding.

2013-06-23, 01:51 PM
Whats better than a hot tub of tapioca?

I don't know if I feel comfortable telling you that.

2013-06-23, 02:20 PM
What does exploding feel like?

Sorry, Bob's already eaten it.

2013-06-23, 06:32 PM
Has anyone seen my vial of anthrax?

Beaten to death with his own arms.

2013-06-23, 06:47 PM
What ever happened to the Balrog?

Seventeen thousand tons of VHS tapes

2013-06-23, 06:50 PM
What's in that landfill?

Under the bodies you buried. Better get to 'em before the FBI digs them up!

2013-06-23, 06:53 PM
Did you see where i left my keys?

An inflatable bowl of cereal.

2013-06-23, 08:27 PM
Quick! Can you come up with marketable safety-device you can eat?

You have insufficient clearance for that information.

Amidus Drexel
2013-06-23, 09:37 PM
So, how does one play PARANOIA? :smallamused:

That really depends on the number of mechs we're talking about here.

2013-06-23, 11:25 PM
So it'll take how long to take over the world? I've got a date tonight.

Have you ever seen Tremors with Kevin Bacon? Because I SWEAR it was a Graboid.

2013-06-23, 11:27 PM
What was that giant worm-thing?

Nah, silly, it's just the child of Cthulhu, Arioch, Tzeentch, and Unicron.

2013-06-24, 07:02 AM
Holy pants! Is that adorable monstrosity yours?

About a buck fifty if you want a good quality one.

Beacon of Chaos
2013-06-24, 07:55 AM
How much is a soul worth, anyway?

Somewhere between 2 and 144,000. I lost count.

2013-06-24, 04:23 PM
How many souls have been consumed by the Necronomicon?

That poor, poor cat.

Scarlet Knight
2013-06-24, 10:21 PM
Hey! Who's the trout costume for?

I've got sailor's legs.

2013-06-25, 01:20 AM
Why are you going to the Mer-Market? :smallconfused:

Lix Lorn, of course!

2013-06-25, 05:20 AM
What thing in the world would you preferably eat, assuming it was covered in chocolate?

Because there is no air.

2013-06-25, 11:18 AM
Why'd you take a snorkel into space?

A mountain of cash.

2013-06-25, 02:17 PM
What's all that tax money going to build?

I'd give it an 8/10.

Amidus Drexel
2013-06-25, 06:34 PM
What's did you think of the curry?

Fire. Fire is always the answer.

2013-06-25, 06:36 PM
What's the best way to cook TPBM?

Protean, Obtenebration, Vicissitude, and Dementation.

2013-06-25, 06:53 PM
Could I have a string of random words, please?

AHH!!! FIRE!!!!!

2013-06-25, 07:04 PM
Mr. Squad leader, sir, have you noticed the giant monster about to step on the tank?

Three bottles of soda, some mentos, and Mardi Gras beads.

2013-06-25, 08:26 PM
What happened last night?

Well, it's hard to say, but I'd guess about 12 1/2 megajoules.

2013-06-25, 08:26 PM
@V: Damn, ninja'd.

What's the heat production of your average fireball spell?

Drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.

Scarlet Knight
2013-06-25, 09:33 PM
So what's the best thing about being a pharmacist?


2013-06-26, 09:05 AM
"What do you think would be a good name for a puppy?"

"Thirty-five pounds of tapioca."

Gnomish Wanderer
2013-06-27, 05:26 PM
I'm sorry, what did you say you had for breakfast?

We don't have enough power to do that, sir.

2013-06-27, 05:40 PM
Damnit man, why am I unable to fire all 12 of the ship's death rays simultaneously?!

A good cup of tea.

2013-06-27, 05:51 PM
Sorry, how old are you again?
(accursed ninjas confusing what page I'm on or something. I don't even know what happened.)

Cause of death?

No, he actually invented the jigsaw puzzle, but you were close.

2013-06-27, 06:24 PM
Isn't Jim Davis the guy who came up with Garfield?

Actually, that's a popular misconception! All of them are made from scratch in the back room here!

2013-06-27, 09:07 PM
Do you send out expeditions to find the WORST pies you can?

I think you already know the answer.

2013-06-28, 05:01 AM
What is two times four?

Green. But red goes as well.

2013-06-28, 12:23 PM
What color earrings go best with a blood-spattered dress?


2013-06-28, 12:45 PM
What time is it?

Maybe... but I have yet to me one who can outsmart BULLET!

2013-06-28, 12:53 PM
People think you're a bit slow, don't they?

An existential quandary

2013-06-28, 01:50 PM
What is the worst trap one can fall into?

I'm sorry, I don't speak spanish.

2013-06-28, 02:03 PM

In order: "No," "no," "no," "yes," "no," "yes," "yes," "no," "no," "yes," "yes," "yes," "yes," "no," "yes," "maybe," "no," "no," "yes," "only on the moon," "yes," "no," "eight hundred sixty-one," "no," "yes," "no," "exactly one million," "maybe," "maybe," "no," "maybe," "yes," "no," "Decembruary," "of course not, sicko!" "the color purple," "yes," "one more than necessary," "no," "probably not," "absolutely," and "lemon meringue, please!"

Gnomish Wanderer
2013-06-28, 02:23 PM
Pssst, what are the answers to this test?

The thrill of one more kill.

2013-06-28, 03:29 PM
Why are you still an airship pirate?

All the free breakfast sandwiches, naturally.

2013-06-28, 04:43 PM
But, how did you dispose of the bodies?

Not since Atlantic city.

2013-06-28, 05:32 PM
Have you checked the corpses hasn't come back to life and ran off?

A reverse bicycle.

2013-06-28, 06:05 PM
What do you call this doomsday device?

I'm sorry, but we don't have the power at this time.

2013-06-28, 06:52 PM
"Quickly! Can you reinforce the deflector shields before they launch their next attack?"

"I'd love to!" :smallbiggrin:

2013-06-28, 08:16 PM
Could you fire the reverse bicycle at the guy that owes me money, right over there?

Habanero sauce!

2013-06-28, 09:02 PM
What is my bathtub filled with?

Let me answer you question with another question: Have you checked that it's plugged in?

2013-06-29, 07:13 AM
How do I get this rock to work?

If you really want t know, follow me down this conveniently secluded alley.

2013-06-29, 09:58 AM
Are you an alien?

Oh, about $300

2013-06-29, 11:56 AM
What does pure, unadultered terror look like?

A rain dance ought to fix that real quick.

Amidus Drexel
2013-06-29, 04:43 PM
How can I completely soak TPBM?

You were supposed to DOOOOOOODGE!!!

2013-06-29, 05:54 PM
Why did you shoot me in the face?

Seven. But the last two are only temporary.

2013-06-29, 07:13 PM
How many people are living in your mind?

Here's the body, that'll be $50,000 please. I take checks.

2013-06-30, 07:16 AM
Where's the good you promised me?

A life lived in fear.

2013-06-30, 01:00 PM
If you are elected dictator for life, what kind of life can your subjects expect?

That is the dance of eternal bliss.

Beacon of Chaos
2013-06-30, 02:18 PM
How would you describe the macarena?

All I know is that someone is going home covered in ketchup tonight.

2013-06-30, 02:21 PM
What if I used Chimeristry to make everyone think other people were hot dogs?


2013-06-30, 05:57 PM
Want to see my magic powers?

Both disgusted and oddly aroused.

2013-07-03, 02:32 AM
How do most people feel after my attempts at "poetry"?

It's a KGB death squad, run!

2013-07-03, 03:56 PM
Who are the guys with the fez hats?

Chickens. Duh!

2013-07-03, 06:53 PM
"What do you have stored in the giant pez dispensers?"

"You should pick the purple one."

2013-07-03, 07:37 PM
For my journey into the dragon's lair, should i wear this golden epic-level paladin armor, or should i wear this purple lv3 robe?

A really big vacuum cleaner.

Scarlet Knight
2013-07-03, 08:29 PM
Oh, man. I can't remember...what did Dark Helmet use on Druidia?

Blazing Saddles

2013-07-03, 10:27 PM
How did you get that burn?

No. Just, no.

2013-07-04, 01:53 AM
Should we push the "Self-Destruct" button?

It's a type of cheese.

2013-07-04, 09:16 AM
"What does reversing the polarity of the neutron flow actually mean, anyway?"

"You could, but it might upset the balance of the universe."

2013-07-04, 10:08 AM
Hmm.... or what if we put the couch where the table is instead?

Well, it's his fault he was wearing a bikini in the first place.

2013-07-04, 11:35 AM
Did you just hit on that hot dog?

Seven days after the moon falls from the sky.

2013-07-04, 01:31 PM
When will you give me back the money you owe me?

No, dinosaurs silly.

Edit: When you post a reply and scroll down you can see the former comments, but in reverse order to the normal thread. This means that the questions and answers are all miss-matched, most of them doesn't make any sense, but some are really funny. My favorite: If you are elected dictator for life, what kind of life can your subjects expect? All I know is that someone is going home covered in ketchup tonight.

2013-07-04, 01:54 PM
Have you been using mad science to try and create genetically engineered monsters?

Oh, so that's where I left it at.

2013-07-04, 07:55 PM
"Could you please get this spear out of my shoulder? I've been pinned to the wall for three days now!"

"No! If you do that, life as we know it will end!"

2013-07-04, 10:12 PM
"Will you marry me?"

"Why yes! I don't think I've ever had the chance to use a rubber duck like that!"

2013-07-04, 10:25 PM
Want to test out my new atomic-moleculizer on that toy?

Less than a bushel, more than a giraffe.

2013-07-05, 08:11 AM
"How many matchsticks does it take to construct a fully functional TARDIS?"

"Actually, you could use a trim."

(Disclaimer: I know that, technically, TARDISes are grown)

Scarlet Knight
2013-07-05, 12:04 PM
"Are you not impressed?"

The 12 Labors of Hercules.

2013-07-05, 12:12 PM
What punishment is suitable for individuals who let their dogs perform a #2 on your yard without cleaning it up?


2013-07-05, 02:28 PM
Whats got everyone in such a hurry?

Flee, definitely flee.

2013-07-05, 03:39 PM
Dear HypoSoc: My Lovecraftian Elder God asked me to move in with it, what should I do?

There is only one possible solution: thermal nuclear war.

2013-07-05, 03:57 PM
"36 down, three words, 17 letters. The clue is "Atom-powered apocalypse". Do you know the answer?"


2013-07-05, 04:25 PM
What's the 11th secret spice in Col. Draco's famous "Kentucky Fried Human"?

Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my.

2013-07-05, 05:41 PM
What should we have for dinner tonight?

Fire, and lots of it.

Beacon of Chaos
2013-07-05, 05:50 PM
What caused my house to burn down?

Kuala Lumpur.

Edit: When you post a reply and scroll down you can see the former comments, but in reverse order to the normal thread. This means that the questions and answers are all miss-matched, most of them doesn't make any sense, but some are really funny. My favorite: If you are elected dictator for life, what kind of life can your subjects expect? All I know is that someone is going home covered in ketchup tonight.

2013-07-06, 10:09 AM
"Which city would you most like to see covered in a thick layer of custard?"

:smallfrown: "Why would you force me to choose? The second one, I guess..."

2013-07-06, 11:28 AM
Would you rather kill a black zebra with white stripes or a white zebra with black stripes?

Dude, that is totally racist.

2013-07-06, 12:17 PM
Why is it every time we walk into a bar, the dwarf ends up drunk and dancing on a table?

Well destroy the universe, of course.

Amidus Drexel
2013-07-06, 03:22 PM
What have I forgotten to do today?

I think that's a bit ridiculous, even without the chickens.

2013-07-06, 10:02 PM
So what do you think of my world domination plan?

The square root of negative one.

2013-07-07, 08:29 AM
How many octopi does it take to be crewed in by a light bulb?

Not a problem, so long as you can pay in cash.

2013-07-07, 12:31 PM
It's okay if I kill you and cut up your body for science, right?

Stop repeating me, you jerk!

2013-07-07, 12:49 PM
It's okay if I kill you and cut up your body for science, right?

That is clearly half a yes, half no. So, "maybe," I guess.

2013-07-08, 07:57 PM
"Would you ever consider dating a half-dragon half-half-elf?"

"Five thousand dollars and a hot plate."

2013-07-08, 08:23 PM
What is the fanciest food you serve?

I'm gonna say that's blaspheme.

2013-07-08, 11:52 PM
Is it okay to mix business with pleasure?

We are NEVER, EVER doing that again.

2013-07-09, 09:53 AM
Up for another round of Parcheesi?

I'm pretty sure that Snorklepax the Raging Dragon ate it, but rumor has it that there's another one if you climb the mountain of jagged death, cross the bridge of shrieking souls, turn left at the prickly cactus of significant discomfort and keep on in that direction until you see the sign of irrevocable doom.

2013-07-09, 09:59 AM
Did you see my chocolate bunny?

On a a scale of one to ten, about four.

2013-07-09, 11:17 AM
How would you rate projectile knitting as a sport?

Evidently, you are an uneducated brute.

2013-07-09, 11:51 AM
Which Celine Dion album do you find the best for torturing the living hell out of a prisoner?

Strawberry jam. 15 tons of strawberry jam. All compacted into his living quarters.

2013-07-09, 03:39 PM
5 pounds of Strawberry jam slathered all over the boss's chair just doesn't seem like enough to get her out of this funk; can we think of something better?

It's just a rampaging legion of the undead emanating a life draining aura that devours the soul of any mortal unfortunate enough to notice them; no big deal.

2013-07-09, 03:47 PM
Just what, exactly, am I looking at?

We're dead. We are so totally dead.

2013-07-09, 03:50 PM
Hey, is that Mom over on the other side of the strip club?

Neither. You should keep it yourself.

2013-07-10, 05:54 PM
Should I go ahead with my plan to steal your soul for the devil, or should I let you go free?

Oh, it's about 3000 miles that way. Enjoy the hike.

2013-07-10, 06:09 PM
Where's the nearest bathroom? I've had to pee for half an hour!

I would say about the size of an average chinchilla.

2013-07-10, 06:10 PM
Where do I find enlightenment?

Seven trillion copper pieces.

2013-07-11, 09:55 AM
"Just what are you trying to haul in from that dungeon crawl that requires hiring the services of the entire henchmen's guild?"

"Two troglodytes, a young adult white dragon, and an animated statue of my mother-in-law."

2013-07-11, 02:05 PM
Good, god! What happened to him?

Probably time travel.

2013-07-11, 02:11 PM
How was I begot?

Don't worry, the three doctors, Doom, Light, and The, will save the day.

2013-07-11, 03:24 PM
Should we be concerned about "Bieber Fever" spreading until everyone worldwide is a mindless idiot?

Enough rope to tie up the Statue of Liberty AND Cristo Redentor.

2013-07-11, 03:33 PM
What materials would best restrain you until I shove you into the volcano?

Well... I guess so. If that's what you really want.

2013-07-11, 03:52 PM
"Can I have a glass of prune juice, please?"

"Only those with the wit of a fox, the strength of a bear, the sight of an eagle and the feet of a monkey may succeed."

2013-07-12, 12:31 AM
Who may pass yonder crosswalk unhindered?

It used to be much taller.

2013-07-12, 02:47 PM
I'm confused. Why is it labeled as Colossal if it only comes up to my knee?

Kill it with spite!

Scarlet Knight
2013-07-15, 09:24 PM
"Everyone's switching to ponytars! It's a revolution, I tell you! How can we stop it?"

"Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth!"

2013-07-16, 02:07 AM
Your wife just got brutally mauled to seat by a sentient ketchup bottle. How are you feeling right now?

I would definitely say the tiger. Unless the marshmallows kill the horses before the nectarines finish the game of basketball, then pick the flying carpet.

2013-07-16, 08:26 AM
"Knowest thou the password that thou mayest enter?"

"Rutabagas. Definitely Rutabagas."

2013-07-16, 09:32 AM
What was that word that made her laugh uncontrollably again?

A half eaten egg sandwich.

2013-07-16, 09:47 AM
"Wait, you said you knew what that kaiju was originally. what was it?"

"Tell her how you feel, nothing could possibly go wrong."

2013-07-16, 10:37 AM
That indestructible, murderous, she-demon, keeps killing my loved ones! What should I do?

A partying pair of partial parrots.

2013-07-16, 10:58 AM
"Perhaps Peter Piper patrolled perilously with peers. Perchance, proclaim the perilous peers' personas?"

"He did it."

2013-07-16, 11:11 AM
Alright gang! Looks like its another mystery for the mystery gang. Shaggy, what do - (is interupted by answer)

I'll have a coke.

2013-07-16, 05:22 PM
What slip of the tongue gave away the vampire hunter infiltrating the blood bar?

The secret is fairie blood, it really brings out the flavor in the dish.

2013-07-16, 08:53 PM
Why does this omelet taste... sparkly?

It's covered in bees.

2013-07-16, 09:25 PM
Why do you think my new Winnie the Pooh underpants were so cheap?

Yeah, sure. Wait... no! Stop!

2013-07-16, 10:53 PM
I'm about to turn all of creation into an eldritch-spawned inverted mockery of itself, want to came watch?

A warehouse full of boomboxes.

2013-07-17, 12:12 AM
This neighborhood has such low property values. Why is that?

Effortlessly, if you are lucky.

2013-07-17, 08:07 AM
"How can I learn to fly?"

"Three hundred stacks of waffles, and only one bottle of syrup."

2013-07-17, 09:15 AM
"What would your ultimate karmic punishment be?"

"All the money. All of it ever."

2013-07-17, 09:52 AM
Aw, you didn't have to give me anything for my birthday! What is it?

Chicken curry.

2013-07-17, 01:08 PM
What's for dinner?

Zorc and Pals!

2013-07-17, 09:32 PM
Quick, we need a pitch for a man-eating-alien-themed kids show. What have you got?

It makes me want to tear out my eardrums.

2013-07-17, 10:20 PM
How is the synesthesia stew?

It's the killing hour.

2013-07-18, 12:01 AM
What did we all my birthday again?

I am incredibly sorry, that's classified.

2013-07-18, 12:07 AM
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

My best friend, my brother, and an accountant.

2013-07-18, 02:04 AM
So you've come to rescue me? How many men do you have?

Only on Wednesdays, every second Tuesday and the Winter Solstice.

2013-07-18, 09:59 AM
"So when can I actually get up and stretch my legs a little?"

"Slowly she slithered along the cold marble ground, approaching her prey with caution. The last victim she took had wounded her, and so she had learned for the first time that haste does not always make the best strategy."

2013-07-18, 02:53 PM
So how is your Mom handling her retirement?

I need 50cc's of chocolate fudge, stat!

Scarlet Knight
2013-07-18, 09:48 PM
"Welcome back to the final minutes of Iron Chef Carvel ! Kevin! I can't hear; what is Chef Morimoto saying?"

We set sail from the Port of Indecision.

2013-08-15, 04:15 PM
"I can't remember. Where are we leaving, again?"

I demand a rematch!

2013-08-16, 08:11 AM
"No matter what I do, these matches won't catch fire! What should I do about it?"

"Eleven, exactly the same as the number of space bugs drinking your vital juices out of your left arm."

2013-08-16, 08:18 AM
How many times have we saved the Earth from dangerous aliens?

So that's where you keep your keys.

2013-08-16, 08:26 AM
"Dude, is that guy stealing your car?"

Around the size of a beluga whale.

2013-08-16, 08:36 AM
About how big is that bulbous bouffant, would you say?

Indubitably. I'll just go get my spatulas and we'll go door to door.

2013-08-16, 08:52 AM
Do you think "ordinary person baking cookies" is a good enough Halloween costume to get us candy?

I can't see the ostrich doing that without at least sixty night-lights.

2013-08-16, 10:44 AM
"Could we teach it to bring me a drink of water from the fountain of youth when my back aches?"

"Yes we can....maybe."

2013-08-16, 10:56 AM
Can we get the ship fast enough to pass through the breach and prevent inevitable doom?

It eats in the shroud of darkness, you know.

Scarlet Knight
2013-08-30, 07:51 PM
"Did you check if the MITD finished it's Kids Meal?"

"Back...back...back....back...it's gone!"

2013-08-31, 10:34 PM
"You're not tricking me into walking into that thing's mouth, are you?"

"Nobody dared to try it since '69"

2013-09-01, 05:38 AM
"Is my meatloaf surprise still in the back of the fridge?"

Three times on Wednesday, another time on Tuesday, and possibly on Labor Day.

2013-09-01, 04:30 PM
How many times do you plan on dying this week?

Kill them all, and let God sort them out.

Beacon of Chaos
2013-09-02, 11:37 AM
What are you going to do with all these orphaned puppies?

Five minutes and not a second more.

5a Violista
2013-09-02, 11:48 AM
How long does it take for a death ray to load up?!?

Mostly on Tuesdays, but sometimes on the second Thursday of the month.

2013-09-02, 12:39 PM
So when do you find the time to eat?

Never without at least brushing my teeth thrice!

2013-09-08, 01:06 PM
Can I see you smile?

I had it until you killed me.

2013-09-09, 01:00 PM
"What did you do with my house key?"

"Eat muffins."

2013-09-09, 01:37 PM
What are you going to do tonight for your 21st birthday?

I have no idea, but someone's ending up in the mustard.

2013-09-09, 02:43 PM
Who is going up against you in naked condiment wrestling tonight?

The $5 sunglasses that I got in Chinatown.

2013-09-09, 04:18 PM
What can I buy with 10$?

It's kind of like if Belkar was a druid from Canada.

2013-09-09, 05:09 PM
How was the Justin Bieber concert?
He's Canadian, anyway.

Yeah, you might want to go to the doctor. I'm pretty sure that's not supposed to be that color.

2013-09-09, 06:48 PM
Is it normal for my skin to look like purple and neon green plaid?

You wrecked my car... AGAIN.

2013-09-09, 06:58 PM
Why won't you let me drive home?

I'd have to go with the second option.

Scarlet Knight
2013-09-09, 07:01 PM
"Howya like my new shotgun?" Ninja!

"Eat'm raw or swished into jelly?"

Thuuuuuuuuuuuh Yankees win!

2013-09-09, 07:08 PM
How many u's can you fit in a sentence?

If would if you would just stop eating my books I could take you there.

2013-09-10, 04:45 AM
What's the best way to get to the Library of Congress?

So, that's why I'm not going to vote this time.

2013-09-10, 08:13 AM
"How are you recovering from being trampled by those rabid circus elephants?"

"Right out of the window on the 53rd floor."

2013-09-10, 06:30 PM
Has anyone seen my collection of Ming vases?

I need your pants. For science.

2013-09-10, 06:40 PM
"Do you remember the first time Bob made a dramatic exit?"

"Well...I ran out of glue."

Edit: Nin'jad

2013-09-10, 07:04 PM
How stable is your invention?

It was only 20 billion.

2013-09-10, 11:55 PM
"sir how much have you had to drink tonight"

Holy crap sir, are you dying?

2013-09-11, 01:32 AM
What's the last thing you want to hear the flight attendant ask the pilot over the intercom?

Wow, I wish mine was that big.

2013-09-11, 08:33 AM
How do you like my tumor?

That costs extra.

2013-09-11, 08:55 AM
Why can't we take a walk to the park?

It started happening ever since the parks started charging people to walk.

2013-09-11, 09:03 AM
"Why are people running past cops naked?"

"Oh, we all died."

2013-09-11, 09:36 AM
So, we engineered a sentient robot octopus, slew the dragon, and ended world hunger...What happened next?

Oh cripes, I thought that was just for decoration!

2013-09-11, 10:06 AM
"Would you please stop pressing the annihilate an alternate reality button?"

"Well, first I tried drawing a door on the wall, but it wouldn't open, so then I tried enchanting the pigments in order to give them a little bit more effectiveness. Fast forward a few hours, and it turns out that the children were frozen in place chanting words that were never meant to be heard. Sorry."

2013-09-11, 10:13 AM
Why is Cthulhu in the living room?

Well, first, we had to steal all the tomatoes.

2013-09-11, 12:27 PM
Why didn't you just steal a pizza?

Because it was only afterwards that we realised Jack wasn't real.

2013-09-11, 08:29 PM
Why did you think that planting beans in the ground would cause a giant beanstalk to sprout?

On one condition, you have to bring the 6th edition PHB.

2013-09-12, 02:32 PM
"Can I borrow your time machine to make a trip back to September 2013?"

"The monkeys approve, the elephants are pensive, and the cephalopods are completely opposed."

2013-09-12, 06:57 PM
How go our plans to overthrow the manbeasts?

We just lost all the engines, brace for impact!

2013-09-13, 08:38 AM
What did you THINK would happen if we tried to grease the fans with Jell-O?! ((I SO wanted to put this, but it's more of a response than a question, so...))

Whoa, is it just me, or is gravity broken all up in this airplane?

After breakfast, of course.

2013-09-13, 09:51 AM
When shall we start our murderous rampage?

It was raining cats and dogs. Literally! Blood and crushed pets everywhere.

2013-09-13, 08:04 PM
What's the worst storm you've been in?

Link was sent on a mission to throw the one ring, Galbatorix's last horcrux, into the reactor core of the Death Star.

2013-09-13, 08:07 PM
What's your sisters name again?

Send a fruit basket of wax fruit filled with c4.

Scarlet Knight
2013-09-13, 10:20 PM
"How do you get rid of gophers?"

Friday the 13th.

2013-09-16, 01:50 PM
"What are you watching?"

"Twelve blades of mythic power were spread throughout the forgotten forest. If assembled, they would spell certain doom for all the kingdoms of the world. Last I heard, the guy down the street had nine of them on his wall."

2013-09-16, 09:30 PM
What's your next plan for destruction of the world?

On the way to the house of functions.

2013-09-17, 08:34 AM
How does one arrive at the intersection of Parabola and Hypotenuse? ((Math humor...I am such a nerd.))

Go ahead and try, but I'll make you bleed for it, that's a promise.

2013-09-17, 11:09 AM
Can you please pass the mustard?


2013-09-17, 03:05 PM
How do you tell someone they need a bath with an incredibly stereotypical Italian accent?

No no no no no no no... yes.

5a Violista
2013-09-17, 03:45 PM
Have you ever. . .wait, you're not listening. . .are you really going. . .can't you just. . .Is that the only word you know how to say?

Well, it's a long story; it all started when I found a little bird lying in a massive crater, and so I ran down the crater to see if the bird was alright, and it turns out it had a broken wing, which would be dangerous because then it couldn't get away from the firebreathing wolves after the sun set, which, as you know is dangerous because. . . .

2013-09-17, 04:12 PM
Care to explain your absence from this morning's pig roast, friend?

Oh no, not at all; in fact, I consider myself something of an expert on the subject.

2013-09-17, 04:15 PM
You don't know that much about hacking the computer systems of interstellar spaceships host to a group of aliens, do you?

A sheared sheep, a fighter jet, and the TVTropes page on Noodle Implements.

2013-09-17, 04:43 PM
How was your flight home?

Could use a bit more paprika.

2013-09-17, 10:22 PM
What did you think of my mud soup?

Within 100 grams of something in the area of about approximately 324.432950634002294759 grams more or less.

2013-09-19, 09:56 PM
What's the weight of that rat you're holding?

The man who lives in a dumpster behind the house told me.

2013-09-19, 11:10 PM
How'd you learn to fly?

Shotgun to the face cures all insubordination

2013-09-20, 06:41 AM
How should I deal with a disobedient dog?

Throwing the computer at the king's head.

2013-09-20, 08:05 AM
"How do we assassinate the king with a laptop when we don't even have an internet connection?"

"One thousand."

2013-09-20, 10:40 AM
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?

It's really not as important as all that.

2013-09-20, 04:47 PM
Why don't you want to become "God-Emperer of All Mankind"?

We can't stay here, this is bat country!

2013-09-20, 06:34 PM
What's the most charming place you found in the catalogue?

Do not forget me, 24602!

2013-09-24, 01:40 PM
"Any last words for your wife?"

"It's a Mark VII"

2013-09-24, 02:03 PM
What halo armor is that?

I'm allergic to awkward

2013-09-24, 06:39 PM
Wanna go poke the socially insecure panda with sticks?

Not that it's any of my business, but you're doing this all wrong.

2013-09-24, 07:00 PM
how do i calculate the answer to life?

sometimes, i just want to stay in bed all day.

2013-09-25, 08:19 AM
Why aren't you at your birthday party?

I put it in a big cardboard box full of holes, then threw it into the river.

2013-09-25, 08:29 AM
How did beat the Tarrasque?

No, just the purple ones.

Laughing Dog
2013-09-25, 10:48 AM
Did you have to eat all the elves?

With a howitzer.

2013-09-25, 02:01 PM
How'd you get rid of your acne?

Two cases of vodka, a chicken suit, and my self respect.

2013-09-25, 09:25 PM
What did you lose when you tried smuggling alcohol into the bird kingdom?

"Not if you can find the quacking r-" *Silence*

2013-09-25, 09:38 PM
What's in the couch cushions?

No, that won't work. He has the school.

Laughing Dog
2013-09-26, 12:02 AM
So we just attack this Jean kid, right?

The whole nine yards, sir.

2013-09-26, 11:22 AM
How far can you throw this truck?

It burns cities, murders people, and loves pillows. It just loves them.

2013-09-26, 02:51 PM
"What's the deal with the fire-breathing, 6-headed goat over there?"

"It's sort of turquoise, if you squint just so."

2013-09-26, 03:37 PM
What's Tucker's armor color?

Exterminate! Exterminate!

2013-09-26, 04:29 PM
What do you do with this Dalek-infested house?

12 million.

2013-09-26, 08:56 PM
Ok, so here's a tricky question. What is 5+8?

I shot it down with my Frisbee.

2013-09-27, 12:28 AM
Why is Smaug curled up in my backyard crying like a four year old?

It's so ugly, my brain just made my eyes go blind so I would stop staring at it.

2013-09-27, 12:51 AM
How is your girlfriend?

In the pit.

2013-09-27, 05:15 AM
Where should I put the C4?

Ello! *boom*

2013-09-27, 09:20 AM
Hey, you ever there. Can you hear me? Why did you put C4 in that pit?


2013-09-27, 12:03 PM
So just how did you end up becoming sworn blood brothers with Psy anyway?

You stole my shoes! And my house! And my identity!

2013-09-28, 09:18 AM
Why do you look so similar to me?

Dropping a meteor on it might repair it.

2013-09-28, 10:05 AM
I crashed my car.

Throw a blanket over it! Put a little fence around it!

2013-09-28, 11:37 AM
How do you capture WQhazlle?

I see 3 white, 2 red, 2 blue and 2 orange.

2013-09-28, 04:43 PM
What do you see when you play Mastermind while drunk?


2013-09-28, 06:28 PM
Hey, who drank all the coffee I made?

I don't know, this wasn't here yesterday.

2013-09-30, 10:39 AM
"So where does this inter-dimensional portal labeled demise go to, anyhow?"

"It really doesn't matter how many dragons you conjure. Just make sure you look good."

2013-09-30, 11:18 PM
And how do you think we should win the battle?

Oh, I'm sorry; there's actually 4 green, 1 white, 2 yellow, 1 red and 1 blue.

2013-09-30, 11:46 PM
Why did I mess up with making the formula?!!

Swordchucks, yo.

2013-10-01, 12:59 AM
Hey man, what's that embedded in your skull?

Well, they finally did it: they destroyed my frigging car.

Laughing Dog
2013-10-01, 07:37 AM
So why are the Feeneys in handcuffs?

I was run over by 3 tanks, a moose, a train, and 21 bulls.

2013-10-01, 12:04 PM
How'd you get your back pain fixed?

I think it could use a different hat...

2013-10-01, 12:34 PM
What do you think of this demon I summoned?

The skates kind of ruin the effect, to be honest.

2013-10-02, 04:55 PM
What do you think of the murder rampage war machine I made?

Yes, I know, THANK YOU! :smallfurious: