ProfessorWoland
2013-07-06, 11:52 PM
I have read many hilarious D&D stories in my time, and I can't get enough of them, so post 'em here for all to enjoy. Long or short, I want to read them.
My personal stories:
1) The first character I ever made was a fighter. The group split up, and I ran into an animated steel door in the dungeon. Now I had an AC of about 19 or 18, and it had only about +2 to hit, so it hit me not too often, but only did about 1d3+2 or 1 damage each time. It had an AC of 22 or 23, and had about +4 or 5 to hit, I can't remember, but I do remember that I only hit it on very high rolls, and even then it had damage reduction. The outcome of all this was that we fought for a very long time, me barely ever hitting it, and then my damage to it being reduced by its DR, and it dealing almost no damage to me. Since then, every one of my characters has kicked in about 95% of the doors he/she encounters in every single dungeon, my second character bought a Maul of the Titans precisely for this purpose.
2) Also with my first character. In a room full of acid, the party was standing on boulders. Everyone else got 17s and above on their jump checks to jump out of the room. I rolled a nat 1 and my DM said that I basically dove face-first into the acid.
3) A character of mine walked into a room with barrels by the door, discovered the room was full of kobolds, then decided to pick up a barrel to throw at them. I picked up the closest one, my DM rolled a percentage, then told me a kobold rogue fell out of the barrel when I picked it up, so I just threw the barrel straight down at him and killed him.
4) Charisma is always a dump stat for me, and once I played a dwarf with charisma so terrible that a pet monkey I got eventually had a better charisma score than I did (I think by two or three points.) My DM and I decided I should let the monkey do the talking once we realized this. That was one ugly dwarf.
5) My current character grappled a wizard to death... while the wizard was using levitate... 80ft in the air. In short, my character nearly fell to his death. As he lay there dying our barbarian/bard (Bardbarian) tried to heal me, saying he used whatever item he pulled out of one of those magical items that produce random creatures/items when you reach your hand in. He pulled out a cat, and rolled a nat 1. My DM decided this meant that he shoved the cat into the gaping hole in my skull, which was then healed up by our spellthief... with the cat still inside. Now my goliath has a cat-tumor.
6) In a fight with a red dragon and his minions, the first thing my 15th level fighter/dwarven defender did was use his rod of wonder. I rolled, my DM checked the DM's Guide, then told me to roll again, I did, and he said that I turned invisible. "Great," I said, "I sneak around to get behind them." My DM said that my enemies looked very confused and that they just stared at me as I sneaked around. Apparantly the first roll I got was the "Roll again, the user of the rod only thinks that whatever the second roll makes happen happens," and my second roll was for invisibility. Essentially, I thought I was invisible, but just looked stupid and insane.
7) On a ship, a wizard kidnapped our Cleric and magically locked the door to the cabin and made the door invulnerable. I looked at the DM and said "I break the wall next to the door." Who needs doors anyway?
More to come if I remember any more.
My personal stories:
1) The first character I ever made was a fighter. The group split up, and I ran into an animated steel door in the dungeon. Now I had an AC of about 19 or 18, and it had only about +2 to hit, so it hit me not too often, but only did about 1d3+2 or 1 damage each time. It had an AC of 22 or 23, and had about +4 or 5 to hit, I can't remember, but I do remember that I only hit it on very high rolls, and even then it had damage reduction. The outcome of all this was that we fought for a very long time, me barely ever hitting it, and then my damage to it being reduced by its DR, and it dealing almost no damage to me. Since then, every one of my characters has kicked in about 95% of the doors he/she encounters in every single dungeon, my second character bought a Maul of the Titans precisely for this purpose.
2) Also with my first character. In a room full of acid, the party was standing on boulders. Everyone else got 17s and above on their jump checks to jump out of the room. I rolled a nat 1 and my DM said that I basically dove face-first into the acid.
3) A character of mine walked into a room with barrels by the door, discovered the room was full of kobolds, then decided to pick up a barrel to throw at them. I picked up the closest one, my DM rolled a percentage, then told me a kobold rogue fell out of the barrel when I picked it up, so I just threw the barrel straight down at him and killed him.
4) Charisma is always a dump stat for me, and once I played a dwarf with charisma so terrible that a pet monkey I got eventually had a better charisma score than I did (I think by two or three points.) My DM and I decided I should let the monkey do the talking once we realized this. That was one ugly dwarf.
5) My current character grappled a wizard to death... while the wizard was using levitate... 80ft in the air. In short, my character nearly fell to his death. As he lay there dying our barbarian/bard (Bardbarian) tried to heal me, saying he used whatever item he pulled out of one of those magical items that produce random creatures/items when you reach your hand in. He pulled out a cat, and rolled a nat 1. My DM decided this meant that he shoved the cat into the gaping hole in my skull, which was then healed up by our spellthief... with the cat still inside. Now my goliath has a cat-tumor.
6) In a fight with a red dragon and his minions, the first thing my 15th level fighter/dwarven defender did was use his rod of wonder. I rolled, my DM checked the DM's Guide, then told me to roll again, I did, and he said that I turned invisible. "Great," I said, "I sneak around to get behind them." My DM said that my enemies looked very confused and that they just stared at me as I sneaked around. Apparantly the first roll I got was the "Roll again, the user of the rod only thinks that whatever the second roll makes happen happens," and my second roll was for invisibility. Essentially, I thought I was invisible, but just looked stupid and insane.
7) On a ship, a wizard kidnapped our Cleric and magically locked the door to the cabin and made the door invulnerable. I looked at the DM and said "I break the wall next to the door." Who needs doors anyway?
More to come if I remember any more.