PDA

View Full Version : Character Journal: Diaries of an Angry Half-Orc



Aidan305
2013-07-09, 05:41 PM
Hullo all.

A few years ago I sat down with a group of friends for a game of D&D. I had been toying with the concept of playing a stereotypical Half-Orc Barbarian for some time and this gave me the opportunity I needed. However, we were running Pathfinder, and on looking through the class entry I noticed a change between 3.5 and Pathfinder - notably, that Barbarians are literate in Pathfinder. I had never kept a character journal before, but the idea of this massive half-orc sitting down each day and writing a little more in his diary struck me as rather fun. As I played I would scrawl down everything that was happening from Urkrug's perspective in a stream-of-consciousness style, picturing it as the notes Urkrug was writing as the day went on. He was a fun character to play, and re-reading his diaries never ceases providing me with fond memories of the game, and so I thought I'd clean them up a little and present them here for your reading please.

Without further ado, I give you the adventures of the loveable, brainless, and occasionally terrifying Urkrug, Half-Orc Barbarian.

Diaries of an Angry Half-Orc: The Adventures of Urkrug and Friends

Chapter 1: The Road to Adventure
Hurrah! Urkrug is all set for adventure and fun! Is big world out there and Urkrug will find place in it, slaying any and all who dare to get in Urkrug's way! With grand-sire's chainmail and skills in Diplomacy, Urkrug will travel the lands of this world fighting demons and dragons and donkeys and devils!
But first, Urkrug will need to get airship ticket. This should not be problem. Urkrug has seen many airships flying overhead and there is traveller's post nearby where Urkrug will be able to gain passage. Urkrug does not have any money, but Urkrug will surely be taken on board if Urkrug is able to demonstrate Urkrug's usefulness as passenger.

Hurrah! Urkrug has achieved an airship ticket! At first, Captain did not want Urkrug on ship because “Half-Orcs is stupid and smelly”. Urkrug was insulted. Urkrug is genius! Urkrug demonstrated intelligence using keen diplomatic skills. Captain was very impressed but said that he would have preferred for Urkrug to not cut Captain's hat in to pieces as Captain liked hat.
Urkrug thought hat looked like giant Intellect Devourer. But Urkrug is happy that diplomacy got him place on airship. Captain says we leave in morning once other passenger arrives.

Uuugh... Urkrug wondering if airship flight was good idea. Urkrug has been feeling ill since airship took off. Urkrug wasn't even well enough to be insulted when crew person said Urkrug was poor diplomat. Perhaps Urkrug will feel well enough when airship lands. Then Urkrug will show crewperson what it means to be real diplomat. Strange halfling Urkrug met said that Urkrug was looking very green. Halfling is clearly mistaken. Green is good, healthy colour. Urkrug would pursue matter, but will have to wait until room stops spinning.

Hurrah! Urkrug has met person on airship with sense! Is half-orc, like Urkrug, but is called Urgan. Urkrug wondered if Urgan is from same extended clan as Urkrug but Urgan says is co-incidence. Urgan gave Urkrug stange plant to chew, saying it would make Urkrug feel better. Urkrug spent rest of night leaning over rail but Urkrug feels much better now. Maybe Urkrug will seek out crewperson and offer to show him how to be proper diplomat.

Captain came to Urkrug today and asked him not to be diplomatic to crew people any more. Crew now understands how to be diplomatic and would Urkrug mind leaving axe in weapons locker for duration of journey as crew is scared to come out on deck. Urkrug doesn't mind. Urkrug can be diplomatic with fists.

Hurrah! Urkrug has made new friend! Is smelly dwarf called Valhalla. Urkrug will call him Val. Val challenged Urkrug to drinking contest which Urkrug gladly accepted. Urkrug is good at drinking, though Urkrug is a little unsure about what happened after second barrel, though it might have something to do with broken weapons locker, crushed doorways, and Diplomacy. Captain asked Urkrug to please, please, please don't drink for rest of journey.
Was clearly good drinking contest. Urkrug looks forward to repeating it tonight.

Hurrah! Is exciting times! Dragon is attacking airship! Get ready for crushing dragon; URKRUG IS COMING!!!

Uuuuugh... Dragon was bigger than Urkrug thought. Dragon was much bigger than Urkrug thought. Urkrug is sad that this is so as it means Urkrug wasn't able to use Diplomacy on dragon. Well, Urkrug tried, but Diplomacy wouldn't penetrate dragon scales. Then dragon breathed and ship caught fire. This made Urkrug even more unhappy as booze was on ship. Ship's engines then blew up and ship began to fall. Ship began to fall fast. Urkrug feels no shame in saying that Urkrug began screaming like elf at this point. Then there was mountain and next thing Urkrug knows he is waking up with strange halfling looking at him.

Urkrug and strange halfling were not only ones to survive airship crash. Urkrug found Urgan, Val, and strange bald human in wreckage. Halfling came back with two other humans. Rest of people on airship were dead or eaten. This makes Urkrug sad. Urkrug liked airship. URKRUG WILL HAVE VENGEANCE ON DRAGON! One human suggested that group look for shelter in case big dragon return. His name is Doran and he says he is warrior. Not as great as Urkrug though. Urkrug is supremely great warrior. Except where big dragons are concerned because big dragons concern Urkrug. Urkrug will have to work on diplomatic skills when facing dragons. Urkrug agreed with Doran though and so group left airship wreckage.

Hurrah! We have found a cave. Cave is halfway down cliff but Urkrug feels this is not problem. Urkrug is genius at climbing! Dwarf is not so good at climbing but he eventually manages to get down to ledge where cave is. Other human nearly falls but get down ok. Urkrug gets down easily. Humans and halfling say cave is dark. Humans and halfling are silly and should be orcs so they could see in dark. Dwarf can see in dark, but is ok as Dwarf can nearly drink as much as Urkrug so is nearly Orc anyway. Other human, whose name is long, Urkrug will call him Mal, say he can hear something coming from inside. Perhaps is something to fight? Maybe something with drink! Or perhaps even better, something to fight and drink! Urkrug hopes this is the case as Urkrug has not had anything to drink since night of much diplomacy.

Huzzah! We found fighting and drinking! Well, fighting anyway. Cave was full of small ratty lizardy things. Urgan say they called kobolds. Urkrug was able to demonstrate supreme diplomatic skills on kobolds. Remaining Kobolds gave Urkrug and friends magical items after Urkrug demonstrated abilities of ranged diplomacy using halfling as example. Other kobolds soon turned up though and didn't appreciate Urkrug's diplomacy. Kobolds proceeded to chase Urkrug and friends out of cave. Still had magic items though. Urkrug considers this an overall victory.

Urkrug and friends make camp for night after dwarf finds place with fresh running water. Dwarf explains that they are deep in wilderness, but this makes little sense. Wilderness is shallow. If wilderness was deep then Urkrug would be swimming, but Urkrug is willing to forgive dwarf. Is not his fault he is not orc. Dwarf then says that nearest city is Rilatus – two weeks journey to north. Urkrug is excited at prospect of going to city. Urkrug has not been to city before except as part of small diplomatic forays. Urkrug hears there are a great many wonders and sights to be seen in city and so agrees to go with others. Hurrah!



Notes
This first chapter was the only chapter of Urkrug's diaries that wasn't written at the time. It was the first night of a new college year at the gaming society and we had rather more players at the table than we had expected. As a result, the person who would have been GMing for us split off half the group to another table to run a one-shot for them and I was left improvising the first session. I had been looking forward to playing Urkrug for some time, so he was with the party when they started them game, waking up in the ruins of the airship after an attack by a red dragon of tremendous size. The encounter with the kobolds, which Urkrug glosses over so neatly here, was far more complicated than he makes it seem, with large numbers of kobolds firing down on the party from balconies and ledges overlooking the central cavern where they were - especially problematic as the party had very few ranged weapons which was why Urkrug hit upon the idea of using the halfling bard as one. It was a nice little character moment and would proceed to be the first of many that would follow, helping to define Urkrug's character.

Characters at this point in the game consisted of Malindus, a human rogue; Urgan, a half-orc druid; Theon, a human monk; Valhalla, a dwarven ranger with horrendous combat penalties; Doran, a human fighter; a halfling bard whose name I am unfortunatley missing, and, of course, Urkrug. Of all these characters only the first two would consistently stay with Urkrug over the course of his adventures, but what adventures they were.

Doorhandle
2013-07-10, 03:32 AM
Oh, I am so looking forward to this journal. And diplomacy.

Axinian
2013-07-10, 10:52 PM
This is hilarious! Diplomacy is always the answer!

One thing though, continue to have notes after each post, as I can imagine this will become somewhat hard to follow at points.

Aidan305
2013-07-18, 06:19 PM
A wild chapter has appeared:

Chapter 2: The First Days of Civilisation
Arrived at Rilatus. Was interrogated by guard and Dwarf paid entrance fee for Urkrug. Was very nice of Dwarf to pay entrance fee for Urkrug. Urgan said was important to prevent diplomatic incident. Urkrug is not certain why this should be so as diplomatic incidents mean more entertainment for Urkrug and friends. Guard recommended place for Urkrug and friends to stay – said was seedy dive that no-one respectable should go to. This is good. Means that Urkrug will meet few people Urkrug knows.

On way to inn, Urkrug spotted gnome selling animals. Urkrug always wanted a pet. Perhaps this was sign. Gnome had nice donkey that Urkrug wanted, but Urkrug did not have enough money. Urkrug is genius at bargaining though, and diplomatically convinced gnome that gnome should lower price. Now Urkrug has donkey, and will call him Urfred.

Arrived at inn. Guard was right about place. It looks perfect for Urkrug and friends. Was sounds of drinking and laughing coming from inside with lots of rough people. Urkrug left Urfred in stables behind inn and went in with friends to get rooms. Urkrug got room all to himself. Bald Human said this was because would be easier for everyone if they could disassociate from Urkrug. Urkrug is not sure what Bald Human meant by this but probably meant that Urkrug could sleep better if not interrupted by constant stream of people entering room. After Urkrug put things in room, went back down stairs to try local drinks. Urkrug is assured that nothing happened. Urkrug knows this. Urkrug simply had a drink, and another drink, and another drink, and several more drinks. Then Urkrug thought that Urfred might be lonely and so brought Urfred inside. Innkeeper said Urkrug couldn't bring donkey upstairs and Urfred was a little drunk. Urkrug demonstrated otherwise. Urfred did not want to go up stairs after innkeeper said this, but Urkrug was able to persuade Urfred with diplomacy that going upstairs was good thing. Urkrug then pointed out to innkeeper that innkeeper was wrong. Urkrug was a lot drunk. Was good first day in city. Urkrug looks forward to second day.

Second day was strange. Urkrug woke up with headache and was tied up. Urkrug did not remember consenting to this and got angry. Urkrug was gagged and shouted a lot. Well, Urkrug tried to shout but shouting is hard when Urkrug is gagged. Person came up to Urkrug when Urkrug was shouting and knocked Urkrug unconscious. Urkrug woke up again later and tried to shout a lot but was knocked unconscious again. Swore retribution as drifted out on consciousness. Urkrug woke up again later and was still tied up and gagged. This made Urkrug ANGRY. Urkrug broke ropes, got up, and crushed humans who had tied up Urkrug with strange bubbling thing. Crushing made Urkrug happy. Strange gas from bubbling thing made Urkrug even happier. Found Bald Human as well. Bald Human was also loose. Urkrug and Bald Human left building and saw horses and camel with Diplomacy. Decided not to punish camel as camel did not know what it was doing. Human also noticed to wriggling carpets on camel. Unrolled carpets to find two humans tied up. Urkrug offered to loose humans with Diplomacy but Bald Human suggested other option. Urkug was disappointed, but Bald Human offered potential for crushing later to Urkrug so Urkrug consented to conditions. Bald Human released humans who left. Then Urkrug and Bald Human left to go and find guards. Bald Human said this was out duty as responsible people. Urkrug explained to guards necessity for crushing people. Guard explained necessity for crushing to other guard. Urkrug is not sure why this was necessary, but guard also said that bubbling thing contained drug that made people as intelligent as Urkrug. Urkrug thinks this drug should be more widely distributed – Urkrug is genius. Urkrug and Bald Human went back to Inn where Urgan told Urkrug that men had crept in to room through Urkrug's window when Urkrug was asleep. Urkrug showed Urgan new pets, but Urgan suggested that Urkrug that room might be too small for Urkrug, 3 horses, a camel, and a donkey. Urkrug suggested making room large but Urgan said would make rent of room too expensive. Horses and camel were put in stable. Dwarf was licentious towards horses and camel, but Urkrug diplomatically explained to Dwarf consequences of further licentiousness towards horses and camel. Urfred stayed in room with Urkrug.
Urkrug is going to bed now, but Urkrug will not sleep. Urkrug watches, Urkrug waits. Urkrug has left window slightly ajar.

Urkrug went to see captain of guard earlier. Bald Human said was necessary to explain necessity for crushing kidnappers. Urkrug explained. Captain of Guard said he understood why crushing was necessary but asked Urkrug to be more careful when crushing as fire which resulted from crushing burned down several buildings around crushing area. Urkrug asked Captain of Guard if Captain of Guard had need for Urkrug's experience in crushing and diplomacy. Captain of Guard said no, but would send word to inn. Urkrug and Bald Human then went to watch town entertainment. Execution of thieves. Was good, and hangman crushed thieves well, but Urkrug is better at crushing. While at execution heard about fire in docklands. Went back to inn and told Urgan and other human who is called Mal. Urgan and Urkrug went to werehouse which had caught fire. Urkrug is glad werehouse caught fire as prevented werehouse from attacking normal houses during full moon. Urgan said skeletons in werehouse were killed by fireball. This confused Urkrug as Urkrug did not know that creatures in were form could cast spells. Passing merchant told Urkrug and Urgan that werehouse belonged to caravan company.

Urkrug got bored today and went to find crushing. Found dwarf who asked Urkrug to crush rats. Urkrug went and found humans and Val and Urgan and went to sewer entrance where Urkrug shouted challenge. Rats did not come to face Urkrug so Urkrug leapt down in to sewers to bring challenge to rats. Rest for party climbed down ladder. Sewers were like maze. Urkrug suggested that party go left. Urkrug was right! But Urkrug is always right, even when Urkrug is left! Found rats, and brought them much crushing. First offered rats chance to not be crushed though. Urgan spoke with rats and told them that Urkrug was going to crush them. Rats did not want to be crushed, but did want to eat Val. Urkrugs path is clear. Urkrug must crush rats.

Fight was glorious! But Urgan says is something wrong with crushed rats. Rats did not behave like rats. Urkrug thought maybe rats were magical and Urgan checked and said Urkrug was right. Of course Urkrug was right. Urkrug then looked for treasure and found lots which Urkrug put in bag. Then Val threw up. Urkrug took head of biggest rat and Val and went to find dwarf who gave Urkrug lots of gold. Huzzah! But Val threw up again and so Urkrug brought Val to find healer. Was told about place called Sanctuary on big hill above city. Urkrug went there with Val and rat head but cleric at Sanctuary said he was not a taxidermist. So Urkrug went to find taxidermist. Urkrug found taxidermist who said that rat head would take 10 days but could not stuff dwarf because dwarf was still alive. Taxidermist gave Urkrug address of healer. Urkrug brought dwarf to flophouse where healer was and gave healer money. Healer gave dwarf medicine and told dwarf to take medicine regularly. Urkrug brought dwarf back to in where Urkrug drank and offered to be diplomatic. Innkeeper asked for Urkrug to leave Diplomacy in room. Urkrug obliged. Strange drunk human told Urkrug about gang of thieves called Rusty Daggers. Urkrug was outraged! Thieves should use good quality weaponry!

Today Urkrug went to library and found book on history of city. Library had lots of people in it who were talking but Urkrug diplomatically pointed out importance of staying silent in library. Librarian asked Urkrug to be less diplomatic. Urkrug diplomatically pointed out to librarian importance of staying silent in library. Librarian wrote down request that Urkrug be less diplomatic. Urkrug was happy to comply. Urkrug has taught city the importance of being quiet in library. But when Urkrug went to read book, Urkrug found that someone had torn out page six. This made Urkrug ANGRY! People should take care of books. Urkrug went and found librarian and diplomatically pointed out torn page in book. Librarian apologised profusely and got Urkrug new copy of book.
Book was good, but had too many pictures. Now Urkrug is going to go drinking.

Notes
This was the first session of the game that involved Urkrug as a proper PC, rather than as an NPC being run alongside the party and showed his usefulness as a party asset.

This update clarifies something that was hinted at previously: Namely, that Diplomacy is not simply Urkrug fighting, but is an object. To be specific, Diplomacy was the name of Urkrug's greataxe, which he had inherited from his grandmother, who had always told him that diplomacy was the best weapon an adventurer could have. As a player, I tend to consider the items an adventurer carries to be important, and that the weapons and armour a character uses should be more than just a prop. Despite magic weapons appearing, Urkrug would use Diplomacy in combat - the weapon was important to him after all, and throwing it aside for a cheap magical item would be wrong.
Of course, that doesn't mean that he only used Diplomacy, but that will come later.

While the term "diplomacy" was sometimes used to refer to Urkrugs love of fighting, it only used in those situations where the fight was of a friendly nature, and wielding Diplomacy. In general, when fighting enemies he would be more likely to use the term "crush", a term gained from one of the main inspirations for Urkrug, the character Urggzob from a wonderful Icewind Dale 2 Let's Play (http://lparchive.org/Icewind-Dale-2/). More commonly, Urkrug would use the term "diplomacy" when referring to his practice of friendly intimidation, which would also often involve Diplomacy. It can be tricky sometime to differentiate the two in his journals, but I hope I manage to get it across.

The encounter with the kidnappers was surprisingly easy as the gaseous drug which filled the room when Urkrug spilled the cauldron caused them to gain fairly hefty penalties, though it took Urkrug quite some time to break free to actually start it. If I recall correctly, Theon had managed to slip out of his bonds and loosen Urkrug's which was why, along with finally rolling well, Urkrug managed to break the ropes.

The encounter with the rats, on the other hand, was surprisingly difficult. It was held in a large open area, most of which was filled with deep water which the rats tried to drag us in to. They succeeded with Val, the dwarven ranger, who was also unconscious. Luckily, Urkrug managed to save him while Theon, the party monk, distracted them with throwing stars. Didn't stop him from catching filth fever though. Luckily however, he had plenty of money in his purse, which Urkrug gave to the healer without stopping to check how much was in it. That turned out to be some fairly expensive medicine, but the money was a donation to charity that would go towards the creation of an orphanage later. We rather liked the healer and she would go on to become a recurring NPC in the game.

Fri
2013-07-19, 03:46 PM
Just saying that I'm enjoying this. And I noticed the difference between diplomacy and crushing, but I don't think I realizes that diplomacy is an item as well.

Aidan305
2013-07-19, 04:57 PM
Just saying that I'm enjoying this. And I noticed the difference between diplomacy and crushing, but I don't think I realized that diplomacy is an item as well.

Diplomacy was a fun little feature that I introduced at character creation. It was my original intent that Urkrug would use "diplomacy" meaning intimidation, but the issue would occasionally get confused to threatening people with Diplomacy with weapon. It was enjoyable though, and is now one of the things that I'll recommend to people new to the game.

Asmayus
2013-07-20, 07:48 AM
Been a good tale so far. I had a feeling Diplomacy would turn out to be his greataxe :D Looking forwards to the rest!

Aidan305
2013-07-24, 06:57 PM
Chapter 3: The Orcish Sense of Humour
Urkrug returned to tavern from library. Was still early in day so Urkrug only got small drink. Urgan stayed at library to read books about cults. Urkrug doesn't like cults. Urkrug got kicked out of cult in misunderstood youth. Was told Urkrug had to stop crushing. This made Urkrug sad. Was told was not allowed to use Diplomacy any more. This made Urkrug angry. Cult not around any more.
Was good time in tavern. Urkrug watched human defenestrate other human. Then human made mistake. Threw other human at Urkrug. This spilled Urkrug's drink. This made Urkrug angry. Human dodged table and other human when Urkrug threw them back. Didn't dodge barstool though. Other human bought Urkrug many drinks as thanks for crushing first human. This made Urkrug happy. Urgan and Mal came back then. Urkrug's new friend bought them drinks too. Was fine drinking session. Urkrug's new friend called Doran.
When Mal passed out from alcohol (Was only drinking wine! Mal is weak and cannot hold his alcohol! Like elf.) Urkrug and Urgan decided to play joke on him so Urkrug and Urgan brought Mal down to city gallows to hang him. Was good joke! Hangman said no killing but why would Urkrug want to kill Mal? Mal is Urkrug's friend and comrade-in-arms and needs to be there to trigger dangerous traps while adventuring.
After Doran cut Mal down silly person arrived and pointed at Urgan while shouting for guards. Silly Person said Urgan had stolen books from library because Urgan was in library when books were found missing. Urgan asked Silly Person why he would steal books and Silly Person said Urgan stole books to eat them. This why Urkrug think he is silly. Silly Person not know books are for reading; not for eating.
Urgan asked Silly Person what books had been stolen and Silly Person, eventually, gave Urgan a list. Urkrug looks at list and told Silly Person that if he was looking for books he should looks in library because Urkrug had been looking at one of the books on the list when he was in the library. Urkrug asked Silly Person if he had asked librarians about books if he was looking for them because librarians are always good at finding books when Urkrug is looking for them.
Silly Person got fed up of conversation and brought everyone to library where Urkrug told head librarian that Silly Person thought books were for eating and that book that Silly Person said had been stolen had been read by Urkrug already, and that Urkrug had filed complaint under threat of diplomacy about missing pages in book. Head Librarian assured Silly Person that this was the case. Silly Person asked Urkrug to stop calling him Silly person because he was a Lord of the city. Then Lord Silly Person asked Urkrug an friends to look for books because some of missing books were about dangerous magic that could be dangerous.
Urgan agreed with Lord Silly Person and thought that missing books might have link to mysterious fire in warehouse and oversized giant rats in sewers, but since Urkrug and friends had already been in sewers and Warehouse Urgan suggested looking in graveyard, because Urgan had heard rumours about mysterious noises and lights coming from graveyard at night. Urkrug thought this was fine idea. Crushing undead is fun!
Urkrug and friends went back to Inn to prepare for investigating graveyard but Theon said something about arsonist and had to leave. But Urkrug is ready for crushing and eagerly awaits time for investigating graveyard.

Urkrug found no undead in graveyard. This makes Urkrug sad. Urkrug found many other things though. Urkrug found strange lights, secret doors, group of adventurers and Urkrug's grave. This makes Urkrug happy as it means Urkrug will be victorious when he goes back to take vengeance on dragon! (If Urkrug were not going to be victorious then Urkrug wouldn't have grave because dragon would eat him. Perhaps Urkrug will go back to grave at some point and see what equipment future-Urkrug will use.)
Group of adventurers were nice people. They dropped Urkrug in pit, but was small pit and Urkrug was able to jump out easily. Urkrug is genius at jumping! Urkrug even recognised cleric of group of adventurers. Cleric was healer who healed dwarf after dwarf was eaten by rats. Adventurers were members of guild who had set up secret base underneath graveyard and had been spreading rumours about strange noises and lights in order to keep people from coming near. Silly people; rumours are for attracting adventurers like Urkrug and friends.
As well as cleric, group had paladin, fighter and not-wizard. Urkrug knew he wasn't wizard because, although he had pointy hat, he couldn't throw fireballs. Wizard tried to explain that this was because he was new to being wizard, but Urkrug wasn't fooled. Not-wizard must be rogue in disguise. Urkrug thinks Urkrug will get on well with fighter though as fighter demonstrates similar mindset to Urkrug (Though not as keen on crushing).
Guild had been looking for group of slavers who had been operating in city. Urkrug told them he had met slavers and they had committed suicide-by-Urkrug. Urkrug said they were probably members of gang with poor weapon maintenance and told guild about house where kidnappers had brought Urkrug and Theon before dying of Urkrug. Paladin suggested meeting Urkrug and friends at house the next day to examine it more closely. Urkrug agreed that this was fine idea and went back to Inn to finish writing in journal. Urkrug will not watch tonight because Urkrug will sleep. But Urkrug will keep Diplomacy close.

Urkrug's mouth hurts...
Urkrug and friends met Guild at house. Urkrug must have crushed house more than he remembers because house had fallen down. Urkrug is unsurprised at this. House should have known better than to stand in Urkrug's way. Guild poked around house and eventually found secret trapdoor hidden under much rubble. Urkrug persuaded trapdoor to open and group went down hole in to long passageway. Passage was lit by many large green lanterns that Urkrug suspects would give off light even in blackest night and brightest day. Urkrug took a lantern because lantern is green like Urkrug. Passage was long and went a long way down, but Urkrug and friends ended up at large door that led in to big cavern. There were many people in cavern selling many interesting things. Urkrug hasn't looked around yet though because first Urkrug went to cavern tavern called Executioner's rest to have drink. Bartender had many interesting drinks and gave Urkrug drink called Dragon's Breath Whiskey. Drink was good. Drink was on fire. Urkrug's mouth was on fire. Urkrug's mouth hurt but Urkrug was breathing fire! Dragon will stand no chance against Urkrug now! URKRUG WILL CRUSH DRAGON!
Then Urkrug passed out.

Notes
Poor Lord Silly Man. He had a name. I even noted it down carefully in the notebook that contains all of Urkrug's rantings. Unfortunately I don't think he once got mentioned by it. Lord Silly Man stuck. I think that there were even a couple of NPCs referring to him by it later on in the campaign. What was worse was that the Lord couldn't do anything about it because Urkrug wasn't bright enough to be worth dignifying himself with. Not that he had much dignity left by the end of the session.

Then there was the lynching of Mal. That was entertaining. Myself and Urgan's player had decided that half-orcs posessed a rather physical sense of humour and thought that it would be hilarious to stick the party thief up on the gallows. Fairly certain that the player was more than a little nervous but played up Mal being absoloutely terrified. Luckily Doran was standing right behind him so was able to slice through the rope just as the half-orcs waved to Mal and pulled the lever.

We wouldn't really have killed him. Probably.

Another feature that was introduced this session was the adventurer's guild and its members. Despite being a rival group we got on very well with them, frequently chatting with the cleric abotu the orphans in her care while Urkrug would spend the time getting drunk with their fighter. Sadly I don't think I have his name anywhere.

Not-Wizard was another one like Lord Silly Man. He had a name, but it is lost to time due to being bestowed a title by Urkrug. I still argue that his logic was flawless though. If a wizard can't cast a fireball, he's clearly not a wizard.

Also, Urkrug never did learn not to put things that were on fire in his mouth.

Aidan305
2013-08-10, 06:47 PM
Time for another instalment. My apologies for not getting it out sooner, but Urkrug's diary got briefly misplaced while doing some housecleaning. This episode is shorter than most, as the majority of it took place as a combat in the slave pens in the town of Understone.

Chapter 4: Bidding High
Urkrug was engaged in mighty battle against warrior in arena. Was people cheering all around for Urkrug as much crushing occurred. Then Urkrug was on mountaintop. Then Urkrug was on floor. Clearly Urkrug was subject to spell of evil wizard. Then Urkrug woke up. Urkrug was still on floor, but now with bad headache. Was good floor though; nice and clean with much sawdust and very little urine. Urkrug rates it highly in comparison to other floors Urkrug has woken up on.
Paladin Urkrug had met suggests stamping out clear signs of evil in Understone. Urkrug asked where Understone was and was told that it was town that Urkrug was in. Cleric kicks paladin. Paladin suggests “liberating certain assets”. Urkrug explains to Mal that this means that the paladin wanted to free the slaves in the market. Mal suggested compensation. Cleric threatened Mal. Urkrug is growing to like Cleric. Is good person, for a human. Cleric suggested that Urkrug and Mal retrieve other party members before going to slave market. This seemed sensible so Urkrug agreed.
Urkrug arrived at tavern back above ground to find Val arguing with other dwarf. Other Dwarf was shouting that Other Dwarf used to be woman before Val gave her a curséd ring. Urkrug is not certain how dwarves can tell difference, but suggests that Val give Other Dwarf money to get curse removed. Val says he has little money left after Urkrug paid for disease healing. Mal lends Val money at extortionate rate. Urkrug is happy to see thriving financial system.
Urkrug informs friends about attacking slave market. Friends like other adventuring party and so agree to help. Urkrug goes with them. Urkrug's party meet up with other party and go to slave auction, though paladin stays behind. Cleric thinks he would not be able to remain calm for long enough to rescue slaves. Urkrug does not see problem with this. Bidding starts on slaves and many people begin to bid large amounts of gold. Urkrug bids no decapitations. Auctioneer and black elf beside Urkrug tell Urkrug to take bidding seriously and make proper bid. Urkrug thinks they are silly not to take decapitations seriously. Even sillier when they send minions to attack Urkrug. Urkrug was forced to raise bidding.
After Urkrug had raised bidding to five decapitations, Auctioneer ran away. Urkrug got to giant spider before Urkrug got to him. Urkrug is unwilling to chase after giant spider. They have too many legs. Urkrug was quite surprised by distance that auctioneer could cover when sprinting though. Urkrug didn't think that elves could move that quickly.
Urkrug and friends freed other slaves, including halfling that Urkrug and friends had travelled to city with, and sent them on their way. In celebration, Urkrug and friends and other friends returned to inn to begin process of celebration. On route back, met Other Dwarf who said was now female again. Urkrug could not tell difference. Other Dwarf tackled Val and held him down while putting ring on Val's finger. Val cried about no longer being male dwarf. Urkrug still cannot tell difference. Urkrug thinks that it is all part of an elaborate scheme on part of dwarves. Not know why though.

TRAGEDY HAS STRUCK! MURDER HAS BEEN COMMITTED! Urkrug went to stables to check on Urfred only to find Urfred has been killed. Someone has drained all of Urfred's blood. Urkrug believes that Val is responsible as Val was being suggestive towards Urfred. If this is true, then Val will pay. Urkrug seeks Retribution…

Notes:
I had almost completely forgotten the scene at the auction before rereading Urkrug's diaries. Which is quite surprising as it was so much fun at the time. The GM was thrown off by the bidding of no decapitations at first, which is understandable. How is a decapitation a bid? It soon became clear however, especially since I had Urkrug shout out the number of decapitations he was at every time he felled an enemy. If I recall correctly, he even stopped by the corpse of a guard who had been killed by another party member to remove its head. As many Urkrug scenes were, it was almost surreal, but also very nicely threatening.
The other players, of course, had no idea what Urkrug was going to do here. I think the original plan was sneaking in and freeing the slaves while the auction was in progress. Unfortunately, as most such plans, it pretty much fell apart the moment that Urkrug became involved. But at least it fell apart in an entertaining way.
Also, Urkrug really didn't like spiders. Absoloutely terrified of them. I thought it was an entertaining little touch that the big burly half-orc would be scared of something. It gives a nice little extra touch of personality.

I still don't really know what was going on between the two dwarves. Possibly I don't want to. That dwarf was in to some really disturbing stuff.