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Rockphed
2013-07-18, 01:45 AM
Have you ever been told that perfectly reasonable courses of action were outlawed? Does the entire group reflexively yell "NO" whenever you utter the phrase, "I have a plan." Do your well intentioned actions get your fellow adventurers killed?

While we at P&P Ruleslawyering cannot help you with those problems, we would love to hear about them. Please fill out our simple and easy grievance form.

Previous repositories of ungrateful GMs, unfavorable groups, and generally bad ideas, can be found at:

[Any] Things I may no longer do while playing. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175909)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207015)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=228707)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

Note: if you're going to use numbers, please keep the numbering in order. This means:
1) don't add sub-rules to previous numbers--people will think that number is the current one
2) look to make sure that the last post isn't a sub-rule to a previous number

I suggest using asterisks, though, as the first thread did.

Asahel24601
2013-07-18, 01:56 AM
In a star wars campaign
*I may not give the NPC guide better equipment than the party
**Even if she would have nicer stuff
***A quarterstaff should not do more damage than a lightsaber

*I cannot use Preform (ventriloquist) to convince the party fighter that his sword is talking to him
*I may not play someone who suffers from severe delusions and play him like Edward P. Dowd

Ryu_Bonkosi
2013-07-18, 03:09 AM
*I may not stop the game right before the climatic fight to have a 30 minute conversation with the BBEG about how his entire plan/scheme is flawed.
**I may not draw/have a chart with numbers and pointers telling the BBEG how and why we beat him.
***After doing this I am not allowed a surprise round just because of how shocked he is.

Totally Guy
2013-07-18, 03:40 AM
I may not name my character and relationship characters the same name as any key game mechanical concept.

"This is my character Will Save. That that's his brother Reflex."

Paperback
2013-07-18, 04:11 AM
As a DM.

*I am not allowed to skip random encounters for the sake of convenience.
**Preparing in advance "random" encounters is highly frowned upon.
***Throwing the party up against a pack of Deathclaws is right out.


*I may not give moose improved bull rush as a joke.
**I may not then use said bull rush to push the fighter into the river. Which goes over a waterfall.
***The fighter, upon falling into the river, may not then pull the moose in after him
****The fighter and moose then may not have a climactic battle in mid-air after going off the waterfall.
*****Putting on Duel of The Fates for background music, while epic, isn't in good taste.
******The Fighter, having slain the moose, may not fail his save against massive damage and die from the fall in what was supposed to be a hunting trip a week away from the rest of the party.
***While the above is happening, I may not discover a typo on the moose stat page that says they have Int 3, and are therefor sentient.
****Spontaneously inventing a background for that character involving sentient moose that killed his parents and this hunting trip away from the party was actually a ruse to avenge his parents is a no-go.
*****I may no longer have moose in any campaign I run.

Kane0
2013-07-18, 05:41 AM
* I may no longer interrupt the BBEG's monologue with grammar corrections
** I may no longer IHS out of the monologue stasis and gain a suprise round
*** I may no longer IHS out of the monologue stasis and attack my party, claiming the BBEG makes more sense that anyone else has up until now.

* I may no longer impale the BBEG on anything. Especially an Eldritch Spear.
** I may no longer be the BBEG, even if i am the most morally grey character currently in the game-world.
*** I may no longer gain bonuses to rolls when laughing appropriately maniacally, or making any sound heard in Dragonball Z.

DigoDragon
2013-07-18, 07:02 AM
I'm not allowed to craft a Hand of the Mage as a party hat for my pony familiar.
I may not sell scrolls of Feather Fall to any PC member who is drunk at the time.
I also may not use Mirror Image to make stoned party members freak out.

Hyena
2013-07-18, 08:16 AM
* I am not and never will be allowed to have a pony familiar.
** I am to stop begging.
*** From now on I am forbidden to even mention ponies.

Ionbound
2013-07-18, 09:49 AM
* I am not allowed to use prestidigitation to gain a bonus on seduce checks

**Casting Mount is right out

Alabenson
2013-07-18, 12:25 PM
* If the party needs to climb down a shaft that had a grate on top, I am not to cast light on a corpse and toss it down said shaft.

* Nor am I permitted to cast light on a corpse and then sever its arm to use as an improvised torch.
** I am certainly forbidden from using said glowing, severed arm as an interrogation tool.
*** Referring to such use as "Enhandced" interrogation does not help my case.

Kymme
2013-07-18, 12:27 PM
*My Alchemical Romance is not a valid name for a band of traveling mages.
Or is, depending on your DM's musical preference.

jaybird
2013-07-18, 02:40 PM
*My Alchemical Romance is not a valid name for a band of traveling bards.

Fixed that :smallbiggrin:

Arkhosia
2013-07-18, 02:50 PM
* I cannot catch a black dragon, cut off its wings, and name it Komodo if I wish to survive the encounter
** I cannot cast Flesh to Stone on the wings and the dragonborn party member, polymorph them into clay, put the wings on the dragonborn, and remove the spells.
*** Komodo may not only use his Breath weapon when he bites something
**** I am not allowed to domesticate Komodo
***** Nor a red dragon that I named Puff
******My draconic sorcerer doesn't gain a bonus to dimplomacy with dragons after said events
******* Not even when negotiating with the Jaezred Chaulssin (http://forgottenrealms.wikia.com/wiki/Jaezred_Chaulssin) despite being a drow.
My sorcerer powers can not be due to being a member of said group.

Alex12
2013-07-18, 05:41 PM
Having Int and Wis scores of 6 means I'm dumb and don't know it. Roleplaying this appropriately is good, up until it leads to a TPK.
*Never trust the Neanderthal to have good plans.

I may not be more evil than the BBEG.

Arkhosia
2013-07-18, 06:05 PM
Having Int and Wis scores of 6 means I'm dumb and don't know it. Roleplaying this appropriately is good, up until it leads to a TPK.
*Never trust the Neanderthal to have good plans.

I may not be more evil than the BBEG.
***I cannot betray the party and join the BBEG, then betray him and take over his plans

Alex12
2013-07-18, 06:27 PM
***I cannot betray the party and join the BBEG, then betray him and take over his plans

****Even if you secretly didn't betray the party, and in fact discussed this plan with them beforehand.


I may not take ranks in Profession(nuclear engineer)
*Or Craft(nuclear weapons)
**If it involves nuclear devices of any kind, I should assume it's prohibited.

Arcanist
2013-07-18, 06:28 PM
I may not show my DM my new Homebrewed rules for Torture involving permanent physical and psychological damage.
*It is for the best.
**Trust me, you don't want to know...

Rockphed
2013-07-18, 11:44 PM
*If my wife has been captured by the BBEG, my plan for saving her should not revolve around sending random peasants into his lair.
**If I do send random peasants into his lair, I am not to be surprised when my wife runs away with one of them.

AmbientRaven
2013-07-19, 10:50 AM
*I should not take prisoners away and torture them for information by using caltrops as a suppository
**then have a high enough bluff skill to convince the party they all fell into a hunters trap
***I may no longer take the bluff skill OR buy caltrops. nor mention the word 'suppository' ever again

*I may not curse a weapon to talk and give it to a team member
**i ESPECIALLY may not have a pre-written list of 100 insults that the player must roll on any time he draws the weapon, or use it for more than 3 turns
***I may no longer enchant equipment nor be trusted with the gifts i give to party members

Doxkid
2013-07-19, 11:27 AM
*If my wife has been captured by the BBEG

*...you are REQUIRED to save her eventually.
**Look, this isn't a debate about sexism among dragonslayers. Go save her.
***Alright, FINE. She's exactly as strong and tough as you. Both of you were captured.
****What? Just...what. Did you try to get both of you captured specifically so you could do that?

Arkhosia
2013-07-19, 11:39 AM
* I cannot have proficiency in Improvised Weapon: telephone pole

vasharanpaladin
2013-07-19, 12:18 PM
**If it involves nuclear devices of any kind, I should assume it's prohibited.

No Divine Flame (http://www.minmaxboards.com/index.php?topic=5683.0), then? :smalltongue:

On a similar note...

*Any character concept based on Touhou is vetoed.
**Any character concept based on the Tome of Battle, too.
***I can't use any subsystems that aren't supported by the SRD.
****...Anything remotely resembling anything from Japan is right out. :smallannoyed:

jindra34
2013-07-19, 12:29 PM
* I cannot have proficiency in Improvised Weapon: telephone pole

** Nor maybe I take it for Tree
*** Or pillar
**** Or any other object significantly larger than my character

AttilaTheGeek
2013-07-19, 03:48 PM
*"Magical Girl" is not a valid class in Pathfinder.
**Or 3.5.
***Or 4e.

By the way, the new thread title is amazing.

Jormengand
2013-07-19, 03:57 PM
I may not take ranks in Profession(nuclear engineer)
*Or Craft(nuclear weapons)
**If it involves nuclear devices of any kind, I should assume it's prohibited.

***I may not take the Radiation and Fire domains, even though it is perfectly rules-legal to do so.


By the way, the new thread title is amazing.I preferred "Dual wielding dragons."

A Tad Insane
2013-07-19, 07:34 PM
I can no longer base my:
Plans
Familiars
Craft spells
Homebrews
Random encounters
Characters
BBEG
Evil guys
On sci fi originals

Unless it's sharknado

Arkhosia
2013-07-19, 07:59 PM
I can no longer base my:
Plans
Familiars
Craft spells
Homebrews
Random encounters
Characters
BBEG
Evil guys
On sci fi originals

Unless it's sharknado

Rule does not apply if playing a Comedy Campaign

Sith_Happens
2013-07-19, 08:35 PM
*Any character concept based on Touhou is vetoed.
**Any character concept based on the Tome of Battle, too.
***I can't use any subsystems that aren't supported by the SRD.
****...Anything remotely resembling anything from Japan is right out. :smallannoyed:

What, no warlocks (http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=10832)!? HERESY!

Ksheep
2013-07-19, 09:18 PM
* When attending a party at the castle, I may not Suggest that the band should play the Hokey Pokey
** Nor may I show off my strength by knocking over giant statues to try to catch them
*** My druid may not bring all the woodland creatures she can find into the dance hall.
**** I shouldn't be surprised when the nobility completely ignores all my advances towards them
***** I may not try to set up shop in the courtyard, selling baked goods. The castle already has caterers, they don't need me there as well.

Ravian
2013-07-19, 09:38 PM
* When attending a party at the castle, I may not Suggest that the band should play the Hokey Pokey
** Nor may I show off my strength by knocking over giant statues to try to catch them
*** My druid may not bring all the woodland creatures she can find into the dance hall.
**** I shouldn't be surprised when the nobility completely ignores all my advances towards them
***** I may not try to set up shop in the courtyard, selling baked goods. The castle already has caterers, they don't need me there as well.

****** The queen was not inviting us to said party solely for the destruction this causes.

Arkhosia
2013-07-19, 10:23 PM
What, no warlocks (http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards/index.php?topic=10832)!? HERESY!

Send the Inquisition! They'll never expect them!

Ksheep
2013-07-19, 11:07 PM
* My cleric does not lead the Inquisition
** If his main weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency, his alignment is shifting to the Evil end of the spectrum
*** While he might have an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, he does not wear a nice red uniform

* I may not sell a sleeping dead parrot to anyone.
** Even if I make it look like it's awake alive by nailing it's feet to a perch

* Bananas are not deadly weapons
** Neither are passionfruit, oranges, apples, grapefruit (whole or segmented), pomegranates, greengages, grapes, lemons, plums, mangoes in syrup, or cherries (red or black)
*** The proper method for defending oneself from a wielder of an above weapon is not to shoot them, disarm them, and eat their weapon
**** Nor is it to drop a 10 ton weight on them
***** Releasing a man-eating tiger is right out

* My twin and I may not lead an expedition to find a former expedition that went missing
** Especially if the former expedition was trying to build a bridge between the twin peaks of Kilimanjaro

Vovix
2013-07-19, 11:22 PM
I may not use a Rope Trick as a method of transporting the rest of the party while flying.
*Even though a Rope Trick is immovable, I may not use it to block the path of a ship.
**Casting it inside a ship to break the ship in half is right out.
*** I may no longer use Rope Trick ever.

Arkhosia
2013-07-19, 11:22 PM
* My cleric does not lead the Inquisition
** If his main weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency, his alignment is shifting to the Evil end of the spectrum
*** While he might have an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, he does not wear a nice red uniform

* I may not sell a sleeping dead parrot to anyone.
** Even if I make it look like it's awake alive by nailing it's feet to a perch

* Bananas are not deadly weapons
** Neither are passionfruit, oranges, apples, grapefruit (whole or segmented), pomegranates, greengages, grapes, lemons, plums, mangoes in syrup, or cherries (red or black)
*** The proper method for defending oneself from a wielder of an above weapon is not to shoot them, disarm them, and eat their weapon
**** Nor is it to drop a 10 ton weight on them
***** Releasing a man-eating tiger is right out

* My twin and I may not lead an expedition to find a former expedition that went missing
** Especially if the former expedition was trying to build a bridge between the twin peaks of Kilimanjaro

*I am not to listen to anyone who claims he was turned into a newt
**Or anyone who calls it a draw after being literally disarmed.
*The skill to not be seen is still important for a paladin wearing full Plate.
**A box with leg-holes does not give me a bonus to not being spotted.
***Saying "Sneaking, sneaking, sneaking" (http://youtu.be/fSMC4GWbf_w)doesn't give me a stealth bonus.

Souju
2013-07-20, 12:26 AM
*My Summoner is hereby forbidden the sobriquet "Demi-Fiend"
**"Raidou Kuzunoha" is also straight out.
***Shin Megami Tensei is no longer allowed as a source for monsters.
****ESPECIALLY Mara.

*My Bard is not allowed to sing "Cruel Angel's Thesis" when fighting celestial creatures.
**Nor am I allowed to play classical music.
***All references to Tang are forbidden.

*The small size members of the party cannot "Gattai!"
**Even if accompanied by appropriate music.

*Bunnycats are forbidden.

Ionbound
2013-07-20, 09:22 AM
*My wizard is not a spellthief

**Nor is my spellthief a witch

***Nor is my witch a kleptomaniac

*My Cleric is most certainly not a Miko

**Even in Rokugan

Arkhosia
2013-07-20, 10:13 AM
*My wizard is not a spellthief

**Nor is my spellthief a witch

***Nor is my witch a kleptomaniac

*My Cleric is most certainly not a Miko

**Even in Rokugan

****My wizard does NOT weigh the same as a duck

Ionbound
2013-07-20, 10:27 AM
I feel compelled to ask if you reference. So did you?

*Not allowed to seduce party members to score with their players later

Arkhosia
2013-07-20, 10:30 AM
I feel compelled to ask if you reference. So did you?

*Not allowed to seduce party members to score with their players later

Yes.
Also,
** The warlock cannot summon a succubus for said purpose.

Bucky
2013-07-20, 02:58 PM
*All my future characters must be over the age of 10.
**I may not use my backstory to create an order of teenage schoolgirl clerics.
***I may not create an order of schoolgirl paladins either.
****Or bards.
*****Wiped out all schoolgirls.

Ionbound
2013-07-20, 04:57 PM
Yes.
Also,
** The warlock cannot summon a succubus for said purpose.

***Summoning a Marilith is right out.

Ksheep
2013-07-20, 06:26 PM
*All my future characters must be over the age of 10.
**I may not use my backstory to create an order of teenage schoolgirl clerics.
***I may not create an order of schoolgirl paladins either.
****Or bards.
*****Wiped out all schoolgirls.

***b: My schoolgirl cleric/paladin may not wield a chainsaw
***b*: A chainsaw is not the Holy Symbol of her order
***b**: I do not turn undead by throwing said chainsaw at zombies

Arkhosia
2013-07-20, 07:41 PM
***Summoning a Marilith is right out.
****Or summoning a balor so that your party can make a buck by preforming a play based on Lord Of The Rings.

Stake A Vamp
2013-07-20, 08:24 PM
my bard is not called The Doctor
my warpony is not called T.A.R.D.I.S.
there are no blue pony's
the stableboys will hurt me if they have to wash blue paint off my pony again
if I approach my pony with a paintbrush again, it will run from me
the verbal componet for Expeditious Retreat is not "Come along Ponds"
nor "Allons-y"

Arkhosia
2013-07-20, 08:35 PM
my bard is not called The Doctor
my warpony is not called T.A.R.D.I.S.
there are no blue pony's
the stableboys will hurt me if they have to wash blue paint off my pony again
if I approach my pony with a paintbrush again, it will run from me
the verbal componet for Expeditious Retreat is not "Come along Ponds"
nor "Allons-y"


A bow-tie does NOT give you +2 awesomeness
Nor a fez.

Stake A Vamp
2013-07-20, 08:40 PM
A bow-tie does NOT give you +2 awesomeness
Nor a fez.

but it does give you +2 to diplomacy and all knowledge checks

Ionbound
2013-07-20, 08:42 PM
* I may not make the Paladin think I am undead

**Even for the sake of RP

***Especially if the backstory and RP is designed to make him fall

Doomboy911
2013-07-20, 09:05 PM
I may no longer cast light spells on the enemies eyeballs.
I may not cast it on my friend's eyeballs*
*Even if they did start it.
No more light spell.
Not allowed a push broom in the tomb of horrors
even if it is a mess.

TuggyNE
2013-07-20, 09:09 PM
Not allowed a push broom in the tomb of horrors
even if it is a mess.


* Profession: Janitor does not give me a bonus to searching for traps
** Not allowed ranks in Profession: Janitor
*** Profession: Statue Cleaner is right out

Arkhosia
2013-07-20, 10:03 PM
* Profession: Janitor does not give me a bonus to searching for traps
** Not allowed ranks in Profession: Janitor
*** Profession: Statue Cleaner is right out

My epic-level spellcaster cannot make a spell that acts as a demilich-seeking missile. :smallamused:

Bucky
2013-07-20, 10:13 PM
***b: My schoolgirl cleric/paladin may not wield a chainsaw
***b*: A chainsaw is not the Holy Symbol of her order
***b**: I do not turn undead by throwing said chainsaw at zombies

***b*b: This setting does not have any dieties whose Favored Weapon is chainsaw.

Theoboldi
2013-07-20, 10:25 PM
*Should I keep up my track record of accidently killing the mage in the first session, I will no longer be allowed to carry lethal weaponry

*I may no longer pretend to be the arch-nemesis of a species called 'the bloggons'
**If no one in the party is able to identify the monster that we are fighting, I may not insist that it is a 'bloggon'

*I may no longer say a one-liner after every battle

Arkhosia
2013-07-20, 10:29 PM
One-liners are banned if not made during your round. I thought you knew that. :smallbiggrin:

Angel Bob
2013-07-21, 09:50 AM
A bow-tie does NOT give you +2 awesomeness
Nor a fez.

Which reminds me:

*Even if I have the most understanding DM in the world, I am not allowed to request a magic fez for my level 1 character.
**The DM should not then allow me to have a magic fez.
***Even if I roll a natural 20 to decide.
*I am, however, still allowed to rename our adventuring group "The Fellowship of the Fez".

DigoDragon
2013-07-21, 06:19 PM
As the party wizard, when I'm put on "Battlefield Control", I am not allowed to craft a plan of action that causes a four-PC initiative pileup on held actions because we're all waiting on my pony to get herself into position behind the orcs shooting at us with crossbows that could have just as easily been taken down by a Windwall, but since I was the one on BC duty, I figured that I could spice things up with a more interesting plan that involved my horse charging in while carrying a necklace of translocation charms.

However, it seems that any plan in which you lose you hat is automatically declared a bad plan.

Arkhosia
2013-07-21, 06:28 PM
•My 1st level avenger cannot look like Ruby Rose: she's too awesome.

vasharanpaladin
2013-07-21, 07:37 PM
*No longer allowed to recommend anything to anyone for any reason. My suggestions inevitably become taken as opinions and I end up labeled a hypocrite.

Erik Vale
2013-07-21, 09:24 PM
***While the above is happening, I may not discover a typo on the moose stat page that says they have Int 3, and are therefor sentient.

Whaaaat!?
Where is this?

Paperback
2013-07-21, 11:55 PM
Whaaaat!?
Where is this?

Right here. http://www.d20pfsrd.com/bestiary/monster-listings/animals/herd-animals/herd-animal-moose-fgg

It says it's a third party page, but that's the first one that showed up when I typed 'moose' into the stat bar. Guess regular pathfinder never statted moose. Moose OP. Nerf Moose.

Arkhosia
2013-07-22, 12:03 AM
Right here. http://www.d20pfsrd.com/bestiary/monster-listings/animals/herd-animals/herd-animal-moose-fgg

It says it's a third party page, but that's the first one that showed up when I typed 'moose' into the stat bar. Guess regular pathfinder never statted moose. Moose OP. Nerf Moose.

Many parties have perished under the evil OP moose, bane of all. :smallbiggrin:

Paperback
2013-07-22, 02:17 AM
Many parties have perished under the evil OP moose, bane of all. :smallbiggrin:

Well, it DID kill a level eight fighter. I had to rush in a houserule that said failing massive damage only knocks you out cold.

Ionbound
2013-07-22, 10:22 AM
* I may not get drunk IC ever again

**Getting drunk OOC is right out.

Zahhak
2013-07-22, 11:58 AM
* When describing a home-brewed sci fi world with a campaign that focuses on wilderness exploration and/or a murder mystery subplot, I may not indulge the players in their idiotic desire to know everything about the government of this world.
** I am henceforth no longer allowed to indulge idiot players who want to play a glorified paparazzi.
*** Especially if he is coming from a town of 150-200 people.

Freaking players, amirite GMs?

VeisuItaTyhjyys
2013-07-22, 12:53 PM
* I may no longer interrupt the BBEG's monologue with grammar corrections

Haha, I did this once.

"Since then, my dream has been to savagely destroy —"

"THE COMMON TONGUE?!" [surprise attack]

Stake A Vamp
2013-07-22, 08:43 PM
I may not talk up the paladin class to the newbie
I may not refer to the newbies paladin as "my free plothook"
just because the paladin rides a pony, i may not make "My Little Pony" jokes
I may not describe monk as "the best class in 3.5" to the guy i talked into playing a paladin
i may not suggest classes anymore

I may not have sound files for all my bards songs
I may not have sound files for all my bards spells
I may not have combat sound sound files
no more sound files
if I am caught trying to access sound files, i will have Kingdoms of Kalamar, Oriental Adventures, Sovereign Stone, and Dragonlance books thrown at me (this happened once, all of the setting books we don't use but still lug around were flying at my gut, it was an unpleasant expirience)

Arkhosia
2013-07-22, 08:48 PM
*I may not play the WoW level up theme.
**No music allowed. A slightly sociopathic star Binder was NOT who Skillet was singing about in "Hero"

Ionbound
2013-07-23, 07:35 AM
*No longer allowed to play "Sympathy for the Devil" when dealing with a daemon of Tzeentch

**Playing it for a Daemonette is right out

Ailowynn
2013-07-23, 04:50 PM
*I may no longer teach a friend how to optimize a wizard
**Especially if the GM doesn't know the Wizard class features very well
**And is bad at tracking things in combat
***I may not then "forget" to mention that the Wizard's school power only grants him a total of 6 acid darts a day.
****Especially when we are in a 12-round-long boss fight and everyone is out of spells.
*****If I then realize, upon the wizard finally managing to hit someone with his acid darts, that he has, in fact, been unconscious since the third round of combat, I must tell the GM instead of just laughing with the wizrd's player in a corner.

Jormengand
2013-07-23, 05:29 PM
* I may not attempt to equip a dragon.
** To ANY of my item slots!

Dayaz
2013-07-23, 10:04 PM
I am no longer allowed to make books filled with explosive runes.

I am no longer allowed to force trick people to read said book.

I am no longer allowed to make myself immune to fire and then read the book myself.

NO MORE EXPLOSIVE RUNES! EVER!

Arkhosia
2013-07-23, 10:14 PM
I am no longer allowed to make books filled with explosive runes.

I am no longer allowed to force trick people to read said book.

I am no longer allowed to make myself immune to fire and then read the book myself.

NO MORE EXPLOSIVE RUNES! EVER!

You forgot some:
I am no longer allowed to bind the pages of my explosive runes book into a cover of one of the nobleman's favorite books, and replace his copy with it.

I cannot have a ring that sets an explosive rune on what I punch.

I may not set a delayed blast fireball trap on the intestines of a dead cow we are about to launch into the enemies base (give them Black Plague).

Scow2
2013-07-23, 10:25 PM
I may not set a delayed blast fireball trap on the intestines of a dead cow we are about to launch into the enemies base (give them Black Plague).

The Fireball would sterilize the cowcorpse anyway.

Arkhosia
2013-07-23, 11:29 PM
The Fireball would sterilize the cowcorpse anyway.

Yeah.
The idea was "lets blow up a cow over a city and make the BBEG sick!". I don't know why the heck I didn't think of that.

Paperback
2013-07-24, 03:07 AM
*Shouting "I make a paranoia check!" and then rolling a natural 20 does not automatically move the plot forward.
**Nor may I put ranks into Knowledge (Plot) to find out where we're supposed to go.
***Profession (Plothole Exploiter) will cause the DM to frown.
** However, rolling a natural twenty on a "Reality Check" may allow us to teleport at our leisure.
***I should not be surprised when my constant skewing of the fabric of space-time breaks it even worse than it already is.
****No, the multicolored essence of limbo does not taste like skittles.

TuggyNE
2013-07-24, 04:31 AM
****No, the multicolored essence of limbo does not taste like skittles.

***** You now have skittles in your sinuses (http://rustyandco.com/comic/level-5-1/).

Sith_Happens
2013-07-24, 12:53 PM
* Perform (Headbanging) may not be used for Bardic Music.

Ksheep
2013-07-24, 12:56 PM
* I may not paint a house a garish pink-and-black checkerboard pattern.
** Nor may I paint a rock, tree, horse, person, or castle thusly.
*** The final boss may not be amalgamations of yellow triangles and big red "ERROR" signs.

Saidoro
2013-07-24, 09:06 PM
*When my players beat monsters they gain experience points, they do not "climb the echeladder."
*Experience points are not Boondollars.
*Nor are they Build Grist.
**Not even for artificers.
*They are certainly not Gel Viscosity or Man Grit.
*The Inner Planes are the Elemental Planes of fire, water, earth and air. They are not The Land of Wind and Shade, The Land of Light and Rain, The Land of Heat and Clockwork and The Land of Frost and Frogs.
*The players should not be regularly hassled by time-traveling trolls.
**Said trolls should not regularly get in arguments with their own past and future selves.
*There is no reason for anyone to ever say Boy-Skylark.
*If an NPC's justification for starting fires is that the Gods from the Furthest Ring told them too the players will assume that that NPC is a villain.
*Giving my players access to time travel is not an excuse to have them stumble across their own corpses.
*No Homestuck before DMing.

Manly Man
2013-07-24, 10:17 PM
*That I must yell out 'Five-Shadow Creeping Ice Enervating Strike!' when initiating said maneuver in-character does not mean that I must do so at the table.
**Even if I yell in the ear of the jackass munchkin.
***I am specifically forbidden from attempting said maneuver at, on, around, or within the vicinity of the table.
*The Bard lich is not Keith Richards.
**Nor is he Steven Tyler.
***Or David Bowie.
****Classic rock stars are in no way a part of the setting.
*****Except for Queen Freddie.

Adoendithas
2013-07-24, 10:59 PM
* Just because the Underdark and Australia could both be called "the land down under" does NOT mean that they are the same.
** The Drow language is not an Australian accent.

Arkhosia
2013-07-25, 12:05 AM
* Just because the Underdark and Australia could both be called "the land down under" does NOT mean that they are the same.
** The Drow language is not an Australian accent.

*** Elves are not British
**** Eladrin cannot make salt-shaker golems.

Gettles
2013-07-25, 01:20 AM
"Funky Sexphonic" is not an acceptable alignment.

Arkhosia
2013-07-25, 01:24 AM
"Funky Sexphonic" is not an acceptable alignment.

Nor is loopy frood.

TuggyNE
2013-07-25, 03:11 AM
* Just because the Underdark and Australia could both be called "the land down under" does NOT mean that they are the same.
** The Drow language is not an Australian accent.

*** Darkmantles are not also known as drop bears.

Arkhosia
2013-07-25, 04:18 AM
*** Darkmantles are not also known as drop bears.

Devils do not live only in the underdark, and are not a species of wolf.

Saintheart
2013-07-25, 07:47 AM
* I am not permitted to use Diplomacy on alley cats.
** And even if my roll succeeds making them my allies, I am not allowed to use Inspire Courage in order to "determine the Commoner issue once and for all."

Arkhosia
2013-07-25, 12:20 PM
* I am not permitted to use Diplomacy on alley cats.
** And even if my roll succeeds making them my allies, I am not allowed to use Inspire Courage in order to "determine the Commoner issue once and for all."

Cats would obviously win.

Sith_Happens
2013-07-25, 01:53 PM
* I am not permitted to use Diplomacy on alley cats.
** And even if my roll succeeds making them my allies, I am not allowed to use Inspire Courage in order to "determine the Commoner issue once and for all."

* Cats and Dragonfire Inspiration do not mix.

Kira_the_5th
2013-07-25, 09:27 PM
* I am no longer allowed to throw Red Dragons at the party. They're no longer a legitimate threat...

Rockphed
2013-07-25, 09:54 PM
* I am no longer allowed to throw Red Dragons at the party. They're no longer a legitimate threat...

**Giving the BBEG an army of Great Wyrm Red Dragons is likewise banned.
* If there is an army of dragons, we had better be playing the "How to Train Your Dragon" RPG
**Stoic the vast is a reasonable model for your barbarian.
*** No, you did not pop a dragon's head clean off when you were 3.
* No, we are not going to do a "Guards Guards"/"How to train your dragon" crossover game.

Actually, that does not sound half bad. Hmmm, to the thinking table!

Ksheep
2013-07-25, 10:00 PM
* I may not name my horse "Horace"
** The shopkeeper's name is not "Shopkeep"
*** The damsel in distress is not named "Princess MacGuffin"
**** My character's name is not "Player"
***** Nor is it "XXX~P14Y3R[69]SN1PA{117}~XXX"

Sith_Happens
2013-07-25, 10:11 PM
* I am no longer allowed to throw Red Dragons at the party. They're no longer a legitimate threat...

* I am no longer allowed to throw Red Dragons at the BBEG.
** Shot out of a cannon is less acceptable, not more.

Arkhosia
2013-07-25, 10:21 PM
My Ranger may NOT have a horse named Abelard.
The BBEG Is not a wizard named Morgarath.
I do not have an apprentice named will.

Zahhak
2013-07-26, 09:08 AM
*** The damsel in distress is not named "Princess MacGuffin"

I... Disagree.

Sith_Happens
2013-07-26, 12:47 PM
* I may not draw attention to the material component of Spider Climb.
** Especially right after casting it on another PC.
** The verbal component of Spider Climb is not "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE..."

Scow2
2013-07-26, 12:54 PM
* I may not draw attention to the material component of Spider Climb.
** Especially right after casting it on another PC.
** The verbal component of Spider Climb is not "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE..."And this is why "Eschew Materials" is a feat.

sana
2013-07-26, 01:18 PM
* I may not draw attention to the material component of Spider Climb.
** Especially right after casting it on another PC.
** The verbal component of Spider Climb is not "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE..."

Wait what??? But it adds FLAVOR to the spell... :smallbiggrin:

*I may not tell the wizard that bat Guano is Consumed when casting Fireball...

Angel Bob
2013-07-26, 01:19 PM
Really, just think of the poor spiders. Material components are consumed when the spell is cast, right? What did the spider ever do to deserve that?! :smalleek:

(And no, I do not accept answers of "Because spiders are unholy evil spawn of the night", because that is far from the truth.)

Arkhosia
2013-07-26, 02:02 PM
Really, just think of the poor spiders. Material components are consumed when the spell is cast, right? What did the spider ever do to deserve that?! :smalleek:

(And no, I do not accept answers of "Because spiders are unholy evil spawn of the night", because that is far from the truth.)
I know right! I'm slightly arachnophobic (spider faces creep me out), and I love spiders! If I ever get my hands on Martial Power, I'm making a drow ranger with a tarantula companion.

Manly Man
2013-07-26, 02:05 PM
Really, just think of the poor spiders. Material components are consumed when the spell is cast, right? What did the spider ever do to deserve that?! :smalleek:

(And no, I do not accept answers of "Because spiders are unholy evil spawn of the night", because that is far from the truth.)

I once had a paladin whose mount was a Huge monstrous spider. The funniest part is how the townsfolk freaked out more when they saw the Wizard's cat than the giant spider; then again, that cat was pretty much an expy of Greebo...

*Naming my cat familiar Greebo does not grant any boni to its Intimidate checks.

Ionbound
2013-07-26, 02:29 PM
**Cats named Greebo cannot make Strength checks to replace Seduce checks, you dirty idiot.

Arkhosia
2013-07-26, 02:33 PM
I once had a paladin whose mount was a Huge monstrous spider. The funniest part is how the townsfolk freaked out more when they saw the Wizard's cat than the giant spider; then again, that cat was pretty much an expy of Greebo...

*Naming my cat familiar Greebo does not grant any boni to its Intimidate checks.

**naming my wizard Tiffany does not grant me a bonus when negotiating with blue gnomes.

***Your cat DOES fear fuzzy white cats and black cockerels if you name him greebo.

Ksheep
2013-07-26, 07:33 PM
* I may not have a hundred-legged animated steamer trunk as my familiar
* I MAY NOT WEAR A BLACK CLOAK AND SPEAK IN ALL CAPS AT ALL TIMES
* I may not buy up the failed creations of a mad inventor and repurpose them
** Especially if it was originally supposed to be a musical instrument, and is now being used to sort mail
*** No, the fly wheel on that organ does NOT equal exactly 3.

Winds
2013-07-26, 07:58 PM
*I may not add the Keen enchantment to my weapon by sharpening it long enough.
**Not even with silk.
***Or spiderweb.
****Light doesn't even work that way in this setting!

Manly Man
2013-07-27, 02:50 AM
*I may not add the Keen enchantment to my weapon by sharpening it long enough.
**Not even with silk.
***Or spiderweb.
****Light doesn't even work that way in this setting!

Related:

*Just because an intelligent weapon has the keen enchanment does not mean that it makes witty repartee in battle.

TuggyNE
2013-07-27, 03:03 AM
Related:

*Just because an intelligent weapon has the keen enchanment does not mean that it makes witty repartee in battle.

** An intelligent Parrying weapon does not have a special ability to make clever comebacks.

Man on Fire
2013-07-27, 05:17 AM
* I'm no longer allowed to say anything said in Dragon Ball Abriged
** Especially as a character backstory.

Razgriez
2013-07-27, 06:06 AM
* I may not draw attention to the material component of Spider Climb.
** Especially right after casting it on another PC.
** The verbal component of Spider Climb is not "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE..."
:smallconfused: Huh? have I been missing that this has a spell component like other spells for about a decade now as to what this means? Hang on a minute.

*Goes off to read the spell description....*
.......
........
Ok I'm back... also, brain bleach, please.:smalleek:


* I may not name my horse "Horace"
** The shopkeeper's name is not "Shopkeep"
*** The damsel in distress is not named "Princess MacGuffin"
**** My character's name is not "Player"
***** Nor is it "XXX~P14Y3R[69]SN1PA{117}~XXX"
******And most definitely is not xX_SUPERHYPEREL1t3SN1PA_SSJ4_Xx
******* The Princess is also not known as "Princess Mary Sue"


* I'm no longer allowed to say anything said in Dragon Ball Abriged
** Especially as a character backstory.
Awe...where's the fun in that?


*** When the Party member has just lost half their HPs in one attack, the correct response is not "DOOOOOOODGE!!!"
****If my attack requires a 2+ minute cut scene, my turn will be skipped.
*****If I attempt any sort of cut scene with a Level 1 Maneuver, I will be struck with D3+1 Lightning Bolts from the sky for wasting time

Doorhandle
2013-07-27, 07:30 AM
:smallconfused: Huh? have I been missing that this has a spell component like other spells for about a decade now as to what this means? Hang on a minute.

*Goes off to read the spell description....*
.......
........
Ok I'm back... also, brain bleach, please.:smalleek:


******And most definitely is not xX_SUPERHYPEREL1t3SN1PA_SSJ4_Xx
******* The Princess is also not known as "Princess Mary Sue"


Awe...where's the fun in that?


*** When the Party member has just lost half their HPs in one attack, the correct response is not "DOOOOOOODGE!!!"
****If my attack requires a 2+ minute cut scene, my turn will be skipped.
*****If I attempt any sort of cut scene with a Level 1 Maneuver, I will be struck with D3+1 Lightning Bolts from the sky for wasting time

*Not to demand god to bring his A-game when the lighting bolts fail to kill me.
*My character cannot be a scarred veteran of the cat/commoner wars.

TuggyNE
2013-07-27, 05:26 PM
******And most definitely is not xX_SUPERHYPEREL1t3SN1PA_SSJ4_Xx

******** Don't even think about Grondax'); DROP TABLE Enemies; --.

Zahhak
2013-07-27, 06:24 PM
I don't know how many people will get that, but I get it, and that's all that matters.

Ksheep
2013-07-27, 06:30 PM
******** Don't even think about Grondax'); DROP TABLE Enemies; --.

The sad thing is, about half my players (myself included) are computer science majors, and would probably try that if we played online…

Rockphed
2013-07-27, 07:32 PM
******** Don't even think about Grondax'); DROP TABLE Enemies; --.

********* "Sanitizing" inputs is done by building robust code. Not with a flamethrower.
********** If I try to play a medic with nothing but a flamethrower, I have bigger issues.

Kazyan
2013-07-27, 07:48 PM
*May not set up camp in the enemies' kitchen.

Arkhosia
2013-07-27, 08:43 PM
*May not set up camp in the enemies' kitchen.

I am not to be surprised if we end up fighting the BBEG when he comes to get a midnight snack.

The DM shouldn't complain if we kill the BBEG.

DigoDragon
2013-07-28, 11:50 AM
just because the paladin rides a pony, i may not make "My Little Pony" jokes

My familiar is a pony, yet I'm the only one making the pony jokes. I think it's because if my teammates made the joke, I'd just happily play along with it and thus they don't get the satisfaction of a joke's sting. :smallbiggrin:



I don't know how many people will get that, but I get it, and that's all that matters.

I only got it because XKCD did a post about it ^.^;


The GM had us deal with Mordenkainen in the last session. It was pretty much working with a Marty Stu and... I can't think of a good "No Longer Do" line that hasn't already been said. So instead:


The wizard and his pony familiar may no longer be referred to "Shaggy and Scooby" when they ask check out the kitchen first during a home search.
Shaggy and Scooby are no longer allowed to raid the pantry just because the food was left out in plain view. On a serving tray. With condiments on the side.
No longer allowed to be disappointed when you're passed out drunk on the floor and the rest of the party plays a joke on you by not taking advantage of the situation.
If the party archer is passed out drunk on the floor, not allowed to just leave her there overnight...

Zahhak
2013-07-28, 12:45 PM
I only got it because XKCD did a post about it ^.^;

The XKCD comic is what's being referenced.

Manly Man
2013-07-29, 01:57 AM
just because the paladin rides a pony, i may not make "My Little Pony" jokes

**May only make My Little Pony jokes if the Paladin names his pony after a character from the franchise.

*Just because the Bard plays heavy metal does not mean that he can only make music with adamantine.

Arkhosia
2013-07-29, 02:04 AM
*If I make a warlord with 2 dogs named Win and Fight, I am not to get angry when the others glare at me when I let go of Win and Fight's leashes yelling "havoc!".

**the paladin's pony is NOT a member of the senate.

***I cannot name my PC Hannibal and use diplomacy to get elephants to follow me.

Manly Man
2013-07-29, 12:46 PM
***I cannot name my PC Hannibal and use diplomacy to get elephants to follow me.

****Nor does naming my PC Hannibal justify eating my opponent's liver and frying it up with some fava beans.

vasharanpaladin
2013-07-29, 01:21 PM
****Nor does naming my PC Hannibal justify eating my opponent's liver and frying it up with some fava beans.

****Or serving it with Amarone.

VariSami
2013-07-29, 01:31 PM
* I may not draw attention to the material component of Spider Climb.
** Especially right after casting it on another PC.
** The verbal component of Spider Climb is not "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE..."
** I may also not weaponize the spiders by drawing then from the spell-component pouch and dropping them as free actions unlimited times a round.
*** Doubly so if I am using Greater Comsumptive Field.
*** The spiders will not form a spider swarm.
**** Even if they did, I would not be allowed to create a Hive mind with unlimited mental stats using the Elder Evils version of Dark Speech.

Edit:
* If I make a NPC Baron Cambion who serves as a valet to the BBEG, I may not have him comment on how he is "one hell of a butler".

* If a female personality Warforged owns a smith's workshop, visibly has a crush on a male personality Warforged and they co-operate to forge the male Warforged a new plating, hearing banging coming from the workshop is not a reason to give them some private time.
** Warforged do not reproduce like *that*.
*** The new composite plating will *not* feature tactically placed armor spikes.

Arkhosia
2013-07-29, 02:40 PM
If i play a drow beast companion ranger with a giant spider as a pet, I do not get free cloth armor.

Zahhak
2013-07-29, 03:35 PM
****Nor does naming my PC Hannibal justify eating my opponent's liver and frying it up with some fava beans.

*****If I attempt to saute an NPC's brain I will be beaten with books
******If I attempt to saute an NPC's brain and feed it to him, I will be beaten again, with bigger books. And rocks.

Manly Man
2013-07-29, 03:53 PM
*****If I attempt to saute an NPC's brain I will be beaten with books
******If I attempt to saute an NPC's brain and feed it to him, I will be beaten again, with bigger books. And rocks.

*******Unless I am playing as a mind flayer.

Arkhosia
2013-07-29, 04:01 PM
*******Unless I am playing as a mind flayer.

If it's an evil campaign, the party necromancer cannot use my dead body to make a zombie mind flayer.

Amidus Drexel
2013-07-29, 04:01 PM
If it's an evil campaign, the party necromancer cannot use my dead body to make a zombie mind flayer.

...Would it be allowed in a good campaign? :smalltongue: :smallbiggrin:

Arkhosia
2013-07-29, 04:09 PM
...Would it be allowed in a good campaign? :smalltongue: :smallbiggrin:

Yes, because such an action would automatically make the campaign evil of the group's PCs actually decided this would be okay.

Hyena
2013-07-30, 10:59 AM
* Badass may be a class, but not a class I can take levels in.

VariSami
2013-07-30, 12:46 PM
* While I may negotiate with the DM to have my character be replaced by a changeling doppelgänger without the other players knowing, I may not decide by myself that the doppelgänger is also replaced by another changeling without the DM knowing.
** I may not use this as an excuse when my character has abilities he should not have.

Doomboy911
2013-07-30, 02:26 PM
*Just because the Dm is ignoring certain aspects of physics it doesn't mean you can to.
**I can not fly due to a lack of gravity.
***Even if I think happy thoughts.
****Not allowed to threaten those littler than you.
*****Not allowed to play the littlest guy so I can threaten everyone.
******Pushing a wall onto someone while using smite evil should not work.
******* It's a good quality to carefully analyze how good a plan is this skill should not be used to only go with the bad plans.
********My Kuo-toa wizard wears pants no matter what I say
*********Short shorts aren't an alternative.
**********Reduce self should not be used to hide in people's mouths.
*********** When someone asks what something potentially dangerous does I should not answer them by activating said dangerous thing.
************ A hat of disguise to hide nudity is ok but I should not bring up the fact that I'm doing that every time at the beginning of each session.

Doorhandle
2013-07-31, 07:33 AM
*Just because the Dm is ignoring certain aspects of physics it doesn't mean you can to.
**I can not fly due to a lack of gravity.
***Even if I think happy thoughts.
****Not allowed to threaten those littler than you.
*****Not allowed to play the littlest guy so I can threaten everyone.
******Pushing a wall onto someone while using smite evil should not work.
******* It's a good quality to carefully analyze how good a plan is this skill should not be used to only go with the bad plans.
********My Kuo-toa wizard wears pants no matter what I say
*********Short shorts aren't an alternative.
**********Reduce self should not be used to hide in people's mouths.
*********** When someone asks what something potentially dangerous does I should not answer them by activating said dangerous thing.
************ A hat of disguise to hide nudity is ok but I should not bring up the fact that I'm doing that every time at the beginning of each session.

*It's assumed I've activated my hat of disguise and aren't just, oh, holding it over my dangly bits.
*Wearing clothing means more that just thigh-highs and a smile. Even if I've still got my hat.
*Cannot "drive" a Cyclops, even if I jam a controller into it's head.
* Necromancers are not to "pimp my cadaver."
*Even in exalted, cannot slay gravity to fly.
*Body surfing does not involve actual cadavers.
*Not to surf an avalanche.
* or a tsunami.
*Pyroclastic flows are right out.
*Cannot be a caster who's every spell revolves around spewing swarms of spiders.
*Especially maximised, widened, or empowered spiders.

Rockphed
2013-07-31, 08:49 AM
*Especially maximised, widened, or empowered spiders.

** An empowered spider does not have control over its own choices.

VariSami
2013-07-31, 09:43 AM
** An empowered spider does not have control over its own choices.
*** I may also not create a metamagic feat called "Emancipate Spell" to make the spiders aware of their slavery.
**** And even if I did, it would not allow me to cast living spells.

JHShadon
2013-07-31, 09:45 AM
*As the DM I am not allowed to have a Halfling Monk jump out of a chest and punch the rogue in the groin.

Sith_Happens
2013-07-31, 12:57 PM
* "Making the enemy think twice about that Antimagic Field/True Seeing spell" is not a valid reason to wear a Hat of Disguise in place of actual clothing.
** I may not do this on a Venerable Half-Orc just to drive the point home.

Slipperychicken
2013-07-31, 02:32 PM
*I may not finish the King's sentences for him, no matter how long he fumbles trying to find the word "prosperity".

**This will not land me a job as his advisor.

***Even if he is grateful for it.

****Even if I am infinitely more competent than his top general.

*I may not start my own Kingdom, with blackjack and hookers.

**No matter how much better-managed it is than the old kingdom.

***I may not use OOC management and economics knowledge to my advantage.

Arkhosia
2013-07-31, 02:45 PM
The paladin does not have proficiency with the "killjoy" weapon.

Kymme
2013-07-31, 02:51 PM
*My Corax (http://wiki.white-wolf.com/worldofdarkness/index.php?title=Corax) character is not based off of the crows from Dumbo.

VariSami
2013-07-31, 04:03 PM
* I may not make repeated references to my character's grandfather's companion Warforged named Nicker.
** Even if the Warforged was full of nicks and dents after their expedition to Xen'Drik.
*** Naming him Dentist is an even worse pun.
** Especially when my character's general habitus is based on Calvin Candie from Django.

Arkhosia
2013-07-31, 06:52 PM
*My human druid cannot have a tiger animal companion and be named Calvin
**he is not rivals with another druid named Susie.
***nor a rank in Craft: snowmen.

MolotovCocktail
2013-08-02, 01:41 AM
* I am no longer allowed to have clay, ever.
* If I have clay, I am never allowed to use fire powers within fifteen feet of it.
*I am not allowed to kill level 16 Elite beasts with a two-man party of level 2 using the laws of momentum and the beast's own spikes.
* I am no longer allowed to speak to our combat encounters, even if we share a language.
*If am especially not allowed to speak to our combat encounters if the shared language is Draconic.
* I am only to intimidate three Draconic-based creatures into personal slavery at a time. (The DM tried to limit me to 0, but I rolled three natural 20s on my next attempts to do so.)
* I am no longer allowed to specify what I am looking for at a murder scene.
* If I specify what I am looking for at a murder scene, I am not allowed to connect the evidence while the DM is monologuing and blurt out the killer's name and motives right as the DM is about to send us on a quest.
*I am not allowed to play Illusionists, Psions, or any character that involves mental magic. I am especially not allowed to play Fey Pact Warlocks.
* I am not allowed to summon and kill the God of Physics to take his spot solely for the purpose of derailing a railroad plot.

Those're all the ones I can think of for now.

Socratov
2013-08-02, 04:53 AM
****Or serving it with Amarone.
*****my weapon of choice may not be a nice Chianti.
******or any other bottle of wine
*******No, class is not a weapon either

VariSami
2013-08-02, 06:31 AM
* Even if Finnish law allows you to found a religion if twenty people sign, it does not mean that my character can do the same to gain a divine rank.
** Even if the twenty people do really worship him.
*** Especially not if they worship him due to assplomancy shows.
**** The assplomancer (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=238255) is a theoretical build I may not use.
**** Having my character's domains as a deity be Cavern, Glory, Portal, and Suffering is not allowed. Ewww.

Manly Man
2013-08-03, 02:37 AM
*An aboleth is not also known as a nopefish.

unseenmage
2013-08-03, 02:40 AM
*An aboleth is not also known as a nopefish.

**Nor is it also known as a Jerkfish.
***Prank-calling an Aboleth via spells to inform it of it's new official nickname is right out.

Rockphed
2013-08-03, 06:45 PM
****Prank calling ANY highly magical creature to inform it of its new nickname will be met with swift and deadly repercussions.
*****No, you will not get experience for creatures you defeat after baiting them into attacking you by prank calling them about their new nickname.

vasharanpaladin
2013-08-03, 07:19 PM
*****my weapon of choice may not be a nice Chianti.


******No longer allowed to derail the session into an in-character discussion of the differences between the book and the movie of the same name.
*******...No, seriously, doing this will henceforth earn me the book in question thrown at my head. :smalltongue:

Sith_Happens
2013-08-04, 02:37 AM
* If my wizard accidentally ends up Mind Switched with the party fighter, I may not contemplate out loud about not switching back.
** Especially not if my wizard's strength score is such that the fighter can no longer feasibly hold a weapon.

Paperback
2013-08-04, 02:58 AM
* I may no longer keep the Inception Button (http://inception.davepedu.com/) at the ready to press whenever the players devolve into discussing all of the possible plot twists I might throw at them.
"But what if they're building an army of [PC 1]!?!" *BUUUUUUUM* (http://inception.davepedu.com/)
** If I press the button when I Actually reveal a plot twist, I should not be surprised when I get skeptical looks from people wondering whether or not I am serious

Feddlefew
2013-08-04, 03:12 AM
*No more homebrewed, body snatching liches.
**Especially if their phylactery is a ring.
***Especially not if the ring is a ring of Mind Shielding.
****And said ring ends up in the possession of the party's barbarian.

Jormengand
2013-08-04, 06:11 AM
* I may no longer be a fifth level paladin named Leroy Jenkins.
** Even if I am, I may not shout "LEEEEEEEROOOOY" at the top of my voice.
*** Especially not if I have essentially doomed the entire party with a charge action.

TuggyNE
2013-08-04, 05:37 PM
* I may no longer be a fifth level paladin named Leroy Jenkins.
** Even if I am, I may not shout "LEEEEEEEROOOOY" at the top of my voice.
*** Especially not if I have essentially doomed the entire party with a charge action.

**** Pointing out that the Wizard's plan would have gotten us all killed anyway is bad form.

Arkhosia
2013-08-04, 06:39 PM
*my evil drow paladin cannot convert to Corellion at the beginning of the game.

sparky9042
2013-08-04, 09:57 PM
* If my Warforged references Alphonse Elric in any way during gameplay, I lose 100 XP.
** If my Warforged references Sweetie Bot in any way during gameplay, I lose 1000 XP.

Manly Man
2013-08-04, 11:56 PM
*Calling the mind flayer Squidward does not make it into an egotistical, deluded, megalomaniacal snob. Wait...

unseenmage
2013-08-05, 12:32 AM
*Calling the mind flayer Squidward does not make it into an egotistical, deluded, megalomaniacal snob. Wait...

**Calling the Mind Flayer Zoidberg doesn't give it the slap-stick template either.

sparky9042
2013-08-05, 12:37 AM
**Calling the Mind Flayer Zoidberg doesn't give it the slap-stick template either.

***Calling the Mind Flayer any nickname based on squid does give me the dinner template, however.
****The dinner template is exactly what it sounds like.

vasharanpaladin
2013-08-05, 12:47 AM
** If my Warforged references Sweetie Bot in any way during gameplay, I lose 1000 XP.

***If the DM actually recognizes this reference and still does this, he forfeits the right to do it again. :smallamused:

Doorhandle
2013-08-05, 04:44 AM
*When playing call of c’thulhu, not to coat my bullets in poison-dart-frog venom.
*A record that says “A thousand armies of a thousand men are naught but toys to the beast” is assumed to be hyperboyle, not an actual combat report.
*Even in a ictorian campaign, cannot show some ankle in order to seduce a target.
*Cannot resist torture by humming god save the queen.
* Cannot make a sail out of out clothing in order to make a train wind-powered.
** This also preclude other vehicles that may or may not normally be wind-powered…
*If we’re attacked by aliens, not to reverse-engineer their stuff.
**Particularly in Victorian England
****Doing the same in Flintstones-punk will get stone tablets thrown at me.
*Cannot demand entry onto the Flying Dutchman… and get it.
* May not use Looney tunes as an inspiration for a wizard’s duel.
*Cannot wish for a Gatling gun 1000 years too early.
*If the Abomination cannot be killed by anything of human make, this also precludes alien ray-guns.

Guess which book I’ve read recently…

DigoDragon
2013-08-05, 06:51 AM
***If the DM actually recognizes this reference and still does this, he forfeits the right to do it again. :smallamused:


The DM forfeits the right to do it the first time if caught with a Sweetiebot wallpaper on his desktop (Based on a true story).



If the end result of storming a fort is to kill all the defenders and burn down the fort, then we shouldn't argue over the first steps.
If we're arguing over the first steps of storming a fort to kill all the defenders, we shouldn't do so within earshot of the defenders.
At no point should the pony be the party's voice of reason during an argument to storm a fort. :smallannoyed:


Sadly, my group disbanded after that argument.

Jormengand
2013-08-05, 02:49 PM
**** Pointing out that the Wizard's plan would have gotten us all killed anyway is bad form.

***** However, it is permissible if the wizard says, fully in character, "Leroy, you are so stupid."
****** Even more so if he is dead at this point.

Feddlefew
2013-08-05, 03:21 PM
***** However, it is permissible if the wizard says, fully in character, "Leroy, you are so stupid."
****** Even more so if he is dead at this point.
*******And/or being used as a meat puppet by an eldrich abomination.

Arkhosia
2013-08-05, 03:35 PM
*Ardents cannot overflow people with so much anger their minds explode.
**Nor can they make the paladin happy so he lightens up a little and expect to not be smited.
***Especially if he is a paladin of Kord.
****No, I am not allowed to play Ardent any more.

Manly Man
2013-08-05, 04:24 PM
*Ardents cannot overflow people with so much anger their minds explode.
**Nor can they make the paladin happy so he lightens up a little and expect to not be smited.
***Especially if he is a paladin of Kord.
****No, I am not allowed to play Ardent any more.

*****Nor am I allowed to play a Telepath Psion anymore.

Arkhosia
2013-08-05, 06:25 PM
*****Nor am I allowed to play a Telepath Psion anymore.

******I must sell my PH3.

Manly Man
2013-08-05, 07:44 PM
******I must sell my PH3.

*******No memorizing it before it is sold.

Saidoro
2013-08-05, 10:48 PM
*******No memorizing it before it is sold.
********Reciting entire rule books from memory is annoying, not "intimidating."

fishjam
2013-08-06, 03:03 AM
*Not allowed to base a character on Judge Dredd
** Especially if i am the paladin
*** EVEN more so if i am in an All chaotic Group
**** this does not give me the right to shout "I AM THE LAW!"
***** This also does not mean i can find minor crimes and use my Lawful nature to summary execute people.
****** No more paladins for me.
******* Clerics are also right out.

Thomas Hunter
2013-08-08, 11:57 PM
I may not demand role-playing XP for declaring my character needs to go to the bathroom every few hours.

My BBEG may not have a framed copy of the Evil Overlord list in his office.
*This is especially true if I am a PC going against the main party.

As a GM, I may no longer use my player's backstories to bring back all of their ex-girlfriends as enemies.

Reltzik
2013-08-09, 12:24 AM
* As a CN face rogue, no longer allowed to break the Paladin's rules.
** ... Must allow the Paladin time to come up with a better phrasing of his rules.
*** ... and more time to come up with even better phrasings.
**** There ARE problems that "Paladin-baiting" can't solve.

Asahel24601
2013-08-09, 01:08 AM
As a GM, I may no longer use my player's backstories to bring back all of their ex-girlfriends as enemies.

*I may not have a NPC fall in love with a player, knowing that he'll reject her, just to have another recurring villain.

(Yes, that was going to be your payback)

DigoDragon
2013-08-09, 06:39 AM
No longer allowed to tease the GM into making a Pony conversion for any RPG system as a challenge. He will show up next session with playable Shadowrun Ponies conversion.

Arkhosia
2013-08-09, 03:56 PM
*The Invoker spell invokation of Fire and Ice is not cast by singing.
**Worshipping R. R. Martin as a god is not a prerequisite for this attack.
***I may not call the BBEG "Joffre".
****If I play a Shifter, my head cannot be that of a wolf's.
*****I may not protest to attending weddings, warning of the prothesised "Red Wedding" famously foretold in the Martin Bible.
******Nor can I call zombies whitewalkers.
***DISCLAIMER: I have not watched or read the series referenced, but I know quite a bit about it thanks to Roosterteeth.***

unseenmage
2013-08-09, 04:36 PM
* Just because I CAN attack for nonlethal damage all the time doesn't mean I should.
** Even if it is more fun to capture and interrogate every enemy.
*** No, it doesn't matter that I have all of the Speak With Spells available every day just for this purpose.
**** Especially if I've researched Custom Spell versions that allow speech with EVERY creature type.
***** Researching Custom Spells that allow me to interrogate their weapons, armor, magic items, and clothes is right out.

VariSami
2013-08-09, 04:36 PM
* When a player posts a picture of his new Warforged character, I may not post a Rust Monster demotivational (http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3dxuhVE481rv231do1_1280.jpg) and the comment "Soon".
** Especially after promising that there will be no rust monsters.
*** I may not use Rust Monsters at all.
**** Especially ones ridden to battle by Goblins.
***** Annihilators are not an appropriate replacement.

* I may not make friendly NPCs with a battle strategy against the PCs in mind
** Not even when the NPCs are evil drow only exploiting the party.

unseenmage
2013-08-09, 04:38 PM
* When a player posts a picture of his new Warforged character, I may not post a Rust Monster demotivational (http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3dxuhVE481rv231do1_1280.jpg) and the comment "Soon".
** Especially after promising that there will be no rust monsters.
*** I may not use Rust Monsters at all.
**** Especially ones ridden to battle by Goblins.
***** Annihilators are not an appropriate replacement.

* I may not make friendly NPCs with a battle strategy against the PCs in mind
** Not even when the NPCs are evil drow only exploiting the party.

******Anthropomorphic templated Rust Monsters are also not okay; even if their antennae would have been adorable.

VariSami
2013-08-10, 05:50 AM
******Anthropomorphic templated Rust Monsters are also not okay; even if their antennae would have been adorable.
(I am so doing this at some point.)

* If my player decides to name his Warforged character B-1, I must resist making continuous Star Wars references in their enemies.
** I may not specifically acquire Duel of the Fates as a boss music.
*** Enemy leaders do not have names that begin with "Darth".
**** And they do not use Brilliant Energy weapons.

Thomas Hunter
2013-08-10, 03:48 PM
Even if a player uses exactly the same character in multiple campaigns, right down to the name, I may not throw exactly the same plot-based items at him (even though they have nothing to do with this campaign) and claim he got me confused.

In a Star Wars campaign, I may not have the party all meet in a bar, get around a table, and have a bounty hunter randomly throw a Thermal Detonator under the table.
*When this results in a TPK, I may not blame the characters for going off the non-existent plot rails.

My character's father is not a fighter pilot.
*Neither is his mother.
**His sister is too young.
***Stop justifying adding bonus skill points with backstory. It's not allowed anyway.

sparky9042
2013-08-10, 05:44 PM
*My Warforged may no longer speak like Data from Star Trek
*My Warforged Bard may no longer use this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cShYbLkhBc) as its bardic music.

*My Incarnum user may no longer claim to have "just blue myself".

Sith_Happens
2013-08-10, 05:58 PM
* The fact that Gray Oozes and Black Puddings dissolve clothing is to be acknowledged by neither the players nor the DM.
** No, just no. Don't even make that joke.

Afool
2013-08-10, 07:02 PM
No longer allowed to tease the GM into making a Pony conversion for any RPG system as a challenge. He will show up next session with playable Shadowrun Ponies conversion.


Dude.... just dude. You have to post that on one of the forums (and link it) if this truely exists. (Please let it exist x30).

Alex12
2013-08-10, 07:19 PM
Dude.... just dude. You have to post that on one of the forums (and link it) if this truely exists. (Please let it exist x30).

Quoted for truth.

*I may not have an undead army that is both larger and more powerful than that of the necromancer BBEG.

Doorhandle
2013-08-10, 07:45 PM
* if there is a my-little pony hack of a game, it's assumed that it's based on MLP ponies, not, say, A Tikbalang
*or a Nuckelavee.


*not to have my giant skeleton minions to perform feats that would make any super-robot proud.

Arkhosia
2013-08-10, 07:46 PM
Quoted for truth.

*I may not have an undead army that is both larger and more powerful than that of the necromancer BBEG.

**A Succubus army is not a good choice instead.

Ksheep
2013-08-10, 08:27 PM
* if there is a my-little pony hack of a game, it's assumed that it's based on MLP ponies, not, say, A Tikbalang
*or a Nuckelavee.

* If we are to assume it is MLP ponies, we must also assume it is based on FiM and not a prior generation.

Rockphed
2013-08-10, 09:19 PM
* If we are to assume it is MLP ponies, we must also assume it is based on FiM and not a prior generation.

** Although fighting creepy ponies may make an interesting campaign.

Zahhak
2013-08-10, 09:57 PM
** Although fighting creepy ponies may make an interesting campaign

***Especially if they are Ponies of Doom.

5 (five) internets to anyone who gets the reference.

Manly Man
2013-08-11, 12:01 AM
*There is no synergy bonus for having five ranks in both Forgery and Craft (blacksmithing).

unseenmage
2013-08-11, 12:31 AM
* May no longer search GitP for cheese and use it as a BBEG.
** May no longer stack even more cheese on top of the cheesey BBEG and call it a "new" BBEG.
*** Connecting the minds of various BBEGs through time and space with telepathy cheese is right out.

* Especially not allowed to name said mummy themed BBEG(s) Ghou-da The Ever LIVING!!

Arkhosia
2013-08-11, 12:33 AM
* May no longer search GitP for cheese and use it as a BBEG.
** May no longer stack even more cheese on top of the cheesey BBEG and call it a "new" BBEG.
*** Connecting the minds of various BBEGs through time and space with telepathy cheese is right out.

* Especially not allowed to name said mummy themed BBEG(s) Ghou-da The Ever LIVING!!

****He does not have medusa minions made of Gorgonzola.

Asahel24601
2013-08-11, 12:44 AM
I may not write my board's songs

Slipperychicken
2013-08-11, 02:44 AM
* May no longer search GitP for cheese and use it as a BBEG.

**Using the "psionic sandwich" trick to have the BBEG become a piece of cheese is not acceptable.

Sith_Happens
2013-08-11, 04:50 AM
* "Dramatic gun ****" is an Intimidate specialty, not a Socialize specialty.
** It is definitely not a Persuasion specialty, and I most certainly may not apply it to seduction rolls (puns be damned).

Slipperychicken
2013-08-11, 08:35 AM
* "Dramatic gun ****" is an Intimidate specialty, not a Socialize specialty.
** It is definitely not a Persuasion specialty, and I most certainly may not apply it to seduction rolls (puns be damned).

***My character bragging about his size category will not earn him a bonus to seduction rolls.

unseenmage
2013-08-11, 10:53 AM
**Using the "psionic sandwich" trick to have the BBEG become a piece of cheese is not acceptable.

*** If said BBEG can become cheese physically large enough to squish the party it is more silly, not more terrifying.

Ionbound
2013-08-12, 09:55 AM
*I may not play a dwarf in a setting based on the Touhou games.

**Not even if it's now canon.

Wookieetank
2013-08-12, 10:47 AM
***Especially if they are Ponies of Doom.

5 (five) internets to anyone who gets the reference.

I do believe you mean Apacalypse Pony (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIY41LrvMFQ) :smallbiggrin:

*On the spot giving dwarfs a racial ability to eat rocks is right out
**Convincing the new DM of this ability is right out
***Using this ability in an attempt to eat my way out of a stone pit plot prison is right out
****Even if I was hungry at the time

Zahhak
2013-08-12, 10:54 AM
I do believe you mean Apacalypse Pony

Nope. I do actually mean Pony of Doom

unseenmage
2013-08-12, 10:56 AM
* The Undead type does not automatically grant 'meat vision'.
** Nor does it cause the 'unholy munchies for living flesh'.
*** D&D undead do-not-equal The Walking Dead undead.
**** Okay, not all of them anyway.

Zahhak
2013-08-12, 12:15 PM
* If my character would be more plot-relevant as a four year old, I will reroll.

Wookieetank
2013-08-12, 01:14 PM
Nope. I do actually mean Pony of Doom

Well then, no clue here. And I woulda gotten away with it if it wasn't for you kids and your pesky obscure references! :smalltongue:

Zahhak
2013-08-12, 01:23 PM
The man's only been talking about it for months. (http://voltaire.net/store/pony_of_doom/)

IW Judicator
2013-08-12, 01:37 PM
*I may not open up a "Gate" to the Full Metal Alchemist world.
**Or the world of Dead Man Wonderland.
***Or the world of Hellsing.
****Or Soul Eater.
*****Or any anime/manga world.

sparky9042
2013-08-12, 01:46 PM
*May no longer take skill ranks in Knowledge (economics).
**Using skill ranks in any such skill to point out fairly obvious flaws in the BBEG's operations is right out.
***Using said skill to become the BBEG yourself is even worse.

Wookieetank
2013-08-12, 02:48 PM
*I may not open up a "Gate" to the Full Metal Alchemist world.
**Or the world of Dead Man Wonderland.
***Or the world of Hellsing.
****Or Soul Eater.
*****Or any anime/manga world.

*If by some chance I open a gate to the world of Now and Then, Here and There I deserve whats coming to me.
** Same goes for Evangelion, Saikano, and the like.

VariSami
2013-08-12, 02:50 PM
*May no longer take skill ranks in Knowledge (economics).
**Using skill ranks in any such skill to point out fairly obvious flaws in the BBEG's operations is right out.
***Using said skill to become the BBEG yourself is even worse.
Reminds me of this (http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2936).

Ksheep
2013-08-12, 07:47 PM
* I may not make a Knight named Crypto
** The same goes for a Knight named Infe
*** Nor a Knight with Leadership named Ewe
**** A Dwarven Knight with Mountain Plate named Gra is right out.
***** No matter how cool it sounds, I may not make a Knight with flaming armor and sword named Ig

Thomas Hunter
2013-08-12, 08:33 PM
My Tech Specialist's name is not MacGyver.
*He does not have max ranks in Craft: Everything
**Craft: Everything is not, in fact, a skill.
*He may not build explosives out of literally anything.
**Not even with max Demolitions and Repair.
*Not even if he has 18 in Intelligence and Wisdom.
*Don't even think about it.

Fibinachi
2013-08-12, 09:37 PM
*I cannot use Knowledge: Religion to convince the living Anti-Magic Field spell that its existence is a paradox.
**Even if my roll is, yes, quite high.
***Okay, fine, you did it, but because of the following Paradox-Implosion, we're all now playing Mage: Awakening.

Arkhosia
2013-08-12, 09:55 PM
*Zombies do not have snow-white skin and blue eyes
**i cannot summon dragons if I'm a druid
***Or behead another PC.
****Them sew an animal head on to the NPC
*****My PC's last name is not Lannister.

The RPG is NOT called Game of Thrones!

Jormengand
2013-08-13, 01:51 AM
The RPG is NOT called Game of Thrones!

This rule ceases to apply in SiFRP.

DigoDragon
2013-08-13, 07:07 AM
Dude.... just dude. You have to post that on one of the forums (and link it) if this truely exists. (Please let it exist x30).

It mostly exists. I'm still working on the conversion, but yes, I'll post it once I'm done. My players always get their foot-in-mouth when daring me to do something. :smallbiggrin:



Nope. I do actually mean Pony of Doom

Like, this Pony of Doom (http://voltaire.net/store/pony_of_doom/)? Nevermind, I'm too late. You already linked it. :smallsmile:



My BBEG may no longer have a wand of Stinking Cloud that he calls his "Fart Gun".
Also not allowed to have several dozen little yellow minions that speak in gibberish.
And no calling out "Freeze Ray!" when casting ice spells at the PCs.

Slipperychicken
2013-08-13, 08:21 PM
The RPG is NOT called Game of Thrones!

*"All dwarves are bastards in their father's eyes" is not the reason why fantasy dwarves drink so much.

**Even if it's true.

Rockphed
2013-08-13, 08:25 PM
*"All dwarves are bastards in their father's eyes" is not the reason why fantasy dwarves drink so much.

**Dwarven courtship is not simply a long, involved process for determining the sex of a desired partner.
***Dwarves are not sexless.
****Dwarves do not hatch from eggs.
*****Giants are not simply really tall dwarves.

Reltzik
2013-08-14, 01:20 AM
****** This is NOT because the giants have prettier mothers.
******* This is NOT a PvP game.

Manly Man
2013-08-14, 01:41 AM
*Making a human Paladin who was raised by dwarves, and therefore is shaped like an excessively muscular carrot, does not give him the ability to arrest a dragon.

Alex12
2013-08-14, 08:22 AM
*Making a human Paladin who was raised by dwarves, and therefore is shaped like an excessively muscular carrot, does not give him the ability to arrest a dragon.

**However, he is more than welcome to try.

sparky9042
2013-08-14, 12:53 PM
*My bard may not be based on any member of the Beastie Boys

Manly Man
2013-08-14, 01:29 PM
*My bard may not be based on any member of the Beastie Boys

**He may, however, be based on Freddie Mercury, so long as he's an aasimar.
***Not even then.

unseenmage
2013-08-14, 01:43 PM
* Just because I read online that I can build a primitive computer using spells doesn't mean I should make that the point of the campaign.
** Said magi-computer cannot be named HAL.
***Nor can it be a Fem-puter ruling over a planet of Giant Amazons.

VariSami
2013-08-14, 01:48 PM
* 80's shonen protagonist is not a race.
** It is not a class either.
*** It does not add +6 to Str and Powerful Build at first level.
**** And it does not allow me to use Str as a substitute to Cha for everything - including save DCs and extra spells for Cha-based casters.
***** The BBEG is NOT to be a reference to Cho Aniki. No. Just no.

sparky9042
2013-08-14, 01:54 PM
**He may, however, be based on Freddie Mercury, so long as he's an aasimar.
***Not even then.

****My bard's spiked leather armor does not make him Rob Halford.

Jay R
2013-08-14, 03:06 PM
*Making a human Paladin who was raised by dwarves, and therefore is shaped like an excessively muscular carrot, does not give him the ability to arrest a dragon.

**One-in-a-million chances only occur one time in a million.

sparky9042
2013-08-14, 03:09 PM
*If my warforged instructs people to bite its shiny metal posterior, I lose the privilege of playing warforged.

unseenmage
2013-08-14, 04:07 PM
*If my warforged instructs people to bite its shiny metal posterior, I lose the privilege of playing warforged.

**Warforged also not allowed to instruct people to bite any of the following:
Bite my red-hot glowing posterior!
Lick my frozen metal posterior!
Bite my colossal metal posterior!
Bite my splintery wooden posterior!
Bite my glorious golden posterior!
Bite my shiny metal face!!
Bite my shiny metal hat.
Bite my tiny metal posterior!
Bite my fhiny metal aff
Byte my 8-bit metal posterior!

*** Warforged is also not 40% of any of the following:
40% Zinc
40% Titanium
30% Iron
40% Dolomite
40% Lead
40% Luck/horseshoes
40% Chromium
60% Storage space
40% Scrap metal
40% Wire
40% Empty
40% Posterior

Ksheep
2013-08-14, 05:55 PM
* I may not make a build specifically designed to look into the past at the BBEG as he/she/it was a baby, cast Detect Magic, and use various metamagic feats to turn said BBEG baby into a wight.

VariSami
2013-08-15, 02:53 AM
*** Warforged is also not 40% of any of the following:
40% Zinc
40% Titanium
30% Iron
40% Dolomite
40% Lead
40% Luck/horseshoes
40% Chromium
60% Storage space
40% Scrap metal
40% Wire
40% Empty
40% Posterior
*** Nor 20% or more cooler than the rest of the party.

Alex12
2013-08-15, 07:03 AM
*I may not be an equine paladin who can summon a rider.
**Pegasi count as equines. So do unicorns. Alicorns are right out.
***No playing equine characters. Period.
****The halfling paladin's mount does not have a cutie mark.
*****Nor may I help her try and obtain one.
******I am not allowed to deal with horses or ponies in any way.

unseenmage
2013-08-15, 11:10 AM
*** Nor 20% or more cooler than the rest of the party.
**** Is always at least 40% or more cooler than the rest of the party.
Fixed that for you. :smallsmile:



**** Warforged is also definitely not 40% of any of the following:
40% Living Metal (MoF)
40% Shapesand (St)
40% Livewood (ECS)
***** Being 40% Quintessence (http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Quintessence) is right out.
****** Being 40% Wierdstone (PGtF) is a no, just no.

Avnomke
2013-08-15, 11:36 AM
* Just because I read online that I can build a primitive computer using spells doesn't mean I should make that the point of the campaign.
** Said magi-computer cannot be named HAL.
***Nor can it be a Fem-puter ruling over a planet of Giant Amazons.

*** Nor can it be named Hex

unseenmage
2013-08-15, 11:57 AM
*** Nor can it be named Hex

**** Nor is it to be named GLaDOS.

Joe the Rat
2013-08-15, 12:01 PM
**** Nor is it to be named GLaDOS.

***** Deep Thought is allowable, but don't expect getting an answer from it any time soon.

sparky9042
2013-08-15, 12:17 PM
* Even if the rules allow it, my Warforged bard may not take skill ranks in Perform (the robot).
* Iron Man is an inappropriate name for a Warforged, regardless of whether the claimed inspiration is comic books or heavy metal.
* Even if the rules allow it, my Warforged bard cannot play the electric lute.

Slipperychicken
2013-08-15, 05:04 PM
***** Deep Thought is allowable, but don't expect getting an answer from it any time soon.

******AM is an acceptable name, assuming it's the BBEG in a horror campaign.

I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream

.

Doomboy911
2013-08-16, 09:06 AM
*You can not turn the zombie human with the power of love.

You are welcome to hug it.

Slipperychicken
2013-08-16, 03:23 PM
* Even if the rules allow it, my Warforged bard may not take skill ranks in Perform (the robot).

**Nor do Warforged receive a racial bonus to Perform (Dance) checks made to do "the robot".

***Constructs do, however, receive a +2 Circumstance bonus to Perform checks involving electronica.

****Glowsticks are only considered Masterwork Tools for Perform (Dance) if I pay 50 extra gold for them.

*My Warforged Monk is not a Rock-em-Sock-em Robot.

Arkhosia
2013-08-16, 09:07 PM
**** Nor is it to be named GLaDOS.

*****Nor after the villain from system shock.

Winds
2013-08-16, 09:22 PM
*****Nor after the villain from system shock.

SHODAN.


*Anything that makes me burst into maniacal laughter while planning a campaign should probably be tweaked a bit first.
**Unless it'll be good material for a running gag.

Manly Man
2013-08-17, 12:54 AM
*The mind flayer is not allowed to use innuendo and call it a "tentacle joke" to make the male PCs uncomfortable.

Slipperychicken
2013-08-17, 01:11 AM
*The mind flayer is not allowed to use innuendo and call it a "tentacle joke" to make the male PCs uncomfortable.

**PCs visiting a mind-flayer commune may not return the favor by making lewd jokes.

***Making a mind-flayer uncomfortable with ****-jokes is cause for a SAN check, not an "achievement unlocked".

****I will not gain XP for making the enemy awkwardly shuffle out of the room in response to my innuendo.

Manly Man
2013-08-17, 01:42 AM
*Mind flayers are not allowed to sing about their diet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC6UtsPa13o).
**Even if they're wearing snazzy zoot suits.
***Especially if they're wearing snazzy zoot suits.

Thrudd
2013-08-17, 02:25 AM
* As a DM, not allowed to add these spells (http://www.hahnlibrary.net/rpgs/101spells.html) to the spell lists

*I may not rename "Bigby's Disrupting Hand" to "Bigby's Pimp Slapping Hand"

**I may not use Bigby's Interposing Hand to taunt large numbers of enemies

***It is apparently not called "Bigby's Bird-Flipping Hand"

****No, you cannot do that with "Bigby's Clenched Fist"...

*****I am not allowed to memorize "Bigby's" spells anymore

Slipperychicken
2013-08-17, 09:28 AM
*Mind flayers are not allowed to sing about their diet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC6UtsPa13o).
**Even if they're wearing snazzy zoot suits.
***Especially if they're wearing snazzy zoot suits.

****This goes double for Mother Brains wearing top hats and monocles.

*****Sir Brain Brainington does not exist in this campaign setting.

Zahhak
2013-08-17, 06:22 PM
The mind flayer is not allowed to use innuendo and call it a "tentacle joke" to make the male PCs uncomfortable.

There is a no "molesto" clause Manly Man, and you will respect it.

Arkhosia
2013-08-17, 09:11 PM
*my female ash-skinned teifling sorcerer cannot have a blue cloak
**Or take the demonspawn theme, have anger issues and have her dad being Asmodeus
***nor be very gloomy and dislike the wild shape druid.


SHODAN.


*Anything that makes me burst into maniacal laughter while planning a campaign should probably be tweaked a bit first.
**Unless it'll be good material for a running gag.

Oh thanks!
I knew it began with S, but I didn't want to give the wrong name because I apparently care about what the Internet thinks about me...:smalltongue:
I kid. I know you guys aren't the stereotypical YouTube commenters... Right?

TuggyNE
2013-08-17, 11:21 PM
Oh thanks!
I knew it began with S, but I didn't want to give the wrong name because I apparently care about what the Internet thinks about me...:smalltongue:
I kid. I know you guys aren't the stereotypical YouTube commenters... Right?

No, we aren't. Generally, at least.

Funny thing is, I only know about SHODAN because I read a novelization (http://www.shamusyoung.com/shocked/) of the game she came from. Shamus Young is super-great.

Sith_Happens
2013-08-18, 02:45 AM
*my female ash-skinned teifling sorcerer cannot have a blue cloak
**Or take the demonspawn theme, have anger issues and have her dad being Asmodeus
***nor be very gloomy and dislike the wild shape druid.

* My character does not have to kiss anyone to buy Speak Language ranks.

Arkhosia
2013-08-18, 03:37 AM
* My character does not have to kiss anyone to buy Speak Language ranks.

*I cannot have an alter ego used exclusively to screw the party over in an attempt to help it (without not expecting to be undiscovered by the party).
**said alter ego cannot wear a powered suit
***and then fight a mad scientist.
****I am not to get disappointed if said suit is stolen and the wearer becomes a rival.

That guy was awesome.

Now, for something completely different:
*my battle cry is not "For Pony"
**i may not eat babies
***nor repurpose my enemy's corpses.
**** Liver hats are right out, as well as bear arms
*****i do not possess the "fork of truth".

Slipperychicken
2013-08-18, 10:46 AM
***nor repurpose my enemy's corpses.

****Pushing the Rogue's corpse with a 10ft pole to trigger traps will be frowned upon. We ought to give him a proper burial.

*****Accidentally pushing the corpse into a pit trap is not a proper burial.

******Even if the Cleric stops to say some prayers next to the pit.