Aidan305
2013-07-09, 05:41 PM
Hullo all.
A few years ago I sat down with a group of friends for a game of D&D. I had been toying with the concept of playing a stereotypical Half-Orc Barbarian for some time and this gave me the opportunity I needed. However, we were running Pathfinder, and on looking through the class entry I noticed a change between 3.5 and Pathfinder - notably, that Barbarians are literate in Pathfinder. I had never kept a character journal before, but the idea of this massive half-orc sitting down each day and writing a little more in his diary struck me as rather fun. As I played I would scrawl down everything that was happening from Urkrug's perspective in a stream-of-consciousness style, picturing it as the notes Urkrug was writing as the day went on. He was a fun character to play, and re-reading his diaries never ceases providing me with fond memories of the game, and so I thought I'd clean them up a little and present them here for your reading please.
Without further ado, I give you the adventures of the loveable, brainless, and occasionally terrifying Urkrug, Half-Orc Barbarian.
Diaries of an Angry Half-Orc: The Adventures of Urkrug and Friends
Chapter 1: The Road to Adventure
Hurrah! Urkrug is all set for adventure and fun! Is big world out there and Urkrug will find place in it, slaying any and all who dare to get in Urkrug's way! With grand-sire's chainmail and skills in Diplomacy, Urkrug will travel the lands of this world fighting demons and dragons and donkeys and devils!
But first, Urkrug will need to get airship ticket. This should not be problem. Urkrug has seen many airships flying overhead and there is traveller's post nearby where Urkrug will be able to gain passage. Urkrug does not have any money, but Urkrug will surely be taken on board if Urkrug is able to demonstrate Urkrug's usefulness as passenger.
Hurrah! Urkrug has achieved an airship ticket! At first, Captain did not want Urkrug on ship because “Half-Orcs is stupid and smelly”. Urkrug was insulted. Urkrug is genius! Urkrug demonstrated intelligence using keen diplomatic skills. Captain was very impressed but said that he would have preferred for Urkrug to not cut Captain's hat in to pieces as Captain liked hat.
Urkrug thought hat looked like giant Intellect Devourer. But Urkrug is happy that diplomacy got him place on airship. Captain says we leave in morning once other passenger arrives.
Uuugh... Urkrug wondering if airship flight was good idea. Urkrug has been feeling ill since airship took off. Urkrug wasn't even well enough to be insulted when crew person said Urkrug was poor diplomat. Perhaps Urkrug will feel well enough when airship lands. Then Urkrug will show crewperson what it means to be real diplomat. Strange halfling Urkrug met said that Urkrug was looking very green. Halfling is clearly mistaken. Green is good, healthy colour. Urkrug would pursue matter, but will have to wait until room stops spinning.
Hurrah! Urkrug has met person on airship with sense! Is half-orc, like Urkrug, but is called Urgan. Urkrug wondered if Urgan is from same extended clan as Urkrug but Urgan says is co-incidence. Urgan gave Urkrug stange plant to chew, saying it would make Urkrug feel better. Urkrug spent rest of night leaning over rail but Urkrug feels much better now. Maybe Urkrug will seek out crewperson and offer to show him how to be proper diplomat.
Captain came to Urkrug today and asked him not to be diplomatic to crew people any more. Crew now understands how to be diplomatic and would Urkrug mind leaving axe in weapons locker for duration of journey as crew is scared to come out on deck. Urkrug doesn't mind. Urkrug can be diplomatic with fists.
Hurrah! Urkrug has made new friend! Is smelly dwarf called Valhalla. Urkrug will call him Val. Val challenged Urkrug to drinking contest which Urkrug gladly accepted. Urkrug is good at drinking, though Urkrug is a little unsure about what happened after second barrel, though it might have something to do with broken weapons locker, crushed doorways, and Diplomacy. Captain asked Urkrug to please, please, please don't drink for rest of journey.
Was clearly good drinking contest. Urkrug looks forward to repeating it tonight.
Hurrah! Is exciting times! Dragon is attacking airship! Get ready for crushing dragon; URKRUG IS COMING!!!
Uuuuugh... Dragon was bigger than Urkrug thought. Dragon was much bigger than Urkrug thought. Urkrug is sad that this is so as it means Urkrug wasn't able to use Diplomacy on dragon. Well, Urkrug tried, but Diplomacy wouldn't penetrate dragon scales. Then dragon breathed and ship caught fire. This made Urkrug even more unhappy as booze was on ship. Ship's engines then blew up and ship began to fall. Ship began to fall fast. Urkrug feels no shame in saying that Urkrug began screaming like elf at this point. Then there was mountain and next thing Urkrug knows he is waking up with strange halfling looking at him.
Urkrug and strange halfling were not only ones to survive airship crash. Urkrug found Urgan, Val, and strange bald human in wreckage. Halfling came back with two other humans. Rest of people on airship were dead or eaten. This makes Urkrug sad. Urkrug liked airship. URKRUG WILL HAVE VENGEANCE ON DRAGON! One human suggested that group look for shelter in case big dragon return. His name is Doran and he says he is warrior. Not as great as Urkrug though. Urkrug is supremely great warrior. Except where big dragons are concerned because big dragons concern Urkrug. Urkrug will have to work on diplomatic skills when facing dragons. Urkrug agreed with Doran though and so group left airship wreckage.
Hurrah! We have found a cave. Cave is halfway down cliff but Urkrug feels this is not problem. Urkrug is genius at climbing! Dwarf is not so good at climbing but he eventually manages to get down to ledge where cave is. Other human nearly falls but get down ok. Urkrug gets down easily. Humans and halfling say cave is dark. Humans and halfling are silly and should be orcs so they could see in dark. Dwarf can see in dark, but is ok as Dwarf can nearly drink as much as Urkrug so is nearly Orc anyway. Other human, whose name is long, Urkrug will call him Mal, say he can hear something coming from inside. Perhaps is something to fight? Maybe something with drink! Or perhaps even better, something to fight and drink! Urkrug hopes this is the case as Urkrug has not had anything to drink since night of much diplomacy.
Huzzah! We found fighting and drinking! Well, fighting anyway. Cave was full of small ratty lizardy things. Urgan say they called kobolds. Urkrug was able to demonstrate supreme diplomatic skills on kobolds. Remaining Kobolds gave Urkrug and friends magical items after Urkrug demonstrated abilities of ranged diplomacy using halfling as example. Other kobolds soon turned up though and didn't appreciate Urkrug's diplomacy. Kobolds proceeded to chase Urkrug and friends out of cave. Still had magic items though. Urkrug considers this an overall victory.
Urkrug and friends make camp for night after dwarf finds place with fresh running water. Dwarf explains that they are deep in wilderness, but this makes little sense. Wilderness is shallow. If wilderness was deep then Urkrug would be swimming, but Urkrug is willing to forgive dwarf. Is not his fault he is not orc. Dwarf then says that nearest city is Rilatus – two weeks journey to north. Urkrug is excited at prospect of going to city. Urkrug has not been to city before except as part of small diplomatic forays. Urkrug hears there are a great many wonders and sights to be seen in city and so agrees to go with others. Hurrah!
Notes
This first chapter was the only chapter of Urkrug's diaries that wasn't written at the time. It was the first night of a new college year at the gaming society and we had rather more players at the table than we had expected. As a result, the person who would have been GMing for us split off half the group to another table to run a one-shot for them and I was left improvising the first session. I had been looking forward to playing Urkrug for some time, so he was with the party when they started them game, waking up in the ruins of the airship after an attack by a red dragon of tremendous size. The encounter with the kobolds, which Urkrug glosses over so neatly here, was far more complicated than he makes it seem, with large numbers of kobolds firing down on the party from balconies and ledges overlooking the central cavern where they were - especially problematic as the party had very few ranged weapons which was why Urkrug hit upon the idea of using the halfling bard as one. It was a nice little character moment and would proceed to be the first of many that would follow, helping to define Urkrug's character.
Characters at this point in the game consisted of Malindus, a human rogue; Urgan, a half-orc druid; Theon, a human monk; Valhalla, a dwarven ranger with horrendous combat penalties; Doran, a human fighter; a halfling bard whose name I am unfortunatley missing, and, of course, Urkrug. Of all these characters only the first two would consistently stay with Urkrug over the course of his adventures, but what adventures they were.
A few years ago I sat down with a group of friends for a game of D&D. I had been toying with the concept of playing a stereotypical Half-Orc Barbarian for some time and this gave me the opportunity I needed. However, we were running Pathfinder, and on looking through the class entry I noticed a change between 3.5 and Pathfinder - notably, that Barbarians are literate in Pathfinder. I had never kept a character journal before, but the idea of this massive half-orc sitting down each day and writing a little more in his diary struck me as rather fun. As I played I would scrawl down everything that was happening from Urkrug's perspective in a stream-of-consciousness style, picturing it as the notes Urkrug was writing as the day went on. He was a fun character to play, and re-reading his diaries never ceases providing me with fond memories of the game, and so I thought I'd clean them up a little and present them here for your reading please.
Without further ado, I give you the adventures of the loveable, brainless, and occasionally terrifying Urkrug, Half-Orc Barbarian.
Diaries of an Angry Half-Orc: The Adventures of Urkrug and Friends
Chapter 1: The Road to Adventure
Hurrah! Urkrug is all set for adventure and fun! Is big world out there and Urkrug will find place in it, slaying any and all who dare to get in Urkrug's way! With grand-sire's chainmail and skills in Diplomacy, Urkrug will travel the lands of this world fighting demons and dragons and donkeys and devils!
But first, Urkrug will need to get airship ticket. This should not be problem. Urkrug has seen many airships flying overhead and there is traveller's post nearby where Urkrug will be able to gain passage. Urkrug does not have any money, but Urkrug will surely be taken on board if Urkrug is able to demonstrate Urkrug's usefulness as passenger.
Hurrah! Urkrug has achieved an airship ticket! At first, Captain did not want Urkrug on ship because “Half-Orcs is stupid and smelly”. Urkrug was insulted. Urkrug is genius! Urkrug demonstrated intelligence using keen diplomatic skills. Captain was very impressed but said that he would have preferred for Urkrug to not cut Captain's hat in to pieces as Captain liked hat.
Urkrug thought hat looked like giant Intellect Devourer. But Urkrug is happy that diplomacy got him place on airship. Captain says we leave in morning once other passenger arrives.
Uuugh... Urkrug wondering if airship flight was good idea. Urkrug has been feeling ill since airship took off. Urkrug wasn't even well enough to be insulted when crew person said Urkrug was poor diplomat. Perhaps Urkrug will feel well enough when airship lands. Then Urkrug will show crewperson what it means to be real diplomat. Strange halfling Urkrug met said that Urkrug was looking very green. Halfling is clearly mistaken. Green is good, healthy colour. Urkrug would pursue matter, but will have to wait until room stops spinning.
Hurrah! Urkrug has met person on airship with sense! Is half-orc, like Urkrug, but is called Urgan. Urkrug wondered if Urgan is from same extended clan as Urkrug but Urgan says is co-incidence. Urgan gave Urkrug stange plant to chew, saying it would make Urkrug feel better. Urkrug spent rest of night leaning over rail but Urkrug feels much better now. Maybe Urkrug will seek out crewperson and offer to show him how to be proper diplomat.
Captain came to Urkrug today and asked him not to be diplomatic to crew people any more. Crew now understands how to be diplomatic and would Urkrug mind leaving axe in weapons locker for duration of journey as crew is scared to come out on deck. Urkrug doesn't mind. Urkrug can be diplomatic with fists.
Hurrah! Urkrug has made new friend! Is smelly dwarf called Valhalla. Urkrug will call him Val. Val challenged Urkrug to drinking contest which Urkrug gladly accepted. Urkrug is good at drinking, though Urkrug is a little unsure about what happened after second barrel, though it might have something to do with broken weapons locker, crushed doorways, and Diplomacy. Captain asked Urkrug to please, please, please don't drink for rest of journey.
Was clearly good drinking contest. Urkrug looks forward to repeating it tonight.
Hurrah! Is exciting times! Dragon is attacking airship! Get ready for crushing dragon; URKRUG IS COMING!!!
Uuuuugh... Dragon was bigger than Urkrug thought. Dragon was much bigger than Urkrug thought. Urkrug is sad that this is so as it means Urkrug wasn't able to use Diplomacy on dragon. Well, Urkrug tried, but Diplomacy wouldn't penetrate dragon scales. Then dragon breathed and ship caught fire. This made Urkrug even more unhappy as booze was on ship. Ship's engines then blew up and ship began to fall. Ship began to fall fast. Urkrug feels no shame in saying that Urkrug began screaming like elf at this point. Then there was mountain and next thing Urkrug knows he is waking up with strange halfling looking at him.
Urkrug and strange halfling were not only ones to survive airship crash. Urkrug found Urgan, Val, and strange bald human in wreckage. Halfling came back with two other humans. Rest of people on airship were dead or eaten. This makes Urkrug sad. Urkrug liked airship. URKRUG WILL HAVE VENGEANCE ON DRAGON! One human suggested that group look for shelter in case big dragon return. His name is Doran and he says he is warrior. Not as great as Urkrug though. Urkrug is supremely great warrior. Except where big dragons are concerned because big dragons concern Urkrug. Urkrug will have to work on diplomatic skills when facing dragons. Urkrug agreed with Doran though and so group left airship wreckage.
Hurrah! We have found a cave. Cave is halfway down cliff but Urkrug feels this is not problem. Urkrug is genius at climbing! Dwarf is not so good at climbing but he eventually manages to get down to ledge where cave is. Other human nearly falls but get down ok. Urkrug gets down easily. Humans and halfling say cave is dark. Humans and halfling are silly and should be orcs so they could see in dark. Dwarf can see in dark, but is ok as Dwarf can nearly drink as much as Urkrug so is nearly Orc anyway. Other human, whose name is long, Urkrug will call him Mal, say he can hear something coming from inside. Perhaps is something to fight? Maybe something with drink! Or perhaps even better, something to fight and drink! Urkrug hopes this is the case as Urkrug has not had anything to drink since night of much diplomacy.
Huzzah! We found fighting and drinking! Well, fighting anyway. Cave was full of small ratty lizardy things. Urgan say they called kobolds. Urkrug was able to demonstrate supreme diplomatic skills on kobolds. Remaining Kobolds gave Urkrug and friends magical items after Urkrug demonstrated abilities of ranged diplomacy using halfling as example. Other kobolds soon turned up though and didn't appreciate Urkrug's diplomacy. Kobolds proceeded to chase Urkrug and friends out of cave. Still had magic items though. Urkrug considers this an overall victory.
Urkrug and friends make camp for night after dwarf finds place with fresh running water. Dwarf explains that they are deep in wilderness, but this makes little sense. Wilderness is shallow. If wilderness was deep then Urkrug would be swimming, but Urkrug is willing to forgive dwarf. Is not his fault he is not orc. Dwarf then says that nearest city is Rilatus – two weeks journey to north. Urkrug is excited at prospect of going to city. Urkrug has not been to city before except as part of small diplomatic forays. Urkrug hears there are a great many wonders and sights to be seen in city and so agrees to go with others. Hurrah!
Notes
This first chapter was the only chapter of Urkrug's diaries that wasn't written at the time. It was the first night of a new college year at the gaming society and we had rather more players at the table than we had expected. As a result, the person who would have been GMing for us split off half the group to another table to run a one-shot for them and I was left improvising the first session. I had been looking forward to playing Urkrug for some time, so he was with the party when they started them game, waking up in the ruins of the airship after an attack by a red dragon of tremendous size. The encounter with the kobolds, which Urkrug glosses over so neatly here, was far more complicated than he makes it seem, with large numbers of kobolds firing down on the party from balconies and ledges overlooking the central cavern where they were - especially problematic as the party had very few ranged weapons which was why Urkrug hit upon the idea of using the halfling bard as one. It was a nice little character moment and would proceed to be the first of many that would follow, helping to define Urkrug's character.
Characters at this point in the game consisted of Malindus, a human rogue; Urgan, a half-orc druid; Theon, a human monk; Valhalla, a dwarven ranger with horrendous combat penalties; Doran, a human fighter; a halfling bard whose name I am unfortunatley missing, and, of course, Urkrug. Of all these characters only the first two would consistently stay with Urkrug over the course of his adventures, but what adventures they were.