Beyond the Horizon: Futile Flirtation

[OMG PONIES]

As James tries to intimidate the maitre d', Chess is trying out precisely the opposite topic with the gnomish merchant. While it might be clear to any onlookers that Chess' flirtation was both awkward and weighed down with ulterior motives, the gnome is simply glad to have the attention. He's blind to silly things like rationale, because if a beautiful woman is taking the time to talk to you when you're 3 feet tall and the only thing bigger than your nose is your beard, asking yourself why this woman is talking to you can cause the blessed event to cease. "Well," he says with almost as much forced calm and anti-suaveness as the Captain herself, "we can talk shop if you're a fellow shipper. Can't sell you anything you can't buy yourself, ain't that right? 'Spose I've got time for a quick question...for you, I can probably make that two." He tries to wink but fails desperately and winds up blinking a few times in quick succession before adding, "three if you ask nicely."

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She was going to invite Wu Xin over to help her pilfer to manifest, but the blasted girl has run off again. Is that.... Are those crab cakes oozing out of her purse? Chess wonders. Never mind! That option is closed to her now. She'll have to handle this herself.

If I ask nicely? She purrs. Oh, well then! Can I pretty please keep your company for three questions? Chess sits her disproportionately large and attractive self on the gnomes lap. She tosses aside his manifest and curses in her head once more that her flakey asianic elf crew isn't here to pick it up. She eyes Pandora. This was... outside her skill set, but she could use a hand.
Panda, Hon, come meet my new friend! He's a merchant! She emphasizes the word like it's supposed to be impressive or something. I hear gnomish merchants make a tonne of gold. Is that true?
Ah- ba da -errr... Some of us do, yes!
Mmmm... hmm heh heh she half laughs, half swoons. But I never knew they were so - sexy! To an outside this overt crass display of Chess's rusty flirting is beyond embarrassing. In their private bubble of reality, however, the gnome and the water elf are sensual masters of courtship. Tell me, how do you get all these cargos of yours delivered on time. I bet your boats are fast! She knew they weren't, but she had a hunch that the geartooth company were using vortexes to get ahead of the competition. She also suspected they were up to something more... but she couldn't say what. If she could just get this little troll blabbing, they might catch up to Fitz and reclaim the apples. She poured the gnome a healthy goblet of wine.

[OMG PONIES]

Chess must have confused the shipper with one of his bosses, as he was just a guy who punched a clock. However, if believing that he was stacked caused her to...open up...so freely, he was prepared to let her continue in that belief like a parent who allows their child to continue believing in St. Nicholas.


Tell me, how do you get all these cargos of yours delivered on time. I bet your boats are fast! She knew they weren't, but she had a hunch that the geartooth company were using vortexes to get ahead of the competition. She also suspected they were up to something more... but she couldn't say what. If she could just get this little troll blabbing, they might catch up to Fitz and reclaim the apples. She poured the gnome a healthy goblet of wine.

At the warlock's second question, the gnome fell a bit quieter. He wasn't allowed to discuss company policy--especially this policy, but the prospect of spending time with a woman who didn't have a nose as big as his was the primary concern in his brain right now. As Chess pours a goblet of wine, the gnome takes a steady sip and maintains eye contact with her.

"I'm afraid that's confidential," he chides her. With a wink, he whispers, "so this'll have to be our secret, aye?" For a moment, he thought that she could be a rival shipper trying to pry trade secrets from him. However, that thought and that moment are both drowned out by the marching band plowing through the streets of his head playing the raucous fanfare that this woman might be interested in courtship with him. "You see, most of the planar travelers use portals--probably used one yourself. Safe, documented, but not the quickest. Instead, we've broken into the planar shipping game using vortexes: a bit messier and not listed on most maps, but it's a hell of a lot faster. Some folks are worried about it, but they're mostly environmental hippies, you know the type. Now, that's two..." the gnome says, his voice thick with expectations. "You've only got one question left, miss, so you'd better make it a good w--"

SPLASH!

Suddenly, their conversation is interrupted by a loud sound from the loading dock out back. Peering through the swinging doors of the kitchen and straight out the back, Chess and the gnome see a very wet gnome pulling himself out of the drink and approaching an elven troublemaker that Chess knows all too well. The elf proceeds to squeeze the gnome until he passes out, which is enough to distract the merchant's attention from Chess. "Marco?" he calls out, waiting for a response from his unconscious accomplice. "Marco?!" he shouts again as he starts to get up from the table.

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Chess sees, but does not understand, the odd scene with Wu Xin and the gnome on the boat. Marco? her paramour calls out. POLRO! Wu Xin replies. She disappears below deck. What the...? She looks to the worried gnome, then back to the ship, then to the worried gnome. Goddamn it Wu! Now she has to, ya know, fix a problem. She certainly can't have one of her deckhands swarmed by gnomes. And just like that her mission changed from recognisance to damage control.

Uhhh... That's a friend of mine! She's into gnomes too. They probably went below deck to... ahh... the lie sounds so incredibly feeble even to her own ear. Gods! This was going to be a gong show. She looks down at the note detailing the apple acquisition. Wu's timing was impeccable. ...to spank each other? She doesn't know what gnomes are into! She only knew they are totally weird. She attempted to salvage the situation and placate his fears with further unrealistic promises of elf/gnome booty action. Chess grabs Pandora's wrist and hauls her over to the booth. This is my friend Panda bear. She also like gnomes. And merchants. Mmmmm... Isn't that right Pandora? She hopes a sharp elbow to the ribs communicates to Pandora that she better being into gnomes, and more importantly distracting gnomes and squeezing information about vortexes out of them.

[freyathefairy]

Umm... Yeah hello. I heard my friend say you where a merchant? Yes?
She answers nervously You must make heaps and heaps of gold of coarse. She pauses mentally cursing her captain for dragging her into this. Oh I'm Pandora and what shall I call you? Is the merchant king perhaps a fitting title?

Bluff: [roll0]
Oh hell a ONE!

[OMG PONIES]

The merchant stares wide-eyed as the blind woman trips over herself both literally and conversationally. "Likes gnomes, does she?" the merchant chuckles back at Chess. "Sorry, don't think I'm her type. Maybe Marco? I've also got a sister...regardless, you still have one more question you can ask, beauti--"

BOOM! CRASH

They all heard it, as it was the sort of bass-heavy boom that feels like a kick in the ventricles. Once the aortas of the crew get reoriented, everyone has the same thought at the same time: That was the sound of a cannon firing...coming from the direction of the Unicorn!

Please post any responses back in our main IC thread. Thanks!