low level OP challenge

[limejuicepowder]

The challenge:
Do the most amount of damage in a single round under the most optimal conditions possible.

The rules:
1) ECL 1, no templates. Otherwise, anything goes. 200 gp starting gold.
2) "Optimal conditions" is defined as thus: assume the maximum result from all rolls. You may use environmental conditions, like bullrushing off a cliff, to inflict damage, though the damage must take place in that round. You may choose an enemy with certain qualities, like vulnerable to fire, to increase damage. However, the enemy must be from an officially published source.
3) "Optimal conditions" does not include having 20th level allies to buy items or cast buffs. Any resources must come from the character.
4) 24 hours of prep time.

--------

I've got an idea for a goodly amount of damage, though I'd like to see what other people post first.

[Barsoom]

Environmental conditions, you say? How about a boulder balanced precariously above my enemy's head, waiting to be nudged? Depending on the boulder's size, that basically allows for arbitrarily large damage.

[Grod_The_Giant]

Isn't it possible to get Pun-Pun to work at level 1?

[TheSunKing]

Isn't it possible to get Pun-Pun to work at level 1?

OP did say "anything goes", so you win! :smallbiggrin:

Along the lines of "anything goes":

Gesault Orc Scout / Barbarian wielding a colossal sized scythe (assume a low-gravity environment where this would be wieldable). 6d6 from the sword, +7 from 24 Str (18 +4 +2), 2d6 from Skirmish & rage.

On a critical hit: 4x(8d6+7)= 220 damage. That's not even counting feats that would increase damage.

Edit: crap, 200 gp limit. I think the biggest I could buy with that is a gargantuan sized scythe. so it is lowered to 172.

[limejuicepowder]

Yeah I didn't word that very well did I....

Anyway I was thinking of a raging barb charging with a scythe (basically as the sunking made), but including knockback. The knockback would send the hapless foe off a cliff 1000 ft down landing in lava. Falling does 20d6, submersion does another 20d6, boosted another 10d6 from fire vulnerability.

That's around 500 I think.

[Killer Angel]

There was a discussion about a prestidigitation, starting a rocks' landslide...

[Hamste]

Yeah I didn't word that very well did I....

Anyway I was thinking of a raging barb charging with a scythe (basically as the sunking made), but including knockback. The knockback would send the hapless foe off a cliff 1000 ft down landing in lava. Falling does 20d6, submersion does another 20d6, boosted another 10d6 from fire vulnerability.

That's around 500 I think.

It has to take place in one round. Falling off a 1000 foot cliff takes more than a round before they hit the ground.

[Krazzman]

Wouldn't an (water?) Orc Warblade(punishing Stance)/Whirling Frenzy Spirit Lion Totem Barbarian (gestalt) with a scythe (as big as possible) be able to do 2 attacks on a charge with said big ass scythe for even more damage?

Together with the a charge maneuver (i think one gave +1d6 please correct me on this) and either a feat to get concentration working while rage (if it can't be used, unsure) or the feat where you get bonus +1d6 damage when you started your round above your enemy?

To get
6 punishing stance
6 started above
6 Maneuver(?)

+10 damage from str
+weapondice.

assuming double max dmg crits that should be:
2 times 40 (strenght)
2 times 4xWeapondice(maximised)
2 times 6 (or 24) punishing stance (if multiplied on a crit)
2 times 6 (or 24) started above feat
2 times the maneuver bonus.

80 + 12/48 + 12/48 + maneuver bonus + 8 times max weapon dice =
104/176 + Maneuver bonus + weapon damage.

[Hamste]

First I would be a wizard. I would prepare my spells and all that. Then I would sell my spell book. I would get 50 gp for my level zero and level 1 spells (50 gp for each page). I would have 20 intelligence from having an 18 in it then +2 racial bonus for a total of 8 level one spells plus all level zero spells in my spell book. There is 40 level 0 spells (at least listed in D&D tools). That means selling my book gets me 2400 gold pieces on top of my 200 starting gp.

Avasculate (Costs 2275) lowers your opponent's health points to half. Assuming your opponent can have as much HP as possible this will do half of that so this can do up to 50% of infinity.

If gestalt is allowed I would be a Druid/wizard. I would sell the book again and buy a scroll of Drown. The creature immediately drops to zero so this could theoretically do infinite damage.

Of course it might be ruled that doing damaging and reducing health to a certain level is different in which case I have no idea. If the price of rats is cheap I could always buy a ton of them for one damage done by each of them.

[TuggyNE]

This isn't mine, but I'm always amused by Sleeping Raven Infinite Blood Frenzy. If only because of the hilarious name, which is right up there with Dream of Metal for euphony and memorability.

[nedz]

OP did say "anything goes", so you win! :smallbiggrin:

Along the lines of "anything goes":

Gestalt Orc Scout / Barbarian wielding a colossal sized scythe (assume a low-gravity environment where this would be wield able). 6d6 from the sword, +7 from 24 Str (18 +4 +2), 2d6 from Skirmish & rage.

On a critical hit: 4x(8d6+7)= 220 damage. That's not even counting feats that would increase damage.

Edit: crap, 200 gp limit. I think the biggest I could buy with that is a gargantuan sized scythe. so it is lowered to 172.

I think you may have forgotten the x1.5 strength for double handing, and the +2 from Power Attack.

Anyway: mine, which is a bit hard to quantify.
I'm a Sorcerer and I cast Silent Image of a bridge over a chasm. Now all I need is for enough people to walk across and I'm done.

[ahenobarbi]

Ech? No elven generalist domain wizard with versatile spellcaster and extra spell to get any 9th level spell FTW yet?

[Ninja PieKing]

No one has mentioned chicken infested commoners for infinite crushing damage by chicken.*


*Assuming thing take damage from infinite weight in this expiriment

[Hamste]

No one has mentioned chicken infested commoners for infinite crushing damage by chicken.*


*Assuming thing take damage from infinite weight in this expiriment

I was thinking that mixed with handle animal checks to get them to attack but I couldn't find the stats for one (If they can do even one damage this could be able to do infinite amount of damage from an infinite amount of chickens)

[Perseus]

It has to take place in one round. Falling off a 1000 foot cliff takes more than a round before they hit the ground.

200 Feet / 1 Round is the going rate for falling stuff in D&D. Though since it is falling it may be capped at 20d6 whereas if you was throwing it... It would be capped by weight.

[Hamste]

200 Feet / 1 Round is the going rate for falling stuff in D&D. Though since it is falling it may be capped at 20d6 whereas if you was throwing it... It would be capped by weight.

Yep, so with a 1000 foot cliff they wouldn't hit the ground in time (At least that is what I could find, there is however a feat that hints it's actually 150 feet). Though if they were on a 200 foot (Where damage caps anyways) cliff it would work.

Thinking on the throwing thing, if you were fighting a creature of theoretical infinite strength with an infinitely heavy object you could have them throw the object straight up (Perhaps through a dominate person spell with a prepared illusion of a monster attained through selling your spell book or through that spell casting trick). It goes 10 feet up and then falls back down, because it has infinite mass it does infinite over 200 D6 damage. Still not the record (With Punpun doing (infinity-10)/2+weapon damage done... probably more. Not much can beat that) but still pointlessly large amounts of damage

[Spuddles]

Yeah I didn't word that very well did I....

Anyway I was thinking of a raging barb charging with a scythe (basically as the sunking made), but including knockback. The knockback would send the hapless foe off a cliff 1000 ft down landing in lava. Falling does 20d6, submersion does another 20d6, boosted another 10d6 from fire vulnerability.

That's around 500 I think.

Hmm, there should also be a tank of acid and an acid shark. And then the volcano explodes and knocks them into outer space where they suck void before taking damage from atmospheric re-entry and making saves vs. cosmic horrors.

[avr]

Well, for optimal conditions ... is it possible to sneak up on a sleeping opponent?

If so, take a half-orc ranger with a scythe and 20 strength, attacking his favored enemy with power attack and performing a coup de grace. Auto hit and critical so no need to hit. (2d4 + 7 + 2 + 3)x4 has a max damage of 80. If attacking a red dragon great wyrm, DR 20/magic makes that 60, which makes the save DC on the coup de grace 70. The red dragon has +49 so can't make the save and dies.

The red dragon had 610 HP and dies at -10, so the ranger did 620 HP damage. Not a bad rounds work.

[Darrin]

Hellbred Cleric 1. Int 18, Chaotic Neutral. Put 4 ranks in Knowledge: Religion. Domains: Knowledge, Summoning.

1. Buy scroll of guidance of the avatar (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/article.asp?x=dnd/sb/sb20010504a). 150 GP.

2. Buy an altar case (20 GP, Defenders of the Faith p. 21). If you want, you can splurge on a granite case (40 GP) and still have 9 GP left over for incense, black candles, etc.

3. Buy a goat (trade good). 1 GP Cast summon monster I for a celestial monkey [Edit: Sacrifice victim must have at least Int 3).

4. Cast guidance of the avatar (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/article.asp?x=dnd/sb/sb20010504a) from the scroll. Caster level check, DC = 4 (2nd level spell, CL 3 + 1 = 4). Roll 1d20 + 1 (caster level) + 1 (knowledge domain) + 2 (Devil's Favor), should be at least 5.

5. Sacrifice goat monkey with evil "We hate goats monkeys!" kind of ritual (BoVD). Knowledge: Religion roll = 1d20 + 20 (GotA) + 4 (skill ranks) + 4 (Int) + 2 (altar). Minimum roll would be 31.

6. DC 30: Gain the services of an evil outsider for 1 hour, as per planar binding. Why hello, Mr. Efreet!

7. Wish #1: Cloak of Etherealness (DMG).

8. Wish #2: Skull talisman (Frostburn) with apocalypse of the sky (BoVD) stored inside.

9. Wish #3. Dry martini with three cocktail onions.

10. Cast summon monster I for another celestial monkey (don't tell him what happened to the first monkey) or summon undead for a skeleton. Direct it to wait one round (summoning domain = CL 3, so 3 rounds), then break the skull talisman (standard action).

11. Activate Cloak of Etherealness.

12. Monkey/skeleton activates apocalypse of the sky, which does 10d6 sonic damage to all creatures and objects within a 170 mile radius. For simplicity's sake, let's just say the area of effect is a two-dimensional circle centered on the monkey, and there is an average of one object/creature per 5' square. Someone should probably check my math (ah, the ravages of a Liberal Arts degree), but I think the damage is in the neighborhood of 101,245,458,589 squares x 10d6 (average 35), so about 3,543,591,050,615 damage. Roughly, 3.5 trillion damage. If you pack each square with more objects/creatures, then it gets considerably larger.

13. Drink martini.

[Spuddles]

Hellbred Cleric 1. Int 18, Neutral Evil. Put 4 ranks in Knowledge: Religion. Domains: Knowledge, Summoning.

1. Buy scroll of guidance of the avatar (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/article.asp?x=dnd/sb/sb20010504a). 150 GP.

2. Buy a goat (trade good). 1 GP.

3. Set up an altar. Not too gaudy, but not too plain, either. You should be able to get something decent for 49 GP.

4. Cast guidance of the avatar (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/article.asp?x=dnd/sb/sb20010504a) from the scroll. Caster level check, DC = 4 (2nd level spell, CL 3 + 1 = 4). Roll 1d20 + 1 (caster level) + 1 (knowledge domain) + 2 (Devil's Favor), should be at least 5.

5. Sacrifice goat with evil "We hate goats!" kind of ritual (BoVD). Knowledge: Religion roll = 1d20 + 20 (GotA) + 4 (skill ranks) + 4 (Int) + 2 (altar). Minimum roll would be 31.

6. DC 30: Gain the services of an evil outsider for 1 hour, as per planar binding. Why hello, Mr. Efreet!

7. Wish #1: Cloak of Etherealness (DMG).

8. Wish #2: Skull talisman (Frostburn) with apocalypse of the sky (BoVD) stored inside.

9. Wish #3. Dry martini with three cocktail onions.

10. Cast summon monster I for a celestial monkey. Direct it to wait one round (summoning domain = CL 3, so 3 rounds), then break the skull talisman (standard action).

11. Activate Cloak of Etherealness.

12. Monkey activates apocalypse of the sky, which does 10d6 sonic damage to all creatures and objects within a 170 mile radius. For simplicity's sake, let's just say the area of effect is a two-dimensional circle centered on the monkey, and there is an average of one object/creature per 5' square. Someone should probably check my math (ah, the ravages of a Liberal Arts degree), but I think the damage is in the neighborhood of 101,245,458,589 squares x 10d6 (average 35), so about 3,543,591,050,615 damage. Roughly, 3.5 trillion damage. If you pack each square with more objects/creatures, then it gets considerably larger.

13. Drink martini.

Add to my "why I love 3.5" list.

[avr]

Congrats Darrin, I think that one has to win.

[Phelix-Mu]

My Optimal Conditions: A dark wet cave with shocker lizards and green slime, a shambling mound in a pit inside the cave, and a source of timber. The pit is very conveniently just deep enough that the shambling mound can't quite reach high enough to disrupt the plan.

My Build: Warforged with the Improved Resiliency feat

My purchases:
a ceramic urn or large glass jar
some rope
an axe or other implement for cutting branches
wooden crates big enough to hold shocker lizards
saw

My Prep: Start all of this 24 hours in advance.

Use axe to cut down branches couple inches thick in sections slightly longer than 10'. Use rope to lash branches together, forming a square bigger than 10'x10', big enough to cover the pit. Use rope and support branch to rig the "lid" to the pit so that it can quickly be closed by knocking out the support branch.

Use another branch to harvest green slime, knocking an optimally located patch off of the ceiling and into the fragile container.

Saw gaps in the bottom of the crates big enough to not block LoE, but not big enough to allow the shocker lizard to get out.

Next, capture one shocker lizard by grappling and pinning it. Move the shocker lizard into the crate. Attach crate to the bottom of the "lid."

Repeat. This next bit must be carefully timed, since the lizards could set off a lethal shock. Since this is optimal, let's assume they cooperate for no reason in particular.

Close the lid on the pit once you've attached several lizards to the lid.

Wait the remainder of the prep time while they futilely attempt to duke it out.

Right before the combat round, destroy the lid by cutting the ropes, allowing the shambling mound to finally feast on yon crunchy lizards.

Pertinent facts:
- Warforged aren't edible.
- Shocker lizards are edible.
- Shambling mound tries to eat the lizards.
- Scared lizards respond with shock attacks, which can reach the shambling mound.
- Mound doesn't care, and continues to try to hurt the lizards.
- At some point, the shambling mound may eat the lizards. This prompts the character to capture more lizards to repeat the process.
- Shambling mounds, lacking traditional anatomy, will continue to eat any food available.
- Subject to optimal conditions, the plan works as planned. Lizards spend an optimal amount of time shocking, shambler is optimally unable to eat the lizards, but optimally harasses them.

Each round of conflict between the shambling mound and the shocker lizards increases the Constitution score of the shambling mound by 4 points, for an increase of 16 hp per round.

14400 rounds in a day. Subtract 1200 for two hours getting the plan in motion. 13200 rounds of possible conflict between lizard and mound. If the lizards only cooperate 1% of the time, that's 132 rounds of at least one lizard shocking the shambling mound, a total increase of 528 to Constitution. Since this is optimal, let's assume they fight like cats and dogs, and that they fight 50% of the time, 6600 rounds, for an increase to Con of 26400 or so.

For the sake of easy math, let's assume the shambling mound starts the fight with a Constitution score of 25010. It has 8HD, 60hp, and 100k bonus hp.

From the SRD on green slime:

Green Slime (CR 4)
This dungeon peril is a dangerous variety of normal slime. Green slime devours flesh and organic materials on contact and is even capable of dissolving metal. Bright green, wet, and sticky, it clings to walls, floors, and ceilings in patches, reproducing as it consumes organic matter. It drops from walls and ceilings when it detects movement (and possible food) below.

A single 5-foot square of green slime deals 1d6 points of Constitution damage per round while it devours flesh. On the first round of contact, the slime can be scraped off a creature (most likely destroying the scraping device), but after that it must be frozen, burned, or cut away (dealing damage to the victim as well). Anything that deals cold or fire damage, sunlight, or a remove disease spell destroys a patch of green slime. Against wood or metal, green slime deals 2d6 points of damage per round, ignoring metal’s hardness but not that of wood. It does not harm stone.

No mechanic is given for the "devouring" of non-flesh, non-wood organic materials other than "on-contact." A shambling mound is not made of flesh or wood.

My Combat Round: Stand beside the pit and chuck the breakable container at the shambling mound. The container breaks, the green slime spills out, and the shambling mound is consumed on contact.

Congrats. A creature with over 100k hp is killed in one round through the direct action of the warforged character. Go grab a beer (and lament being a warforged who can't become inebriated).

Notes: I think the actual cap on the effective hp total of the shambler is somewhere closer to 200k or so, but it could be more if we manipulated the terrain to place the shocker lizards in overlapping radii, or somehow manipulated them into not cooperating to only shock it once per round with the area shock (Wild Empathy). I intentionally left out the character class with the idea that the plan can be improved upon.

This is a specific application of the "Shambler Battery" combo that I've developed. I welcome any links anyone can give me to the same or similar trick published elsewhere, since I am happily oblivious to my probably unoriginality.

[Barsoom]

One question, how are you summoning a celestial monkey as a neutral evil cleric?

[ericgrau]

"No sir you may not do 3.5 trillion damage because that's too strong the system is carefully prepared to prevent that sort of thing your alignment is WRONG!"

[Darrin]

One question, how are you summoning a celestial monkey as a neutral evil cleric?

I just wanted something with hands.

The alignment doesn't have to be NE, either. I could probably switch it to Neutral.

Ok, fixed: conjure ice beast (Frostburn) instead.

[Phelix-Mu]

Lol,

I thought I did pretty well, but, lo and behold, while I was busy refining my post, someone used an efreeti to make my 100k damage look like a hangnail.

Well met, Darrin.:smallamused:

I'm wondering what kind of stupid action economy shenanigans and character class I'd need to make my method competitive with apocalypse from the sky. Hehe, right, well, it would have to be billions of times more effective. Alas. *shakes fist at math*

Can I win for best mundane method?

[Answer: No, cuz mundanes can't haz nice things.:smalltongue:]

[Darrin]

Had to re-fix my fix: conjure ice beast doesn't count as a summon spell, so no 3 round duration. I could take Sudden Extend as a feat to get 2 rounds, but it's much simpler to just switch my alignment to Chaotic Neutral instead. This allows me to summon celestial/fiendish whatever.

I do have some quibbles about communicating with summons, though... celestial monkey is somewhat necessary because it has hands and understands Common (Int = 3 due to template).

However, if I use conjure ice beast or summon desert ally, there is no celestial/fiendish template attached, and the resulting construct has *no* Int score whatsoever. So, even if I could communicate with it... it's mindless and could care less. In practice, though, most groups just treat these spells like any other summons, and just assume the creature can understand simple verbal commands. Is this how it's supposed to work, or are ice beast/dustform creatures completely incapable of understanding verbal commands? Or are they more like golems, mindless but they can respond to simple commands?

There's a somewhat problem with summon nature's ally, but those creatures usually have animal intelligence rather than no Int score whatsoever. Presumably the designers felt that druids/rangers would use animal empathy or handle animal checks to get these creatures to do what they want, but in practice I don't think anyone ever enforces this.

The only thing I can find that might address this is on PHB p. 172, under "Spell Descriptions - Conjuration":

"Creatures you conjure usually, but not always, obey your commands."

Does this mean that all Conjuration (Summon) spells produce a creature that can understand verbal commands, regardless of Int, unless specific text says otherwise? Or is the usually here something like, "if the creature is deafened, or if the DM decides the command is ambigous/gibberish/blatantly stupid, then it may decide not to obey"?

[Edit: I posted a question in the Rules thread to see if there's a consensus on this.]

Hmmm. Odd. Summon Desert Ally *is* a Conjuration (Summoning) spell, while Conjure Ice Beast is Conjuration (Creation). So I can get a dustform baboon for 3 rounds... except that isn't a cleric spell, druid/ranger only. Even if you could summon a dustform baboon, you couldn't talk to it, because while it can understand any language it might have had while alive, Int = 2 means it didn't know any languages.

So, if we wanted to break this down alignment-wise...

LG/CG/NG: Celestial monkey works. Evil Exception (Ex) allows you to cast [evil] spells, but we aren't actually casting any. Sacrificing a goat... well, that's a neutral creature... but it would probably help if it was an evil goat, or a goblin, or something thoroughly despised by the deity you're performing the ritual for. Trying to get a Good deity to send you an evil outsider is pretty much a no-go, but... would a neutralish deity work? Assuming you find a non-evil deity willing to send you an efreet, you've still got to deal with the fallout of murdering every innocent creature within 170' miles. But if you can make sure that every creature within the area of effect was evil and totally deserved it, there's a slim chance you might squeek out of this with your alignment intact.

LN/CN/TN: Celestial monkey works. So long as there aren't any laws against animal sacrifice or indiscriminantly killing everything in a 170' mile radius, LN should be fine. For CN, all this is "Ho-hum. Should I have asked for cocktail olives instead?" For TN, your deity will probably be thoroughly peeved unless you went out of your way to do something equally good.

CE/LE/NE: Conjure ice beast I + Sudden Extend gets you an ice monkey for 2 rounds. LE needs to watch local ordinances and stuff, but otherwise the animal sacrifice, evil efreet, and 170' mile radius tacnuke should be all fine and dandy.

Gah! Just ran across summon undead, which is even better than the monkey: hands, evil, and it's a conjuration (summoning) spell.

[Phelix-Mu]

I need a source of unlimited round-to-round electricity damage. I believe there is a meld for this...lightning gloves? Don't quite know how those work, but that might be good. Could make my warforged a totemist or whatever.

Conceptually though, I don't think any amount of action multiplication or action economy is going to bring me up to 3.5 trillion. Like I mentioned before, I'd need a way to make my plan be billions of times more efficient, and that kind of multiplication is hard to come by anywhere.

So assuming my plan works the way I thought it did when I posted it quite late at night, I can probably claim to do more damage to a single creature than anyone else (except for the -50% hp on something that has arbitrarily high hp...but such a thing doesn't exist, anyway).

With effort, the shambling mound can have more hp than just about anything else out there, and my method destroys it outright (though with some poorly written RAW, ofc).

[Ninja PieKing]

Optimal conditions:
You start on an infinite plane. Wishes aren't twisted

Using the pun-pun method to get a wishing ring, wish for a staff that casts contingency plane shift and true creation, and to be a cleric. Set the contingency on the plane shift for a black hole opening up near you. Cast true creation to create as big of a block made of infinitely small particles, with mass, as possible. The resulting point of infinite mass creates a black hole of infinite mass, and infinite gravitational pull. This creates a temporal singularity in thee center. Que destruction of the infinite plane and everything that ever existed on it or ever would. I just destroyed infinity.:smallcool:

[Phelix-Mu]

Optimal conditions:
You start on an infinite plane. Wishes aren't twisted

Using the pun-pun method to get a wishing ring, wish for a staff that casts contingency plane shift and true creation, and to be a cleric. Set the contingency on the plane shift for a black hole opening up near you. Cast true creation to create as big of a block made of infinitely small particles, with mass, as possible. The resulting point of infinite mass creates a black hole of infinite mass, and infinite gravitational pull. This creates a temporal singularity in thee center. Que destruction of the infinite plane and everything that ever existed on it or ever would. I just destroyed infinity.:smallcool:

While the game mentions several times that areas of varying gravity exist, it establishes only the weakest of connections between game mechanics and any form of in-real-life physics. There is no rules basis for "infinite gravitational pull" being a thing, as gravity is a planar trait, not a property of matter, as far as I can tell (so even a plane with zero matter can still have gravity...that seems in contrast to real physics). So I'm not sure a black hole would ever form, and, even if it did, what it's game effect would be. So this only conjures up a whole bunch of DM adjudication.

You're better off just sticking to normal Pun-Pun stuff.:smallwink:

[Fyermind]

Optimal conditions:
You start on an infinite plane. Wishes aren't twisted

Using the pun-pun method to get a wishing ring, wish for a staff that casts contingency plane shift and true creation, and to be a cleric. Set the contingency on the plane shift for a black hole opening up near you. Cast true creation to create as big of a block made of infinitely small particles, with mass, as possible. The resulting point of infinite mass creates a black hole of infinite mass, and infinite gravitational pull. This creates a temporal singularity in thee center. Que destruction of the infinite plane and everything that ever existed on it or ever would. I just destroyed infinity.:smallcool:

I think most of that plane will not collapse in the first round. It should only reach at most 6 light-seconds out in the damage it deals. This is over 1.1 million miles, so this could probably out-damage apocalypse from the sky if it worked.

[Phelix-Mu]

Is there really a basis anywhere in the rules for gravitational collapse being a thing? As I noted before, it seems clear to me that gravity in-game doesn't function much like real-world gravity at all.

I've heard this discussed with other things like Chicken-Infested and quarterstaffs and such. It's clear that items have weight, but aside from the amount of damage, size of the object, and such, I don't see "mass" having anything to do with gravity.

Sorry if I am taking this fairly light-hearted suggestion too seriously. I'm just curious as to how much of "black-hole" strategy can be backed up with RAW.